Plumbing the Death Star - Can or Should Sandman Become the Moon?

Episode Date: March 1, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio. Australia's least coherent pod part. Ha! Sands Pants Radio. Australia... Go again. Sands Pants! Hey gang, it's that time again where we tell you about Big Deal

at this year's Melbourne International Comedy Fest and all you buggerlugs not in Melbourne get mad at us for the incessant ads for an event you can't come to. Well, here's a thought. Come to Melbourne. It's lovely. I'll an event you can't come to. Well, here's a thought. Come to Melbourne. It's lovely. I'll even take you to my favourite place for coffee, the Auction Room Cafe in North Melbourne. Coffee dates aside, this year we've acquired the directing talents of Tom Walker and Demi

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Plus, you can grab a late night burger and chips from lord of the fries as you saunter down swanson street giddy from the exciting show you just saw where jackson yelled at me about my inability to keep a pot plant alive or something tickets are available from our website sanspantsradio.com slash live or just search big deal on the comedyfestival.com.au website. That's bigdeal at comedyfestival.com.au. Hey, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the baffling questions, can or should Sandman become the moon.

So occasionally we put out a call to listeners to be like, Hey, got any topic suggestions? And occasionally we get stuff like this back. Questions where we're like, I don't know how to answer you this. I now sometimes feel like when a detective gets, like they're like, hey, who framed Roger Rabbit? Yeah.

I'm like, I don't even know where to begin. I'll take the case. Yeah, this is a reading through listener topics and all of us, the games are put. We'll take the case. The plumbing boys are on the job. Elementary, my dear Jackson. Can or should Sandman become the moon?

Okay, so first of all, we've got to quantify who is Sandman. Well, there's three Sandmen that I'm available for. You're available for. There's more, man. I can only think of three. I can think of the Metallica Sandman.

Enter Sandman. That's the Sandman from Popular Culture Sandman. So I can think of four Sandmen. We've got DC Comics. DC Comics, Spider-Man villain, Sandman. So DC Comics is the Morpheus, the King of Dreams. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I cooked it.

We've then got the Marvel character. Yeah, Sandman, the King of Dreams. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I cooked it. We've then got the Marvel character, Sandman. Spider-Man villain. Then we have Sandman, the sort of metaphysical... The person who puts us to sleep. Yeah, absolutely. Mr. Sandman. Yeah, the mystical kind of entity. The Enter Sandman Sandman, as well as that one.

Yeah, Mr. Sandman, sand me a dream, whatever there is. And then, of course, we've got Adam the Sandman Sandman as well as that one. Mr. Sandman Sand me a dream or whatever there is. And then of course we've got Adam the Sandman Santa. Absolutely. So we've got four sandmen to deal with. And can or should they become the moon, Jackson? A quartet of sandmen. And we've got a moon. So moon.

Okay. Where do we want to begin? Where do we? Okay, so it's good that it sounded like you were about to define the moon. Moon. So the moon, it's above us. We all know of it. It's like a planet, but little.

No one lives on there as far as I'm aware. A guy was there for a bit once. Yeah. Put a flag up there. He didn't find much. He was like, I'm off. This is a big hole. This sucks.

I'm going. Okay. So I guess let's talk about DC Comics, Sandman. Good. Let's start with the one I know the least about. So he's one of the endless. Otherwise known as Dream. He represents a metaphysical concept.

Yes. He lives in the land of imagination. He has a cool mask. He does have a cool mask. Now, can he become the moon? And I think this is important for each Sandman we go through. Is he capable of doing it? Now, if anyone is.

It's definitely that particular Sandman. I'm trying to remember, there was a short, I think it was a one shot where they go into the dreams of cats. Okay. All right. Does he appear as the moon? Now, at one point. That's another question. What qualifies as being the moon?

All right. So, you know what? If you become the moon. Fuck, so... You know what? Fuck what I was about to say. That is a great question. If you become the moon in a dream, you didn't become the moon. I think I have to forevermore look up at the sky and be like,

that moon is the Sandman. I feel like it has to be the same thing that happens in All-Star Superman when Superman becomes the sun. I will take living inside the moon as becoming the because i'm just trying to think in again the cat one shot yes so it was like one time cats ruled the world sure and they were basically hunting man all that kind of jazz classic behavior they love you rule the world you hunt man uh and then man had a dream that they were the rulers of the world and then they became them.

At what point does Sandman become the moon? Is it possible for if you dream it enough and everyone has that same dream, then that it become a reality? What's that I dreamed a dream song? Build it and they will come. I slept and now I'm the moon. I dreamed a dream.

Mr. Sandman. No, not that song. Bring me a dream. Oh, maybe that song. Make me the moon. No, wait, you be the moon. Give me two lips like roses and moon. You should be the moon. lonesome nights of moon

What? I feel like that I dreamed a dream from Les Mis has reference to Being the moon? A dream becoming something Well, okay So dream represents a metaphysical idea Yes Okay, and there are others like him, other endless

Yes That also represent metaphysical ideas. Yes, we've got desire, destruction, death. Ham, whatever. Ham is a bit metaphysical as an idea. It's just a bit of pee. Like the idea of ham? Yeah, no, like it's in ham itself.

It doesn't really exist. I looked up the lyrics to I Dreamed a Dream because I thought it addressed becoming a thing because of a dream, but no, it's his life has killed the dream. So that's the opposite of what we need right now. Okay, that's not what we're looking for. But yes, so does that mean that potentially, dream could become mood?

Potentially. Well, again, because we've also got delirium. Oh, we do have delirium. So if she was to perhaps team up with Dream, could they somehow become moon? Okay, so how about this? We've got Dream.

People dream that Dream is the moon, right? This is a great time for me to announce that I have never read the Sandman comics, and imagine how this sounds to me. Great. Delirium dreams that dreamer dreams the moon the moon's dream. Everybody dreams the dream is a moon

right? And then we have delirium who can maybe cause mass like delirium with all the people to think that that dream is the real moon. Dream is moon. Yes.

No, but then dream becomes moon, not the moon. And that still means can Sandman become the moon? No. And definitely doesn't touch on short. I reckon he could become the dream of a moon or the moon's dreams. The dream of a moon. Because certain things can, I think a lot of things can dream, and I'm fairly certain one could make the case that the moon would dream,

and if the moon dreamtt Sandman appears to the person who is dreaming as themselves or like what they imagine dream to be but that's not becoming the moon if moon was dreaming of a moon or if the moon was dreaming it would just, a moon would appear

that's not becoming the moon it was a moon I think Sandman can become moon but I don't think Sandman can is the moon. That's not becoming the moon. It was a moon. I think Sandman can become moon, but I don't think Sandman can become the moon. You know what? I actually wholeheartedly agree with you. Now, should Sandman be the moon? What do you get out of being the moon?

And how does that benefit you and others? Okay, so first of all does dream or sandman or whatever his name is in this yeah uh delirium's friend or relative i know that the brother yeah there we go i knew they were all fucking related they always are one of them looks like amanda palmer yes yeah and weird i don't like that i've only ever read the sequel series the one that came out like in 2018 what What's that called? I don't remember. Prelude to Nocturne. Could be that.

That's a weird one to start with, but all right. I know. Well, in Jackson's defense, it had Prelude in its title. If someone was like, hey, do you want to watch Fast and the Furious, a movie that I just saw behind your head, or do you want to watch Prelude to Fast and the Furious? You'd be like, well, I should watch the Prelude first. No, but see, I didn't even know that's what I was reading reading i didn't know what was happening until i saw a dream and i was

like oh the guy it's that fucking guy anyway the fucking head does he need to breathe no okay so that's one take for sure pretty good for sure no no no no that's can sure it means does he have okay is he going to be a better moon than the moon? Yeah, I guess that's really the question we should go to ask. No, he can control dreams. Does the sea dream? I think so. And if the sea dreams of tides. And for all of our listeners out there that have seen Frozen 2,

apparently water has memories. Memories are dreams. Just like Elder Scrolls. Yeah, just like Elder Scrolls. Wow, I just got a glimpse of how you feel, JD. In Elder Scrolls, rivers are memories, or dreams.

Okay. So, at this point, yeah, alright. Okay, cool. I can catch up with the frozen reference. Olaf is like, no, it's fine if I die because water has memories. I can be back. There you go.

I think the Nords can drink rivers to remember their ancestors. Anyway. Oh, cool. So would Sandman be a better moon than the moon? The moon's doing a pretty good job. Also, I've been unhappy with its work. And the moon, I would say, is kind of dense, and that's what's causing the tides.

I don't think Dream is dense. He's a dream. Weightless. Also, from memory, Dream gets captured by an old man at the beginning of the dream book. Crowley. Yeah, okay. Is that also his brother?

No, like Alistair Crowley. He was a real old man. He lived by Loch Ness. He had orgies. He was pretty cool. That's good. That's your dream. Do what thou wilt.

Anyway, what a pyramid hat. Anyway, yeah, I don't have many complaints about the moon. And because he was imprisoned before, I feel like being the moon is its own kind of prison. Also, He can die The moon shouldn't be able to die But he does get replaced But I guess the moon will die eventually anyway Define die

No longer be At some point I'm sure The moon might break If I smash a cup it's not broken But if I crush a cup I mean it's not broken. But if I crush a cup... Wait. Wait. It's not dead.

Wait. What? It's not dead. It is broken. But if I smash a cup in two, it's not dead. But if I crush a cup until there's nothing left, it's effectively dead. So death on a non-living object for you

is just if the object can no longer be repaired. Yeah. Completely. If it's gone, object can no longer be repaired. Yeah, completely. If it's gone, it might as well be dust. Because at some point, surely the Earth is going to keep rotating inwards. The moon will die, yes. Slam into Earth. I just hope that one day I get to experience

an alternative reality where America did in fact nuke a moon and just see how that would have gone. That'd be bad if it was Sandman up there. Oh my God, I killed Sandman. Oh no, he killed dreams. I can't dream anymore? I don't know. moon and just see how that would have gone yeah that'd be bad if it was sandman oh my god i killed sandman oh no he killed dreams i can't dream anymore i don't know what is the consequences of sandman dying can't sleep anymore i know i think people stop dreaming people stop dreaming or they keep sleeping it depends it was like someone who just like they slept for as as long

as dream was imprisoned but i think that's because maybe she was related. Yeah, I don't know. It's unclear. They're always fucking related. A lot of them have read it. It should. Should. No.

Can. No. Should. No. Well, can. Maybe. Maybe. Moon.

Become moon. Yes. Become concept of moon. Become dream of moon. Become moon. Yes. Become the moon. No, sir. No. Absolutely. Become moon, yes. Become the moon. No, sir.

No. Should Sandman be the moon? No, I don't see why. I can't see if any benefits. Okay. Thank God we got that one out of the way. Now we've got the Marvel villain. Yes.

The Sandman. A guy who in Spider-Man 3 killed Uncle Ben. Yeah. He falls in a big hyper vat. It's spin and spin. He becomes sand. Yeah, he falls in a big hyper vat. It's spin and spin. He becomes sand. He joined with sand. He becomes a sand man. He's already joined

with sand. What's to stop him joining with the moon? Moon is basically lots of sand on moon. I thought you were going to be like, moon is big. Hard to capture. But Sandman. How much can Sandman become?

If Sandman go to beach, is Sandman all of beach? Does Sandman do big face like the mummy? You know, in the mummy, when the mummy does the big face. Yeah, I know he does the big face. I think Sandman might have the potential to do it. Which means that if you get Sandman to- Well, okay, again. Yes?

I think we're about to have an issue of become a moon. Yeah, or the moon. Yeah, there it is. He can't become the moon. He can become a moon. He could wrap himself around- Oh, he might be able to become the moon, actually. No, I think it's not going to be him becoming the moon.

He'll become part of the moon. Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure with Sandman, if he stretches himself out too far, he loses his conscious. Oh. Oh, dear. So he could become the moon, but who would care? Yeah.

He doesn't know he's the moon, so he might as well not. Would we know he's the moon? We would know. The plumbing boys. We orchestrate. And whoever asked us this question. Exactly. Like, oh, the moon seems. We orchestrate it. And whoever asked us this question. Exactly. Like, oh, the moon seems like a millimeter thicker.

Yeah. NASA scientists confused by thick moon. Bit of extra sand up there. It's not that thick, to be honest. Probably not even a millimeter. We're talking like, you know, it's just so insignificant. How is Sandman getting there as well? I imagined a ship.

Yeah. Hey, quick. Canon. Is is Sandman getting there as well? I imagined a ship. Yeah. Hey, quick. Canon. Is Moondust sand? What is sand? What is sand? Great question. What is sand?

Hmm. Believe me, you're just going to stop and think. We're going to examine. Sometimes you're just going to stop and think Sometimes you're just going to set aside some time in your day And be like, what? What is sand? This episode is making us examine so many things We fundamentally assumed we understood While we're learning We don't

What is sand? Is dust sand? Who can say? Look, that doesn't help. Just loose, granule material blanketing the beaches, riverbeds, and deserts of the world. Okay, none of that on the moon. But there is dust on the moon.

The most common component of sand is silicon dioxide. Hang on. I'll just quickly Google. Is there sand on the moon? Yeah, well, that should solve our problem. Lunar sands. Okay. That's all I need.

Yeah, great. That's all we need to see. Whatever that means, we're in. Okay, so Sandman could, can he constitute himself, like can he absorb further sand? Yes. Okay, so if we got Sandman to the moon, he could become the moon. Yes.

Basically. He could become the sand on the moon. Yeah. I'll count that. As opposed to, say, Superman going in the sun and becoming the sun, Sandman is encasing the moon and becoming the moon. Can I just say thank God that we don't have an addition to should and can would because it's wild to imagine a world where Spider-Man's like,

where are you going, Sandman? Oh, no, he's on that NASA rocket ship. Oh, nothing went wrong. He's reverse-venoming it. Yeah, he's gone back into space. Sandman, I haven't seen Sandman in a while. Have you? No, I don't know what happened to that one.

You look up at the moon, there's a big face just grinning. No way. Did Sandman become the damn moon? Should he? I'm the moon Look out From what? If he becomes

Never mind Can he become the moon? Yeah, I think he can Now, should he become the moon? Yeah, I think he can. Should he become the moon? What is his motives? He loves villainy. He loves villainy. He loves his daughter. He loves robbing bank. He hates Spider-Man.

If he hates Spider-Man more than he loves all of those things, he loves to become the moon because then he doesn't have to deal with Spider-Man anymore. Maybe he tries to pull moon into Spider-Man Best way to get rid of Spider-Man Squish him like a big bug Spider-Man feels a little bit of sand fall on his hand

And he's like what's that? And he looks up and the moon's coming down on him With Sandman's big face It's Majora's Mask Spider-Man has three days till Moon Man Eats him whole. If Sandman just sucked from space, could he suck Spider-Man up like an ant in a straw?

No! But if he made a big straw made out of sand. Oh, no, that's so scary. Spider-Man's like Green Goblin, never. And he goes up a big sand straw off to space to live in the moon. That's intense. Except it'll be way longer. Someone stop him.

He's out the atmosphere. You're done. That's it for Spider-Man. Oh, well. Shit. I've been a bugger now sometimes. That's fine. And now a quick word from our sponsor.

Also, did you know we do too many shows across the Sandspan's radio network? Take the limited series of Dinosaur Park. Jackson took the nonsense we discussed in this show and went and built a complete tabletop experience for your boy Joel and me, also Joel. So if you want to hear an odyssey in three parts that takes us from exploring the ruins of a dilapidated dinosaur-themed theme park to the far reaches of space investigating the disappearance

of the renowned scientist Bitch Hippo, just search for Dinosaur Park on iTunes or Spotify or head to our website, sanspantsradio.com. Okay, can he rob banks as the moon? Well, with that moon straw. His moon suck. Yeah. Using his moon suck abilities, he could suck all the money out of the banks.

I'm not quite sure what he was going to do with said money. Yeah. Because he's now the moon. But he could, hmm. Buy property. But he is property. Yeah. Well, now, being the moon, if you're just looking for fat dosh, being the moon, you can now charge astronauts to land on you.

You can be like, well, pay rent. I like the idea of just retroactively charging everyone who's landed on the moon. NASA getting a bill. Oi, Neil. So you were on there for about a day. It's pricey up here Day rates are at least Full hundo

Yes the ultimate Prank Sandman becomes the moon Earns $1100 In back pay Damn it He did it So should he become the moon?

Yes. Seems like it. Can't hurt George. He's done well for himself. Spider-Man's orbiting him. Spidey mummy body mummified by space. And like a couple K. Also just orbiting.

Just $5 bills floating around. It's cool that in space, if Spider-Man thwipped, he'd go flying backwards. That is cool. That's all right. So who's the next Sandman? Okay, well, that would be the mythical being, the entity. Mr. Sandman.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. All right, so who is this guy? He's the one who puts us to sleep every night. What's he look like? I don't know, I'm always asleep. Good point. I'll check. Well, I remember the film Rise of the Guardians. I was gonna say

what about the Santa Claus 2 where the Sandman, I wanna say, was Martin Short? No, that was Frost. Fuck. No, in Rise of the Guardians, he's a little man made of sand. He's portly and cute. Yes. Let's pick that guy. So, can.

Um, no. I don't know how he would. He just can... What are the powers of the Sandman? Make you go to sleep. Yes. Are you got sand? That just makes you fall asleep. Okay. No.

I can't imagine a way that he's capable of doing that. His name's Sandy in Rise of the Guardians, and he doesn't talk for the entire film. Silent. Strong silent type. So kind of like Morpheus. Sure. Or Dream.

He can probably become a moon. Yes, but not the moon. He could make enough sleep sand that, like, if he just jizzed sleep sand into space. Okay. Like, and he jizzed enough of it, would what makes planets, planets make a planet of his jizz sand? Why are we talking jizz? I mean, I'm looking at a gif. It definitely comes out of his hands. sand why are we talking jizz i mean i'm looking at a gif it definitely comes out of his hands yeah jizzing motion it was coming from i always

thought he had a sack jizzing motion apparently allegedly jizzing emotion comes out of his his hands but i always imagine he opens his palms and sand comes out. Out of jizzes. You're not wrong. You're just swapping jizz for cum because it comes out. I guess jizz. It jizzes out. It's just an adjective you're allowed to use. Fly it.

That's good. That means he can get to space. He probably doesn't need to breathe in space as well. That's true. So if he, I don't know, because I don't know if he could become the moon, but he could create something that either covered the moon, like if he was using his sand sleepy dust to cover the moon. Put the moon to sleep.

And then put, okay. Let's explore that. Then we can put the moon to sleep. And the moon dream brings back more. Well, here's the problem. But I was going to say, if you have all of that moon. Yeah, we don't want to hear about your problems, Jackson. We only got solutions.

All that moon now is now just sleepy time dust. Yes. So how quickly will that fall to earth? And how much will that make us sleep? The world's asleep. If we have tides, do we just sleep now? Well, here's my thought. I don't know if you can become the moon unless you first destroy the moon.

So Sandman might have to move the moon to make a new moon where the old moon was. What do we think? Or do we explore Duce's idea of going to sleep, making the moon go to sleep? Which achieves nothing. How did you tell? It just stops rotating. You're like, oh, it was doing that. It was physically moving. It was like, oh, it was doing that. It was physically moving.

It was awake. Oh, my God. This is the first time it's gone to sleep in years. It can sleep. Hey, dumb question. Does the moon rotate? What do you mean? Oh, no.

Like on its axis like Earth does? I think so. Does it? Well, there's the concept of the dark side of the moon, which you couldn't have if it rotated, right? Right. Right? I think.

Yes, the moon rotates on its axis. I thought I was losing my mind. That was scary for a moment. Okay, the moon rotates. That's good. Okay. Is that good? That's not bad.

It's working well so far. It's largely neutral. Why did you want to know? Because you said it stopped rotating. Oh, right. Yeah. Does it already stop rotating? Is it already asleep?

Do we need to wake the moon up? So, yeah, like Earth, the moon rotating on its axis, but also rotating around Earth where Earth is rotating around itself. Yeah, okay. There's a lot of spinning action. Okay, so if the Sandman can put the moon to sleep, does that mean that he could also, if that moon was now sleep dust,

could he put the Earth to sleep? Well, that sounds scary, but that's his job. Yeah, but no, his job is to put the people of Earth to sleep. And then if Earth stops spinning, what happens? We should be spinning, right? We're spinning for a reason Day and night stops That's not so bad

Some places are real warm Some places are very chilly You live in the equator, half and half You stick your head out, get a bit burned Stick your head back in, get a bit cold. Half, half. You build your house down the middle. Okay.

Everyone lives in a line. Okay. Where's the equator, Jackson? I was waiting for that. Let's explore that. The equator is around the middle like a belt. Yeah, but which way? What do you mean, which way?

Around the middle. Think about a sphere. Yeah. Is it top to bottom? That wouldn't be like a belt. That would be like a... Yeah, but which way? Around the middle. Think about a sphere. Yeah. Is it top to bottom? That wouldn't be like a belt. That would be like a... Yeah, but if it stops, the sun... I know, that's why I was waiting for this conversation.

So where's the equator? I knew I fucked up. Because the equator, you can't get half off the equator. Well, you can at one place. I guess. There's a point on the equator where it intersects. Yes.

There'll be a point in the equator that intersects with where the sun and the not sun are hidden. Okay, I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how light works. He's not wrong if the earth was stationary,

but it's not. No, no, no. It's not spinning. Yeah, it's not spinning on its axis, but it's going around the sun. No, but he's not. No, no, no. It's not spinning. Yeah, it's not spinning on its axis, but it's going around the sun. No, but he's also would be right. I thought it had stopped completely. Yeah, even if it stops completely.

Here's where I'll live. Yeah, he's drawing, again, I agree. There's like a little cross point. Yeah, where the sun's coming in here. Whoa. And the not sun is coming in here yeah wow and the not sun but you're coming in here jackson is depicting jackson jackson is pitching an idea of an earth where if you take one step it goes from daytime to nighttime there would be a point no because light doesn't work

like that it would be darker you get to a point where you're like, I can think I can still see the sun, and then you'd be like, oh, now maybe I can't. But it wouldn't be daytime and nighttime. Depends on where the earth is. No! It doesn't matter. To be honest, I was on your side for a long time

without realizing it, but upon just slightly thinking, yeah. It's a gradient. The light fades. Depends on where the sun is. It's directly above you. Hey, Jackson, you know when the sun's setting? You ever seen when there's no shadows?

What? Your eyes just went so wide, you said, have you ever seen? When there's no shadows. Have you ever seen when there's no shadows in Mexico? I realized that that would make me seem somehow crazier than I am now. I saw an image once where the sun was in the perfect position to make no shadows. And it was in Mexico. This is not a function of Mexico.

So the light source was directly above it. Yeah, if that's happening, it'd be half and half, and that's where I'll live. No, but again, Jackson, you know, okay, so all of Mexico didn't experience that. One spot did. That's where my house will be.

But you'll be in direct sunlight. That's maximum daytime. That's not half-half at all. That's burning. There'll just be a little bit to the left of that. But then there'll be shadow. It'll just be a normal day. Yeah, half and half.

No, it'll just be a normal day. You want to live in the shadowy part anyway. No, you want to live half and half so you get too chilly? That's not half-half. Anyway, sure didn't count. So, can? Yes. Should? No.

The last Sandman. The real Sandman. Adam the Sandman Sandler. Can he? No. Should he? No. I think he can. I think we can figure out a way for him to get there To become the moon Well just like Okay so if Superman is in the sun

We just gotta get Sandler in the moon That's all that matters All we need is some kind of like Plot device Like an Armageddon Where instead of us drilling into an asteroid We're drilling into the moon And instead of a bomb it's Adam Sandler What about like an Armageddon. Instead of us drilling into an asteroid, we're drilling into the moon.

Instead of a bomb, it's Adam Sandler. What about... We need to deliver Adam Sandler's Netflix stand-up special 100% fresh directly into the moon. Oh, that's even easier. You just do that with like a radio wave or whatever. But hang on, may I suggest a, I think, simpler alternative? Yes. Step one, nuke the moon.

Okay. Now Earth currently has no moon. Step two, fire Adam Sandler into space. He orbits us where the moon was, technically making him the moon. So he can become the moon. We just need to destroy the moon and then kill Adam Sandler.

It's great to imagine NASA astronauts landing on Adam Sandler. Gingerly walking on Adam Sandler. Gingerly walking on him in space. His frozen corpse. Yeah, putting a flag in him. Well, I guess we did it. Because again, you're right, because if we just launched Adam Sandler into space,

he wouldn't become the moon. He would be a moon. He would become a moon. Or he would be in the moon. Which would also then make our moon not become the moon, but another a moon. Hey, that's crazy. You can take...

But then what's the moon? Oh, no, fellas. Oh, no. become the moon but another a moon hey that's crazy you can take but then what's the moon oh no fellas oh no so we can only have one that's why we're gonna nuke the moon first to try and figure out yes what this question could have possibly been addressing i googled the sandman moon sure and i found another sandman oh I found lyrics to a song called Moon by Homeboy Sandman. The chorus is, Can't blame the moon for being out at night. Can't tame the moon. I've tried. Oh, boy.

Taming the moon to do what? Domesticate the moon. I imagine getting a big lasso over the moon. I was imagining getting up in space and then an astronaut whipping the moon to get it into shape. Got to tame the moon. Yeah. Like a lion tamer, but with the moon. Okay.

I think Adam Sandler could become the moon by a lot of effort. Now, should he? Well, we would be robbed of the Sandman's comedy style. Especially when he's found a latter-day renaissance. Absolutely. Sandman's comedy style. Especially when he's found a latter-day renaissance. Absolutely. It will be... The Sandman's time is now. This is the worst moment in Adam Sandler's career

to become the moon. Or may I counteract with the best time. He is in the public eye. Well, and then he'll be in the public eye forever as he is our new moon. Yeah, absolutely. And he'll go out on top. I went on BuzzFeed and there was an article like,

you'll never guess what Adam Sandler became. And I was like, I've got to click this. The moon! The moon! And then it just showed his frozen corpse with a flag in it. Whoa! Imagine what an eclipse would look like now. It would just be Adam Sandler's tiny body across the front of the sun.

Whoa! Well, tides would just make an Adam Sandler-shaped wave. For some reason, all Adam Sandler-shaped waves, when they crest onto the shore and go away, there's like an Adam Sandler made of sand. Yeah, a true sand man. Whoa, it's all happening. The beach would make that voice.

Absolutely. That'd be good. I think you should. I'd love to live in a world where the sandman was the moon being able to look up in the sky do people wish upon the moon i will now well i'm sure that we got to whatever the answer of that was i'm sure yeah i have to assume that we came to whatever conclusion you were looking for. There aren't any other Sandman we can think of. No.

Are there? We're out of Sandman. So to answer your question, can the Sandman become the moon? No. Yes. No. Yes. Should?

No. No. No. Yes. The world is ready for Adam Sandler to be our only orbiting body. We're ready. We're prepared. NASA would get funding again.

Netflix would be going through the roof, but also tanking because they can't do any more Adam Sandler. He is, I recently saw, signed on for four more Netflix movies. So just saying. He's going to be the moon in all of them. This episode of Pumpbing the Death Star Is deemed too hot by Netflix to release We've got too many bad ideas for the Sandman

It's true We've got to be kept away from Adam Sandler If we ever meet him at a party We'll be like, hey man, love your career, big fan I've got a great next step You ever thought about becoming A lot of celebrities are doing it You ever thought about becoming the moon?

Not a moon, the moon So thought about becoming the moon? Not a moon. Yeah, not a moon, the moon. So we nuked the moon first, obviously. People often have a star, Hollywood walk of fame star, but what if- You know what no one has? The moon. You don't know what it is, I guess.

The moon, anyway, just an idea. You know, if you do it, credit me, but whatever. The plumbing boy is said to do this. Then he shoots himself into space and dies. Salute. We did. Boys, I wouldn't want to admit that. That's basically manslaughter.

We said to do this. This whole episode did it. We joked about it. We thought he'd die. I put my hands out for handcuffs. I know what's coming. This is the best thing to go to jail for. I'm glad. Is this a crime?

I don't think this is a crime. You put me in jail in Mexico where there's no shadows? There's no shadows in Mexico. Please be quiet. I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Goodbye.

See you in the moon. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit.

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