Plumbing the Death Star - Hey Dirtbag! How're You Gonna Save Valentine's Day?

Episode Date: February 10, 2019

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Be there or go to hell. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, hey, dirtbag? Absolutely. As established, all three of us are said dirtbags. So we're just chilling on a fine Valentine's Day morn.

Valentine's Day morn or Valentine's Day Eve? Valentine's Day Eve morn. Let's go morn. That gives us the day if there's anything we need to do. When lo, another baby comes flying through the window. I wish this would stop happening. flying through the window. I wish this would stop happening. On our lap, except this baby has little wings

and a bow and arrow, I guess. Like a cherub does. Okay. Is it a cherub? I don't know. Well, babies don't typically have wings, so I reckon. Okay.

So it looks up at the three of us. Hey, dirtbags! Hey, this one didn't call us idiots this time. How are you going to say Valentine's Day? Because adult death rattle and die. Well, we've got another dead baby. I'll go get a shovel. As with last time, I'll put the baby's clothes on.

Tear the wings off the back. Turns out I can't affix these to the back. Turns out I kind of fixed these to my back. Okay. Do they work? Not anymore. I tore them off this baby. Before Jackson tears this baby asunder. Right.

Got a dead baby. Jackson's putting on a diaper. What does he mean? What does he mean by safe in Valentine's Day? Let me look at a cherub's outfit first. I guess I like to imagine at this point, even a cherub I don't think has an outfit. I think it's just wings.

Is it just naked or does he have a diaper? Oh wait, shit, a cherub's nude. Do we have a nude baby in the kitchen? You have a nude baby with a quiver and a bow. Yeah, it's just a nude boy. Oh, no, he's got little shorts on. Sometimes.

Most of the time, dick out, though. Yeah. Yeah. This one's got, like, a fine silk wrapped around it. Occasionally, you'll find one with a sash. Yeah, that's right. Hang on. Cherub valentines.

Because I'm just looking at your typical cherubs. Because usually it's a naked baby with a quiver. A sash, maybe. Bow and arrow. They are fairly nude. Yeah, by and large. So now Jackson is nude. He's like, alright.

Okay, we've got a dead baby on the table and you're just getting undressed. I'm like, Jack, now is not the time. Well, I gotta, you know, we're gonna say Valentine's Day, I gotta put the fucking wings on. Alright, look, you just go in the other room, start getting naked, take this bow and arrow. Alright, I'll take the bow and arrow.

I should maybe tape the wings to my back. Alright, we've gotta get... Alright. I'll bury the baby. You bury the baby. For the second time this year. I'll go get a knife and hack the wings off. Okay. How are we going to stick them to my body?

Question one. Our body? Your body. Our. My. One of us has got to choose. There we go. I'll probably use the quibble.

Zusha a little bit sweaty from digging a hole. Yeah. Zamet covered in baby blood. Man. Jackson nude. Hurry up and stick it to my back. Okay. Just tape will probably do it.

How do we do it? Do we get a harness? Do we get some glue? Gum? We can tape the wings. They're not going to work anyway. Put them in the trash. I'll just walk.

I'll just walk it. I just hacked up a baby. We're doing something with his wings, you piece of shit. Why'd you hack the wing? We didn't have to hurt the baby's skin. I just cut an eye out.

You could have cut them off. You cut it out or off? I cut, I got, well, like... Hey, Jackson, how do wings work? Yeah. Well, how do, no, actually, new question,

how do you think blood works? Ah! In what capacity? Okay, if I cut a bird's wing in half, are you trying to suggest that it wouldn't bleed? No. If you cut the wings off at the stem, they're like...

Oh, they are like angel wings. For some reason, I was imagining butterfly wings. So, yeah, it's hard to kind of get into the shoulder blade and dig in there. Even if you're not doing that, even if you're trimming the wings and leaving the part that's attached, you're still bleeding. If you chop the feathers off. There's blood vessels in a wing.

Well, I'll come back into the room nude. Well, wings aren't going to work anyway. Put a sock on it at least. Let's buy a drone and tie me to that. All right. So you're nude and attached to a drone. Yeah, I'll put some underwear on if I have to. You go to JB, you get a drone.

Wear a... No, okay. So I reckon we get a red mankini. Borat style, but red. Yeah, that's the kind of adult diaper, you know what I mean? Yeah. Which is funny because they're just our adult diapers. Okay, so

Duties of Valentine's Day, I'll say as I hover around the kitchen That's actually four droves I want to put the wings on at least two of them Okay So, are we going to make people fall in love? Gaffer, I'm using gaffer First of all, obviously Which is what I assume this bow and arrow does

Yeah Okay, but also Do a little Wikipedia-ing And people think that Valentine's Day came from a Roman festival called Lupercalia. That's,

okay. Right. Oh no. It was later known as Februa, which means purging. Okay. Okay,

where are we? So we gotta do the purge. We have to purge our bodies, mind, or spirit. Some sources connect the Latin word for fever with the same idea of purification the purge. We have to purge our bodies, mind or spirit. Some sources connect the Latin word for fever

with the same idea of purification or purging. Do the sweating commonly seen association with fever. So I gotta get real sweaty. You have to get sweaty or you gotta make other people sweaty. Well, people are sweaty when they're horny. So that's pretty good. No, they're not usually sweaty because they're horny though. No one's sitting there being like

fuck I'm horny and now sweaty. We're also going to sacrifice a dog or a goat. Alright, I'll go get Mella. Hey idiot, how are you going to save Lupercalia? That's what this is really. Alright, I'm holding a dog.

Alright. I'm sorry Maladie Why are you choosing your dog? Why are you giving it a name and not being like Alright I found a dog Well it's my dog Alright fine I'm going to hop the fence and get my neighbours dog Maladie you sit good girl Okay kill that dog

Step one Alright how? It just says to kill it. Oh, wait. We could have just used salted little cakes. All right. Instead of a dog? Yeah.

Oops, I'm sorry. You killed a dog. Do a shirt dig another hole. Oh, hey. Oh, my God. I have some weird duties, guys. We do need to bring the dog back. Bring off the dog.

Okay. Is the dog... Did we kill it? Yeah. Okay. Skin it, please. Ah, God damn it. Dusha, take off my mankini.

Uh-huh. Okay. Now I'm covered in baby and doghuh. Okay, now I'm covered in baby and dog blood. Okay, boys, I got a request. It's a rough one. Can you turn that, can you turn it into a thong

for me to wear? Because in Lupercalium... Okay. Where was it? Okay. Oh, God oh god no I lost it Please tell me I didn't make this up Jackson we just

Skinned a dog and you're nude again It's covered in blood and dirt I swear I read it Oh no Okay yes okay They cut thongs from the flayed skin Of the victim. So it has to happen.

All right. So as in thongs, as in what kind of thongs? It just says thongs. I don't know. I'm reading from Wikipedia. Thongs or groin thongs? Do we have enough dog skin to make both? Yeah.

Neighbor's got a big dog. Yeah. Okay. Dog skin thongs and a dog skin thong. Okay. Dog skin thongs and a dog skin thong. Okay, now I have to run naked or near naked along the old Palatine boundary and an anti-clockwise direction around the hill.

All right, anti-what? Anti-clockwise. No, before that, the other word. Along the old Palatine boundary. Where's that? I don't know. Look it up. Palatine?

Yeah. Well, first of all, we should probably make someone fall in love. Okay. Wait, you want to do that first or do you have to run around the thing to get the power? I'm just trying to cover. Oh, maybe I've got to run around the thing to get the power. Yeah. Hey Siri, where's the old Palantine bowl?

That's what we're looking for. I found this on the web for you. Hey Siri, where is the old Palantine bowl? It just gave me the web for you. Hey, Siri, where is the old Palatine bowl? It just gave me the Super Bowl results. Yeah, well, it's the old Palatine boundaries. That explains it. Okay. Well, you may also have to get me pregnant.

This is becoming more and more complicated. Do I need to eat a bunch of figs? Because the figs are like balls. Yeah. Yeah, from my skimming, we could get a bunch of figs. We're still in the kitchen. God. How do you spell palatine?

P-A-L-A-T-I-N-E. P-A-L-A... Palatine. I'm going to drone over to an atlas and begin searching. P-A-L-A-T-I-N-E. This dog skin thong is riding up. Now we've got to go to England. Man.

Wait, England? What's the quickest way to get to- Lancashire. What's the quickest way to get to Lancashire in a day? Come on, boys. This doesn't feel like it should be in England. It feels like it should probably be in, like... Palestine.

Are you saying because it sounds a bit like Palestine? Do we have to go to Palestine? No, no. It's Palatine. We've got to go to the north. We've got to go to North England. We've got to go to... Okay.

Well, how the hell... Wait. Hang on. Wait. Is got to go to... Okay. Well, how the hell... Wait. Hang on. Wait. Is it Palatine? Yes. Because a Palatine is also a high-level official attached to the Imperial Royal Courts of Europe

since ancient times. So it's also a person. Okay. Where are they? Would we have one in Australia? Palatine. It sounds like a judge, basically. All right.

We just got to find a judge. Yeah. Now it's saying that it's in Cook County in Illinois. Okay. Illinois. Why does Wikipedia keep changing? Okay. So we got to make a decision.

Oh, yeah. I've got. Wait, guys. There's a part of your body called the Palatine. The Palatine tonsils. To a dentist. It's an ancient city on the Italian peninsula. Okay.

So we have several Palatines to choose from. I'd like to think I'm saying this eating a banana on the kitchen bench. Still, oh no, you're wearing a dog. We're wearing a dog. Dog thong. Oof. I like to imagine you've got the dog head at the front. Yeah, and the tail at the back. Oh no.

Mouth open, penis through the mouth. Jackson, why? It's more comfortable. It squishes it otherwise. It's almost like it was designed for this. Leave me alone stop looking at my fucking shoot you with one of the arrows if you don't shut up what will that do well yeah what will that do i'll shoot you with one of the arrows and i guess the next person to shoot with

an arrow you're gonna fall in love with can we show can we make oh we gotta save if you shoot him then shoot me that's basically. Alright. You two better not just fuck heaps and not help me with this. Make you shoot us in a bit. Wait. We don't know if you have the powers yet. It's probably just going to be us cocking arrows. Shoot me in the foot first.

Alright, I'll shoot you in the foot. Do we think I have the powers yet? No. Oh god, I'm sorry! Ow! Okay, Zammet's foot is bleeding out. Bleeding out? Well, a heart-shaped arrow is gonna do some fucking damage! That's true.

Alright, wrap Zammet's foot in a towel and drive me to a dentist. Wait, no, we gotta pick. Just wrap his foot in a towel and we'll pick. Wrap Zammet's foot in a towel and somebody Drive me to a dentist Is a great statement Exclamation So which Palatine are we choosing

Well we can't get to Italy North England's out of the question We can either find a judge A judge or a dentist I feel a judge might try and stop us. I do have my penis out a dog's mouth. That's definitely a crime. Absolutely.

Drive me to a dentist. I feel maybe a dentist might also question this. We got to make it look like we're a bit more of authority. Yeah. Dentist student. Dentist student. We go to a dentistry school. Yes.

Where's the nearest dentistry school in Melbourne? Dentist... Let's get in the car. Alright. Dentistry school. Alright, I'll hop. Okay, yes. Hammond will hop with his broken... Dentist school, Victoria! Not the UK.

Belfast, there may be no dental schools in Victoria. Melbourne Dental School, Carlton. All right. We'll drive to Carlton. Okay. That's much closer than usually when we have to go on these adventures. Yeah, that's pretty good, frankly.

Carlton's fairly close. Yeah. It's like a 20-minute drive. We could probably stop for lunch, honestly. It has been a busy morning. Yeah, all right. Okay. Okay, where are we stopping for lunch? Maybe somewhere near a doctor.

Yeah. Somewhere that... Wait a second. You know first aid. Fix my foot. All right. Thank you. You're welcome.

I just wrapped it in a bandage and applied pressure. Wrapped it in a bigger towel. Did you at least push the arrow through or did you leave it in? I took it out. Why did you take it out? You're not meant to do that you at least push the arrow through or did you leave it in? I took it out. Ah, why'd you take it out? Wait, you're not meant to do that. First aid my arse. Now, Sam, it's bleeding worse.

You shit. Take me to a doctor. But, Dick, if we go to a doctor, I'll stay in the car. Wait, dentist is basically a doctor. Let's go to the dentist. He'll have, um... Foot's basically like the mouth of the leg. Yeah, all right.

Well, if they have drugs, that's definitely something a dentist... Oh, wait, we're going to a dentistry school. They'll have Nova Cone or whatever. Okay. Nova Scotia. So, we arrive at the dentist's office. Yep.

Dentist school. Yep. Okay. Well, I got to run nude around this dentist school. Hey. Yeah, all right. You run nude and I'm going to wheel up. Oh, dentist school. How big is. I gotta run nude around this dentist school. Hey! Yeah, alright. You run nude and I'm gonna wheel up. Oh, dentist school. How big is it? Oh, yeah. That's a long run.

How many loop laps? I don't know. Just says around it counterclockwise till someone gets pregnant. Who's getting pregnant? I don't know. Whoever's close. It's not my problem, all right? Well, it is our problem. Yeah, I think I got to get...

Oh, God. If I got the wrong thing... Wait, what did I say we're celebrating? Valentine's Day? What are we accidentally celebrating? I just think that I was looking at the wrong holiday. We've got a dead dog. What holiday are we looking at?

Hold on! There's two... Oh, no. There's two Roman holidays that have very similar names Are we Oh boy Is one just a fertility holiday? I think we've been celebrating the right one

I think we're okay Also the school is Imagine this happening at the reception I'm bleeding blah blah blah where's that nova cone wait lupicalia valentine's day is really hard to I'm just gonna shoot people

I'm just gonna start letting loose arrows in this dentist school everyone's in love everyone fucking let's oh wait I don't have the powers yet. Oh, fuck, guys. Get back in the car. Get back in the car. We gotta go.

Take a dentist, though. I'm gonna grab the most senior dentist and maybe some painkillers. In case Palatine is still relevant. Yeah, yeah, I know. Okay. Alright. Here's a word from our sponsors. Also, a sneaky boy reminder that this Melbourne International Comedy Festival

I'm going to be hosting a heinous game show called Big Deal and you're morally obliged to come. Head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash live to grab your tickets. Wait, oh, God. Okay, so the dentistry school is called The Golf. That's a bus.

Dentistry school. Roman holiday love. Start Googling love holidays. What are you doing? All right, I'm sorry. Give me a second. Love holidays. Love holidays.

I'll drive if you're Googling. Yeah, holidays that celebrate love. Okay. Can I have a quiet laughing gas? Yes, sure. Zamit shouldn't be driving. He'll be fine. Okay.

Roman holidays in 1953, film starring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn, and she won the best actress for a reward. I don't know if that's the... Oh, won the best actress for a reward. We may need to find a wolf. Where's that dog? Alright, well. What do we need this dog for?

Do we still need the dentist? Maybe. Dentist, put it on your seatbelt. There's a cave somewhere. We should have gone to Italy. We should have gone to Italy. We fucked this up. I'm doing a U-bolt and heading straight to the Melbourne Zoo. Well, Ligon Street is sometimes called Little Italy.

That's true. That's true. To Ligon Street. And we're already in Carlton. We're in Carlton. And the Melbourne Zoo is so close to there. Okay. Oh, hang on.

Peace just at the zoo. A vacation of the blessed candlemas. That sounds like Christmas. That doesn't sound like Valentine's Day. Start lighting candles in the car. All right. Do we have any candles? You did such a hand wave.

Like, don't worry about it. Just light candles in the car. We're going to have to stop and get candles. Did you shoot me in my left foot or my right foot? I imagined left. All right. That's all right. You can drive.

I can still drive. Okay. Yeah, just get some candles. Get a wolf. Alright, we're gonna stop while the cops are starting to work out who shot all these dentists and then kidnapped another dentist. We're gonna quickly stop at Kmart

maybe or Coles. We need to find us some soldiers having a wedding. I think. I'm fairly sure. We're in Carlton. Do we still need a wolf? Do we still need to be in Italy? It's probably good to get a wolf. Okay.

Yeah, the wolves at Melbourne Zoo. I'm going to look that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll get the dentist to help out. It's not a bad idea to get a wolf. Wolves. And maybe some bees is probably also good. Because in Slovenia, St. Valentine, or Zdravko,

was one of the saints of spring, a saint of good health, and the patron of beekeeping and pilgrims. We could just get someone in good health. We don't need the bees. St. Valentine's brings the key of roots, is a quote people say about him. I may need to make spring happen. I think at the core, what I need to make spring happen. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

I think at the core, what I need to do is usher in spring. Incorrect. Okay, I'll keep reading. Valentine's Day is in February. I'm looking at the zoo animals. I don't think they got wolves, but they have an African wild dog. That's pretty close. Or a Tasmanian devil.

Okay. Yeah, that's good. Either of them. Okay. Wait, no, you can usher in spring. We're just in the wrong hemisphere. Yeah, I knew we had to go somewhere else. So now you're actually going to usher in autumn.

Do we need this African wild dog? Get it. It's probably good to get it. Okay, we're going to the zoo, boys. All right. We're close. It's fine. All Okay, we're going to the zoo, boys. Alright, we're close. It's fine. Alright, we careened through the zoo. Oh, wait, hang on. Oh, no. We've already careened through the zoo.

Okay, I found another romantic celebration called Dias Namorados. What have I got to do? Grab the wolf still. We're just going to collect everything, and then we'll find a fucking oval again, and it'll give me some time to think and breathe. All right, we got the wolf.

All right, we've accidentally angered Melbourne Zoo, and there is an African wild dog yipping and, like, biting at the dentist in the backseat. It's smelling blood it knows what it wants and that's my foot okay okay okay we're gonna need okay I think

I think I've got okay look can we find an oval yeah can we find an oval alright look with uh we're in Carlton there's a Melbourne Zoo there's a cemetery that's pretty big. Yeah, that's basically an oval, right? Yeah.

Okay. We're going to need... No, wait. There is Princess Park. Yeah. Big oval. Yeah, good. Park in Princess Park.

Just drive under the oval. Done. Okay. So we're going to need... Yes. Okay. We're going to need a pot of basil. Okay.

We're going to need... Back to Ligon Street. We're going to need a big shell. Okay. I'm just going to try We're gonna need a big shell. Okay. I'm just gonna try and shotgun approach this. Alright, Basil or shell. Okay, go to St. Kilda. Go to the beach. Yeah. Stop at a store to get a thing of basil. Get a bunch of

bees. Uh-huh. Glad that's happening. The candles? Did you light the candles? Yes. We need to go get some candles. No, we got them. It's fine. The car's covered in candles. Alright. So. The wolf. I forget why we needed the wolf. Let it go.

Dentist! Open the door! The dentist... You don't leave! We might need... We don't really need a dentist. We just need tonsils. Okay. What? We have tonsils. I have a tonsils. Yeah, I know, but I got confused.

Fuck the dentist off. Dentist is going as well. Dentist, take this African wild dog back to the zoo with our apologies. Thanks, buddy. Cheers. You're the greatest. Alright. Alright, dentist gone. Okay, somebody write their spouse's name and put it in the pot of basil.

None of us have a spouse. Fuck. Okay. Dentist! Dentist! Are you married? Are you married? Good.

Come back! Write your wife's name in this pot of basil. Then, I don't know, bury it or something. What was the other thing I got? A shell. Dusha, turn that into a compass. We're making a sailor's valentine, which is this kind of shell craft where you turn a shell into a compass.

All right. Now, Zamit, I need you to get on your knees. No, hang on. How do you turn a shell into a compass? Fill it up with water. Sailors have been doing it for years. Oh, that's not a compass. Wait.

You fill it up with water You put a leaf in the water You put maybe some metal on the leaf Now with a compass Just carve some shit into the shell That'll do it Okay Jackson is fuckwit

Zammock get on your knees Open your mouth to the heavens I'm gonna tear off my dog thong Cause I actually don't think I need it I don't like where this is heading I don't like where this is heading I don't like where this is heading then I'm just gonna run around you clockwise nude why is my mouth open?

that's very close to your dick that's where your tonsils are I need it all to be visible to god fine what am I doing with this shell? It's just good to have. Someone let the bees loose. Oh, we didn't get bees.

You didn't get bees? Where do we get bees from? I don't know. You got a fucking wolf. Where's an apiary? But that's in the zoo. Well, pick up bees. Where's the nearest apiary?

Okay, close your mouth. Stop in the shell. Let's get bees real quick. I'm going to keep reading about what I need. I'm going to try and find an apiary. Oh, you may need to blind me. Okay. You may need to blind me.

Okay. All right. There's an apiary down at Tullamarine. Okay. That's pretty close Grab some bees Alright, so we're in St. Kilda at this point No, we're at Princess Park I had to get the shell

Oh yeah, we're in St. Kilda Did we still need the dentist or did we just need the We need the dentist, we need his spouse and the basil So once that's done he can go actually Alright, sick It's just too much to read We need to spouse into Basil, so once that's done, he can go, actually. Sick. Okay. It's just too much to read when we're in such a hurry. Okay.

We're back. You let the bees loose. You keep a carve in that shell. Jackson is fuck-weird. Okay, I'm going to run around nude, and then one of you is going to have to blind me. With the shell? Whatever. I just got to be blind, I think.

Do you have to be blind while you're running around me, or is that after? I think after. Okay, because I can't... Do you still blind me with the shell? Okay. I'll slash you across both eyes. You could have just stabbed. Why did you go slash me?

Because I can get two eyes at once. Okay, let's see if my powers work. Stand in front of me. Okay. I'll shoot you with an arrow. Deal. Do you feel any different? Do you feel like you're in love?

I'm bleeding out. All right. I guess we won't know for sure until we shoot someone else. Who are we going to shoot? You're going to shoot, I guess. The dentist? Me? I'll shoot Zama.

The dentist has already got a spouse. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you in love? Did it work? I like to imagine at this point you've shot me in the neck. You shot Dusha twice. And better.

Oh, fuck. Okay, well, why don't you move me? All right. I'll shoot Dusha again. Now shoot me. Okay, did I get you or the dentist of the African wild dog? Might have shot the dog. All right.

Dusha, do you feel like you're in love with that dog? Dusha? He's bleeding out pretty bad. Okay, let's take him and the dog to the hospital. And then we can heal up Dusha and see if he's in love with this dog. Meanwhile. I don't know, because look. I think Dusha is not long For this world

And the dog Is definitely dead Okay Right And you're blind And I'm blind Alright look Hop in the car

We'll go We'll go to a restaurant We'll see two people On a date We'll make them Fall in love Okay Sounds good.

Should we bury Dusha in the dark? Is he dead? He's dying. Seems like pretty early. Let's just call an ambulance and go. Okay. I'll call an ambulance, huck the phone near Dusha's face,

and then we'll leave. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I fucked up. Lupercalia has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. There is no evidence of a link

between St. Valentine's Day and the rites of the Ancient Roman Festival Lupercalia. You didn't have to blind me. Man, like, just series reading this out. Oh, man. Man, that baby's gonna to be mad at us. See, I think I just needed to sweat.

That's what I was saying. If I just sweated. Although it did give me powers, so something worked. What powers did you get? Oh, maybe I didn't, actually. I just killed you in the dark. We have no evidence one way or the other. Well, what do we need for Valentine's Day then?

Oh, let's find out about St. Valentine. Maybe that'll help me. He had a big beard. You've got that. Okay. Just you keep driving. Duties of a cherub, which is what we probably should have been looking up this whole time.

I hope Duchess is all right. Me too. Hello, sir. You're regaining consciousness. How did these arrow wounds happen? I will kill Jackson Bailey. Oh, my God. Cherubim are the executors of God's righteous judgment.

Oh boy. We gotta kill some sinners, I think. Well, you killed one. Yeah, that's true. Was the dog a sinner? I'm gonna say yes. Okay. Shield the cover with their wings.

I wish we had Dusha here. He always helped by yelling at me. You just think back and all you can hear is, you're an absolute dead shit fuckwit cunt. Let's quickly swing by and see if they've patched him up. You okay, dude? I will literally kill you myself at the end of this, but yes, I'm fine.

Hop in. Paramedics, can you come with? Just in case. We keep hurting ourselves. We need maybe one of you. Okay. Leave the dog. Unless you resuscitated the dog.

Yeah, is the dog alive? JD, is the dog alive? They gave me the dog's blood, so I'm now part dog, part man. Yay! Okay. Good thinking, Paradox. Why wasn't I looking up Cupid this whole time? That was the guy!

Guys, I'm sorry. I let you down this time. It's like 8pm at this point. Holy shit. This is my bad. I will accept full responsibility. I was looking up

Valentine's Day and not the guy who we met. Hey, he's depicted as blindfolded so it's good I'm blind. He is blind. Maybe I did this right.

Oh yeah, love is blind. Good work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fruits and animals. We got the animal. Cupid and the bees. Bees was right too I can imagine we just knocked over a beehive

In the back of our car Bees just everywhere Okay um now we need dolphins And then I think I gotta fuck Fuck who? Just anything A dolphin? No we just also need dolphins

I ride dolphins. That's what Cupid does. Does the aquarium have dolphins? Yes. To the aquarium! Okay. Okay. Oh, no, I don't have to fuck.

Don't worry. That's okay. Do you still need to wear the dog thong? No, you left that in the... I threw that off. I reckon I just got to shoot people with my bow. I can't find anything that's meant to activate my powers. Maybe I don't have powers.

Guys, I don't know if I'm Cupid. At no point did I become Cupid. Unlike Baby New Year, I just put on the clothes. No marked change occurred. Did you put them on wrong? I actually never put anything on. You just got nude. If you'll recall.

Be funny to think that this time the drone that you had has turned into Cupid because we stuck its wings to it which turns out did work. Oh, they're doing it. A little drone going around and just zapping people

or something, making them fall in love. So we didn't save Valentine's Day, but... No, but we were responsible for putting the wings on a drone. In many ways, we still did it. I'm going to take off while I'm already nude. Can I have some of your pants?

Yes, I give you my pants. You can have a jumper. Thanks, guys. I'll put it on like pants with my legs through the arm holes. Then your balls just sticking out the head hole. We kill... Well, I don't know if we kill... Did we kill anyone?

We killed a lot of dogs. My neighbor's dog. They're not going to be happy. We might have to move. That other dog from the zoo. We got a lot of dentists. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of dentists.

We traumatized this dentist that we kidnapped. We've caused some problems at the Melbourne Zoo. All right. First of all, boys, as we drive home, I just want to apologize. So, look, this one one I'll cop this one this is my fault this was my bad I'll accept that responsibility but you know

you all kind of also played along so in many ways it's your fault in many ways the three of us are to blame but I love you boys, you know? Maybe that's what Valentine's Day is all about. Maybe we were all hit with the arrow of Cupid, maybe.

I could do with a shower. There's a lot of dog blood on my dick. Look, I'm also covered in dog, baby, and African wild dog blood. I have African wild dog blood in me. And also bloods of dentists.. And also bloods of dentists. A lot of bloods of dentists. Sorry I just shot you guys with arrows, apes. That's alright.

Maybe it's good. Maybe it is. At least Valentine's Day got saved anyway. We assume. Also, just want to say, I suggested putting the wings on me But you all said no I said yes But you said get drones

Well Who can say what really happened And that will be A Valentine's Day mystery And on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've also been Joel

Happy Valentine's Day everyone and may Cupid's arrow hit you somewhere that's not the heart so you don't bleed out and die may Cupid's arrow hit you square in the head in between the eyes thanks for listening and if you want to follow us on Twitter

you can find us at Sandspants Radio or you can find us individually I'm at Douche13 I'm at OldDogsOfDead and I'm at GodDammitZammit If you want to hear our other shows you can head to SandspantsRadio.com and you'll find all our other content there

There's heaps and if you want to support us head to SandspantsPlus.com Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.