Plumbing the Death Star - Dinosaur Park 2: The Lost Park

Episode Date: November 30, 2015

In which our heroes are sent to their almost certain deaths once again because THERE'S ANOTHER GODDAMN DINOSAUR PARK. We try to ditch/murder Vince Vaughn as soon as we can, attempt to throw dinosaurs in the trash and wonder how Jackson got our phone numbers again. Zammit and Duscher try to rescue their black daughter and mutual common law wife from a monster filled jungle as they resist the urge to help poachers and Jackson barks orders from his nice, comfy bed. So sit back and then stand up so you can run for life because they brought a dinosaur home with them and it’s ruining the city and everything you ever loved.Want to help fund a third super-safe-we-promise dinosaur park? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month you can recklessly endanger your loved ones too.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least thirty-eight books on shaving mammoths.Want to come see just how handsome we really are? Well now’s your chance as we’re doing another live show on the 10th of December. Just head to https://sanspantslive.eventbrite.com.au for more information and to book your ticket now! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio, bringing home the bacon. Hey, you like the last two Bailey family circuses that happened? Would you like more of that? We're going to get more of that. We've got a new show that's launching this coming Tuesday. It's called It's Just Good Business. It's me, my little brother, and my dad, and we're just going to pitch business ideas at each other

and see what sticks. If they might be bad, please listen in. Hey, guys, and welcome to this week's episode of following the death star we ask you important questions like is john there's another island what dinosaur park there is another island oh no So, I've called you into my bedroom. We've survived Jurassic Park. You've survived Dinosaur Park 1. You know, you've...

A lot of dead kids. A lot of dead kids and mercenaries. A lot of therapy. And I've somehow snuck my way from all the legal trouble. But I've called you in. You did have that contract. I did. Waivers. Everyone signed wai legal trouble, but I've called you in. You didn't have that contract. I did waivers. Everyone signed waivers.

I got out scot-free. But I feel like I should let you know. I should call you guys up and be like, look, hi. I know we haven't spoken in a while. I feel like maybe I've burnt some bridges with that whole. Jackson, I said to delete my number. I didn't. I don't know how.

It's a new phone. But I need you guys to come around to my house because I got some... Just a little request from you. What is it? I feel there'd be a lot of debating and then we'd be like, I think it's best if we know what's going to happen.

He's just going to keep calling and calling. I'll just leave little text messages like, where are you? Where are you? Yeah, like, are you coming? I feel it would be best, and I think we need to be prepared for what, like, I don't want any surprises. He'd rock up to my mansion. I bought with all of the sweet dinosaur park money

I didn't use on safety measures. They were like, Jackson, what about electric fences? And I was like, no, it's fine, it's fine. You put all of those safety features on your house. My house has electric fences, though. That'll keep any problems away. Then you arrive at my mansion. I'm rugged up in bed because I'm sickly or tired.

And I'm like, guys, hey, how are you? Jackson, why did you bring us here? So you know how I had- Why are you in bed? Why did you invite us over? Jackson is spring. Wear a light jacket my skin is sensitive

so you know how I had the whole dinosaur park fiasco well you must have been wondering where I was I almost call it a terrorism attack you must be wondering where I kept all of the dinosaurs I wasn't using

what do you mean you there's another island and on that island is all of the dinosaurs i didn't use and i i'm too sickly to leave my bet how many did you use barely a tenth i was wondering if i could send you guys and my good friend Vince Vaughn, douche's black daughter, and a guy who looks like George Costanza but isn't, to the second island. A lost world, if you will.

A lost park? A lost park. Dinosaur park 2. A lost park. Also, I sent Ems there. Ahead of us? Yeah, ahead of you. No, she just went on her own.

I think that's what happened in the Lost World. I told her about it, though. I was like, Ems, there's an island full of, I don't know, what are you like, cats? Bubble tea? And then she went, and now you now you gotta go and she's there i sent your black daughter there so we're gonna Jackson why my partner and douche's black daughter yeah but i look i'll stay here because i'm sickly you can take my cane with a thing in it though the fucking amber can Vince Vaughn stay to look after you no he has to go Vince Vaughn stay to look after you? No, he has to go Vince Vaughn

He needs to go Vince Vaughn is over there as well Vince Vaughn has cleaned out my fridge Guys, come in close I'm so sick of him I invited him around two weeks ago A fortnight And he's still here

I keep dropping hints I'm pretty tired, Vince Vaughn I'm going to hit the hay And he's like, i keep dropping hints i keep being like oh i'm pretty tired vince vaughn i'm gonna hit the hay and he's like oh it's our crash new couch so please take him with you as a favor to me i don't know how many you know how many bridges i've burned but as a favor to me get vince vaughn out of my house okay i didn't love my black daughter as much as i do i'm tired to going to hell. But goddammit, I do love her. And then off to Dinosaur Island.

Off to Dinosaur Park. To the Lost World. Dinosaur Park to the Lost Park. Okay. Okay. So let's ask me some questions. How are we getting there? How are we getting there? Are we getting by plane or by boat?

I will shell out the money. For a train. Because Dinosaur Park 2, the Lost Island. Where is Dinosaur Park? Manhattan, obviously. The Boar. Are you familiar with Long Island? Jackson, people live there.

I know. It's also an excellent breeding ground. Well, we're somewhere far away from people. The heart of Africa! Okay, so it's not really... Africa's an island. So I'll drop you down there. You drop us down? Now it sounds like we're taking a car. It's like we're taking a jeep.

That's a long trip. So I'll send you on a plane, then a helicopter, and then a canoe. And you'll arrive. Canoe? That's safe. Up the river. Up the Nile. Up the Nile?

Okay. Is there anything in the river, Jack? Well, when you arrive in the breeding ground, when you go through the little gate and you enter into the breeding ground, probably more plesiosaurs, because I had a lot of them at the island, at Dinosaur Park. So there's a great deal of them just let loose. And then what we do is we just put a big net at the end of the river.

One swims into it, it was taken in a helicopter and shipped on down to Manhattan or I think Sydney. Often they died in transit. I can imagine. in a helicopter and shipped on down to Manhattan or I think Sydney where we had it. Often they died in transit. I can imagine. So there's a bunch of plesiosaurs in a river and they're wearing a canoe on that river. How many African

animals have these eaten? Any who came near. What's the appetite like? are they thirsting for food or can I bring mercenaries this time I'll insist I insisted last time let's be honest yeah I'll give you

5 mercenaries is what I was going to say 25 I'm not made of money 5 mercenaries 5 mercenaries Vince Va, five mercenaries. Vince Vaughn, a guy who looks like George Costanza, and the two of you. Okay, so yeah, just some

Plesiasaur, that's fine. Okay, so how many do we lose in the Plesiasaur attack? The inevitable Plesiasaur attack. Straight off the bat. I reckon at least Okay, how many people How many people do canoes hold? Well, it's not a large, I'm can how many people to canoes hold well it's not a large i'm gonna say you get two canoes is okay how are we one full of mercenaries one full of you guys

we've lost all the mercenaries overturns straight away well i've gone from nine to four all right uh i want to have one mercenary on our side just on one we need so we i want i want to have one okay okay how about it was... I know we're going to lose a boat. I know that. So I want to strategically place Vince Vaughn. No, Vince Vaughn... Vince Vaughn's sticking to you guys like glue.

What about shitty George Costanza? Yeah, you can leave shitty George Costanza on the other boat. I reckon, all right, the way that it would work is probably shitty George Costanza and three mercenaries on one boat. We get two mercenaries, us and Vince Vaughn. Okay. That's fine. That's a good one.

I'm Vince Vaughn. I'm Vince Vaughn. All right. So we've lost shitty George Costanza. And three mercenaries. Rest in peace, shitty George Costanza. I guess he really was shitty. Like a cannon shooting off like in Hunger Games.

Yeah. From your house. You're shooting off cannons. Rest in peace, shitty George Costanza. I never learned your name, but I never tried to either. I never even asked. Okay, cool. All right, now we're on the-

So something that I never got to put in Dinosaur Park, we just didn't have the time. All right, so are they in cages? Are they- No, no, no. Well, okay, so- They're just in the Nile. They're just in the nile they're just

in the nile the way we did it is that we we we have there's a little like facility where we were genetically engineering these creatures in the heart of africa um in this little caged area of wilderness and we would just let them kind of loose just at just just shoot them out into the jungle. And just hope. And whenever they bred, we just would collect them and take them back. But, you know, things got out of hand, clearly. I haven't been there in a while as well.

I just kind of let things. I don't know what it's going to be like there. So good luck. Did you put in like a little bit of a, like a little fail safe? If they weren't taken care of for a while, they would just die? Like bombs in their head? Bombs in their head. That would have been clever. So, red hot? No.

I didn't really think of anything, just in case they went wild. I just sort of hoped they would. There's around the whole thing, there's a lot of pits, and that I just sort of hoped, full of spikes, that I just sort of hoped that they'd fall into. So we've got to avoid it well now. Just around the outskirts. Just so that when they got to the, oh, they're in a pit.

They fall in a pit the other time. Okay. For a Fleecy Assault to fall in a pit, that's a big pit. No, the Fleecy Assault, that was just, that was an oversight. Oh, Fleecy Assault, because they're just in the Nile. Of course. So do we, so it'll be a little dark. Our black daughter and Em's, we know they're alive?

Yeah, they, well, last time I heard. Okay. Do we know where they might be Yeah, well, last time I heard. Okay. Do we know where they might be? I've started my grieving process already. I love to be so sorry. They're in there somewhere. I don't know. Same trip you guys are taking, so you might bump into them.

I'd be checking the Nile straight away. I'd be like, where are they? Looking in the murky water for their corpses. I doubt you'll find them there. But there's like a little area where people would go, like a little kind of staff visitor centre. You can probably make your way through there. M's and our black...

Me and Dusha, and now we've raised a black daughter. Our black daughter... Was M's a surrogate? I guess maybe, sure. So it's a mom and daughter trip. They're having a great time. Good, good. So they were in one canoe.

Give them maybe a couple of mercenaries and then another boat, like a decoy boat of mercenaries. Yeah, probably. Probably the moment you arrive in the Nile, it's full of bodies already. And you're like, we're off to a good start. None of these bodies, they all appear to be mercenaries. So that's good.

Good. Yeah, so something I never got to put in dinosaur park and i i just seem to remember that the breeding area of them was around the dock uh in in back back in prehistoric times there was these huge snakes like anacondas that were my maybe not miles long but meters and me like you know 40 meters long um and their head the size of your head so there were a couple of them there was a little breeding ground like egg little egg hatcheries there good just remembering that if you want to thank you if you're way past that all right uh and they would just again let loose willy-nilly i mean hopefully one of them's big and fat already from eating a guy.

Eating a bunch of mercenaries. Maybe even a plesiosaur. We don't know. Do I have weapons? Did you ask for it? I assumed we did if we're bringing mercenaries. We'll have collected guns from the fallen mercenaries, I imagine. Like, I feel like at this point we're already dressed like Rambo.

I figured we knew what we were getting into. Yeah, I imagine. Like, I feel like at this point we're already dressed like Rambo. Yeah. I figured we knew what we were getting into. Yeah, we knew. You sent our daughter and partner in for cats and bubble tea, you piece of shit. You didn't tell them. You didn't tell them anything. They're like, why these mercenaries? And you're like, oh, just fine. It'll be okay. Wait, why did you

tell them there was cats? Why? I don't know. I'm a crazy bastard. Sometimes I do wild things i'm wacky just just killed our loved one they're not dead you don't know that's true you don't know either maybe they parachuted in maybe they avoided a lot of the why did you lie to them though that's why maybe they're in like an observatory like hold up and it's a bit of a time limit yeah so there's a little spark of hope that we have. Because if there's not, you know what, just head bang, I'm gone.

I'm going for Jackson first. So once you make it through the snakes somehow, I guess you feed a guy to him? That's what we tended to do. We needed to make one through. I think we're going to try and push Vince Vaughn. And Vince Vaughn's going to grab a mercenary and throw the mercenary into the snake's mouth. Vince Vaughn's the kind of

motherfucking cunt that will be like, yeah, I'll do it. Nope. And then a mercenary gets at by a snake you can climb by. Okay, we're down with this.

So it's the joys of Vince Vaughn and a mercenary. Yeah, wow. You got, well, you didn't have the school children like last time to put in front of you. Our lives are legitimately in danger. Actually, wow, you got, well, you didn't have the school children like last time to put in front of you.

Our lives are legitimately in danger. Actually, no, because we've gotten through the two most dangerous animals, because your park only had mammoths and saber-toothed tigers. Only those were the only ones. I didn't have snakes. There's a lot of stuff here, guys. Hey, guys, Jackson here, just calling you on your radio. How's bed rest, mate?

It's bloody good. I really needed it. So it turns out, I just got word from some people who are still working now. I haven't told them that it's not stopped. Some people still think it's going. So there's natives we could run into. Yeah, there's maintenance people.

There's people who work there. Poachers have turned up. If you guys could sort out the poaching problem too. Like what? Get on their side so they can kill all the dinosaurs? No, no, no, no, no. Stop them poaching the dinosaurs. Why would we ever do that?

We want them dead. Nature's creatures or something? All right. Next step. Starting with the poachers. The friend poachers. We've recruited two of them. Yes.

You got two poachers. We're on the poacher's side. So good. I can't remember if we got a maintenance worker as well. Who's like. How many poachers. We've recruited two of them. Yes. You got two poachers. We're on the poacher side. So good. I can refer, we got a maintenance worker as well, who's like How many poachers are there? A maintenance worker who just like comes out and he's like, where is everyone? We've stopped receiving communications for two years.

How many poachers are there? I don't know, just a lot. A lot? No! I cut the other end No stop God damn it If I have to come down there myself

How many purchases are Jackson? You got like one big troop They've got a big container I think they're gonna try And get a T-Rex What? There's a T-Rex Oh yeah Yeah Herds of them and get a T-Rex. What? There's a T-Rex.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Herds of them. We always bred them, because we bred about 20, 25. And we always wanted to bring them to Dinosaur Park, but every time we tried to hook them in the helicopter net, they just tore their way out. So we were just... I just remember standing there with a couple of maintenance guys

being like, I don't know what the fuck to do with all these T-Rexes. Guess just keep breeding them. Basically, we just dug a big pit. No spikes on the bottom of this one. I just tipped the T-Rexes. Oh, no, that's good. They're in a pit. We're good.

They're in a pit. That's why we kept them. They're in a pit. If we can somehow divert the Nile so that it floods the pit, we drown all the T-Rexes. All right. Okay. Okay.

The flooded biggie. Good. Please, you soldier in the Nile. We don't the T-Rexes. All right. Okay. Okay. The flooded diggy. Good. Please, you soldier of the Nile. We don't want that. Yeah, we don't. We'll just leave the T-Rexes in a pit. They're fine. They're good.

Some of them... I'm guessing there might be only one dead T-Rex, one alive T-Rex. We might have ate the T-Rexes and used their body to get out of the pit anyway. Right, yeah. Yeah. Well, I imagine there's probably one T-Rex that's eaten all the other T-Rexes and there's like a big super T-Rex in there. My scientific knowledge seems I think that's what's going on.

Well, okay. So I think our next step would be to – So we're on the side of the poachers. So, okay, we've got a lot of poachers now. A lot of poachers. You've met the poachers on the other edge of the snakes. You've met some poachers. So what happens to –

I'm assuming because then we just have a lot of poacher shields in the way, basically. So I'm guessing you want to dwindle that down. So what do we face next? Well, I was going to say, the next thing it looks like you're about to... I trip over one of the poachers and they accidentally shoot Vince Vaughn. Oh, no, he's dead. Vince Vaughn then grabs another poacher and pulls him in front of him. Damn it, I killed a poacher!

The other poachers are like, why would you do that? And Vince Vaughn's like, wah! Gathered Vince Vaughn! Well, we had an aviary in the area, it looks like. So if you want to head through there, that has the biggest pterodactyl that ever existed. There were about ten of them we kept in there. Ten, great.

So we've convinced the poachers. Basically, we also wanted... Young girl and my wife, that's over there. We need to rescue the poachers. They should be on the other side of the aviary. We will help you get a whatever you need, but we need... Because quite frankly,

fuck this park. Fuck the owner. We are so on your side. Can we walk around the aviary? No, no. It extends to the edge of the park, I'm afraid. But inside, the way we'd feed them is we have these meat suits that you put on.

When we put them on the people, the pterodactyls are very used to just coming down, eating the meat off the suit. It's like a Velcro suit you just attach the meat to. And you go inside and the pterodactyls just... It's also a bit of fun. I can do it, that's good. We drag the body of the dead poacher that Vince Vaughn used as a shield. Okay.

Also, any snakes we might have killed or poachers we might have killed. Any kind of... Well, now we've got guns, the snakes aren't so much of an issue because even though they're massive, like, there's a big head to hit. Yeah, we'll just, you know, go up and just...

And poachers are pretty good at shooting, I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Clock a couple of snakes in the head. We just drag those Bad boys To the thing Lace them in the meat suit

Run How many poachers Do you lose Let's say you had 20 20 poachers Sick Yeah How many do we lose

Not many Well you lost one With these giant Pterodactyls Yeah You said that They're well trained Well

Yes So you said We put them well trained. Well! Yes. So you said, we put them in a meat suit, they come down, they eat the meat, and they chill for off. Nine times out of ten. That's okay, because we put the meat suit on the dead bodies. Maybe eight times out of ten. We put the meat suits on the dead bodies, so it doesn't matter.

Because they're going to go down to the dead body first, because they're well trained. That's true, there are ten of them. So, you got ten dead bodies? No, but we've got a few snakes. Yeah, alright. Sure. Just chuck it on.

Oh, there are terror birds in there as well. Well, I needed to keep the terror birds somewhere. I think there should be six, because we had one in Dinosaur Park, which was the only one that we could get in the net, so. You got guns, though. Yeah, we do have guns so uh how many uh what are terror birds again they're they were like uh basically there was a period of time where these birds ruled basically thing like like imagine a raptor but like bigger

and tougher and is a bird yeah i get like the raptor claws these ones also aren't muslim like the one in the park was but like big and and more violent. And about six of them. If you run, you might be okay. No, we wouldn't be able to run. We're better off hauling and running and gunning. Yeah. Not running and gunning, hauling and just gunning them down. Yeah.

Okay. We're going to be smart. I'm mad at you. Like just letting you know that you've... We're mad at you. The amount of revenue that you've lost me. Good. I'm glad you're mad.

Honestly, I'm probably just like kicking holes in windows and stuff just tipping over like a water cooler in the fucking lobby fuck you Jackson maintenance guy on side so he can maybe help us out like yeah and give us like better Intel than this piece of shit over here I feel like with the maintenance guy yeah, that's probably a hacker's job. Like, we could just, like, tap in to maybe turn off the cell phone. No, by maintenance guy. Like, he's there to patch up holes. He's a janitor. All right.

So, yeah. So, we're taking the- Does he have a mop? Yes. Good. Come in handy later. This is like a point and click adventure. Collect everything.

We're trying. So, now you're on the other side of the aviary. So, we've killed the terror bird. This is like a point-and-click adventure. Collect everything. We're trying. So now you're on the other side of the aviary. So we've killed the terror bird. I'm going to say you lost some guys. Come on. Like five poachers from terror birds. Yeah, we're using fucking guns. And we know that they're there.

The mercenaries were using guns, and you lost one to a terror bird. Okay, two. Two poachers. All right. All right, we lost two poachers. So we're down to 17. Hey, so now you're on the other side of the aviary. Hey, it's Jackson again, on the radio. Yeah.

Just curious as to any feedback on my breeding methods. They're great. Jackson, I wish I was dead and I wish you were dead. Have you stopped the poachers yet? Oh, totally stopped the poachers. What's next? Ignore the gunshots in the background.

Well, this is the mammoth fields. That's okay. Yeah, what's next? Ignore the gunshots in the background. Yeah. Well, this is the mammoth fields. That's okay. Mammoths, that's okay. Yeah, that's all right. Well, I mean, stampedes were a problem. No, but how many mammoths are there? Herds and herds and herds. They bred like rabbits.

Don't worry, though. There's a bus. We would take the bus across the mammoth fields whenever we... That's fine. Basically, the back is full of hay and we just throw it out the windows as we gunned it down so the mammoths didn't stampede us to death

that's alright, we've got the manpower and you gave us a bus not a truck which is good because we could fit everyone on the bus fuck you you could have fucked us there but you didn't I'm letting you get some alive

yeah well I think your black daughter and M's are there and from what I'm hearing they've got a little baby terror bird yeah you gonna keep that or just kill that I'm just trying to follow Jurassic Park the lost world as much as I can they had a baby T-Rex

I'm gonna put it in the bin. How's the baby pterobode, guys? Great. When's bin day? So we get to the mammoth fields. So we get in the bus. Gun it across. So we're throwing it out.

Maintenance guy's probably driving. I feel like the janitor would be a good driver. Yeah, well, maybe. Where do we end? You pretty much end in like a... So where were M's and our black daughter? M's and your black daughter. It was the both of you, wasn't it?

That's probably in the hatchery, really. The big science facility that we had in the middle of the... Is that before the bus ride or after? No, that's after. That's after. So going there. Yeah, and that's probably where M's... And they've got the little baby terror bird.

All right, cool. Put that in the bin. Girls, it's time to go. Yeah, let's just give me the bird. Okay. I imagine they would. We snap that bird's neck. Uh-huh.

And we put it in the bin. But then the mama terror birds. We've already killed them. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Then we just walk home, I guess. While we help out those lovely poachers. Hey, guys.

Jackson again. Yeah. Some other poachers that maybe you didn't know about. I don't know. But they've got that super fat T-Rex that ate all the other T-Rexes. They've taken it on a boat back to Melbourne. Maybe you should get back here. We can look into that.

Hey, do you want to move to New Zealand? Sounds good. You're not going to come back and help me with this giant fat T-Rex? Absolutely not. It looks like it's rampaging through the city, though. Perfect. Can T-Rexes swim, Jackson? Well, no. Good.

New Zealand. I hear it's lovely this time of year. God damn it, you guys. And on the helicopter ride over there, we push Vince Vaughn out. Wham! Splash. Good. With our sense of wanting to... What's it called?

Our moral sense of, like, I guess we have to look up. Guys, it's kind of your fault too. So are you, like, slandering us? I'm, like, writing... I'm, like, Dangerous Joles released T-Rex on Melbourne. City shocked.

Only they can undo their wrongs. So you're blackmailing us. Yes. That's okay. No, that's perfect. I sit it out. I'm a hot, I'm literally John Rambo at this point. I've seen so much.

I'm so dissent stars. We've got to go back. We've got to go back. You've got to go back. We'll fix this problem. Guys, come come on what have i ever done you wrong or so many times have i ever hurt you guys is it too early in the game to kill myself yes not remembering our black daughter you got a black daughter and a partner oh yeah that's right good at gymnastics which one my daughter or our partner both kind of kind of. That weird polyamorous family.

Hey, you brought this on. Good. How did you get a black daughter out of... All right, hey. The three whitest people on earth, maybe. It happens. There's a fourth. We don't discuss that.

Have you got a plan for this giant fat T-Rex attacking the city? Because I don't. Welcome back to the mansion by the way. Super mad at you guys. New Zealand was lovely, thanks for asking. Out of left field. But can we draw this fat t-rex near a body of water?

While t-rexes can't swim, we could maybe take it to the bay. If you two get in a car full of meat we do have the rotting bodies left over from Dinosaur Park. They are stinking up the backyard. I like you kept them in your mansion's backyard. We can get a...

Okay, what about if we put a plesiosaur in, like, the Bay of Melbourne? Okay. And try and get that to eat the fat T-Rex. I feel like a T-Rex's self-preservation is going to stop it leaping in the ocean. But if you guys get in a dump truck with the plesiosaur on the back and drive to a bridge, then we blow up the bridge. What if we get a giant plesiosaur that's dead by the helicopter? Okay. Drop it on the T-Rex.

Squish it to death. Squishing. I like that. Who's piloting the helicopter?. Okay. Just drop it on the T-Rex. Squish it to death. Squishing. I like that. Who's piloting the helicopter? Not me. I don't know how, I'm afraid. Well, you got your boat license. Did I? Is the question. Why don't you go? That's alright.

How about Team Jackson drives the helicopter? How about we put rock, paper, scissors for it? No. Draw straws. Flick a coin. Football coin. Heads I win, tails you lose for it? No. Draw straws. Flick a coin. Yeah, flip a coin. Heads I win, tails you lose. Done. No, that's cheating.

There's no way of getting out of this. I currently hold up in your mansion, squatters' rights. You go or the mansion goes. What about Vince Vaughn goes? Oh, you threw him in the sea. I forgot. No, Vince Vaughn can... He's in the sea. He forgot. No, Vince Vaughn can... He's in the sea!

He swam his way to shore. Covered in seaweed, spits out a crab. And he's like, wah! I feel Vince Vaughn, as he's pushing out, would have grabbed a mercenary, climbed up the poacher, climbed up the poacher... Has Vince Vaughn killed more mercenaries than the dinosaurs? Vince Vaughn has more self-preservation than a T-Rex.

So I feel like... What if we dangle Vince Vaughn out of a helicopter? Uh-huh. Okay. I mean, that's... I mean, again, bag's not piling the helicopter. But, I mean, if we dangle Vince Vaughn out, I mean, that's an idea.

We're driving that dump truck. Okay. Vince Vaughn is in the back of dump truck. Okay. We park it, like, we go to the end of the bridge. Whoever's driving that dump truck, chuff out. Okay. Vince Vaughn is in the back of a dump truck. Okay. We park it, like, we go to the end of the bridge. Whoever's driving that dump truck, chuff out. Okay. Vince Vaughn's still in the back.

We blow up the bridge. We get rid of Vince Vaughn and also the T-Rex. I think that's a great idea. You really just wanted a bridge to explode. You suggested that about five minutes ago, and you looked at me like, bridge blowing up, how good? Bridge blowing up, how good? Problem, the city might be mad.

Less mad than a T-Rex being in it well, how long has a T-Rex's life been? is it not a better plan for us three boys to just chuff off to New Zealand we were in New Zealand well I was here in Melbourne now you're back

I needed a lift to New Zealand. We go to New Zealand. Wait till this all blows over. Blame Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn's our patsy. I'll change my name to, I don't know, John Denver. Sure. And Chet Johnson.

Chet Johnson. Subway eat fresh. John Denver. Sam sure, and... Chet Johnson. Chet Johnson. Subway Eat Fresh. John Denver, Sam, it can be Chet Johnson, Dusha can be Subway Eat Fresh, and Vince Vaughn takes the blame. Uh-huh. Okay. Good.

Good. But then what do I do about my little breeding ground, my little other island? What do you mean? We went there systematically. I'm sorry, we didn't tell you this. We went there systematically, just shot everything. Just everything in the head.

The maintenance guy was there to be like, this is where things are. We're great. We're going to go there and shoot things. Mammoths have such tough skulls. Actually, I think the mammoths were okay. Yeah, we left the mammoths. Everything else dead.

We would have shot. Okay, well, I'm super proud of you boys. You basically got mammoth parts. Well, that is good. That you boys. You've basically got mammoth parts. Well, that is good. That is good. If I ever reopen... Which I feel like you're thinking about, which makes me angry. I have some plans.

Like, I've got some ideas that I've been knocking around. I was knocking them around with Vince Vaughn, that's why he's around. But now I guess he's been at T-Rex on an exploding bridge. So I've got some ideas for if I decide to reopen. Wait, no, Vince Vaughn was a patsy. But now I guess he's been etched by a T-Rex on an exploding bridge. So I've got some ideas for if I decide to reopen. Wait, no, Vince Vaughn was a patsy. The bridge never exploded. If the bridge did explode, would it be like Vince Vaughn Hero? I hope not.

Then I'm coming back and being like, no. It was all a plan to make Vince Vaughn a patsy for me accidentally getting a dinosaur into Melbourne. It wasn't anything to do with Vince Vaughn. If anyone's a hero, it's me. I think you just admitted to being a villain. Oh, no! Jail? Jail for me?

Definitely. Hardened war criminals, Joel Zammett and Joel Dusha. You mean Subway Press and Chet Johnson. Yeah, exactly. You got your name from making it up. I got my name from reading the cup in front of me. You sure did. So, at the end of the day, you're in jail.

We're free men. Prison. Vince Vaughn's dead. We're in New Zealand. Kicking it off over there mammoths are just roaming the heart of africa probably getting a little bit hot yeah those mammoths are dead if they're not hot they're at least a little bit sweaty didn't i shave the mammoths in dinosaur park they actually you would have gotten there and they would have all been dead because no one's

been shaving them that's true we would have gotten that and they would have all been dead because no one's been shaving them. That's true. We would have gotten in that bus and been like, oh, there's no mammoths. You would have been like, let's go. Oh, oh, I see they all died from heat stroke. Oh, oh, well, maybe I shouldn't have been breeding Arctic mammals in the heart of Africa. Didn't want to say anything, but perhaps not. I feel like that was on me. Yep. Yeah, so...

So we've killed your pterobird breeding ground, we've killed your pterodactyl breeding ground, so I'm surprised that the pterobirds or pterodactyls didn't somehow escape the heart of Africa. I feel some of those giant snakes, though... Also, those plesiosaurs were just in the Nile. I think we've still got a plesiosaur. I was waiting for, like, the call, like, someone to be like,

plesiosaurs are killing people in Egypt and shit but it never came I guess Scott Freight, well not I'm in manacles in jail manacles, Jesus Christ they went very medieval with my sentence beheaded? I would assume yes

I'd vote yes to be honest I think the city of Melbourne, look guys we know the death penalty, we abolish that. However, exception, go to the polls. Yes. But then how will I open my park again? What park? You have no dinosaurs or anything left.

Well, I still have the facilities, right? Yeah, we didn't go down and destroy InGen. And hey, we still get the genetics from the fat T-Rex. That's true. So if I try again, somewhere where there's no law, the sub-Sahara. I think you might get off on technicality because you would have created the dinosaurs not in Australia. So Australian law can't apply to you. You didn't bring it.

It was the poachers. You might get off scot-free. Scot-free, hero? Not so much hero. Scot-free, though. Guys did sign those waivers everybody signed waivers i should have got you guys to sign waivers i get you guys saying waivers about the park that's why i'm not in jail from the first one and then like i turn up in your doorstep in new zealand and i'm like guys after all the legal proceedings scott free wefree! We testified again.

I was really like, scot-free, also. Got another island. Got another island. This time, China. Oh, no. I am unhappy. No, not how good, Jackson. How bad! How bad! I'm thinking I am unhappy No

Not how good Jackson How bad I think you've lost friends again I'm surprised you guys went The first time You were black We were in New Zealand While we were sitting in the little

New Zealand cottage I'm like you guys have a weird living Situation I didn't want to say it, but why is your daughter black? You don't bring it up, okay? Don't assume. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been unhappy.

Dinosaur Park, the Lost Park. Don't holiday with Jackson. Just come to the new one in the Island of China. Everything's an island to Jackson the first one wasn't just imagine all these like fucking raptors just

skittering along the Great Wall of China I didn't this one I didn't have walls we had not the money for walls basically it was my backyard I raised some raptors they got loose i'm not coming next time Hi, it's Dad here. If you want the real circus, listen next Tuesday, December 1st.

It's just good business. When me, my two sons pitch business ideas, serious business ideas at each other and evaluate them thoroughly. We'll welcome your listenership next Tuesday, December 1st, for The Real Circus. Thank you.