Plumbing the Death Star - Could You Be A Better Boyfriend than Peter Parker?

Episode Date: September 29, 2024

Peter Parker you're not a good boyfriend. You never puts MJ first, you're always missing her plays or other events that are important to her. We understand your uncle's car crash gave you powers or whatever and because of that you stop crime as Car Uncle Man but Peter, you can't predict the future and we're fairly sure your Car Uncle, Cuncle Ben, wouldn't have wanted you to stop that car that killed him. He'd be worried that you might injure yourself, or worse, get turned into a car, like how your uncle did before he died and told you about powers and responsibility or something we think? All we're trying to say is that you're always leaving, and from the distance, the suit you're always wearing is just one giant red flag. Go to therapy, get a pager, communicate more, be flexible with your time and for once in your life, maybe put MJs needs above a strangers?Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+Come see us at the Cheerful Earful Podcast Fest, both live AND streaming! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. What up dirtbags, it's another episode of Plum in the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm Ulster, Joe. Plum in the Death Star is a company of pop culture podcasts that ask the god damn important questions. Like, could you be a better boyfriend than Peter Parker? So Peter Parker aka the Spider-Man, yeah, he's a son of a bitch boyfriend Mary Jane He's always jumping out the window. He jumps out the window. He never goes and sees her plays Yeah, he never goes and sees her plays at all in the movies He kisses Gwen Stacy in front of her and then he says spider-man has to do

Get slide from his pizza job. Yeah, it's time or whatever exactly. He's never pays the rent on time Yeah, rent day or whatever Mary Jane sometimes in the comics says hey, could you stop being spider-man? And he's like, but I'm so damn good at it. Yeah, but he's not well I mean he gets the job done. Does he? Yeah, more or less Would you say spider-man is good at being spider-man? I'd say he's like a four point five out of ten of being spider-man. I'm pretty sure he's a ten out of ten of being spider-man Cuz they've been other spider-man to be spider-man and he's always been better than those spider-man Yeah, exactly. He's better than Miles Morales Well, they're probably about equal but he's better than like, Sapirwell I was gonna say with Miles Morales, it's like Miles Morales looks up to spider-man and Spider-man is like

I'm gonna try and teach you and like mentor you somewhat People look up to people who'm a piece of shit all the time What a spider-man, why are you giving spider-man such a low score? He just fucks a lot of shit up. He's hated by everyone. Yeah, but he does his job. He's hated by like, J. Jonah. Doesn't New York, except for in the movies where they famously are like, Hey, you messed with one of us, you messed with all of us.

It depends. I guess I think it'd be sort of divided. I mean, it depends on like, what, era? Sometimes people freaking love Spider-Man. People who look at Tom Holland, they love him there. They're like, Spider-Man, go flip him. He, the Tom Holland one, they love him there. They're like, Spider-Man go flipping, they're flipping, they cheer, they love him. But they still, no, they hate him because they kill, because they love Mysterio more. So you hate him in that one, but that's because they think he's a murderer. Yeah.

Well, in this scenario, are we Spider-Man? We gotta decide. Are we like, okay. Like, are we in the role where we're, hear me out. Are we in the role where we are spider-man and we're dating Mary Jane And we're trying to balance being spider-man and being in love with our beautiful wife. Okay, or are we just a guy? Mary Jane stating I think for the question we have to be spider-man. Yeah. Yeah, so who be an unfair advantage I guess I don't have to go out and fight crime. Yeah. Yeah

Is that like I could be spooning Mary Jane and I could be like, aren't you happy with a guy that doesn't have to go out the window? But Jackson, yeah, if you knew that you were dating someone that was fine with you leaving through the window The fire escapes there. I would I'd be like the window all the time. Well, you need to a big piss or whatever, you're on the 25th floor and it's night time, you're like, I'm gonna take a piss out the window. What if I took a piss out the window like your old boyfriend Spider-Man? He never did that. Well, also the difference is, Spider-Man leaving out the window is annoying because he's in a hurry.

So Mary Jane has to close the window. But I'm not in a hurry. Okay. So I was gonna say, using, I guess, the current or the recently ended run, depending when this comes out and also what's happened recently, because I am up to date in a certain amount of time. So Paul, everyone's favorite character, Paul, is currently dating Mary Jane. And so Paul is, so Mary Jane was was trapped in like a dimension Yeah, okay mention where he was like falling shit Spider-man was like don't worry or like they were both were there and Peter Parker's like Hey, don't worry. I'll be back in it in a jiffy

Yeah, he comes out and he might have been gone for like a day Yeah, you less and say finally goes back in there's like I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna save everybody but like several years had passed MJ and Paul was there. Yeah, he's also the the son of a villain. Okay And also they had kids. Mm-hmm, but don't worry that kids weren't real. Yeah, I also remember why And they still do he sucks anyway, he went back to the in the and Mary Jane went back to the real Yeah, and then they're still together, but Paul, because he's clever, made Mary Jane like a bracelet, which can get any power of anyone in the Marvel Universe,

but it's like luck-based, I think, because it's like a jack, her name is Jackpot, and there's like three symbols, and depending what the symbols are- Face the tiger, you just hit the jackpot, that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And depending what the symbols are, is the power she get. Is the jackpot. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depending on what the symbols are,

is the power she get. Is that a famous line for the comics, or do I just know that? No, that's a famous line. No, that's a line. Face the tiger, you just hit the jackpot. Yeah. Because that's also a line,

it's the closing line, I think, of the first issue of Trouble. And I was like, do I know it from that? That would be awesome. And I just assumed it's iconic. Who said that in Trouble? Mary Jane. Oh, does Mary Jane say that?

Yeah. Okay. Not Mary Jane, Mary Jane's... Yeah, because they're not Jane. Oh, does Mary Jane say that? Yeah. Okay. Not Mary Jane, Mary Jane's. Yeah, because they're not even that bad. Mary Jane's not even in the comic. Yeah, May says it, Spider-Man's mom. Weird. That is weird.

Trouble's a weird comic. Well, yeah, the whole thing with Trouble is just I know, I know, but I'm like, the implications there is that either that's a phrase that the 616 universe knows from like pop culture and that that is a generational. It's just like a thing people say. Or that the horny universe knows from like pop culture and that that is a generational thing people say. The horny thing that Mary Jane says she picked up from Peter's mom. Yeah who was dead by the time. So it's not even something that she picked up from Peter's mom.

Peter said that his mom would say that. Instinctually. I'm pretty sure it's... No it is in trouble. It's in trouble and it's no it is in trouble. Oh, it is it yeah It's a classic Mary Jane like yeah, okay, so Mary Jane's Jackpot Mary Jane and like and Paul was the one that invented it and and and now Paul is kind of like man in the chair Okay, talent and being like I do this Mary Jane Yeah, maybe and maybe nurse to go in and stop to cry and that they seem to be currently doing pretty well Okay, and so maybe it's like If Peter was just to involve Mary Jane in his life, both as Peter Parker and as Spider-Man,

I think maybe that would go a long, long way. So if you were Spider-Man and you were dating Mary Jane, what would you get her to do for you? Well, it'd be more of a conversation. Okay. And it'd be like, look, I understand that it's hard to balance, you know I'm Spider-Man. I do.

It's not like I'm trying to hide this. I'm on top of that, yeah. So it's a to balance. You know I'm Spider-Man. It's not like I'm trying to hide this. So it's a conversation of like, you know what my uncle said, and you know what it means to me. He died in that car crash. You guys, you won't pay attention, Mary. So sad. It's sad that he died in that car crash. And that gave you powers.

Yeah, all the powers of a car. You got the car powers from that car crash. Yeah, you were in the little baby back seat. Yeah, you could swing from rooftop to rooftop like a car. Because your uncle's blood on the oil from the car got in your mouth. You became a car uncle. Yeah, when you were a baby. You were kind of like in through the front, you know, the back seat, whatever.

So sad you lost both your parents and your uncle in the same week. Yeah, well, in the same car accident. You were driving the other car, I think. That's so sad. You were so unlucky, Peter Parker. Very good. Talking to your friends, being like, hey, I got some huge news. Peter's car uncle.

Who? Car uncle man. You know, car uncle man, he's got the power the power to car and an uncle you know see you em Come car uncle man car uncle. I don't know he's always fighting the green Goblin Spider-man no no no no it's not like a spider. I would like a combination of a car and an uncle Uncle can both swing from the like we flip the roof off. Yeah, he's quick like a car Yeah, but he's sort of car and an uncle. You know how a car and an uncle can both swing from rooftop to rooftop? He's quick like a car, but he's sort of caring like an uncle. He's nimble like a car too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And strong like an uncle. Exactly. And he can crawl on walls like an uncle. Yeah, like an uncle could. He can go over jumps like a car. So he's kind of like half car, half uncle. Yeah, you know, he's dressed in regular uncle wear, you know, full masks, a lot of webs.

Got a lot of webs and he's got that uncle symbol on his foot. Yeah, yeah, because it's like, it symbolizes the uncle that went into the attic. Yeah. And it was full of cobwebs. Mary Jane, I think that's a spider. Attic uncle? A spider?

You know attic uncle. You have an attic uncle too, right? Mary Jane, you heard a uniquely fucked up child that I'm thinking Right So yeah conversation of like great power and great responsibility and look I know there are a lot of other superheroes in New York

but you know I am one of them and I am like one of the more powerful ones Is that true? Yeah he's one of if not I guess that makes sense because he's got heaps of powers. Yeah, yeah. I need to know about strength.

I get it, Tiger, I get it. But how am I gonna get involved in your... Deadpool Strong 2. Okay, who are you again? I'm also Mary Jane. I got split in half by a rain. Okay, we got Mary, we got Jane. This is good. Alright, you know my two girlfriends, Mary and Jay. Deadpool Strong 2, Captain America Strong.

Okay, I understand. I know they are. Yeah, Jay is all the parts of me that are unsure about this relationship, I guess. Fair enough, I guess. Yeah, they are strong, but... Just comparing you to other guys. No, I'm saying like... Yeah, I know, I understand. They're around? You don't have to be around all the time. I know that. I not there around all the time

I get it. He's not around enough. He never comes to our plays. Oh He never comes to our plays. Okay, you know, it's great that you were hit by that ray and got split in half I really wish that I had because then it would be nice to be able to you know Anyway, then both versions of you would try and be spider-man. Yeah Yeah, I guess. There were several clones of me out there. You are right. They all want to be you, Spider-Man. In fact, why don't you just pull him up and try and see if we can be like, hey, why don't we form a team? Anyway, um... You do that in Spider-Man Life Story. Oh, that's clever of me. But then... You got hit by a ray that erased your memory.

You do that in Spider-Man Life Story, but you do it late in your life. Yeah, I don't think it's good bad. That sucks anyway So I have great responsibility. Yeah great power, so I need to be out there You know biffing people again, okay? And you know whatever and stopping those crimes because I don't want to see innocent people I get you know when through that windscreen of that car. I think You are you do pay attention Powers of car uncalled. Yeah. How does this help our relationship?

So I was thinking, because I know I've never really been, why don't we come to an agreement here? Or come to some sort of like a, where it's like cool. How do you know about crimes? Because this will help me determine. Okay, so one, I've got a spotty sense. Okay, so I understand. Two, I guess I listen a spotty sense. Oh, yeah, like it. Okay, sir. I understand who I guess I listen to a police Yeah, sir. How about surely and three when I'm just like, you know swinging around might see a crime

Yeah, why don't you just work shifts then? Yeah Yeah What about you just like the weekend is our time and if a crime happens on the weekend you let another guy deal with It okay like Hulk like Hulk or whatever. Okay. What about if I like Johnny stole what if I like um... Johnny Storm? What if I as Spider-Man just join like the SES or something like that, I get a beeper. And that way they can contact, Spider-Man why don't you just do this?

Yeah, yeah, get a beeper. Then if they need you they'll contact you. Then you can kind of be more of a... It'd be like a lot of down time. As Spider-Man. Yeah. Well yeah, cause he also has a job. I'm a girlfriend. But I mean, say you're, don I mean he also wrote like has a job. Well, yeah, that's what I mean Like say you're say you don't worry about being spider-man. Yeah, say you're a superhero

Yeah, and the way you find crime is like spider-man in New York City One of the biggest cities in the world is you just say we can fly and you fly around looking for crime Yeah, you're not there'll be hours where you don't see a crime. Also if I'm a criminal Yeah, and I'm doing a crime and then I see in the air there's someone flying around I'm like, I'm gonna stop doing this I'm gonna get punched. I'm gonna get beefed in the head kicked in the ass Every time they've tried to do like a superhero registration act or any time I tried to be like hey

We should try it either like, you know formalize something things go right. Yeah, because everyone's like yes But what if prison negative zone and you're like guys, why do we should try it either like, you know, formalize something, things go awry real quick because everyone's like, yes, but what if prison negative zone? And you're like, guys, why did we go from zero to 100 so quick? Yeah. I mean, the real reason to not do the superhero registration act is because the government would control superheroes and the government's scumbags.

It's true. Even a good government sucks. Yeah. They're always getting a goblin president made out of. Yeah, but even without a goblin president, even with a regular man president, it's bad because all of a sudden they have a private army of superheroes. That is true. And also Tony Stark sucks, shut up Tony.

It just feels like the superheroes could do with something kind of like the SES or like a volunteer firefighter where it's like, cool. What about we were like, hey, as a group of powered individuals formed like a coalition of like, hey, why don't we just kind of make it like a volunteer superhero group. Yeah. And that we can-

They should just have a roster. Yeah, have like a roster where like, you know, we have someone that knows our power sets, or a group of people that we can be like, cool, we have like, you know, a superhero station in there that we kind of sit down there and people can be like, okay, oh, we know there is a crime happening or we know there is like, you know, people are in danger

or we know that there's like, you know, oh, there's a fire going, actually, the firefighters are on the way, but we actually need someone to help out. Get Waterman in there, or whatever. Yeah, John Water. Get John Water in there. John Waters, call him off the set of his newest movie

Get him down there John Waters, you're an iconic director I've always wanted to shake your hand and say thank you for making such wonderful subversive art However, as we know you also have water powers I thought you were going to be like However, I did mean to call John Water

To build a gas burn down Yeah, like yeah, have that I did mean to call John water The building has burned down Like yeah have that be like hey, hey Peter Why don't you join like a team like that? Yeah, you know enough like, you know contacts. I understand the Avengers Oh, they they're all there. They're vengeance so much and they're always dealing with like, you know big well It's cuz they go to space. Yeah like space Stay on earth unless shit happens Yeah like earth you know Shattering problems, but why don't we, like, you know, you know how daredevil does straight level shit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a lawyer on Monday to Friday, presumably. Yeah, presumably. I don't know who Matt Murdock is. I'm guessing. I'm just guessing he's a lawyer. Do you think, if you're Spider-Man, does he fight, and say you're like every day, you do a during the night? Yeah Does he get a crime every single day? I'm probably I mean probably not or if he does like I feel like the odds just aren't in his favor I feel like if you swing around you you know how you can fucking you know This is true because of cops and quotas

Because often cops are cunts because they haven't met a quota. Yeah, they find crimes. Yeah, so Often cops are cunts because they haven't met a quota, so they find crimes. Yeah. So, there's actually- Oh, you're J-Work at work, I guess what? Oh, brother, you're going to jail. So, you're Spider-Man. I think there are many nights, and this would piss me off as Mary Jane, where Spider-Man flips around all night and he comes back in at like four in the morning. It's like, time to get my two hours sleep.

And you're like, babe, how was it? And he's like, pretty quiet. Yeah. You better say fucking busy. You better fucking web some guys up. Did you kill Kingpin? Yeah. You better say fucking busy. You better fucking web some guys up. Did you kill Kingpin? Yeah. No. Stop forcing me to do that.

Kill Kingpin. I finally fell asleep Mary Jane. Kill Kingpin. Kill Kingpin. You need to kill Kingpin. Teh Raffy's head. Teh Raffy's really round the head. No one knows who you are.

No one knows. You're the ultimate serial killer. People already think that you kill people anyway. So just take a lot. You know what he does. You know knows. You're the ultimate serial killer. People already think that you kill people anyway, so just take a life. You know what he does. You know who he hires? Bullseye. You know who he killed?

Matt Murdoch's girlfriend. Who is their devil? I know I don't know, but I do know. I've read your diary, Connor. Peter Parker like, huh? Are you saying something? No, honey, go back to sleep. Babe, that is a crazy dream.

I'm trapped in a hat to kill Matt Murdoch. No. I'm gonna go kill Matt Murdoch. Okay, man. Maybe kill Bill Bilzai. Kill Bill Bilzai? Bill Bilzai? Maybe kill Bill Bilzai. Okay babe, I'll find a Bill Bilzai to kill. It's got a strange relationship with this scenario. But yeah, I would be annoyed if Peter Parker came in and he was like, yeah, nothing, nothing again. And I'd be like, you know how to play tonight? You could have come to. Yeah, but what if there was a small petty crime?

What if a guy was getting mugged? Yeah, that sucks. I guess, you know. Like, what, time management, Peter. Yeah. Like, yeah, okay, a guy is, you know. Just don't patrol for the sake of it. Have a police scanner and turn it on when you're free and turn it off when you're not

Yeah, obviously this doesn't necessarily apply apply as heavily outside of comics Like in the amazing spider-man or the original Raimi spider-man universe because there's not other superheroes. That's true That is a good point in those scenarios I'd still be annoyed. Yeah, and I'd be like, I don't know if this relationship's got really anything to do with it. If there's a Green Goblin kicking around, yeah, I get you, you need to leave. You do have to go deal with it. But, if there's no Rhino, no Green Goblin, no Venom, it's just a... Yeah.

John Crimes. Cuns, you're forgetting that the reason I do this is because, yeah, the guy that killed my uncle... Yeah, a car. ...was just a regular car. No, it was Sandman. Yeah, it was Sandman. But it was Sandman before he had the powers of sand. He was just a guy. And a man.

And if he stopped it, he wouldn't have become Sandman. Exactly, see? And his kid wouldn't be sad that the kid's dying? I'm pretty sure the kid is also sad that the kid is dying. I mean, there wouldn't be other joy. Is the kid dying? Yeah? Yes. Or is the kid sad? No, the kid's dying, that's why he's getting't be other joy. Is the kid dying? Yeeeah? Yes.

Or is the kid sad? No, the kid's dying that's why he's getting money for the hospital. The kid is now sad for two reasons. One, Dad is in jail, and two, they are dying. Well, he's spoken about this before, but we're like, Sandman's plan is sort of crazy, because he's like, I just gotta get a bunch of money to help my sick kid. But if you just take a bunch of bags of unmarked cash to a hospital, you're not gonna fix your kid. That's not how it works. So what would you do as Spider-Man? Yeah, what would you do to keep that relationship with MJ going that is better than what spider-man's doing?

Yeah, so it's either because again, it's easy. Yeah, you're on your conscience. You're seeing my I say I'm MJ Mmm, and my place stinks. I'm coming out like miss Fe Featherbottom, is it Trove Tuesday? And you're sitting in there like, I got two more hours of this fucking shit. Dude, I'm friends with people that did plays in university. I've done that before. Then you come out and then you hear on the radio, you hear someone with a... Not even just that. Oh yeah, a random burglar who is a pseudo... She killed four uncles tonight. Killed four uncles tonight.

The local uncle's union meeting. The random burglar who is just, you know, She killed four uncles tonight. Yeah, killed four uncles tonight. The local uncles union meeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He went on an uncle killin' spree. Oh, if only someone was here to stop it. And you see that on your phone as I come out and you know it's now your role to be like, you're so good.

Yeah. And I go, babe, what did you think of the play? Hey, great set is what I say. The same thing that I say to every local band that I see multiple times Really good, I guess the thing you have that survivors guilt and you also have this later guilt I guess I wasn't there. Yeah, I guess survivors guilt would help me lie to people about how good their performances Hey, babe, really good performance.

Great play, I should have died instead of them. Really good play. Wow, I really loved it. I was just thinking about all the survivors that died when I could have died instead and how happier they would have been to be the play than me. Just thinking about that burning building and no one was there to save anyone.

I think maybe my life's actually worth less and I'm doing nothing with it, Great play. Yeah, obviously great play Yeah, I shouldn't be alive, but you your performance is mrs. Foggy bottom or whatever was really Really poignant you found the emotion in the car Great Maybe it should be spied if this is the kind of feedback I'm gonna get from my players. No, it's so easy to just pick something in someone's mouth. Not even lying Just like it that's easy to do but that's not the scenario. Spider-man's hurdle is not how do I tell my wife her terrible play with

No, that's not spider-man's hurdle spider-Man's hurdle is how do I justify to myself that I didn't stop the uncle murders so that I could see my wife's play? He can't stop every crime, Pete. Yeah, that's true. But then the Spider-Man feels like he can. Yeah. He's a fucking idiot and I'm cleverer than Spider-Man.

Except in science, I've just been in common sense. Yeah. You try your best You're happy with that. Don't destroy your entire life to try and achieve 110% I think I see I think I hundred yeah Push yourself Maximum yeah, that's why it's a hundred percent. I think when you get there that is a thing like spider-man can't be everywhere Yes, you can't be it's just impossible

You're gonna have some losses see this explored a little bit in Batman And you also a little bit in superior spider-man happens in spider-man all the fucking time He gets to an age where he's like he's like I fucked my entire life up It's like yeah, you have and then he too late. he tries to fix it. And then it's usually fine. But yeah, you see that, yes, you're right. People who are smarter than Spider-Man, perhaps, like Otto is like, right, I now have the control of Spider-Man and it's kind of like, well, what do I do?

I do wanna do good and fight crime. And so he kind of makes these little robot spiders and look at the sea. And he's kind of like, so he can do more things at once mmm So I think there's a few hurdles you have to do with spider-man Yeah, which is kind of like yes, you have a massive amount of guilt Yeah, huge amount of guilt at the depth of your your uncle and again you kind of like well I I now feel responsible not just to protect the lives of the innocents but like like

innocent every uncle's blood is on my hand Also, you know, he's poor. Yeah, like he doesn't have much money. Well depends on money from stuff and crime He's again, he's not getting much, you know money from tip. So he has to kind of like do like other jobs Yeah, it does pay money. He's always like I got no rent Right, and you see him sure he becomes teacher or become scientists or yeah I'm CEO of a science factory or whatever that was Parker industry was like, I got no rent, right? And you see, sure, he becomes teacher or becomes scientist or he becomes CEO of a science factory or whatever that was. Yeah, Parker Industries. Yeah, and then he's like,

I can now get the money and do some sort of things. And stock hates me. Yeah. I don't know, it just feels like there's a few things you kind of got to work on there, and it's like, right, cool. Well, I understand that, yes, maybe right now, Peter, that you're not going out and you're earning a lot of money.

Why don't we just focus on something that you can be good at which gives you that free time to then maybe be Spider-Man but also go to therapy. Yeah, oh yeah of course. And talk about what happened to your uncle and why you, because Peter at the end of the day yes you might feel responsible because you didn't stop the guy that killed your uncle that made him drive the car. Yeah, the guy who crashed his car into your car and gave you a car blood. Yeah, but also killed your parents in the same car accident.

I think so, I'm pretty sure. And that's how you became calm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I understand that, you know, while you feel very, very responsible, you didn't stop that, but you weren't the one that pulled the trigger. You weren't that... Chaos happens all the time, Peter. You can't control that. You need to be able to like roll with the punches but my

uncle said when great power comes I got great responsibility yeah yeah but you need yes but he was dying and talking nonsense yes and I understand that but you know but Peter your your responsibility is to yourself yeah you if you want to be like, hey, hey, I need to be- You fixed me. Spider-Man no more. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo No, Mary Jane simply suggested you go to a therapist. Oh, I see. No, but yeah, Mary Jane's usually stoked during the Spider-Man no more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

And then Peter's like, hmm, this is good. He's like, this is awesome, this is awesome, this is awesome. I gotta be Spider-Man again. I don't know how I would feel being Mary Jane being like, Peter, stop being Spider-Man. He's like, fuck, Spider-Man, throw it out, then it's like okay, but now Now the president's being kidnapped by goblins Yeah right Now we have a goblin problem, okay, I am responsible for this

No no no, I'm Spider-man no more Yeah, this is what you want babe Babe I'm just gonna play some video games I feel you all over the green goblin I'm gonna take up smoking I mean you could probably cop that because you got the regenerative powers Whatever that car and now I you know your secondhand smoke Bastard what if we go outside on the roof on the window and then he goes outside

I just think it's like a zero to a hundred right it's like hey, you know you can be both Yeah, you can be Peter Park, you can be Spider-Man, it's fine. But you can't compromise with it all. Because they're like, yeah, sure, hey, I was thinking initially, like, yeah, involving Mary Jane in like, you know, your plans and kind of those kind of stuff like that. Honestly, I think what would go a long, long way would be like, all right, cool.

Hey, Peter, can you just get like, I don't know, either a hands-free communication device, just whatever, so that if you are running late, if you were running from wherever you were to see my play, and you're like, I'm so sorry a crime came up, letting me know, I think that would go a long, long way. He often has that though. It's a communication problem. And he struggles in the movies though. Yeah, in the movies he struggles. In the Miriam he doesn't have it. In the

Spider-Man PS4 and PS5 games he's got one. Oh okay. I think in some comics he has them. I think, can you go in the other direction and get Mary Jane bitten by a spider? Yeah or in a car accident with her uncle. Yeah. And then they bring you both Spider-Man-ing together. Unfortunately that spider died. What can you find another one? I mean you could try How does but then it's like you got it kind of like are you doing it? Accidentally and usually when it comes to like most of the comic books when someone tries to make themselves a soup how individual things go Arrive. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's obviously that's a risk Mary Jane ever been spider-woman Probably probably in some sort of like alternate reality. What if Mary Jane was bitten by Peter Parker? of like alternate reality. What if Mary Jane was bitten by Peter Parker? Yeah. Oh, Peter, why'd you buy me? Do you think if you were like say the lovemaking

was getting particularly raucous and Peter bit you on the- bit you somewhere in your body, would you be lying in bed that night being like, might happen? Peter bit me on the arse. Peter bit my arsehole, maybe I'm gonna wake up as Spider-Man. Maybe. I'd be at least like, hmm. It'd just be on my mind, I think. Yeah. Just be like, I'd be like, Would you try and lift something extra heavy the next morning just in case?

I think when I got out of bed, I'd be a bit like, maybe I'd open the door and check. What would be the first thing that you tried to check? I reckon you'd do a jump. Yeah, absolutely. The first thing you'd do. Get out of bed, jump, and I'd be like, if I've got Spider-Man powers, my head's going in the roof.

If I don't, it'll just be a little hop. Yeah. Either way, that's fine, because if my head goes in the roof, I'm Spider-Man, so I've got Spider-Man powers, my head's going in the roof. If I don't, it'll just be a little hop. Either way, that's fine, because if my head goes in the roof, I'm Spider-Man, so I'm tough, so it's okay. I think I'd just pick something up. Yeah, that's probably smarter. I reckon Jackson would jump.

Yeah, absolutely I would jump. Not off something. Cleverer than that. Yeah, but I mean just a hop, because you like the sensation of doing a little hop. I think I love a little jump. A little jump's good. Yeah, I think the best move is to chat with Mary Jane.

Look, I can't not be Spider-Man. We've tried that before. It hasn't worked. There's always something that comes up and I gotta kind of be it. Can't you do half Spider-Man? It can't be all or nothing. So we need to kind of come up with a compromise. He is already sort of half Spider-Man.

Yeah, but not really. What do you mean? Like as in, okay, so. What? Like as in, he does heaps of shit during the day because he needs money. Yeah, that's true. So like he's working a job.

Yeah. And he is dating Mary Jane. Like he's only Spider-Man probably a couple of hours a day. Probably, okay, what do you reckon is the minimum amount of time you can be Spider-Man for? And still become, let's not imagine we have Spider-Man's overwhelming guilt well, let's imagine we have our own yeah, okay, how many hours a day? What's the minimum amount of time you could spider-man around the city guilt you just will I mean right now obviously? If the great power has great you know great responsibility thing doesn't resonate for you

I guess you don't have to be spider-man yeah, you could just selfishly use your power I guess it comes down to like I'm robbing stores. What is what is okay? So they're gonna you know, hey if you you said that the work is fine. You have a regular site like a nine-to-five job So you get this job right now. Okay, cool. I'm editing a podcast while swinging around the city Or try and just wear that back up No, I think that would break the laptop. You web it, you grab the screen, the keyboard falls off. Oh no! Just like what happened to Gwen Stacy!

I think it comes down to you're finding either jobs that you can kind of either have a bit more downtime than usual or like the ones that don't necessarily require a very particular like a 9 to 5 hard. This job would be kind of great for it. I'm trying to, I'm gonna pick a job.

It's a bit, you know, we're very relaxed when it comes to sort of start and end times, but you know there are times like, all right cool, well we've got to be recording for like, you know, two weeks straight, right? That's true. And then it can be just like, well if we're all like Spider-Man and we all have the same problem. Yeah, we can record on the roof. Yeah, exactly. That's exciting. Windy. Sad audio. Super windy. But if only, say it was only me and I was Spider-man, yeah, and we're in the middle of an episode

I've got my phone here and the little the police scanner thing I have comes on is like there's a crime And we're in the middle of a riff. Yeah, my gonna be like time out. Do we know you and we know you're spider-man? Yeah, I'm telling you first day, dude. I know I check this out and I jump head first My lights just don't go away. That's coming out of your pay dude. Another crash and his legs go through the ceiling. That's also coming out of your pay.

Why did I go up and not down? I didn't do anything. Why did you go up and not down? I didn't do anything, I don't know what happened to me. I didn't do this on purpose. Yes you didn't. Yes, I'm an innocent man. I just take a job that had hazard pay because I was like I don't know put me in. What do you mean by hazard pay? What are you thinking?

Like a job like uh. As in if I'm in a dangerous situation will pay me more? Yeah like hazard pay is in like people that work on construction sites. You're not being Spider-Man, you're being a guy who works in hazard No, but then I get that and I'm also Spider-Man Okay So I have more money Yeah And then I don't have to work as much Okay

Okay And how much, how often are you Spider-Maning? It depends on what's happening Are you blocking out a whole day? Are you just doing it in the evenings? I reckon I'm just doing it in the evenings I think, yeah I feel like I wanna do a whole day

Why? I feel like doing it in the evenings I'm more likely to waste my time in the evening if I go from saying crimes in the cover of darkness crime all the time especially when superpower crimes yeah I'm super bad crimes that's annoying if it's about crimes you then you you need to take a look at the fuck's a cop gonna do yeah nothing get turned into a skeleton yeah thanks a lot boys in blue. You did it. Uh, yeah, I think it'd be like how about this? Why don't we treat spider-man as a hobby? Okay

Initially and then like if you can find a way that you know Hey, you can spider-man more often and maybe it brings in a little bit of coin. Okay, that's kind of good Yeah, and I think it just comes out to like hey Yeah, treat it like either a hobby like and then it can become a job if it kind of earns a bit of money Yeah, how you would monetize it unless you start like a tree? Yeah Is a good one for spider-man or like you sell parts of your ag? You know your costume for advertising? I'm not before I feel like all of this Is not new territory we are entering the territory of how would you me. Oh, 100%. This is definitely where this is not new territory for us.

We are entering the territory of how would you monetize Spider-Man, a conversation we've had. Do you want to talk about what would happen if it wasn't a Rysalor or whatever? Yeah, which is very similar to what we did when we were like, hey, how would you monetize Superman again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a kind of issue of like, well, you monetize me Superman. Well, what about another thing that comes up between Mary Jane and Spider-Man? We talked about it at the beginning of the episode. You're Spider-Man. You're on stage. Gwen Stacy's there.

Beautiful and she goes in for an upside-down kiss. Yeah for the fans who want you to kiss they want on those Spider-Man smooches Mary Jane's in the crowd. You kissing Gwen Stacy? Well, I reckon I'm turning because a big thing With that scene that you probably forget. the upside down kiss is their thing. Yeah, no, I remember. So then Spider-Man just lands. Give her the regular way up kiss. You still kissing her?

Yeah. That's crazy. I don't know if I would be. You're dating an actor! Yeah, wait, so- No, I'm not kissing Gwen Stacy. What? So what I'm saying, in Spider-Man 3, Peter Parker of Spider-Man is on stage with Gwen

Stacey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're on the same page. I'm kissing Gwen Stacey, I'm dating an actor, Mary Jane, who has to kiss people on stage and it's the same fucking thing. But you don't have to kiss Gwen Stacey. No, but I'm not doing the upside down thing because I agree with... I might get a peck on the cheek from Gwen Stacey. I don't remember the scenario exactly. So how does it happen with Gwen Stacy? The city is thanking spider-man

Yeah from memory uh-huh, and she's giving it like oh, yeah She's giving like a spider-man how great is he and he's here today and spider-man swings in then he hangs from the like Kind of frame yeah, you know what I've decided. Yeah, I forgot the context of it. She's not It's not like yeah, and then she just kissing it kissing him upside down Yeah, and she's like shit and the crowds like kiss kiss kiss okay, and spider-man's like okay, and then they do the upside down He takes off his mask and kisses No, I'm not doing that cuz I feel like that That feels you don't need to do that. I'm like, how do you get around? No, no mail!

Yeah, mouth of a spider. You kiss me on the forehead like I'm a little baby. Mouth of a spider, no thank you. Can't get kissed on the forehead of a spider man. Can't take off the mask only on the forehead. Yeah. I just zip straight back up, this would be a vanish. Yeah.

Where'd he go? You can just be like, you know, kissing a... Kissing a public servant is strange. It's extremely weird. Yeah, you'd be like... It kissing a public servant is very weird. Extremely weird. Yeah. Extremely weird, so you know that's hilarious and this is you know because Peter Parker's such a bad boyfriend. Yeah. Well Mary Jane's like why'd you do that?

And he's like I'm Spider-Man baby. Spider-Man kisses babes. Spider-Man has to kiss babes. I don't know. Darling that's what happens. Spider-Man the people of New York want to know that I'm fucked down. Love with Spider-Man. Look, Spider-Man love to know, I mean people of New York love to know Spider I'm fucked down. Love with Spider-Man? Look, Spider-Man love to know,

I mean, people in New York love to know Spider-Man want to kiss a babe. You know that was our kiss. Yeah! And you know how great it was for me to kiss you a babe? What if I kissed more babes? I just didn't kiss, me kissing Spider-Man. I think it's good for my image. It's funny as well for her to be like, that's our kiss, and he's like, that's Spider-Man's kiss.

That's how Spider-Man kisses babe. You were just along to the goddamn ride. For you, that was your kiss. For Spider-Man, that was a Tuesday. If Peter Parker started referring to Spider-Man in the third person, I will break up with him. I think he does a little bit. Well, that's gross. If he's like, hey, babe, Spider-Man's busy tonight. I'm like, you're Spider-Man! Yeah. Hey, babe. No, shut up.

Yeah, it's very simple for Spider-Man to have really easily deflected them. It's easy for Spider-Man to sort out a lot of his fucking problems. He makes it for himself. Same with Batman. Fucking shut up. I know.

Right? He's like, all right. Well, at least Batman commits to being Batman. Yeah. He's like Bruce Wayne's actually a costume that makes me so I Know it you want boy? But at least Bruce Wayne he turns up to a couple gallas. Yeah, he hangs around then he just answer and he's like

Yeah, he puts enough effort into being a the playboy Bruce Wayne that he can fund everything that he wants to do, i.e. be a Batman. Exactly. Whereas again, it goes down to Peter Parker, what does he want to do? And I was thinking, it comes down to also what Mary Jane wants to do. Yeah. You know, well, hey, I would like, you're Peter Parker, hey, Mary, Mary Jane, I would like to be Spider-Man because again, that's something that... Yeah, I get it. ...it's really giving back to the community. Sure. Because again, that's something that I it's yeah, I get back to community sure And say at this point in time. It's like you get you get you have enough money to make ends meet

Yeah, that's not a huge problem. But it's like hey Mary Jane. What do you want out of life? What you want out? You know, what do you want from this? I want to be an actor and I would like to get married and have children. Yeah, okay, so we can do that Yeah, there's nothing really. I want you to be around though. I want you to be present Peter Parker I want you to be around though Pete. I want you to be present Peter Parker I want you to be there when I freaking need you Brother I love you but you're just unreliable and I don't know like I love you and I get it Hey hey hey time out Whoa talking to me like this

Let's have a bit of a time out I was like hey what do we want out of thing and you just started attacking me We were just describing your personality flaws. The problems that we've raised before. I was like, hey, what do you want out of life? And what do we want to raise you? And then you started attacking me. We were just describing the things that are wrong with you.

Because the things that you need to change desperately unless you want to get dumped. Peter, we were just describing the many negative aspects of your personality negative aspects of your Horrible horrible Every terrible flaw why you make every day bad Shit my he's scared I was going off or something dang Hey, we got a breakup send in two hours, okay, and I took away never to be seen by Mary Jane

I'm a break up with you via. Are we still two people yes? You're gonna make us fuck Are we still two people? Yes! Do you reckon it made us fucked up? No, I think we're normal. Why do we have two boyfriends rather than one? We're two people. Yeah, that's true, dude. That was crazy of us. Yeah. We'll date Harry and I'll date Norman. Yeah, that seems normal and cool. Yeah, it's good to date a father and son.

Yeah, sisters dating- well, not even sisters. Sisters. Yeah. Self-sisters dating. If Yeah, self-sisters dating. If someone gets self-sisters. Well, it's kind of like clones, but not. Because you have your same memories. Yeah, I guess.

But also, is it a split? And this is good to interrogate our own decision. Is it a split where it's like you get half the personality each, or the same personality? I guess it's, yeah. What do you mean half a person? Well you have a good aspect you have a bad aspect Yeah

You know kind of thing Cause if I split That's not what happens If I split now and it's just me twice Yeah Then in a way I didn't split I cloned Yeah you basically just cloned Yeah

But if I split and it's like one part of me gets in an X Yeah One part of me gets how stinky I am Yeah The other part gets how stupid I am It's like a twin situation Yeah But not there's no Arnie X yeah one part of me gets a stinky Situation yeah, but not there's no Arnie Jackson just like damn what smell?

Like I can't even talk to you right now Hey, man, what smell? Yeah, I guess it comes out to like yeah What is what does MJ want out of spider-man because again the whole thing of like, you know, you need to change It's like I don't have that as a she just wants a more present. She doesn't really say you need to change Yeah, you said that both of you She doesn't ever really say you need to change. You said that, both of you. No, you don't need to change. You just need to stop doing how you live life.

Just the things you're doing currently, we hate. Because they actively make you a bad partner. We just wish you were doing different things. Hey, I know it's been, I don't know, four months, but I realize, but maybe I shouldn't have come back when you said, hey, we need to talk. You know, I think we got everything You know I think we got everything out That was on me

My hot rich boyfriend Norman Osborne the Green Goblin Okay I'm happy that's working out for Christ both of you. Yeah, bye bye damn that's working out for Christ both of you. Bye! Bye! Damn! No, but I think what Mary Jane wants is I think the thing that she feels like is lacking in the relationship. Communication. Is communication and and Peter Parker being a more active member of the relationship. I think to her mind, yeah everything is about Spider-Man and Peter Parker. Yeah. And she's a part of the relationship too. Well, cause every relationship should be an equal partnership and that's not what she feels. Quite often Mary Jane ranks like And she's a part of the relationship too. Every relationship should be an equal partnership,

and that's not what she feels like. Quite often, Mary Jane ranks seventh in his priority. She's like, I'm not a priority in your life, and that sucks. Because how are we going to fix that? Yeah, it needs to be a very frank conversation, where it isn't just attacking, attacking, attacking. It needs to be like... I think there was no issue with that previous conversation.

You know what? You are 100% correct. I'm gonna meet you halfway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, yeah, okay. And it's just gonna be like, okay, cool, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, you're not the priority.

Neither, I'm not putting you first. I'm not putting even me first. Yeah. And we really need to kind of figure, I need to figure that out. Yeah. Yeah. And so, like, yeah, cool. What are you putting first?

And I think it needs to be, hmm. What's first right now, Peter Parker? Now what are you currently putting first? Peter Parker, I think Peter Parker's putting Spider-Man first. Which is you. Yeah, yeah. You are Spider-Man. See, this is the fucking thing.

You are Spider-Man, you son of a bitch, okay? I was meeting you halfway. Babe, I don't put you first, but I also don't put me first. Well, he doesn't though. I put Spider-Man first. Yes! Which is him!

Well, yes, it is an aspect of him. It's kind of like if you have a relationship and you're like, you know, do you put, say, Jackson Bailey, the person who's in a relationship first? Jackson Bailey, the person, like, you know, your own, like, health and care versus Jackson Bailey, the... I put stinky Jackson first Sorry babe can't hang out tonight I gotta go stink it up Because it's like a lot of relationships have that kind of credit you know hey you know like oh I'm putting work first Yeah

And that's the thing Spider-man yes it's still you but at first Spider-man it's that it's it's almost like a job for me Yeah But you know it's like it's an aspect so when you break it down to be like, hey, you put Spider-Man, Spider-Man-ing. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Is that better? Yes, yes, yes. You're not gonna yell that?

Number one priority is Spider-Man-ing. Number two is what? Well, it's probably. Beat Apocalypse? No, it'll either be like. Well, cause I think it's the thing like, no, priority number one, Spider-Man-ing. Priority number two is facilitating the spider-manning

Yeah, and then the like may usually ranks higher than Mary Jane becomes a problem, too Yeah, yeah, and then number four is probably like my work like my other job morning my uncle Five I mean Number six taking selfies. Yeah. Yeah yeah not getting yelled at by J Jonah James Yeah, and then number seven is probably Mary Jane comedy comedy Being funny. I gotta work on my gags hon. Yeah, and I'm giving spiderman. No, I'm spiderman Sandman, I've got a couple good beach base. Hey sand bitch Yeah, and thank you

Why you so dry you fucking cunt? That's how, if you were in a superior Spider-Man situation, and I was any of the villains, that's how I'd know it had happened. You'd say that and I'd be, I'm like, Mysterio, and I'm like, you're not Spider-Man. Yeah, exactly, you're superior Spider-Man, there's like, you know, uh, yeah, Misera comes up, Ha! Spider-man, silently, you just beat the shit out of him. Oh my god, oh my god! Say nothing. And as he's there, like half-conscious, bleeding from the mouth, fuck you.

Yeah, dome, head? Dome fucking helmet cunts? You look so fucking stupid, bro. Oh, how'd your fucking special effects help you now? My punch is a real bitch I mean, he's still in the cell big me, but he's Not funny anymore. It's really me fucking hate you dude You saw I'm gonna kick your head off I already knew you hated me, but it's weird for you to say it. I fucking hate venom too.

I'm fucking in the green garden so much. I'm getting fucking lizard bitch. Doctor Octopus is a fucking piece of shit too. I'm gonna rip his arms up and I'm gonna strangle you with him. I love stupid fucking names. Fuck this shit. And then you just walk away. Take yourself to the hospital. You idiot. You're kicking in the leg.

Break his kneecap. But yes, Spider-Man, what you need to do is I think rearrange those priorities. the hospital. Idiot, you're kicking in the leg. Break his kneecaps. But yeah, Spider-Man, what you need to do is, I think, rearrange those priorities, and that's how you be a better boyfriend. Yeah, and Mary Jane doesn't even need to be number one, but she needs to be very close to number one. Exactly.

She can't be seven. She can't be seven. I think Peter needs to like, yeah, one is like, hey, look after Peter. I need your health. I need your mental health. You really need to kind of talk to somebody. Maybe talk to, I don't know,

like Doc Sampson, maybe? He's a therapist. Bro, uncles die all the time. Yeah, dude. And sure, you let him die or whatever, but like so many people accidentally kill their uncle. That's the most awesome therapy. Hey Peter, thanks for coming in. People kill their uncle all the time. I mean, you're just lucky you've only killed your uncle. Some people kill their own cousins. Yeah, I don't know if that would go well to pay to be honest. I don't know if this guy killed his grandpa on purpose, dude. You fucking hated that old sack of shit. Yeah, your uncle probably would have grown up to be fucked anyway.

Grown up? Yeah! When your uncle grew up, he'd be fucked up. So it's actually probably good you killed your uncle, dude. Dude, it's actually a lot, in fact, high five. If you weren't gonna kill your uncle, someone else would have done it. Yeah. Hey, I'll be Peter Parker. You don't know I'm Spider-Man.

I'm just coming in to Joel Dusha therapy at large. I'll be there being like, oh, here, okay, first therapy session. I'm like, yeah, I... Hi, Peter. My name is Joel. Thank you so much for coming in to see me. So, broadly, why have you decided to take the jump into therapy?

Yeah, okay, so when I was younger, I was about, I wanna say like 17, like 18, kind of that kind of thing. A traumatic age. Oh, what? I guess. There's a lot going on. Yeah, like, There's a lot going on. Yeah, like yeah, a lot going on.

So yeah, I was actually in amateur wrestling. That was kind of what I used to do when I was younger. And then one day, after a bout, a guy was, he came in and he robbed where we were. And I didn't really do anything, I didn't stop the guy or anything like that, I just didn't want to interfere when I know I had the opportunity, like he ran past me, I could have just stuck a foot out or something, I could have stopped the guy. And later on though, my uncle passed away, he died, he got murdered.

He got murdered that day by that guy. I could have stopped him and I didn't. And yeah, so my uncle died because, yes, I feel a lot of guilt because of my inaction. Losing a guy didn't save his uncle. Is there a second ghost in there? No, sorry, there's a mean ghost in here. He comments on my clients. Yeah, so I guess I had this...

But like, the problem is with this. Peter goes to therapy. That's weird, you're talking to me by the third person. Okay, hey Peter. Yeah? There is a lot of people out here who have survived things like this. Yeah. And I totally understand, survivor's guilt is a thing for a reason.

But by you not interfering means that you have done something that I'm sure your uncle would have loved you. things like this. And I totally understand, survivor's guilt is a thing for a reason. But by you not interfering means that you have done something that I'm sure your uncle would have loved you to do, which is protected yourself. That's good, that's good stuff. Because you can't have helped anyone if you died trying to, and you didn't know what was gonna happen.

You can't predict the future, Peter. You can't predict the future. I don't know your Spider-Man either. Yeah, you don't know your Spiderman. Don't say that. I'm not great off with you. And if you're concerned, I don't know your Spiderman. And if you're worried, I don't know who that you are.

Spiderman, hey? Okay, so you're not. I just wanted to turn you back. Yeah, cause it's not even like a can't save them all thing. It's just like, yeah, okay, then Peter, you get shot in the head. Yeah, exactly. All those people you've saved, no you haven't.

Also your uncle still might get shot in the head after you're shot in the head. Yeah, exactly. All those people you've saved, no you haven't. Also, your uncle still might get shot in the head after you're shot in the head. Yeah. Then May's upset, ugh. Yeah. Sometimes uncles have to die. Sometimes uncles have to die. And the easiest way to be a better boyfriend,

to marry Jane, than Peter Parker is, is simply to just make her higher on your priority list and who gives a shit about being Spider-Man 24-7? You can't, it doesn't, even if you are Spider-Man the whole time, say you're like Tony Stark, Rich, and you can just be Spider-Man the whole time, you're still missing things. You are never going to get 100% of the crime in a city.

And in fact, it's a- Exactly, you're never gonna get 100% of the crime, you don't try and stop. you don't try and stop. And that is a lesson that various characters in comics learn all the time, because guys like Reed Richards are like, what if I made an anti-crime city? And then it ends up all... What if I leave my wife? Yeah.

What if everyone was hulks? No one is hulks. And then everyone's pissed off at you. So you kind of have to accept in your life a degree of failure is going to happen. Honestly I think yeah, putting MJ high on the priority list, honestly, and then yeah, putting yourself Peter to look after yourself and you're going to like, what, that therapy, any like, you know, a little bit of like, yeah Hey, it wasn't your fault. Yeah, uncle died and you know, if you had stopped what if you had gotten hurt? Yeah, because you know that that guy does not know I don't know you're spying. I don't know you're spying Yeah, you know, you don't know that so it's like yeah, dude. You could have gotten

Yeah, and you were like 18 at the time Yeah, it's just like and then like having that like I don't think your uncle would have wanted you to be in that position. It's like, good point. Yeah, my uncle would not have wanted me. I think in that vein as well, it's really funny. If you say you do know he's Spider-Man, like he's come to a superhero therapist, and he's like, and then my uncle said, like, with great power comes great responsibility. And so I've taken that on and I need to fight crime, and you're like, your uncle didn't know you were Spider-Man, dude.

Yeah, dude, he just- I don't think he was talking about fighting crime. This specifically. I think, hey, you know what? There's a lot of things, there's a lot of responsibility in life. Hey, hey, being present and there for your partner, that's responsibility, idiot. If they want to have kids as well, kids, their responsibility, idiot. You have power in a relationship, so it's your responsibility to be a good boyfriend. Yeah, I quit

Hey, that's tough love insulting We've come to like Like rude therapy yeah, yeah, like when you go to those cafes where it's like all the waitress is a rude to you Here's your hot coffee you cold bitch. Yeah Waitress is a rude to you. Here's your hot coffee you cold bitch. Yeah Motherfucker sit down. What's wrong with you? Why is your head all fucked idiot? Well, it wasn't but I have become self-conscious about it

Are you coming here because you have massive anxiety about your stupid, beady lies? Everyone thinks you're talking about your stupid little face? I wish I could reach over the table and hit you on the head with a hammer. You know what? I can. That's how you get a spider fist through your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Spider-Man kills therapists. That's the headline. Rude therapist experiment over. Spider-Man kills therapists. That's the headline. Rude therapist experiment over.

Spider-Man claims life. Who knew being rude to potentially people in need who maybe be volatile was such a bad idea. Well the Karen Cafe did so well. Yeah.

I don't know. I just thought it's a good business model Yeah, rude therapist I guess not Well, yeah Just do with that And say, Peter, hey, that'll be nice I think yeah, if we were just playing like guys, we could look after ourselves

Just get the fuck out of the way Sort your shit out, brother Your uncle didn't know you were fucking Spiderman He could never have guessed that He hadn't even seen fucking Spiderman in action yet. He didn't even know Spiderman was real at that point. He couldn't even fucking imagine a Spiderman. He might have been thinking about wrestling.

Exactly. He was an engineer, I'm pretty sure. Or an electrician, depending on who you are. Or maybe he was just saying, like, in a weird, random way, call an ambulance. Yeah. With great power, like you have right now over my dying corpse, comes great responsibility. Call a fucking ambulance. Or just like with great power, like you know, of attorney.

Great responsibility. I.E. don't fuck over me. Yeah, exactly. You know, she's getting, we're getting old, eventually you're gonna have power of attorney. Yeah. And she might be losing her marbles. Don't sell her house from underneath there Peter

I know you're poor. Yeah, so come on, dude Look after May. Yeah, I love her more than you Well on that note turns out it's easy to be a better boyfriend than Mary Jane and also to be a better uncle than Ben Maybe yeah, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson And let us know would you go to rude therapy? Is there a future for that? Should we become rude therapists? I feel like the credentials would not be as you know It feels like it'd be easier to get into. Just like dude I don't know what the fuck's wrong with you, but I know you got a wrong head

Your uncle, yeah that's for sure Yeah, yeah, yeah Your whole world is so wrong It's like inside and outside I take a lot into the core, core but also the rods got through the skin. I've never had a client I would describe as unlovable till right now. But you fit the bill. Describe your vibe, the way you look, everything about you as...

Yuck! Yeah, you gross me out. Yuck! Is this therapy? Yeah! Oh, okay. It's exposure therapy. That's a thing. That's true.

Goodbye! We charge a lot. Yeah. It's exposure therapy. That's a thing. That's true. Goodbye. We charge a lot. Yeah. Hello. Zamet here. One of the Jolls from middling to OK podcast, Plumbing the Death Star. Not a Star Wars podcast. While my two effervescent co-hosts gallivant around the UK, I'm back here in Melbourne preparing for the arrival of our firstborn. But I'm not here to tell you about that. I'm here to tell you about a wonderful podcast festival that is happening in October. The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. That's right, we're a part of it.

On the 4th October at 8.30pm at Stupid Old Studios, I'll be joined by my very jet lag co-host for our last live Plumbing the Death Star show for a bit. Maybe. It's hard to say. What with the upcoming birth of our... Anyway, you can grab tickets at cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com and there you can check out all the assortment of delectable comedy podcasts on offer. That's cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com, a festival of funny podcasts going for 12 days across two continents here in Australia, that's October the 4th to the 6th, and across that big pond over in the UK, That's the 12th, the 20th. It's all your favourite funny podcasts, all in one place. Plus, we'll also be there. Crazy.

So once again, that's cheerful-eatful.podlifeevents.com. I love you.