Plumbing the Death Star - How Does Dating Work in Beyoncé's Single Ladies?

Episode Date: April 3, 2016

In which our heroes find a perfect partner, really connect on an emotional level, ruin it all by forgetting to put a ring on it while asking how does dating work in Beyoncé's Single Ladies. Join us as we discover the completely untouched fictional universe of pop music, misunderstand the implications of lyrics and just plow through all common sense to arrive at a surprisingly well thought out theory. Jackson is stressed about phallic imagery, Zammit just informs everyone to put your hand up and Duscher just gives up less than five minutes in. Strap yourself in because this episode takes a hard left turn and oh boy, I don't know how they got to this conclusion but I'm sure glad they did.Want to help fill our bumbags full of awesome diamond rings? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us put a ring on it.Hankering for some sweet geeky loot every month? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to receive your (possible) copy of Beyonce's self-titled album. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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But that's not all, dear listeners. Today's episode is also sponsored by these amazing lads and lasses. James Roy. Blake Jarvis. Chris Barlow, David Pei, Chris Brown, Deborah Bauer, Carlos Miguel, Philip Diston, Ben Gourlay, James Horton, Sam Stearns, and Alex Sharp. Remember guys, always follow effective action with quiet reflection. And for those wanting to know the answer to last week's question, it was four. The number of times I threw up was four. It took me over an hour to do like 30 seconds of... Whatever. Onwards to the show! Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing On with the show. Hey guys,

and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, how does dating work in Beyonce's single ladies? You just put your hand up. Nah. It's like, yo. No, look. Put your hand up. All the single lady. I'm a single lady. You just put your hand up. Nah. It's like, yo. Nah, look.

Put your hand up. All the single ladies. Just put your hand up. Put your hand up. If you're single. I'm in the club. I'm doing my own little thing. Jackson, put away the lyrics for a second.

Okay. Good. You, stop too. Nah, because like, look. The concept of the song is that Beyonce had a boyfriend. That's who she's singing at. Dated for three years. He didn't respect her.

It sounds like he cheated on her. No, not cheated on her. He did. Decided to dip. Now you want to trip. It's up in the club and they just broke up, okay? And now she's doing her own

little thing He decided to dip Or she decided to dip No he decided to dip But dip could also mean drugs No I think within the context of the song She's talking about cheating Because she's about to engage

Sexually or romantically with a Brother And she's like you're tripping because of that even though look at what you did I think yeah okay so that's fine you decided to dip and now you know you want to trip well which is fine so that's

like that's the that's a pretense of the song she was in a relationship now she's not correct he's dipping she's tripping big issue I have with the song and it's confusing because Beyonce, like, does she understand her dating works? Because she's like, all the single ladies, put your hands up.

That's fine. That part I understand. If you're single, put your hand up. Done. But if you combine that with, if you like it, then you should have put a ring on it. It means that she doesn't seem to respect dating

unless you're engaged. How so? Well. Elaborate. Enlighten us. Expand. Show you're working. I am trying to show my working because

it's just like if you liked it then you should put a ring on it what well he could have just showed it in a different way he doesn't need to get married yeah

I mean I suppose I guess it could be an engagement to get engaged that's ridiculous a promise ring I don't think she's just saying all the single ladies

put your hands up yo be proud that you're single that part that part doesn't particularly matter. It's more that if you like it then you should put a ring on it. What you're saying

lock that shit down. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, no. Hey, thanks for listening. Thought I had something? I don't. Joel Duchamp cannot

take the heat. Joel Duchamp will not back off his arguments. He's done. Out of the gate someone shoots him in the leg. He's down. Joel Duchamp not not back off his arguments. He's done. Out of the gate, someone shoots him in the leg. He's down. Joel Duchamp, not even half hour in.

Less than a minute? Four minutes, if that. Four minutes and change. Just like, yeah, no. All right, you lost. Point at these boys. I'm sure we can milk some more out of this. Up in the club, okay.

She's up on him. He's up on her. she's dancing with a dude that's the path so you're saying okay so the premise of this song my your what you're reading into this is a very literal thing which basically all the single ladies if you're a single lady fuck off single men this is a world controlled by women good so they're putting their hand up being like i'm a single lady that's great however's great. That's fine. That's how in this, in Beyonce's all the single ladies, in this universe, this is how it works. If you're single at any time, you can just put your hand up and be like, I am a single. That is good.

All right. That is good. Celebrate being single ladies. By putting your hand up. That's good. Girl power. Sick. That's good.

Isn't this much nicer when we work together, Zamit? Teamworks good. Teamworks better. Rather than just be like, no. No, that's not the case. So that's the premise of the world if you're single. However, if you like it, then you should put a ring on it. Is the part that worries me. Does a ring necessitate marriage?

Yeah. Let me just try and establish the rules that worries me. Well, does a ring necessitate marriage? Yeah. So basically you've got... A prompter ring. Let me just try and establish the rules of this universe. Okay. So single, raise your hand. But if you're in a relationship and you like it,

put a ring on it. Okay? So those are the two, I guess, extremes or at least two of the base rules. There's a line in this song that implies Beyonce has a dick. Nah, listen to this

Got gloss on my lips A man on my hips Got me tighter in my durian jeans Is that because she's hard? What else could it mean? What else could that line No like I'm not even joking What does that mean?

Do I not understand the lingo of the children? Why is Beyonce tighter in her Darien jeans? She got a bug Maybe she's just looking good Like you're looking tight Is Beyonce packing hog? I'm guessing like she's looking tight You know, like good

But that's not what she says She says got me tighter Anyway Maybe her, I don't know I'm just pouring through the lyrics Like a bit of a explorer here Trying to glean what i can you carry on so yeah so if you're single raise your hand if you like it man if you like something put a ring on it all right because you liked it then you should have put a ring on it if you liked it then you should have put a ring

on it don't be mad once you see that he won it because if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it okay so her ex-boyfriend has approached her in a club being like hey what are you doing here what's this thing basically the ex-boyfriend is like oh man I liked you and she's like well if you liked me you should have put a ring on it which means that are women only in this universe

controlled by a ring is this the Green Lantern universe is this the Green Lantern universe I was almost going to go with a wheel of time thing but uh luckily i didn't because i would have been like is it like a dem and it's like you put the brace maybe it's just a far more regimented any who like world where to show ones it's like even almost like puritanical in that you show one's intentions you didn't go up to someone in the club and say hey

let's get down you go up and you're like, you're a single lady? and they're like, they put their hand up maybe you go into the club and you're like, all the single ladies they put their hands up, and then you with your ring you go and put it on the women who you have influence it's just like a claw machine but like with a ring

kind of like, it's basically like what I assumed how Tinder works that you're swiping right, but this is in person and the ring is how you do it they get like like little tiny plastic rings they go around like you are you are you so like you put it on everybody you and you and your gang you're going out clubbing yeah everybody gets their pocket full of rings full of rings yeah the adidas bomb bag full of rings yeah the sick rat tail it's good yeah head to the club and you're like I'm looking for single ladies

and I guess they just stand in a like gazelles all just stand up raise their hands put their hands up this is just like a natural

oh oh oh oh oh oh and then they do that cool dance then you zip unzip your mom bag take out rings put them in the single ladies

in whom you have an interest or I mean in the reverse it's actually kind of cute it's almost like balabirds or like you know like sort of like here's my ring and do a little dance yeah so it's like this it's like basically it's taking a leaf out of the animal playbook yeah where you're kind of like who are the single ladies who are the single ladies and because we don't live in a world where

female peacocks just look like trash yeah they're just like, look, raise my hand. And they're like, oh, hands are raised. So my bum bag full of awesome diamond rings, maybe, or like plastic rings. I was imagining like multicolored plastic rings. Well, it depends. Like rave rings. It depends on the man or lady, whatever, to be like, I'm going to put my ring on it.

And then they get to choose. Because at the end of the day, they can have like a whole handful of rings and be like, oh, I like this one and this one and this one and this one. I hate that one.

There's an issue though. And then you choose the quality of the man based on the ring. The issue is that Beyonce is telling all the single ladies. This is Beyonce's message

to all the single ladies. Right? Put your hands up. Put your hands up. And then also, if they liked it, they should have put a ring on it. So I think it's the single men

standing there with their hands up. Or is this about lesbians? See, the plot thickens. You're four minutes in, you're like, this isn't an episode. Now we're here. A little faith. There's a lot of questions.

If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it. Because who is the you and who is the Who is she talking to? I mean, obviously she's talking to her ex-boyfriend. We're not that stupid, but we can be. So if we take this as literal, the royal you doesn't mean anybody. So really, anyone. I mean, granted, she's saying all the single ladies.

Wait a second. Put your hand up, yes. Just on Beyonce, just have no fucking idea what she wants. Ladies? Wait a second. Put your hand up, yes. Beyonce just having no fucking idea what she wants. Don't treat me to the things of this world. I'm not that kind of girl. Your love is what I prefer. What I deserve is a man that makes me, then takes me, and delivers me to a destiny to infinity and beyond.

Good, sick reference, Beyonce. Put me onto your arms, say I'm the one you want, and if you don't, you'll be alone like a ghost, I'll be gone. Rude. Is the ring a butthole? Okay.

So if you liked it, you should have put your butthole on it. Are you trying to say Beyonce is into pegging? Maybe Well it's confusing as much You should have put a ring in it Also don't worry about a ring

I actually just want love Or is it like Earthly stuff Like say a burger ring Because you're like that is a delicious It's not about earthly possessions I'm just a little bit I'm just happy for a burger ring because you're like that is a delicious it's not about earthly possessions I'm just a little bit I'm just happy

for a burger ring I have the munchies I'm Beyonce and I'm just happy for a burger ring so if you could please because that's to me if we're going

through our bowerbird theory that to me is the porpoise that's the one who's not getting lucky that's the one who's like

basically got a bum bag full of burger rings putting them on everyone everyone's been like bum bag full of burger rings

that was a great way to make mates at a movie. That is true. No, it's not. If I'm at a movie and somebody's like, leans over to me and is like, psst, zip,

burger rings, I'm going to be like, this is the worst experience. I would imagine it would just be like the Napoleon Dynamite scene, where he's got a tater tots in his pocket, and someone just kicks the shit out of him. Someone just opens it up, burger rings,

kick his bum bag. Bye. Crunch. Bum bag is fucking sick. just kicks the shit out of him. Someone just opens it up and just kick his bum back. Why? Crunch. It is confusing that Beyonce is like, I wish you loved me, but actually I wish you'd married me? Is that what she's saying here? Well, don't treat me

to these things of the world, all right? I'm not that kind of girl, but if you like, you should put a ring on it. So is this ring something which is out of this world, like maybe the rings around Saturn? I've also got another issue.

She doesn't know what ghosts are like. Beyonce does not understand ghosts. I'm thinking, what about a ring made from... We all knew that about Beyonce. What about a ring made of meteorite? I've seen this. Don't treat me to the things of the world. That sentence, aside from being grammatically a nightmare, is real puzzling. Don't treat me to the things of the world That sentence, aside from being grammatically a nightmare

Is real puzzling Don't treat me to things These things of the world What are these things of the world? Rings? Because just a second ago She fucking wondered what Don't treat me to the things of this world I'm not that kind of girl

What kind of girl? The girl who wants a ring? Yes But you want a ring So which means the ring that she wants can't be of this world So what is a ring that is not of this world? I'm going to put forward Saturn She wants Saturn Yep

The world is not enough The world is not enough, she wants Saturn Tomorrow never dies Maybe she wants, maybe not just Saturn But things made out of actual Saturn It's a metaphor Yeah, it's a play on words. Yeah, she's clever.

She's making you a puzzle. Well, to be honest, this whole... Jackson, she just it's a puzzle, it's a word game, you've got to play this. She wants a ring, let's start with this world. What is that? A satin. So what can we get that's satin? A satin dress. She wants a satin dress, that's how you date women in this world. Beyonce talks in puzzles.

Done. Like a sphinx. Solved. Hey, no, not quite. Because we still haven't figured out why she doesn't know what ghosts are. Do ghosts not exist? All right, we'll go to this ghost thing. Like a ghost, I'll be gone. Ghosts actually remain.

That's kind of the thing. I know, that's what I mean. That's kind of the whole deal with ghosts, Beyonce. And if you don't, you'll be alone. Like a ghost, I'll be gone. It's a trick. She won't. And that's the thing.

She's not gone in this universe either. Like in the song, she hasn't gone. She's like there with another dude gone. It's a trick. She won't. And that's the thing. She's not gone in this universe either. Like in the song she hasn't gone. She's like there with another dude but she's still there. So say I'm the one you want. If you don't you'll be alone. So she just wants to be wanted. And like a ghost I'll be gone.

And like a ghost I'll be gone? No like you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone. Maybe this is songs deeper than we thought maybe she's dead let's go back to the top and read it with uh this maybe the the stopping lyrics the meaning is that the person is a dead well to be honest most of the songs i was listening to when i was in year 10 that's probably the case that's pretty metal oh jeremy has spoken class he shot himself just cried my tears For three good years

Which is the You can't get mad at me So it was a bad relationship With the guy Well then don't ask for a ring What are you saying Beyonce What do you mean I'm alive

That's a song about a kid That was forced to have sex With his mother When he was younger Whoa rough Pearl Jam needs to stop Writing songs Pearl Jam is a

Fun band It's back again younger whoa rough pearl jam needs to stop writing songs pearl jam is a man my hips gonna be tight well fun man dick wine it's back again yeah okay so she was in a bad relationship but she's asking for a ring or is she just mocking the guy or is it like a ring like in the classic friends episode where monica and the gang thinks that john favreauau is going to buy her a diamond ring. Okay. And is actually buying a boxing ring. Or is it a copy of The Ring, the J-horror classic? Uh-huh. She wants a VHS copy of The Ring put on her. If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it,

so you should have joined me in my dying in seven days. Dying in seven days, yes. Or you need to share it. It's real puzzling that she's like, I was in a real rough relationship. I think when she says, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it, she's kind of, it's just a bit of a fuck you, right?

She's just saying, look, if you actually did offer me a ring, I'd say no. No, I get it. Okay. This guy has approached her at the club she's like being grind on

by dude she's got a fat erection a fat lady would she is chubbing up her jeans are tight

and he's like what the fuck I loved you and then she's like if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

and he's like what and she's like no I'm just kidding it's a shitty relationship fuck

check out my dick actually can you imagine her giving the finger when she says like you should have put a ring on it it's kind of like she's like i'm just kidding it's a shitty relationship check out my dick actually you imagine giving the finger when she says like it should have a ring in it it's kind of like she's talking about it's good like it gets the fuck you but also there's a finger involved like it's good quality stuff and then she's like p.s can you explain ghosts to me she's like yeah also take me to space which i think is what the the what i missed that bit hang on don't treat me like don't treat me to the things

of the world. I was trying to say this before and everyone was interrupting me. Things of the world. So, out of the world. I'm not that kind of girl. Earthbound. Your man is... Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve, is a man that makes me, takes me, to space, delivers me to a destiny, the name of

a video game about space. To infinity and beyond. Buzz Lightyear. Oh, my God. She's dancing with Buzz Lightyear. No. She's an alien. Okay.

I'm happy to go. Every time we come up with a new interpretation, I go up to the top and read the lyrics like that. Okay. She's an alien. Up to the club. Don't treat me to these things of this world because I'm not that kind of girl.

I'm not the kind of girl of this world. Clearly an alien. She's a Green Lantern. And that's why she doesn't quite understand how ghosts work. Maybe she's a Green Lantern. Maybe she is. If you liked it, Oa, you should have put a ring on her. This isn't about a breakup at all. She's been

kicked out of the Green Lantern Corps. I get it. Not corpse. Corps, you idiot. Not the corpse. C-O-R-P-S. Core. Green Lantern core. She's kind of like Hal Jordan. Corporations.

Like Hal Jordan before going a little bit insane and murdering the Green Lantern core, okay? And it's kind of just like, well, I was out doing, like, you know, some ring shit, and maybe on my beat i don't know mars got wiped out because you know martian the manhunter doesn't have a planet anymore because whoopsies and now she's being fired and then she's getting all pissy about it i mean potentially i mean these are all good i mean i'm not sure what single ladies have to do with the green lantern core no but here's an idea.

She was getting trained and she was showing heaps of potential. She got fired for being too much of a hothead. Classic Beyonce. Like a classic Guy Gardner move. Yes. Classic Guy Gardner move. Yep. Fiery.

She was like top of the class, but she was fiery. Too fiery. Too nuts. They're like, we've got to get out of this. I'm not sure of Green Lantern Corps for you get out of this. I'm not sure Green Lantern calls for you. Hal Jordan goes crazy,

wipes out the Green Lantern call. Someone comes back and is like, where are you? Why won't you

help him? She's like, if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. A green ring. Yeah,

true. And then she's like, I'm not of this world. Don't be mad once you see that he want it.

He want it? She's fucking joined Sinestro in the fucking yellow call. Maybe. What does yellow represent? Feel? I'm scared of Beyonce. to see that he want it you know he want it she's fucking joined Sinestro and fucking yellow core maybe classic what does yellow represent

fear I'm scared of Beyonce I'm scared ghosts ghosts she's mentioned ghosts it all fits in she's mentioned ghosts

ghosts are scary what is scary but fear fear itself yellow yellow glencore there you go what are the other

but where does all the single ladies come from where does that fit could single ladies be be right wait no because there's a pink core that's all ladies that's love yeah which is lame i don't know if it's all female i'm not sure if it is female it is lame you're right yeah lame to be part of that group you'd be like love wonder woman's part of that for a bit there There's green. Wonder Woman, get out of there. You're an Amazon. There's yellow. There's pink. There's red, which is like anger and shit.

Which I think... Does Kyle join the... I think there's a sex one. That's the pink one. I'm pretty sure. No, I think there's another one. I think there's lost. Anyway. And then there's black.

Which is like death. Batman becomes Black Lantern because he's dead. Batman also becomes God for a bit. It's a mess. So if we're going through a Green Lantern core lens What the hell is a single ladies? Are they the little gremlin dudes That give them the things? All the single ladies put your hands up

Because Hal Jordan Slaughtered all the men Of your world So we need to repopulate So raise your hand. What's going on? We solved it. We solved it.

We did it. It makes sense. It's pretty obvious when you talk about it. I mean, and it explains the dick it's just alright so Hal Jordan let's just say let's just go through this

verse by verse so Hal Jordan has gone through as like parallax or whatever the fucking thing is the parasite gone insane

got all the rings slaughtered everyone killed up or whatever it was so it's like okay the aftermath this is a green lantern who kind of failed

in the green lantern of course she's like I was a bit of a hothead. They kicked me out, but oh well. So she's going from like Earth to Earth or planet to planet. And she's like, well, all the single ladies, put your hand up. Everybody, people raise their hands because it's like, well, Hal Jordan killed a bunch of our lads. So we're single now.

That sucks. No, because like up at the club. She's just at the club. That's fine. No, no, no. Up in the club could be the Club of Green lanterns So we broke up Meaning of

The green lantern We ended I'm doing my own Little thing now She's just freelancing Decided to dip See it never says He decided to dip

Decided to dip Her results dipped Maybe her results dipped Or she dipped back Into the superhero game That's also very true And now you want to trip Cause they're like

Oh what are you doing Yeah they want to trip Because kind of like We need you back because Hal Jordan's tripping balls. You've joined a different team. No, another brother noticed me. Sinestro's like, yo, Beyonce,

come over here. We got yellow and shit. How good? It's super good. She's up on him. He's up on her. I'm up on him. He's up on me. Don't pay him any attention. Don't pay him any attention. He's't pay him any attention Is referring to his little Little blue man Like don't you fucking

Pay me attention Sinestro's fucking Doing God's work here So My tears Three good years Hasn't been with the corpse Of three

You can't get mad at me Again talking to those Little blue men You can't get mad Motherfucker Just because I'm with Sinestro Yeah that was already explained So again

Don't be mad once you see That he won it So once I've deflected To the yellow core Gloss on my lips man on my hips that's that's fine she's just having a good time yeah uh tighter in my darian jeans packing hog acting up drinking my cup because again that's all pretty self-expanding because again acting up drinking my cup means because now that she's with sinestro she's having a bit of a wild time a bit of fun time because the green core aren't exactly you know as uh you know you can't really like sow your wild oats in the green core can you really really like this next like to imagine this next verse with like a planet just blowing up in the background

so imagine i want everyone to imagine a space station with like this classic space station like yep bar windows yeah i want like a planet behind that just exploding because it's whilst this line happens what i need no permission i did i mention don't pay any attention to him because you've had your turn and now you've got to learn what it likes to what it really feels to miss me yeah planet explodes in the background and they're just like no and hal jordan just flying by in the distance being like well i usually you had your fucking chance. You know what? Maybe the reason they need hers, maybe in her last thing, she overpowered Hal Jordan in training

and then was like... Or maybe she just thinks real fucking highly of herself as the Green Lantern. She's like, I was like a real good fucking Green Lantern and you fucked it up. And then it's like, don't treat me... This is the verse that we realized that she's an alien. Don't treat me to these things in this world.

I'm not becoming an alien. Your love is what I prefer what I deserve so I deserve for you guys to respect me and what I do respect and love

my phone just died so I got no lyrics now she deserves is a man that makes me then takes me to space obviously

or makes me a green lantern same with destiny her destiny is to become a green lantern or to play the video game

To infinity and beyond Classic Buzz Lightyear reference Yeah it's a space reference She's in space Say I'm the one you want If I don't You'll be alone Yeah yeah

Well because you're the only Green Lantern mate Hal Jordan's just blown up a planet behind me Like a ghost I'll be gone Like the ghosts Of Coast fucking City Which Hal Jordan tries to resurrect Which causes him to go crazy oh and that's why he destroys the green lantern core we've done it so we've done it all the single

ladies not about dating not about anything else she's a green lantern she's a green fucking lamp also she's got a dick on that note i've been joel i've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. So if you liked it, Green Lantern Corps, you should have put a fucking ring on it, blokes. And now everything's fucked and it's your fault. Exactly. We're not even sorry. Not even a bit.

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