Plumbing the Death Star - How Did the Mystery Inc Gang Keep Themselves Afloat Financially? (Feat. Michael Williams)

Episode Date: May 8, 2016

In which our heroes hop into the mystery machine, hoe down on some Scooby Snacks, and explore an abandoned theme park as they discuss how the Mystery Inc. gang keep themselves afloat financially. We t...alk about how Daphne is one of the social elite, get chills when we think about Fred’s beautiful baby blue eyes and sociopathic tendencies, and question if you’re ghost until proven human is the policy of the Scooby-verse. Jackson brings up all the old money in Scooby Doo, Zammit suggests that there's money to be made in books and Michael actually knows when the Great Depression began. So join the gang as they eat some giant sandwiches and get to the bottom of the mystery that is Fred Jones. Want to be in charge? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can convince the others that they've all done something awful together. Not many other people on the road? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to meet the Harlem Globetrotters!And come see D&D is for Nerds Live Dungeon Crawl on the 28th of May, you can book tickets here: https://www.trybooking.com/LKBE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sands Pants Radio, I'm down on my knees. Today's episode has been sponsored by Geek Fuel. What's Geek Fuel? I hear you mumble to yourself. Well, it's a subscription service where you sign up and every month these guys send out some cool stuff, like kinetically charged deck of cards, a pink shirt with matching black head sock, a metal bow staff, or a big book of how to speak with a passable Cajun accent clearly not written by Taylor Kitsch. Just head to geekfuel.com slash sanspants and sign up today.
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Starting point is 00:01:40 Help support the show like these amazing people. Carlos Verda, Wade Rosado, Miss Otaku18, James Cook, Kieran Dowling, Ben Cosgrove, Lucas Forsman Booth, Marja Lickagard, Benson P, Louis fairhurst toby keith eglerton and alan woodbury you are all useful like velcro you cling to good fortune like velcro clings to itself which you are you are the blanket that keeps us cozy and safe when we watch scary movies and there is thunder outside. When we are scared, we run to you. Upon your bosom, we lay our heads and all the troubles of the world wash away, and we know we are safe. And for that, we thank you. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, how did the mystery gang keep themselves afloat financially
Starting point is 00:02:47 they never get paid for it. Not once. And this is from a man, you know, I don't know if you know this, listeners, but I'm something of a Scooby-Doo aficionado. I've watched a great deal of it. You say that so proudly. I guess I think TV proud of it. And not once do they get paid like a specific sum of money.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Sometimes the mayor or whatever will be like, sick, well done, you're in the paper. But they never get like a specific sum of money. Sometimes the mayor or whatever will be like, sick, well done, you're in the paper, but they never get like a specific fee. It's certainly not enough to keep themselves like financially secure. Could they publish a book? Are they? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Yeah, there's money to be made in books. Yeah. That just sounded like, somebody's like, I gotta make money quick. There's money to be made in books. I've never seen, I mean, they could, but what's that book going to be about quick There's money to be made in books I've never seen I mean they could But what's that book gonna be about?
Starting point is 00:03:49 It's gonna be like The Adventures of Mystery Inc Who never seem to realise that The bad guy is a man in a mask Could they be independently wealthy? I mean Shaggy probably isn't Shaggy wears like filthy clothes Yeah Fred actually
Starting point is 00:04:02 He's wearing an ascot He seems like he comes from Like money Actually so does Daphne Really when you think about it Yeah they seem like The social elite So
Starting point is 00:04:10 Are we saying that Like Mystery Inc Is basically Like the adventures Of wealthy teens Yeah Wasting away their hours Until they have to go
Starting point is 00:04:20 And work for daddy's company Well at least For two of them For Fred and well Maybe Daphne and, well, maybe Daphne. Daphne, I think Daphne, she has a lot of sisters. She has like a lot of sisters. How many a lot? Like 12?
Starting point is 00:04:33 12, all right. That's a lot of sisters. That's a lot of sisters. Because often in Scooby-Doo, they'll be like, oh, this episode is the episode where they're going up to Daphne's sister in like a spooky farm. Daphne's sister in like a spooky marina. And it's always a different
Starting point is 00:04:45 sister so she has a lot of sisters i think about 12 all right so maybe she's like the like the youngest or at least catholic rich i think they call that just down the line you know she's gonna get like old money old money but when he gets divvied up for 12 kids not a lot of money so how come the daphne and fred if they're so wealthy, are hanging out with Velma, who seems pretty poor, and Shaggy, who seems homeless? Well, how could they have ever met together? I know, because it's not like they're going to be running in the same social circles. They've been running in
Starting point is 00:05:14 circles together since they were babies, yeah? Yeah, well, they kind of have. Like, it's been the Mystery Inc. team since they were like, infants. Really? Well, maybe not infants, but like, since they were at least seven. Really? Yeah. maybe not infants, but like since they were at least seven. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:26 Scooby-Doo and the Lake Monster or some shit was one of them where they were all kids. Plus there was like a whole series where they were babies. So there's like, so they have this idea to be like, let's cake. That's why. They're fucking,
Starting point is 00:05:38 it's a childhood notion idea, but fucking Fred's got the bankroll. He's got the money. He's gotta be like, no, let's carry on gang Okay we're gonna do our mystery We're gonna go around the country and get in a van And we're gonna sell and we're gonna solve
Starting point is 00:05:51 And we're gonna solve all the mysteries That the world's gonna throw at us Yay and they do it And it's like a make believe game for kids And Fred's always like yes I have the money let's do this Does that mean like Fred's dad will call him up Occasionally and be like when are you coming home, Fred? I would assume so.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And Fred's like, Dad, this is my life. We're solving mysteries. What's your credit card number again, Dad? Dad, I need to pay for another cheap haunted motel where we're going to stay the night. Because what do really the mystery gang, what do they need to, what are they spending money on? What other necessities for the, so fuel lodgings,
Starting point is 00:06:32 although they often sleep in the van. Sandwich fixings. Sandwiches. Yeah. Scooby Snacks. And it's not just simple sandwiches. These are long. There's one episode where there's like a sandwich,
Starting point is 00:06:46 like it's like a metre long Like up And then Shaggy gets string And he ties it around it and he compresses it Until it's the size of a normal sandwich and eats it And I'm always like what happens when that string dissolves Does it just expand in his stomach And kill him Are they dumpster divers
Starting point is 00:07:00 No because they're often in little diners eating food They often And the films Counter argument to myself dumpster divers no because they're often in little diners eating food they often no no see that here yeah counter argument to myself often and i mean like more than three times the mystery inc team are digging for clams on a beach so that doesn't seem like the kind of thing that people with a lot of money do like digging for clams this sounds ridiculous it sounds like i'm just talking shit and the fact that it happens what what, more than three times? There's the episode where there's the spooky robot ghost at a fun land. There's the episode with a spooky pirate ghost on a beach.
Starting point is 00:07:33 There's another spooky pirate ghost. And they just like light clams. And this is like, we're at the beach. They always do it at night. It's really weird. It's weird. They're always like digging for, it's like Shaggy andooby are digging for clams in the sand near a fun fair which doesn't seem like the activity of like an independently wealthy unless fred's like i can buy you clams shaggy shaggy i just you don't need to
Starting point is 00:07:57 and he's like no it's fine no no i've got too much pride clamming is something that i can do clamming my family's been clamming for generations. Yeah, so how did they even meet? That's my sort of question that I'm curious. Well, I think sometimes they're all in high school together, but then if Fred's independently wealthy, why would Shaggy be? Yeah. He's not going to a public high school. And Shaggy doesn't seem like the person that would win scholarship.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Shaggy doesn't seem like he graduated high school. Let's be honest. Like, he didn't graduate year 10 No So Because like Velma fits in with the She's clever Basically
Starting point is 00:08:29 She could have gone on scholarship How the hell did Velma Fred And Daphne meet Shaggy Yeah that's kind of the question Where does Shaggy fit into it
Starting point is 00:08:38 Is he a cousin Well maybe Maybe they met the dog And Shaggy comes with the dog Maybe they found him at the beach Looking for clean They're like That's a lovely great day And he's like Yeah zoinks Or whatever And then Maybe they met the dog and Shaggy comes with the dog. Maybe they found him at the beach looking for cleaners. They're like, that's a lovely great day.
Starting point is 00:08:48 And he's like, yeah, zoinks or whatever. And then they will like come solve mysteries with us. Oh, yeah. Alternative theory is that it's Shaggy's van because it's like covered in like hippie swalls. And Fred is so fucking straight laced that as if it's his van. But Fred's always driving, isn't he? Yeah. I know what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Wow. Shaggy can't be trusted driving his own van. But honestly, think about that. How realistic is it? What are the chances of Fred, who looks like if they were like, do you want to serve in Korea? He'd be like, yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Yeah. Yeah, Fred is very country club. And that van is not. Exactly. And it's not in great condition either. And you'd think Fred would be the kind of person with his fucking perfect little ascot that would keep his van nice. So I think it's Shaggy's van. It's definitely Shaggy's van.
Starting point is 00:09:36 And Fred was just like, no, no, Scoob. I mean, Shag, I'll drive it. You're a mess. Could it be that maybe... They don't have tests for what you've been doing But you're still not allowed to drive Did Shaggy lose his licence? So they had a van but no driver
Starting point is 00:09:52 Oh that's sad And Brad was like I got it I got this I always kind of wondered in the back of my head If they were a bit on the run Because they travel the globe So what did Shaggy do that implicated all the rest of them? And he's like, zoinks guys, you gotta get in the van
Starting point is 00:10:12 They are noble and loyal friends to Shaggy That they weren't just like, get the fuck out you filthy hippie Or what did they make Shaggy do And then it's like, Shaggy could implicate them What kind of cruel games did they play with Shaggy Well there's a lot of instances In the first season of Scooby-Doo Where Are You The very first Scooby-Doo show
Starting point is 00:10:35 Where Fred makes everybody do things That they're very much not comfortable with It happens a startling amount of time And it's not even like I'm reading between the lines It's super clear Like there's one where like, one of my favorite scenes in, it's like Scooby-Doo RU,
Starting point is 00:10:49 Miner 49er, the episode. And it's where they're in like this old abandoned mining town. And they're just driving along pretty normally, right? And in the van. And Shaggy's like, oh,
Starting point is 00:10:57 I'm scared. Zoinks. And then he looks over to like one of the houses and just like a window just falls off, like real unceremonious. Just like, and Shaggy screams and Fred just stops the van and he just turns and looks at Shaggy and he's like
Starting point is 00:11:10 don't be scared Shag and Shaggy's just like okay and then they just keep driving this was like made in the 60s why did he stop the van? was he gonna hit Shaggy? that's some intimidation bullshit there and the amount of times Shaggy's like I really would rather not be split up and on my own with just a dog.
Starting point is 00:11:28 And Fred's like, no, that's happening. Fuck off. We're looking for clues. So maybe everybody doesn't leave because they're like, not because they like solving mysteries, just because the alternative is getting the shit beat out of them by Fred Jones. We'll do something to them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Or it's kind of like, you know, it's like Fred maybe is the ringleader. He's in charge. Fred has done something that has sort of convinced the others. We're all implicated and they're like, oh my God, and he's just convinced them that they are. Really, it's not. Really, it's just Fred. Go home anytime they wanted.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Fred won't let them. Yeah. Hey, I can believe that that i could easily believe that another thing that i found being like the abused girlfriend yeah yeah it makes daphne daphne yeah she's always a bit scared of val yeah valma being the best friend of daphne not be of course i'm a bit scared of fred we're all a bit afraid of f. His perfect blue, like, emotionless eyes. Yeah. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:12:27 Yeah, though. There he is. He's got Daphne being the abused girlfriend of Fred. Velma being like, I'm going to stick with you because I'm a bit more level-headed. Yeah. And I know I can get out, but I've got to figure out a way. Maybe every time they stop and, like, the cops are like, you got old man? We're like, we'll take him away. Velma's like, hey-oh.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Yeah, like, she's like, get us out of here. Blinking messages to the cops and they're just oblivious. The cops are just like, we're going to take him away to execute him. That happens also a lot. Wow. In the first season of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? Like, as in, in the first season of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? In one episode, there's just these people who stole a bank vault car
Starting point is 00:13:00 like 10 years ago and drove it into a swamp to then get 10 years later. That makes sense. Long con. car like 10 years ago full of and drove it into a swamp to then get 10 years later i don't know and then in the end when they're caught um like they're taking him away and i can't remember what his exact words are but the police officer really heavily implies that he's gonna he's like something something something shocking yeah about like the fate of this guy like they're gonna give him the chair oh wow i don't know what that's about what kind of world are we living in oh they're living in where they have to go on the run but they're stopping from town to town everyone is sort of like doing all these crazy hijinks to get money and they always go into like places that are really worn down yeah they do that they just
Starting point is 00:13:40 the economy seems kind of shit like i don't seem jobs. Like, what are the jobs in Scooby-Doo? You know what I mean? Like, this doesn't seem that there's, like, America is not really, like, booming. It's not doing terribly well, no. No. Which is. And everyone is, like, rather than going out and doing an honest day's, like, job. Everyone's like, dress up like an alligator, man.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Scare people away from my house. Be a ghost. And, like, steal jewels. When was the Depression? 1930s. So what would have happened if that had extended another two decades? Well, what got us out of the Depression? One of the things that got us out of the Depression was war.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Was there no world war in the world of Scooby-Doo and the Depression just carried on to the 1960s? When was the Depression? Depression was in the 30s? Yeah, I think so 20s 30s 1929 was the crash of Wall Street Oh, that's a while
Starting point is 00:14:31 That's why you'd think somebody would have done something about it Yeah, yeah There's also really rarely ever anybody else on the road In Scooby-Doo Except for the Harlem Globetrotters Yeah, that's true The Harlem Globetrotters Batman and Robin once.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Good. A couple of other celebrities from the 60s and stuff in the 70s. Maybe it's the universe. Gilligan's Island. Yeah. The wrestlers. Maybe it's the universe where, yeah, the Great Depression just kept being so great. And worse until by 1961, I think,
Starting point is 00:15:07 which is when Scooby-Doo. The only people that could afford cars is rich Fred Jones and the Harlem Globetrotters. Yeah. That's true. There's a lot of, like, circuses that are going out of business. What did Fred Jones' family do to survive the Great Depression? What terrible things have the fucking Jones family
Starting point is 00:15:25 done? Is that why Fred's such a sociopath? Maybe. He's had to... Like cult rituals? Maybe. Actually, in Scooby-Doo Mystery Inc., which is like the kind of remake of Scooby-Doo that kind of poked fun of itself, I think Fred is independently
Starting point is 00:15:42 wealthy, and his dad is like kind of a cult leader, to be honest. He dresses up like a monster and spooks people. Isn't that every other character in Scooby-Doo? So really, Fred's dad dresses up like a monster and spooks people and then Fred
Starting point is 00:15:57 goes around the town and hunts monsters that spook people. I'm sensing some daddy issues that Fred Jones may or may not have here just putting that forward i like how much you sounded like the guy from fucking the room then may or may not have here um no yeah no for sure i don't even really think about that connection and it's all canon too so like hmm fred's got some interesting issues or that he's trying to be like
Starting point is 00:16:26 no my dad wasn't didn't dress up like a monster he's an old man monsters really exist I'm gonna go and prove the world that monsters exist and every time he's like nope
Starting point is 00:16:33 old man back on the road Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo as canon in which all of the monsters were real let's not do that because that
Starting point is 00:16:42 so there was a series called Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo which was just about series called scooby-doo and scrappy-doo which was just about shaggy scooby and scrappy-doo having adventures and they were like maybe 10 minutes shorter than your average scooby-doo episode but the monster was always real yeah so it was like a swamp monster and it was like actually a swamp monster they never like took the mask off in the end they just got away well it's because they didn't take the mask off because they got away i think in one episode a witch turns Scooby into a frog
Starting point is 00:17:07 Actually, no In one episode Where there's like a person pretending to be The ghost of Dr. Jackal Figure that one out He's a scientist And Scooby drinks something and becomes a frog So I guess it's not beyond the realm of possibility
Starting point is 00:17:22 That it was also a person in an outfit Well, because they don't have Velma, Daphne, and just like, you know... The clever members of Mystery Inc. And, you know, just the drive of Fred. Single-minded drive of Fred. That, you know, they've got Scrappy, Scooby and Shag. So clearly the villain's getting away, so they just never unmask him. And those three are not clever enough to be like, no, human.
Starting point is 00:17:42 That means in that part of, like, this part of America, there are just a lot of people getting away with scaring people away from valuable property or treasure like those people just get it makes sense if it is the great depression because you would be valuing valuing your treasure and like your gold or your gems that's true like anything that has like a sort of um uh like historical value as well because a lot of people are stealing like gems from museums and stuff like that, which would add, like, it's not like you're just stealing like cash or something where the value of that cash might be so low that it's meaningless. You're stealing stuff with another level of value to it. Yeah. That's a startlingly good point.
Starting point is 00:18:22 That's a startlingly good point. Plus, during depressions and recessions, the first thing you stop spending money on is entertainment, so amusement parks would be failing everywhere. Oh, that's true. Same with the circus. Exactly. So entertainment... What's the alcohol situation?
Starting point is 00:18:37 Because that also goes up, weirdly. Everyone's like, fuck entertainment, but I'm going to get blind drunk to cope with this bullshit. I'm trying to think if there's any... In terms of depression Tame it down There is Yeah
Starting point is 00:18:48 In one episode Called Spooky Space Kook They find an old hillbilly And that old hillbilly Sells them moonshine To fill their car up with Alright So
Starting point is 00:18:59 That's alcohol in Scooby Doo I don't know If that works You don't see really many Like fucking instances of people being just hammered. It's pretty rare. I'm thinking like cars and that kind of stuff would be considered luxury items. That's why, you know, the Harlem Globetrotters and our lads can afford to drive. Yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:19:20 And that's why it's not even a good car. It's like a piece of shit. Kombi van. Yeah, exactly. Kingdom of the blind. The one-eyed man is king. Exactly. That sums up Scooby-Doo pretty well.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Let's talk about Scooby Snacks. Because I always thought that might be another avenue of income for them. Because I always wanted to know if scooby snacks are named after scooby doo or scooby named after scooby snaps because if scooby doo they're calling our kids schmacko yeah exactly it's weird dogs calling out dog schmacko that's less weird he's schmacko why he fucking loves them don't feed your child dog food. No, it's like jerky, I swear. Another thing that could like really lend something to the Great Depression theory is that the Scooby snacks
Starting point is 00:20:14 are edible for Shaggy. Oh, yeah. So does that mean that they're like, food is scarce. Food is scarce. So let's double up. So make your sandwiches tall and your Scooby snacks plentiful. That's in the depression. You can't afford meat or whatever, but kin of cat food.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Yeah. Tin of cat food. Or like dog food. That's relatively cheap. But Shaggy has massive sandwiches, though. That's true. Or is he just stoned imagining that? Maybe it's just more Scooby snacks he's eating.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Yeah. But no, they do making more Scooby snacks he's eating. Yeah. Let's know they do making sandwiches. So someone's making sandwiches. There are small diners doing business across the country, but like, not enough. And it's clearly always only those guys in there too. Because I was thinking there'd be good dumpster divers, because you could find like a hoagie. Yeah. Half-eaten hoagie, hoedown.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Hoedown, delicious. Yeah. Also, Shaggy never puts on weight And eats like a mess of food When we see him Exactly that's what I mean Is it like periods of great bounty And then periods of like No food for weeks and weeks
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah because every episode Is them solving a mystery But we're not seeing all the hours and hours of driving and travel. Sleeping in the back of the van and driving some more. Yeah. Fighting a hobo. Fighting a hobo for a piece of meat. That's the mystery in Kwe.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Yeah, because what are all the people who are dressing up as ghost fools? Because what are all the people who are dressing up as ghost fools? Yeah, what is that generally? It is them protecting or them... It's often them protecting land. It's often like, oh, if we dressed up like this, we'd scare people away and then we could take what's there. Occasionally, it's like, well, I'm dressing up here to get revenge. Stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Sometimes they're just like, I don't want you here, so I'm going to spook you away. Often there's a lot of family fortunes going on. A lot of old money in Scooby-Doo. Again, old money, no new money. Yeah, that's true. So it does seem to be kind of like this theory that, yeah, definitely is happening in the Great Depression.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Why do the Mystery Inc. team, though, never, when, I mean, I guess this could be a plumbing in and of itself but when they find like a man dressed as an alligator why is their first thought like oh no alligator man then they need evidence to be like oh it was a person like the amount of times velma's been like ghosts don't leave footprints and you're like you knew it wasn't a ghost from the beginning velma come the fuck on yeah you're right like after doing this for how many years and it's never unless they're just very naive and they're like maybe this time is ghost maybe they want to believe in ghosts burden of proof they gotta yeah maybe they yeah maybe they just presumed a ghost until
Starting point is 00:22:58 proven human which kind of lends his theory maybe to fred yeah like so kind of lends its theory maybe to Fred Being like so kind of Mentally fucked up by his Dad and he's like no Ghosts and monsters are real He's like really indoctrinated all Of the mystery Ink team to believe the same And so they're like no they're real until Proven otherwise
Starting point is 00:23:19 It's always Valmont who is the one who's like No no I think it's a person Yeah yeah She's the only one left with any kind of Agency it's always Valmont who is the one who's like, no, no, I think it's a person. Yeah. She's the only one left with any kind of agency. Yeah. That's Fred's true rival. He hasn't quite broken Velma yet.
Starting point is 00:23:37 I always thought as well that maybe Fred just doesn't really care about like catching, like it's the thrill of a hunt for him. Cause the amount of times I stopped somewhere and someone was like, oh yeah, there's a spooky ghost in that house. Let's not go. And you can just see Fred's face face light up he's like we're going on a terror trip everybody else's face is like oh i don't want to go but they're like you
Starting point is 00:23:54 can't do this and fred always has this like hell i can't face let's go so i think he just enjoys the fucking thrill of the chase and everybody's just brought along for the ride. That could be right. He just doesn't give a shit. Human, ghoul, ghost, whatever. Like when Velma's like, I think it's a ghost. Fred's like, duh, yeah. He's just like, whatever. I know, we're chasing a man today.
Starting point is 00:24:15 Fred Jones hunts men. The most dangerous game. Oh, boy. Fred's got some issues He sure does Well Are we saying that Fred and Daphne Are independently wealthy
Starting point is 00:24:32 And also that they've committed a great crime During an extended Great Depression I would say Fred is independently wealthy Are we kidding? Or definitely kind of like Stockholm Daphne Daphne seems like she wants to be there But she's also always pretty worried about her hair fairly often and her appearance and stuff.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Look, if any of them are Stockholm, it's Daphne. Yeah. Shaggy doesn't have anywhere else to go. Shaggy seems more homeless than anything. Scooby's loyal to Shaggy. Valma seems maybe like a friend of Daphne, who's just like in too deep now. Yeah, and she can't get out.
Starting point is 00:25:02 And she's like, I'm going to make sure no human beings get hunted today. It's like if you join a cult to get your mate out, and then after a while you're like, oh. I'm at a sacrifice, and I'm in the middle of it. I think I'm kind of trapped right now. Because, yeah, particularly if Fred's dad's a cultist. Well, if we're taking the whole Mystery Inc. into account, Because yeah, particularly if Fred's dad's a cultist Well If we're taking the whole Mystery Inc.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Into account Fred's dad ends up being Not Fred's real dad And Fred's real dad are former mystery solvers Because The Mystery Inc. It happens like once every hundred years Or something, and they were the previous Mystery Inc.
Starting point is 00:25:43 It's a mess, it's a good show, but it's a mess. So Fred's like double fucked up from that because now he knows he has like a lineage to kind of... So he... Hey. So the guy who... Is Fred... There's a guy who's like, Fred, I'm your dad.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Yes. He's like, yes, good. And then he's like, oh, there's a treasure in Crystal Cove, which is where Mystery Inc. takes place.'s like, oh, there's a treasure in Crystal Cove, which is where Mystery Ring takes place. I'm going to dress up like a beast to try and scare people away so I can get the treasure. They unmask the beast. They're like, holy shit, it's my dad.
Starting point is 00:26:13 He's like, I'm not your real dad. Your real dad are these two. Takes off another mask. I'm an actual ghoul. Your dad and mom are these two. They're former mystery solvers of the previous mystery team who, instead of Scooby-Doo, had a German parrot. What?
Starting point is 00:26:29 Yeah, it's the best. There was a 1910 team that you see in portraits that's like all these cowboys, and they have an orangutan. I want to see their adventures. So the dog is the normal one? Yeah. They have a parrot that's an orangutan. When they had a horse?
Starting point is 00:26:43 Oh, that sounds amazing. So if you look at it From Fred's perspective He's being like There is a monster Hunting Whatever is rightfully mine Or whatever this
Starting point is 00:26:53 I go We go and hunt this monster down Fred Jones Monster hunter Turns out It's my dad So my dad's been terrorizing me So that's not good
Starting point is 00:27:01 That's a stress And then he's like In that same fucking moment Yeah By the way, you're not mine. You're adopted or I kidnapped you or something. Fuck you. You're not my real child. He's like, holy shit. The real parents of these pieces of shit solving mysteries.
Starting point is 00:27:15 He's like, what? And so now he's got this weird thing where he's going around. Plus, then his mystery solving parents betray him. What? It's a mess for old Fred Jones. What do they do to betray him? So in Scooby Doo Mystery Inc There's like an artifact
Starting point is 00:27:30 And everybody's trying to build up the artifact And it turns out that that artifact is going to do some super good biz And the parrot, Pericles That was their Scooby Doo He's like He has like all of this dirt on the former Mystery Inc And he's blackmailing them all into getting the mechanism so that he can do some neat business and destroy the world the
Starting point is 00:27:51 parrot's the bad guy wow yeah it's how does the parents well they're like oh fred jones yeah we're on your side lol no they're just in it for the mechanism yeah yeah so fred jones pretty much has every like adult figure in his life betray him at least once. It's kind of not a wonder that by the time of Scooby-Doo, where are you, he's like... Pulling over cars to intimidate Shaggy. Yeah, exactly. Wow, it's a cycle of abuse.
Starting point is 00:28:17 It really is. That's real sad. Shaggy's parents are just neglectful. Like, I'm surprised the end of Scooby-Doo is not them hunting a monster, which turns out to be Fred. Yeah. Like, I'm surprised the end of Scooby-Doo is not them hunting a monster, which turns out to be Fred. Yeah. Like, to be perfectly honest, like, if that isn't how Scooby-Doo ends,
Starting point is 00:28:30 then it's a shame. It should be. It should be them being like, Fred, we've had enough. And or, like, just like a Fred is like, okay, and pulls out a shotgun. Or a crossbow and is like, get running, monsters. And everyone's like, no, no, no, no. He'd, like, pull out a crossbow and he'd be like, I think we should split up, gang
Starting point is 00:28:46 And then everybody runs away in terror You can never unmask the monsters in your own head That's true Like he's got to like He drugs them all He puts masks on them And then he has to hunt them down That would be a terrifying but fitting end
Starting point is 00:29:06 to the Mystery Inc. team. Let's send some emails to Warner Brothers. How do the Scooby-Doo gang keep themselves afloat financially? We pretty much solved that straight off the bat. Fred's terror. Fred's money and terror. And, like, maybe even they don't need to be supported That financially because Fred's just keeping
Starting point is 00:29:27 Like they're like we want to stay in a hotel He's like we're staying in the van tonight guys And they're like sure Don't hit me Do we see like any of the owners of the hotel Sometimes but not always Also Fred I just don't remember even
Starting point is 00:29:44 I just realized this. Crazy. He, there's no number plate on the mystery machine. Hmm. There just isn't. That's sus is what we call that. Fred Jones criminal. Yes. And on that note
Starting point is 00:30:02 I've been Jackson Bailey. I've been Joel. I've been Michael. And I guess we've just solved the mystery of Scooby-Doo. Yeah, it was a shame. So where else can we find you, Michael? You can find me on It's a Duck Blur. It's a podcast I do with my wife where we watch every episode of the DuckTales show. And also I do another podcast called Pop Quiz Hotshot,
Starting point is 00:30:27 which is a movie trivia game show. Check them out. Get on that. All links will be in the show notes of this very episode. Awesome. So long, gang. We can call on you, Scooby-Doo. I know we'll catch that villain.
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