Plumbing the Death Star - Cyclops Sucks, How Would You Redesign Him?

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

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Hey everybody and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asked the important questions like Cyclops sucks. How would you redesign him? Yeah. I reworded that question specifically for you, Joel. That's okay. That's okay. As a Cyclops guy, I know. I've been number one cyclops hater since day dot. Yeah. Came out the pussy hating.

I was going to say, it's weird because there is this thing of, I think a lot of cyclops hate happens because of the movies. Yeah, because I hate James Marsden. Fair enough. Like, I mean, like, he hasn't... He's not done anything, but I get it, dude. Honestly, that did throw me, like, with the reason of

why, I'm like, okay, we're going down the James Mars and hate. No, there's some about him. I hate just looking at him. Yeah. Like, so, yeah, James Marsden a little aside, he's a very handsome man. He, in theory, could be and should be on paper, on paper, like a leading man. However,

we look at James Marsden. And we're like, I want to fuck his wife. Yeah. Why? Why is he the poster boy for getting, like, watching his wife getting railed? He is. I mean, he's not into it. In none of the movies is he happy.

He's not a cock. He's just a man who... He's a man getting cheated on. No, it's a man who's... But we like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what it is.

Hang on. If you're watching cuck pornography, I'm guessing there might be several different versions, but do you want... How many minutes in? Not one. Go on. Cuck pornography. We are watching Cuck pornography. I'm assuming there must be different versions of it,

but do you want your cuck to be happy, or do you want your cuck to be unhappy? Oh, I think you've got to thread the needle. You want to be like, this sucks, but I'm a little excited by it. The crazy thing is that I think Joel Zammett has hit the nail on the head, and there's like three types that I'm aware of. I don't. With our extensive research,

we don't that day academically. From my perusing of certain websites when I wish to beat off my little penis. The three that I, and look, cockporn, not,

hey, not my forte. No, but it is ubiquitous. I get it. You cannot look at pornography without, it's kind of like. You see what's going on

because like you load the front page. What's happening? Oh, okay, awesome. And I feel it's like that, like weirdly an evolution of like, say,

you know, back in, I forget what error it was. Yeah. There was a lot of like, you know, step sister, stepbrother, kind of like that. Then they kind of also then went to like, you know, stepmom.

So it was like incestaging going on, which I kind of I want to blame Game of Thrones. Yeah, I want to blame that too. Because I think it was around that same time. Then we have a lot of weirdly that hit the mainstream, I guess, were, or the front page. Stuck pornography. Yeah.

People keep being stuck in things. People keep getting stuck in things. People keep getting stuck and then made love to. Yeah. I don't know. Why is that? It's awesome because the plot's always like, oh, maybe you're short. Oh, oh.

Oh, no. I have never fucked up the laundry that bad. Oh, what's that? Oh, I'm sorry, it's just, uh, oh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah. Imagine it's like... Here's another thing. Stock porn is more like...

That's almost like a live action adaptation of like... Because, like, anime and stuff like that always has fucking stupid, goofy sexual interactions. I agree. I feel like stuck porn is almost like... Is it like an adaptation? An adaptation. It's a western. Adaptation.

Yeah, yeah. And then I feel, I feel, I feel, what's happened is now you're getting more like, yeah, cuck. Yeah. Kind of, that was the one that came after that. Her algorithm's a little different to mine, because I'm not getting heaps of cock stuff. I'm just, again, in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you search for on the main page, it'll come up like, oh, this, this. Yeah, I think for me, I don't think any of it's really, I'm still seeing, less stuck.

Yeah, stuck was a time of place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't really see much stuck stuff anymore. Here's the thing with step stuff. I think that what has happened is the general consensus is like because like naughty school girl and whatever, that's fallen out of favor

because everyone's been like, hmm. That's a bit icky. Yeah, good. Don't know if that's exist. Yeah, yeah. It's like, but it's always, it's obviously like college students so over 18.

But yeah, like, but I feel like that step stuff you can establish it's like, especially like step mom, it's like no blood relation. Yeah. Well and truly over 18. Yeah. But also the last.

like, whoa, we shouldn't be doing this. I wonder if you get like, you know, your step siblings kind of stuff. Kind of like fucking in public. Yeah, yeah. Your step sibling stuff of like, you know, that hits the mainstream. Then it goes into like step mom. And then you're like, well, if it's step mom, clearly, you know, you're cocking your dad. Yeah, oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, yeah. And then there's that leap to, I do what? I don't see much stepdad pornography. Is there any academics out there that are like, you know, looking at and studying the trends. That would be the best job in the world. Yeah, there is, dude. Damn, I want to read those. Every porn hub, every single year.

They release the stats. But I want to know, is there anyone being like, why? Like a sociologist who's like, what's going on? Why is this? Humanity. But then also, porn websites operate, like, YouTube. Like, whatever's on the front page. Although the front page is curated.

You click on a video, your front page is changing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, as in kind of like an Instagram real situation. Yeah, yeah, where it goes, oh, you looked at this briefly. You click your first. You let it preview. Guys, this is weird how all you're like on your front page are born hump is just like, you know, Dobby, the househouse, getting railed by a guy that kind of looks like me?

No. That's not, that's not. I'm not seeing this. I'll watch all of them just in case. Because like, they're real good. Yeah, okay. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know.

It's great that everyone's what. I assume everyone's watching. Yeah. No, I'm watching those videos where a woman says I have a really little dick. But she says it's so small she can't find it. Then she gets really panicked. That's what I mean. Scared.

She gets really scared. Often she calls the police. The video ends with the police opening fire. I'm like, yeah, jerk off instructions, but you have a little deal. Yeah, yeah. A little bit puzzled. And they're, yeah, they're getting real sweaty because they don't know what to do. Yeah, they don't have any instructions to this one.

Yeah. So I guess, I guess you just spread your legs wider. I don't know. I can't just finger your arseal. Yeah. You don't have a, you got a tiny asshole as well. You can't find the arsehole. Okay.

I like Jokov instructions, but it's a woman that's clearly never seen human genitals before and alive. And she goes, what the fuck? Spin it? I can't just grab a handful and shake it around. Some of my little twists. Yeah, I don't know. Is that good? You ever made dough?

You know where they do the, or made a fire, do this with the penis? Is that good? Can you like slap it on something hard? I can. If you do a fart, does that feel good? Yes. I talk to my porn. I assume that's not talking about it.

It does. Yeah, it feels good. Not really sexual, it's just satisfying. And every time because, obviously, she's not talking back, and she will interrupt me. I go, oh. Sorry. Sorry. Yes, it does feel good when I fought.

Take your tiny. Oh, I'm sorry. You go on. Carry on, ma'am. Yeah. A little note pad taking notes. Fully clothed, not Iraq. Yeah.

I don't understand what pornography is for at all. Yeah. Learning. You guys seen these websites that are full of naked people? Yeah. What is, and what is that? Who's that, who's that for? Who's that for?

It's like, I don't, a lot of views on these videos. I guess it makes sense because you remember trying a website full of apples or houses. Everyone loves, like real estate.com or whatever. People watching that, yeah? Yeah. I went on Apple.com, though, no sure. Yeah, I don't understand. The internet's kind of me.

What the hell, dude? The internet should be, if you can think of a thing, you can find a website that has lots of examples of that thing. I should be able to, like, bring up. com, just look at bricks. I mean, the closest, once again, with bricks, I just get houses. Yeah, exactly. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm going to go www. bananas.com.

And have a list of the bananas and information about it. It's nice because you get the view count on this. But like, every time I look at houses, it's just a real big price. Yeah, I don't know what that's. I don't understand. It's real eye. Do I open that money for looking at the house? I hope not because it wasn't satisfied.

I don't know. A million dollars. Just look at a house. Seems expensive. Best not. I got best look at these naked folks. Yeah. And I noticed on the naked videos,

people can comment and say stuff, but on bananas.com. No such lot. No one's comment on banana. I haven't been able to bring this up with anyone for obvious reasons, so why don't broadcast it to thousands of people? Crazy that Pornhub tries to log you into a Google account now.

That is crazy. The moment that Popov came, I was like, Pornhub, this is ridiculous. No way, dude. Why do they have a share function? Well, the share function, I think, is, Gone. Yeah, well, maybe if you're, if you are, like, friends with like-minded, like, is there a

friendship group out there that has the relationship? Well, I think here's the, ugh. Like, if I, because I know, like, my assumption is that everybody's pornography tastes in this room are different. So if I found a video that appealed to me, and if I shared it with you, that's not like me being like, hey, you fellas might enjoy as well, I'm revealing a whole thing about myself. Well, I think also, because we grew up in that weird tail end where you'd have to download a lot of the pornography.

So you'd have those like land parties or whatever. Yeah, and you would share porn. You'd be sharing and you'd be getting a bunch of just everyone so much. It's like variety. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't remember if this came up on a podcast or in our private lives, but I'm bringing it up in a podcast now anyway because it doesn't involve me. Yes.

Out of everyone in the room, Jackson was the only one who went to parties where they all jacked off together. Yeah, that's true. So like that's the new, that's share function. That is share function. That's true. Jacking off of your friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's sad because it's less the intimacy.

You know? I was wondering if... The younger generation. Yeah. Because, again, maybe they have access to this a very early, and easier than... Oh, the younger generation have holes in their brain. Right.

Completely not. They see pornography before they've even... I don't even know. Walk. Learned to walk. Yeah. Yeah. Well, is that also maybe why?

Like, a lot of the... I think when it comes to a lot of media, they're talking about, like, Gen Z want less basically nudity on screen. They just want more like the conversations and intimacy, but not necessarily fucking. Yeah, yeah, interesting.

We know what that is. I see fucking. We see that. I go on Instagram and I'll see fucking. Here's two things. One that I think will make you a little bit happier. Yeah. So because porn's so readily available and kids aren't stupid and putting up any kind of roadblock doesn't stop them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you get a lot of like teen porn being like high up

because it's teens watching it. I mean, look, there is also obviously creepy old man out there. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But, like, the barely legal stuff is a lot of people being like... I am, say, 14. Yeah, I'm 14 and I don't want to watch someone who's 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So there's a little...

I mean, it's bad because 14-year-olds probably shouldn't be watching pornography. That is true. But... Didn't fuck up anyone. It is true, did it? No. Pornography directly led to us... How many minutes is it?

We haven't even... We haven't even gone full circle to answer. the question that started this discussion. But I still got the answer in my head. Oh, that's important. Anyway. Yeah, so there's that. But then, fuck, what was the other point I was gonna make?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Who can distract on this cockporn? I was talking, okay, so there was like, there's two things with porn. One's gonna make time and that, yeah. Oh, right, yeah, I remember the other one. Apparently, like, millennials were like, God, like, where the fuck is the sex?

Yeah. Gen X were a little more prudish, but then generation before were like, free love, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finger your friend's assholes or whatever. Oh, that's what would suck. Summer, yeah. I do wonder if, like, because it's weird to me that we, you know, the parents of, say,

I mean, the parents of Gen Z, that's millennials or late millennials? Yeah, I would say so. Or is it more? Yeah, because I'm like, you grew up with computers. Surely you should understand how to, like, stop. But I guess they didn't grow up with wretched Internet. Yeah, and they didn't grow up necessarily. Well, we grew up with Wretched Internet.

Yeah. Yeah. Different wretched Internet. Rretched Internet was someone with. go, hey, check out Gozi, and it would wreck your entire day at school. Oh, yeah. You'd be sitting in math three hours later being like,

yeah. Oh, fuck. Hey, hey, got you. Did you go on LiveLeak today? Oh, they killed the Saddam scene on there. Oh, okay. Okay, I've got geography. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Want to go to rotten.com, steak and cheese? Yeah. I do like a sandwich. Oh. Oh. That'd pick you up, nigger. Why are you so quiet?

I don't know. I can never tell you. Yeah. Do you think that guy's okay? No. I remember that like, you know, when the internet was around, my mum's kind of like having a chat about what could be out there. Yeah, I remember the same thing.

But the thing is, for her, wonderful, beautiful, innocent mind was the worst thing that could, like, be like I could be doing. You could speak to a strange man. No. I would be watching lesbian pornography. And I'm like, oh. Oh. Well, yeah, that's the thing.

Like, I mean, I feel like... Catholic, man. That's a thing. It's scared him. Internet safety was like... Internet safety was like, don't go on the internet because you might meet an old man who will try and scam you.

No, within five minutes, I've seen 10 people die. Yeah, no, I remember the same thing. My mom was like, I don't want you on the internet. And I was like, why? And she's like, what if you go on a chat room? You might chat to an old man. You would be fucking blessed if I would have to chat room. Yeah.

Some friends could save my life right now. But because she was like, don't go to chat room. I did. Yeah. And it was boring as fun. I was waiting for an old man to groom me and take me away. You know, I'm 13. Just like...

Really prime groomer. Hang it out of here, but what is hell, you know? Real, come on. Very susceptible. Yeah, nothing, dude. Which is people being like, oh, where are you from? Like, you know, what are we doing here? I guess we were exactly the right age for chat roulette, I guess.

Yeah, chat roulette was good. Yeah. I do miss the chat roulette times. Going to a party with a bunch of friends and just watch an old men's dick. Yeah. I think I was a little bit too late for a chat roulette. When that hit me, it was like, well, that would came out. I was like, ew, why?

Yeah, yeah. For us. But then again, if I was like a teenager and then like, because again, because I'm assuming, let me, I'm just, let me correct the number. You could see boobs and ass on there. I'm just wondering like, yeah, was there a chance of seeing her titty? Yeah. Then you are going to a bit, right?

You're talking to, you were talking to strangers, but also like you're a teenager using it. So there is also, you will just match with other teenagers. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. For some reason, most of the chat roulette parties I went to, in high school I was friends with, like, a lot of girls. And it would be if I went to a party that was mostly girls, for some reason, they're like, let's get it out and yell at the men with their dicks out. That was kind of what they did.

So it was a lot of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is good. But you were just being like, that's an old man's penis. But that's an old man's penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's crazy because at the time, old man's penis, they were probably like 32. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But that's, I mean, like, hey, meat spin was the same thing, you know, lemon party.

Yeah. Yeah. See, an old man fuck was part of growing up. Yeah. In a way. Anyway, so I think that there's three types of cockpaw. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think that there's ones where it's like, I don't know, the husband or boyfriend or whatever is tied up in a chair kind of vibe.

And he's like, upset. Very reluctant. Oh, no. You never let me do that. Oh, I'm coming. And they're like her just talking about how much better this is or whatever. Yeah. there's other versions where it's basically like,

uh, like almost a threesome. Yeah, but they're just like, the husband's just like jacking off. Like, yeah, yeah,

sometimes I feel like that I've seen versions of that. Again, not usually my go-to. Yeah, yeah. Not my style, not my speed, sure,

brother, sure. Um, yeah, where it's like, they're the, it's like a point of view thing. Yeah.

I don't know. Like the camera person. So they're like, they might get like sucked off for a tiny bit while it's happening. So it's like, it dabbles with threesomes. but they're mostly just there to be like, yeah.

Yeah, right, or my wife. Fuck my wife. I think there's also... And then there's the third version, which is from like the bull perspective. Yeah, yeah. Which I think is rarer. Okay.

But then also I think there's a... And I don't know if this is another version of cockporn or if this is just like a variant where it's not so much... Well, MCU reference? Yeah, variants. Nice, nice. Nice.

Yeah. Right. Bring it back. Deadpool. Deadpool. Get Bull. Get Bull. Bring it back.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, I love Deadpool. This is what Deadpool thinks, like, wants to be able to talk about. Deadpool could never. Deadpool could never. Ryan Reynolds, oh, I'm brave because I say, ooh, Wolverine should suck me off or whatever. Yeah, exactly.

This is the real getting sucked off by Wolverine. No, I think there's another version where it's like you're secretly giving in to, like, you have to suck off the bull. And it's more about the bull and the cuck fucking. Okay, but using the wife as the intermediary. There's a conduit to be like, oh, isn't this bad? I have to suck the bull off or whatever. Yeah, in front of my wife.

You know, it's like that classic. Isn't that just cockporn? Bit of humiliation. Yeah, but it's like a genre of like, of like, of like, it's not gay porn. You know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, this straight guy's never had sex with a man before. Oh, yeah, like how like MMF. Yeah, yeah.

Porn. Mother, motherfucker. The other motherfucker. Yeah, like two guys, one girl, three. Yeah, most of the time the guys won't interact. Yeah. Then there's other, well, sorry. Yeah.

There's one version where the guys are just, like, they're both just fucking. They don't interact except that penis is touching the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're coming to each other's balls. The penis is kissed. Whoa. She doesn't get a drop, dude. She's so bad for us.

She's so cut. She's there being like, guys, what the heck? Wait a second. Wait the cup go. Let the guf go. And the two guys look at the camera. You guys look at the camera? I'll never tell. But my nuts sure

quenched. My nuts were thirsty. You have to drink through my penis. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know how it works, dude. But yeah, then there's also obviously like... Like, yeah, male, male, female ones.

Like the two guys are also... Everyone's just fucking and sucking. Yeah, yeah. It's more of a free-for-all. It's a rich tapestry. There's a lot of pornography out there. So I do wonder why, yeah, James Marston, I guess we look at him and be like,

ah, we want him as the sort of the first option which is kind of like the like, oh, don't do that. Y'all, I'll tell you my theory on this. I have a theory too, so I'm interested to hear your theory.

My theory is that in the 90s and the 80s, we had heaps of James Marsden's because if you look at any romantic comedy, the situation was, like, sleepless in Seattle, uh,

uh, what's the fucking, it's another Tom Hanks one. But anyway, it's like... Big long list of it. Super long. It's like the classic thing of,

oh, okay. She's, she's, uh, you know, in love with this guy and he's rich and he's nice or whatever. And he's handsome. But there's this other guy.

And then in the end, that first guy gets cocked. And we used to have more, but those guys died out. And James Mazen is like a throwback to that kind of act. So you're saying it's kind of like, you know, we had the regular schlub looking guy. Yeah. And they were always kind of like if you use a lie-a-law. I know it was in the 90s. Yeah.

It was more of the, was it 90-2000s? Either way. Yeah, yeah. Laya-a-Lyer. Where it's kind of like you have, you know, Jim Carrey versus Kerry Yules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, if you look at them, well, Kerry Yules is more classic. Exactly.

He's a handsome man. Jim Carrey. But we are rooting for Jim Carrey. Jingle all the ways the opposite. Arnie versus Phil Hartman, who wants to fuck his wife. Yeah, but his wife never wants to fuck him. He's just really... Well, Kerry Yoles also does that thing in true lies.

Well, he's like a little weasel guy that wants to fuck Arnie's life. We used to have hundreds. You not fuck my wife. There's a lot of weasel guys out that want to fuck Arnie's wife. But we don't breed. that kind of guy anymore, dude. I just want to make a punch as a a drain deer in the head. It's one of the best movies ever made.

Punches it in the head and then drinks whiskey with it. Yeah, dude. It's really good. Sinbad in Jingle all the way. Yeah. Fakes a mail bomb. Yeah. As cops. It doesn't wait.

Fakes a mail bomb. And then later in the movie tries to do it again. But this time, it turns out it's a real mail bomb. And he mail bombs the cops. Yeah. And blows up his hands. Yes. And then he's really upset because he's like,

we used to be in a fucking country. They're trying to blow up me, a postal worker? Yeah, dude. It's a Christmas movie. Jingle all the way's fucked up, and it's awesome. Isn't it weird? Where does this come from? It probably comes from some tragedy,

but that idea that, like, postal workers are seconds away from going insane. Oh, going postal. Yeah, going, yeah. I'm guessing someone did it at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that it became just like the stereotype of post-man. It's like, tragedy happened. what heena generally did.

Or is it like when they do those things where it's like, oh, you know, these are the most unhappy job professions. True. It was like at the very bottom. One of them is dentists. Yeah. No, no, no.

Because dentists at least, so like postal workers are making everyone else's problem. Denses are just notorious for just killing themselves. Yeah. Why? Vets as well.

Well, vets, I guess. You gotta keep putting down teeth. Yeah. Your job is basically... To a dentist, the tooth is like a dog. Yeah, man. Well, yeah, because I guess with a doctor, there is, like,

you do deliver good news. Yeah. But for a... I feel like vets, we do this weird thing where if the dog's going to be fine, we're just like, cool. Yeah, yeah. I think maybe also for a vet, yes, there are dogs that are like, you know, look, this, or like, any other animal you got to put it down because something happened to it. But there's also that thing of like, well, it's going to cost this much money to fix. Yeah, very true. Um, what do you want to do? It's like, oh, that's very expensive. How much is to put him down though? Yeah, yeah. I guess that's cheaper. I guess that is cheaper. I guess that would, you know, yeah, we'll leave it

It doesn't explain dentists, though. Yeah, I don't understand dentists. Is it because of like... Mounds are gross, yes? And they're like... E. Yeah. Another mouth.

That's it. Why? I'm taking myself out. Why? Yeah. So I found the origin of going postal, and you were right. Yeah, okay. Between 1970 and 1997, more than 40 people were killed by then current or former employees

and at least 20 incidents of workplace rage from UPS workers. What the fuck? It's just, I guess, a breeding ground for, uh, job unsatisfaction and rage. That's so weird to me because you would imagine that as a profession nowadays, it would be more like... Well, I know in the... Like, again, we talk, I guess it's like the American. Yeah.

I understand, from my understanding, like a lot of what they're trying to do with the UPS, at least currently, is, you know, defunded as much as possible, so that makes it kind of crappy so that then say like Amazon or a private company come in and kind of, you know, buy it all up. Going Amazon. Going on. Going on. They keep really fucking with the UPS. I remember like ages back being like

this is how you could honestly do like, you know, it's like, hey, this is how you use the UPS as a government service. Yeah, yeah. It's like blah, blah, blah, blah. But then you have certain factions who are like smaller governments, i.e., and yet more interference. So they keep just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

cutting off at the knee. So I don't know what was happening in the 70s or the 80s, but I assume. Because that seems like it would be more likely to make me go crazy and kill a bunch of people. Well, I assume. Yeah. I gave you those numbers or I said 40

from 1970 to 19. But then I scrolled down and the first use of the phrase was the 17th of December 1993. And they say in that point 35 people since 1983. So 1983 to 1983, 35 of those 40 people were killed. So that's way more well condensed. Well, I was thinking it's to do with like, you know, like when Reagan came in and he was doing a bunch of... Could be, could be. It's also...

Did he got the UPS or try to? I can. Also, it's got going postal. Going postal specifically refers to, like, shooting up your workplace. Oh, okay. So, like, postal workers weren't, like, being like, knock, knock, got a pass. Package. The packages by gun, yeah.

That will be, like, going into a... I have to kill me all the postman. Yeah. Postman on postman violence. That's sad. Also, the James Marsden theory I have is that leading men in Hollywood around the time with all this is happening. Yeah.

We're obviously very handsome, and James Marsden's handsome. But he's not interesting enough. Yeah. So he's just like an easy character. It's believable to cost him in a role where a weird looking guy comes in and steals the girl because he's boring. He's not

yeah, he's not interesting handsome. He's just classic. He's classically handsome. He's classically handsome. Compared to like, I think... A dime it doesn't. Yeah. Visually, a good comparison is probably Hugh Grant. Yeah, okay. But Hugh Grant has heaps of charisma and fucking... Oh, no,

no, no. I mean, yeah, visually. But like, Hugh Grant has, yeah, Hugh Grant has all. that charisma, James Marsden has none. Yeah, that's what I mean. But also, like, yeah, yeah, I just mean, like, as in, like, visually, like, visually their aesthetic. Because Hugh Grant is also the kind of guy in fucking Bridger Jones' diary.

It happens to it. Yeah. Yeah. With Colin Firth. Yeah. And then Hugh Grant goes on, you know, American talk show, and he's like, yeah, I fuck sex workers. And they're like, that's awesome.

Yeah. And everyone's like, that's really sad. I was like, no, it's not. I really like, Hugh Grant. And then when they hacked phones, he was like, you're all pieces of shit. What's wrong with this country? Yeah, dude. He's a lunatic, but in a good way.

Yeah. I would say it's more, when you look at visually, I think James Marsden's more like maybe a young Colin Firth. Yeah. In that regard. Because, again, he's a bit more broader, I think. But Colin Firth is the one who cucks. Yeah. Well, I know.

But then it's like, well, Colin Firth, though, again, he's a lot more charismatic. Yeah, yeah. He's got, like, a bit more of a presence. Whereas, yeah, I guess James Marston's a bit of, he's handsome, sure, but that kind of. it? Yeah, like if I try and think of like standout James Muzden rolls. He's just kind of where I'm like, well, he's done something really, which is really funny because like for some reason the one I keep thinking of is him in Westworld. Yeah, same. Where in season two, he gets like effectively lobotomized and turned into like a murder machine. And he nails that, but that's because

he's not doing anything. Apparently it was very, very good in that one where he's like himself, but in a juror situation. And it's like a, oh yeah, people really love that show. Yeah, yeah. But he can And yeah. Like, and even, even in, was it, in hairspray? Yeah. Where he's, he's again, like, who is he in hairspray? He's just, he's one of the hosts. Wow, there you go.

There you go, dude. Of the, of the, of the, uh, the, the, like, TV show, TV show, yeah. He's the one that, like, he's the one that, you know, gives people opportunities and that kind of stuff. But it's like, I do not remember him. Well, but he's kind of perfect for that role because he's just like, he's like a charismatic piece of car. I mean, you know, handsome piece of cardboard. Yeah. Damn, dude.

Poor James, well, was he good as, and it feels like, like sacrilegious to bring it back to the topic at hand. Yes. But was he good as Cyclops? Not really. I mean, I hate Cyclops as a character. I don't really remember the X-Man movies.

So he was basically just, all he kind of was was a bit arrogant and a bit shitty. Didn't show any kind of the things that, like, you know, you make, that makes the Cyclops and the comics, like, a person you're like, hell yeah, I love that guy. He's great. If you look at the X-Men anime series 97, like, the X-Men anime series 97, like, they really kind of put Cyclops front and center. Yeah. And, like, Cyclops, you know, he's got his foibles.

He's a very complex character. And there's, like, really cool things you can play with. And you can kind of, like, you know, go, wait, why did you do this? Why did you do this? Why did you do this? Uh, and it's really that kind of, like, there's a lot there to go with. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, the movie just kind of, like, eh, kind of just made him as a tiny little obstacle for Wolverine.

Yeah. And they made him a little bit more possessive than he is in, in the comic. He came across. more like he he in those X-Men movies feels like he's acting in like a young adult film yeah like he's very like oh oh drama

man ma ma ma ma'am yeah fuck my red life yeah dude yeah everything's so red and it sucks yeah dude I wish I could see what the different colors are like but instead I live a red fucking red dude hell fuck my red life

okay yeah so in the first one he's very much doesn't really play a huge part of it. He's just there as an obstacle. We'll reign. The second one, he gets captured pretty quickly along with Professor X. And so, again, doesn't only play a nothing role. And the third one, he disappears. He gets killed. Right off the bat. So he can go be in Superman's.

Yeah, right. But he gets caught. I believe so. Isn't he Loisleyn's husband? Sure is. He's also. Raising Superman's baby. Here's another role people often forget that he's in. So, you know, the notebook, how it's obviously famously.

Ryan Gosling. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Rachel McAdams. For God he was there. Yeah, me too. Richard McAdams isn't with Ryan Gosling for most of the film

because she's dating. That's crazy. James Marsden in my head, I'm like, yeah, Ryan Gosling, he climb up a Ferris wheel. Yeah. So yeah, she's there to have a, you know, to have a chat with her

and she's next to. Not James Mars at that point. But anytime I imagine her with clearly the man who's not Ryan Gosling, it's just static. Yeah. So at that point, when Ryan Gosling climbs on the Ferris wheel,

that's her and her friend. Oh, okay. So it was good. That's it to have... You would have been misremembering even worse. So that's like it's towards the start of the movie. And that's like then they go on their first day. Then they part ways and then reconcile again.

And in that middle period, it's the James Marston. He builds her a boat or a ramp or a house. That I can't remember. I remember kind of liking the notebook when I watched it. I think I had a good time. It's like the internet... Yeah, I know. It became a punchline.

But like, I think it was nice. It's just like a really... Like it is a very melodramatic romance film, but if you just like roll with it, it's like a classic three and a half out of five movie. Yeah, great. With some really good performances. So if you were to drop a four on it, depending on it. Hey, that's fine.

It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. We've got a sad ending. I remember the ending. No, dude. There's two sad moments in it. Yeah.

So, yeah. So, Marsden, yeah, I don't think he did a really good performance as it were. I mean, he was just basically just a guy who was there who was vaguely handsome. Yeah. And didn't really add much. was red. Yeah, fuck his red life. But then his girlfriend was red.

What do you mean? Gene Gray, when she becomes dark green. She's got red hair. Well, she just generally has red hair. Yeah. He does like redheads, but then he also likes Emma Frost, who is blonde, but the him, but to all all heads are red to top sideclops. But unless maybe, is the red tinge not enough to see through brunette hair and it still comes across like dark up.

So if someone's brunette or like, you know, got, you know, like a more of raveness kind of a hair color, he's just like, oh, that's not red. Yeah. But a red head and a blonde. little bit redheads. They're both redheads to Cyclubs. And that's what he loves. That's very interesting. Yeah. Because it could read his red minds. Also, it has an affair with Betsy. Interesting. Anyway. Who's Betsy Braddock?

Is she a redhead? No. She's Siloak. But when she's in the possession of, um, Hey, this is your domain. I know. That's why I got so see it. You did this. It's good. It's my favorite game. Throw out of character. I'm like, I've heard of them. Who's that? Oh, they're going to Braddock is... Who's Betsy the Cow? Betsy the Cow? Isn't that bad cow?

Yeah. I think that's Batman's cow. Betsy Braddock, she's a British superhero. She's a mutant. She's brother of Brian Braddock, who was Captain Britain, although Betsy has become kind of Captain Britain more recently. Yeah. Anyway, back in the 90s, it was her and Revenge or Quannon, they switched bodies. And so she was like, she was British and now she Asian.

And then I think Revenge dies. in Betsy Braddock's original body from the legacy virus. And so then she's just, you know, chilling out as like an Asian soul, a ninja with like not wearing much. Legs up to here. Revenge is a cool name.

Betsy the cast from Charlotte's Web. Oh, okay. Anyway, because of the cook I with the back end. This would be my thinking for redesigning Cyclops. I think I'm going to take the absolute Batman approach. Yes. More and huge.

Huge and poor. dude. And then the visor, I guess, is really wide and takes up his whole face. Like a mosque? Yeah, maybe I give him like, if you seen how absolute catwoman looks in the absolute Batman guy? I will say that the only thing I've ever heard people talk about with absolute catwoman is her huge cans. So, I wasn't even thinking about that. Well, no, but that's like, I haven't even seen a photo. That's all I'm an ally. No, you just hate tits. Yeah. No, yeah, I was I was going to say that. What does she look like?

She's got a big, sort of like a fish bowl or a head with like little cat ears. Yeah. Like mysterious, but with catias? Pretty much. Time to Google. I've seen the picture, but that is also throwing me off.

So there isn't like, again, I love that we are so like, what, almost like half an hour into it. Yeah, yeah. Because recently, the Marvel Comics is like, we really got to push Cyclops to be as popular as Wolverine and the Giving Cyclops are kind of a solo series. Okay. Which I think is a mistake.

Yeah. I agree. But then again, they're like, no, we want to push Cyclops to the forefront and we want to make him as very popular Wolverine, which is I'm like, look, good luck. Yeah. I don't think it's going to. I think Wolverine is a, like, you know, he's the guy who's like, yeah, 32 year old on like chat roulette showing teens his winky. Yeah. And I'm like, he shouldn't be doing that.

Yeah. Well, it also was just like how many years fucking, when I was a teenager, people were like, Wolverine's the fucking guy. Well, this is a weird thing, because you think about back before the MCU, the big three, yeah, was Wolverine, Spidey, and Hulk. Yeah. Those are your big three in terms of the most popular MC, like, like Marvel characters. Yeah, because of the MCU, you also now have Iron Man and Captain American techniques. And I think Hulk is definitely fallen down the fucking bottom, dude. You say Hulk, they go, huh?

Whom? And I think, yeah, you have. I know Thanos. You'd have Iron Man, Captain America, and probably Wolverine still. Yeah. Like, I want to say maybe Thor, but I don't think so. Wolverine is like, I feel like if it wasn't for Deadpool of Wolverine, we would be having this conversation, I'd be like, no, Wolverine fell off, but I reckon that saved him. Yeah, I think there was a chance that he was fading, everybody had kind of accepted.

Yeah, because I was going to say, Spider-Man is you're still going to be in there. Yeah, and then you have, yeah, Captain America and Iron Man, and then like, well, one of them needs to get bumped for Wolfie. Don't know who you would. Yeah, I guess it depends on when. Probably now, I guess Wolverine would. But it's also like, yeah, I don't know. It's a tricky question. Yeah, because part of it is like who sticks in people's minds. So, yeah, I guess, yeah. So you're looking at redesigning Cyclops and making him like a big kind of almost

Bain-esque character. Yeah. And poor. Huge and poor. With a dome head. I don't know if I'm stupid for missing this out, but just speaking of the absolute universe, you know, the whole thing was that they're just taking one thing away from... Yeah, it's because Darkside made it.

Yeah. Because in the DCU, a little DCU corner, the way that world works, you know, people say the arc of history tends toward, I forget the end of the quote, but in the DCU, the arc of history tends toward justice, because it's justice, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the good guys are always in their favor. But the dark side, he gets fucking reality controlling powers and he, and maybe it's not even the main, well, it's not as absolute, as a fuck you. The arc of history bends towards justice,

I think is the quote. Oh, well, hey, there you go. In, he's made... I don't know if that's true, by the way, quotes. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the arc of history

tends to, What a horrific tragedy. I think we live in this... We live in a fuck-ass world that's rotten to its core and it's only getting worse. 100%. No, but so Darkside

has made a world where instead of tending towards justice, it tends towards doom. Yeah. So that's why it's a world where and there's a in, I think it's called absolute basically the Justice League in this universe are the bad guys. And possibly

Lex Luthor or maybe the Joker is like, hey, I've, we've, done science and we found out this universe is in our favor. So, Joker, yeah. Joker, he's like, we found the evil particle. And that's a fundamental building block of our world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's even harder for all of the absolute characters because the world is rotten.

So it bends towards the evil. Yeah, and but then like, like, when they're doing the origins, it means that those heroes have started on the back foot. So Batman doesn't have any money. Yeah. But his mom is still alive? Yeah. His parents...

I think his parents are both still... Oh no, his mom's still alive. Yeah, yeah. And he's friends with all of his villains. Yeah. And Ben keeps turning them into monster, man. Yeah. I think Bain's injected him with the venom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not good. Not good for old... Poison ivy's just trees, I'm pretty sure. And Superman... I don't know what Superman. I know Wonder Woman is raised in hell. Yeah, she loses the Amazonians.

Yeah, and Superman is young and has a cape that talks to him. Or maybe a computer that talks to him. He just has a cape also. De Crypto. I have not. not really red. Oh, you know what? Is he not raised by the Kent's.

Yeah, maybe. Like, I don't think he's got Smallville. Yeah, okay. I think he's just here. He's a lot younger. Yeah, but I don't, I'm pretty sure absolute Superman, it can come from me in the comments.

I'm pretty sure his thing is he's not from, like he doesn't have, he doesn't have all of that. He doesn't have all of that. The Kent's, like... The Kent's didn't find him in a field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe they died, I don't know. They picked him up and the baby was too hot

and they caught fire in the eye. Like, no, thank you. And now he's being like talked to by a computer. Yeah. Okay, cool. Green Lantern town has a big green lantern. I think the rest of them, people, other than absolute Martian Man, lots of people are like, eh. There's some stupid thing with the Flash or something.

Flash doesn't have speed for it. I think he got like Zap because he keeps going like, oh, like a little scientist's like, what's this? And it's like, oh, it's the Omega beams from the dark side and maybe the green. Like whoever's, what's the Yellow Land? The orange lanterns. Sinestra? Are the orange ones?

Oh, Loughleys? Yeah. I love Loughleys. Something to do with that. Loughleys is probably one of my top three characters in DC Comics. He's the envy lantern or something? The Greed Lantern. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's just got all the green, all of the orange lantern to his. That's funny as fun. I feel like, it looks cool, very interesting. I've read a couple things here and there, but I almost want that to be, like, done for a bit. I want to get, like, you know, the big trades or, like, all in one kind of. I'm like, it seems that it's all going towards something. Yeah, I was really excited because everything was just announced as a six-issue run at first.

And I was like, awesome. I can read these five or six stories. Then Batman was like issue seven. And I was like, fuck. I think it's absolutely going to have this thing where it becomes extremely, because absolute Batman is very popular. Yeah. That it probably becomes too popular.

And DC Comics are like, we make, is this the main Batman now? No, but that's awesome. Fuck their own ass. We fuck it. Yes. I mean, who cares, but also. Yeah, but it just means that my issue with, like, that happening is not that I'm like, oh, continuity.

Oh, no, no, no. It's just, it will inevitably. Every single time wrecks the story. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it'd be like if fucking, I don't know, what's it? Like, if the vision, like, not, like, not a man born a monster. What's that fucking Tom King Vision book called? Yes.

The one where he loves the merchant of it. The fucking Vision merchant of Venice. Yeah. Yeah. The one where Vision has a wife and fam. Yeah, if that then, like, they're like, fuck, this is so good. Issue 13, he's joining the fucking Avengers. Yeah, exactly.

I'd be like, what, oh, you've racked it. It's, I guess every, I mean, even the MCU is finding. Every Rose has its thorns. Every rose has its thorns. Every time they reinvent the universal reboot it, and they're like, this is really cool. And then they, like, they just figure, we can just keep this going. Yeah. And then they inevitably is like, what if we do ultimatum,

where a big wave come in and drown? New York. Magneto caused it. And what if we have the blob eat the wasp and then Giant Man go big and eat the blob? That does sound fucking cool. Yeah, dude. Of course

it sounds good to you. Guys are eating other guys. Yeah. That is my thing. They're changing their size to eat something they shouldn't eat. That's Jackson Bailey coated as fuck. What if we kind of implied that Wolverine was actually the father of Pietro? The father of father.

Wanda Maximoff And then Wanda Maximoff And Pietro were fucking Fart's calm Yeah dude They were fucking in the forest Wolverine is watching He doesn't leave though

And we say that yeah they were fucking And then everyone's like that's cool And then Cap America's like That's bad And then and then like maybe the wasp or someone It's like that's because of your old timey sensibilities You creep

In a way I do love the Marvel comics for being like, I think incest, I think it's going to be chill. In the next decade, we're going to be okay with it. They backed the wrong horse on that one. I'm afraid. Should have gone. Well, yeah, if they're

step siblings. They're like, why can Game of Thrones do it? It is funny going back to Step mom porn. Yeah. That's steps doing a lot of work. That is. Like, you know that step is just there. There's something that's happened in some countries. Yeah. Because occasionally you get a video

where one of the characters would be like oh you're my step sister or whatever but they'll silence not the step the whole thing

so it's clearly like oh that was not enough of a legal loophole that's very funny so I'll be like oh you're my yeah yeah yeah it's just silent

but it would be like oh no step sister instead it's like oh no that's very funny what's that do I don't know it's just like

I don't know if it's just like I feel like it might be like England. Yeah, well, England does have their draconian pornography laws. I think that might also be why Google is like sign in to the Pornhub. It's because of all the whole like gotta be 18 plus now. I think they just want to email me cool new vids.

I read them. Sign up to the mail, like the mailing list. Anyway, okay, well let's get rid of one thing from Cyclops' backstory. And also, if you're this deep in the episode, you're like, wow, this is a red-hot one. Why not head to the plumbing pod Instagram and see what I'm our beautiful editors have decided as clipworthy. Because we've played the ultimate trick here accidentally, where we've gone to one half,

which is unlistenable, horrible pornography talk, and then one half that is like deep comic law when we reveal we know what we're talking about. And if you see a clip, it's probably going to be from that second part. And if you see one from one, you will not believe the other. But also, people are like,

oh, this is my first time interacting with it. They're talking about comic book characters. are like, press play on the episode. Oh, two minutes did you say? Have I been pranked? Have I picked the wrong episode? Clearly, it's a different. They must have mistitled.

Oh, no, no, no. I'll click on any other episode ever. Oh, it's the same. Yeah, 600 episodes of this. Okay. And this is popular. And this is beloved the world over. I've got on the internet.

No one's talking about it, so I don't believe how it could be that popular. No, I don't. But they've done, sold out live. shows in a country they don't live in. They have some kind of baffling success. It's Stockholm syndrome. Do they sell tickets to apes at the zoo? Yes. They're scammed. They're scamming us. We perform to... This is a rogue pool somehow. You invested. We don't... A rogue pull in that we sell tickets to a live show we never go to.

Funny. People at King's Place being like, and they're going to come out any second now. We're at home in Australia. Got them. Got him good. The greatest rogue pool ever. So you want huge Cyclops. And you kind of like just his head.

Head is a sphere full. It's like a red ball. Oh, nice. And it's like maybe... Does his optic beams, optical glass shoot in all directions? This is the difference in his childhood. Okay? He was bad.

Okay. So him and his brother, they pushed out of a plane because the plane's about to crash. And Cyclops falls directly on his head. Instead of hitting his head, fucking his eyes or whatever. He, he, the propeller? Yeah. Okay.

The plane is higher in the sky. So when he lands, it crushes him up to his neck. But his mutant power keeps him alive. Oh, yeah. But the doctors have to get on, the airport doctors have to get on the scene. Toot sweet. They chop his head off at the stem. They put a ball on.

Look, look again, because this is also part of, Mr. Sinister gets there quicker. Great. And he's like, oh, no, his head is. completely fucked. Yeah. I'm gonna do some... Thank God I have this ball. Thank God I have my Mr. Sinister powers.

Yeah, exactly. And then he puts the ball on top of Cyclops' head. Yeah. And Cyclops is... I guess he can't talk. Yeah. Because he's just optic blast. And he can't use his power

because to take off the ball would kill him. Yeah. I just want to also quickly, this episode, Walsh, the Energy is already crazy. On top of us, have it, like, doing this good podcast. Yeah. I just heard the doorbell ring. And Zammat's now checking his phone to see what's going on with that.

But I also got a call from a booking venue trying to book the podcast. It's just like, the idea that we're all trying to do admin whilst being like, so cockporn. Farty, come, awesome. There's a lot going on there. It's a busy app, okay? I reckon a lost dog's probably about to come in. It's going to be like trying to call the owner.

I got the number on the car and they're saying, that's not my dog. I'm saying, I've got the fucking number here, ma'am. I've never told you about the lost dog, I found. which goes to show just how little I'm paying attention at any time. So I get this like, it's like, I'm driving home. And then there's like, oh, the dog's loose running around. And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm the next car.

I kind of got to be almost responsible here. So I'm slowing down. There's a pedestrian there as well. He's kind of chasing the dog as well. He's like, oh, he stops. We both stop, but we're like, oh, what do we do? He's like, I don't know. He's like, I'm not that.

Like, I can kind of go around here, but it's a bigish kind of place. Whatever? It's like a semi-main road. Yeah. whatever dog come with me we'll figure this out later maybe i'll call up there it's like the weekend then like scanner chip or whatever so i did that i take a photo of the dog and i said it to my beautiful wife and some of like get and some of my neighbors because they have a dog and i'm like what do i do who's this dog and as we keep going they're like being like you know did you

call the number and i'm like what number i've called the vet this kept going for so long they they had to call me and scream at me and be like the number that is clearly visible on the collar. I've ever seen a dog before in your life? And I'm like, what do you? I had the collar stitched into, so the number stitched into the color, but it was a, it was different. You were looking for a dangling necklace.

I was looking for a dangling necklace. But man, they were so mad at me and rightfully so. Yeah, but then were the owners happy to hear you had their dog. They were. So then occasionally each other out. Yeah, that's true. Neutral. Net zero, Joel Zammitt.

I just checked, so the call I missed, they left a voice man. And then I just saw that I got an email about it. And they're very, they seem very panicked about what I want to do at the venue, which is also funny. I've frightened from some. Nice. That's really good. We've done years of live podcasts. I'm like, hey, I want to do this.

And like, hey, what does that mean? What do you need? What could that possibly say? What's your writer? The other reason I'm talking about this is because I feel like people listen to the show and they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. No, we're out there just like in our normal life for some reason causing chaos. Yeah, exactly.

just living. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to do an easy thing. Fill in a form to book a venue. No. You said the mayor. They're now mad at us and angry. Trying to call.

Trying to call me at like quarter past 11 on a Tuesday. I'm obviously working. Yeah, I'm in the middle of a cock porn podcast, okay? Excuse me. Yeah, the podcast I tried to and obviously badly explained in the form you made me fill in. Yeah. All right. Okay.

So they beheaded. Yeah. Yeah, they've beenheaded Cyclops and they made him all optic blast out his neck. Yeah. And maybe he can take the helmet off briefly without dying and do like an optic bomb. Oh, yeah. And I guess he's got to do something now. I've visually redesigned him.

That's okay. Visually designed him. You've now made him like kind of not being able to talk. Yeah. Maybe, okay. He feels like he's going to have ghost rider vibes to be now for some reason. He doesn't have a motorbike. Does he?

Ghost Rider? Is he lippy? I've never read Ghost Rider. I think Cosmic Ghost Rider is Lippy. Yeah. But Cosmic Ghost Rider is Frank Castle. Correct. Yeah. So that's a bit.

He shouldn't have put on that skull. No, no. He shouldn't have put on that file? I think Ghost Rider is more the kind of guy who goes, I'm Ghost Rider. You're, fuck this. Fuck you. Yeah.

I think Ghost Rider is a bit more serious. But then I think you get the more younger Ghost Rider a bit more quippy. Car Ghost Rider, I think. Maybe he's pretty. The only stuff I know about Ghost Rider, I learned in the song Ghost Rider, the band's suicide, which doesn't really explain much. The lyrics are Ghost Rider Motorcycle Hero.

Well, that's, I mean, at a base level, that's accurate, you know? What about Jenny Cash's ghost riders in the storm? Does that help us? You mean the doors? You fucking idiot. And it's riders on the storm. Bread life, dude. Dude, you're gonna drop music references?

To me, a man that doesn't have the thing that it sounds like I got? Yeah. He definitely does it. So with no head cyclops, I want to say you want to give, like, so when he gets beheaded or whatever, maybe he has like the punch dimensions in his head or whatever. It could like have come through a little bit so he has the semblance of a face or whatever. And he has to be encased. And this way, like, you know, maybe the reason why he likes telepaths. Yeah.

Because he can't really talk. Yeah. They can read his mind. They can communicate to him. And so that's a way of communicating. And maybe he's got a little telepathic monkey. Okay. And he talks through.

All he talks to is like a sidekick. Okay. So, all right. We given, okay, why, all right. So he's season one Rossing. Okay. And his name's, his name's ballclops, because he's got a ball for a... Okay, I feel like that...

The comic is called ballclops and monkey. All right. Yeah. Okay. I think you saved him and then fucked him in ways... Yeah. Unimaginable. I think, look, my fix was

Cyclops because a lot of his problems come from like he reeks of teen angst even though he's like a 20 to 30 year old man. Yeah, yeah. Just age him up. I know I've pretty much what I'm about to do is just make cable again. Yeah. But what if cable was Cyclops? And I know that they're related.

So age him up like what? So he's like 50? Or like yeah, like 45, 50. Yeah. Look, either make him Hey, you know what? And then make him asexual. Oh, okay. Cool. Okay. Asexual 45 year old cyclops, He avoids any romantic stuff.

Yeah. He just cares about the ex-m mansion. Maybe he could be aromantic. Yeah, because he's fuchs, but doesn't date. Yeah. So he's, oh, he's fucking? Yeah, I mean, maybe aromantic just to give it even more like 90s edge. Yeah, that's awesome.

So he's like, he fucks him and Gene Gray fuck down. And then Wolverine fucks Gene Gray, and he's like, I don't give this shit. No. Well, maybe no. So in like the more, not the more recent, the one before. Yeah. But that was basically like, there was, they were a throuple. Yeah, no, no, no, I want to avoid all of that.

I just think that he, like, you can have him have sex. But even, maybe not even with Gene Gray. Like, he's just out doing his own thing. Because Cyclops in the comics is, like, kind of a root rat, sort of. He's a bit of a horn, though. But in a sad way. Not really. Like, again, it depends who, you know, which area you read and stuff like that.

Where I'm like, I think he was much better with Emma Frost. Yeah. I mean, they famously fucked on Gene Gray's grave, right? Yeah. Or is that the... He fucked someone on Gene Gray's grave. I think they kissed on... Not right. That was a Morrison run.

They made out in front of Gene Gray's grave, but that's because Gene Gray from the dead wanted them to do that. Oh, that's awesome. Cuck porn. Cuck porn, again. That's beautiful, dude. What do we just make him a cuck? Well, that's not making him... Is that making him cool?

Hmm. Who are we trying to make him cool, too? Yeah. The cuck community would love it. They don't have a guy. They don't have a guy. They don't have a guy. They don't have a guy.

He could be their guy. Kickos. Kind of the guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he gets cocked. Yeah. But that's because he lies and lives a wretched life in a wretched comic book written by a wretched man. But there's no, like, iconic, cucked guy for the cucks.

No. For the cucks. You know. I was thinking you kind of just lean into his, when he goes down the kind of, like, the revolutionary leader kind of path, which what he was doing with, I guess, the Benders run. Yeah. And where everyone was like, so, like, the Marvel editors were basically like, we need to make him a loathed. individual, he's got to be the enemy and they did this. But then everyone was like,

no, we like that. No, he should be that. No, yeah, no, no, no, do more of this. Is that after, um, because I've read I'm part of X-Men and I feel like it's after, maybe just after Days of Future past. Oh, or maybe God.

Days past, like the old one? This is like, this is more recently. Yeah, no, I'm talking about the, I feel like it was either an 80s or really early 90s run where Cyclops quits the X-Men because he's just like, fuck Professor X's shit. Because Professor X had just faked maybe it's like God kill. Anyway,

Professor X had faked being dead for a thing. He was just like, he fucked up to Alaska. Because like, yeah, Gene Gray dies or proceeds died and then he finds and falls in love with Madeline Pryor. Then Gene Gray comes back from the dead and he fucks off and leaves. He's like, you know, Madeline Pryor. That's why, you know what? Maybe the only fix here is just a romantic cyclops

because he always, he's falling in a lot. Fucking bleeding heart cycles is a thing that always seems to make him annoying. It's more just like the being in love with Gene. I think that's the only thing that kind of fucked him over there. And I think it's like, if you're going to make little fixes back to his history, is you don't make Madeline Pryor a clone of Gene Gray. No, that is stupid. Make her a step sister.

Exactly. Or his stepmom. Or his step mom. But no, you have like someone who is just here. Maybe they can be read it if you want, but like you don't make a gene. Yeah. And yeah, look, hey, going, you know, abandoning his, you know, abandoning his, you know, wife and newborn to go back with his ex,

who's, like, resurrect from the dead. Like, there's, like, like, an interesting shit you can play with there. Yeah, yeah. They didn't really. Yeah. But, yeah, I would just kind of, like, lean into that, you know, being the revolutionary, being, like, more of that leader, tactician kind of stuff.

He does need a solo book. I think, yeah, he just needs to be a reason why he is leading the X-Men. Yeah. And that's kind of, like, you know, you lean into that and you make him, yeah, like how he is. Cable's father there. You're like, well, this is a reason why he is, like, cable is the way he is, because his dad is kind of the way he is. Yeah, yeah.

And you sort of have this, like, you do, the father figure who is leading these bunch of X-Men, and you can have a young cable there as well. They did at least try that for a little bit. Yeah. And having a bit more family-focused. I think you could have really had this, like, Scott Summers, or this summer family-focused book. Yeah.

I think they almost tried to do, because you've got, You know, you've got Alex, who is, you know, talking about a big old loser. There's a brother there. You've got, like, Jean Grey. You've got Rachel Summers there, like alternate reality daughter, cable. And then you've got Gabriel Summers, the long-lost brother. Yeah. Who's a bit crazy.

There's so many summers. Yeah, dude. I reckon age him up, make him a romantic. So all of the extended family's gone because he never married. And call him Klops. Oh, that is a good say. What? Oh, how about, look at that.

Give him a horse. Oh. What if we make him like the Superman-esque where there's a bunch of different like Superman pets? Okay. Oh, and he's a horse now. Well, well, well. No, he's got a horse.

He's got a horse. He's still cyclops, but he's got a clops the horse. Side the chimp. We'll give him a monkey again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of them have a little like a vibe. That's really good. They're stuck in a red fucking terrible earth as well.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, okay, so yeah, what we do is rather than him go like, yeah, I want to, you know, make him yeah, a romantic, he doesn't want, you know,

relationships. He's not interested. When he, you know, he fell from that plane and, like, hit his head or whatever, he's also like,

you know, back in the orphanage, his best friends were like animals. Yeah. So now he's like, got his whole, like,

menagering of Cyclops-esque. Yeah. Maybe make his origin so that he falls out of that plane, hits his head, but he lands

on the life of pie boat. Oh, so he's just on a boat with... Or as he's falling, yeah, an eagle comes and grabs him. Oh.

And the eagle lands. Takes him to animal island. The animal boat, the life of pie boat. Meet a tiger with a visor. The eagle has a visor. They're all connected to the punch dimension. Yeah, I like that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, and I think this has already maybe somewhat happened. Because again, with... Cyclops has been in Life of Pie. Yes. And there's a Marvel comic... There's a Marvel Comics life of pie crossover. I'm fairly certain that there is definitely a some code of, like maybe a hairless cat with a Cyclops Viya.

that Mr. Sinister created. That's really cool. So you could... What else is he doing? Yeah, fair enough, dude. Like, I think, yeah, having... Okay, so Mr. Sinister obsessed with the summers. And so he just experiments so many, like, so with so many things.

A lot of them are animals. Yeah. And he just gives them, like, a bunch of different, you know, like, you do... Different animals. All the same, like, you know, the visor. They, like, have to raids, like, uh, uh, Miss Sinister's lair. Yeah. They're expecting all kinds of, like, oh, fuck, I'm going to be cloned.

It's going to be, like, it's going to be a thousand cyclops. Oh, no, it's just a whole thing. Oh no, it's just a horse in a monkey. And we're like, he has made human horrors beyond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like a bunch of different, like a whole barnyard full of cyclops animals. They like, sinister, why did you do this? This is like, ah.

And then do we? I thought it'd be fun. Maybe. And then it's just, yeah, a whole run of cyclops raising these animals at farm. He starts an sort of like an alternate mansion to the X mansion called the sea mansion. Yeah. That's full of animals. Yeah.

And they're his seammen. Yeah. To me my sea men. It's just like a fucking stampede. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A punch stampede from their eyes. I think that would be great, dude. I think it's a really good comic.

Take him to the Savage Land. Yeah, get a dinosaur with a visor. Yeah. Yeah, could team up with Kaysa. Yeah. Yes, dude, yes, he could. I think today's been quite an innovative episode. I reckon so, too, dude.

So we covered a lot of ground, didn't we all have reinvented cyclops. And I think just listening to Plumbing the Death Star would also just fix. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree, dude. Is there a way we could combine the three of these very easily? You kind of built on mine already, and Jackson already had a chimp, so I think what we actually just did. Yeah, all he did it now is cut off his head. Yeah, and it's all perfect.

Yeah, we just changed his visor into a bowl and then you've just done that. Yeah, dude. I guess instead of cutting off his head, you just make him a big bowl vizer. Yeah, exactly. So therefore if he wants to, he can like use little reflection and just like shoot wherever he wants. And he rides his motorbike from town to town, solving, crimes and with his uh you know chimp and dog with his chimp side and his horse yeah yeah i think that would fix him that's a comic i'd read i don't know about you guys

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