Plumbing the Death Star - How Do You Train a James Bond?

Episode Date: July 3, 2016

In which our heroes order a shaken alcoholic beverage, get seduced by a femme fatale and get in a sweet car chase as we try to work out how we’d go about training a James Bond. We start by MI 6 giving us a baby, get too attached to the kid and hire a bully to do what a bully does. Jackson is pro-Pavloving, Zammit doesn't want to tell a teenager he'll be a spy and Duscher just gets super tired of raising a kid. So join the gang as they get to be James Bond’s thee dads and become increasingly paranoid of the British Government. Want to love the government? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can kill yourself and put the Union Jack in his room. And don’t forget to purchase your copy of D&D is for Nerds Season 2 at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/dd-nerds-season-2-5th-ed/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Fans Radio, shamelessly self-promoting. all its entirety, as well as exclusive 5th Ed Adventures with over 14 hours of hot D&D action. And, as always, any purchase from Audiobooks on Tape comes with a free digital download, so you can listen to all the adventures while you wait for your physical copy in the mail. Also, for those supporting us on Patreon, all the bonus 5th Ed Adventures, as well as the exclusive Dinosaur Park rpg are available to those donating 30 a month or more so once again thank you everyone for your continued support and we hope you continue to enjoy our dumb nonsense now enjoy the show hey guys and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask important questions like how do you train a James Bond?

I guess with treats. Yes. Like a dog. Like a dog. If we're training him, we're like, come on, James Bond. Okay, what do you do? You get newspapers. Okay.

And you just put them on the floor. Hang on, where are we training him from? A baby. Okay, so we go down to Skyfall. M dies. And they're like, hey, JJJ. No. Yes.

JJJ. The triple J. We need you guys. J and J and J. Come into my office. We need you guys to get us a new agent. There's this Scottish manor. We got a little orphan. We're going to turn him into a fucking

spy, a master spy. It's up to you to train him. We go down to Skyfall. What, we pick up the baby? What's next? So not M, her predecessor? Yeah, yeah. L? L, yes.

P does not make sense. I apologise. We go down to Skyfall. We pick up the baby. Okay, what's our next move, lads? So this is... Hang on. Hang on.

Are we doing three men and a baby? Yeah, yes. But if the three men had to create the ultimate spy. All right. Three men and a baby, a spied baby. So I'm pro Pavlov thing. So every time he does something good, we bring a bell and give him a treat. Yeah. So that we can eventually ring

the bell and his mouth will salivate. Yeah. Even if there's no treat. Yep, I agree. Is the treat killing a man at first? Yes. I'm very pro-like putting him in situations and orchestrating a situation where he has to do something terrible to survive. Okay.

What age are we doing this from? Six. When did the Spartans send out their and orchestrating a situation where he has to do something terrible to survive. Okay. What age are we doing this from? Six. When did the Spartans send out their kids? You guys are just going to end up clockwork oranging in. Maybe. Not on purpose. What's your plan, you hippie? Love and care?

Nah, put him outside a lot. Sorry, what? Do you want to elaborate? Okay, so harsh wilderness. We live in England. It's cold. Keep him outside a lot, especially at night. You know what happens?

We wake up in the morning and we're like, let's check on Dusha's plan. We open the door, frozen baby. You can tell Al. I'm not going to. You can tell Al. I'm not going to. You can go and be like, knock, knock. Hey, we froze James Bond. Oops. Do you have another E?

Well, how do they train him in the movie? I guess like normal spy training and like. They probably just raise him like normal and then just have him attend the military academy. It's probably going to be like that. It'd be like, hey, you did well in school. We're going to give you some lessons in sharp shooting. Kind of like Kingsman, I guess. Ah, yeah.

So that kind of level of training. Just train him up good. Just train him up good. Probably without being threatened. Actually, I reckon we should take a thing from Kingsman. Threaten to run him over with a train. Yeah. Because I don't want no goddamn snitch.

I don't want no baby kind of, you know, so your bird's attacking the window again. I don't want no goddamn kind of, you know, so your bird's attacking the window again. I don't want no goddamn baby. That's just birds. It just happens. Like, you know, we raise a baby, then he's just going to, like, throw us under a bus or under a train and the first kind of threat.

No, not happening. No, no, no. So maybe we should make him think we're gods. I'm not saying no because I'm on board. How much freedom basically do we have carte blanche on this baby what do you reckon yes

good are we giving any social interactions well I'm sure if we kill him we'll be in trouble no no no as in are we making little baby James Bond have any social I think you have to I think that's important because he's a spy. He's not a killing machine.

He's a spy. We're trying to make a spy, not the Terminator. That's true. That's true. So we put him, we send him to primary school like normal. Yeah. What if we have, what if we get him to. Primary school like normal, but we make sure he walks to school.

How about this? Yeah, good. Send him to primary school, but every day we give him a secret mission. Yeah, all right. And if he doesn't do it day we give him a secret mission. Yeah, all right. And if he doesn't do it, we smack him in the mouth? Maybe. But like a little, no, the Pavlov thing. So if he doesn't, well, we give him a treat.

If not, then he gets in the cupboard for an hour. Yes. Good. Good. Going to make a well-balanced child. So you start off with a game. So you go, all right, so hi, alright so hi I'm you know Jay your dad one of your dads

I'm one of your dads Jay Jay and Jay my three dads so we've got that that's a sitcom that I Jackson and I made up off mic my three dads

so it's biological Yeah My Three Dads It's not very logical Yeah Anyway That's an off mic sitcom Anyway

So we go with that So it's like Hey Go to school And maybe Class list I want you to find out Little Timmy's

Like a secret of Little Timmy Yeah I want you to find out What Sarah's middle name is I want you to find You know And do this kind of stuff It's a subtle kind of stuff

like you know and every time he goes out and does that you reward him maybe not punish him too much no cupboard no cupboard just be like hey

not even smack him just be like hey do better next time that's alright you know just try and try again what if you reward successes

but you don't punish them until like after like a couple of years and then he doesn't do it one day and you're like cupboard I just I just I think maybe we should i just i just don't want to be like 50 years old yeah and i'm like we raised a good spy and then as i'm going to sleep james bond rises up and he's like guess who's going in the cupboard motherfucker i'm like okay that's that's pretty reasonable me i guess

it's cupboard time for old jackson how long in the cupboard forever yeah i get it all right and then i get in the cupboard and the two of you are already there and i'm like well this is where we stay for a while. It makes sense. Let's decide a corner for pissing. So I think, yeah, no punishment as such. But more of being like, if he comes like, I failed. Almost be like, no, you haven't.

You just haven't succeeded yet. Okay. So you kind of make it, so you want that long con almost. So you don't want him to be like out there in the fucking field. And he comes back and he's like, hey Hey dads, I didn't get the Chinese spy And we're like, well that's bad And he's like, I just didn't do great this time I'll do better next time

No, not you'll do better next time You'll keep doing this until you get it right What about a spy? You can't give up He doesn't complete five missions, we pretend to kill one of us Alright, there's three of us That means we get three ghosts. Is this at, like, still

at primary school level? Nah, maybe. We train him your way through primary school. Then when he hits puberty, we're like, look, you're gonna be a spy. Would we explain that to him? No, in primary school, he wouldn't, but then I think once he's high school, he'll be like, hey, you know. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't? No. Fucking teenagers blab at, like, anything.

He'd use it to bang people. Or he'd throw up in our faces. He was like, I don't want to be a spy. Do we need to teach him to be a good lover? No. I'm going to leave that up to you guys to decide. Just like one day he'll wake up and there's a sneaky flashlight next to his bed. Good luck, champ.

Good luck. That's what it's signed. J next to his bed. And we're like, hey. Good luck, champ. Good luck. That's what it's signed. J and J and J. No, it's J and J. Someone didn't want to be involved in our son's sexuality. I don't want to make our kid a brilliant lover. It's really funny to sit him down and be like, right. Like, after we've explained that he needs to be a spy.

Part of being a spy is that you've got to be an amazing lover. Here's textbooks. Get learned. Exactly. Study up. Male, textbooks. Get learning. Exactly. Study up. Male, female, it doesn't matter. You don't know what you're going to do for a target, so get on it. I think I've already become too attached to our kid.

I feel no feelings towards it whatsoever. I still want to put it outside some more. I have a mission, Jackson. Jackson? Jackson. Jackson Bailey. That's where he gets Jackson. Goddammit, Jackson Bailey.

We've got a goddamn mission. So we've got a mission. So you'd be like, I don't understand. No, we've trained for this. This is what we've been preparing for the last 18 bloody years for. He's our beautiful little Bond.

So I honestly... So since... Since primary school... Sorry, guys. Really far away. We were recording on a couch and I just kind of fell into it. You really fucked that up. Yeah, the mic was too close to my...

God damn it. You are struggling. What are you doing? You are struggling. That's not going to fix you. Oh, that makes me feel way better. All right. Whatever.

Hang on. Good. Yep. All right. Perfect. We're back. I'm so happier now. All right. Whatever. Hang on. Good. Yep. All right. Perfect. We're back. I'm so happier now. Go on.

So I think we train him as a young kid from primary school. We do that. Hey, go out and find some, you know, find some information about some of your classmates

or your teacher and that kind of stuff. And so we kind of make it very innocent at the start and then like we sort of start doing it very more and more like, I'll find out.

Kill Sarah's dog. Oh, Jesus. You guys guys are fucked at a certain point well yes but like and he's still a kid you being like but in his formative years is when you need to put that in his brain I think Kingsman is probably the best example to follow here where you start training when

they're you can sort of ease them into it by doing stuff like gymnastics or playing sports social interactions make sure they have it by doing stuff like Gymnastics or playing sports Social interactions Make sure they have heaps of stuff like that He needs to find information and be like Find out who Mrs. Clark is having an affair with That's a good primary school technique

Techniques What is wrong with us today Come on Jackson what's wrong with you Tell me about yourself Hey Jackson Tell us about some techniques but then when he hits puberty

and he's maybe like 15 we gotta start being like you gotta kill the puppy no you give him a puppy then you tell him to kill the puppy

after he becomes attached to it okay so but not kill it just do what Kingsman does which is like so we pretend to kill one of his

friends in a drowning thing then we kick him out of a plane and be like one of you doesn't have a parachute but they all have

parachutes and then we make him have a dog so he's king to him yeah that's what you seem to be going down to no I was just like

the whole dog thing no just actually get him to kill the dog if he kills a spy in the field he doesn't later out find out that the spy was like

oh it was a sneaky it was a real spy it was a fake no we kill his dog exactly or you know we're gonna be like some other like 003 or whatever like i need you if you're gonna go and get get like a someone who was a target beat him up and then bring him to our house james kill him yeah there you go and then james does we're like good boy you're getting an ice cream cake yeah also we've got to make also we've got to make him

so torture resistant we're going to have to beat him we're going to have to beat the shit out of him can we not do it can we still leave him outside instead yeah

basically you're going to have to train him to be able to so you basically want to get someone what do you mean fight class yeah you want to get someone fight class

yeah I'm just signing up for electives for my 10th year of high school. Just fight class. Band, trumpet, fight class. Band and trumpet are two separate. Yeah. Band and. Band is where you fucking learn to work in a band. Trumpet is where you learn to play the trumpet.

And then fight class. And then fight class. What other electives in my scenario can you fucking mention them? So something like you know, you know, you've never been punched in the face, Bond. All right, we're going to get this guy here.

He's been trained, you know, torture special kind of thing. He's going to punch the shit out of you. Yeah. And really like, almost every Monday, go down,

you can't fight back. Yeah, you're going to get punched in the face. You're going to get punched in the face. And then, I still feel like we're going to get put in a cupboard that way. After like six weeks, we're like, all right, you can fight back. And then he's going to're gonna get put in a cupboard that way after like six weeks we're like

all right you can fight back and you're gonna then he's gonna kill that guy like a champ that's gonna be great have we trained him to fight though boxing and gymnastics and stuff okay taekwondo maybe bit of kung fu can we take out his nerves can we are we paralyzing him no is that a thing you can do to a human being just dulling the nerve endings

just dulling the nerve endings maybe well we'll give that a whirl what dulls nerve endings radiation blunt blunt trauma irradiate our baby boy

heroin beat the shit out of him heroin oh my god this is good whatever we train him to be a good fighter and good at resisting

pain then one of us I think has to we all have to kill ourselves we do though we don't actually have to die but we have to make him think we're all dead so he has no attachment because he can't have any love left in his heart

otherwise he'll be a bad spy we have to be good parents and betray him and then die. Yep. Do we have to betray him? Yes. Because then he needs to be like, there's no one in the world for me except me and the British government.

Yep. Because then he learns not to love. But if we're working for the government, wouldn't he associate if we betray them, we've got to pretend like we're betraying the government. Yeah, yeah associate If we betray them We gotta pretend Like we're betraying the government Yeah yeah yeah And then what

What if he sides with us though Then we're fucked Then we kill his wife We on her majesty's secret Service him Deal We become fucking What's his name

Blomfeld Blomflom Bomflof Did we both get it right It's Blofell Blofell All three of us got it wrong. Blofeld?

We Blofeld him. All right. That sounds wrong. So we got to kill his wife? That means we have to be there for his marriage and everything? Yeah. Can we do it on their marriage? I think it happens on their wedding day, actually.

Do they drive a speedboat into his wife? No, they shoot him through the... We can, but they shoot... She gets shot through a car okay i seem to remember somebody driving a speedboat i think that's an ad i think that's the hangover one also i think that's like the that is a conclusion of hangover two well we hang over to him then but they crash she brought into the wedding they would crash the boat that's what i mean into the bride then what if he finds out like okay we kind of stage it so that we betray him and everything,

and then, like, we fake our own death. But what happens if, like, say, a few years' time, he finds that we're not dead again? That's okay, because we still betrayed him. He's not going to kill us for that. Well, he might. We made him a killing machine. You put him outside all the time.

We enrolled him for Fight Club. Yeah. Fight Class. Fight Class. He's like, how much do you band and talk about dads No because the thing is It's like we need to hide for a bit I reckon if it was like a week later

He'd be like what the fuck But if it's like 15 years You see why we had to do it right son And then he's like in the cupboard Enroll to this fight club. Okay, every Wednesday you're going to go down into the basement and have this big man beat the shit out of you. And we'll be like, yeah, all right.

That's fair. Forever? Yeah, okay. Deal. No, but look, if we work for the government, and he loves the government by this point, he's going to understand. Oh, we're just going to put up like flat,

like Union Jack and stuff in his room. So like, hey, you love the government. Propaganda the shit out of him. I just feel that when he finds out that we're alive, he's going to not trust the government anymore. See, that's why we had to kill ourselves. Yeah, I know. But I think, yeah, we can't fake our own death, Dusha. We're going to have to kill ourselves.

Oh, no, that's a shame. I'm so tired and that would be good. I'm so sick of raising this kid. Being attacked by bugs in Jackson's dumb house one of those is a real life thing not raising the kid, don't have one bugs everywhere, damn it Jackson I'm not even getting attacked by bugs

it's just me then, that's good damn it seems bugless yeah I've had like, I don't know what it looked like a mosquito, it was on my wrist need that, I think the struggle of raising James Bond, that we've not really touched upon, is that none of us are spies.

And I don't really know what's required of a spy. Like, if we go back to L, and L's like, so what did you train him with? And you're like, we sent him to school and said he had to find out the names of... Little bits and pieces here and there.

This is the progress board. Basically, this is the progress board. In his formative years, we sent him out to find out the names of... Little bits and pieces here and there. This is the progress board. Basically, this is the progress board. In his formative years, we sent him out to find information with his social interactions. So he was able to get information without it appearing too sus. Yeah. Okay, so that's ticked that. That's step one. We've also conditioned him to be able to take a beating because we hired this guy to just

absolutely peep the shit out of him. Yeah um that was a hard sell not gonna lie that was a hard sell but we did it we got it done uh actually a better way of doing that get a bully yeah we'll hire a bully pay a bully 20 bucks because then it's not weird just tying a kid down and getting them to beat the shit out of him we're just paying a bully to beat the shit out of him. We're just paying a bully to do what a bully does. Is that going to make the kid

our little James Bondy, our little Bondy Bond, is that going to make him tough to torture? Or is that just going to make him messed up? Like actual bullied kids? Is he just going to come home and be like, why does this happen to me every day? I'm a loser.

And then be like, I didn't work out. Another thing I was thinking would be doing, rather than paying a bully, to be just like, maybe to go out where maybe the bully hangs out and kind of be like, have you heard about that James Bond kid? I heard that, you know, he wets his pants. He, you know, or like... The only thing that achieves is that we're not out 20 bucks. Same thing's happening. We're just not paying for it. He, you know, or like... The only thing that achieves is that we're not out 20 bucks. Same thing's happening.

We're just not paying for it. Well, that's good. At least we're not paying for our failures. Exactly. Plus then, if he's like, why are you doing this? Like, your dads are paying me. We're like, oh, shit. You know what I mean?

Fuck! So we need to subtly spread rumors about our kid. Yeah, that's true. That's terrible. That's terrible parenting. But that's the way we get it done. We're not. We're trainers. We're trainers. So that's one way of getting it done's true. That's terrible parenting, but that's the way we get it done. We're not. We're trainers.

So that's one way of getting it done. Okay, that's all right. But no, but that's not going to achieve anything. And we just get a bullied kid.

Yeah. And he's like, I'm a loser. And we're like, here's a gun. Here's a gun. Go nuts. Go wild.

It's got to be a way for us not to tie, like basically tying him to a chair and beating him that still gives him I think what it's got to be a way For us not to tie Basically tying him to a chair and beating him That still gives him resilience Putting him in fight classes That's also true But the bullying is fine As long as we address that

As in we be good parents But that's not going to stop him getting That's just like hey you got to hit a lot as a kid A better strategy to get him torture resistant Is to be like hey you gotta hit a lot as a kid a better strategy to get him torture resistant is to be like hey we got you a personal trainer and he's gonna train you to be the ultimate killing machine and the ultimate tough lad

and then the guy just like kind of gradually builds his pain tolerance up so he's like okay here's a burning fire stick your hand in for a second how was that rough? okay tomorrow two seconds three seconds and then eventually he'll be fire resistant. Is this how it works?

Okay, so we've trained him in espionage. We're doing little social experiments, little social gatherings. That's good. So we've hired a personal trainer, which is a good idea. Personal trainer. Personal trainer, i.e. a secret government agent

personal trainer who's going to be like... be like, this is your personal trainer, Ivan, who'll be like, hello, child. It's like, Ivan, this is little child, this is secret between me and you, and that's gonna... That's fine, the kid don't know, he's an idiot. And then, after he does that, he becomes

super resistant to pain. Then we, like, enroll him into, like, you know, best lover class. Yeah. Fight class bang class. Fuck class. Spy class. Cover our bases there. Lucky that the board of education has already prepared these classes for how to make a new

spy. That's good. I feel fuck class is a It's just all like theory. It's practical. It's all just textbook fuck class theory and then once you get to like the end of it there's a practical element everyone's like everyone's like shut this class down and everyone to jail then we take him to l and we're like don't enjoy your spy and that james bond is like a fucking up bully kid with really burnt hands he's like they put me outside and then in the cupboard, Al.

And I was like, I got to do some firing of three government agents. No, your first mission, James Bond. Yeah. Kill JJ and Jay. And we're like, no, again, fair enough. So that's one way to get... Are we... Hang on.

Even if we trained him right,'s probably gonna be His first mission anyway He's gonna be coming down The driveway to Skyfall And we're gonna be Looking out the window And I'm gonna be like Hey lads Bond's here

He's back to kill us probably And I'll be like Okay and we'll just line up And be like Sick okay Soop soop soop But I reckon Yeah we're

We're being played by Fucking MI6 Let's take out MI6 Let's train James Bond To take out How long would that... You know, we'd be doing all this kind of stuff.

How long do you reckon that thought would creep into our heads? I reckon about 15 minutes. Because this has been going for almost half an hour. 15 minutes in, we're like, this is going to happen.

I'm like, new plan. Yeah. We kill this Bond. But we say it was an accident. And they keep killing us new Bonds. And we're never betrayed. Or we become enemies of the state.

We still train this James Bond, but we train him to be our James Bond. He's not like MI-16. He's MI-fucking-JJJ. Perfect. Okay, here's the third theory. We get the James Bond kid. We train him a bit. We fill him with bombs.

We send him back to MI-6. We're like, hey, Al, we did it. Fuck you, Al! Al's's like why aren't you guys here why are you over the radio we're like we knew you would betray us she's like what we did it boys enemies of the state

we just go to we just go to Mexico we just go to Mexico We just go to Britain Jump the border Into the sea And then swim

Where do the Brits go When they want to get away From the law Ireland No Nowhere They just go to jail They just cough it on the chin

Like all good Brits They go to Australia Yeah exactly That's actually Yeah good point Actually they do that They do And then we're back here

Having a secret time That's alright That's how this podcast started yeah blowing up in my six was a good move he's saying we're gonna blow up in my six a crime is it my six existed yeah does it yeah we haven't had it there was actually a moment of doubt though i'm like yeah no it is yeah my six yeah yeah it's a real thing it's a british intelligence intelligence okay yeah isn't it what's james went in my six was he in my seven Yeah, it's a real thing It's a British intelligence Oh, okay Is James 1 MI6 or is he MI7? He's MI6

Is there a secret one that we shouldn't know about? KGB? No, the KGB A real thing as well Are the Yakuza real, Jackson? No Is the Godfather real? Yes

Godfathers exist What about A-Z-O? No, no, no, you're thinking of Oh man, imagine if A-Z-O had James Bond Now there's another episode Not a great one It's great for the bottle of the barrel episode It's just like, it's mid-November

We need to get a few more for the end of the year What if James Bond was A-Z-O and then it's probably just us saying James. We need to get a few more for the end of the year. What if James Bond was ASIO? And then it's probably just us saying James Bond lines with an Oka accent

until we hit that half hour mark and are like good. I was about to say Franklin, my dear. I don't give a damn in an Australian accent

but that's not Bond. Not at all. Not at all. And speaking of not Bond, this character we've made probably not going to turn out to be Bond.

No. I think really we should have left it up to the professionals at the end of the day. I think honestly our best bet is to fill him with bombs. I think either fill him with bombs or... James Bombs. I'm in! I've taken a douche aside from the name.

Train him to be the M.I. What clever James Bond name do you have James Joel No James Bombs You're on the Joel side I'm the only one fighting to fill our kid with bombs I could be Joel Bombs No that doesn't

Solve any problems I feel like I should have done this myself Then he would definitely Be raised wrong I would have screwed this myself. Then he would definitely be raised wrong. Yeah, I would have screwed that up. Straight off the bat. He's like, I dropped this one on his head and now he walks wrong. Can you make him the ultimate spy?

What do babies eat? Hay? Ham? Hams? Hams wrapped in hay? Chew up, little boy. Jackson, no. Give the baby a gun. Not a real one, just a tranquilizer gun.

I'm not a criminal. Look, I gave him a Nerf gun. That's good. Except, look, I got some tacks. I put them on the end of the Nerf. So it still hurts when he shoots me. It's good, except, look, I got, like, some tacks. Yeah. I put them on the end of the nerve. So it still hurt when he shoots me. It's good. And then, like, I get him to run, and I'll shoot him with it.

Yeah. As far as normal. How did they make James Bond so well-rounded, really? I don't know. It's a good bloody question. Because, like, our strategies, whilst not perfect, are fine. Pretty spot on. So what the fuck did MI6 do that's so much better?

Yeah, because he's very well-rounded. He's not just good at infiltrating. No, he's shit at infiltrating. Actually, James Bond himself got trained pretty poorly. Yeah. He's like, James Bond, I need to infiltrate these people. You need to blend in with the blah, blah, blah, blah. Hi, I'm James Bond.

And this is my tuxedo. Although he did dress up like an Asian at one point Okay well he's even It was not a good costume No it was just Sean Connery in a black wig Did they do racist eyes in that? I want to say yes I feel like Sean Connery would have demanded them To be honest

I look nothing like an oriental James can you do can you put on a chinese accent but without it being too no okay okay um but like i actually can't think of what methods unless they were like we take james bond as an orphan raise him up as a kid like normal send him to an academy let the academy sort all that shit out. And then get him, but how do you make him an emotionless killing machine? Actually, I don't know what the academy did. Now I'm afraid. Well, yeah.

Well, they didn't really train him to kill. Like, he's a full grown adult when they start training him to kill. Really? Yeah. What the fuck? What you need... That's so dumb. ...is a Black Widow-esque ballet murder school.

Ah, yeah, that's true. So I say instead of all of our bomb child plans, we open up a ballet murder school. Exactly. In Russia. In Russia. And, like, actually, then we probably have a competing ballet murder school,

so we just sign him up for the already existing ones in Russia. Sorted. Yeah, good. That is good. I think then he comes out as a little murder school. So we just sign him up for the already existing ones in Russia. Sorted. Yeah, good. That is good. I think then he comes out as a little murder kid. We get our fat paycheck from high six. Plus, he'd be a very good dancer. And I kind of want to see a very good rendition of Swan Lake, but with our kid.

Plus, if he fails the murder side of the ballet school, he could still become a famous ballet dancer. Exactly. And how proud would we be? Very, very proud. He could put us through retirement with all of his ballet money. That's perfect. That's phenomenal.

I think we've done it. I think we've done it. Granted, we might have also made a perfect KGB spy, but MI6 don't have to know about that. Yeah, whatever. We're just like, hey, look, he's fine. Half of MI6's agents have become spies at some point and like bad spies, not good spies.

And Rush is big. Yeah. Like we can hide in it yeah we'll be sweet I mean we're done sorted and on that note I've been Joel

I've been Jackson and I've been Joel and together we've been great fathers we've been the triple J's JJ and J AJ and JJJ if you can think of better ways

to train a James Bond tweet us at Sandspants Radio or email us or even comment on the Facebook link. We'll look at it, I promise. We might give you a cheeky like if it's good. And if we don't, maybe we didn't see it or maybe we just didn't find it funny.

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