Plumbing the Death Star - Do Transformers Get Tired?

Episode Date: October 8, 2017

In which our heroes transform from a robot into a car, from a car into a tiger, and from a tiger back into a robot as we ask do Transformers get tired?Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Duscher: twitter.com/dusch13Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. Go back to bed. Hey everyone! What?! And welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. No! Where we ask the important questions like... Do Transformers get tired? Still the intro back, fuck you.

Anyway, do Transformers get tired? You got the touch! You got the touch. You got the power. What? Shut up. Transformers. All right? Yep.

This is something that has pissed me off since the first time I saw the first Michael Bay Transformers. Because that was my introduction to Transformers. 1973. Yep. So, everyone had fucking Le fucking laboof had a massive star he's wearing looked like tom sallack so optimus prime had an afro bumblebee yeah gets up from being a car yeah goes for a run yeah right or actually better example optimus prime is fighting with his sword yeah right and it's intensive for him. He becomes not exhausted, but puffed.

So a Transformer can get tired. But then Optimus Prime becomes a truck. Does he have to stop because he's tired from driving? You know what I mean? Is it effort for a Transformer to drive? So do Transformers get tired?

Yes, as a robot fighting. Well, yeah. But, do Transformers get tired? Yes, as a robot fighting. Yeah, well, yeah. But how? But what are the implications of that? But, like, if they're getting... I would say they need energy for both of these activities. And they do. But they just need Energon, right?

Or could they... If you fill up a car with petrol, like a Transformer car, does it die? Is it like filling up a normal car with, like, diesel? Yeah, exactly. Sam Witwicky, no! Also, actually, in the movie, how is Sam Witwicky getting energy on? Surely he's just taking him to the local... Yeah, well, before he knows Bumblebee's a guy,

he just takes him to a service station or a gas station or whatever, fills him up with petrol, and Bumblebee's like, fuck, you shouldn't have done that And same when they're in Bumblebee's in the car yard Surely they've had Routine inspections Or services or whatever

Or is it the kind of thing where you put the petrol In Bumblebee's and then he just like Ejects it a little bit And they're like why does this car keep leaking petrol? Because there was a car who's one of the little robots that humps someone's leg and then just sprays everywhere. That's true. So they can eject.

I was wondering about that as well. That's part of my beef. There is liquid in those guys. There's like coolant. They need that, but how do they get more of that if Energon's the only thing that keeps them going? Here's another... Hang on.

Because they come from Cybertron. Yep. They don't necessarily need coolant, do they? They're not a car. Energon's rich. It's like the land of milk and honey. They're not a car in Cybertron. No.

They're not. They're other things. Oh, yeah, that's right. In this Transformers universe, they don't transform on Cybertron. They only transform once they get to Earth. Because remember they steal the fucking... Ball Spark? No, as in they're like, that's a car I saw.

I'm going to become that car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm talking in the comic books, the wider expanded universe of the cartoons as well. What? Sorry, huh? Grimlock, he's a lovely dinosaur man. He's like a tank in Cybertron. Like a cyber tank.

Well, Cybertron tank. So within the cartoon, they transform in Cybertron. Well, in the comics at least. Yeah, they transform on Cybertron, but they're kind of like different vehicles. They're like space vehicles, basically. Doesn't Grimlock become a dinosaur when he comes to Earth? Yes. That's not good camouflage.

No. That's bad camouflage. We don't have them anymore, Grimlock. It's because the Dinobots, I think they are dickheads and scan like fossils that are near them when they crash. And they're like, this is alright. And then Grimlock is just, Grimlock talk like this for a while. You're like, why? Then he gets Grimlock is just Grimlock, talk like this for a while

You're like, why? Then he gets smart for a bit And then he makes something else Grimlock sounds like an idiot I don't want to be friends with Grimlock In one of the Michael Bay Transformers There's an old Transformer Yes

Yeah, what? Yeah, what? Oh! Metal should just rust It shouldn't even change Like, it rusts to a point But it's still the same guy Transformers don't technically age

But for some reason Like they I mean they do But they don't get older You know what I mean? What's the Also They do

They get older But they don't show the aging process Yeah they shouldn't Yes they shouldn't at all Because they're just metal man Well it's like The Transformer voice by John Goodman Has a beard

Yeah Which was clearly a conscious choice of that Transformer because presumably when he lived on Cybertron, he didn't have a beard. And then he's like, I want a beard now. So at some point, what? He saw someone with a beard and was like, that's a good look. He also has a bullet in his mouth that represents a cigar.

Yes. So at some point, the John Goodman Transformer. He saw someone with a beard smoking and was like, that's the look for me, I guess. It's like he saw John Goodman in real life. And was like, yeah, Goodman Transformer. He saw someone with a beard smoking and was like, that looks good. And was like, that's the look for me, I guess. It's like he saw John Goodman in real life. And was like, yeah, Goodman chomping on a cigar with a big old beard. Also, another issue is RC, who is the female Transformer that I know of. In the Bay Transformer version.

Is RC in it as well? Yes, briefly. Okay. So there's one as well? Yes, briefly. Okay. So there's one female, and that's it. Why? I don't know. Because also that's a conscious decision. Yeah.

Because it's not just like I want to be a lady transformer because there is no genders in Transformers. Yeah. They're robots. Yeah, they're robots. And there's an interesting comic. In disguise. Yeah, that's true.

That is correct. Transformers. There, they're robots. And there's an interesting comic. In disguise. Yeah, that's true. That is correct. Transformers. Transformers. They're robots in disguise. So in one of the comics, I forget which two, but they basically are having a relationship, and everyone's just like, oh, it's the same sex relationship. But they're like, we have no genders.

Yeah. Shut up. It's like Bert and Ernie. They got nothing going on down there. They're mobbits. It's not like here's Bert and his massive penis. It's like here's Bert and he ends in a wrist. So, yeah.

He's got legs. Sometimes. So he could have a cock. Bert may or may not have a cock, but we know the Transformers don't. But they might. Well, they could if they wanted. Because if they wanted. It's all a conscious decision is what I'm trying to get at here.

It's because if John Goodman-bot can be like, I'm going to have a beard and a cigar, RC can be like, well, I want to identify as a human female. Yeah. Which is just like... Which is like, good for them, but not a choice. I mean, go nuts, Transformers. But I'd just be like, you guys are... To what end? Is it to make us more comfortable? Or is it just like,. I mean, go nuts Transformers, but I just be like, you guys are to what end?

Is it to make us more comfortable? Or is it just like, they're like, now I have the option. It's about them blending in. Yeah. But like, you're still a giant robot.

You're just never going to blend in. Like, unless you remain a car permanently, which maybe you should. Yeah. Imagine if like Michael Bay Transformers, they never transformed into guys. They just like slammed into each other as cars.

Is RCN movies also pink? Yeah, I don't remember. Because that's also a weird thing to be just like, I want to identify as a lady and I'm going to be pink. I'm going to be pink. And I think there are several RCs. There's a moment where all of the bike girls, they're all girls become one big bike girl.

Yeah, it's pretty mad. Is it? Not at all. Not really. But this brings me back almost if it's a conscious decision to act human yes and i can't think of a single reason that a transformer would need to get tired like oh yes oh actually there is a reason why transformers associate more heavily with people and it's revealed in the most recent transformers films i hate saying this in plumbing actually no fuck it i'm not going to because it's transformers who gives a shit yeah

yes cybertron was created by people of course yeah uh so humans invented site built cybertron okay hang on time travel i guess it's never explicitly said wait wasn't there wasn't the plot of like the second one that they were bringing Cybertron to Earth? Yep, but it turns out that humans built Cybertron. Humans built Transformers in the Michael Bay universe. It was revealed in the most recent film. So does that mean Optimus Prime is like,

I'm a dude because you're a dude? Basically, yeah. Okay, so you know everyone has this idea of a visual representation of your mind. Yeah. So I just want to take you through what happened in mind just then sure because you agreed with me and then halfway through like what i'm gonna shut my eyes so okay so i just want you everyone to pitch up

he's a tiny zamit yeah getting like just like a big box oh and then just says transform a law let's have a game and then he just grabs that and he puts in a garbage bag he grabbed it and then just went over to a dumpster, just dropped it in. Oh, my gosh. You don't need it. That's just happened to me just then. Dump trucks can take that away to the city dump.

Bye. Yeah, so humans made Transformers, but Transformers existed in the age of dinosaurs because Dinobots were a thing. Which in the Transformers universe isn't because they scanned fossils. It's because they... So was this who was just explaining the Dinobots? No, the Dinobots were explained not in the most recent film.

They were explained in the one before, which I haven't seen. But I believe that's what happened. The first Marky Mark one? Yeah. Age of Extinction? Yeah, you see them back in the dinosaur times. Anyway, so King Arthur is kicking around in this one good um and merlin i'm assuming well merlin is played by oh so merlin's there magic is real

yeah no merlin merlin staff is the thing that they need in this one yep magic and transforming bots yep um yep good um also just throws my question out the water like why a transformer can transformers get tired? Who cares? Shut your fucking mouth. Magic's real. There's magic. Anyway, so Merlin is played by Stanley Tucci.

Stanley. Yep. Stanley Tucci. He was in the other ones. Yeah. It is Stanley Tucci. I remember reading that, even though he's in the other ones. No relation.

It's not like a weird throwback or anything. It's just a different character. Okay. So another box. Yep. Stanley Tucci law. Stanley Tucci law. In a garbage bag and in the bin.

Oh yeah. Also, I guess while I'm just ruining Transformers for you and just catching you up to what Michael Bay is up to. Earth is a Transformer. The planet. Omnicron. Yeah. Yeah. Unicron. Unicron. Michael Bay is up to. Earth is a Transformer. The planet. Omnicron, yeah? Yeah.

Unicron. Unicron, yeah. So hang on. Earth has horns now. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. So the reason they revealed... Unicron is a what?

Oh, it's a planet. Yeah. But Earth now has horns because... What do they do? They're just part of Unicron. Yeah. So, all right. So if Unicron transforms into a robot...

Yeah. Earth's dead. Does he do it? No a robot, that's it. Does he do it? No, he doesn't do it. Because in my knowledge of the cartoons, the lovely film, the 86 cartoon version, which still holds up. Not anymore, it doesn't? Because it fucking doesn't fit the law, does it?

I guess it doesn't. That's right, in the bin. Let me just quickly retrieve some of that. Unicron eats other planets or destroys other planets. It's kind of like a weird galactos-y type thing from memory. Well, I guess in this world he's... And he's a lad. He's a dude.

He's a big guy. He's a planet. He's a big dude. So does that mean that... So what happens now... Is Earth a guy now? Well, yeah. What happens if he moves a bit?

Well, if he... What are we? We're people. What's people? Well, yeah. What happens if he moves a bit? What are we? We're people. No, people exist. But then did we make Earth whilst also being on Earth? What happened? Well, hang on. I'll try and explain this to me. So we have man.

So it's back in time days. All right, it's King Arthur. King Arthur's time wasn't that long ago. It really wasn't. Did we inject the world? Wait. Hang on. It's like the Allspark where it touches a Mountain Dew dispensary

and they're like, it's now a robot and it tries to kill everyone. Is that what happened? They're like, I'm just going to shove this into Earth. Maybe. Hang on. But if Earth is already a Unicron or a Transformer... Don't drop the Allspark on the ground. Didn't the Allspark get dropped on the ground? I think they'd kind of play

keepsies off for most of the movie. Most is not all. There's a lot of dirt in the way. I don't know Where does Unicron begin? Where does dirt Is he dirt?

Is the dirt also the bot? What's going on? You know those massive mines Like in Russia and stuff That go like kilometers deep Yes Will we eventually hit Unicron? Is that what's going on?

Does Unicron get tired? Does he get puffed? Does he need a kip? Why does he grow horns? Where are the horns? How does this tie in? The horns are in... Does that mean that when Optimus...

At the end of the fucking third one, Optimus Prime is like, Goodbye, Mark Wahlberg. I'm going to go find out where Ius Prime is like, goodbye, Mark Warburg. I'm gonna go find out where I'm from. Oh, also when he, no, okay, so remember that closing scene of Age of Extinction when he fucks up into space? Which, frankly, is great. He's like, if you ever need

me, I'll be in the stars. Which, to me, I would be like, what? What did he mean by that? Do you know what he meant by that? In the stars? He goes into space and freezes instantly. For real? For real! And then ends up on

Cybertron. And he's like, oh, I can do Oh, I can't. Oh, I thought I could survive in space. And then he ends up on Cybertron and they're like, no, you were in the right place. How has he ended up in Cybertron? Has he floated there? I guess. That's real lucky. And then Jesus

And then that's how he gets brainwashed Which is why Optimus Prime briefly becomes Nemesis Prime I haven't even seen this fucking movie I just keep seeing bits I don't Okay But yeah, it's just very funny to know that He's like, I'll be amongst the stars

I'm froze Oh, shit I don't that he's like, I'll be amongst the stars. I'm froze. Oh, shit. I don't know. That's like a cinematic parallel to Superman getting the kryptonite spear in BVS. Maybe it's kind of like he was full of fossil fuels and was like, oh, there's freezes. Shit. Hang on a sec.

I just realized if you're filling up a Dinobot with it, you're filling a Dinobot up with its king. But a Dinobot is not a dinosaur. That just also happened, I guess no in the movies it is because they drop bombs on dinosaurs and they turn into dino bots do you not remember that sort of age of extinction oh they do don't they yeah those dinosaurs just were dinosaurs bots evolution isn't real in the Michael Bay Transformers movies. I think it does. It has to.

Does that mean people are robots? If like Witwicky touched the Allspark for too long, he's dead, by the way. Oh, what happened? There's like a thing where they're like, look at all these deceased people related to Autobots and there's like a quick shot of Witwicky. They're like, two movies in, they're like, we should probably tie up Wiggy. Dad died.

Die off camera. Someone killed him. Fuck you, the beef. Fuck me, Dad. This started from such an innocent question. Because I'm like, look, just in terms of physically moving something, moving an axle with wheels seems to be a bit easier yeah and moving robot legs so i would say both would use energy but one would require less energy yeah so you as a robot walking around

would require a lot more energy than if you're a car and that's probably why they maintain their existence primarily in a car to get around because that's going to take the less amount of um you just do a combustion in your engine and you're good. Yeah. Whatever. But it turns out there's a lot more going on that we were unaware of and that now we know. Frankly, I'm not happy about it. But then hang on a second. Do they even need energon? Because if you get the oil spark and you touch, again,

anything that's mechanical, that becomes alive And starts harassing people There's no energy in that Maybe they get an initial bump And then just like Slowly they're running out of Energon Does Optimus Prime have like Some Energon on him Like a trail mix

Yeah, but like yeah He should though Because they've landed They crash land? Yeah. Well, look, my law's in the bin, so I don't know. Maybe. The reason I've been a bit quiet recently

after dropping a lot of bombs in this episode, I'm reading, trying to read about the last night to find out the exact reveal. Because I've heard it twice. Yeah. That humans invented it. So it happens in the movie, but I'm trying to find the context

and if it's just implied or if it's flat out said. But I have heard it from two separate sources, so I'm sure it does happen. Look, I've heard it as well from you and from elsewhere. So I guess I'm going to have to watch this stupid film. I mean, if someone's screaming at the podcast being like, that doesn't happen, sure. All right, I'm sorry.

Merlin is also still real, so magic exists. Oh, yeah, I forgot about magic. I was happy. Yeah, that's right. Also, Cybertron wants to destroy Earth because Unicron is in Earth, and if they drain Unicron's power, it restores Cybertron to its... So it's kind of like a Galactus celestial seed sitch, yeah? Yeah, also, yeah, Cybertron is actually coming for Earth,

like it's broken up into bits and coming for Earth. Okay. So there will inevitably be a part in the next film, of which I think 15 are planned, right? The next one is Transformers Bumblebee, which is a spin-off set in the 80s. Well, that sounds frankly exciting. Good.

Ah, yes, Stonehenge is the secret draining place of Unicron, by the way. The druids made? The druids knew that Transformers were coming? I guess. So, inevitably, in the next movie there'll be a moment where Earth fights

Cybertron, yeah? And that kills humanity. No, I don't think we'll die. I think we'll win. No, but if Earth is fighting, as in, oh, you know, alright. Also, there's a link open between Earth and Cybertron now, and they're gonna try and help each other, like, rebuild both cities. That's how the movie ends.

Just, like, I just, I had this very simple question in my heart, you know? I'm like, it seems weird that this living being can just drive forever. Surely it gets tired sometimes. And now I found out that Earth itself is one of these guys, but is napping, so we're good.

That another planet has broken off and is coming for us. A sentence like my brain's still like, I'm just not going to try and wrap around that because I don't know what that means. I just figured it split up into many billions of parts. But are they like ships? I don't know. Don't ask questions. Why has no one fixed Bumblebee's voice

box? It can't be hard. It shouldn't be hard. I accidentally just stumbled across an article that ranks the characters from Michael Bay's Transformers movies by sweatiness. That's pretty good. Everyone does get fairly sweaty. Okay.

So. Do Transformers get tired? At this point, I don't know. Because I don't even know if they even use Energon in the Bay universe. What? Hang on. I'm just going to go back. I'm going to go fishing.

Okay. And I'm going to grab that big box of lorite. Yeah. Crack it open. I'm just going to go back. I'm going to go fishing. Okay. And I'm going to grab that big box of lore I had. Yeah. Crack it open. Dump it out and be like, I'm just going to forget about the Bayverse. Don't even worry about it. Don't even worry. Forget it.

Throw it in the bin. In the bin. There it goes. Yep. So let's just crack that bin open. Swap them around. Yep. And be like, all right, let's go to the cartoon and the comics.

So that's easier to deal with. Yeah. I can manage this now. Okay. So they have Energon and they need energy because without energon they where do they acquire energon from it's a good bloody question is it just like a natural resource it's a natural resource because they harvest them in like little clear cubes and it's all glowing and purple so it's basically like a fuel so does that mean that like optimus

and the gang on earth are living on borrowed time i I mean, they'd have to be. Or is there Energon on Earth they could nab? I think there is definitely Energon on Earth. It always seemed funny to me that Optimus Prime would ever decide to run. You know what I mean? Yeah, especially if you want to really conserve energy. Would a Transformer understand traffic? No. Okay.

Because that's like, is for them traffic a crowd? Well, like, no, but like, well, yeah. Oh, hang on. But if it was only transformers, it would be a crowd. But if it's cars, no. Energon is the preferred fuel of the transformer race. So I have to fill up the bumblebee. Yeah, including all crystal gas

And raw energy But is commonly used By Transformers In its liquid state Which is stored in But I can use Just regular fossil fuels To make Bumblebee go

I'm assuming Yeah I cannot think of A more intimate process To have with a living being Than fueling it Like It's kind of good though

I guess Nah Something about it Puts me off I'm driving Bumblebee and Bumblebee's like I'm low on fuel I'm like this is a ridiculous conversation Because you're an alien but whatever I'm guessing because

If they are When they scan and they scan this I'm guessing there'd be something in there to be like This is how they get Fuel And for a transformer I'm assuming fuel is not like an intimate thing. It's basically me putting grapes in their mouth. Yeah, that's weird.

Why doesn't- Wait, they've got mouths. Can they drink fuel? Why do they have- I think their mouths are just to talk. They could be a speaker. Might as well be a speaker. Should be a speaker. But whatever.

But like- Look at the lips. Yeah, I don't- Fucking John Goodman bot gives himself a beard. Out of what? Frankly, he's metal. But like... Look at the lips. Yeah, I don't... Fucking John Goodman bot gives himself a beard. Out of what? Frankly, he's metal. But that's fine. But what I keep thinking is I imagine I'm driving Bumblebee

and Bumblebee's like, I'm low on fuel. Pull into a petrol station. And I'm like, that's fucked, Bumblebee. You're a bot. Why not become a fuel efficient car? You know what I mean? It probably is. Like, it probably is fuel efficient. I'm like, why not become a fucking Tesla? Yeah, actually. You're not just. Why not become a fuel-efficient car? You know what I mean? It probably is. It probably is fuel-efficient.

I'm like, why not become a fucking Tesla? Yeah, actually. You're not just going to plug in. Why? Or become a whatever-the-fuck-you-are Bumbles, and I'll give your internals, make them a Tesla. You know what I mean? Yeah.

We're creating more and more efficient cars every day, but the Transformers, for some reason, don't... You know what I mean? No, I get what you mean. You're with me. I'm'm with you and maybe in the future they will be because right now they're so technologically advanced why do they have to wait for us to catch up why can't the transformers be like hey look i got a good idea of how shit works because i am mechanical shit so i'm gonna make myself the most efficient car possible so that you don't ever have to fill me up.

And then I can be like, look at this. This is how we should be designing our cars. But then, well, whatever. It just saves the planet, but the planet's one of them anyway. So don't even worry. I think, okay, I've just done a lot of reading very quickly. Is Unicron like Mother Gaia now? Yeah, I guess.

Also, there's a Hot Rod car in one of the pictures of the Witwickies which was taken in 1913. So that's the same thing that you have an issue with. So they were technologically advanced and should have been able to advance a civilization, but it was just like, no. No, it'll be like whatever car.

Hot rod. Rodimus Prime? Rodimus Prime. That's a guy. That's a guy, yeah. I want to go. I want to just get up and leave. Rodimus Prime. Fuck right off.

I think that was when Hot Rod becomes the Prime. Why is he not Tractimus Prime then? I don't know. He fucking should be. He was voiced by, I think, what did I say? Judd Nelson. Rodimus Prime. At. I don't know. He fucking should be. He was voiced by, I think, what did I say? Judd Nelson. Rodimus Prime. At least in the 1986 film.

I can't find anything about humans inventing Transformers. So maybe they meant, like, Unicron invented Cybertron, but then Unicron's now Earth. Maybe it's like Unicron was just, like, a floating bot. But then, you know, like,, like how like Earth was just a core and then space dust fell on us and eventually it developed like an ecosystem. Yeah.

So if someone could tweet me actually, because I'm very curious. I want to know. Yeah. Tweet us at SansPinceRadio. If you've seen, not Age of Extinction, The Last Knight, does it say that humans are fucking made Transformers?

Because if so, I want to know about it. But also, I don't want to watch the film. Yeah, fair. Here's another thing that bugs me about Transformers. They're fucking stupid. What is a Transformer? That's a robot. Nah, that's stupid.

What is a Transformer? It's an alien. Yeah. Made by someone. Yes. Who? It's an alien. Yeah. Made by someone. Yes. Who? Well, maybe humans. Or if they may be a techno-organic.

That's stupid. It doesn't happen. Alien race. I don't... How? Where's its heart? How long till it dies? Do they have kids?

Yes. No. They don't have fucking Robocum or a Robo-Uterus. Also, in some of the Transformers they develop this thing where like size and whatever they can kind of make things bigger or smaller and that's why

Megatron can just be a gun. Just a handgun. How does heron can just be a gun just a handgun how does he why not be what so it's really fun uh sometimes in the comics where he'll just like go from being megatron who has this giant like cannon on his arm yeah and he transforms into a pistol or just a handgun and then there's just star screen as a robot with a gun and starts shooting. That is pretty good. That's Superman with a gun level hilarious. You don't need a handgun.

You don't need a piece. You are a piece. But then he becomes Galvatron and becomes just a cannon. I like the idea of transforming into a sword and stabbing a guy and then transforming whilst you're currently in a guy. From the sound of it, you would be like, I'm a sword! Pick me up!

Yeah, basically. No, but that's what I mean. I'm a sword, pick me up, then someone stabs someone with the sword. Then you become a guy and there's someone just holding your foot. And you tear that person apart. Real good. For that transforming, like Megatron at that moment when he was Megatron and he transformed into a handgun.

He's just a handgun. He's just a handgun. He's got no mobility. He needs someone to pick him up and carry him around like a piece. To become a gun with legs. Yeah. Robots in disguise. Pistol Pete. Pistol Pete.

Perfect Transformer. Yeah. Become several guns. Yeah. They just all seem so stupid. Yes. Yes, they are. But would they get tired?

I don't know. They might be filled by magic, Jack. I don't know. I don't know. I thought that'd be a reasonable answer to any of this. I'm trying to find if you can put fossil fuels in transformers, and I just don't know. I found a website or an article that just says,

transformer fuel is a liquid substance used by transformers to sustain their mechanical life. I don't know what that even means. Like, because a transformer at the end of the day is not a car. No. Right? He's a robot in disguise. Right?

Who is an alien. So it would stand to reason, no, but he's become a car. That means he has the internal systems of a car. Yes. And the internal systems of a car are designed as such so that when you fill it with fuel, by which I mean fossil fuel, petroleum, whatever, internal combustion happens within the engine. Yes.

And the car goes. Yes. So that means that I must be able to fuel Bumblebee. Yes. That means Bumblebee could theoretically, I don't know why he'd do this, but if Bumblebee transformed into his classic whatever he is, muscle car, I don't know what Bumblebee is, and then gave himself

like a train's coal engine, I could power him with coal. Yes. Right? Yes. I have another thing to add to this, Jackson. So some Decepticons, they turn into planes. Planes use jet fuel that you go, I guess, you need a lot more of it. But they don't need to because they could just give themselves a coal engine.

It could be a plane with a coal engine if they wanted. I mean, if they wanted it, yes. But would they have to use more? Does a Decepticon have to use more energon or energy if they are a plane versus a car? They shouldn't. Why? Because they're the same weight regardless.

They have the same number of bits. I mean, it is weird that in every Michael Bay Transformers movie, if a Transformer gets punched, there's something Ryder always points out, or in every Michael Bay Transformers movie, if a Transformer gets punched, there's something Ryder always points out, or maybe you, I think it's Ryder. When a Transformer gets punched, heaps of like bits go everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, are they necessary? Yeah. Are you going to transform wrong next time? Like what happens? Is that a gear? You need that gear? Yeah. That seems like you might need that gear.

Regardless of that, they should always have the same weight. Yeah. Because they're the same size. Yes, but I'm saying to drive around in a car requires less energy because you are not fighting gravity. Yeah. So if you're a plane, you are fighting gravity, hence you're going to need a little bit more fuel than if you were a car.

So I suppose you couldn't become a coal engine plane no because you're not going to get anywhere near enough energy out of being a steam plane also i was gonna say decepticons at least can fly without being a plane but also old mate optimus can also anyone anyone can anyone that's just the thing there's actually no rules to transformers except the rules that they for some some reason, impose on themselves. Yes. Bumblebee could be like, I'm going to be a jet now, Witwicky. Hop in.

I know how to fly, so don't even stress about not knowing how to fly. Yeah. Or just like put him- What was Bumblebee's plan when Witwicky got in him? Because like- He kidnapped him for a bit. Yeah, but like why? Didn't he have a thing? He tried to get Witwicky to bone.

To what end? He's like watching. But like he have a thing? He tried to get Witwicky to bone. To what end? He's liked watching. But like he's a robot. That's how it happened. He liked that, I think. I don't. I just want to slam my head into the ground. I feel like this is exactly the same feeling I'd have,

chatting about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You give me a TV show from the 80s that was designed to sell toys gijo too probably yes there's no internal logic no there's no consistency to any of it i so dusha you've done some hard-hitting research oh man sorry i've been in and out of this episode just because like i keep being like what and then have like i need to read about this surely i'm wrong all right you fell down a transformer hole yep what did that hole give? So, I don't think it's flat out said that humans invented

Transformers. Okay. Quintessa is the villain of the last night. Yep. It's a good name. And she claims to have invented Cybertron and the Transformers. But then it's revealed that... Is she a robot? Yes. It's then revealed that she's lying. And it's kind of implied, I think, that Unicron invented the Transformers,

but someone needed to make him and he made Earth. So I think it's like literally planet Earth invented them, not people. But we're back to square zero, basically, because we're wondering who made it. It's like, oh, God made everything. Who made God? We're back to square one. Yeah, except it'd be like, who made God? But God is like literally standing right there.

Who made this bugalug? Who made this guy? Buddy couldn't tell you Wasn't me though Does that mean Unicron made Cybertron? And then Huddled into a ball And then Earth happened around him

So Unicron's like this is mad I gotta get rid of What do I call Transformers? They're genderless. We're established. Unless they decide they want to be gendered. Let them live their lives. So Unicron's like, I made all these Transformers.

Yeah. But I hate them. I'm going to make them a new planet. Fuck them off to that. They live on that new planet. He's like, in time to go and do a ball and get some dirt on me. Yeah. Then humans pop up because why not i guess and then no humans don't pop up first off transformer dinosaurs are

happening some got left behind oh yeah also don't forget that like one of the pyramids also had a transformers in it transformers have been throughout human history although there's a transform on the moon and that's why nasa go to the moon. But yeah, we're surprised in 2007 when we're like, oh shit, what's a Transformers exist? I don't get it. What? Because they've been throughout all human events, basically. This is strange, except for the one on the moon or in the pyramid.

That's odd, but except for those two. Yeah, and also our planet, I guess. But we don't know about that. But now we do, because there's spikes. Sorry. Do Transformers get tired, though? That's a real problem. That's a real question.

And I guess, like, a bit. Maybe. When they're fighting and exerting all of their robot energy, they get a bit sleepy. But when they're driving, it's probably more relaxing. I guess how we would get tired if we went for a massive sleepy. But when they're driving, it's probably more relaxing. I guess how we would get tired if we went for a massive walk, but if we're just walking from A to B...

It's all right. Not too bad. And also, clearly they do get tired and exhausted, or else Unicron would be up doing things. Yeah. But he's a very tired little... He has a kip.

...transformer. He has an energy. And when he's kip over, we all die. Yes. When he stretches, or if he moves in his sleep, or if he's got restless leg syndrome, we're fucked.

Yep. So I guess what's probably going to happen is they're going to pull Unicron out of... There's a post-credits scene in the most recent film where Quintessa, who it seemed like Bumblebee killed, so I guess Bumblebee's a god killer. On your bumbles. And then Quintessa's like back, but she's a person now?

They made a person in the second one. It's fine. Transformers can do that. So Transformers can be lads. They make one becomes a lady and then tries to fuck with Wiki, but then Wiki's like, I've got a girlfriend. And then she gets like a robot scorpion table. And that makes me annoyed because that means that the dinosaur robots

didn't need to look like robots. None of the robots need to look like robots. Optimus could just be our big guy yeah it's yes like if they've got that technology why aren't they all that i don't know robots in disguise my fucking cock more like fucking robots standing out like a sore fucking thumb not in disguise anymore, dickheads. Two robots get tired. I'll be it. I guess, yes. A podcast essay by plumbing the desk.

This was like, I'm like, oh, look, it's just like a tiny little hole. I'm like, oh, let me just push and, oh, false bottom. It's bottomless. I don't know how deep this rabbit hole goes and I'm sad I jumped in you're still falling

there's nothing to go on to I'm going to tumble forever now you made me very unhappy I'm just going to grab all that knowledge we can grab some of it out of the bin because it sounds like I was wrong no look best if I grab both the cartoon, the comic

and the new Bay Universe and then just pick it all up. And don't forget Stanley Tudyk. Tucci, not Tudyk. Push that into a bin, grab that Stanley Tucci lore and grab that. And into the bin as well. Who was in Hunger Games?

I don't know. Lovely Bones? Could have been anybody. Just get any idea. Transformers get tired if they fight too much, but if they're driving Who was in Hunger Games? I don't know. Lovely Bones? Could have been anybody. Just get any idea. All right. It's fine. Transformers get tired if they fight too much, but if they're driving, they're fine. Yeah.

Put some normal fuel in them or give them Energon. It's also funny to imagine Energon spelt like E-N-E-R-J-O-H-N. Yes. Could you give them like, because we have 98 petrol and- Premium fuel. I think it shouldn't matter. Should it matter? No, because if I put in the wrong

one that transformer should be like well let me just rearrange my internals and we'll be sick. Yeah it'd be like if you give someone a burger they're not gonna die of a heart attack straight away they'll be like oh yeah fast food that's alright yeah it's not even it's like if someone's like hey Jackson you can transform any element of your body can you eat these rocks

and I'll be like yeah just let me make my body work so that I can eat rocks. Right? Yeah. Am I wrong? No. If I was like Transformer, I'm going to fill you with piss. That Transformer could be like, well, I'll just rearrange my body so that that works because that's so totally something I can do.

If I can make myself a dinosaur, there are literally no rules. If I pour tomato juice, do they even have a place where the nozzle goes? They could make one. That's the point. So they do it and I just pour tomato juice. That's fine. That should be. Because I guess all they're taking

is the raw energy from anything. Yeah. They would just rearrange their... If you were like, I'm using fossil fuels, I'm using organic fuels, I'm using jet fuel. They'll just rearrange their insides so that those things, you know, produce energy and they produce fuel for the car and the car can go. Or to be honest, to be fucking honest, they could just get up and walk.

Do they need petrol for walking? Yes. What are the rules? I think they do. It's like how we kind of need food for walking but in the third or the first marky mark movie optimist prime has been sitting docent like just doing nothing for ages in a shed yeah and then he's brought to life and he's okay just fine so if we overate yeah that's a surefire way to put on weight yeah you, it's like you are not expending that energy,

so you put on weight. What happens when a transformer does? They could just eject it, surely. Because they've got a fuel tank. You fill it up, there's a limit. Yeah? No. Or they just store it.

They would produce us. Because John Goodman'sbot is kind of chunky. Yeah, but that's an intentional choice. Or does he have like a bigger fuel sack? Or fuel tank? I don't... Surely proportions shouldn't matter. They shouldn't, but they could.

Because if you have like, basically, if I have a tank that has a maximum amount of fuel that can be in that, so therefore if I can make that bigger and fill it up more, so it's being fatter in the Transformers universe. Or FYI, for a Transformer, is that better? Because that means you can store more fuel. Stephen Hawkins is dead in the Transformers universe.

That's a funny slight. Why? Because he's one of the Witwickians, and the reason we know sam wit wiki is dead is because they say that anthony hawkins is like i'm the only living wit wiki and so stephen hawking's also ate shit at some point why is he couldn't tell you what's a wit wiki well it's an order of people dedicated to keeping his last name yeah yeah it's um so it's an order of people dedicated to keeping his order. I thought it was his last name. It's that too. Yeah, yeah. So it's an order formed to protect the identity of Autobots. What does that even mean? Well, it's because Transformers have been around forever.

Protect the identity? Or did this Sam fuck up? Yeah, a bunch. But he's dead now, so I guess he was suitably punished. I just think... Why Stephen Hawking, though? Why kill him? He's a poor... He's alive now.

He's a good guy. What are you doing? I just think it's... And it's just like a problem in the Michael Bay universe, but all of the Transformers are designed to look like the car that they became transformed into a bot, right? Yeah. But they are not that car. No.

They're a guy. In fact, doesn't Bumblebee change, literally? Yeah, so like there's no- Because Bumblebee's a shit car at first. Yeah, and then he's like, oh, let me change. What's super fucking weird is that the colouring is not, is, doesn't change. Optimus Prime

always has lightning bolts on his face or whatever the fuck, or flames, I don't know what he's got. Stars or some shit. It's just two cocks. Like, there's just no rules. They transform that way because they've decided to transform that way. Yes. Which is stupid. Or have they been

built that way? By who? By Unicron? Or bloody Quintessa if she wasn't talking shit, but she was talking shit. Guys, I think I just hate Transformers. Maybe. Maybe I'm realising that. Fair.

About who I am, that I think Transformers is really silly. Like, I think I enjoyed the cartoons when I was younger. I enjoyed even like if I ever watched some of the 86, you know, cartoons now, I'd be like, yeah, it was good. Childhood, yeah. I just, the current system, I think any of it makes me mad. You know what's good? Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Yeah, fuck, that movie robs.

They put that guy's eyes in acid or whatever. Yeah, he kills his shoes. Hey, Simon, you might know this. Have you played the Point and Click Adventure Toonstruck? It stars Christopher Lloyd and it's pretty much just Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but a video game. Anyway, I've been playing that Stax recently and you reminded me of Who Framed Roger Rabbit

because you said who designed them that way and then I just had Jessica Rabbit's line where she's like I'm not bad I'm just drawing this way anyway that's a good movie go watch that everyone Who Framed Roger Rabbit two thumbs up from this boy that's six thumbs up

that's as many thumbs as anyone can think of. If an ant had thumbs, that'd be a glowing review from one ant. And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey. I've been Joel Dusha. I've been Joel Zabit. I hate Transformers. And we said our last

names because Jackson outro'd the show wrong. I'll just go. No, I think that's for the best. Take Transformers with you. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm done. But do they get tired though, Jackson? Doesn't matter. Doesn't even matter. Thanks for listening, and if you want to follow us on Twitter,

you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com, and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps!mit if you want to hear our other shows you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there there's heaps

and if you want to support us head to sanspantsplus.com thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time goodnight for now but not forever kisses