Plumbing the Death Star - Could You Handle Being the Tiger King (Ft Zoe Bee)

Episode Date: May 24, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's least coherent podcast network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, could you handle being the Tiger King? The Tiger King or a Tiger King? Both. Yeah, you either want to be Joe Exotic or nada. You want to be like Doc Anil. Yeah, that's true. I don't want to be a lesser Tiger King.

Yeah, no, that's very fair. Well, much like with kings in real life, yeah, there's lots of kings, but when we talk about kings, we don't talk about the lesser kings. We're talking about the king king. What do we talk about, Dusha, when we talk about the king? You know, the king. The donut king.

The true king we all swear fealty to. Yeah. Only one king gives us donuts, Jackson, for fuck's sake. What other king would I be talking about? No kings, no gods, no masters except the donut king. Well, it's not even like a guy to be the donut king, is there? No. We never see him, we just know what he is.

He's very reclusive. Yeah. Where's that donut king? Okay, so what are the struggles of being... We know the struggles of being the donut king. We all know. Heavy is the head that wears the crown but i'm just gonna throw a wild theory out involving the donut king that it's in fact not a ruler of donuts but in fact is the king of donuts that is it in itself a donut which is why the logo is a donut you can eat the donut king is the donut king logo a donut with a crown on this should

have been the episode i believe so no i don't think so i think it's just a regular donut it's actually not a donut it's it is it's an o with a crown on it. Oh, okay. Douche's theory is correct. The Donut King is a kingly donut. That's the mascot. Anyway, so... What? What are the struggles of being the Tiger King? What are you faced with on a day-to-day that we will also be faced with?

One, too many tigers. Yeah. Tigers is an issue. Can I just say straight off the bat i couldn't handle one tiger so multiple tigers i am already at a disadvantage jackson's eliminated early from the tiger king throne like real early all right step one you gotta buy a tiger no i'm out no okay that's a great question though so if we're all prospective tiger monarchs how do you go about getting your first tiger so obviously joe exotic goes through uh various illegal means and methods

to acquire himself a tiger i don't know how to do that so what would your strategy be for getting a tiger all right first of all deep web yeah great choice um so i'll i'll get on the deep web uh i don't know how you get a deep web browser and i also know that once you do open a deep web browser so i've already i've hit a hurdle but say i walk through that hurdle but somehow managed to find one anyway you stumble but you're still standing yeah exactly i'm still in the race i didn't stack and eat shit in this metaphor i just plowed through that hurdle and kept running well running surely not jumping a hurdle means he loses no no no that's not how it works let him know i mean it's a disadvantage because now he's slow because there's a hurdle around his waist yeah sure great really it's amazing that he's still in this but i know that when you open a

deep web browser it's not like a fucking google home page it's not easy to use. You've got to set up like a Craigslist ad equivalent that's like, hot brawny dude looks for two tigers for six zoo. No price too high. Yeah. Oh, what if you just stole them from a regular zoo? Well, they're there and we know where they are. That can be your tactic, Zoe. Look, I know better than to fuck with a zoo. Zoe Villana gonna steal a tiger. that's they're there and we know where they are that can be your tactic zoe i've look i know

better than to fuck with a zoo zoe volana gonna steal a tiger he's trying to know how to google on the deep web um hey guys i tried to buy a tiger but instead i got seven blow jobs and a kilo of cocaine um order a tiger but i got a hitman coming for me. I accidentally booked my own hitman. He's going to kill me and then I have to pay him. And that just will not, that's just going to be logistically a nightmare. So how are you stealing a tiger from a zoo, Zoe? Like I can't, like I know step one is get in the zoo,

but what could step two possibly be? Leashes. Okay. Put tigers. What? Put tigers. possibly be leashes okay put tiger what tigers so you go in leech the tigers up the the people at the so are you going to like the tiger enclosure i'm picturing melbourne zoo and you're like Not leeches. Leashes. Oh, leashes. Okay. I'm hearing leeches. I'm like, maybe she's going to get the tigers.

She's going to drain them of their blood, make them easier to transport. I don't know. There's so much lighter when they're not filled with that heavy blood. And then you're going to have really fucking fat leeches, though. How's she going to carry the leeches? She leaves the leeches in the zoo, dude. Well, that's sick, because the zoo's like,

we don't have a tiger, but we've got these fucking fat-ass leeches. This rules. They get a good deal. That's great as well, because that means Zoe's Tiger King Zoo has a real emaciated tiger in it. It's got a tiger corpse. I'm not that different from the original yeah exactly i've also um done a quick bit of research it turns out i don't want the deep web i want the dark web and also i've decided if joe exotic can use the dark web so can i joel

doucher that's very fair that's a very good point. I know what Silk Road is, so surely that's enough to mean that I can just find it. Yeah. www.canifindatigeronline.tor, I think is the one for the deep web. You're in. So Zoe has one tiger. Dusha has an unclear amount of tigers. One definite hitman.

Yeah. Dusha's standing at the front of his tiger like, are unclear about this. One definite hitman. Yeah. Dusha standing at the front of his tiger, like, welcome to my park, and somebody just shoots him. That's what he's got going on. And I have no tigers, because I was like, no, that's scary.

My strategy would be, and I was thinking this when we first came up with the question, I'm not going to have any tigers, but I'm just going to tell, you know when you go to the zoo and you see an enclosure and you can't see the tiger in it, but you're assured there's a tiger in there and so you get a little bit of satisfaction of like looking for it and not seeing it that's gonna

be my whole park i'm gonna be like they're in there jackson that's not satisfaction that's frustration the fact that you can't tell the difference between those emotions is concerning you look you go maybe you saw the tiger you don't know Maybe you'd have something that's kind of orange But like behind quite a lot of leaves I'll tie an orange scarf Around a tree up the back Yeah there you go I'll be like it's a tiger what are you talking about

And people have to squint real hard Jackson if you drop your car keys In a drain Is that frustration or satisfaction Did you say if I throw You have car keys I a drain is that frustration or satisfaction did you say if i throw you have car keys car keys i'm deaf this episode for some reason what if you throw your parkies and i was like does he mean like a like a parka like a jacket i guess if i threw that in the drain all right new role play you're liam gallagher you've taken your parka off and thrown it down a drain. Is that satisfying?

My slippery, oily parka has slid down the grates of a drain like a whole jelly, and I'm frustrated. You've got that 90s rock star grease coating you, and you can't keep your parka on. Damn. Yeah, I'd be frustrated. But if you told me, Jackson, in that drain there's a parka, and I looked down and saw a little bit of blue,

I might be like, that could be the parka, and that would satisfy me. That's wrong. You're so easily satisfied. It's great to imagine me riding that high the rest of the day. Jackson, why are you smiling? I thought I saw a parka. I thought I saw

a jacket in a drain. What could be better, man? I'm excited to take you to a zoo that has the animals. I'll have a heart attack. Butterfly enclosure. The trick, though, is, like I said, I'm scared of tigers. So possibly seeing a tiger is the perfect way to see a tiger for me. Seeing an actual tiger, too much.

See, you just want to be a bit scared, but to know that it's far away from you. So you're like, oh, no, this is all right. This is good. That's bad. We've all handled having a lot of tigers by having few tigers. You've got to start with one. You're not starting with 200. Yeah, that's true. And at no point does the Tiger by having few tigers. You've got to start with one. You're not starting with 200. Yeah, that's true.

And at no point does the Tiger King have 200 tigers. He's got a lot of tigers. Yeah, I think it was like 187. Yeah, Zoe? That's 187. That's 200 by 20, I guess. So what's 200? Well done.

I rounded up. I rounded up. So what's the next? Fucking math that's me the math king i accidentally downloaded algebra instead of a tiger it's so rare you know people talk about a grammar nazi it's so rare to encounter a maths nazi but here's one before us today yeah it's very important to note that my highest grades in high school came from general maths. Well, that is important to know. So if you could be sensitive around numbers, that would be good because they're very important to me. Of course.

I'll never do math again. Please don't. It's insulting to both me and the listeners. That's what you wanted. Okay, so what's the next hurdle? Opening the park. Because I think That's what you wanted. Okay, so what's the next hurdle? Opening the park. Because I think that's what everyone rushed into. They get one tiger and then open a display.

Because isn't that a thing? Joe, the Tiger King, pre-crowning himself Tiger King, he went to Carol's park and hers sucked and he was like, mine's better. And then he opened his. Is that what happened? No.

No. Damn. Didn't he go to one, and there were sick tigers, and they were all in cages, and it was bad? It was Doc Annals. Ah, Doc, not Carol. Yeah, so he went there and, like, had a look-see, and was like, this can't be that hard. Also, like, just a fun fact, like, I know that he opened the zoo in honor of his brother, which it turns out, like, that's bullshit. Like, not that it's not bullshit, but he was, like, convinced his parents to be like, this was GW's dream to own a tiger park.

It just wasn't. And then if anyone watched the special, The Tiger King and I. Of course. Apparently Joe Exotic's just scared of Tigers Jackson. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. I fit in perfectly.

Yeah. So why would you start a tiger park if you were scared of fucking tigers? Well, maybe I'll pick another animal that I'm less scared of. Also, Zoe, here's a real life example. So we, this is a podcast. What podcast do you guys listen to? No podcast. Yeah. Shut up.

Get off my back podcast Nazi. Don't start a podcast and talk to me about it unless you've at least heard Serial. A podcast I also haven't heard and don't care about. Go on, tell American life heard and don't care about. Go on, tell American life, I don't care. Somebody get American life on the blower and let them know Dusha doesn't care. You solved the crime, so have I. My crime was one I committed myself.

It's the same. What? What are you saying? I've committed audio crimes. I talk about illegal things. I've solved this case. So where are we putting our parks? It's probably a good question. Got to pick a location.

Location, location, location. I like the Florida location. I think that's where Tiger King is. Yeah, Florida. That seems good. No, he's in Alabama. No, Oklahoma. You go to where Tiger King is. Yeah, Florida. That seems good. No, he's in Alabama. No, Oklahoma. You go to Florida in the swamp.

Yeah. Swamp tigers. Swamp king. I'm going to go at sea. Oh. Wet tigers. Somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Tigers love the water. That's true. You can get seals. I am not afraid of seals and in fact quite like

them, but this is a controversial opinion. I think if any animal was going to kill me, it'd be a seal. So do the math there. So what is your fear of tigers? Well, I think in a fight between me and a tiger, I'd definitely lose and it would hurt a lot. But in a fight between me and a seal i think it would be quick that appeals to me i think the seal would just be like oh oh oh and then slam on my head which would crush like a gripe and that'd be me done all the air would escape i'd make a long

noise as it crushed my chest and windpipe that's sort of how I feel about seals. Tigers, it takes a long time. It plays with you like a cat. They might accidentally eat you from the feet up. Yeah, exactly. I don't need that. No. Okay. The sea, where presumably I have a moat of tigers

swimming around an oil derrick. The swamp. No, see, that changed my mind, because I assumed it was in Florida, but actually Oklahoma, which I don't think is in Florida. No, it's not. Yeah, different places. Hey, way to be geometry.

Geometry? Back on the math king. Let's talk shapes. Shape Nazi. It's not a square. It's clearly a rhombus. Yeah, I've changed my mind uh since i was wrong uh so i'm actually going to open mine on the set of oklahoma the musical musical tigers yeah now i'm basically running a circus i guess but the tigers have to fit

into the plot of the musical oklahoma that i know about. What is the plot? Yeah, hey, great question. Oklahoma. Yeah, we know that one. Oklahoma. Oklahoma. I know that the opening of the television sitcom from the 50s, Green Acres, starts with the line, Oklahoma is the place to be.

So maybe that fits into the puzzle in some way. It seems like a good place. Yeah, it seems like a good place to start. Where will you put your tiger park, Zoe? My parents' backyard. Oh, that's good. It's small, but it doesn't need to be very big. Oh, that's good.

And you do only have one sick tiger, so that's plenty of room. We just build kind of like a shoddy fence. And then it works out quite well because I got a tag in there and I got stringer running around being the alpha cat. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Also, hey, plumbing is sweet as a summer breeze and all, but did you know that we produce at least eight other podcasts? Maybe you wish we'd stopped talking about superheroes and Star Wars

and dog dicks and instead sought out which kind of frog is the superior frog or what would be the best kind of metal to be crushed under. If this sounds like you, then why not head to SandsPantsRadio.com and search for Shut Up A Second, a nonsense podcast that's far better than it has any right to be. Will your other tiger not just eat Stringer Bell, your cat that loves to die? and not just eat Stringer Bell. Your cat that loves to die. Also, your cat that is relatively normal size for a cat, but probably a little towards the smaller side of normal. Yeah, he's small, but he's sturdy.

No, he took on a greyhound the other week in one, so. Did the greyhound die? The greyhound didn't die, but it definitely ran away like a little bitch. great greyhounds are a very mild dog they don't like conflict oh well i know nothing about dogs that let's not forget though that zoe's specific tiger is sick from having no blood this one dude i mean like if it was one day like if your park was open for one day and all I got to see is a regular cat kill a tiger, that's worth any amount of money.

Like, that's... I'll drop a hundo on that. I don't care. To see that, that's amazing. That's like seeing a dog eat a wolf or a fish eat a bigger fish. A shark. Shark.

Thank you. Or, like, watching a fish eat a bear. Bear fell in the sea, the fish is like Now's my time, a salmon eating a bear That's good That's beautiful What if we turned to the tides, fellas, and what if we ate the bears Instead

It's crazy to imagine a bear, you know, they're like on the waterfall And they're like waiting for the salmon to jump up And the salmon jumps up, but just like Slides into the bear And starts eating, and then they just get covered in salmon Fall and die just like slides into the bear and starts eating and then they just get covered in salmon fall and die the rest of the bears run nature is upset like when they're like a hive of bees swarm but it's just salmon it's funny because i don't know if salmon have teeth they're suckering the bear to death this rules because this is what i imagine zoe's pitch

for her tiger king park is she's like now imagine if a swarm of salmon ate a bear. I'm listening. Will there be bears at the park? No. No. What we have is one very emancipated tiger. Emancipated? Yes, I guess. He's been taken away from the zoo.

No, that's fair. You emancipated the tiger? Yes, he's on rights. from the zoo. No, that's fair. You emancipated the tiger. He has his own rights. He's legally an adult now. Jackson, bloody hell, bit of a grammar Nazi there. We came full circle. That's amazing. Words aren't grammar.

Oh, no, now I'm a word Nazi. Okay, next thing that we're going to have to deal with, now that our zoos are beautifully set up, do'sh is a play, mine is an oil derrick, and Zoe's is a crime against nature. Oklahoma the Musical, you could probably fit tigers into it. Just get them to play cows or whatever, because it's about a cowboy and a farmhand and a girl who loves both of them maybe that's it's good to be out you're being in the

crowd and leaning over and being like hey are they meant to be cows because they're tigers it's really good to imagine a tiger with like cow splodges painted on it yeah absolutely and then it's good just to have to imagine the person whisper over him like, shh, that's fucking sick. Don't wreck it. That rules. We're in the middle of a play. Don't talk to me. What the fuck?

They're singing a fucking song. I don't want to hear about the cows, tigers. Talk to me in intermission. Then you can ask your questions. This is Act 1, which is famously- Can you guys please be quiet? Act 1 is famously the best part of every fucking play except for maybe the finale of Act 2. Act 2 always fucking sucks.

I'm sorry, Zoe, I just don't know why the tigers are cows. I don't get it. I don't get it. What's happening? And the fucking cowboys are actors. Do you not understand how playwrights work? No! The tigers are pretending to be cows the actor the musical theater actors are pretending to be a

cowboy and they're singing a song about love none of this is real that set it's a fucking set we're an audience life is a performance it's great that they let you get that whole speech out before kicking us out they knew i needed to learn no that's fair if we don't let this man yell at his friend he will wreck further performances okay so now i guess the next thing in in our tiger king trajectory is organizing a hit on the competition the competition presumably being each other each other in this situation douche already has the advantage because he knows how to use the dark web. That's true. Damn.

Hot brawny dude looking for hitmen to kill not me this time. I need you to kill my friends. They are my competition. So it's fair. Can you hire a poacher? Probably. You come in instead of killing us, you're destroying our parks. Yeah.

I'm just going to shoot your tigers. That's easy. I'll just do it. It's not even hard. All of a sudden I'm just like, I'm typing in hitman for animals and I'm like poacher and then I'm like, how to buy a gun? How easy is it to kill a tiger? Can I do it? Probably. Yeah. i can't imagine is that difficult i mean joe exotic managed to kill so many that's true through pure neglect so all dusha really would have to do certainly for me is white i don't even buy a gun i just buy a telescope

and just watch what the hell do tigers even eat that's good if i'm still on my oil derrick and they're just all drowned around me man i thought that they thrived on seawater wasn't i gonna get seals at some point what day is it just sit down on the oil, Derek. Whose Derek is this? I don't need to shit. Well, that's that taken care of, and then you just putt away in your boat. Just as I hear a faint splash as you fall into the ocean. Oh, I was leaning forward trying to see if a wave was a fish. Gotta get a little closer.

That's good as well. Like, let's explore. So, like, I set up an oil derrick in the middle of the ocean, threw the tigers in the sea, and then, like, what was... If they had thrived, how was I getting people out there? What was any of my... You were selling the life of pie experience. We'll put you in a boat with a tiger.

A confused life of pie experience where I'm like, we'll put you in the sea with a tiger. See what happens. Swim laps with nature's most wet beast. The tiger. Hey, do you want to level the playing field tigers will kill you on ground but in the sea you're both vulnerable on wet all is even get in the water it's good as well to imagine people rocking up at the oil derrick and little boats and they're like go to get on the ladder to climb up

and i'm like ah that's not how this works employees only employees only i am the sole employee that's good then the people get in the water and then they drown i guess or they watch the tigers drown they get back in and they're like lucky i didn't pay for this and then you're like oh yeah fuck why damn they're like well i guess we've rented the boats throw up your money and then i reach down but fall in again Wait, damn. They're like, well, I guess we've rented the boats. Throw up your money. And then I reached down, but fall in again. Mine was a disaster.

I'll admit that. My tiger park was an unmitigated failure. Your tiger park definitely sounds like you planned it for seals but could only get the tiger like i had the tigers already and i was like damn i want seals and then i was like it's gonna be like such a hassle to swap them you know what i'll see if tigers work paint them paint them like brown and slick just like douches cows. Just dip them in oil. Oily tigers are basically seals. Well, you're on a fucking oil derrick. That makes sense.

Absolutely. Get the oil out of the ground and onto the tigers. Then you put the tigers in the sea so that there's an oil slick. Then somebody drops a cigarette into that oil slick and I'm trapped on the derrick, which burns and I in it. You don't even use the cigarette to take a strap. Nobody mourns you. Yeah.

Then when you're coming to assassinate us, Dusha, you just put up to mine and as you do it explodes and then you just turn around. You don't even stop. Again, armed with my telescope i'm like oh yeah that was easy and then i guess when you get to zoe's string is the only cat alive because it killed the emancipated one again pull out my telescope what kind of string is just i'm like this isn't a tiger this is just a house cat. He's the alpha, though.

Yeah, but nobody's paying money to come and see a cat. I would. Zoe, if I was like, come to my zoo, there is a house cat. Yes. That's it. How much money are you paying? Zoe paying herself to see her own cat. $36.

$36 for you to come visit Stringer. Alright. Now all of a sudden, this isn't a park. I'm just... It's a kidnapping. It's a ransom. I don't know what you've stumbled upon. I don't know why I only picked $36 specifically.

That's the price. I'm holding Stringer. I'm like, yeah, hey, $36 and you get the pattern. Alright! That's the price I'm holding Stringer I'm like yeah hey 36 bucks And you get to pat him Alright that's a bargain I think this is just how ransom works I just keep handing you wads of cash To like cuddle him

You could just take him off I mean okay Another I look into my backyard and I've still got tight my backyard no I guess what has happened is that my version of Oklahoma has hit Broadway and become wildly successful

it's your backyard in that you're constantly in the theater and you never get a chance to sleep Jackson the world's a stage and Oklahoma is my backyard I've always said it it's good to imagine then me and Zoe and Oklahoma is my backyard. I've always said it. It's good to imagine then me and Zoe coming to see your production of Oklahoma.

Me charred like a wacky cartoon character and Zoe broke as hell because she's paid. Jack, I need you to cover my ticket. Oh, yeah, all right. Then I turn out my pockets and it's just dust more ash oh wait i don't have any clothes on they went up in the oil fire and then we go in and see it and it's an incredible play we we're coming in to like get our revenge but we're just like wow this is the best production of oklahoma i've ever seen why Why do I single tear and just be like, the artistry.

The passion. I come out and make a speech and I'm like, thank you all for joining me for this performance of Oklahoma. Love is real and tigers can be horses if they want. Gals. Gals. You farm animal Nazi. It's great to imagine you coming out of being like ladies and gentlemen when i

first saw the tiger king tv show i thought when he said he lived in oklahoma he meant to play oklahoma and so i put my tigers on stage but that was dumb thank goodness that it's turned into an award-winning Broadway musical. Really, what are the odds of this? Sometimes in life, you fall upwards. Me putting tigers on stage for a musical production of Oklahoma was the biggest falling up that a human being is possible of doing. Sometimes I look at the tigers in my stage play and I think, why didn't I just get cows? Why didn't I just paint the set with a picture of a cow?

You don't get live animals in musicals. That is ridiculous. But thank you, audience, for proving tonight that sometimes real-life animals in musical productions of Oklahoma, they're good. Do we all go to jail at the end? Incredible. That was beautiful.

Yeah, probably. That hitman I hired shoots me in the head as I finish my speech. Well, I mean, okay, so I've committed a crime in that I seem to have stolen an oil derrick at some point. And I've killed a lot of tigers. And pollution. Zoe hasn't committed really any crimes. Except stealing a tiger. She stole from a a tiger crime i'm liberating it guys it's what it needed its parents took all its money it's a kiss it's a kevin mccallister of tigers macaulay culkin i'm

sorry macaulay culkin we a little sorry. This is Macaulay Culkin. A little baby Gary Coleman. We've got to save him. Sounds like you're drunk in court. That's great. Big names. Macaulay Culkin saved him. Gary Coleman saved him. This tiger saved him.

Ma'am, are you claiming you saved Gary Coleman? I would if I was there. Yeah. Let me. It's not about what I did. It's about what I am capable of doing with the good in my heart. I mean, I said Oklahoma. It's very good.

Tigers. Oh, my God. Tigers, they're playing cows. Cows. It's water rage. Fucking good. You think it would have done cats? The tigers, they're playing cows It's water rage You'd think It would have done cats But it didn't

And it was like I couldn't teach my tigers To sing Mr. Mistoffelees That was my first plan But they couldn't do it So I was like, fuck it. I guess it's Oklahoma. It's good to imagine you like, like, you know,

like a theater space being like, and I said, and then the tigers just bounce on you. And then you try to get them to sing an Oklahoma song and they don't. All right. Okay, we'll do Oklahoma.

But you know what the best thing about douches Oklahoma is that he wins a bunch of Tony the Tiger awards. That's great because that makes it feel like he's winning awards for having the best cereal. I also win regular Tonys. Neil Patrick Harris gives me one and I'm like,

I've never liked you. Wait, Nate's in line. It's amazing to see somebody on stage with the Tonys I don't like you you didn't have to say it in front of everyone no well this is going to be my only opportunity I'm scared that humanity has accepted you too much to the point where they're scared to voice their proper beliefs

and Neil Patrick Harris I have never liked you Neil Patrick Harris just giving you a look like shut up we're on stage I don't care here's a list of celebrities that people always seem to think that everyone loves that I

do not like Neil Patrick Harris you're number one your friend Nathan Fillion hate him too you're getting like the burp burp let me finish they get the big hook that has been like retired for so many years I also like that um

like what happened at the Oscars uh like they try and play me off but then Tom Hanks is in the front row and he stands up

and gives a standing ovation so the music stops I'm like don't use that Tom Hanks you're on my list as well I find you distracting in every film you're in you wreck movies for me

I like how you've got custom me and custom in the audience and we're both wiping away India. Hey, he's done it again. Every time. He's done it again. Every time. Every time.

The man's a maestro. How did you get out of jails? How did I get out of jails? Fellow. I'm on a conjugal. Yeah, they get furloughs for the Tony Awards. Hans Fugel's Tony Award.

Big, big two. That's it. That's what you get. I just escaped. I'm going back to the oil derrick to see if I can recoup any losses. It's just a burning, like, ruin.

Ash on oil. You're like, ah. I could scoop some of it up and figure out what to do with it later, I guess. Oil is valuable. Coming back to, like, the shore with a little, like, towboat full of filthy oil and ash. Being like, does anyone want this? I'm meant to be in jail right now. want this i'm meant to be in jail right now if you buy this i'm going to use it for my own bail that i will have to inevitably pay for breaking out of jail

well i mean i think at the end of the day we all made pretty incredible tiger kings if they made documentaries about each of us i would watch them absolutely that sounds look the tiger documentary great a documentary about douches starting a tiger based oklahoma musical I would watch them. Absolutely. That sounds... Look, the Tiger King documentary, great. A documentary about douches starting a tiger-based Oklahoma musical. Me blowing up an oil derrick. And Zoe trying to get Gary Coleman some justice. Emancipating a tiger. They sound amazing.

I can't wait for Joel McHale to join us. Yeah, absolutely. Also on the fucking list. Yeah. No, see? I like him. Wow. What's the working for the list?

Yeah, I can't figure out the list either. You've got to understand the hatred that is in my heart. Once you unlock that, you'll understand. It makes sense. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Zoe B. And we've all been

the Tiger King. Remember how we started talking about the Donut King? Yeah, that's crazy. Feels like so long ago. Really grown as people. Carol Baskin and Robbins. That's something right? If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps

and if you want to support us, head to sanspantsplus.com Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time Good night for now, but not forever Kisses