Plumbing the Death Star - Hey. Would You Prefer Jessie's Girl or Stacy's Mum?

Episode Date: February 11, 2018

In which our heroes ask the hard hitting question; hey. Would you prefer Jessie’s Girl or Stacey’s Mum?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/ Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Yeah. And that's the greatest endorsement I've ever heard in my life. I kind of like an older woman. Should we do this? We'll go through each song. We'll find out as much as we can about Stacey's mom and Jesse's girl. And then we'll decide at the very end. I'm going to get a little notepad like I'm some kind of detective.

That's good. Where are we starting? Let's start with Jesse's girl because that's the hardest. Because unfortunately, we only learn about Jesse's Girl through what Rick Springfield feels about her. Which is very unfortunate that we have to do it through the lens of Rick Springfield. So through a man who isn't in fact dating Jessie's Girl, but just puts her on a pedestal. I remember the song Jessie's Girl properly, and I think I do. I'm pretty sure the concept is that he has a friend

Jesse his male friend he's been a good friend of his he's been a good friend of his but recently not so much

and he doesn't quite put his finger on what it is but what it turns out it is is because Jesse has a girlfriend that Rick Springfield

would very much like Jesse's girl but is it oh now okay talking about like what is it unt now now okay talking about like uh what is it untrustworthy yeah narrator there it is yeah is he finding jesse's girl attractive because or desirable because he actually likes jesse's girl or is he just pissed off at jesse and so he's

taking that like weird pent-up rage and maybe like maybe it's feelings for his partner all right so jesse would you rather j or Stacey's mom? No, no, no. Straight off the bat. Jesse, Jesse's girl or Stacey's mom. Yeah. But then, you know, look, we'll save this for later. But I feel like...

We've got to put Stacey in that file. If you've seen the music video. Yeah. He is dating Stacey. Or as in like... Yeah, but... Yeah, true, fair. So, Stacey's already taken.

No, by us in this situation But we're not Rick Springfield or Jessie But we're still thinking maybe What if we got with Jessie's girl Cut both Jessie and Rick Springfield's lunch Yeah, absolutely And plus we know that the person who is dating Stacey Isn't interested

He's not treating Stacey right. That's true. So whether or not we end up with any of these women or men, it's just a question of which would we prefer. Okay, so first off, we're looking at Jessie's girl slash Jessie. Okay. So Jessie's a good friend of this guy. So Jessie's a good friend.

So Jessie, points for Jessie. Sorry, Jessie's girl. But Jessie, you're a good mate. He's a good friend of his. But, okay, that's a pro. but Jesse, you're a good mate. He's a good friend of his. But, okay, that's a pro. Con, something hasn't been right recently. But that's Rick Springfield's sad insecurities. Rick Springfield's like, oh, Jesse's a girl, doesn't spend time with me anymore.

That's not Jesse's fault. I'm glad Rick Springfield's not in the running of someone we could date because I don't want to date Rick Springfield. He sounds awful. He does. He sounds like a creep in that, you know, I think he just needs to relax a little and realize that life goes on.

So she's watching him with those eyes. Now, I take that to mean that Jesse's girl has very beautiful eyes. Or at least Rick Springfield finds the eyes of Jesse's girl. Alternatively, he's nervous she has eyes. No, those eyes, though. Those eyes.

That's like saying, man, that body or like those biceps. Hang on, hang on. Watching him with those eyes. Watching him with those eyes. So it could be like they're really amazing eyes or like the gross eyes of some kind of bush pig. Yeah, yeah, true. How does this go in the song?

And she's watching him with those eyes. Like that. Watching him with those... It sounds like he's whining. Yeah. Watching him with those eyes. He may just be talking about Jesse's girl's eyes. Just like, just not in a good or a negative way.

She's just like, she can see. She is watching Jesse. That's how it's going down. Rick Springfield does not like the blind. Rick Springfield's like, watching him with those eyes. Jesse's how it's going down. Rick Springfield does not like the blind. Rick Springfield's like, watching him with those eyes. Jessie's girl can see. Alternatively, in Jessie's favor, Jessie's girl's giving him the stare. Jessie's good looking.

Babe. I'd say write that down. Jessie is babe slash hunk. Can see. Can see. All right. Not blind. Not blind at all

Which is I guess it's To me that's kind of neutral Yeah I'm not really fussed either way But Rook Springfield seems to care Alright alright Okay next up She's loving him with that body

I just know it Okay so this is speculation This is all speculation It's all speculation There's nothing here to be like We don't know if they've Cosmetic the relationship It's unclear Loving him with that body And that could just That could be Just mean sex's nothing here to be like We don't know if they've Cosmetic the relationship It's unclear

Loving him with that body And that could just That could be Just mean sex Or that could just be like Affection Yeah absolutely And also

To take that Rick Springfield Previously is like Loving him with those eyes Just means she can see Loving him with that body Just means she has a body Right Yep

She is loving Jessie Which is good for Jessie's girl That shows she She's an affectionate lady Again this comes to me Like almost Like neutral to mean that she's body able. So that's nice, I guess, Rick. Why is Rick such a fuck? Fuck it up.

She can see and she has her body. She's not blind or a cripple. Why do you have to say that, Rick? That's odd. Okay. Sure. And he's holding her in his arms late at night. So she's good for a sleepover.

Yeah. Plus, Jessie. Not necessarily good for a sleepover. Staying up late. She mightn't be allowed to stay at Jessie's house. We don't know. How old is everyone? I don't know.

30? Okay. Yes. Sure. They are 30 years old. Yep. Canon. Yep.

The characters in Jessie's Girl and Rick Springfield, 30. Absolutely. Jessie's Girl can't stay over because Jessie's mum is mad. She can come over, but she's got to be gone by 10. None of these boy-girl sleepovers. But she stays late at night. That's true. She breaks the rules.

She's breaking Jessie's mom's curfew. Can we put in Jessie's mom? Strict. That's an option. Jessie's mum? Strict. As an option. Jessie's mum is strict, but an option that maybe we could date. She's in the running. Strict, older than 30. Older than 30.

Realistically, at least 50. 50 plus. All right. 48 plus. 48 plus. She could be just under 50. Middle age. 58 plus. All right. 48 plus. 48 plus. She could be just under 50. Middle age. 58 plus.

Okay. I know I wish that I had Jessie's girl. I wish that I had Jessie's girl. Where can I find a woman like that? A woman who can see and has a body. They're everywhere. Again, Jessie's girl is kind of maybe desirable at least. I think.

Hard to say from these lyrics. From Rick. I don't know if it's like. Rick's vague description. Does he's like, I want to find a woman like that just to be like, does he just want to be jealous? Does he want to fuck Jessie? This is all, I don't know. But also now it seems like he might just be jealous that his friends picked up and he hasn't.

Yeah. Like that Robbie Williams song. Yeah. If you want to find a girl,. If you want to find a girl but if you want to find a girl but if you can't find a girl but your best friend can, it's time to move your body. So Rick Springfield, that's

where you can find a woman like that. You just gotta move your body. Or is he gonna be like out of like Spice Girl kind of rules where if you wanna get with me, you gotta get with all my mates. Cause friendship lasts, no, love may last forever but friendship never ends. Yeah, so it's like Rick Springfield being like,

Jesse, you're a bad bloke. I thought we had a pact. Jesse's girl, if you want to get with Jesse, you've got to get with me. That's such a weird lyric because get with mustn't have meant what it does now. Yeah. Because no one is like, hey, if you want to date me, you've got to make out with all my friends. People are like, hey, we can't date because we made out with all of my friends.

I don't know what the UK was like in the 90s. So if anyone can just email in or tweet us just to confirm or deny what was going on in that song, that'd be much appreciated. I'm looking at Rick Springfield's girlfriends to just get an idea of the kind of woman he would find desirable. Yeah, a woman like that. They're all blonde. How is Rick Springfield's girlfriends to just get an idea of the kind of woman he would find desirable. Yeah, a woman like that. They're all blonde. This is Rick Springfield, though.

We've got to look at Jessie. Yeah, Google who Jessie's dating. Who is Jessie dating? While you do that, all right, we go on. I play along with the charade. So I guess they've been invited over for some game night, and they're playing charades. I think maybe just Rick Springfield might be lonely because Jesse and Jesse's

girl have a good team going on. Whereas Rick Springfield, who's he playing charades with? No one. No one's on his team. Used to be Jesse. This is just jealousy, guys. I don't know. I feel like there's something wrong going on. Oh, God. Rick Springfield's such a fuck.

What's next? There doesn't seem to be a reason to change What? Okay You know, I feel so Again, it doesn't seem to be a reason to change So he's like, you know when things were great Back when Jessie's Girl wasn't on the picture When it was just me and Jessie

Yeah, that's true Jessie is like coming up aces right now for me Jessie sounds great Jessie's Girl girl we don't know much about so maybe but jesse i know that like he is someone that like was good fun to be around i'm just gonna put fun next to jesse yeah yeah because obviously jesse was a lot of fun and that goddamn yoko yes his girl came around and ruined jesse's good times. All right. You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute. Flirty.

So they're both flirty. Which I like. I'm down for that. You know, like cute talking with each other. So chuck that under Jessie and Jessie's girl. They're both flirty. Flirty and flirty. Yeah.

But it's also making, it's kind of making the scene that Rick is like, almost like a voyager. Wait, just wait. I mean. Read the next two lines. I will in a sec, but this line here is like is he getting off to them? Watching them getting it on? Dirty as in sad, I reckon. He feels dirty because I think in his mind he's doing something wrong, even though

he hasn't done anything. He's not going to talk to Jesse's girl because he's a fuck. A sad fuck. So not like dirty as in sexy. I feel so dirty because I'm tugging my dick is not the lyric of Joel Zammett, no. Alright, just to clarify. At this point, my question about Rick Springfield is out there. I don't know

what he's thinking. They're all 30, they're all having wholesome fun. I want to tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot. Name one other song that says moot in the lyrics. Bet you can't. Can't be done. Is that a legal term?

The only time moot's ever been used in a song, we're witnessing it right this second. Which also means he's like, I'd love to tell her I love her, but it doesn't mean anything. Which means Rick Springfield is at least aware that Jessie has no interest in him. He's sad and a fuck because he's sitting there being like, God, I wish I could be with Jesse's girl, but he knows it's not going to happen. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, again, what can we infer about either Jesse or Jesse's girl in that? Maybe the implication there is that he knows that Jesse and Jesse's girl, their relationship is really solid because he's like, doesn't matter what I say, they're going to remain together. It also shows that Jesse's girl, their relationship is really solid. Because he's like, doesn't matter what I say, they're going to remain together. It also shows that Jesse's girl has great taste. Because clearly in the past, she's made it pretty evident she's not into Rick Springfield. So Jesse's girl, great taste.

And to flip this around to Jesse, bad taste because he's mates with Rick Springfield. Yeah, terrible taste in front. Jesse's girl knows a shit kicker when she sees one jesse unaware but i have this feeling the narrative i've constructed in my head is that jesse and rick springfield grew up together so it's that kind of friendship where they you know like a frog in a boiling pot you don't notice that the person you're with of course is a piece of shit until you go out until you go out and you're like oh my god i was boiling but jesse's girl is gonna be like like, hey, Jesse, you know Rick?

Piece of shit. He's kind of a fucking piece of garbage. He's always looking at me. You notice that? Do you remember how he feels dirty when we start talking cute? Do you remember how often he uses the word moot? Who does that? I was going to get dessert, but it's probably moot.

What's that, Rick? Yeah, just moot. Do you not know that word? Okay. Alright, because then again, watching with those eyes again, she can see. Can see. Lovingly, their body does have a body. Holding her in his arms late at night.

They like staying up late, but not over because they are all 30. And again, Rick, Jesse's mum is very strict. Alright, so then he kind of repeats himself a few times. So again, more bad things for old mate Rick. He's just, Jesse's mom is very strict. All right. So then he kind of repeats himself a few times. So again, more bad things for old mate Rick. He's repetitive. He's repetitive.

Tell the same story over and over again. Boring, boring, boring Rick. I'll take over from the next verse. It isn't. Okay. All right. All right. And I'm looking in the mirror all the time.

Vain. What's he looking for? Wondering what she doesn't see in me. That's what he's looking for. Don't see in me. Sorry. Vain. What's he looking for? Wondering what she doesn't see in me. That's what he's looking for. Well, don't see in me. Oh, sorry. Come on. What you don't see in me.

Well, it's funny that he- So that's why he's looking in the mirror. He's like, what's wrong with me? A lot. Which is quite sad for old Ricky Springfield. You know, he- Ricky boy, you're 30. Yeah.

You should know who you are by now. But for this, again, hang on a second. Pros for Jesse, not Rick. Not Rick. Pros for Jessie's girl, not Rick. Not Rick. Strict mom, though. Strict mom.

Is a con. Is a con. We don't know if it's Jessie or- That could be exciting. Oh, we also don't know if that's Jessie or Jessie's girl. It could actually be- It could be Jessie's girl's mom. It could be Jessie, yeah.

We just know it could be strict dad. It's unclear. We don't know. Hard to say. We know there's a strict parental figure on the scene it was at least 50 maybe 48 we don't know yet and then he's realized so rick then announces that i've been funny i've been cool with the lines ain't that the way love's supposed to be no no rick, Rick. Funny and cool. Ricky boy. Have you ever described yourself as cool with the lines? I'd better say that as many times as I've used moot in a sentence.

I like to think I'm cool with the lines. I've been funny. Because I'm funny. So we know that Rick has no idea how to romantically involve himself with a woman. Okay.

All right. All right. All right. All right. So let's see. I've been cool with a line. So Jesse, because he's not being cool. Jesse's genuine.

Yeah. Jesse is sincere. I feel like I'm already feeling a bias here. Towards Jesse over Jesse's girl? Yeah. Jesse's girl has great taste in men because she picked Jesse. But Jesse seems like a fuck, a picked jesse but jesse seems like a fuck a bad friend no he seems like a good mate a bad friend to rick yeah how yeah because he got

a girlfriend he's like catch you boys never dogs the boys he does dogs write it down fair fair even though rick springfield is clearly a big nerd, it's still not nice to dog your mates. That's true. Jesse needs to have a frank conversation with Rick to be like, mate, it's not on. You're a fuckhead. You're a fuckhead. And look, we've been friends since childhood,

as Jackson decided. We're 30 now, as Dusha decided. So we've just, we've got to deal with this. We've got to grow up at some point yeah you got to stop pining after my woman but jesse is genuine you're right because clearly i've been funny i've been cool with the lines mean that rick's had a crack yeah yeah so jesse a doubt of con for jesse hasn't had that conversation because if it was just a rick pining jesse non-confrontational yeah if rick was just pining after it and saying nothing well jesse doesn't just a rick pining jesse non-confrontational yeah if rick was just

pining after it and saying nothing well jesse doesn't know but rick's had a crack he's guys guys guys guys guys guys i was gonna put one down for jesse to be loyal so jesse's girl to be loyal however yeah if rick has had a crack yeah and jesse hasn't brought it up so jesse's girl hasn't brought it up with jesse yeah what does tell us about Jesse's girl? Either she's like, Jesse needs a good friend. I'm going to ignore that. Yeah. Or she's keeping secrets from Jesse. True. True. Nah, look, I'm team Jesse's girl in that situation because like if she like if she honestly was like, come on, Rick. Yeah. I'm Jesse's girl. Yeah. You're friends with

Jesse. You have been since childhood we're 30 now yeah um and then doesn't bring it up with jesse because it's that's just a fight and she's like diffuse the situation that's that's good problem solving and shows a great level of maturity if jesse's girl thinks that like she's like i've sorted that we've had that i've had that frank discussion with rick telling him it's not on yeah and then she's like i don't even need to bring it up with jesse because i sorted it yeah and also i know if i'm going to bring it up with jesse i'm going to ruin their friendship i just don't want to do that yeah and i think i've pretty much nipped it all in the bud so i think so i think it's a pro for

jesse's girl to be mature yeah she's mature she can have an adult conversation with rick springfield about his uh intentions and how they're not all right. All right. Also, based on this, and this is more cons for Rick Springfield, it doesn't even sound like he's spoken to her. Yeah, not really. At no point in this song, in this story, in these lyrics, in this true story, in this actual event that happened when they were all aged 30, it doesn't sound...

Yeah, you're right. In Rick's head, it might be I've had a crack, but it might not have been. He's been fine. I've been fine. I've been cool with all the lines. That might just mean like... That just means like he thought he was being good.

But also he says, where can I find a woman like that? Not where can I find Jessie's girl? Because I know where she is. She's there. Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, Rick really doesn't care about Jessie's girl. He doesn't really see her as a human being. He likes the idea of a Jessie's girl. He's like, I want what... He doesn't about Jesse's girl. He doesn't really see her as a human being. He likes the idea of a Jesse's girl.

He's like, I want what... He doesn't want Jesse's girl. He just wants what Jesse has. Yeah. Which is a relationship with another human being that is cute and with a woman that can see and has a body. Yeah.

So Rick Springfield, while being a... You know, he's not a great bloke and he's kind of a fuck. He's also just very sad and clearly doesn't really understand how a relationship works. 100%, but I know we're talking about he had to idealize the idea of Jessie, Jessie's Girl, and he definitely does. And you might be saying he doesn't necessarily want Jessie's Girl, but he's like, I wish I had Jessie's Girl. That's true. That's like, he says that straight away, and then he kind of thinks about it and he like acts just a woman like that yeah so it kind of flits between the two and i just think

felt you know as we've already established rick's a piece of shit yeah yeah yeah a big one a big one all right so jesse's girl at the end of the day all right we've got the lyrics there and i look part of me wants to add in what was the song you mentioned before, Dusha? The Robbie Williams song? Oh, yeah, Move Your Body. Move Your Body. Rock Your Body. Rock Your Body. Yeah, sure.

Look, maybe that'll come into play later, we'll see. Also, if you want to be my lover, you've got to get with my friends. Spice Girls, that's... Zigga Ziggas. Zigga Ziggas. Yeah. No, fuck, what's the song? Hang on.

If You Want To Be My Lover. Yeah. Wannabe. Is it called Wannabe? Wannabe, yeah. Let's look at Wannabe's lyrics. All right, let's look at Wannabe's lyrics. Before we go on to Stacey's mom.

Easy, easy. Oh, easy. Okay. Tell you what I want, what I really, really want. Yep, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. You missed the first lyrics there. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

Funny. She's funny. Funny. Who is this about? All right. Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really want. Okay. What do you want?

Okay. Tell you what I want. I really want a zig-a-zig-a. Okay. She want a zig-a-zig-a-ha. Yo, I'll tell you what I want what I really want. Okay, what do you want? I really want a zig-a-zig-a. Okay. So you want a zig-a-zig aha. Oh, sorry. I want my future. Just wait, hang on. I just need to clear the air because people are screaming. I can hear the yells at their phones.

It's Rock DJ. Rock DJ. By Robbie Williams. Sorry to all of the Robbie Williams fans out there. The Rob heads. Now we're just going to go through some. The Willows. Through some wannabe. Yeah, let's go through the individual is the spice girls yeah so look uh if you want my future forget my past so again look jesse's girl if you want to be with like say jesse you got to forget my past which includes my shithole friend rick yeah okay yeah is are we now saying that the song zig a zig wannabe is about Jessie's Girl?

Or is it from Jessie's Girl's point of view? Are we making that claim here and now? Wannabe, the Spice Girls are Jessie's Girls. Maybe. Look, we don't know yet. This is about investigating. And this is what we're currently doing. Post-breakup with Jessie.

Do you want my future? I've got to forget my past. Stop mentioning Jessie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm done with him. Get with me. You better make it fast because, again, Rick is pounding at the door to be like, you know. I've got to get rid of Rick, so please date me.

Don't go wasting my precious time because she knows she's worth it. She's worth it and she's already wasted a lot of time with Jessie. Yeah. Get your act together. We could be just fine because she's sick of dealing with immature 30-year-olds. Exactly. Sick of dealing with Jessie's best friend, Rick. They want to zig-a-zig-za again.

Yep, yep. If you want to be my lover, you've got to get with my friends. Got to get with my friends. That's a complicated line. Yeah. We addressed it a little bit earlier, but I just think, what could she possibly... Make it last forever, friendship never ends. If you want to be my lover you've got to give taking is too easy but that's the way it is she's cunnilingus that's what that's about yeah

my friends is i.e my vagina yeah maybe that's it my my friends being my orgasms yeah yeah so i mean no i so is this like is this like a con for jesse as selfish lover? Maybe. I'll say write it down. Tusha, I've got one confirmation. I need a second. Is he a selfish lover? Yes, but I disagree that that whole chorus is about... Cunnilingus. Cunnilingus.

I think only the second half is. Okay. If you want to be my lover, you've got to give. No, that's fair. No, no, no, no. Yeah, that part is about... Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is. That's 100% about...

If you want to be my lover, you got to get with my friends. I think that just means like, look, make an effort. Talk to my friends. Don't be that shithole 30-year-old boyfriend that's just like, yeah, we like hang out together. But then I just like time with the boys and only the boys. Guys, what if this song, Wannabe, is from Jesse's perspective? Oh, okay. So he's saying to Jesse's girl girl if you want to be my lover

you got to get with my friends because he's like hey i know rick's an asshole but we've been friends but we've been friends since childhood so you gotta get along with him leading the jury yeah because you're trying to steer this towards jesse again because 20 minutes ago you made up your mind that jesse was your choice and i see what you're doing here you're trying to steer this towards Jesse again because 20 minutes ago you made up your mind that Jesse was your choice. And I see what you're doing here. You're trying to turn everything so... I'm just putting it out there because, again, it's like, look, if you want to be my lover,

you've got to give. Maybe he's just, like, tired. He's like, you know, look. My jaw hurts. My jaw hurts. That's a bit of give and take here. Extending a tongue for a long period of time hurts. Yeah.

After a while, you're like, hmm. Are we putting down Jessie's Girl Prudish? No, but we can't say that Jessie is a selfish lover. We're fighting ourselves. That's what I mean. Joel Zammett took the script, flipped it on his head

but has left the original. We hit the bridge of this song. Alright. And it becomes very irrelevant so here's my story selfish lover question mark question mark and prudish

question mark question mark because it could go either way depending who the as soon as we find out who's the author of this song

either it's Jesse or Jesse's girl then we can put those in the right category to the bridge are you talking about so here's the story from A to Z

you want to get with me you've got to listen carefully. Okay, I'm listening. We've got M in the place who likes it in your face. We've got G like MC who likes it on an... Easy V doesn't come for free. She's a real lady. Easy V is vagina, yes?

I think... Victoria Posh would be the... Victoria Posh is not... So as for me... Why are they calling her Easy? Slam your body down and wind it all around Alright so I guess This is about fucking

Well that's clearly not Jesse's move That's gotta be Jesse's girl's move Cause no one wants In a situation For the male to slam it down And wind it all around You're not like You're not love making

Like someone from the 1800s fucking wash his clothes you know what I mean? Yeah. You're not there with a fucking plunger shoving it in and swiping it all around. No. That's not. It's good for no one. That's just, that's good

for no one. Okay, um, and that's the song. Alright. So as to the author of Wannabe from the cast of Jessie and Jessie's Girl. Jury's out. Jury's out. It's unclear. Go either way. It's unclear. Tweet in your answer. Slam your body down and No, I think, oh hang on.

This could be Jessie. Yeah. Because Jessie's Girl isn't telling Jessie or to say Jessie's Girl isn't saying slam it down and wind it around. Jessie's being like, going saying slam it down and wind around jesse's being like hey slam it down and do a bit of a spin because i like that and now i can like yeah look at your butthole and that's good for me maybe that's maybe maybe that's what he's saying i reckon this is from jesse's perspective is this just a which means i'm going down with that. But is she a prude or is he just like, hey, can we have sex?

Or is she being like, taking... Okay. You look at it from like... I think this is from Jesse's perspective. This is Jesse saying, all right, if you can... It makes sense. If you want to be my lover, you got to, you know, tolerate my asshole friend. Yeah.

All right? Which I don't know if that's a great move, but that's what Jesse said. Because he's like, friendship is important. So I'm going to put down for like Jesse that friendship is important. Yeah. All right? Which I don't know if that's a great move, but that's what Jesse said. Because he's like, friendship is important. So I'm going to put down for like Jesse that friendship is important. Yeah.

I really like this song. It's like, friendship's important, right? You got to hang out with my asshole friend. Also, this is what I want in bed. I talk to my friends, but fuck me good.

He gets derailed pretty quickly. Yeah. So if you want to be my lover You gotta give So again Gotta give and receive Yeah I lick that giant

You gotta suck this hog Yeah Basically very simple It's like a give and take Happy Valentine's Day everyone That's a very solid foundation Lick this giant Suck this hog

Happy Valentine's Day Romance is alive and well So I reckon this is Clearly from Jesse's perspective Alright so that's just a little sidebar, basically. Maybe no one's not selfish. Maybe she's not prudish. Jesse, though, believes

in equality. Yeah, well, that's good. And is horny, I guess. He's friendship and horniness kind of on the same level. Yeah, for some reason he feels like he's gonna drink. Mate to my mate. Also, this is what I would like in bed. Slam this around, turn it around.

That's fucking good for me. Alright. Shall we jump onto Stacey's Mum by Fountain of Wine? Should we? Or are we going to Robbie Williams' song? Well, I think if we decided that Robbie Williams' song, no, if Wannabe was for some reason about Jessie's Girl, then we should decide that Rock DJ

is about Stacey's Mum. Hang on decide that that rock dj is about stacy's mom hang on i'll just double check we'll we'll be able to figure it out all right because i'm sure there's other songs that might be about stacy's mom yeah well potentially this one came up about rick i did that's true yeah yeah yeah yeah and this and this kind of applies to this situation this jesse and jesse's girl maybe not stacy's mom's mum. I guess we'll see what happens when we come to Stacey's mum. What's it called again? Rock DJ? No, because only one part of this song is relevant.

You got no love, then you're with the wrong man. It's time to move your body. If you can't get a go, but your best friend can, it's time to move your body. This is us. This song is us singing to Jessie and Jessie's girl and Rick Springfield. Jesse's girl.

If you got no love, then you're with the wrong man. It's time to move your body. Rick, if you can't get a girl, but your best friend can, it's time to move your body. We're just saying, please, everybody dance. No matter the circumstances Get dance Alright so again That's neither here nor there

That's just good advice to Rick Yeah and the rest of it's largely irrelevant So good to know Alright now I just want a quick sidebar Earlier in the song we also state that we give no head Or backstage passes But we're polite but we rock the mic

That's good to know. Yeah. Yeah. That's good for us. All right. Stacey's mom. Well. Let's now get my notes.

Yeah. And now on the opposite page, Stacey's mom. Okay. So straight off the bat. Got it going on. Got it going on. Which is mad. That's great to know.

Stacey's mom. Got it going on. Okay. Stacey, can I come over after school? After school. So, again, presumably they're all 30. Yeah. At a night school.

Night school. Community college or university. So, Stacey, Stacey, Wayne and Stacey's mum all 30? Yeah. Just checking. Yeah. Duh. Okay.

All right. We can hang around by the pool. Stacey, can I come after school? So clearly maybe she's not strict. Yeah. Especially if we're going to night school. Yeah, absolutely. Stacey's mum likes to party late.

Come round. Whatever. Invite your friends. So not strict. Not strict. We can hang around by the pool. Has a pool. Has a pool.

Great in the summer. Mm-hmm. Did you get back from a business trip? Independent woman. Wealthy. Wealthy. You know, a woman of means. Powerful.

Think about a business trip. Are we thinking maybe like on a plane? A business trip interstate? I was thinking a helicopter. Yeah. Okay, so wealthy slash powerful slash helicopter question mark slash

helicopter beautiful. Is she there or is she trying to give me the slip? Slippery. Give me the slip. A slippery woman. Hard to grab. Like a bar of soap. She just goes flying out of your arm.

Hard to grab. Not good Like a bar of soap. You just go flying out of your arms. Hard to grab. Not good. Okay. Are we including Wayne in this as an option? Oh yeah, Wayne. Wayne. I'm not the little boy that I used to be. I'm grown up baby now. I'm 30, can't you see?

30 year old Wayne is obsessed with... He's like, I'm not five anymore. I'm 30 now. He's 30. Okay, so Wayne is 30 with... He's like, I'm not five anymore. I'm 30 now. He is 30. Okay, so Wayne is 30 and that's all he's got going on. Yeah. Not a lot.

Well, he's in night school, but so is Stacey. It's kind of a moot point. If you were Rick Springfield, that would be a moot point. Moot. Everything would be fucking moot if you're Rick. Obsessed with saying how much he's changed. He's not a little boy. That moot if you're Rick obsessed with obsessed with saying how much he's changed he's not a little boy

that's weird if you're 30 if you're 30 he dwells on the past and if the Spice Girls song taught me anything it was you gotta forget the past

refers to his friend or girlfriend's mum as your mum rather than name yeah immature immature

Mrs. Stacey I'd accept yeah but stacy's wayne may be on par with rick yeah not yet not yet i'm just saying maybe it could happen putting it out there stacy's mom has got it going on she's all i want and i've waited so long stacy can't you see it is not the girl for me all right wayne weasel boy weasel boy weasel boy has one girl wants another one but it's her mom yeah doesn't understand that that's the kind of thing you've got to approach not in song form. Do not sing that news. Stacey's mom, though, again, we've already got it going on. She's got it going on.

Desirable. Yeah, desirable. But got it going on a lot. Yeah, she really has it going on. Although, hang on. Here's just a bit of Wayne facts. Yeah. Patient.

He's waited so long. That's true. Patient. Patience. Patience is a virtue is what I've heard That's good Or is it a bit obsessed Like he's waited so long At a certain point, give up your 30 man How long could you have possibly waited

Either patient or obsessive It's a slash, it's a forward slash Stacey, do you remember when I mowed your lawn Oh, Wayne. Handyman. Good around the house. Good around the house. Stacey, maybe bad memory.

Wayne, good memory. Good memory. Stacey might not recall when he mowed their lawn. What is the relationship between Stacey and Wayne? I think they're dating. You're just not the girl for me. That sounds like a breakup line. Or maybe Stacey's approached. I think they're dating. You're just not the girl for me. Because that sounds like a breakup line. Or maybe Stacey's approached Wayne

and been like, hey, Wayne, you've got that great memory. Good around the house. You're so patient and I'm really into you. And that's a virtue. Do you think we could date? And he's like,

Stacey, you're just not the girl for me. Don't you remember? Can we talk about this? I don't know how relevant this is, but the tense is weird He's like Let's replace Stacey with Dusha Dusha can't you see

You're not the guy for me I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Dusha's mum That's a weird thing to say to you Yeah you'd have to say your mum Jackson can't you see You're just not the boy for me Oh my god There's two St for me oh my god there's two Stacys

oh my god no that doesn't make sense with the next line because look Stacey do you remember when I mowed your lawn your mum came out your mum alright imagine Jackson

you're me I'm you right now. Okay. Why didn't you just play yourself? No, because I need you and me in this situation. So am I playing myself? You're Jackson. No, no. Jackson's you.

I'm me. You're you. Jack is me. I'm Jack. All right? All right. Okay? All right. That? All right.

That seems complicated for no reason. Are you in character yet, Zaman? Oh, my God. I'm trying to find the lyrics. I'm Zaman. All right. Perfect. So, Joel, can't you see you're not the boy for me?

I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Joel's mom. Yep. Okay, that's fine until we get to Joel. Do you remember when I mowed your lawn? Your mom came out. Yeah, I'm looking get to... Joel, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? Your mum came out. Yeah, I'm looking at you. Joel, do you remember when I was mowing your lawn? There's a third person.

So he's talking to two Stacys at the same time. It's your theory. One's his girlfriend. One's just his friend whose mum he wants to fuck. Yes. And for some reason... The second Stacey theory. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Second Stacey theory. And, like like you had to have been sleeping over or staying over because like i'm gonna need to make the moms don't match up as well yeah do you remember when i moved you okay so we have the two stacy theories stacy theoryacey theories. Okay. Stacey one. Stacey two. Stacey two. So Stacey one. Yeah.

Has the hot mom. So can't you see you're not the girl for me. I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacey two's mom. Okay. So Stacey two. All right. Hot mom. But then it's like Stacey one.

Do you remember? No, this could be Stacey two. Do you remember when I mowed your lawn, your mum came out with just a towel on? Yeah. So he's ignoring Stacey 1 now. What's wrong with Stacey 1? She's just there. Okay.

Again. No. So Stacey 1 maybe likes Wayne. Yeah. But Wayne likes Stacey 2's mum. So he can happily say to Stacey 1 that I'm in love with Stacey 2's mum But he can't actually say that To Stacey 2

Hang on we've got to go back to the top We've got to go back to the start With the second Stacey in play Stacey's mum has got it going on He's saying this to Stacey 1 So he has to be saying Stacey's mum has got it going on Stacey 2 is like do you mean my mum

No no no Stacey I'd just say yours if I your mom and she's like that makes a lot of sense so stacy two is not quite there yet she's not in the pictures and arrive she's like not there so it's just stacy one and wayne having a conversation and wayne being like fuck i love stacy's mom because like i can see the computer looking at this is a total sidebar it just says stacy's mom but then i just imagine if it said your mom and then i was thinking about the song your song by alton john and how much better it would be if the song was just called your mom this is your mom it might be quite different but now that it's done okay all right So the first thing Stacey's mum's got going on is simply Wayne talking to Stacey one.

Yeah. Now, second verse, he flips it and now he's talking to Stacey two. Stacey, or not necessarily. No, because it needs to be, is your mum there? No, because he could be going, Stacey one, can I come over after school? We can hang around by the pool. Stacey two arrives. Did your mum get back from the business trip?

Is she there? Oh, no, you're right. No, it's got to be to Stacey 2. Yep. Because is she there? Is she trying to give me the slip? Mm-hmm. Okay, so he's ignoring Stacey.

So first chorus, the intro, sorry, Stacey 1. Yep. I like Stacey 1 and Stacey's mom rhyme a bit. It makes it complicated. Okay, verse 1 is to Stacey 2. Yeah. I think pre-chorus 1 is just to himself. I'm not the little boy that I used to be.

I'm all grown up now, baby, can't you see? It's to the mirror. That's an affirmation to the mirror like old mate Rick. Rick's like, what's wrong with me? But Wayne's like, I'm good now. I know I'm good. Wayne's like, I am 30. 30. I am an old boy now

Confident Wayne is confident In himself Confident Jot it down Detective Okay Then Stacey's mum

Has got it going on It's all I want I've waited so long Stacey can't you see You're just not the girl for me I know I might be wrong But I'm in love with Stacey's mum Stacey's mum's got it going on

Stacey's mum's got it going on Okay That's rude to break up with someone To be. I know I might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacey's mom. Stacey's mom's got it going on. Stacey's mom's got it going on. Okay. That's rude to break up with someone. To be like, I know I might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacey's mom. But then to follow that up with Stacey's mom has got it going on to the same person. Like justifying your choice. Yeah. Or.

That's her third Stacey. No, no, no. Same Stacey. Like, as in, like, you've got two Stacey's. Yeah. But he's always just chatting to, like, genuinely Stacey one. Yeah. Yeah.

You've got to assume, unless there's a reference to Stacey's mom, he's just chatting to Stacey one, which can be sung to the tune of the song, the line I just said, if you want. Yeah. So he's, like, chatting to Stacey, because Stacey one, hold the torch. She's got her.

She's got her. Either they're dating, or they're just, like, been friends for ages. They've been friends for ages. They've been friends since childhood. Yes, since childhood. She's the Rick of the situation. Stacey won is the Rick of Stacey's mom. Yes.

Yeah. Except instead of so many Stacey's. So many fucking Stacey's. Okay, so Stacey, do you remember when I mowed your lawn, your mum came out with just a towel on? We know Stacey's mum likes being a little bit naked outside. Or is this a different... Is this Stacey's other...

Is there a second mum? There are a second mum. Because if there's two Stacys, what does each Stacey have, Jackson? A mum, unless they're sisters. Surely not. Surely not alternate dimension Stacys. No, no. It's got to be, if there's two Stacys, Jack, there's two mums.

Yes, but are we assuming Wayne is interested in both Stacey's mums? No, it could just be just a flippant thing to be like, he had a memory. He had a memory. Do you remember when I mowed your lawn? Mowed your lawn. Your mum came out with just a towel on. No, I could show she liked...

Oh, my God. So, Wayne is not in love with Stacey One. No. Okay, this is a fucking Midsummer Night's Dream shit here. Stacey One's mum is in love with Wayne. I've cracked the case boys That's what verse 2 is about I could tell she liked me from the way she stared

The way she said you missed a spot over there He's no longer referring to Stacey Two's mum That he is in love with But Stacey One's mum So both Stacey One and Stacey One's mum Are in love with Wayne But Wayne is in love with wayne yes but no no no no no no stacy two's mom yes yes cool all right

unless yes no yep yep yep yep so both stacy one and stacy one's mom yeah so he's still talking to stacy one yeah being like fuck it's crazy when i mowed the lawn and your mom basically flirted with yeah she came out just like super nude and it was very strange you know it was gross because i'm not in love with her. I'm in love with Stacy's mum, not Stacy's mum. Okay, pre-chorus two. And I know that you think it's just a fantasy so presumably to Stacy one.

Oh, wait, no. Now he's chatting to Stacy two. Yeah, he has to chat to Stacy two. But since your dad walked out, your mum could use a guy like me. That is a rough thing to do. Or, again... Hey, Stacy two. I could be your dad. We could take this in two ways right yeah so first way is that second way still chatting to stacy one yeah and maybe he's just talking about being a fantasy because his fantasy is to grow up and be a handyman okay because he's always

been his fans maybe he's like look he's 30 years old he's going to night school maybe it's like a carpentry school. I don't know. And maybe it's just like, oh, I got like, you know, yeah, I'm on the computer all day. I'm behind a desk. But it's always been a fantasy of mine to be like one of those bloke blokes. You know, a bloke, like a dad who's a bloke. Yeah.

And maybe he assumes that Stacey's mom is not taking care. Well, he's mowing the lawn. Or was he mowing the lawn for Stacey too? Current theory was mowing the lawn for Stacey one. Okay. Which is great because that means he's mowing the lawn. Or was he mowing the lawn for Stacey too? Current theory was mowing the lawn for Stacey won. Okay, which is great because that means he's like, I notice since your dad left, your mum has been, maybe she's so focused on other things that she's not mowing the lawn, she's not fixing shelves, and that's what I'm good at.

So since your dad moved out, well, you know what? I can fill that role. I'm not interested in, and what a trooper for knowing that Stacey's mum is into him but being like i'm just gonna do it anyway because i can see your house is falling apart yeah your house is falling apart and like look and this is a kind of fantasy of mine to be like a a very hyper masculine boy yeah exactly exactly um okay okay now he's talking about stacy too because fuck man she's got it going on yeah Stacey's mom Stacey's mom got it going on she's all I want waited so long can't you see you're not the girl for me I know I might be wrong but I'm in love with Stacey's mom and he's confessing to like again he's confessing to Stacey

one being like I know your mom loves me yeah but I'm in love with other Stacey's mom exactly Stacey's mom Stacey can't you see you're just he's also telling Stacey one he's not interested yeah although exactly you're not the girl for meacey, you and your mum aren't for me. Yeah. It's Stacey 2's mum. Stacey 2's mum that I want. Maybe this boy, Wayne, is just a mum fetish. Stacey, no, because otherwise he'd be happy that Stacey 1's mum wants to have sex with him.

So he's just interested in Stacey's mum. Yeah, good point. I'll cross that out. I'm going to keep the notes accurate. Okay, so Stacey's mum, uhacy's mom uh-oh uh-oh i'm in love with stacy's mom uh-oh uh-oh wait a minute stacy can't you see here's another girl for me i know it might be wrong but i'm over stacy's mom wait a minute let's talk about that yeah that's that's a big clue that's a massive he's getting that's cold fate wait a minute wait

a minute what does he mean by wait a minute Is he telling Stacey Wan to wait a minute Or is he being like wait a minute Maybe I do love Stacey Wan Does this end like every 90's teen movie Where his best friend Was his romance all along No no

Cause he regrets it Stacey Kanji is here you're not the girl for me He has a moment of doubt and then he's back to pining after Stacey's mum. He's like, wait a minute. No, no, still want to fuck your mum. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm guessing he's talking to Stacey one, and Stacey's...

Why is he... So is Stacey two, who is the question mark about who's better here. Yeah. Stacey's mum, Stacey 2's mum? Okay. What do we know about Stacey 2's mum? So that's the hot mum. That's the hot mum.

Or the one that Wayne, at the very least, is interested in. We know she is a woman of means because she's going on a lot of business trips. She has a pool. She's not super strict because she lets him come over after school. And she's slippery. And she's slippery. We know that. Okay.

Hang on. Fucking hell. Stacy. So the first one was about the mum he loved. Yeah. To mum. Okay. Slippery.

I'm taking my own fucking notes. Slippery. Not strict Uh huh What was it? Independent Has pool Has pool Has pool

Alright so Stacey One Stacey one mum Stacey one mum Gets nude Or at least in a towel for us Needs a strong man around Or wants a strong man around

Wants a man DTF DTF Do people still say that? Because I'm bringing it back I'm going to get a shirt that says DTF on the back It says Down to fuck Okay so that's all we know about Stacey one's mom It says DTF on the back. It says, down to fuck.

Okay, so that's all we know about Stacey One's mum. As is nothing else, right? Wayne loves her. No, Wayne doesn't love her. She loves Wayne. You missed a spot. So this is Stacey One's mum. She's maybe observant or flirty. Observant and flirty.

You can be both. You can be both. But science often forgets that. Dad walked out on Stacey One. Okay. Why? What happened? Well, walked out on Stacey One's mom, presumably, not Stacey One. Both. He just says since your dad left.

Let's buy cigarettes. Doesn't mean it was bad. That's true. He can't leave in a good way. He could be left, as in like, this earthly coil. Yeah, he might have died. Rest in peace. That's true He could He can't leave in a good way He could be left As in like This earthly coil Yeah he might have died

Rest in peace He could have left Don't talk ill of the dead On like a business trip So he's never around a lot Yeah he's maybe just A bit of an absent father Which is bad

Which is no good Yeah No I mean like it's bad also For Stacey Wan Yeah Stacey Wan's mum Yeah it's right And bad for Wayne in that instance

She's a married man She's a married lady I mean Not man But whatever Alright but that's right. And bad for Wayne in that instance. She's a married man. She's a married lady, I mean. Not man, but whatever. All right, but that's... Look, everything else is speculation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so Stacey. Stacey One.

What do we know about Stacey One? Well, she holds a torch for Wayne. Yeah. And, like, she can cop some, like, art truths. I've been talking about it. Resilient. Resilient. To the point of maybe a psychopath.

Then you can be like, I would like to fuck your mother and not you. And you're just like, sick. No, not even that. I would like to fuck someone who has your name, their mother. Also, your mom wants to dick me. You want to dick. No. Stacey Wan is just like, lucky i'm resilient nothing else about stacy one i don't know she's a resilient woman resilience

is a virtue yeah i've heard people say that but stacy two has a pool yep has pool that's neat uh we literally wait who has Lorne? That's Stacey One. Stacey One. I'll write that down. Has Lorne. Has a nicely mown Lorne. Has Lorne in brackets, mown.

By us. Yeah. Probably in other brackets, nicely. Yeah, nice. Okay. I've got to do two brackets now. And then a third bracket that says by us. Or by Wayne.

By Wayne, yeah. You can write Waynene os as well if you want why not all right that's what his friends calling okay so do we know anything else about stacy too other than she has a pool and it has a hot mom it has a hot mom real hot mom real hot mom in brackets dtf dtf dt I'll do that as a new thing. And then probably put in brackets. Put brackets again. Yeah.

Down to fuck. Just to clarify. Down to fuck. All right. So, this is what we know about the characters. The, what do you call it? The personess. What do you call it?

The players in this game. The undersub. The players. The players. The start of a play. They're like the person. Whatever. The players. The start of a play. They're like the person, whatever. The players. The people of interest. Yeah, of this song. The suspects.

The usual suspects. The person a dramatica, whatever it is. Encyclopedia Britannica? That's what I meant. Yeah. Okay, so we've got them locked down. Yep. We have the characters of Jessie's Girl locked down. Yes. All we the characters of Jessie's Girl locked down.

Yes. All we need now is to make our decision. All right, just give me one second, because there actually is a song for Stacy 2's mum written by Wayne. Did you know that? No, I did not. We discussed it earlier. All right, so the chorus goes... What's this called?

It's called Your Song by Alton John. So I'll just go through the lyrics of you yeah thank you thank you for this I forgot this happened I forgot this song existed so first verse it's a little bit funny this feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide which is classic Wayne he's just been telling everyone that yeah you've got it

going on I don't have much money because you know he's just been telling everyone that you've got it going on. I don't have much money because, you know, he's just turned 30. Boy, if I did, I'd buy a big house so we could both live. We both could live. Yeah. So he's saying, he's like, look, I'm working at being a handyman. I'm doing stuff for Stacey Wan's mom, you know, despite the flirtation. And even though Stacey, too, already has a pretty big house because it has a pool. Yeah.

She's a business lady Yeah because like in this situation Well I mean Wayne We know that he's mowing lawns and stuff For presumably money So he doesn't Well he's spending all his time at night school Yeah

And There's not much free time Verse two If I was a sculptor But then again No Indecisive Yeah he can't decide what he wants to do

Wants to do something impressive But he can't Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show It sounds like Yeah, he can't decide what he wants to do. Wants to do something impressive, but he can't. Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show. It sounds like... No! In nerds bracket, fake, question mark. A fake nerd. It sounds like he wants to have a creative outlet, but he doesn't have one.

Yeah. Sad, right? Sad. Sad. Wayne's really fucking himself over in this. This is the Wayne bonus round. I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do. My gift is my song and this one's for you.

Romantic. Romantic. He's a romantic sort. But underline sad. Yeah, I will. I'll underline it again. Okay. And you can tell everybody this is your song.

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done, I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is when you're in this world. That's beautiful. That's super romantic. But like, hey. Oh, wait. Actually. Can that pay the bills?

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss. Handyman. Cleaning the gutters too. Ah. Yes. Well, a few of the verses, well, they got me quite cross. The sun's been quite kind. Impotent rage.

Impotent rage. Wayne. Fuck. The sun's been quite kind impotent rage impotent rage wayne fuck he got the sun's been quite kind while i wrote this song it's for people like you that it turned on believes that human beings keep the sun going idiot or he's aroused by it idiot slash sun fetish s-u-n yeah just to specify Excuse me for getting the things I do You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue Don't know what that means I thought you had a good memory Now that memory's been called into question Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen Forgetful maybe Or Notice the details not the fine details Doesn't sweat the forest for the trees or the other way around. Not observant. Doesn't notice the forest for the trees. I like Zamet's one, doesn't sweat the forest.

Hey, don't sweat the forest, am I right? Okay. And then it's just the chorus again. So I think the thing is, like, he might just like the idea of Stacey's mum as a concept, but he can't remember what colour her eyes are. Yeah, he doesn't... I don't get the impression that he actually knows much about Stacey.

He knows heaps about Stacey 1, Stacey 1's mum, doesn't know much about Stacey 2, other than she has a pool and a hot mum. Yeah, and Stacey 2's mum is powerful, and maybe he's just attracted to power. Yeah, maybe he's just attracted to... Maybe he's power hungry. You know, I keep thinking Stacey 1 is the Rick of this song, but I think maybe Wayne

is the Rick of this song, the Rick Springfield of Stacey's mom. It's kind of, I would say, my takeaway of that little verse there. No, 100%. But he doesn't sound like a bad dude. No. Obviously, he's got some growing to do, but he's romantic, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. He's a handyman. Yep. No, actually, most of these are bad. He's an idiot. He's an idiot. Yeah, he's stupid. And No actually most of these are bad He's an idiot He's full of impotent rage Has a sun fetish Wants to fuck the sun

And he's poor And sad Underline that sad again I'll do some exclamation marks for you Sad Sad Alright again. I'll do some exclamation marks for you. Sad. Sad! Alright, so now that we've

covered all of the songs. Tallying it all up. Tallying it all up, even though we didn't do it in tallies or points. We just didn't. We wrote it in my chicken scratch and your chicken scratch. Let's go through Jessie's Girl. First off, let's go through the easy ones to do. Jessie's or a parental figure of either Jessie or Jessie's girl First off let's go through the easy ones So Jessie's or like a parental figure

Of either Jessie or Jessie's Girl's mum slash dad All we know is that they're strict And that they are about 48 plus Off the table I just don't know enough about them Strict can't handle strict I don't like someone who's that strict

I don't know how I would handle a 30-year-old son or daughter. Okay. Oh, wait, that could come into play multiple times here. Stacey Wan is another person that we don't know much about. Yep. Other than that she's got a pool. No, has a lawn. Sorry. Stacey's Wan has a lawn that has been

freshly mowed by Wayne. Stacey's Wan is kind of sociopathic. Very resilient. Very resilient. Resilience is high for me. Yeah, and Stacey too has a hot mom and a pool. So Stacey too can fuck right off. I don't know.

There's benefits of Stacey too. She's got a pool and a hot mom. Yeah, but you know who also has a pool? Stacey too's mom. You know who's hot? Stacey too's mom. Who's Stacey too's mom instead of Stacey too? No, but you know who also has a pool? Stacey 2's mom. You know who's hot? Stacey 2's mom. Who's Stacey 2's mom instead of Stacey 2? No, but think about this. Stacey 2's mom,

does she have a hot daughter? We don't know. Exactly. You're sounding like a bloody wine writer. Have your cake and eat it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say cross Stacey 2 off that list. Yeah, get rid of Stacey 2. What about Stacey 1? Now, Stacey 1, like...

Frightens me. Frightens me, but like I'm also... Frightens me, but in a good way. I just feel like there's going to be better people. Of course there's better people, but I just feel like, you know, she's got her qualities. I'm going to do a question mark as Stacey 1. No, Stacey 1, frightening, sociopathic maybe, brings out the worst in me. Yeah, but like...

I had to really, like trying to break up with with her ended up saying that Stacey 2's mum I'm gonna fuck your friend's mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm gonna break up with you. Also, your mum tried to crack onto me. That was weird. And I don't know if I can ever, like, I wouldn't feel good about myself for ages after that. So, Stacey 1's a no from me. Yeah, fair enough.

Fuck, I'll concede. Stacey 1's mum. Stacey 1's mum. Okay, she likes to get nude. She does. She wants a man. She's DTF. Down to fuck. And she's very observant slash flirty because you can be both. Yes.

I mean, it's appealing. She doesn't have that many flaws, you know. But she doesn't have it going on as much as Stacey Two's mum. Yeah, doesn't have it going on. Nobody in any point in the song describes her as having it going on. There's no lyric. This is Stacey One's mum's got it going on. Stacey, can't you see your mum's got it going on? You're Stacey One.

But your mum's got it going on. As much as she is DTF, as much as she is flirty slash observant. And just a reminder, DCF down to fuck. Yeah, down to fuck. I just don't think I just don't think Not for me. I'll get rid of her. Stacey 1's mum, sorry.

Out of the running. But Stacey 2's mum Wait, should we do Wayne first? If we're going through the characters of Stacey's mum We've got Wayne and Stacey 2's mum Go back to either... Go back to Jessie's girl. Jump back to Jessie's girl.

Rick off the table. Rick him off. Rick worst. Giant piece of shit. I would rather a Wayne than a Rick. Absolutely. Rick loser of today's episode. No one wants to be a couple of Ricks in here.

Or a couple of Waynes, really. No, no, no. Fuck them right off. All right. Now, do you want to go Jessie's girl, Jesse, Stacey's mum, or Wayne right now? Because those are on the table. I reckon... Because Wayne's...

Eliminate the easy ones. Go Wayne. Wayne's a piece of shit. Wayne, he's got no money. Okay? He's indecisive. He's a nerd. Fake?

We don't know. Okay? Sad. Very, very sad. But romantic and a handyman. Unfortunately full of impotent rage. He's an idiot who doesn't understand the sun but wants to fuck it. And he's not very observant.

So I just think Wayne has way more bad than good in him. Yeah, absolutely. You don't want to be a Wayne. Nobody wants to be a Wayne, so I'm fucking Wayne off. Fuck Wayne off right there. All right. Off he goes. Stacey's mum is the winner of the Stacey's mum song.

Let's find the winner of Jessie's Girl and then we we'll fight them off all right all right so this might come down to something very very very very funny so do we have jesse's girl yeah she has eyes that know that that can such so that's great rick thank you for that information. She also has a body. Yes. Again. Hurrah. Good. Good. All right. But she's flirty. That's nice.

And if she's flirty, she might also be observant. Yes. Because you can be both. You can be both. Okay. That all we know about Jessie's girl? It's something I've written. Great taste in men.

Great taste in men. Because she's with Jessie. Not Rick. Not Rick. She's also not Rick. She's not Rick. That's true Jesse. Not Rick. Not Rick. She's also not Rick. She's not Rick. That's true. That's good.

Not Rick at all. She's mature and good with problem solving especially if, you know, she's like, look, he tried to crack onto me.

He was talking funny and saying cool lines but I made sure that she handled that in a very mature and grown up way. So that's basically what Jesse's Girl has.

Jessie's Girl's pretty good. She's good. But here we go. Just say it. No, go on. No, no, no. No, no, no. Trust me, because what I'm about to interject with

doesn't make sense until you say what you're about to say. I was going to say, she does sound fun, but she sounds kind of plain. Yeah, she's a bit of a plain Jane. I don't know. Does she have it going on? Sarah Jane, plain at all. Gotta say.

Nobody in that song says, I wish that I had Jessie's Girl who has it going on? Sarah Jane playing it all. Gotta say, nobody in that song says, I wish that I had Jessie's girl who has it going on. Where can I find a woman like that implies that she is very good. That's true.

That's true. I would say the where can I find a woman like that is the Stacey's mom has got it going on of Jessie's girl. Because imagine being like, well,

not only do I want that girl, but I would just settle for a girl like that. Yeah, okay. That's a rare thing. That's okay. Because if I'm infatuated with someone, I'm not like, wow, not only do I want that girl, but I would just settle for a girl like that. That's a rare thing. Because if I'm infatuated with someone, I'm not like, fuck. Anyone of that caliber would make me happy. Winning, I guess,

personality slash whole package. Whole package. She's the whole package. Alright, so she's pretty fucking good. Alright, so that's Jessie's girl. Alright, who's still on the table? Jessie. Is that it? Joel Zammett's main man I think Zammett and Jackson's main man

I don't know Jessie's Girl sounds pretty good And also that would take us to something that would entertain me Very very very much Because if we pick Jessie's Girl We're literally back to when I asked the question 45 minutes ago That's just beautiful But let's give Jessie his fair dues girl. We're literally back to when I asked the question 45 minutes ago.

That's just beautiful. But let's give Jesse his fair dues. So Jesse, he's a good friend. Yes. He grew up with Ricks for like 30 years ago. He's loyal. Strict mom though. Potentially. Oh, but then Jesse's girl might have it.

He's a babe. He's a hunk. We know that. Yeah. Because, you know, Jesse's- You know what? Hang on. I just want to say that I think that it would be Jesse would have the strict parent because Rick is there and it's late at night, which means Jesse's girl is allowed to do whatever

she wants. Ah, good point. Yeah. Strict parent. Strict parent. You're right. That's practically the case. So he's a babe.

Yeah, we know he's good looking. And he's a hunk. All right. He's fun. Yes. It's very fun because, you know's a babe. Yeah, we know he's good looking. And he's a hunk. All right. He's fun. Yes. He's very fun because, you know, clearly Rick wants to hang out with him. He's also flirty. Yeah.

Which means he could be observant. You can be both. You can be both. I heard that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not Rick. That's true. That's good.

That is also very good. He's very genuine and sincere. Do you know what? We don't know if Jesse has eyes. We don't know if Jesse has eyes. That's good. That is always a plus. That's always a plus. He's very genuine and sincere. Do you know what? We don't know if Jersey has eyes. We don't know if Jersey has eyes. Or a body. No, we know he's got a body. Yeah, because he's got arms.

But we don't know if he's got eyes. We don't know if he's blind. We don't know. And to me, that's not going to weigh into it. Yeah, sure. Fair, fair, fair. I think that's fine. Yeah, okay.

Blindness wouldn't faze me, but if he literally had a face with no eyes, I'm not sure how I'd... If he had no body and no eyes and just hands coming out of an eyeless face, I'd be a bit scared. But we don't... It's unclear. That's speculation. But obviously if it was that, I feel like Rick would point it out. Yeah, Rick would say something. Yeah.

He does have bad friends. Yes. Bad friends. Toxic friends. Toxic friends. I don't want to hang out with Rick. Because that's the thing. Rick comes with Jessie. Jessie and Rick are a package.

And because Jessie's not getting rid of Rick. No. So they're a package. And whereas Jessie's girl is the whole package. Because then if you've got to get with me, you've got to get with my friends. Exactly. Think about Spice Girls, guys. Think about Wannabe.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So he's dogging the boys. Dogging the boys. Dogs the boys. Not only does he dog the boys, he dogs the girls. Yeah.

Everybody gets dogged by Jesse. Yep. Jesse, not only is he like, I'm hanging out with my shithole friend, who you clearly don't like, Jesse's girl, he's also like, hey, Rick, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend, who you are annoyed at for some reason. I haven't put my finger on it yet, but something seems wrong. So dogs the gang.

Dogs the gang. That's pretty big. But still, to him, friendship is important. He seems like a guy who maybe, he kind of like wants his cake and to eat it too. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, he seems that kind of person. I just imagine if I was dating Jesse, it's that kind of thing where I'm like, we're 30.

Yeah. I mean, you got to grow up at a certain point and you got to cut those people out of your life, you know? Rick is not a mature individual. And Jesse is just, it's like one of, you know, you've got this guy and he's great but he's got those shithole friends that he's always fucking doing childish shit with and you're like, I just want you to grow up. Yeah. So I think...

I'm sorry, Zammett. But look, friendship is important and he does believe in equality. Yeah, that's good. But only sexual equality. Everything else we're not sure about. Everything else we're not sure about. Everything else we're not sure. I think we've got to put Jesse off the table. I'm sorry.

Don't get me. He was a third. He was a bronze medal. That's fair. Podium finish. But he's just not for me. All right. Now we just need to ask the important questions on who would you pick?

Jesse's girl or Stacey 2's mom? Okay. So Stacey 2's mom. These are the things we know about her. She is slippery. She's not strict. She's got it going on. She's independent

and a businesswoman. And she has her own pool. All these are very good for me. Bit older? Bit older, yeah. Look, a mature lady. Would have to be, again, at least 48. Comes with a child. A 30-year-old child. Comes with a 30-year-old daughter. We're going to have to just, again, at least 48. Comes with a child. A 30-year-old child. Comes with a 30-year-old daughter.

We're going to have to just deal with that. We're going to have to deal with it. And all her friends, like both Stacey 2 and Stacey 2's mom, are going to be like, why are you dating? Have you met my friend Stacey 1 and Stacey 1's mom? Also this man, Wayne. He cleans our gutters. Also kind of like, hey, why are you dating someone

your daughter's age? Yeah. That's a bit strange for Stacey's mom. But if the love is true. But she's got it going on. She's got it going on. She's got it going on. Alright. Now let's go back to Jessie's girl for a bit. Jessie's girl. Again. 30. Same age as us. Can see. Can see.

Flirty. Flirty. Observe. And observe. Okay. Why can't I find eyes. Flirty. Flirty. Observer. And observer. Because you can be both. Okay. Why can't I find a woman like that? Impressive. The got it going on of Jessie's girl. Got it going on.

Woman like that. Now, hang on a second, though. Because, again, you've got to think about your narrator. Yeah. And also, you've got to think about, are we looking for a long-term relationship or sex? Yeah, that's true. That's true. Because if we're looking for sex, we just seem to go with Stacey Wan's mom. Stacey's who I believe was DTF.

Yeah, she was DTF. Which I believe stands for down to fuck. It does. It does. Absolutely. It does. So, but I think we gotta assume that this is a relationship, right? Well then, alright, look.

You boys still are clearly undecided, but if I'm dating one of these people, I'm going with Jessie's girl. You're a Jessie's girl? I'm a Jessie's girl-er. I think I'm attracted to Stacey's mom's power. Yeah, I'm a Jessie girl boy. Well, I'm a Stacey's mom man. I like how slippery she is, I'm attracted to her power. The slipperiness is what sold you, isn't it?

It absolutely was. Not only is she not strict, she is also an independent businesswoman who can have fun. Are you imagining hugging her and she pops out of your arms? Yeah, absolutely. Into the pool. And then I jump in afterwards for a sexy good time. See, I, um, sorry

Dusha, but I think I'm also a Stacey mum man. I'll just happily be a Jessie's girl boy over here. Not only is like, she's very, like she's got power. I'll just happily be a Jessie's girl boy over here. Not only is, like, she's very, like, she's got power. Yeah. I find that attractive. Independent, I find that very attractive. Yeah, absolutely.

But also, you've got to look at past history. Yeah. You know who Jessie's girl was with? That's true. Jessie. Kind of a piece of shit. Stacey's mum's past. No Ricks involved in there.

Not a single Rick. There's a Wayne. That's just, like, a sad guy that hangs around and is like, hey. I can handle a Jesse and I can handle a Rick. Rick I wouldn't need to worry about. Jesse maybe. Yeah, Jesse maybe. No, I feel Rick you might have to worry about as well. Rick, fuck. I'm in love with douche's girl. Oh no, I mixed that up. I'm in love with Jesse's girl. No, yeah, so it'll be

Douche's girl has got it going on Because Rick will probably go wherever Jessie's girl does Yeah, you had it right the first time You did You've cooked it, and on that note, I'm Joel I've been Joel And I've been a Jessie's girl boy

I'm Jackson, sorry, I'm Jackson And I've been Jackson And I've been a Stacey's mum man And I'm also Joel And I've been Jackson, and I've been a Stacey's mum man. And I'm also Joel, and I've been also Joel, and I'm a Stacey's mum man too. Happy anniversary. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope that you treated your Jessie's girl or Stacey's mum well.

Exactly. And if you've got any Ricks or Waynes in your life get rid of them this valentine's day cut them loose yeah don't remember not only is this day a day about receiving it's also a day about giving so remember lick that chine or suck that hog happy valentine's day from your boys tweet me day from your boys tweet me thanks for listening and if you want to follow us on twitter you can find us at sanspance radio or you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead.

And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com, and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to SandspantsPlus.com. Thank you again for listening,

and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses. Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. Good night forever. Kisses.