Plumbing the Death Star - How Did New York Cope Before the Ghostbusters?

Episode Date: March 30, 2015

In which our heroes open up a competing paranormal extermination business, buy some second hand proton packs and immediately cross the streams while wondering what New York did with all the ghosts before the Ghostbusters turned up? We discuss the transit responsibilities of Slimer, the government’s role in preventing possibly apocalypses, and the very real danger of warlocks. Jackson's not sure ghosts are a problem, Zammit is worried for his immortal soul, and Duscher just recently watched the film. So join the gang as they struggle to protect the world from something that might not even be a threat. Who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters. They have no kind of academic credibility.Want to help us stop the next generation of Ghostbusters meddling with the natural progression of life and death? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in helping us not spend an eternity in a shoe box in the basement of a firehouse.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least ninety eight books about finding the right ghost lover for you (oddly enough they all come to the same conclusion: Patrick Swayze). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio put two crabs in a bucket, watch them fight. Do you hate wearing rags like some kind of hobo? Well now you can wear us on your body! Just go to redbubble.com and search for Sands Pants Radio. What a time. Hey guys and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, how did New York cope before the Ghostbusters?

Okay. I watched Ghostbusters on the weekend. Good times. It's pretty good. Two as well? No. We don't talk about that. I like two. Shut up. I don't think I... Okay, I'm just going to open this episode. I haven't seen these in at least 15 years. I'm going to be the best

and most qualified for this episode. Good. Well, I watched it because of the news of the reboot and stuff and people losing their shit. I was like, I don't remember First Ghostbusters being anything better than pretty good. I watched it again. It's pretty good.

Yeah. Three and a half out of five. They both are for me. They're about equal. Rick Moranis is in one. That one's better. You're not wrong. So what's your beef?

My beef with what? Ghostbusters? Good question. My beef is in the first film, which is the one I saw. Yeah. Starring Bill Murray. And Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis.

What? Ghostbusters, Rick Moranis, Bill Murray. Rick Moranis' top build. What a great guy. Yeah, pretty much there is nothing to suggest that ghosts didn't exist before this film. Well, there's nothing to suggest that they... There's that scene with the library or something. Oh yeah, the movie opens and the library

is getting its shit fucked up by Goober. That's not his name. Slimer. Slimer. The guy who is like just a mouth. Yeah. You're right though, because even when that does happen, nobody freaks out. It's not like, hey, genuine evidence of ghosts, guys. Just actually

the paranormal is real. Everyone's like, well, I don't know what to do. It's not like, hey, genuine evidence of ghosts, guys. Just actually, the paranormal is real. Everyone's like, well, I don't know what to do. I think he was probably crazy. Do they know that they're ghosts? Do people believe in ghosts in the Ghostbusters world? No, because everyone in Ghostbusters just sort of thinks the Ghostbusters are insane.

But, okay. Wait, hang on. Is Slimer an actual ghost as in a- Yeah, I think he was a fat person who gorged himself to death. I don't know if I'm basing that on anything. Well, I'm happy to- He eats a lot and looks fat. Okay.

And is a ghost. So we can assume three things. No, the ghost must have zapped him up, so he must be. Wait, isn't he driving a bus? The fuck is going on? He drives a bus in number two. Not, like, as a a career but i just remember him being on a bus and yeah lady screaming yeah that happened as well that occurred no um because the

in the first movie when they play or maybe it's the second movie when they play the ghostbusters theme the first time right it's done like an advertisement remember yeah like oh this ever happened to you oh yeah who you gonna call call the ghost that's why the song's done like an advertisement, remember? Yeah, it's on Late Note TV. Does this ever happen to you? Oh, yeah, who you gonna call? Call the Ghostbusters. Call the Ghostbusters. That's why the song's fucking like that. Yeah.

But in, like, the ad, I think it just has videos of them busting actual ghosts. So, clearly, late at night, if you're watching that in bed... Isn't, like, Nana's causing you some problems, and, like, they just... The Trapper Keeper thing is, like, poof! Yeah. And it they just the trapper keeper thing is like yeah and it catches an actual like you know Nana ghost just like genuinely

they're like Nana we're putting you in a fucking box we've had it up to bloody here so other so the actual ghost of dead people yes I guess yeah we're assuming yeah it seems that way but there's also seems to be like there's paranormal other activities because they're big monster at the end he wasn't a ghost.

That's my favorite entry in the paranormal activity series. Paranormal other activities. That's a great one. It is a great one. Good spinoff. Oh, no. Well, the thing is, ghosts are real. Gozer is...

He's like a demon. He's like a god, isn't he? He's like a god, isn't he? Yeah. So a god's just real in Ghostbusters? He's a god of destruction. Yeah. Does that mean in Ghostbusters... He wants to see shit wrecked.

Oh, boy. Yeah, because doesn't he design the skyscraper to be a portal to hell? Yes. So that's a thing you can do. That's a thing that people do. And somehow, just now, the Ghostbusters are like maybe someone should do something about this and that's like if fires just broke out and we were like i don't know what to do about that then we're guys like what do we put them out that's this and then people were like

you're an insane person fires aren't real see that's what New York's like Pre-Ghostbusters apparently Just Ghosts fucking everywhere And everyone's like Gee I don't know really what to do about this Was there a time bomb

On the On the Portal to To hell What do you mean like is it Is it only that That's why there's paranormal Oh like the

The hell portal Oh hang on a second So is the Cause the Okay Alright Okay let's sort this shit. Just hold on to your seats

while I work this out. While the man who hasn't seen the film for 15 years talks us through it. Exactly. So, so this guy, I think it was like World War I, was like, mad scientist, I'm gonna make a portal to hell.

Is he a mad scientist or a cult leader? Either or. Maybe he's both. Maybe he's both. He dabbles a little bit of cult. Science and cults are not mutually exclusive. Exactly, Jackson. Yes.

How dare you assume otherwise. I like that I was mocking me as well, man. It was a good time. So this guy is like, all right, humanity shit, open up portal to hell. Yeah. And he's like, somehow like calculations are off. So it's only going to open up and, you know, whenever this was set, which was in 1994. I'm going to just hazard i'm going to say the 80s because that's when the movie was made yeah so 80 84 yeah yeah so it's like mad scientist has fucked it up is that calculations are wrong so the gates can open in 84 so it's like

drat well i'm not going to say this but hey it's coming so good for me sick he dies i can die happy yeah he dies happy yeah uh so then as as the clock starts ticking closer to this this date where the hell gate opens doomsday yeah doomsday of hell all the ghosts that have been sent to hell are chuffing back back in and all the people who are dying and that would generally go to hell because that gateway is open they're not actually going to hell which means all the ghosts that the Ghostbusters are catching are people who are destined to go to hell so that lovely old Nana who's just hanging around

What the fuck have you been up to, Nan? Well that is all well and good except that Ghostbusters is a thing after the end of this film That's a good fucking point Ghostbusters 2, there's just an evil painting There's an evil painting making pink goo with a baby in board.

Yeah, with a baby in board. A baby in some boards. In Ghostbusters 2, the pink goo just brings ghosts. Because if you remember, like, fucking Titanic is just there. And all the Titanic ghosts are just chuffing out.

It's just ghosts come come that's true there's not even a reason they're just like late than oh no the pink who made the ghosts come maybe it's like catnip for them like they're just like the fuck is that i could go some of that yeah and you know you see them just sort of like you know hovering over there like dumbledore with the gross thing just like scooping him. Oh, right. Dependent. I didn't know you were like Dumbledore. I'm like, where is this going?

In Voldemort's little cave and Dumbledore's there with the... When is Voldemort scooping pink? I mean, Dumbledore's scooping pink goo. No, he's scooping the gross black goo to get the Horcrux. I don't remember that film at all. With all the zombies. Where he takes Harry. Oh, yes.

Now on board. Start of the service. I'm now on board. Gross, Dumbledore. Yeah. Just fucking tip it out. Yeah. Bring a straw and do that thing where you're like, suck a bit in, put a bit out.

Suck a bit in, put a bit out. That would have been cleverer. Like that, but with ghosts. So the ghosts had to eat the goo? Why is the goo in the sewers? Couldn't tell you, Jackson! Jackson, don't know. I think it's coming from the painting in the museum.

Sure. Evil paintings. Ghostbusters 2? I just don't know. But yeah So yeah Your gate to hell thing Makes sense Until you Realize that there are still ghosts

Maybe it made a rift Nah it doesn't make sense Because the Titanic Are all already dead Yeah Your theory kind of falls apart Plus Clearly there were no ghosts

After they closed the hell port though Because In the interim The Ghostbusters become a laughing stock for America they become America's least favourite baby boy they've become children's party entertainers but no one likes them

nobody makes that trajectory like save the world children's party entertainers they're still scientists but yeah it's very strange because like there's also bill murray's doing an experiment at the start of the film where he's like i can tap into people's psychic abilities he just wants to bang that lady yeah he does bill murray's not a great scientist let's be honest dubious morals at best also if ghosts have been around since before the ghost

busters why does the government deny ghosts guys guys? Also, yeah, the lady, the love interest, what's her name? Sigourney Weaver. Is it Sigourney Weaver? Yes, it is. You just watched this. Yeah, but I did just watch it, actually. Dana?

Dana, that's her name. Yeah, maybe that's why, because I was imagining Dana Carvey's face, and I was like, that's a man. That's not right. That's not right. But I like imagining garth now as a love interest no but yeah uh so sigourney weaver is just like it's probably nothing i'm just

being ridiculous my fridge is just being nuts and they're like haha no we take every case seriously so why in this world turn into a dog at one point yes that's not good he becomes the yeah something she becomes the gatekeeper maybe he becomes the gatekeeper i think he becomes a gatekeeper so okay why in a world where um you have ghosts as a thing is everybody reluctant to say that they've seen a ghost why would you deny it they have video evidence yeah it's the ghostbusters still have all of their fucking ecto bloody coolers i think that was a drink from the 90s ectoplasm they're ecto boxes they're boxes full of ghosts where do those go what happens to those ghosts they just

entrapped yeah they're trapped in there for eternity i think is that like because that's how i almost called him Goober again. Slimer gets out. They open the box. Yeah, he chips on out. Okay, so... Okay, Slimer is a bit of a dick.

Or Goober is a bit of a dick. He's like eating shit, driving buses, causing all kinds of mayhem. Yeah, yeah. But again, my Nana's just dead.

Yeah. There's a ghost and then they've... The Ghostbusters come... Well, you probably wouldn't call them. Did people pay the Ghostbusters? Was it that we had ghosts?

Are there just no means to deal with them? Are there any good ghosts? What I'm trying to say is, if I die, or when I die, if I die, when I die, when I finally embrace death's warm embrace, I have a ghost. Are the Ghostbusters going to Ghostbuster you? Are they going to Ghostbuster me?

Yes, because I'm going to call them instantly. I'm maybe going to wait until you declare dead. I'm just like, look, just wait around here just in case. So really, for a good business strategy for the Ghostbusters, couldn't they just hang out around hospitals or old people homes? No, because they only bust ghosts that people want busted. I'm pretty sure they would just bust any ghost. They're not just busting ghosts willy-nilly.

They need cash for it. How are they going to keep the plasma? So then what makes them need to bust a ghost? No, proton packs. What if you have, you know, your neighbor dies, and you're just like, you hate him. You just hate him so much, in life and especially in death. You're like, hey, look.

What's our point of ghostbusters? Get rid of him. He's a piece of shit. He's doing nothing. He's just watching old reruns of Wheel of Time. Do ghosts have no rights? Wheel of Time? Old reruns of a book that doesn't exist? Fuck you, Zamet. He's just there sitting down

watching old reruns of Wheel of Fortune and they're like, nah, I hate him. So ghosts have no rights. Ghosts have no rights in the Ghostbusters universe. Yeah, well, yeah. That's stressing, man. So then all I now know is when I die... Just finish all your business before you die. Just sort everything out.

Is that what makes you a ghost in the Ghostbusters universe? Because if it's just like you are a ghost and that's it, and that's the progression of humanity, is that we are born, we live die we are ghosts and then and this prick over here just zaps me with a ray gun now i'm stuck in a fucking box what that's not cool what if there are other what if it was like we're born we live we die we're ghosts other shit else. Oh, like new stuff afterwards? Yeah. Ghostbusters are just impeding it? Yes!

So like a third of the afterlife, right? Yeah, yeah. What are the Ghostbusters interrupting? Why is nobody going to a ghost and being like, hey, I represent alive people. What can we do to make your life better? What if the natural progression is we become ghosts and we chuff off to Mars or some shit? Like, what the fuck? We don't know.

Was there a ghost on Mars movie? Yes. Awesome. That's a good point, though. Clearly, it's a natural occurring phenomena, right? Clearly, it happens, and there's a reason for it to happen. And they're scientists. They should be observing this.

Instead, they're like, fuck it. Put it in a box. I'm'm a piece of shit i'm on team non-ghostbuster right now why do the ghostbusters who are scientists never try and find a scientific explanation for ghosts well because they're sort of like quack scientists okay so they're frauds not quite a lot of them not quite frauds more just wanting to bang young ladies. So if you put... They're scientists, but sort of how, like... They're scientists in the same way that we are doctors, Jackson. Or lying. Genuinely have a degree.

I would say sort of like how you can be a doctor in... Aromatherapy or something? Aromatherapy. Or you can have a doctorate in poetry you're still a doctor okay so basically if I on the weekends if I tinker with my car and I'll make it fix and maybe change its oil

you're a mechanic just like how they are a scientist does that mean, okay so I think there are two ways to pitch the Ghostbusters like as a concept to someone someone's like you got ghosts, that's a hassle they're like would you rather some trained professionals come in with this machinery they've invented and they

trap your ghost and they sort it out and you never have to deal with it again or four untrained quacks burst into your house, fire lasers at your nana and impede the natural progression of life well it depends on how you want to look at it.

I personally am swaying towards the first one. That's how I look at it. I'm happy to listen about theories of the second. Well, I guess... Proton lasers fuck shit up. They're just lasers. If they cross the streams, they blow up a thing.

Did you hear about the... Speaking of Ghostbusters, with the reboot, apparently, yeah, there was like a sequel, like originally the sequel, Ghostbusters 3. Yeah. They were going to cross the streams and die.

Oh, that's brutal as hell. The movie was going to... It was sort of going to be like a passing of the torch film. What the fuck? I might be making some of this up, but I definitely know that they were going to die.

No, I think I kind of remember that. I think I remember Bill Murray being like, I just want to be a dead ghost. So why... Apart bill murray was like yeah i'll come back but as a ghost twist murray twist um so that's the classic twists bill murray has been made famous for bill murray and m night charmalon twist and alfred hitchcock which are three twist masters so when people say let's do the twist that's what they're talking about everybody's imagining Bill Murray, Alfred Hitchcock and M. Night Shyamalan

writing scripts so ghostbusters live in a world where magic is a thing like we can accept that that's a world where magic is just about is it magic? is it like where gods and no because the painting guy is just like a fucking warlock or whatever. Like he wasn't a god.

He was just magic, basically. Okay, Ghostbusters 2 exists in a magic world, yes. So you're saying Ghostbusters 1 perhaps not? Perhaps not. Perhaps different universes. No, I don't think so. I think pretty clearly not. I wish films were like sequels which is taking place in alternate

universes all the time. Why are so many things changed? Highlander 2. There can be only one except maybe not. Yeah, that's a good point. They're immortal or maybe not. Are they aliens? Yes, they are according to Sean Connery in number 2 but maybe not according to

everything else after that. Or before that. Or before that. Highlander 2. Okay, if you're going to go watch the Highlander series, just give two a big old skip. Or just only watch two. Watch two twice.

Is two the one where they go in the future, it's all dark and shit? I have not seen any of the Highlander movies. So long. I'm going to say yes. Not good. Okay, here's a question for you Again, episode's been a lot of questions Not a lot of answers, that's what we specialise here in Plumbing the Death Star

If in the Ghostbusters universe there is magic and somebody can design a building to be a portal to hell Why does the government not check this shit? Why is there not a guy who goes to every skyscraper, every building, every fucking municipal park and is like checking the shit for pentagrams?

How's it doing? Just making sure this isn't a gateway to hell. Yeah, just checking. Or heaven. We don't want that shit either. Any dead coming back, I'm not on. If there's a gateway to hell, is there a gateway to heaven? I'm sure you could do it there's a stairway to heaven guys

have you not heard that deep purple classic deep purple apparently in the second one the statue of liberty comes to life they cover it in pink goo and it's fueled by the happiness of New York and they use that to punch the pink goo encasing the um art gallery where the painting

demon is who wants to put his body in a baby yep that's a thing you can do yep ghostbusters 2 what a time i should have watched that as well ghostbusters 2 might be my favorite one. Could be your favorite movie ever. Yeah. No. Yes. No, that's Home Alone. Okay. Obviously. Home Alone 1 or 2? Both.

You can't. 2, 1, 5. 2, 1, 5, 4, 3. 3's a bit shit. Yeah, 3's fucking terrible. Rank the Ghostbusters films. 2, 1. Good.

And then Undecided, the one I've not seen that's not out yet. That's yet to be made. So... No, I want you to rank and include the newest one. Okay, newest one, 2-1. Okay, good. I have that much faith. Number two, the newest one, bed one.

Well, I'm gonna controversially go newest one, 1-2. What? This is some hectic number listing, guys. Joel, what's your... He gave us his. Oh, yeah. Yours, that's right. Two new one.

Two new one. Mine's new two one. You two? Did someone say you two? No. Oh, okay. We didn't. Got excited there.

Why is the government denying ghosts? I don't know. I don't know why ghosts haven't just destroyed this the world by now I'm kind of on the government side in the first one at least not for the whole point about denying ghosts but the fact that they're they shut down the ghostbusters from their

switching off old dickless switches off the power is that true your honour yes man ma'am yes sir this man has no dick classic Bill Murray zinger hold the fucking phone Is that true, Your Honor? Yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. This man has no dick. Classic Bill Murray zinger. BMZ.

Hold the fucking phone. So the Ghostbusters collect a lot of ghosts. It's sick. But then they turn off the power and all the ghosts get loose, yeah? Yep. That's the end of number one. The end of number one? Oh, towards the end of number one. Towards the end of number one.

So does that mean there's a finite amount of ghosts? Because they're like, oh, all our hard work uh no no no no it's just that there's a number the number of ghosts they had already captured escaped oh everyone's nannas everyone's nannas are out running rampages it seems though like maybe there aren't always ghosts just kicking it in new york what it seems like is that there's or are there always ghosts just something more visible than the others maybe but it just seems like they come about when there's a cataclysm like is that there's... Or are there always ghosts? Is someone more visible than the others? Maybe, but it just seems like they come about when there's a cataclysm. Like the hell mouth's opening, so they're like

oh, we're here, and then oh no, they're done. Because they're not in the interim, remember? That's right. Pink slime. But the pink slime brings ghosts back. So really the issue isn't let's deal with these ghosts. Ghosts will go. It's just like, wait for the fucking cataclysm.

Sort that shit out. And then the ghosts will disappear with that. So the ghosts are like an unintended consequence, if you will, of another big thing happening. It's like you get a cold. So really, what the ghostbusters are, so they're like, there's a giant fire. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And a side effect of fire might be... Smoke. Smoke. And they're like, we're going to focus on the smoke. We'll get rid of the smoke. We're the smokebusters. And deal with that smoke problem you've got. And then they're like, oh, shit, there's this fire.

I guess we'll sort that out. I suppose, because we're here already We'll have a crack at sorting this out but this is not our special Yeah, we're kind of more focused on the fallout of the big problem rather than the problem itself So they should be cataclysm busters is what you're saying

If ghosts invade New York again the ghostbusters should just be like Spoiler Jackson I feel like that in the untitled upcoming ghostbusters remake ghosts are coming back so that in the untitled ghostbusters remake those ghostbusters should just be like hey nah we're not just gonna bust and we're not gonna and they'll be like what and they'll be like look in about like a month or maybe even a week a couple days at best something big's gonna happen

we'll just sort it out then. Hang tight motherfuckers. What are the ghosts even doing? Apart from goober-slimer Slimer-goobering people. Slimer-goobering everything. Driving a bus. Causing a bit of a hectic time. He's actually in that scene driving the bus pretty normally. He has like a hat on as well.

Yeah, he's dressed like a bus driver. Maybe he was a bus driver. Maybe he was a bus driver. Yeah. So they're like a bus driver. Maybe he was a bus driver. Maybe he was a bus driver. Yeah. So they're not doing anything bad. There's a jogger running from memory. The Titanic people are just like, the fuck is happening?

Did we die? Yeah. So there's no... Basically, what's causing them to be kind of zapped and put into... I think it's just that the Ghostbusters are fucking trigger happy. Yeah.

I think they just... Yeah, I think ghosts have no rights. And the Ghostbusters are fucking trigger happy. Yeah. I think they just... Yeah, I think ghosts have no rights. And the Ghostbusters are capitalized on that. So this is what you have to look forward to now, is that when you die, the natural progression is whatever, you become a ghost, maybe you trip off to Mars. We don't know yet.

No confirmation. No confirmation. Let's just say it is, yes. But now you have to have some money-hungry little piece of shit to come and zap you with a laser. Four quacks are going to zap you with a laser and impede the evolution of man. With a laser that if they cross will cause nuclear explosions

and level things. Somebody kill the Ghostbusters. Or at least arrest them properly this time. Yeah. Not a real deal. Not a real deal. Al Capone being fucking caught on tax evasion. Yeah, none of this,

because they just get them for not having a business license or something. I hope that's for just not having a tax file number or something like that. Genuine Al Capone shit. Yeah, I think that's the answer. New York coped fine, because it's only when cataclysms happen, ghosts are an issue. Although, no, but Slimer is...

Slimer, though, he's a bit of a cunt. Yeah, but he's like... He just fuck though, he's a bit of a cunt. Yeah, but he's like... He just fucks up a library. Who cares? Fuck books. Hey. Hang on, but if he can... Okay, so if he can control a bus,

it means he can touch shit, which means if he wanted to... All the ghosts... No, actually, only Slimer can from memory. But he can also go through shit. Other ghosts look like ghosts, or does Slimer just have to look like whatever Slimer is? No, some of them look weird.

The two guys in electric chairs look weird. Why do they look weird? I couldn't tell you, mate. Not a ghost expert of fear. Puzzling. But I think ultimately they're a bit of a nuisance. Maybe set up a team of professionals to sort the ghosts out. Don't wait until fucking some group of unprepared quacks

decide they're going to create dangerous technology to take it out. I just want them to study the ghosts more. Yeah. That's what I want. Maybe treat them like actual scientists and not like fucking money-hungry crazy people. Observe them.

See what they do. Yeah. See what they want because they were once us. Yeah, they really were And on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson And I've been Joel

Let's shift off to Mars Let's all die And go to Mars Space ghosts It's the fucking dream Space ghosts Coasts to coasts Space coats

Who can you call? Ghostbusters! Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters! If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website,