Plumbing the Death Star - How Effective is the Suicide Squad? (Feat. George Dimarelos)

Episode Date: March 26, 2017

In which our heroes ask what if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House and grab the President of the United States right out of the Oval Office, decide the best course of action is to put together a team of basically Hawkeyes as they discuss just how effective is the Suicide Squad?Want to come see Movie Maintenance and Plumbing the Death Star Live? Just head here https://www.trybooking.com/OXLV to grab your tickets today!Purchase your Sydney Comedy Fest tickets for our show right here; http://www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au/single-event?show_id=1546! Want to see George’s show Self-Sabotage? Then you can grab your tikcets right here; https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2017/shows/self-sabotage Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;George: twitter.com/thegdima Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pants Pants Radio, I caught 10 fish today! come down and celebrate the movie maintenance gang hitting a hundred episodes and the plumbing boys will also be there speaking of the plumbing boys being in a place the very next week we'll be heading to sydney for the sydney comedy fest for our two-night plumbing palooza show which i can only assume has special guests and much revelry you can grab your tickets at sydneycomedyfest.com.au and speaking of comedy fests, fuck, I'm nailing these segues, our good friend, funny ethnic, and best guy I've ever met in my entire life, George DeMorelos, is doing a comedy show

for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It's called Self-Sabotage, starts this Thursday and runs until April 21 at the Bull and Bear Tavern on Flinders Lane. He's so great, you'd be clinically insane to not immediately buy a ticket, so go and do just that and we might see you in the crowd. Maybe we'll hit it off and have a sneaky post-comedy show kebab, or share some laughs over a few drinks, or even move in together and co-share a plant.

What an amazing time we could have! And that's all because you, our potential new best friend, purchased tickets to go see George DeMorelos at the Melbourne International Comedy Fest. Ooh, you suck. You suck. Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star,

where we ask the important questions like, how effective is a suicide squad? Is this the real life? How effective is a suicide squad? Now, the direct quote is to Dexter Tolliver, not Amanda Waller, but I think he's having a discussion with Amanda Waller. Tolliver, not a real last name. He's asking, what if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House, and grab the President of the United States right out of the Oval Office?

Who would have stopped him? So Amanda Waller's response is, the Suicide Squad. Now, I was distracted by the awfulness that was Suicide Squad to actually give this proper thought. I feel like now like the dust has settled and we're all just like that was a bad film I'm no longer mad

we can ask these questions we can still be mad and ask the questions we're still unhappy about it yeah and kind of happy though as well

to be honest who didn't enjoy watching that train wreck from the start oh man it was delightful DC you keep doing what you're doing

it's great I want Wonder Woman to be garbage but I also Wonder Woman to be garbage, but I also want it to be brilliant. I've watched the latest trailer and I'm like, I want it to be good, but at the same time. She doesn't know who she is, so maybe she's going to be a damn...

She's got the sort, but it'll be garbage. You reckon it'll be garbage? There's no way it won't be. Even if it is, it's going to be the one good film DC will do. It's nice to see just how many bad films they can make. How deep can we get? I'm looking forward to their overcorrecting of Suicide Squad and then when this inevitably maybe gets tanks,

the overcorrecting of the next films. And that's an enjoyable kind of process for me. Maybe it'll be good. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. So Amanda Waller offers the Suicide Squad as a kind of answer or a solution to an evil Superman coming down and attacking the president. Now, I just don't think she really thought this through.

Let's just go through the squad. Yep, that seems fair. As they are. Not as it seems, as they are personally. Individually. Because surely at the start, Amanda Waller didn't have them all no at the start she was like you know just like a little twinkler and i she's like well i mean i could get that this person maybe kill a croc you know and then slowly she's like well i'm needing more than just kill a croc you just need a team

well maybe she was like whoa i'm gonna kill ac, and I've got someone who can shoot straight. Yes! Killer Croc can't even hold a gun! So, speaking of someone who can shoot straight, Deadshot. How effective is Deadshot at taking down an evil Superman? Well, Superman's bulletproof from the get-go, so all of Deadshot's powers are useless. And I do feel like Deadshot's especially ruined because, like, in movies, everyone can shoot really well. Like, as in, it's not an impressive skill in the movie.

Yeah, like, there's not much more. Deadshot is great. Like, John Wick has Deadshot powers. Like, as in. Fuck, I think John Wick's a much better Deadshot than Deadshot now I think about it. Deadshot is really good, I guess, if you have lots of little, like, you have, like, lots of thugs because Deadshot or minions. Because you can get, like, a lot of them in, like, every quick amount of time. But I guess one dude, especially Superman.

He's like, you know, One Kryptonian, Jack. Hang on. Here's something that I've always wondered about Superman. Is Superman's eye weaker than Superman's forehead? No. Why do you say that? Remember in My Eye is Weaker Than My Forehead? Superman returns. He gets shot in the bullet.

He gets shot in the eye. You do have a good point, though. Is there differing levels of his invincibility? Yeah. That's the question. Surely some parts. Surely the inside of Superman. Never happened.

But the human body needs to have weaker bits. Why does it need that? How does Superman swallow? I don't know. What do you mean? What does that have to do with- Well, because it needs to be soft and movable. It can still be invincible and soft and movable.

He photosynthesizes like a plant. That's true. That's been my theory for years. I don't even make sense. Does that mean if I made Superman swallow a bomb and then the bomb went off, he'd just be fine? Yeah, of course. That's ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure he's probably done that. Why doesn't he always do that? We're going to blow up the White House. Nope. Easy done. Okay, so Deadshot having a gunfight with Superman. Okay, well, look, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that Deadshot could acquire a kryptonite bullet.

Yeah. Okay. And if he has a kryptonite bullet, does it work like Wolverine rules? So if you shoot Superman in the head, Superman becomes brainwashed? Brainwiped, I mean. Only as long as it's not in Logan. It depends on the Silver Age or the Golden Age, I think. Because, man, I think they got wacky with it in the Silver Age.

Depending on the color of the kryptonite, it did something to Superman. Yeah, there was plenty of ridiculous. It was pink kryptonite. It was like, let's just make Superman gay and fabulous. And that didn't happen. It did. What? Pink kryptonite made Superman gay.

No way. I don't know about red kryptonite. I don't know about pink kryptonite. Why? Who ever thought that was a story they could tell? That was a different time back then. Yeah, but not even from an offensive perspective. That's just a boring, weird story.

Can we get the kryptonite abilities up so we can see all the different kryptonite effects? Your comprehensive guide to the many different forms of kryptonite. So many of them are just like damages him a bit or a lot. Well, even kryptonite itself though. Is there like a generally agreed on effect? Yeah, that's a good point.

Does it normalize him or does it actually sicken him? So let's see. Green Kryptonite weakens Superman and Kryptonians in some cases, has even proven harmful to humans after Lex Luthor got cancer as a result of long-term exposure. That's rough. It is radioactive. Yeah, I guess. It's radioactive space rock.

I always assumed that when Superman had Green Kryptonite near him, it was like, you know when you're in the throes of a really bad flu? Yeah. And you're just like, I can't move my body. I just have to lie. That's what I imagine Kryptonite does to Superman. Yeah, because if you look in BVS, the Green Kryptonite kind of fucks him up for a while,

but then he kind of gives back, but then he gets fucked up for a bit. So I think it weakens him enough to get stabbed. But if I shot him in the head, it would be inside him. But apparently all of Superman is invincible, so it wouldn't matter. So yeah, his brain is invincible. His brain is just as invincible as his legs. That's so dumb! So I think a dead shot with some green kryptonite could cause some harm.

He'd be the best then if he had to shoot. Because he's the best shot, right? But I feel like if the army or military had green kryptonite, then I feel they could do a better job at it. They could probably hire trained snipers. And also the thing about Superman is that Superman doesn't need to dodge a bullet. So that means Superman probably, the way he fights, realistically, does not involve a lot of movement. Oh, right.

He Homer Simpsons it when he's, like, in the boxing ring. He just, like, just takes it. Just takes it because he's fine. You're right. He's never had to learn to dodge. Yeah. You don't need that shot because like one guy with one hand Superman will be like

this isn't a threat he'll just take it in the eye thinking he's cocky and then he's getting taken out he's like ah my eye son's a bitch oh my god

he's really hurt imagine Superman the first time he feels pain just being like ah lying in the ground clutching his eye what the fuck

you guys that hurts mommy Martha is this what you feel all the time oh my god I've been bashing you guys so happily

I thought I didn't even know I'm the monster I'm the monster at the end of this book but so I suppose if you wanted to take down Superman

you don't need to be dead shot you need to be a guy with two guns one that has a green kryptonite bullet And one that has a regular bullet Yeah So you shoot him with a regular bullet

Bang Bang Gotcha Yeah Next question So Red Or Red does more damage than Does Red make him evil?

Or angry? I think he does in Smallville In Smallville he just turns into a cunt And grabs a bag Yeah I'm sure it does It causes out of character behaviour And transformations

Sure You said that in a Interesting And transformations Transformations Who knows what where cunt robs a bike. Yeah, I'm sure it does. It causes out-of-character behavior and transformations. Sure. You said that in a book. And transformations. Transformations. Who knows what that is? Ooh, I'm excited. Let's see. Oh, blue kryptonite.

I was about to say, is there a blue one? Because that sounds like it would just chill him out. Yeah, it's like the opposite of red. It's used to stop Bizarro, much the same way green stops Superman. So I guess it doesn't really affect blue Superman. White kryptonite. Let's see. Kills all plant life. Doesn't hurt Kryptonians or even humans. Just

kills plant life. Interesting. Poison Ivy got fucked by it. Well, fair. She is plant life. Good. Anti-Kryptonite. Harmless to Kryptonians, but not to humans. So basically anti-Kryptonite is human Kryptonite. Kind of like how a bullet hits for us.

But I feel like humans are constantly being affected by Kryptonite compared to Superman. Does that mean Superman would get cancer if he hadn't had Kryptonite around for long enough? Yes, that's how you get him. So like ex-Kryptonite, again, harmless to Kryptonians, but happens to give normal life forms humans and animals Superhuman abilities. Well, that's me super good. Just have a necklace Pet cat streets can call it kryptonite. Yeah, it's called something else. Yeah That's not how it works

There's like of works. There's like... Deadshot could theoretically... There's so many. There's like 19. 19 different cryptonites. That's too many cryptonites. So Deadshot is, at the end

of this, effectively just as effective as a guy with a gun. That's what he is from the start. Can he throw well? Is that one of his things? No, that's boomerang stuff. That's boomerang Sorry, sorry Spoiler alert He's good with a gun

But again, the stipulation Are they having to hang out by the White House At all times to stop this? Anyway, because I feel Superman's very fast And I don't think dead shots that quicker i do not think in a one more like grim thing where they're like we won't let the president be taken alive

exactly that's superman's like you'll never stop me dead shot then in the president's head dead shots like superman's ah it was actually Well, I mean, if it's about assassinating the president, Deadshot's your man. That's just like refusing to play ball by just taking all your equipment and going home. You can't stop a president, Superman, because he dead. No, kidnapping the president if there is no president. Gotcha.

What now? All right, so I think Deadshot, not great. Not useful. Not good at all. Out of 10. One? One? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a one.

Yeah. All right. All right. I just want to point out, we've given one who is arguably decent a one out of 10. All right, let's give him a- No, no, no. I just want to point that out, that we've given him a one out of 10. Yeah.

Next on the list, Harlequin. You can't even count her, though. She has a bat. You can't even count her, though. She just has a bat. She doesn't have powers. And when you bring that up, people are like, she's a good acrobat, and you're like, so are acrobats. That's not a thing. The president in danger, quickly call up Cirque du Soleil.

Get him over here. Come on, guys, be like a frog, but in a kind of mad circus-y way. Whoa! Superman being like, this is odd. This is distracting. Like a frog, but in a kind of mad circus-y way. Whoa! Hey! Superman being like, this is art. This is distracting. Neat. She can't do anything.

A wooden bat will just break on Superman. Same with a titanium baseball bat. Acrobatics help you flip, but not help you fight Superman. But she does have... Let's assume that she's got the same crap that the Joker has Which gives you What? Nothing The vat

Yeah, the vat She jumped in the vat and that gives Just makes you the Joker Does it give you power? Makes you white Super white Real white Gives you grease paint

Permanent grease paint Does it give you strength? Gives the Joker Damages your box office earnings Does it like anything at all it just makes you just like a little bit crazy it just does nothing nothing at all nothing at all nothing literally nothing in the comics i don't know what it's how what you know the correlation is but in the comics the joke is like i'm gonna put you in the goo because that made me crazy and you're not crazy enough anymore harley quinn i'm gonna put you in the goo. She's like, the goo did shit all.

The goo's just goo. Joker was just nuts. So the goo does nothing. So the goo, that's okay. So she's not supercharged from the goo. No. We don't have any of that. So she's just a lass with a bat.

She's a lass with a bat. At what point did Harley Quinn even train? Because she went from being like a psychiatrist. All right. To a valid point. As I previously said. How incompetent are these bad guys? If you're a goon in Gotham.

You spend 18 years of your life training to be, as in like from when you're born to 18, you go to school, you got some hobbies. Maybe she did gymnastics. She was a gymnast. She must have done some gymnastics. And also she was like, you know what? I like gymnastics to like an Olympian level gymnastics. And also she was like, you know what? I like gymnastics to an Olympian level point, but also like, hey, psychologist.

I'm going to train to be a psychologist while still keeping up with her gym regime. Gymnastics, yeah. Which is like a lot of hours in the day. That's intense. Meet the Joker. She didn't have much of a social life, as you can tell by getting charmed by it.

Yeah, that's a good point. And then getting charmed by the Joker. I'm Joker. She didn't have much of a social life, as you can tell by getting charmed by it. Yeah, that's a good point. And then getting charmed by the Joker. I'm guessing she probably didn't sleep. Maybe she was, could she prescribe herself Ritalin and or meth? Because that maybe acquired some of the drug addleness of the brain. Harley Quinn being on meth explains a lot. Like it does, right? Yeah.

Because she's kind of like hyper. There's a lot of energy. There's a lot of meth in her system. At all times. A lot of meth in her system at all times. A lot of meth in her system because it's like, yeah, that's a good idea, Mr. Joker. Yeah, let's do that. Excellent plan, Mr. J.

That seems meth head, putting it out there. I think it's a safe bet. The fun house where the Joker does most of his operations seems like it could be a crackdown. Okay, so a meth lass with a bat versus a Superman. Definitely, that's a slight power. Being on matches is a bit of,

to consume that much meth. I feel like the Superman could just still grab her head and just squish her like a grape. Like, if it's an evil Superman that is willing to just kill, then he can tear her just in half. Okay. So with Deadshot having had a one, Harley Quinn is a negative.

That means she's actually making the situation worse. She's not helping. She's distracting people from helping the president. Zero has to be your no help at all. And once we get to the negatives, that is you are basically helping Superman. Yeah, you're helping Superman. Okay, well then we've got to make...

Deadshot should be a three. Harley Quinn should be a one. No, Deadshot's a one. Well then what, is Harley Quinn a zero? It has to be. Does she make the situation worse? Not really. She's very distracting.

She is distracting. She does talk a lot. And you can't give her commands and expect her to do it. Yeah, that's a good point. If you're like, get out of the way, the army is here, she might be like, no sir. And then, yeah, okay, negative four. I'm happy to

call it. Alright, so I think, yeah, not great for Harley. Alright, next on the list, who else have we got here? She's the worst though, right? Well, let's see. Because I feel like there could be worse people. I'm going on IMDb the list, and, like, a lot of the Suicide Squad are not in the top billing.

That's weird on IMDb. That's real funny. Anyway, next one we have Diablo. Magic. He could put up a fight. Magic. Superman's weak to magic. That's his Diablo. Magic. He could put up a fight. Magic. Superman's weak to magic. That's his, like...

Yeah, that's a good point. Kryptonite apart from Kryptonite. Superman's other Kryptonite is magic. And El Diablo can become a real big, like... Mayhem God, maybe? Who knows what's going on there. But it's possible. I never understood that weak to magic thing either

it's rough for him magic he's a science based hero he's like magic is nah spits in the face of science if you're magicing fire into existence is that still magic or is that now fire or is that like magic fire

where does the fire begin and the magic stop because is it magic fire? Yeah, where does the fire begin and the magic stop? Because is it magic fire? Because fire, he's fine, but magic fire. Yeah, kind of like Pyro, the X-Men mutant, who is like the brother of mutants, a mutant, where he's like, he can't create fire, he can control fire. His immune power is just to control fire. What's Diablo's?

Is it similar? He seems to create it. I assume he becomes like a god, though. Or like, not a god, but like... Well, he can beat up a god Or like not a god but like Well he can beat up a god Yeah he beats up the enchantress Oh he does do doesn't he Enchanter

Succubus What a greatly established character Yeah He was once a fella on a subway Now he's this Because I assume he becomes The being itself is magic Regardless of the fact that he's like this. Just accept it. Because I assume he becomes this. The being itself is magic, regardless of the fact that he's made of fire.

Yeah. So the fire is magic, I would say. Let's assume the fire has to be magic. So he does all right. Yeah, but here's my question, because I don't recall from the film, because I'm trying not to actively remember. Is El Diablo the guy still around, like, controlling him, or does he become the fire god? He becomes the fire god.

He becomes the... How do they kill him in the movie? The other guy just beats him to death, I think. Okay. Doesn't he? Yeah. Yes. Kills him.

Yeah, he dies in the end. Yeah. How does he die? Just from sustained damage? I think maybe just from getting punched a lot. So he might stop Superman, but he's dead. Also, Diablo doesn't want to use his powers to start. So it'd take way too long to decide to do it.

Plus, Superman's real quick. Yeah, and also, like, grape had popped. I don't know. He accidentally, in a fit of rage, killed his fam, and that was who he, like, was connected to. I can't imagine him not accidentally also killing the president. So if we go from, like, the dead shot rule of, like, got the president, then Gavlo is like, ooh.

Yeah, that's right. Hang on. How good is Harley Quinn at assassinating the president? I feel the Secret Service aliens could get her. Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. She's not bringing much to the table. We've got to be honest.

It's not great. She's colourfully dressed. She flips Oh, that's a shame. She's not bringing much to the table, we've got to be honest. It's not great. She'll start doing, she's colourfully dressed, she'll do flips and shits with a bat. She stands out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

She's a hindrance to the president. Yeah. I feel like El Diablo in fighting Superman is good if he manages to become the fire god before Superman can pop his head like a grape. Yeah. But he needs like time to slowly accept his issues and then come together and do it.

He needs a good hour of therapy before he's a threat to Superman, which is funny. But still better than everyone else. Oh, yeah. Still miles ahead at this point, even a five, and that's still miles ahead of everyone else. I would say a five seems pretty fair

because if he's a fire lad then he's burning superman with every punch and superman might kill him in the end oh yeah he's gonna die yeah like superman is is i feel superman can take more than the mayan god yeah you know what i mean i just i'm pretty sure he can take everything yeah yeah yeah so except for a kryptonite spear then then he's then he's luck Then he'll be back He's fine He's too long Exactly He just had a nap

Sneaky Eight hours And then up he is again He's ready to rock and roll So LDL Plus LDL His powers aren't quite well established

We assume it's magic But we don't know Yeah You know I still say five out of ten Yeah five seems fair I think five's yeah Five seems fair

Five out of ten But like he is dying Superman will eventually just... Superman will punch his guts, and then when he's a dude again, he'll have to break that. It's all just credit for him possibly being able to slow Superman down,

if given enough time. Superman will get some nasty burns. That's all right. Killer Croc. Now, first question. Is the White House submerged in water? No. Then useless as shit.

Yes, Killer Croc does not have- I thought even then he wouldn't be that useful, to be honest. Does he have any powers? Yeah, I was going to say- He can swim well, apparently. That's his jam. He's got sharp teeth. And he can eat lads.

He can eat people, but, like, I can eat people. Yeah, it's not like you've discussed that before. He's got tough skin. It's not a hell of one. We've discussed that before. He's got tough skin. It's probably hard to stab Killer Croc. Yeah, but probably real easy to shoot him with your heat vision. Yeah, that's true. Cook him up, get some gator skin. You're giving like evil Superman some nice boots out of this.

Yeah. And some luggage. Especially this version of Killer Croc because this version of Killer Croc is just a guy with a skin condition. That's it. He's an evolution thrower. I assume that's Amanda Waller just being a fancy. Just being like, yeah, he's an evolution.

They're like, have you done any tests to determine? He looks like a crocodile, man. He's like some kind of primitive lad. Yeah. It's a serious medical condition. Get him to a hospital. It needs to be just something hospital I assume it's like You know that fella whose arms and legs became tree trunks Yeah that's what it'd be

It's just like the poor guy Put him in the sewer Give him a goat to eat Kill a tree He's a step back He's back into evolution when we were trees The poor guy believes it as well. Really insensitive.

That is the saddest part. Killer Croc's like, yeah, I'm a crocodile. It's like, no, you're sick. No, you're in a lot of trouble, man. See, go to the hospital. I'm a crocodile. Killer Croc's good because if Superman kills Killer Croc, then it's bad for Superman because we're all like, he just killed a poor guy with a skin condition, Superman.

Did he file his own teeth, or was that part of the condition? Are you assuming he must have filed his own? I'm worried that he filed it. He's like, I'm a crocodile. Amanda was like, you're a crocodile. Oh, I know the perfect solution. That's so sad. I got a tat eating people, I guess.

Oh, you're really just like... You went whole hog. Maybe even gave him a psychosis. Possibly, yeah. I can't Amanda. Killer Croc is probably a zero because he's just collateral. I would say maybe a negative one.

He doesn't impair. Sadly, I don't think he's even making the situation. He's not impacting anything. The other way. Maybe a one because Superman's like, ooh, I need a new handbag. Oh, yeah, that's true. Slows him down momentarily.

It's a human dead shot. Yeah, yeah. Depends if Superman's had some pink kryptonite and he's like, I know how to make a fabulous pair of boots out of you. Get him good. So I reckon a hot zero again. Yeah. Now, my favorite, Rick Flagg,

who is just a soldier. He's a guy. He's just a guy. Is he technically part of the Suicide Squad? I'd say, yeah. And he's probably worse than Deadshot. He's got all the same skill sets as Deadshot, but worse. How do you think he fares?

How do you fare against Superman and Zalman? That's the question here. However well you fare against Superman. Oh, not well. I feel bad I gotta give myself a zero. Because I want to do worse than that, but I'm not

hindering the president. No. They've got lots of Rickick flags already and they're putting together a team so like obviously that's they know that he's not very flag does not work that's like otherwise they just send the army yeah the army is more like yeah like you said it's a lot of yeah and when we go with that look at man of steel like the army got big and superman anyway and then the reason they in quotation marks, win is because Superman's like, alright, I won't rip your head off, yeah sure you, you got me

yeah, put some cuffs on me dickheads well done, so when a whole like platoon of Rick Flaggs doesn't fare well, I can't imagine a one Rick Flaggs doing very well but I mean, Rick Flaggs' purpose within the Suicide Squad is... Yeah, he's

like, he's pretty... What's he there for? He's not there for... He's just there to be hanging out with his missus. He's just there so that Enchantress doesn't leave. Even that doesn't make sense. Could Superman be very wily and be like, hey, Rick Flag, press the button. Come on. You know you wanna. It'd be easy. Could Superman

convince Rick Flag just to do Superman's job for him? For... I was going to say that Superman doesn't have much of like a... He's not super commanding. Yeah, like his whatever. Manipulation isn't that high. He doesn't really need to ride into the same thing again.

Just like the bullets bounce off him, he does not need to consider anything. However, Rick Flagg gets convinced by Amanda Waller real quick. So like maybe Rick Flagg's just enough of an idiot that he'd just be like, yeah, all right. Oh, it could be an easy way. He's easily swayed. The worst superpower I've ever heard of. He's easily swayed.

Gullible man. Yeah, I'll do it. Sure, man, that sounds reasonable. I think that might be the worst superpower. I've been part of every super team, evil and good, in my life. Everyone tells me to join. I'm like, yeah, all right. I've done things you did not want to know.

Well, if Superman has the same sort of like nous as Amanda to be just like, I'll zap June Moon. You know, you press all those buttons, I won't kill June Moon. Go on. He'd probably do it. I'd be like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And then Superman would be like, sick, you're dead and June Moon's dead. Done. Gotcha. I know., you're dead and June Moon's dead. Done.

Gotcha. I know, he cares. Rick Flag cares enough about June Moon that, like, that's his kryptonite. Yeah. It's all he cares about, right? Yeah. He'll throw everyone else under the bus. He doesn't give a shit.

Yeah. So Superman threatens June Moon, which he can, because, again, she's just a girl. Yeah. It's good. Done. All right. So Rick Flag's a negative by the sound of it and a

strong negative as well he's a don't put him anywhere near the president like a negative five i'm thinking like negative 10 yeah he's like negative 10 like as bad as you can be like he's definitely helping superman yeah at any point he might murder the president is basically what we're doing yeah uh next on the list which is not what we're agreeing. Yeah. Next on the list, which is not true. No, I missed Enchantress, June Moon Enchantress. I was going to say, just as Rick Flagg is just a guy, June Moon is just a girl. But as Enchantress. Or as Enchantress, not as just an archaeologist.

Well, again. Let's just call the assumption that Amanda Waller can control her. Yep. Good point. I guess the fact that we've so far ranked the entire Suicide Squad as a one max or five for one of them and they beat Enchantress

yeah that's a good point it suggests that Enchantress might not be that big of a but Enchantress has magic that's true she made

she made that machine what can she what do we know what her powers are she can make she makes a machine to work

what happened to heroes having clear-cut powers? All these movies now with all these vague powers. Superman, laser vision, hot breath, cold breath, super strong, x-ray vision, bam. Done. Now we've got people like Vision and Scarlet Witch and stuff. Scarlet Witch is just like... Scarlet Witch in stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scarlet Witch is just like she can. Scarlet Witch is like in the comics affects the probability of something.

But then it was like, no, she witch. She'd do anything. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. In the movies, it's basically just telekinesis. Yes. Like wiggy telekinesis.

Yeah. With red involved. Yeah. Yeah. So I. Okay. Enchantress, we don't know what her powers are. Let's try and lock them down.

So Enchantress in the movie Makes a big machine So she can So she's got telekinesis She makes the The party patrol Her brother Comes to life as that

Big thing But that wasn't her doing That was the other thing Yeah Sorry that's It's not her Alright so she has a separate heart Yep

That's neat That's some Davy Jones shit That's true yeah Alright so she's got that. She's got telekinesis. Yeah? No. Is there an animal that has more than one heart? I was going to say cow,

but I think that's stomach. I think worms have six. Worms have several. Chandras and worms. Same powers. She makes the potty patrol. Makes the potty patrol so she could turn the president into a Same powers. She makes the putty patrol. Makes the putty patrol so she could turn the president into a putty. She could turn Superman into a putty.

That's true. How does she do it? Does she touch him? Yeah. No, she'd kiss him. Was there some weird sexual overtone at some point? I feel like it'd be wasteful not to have a sexual overtone. There was something like that going on.

She dances good. I got a little wiggle. That wiggle was so bad. No, the wiggle, though. The wiggle was super necessary. Come on, man. It was like for like an hour. Just wiggling.

Did they just give her maybe like a five-second gif and then just looped it? Like, no, good enough. Just keep going. Is dancing her power? Does dancing do things? It doesn't look like it. Light. She can create light? Does dancing do things? It doesn't look like it. Light.

She can create light. Does she? Okay. Well, the big machine thing that she creates, that's light. What does that do? What's the portal? What's the portal thing? Hang on.

How does she create it? Should we know this? Magic. Because she's like, they don't worship gods. Humans don't worship gods anymore They worship machines I'm gonna build a machine So she's a mechanic

She's a mechanic She's a magic mechanic She's a magic mechanic Alright now we're She's back though Okay right Mechanics have lots of uses Exactly

She could build a magic car And run Superman down She could Like Man unless Superman dies In a hit and run That is a twist She could She could build a mechanical president It of Superman dies in a hit and run. That is a twist. She could build a mechanical president.

It's a full Superman. That's true. Superman's like, I got him. And then the real president shoots Superman in the head with a kryptonite bullet. It's dead. She's like, can I? He's like, I got this.

I have a gun, so I'm fine. So yes, magic super mechanic could do some job. That's sounding pretty good. I would say that's pretty high for an old enchantress, just because there's a lot of, one, magic. So she can, of all the suicide squad, she can actually damage Superman. Yeah. So she's a builder, yeah.

So she could build, like, a magic gun. Yeah. And shoot Superman. And shoot Superman. And shoot magic. And shoot magic, I guess. The problem, I guess, of enchantress is that enchantress has, like, other stuff going on. Yeah. If you want it to, it shoots Superman. It shoots magic. It shoots magic, I guess. The problem, I guess, of Enchantress is that Enchantress has other stuff going on. Like, clearly, Enchantress, because, you know, like we're saying,

the whole point of this is that Amanda Waller has gotten this superhero or whatever to fight Superman. However, that's the plot of Suicide Squad, and Enchantress makes an evil machine. So I feel maybe she'd be like, I'll make a machine to kill Superman. Superman's way and kill President. She'd be like, yeah, right.

Or Amanda Waller would be like, kill Superman. Superman's way and kill President. She'd be like, yeah, right. Or Ben Mettelwald would be like, kill Superman. She's like, instead, how about this? I'm going to make a machine to destroy the Earth. Like she does. Yeah. That's exactly that. Yeah. This whole situation happened in the movie.

Happened in the movie and it didn't go well. I feel if we got an evil Superman. So she's a loose cannon. Yeah. Yeah. She's a very loose cannon. In fact. She's got an evil Superman.

She's like, hey, Superman, I'm She's like hey Superman You've got some evil powers Or your evil goals How about this I'm going to show you a vision Is that cool? Want to complicate together? And he could be like yes Visions though that's a power She's showing visions

What's that Superman story What is that Superman story Where they put that plant On Superman's heart And Superman goes back To Krypton And he has a little boy Wow

You know this comic No It's a comic And then they made An episode of the Justice League Unlimited cartoon But Wonder Woman And Batman are like

We gotta go to Superman's Fortress of Solitude Maybe The star dude That goes in your first And you become a star man? No, no, no, no. That's just like...

Yeah. Batman or Wonder Woman... They take everyone apart from one of them. Yeah. It's Superman's birthday. Batman or Wonder Woman need to bring him a present. They arrive there, and unfortunately,

for some reason I forget, there's also an evil plan that I think Apocalypse has made. Or maybe... I think I do... No, no, I do know this. Oh, yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, forget, there's also an evil plant that I think Apocalypse has made. Or maybe... I think I do. No, no, I do know this. Oh, yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, no, that's exactly...

And the plant goes on Superman. Yeah, it goes on Superman and he imagines life if he didn't... Yeah, if Krypton never blew up. If he grew up and Krypton had kids and everything. And he's got a little boy. And then he suddenly comes to the realization that he has two kids. Yeah, and he's like, I'm sorry, but you're not real. I've got to go.

Yeah, he realizes himself that everything's made up and it's brutal. The best part about the episode, I's made up and it's brutal. The best part about the episode, I don't know if it's in the cartoon, is when the plant goes on Batman and all Batman imagines is the night his parents were mugged and killed. Instead of his parents dying, his dad just beats the shit out of the mugger for like just on a loop. Batman's like, yeah. That's what he does.

He shows you your deepest, unfulfilled fantasy. That's what he wants. Superman's not just like Deepest Unfulfilled fantasy That's what he wants Superman's not just like Sweet Batman's not like My parents are safe He's like yeah My dad's beating

Fucking get him And then yeah And then in the end He gives it to It's Darkseid I think Yeah yeah And then Darkseid gets The plant on him

And that's the end of it They put him in ice Or something And I think Wonder Woman Gets it on her But she's there Anyway yeah So it's like that How do I Yeah I don't know It must gets it on her but she's there. Anyway, yeah. So it's like that.

It must be like a classic episode. No, it's a comic. I'm pretty sure it's a comic. Okay, cool. So then I guess you've got visions. But then Superman would be like, yes, I would like to live. But he would figure it out. Yeah, he'd be like, I remember that time I had that plant on me.

Worst birthday ever. Alright. I know what's going on. And then, yeah, snap her head like a twig. She just keeps popping heads like grapes. Yeah. It's another one. Yeah, it's another one for the pile. But still... Either she's definitely an 8 or a negative 8.

Yeah, I was going to say negative 8, because if she makes an evil machine to destroy the world, then you get two threats. Yeah, I was going to say, if she's under control and stops Superman, she's got the ability to so hey based on the entire track record that's

yeah 100% of the time that has not worked no I like that they get the heart it's like that'll save that stops her from

acting out and the moment she's like she's acting out stabs the heart it still doesn't work Amanda Waller was the most incompetent person in that whole film

really like i was like a sick stab you'd be like oh you're kind of like lame at that point you can rather just just crush it yeah it's not worth the hassle all right so uh that's that's enchant Incubus is the next one. Similar. Similar. Worse, though. Or as in the IMDb credits, Businessman slash Incubus. Well, Businessman is just a guy, so he's squished like a grape. But Incubus is like made of rocks.

The same thing that Enchantress is made from. But Incubus won't make a machine because I don't think he knows how. Right? Does he do anything? He fights some guys. He makes some, like, octopus hands and slaps some dudes. I guess. See, look, he'd put up a fight for Supes.

Okay? He's magic and he's tough and he'd just be like a brawl on. But he also just, like, doesn't know what the fuck's going on. And collateral damage, I feel, is going to be high with him. Yeah. In on And collateral damage I feel is going to be high with him Yeah In fact I think collateral damage is going to be high with Enchantress as well Yeah The person's going to be dead anyway Yeah

We're just slowing him down I feel like Incubus is roughly the same as Enchantress He's not like an 8 maybe more like a 6 But like He seems less loose cannon-ish as well Yeah exactly Actually maybe more like a 4 Yeah

Because it's just punches Superman can fight punches. Superman's whole deal is fighting punches. And if El Diablo can take him down, I'm pretty sure it's super-scanned as well. Yeah, exactly. Slipknot, who weirdly is above Katana in the IMDb credits.

That is rough. It's rough on Katana. Just like we were trying to figure out Enchantress's powers. What's Slipkknot does he have he has a zipline a grappling hook he can climb any building you need if you need that well he can climb quickly and then be like oi superman i'm here and superman's like oh sick a target yeah zero yeah oh god yeah i don't think he's i don't think he's even good enough to distract things What if he had like a kryptonite grappling hook

And he fired it at Superman's head And it went through Superman's head Then he like retracted it That's Okay yeah alright I feel like you're just doing your own thing there Jack That's fine Yeah that's not really...

He doesn't have powers. He's just a guy. He's just a guy. He's another one's just a guy. A lot of them are just people. A very mortal guy. I did miss another one. He's immensely mortal.

That's his superpower, his mortality. He's real good at dying. I missed one. Captain Boomerang. Yeah. Captain Boomerang. Captain Boomerang. Is he a captain? I don't think he's a captain. Or is that just what he calls himself?

Yeah, he just calls himself Captain Boomerang. So what's that about? Did he want to be in the army? Did he want to be a ship captain? Maybe. I don't know. Do you just think it sounded cool? I might just start calling myself Captain George

you should not enough superheroes have Captain as the title Captain Spider-Man that'd be real cool as if you're picking Captain though as your military made up title yeah I know why not be Sergeant Boomerang

I'd go with like Commander Lance Corporal Boomerang setting the bar low for yourself I'd go with Commander. Lance Corporal Boomerang. First officer. Setting the bar low for yourself. You're just being way too realistic about your ability to call the ranks. This is where I am, roughly. Petty Officer Boomerang. Well, in the film, he gets stopped by the Flash.

Yeah. Yeah, and the Flash is arguably a worse Superman. Yes. He's just kind of got the powers. Yeah. Yeah, and the Flash is arguably a worse Superman. Yes. Like, he's just kind of got the powers of Superman... Well, one of the powers of Superman. Like, he's a bit like Slipknot. Again, Boomerang is exceedingly mortal. Yeah, he's very

mortal, but he's good at chucking shit. So... Well, okay, let's... Spears? Spears? That's a good point. Crypto Spears is what generally got his one onshot super. I was going to say, we have to if we gave Deadshot 8. Is Boomerang good at chucking, say, cylindrical-like objects, or is it

only Boomerangs? I feel like it's only Boomerangs. Was that as clarified in the movie? However, look, we got it. If he's chucking Boomerangs and chucking Spears, I feel that's just very on-the-nose for the Indigenous Australian. Yeah, it's really taking like... Like if Boomerang's like, I have an explosive woomera, or like one of those real, yeah, then we're like, that's not on.

Please, please no. I'll distract him with my didgeridoo. Captain Didgeridoo. Fuck you, Boomerang, you piece of shit. On the nose, mate. On the nose. So, look, we have to assume we gave Dadshot a kryptonite bullet. So with a kryptonite boomerang or a kryptonite, like, lined boomerang.

Does he even use boomerang? Because he uses, like, a drone at one point. It's in the shape of a boomerang. That's in the shape. Is he just, like, boomerang themed? Yeah, like, Batman doesn't use actual bats. He can't even throw boomerangs. He just likes them.

He's like, well, we call a boomerang enthusiast. I'm just a fan. I don't know. He just really liked aboriginal culture. Look, there's nothing wrong with that. But he couldn't afford

the flights to Australia to learn how to throw a boomerang. He's Australian because he robbed every bank in Australia. He got us. That's why every single one has no money anymore.

Australia's economy in the DCEU must be just the worst. It's in the fucking ground of us doesn't have no money anymore. Australia's economy in the DCEU must be just the worst. It's in the fucking ground, man. We have literally... Or our security must be just the fucking worst. Well, we have to assume that within the DCEU, Australia is like Hollywood Australia.

So it's like country towns and then the outback. It's like a shanty town. And Sydney. Yes. So really all Boomerang had to do was rob Sydney and he's good still a lot of work that's one city that's very impressive that's a lot of theft like yeah that's true he's got skills yeah he steals our money and steals from the indigenous culture

so uh well done boomerang you're the worst could you be more white on cultural insensitivity so i uh hot zero again, even with... I don't know, I'm feeling like it's... Even with a Kryptonian boomerang? A Kryptonian boomerang, like as in... Like Superman, we know he's got a weakness for spears. That's true, that's true. If boomerang threw a...

And again, this is because we don't know how Kryptonite works, this makes it very unclear, but say he had a Kryptonite boomerang, he flung it... Chop off his head. Chopped kryptonite boomerang. He flung it. Chop off his head. Chopped off or at least cut his neck. Would it cut his neck and kill him? It would cut.

But with kryptonite, as we've seen in BVS, it wears off after a while. Also, he's invincible everywhere, right? So if he cut his neck, yeah, he'd start bleeding out. But then it would just like Wolverine style just heal up, I assume. Yeah you it's a boomerang it could actually chop off his head that's very good he's beheading Superman is Superman like a vampire behead him you're good I think so you can't cross running running water I don't think they've really covered that the comic comes inside if you invite him in yeah drinks the blood of innocence but as a man I'm pretty sure that's a man yeah you drop sure that's a man of steel

he drop a whole bunch of panties he's got a counter he can't chase he's based off Vladimir Palin kind of like bald pointy ears very pale he can become like a mist or like many bats Superman

that's a man of steel Clark Kent yeah yeah that's the one creatures of the night his classic phrase creatures of the night what beautiful music they make I have to save metropolis

Superman I remember that's a guy boomerang zero I'm giving one That's okay, yeah That's a guy He's the one Boomerang, zero I'm giving him one With a Kryptonite boomerang Or a spear One, because he's not doing better than Deadshot

Yeah, but he's not doing worse Maybe a.5 I don't know, yeah I think.5, because Deadshot could Shoot several Kryptonite bullets into Superman And I feel, if Deadshot got his hands On a boomerang, I feel he5 because Deadshot could shoot several kryptonite bullets into Superman. And I feel if Deadshot got his hands on a boomerang, I feel he'd be better at it than boomerang. Something tells me.

That's what I was trying to figure out. He's just a boomerang enthusiast. This team, this squad, but let's keep going. We've got Katana. Magic Sword. I feel Kat Sword is the last one? Have I missed any? I don't think so. Katana has to be the last one.

Magic Sword can cut off the legs of Superman because, like, magic. That's true. Yeah. If she gets close enough to Superman. But just a girl. The sword is magic. Yes. Does Superman have a soul or is it only souls of humans?

Could she say kill a raccoon and the soul of the raccoon is in that sword? I have a lot of questions about the sword. And what does it mean? The souls are in there. Does it make the sword better? Does it make it worse? I doubt it. Does it make it like raccoons?

So much of the Suicide Squad is just guys and girls. Like, it's just people. Yeah, just people. So, all right, let's just say. Pretty well trained. And enthusiasts. So Katana, who is a sword enthusiast, has got her magic sword. He's charging up the lawns of the White House.

She's such a long time. She's just running. It's so slow. Just how suddenly he catches her with his super vision Like, oh sick Shoots off her hand with his laser vision And now she's lost her sword She's just a girl Just a lady

Just a lass with no hand and no katana A zero Head squished like a grape She's very quiet as well She wouldn't be a negative No hand and no katana. A zero. Head squished like a grape. She's very quiet as well. She wouldn't be a negative. I think she's- No. She's just in the way and then dies.

Yeah. She's a zero. Yeah. She's not impacting much. So I feel a lot of the squad did not do- Her weakness is the others are just old age and heavy objects. It's a common cold. Enchantress Deadshot and El Diablo are pretty much the only people

that could even really affect Superman. Deadshot is being really nice, to be honest. An Enchantress is someone who will turn on a dime. She don't want to save the world. And El Diablo doesn't want to even really use his powers. Now as a squad, as an actual squad, now we're getting these ragtag groups of zeros. I can't believe how many normal people there are in this squad.

That's meant to be super, literally half of them are mortal. They're all gathered there on the lawns of the White House. There's evil Superman coming down. He's like, I'm going to kill the president. They're there in a line. What happens? Well. Okay.

Firstly, is Superman concerned? Does he care? Like, that's important. Do they have the element of surprise? Are they smart enough to have the element of surprise? Seems like no. None of them are really, like, they don't, you know, like a good team has, like, you've got the strong guy, the clever guy.

You've got the, like, the tool superhero who can do many things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you've got, like, another, a magic one. So, okay, classic, you know, Rumble. Yeah. So it's just, like, them on one side of the White House lawn, and then Superman on the other side of the White House lawn. And then it's, like, one, you know, someone in the middle holding the other side of the White House lawn. And then it's like,

someone in the middle holding the flag, like a Fast and the Furious style kind of fight. 3, 2, 1, drops the flag. They're in big trouble. Immediately, Harley Quinn, Boomerang, Rick Flag,

probably Killer Croc, chuck him in. Poor Croc. Katana. Dead. Real quick, Superman could just be like... All right, they're all fucking gone. So Superman is open. Here you go.

Superman's opening salvo is just to be like, look at one of the squad with his eyes just like across. Just like straight away. That's his opening move. Who survives? One of the squad with his eyes just like across. Just like straight away. That's his opening move. Okay. Who survives? I don't know. Does anyone?

Does anyone? Okay. Well, let's assume. Let's assume it's fire. So let's assume El Diablo can survive it. Yeah. Let's assume El Diablo sees it coming can become El Diablo. Let's assume Harley Quinn.

Flips out the way. Has enough acrobats to flip out the way. Killer Croc eats shit. Katana eats shit. Oh, well, she blocks with her sword, breaks the sword, then she eats shit. Yeah, that's right. Subsequently, Rick Flag eats

shit. Deadshot, in this instance, eats shit. Who's left? Enchantress, Harley Quinn, and Diablo. And Diablo, alright. Harley Quinn, then eats shit. Who's left? Enchantress. Enchantress and Harley Quinn. And Diablo. And Diablo. Alright. Harley Quinn then eats shit. I want to say Superman's next move. Probably

just do the heat vision again. He doesn't need to do anything else but he wants to shake things up. So he flies full pelt at Harley Quinn. Eats shit. Okay. I don't know. She's got her acrobatics. Yeah, but Superman's like faster than a speeding bullet. Can she dodge a bullet?

No. That's pretty much no. No. Okay. Wait, can an Olympian- I'm trying to be supportive here. Like an Olympian level athlete who's Olympian level, like gymnastic, could they dodge a bullet? I don't think so.

Don't ever test that. If you are an Olympic level athlete. Let's do some theory crafting. If you're an Olympian level athlete, could you dodge a bullet? I don't think it's possible. I feel like monks can. Magicians can. Yes, but a magician can't really.

Dodging it or catching it? Catch it in her teeth. Then her head is gone I don't think she can dodge So no, I think she's eating shit And Chandra's held Diablo left As expected, to be honest And what are they doing?

I guess So now she starts a machine She starts building a machine She starts dancing to build a machine And Diablo becomes a fire He's already a fireman. Stays a fireman. Cool.

Superman, freeze breath. Dead. Eats shit. Shit eaten. Tick that off the box. Enchantress still dancing. And then Superman could just go over to her and squash her head like a grape. Eats shit.

Amanda Waller packs her bags. Moves to Vermont. So I think, without a doubt, the Suicide Squad are useless. So ineffective. Are they good for taking out anyone? Other members of their own Suicide Squad. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They're just not good at all. They're just like a bad team. Yeah. They're not even like, yeah, they're not even good bad guys. They're kind of nice. And, they're not even good bad guys. They're kind of nice. And then they're all like decent people. I mean, Harley Quinn's like, you killed a kid.

That's mad. But like, yeah. They're morally not good, but like also useless. Skill-wise, not that good. But I guess that's all Amanda Waller has. Now, Amanda Waller, and I'll hang a lot of shit on you for putting together this squad, because what are the alternatives?

So how about this? A military unit with Kryptonian bullets. Yeah. How does that fare? Better. Not good. Infinitely better. Still might die.

President could get his head squished like a grape grape But here's the neat thing about a military unit Is that it's designed to fight like a unit Yes The problem with the Suicide Squad is that they're a squad They're just people Like what people happen to go out on a Friday night Yeah like they don't know each other You're just like whatever do it or you'll blow up

That's really that's a very bad plan Yeah That's like Amanda Waller I keep wanting to call her amanda palmer amanda waller you're fired don't have a company with another stupid idea she's way too grim and confident for someone that dumb like changes the whole vision of it now like she's just a full idiot all serious and trying their hardest but they're just dumb i'd like to think she was like trying to build a team,

and she'd get people, and she's, like, just waiting for, like, a good one. But they're like, where's that team? She's like, oh, jeez. We've got a guy that shoots real good, but I reckon we'll get someone good soon. I heard there's, you know, there's people out there. There's a Zod, maybe. We've got another one for you, Amanda.

Oh, yeah? It's an Australian. He's got some boomerangs Okay, put him in the squad, I guess They're all Hawkeye Most of them are Hawkeye It's a squad of Hawkeyes It's a squad of goddamn fucking Hawkeyes

It's like, let's get all the Hawkeyes together See if that'll take on fucking Thor You didn't? Let's get the weakest Avenger And duplicate him a bit. The Suicide Squad is largely make a movie about it. What's wrong with that? Is the DC Universe not doing well?

No, no, no. Don't be foolish. The perfect solution, because that's what the MU needed. More Hawkeye. I took the wrong lesson. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.

And I've been George. And if you have any theories on how the Suicide Squad might do against protecting your president, let us know. Hit us up on Twitter at Sandspancer Radio. Or you can hit me up. I'm at GoddammitZammit. I'm at AllDogsOfDead. And I'm at TheGDimmer.

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