Plumbing the Death Star - How Badly Could You Screw Up History With A Time Travel Mishap? With Lena Moon

Episode Date: December 7, 2025

The boys are joined this episode by good friend Lena Moon to discuss just how much you could screw up by going back and time. I'd like to go back in time before I heard this podcast to be honest!Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our merch, social media platforms and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Flumming the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And today we're joined by very special guest, Lena Moon. Hello, I'm Lena. Whoa. Hey, Lena.

Thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. And that's okay. Can I say? Great intro. Thank you so much. I just introduced up. I nailed it.

Yeah. It was one of the best actors I've ever seen. I really came to the party on that one. Yeah. And I hope you and the listeners already know this. But Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asked the important questions. And next week, we've got a question from Al, Sanspan, well...

From the Discord. It's a beautiful question from a beautiful listener. Hey, if you sign up to the Bad Brain Boys subscription service, you can get access to the Discord and bonus episodes

and you can put a question in there. You can be like, hey, plumbing the death stuff. Think about this. Answer this one. And if we think it's good enough, we'll pick it. I was going to point out, J.D., great vamping because when you

about to throw to Jackson, the look on his face of you a shock of like, oh no, I locked my phone. You can kind of see that he's forgotten his password and maybe the face hadn't recognized at all. So, like, so while we're still doing this. If we're on YouTube, and look, I hate to ask too much of our video editor Lawrence,

but can we just get a slow motion replay of the accent realizing that he'd put his phone away that he needed to read off? You just insert that right now. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks so much, Lawrence. Anyway, it's like showing up to work without your uniform, isn't it?

It's like, I'll make do and I'm technically here. He read it off his phone, then I start the podcast, he puts it away. I thought I'd remember it And then you put me on this spot You were practicing By entering the show Like you always do

Starting the show You put me on the spot I wasn't ready Okay anyway This question comes to You were practicing the question Before we hit the court You're also like hurry up JV

Clicking at him to be like start this show I wasn't I didn't realize I wasn't ready You're a piece of shit Now I'm ready Would you like to know the question? I'd love to know the question. This is from Odin.

I'm probably saying this wrong. Odin McKinney's. How badly could you screw up history with a time travel miss? Well, there's so many points in history that it would be awesome to go back to and rush off. I think the first point of history I'd like to go to is when Jack.

and I discussed hitting record on the podcast and we said, oh, that'll be kind of like, like that's a really good idea for a question. We'll just tighten it up so it's good for the topic. And he agreed. And then we workshopped a better, like a slightly punched up version. And then he just read the original version. This happens to me, Lina. I come into this studio.

You're asking for sympathy from me, but I've been here. I've witnessed what happened. I'm not an impartial jury, man. I was, if anything, I'm fine. He's hard of the investigation. Also, again, Jack, he's like, look, he just lied to you. He's not in every day. He works two.

Three days a week at best. Yeah, I work hard. Today's Thursday, and this is the second time you've been in the studio this week. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And he's been with my fingers to the bone. Oh, thank you. This is the first podcast we recorded today, and it is 20 past three in the PM.

What of it, dude? Working hard or hardly working, Amy. You're hardly working. I'm hard, easy, easy to answer. Really hardly working, dude. Anyway, okay, so we got a time machine and how bad could we wreck history? Just with one, I'm guessing the rules here are

we got one use of the time machine. One trip. One trip. What's the worst we could do? What can I bring with me? Anything. Anything. Like, like, like, well, no, no, within reason.

Within reason. So I can, so if I have access to it now, I can bring it with it. You could take your phone to a caveman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you probably couldn't take a nuke to Renaissance France. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, because he doesn't have a new.

I don't know. He doesn't happen. I mean, he might. That is a relief because, you know, if I would have, like, run through the roller decks of people in my life that I would assume might have some sort of nuke-like device, the three suspects are in this room. Yeah.

To be like, guys, you will not believe what I have acquired. One of our viewers sent us a nuke. So, you know, I was browsing the dark web. I should do. I was on Facebook marketplace. I had a few Bitcoin left over. From all the drugs I was buying. And I thought I was like, there was like a mystery box.

Guys, I got a nuke. Yeah. Okay, so that could happen. If we had a nuke, I would get on top of it. I'd be climb on that same, dude. Absolutely. You'd show that thing. Yeah. Now, I want to point out, yes, that could be us. But I think Lena's explanation of why I would have a nuke way more on bread.

Yeah, we're going to. PR books, someone sent us uranium. The posty looking at us real pissed off. What? What, dude? It's funny because I'm imagining he sent his little posty bike that's dragging. He's got a big nuke on the back. Dude, it says fragile. This has been dropped.

Yeah, come on, man. So, the time machine, like, I guess just... I'm picturing like a sort of like a... Do we think in like the TARDIS? hardest such Bill and Ted. Yeah, I'm imagining like a Port-a-lou-sized thing that you step inside and then you step out. Is it a door? Yeah. So there has a door that you enter. Yes. It only happens because for some reason every single time I think of like doing something with the time machine, I always use it to catch something. Ah. So like going back, for example,

this is not my answer because I don't really know how this would wreck history. Yeah. But like, I don't know, as Abraham Lincoln's about to get shot, opening my time machine door and the bullet goes into my time machine. Nice. They're bringing it back somewhere else and I think of somewhere else and being like

and the bullet into JFK. Yeah, that's right. The guy shot J.A.K. Lincoln technically shot J.F.K. as well. And then you're

a time machine in the book deposit against Javier. See how many as you can take out with one bullet. I like that yeah, you're just like,

no one knows this, but the guy who killed Abraham Lincoln actually killed J.F.K. And the guy who killed J.F.K. He'll be like, Jackson, stop it. But when the CIA dig that bullet out, they're going to be so confused.

You'll find it's from the one guy. What the hell? This is too late since you said it, but Portaloo, because you said Portaloo. Oh, Portaloo. Yeah, that's good. That's very good. But I think it would have been better as a riff. Well, here I put me the best, though, we famously love puns as well.

I will say that puns get better play if they are two minutes later. Yeah, exactly. Honestly, it's the best time to hear. I did feel the room go cold on me, and I can, you know, I can acknowledge my work in that. I think the best time to hear that pond would have been after the episode in a text. Oh, fuck. I should have said, poorly. Oh, no, never mind.

She's not allowed back. What, so is the timing she has a door? Yeah. What can I, can I fit anything in? Can I say as well, we will answer that question, but I think it's awesome and it's very us that the thing that has consumed us is not answering the question. I have some parameters. Okay, can I fit my car in the time machine? No.

Why not? Who cares? You said port a lot. It doesn't matter. Be consistent. Yeah, and then someone said a great pun. Because if I can bring my car without, and then the pun ruined this. But, uh, if I can't bring my car without.

But if I can bring my car I'm going to run over I'm like fuck you If I can bring my car While Emperor is it Constantine Is looking at that meteor To be like I'm going to convert Italy or whatever to Christianity

I will run him over Okay Interesting And then crash my car It's so funny to me that you're choosing car for that I can't run him over with me It's true

That's true But I like the time machine is a vehicle, though. Yeah. You just land on top of him. No, but I like the car because if you imagine that Italy at that point was primed for a new religion. And the car, I don't ever seen before. The car god, cod. The car that killed the emperor.

Yeah. No more kings, no more gods, only car. I love that we're like, portal loo thumbs down. Cod? Thumbs up. Car god, cod. Now that's a rip. Exactly. Is there anyone that's like, like, attributed to inventing capitalism?

Oh. Is there any one person? Capitalism's been around for a bit. Yeah. Like, surely a Caesar or someone? Well, not Caesar because he wasn't even the first guy. Well, no, I mean, there's been commerce. Who was the guy, you know, that famous is like the first example of text we have.

And it's that guy complaining about bad bronze or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's been around for too long. But there would have been a time where we did it. Yeah, yeah. So you could go back and be like... I just want to go back to whoever invented it and kick him in the shins. Yeah.

So not even enough to do it. Adam Smith is apparently considered the father of modern capitalism. Okay. When was this? 1776 book, The Wealth of Nations. Okay. Which provides the first comprehensive theory of a free market capitalism. Yeah.

Yeah. It's quite late. It is quite late. Again, this was not, like, there's no single person invented. It depends what you want to stop. Yeah. The all cap... Billioness.

Yeah, okay. Specifically billionists. There was a guy, I forget when, in American history, but he was like, we should have a cap. We should have a maximum wage. And they assassinated him. Yeah, okay. Catch the bullet.

Catch the bullet. Yeah. I'll be like, Jackson, God damn it. Why did you have to do that one? We're going to kill the bad. Close the door, man. I've come out of the time machine just to do something genuine in your way. Ops, wrong timing.

It just comes straight out from behind me. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like it would be lovely to, yeah, just see what that does. But I actually think it's, like, really ironic that you think I would actually ruin anything. And I don't have a concept of time trouble and taking care of the timelines because I'm actually like, I've seen the movie. I've seen the movie. Okay, so there's actually two different types of time travel. Which one are you referencing, Lena?

The one in Donnie Darko. Is that time travel? Yeah. Yeah? That one's like... That's closed loop. What is that mean? Oh wait, no, it's not.

No, it's because it's like a rogue life. It's like a rogue like. It's like you kind of get new knowledge every time. That is true. It's like or light? I have a real issue with going on. What do you want? Which is messy.

The one where you get new information and a story progresses. That's rogue light, I believe. Yeah. So I am, I have come up, I've been saying this a lot. Yeah. But one of my biggest things that I think we need to change as a society is those definitions because oh my god why would we do that to ourselves why did we do this and I truly earnestly and I'm sorry if this hurts anyone's ears I truly believe it is a result of

one stubborn guy miss speaking and then doubling down yeah that's what it feels like I have no doubt in my mind that's how that went down no it's uh rogue life it's actually different like I I go back in time and punch that guy and then she is punching him too hands We would both get back. You just made me angry. I'm really smart. Yeah. And ow,

ow, ow, ow, Yeah, yeah. Worth it, worth it. The only difference is you come back to the present. We're like, yeah, now we've got rogue likes and owl lights. I'm going to get back in the machine. Yeah, I'm going to figure that out. I mean, no, it's definitely, and look, I know as a big fan of puns,

this will probably go against everything you just said. but it's absolutely not someone miss speaking it's them trying to be clever with wordplay because it's like so it starts with rogue a game no one ever really spoke about until for some reason like 10 years ago comes out in the 80s and then they make a games

like it's like rogue that makes sense someone says oh it's like rogue it's a rogue like oh this is like a rogue like but it's like you can look I mean calling it a rogue like would be awesome but you could call it a light rogue like you could but instead let's just use a different word

I can't differentiate those words in my head anymore. Yeah. I can't, because they both mean the same thing. Yeah, I will never learn the definition. They have, don't dare. One's like it, you're right, but they, they're using a different definition. Yeah. Because the like one is almost, well, it is exactly like that one.

Yeah. This one is, well, it's like it, but it's different. What would you change? It should have called it rogue different. Rogue, story rogue. Story rogue. It was kind of a story rogue. You did it.

That's awesome. It's better than what that we have. If you're not like about having Lina on the show, sometimes we get a guest on and we're nice to them. The iron that we save for each other, we deflect and we don't. But ladies come on and we're like, you're in, man.

If you're in your car again. I think I've been around for too many years. You've known me for too long. I think what happened here was Lena Dugger heels in real hard against an attack on you? I was like, well, I guess it's a free for all. You throw the first stone.

In fairness, I didn't dig them that hard. I just said I was a witness. But I do. I've barely touched a stone, but I will agree there is a familiarity. One of the last times they did a podcast, it's Sanspence. It was with Cass and Hayden. And we argued about mayonnaise or something, putting something in the fridge for life. And it's the most heated I've ever gotten in.

But I felt like cleansed after. Yeah. That's what it's like, it's purifying. Okay. doing a podcast. First of all, mayonnaise fridge. It's an egg product. No, sorry, you're right.

It's got to be in the fridge. The discussion, I don't want to bring it up again. It is actually genuinely one of the podcasts I've ever done. Yeah, I'm so sorry. But it was more about, so when you live with someone. Okay. And they're making a grocery list. I don't want to, I'm scared to start this.

No, no, no, no, no. They're making a grocery list. And they are standing next to the fridge or near the fridge or in the kitchen. And they go, do we have mayonnaise? And I'm on the couch, the fury that makes inside me. Because they're out of the fruit, they can check. Just look. Why on? Use your eyes. Just in the kitchen, just check.

And then they were both like, no, no, no. We want it to be an experience that we're all involved in. And I'm like, you're making me get up. And they're like, we don't want you to get up. We just want you to say, I don't know. And I'm like, don't make me speak. Why do you need that? I know.

Well, thank God. You forget that Casson Hayes. Idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They grew up in the same house. Yeah, knuckleheads all the way there. One, grew up in the same house. Two, love to have someone that.

They can also blame for stuff. They want to drive. Oh, we did have mayonnaise, but you said I don't. I'm like, well, why didn't you? Look. Yeah, but also, you know, I learned a lot and I grew as a person. Oh, that's the other side of the coin, I know. Also, I know how much mayonnaise I have.

Yeah, but, dude, how many... I never need to ask that question. How many eggs do you have in the fridge right now? Who can say? Yeah, yeah, but how many bottles of say, what's your balsamic vinegar? Is it also a balsamic vinegar? I get a little bottle of balsamic vinegar in a cupboard. Like, as in, um, do I have balsamic vinegar?

I don't know, and then I go buy some. I have four bottles of balsamic vinegar in my pantry. You're a liar. We've had this assumption of hair. I'm turning against you now. I forgot. Mine's Chulula hot sauce. I'm always like, because it's the fear of not having it, right?

It's the fear of what if I get back and I don't have it. So you've got to get it. Mine's rice, actually. Okay. Are you doomsday prepper? I don't know how much rice I have until I buy more rice. Yeah. My household, which gas is part of.

Yeah. Is it rain? It's either eggs or milk, which are the both worst things this could possibly happen to? Because there'll be no communication. Everyone will be like, hmm, one egg left today. Yeah. Or milk's about to run out. But then multiple people will not use the last thing.

Yes. And then they'll be like, oh, I should go buy it. And then on the same day, everyone just comes home with, So, all of a sudden, we go from no milk. Not enough milk to... Now we're airing some grievances. I don't know who does this in this particular household of ours. But, like, it's usually...

Oregon is your son. Yeah, maybe, maybe. The sneaky suspicion of maybe Adam, maybe Jackson, could be cast, right? I'm not to be in trouble. Maybe yourself, JD. But it's always like, because, again, people are afraid to use a last bit of something. So if we have milk or whatever, then they'll be like, well, I can't use a last. And just they put the tiniest little bit left in the fridge.

And so I go in there to be like, oh, I think we've got milk. we got no milk. They could have just used it, been like, there's no milk, then I would have gone out and got milk. But now, it's like 9 p.m. and I'm fucked. Oh, yeah. You can't get laid out. My bedtime milk. Where's my bedtime milk? You'll notice that the person that interacts with your milk the most in the house is not pointing fingers? Yeah. Because it's almost like he knows that's him. It could be me. It's definitely you. I've seen you do it. Well, I... Because you've readjusting how much coffee you're making because you don't want to be

like, hey, we're out of milk. Yeah, you don't want to be the out of milk guy There it is There it's a fuck it is Perhaps we have a little whiteboard That we write milk on Oh like what if the French had a note board attached to it

And you can write I use the last of milk I'm sorry I'm worried I've suggested something that exists Correct Or better yeah What if you're in the room Yeah There's not in the room with you There's that too I would say

That's also a floor Well okay You have a lot of different milks in your fridge. That's true. So I kind of don't know how much milk you ever have. What do you mean? I would say anything below a third is worth mentioning. No, because he's got different bottles and shit. But whatever milk. Anything below a third. Hey, this particular milk is below a third. Hey, do you think that he's got like display milk? It doesn't matter how many milks he's got. I think he might have secret milk. Even if he's got secret milk. Yeah, in a way.

Then the conversation just becomes, oh, don't worry. I got another milk is out. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Your public milk is out. That sounds like someone's telling you in a delicate way that like your tits falling out of a dress. Hey, your public milk is out. I'm so sorry.

You and also, what the fuck? Hey, thanks a heads up. Fucked up I knew when you were talking about. I fucked up you said that. Is that really what you call? Is that? Are you for real right now? Yeah.

Yeah. I am. Yeah. I was thinking with my time machine, I go back to the first guy inventing the wheel and I say, no, bad shape and then we come up with someone else. Okay, then what?

Pitch any other shape for a wheel. Triangle. Terrible pitch. What about like an octagon? You've created a bad society. Also, I feel like they would do they'd do yours for a day and know this doesn't work, let's try a circle.

The moment you tell them, no, I'm from the future, that doesn't work. Yeah. They go, oh, okay, then they follow your lead, and then you leave and then they're like, let's try the wheel. I guess I got to stick around. I come in and I go, yeah, in the future, all wheels are single lines.

That's what we have, like paddles. And they go, it's not working. And I go, that's weird. That's really weird. In the future, they all look like this, and it works really well. Keep at it. I think you get clubbed to death by, like, day four. That is the risk for time travel is getting clubbed to death.

Or stomped by a mammoth. Do you think that's the biggest risk of time travel? I think it's up there. Especially if you go on, like, to clubbed to death. caveman. True, true, true. Look at me. I'm weak.

Yeah, exactly. I'm very susceptible to being club. They'd see the weakness in me. They'd sense it, I think. I feel like I would, I have this, it's a horrible joke, but I make it with my friend and I will put, commit it to tape.

Is it better or worse than portal loop? It's better but darker. Okay, all right. But we have a joke about like us in different eras. And we like fully lean into whatever the repression at the time is. It's like, you know what, fine. I'll be a housewife on Quail-Ludes. Yes.

kidding. I would smash those quailas. I would get out of bed at 4pm and make a chicken and then that's it. Like, I would be dysfunctional. No matter what era I'm in, I'm a lady that's falling apart. And I know this to be true about myself. Like, again, I would be one of those like prohibition flappers that's just like, like, I would be troubled. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I'm okay with that. And I feel like even me now getting in a time machine going back, I would just embrace whatever form of troubled is in front of me. You know what, you're right, because I'm like, oh, the biggest risk is getting club to death, but I think you're right, the biggest risk

is just being like, a woman. Well, yeah, but also being like, what if this was my life? The biggest risk for you, Jackson, is yes, falling in love with a cave person. Yes, absolutely. You're like, a little bit of six. Yeah, come on, dude. She brought me a big chunk of me. Yeah, man. I am

not going home. Legitimately. A chunk of me? For me? Oh, my God. This is literally all take for Jackson. Like, hey, like, you all, you're going back to the Stone Age to eat a caveman? I wonder if they do sex differently. Yeah, and then I'm gone, dude. What if?

And I come back and I look pale. And you go, no, they do it pretty differently. They do it differently, and it's awesome. It's scary and it's good. I look sick, but I'm actually just dehydrated as a hell. Yeah. I loved it. I'm going back. I have not slept.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome, dude. Tell me that's not good. Yeah, going back being a 50s housewife, how to be fun. But I'd have to be a certain level of rich. I think that's also my rule in general. My life would be great now if it was a certain level. Yeah, yeah. So, okay, okay, would you rather be like you as you are now, whatever?

Yeah. Or like go back in time, let's go like, you know, 50 years at, you know. So you can't be like yesterday. I want to be. Yeah, okay. But like, yeah, say 50, 100 years or whatever and just be like one of the wealthiest people then. Great question. Say 200 years.

Yeah, I mean, like, if you really take the, like, social oppression and class thing out, which would affect me a lot. Yeah. No, you're rich. No, I'm rich. But, like, you know, like, there's sort of, like, for women, it's like, to be rich, you get sold to someone. Yes. Like, I feel like there's still some stuff I have to think about. But I feel like even then, it's like, you know, like, what was the Victorian women who had hysterical wounds the way the doctors would treat them is make them come and give them cocaine?

Like, I think I can live with that. I was really waiting for, like, you know, the bad thing. No, that one, even though I think that would be an awful way to exist and wearing corsets would be hell. People still wear courses, though. That's true. Are you imagining you go to the doctor? Come and cocaine, though.

Come on. Or the doctor comes to you and goes, oh, Lino, hysterical again? Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm crazy doctor. I'm feeling really hysterical. Go on. Fix me. But then there's the whole, like, lobotomy thing. So it's like, you know, it's like the flip side to that.

You're going to, like, really. fine line of like, what's the most amount of orgasms I can get from the healthcare professional today? And the most amount of cocaine, before they chisle my brain. So we gotta get the pre-lobotomies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a punch card.

Instead of a free coffee, you're like, uh-uh, I'm gonna do it again. No for me. Yeah, I guess it was nine orgasms. I guess that was enough to fix me. And better, uh-huh. It's like a week limit, right? I don't wait a week and it refreshes. Well, maybe it's like tonsil.

Because like the tonsillitis, unless obviously you have a very severe case straight off the bat, it's like something like you have to have tonsillitis X amount of times and X period of time before they remove your tonsils. You just wait for it to die down a bit. Hysterical again. They're like, well, I reckon four comes. Four comes this week and then I'll stop for a month. I'll figure it out my own shit and then. Yeah. That would be awesome.

Yeah, I was picking my own shit. Can I take one of these homes? Yeah, can I think this big clunky machine? Yeah. I reckon at home treatment. Just maybe, not help me sleep, I reckon. Was there a medicinal vibrator? Yeah.

Potentially. Yeah, I think it's actually, I mean, look, I'm not going to sit here and say yes, yes, yes. But I'm pretty sure a lot of the early inventions of them were. Well, yeah, because it wasn't definitely a treatment for hysteria. I do believe this might be a bullshit myth. Oh, is it? Oh, no. What about a dangerous?

But I feel like I've seen the apparatus. There's definitely things that have existed, but again, the story that we believe, I believe, again, I believe, like, again, in passing seeing this to be like, oh, this isn't 100%. Yeah, okay, I can imagine. I don't know what that is, because once again, I am stupid and never paying attention. But also, like, how much information can we truly maintain in our brains? Exactly. Not many. I feel like I get one fun fact that I ride for like a year and then that fact is gone. Yeah.

Again, talking about like history, like what would you to change like history? And I'm like, man, I don't know what's going on in history. I wish I knew anything about history. Yeah, same. That's really why I'm struggling. I'm like, I guess the Roman times were a thing. Yeah. I'm loving the idea of the doctor, like, leaving the house.

And I'm like, hey, so if a fellow was hysterical as well. What I do? Is there like a thing? And he's like, oh, you'll be fine. Yeah, but like, could. Like, if I was feeling crazy. If I was crazy, I just see you gave my wife. She's really happy.

She's feeling good. You're never that happy around me. Yeah. What about? What about? Yeah. So if they can take things with me. So I got to Dan Murphy's.

Okay. And I just try and stock up on lots of booze. Okay. And then I go to like prohibition era. Prohibition, yeah, yeah. And I set up a little speakeasy. Oh. I've already got that booge.

Okay. Now, that's... Now, can I run it out of my, uh, my Port-a-Loo... You can be able to get away if you get caught. When the bobby's cold. Yeah, the problem is cops, not going to... Okay, so the problem is prohibition. Yeah.

Are you associated with any mobs? I could be. No, but are you currently? Not yet. But I'm open. You have to go back in the media. I'm open for some negotiations. You land there, you put up a sign,

speakeas, you had to knock on the day. You see this guy on the boardwalk with his disappearance. You walk around the whole town being like, hey, are you in the mob? Are you in the mob? I feel like your first customer is both... Where's Steve Boshimi?

He's here I am. I've seen a ball walk out buyer. I watch like a few Epps. Knock? Your first customer is just simply both one police officer and one member of the mob with a gun both pointed in your face.

Who wants some tequila? Yeah, I think. Bang, bang. What if then I go to the mob and be like, I have some preimo booze to sell you. Whoa? And they go,

we got some kneecaps to break to get that booze. Go back to caveman time to be like, hey, cave people. Let's get Liddy And then I get out Yeah

A cup of potter's tequila Some wine A little salt And let's get fucked up That would be awesome I feel like for me It's like a 50s Hollywood party Or like earlier

Just one of the ones They had crazy drums Like Quaid Ludes Just to give it a go I just had so many good things about ludes You know It's like

It seems like it was a really good thing So I just did a little bit of research Just to because I feel like that we really entered a bomber here where we were like, they didn't use vibrators for medicine. They did. Okay. But.

Yeah. In the butt? No, no, no. But. They weren't used to. Yes. That's what the doctor's doing to me for my hysteria. This rule.

No, so they didn't use it to treat hysteria. Oh. What were they treating? I don't know. It was being, it wasn't just used on genitals. In fact, it wasn't used on generals at first. I'm sure some freak. And then someone was like,

I have a fun fact about this is my fun fact at the moment And it's only because I was thinking about turning it into a bit Because I find it so funny But this is history related I would maybe go back to this Is it vibrators or pussy related? No, it's not actually either of those It's like hot girl related

So that's the connection I've made But forks I was sitting with my partner a couple months ago And I was having dinner with them And I was like, do you? Oh, never mind. And they were like, no. No, no, go on, say it.

And I was like, oh, it's dumb. He's like, just say it. And I said, when do you think each civilization went, all right, that's our cutlery? That's a good question. Like, this is the cutlery we'll use. And I started looking it up, and I found out forks were traditionally like animal bones that were used to like prep food in like ancient Rome. Yeah. But they weren't used as eating devices because we have really good eating devices with inbuilt thermo.

Like this is so we've graduated to using stuff so we go. Instead of actually But yeah So anyway That was happening Until one girl Which I just love so much Because in my head

She's absolutely neurodivergent She was like I don't want to touch my food I don't want to touch it anymore And everyone was like You rude bitch And she was like No I just don't want it

And so then she started using fork Like the force That's so funny Yeah and then that became like practice And then a Medici woman married a French noble And she took forks To France

And then France made it too many forks. Yeah. I guess in your research, like I know that like because we use forks, it just changed how we, our whole face. Absolutely. And changed jaw. We got fork kind of like that. Dude.

Yeah. It influenced a jaw. Yeah, man. So I think I would maybe go to that dinner party where she was like, I don't want to touch my food. Yeah. I just want to see what would happen. And I would come in with a proper fork and then brush my hair with it and confuse everybody. Do you think if you, because obviously the first forks got to be pretty prominent.

and then they advanced to the current fork. If you went back and gave them the current fork, would the fork we have today be more advanced? Yeah. So kind of digital for. When was the last advancement in fork technology? Well, that's kind of, yeah, the curves, surely. Curves, yeah.

I remember the curve. The curved fork? What forks are moving? I think the spork is the furthest we've gone with it. Yeah. I also feel like the forks used to have three prongs and another got four. I remember I don't, this is a fact I have half of. There is a reason we have four tines on a fork

because initially it was just two and then we added a, there's some reason of four is the best amount of times to have. Yeah, folks are curved, what are you talking about? I know they're curved fork. What do you mean? Oh, wait, I'm yelling at the wrong person. What do you mean?

Do you mean like a fork spoon? No. Think of a fork. Think of a fork. The handle doesn't just turn into the head of the fork. The little dip. The, the mouth. The teeth.

I guess it's a cool. You fucking idiot. Would you try and be like, oh, hey, I know you don't want to touch the food, yucky. What about using this instead? Yeah. And you bring it like, give us some riddle and see what happens. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give us some riddle and see what happens.

Or like, I'm thinking, you know, it's like a pole with a dinosaur head on it? Oh, that's really good. She picks it up with that. Bring her own little chompy glove. Yeah, little chompy glove. And then be like, see what fucking happens. Well, I mean. You get into hospitality and you have to dip the corner.

the chompy glove in water and roll it up like he used to with the napvins around the coloring. I wonder if like, even if you just dished out like washing gloves. Oh yeah. Gloves like that go up to your elbow. So that you could touch the food with no issue. Because unfortunately I don't think Ritalin's going to help

because I feel like the thing that she might have had isn't treated by Ritalin. Yeah. You might have made her quick up. She might be Audi HD. Yeah, she could be. We don't know. She'll be like, oh.

I still don't want to touch it. I'm a lot more relaxed now. I'm really focused in on how much I don't want to touch this. But I'm processing why I don't want to touch it. I don't have been getting in touch with myself about it. It's just the textures. Yeah. It's truly.

It's truly eerie. I'm trying to think of what we can do to the fork to develop it. I don't know. What if, like, okay, I think the internet on it? Yeah. That is important. What if we made has the internet on it? A little device.

Yeah. Sort of like a little device. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'll get the, yeah, it'll get the, yeah. They've got a word for those. Like, what's his name, Freddy Kruger? Okay.

How he's got the glove and he's got little points on each one of his little fingers. But then we can maybe make it like, you know, two points on each of your little finger. So you've got fork fingers. So you've got fork fingers and we start stabbing our food and eating. Okay, like a crab. Fork fingers and knife fingers. What if we crab it? Why in your world?

And I'm not saying, no, no, no's in a brainstorm. Oh, yeah. Why do we need now four forks? Four forks better than one. Because that's what I was going to say. What if we just go back in time and take them a little ring that has a fork on the end of it and it just becomes us using a thing.

It's so good. Food all of a sudden becomes, like, you would change food with that. Because if that type of fork takes on, you can't really cut. You could, if it was, like, it was secured on properly. Oh, no, no, as in like, yeah, but I mean, as in, like, they would mouth.

Wait, does the other finger have a knife one as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do it. It's just wee. I like the idea of the knife finger, though, rather than just being... The fork was obviously like an attachment on the top of the fingers. The fork's at the top, like, a normal fork. But the knife just having, like, serrated blades down your fingers,

so you're cutting up by rubbing. So you're cutting up with your... It's nice because it does make you, like, it does feel more like the way you should enjoy food, which is, I'm... This looks good. Yeah. If you leave knife finger out of it, I reckon it means that you come back to the present, and food is just served totally different.

Tubebed. Yeah. Tubebed. It's cubed or cubed? Cube is also good. You do not need a fork if it's tube. Because I think if you did the fork more closer to your fingernail as opposed to like an extra bit of like long,

then you have it more dexterous to be like using like a tiny little fork there. But everybody would have one finger that is really strong. Really strong. And if the serrated edge is right at the fingernail, we're sucking that finger for all food. Everybody's got one sucked foot. finger. Yeah, and then there'd be no COVID, okay?

Because our immune systems would be amazing. Okay? The socked finger reality is where I want to say. Yeah, there's no disease, actually. We can bring back anything? Okay. I get a little COVID. Okay.

I go back in time. Have I killed everyone? Depends on when you go back. I was thinking like maybe 200 years. If you took COVID 200 years ago, we would not exist anymore. Yeah. Oh, would it be like, like. Apocalypse rules of survival of theaters.

When did the bibbonic plague happen? They're like, well, a couple of times. Spanish flu as well was a big one, wasn't it? Yeah. But we bodied the Spanish flu. Wow. We bodied it in the extent of the bodies piled up. Yeah. And we use that as protection.

And now it's so harmless, the common colds or whatever. Yeah, because I feel like that if you drop COVID, it pretty much what happened then. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that it would be strong enough to wipe out humanity. I think you'd have to go back pretty early. But you could do it. That fish comes out, you're picking up

from back in the sea. I'm like, I suck its face. Pull the fish out of the water. I'm going to put it back in. I'm scurring it with my fork. Okay. And then humanity, we're all kind of like, just like a bit taken aback.

Like we all have had our face sucked just a second ago. Every conversation's like, how are you doing? You're like, huh? Yeah, good. Every crazy. On this beautiful earth of ours has their face a little bit.

It looks like they're sucked in. I'm waiting for the fish with legs come up. They're just putting it back. It's so funny. The idea that the fish getting sucked would at all inform the shape of the apes that we then

came from is so funny because it's not as if the fish looks like the apes. But maybe maybe this is why, because the fish loved it so much that they started evolving more suckable faces.

They're like, wow, that fish over there with a sucked on face. I love it. And so then they started making it. Just go back again. You go back again and you suck it even more because you've got suck face already. So you're like, and then it

just repeats itself. We just go back in time and suck more and more sucky. Faces become slightly more. I love the idea Yeah, you come back to present day Everyone's head shape is totally different Blow drives exist

But it's a different thing now Suckin face, dude I've been suck in face I go this is exactly what I want I love this suck face Reality A world of sucking But in the suck face reality

I'm you know I've got a flat face Compared to everyone else Because you would be You would be the sucker Oh my lips over time Have developed into the perfect substance.

Yeah, because it would be infected by it. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Well, because you would have been, I mean, you're the responsible. So everyone's sucked head would fit perfectly into your mouth. Yeah. You're the person who. I'm like, oh, your mouth is for me. Yeah.

I don't think it would feel good if someone sucked my entire face in. Well, no, but, you know, we'd be designed to. Exactly. We would enjoy it. But also, are you envisioning, like, as everyone's faces are very small? And, like, they've been, like, butthole, like, they've been putting a vacuum cleaner and, like, yeah, exactly. Jackson's embarrassing so everyone's face, like, kind of like a trying.

Yeah, yeah, like a tube, like a cone. Yeah. And the tip of the cone is a little bit. Yeah, that's future. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like in Beetlejuice, where they got to, like, yeah, that terrifying scene that. Yeah, dude.

Yes. Yeah. Tube future. Yeah. And everything weed is in tubes, which I think is cool too. It's just, it also happened. Oh, I see what's happening to you. You said, you said,

tube before and now you've come up with a whole way to make that not a crazy thing to say. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Because as well as sucking the fish on the beach, I was going back and any time anyone invented cutlery, slapping it out of it. No, only tube. No, only tube. You're drinking your food forever. Maybe it's liquid

food forever. No tubes. No solids. So you invent a blender earlier? Yeah. The tube for you was a straw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not like the food was tubular, not like pasta. No, no, no. It's just a Everyone has a straw. Everything's like a slurry.

When you said... Imagine this. Picture this. No, no, no. Picture this. When someone hits you with tube reality, and then it turns out that the only difference is everyone eats with a straw? Yeah, yeah.

That is pretty... Whoa, whoa. No, that's... Let me paint you a picture of this beautiful future. Okay, a beautiful tube feature. There's no cutlery anymore and no plates and no... But food comes in troughs. So far I hate it.

And then imagine everybody with their tube their comb faces. lighting up in the trough and dipping their little heads into the water. I just like don't think I want to... I think it would really change how I feel about myself to eat out of a trough. That's like if you like went to a cafeteria and instead of like...

I mean maybe this is something you could do like when they invent plates. You go, we don't eat plates. Yeah. You see just like cafeterias now is just like a big... Like a bay marie just overflowing with like spaghetti bolognese

and everyone just walks up and just like... Yeah, on all fours and just put your head in it. Why all fours? Well, okay, so what about what about this? What about this? To really enhance your trough future or trough present. So we got back in time when like, you know, early ape was like, I'm going to go down, climb down that tree and start walking on like, you know,

so we get that, we slap the shit on that ape and we get a pig instead. And we're like, pig, you do this. Yeah, okay. And somehow we've got to train some pigs or prehistoric pigs. And we make them masters of. All the domain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the pig's ideal way of eating is through a trough.

That's what you want. Yeah. And then the movie, Babe, is about a small gorilla instead. Babe, ape in the city. Yeah. Ape in the city. Yeah. Pigs, they like to call everything a something pig.

They're not the most... They weren't the cleverest of animals to keep evolving. There were eight pigs, dog pigs. They got cat pigs. I did. I like the record show. I didn't say babe, ape in the city. No, and then Lina said ape pig in the city.

Oh, no, I know. Yeah. Which I could say, you know, that's redemption. That's redemption right there. Yeah, that fixes the... Portal Lou. Ape pig in the city. Incredible.

Incredible. Yeah. It's a good to do a podcast that makes you feel a little bit insane. Yeah. I mean, it's cool to know my best work is mishearing you say the joke that makes sense. A ape pig in the city makes sense I get it What if that was an ape pig in the city

I'm a pig Well it's babe pig in the city But in this case the pigs and ape Yeah I guess that makes it Yeah Ape big in the city The ape's name is

Ape Yeah Well the name is a big in the city He's a big of the city Because in this future Apes are pigs Yeah I want to sing that show poster

Yeah, me too. I would love someone to mock up ape pig in the city. We're asking that like it's a huge ask. It would take two seconds. Can you imagine what chat GPT would do with that prompt? Whoa. Shut it down. They would never recover. Hey, Grog.

Hey Grog, can you can you can stick ape pig in the city? Is this true? Is this true, Grog? Is this true, Grog? Apeg in the city? Just tweeting at GROC, just no question, just ape pig in the city, all lowercase, full stop. That's really good. Elon Musk's computer would shoot him.

He logs on. Somebody asked the perfect question. You're telling me if there was a restaurant, a cafe, a novelty cafe that was like all of our food is served in a trough? I wouldn't go. At least be curious. No. Did you ever want to go to, like, say, a farm? Yeah.

And you see like, yeah, pigs or whatever. eating from drops, you're like, damn! Those pigs must have it so easy. Well, it's just a cool way to eat food. Think about how many novelty things there are and how little novelty things you enjoy. Yeah. When's the last time you went to a novelty restaurant?

Yeah. Like what? Like the one where people got to yell at you. Or they see. They're on roller skates. That's crazy. Well, the roller skates, that's, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Hang on, sorry, was that I should or you've been? I should. I should. It is very. Dracula's? Yeah, did you ever do that? No, but it's not the way. The way you eat has to be interesting for me to want to do it.

Eating in a cabaret is not interesting. No. You have no respect to us. Eating in a trough is interesting. It is really strange, Jack. To know a good friend of mine that is at risk of like freaky Fridaying with a pig. Yeah, that is me. That is me.

There is definitely like restaurants where like the gimmick is the way you consume the food or at least you get to pick your own food or whatever. and you don't go to any of those anywhere. You know, I really want to go, I know this would be a scam and the food would be shit. But there's one where they project a little tiny chef like harvesting like corn and stuff and then he drags the corn off the plate and then he goes and cooks and they drag.

Look, it'll be shit. What? But it was, it came up in a TikTok for me and I went, I want to do more stuff. What? And I want to go. Respectfully, what the fuck? I want to have more windy in my life.

That I get, but I don't understand the restaurant. It's literally like a top down on your plate. It projects like a little chef making food. And then the real plate of food gets put. Okay. Like it looks like he assembles you the food. You're sitting at a table with the love of your life, ape pig in the city. Yes.

And I'm saying, when do you think they stopped using cutlery? So they put a plate in front of you and then the plate is pretty much just showing overcooked. And then when the game's, the movie you're watching is done, the food is there. The way it puts the food down. Yeah, look, I know how bad it sounds. Yeah, I mean, you can do that at a restaurant, just watch like an over-court.

Watch Rattahooey. Yeah, I do feel like it would be different. Look it up, everyone will be on my side. They'll see it and go, I can see how she thought that would be fun. It's the same vibe as seeing like an escape room and being like, yeah, maybe I'll do that. And then you're like, I probably hated that. Probably, yeah, exactly.

It's truly not for me. Escape rooms for me is like, because I really like Resident Evil and a silent hill. Yeah. If you go to a horror theme to escape room a lot of the time, it's just like, well, this is like a video game puzzle, but real. Yes. But you want to go to that, yeah, that, what's the name of that? Like haunted house? The escape room that kills you?

Yeah, the escape room that kills you, but they drown you, but not really. No, no. I've done a, well, yeah, you were there. I think it was at the Lone Tower. Yeah. We did the hanging simulator. Oh, yeah, that's right. There's a ride where it simulates you getting hanged by the neck.

Where is that? Next to the Thames. Is it like... It's not Disneyland, is it? No, no, no. It's like the dungeon-y thing. Oh, okay. For a second there, I thought you were describing like a theme park and I was like,

where you get hanged. No, no, no. It's a tour of... Disney's cool again. It's a tour. I think it's a London dungeon. It's like the Tower of London, maybe, or the London Dungeons? Yeah, but it's not like underground, but it's right next to the Thames.

And you go in there and it's like, whoa, look at all these... This is what it's like to be hanged. And then at the end, it's like, there's a ride where it drops you to... Outside. Oh, that's awful. Yeah. So, Jack, I did have a quick Google, like restaurants that you can eat out of a trough. Yeah.

And so there are no widely known restaurants specifically advertising eating out of animal troughs. Yeah. Okay, but troughs are human beings? But the term can be confused with theme restaurants. One such restaurant is modern toilet. A novelty restaurant where customers sit on toilets and food is served in toilets. and food is served in toilet-themed dishes. In Japan, I think.

Like bowls and urinals. The close thing to eating from a trough would be a very large serving platter designed for sharing. And then the next one was from the R. Tim and Eric subreddit, which was Gulliver Stiles Trough Dinner, but real. No luck finding a breakfast trough. But I did find this gem, the creators of this dish, to it, I call it a trough. And you have to order it a day in advance. So let's have a book and see what this may or may not do.

I think, you know. Yeah, it's just a big platter, dude. It's just a big platter. Because you, for you, it feels like you really wanted to be mashed up. Yeah, and also it feels like he doesn't want to use his hands. Yeah, you want a soup situation. No, no, no, you want mashed. Spaghetti, no. I don't think you want liquid. Bolognais would be good. Yeah, yeah.

That's what I said. That's already back to, yeah, just like solid food. Yeah. I was like, you were like, you like a soup. I'm like, he doesn't want a soup. He's a green. And then I was like, yeah, yeah, he goes, ballonets. Fucking spaghetti.

Bonaise or steak, mashed potatoes. Motherfucker. You weren't even listening to us. He doesn't listen to shit. Sounds like we have a business idea, though. It sounds like you could open the trough business and see what little... There might be people out there that are, you know, similar predilections to myself. What about Mjornia?

It's a restaurant apparently where they could serve... I did hear about this. Yeah, you can drink stuff out of like a big horn. That's pretty cool. Yeah, they do like Viking steaks. No, no, no, no, no, you're lying to me. He's lied right then. Because, like...

Can you just get a quick, like, zoom in on Jackson's, like, face? Lying. Are there lying expressions? He was doing all of his lying face? I'm not like lying playback, Cam. Well, stop lying. Stop pretending you'd go to Trough restaurant. I would go to a trough restaurant.

I just don't care about role-playing as a Viking. You're not role-playing. It's just certain different... Yeah, you don't have to. He wants to role-play the movie. Yeah, it's not a condition of entry that you play a character. Yeah, I'm, you know, probably for the staff. The fruit's just served in interesting utensils.

Yeah. Which is what you want. No, I want to eat out of a trough. You can, hey, you can do that. I bet you someone sends you a trough to the PO. Yeah, with a nuclear weapon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat this, Jackson.

Yeah. Okay. Finally. Slurp it down. Anyway, I guess, like, I'd probably just go back in time to the meeting in 1953 or whenever it was. Yeah. But into the cabinet and I go, I'm from the future.

You should definitely nuke the moon. Oh, good ideas. Good idea. And then they'll nuke the moon and that will probably wipe out all of humanity and I'll go, oh shit, you should have done that. Anyway, time to go back to my present. Oh, wait.

Well, I'm the last man on Earth. Pretty fun. Pretty fun. Being the last man alive, not so bad. You're good. Yeah. But the power. For companionship.

Would it be a water world though? Yeah. It depends on what happened. Depends on how much you nuke the bomb. What would happen to the... Okay, so if the moon is totally destroyed. Yeah. There's no tides.

Well, what happens, like, is it... If you blow up the moon, is it completely, like, disintegrated, or is it now kind of making a lovely... I'm fairly sure the problem is debris. So it's like that, now you've turned the moon into one million asteroids. You spoke of my awesome joke there. You, me and debris? Yeah. I thought we didn't do pun. It's not a pun. It's an awesome thing to think about.

Is you me and debris? The story about a couple... But the thing that keeps getting between them is... Is all out from the... fall out from the moon fall out. Yeah, yeah. The moonfall. Oh, I see.

Okay. Moonfall, that's another movie. Yeah, okay. A lot of good movie posters from being able to make it from this episode. Moonfall's just a picture of me the night I broke my foot. She's falling over. Lena Moon, because my name's Lena Moonfall. Can you fucking laugh at me once?

Can you laugh at me one time this whole day? That would be so nice. If you just laughed at me once. Well, that works. Just one titter. That's all we want. It's so funny because the last thing I saw you on was the most upsetting guessing game

and I was like, I feel like that somehow this podcast has been like that. I do yell. I like to yell. Yelling's good. It's important to do. Yeah, I don't know. I think when you're like a girl doing stuff with lots of boys, yelling really is the best way to get attention. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It gets loud. You know, you got to do it.

Yeah, I just like make sure that like we do nuke the moon. I think that we thought about doing. Yeah, I think that is cool. I have no idea we were ever considering. It was part of the space race. They were like, oh, it's got, like, it was so official that's got like a name like Operation something. Yeah. And they're going to nuke the moon.

Like, well, we can't get there first. So I was going to show strength against the Ruskies. Yeah. I do think it's... Oh, man. We will nuke this shit out of the moon. You'll see that. from your shitty Russian house

and be like oh, how good a way relax have a ball for God's sense I get jerked off by your doctor yes that's the dream that is the dream

no it's not what do you mean that's the dream I think you should want to get jerked off by a loving partner they could be a doctor it's every man's fantasies to go to their doctor

it's like a 67 year old man jerks you off with the glove that's the dream Just me and my boys And a doctor then tubs me But it's only that I mean like if a doctor's doing it They've got figured out the most efficient way

No, that's assuming that Because have you ever like had your fucking Like when they used to put the cold thing on your back Doctors don't have care for your body They make you uncomfortable Now imagine being You know the cold thing on your back When they listen to your heart thing

Oh right right yes yeah yeah Yeah but like yeah yeah yeah But imagine that approach being like, okay, they need me to come. Yeah. Yeah, I think it would be like a bad high school wristy. Yeah, but like, but the problem... Every man's fantasy.

But the Dr. Miles Wong invites me into his office. It says, Jackson, how you've been? I say, good. He goes, okay, whip it out. Every so often you have to be like, ow, too much. No, but... You've turned every man's dream and every man's nightmare.

But, please. The thing is, like, when they're cold and stuff like that, it's because, like, when they put a stethoscope on you, it doesn't matter. Like, if you're like, this is... Dr. Romances me. No, no, no, no, no. Dr. Miles was mad and says, okay,

Jackson, how are you doing? And he's lighting some candles. Yeah, let's explore this idea further. What do you see every man's fantasy? Yeah, yeah. I speak on behalf of all men. Yeah. They nominated me.

I remember. I remember the meeting. Had to vote. So, when you go to a doctor, they have to get a, like, whatever they're doing, it's because they need a certain result. Yeah.

If you go to get jacked off by the doctor, you have to come. That is the result. So, like, to use a stethoscope example, they don't care if it's cold on your skin because that's not actually affecting what they need. The result is. That's what I'm saying.

I think that... But then, to have an experience... This is how we get a cattle prod in the tocus. This is how we get a cattle prod right out the tocus, which you might feel... I'm making so... No, that's what I mean. This is the point.

Usually, I would say, in most situations, you come... It's a pleasant experience. But to have a neutral cum? Yeah. That's rare. I reckon, oh, just like a procedural come. Yeah, a procedural cum.

A procedural cum, that's true. You can be like, well, I'm having sex and this is fine. Yeah. Not with someone I love, just someone who I'm... Just my doctor. Yeah, just my dog stuff. I love them. I feel like it would be a very simple, like, we tweak the balls, we give it a tug and shove it in the bomb.

Yeah, exactly. But that's awesome. That was like a magic trick. Yeah. Lina, imagine if you went, like, someone was like, yeah, yeah, I know, look, this is going to be, like, a whole thing. It's a procedural cup. Yeah, I can make your orgasm in four seconds. Yeah, like, if it's quick as well, like, it's efficient.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I have had, like, I guess it is, yeah, you know, a neutral cum or whatever, but it's like, you know, you got to jerk off into a cup and you're like. Yeah, that's true. And it's, it's, it's very depressing towards the end. And you're like, I love the idea of it, like, a, like, a filthy mechanics, like, waiting room. There's, like, the sexy, like, like, the mechanics. jacking you off.

But the calendar's just all middle-aged doctors. All middle-aged doctors holding you like it. It's like treating your male hysteria. A bunch of teenage boys gathering around a porno in the woods and it's just like doctors and scrubs. It's like a diagram of how to do it. It's like people used to jerk off to like the textbook science textbooks. Yeah.

That would have absolutely been you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, dude. Yeah, dude, yeah. Of course, amongst us. Yeah, it's really not a lot while I was saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's done it, dude.

This is a huge run-in on pretty much every podcast we've hosted in the last six months. But Jackson was the guy that was telling people how Jackoff at school. Yeah. Not as an adult. He was also stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a helpful hint. This has come up a lot, but I sat in a tree at the back of the oval,

and people who didn't know how to masturbate came to me, and I taught them how to masturbate. That's so funny. I remember when one of my girlfriends were talking about, how to do it and what a, and one of my friends was like, yeah, you just got to use an electric toothbrush and I was like, where? In what way? I did not ask, but I went home and I went, like, where? No, because you're not putting it in.

Yeah. Because that would be really fucked up. Yeah, and you're like brush on, brush on. Yeah, which end are you? You're putting the, like, you know, like the rotating bristle over the clip. That's true. It feels like it would be way too powerful. And it literally threw me for like two months.

Yeah, because it's scary to have a follow-up question about that. And then at the same time, you start thinking like, maybe they are putting it in them. No, I know, you don't know. But then there are times where you go to their house to, you know, be a teenager and then you go to sleep in their bed because that's how it works. And there's like a fucking charging electric toothbrush next to their bed. And I'm like, this doesn't answer any of my questions. I still so lost.

Yeah. The only question that answers for you was, like, like, yeah, they're horny as howl. They've got a toothbrush in the bed. Are they actually doing it? They're doing it. They're all great question. They are draining that toothbrush.

Yeah. It's wild to me. And I still, to this day, I'm like, all I can imagine is that she was putting it on her clip. Sure. Yeah. And letting it go. And even then, that sounds painful. No, it would be.

Because like, I don't know, they're like, back then. No, but this is like a, I think you were joking. Yeah. No, no, this is a real thing. No, no, but yeah, no, it's a real thing. Yeah. It's turn the toothbrush around. use the back of the head.

That makes me more, okay, that wait, okay, great. I thought, no, no, like, is it like, oh, yeah, to this moment, it had not occurred to me. Okay, yeah, because it's not like I went home and did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you wouldn't do bristles or you wouldn't do the metal beat then. Oh my God, that makes so much more sense. Or you could use the base. I was like, I know the answer to this.

Yeah, yeah. Or you could hold the, what? What? What? I just graduated to actual sex toys. So I guess I haven't had to think about it. You skipped the electric toothbrush phase. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so bristles up. That makes way more sense. Because, you know, in high school, it's either like figure out how to do something like that, which makes sense, or just like get a boyfriend who goes down on you for so long until you think you're going to piss.

And then you realize, oh, that's what that is. And then the only way you can do it is if it's like for two and a half hours of these poor kids. Oh, God, you could not pay me to go back in time. No, yeah, look, go back to high school, Christ, no. That was beautiful. Yeah. Can I say she's a rider?

Oh, that's a whole body cringe. So I think the perfect answer is to go back in time to when hysteria was a thing and be like, what about boy hysteria? Yeah, boy hysteria. Yeah, that's an idea. We go back in time, we invent boy hysteria.

And then the doctor jacks you are. Every man's fantasy. Well, I mean, if you go back far enough and we say boy hysteria and then we quote unquote, cure bonus, and then humanity just dies out again. The doctor's joke is off enough that we no longer want to have sex with our wives. Yeah. And so nobody has kids and humanity.

Yeah. Oh, well, uh, he's not precedent. Like, yeah, Spartan. Like, you know. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. That's, like, hey. But I mean, they still were expected to have children. They also were expected to, you know, eventually have sex with the women. It's just so funny to your wife being like, you're, you're like, the doctors. I got to have a doctor's. I've got to go to the job.

Four times today. I'm spent, baby. I'm really... I bet you what... I bet you healthcare would be free, though. Yeah, that's true. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. She's right. That's crazy. Jerked off for free. Jerked off for free by that's crazy. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Lines around the block. Oh my God. Jerked up for free and the government's paying for it. Wow. You can get a concession card for being jacked off. Yeah. Oh, pensioners to get on their pensioner car.

Wow. Everyone had a... Utopia. Taking a sick day from wood. from work to get jerked off. Sorry, sorry, boss, I got that boy hysteria. Get his doctor's certificate? Yeah, I had to get jerked off yesterday.

Oh, why? I was horny. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, we got a cue of that. Yeah. That sounds like a cool world. Yeah. Well, I'm not, no, I've been Joe.

I've been Jackson. And I've been Lena. Hell yeah. Thank you so much for joining us, Lino. Thanks for having me. We appreciate it. Where could people find you if they wanted more of this? Oh, yay, because this is the stuff I talk about all the time.

I'm on Instagram I'm Lena I'm Moon on Instagram But I that That said like I released It's an air from my asshole But it was just Jackson rudely being like Over my blood

My friend who's doing Has done a favor for me By coming on my podcast Now at the moment Where she's plugging your show I'm not gonna listen I refuse to listen I'm gonna do something that is probably

What is the most disrespectful thing I can do? I could probably take a phone call? It's not like a loud follow-up glug is in order? What if I just started honking? Like a goose? No, best not.

It's best one. I apologize. That's my bad. You're not sorry at all. I'm not sorry either. That was perfect. And he's gone for a sip as I'm about to do my plug. No, yeah, but I'm also on Twitch.

So my name is Lena Moon on there and I streamed a couple times a week. And look, please go to my website, Lenamooncreates.com and sign up to my mailing list because when I eventually have to do comedy shows. Yeah. Oh, God. And they make you. They make you. Yeah, when the comedy gods make me,

I'm going to be obviously shilling those. And I, yeah, so please. Get on it. Mailing list. Yeah. Wow, you deflate them so quickly. Oh, if there's one thing I hate, it's telling people I'm doing stand-up shows.

It's like just, I love doing them, but boy, do I hate being like, please come get a ticket. It's awesome that you're like. Like, my favorite thing in the world, stand-up. My least favorite thing in the world telling people I do. Yeah, it's humiliating. But doing stand-up to an empty room also bad?

Worse. Yeah, yeah. You kind of need people there. Yeah. That's a catch-22. It is. Is it Lena Moon? Creates.

Leaner.com is the website. Yeah. I have a link tree in my Instagram as well, so you can find all the things. So if you go to like, yeah, so Lena Moon creates and you just like sign up to the mailing list because whenever Lena has an incredible stand-up, you can be in that audience. You could be in the crowd. You can be there. Like hooting and hollering and laughing, clap along, being like, oh, so true.

Oh, my God, she's right, preach, right. That's what I want in an audience. That could be you. Yeah, yeah. Or if you, if Lina wants, you could just be there being like, yeah. I actually think there's somewhere in between. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, what about engage with the show?

So you sign up, you go to Lenamooncreats.com. Yeah. You sign it to the mailing list. Lena says, I'm doing stand-up in the city you're in. You go to the show. You laugh wholeheartedly. You have a great time. And after the show, you go, Lina, thank you so much.

That was great. I'm glad the plumbing the desk guy could help you figure out how an electric toothbrush gets people off. Yeah, and if you don't laugh, I'll yell at you the way I yelled at Joel in his one. We fucking laugh at me once. Oh, sorry, I don't know if I'm allowed to swear on this. We're in. Okay, yeah, cool. And I'll go in on you that hard.

Yeah, that's good. One time, this whole hour. Hey, what did I do in response to that? You love? You love? It was funny. You've won't the secret. I shook him into submission.

Oh, no, I hate when women yell at me. He, he, he. I'm a cheeky boy. Well, thank you so much, Lena. And thank you to everyone who listened to this podcast. Yeah, my God. Fuck you, Jackson. Yeah.

It was one of the ones where I get yelled. Well, yeah, so disrespectful. And full of lies. So much. I'm not prepared. And you were clicking at me before I launched the episode. It just rolls off you, doesn't it? Well, I'm used to it.

I'm one of the best, Lena. Just water off a duck's back, you know? Untouchable. It's kind of lovely to see in person. No, we want to like, yeah, maybe like that phrase we'd be like, yeah, like insults off a Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It just roll on off. The untouchable man, make, come on.

Truly, nothing sticks. Really nothing. Knowledge, thoughts, paying attention. Well, yeah, doesn't learn any lessons. Yeah, never once. Yeah, that's crazy. A beautiful life. It's pretty good.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Well, thank you again. Yep, thank you again. And thank you. Who was that, our wonderful... Odin. Fuck.

Sorry, we just have to wait for Jackson to get his phone out again. I didn't accept thank you. I wasn't ready. Odin McKinney's. Yeah. Okay. I wasn't ready. They're suggesting such a wonderful topic.

And I hope this was everything you ever wanted in more. Hmm. Goodbye. Bye. Thank you. Thank you.