Plumbing the Death Star - Could You Survive Being a Yes Man?

Episode Date: April 7, 2024

Can you believe it? Three drinks! Joel Duscher has not one, not two, but three of the same goddamn drink that he’s going to slurp down during the duration of this episode. He has truely gone maniac mode for this episode celebrating the 2008 Jim Carrey classic, Yes Man. From trips to Hawaii to seeing Biblically accurate angels, the boys are opening themselves up to the universe and seeing what it provides. It’s mostly a little cake with our morning coffee and getting into massive debt before devolving into a bit about living in the sewers, eating rats and mocking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for being stinky. At one point we were a pop culture podcast, when did it change? Head on over to our YouTube channel to let us know and while you’re there you can see if JD slurps down those three delicious cans of passionfruit flavoured Mt Franklin sparkling water.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. I have three drinks, and Jackson hates it. And Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions

like, could you survive being a yes man? A yes man or Jim Carrey's yes man? Just Jim Carrey's yes man. I reckon having a lovely job is someone being like, I have an idea. I'm like, yes, you do. And if they're wealthy and paying me, oh, I could be a... Brilliant idea, sir.

You know, I could be a... Once again, you've done it. Oh, I could be that sniveling little sidekick. Yes, yes. What kind of a... Okay, so there's two kinds of yes, man, I suppose. We're talking Jim Carrey's yes, man. All right, all right.

So, classic Jim Carrey movie. Yeah. Jim Carrey's a real son of a bitch, and his life isn't going to- Do you know who his co-star in that movie is? Deschanel? Yeah, Deschanel. What the fuck?

She's a baker, I'm pretty sure. It's crazy, dude. It ends with him riding a motorbike. Yeah, she runs a little bakery. Huh. Patisserie, maybe. It could be. She could be a patissiere.

I can't confirm that. Did that come out before or after Stranger Than Fiction, where also the love interest, who I guess was clearly much younger than the lead. Am I getting the two confused? She does some kind of bakery-style job. You sure? That manic pixie dream girl needs to run a bakery?

Yes. So Jim Carrey, his life's not going so hot. And so what? He decides to go... I'm just enjoying these drinks here. You motherfucking... Who does he think he is with three drinks? He's not going to finish them And so what he decides Just enjoying these drinks here. You motherfucking Who does he think he is with three drinks?

He's not going to finish them. I'm going to finish them. I'm going to drink. For some context You're going to drink three drinks over the course of this episode. For some context

I started to film and JD had already had two drinks. He then decided as I hit record I'm going to get up and get another drink. I was annoyed

because I already hit record. Jackson was annoyed because JD now has three drinks. It's killing me. Which is crazy because Jackson currently has three drinks in this room. They're not all new. Some of them are old drinks because he doesn't clean up after himself. An old drink doesn't count. He's got another old drink in the room behind

you, listeners. That's right, the room behind you. You're there. We're here. You're behind us. You are the camera. Anyway, so he goes to a self-help seminar and at the self-help seminar the guru, whose name is Terrence I spilled one of my drinks. Yeah, you can't be

trusted to have three drinks. This is gonna keep happening. It's not. Why would it keep happening? The guru says Jim Carrey, you are entering a covenant with the universe. You must say yes. Anytime anybody offers you the opportunity to say yes. Any question, anything, any scenario you have to answer, yes.

Would you like a free sample? Yes. Yeah, man, I'd love a free sample. Would you like to get domed from a grandma? Yes. Yes, I would like to get dome from a grandma. That's the reason you've become a yes man.

For grandma dome. Yeah. He loves it. In the movie he has a wonderful He's like holding on to the bed head. She's sucking so hard that it's like he's in a goddamn washing machine. He's like, Whoa! Which, I guess, which film star got the best dome yeah Jim Carey from a grandma or Dan Aykroyd from a god damn Dan Aykroyd goes actually you

know what Jim Carrey yeah he's getting sucked so all that it lifts his body off the bed yeah that guy does go cross-eyed, though. He does. He goes, oh, and like Jackman in Swordfish while he has to hack. No, he's got a stressful head. He's scary because he's got a dome. He's getting dome and has a gun to his head. Who else has crazy dome in film? We might have listed them. That might be the only three, I think.

Oh, Jim Carrey gives dome to Ewan McGregor. That's true. And I love you. And I love you, man, maybe? No, not I love you, man. I love you, Philip Morris. Philip Morris. Yeah.

But it's not crazy dome. It's regular dome. Yeah, it's loving dome. Then he spit the cum off the boat. Yeah. So do we think in our lives, if we had to say yes to everything, would we make it through a week? Well, let's try.

Hey, Jackson. Yes? You're doing it already. You're good. Should I have a fourth drink? Yes! Then I go outside and just scream. Like, do you know the other person is being yes-manned?

Can I exploit this? I was going to say. Do you want a pay cut? Yes. Smart. You'll appreciate the life you have better now. Yes. But then if I'm getting yes-manned, can I have a raise?

Yeah. Can I have another one? Yeah. The three of us. Hey, can I have your bank account details and have a raise? Yeah. Can I have another one? Yeah. The three of us. Hey, can I have your bank account details and all your money? Yes. Yes. Can I have yours?

Yes. So the three of us can't be yes-manned at the same time. Or we just rob each other back and forth until the end of time. That's a nice dog you have. Can I have it? Yes. Oh, stealing a Yes Man's dog. That's good because the movie teaches us that he would learn the lesson that he hated that dog.

What do you mean? Well, because in Yes Man, anytime he says yes, it actually turns out to, even if it seems bad at first, it ends up being good. Yeah, it makes his life good. Like, oh, he's like, oh, no, I'm about to bang a grandma. But then it turns out grandma's the fucking throat goat. They give the best dome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's there. I guess then you don't have the responsibility of looking after a dog. Dogs are annoying. Actually, that dog was wrecking my life. I hated that dog. Now that I got some distance from that dog, man, fuck that guy. I don't understand why people like to have lots of dogs. Dogs are hard to look after.

How many dogs is too many dogs? What's too many dogs? I think at the moment, well, if you're one person, I reckon once you pass two, that's too many dogs. Dogs are hard to look after. How many dogs is too many dogs? I think at the moment, well, if you're one person, I reckon once you pass two, that's too many dogs. How big are the dogs? Two dogs fine, three dogs too many? Yeah. I have the same opinion. Three dogs is too many dogs. Three dogs, that's too many dogs.

That's so big. I don't care how big your household is. Three dogs is too many dogs. What about three little dogs? No. Two dogs seems fine. Even two dogs, I'm like. What about three little dogs? No. Too many dogs. Two dogs seems fine. Even two dogs. I'm like, why do you need two dogs? No, because if you're not there, they're having a ball. Dogs, animals are animals, right?

Some are weak. Yeah, but like. What's your point? Companionship. Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about my dogs. Can I ask you about other pets and the amounts you can have? Cats are also two, but like dogs, one makes more sense to me. Nah, you need two cats.

What about lizards? One. One or two. What kind of lizard? Why are you so much looser with lizards? An iguano. One. One.

Okay. Rats. Forty. Forty? Whatever. There's no limit on the amount of rats you can have. How are you storing the rats? Cages.

Cages. Cages. One each. 40 cages. Why? I've got strange, peculiar ways of being. I want to say with rats, because they also have such a short lifespan. Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

As many rats as I want. I think so. Depending on your enclosure. Bro, you don't know what you're doing. Next time you see me, I'm going to have one million rats and be very sick. Depending on the enclosure. If you have an enclosure

that is designed What if I'm loose in the house? Then you don't have pet rats. You have an infestation. It's the rat's house now. You have wild rats living in your ceiling.

But they were once my pets. Yeah, I guess. You don't own them anymore. I think my blanket rule is two max for every animal except fish. How many fish can you have? Depends on the size of the aquarium. Not the fish? Well, if you have a shark.

No, two sharks. Two sharks? Max. Big at once. Too many. Well, yeah, you shouldn't have. Well, it depends on the shark Because you can get little sharks Yeah

Two max Of every animal except fish You can have more I think you can have one horse Where am I? That actually makes less sense to me Than your Why can't I have three

It's awesome watching you In sync go Because horses are usually on farms and farms are massive Yeah but you can have I'm about to say something else crazy You can have one relationship with a horse And then the rest work horses

What do you mean? You don't have enough love for two horses Is enough love in your heart for more than one horse? Even a heart has just enough love for one horse. If you're spreading it out on the two horses, it's getting thin. So you're saying, so the size of the animal depends on the love in your heart. Big, that's why you can have so many rats. You know what?

You're not wrong. You can have one big dog. Yeah, exactly. Or several little dogs. You can have three chihuahuas, say. And you can love them as much as one Doberman. Yeah, exactly. Or several little dogs. You could have three chihuahuas, say. And you could love them as much as one Doberman. Huh. And you could have three Doberman that you love as much as

one horse. You can't fully love a whale. You don't have enough love. Can you say, is the love of two ponies the equivalent of love in your heart? No, half of one of the ponies isn't getting any love. I was going to say, the love of two ponies, the equivalence of love in your heart? No, half of one of the ponies isn't getting any love. I was going to say the love of two ponies, will that equal, say, the love of one Clydesdale?

Oh, yes, but I don't think you have enough love for a Clydesdale. You can't love a horse as a medium-sized horse. You can love a Clydesdale, fine, but you're not loving it 100%. You're forming that connection. Well, you're giving 100%, but the Clivesdale's only receiving 80%. That's how it works.

And you can give 100% to rats because they only need 1%. Because 1% from a guy is 100% to a rat. Yeah, okay. You can love 100% to rats. The love in your heart, 1 Yeah, the love in your heart, 1% of the love in your heart is equal to 100% of the love in a rat's heart.

When you say I love you with my whole heart, you could say I love you a hundred rats. Yeah. And your partner should know what you mean. And I love you 80% of a Clydesdale. That's okay. That's nice. If you imagine a beheaded Clydesdale, that's how much I love you. I love you as much as I could love a whole Clydesdale with no head.

Yeah. Or two legs, maybe. Yeah, I could get rid of two legs. Jackson, I'm in love with you. That's a weird looking horse. Just imagine him popping out of existence just like suddenly. I'm imagining it. If you watched a horse walk with only its front legs,

it would dig such a furrow in the ground. It'd be like a tractor. I was imagining its back legs only. Could a horse walk if it has only two legs, it would dig such a furrow in the ground. It'd be like a tractor. I was imagining its back legs only. Could a horse walk if it has only two legs, but they're diagonal? One at the front, one at the back. That's a sad horse. I don't know if a horse can survive on three legs, can it? I think we've been taught a myth that no, they can't,

but I'm sure they can. That's because their bones have something to do with circulation. It's because their legs are fingers. Yes. And we famously die if we break a finger. You're absolutely right. No, no, no. Their circulatory or whatever, their bones, it's different to us.

So it's like it won't stop bleeding. Something like that. Horses are fucked up, dude. Yeah. How many times in your day does someone ask you something you could say yes or no to? Which I know is an insane question Yeah But I think it's relevant

To being yes man Every day Yeah I'll get asked if I want A coffee or a drink Yeah I would say at least twice Okay

So you Well you'd be happy Yeah With your three fucking drinks Yeah dude It's awesome Yeah I

How are we going actually On the race Yeah look Depends how long This episode goes for I guess Yeah okay Fair enough It's awesome. How are we going, actually, on the race? Yeah, look. Depends how long this episode goes for, I guess. Okay, fair enough. Well, because you're going to get some scenarios where, so say you get a coffee in the morning on the way to work. Okay.

You say, can I get a latte? Well, you're going to get stuck in a loop straight off the bat. Okay. You wake up. Get out of bed. You don't talk to anyone, but you walk to a coffee shop. Can I get whatever coffee you want? Anything else?

Yes. What would you like? Yes. No, you don't have to answer. Yeah, you're not yes. It's not yes to everything. It's yes to questions that are yes or no. It's like, yeah, would you like anything else? You're like, yes, I would. Now you have to decide because the universe

clearly wants you to have a croissant. So if they say, I say, can I get you anything else? And I say, yes, but I don't want anything else. Well, you don't, but you have to say yes. So I've already said yes. Then can I be like, oh, actually, I've changed my mind? No. Because that's saying no.

That's saying no to the universe. The universe is like, the universe has asked you if you wanted something else. And you have to be open to that and say yes. And now you have to interpret that to be what you want. You're cleaning out that coffee shop. Not necessarily. Here's a croissant. Can I get you anything else?

Yes. I'll get another croissant. Okay, is that it? Yes. I'm out. You need them to swap anything else to is that it. But most people who are doing that, they're not going to be like, oh, anything else, anything else, anything else every single time. That's true. No, but they will. It's going to be like, oh, anything else, anything else,

anything else every single time. No, but they will. It's going to be like, oh, would you like anything else? Oh, yeah, I'll have, say, a croissant. Oh, would you like that toasted? Yes. Yes, I would like that toasted. Yeah, no worries.

Yeah, that's true. Do you want sugar in the coffee? Yes. Yes, I do. All right. How many sugars would you like? Six. I mean, I just like sweet coffee.

Okay. Well, that's something new. new yeah I'm trying to think of where are the pratfalls where's it gonna go wrong well it's gonna go wrong the moment that you order any food

because you will cop a would you like anything else for that today you have to say yes pick something else but yes after one round

some people won't ask again but I just don't think you can get that caught in a loop you get caught in a maybe

but what insane person is going to be like Oh he's like a coffee Yes I would Are they getting anything else? Oh yeah I guess I'll have a croissant Great anything else? Yeah by like time 10 No no no

It's not going to get that crazy That's what I mean But I reckon that You could end up ordering 10 croissants I reckon it would be maybe Maybe 4 I reckon someone working in hospitality, asking questions, be like, anything else today?

I'd be like, all right, here's the new thing. Anything else? And then they'll be like, oh, actually, that. And then you laugh and you're like, all right, was that it? Or something like that. I reckon once it gets, because like four times, it's still, it's not normal, but it's funny. Funny enough four times it's like still it's not normal but it's like funny

funny enough that the person is probably still engaging if you are a barista and someone's like one o'clock I'll be like anything else they get in the croissant

maybe I'm like oh would you like a Danish or a like a hedgehog or a caramel slice would you like a slice with that croissant

yes yes I would which slice yes once again Jackson you are really or a caramel slice. Would you like a slice with that croissant? Yes. Yes, I would. Which slice? Yes. Once again, Jackson, you are really misunderstanding the question that you came to the studio with. So I think, yeah, you would be upsold. He's been rattled by the three drinks.

For people that can't see, it's also three of exactly the same drinks. Exactly the same. Yeah, I think, yeah, you would be upsold. And again, if you are a decent salesman, yeah, you're upselling them. You've maybe come in just for a small coffee. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh, I want a latte. Oh, okay.

Would you like it large? Yes. So you might be like, okay, cool. Yeah. You get like, yeah, a drink, maybe a second drink or a cold drink if you're going for like a latte uh you might then get yes a croissant or a sandwich or some kind of meal and maybe a little bit of a cake and i think the person would just stop at that yeah for sure for sure maybe yeah then you're taking too long and that's annoying yeah and also they're

like you know oh that's that's enough that That's plenty. I don't need you to have anything else. Yeah. The only thing else is like, yeah, if you go into certain things, for example, in Australia, you flip your car, whatever, you go in, they're like, oh, do you have any flybys? And you're like, yes. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Well, you don't. I get a lot. Yeah.

I was just thinking about that because someone asking for change. Do you have any change? Yes. And then you open your wallet. What do you do? Yeah, because you can't say no. You're like, yeah, hang on. Because you've said yes now.

Yeah. And you've made this pact with the universe. You then have to go and get money out and give it to the person who wants change. That's true. So in those situations, yes. I guess you just sign up for flybys. Yeah, so say with, like, do you have flybys? Yes.

Well, actually, I don't now, but I'd love to sign up. Can I do that here? Well, you said no there, which you're not allowed to do. Well, I said yes. Oh, actually. Then you said no. Well, then I what? Do I self-destruct?

There is, I can't say no here. If I say no. Got any flybys today? Yes, I'll just sign up now. Yeah. Yes. Sign me up. Yeah.

Can you sign me up? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, well, we don't do this in the store. You have to do it online. Then you go, fuck! You've got to be like, okay, I guess I'll do it online. My yes man day is another day!

Oh, God, I'm fucking this up, buddy. I guess you're going to have more junk. As in, oh, do you want your receipt? Yes. Do you want a bag with that? Yes. So I guess retail sucks. Yeah. more junk. As in, oh, do you want your receipt? Yes. Do you want a bag with that? Yes. So I guess retail sucks. Yeah.

You become public enemy number one. This guy doesn't care about the environment at all. Yes. Yes. Do you even care about the environment? Yes. But you're getting his shopping bags. Yes.

I'm trying to think of other kind of interactions that you have that are either going to be detrimental for your yesing. I think you're going to be doing a lot more for people. What about... And double booking shit all the time. Oh, yeah. It's like in relationship stuff. Yeah. To be like...

Because a lot of those things aren't just yes or no questions. It's like, oh, we're going to have dinner tonight. Yes. Well, it doesn't... Huh? Yeah. Oh, you're doing a classic Jackson. You're answering yes at me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. but it would have to be but it would be more of a because again if they don't know it's a yes yeah you've been yes man it can just be like

oh hey do you want to cook tonight yes I do I'd love to can you make me the dishes yeah I will yes I will

but you are going to end up double booked you know Jackson can you help me move this yes I wonder if you have to like like you get a Facebook invite,

you have to click attending, you have to go. But it says attending. It doesn't say yes or no. Well, no, because I think the idea is it's like if the universe offers you an opportunity, because obviously he's got to say yes to everything. But the real meat and potatoes is if the universe offers you an opportunity, you have to take it.

Okay. So that might even- What other opportunities do you get in a day-to-day life? We're in a weekly. I'm just trying to think. Scam emails. Scam emails. Scam emails.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Send me your bank details. Yeah. That's so funny. You're like, I need to fix my life and I'm in such debt. Do you want to meet sexy singles in your area? Yes.

Yes. Now my wife's left me. My computer's full of viruses. I got tricked by a bot that watches me jerk off and then sends that video of me jerking off to my friends and family. God damn it. Hey, honey, you in for a wild time tonight? Yes. I am. God damn it. Hey, honey, are you in for a wild time tonight? Yes.

I am. Let's go for it. But another thing I keep thinking is, you know, you'll be walking into the supermarket, there might be somebody

there being like, you know, you just get those people like advertising paintball or like skydiving sometimes. You're doing it. Yeah. So another thing

I'm thinking of, Jackson, something that you often say. Yeah. Which is like, is it? No, no, the exclamation where you thinking of, Jackson, something that you often say. Yeah. Which is like... Is it, oh! I know the exclamation where you're like, well, fuck me in the ass, I guess.

Like something has happened. Fuck my ass, yes. Oh. But that's not anything, though. No, but it's an opportunity. No, because when you say that... You fuck my dick. If I say suck my dick, that's an opportunity for you to suck my dick. If I say I suck my dick,

that's an opportunity for you to suck my dick. And you're going to be like, and I'm like, my life has changed dramatically. But that's like... Wow. I guess like... Work's going to be interesting from now on, I guess. Yes.

No, but I guess like the way that it works in the movie and stuff like that is like, because when you're saying fuck my ass, that's not a proposition. It is usually an exclamation of like, I can't believe that's happened or whatever. I'm sitting on the couch at work and I'm like, man, I'd love to get my dick sucked in. And then if you say, hey, dude, will you suck my dick? Man, it's been a while since anyone sucked my dick. Can you suck my dick? That feels like's been a while since anyone sucked my dick. Can you suck my dick?

That feels like I know you've been used to it. Yes. Yeah, I guess I'll suck your dick. Oh, okay. That's actually really nice of you. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. It's going to make the next podcast interesting.

But I think it's going to be good. I think it's going to change our energy for the better. I love when friends help friends. People listening are like, I don't know why, but I think dude just sucked Jackson's dick. That's just the vibe I love when friends help friends. People listening are like, I don't know why, but I think doos just suck Jackson's dick. Yeah. That's just the vibe

I'm getting from this episode. Instead, I'm sitting here drinking three drinks. Motherfucker. I've almost finished one. You're not going to finish all three. How long is it?

One and two are almost done. Damn. Why? Infuriating. You switch between one and then you alternate? Wait, you're alternating drinks? Yeah.

What the fuck? Play back the tapes. What the hell are you doing? Now I'm on Team Jackson. So what? Wait, you're alternating drinks? Yeah. What the fuck? Play back the tapes. What the hell are you doing? Now I'm on Team Jackson. So what, you're not doing one at a time? No. You're like, oh, have a little sip from lefty? Yeah.

A little sip from middly? Why? Because I opened all three. You're a mania. Okay, here's the thing. That's insane. I opened all three because I didn't want to make that noise in the episode. Okay.

That'll be distracting. That'll be distracting. That will be distracting. Well, it was also more just like because I originally opened the first two before I decided I was going to drink three drinks this episode. And then when I opened the first two, then I brought the third one in, which is the same drink as the other two. Cracked that open. You've got a great deal of passion fruit flavored Mount Franklin sparkling water. Yes, I do.

Yeah. I've got roughly 1.2 liters of it. That's what you're drinking in today's episode. It's a lot of liquid. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of liquid, my dude. It's good.

It's good for me. It's bubbly. It is. Sure. Anyway, and then I had three open but full cans of drink. Now, Jackson,

what have you done multiple times whilst recording? Opened the drink loudly. Left a can in the studio. Left a can. Knocked over. Knocked over. Burped and farted. No, knocked over a can. Oh, right.

So I figured if I'm just reaching for the same can and not drinking the others, if I knock one of them over, it's going to make a big mess. Or if I drink all of them a bit, it's better. Less of a liquid. What the fuck? No, I know it. If I knock over this can now. I mean, if you knock over the now, it's always gonna dip!

Yeah, but it's not gonna spill. In his insane mind, it's like if he knocks over one, he's not gonna knock over all three. Yeah, cause I wouldn't. Why? What? I have three open cans of drink. You know what? You are correct. You know what, dude? You know what? Actually, that makes sense.

Also, you're a genius. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We've also been alternating hands, I've noticed. Okay. So how long is being yes man doesn't last for?

Well, the trick is- I mean, it's always yes. I understand it's not actually a magic trick. But we have to believe we've been magic tricks. For Jim Carrey, he believes that the way to get rid of it is he's going to go to Terrence and be like, get rid of the covenant. And Terrence is like, brother, there was no covenant. I'm a scam artist

basically and you're dumb as fuck. So it lasts forever until you find the person who helped you enter the covenant with the universe. He has to explain to me that you're dumb as fucking rocks. Let's find out how long our good friend Jim Carrey is Yes Man'd for.

But I just don't necessarily know if it'll be that big of a deal in my day-to-day life. It's more those kind of bigger moments where you're like, oh, no. Oh, no, now I have to do this. Which could be like, hey, do you want to buy a new car? Yes. Bradley Cooper's in Yasmin

Yeah bro What the fuck Because What I wonder What if you're watching television Well yeah Or like you see an ad Yeah

Yeah like I was imagining You're walking past Like a travel agent Yeah And they're like Hey fly to Hawaii And you're like

Well yes I guess I'm doing this now Yeah Well is that so bad You have to go to Hawaii If you've got the money To afford it Although this is where it comes Well, yes, I guess I'm doing this now. Well, is that so bad? You have to go to Hawaii. If you've got the money to afford it. Although this is where it comes. Because I feel there is more predatory advertisement for things like, say, I don't know, hey, sign up for Afterpay.

And hey, do you want to have crippling debt? It's only 60% interest. Yeah, I think you're going to get into debt pretty quickly if you're yes-manning your own life. Yes. And also, like, flying to Hawaii, I'm sure I could do it, but it would interrupt my life. You would be getting a call on Monday where I'm like, hey, man, you know how I've been yes-manned?

I do. You know Hawaii? Yes, I do know Hawaii. I'm there. Oh, cool. Well, can you come back as quick as you can? Yes Yeah okay, cool

I'm gonna have to What? I'm like right And then I gotta go up to the hotel I'm staying at to say I'm leaving And they're like can we check you in? And I'm like yes And I get checked into my hotel room And I then have to check

Does one supersede the other? I don't know. If you say, come home from Hawaii, then somebody says, Jackson, would you like to check into your hotel room? Do I then have to call you again to get another invitation to come home because one has taken over the other?

Or do I check in and then immediately check out? Well, you could loophole this by, well, Zama didn't say when. Oh, that's true. If I didn't say come back as quick as you can. But that's funny because you say can you come back? And I say yes. And then I'm sitting in my bed and I'm like, he didn't say when. And then four hours later you call me and I'm like

when are you coming back, man? He didn't say when. Well, I'm saying it now. Come back now. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily wait four hours. You would probably the next day, I guess. I figured they'd be like, well, he's got to book a plane ticket and travel. So at least I'll give him 24 hours. 24 hours comes by.

Hey, Jack, you're on the way home, right? Yes. When's your flight? So you're landing soon? Yes. Okay, I'll see you at the airport. Yes. Then you wait at the airport You call me

Where are you? I'm in Hawaii I wouldn't be that irresponsible Like, okay, what's your flight number? I don't have one Let's have this conversation Hey, it's been 24 hours You've booked your flight, right?

Yes Cool, what's your booking number? I don't have one Okay, well, as soon as you get the your flight, right? Yes. Cool. What's your booking number? I don't have one. Okay. Well, as soon as you get the booking number, let me know. Yes. Cool.

Thanks. Okay. See you. I wait. I sit on my bed in Hawaii. Let's see. I want to say, give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe two, or even two. I'll give you half an hour. Okay.

I call back. Hey, man. I haven't heard from you. Okay. I call back. Hey, man, I haven't heard from you. Sorry, you've booked, right? Yes. Okay, so what's the flight details? I don't have flight details. What do you mean you don't have flight details? I'm not flying back.

But you said you've booked! You said you booked tickets. Yes, I did. Okay. Okay, hey. You've been yes, man. So you booked tickets to Hawaii, didn't you? Yes. Okay.

When are you booking tickets to come back to Melbourne? I'm not. Okay. Can you book tickets to come back to Melbourne? Yeah. Okay, can you book tickets to come back to Melbourne? Yeah. Okay. Can you book tickets to come back to Melbourne soon? Yes. In the next 24 hours? Yes.

Cool. Can you call me when you've booked them so I will see you in 24 to 48 hours? You'll see me then, yes. Excellent. I'm gonna, okay, I'll wait for your call. When do you call me? Well, I don't know if I have to come back.

Well, no, no, no, no, no. I've given you a time limit. Yeah, I've given you a time limit. So then I guess I would call you. I would have to book my flights back. I'd call you, but you don't have to get on the plane. You don't have to get on the plane. You could give me the flight details.

Yeah. All right, cool. I've given you the flight details. Fantastic. The plane will be there at 6 p.m. So you're waiting at the airport. Cool. So I'll see you. Yeah, okay. I'll be at the airport at 6 p.m. So you're waiting at the airport. Cool. So I'll see you.

Yeah, okay. I'll be at the airport at 6 p.m. Yes. I'll see you then. Yes. Okay. It's funny because you know, but yes, man.

The whole time you're like, who is this motherfucker? Just yes, man. But like, you know, you've had that, you know, that pact with the universe. So in my head, there's nothing that can go wrong here.

Yeah. I arrived. So I have, I know in my head that I have to see you at 6 p.m. I'm there, and I'm, like, waiting for you to come out. What's your move? I stay at the hotel. Yeah, don't go to the airport. Don't go.

Keep enjoying Honolulu. You call me at 6, my plane, the plane number I've given you lands. Yeah, it lands. I'm waiting 40 minutes to an hour i'm like hey hey have all the passengers come out all of them yeah interesting i call you up hey man what's up uh i yeah you were not on the plane yes i thought you said i said you said you said okay i see where i went wrong you booked okay But you did say I'd see you at six. Yes.

And FaceTime. Yeah, I'll FaceTime you. Yes. Yeah, I guess at six, maybe at six I'd get a FaceTime call. If you wanted to loop on us a bit. Just lovely, beautiful beaches behind you. Yeah. You're not on a plane, are you?

No, I'm in Hawaii. Gotta say no. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm on the plane. Yeah. You're not on the plane, are you? No, I'm in Hawaii. Can't say no. Yes. Yeah. I'm on the plane. Yep. Well, the way it works.

Yeah, I guess you can lie. But the way, the way it works with the agreement with the universe is that you can't loophole it.

No, no, no, no, no. So like, this wouldn't actually happen. If Jackson books a flight,

he has to get on the flight. Yeah. Okay. But then, things can happen on the way, like, so, if Jackson books a flight, he has to get on the flight. Things can happen on the way. So, if Jackson books a flight and then, I don't know, his taxi drives off a bridge, lands in a truck

and I can't miss my flight, that's fine. That's fine. Okay. But what about so I've booked my flight. While I'm lining up to get on my flight, Zamit calls me and says, get back to the studio. Then does one cancel out the other? Or do I need to get on my flight, fly to Hawaii, fly back, go to the studio? If Zamit calls you and says, get back to the studio, then does one cancel out the other? Or do I need to get on my flight, fly to Hawaii, fly back, go to the studio?

If Xamarin calls you and says, get back to the studio, that's part of you booking a flight. It means that the universe is doing something else. No, okay, because you've got to trust the universe. That's the deal. Whatever the universe wants for me, I'll do it. So whatever is, like, yeah, I guess, whatever is happening will supersede whatever happened prior.

You go on the airport, I'm like, hey man, you've got to get back to the studio. I guess I've got to supersede whatever happened prior. So if you go on the way to the airport, I'm like, hey, man, you've got to get back to the studio. I guess I've got to get back to the studio. So then you hop back into a car or an Uber or a PT, and then hopefully you're expecting the universe. Yeah, maybe you'll see a biblically correct angel or something on the way to the studio. Yeah. What an awesome thing to pick. I'm just in the back of the taxi.

Whoa, just see. Oh, you've driven past it What was it? Like wheels on wheels Like burning eyes I think I may have had a vision I think I might have a brain tumor Yes

Either I've got a brain tumor Or I'm the new messiah What do you reckon? I'll take you to the hospital sir Yeah that's a good idea This is where the universe wants me to go. So in the movie Yes Man, Johnny Yes Man, Jim Carrey, whose name's Carl Allen, I think. Okay.

He's yes manning for months. Yeah, it's a long time. Because he has, it's long enough that him and Zooey Deschanel, Allison, begin dating, Zooey Deschanel, Allison, begin dating, go away together. But then due to Johnny Yes Man's. Yes Man curse. Yes Man curse. The FBI have him pinged for potential terrorism because he's so spontaneous.

Then his lawyer comes out. That's it. Or is it like on that form when you're going overseas? Have you ever committed or wanted to commit some terrorist activities? Yes. Absolutely, as I know. When checking in for their return flight, Carl and Allison are detained by FBI agents who, due to various coincidences in Carl's recent behavior,

have profiled him as a potential terrorist. Then his lawyer comes to Nebraska, which is where they are, and she's like, he's just... He's just yes-manning. He's just yes-manning. And Allison's like, you didn't actually like me. You were just yes-manning. Yes.

Yes. Correct. But then she's like, you never loved me. You're not throwing that out if you've only been together for a week. No, it's been a while from memory. Yeah. And also the other clues to how long it is, is he meets Allison, then doesn't see her for a bit, then joins a band that she's the singer of.

But in that period of time, he also learns to speak Korean, play the guitar, and fly aeroplanes. I feel that doesn't... You don't do that in a weekend. No! So it's every opportunity, right? So if I'm scrolling through my phone,

and I see an ad that's like, learn how to fly a plane. Do I have to just do it? Man, having a phone really opens you up to a lot more opportunities. Oh, yeah. I'm just thinking for us. Kim Carrey probably experienced in his US, man. I think we would because, you know, we are a radio network. The name radio there confuses, I think, a lot of publicists.

Yes, yes. So we occasionally get some interesting like we're on some lists of like uh hey do you want people to be like hey do you want this author of this random book or whatever there's nothing to do with whatever we do EL James wants to do an interview it's not not even that like uh more obscure sometimes we get like because you're plumbing the dev star it's like hey we have a bunch of this particular plumbing part well i guess we're ordering a bunch of this why are there a bunch of washers in a tub in the front we got an email and the universe wants us to have them i guess we're pivoting the plumber is coming on the podcast later today okay i guess right i guess we're pivoting to

literally pump hey jackson yeah brother you're to finish them all. He's finished them all. I've already done it. What the fuck? I was thirsty. Are you going to piss like a fucking razor? No, I'm going to piss like a razor. You're going to piss so loud it shakes the studio. Dude, I drank three cans of water.

I'll be fine. You're going to wreck the bowl. I hope I do. This is fucked up, dude. It's wrecked my day. He's a quenched man. Yeah. I'm so quenched.

I hate how quenched you are. I'm so quenched. I hate how quenched you are. I'm so quenched. I hate how quenched you are. Like, I could just not drink. It pisses me off. Yeah, that's all right. You should wait until you see how clear my piss is going to be later. I'm just trying to think of, like, any of the problems.

I could have a fourth. You could? I could have a fourth. Don't you dare. I'm just trying to think of any problems yes-manning would have in my day-to-day life. And it's just like the only issue is where it's like, oh, if it's a yes, it's an either-or option. Because most questions are never really just a yes or no in my life. But I understand it is an opportunity.

Yeah, it's not necessarily if you can say yes. It's any opportunity presented to you. So like that opportunity, I mean, obviously it could be somebody asking you something. But yeah, it could be a sign. It could be like, that opportunity, I mean, obviously it could be somebody asking you something. But, yeah, it could be a sign. Yeah. It could be, like, I don't know. I think the way that it is, like, because it's not a curse. Yeah.

You can avoid it. You can stay home. The worst thing that's going to happen is you have sex with your wife. Yeah. Which, I mean, you're married, so you probably think that's awesome. I do. Maybe you cook dinner. Yeah. Not so bad., you're married, so you probably think that's awesome. I do. Maybe you cook dinner. Yeah.

Not so bad. Or you go out for dinner. But that kind of defeats the point of being a yes man. Yeah. So if you're yes manning, chances are you do want a yes man, which means that you're going to have to put yourself out there. I'm just trying to think of anything like opportunities. I guess, yeah, I'd be a bit more proactive on the inbox.

Yeah. Be like, oh, yeah, what's going in through it all? Oh, yeah, I guess I'll get all this stuff today. It's tricky, though, because like... Maybe I'll be more productive. Yeah. I live a life where I'm constantly looking for things to do. Yeah.

I shouldn't. I do enough stuff. Yeah. So, like, I'm usually, if I'm out, I'm sniffing out things like this, trying to figure out what I can say yes to. You do them anyway, kind of. Yeah, or trying to put myself in these situations, and I don't think that there's enough yes or no situations to plug your life up. What about if we were like, okay, since you have the opposite problem, say, myself, what if I'm like, hey, dude, you need to have a break.

Have a kind of no man. Hey, dude, you should just chill for a bit. You hungry? No. Being a no man. But like, yeah, not a no man, just more of a, hey, you should just chill for a bit. You hungry? No. Being a no man. But like, yeah, not a no man. Just more of a, hey, you should rest. Yeah.

Stay at home, man. Yeah. But if somebody told you settle down, you'd have to do it. That's your opportunity. If someone told me to settle down and I'm a no man, I'd say no. That's true. Then you'd go crazy. Settle down.

No. Yes. Fuck. Being a no man Is so scary You starve to death Hey what do you want No Not really

No you wouldn't You'd be fine It's similar You'd just have to eat It's similar You'd have to go into I want a croissant Oh okay

Would you like coffee No No Damn it Anything else No Yeah Because you're shutting yourself off

To opportunities Yeah You want to pay your eyes I would love to not have one Thank you No Thank you What about those?

I guess, yeah, we're not in a position to be headhunted. Yeah. That's true. That's true. No one wants any of this. No one wants podcasters. What about their like- But then, I mean, it could do that thing, like if the movie was called No Man.

Yeah. Awesome name. But it would be stuff like, hey, you said no to a pay rise and that's ballsy. Yeah. I'm giving it to you anyway. I'm giving you a bigger pay rise and you can't say no all we're doing is like office space yeah yeah you're just becoming i don't care you're becoming promoted yeah but what about so like okay there's like small term opportunities yeah

somebody says do you want to come out to dinner you say yes no oh you're a no man yeah you stay home yeah yeah what about you're walking along and you see a sign that says, become a plumber. Well, he learns Korean. Or even the signs of, we buy used cars. And you're like, well, I like my car.

Goodbye to my car, I guess. There's a place near me, it's a church, and they have Korean lessons. No, not Korean. Yeah, I think it is Korean. It is Korean. But near me,

I would be learning Korean. Because I would see that coming home from doing the shopping and I'd be like, well, time to not Korean. Yeah, I think it is Korean. It is Korean. But like near me, I would be learning Korean. Yeah. Because I would see that coming home from doing the shopping and I'd be like, well, time to learn Korean. You're going to fill your day up pretty quickly. Yeah. I think I'd be. Go back to university. Science say that all the time.

They do say that all the time. Yes. Yes. Okay. I'll go back to university. And then the only way to get out of it is if somebody tells you not to. Hey, don't do that. Yes.

You know what I mean? Yes, thank God. I didn't want to do that with my life. I'm thinking of going back to university. Why? Because you know how I've been yes-man. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

It was a stupid decision, Jackson. You should be punished for it. Sorry, like the yes-man, do you really want to go back to university? And because you've been yes-man, you have to be like, yeah. Heaps, dude. Then I have to be like, well, yes man, do you really want to go back to university? And because you've been yes man, you have to be like, yeah. Then I have to be like, well, I guess you do. So I'm not going to try and convince you. That's awesome. You're going back to university to finish your unfinished degrees.

Yeah, I can't wait, dude. Having that arts degree under my belt is really going to help my life. Well, I could open you up to... Well, I was majoring in media beforehand. And now you're majoring in media beforehand I know you were majoring in witches or something you changed your degree

to something stupid no I just did electives one of which was witchcraft didn't you change from media to something else no I just I didn't like doing media and all of my electives

were themed similarly they were like archaeology based or whatever yeah I mean I liked that I liked learning about it

didn't you do the witches subject and hate it because you were like, this isn't enough about witches? That does sound like me. That was so kind of petulant. This isn't enough about witches. I mean, I went to the same university. I taught at the same university.

This is making this sound like some kind of woo-woo university where the subject of witches comes in. It was an anthropology subject. Yeah, okay. It was very interesting. It's just very funny to be like. There was a fucking subject that I got taught, and it's in your department, cinema and sexuality,

where for two weeks we watched pornography. That's fine. That's awesome. Cinema and sexuality. Witches are important. Yeah, but you had like, oh, yes, the whole unit, the subject, the whole class is just witches witches makes it sound very strange. What do you study at uni?

Oh, I went to uni and I majored in witches. I guess cinema and sexuality. I didn't major in cinema and sexuality. I majored in media studies. I majored in witches. I majored in witches. Also, cinema and sexuality, shout out to that class because it was actually interesting. The witches one was great.

Why is that hard to believe? It just wasn't enough about witches. It wasn't enough about witches. It's just hard to believe because it feels like you're gaslighting yourself. No, it was a really- Or Shady is gaslighting us because he's saying that you found it- I remember, I thought I enjoyed the witch subject, but I trust this memory of my life. Honestly, maybe I was thinking of someone else that did the same subject.

I did a subject called myths and mythology or something. Not that. And that was a really boring subject. And I thought it would be way more interesting than it was. Was that a sociology subject and did I do it too? Maybe. Because I did one history subject. I don't know, dude.

Your life. A sociology subject. We don't have a unit answer for you. Unfortunately not. I had an exam which stunk because arts subjects with exams are awful. It might have been. The mythology exam was pretty bad. But the witches one was cool.

We learned about witches. We watched a documentary that was really sad and they had to turn it off halfway through. That was really cool. He was like, look, this is a bit heavy

so watch it, stick around for it but just be warned you can leave if you want. Then halfway through he was like, I made a mistake. It's too heavy.

Everyone go home. It's too sad. Pretty much. He upset himself. Yeah. What was sad about the witches? It was about witches in Africa. It was no good, man.

It was upsetting. I was glad when it was turned off. Yeah, man. But other than that, witch studies rocked. At what point of your life would it be the worst to be yes-manned? Oh, great question. 16. It was a curse.

Yeah, okay. 16. Why? What's bad about that? You would fuck your life up. You're old enough to fuck your life up. Like, you're old enough to fuck your life up and it not to be reversed.

But also, you're too young to know how to not, like, you would constantly just be putting yourself in situations where you're like, I'm about to get bad. Yes, man.

Oh, I'm 16. You're like, hey, you want to come? You know, like, depending what crowd you're hanging out with. Like, oh, you know, you want to do shots? We're doing, you know. And then we're underage drinking way too much.

Oh, yeah. Was I a yes-man? Maybe. But that also, like, yeah, what are the opportunities? I think what's bad about it, I see what you mean, it's like a pivotal point in your life. 16, 17, because once you turn 18, then there's slightly less consequence. It's a a pivotal point in your life. 16, 17? Because once you turn 18, then there's slightly less consequence.

It's a weird situation because there's like, you have more freedom, so therefore there's like certain things where it's like, well, this isn't really going to come back to bite you. It just means you can have like a... I reckon in Australia, 18 though. Yeah. Because if you're going out, you're drinking more. Hey, mate, want a punch on?

Yeah. Can you not hit me in the face? Hey, cunt, did want a punch on? Yes. Can you not hit me in the face? Hey, cunt, did you fucking say something? Yes. You want to go, mate?

Yeah. For some reason, I really do. Brother, do you want to fucking die? Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

I do. You'd become famous for the guy that started the most amount of punch-ons ever it's like yeah if you are like

yeah going out to like a bar or whatever you bump into someone fuck mate yeah do you want to go man yes

I do we're taking this outside yup let's go baby let's do it but if you believe in the yes man and you're like

time for a gift from the universe I'm gonna get punched getting king hit I'm gonna get punched in the head and then maybe a beautiful angel or a biblically correct angel will appear and that'll be an awesome thing to see. Maybe this is an

enemies to best friends it's your bang. Okay. No I'm just getting the shit beat out of me it turns out. I think it's bad because so like if you imagine like a uni open day, you're going to do this? Yes. Whoever gets to you first picks your life career.

You're going to be signing up to all the extracurriculars. Yeah. I think you'd just be busy. Yeah, that seems like the worst part of it.

Honestly, maybe as a, in like your youth, when you're younger, when you have a bit more free time, it's not too bad. I think university

is a good time to be, I think that's the best time to be yes man when you're like 19 or 20. Yeah, and in a situation where it is like you're privileged enough to go to university that you have enough time, freedom, and money to enjoy all those clubs and social things where you can just kind of do whatever it is that you do. So you can kind of do all that. I feel like maybe your schoolwork might suffer.

Yeah. Your grades maybe. But then that might be the lesson you learn to be like, hey, you don't need that fancy university education. Also, depending on your degree, maybe it doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter. It really doesn't. I handed in multiple assignments two weeks late,

and sometimes the lecturer just would forget that it was late, and I would even get marked late. Oh yeah, all the time. You had assignments I did in two hours before they were due. Yeah, but we're coming from arts degrees. Hey, that's true. Where we had, you know, witches as a subject. Yeah, that's a good point.

Witches as a subject. What was the dumbest subject I did? Wasn't there like soundtracks or some shit? It was soundtracks, yeah. I can see why film criticism was a fun subject but I don't think very good. That was intro to film criticism. I see why that one makes sense. It cut a lot of funding.

Soundtrack, what was it? Cinema? Maybe it might have just been called cinema. I liked paleo archaeology. That was my favorite subject I did. Learn about cavemen. I learned about podcasting in one. That was bad. That was a woo-woo. Ah, yeah.

Woo-woo media subject. That affected us for the rest of our lives. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. Maybe I want to go back to uni. Study witches. It's one elective. Yeah, go back to uni, study witches.

What are you going to do with that? You learn about witches. You've got witch knowledge. I'm going to take it to parliament. Okay. What? Hey, we that? You learn about witches. You've got witch knowledge. I'm going to take it to Parliament. Okay. What? Hey, we're going to stop these witches. Or fix the witches.

You're going to become a witch finder general? You'll know what to do about the witches because you studied it. Why are you going to go to Parliament? You're going to be like, okay, we've got witches. I don't know what to do. Let me go get an education. Then I'll come back. Hey, government people, do you know?

I don't know if you know this, but witches say, I understand the housing crisis. I understand inflation. I understand maybe even this whole climate crisis and everyone's got their panties in a little bit of a bunch about all kinds of things. No one's talking about witches. No one's talking about the biggest problem

I think we're all facing in this day and age. Witches. Witches. It's funny you just go like, here's what I know. There are witches. I know that we've got to go one or two paths. We've got to help them or get rid of them. But I don't know what yet.

I'm just flagging it. I'll see you in three years. I've just put a little note. If we could just table this and make sure we do and maybe put some funding in for other people to take witch education. Keep an eye on it. I'm going to go learn about witches. Yeah.

Yeah. And you come back and you're like, they're actually on that. Yeah. I learned about soundtracks. Yeah. I switched my electives halfway through. The witch subject was boring as fuck. There wasn't enough about witches.

So. So I learned about soundtracks. Why'd you even come back? Oh, he made a promise. Yeah, I said to table it. So I'm just letting you know you can untable it. Yeah. Okay.

Just so you guys know that maybe it's not a problem. Hey, I'll level with you, sir. That's on us. For keeping our lunatics witch strategy easily on hand for three years. Truly, we are an incompetent government. How much money is going to Joel Dush's future witch plan every year? They're like, we don't know if we should fix them or get rid of them. Both of those could be a multi-million dollar thing.

We'll make the tax payers. $15 million from each of the budgets. Yeah, so I reckon we'll set up a little shell company. Maybe like a little shed in a paddock somewhere. Oh, yeah. And we'll just funnel moneydock somewhere. We'll just funnel money to that. But you don't even get that. They reallocate it when you come out. They reallocate it to soundtracks. What's the worst thing that could happen

to you in a Yes Man situation? Murdered. How would that happen? Hey, can I murder you? You want to be stabbed? Yeah, right. I just think the worst thing is probably, yeah, it'll just... Change your career to something that you definitely do not want to do. There's no passion or joy there. You end up just, like, ruining multiple, like, your friendships.

Yeah. Ruining your relationship. Yeah. Somebody asks you to do heroin. If you're... Yeah. Oh, yeah, like, ruining your health. Heroin once would probably be fine.

Well, yeah, but I do heroin once, and someone's like, you want to do it again? Yeah. Fuck, yes. Well, that's not even... I've got to chase that dragon. The first time was awesome. The second time was slightly less awesome. Maybe the third time will be the...

This is just a dip. Apparently, you know what? It doesn't matter. Fair enough. It doesn't matter. Okay, fair enough. It does not matter. Yeah, I just, it really just depends on like. But it seems crazy to say that being yes man wouldn't affect your life.

It just, yeah. But it does feel like that. It feels like in my day to day, I'm not presented with that many opportunities, which is maybe a sad thing to realize. I think it would probably, you could probably, okay, if we just got yes-manned now, and somehow we weren't able to tell each other we were yes-manned,

and it was a curse so we couldn't break it, I think there is a chance that we probably tank the company. Oh, yeah. And that's probably the only bad thing that happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All good things. All good things happen. We're free now.

We're free. We're released. I can go finally work at the library of witches. You keep adding more. The library of witches. You know what our university, the library of witches and soundtracks? Right. Oh, yeah.

You know how witches need a soundtrack? Yeah. Okay, fair enough. When you see a witch, when you imagine a witch, you're not imagining a witch just standing there silently. I imagine bog sounds. Yeah. Yeah.

And she's standing at a cauldron, and I want to drink what's in that cauldron. You don't want to drink what's in that cauldron. It always looks awesome. Cauldron? It could be like some sparkly soup, dude. Yeah. It never looks good to me.

Sparkly and green? I've got a hair in my mouth. Yeah, that's awesome. I had a hair in my mouth earlier this episode you didn't announce it no I didn't I was just like oh

um yeah I think it would make a lot of the shows we do boring okay if we were yes men why

well we often disagree yeah yeah that's true we'd be really good at improv yes and

yes I feel like I'd get away with more yes I'd be really good at improv. Yes. And... Yes. I feel like I'd get away with more. Yes. I'd be like, one horse has... One man can love one horse. Yes. And you'd both throw a grid at team. Yes.

And I'd be like, yep. Yes. Because, like, it's... No man can love a way off. Correct. But it's... Yeah, because, again, conflict is the stuff of drama. Absolutely.

And that's the kind of stuff that you kind of need and it's sort of that where you want to have the you know when there's three people and then someone proposes an idea often it'll be like

well we'll see what the first person who responds to that what they do and then the other person either then gets to have this wonderful decision am I going to

encourage Jackson's bullshit or am I not going to encourage Jackson's bullshit like if I said I could live forever in the sewers. I could say yes. And why the fuck do you think that? That's true. And then I would say there's enough stuff down there.

I'm like, yeah, dude. You probably could live in the sewers. Not well. Yes. What kind of stuff do you mean? Food. Yeah. Yeah, you eat rats.

You're eating rats or you mean? Food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you eat rats. You eating rats or you eating shit? Yeah. Here it has come back to bite me. I would be eating rats and shit. Whoa. So you're eating rats covered in shit or you're eating shit out of rats? You're picking up a rat and sucking out his little rat shit. So you're picking up a human shit, cracking it open, eating out the rat that was living in the human shit.

I can't smoke. little rat shit so you're picking up a human shit cracking it open eating out the rat that was living in the human shit I guess that's yuck dude I'm gonna live in a house with your wife yes while you live in the sewers yes you are gonna do that yeah

and it's gonna be awesome yeah it is gonna be awesome but I have survived forever in the sewers yes you have cause I by sucking shit out of a rat and sucking rats out of human shit. Because whilst you have lived, is it really truly living?

Yes. Well, the good news is if you ever get sick of it, you can just light a cigarette and you'll explode. Yes. That is a way out. That will be nice. I'll help your wife mourn. Thanks, man. Yes, you will.

I already live with her, so that's... Everything's all good. Are you dating her? No, we're just housemates. That's even more insidious. We're housemates, you moved into the sewer. I'm glad someone's looking after her. Well, yeah, you moved into the sewer, dude. To suck shit out of rats.

To suck human shit out of humans. How are there so many rats out of human shit? I know, dude. It's your fantasy. Dude, yeah. Your fantasy. Whatever you whack off to at night or whatever.

This is how you live forever, dude. This is the rules that you set. It is my rules. The podcast would be the same. It would not change. Yeah. We could be yes-manned. And no one would know.

Let's see if we could be no-manned. I could live in a human sewer. No, you couldn't. What are you talking about? Yes, because I And no one would know. Let's see if we could be no man. I could live in a human sewer. No, you couldn't. What are you talking about? Yes, because I could just... No. I couldn't. Yeah.

Fuck. No, it would be fine. No, it wouldn't. No, what are you doing? He's eating human shit. Or rats. No, there's heaps of food down there. I'm getting the upper hand.

No. No, I said like what? Oh. Yeah, there's this. Stuff people have left. Oh, yeah. Sewer scraps? You really want to eat that?

You want to eat the scraps? No. Sewer scraps. It's rubbed off against human shit. What's wrong with you? Yeah, why would you ever want to eat that? You don't want to eat that. You want to eat a sandwich, right?

No. Okay. What the hell, man? You would rather eat the human fecal matter than a sandwich? What do you want to eat that. You want to eat a sandwich, right? No. Okay. What the hell, man? You would rather eat the human fecal matter than a sandwich? What do you want to eat? No, I want to eat food. Why are you living in a sewer? Why are you saying no to a sandwich?

Why are you living in a sandwich? Yeah, maybe seeing a no man's shop. Being a no man's a lot harder than being a yes man. Yeah. I guess that improv is right. Yes and. Yes and. You can't say no but.

I like the idea of doing improv now because the more I think about it the more I think about just yes anding people. Like yes anding with 100% enthusiasm and 0% commitment. That's good.

Yeah I guess we'd have less arguments because it would be no longer being like no you, you fucking moron. Yeah. Because of these reasons. You'd be like, oh, yeah, well, go on then. Yeah. Please tell us how it's happening.

Go on. Go on. Live forever. Tell us about cracking open a human shit and seeing half a rat in there and then sucking that shit out while using the shit. I would rather eat the rat out of the shit than the shit out of the rat. I think that's fair to say. I don't.

You're eating the shit. No, I would rather eat the rat. You've got to at least wash the rat. Ranted in sewer water, but I'm going to think washing the rat. You crack open this shit like a peanut. Yeah. There's a rat. A pristine rat.

A pristine. A rat that's probably baked in shit, basically. Yeah, but I can then cook it. The alternative is shit. Yeah, out of a rat's arsehole. You're right. You're right. You're right.

I'm with you. Eating a rat that has been encased in human shit is better than eating shit that's been shit out of a rat. Is it rat shit or human shit? I imagined it was. Wait, what? No, no, no. So you can either eat.

Well, because you're eating the rat out of human shit, so should you be eating the human shit out of a rat? No, you're eating rat. Well, a rat doesn't shit human shit. Well, I know, I know. Well, if a rat eats human shit, is a rat shitting human shit? If you eat shit, does your shit like special shit? You probably shit blood, I imagine

if you eat shit. I guess it's not good, is what happens. It's just funny sometimes to think about what happened in this podcast. When was it good? Surely we were talking about sucking shit out of a rat from the beginning. Right? Like at some point. Maybe we do need a no, but.

At some point, we were a pop culture podcast. At some point in our past, we were, you know, talking pop culture. Now we're talking about eating human shit. Yeah.

Well, that's okay. You wanted to live forever in a sewer. Yeah, this is your fault. Yeah, maybe you're right. Well, then, yeah, you brought up the shit. I could have just been eating scraps. What scraps in a sewer? Like fucking banana peels.

Like anything. A thing that's been washed down the drain from the street. Somebody drops a cheeseburger, they flush a whole cheeseburger. I get that. That's inhuman shit. It's mostly human shit, though. It's sewage, dude. Well, it's not awesomeburger I get that that's inhuman shit it's mostly human shit though it's sewage dude well it's not awesome I wouldn't say

live in a sewer you could've also sewers are really hot because of all the methane I'll go nude no but you're just somehow worse you're just

huffing in farts dude well yeah you're just sucking it you're just standing if you're in a sewer you're just standing there just fucking sucking in some farts

that's what it's yeah oh hey bringing it back to pop culture. This is why, yeah, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they never really tell you much about the smell. Stinky. Stinky turtles. Those turtles are going to be stinky. They come out heroes in a half shell.

Sorry, I've been breathing in farts for the last six hours. Donatello, don't tell me that. Donatello, just save me and go away, you stinky tortoise fuck. Yeah. Yeah, tortoise. Teenage. You call him a tortoise? That's a good insult.

You little tortoise. I'm a turtle. Shut up, tortoise. Get back in the suit. Yeah, you live with all these humans. When I do shits, they go into your house. I'm so mean to the Ninja Turtles. They just saved me from the foot clan.

I wish you'd let them kill me instead of saving me, you stinky motherfucker. Get the fuck out of my sight. You loathsome fucking maggots, okay? I'm going to eat beans later so that my shit's extra nasty. I hope I diarrhea onto your head. Go eat shit, you goddamn turtle. Fucking tortoises? Yeah.

Jesus Christ. You're going to go suck rat shit out of a rat for dinner later? That's all you can eat in sewers. We're trying to save you. Oh, big whoop. You make me sick. You are. I'd rather die than huffle.

Go away. Yeah. Let the Foot Clan end my life, you stinky turtle. At least the Foot Clan, they smell like feet. Fuck this city. This whole town is damn stinky. I'm going to flush myself down the toilet. What a way to go.

Well, on that note, I've been Joe. I've been Jackson. I finished all three of my drinks. I'm so angry. I'm so hydrated. I just guessed. And let us know. Could you angry. I'm so hydrated. I just guess. And let us know. Could you handle being a yes man?

It's pretty easy. You just say yes. Yeah. Or would you prefer to be one of the mythical no men? Yeah. Or if you go back to university, would you like to study, I don't know, soundtracks or witches? Or witches. Let us know.

The two subjects available to you at school. Yeah. Goodbye. So long. He's getting another fucking drink. I haven't even touched those other two. This motherfucker's going to be drinking three drinks. Are you kidding me? Who does he think he fucking is?

It's despicable behavior in the studio today. To have three drinks. He's not going to finish them all. Or if he is, he's going to piss his pants. Jesus. I do have a second drink. But this is old. This is from who knows how long ago.

Who does that one? That's been there for a week. Okay. None of us are perfect. Alright. Are you yours? I don't know whose that is. I'm guessing Adam's.

Three drinks. Three drinks! You think you're so special. I'm gonna be so hydrated. You're gonna piss your pants on this episode, dude. It's a race against time. You're gonna piss your pants On this episode dude It's a race against time You're gonna piss your fucking pants On the Yes Man episode

You're gonna piss your pants Dude People will remember The Yes Man episode For that reason The one where Dusha pissed his pants