Plumbing the Death Star - How Hard is it to Grow up in the Pokémon Universe? (Feat. Mr Sunday Movies)

Episode Date: September 25, 2016

In which our heroes turn ten, get a magic animal from a professor, and leave home forever as they ask how do people grow up in the Pokémon world? We discuss gym economy, shake our heads at islands only available by swimming, and catch god. Jackson’s favourite pokémon is 165 souls, Zammit keeps calling a machop a machomp, Duscher elaborates on the Pokemon War, and James just can’t deal with any of it. So open your pokédex, aim it directly at the embodiment of time, and have an uncomfortable religious awakening. Gotta catch em all! And by them we sometimes mean deities.Want to help Jackson open a bike shop? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can help him set up shop.In Sydney and want to see the Plumbing Boys live? You can purchase your tickets right here https://www.trybooking.com/MQZP.And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/ and check out the subreddit over at reddit.com/r/sanspantsradio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, just a bit of tasteful side boob. Which I can only assume is where all the rad kids hang out to do kickflips and play Nintendo. Details on where to purchase tickets are in the show notes, and for anyone who's already purchased tickets, you don't have to do a damn thing, except head to the Harlequin, not the othery. It's all ages, so bring your nan. Joel Dusha promised to kiss her on the mouth. He told me so in a hush conversation behind the bike sheds during our lunchtime. I swears it. Anyways, see you then, and enjoy the show.

Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, how hard is it to grow up in the Pokemon universe? I'm in your age, so... Pretty easy. Thanks for listening. And on that note, I'm BJ. I'm also BJ. What are the rules of that universe?

I assume that when you turn... Well, okay, it can't be happening for everyone, because there are bicycle shop owners. Which, if we ever do an episode where it's like, what is the best job? It's that. Because that guy charges a million dollars for a bicycle and no one complains everyone's like i'll be that guy is making bank so i guess just in the pokemon world it's like fucking bikes are that rare he's like my one incredible invention yeah i will charge you

a million dollars kid but then he just gives you know i Because like in Pokemon, this is completely unrelated to the question, but hey, welcome tangents, whatevs. It's in yen. That's why the prices are like 200 for a Pokeball because that's something like two boxes. Oh yeah, it's not much. I wonder what a million dollars, million yen is.

Probably like that. It's like 10 grand. Because yeah, but for a certain- Welcome to currency conversion. That's my side podcast. Joel Douche's currency conversion. Asterix, not that accurate. There is a group of people,

like it's a potential career choice that is decided for you at 10, where you go to a professor, you get a Pokemon, and you're just off to battle for money. And you have to take it. You can't be like, that one's shit, give me the other one.

Yeah, you can't be like, can I just don't? Can I say no? I just want to interject. A million yen is still like $1,200. So bicycle owner, still the best job in the world. That's still really good. But yeah, so it doesn't seem like you have much of a choice. Plus, you can't leave your house.

Because in all the Pokemon games, you hit the tall grass. And if you don't have a Pokemon, they're like, hey. What the fuck are you doing? Get out of there. You will die. Does that mean that, like, just a wild Rattata will attack you? How big? They're big. They kill you? I mean,

can a big rat kill you? Well, I'm sure a rat, like, given enough time, could kill you. No, but here's the thing. You don't think about how big all the Pokemon are in the Pokemon universe. Like, they're massive. If you actually look at the sizes, it's ridiculous. A Gengar is as big as you. A Pidgeot is also big enough

for a human to ride on. Yeah. So, like, fair enough. And a Pidgeot's like a fully grown pigeon. Yeah. And they're everywhere. Oh, they're horrible. Yeah.

Some places within the world of Pokemon, you actually can't get to unless you go through a cave. There's nowhere in the world. Is this the game or the show? The game. And the show. Ash still has to do that shit too.

He has to go through Mount Moon like a pleb. So they're like, okay, look, we just can't, we got to go through this cave. There's not like a road through the cave. Can you get, why don't they construct, get a couple of machops and just construct a tunnel. It's funny that he went with Machop or Machoke because one of them is actually in the game building a road. I think so. I think he's building a road.

Good. But then they're like, oh, no, he's breaking boulders so that people can be reunited. But then you have to get a move and teach a Pokemon that move to then break through the wall. That's true. A lot of the world is just cut off to you. What the fuck?

Unless you're doing the Pokemon route of fighting the gyms and shit. But again, get one of them Machomp guys and help build a road through the tunnel. Get in the car. Well, I guess if a bike is... Are there cars? There is one van in the first one. You arrive in a truck in Ruby and Sapphire,

and that's all I know. Those are the two instances of vehicles in the games, at least, that I can think of. Yeah. Guns exist in the Pokemon universe. They do. The owner of the Safari Zone points one at Ash in the show, and then that episode never made it to Australia

because you can't point guns at kids. I disagree. You can absolutely point a gun at a kid. Don't listen to him, guys. If a kid pulls a knife on you, pull a gun on the kid. Teach him a lesson. Spook him. Yeah, but I

think it's kind of like, it's expected sort of of you. Like, that's your default path, and then you get to choose. Well, because there's breeders, trainers, and rangers. Rangers. What does a ranger do? I think just like what a ranger does in our world. Like look after the woods and stuff.

Yeah, just make sure that they're like, radicates on doing bear shit. Are there regular animals, like bears and shit? I don't think so. So it's all these like semi... In the early games there are. Right. No, the early anime there is, but then like, down the track, they're just

like, no, no, no, it's all Pokemon. I'm pretty sure in red and blue there's a dog like a normal dog no not in the game like a bark bark bark kind of there's no bark bark dog oh the bark pokemon i love classic bark bark no no no there's a growlithe but that's a lion and that's definitely pokemon something real weird about pokemon and i feel like this episode's going to real quick become a Pokemon what, but hey, here we are, is like, there's no horses that aren't on fire. So the development of human culture had to be very different and done without, like, beasts of burden. No, you have beasts of burden. It's a machomp. Which is a riding machomp.

With several bloody limbs, mate. Who's making the machomp do that? doing a machomp with several bloody limbs mate alright who's making the machomp do that it's machop or machoke I'm just gonna it's machop

it's machop machoke or machamp you can't you can't go machomp there's no not eating anyone you guys will get letters I won't

you will yeah make sure you use the hashtag weekly planet pod to do it we actually shut that down just recently

so there's my point too bad delete this hashtag also I don't know how you make like a continuous income as a Pokemon trainer

because when you win a fight you get money but there's a finite amount of fights who gives you money the other guy the other person

so you send their Pokemon to hospital so I chuck out my Diglett and they have to give you money Dusha chucks out his Weedle. Yeah.

They beat the shit out of each other. Yeah. My Diglett dies. Rest in peace. That was a question. I'm really ignorant in this universe. Can your Pokemon kill another Pokemon? Well, here's the weird thing.

Your Pokemon normally faint when you lose. But also there are Pokemon cemeteries everywhere. So I don't know. That's the worst kept secret. If you fight a non-trainer Pokemon and it faints, you then just chuff off, leaving what is essentially another Pokemon snack, unconscious, lying in the tall grass. And do they have regions?

Yes. Different Pokemon are from different areas. Okay, cool. Yeah. There's like an America area, a UK area, Europe, I guess, and then lots of Japan. And you get there through a mountain or on a bike. Yeah.

Very few places have roads. Some places you can't get to unless you can swim there, and there's one boat. In Ruby and Sapphire, which I'm currently playing the remakes of, like one island with people on it is like, yeah, either swim here or take the one boat. Otherwise you're just not getting here. What's on the island?

One cave. Bad luck dickhead. Sorry, we got a gym, I guess. Is a gym like an indoor gym, like a school gym, or is it just like a flat piece of land? It's like a house that you go in and one guy in there is like, I'm bloody good at fighting with this Pokemon. And you fight him and if you win, he's like, well. He's a badge. It's like a house that you go in and one guy in there is like, I'm bloody good at fighting with this Pokemon. And you fight him and if you win,

he's like, well, he's a badge. Something I always wondered about gyms is if I go in there and I defeat, say like, I don't know, the rock gym. Brock. Brock. Say I go in and defeat Brock. And I am. Yeah, there we go. We're getting some common ground. Brock. Say I defeat Brock.

Yeah. What happens to Brock? How many badges does he have? Well, that's another thing. I'm going to answer your question with another question, because I've thought that too, and I have no fucking idea. But, like, if you were born in any town that is not the first town in the region, you're given a Pokemon, and you're like,

oh, I've got a gym in my town or whatever. But then the Pokemon are really strong because there's a set order to the gyms. Yeah. But what... Does that mean everyone's journey has to start in the same spot? And if you're like, hey, I'm 10

and I grew up right at the end of this land, I've got to fuck off back to the start. And also because the Pokemon become progressively harder and harder to fight. So if you're starting off in a town really near the end of the game, you're like, my Pokemon are garbage. There's no one going to be able to fight these if you're starting off in a town really near the end of the game you're like my pokemon are garbage there's no one gonna be able to fight these pokemon my pokemon are level two does that mean you're like from a rich family so they give you

a nicer pokemon yeah true they're like yeah we caught like a level fucking 40 lapras lapras go nuts they're probably good aren't they probably sound good no way of telling not till you have it out in the field test drive it real feel the water pokemon can be thrown out of the gym that's not in the water yeah that's strange but are they ineffective like this is ineffective you're an idiot no that's only if you like use a move like if i've got a fish pokemon yeah yeah and you've got like a fire pokemon like a garp carp magic carp yeah okay i've got a magic carp you've got a charm fire Pokemon. Like a Garp, Carp, Magic Carp. Yeah, okay. I've got a Magic Carp.

You've got a Charmander. Yes. And my Magic Carp knows moves and Magic Carp doesn't usually know. Let's just say a Water Gun. Yep. I can still throw out my Magic Carp just on this field that we're fighting on.

And it's a fish. And it flops around good. But then it uses Water Gun on your Charmander and Charmander just eats shit. Where's the water from? His mouth. Magic. Just inside him. It is magic in his his mouth isn't it i yeah but that's true he's a magic car everyone i just realized i made a noise for magic up coming up being like i think it was perfect people understood i understood do you think say say the four of us

quadruplets yes four brothers brothers born in the like little big town or whatever first town of a region pallet town little big town of an Australia region right let's say Victoria

we're born in Victoria the stunning town of Melbourne and mum we come downstairs she's like this is it

that professor across the road my four baby boys you've all turned ten I'm so glad that I had four boys at once. Simultaneously. Just get it out of the way.

Easier this way instead of doing it in a weird tiered system. Do it at once. You guys, it's your lucky day. The professor has a Pokemon for each of you. Yeah. And we were like, no, I want to sell bikes, Mom. Can I get away with that? Or is she like, I want to go to university.

I want to be a journalist. I want to be a journalist. I want to be a doctor. Are there any of those things? I mean, they exist, but they're all based around Pokemon. So you can be a journalist, but you're talking about the best battles. Yeah, because it's... So he's like, I want to be a journalist. Yes, good, Pokemon journalist.

No, Mother, I... I thought I was pretty clear. Just a journalist. For politics? For Pokemon politics? For Pokemon politics? Is there politics? Probably. There's probably a mayor.

There's a mayor, right? There's a mob. So I'm sure if there's a mob, there's politicians. You can be a mobster. That's a pretty good job to have. You can be a terrorist. Yeah, you can be a terrorist too. All right, now we're talking.

Sign me up. Sorry, mom. You're going to be a trainer or a breeder or a ranger? A Pokemon terrorist. That's, I guess, what's what happened when your father wasn't around. What kind of, like, agreement did Professor Oak have where he's like, you know, okay, the quadruplets, you're getting a Pokemon. I, the professor, I'm just giving one to you. What is that agreement?

Where'd he get them from? He's a professor. It's his job. But where'd he get them from? Nobody's too old or some shit. He goes and hunts them with a net. And he gives them to every 10-year-old boy. Just us.

And or girl. And girls, girls too. Pokemon is a lot of things, but it's not sexist. That's good. But, yeah, where's he getting them from? Who supplied him with Charmander, Squirtles, Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Fire Pigs? Was he a Pokemon kid? I mean, I guess at one point he was.

Well, there's a theory in the games, based on the games, that's probably bullshit because it's one of these fan theories that I hate. But I'll say it anyway. Go to jail. that yeah there was like a war a pokemon war and that's why there's like no adults and 10 year olds are getting pokemon and it's all but that doesn't even make sense because that's like assuming that if there was a terrible war that left things fine we'd be like give every kid a gun and then we enslave the whatever cause the war all right weird i think the only way to stop a bad man with a gun and then we enslave the whatever claws of the war. Alright. Weird. Well I think

the only way to stop a bad man with a gun is ten year olds with guns. That's what I always say. That's poor thinking. You do say that a lot. Hey Eric, can I shut you up a bit?

It's a real awkward and difficult question. Could you then, another thing that I wonder, say the four of us we go to Professor Oak. Yep. As brothers.

Professor bloody Chaz. Professor bloody Chaz. And Chaz Chaz dingo G'day fellas he's four Kangaskhan hello Professor hey Professor I'm Ted he's four Kangaskhan

whatever fire one water one electric one grass one kisses four of you and you'll fight each other eventually you're gonna have weaknesses

and strengths against it and we're like we don't understand Pokemon Professor you don't need to explain we're bloody Ted mate We know what's up. I might not understand this whole arrangement, but I get how Pokemon work. And then he sends

us off. Can we then be like, alright, do you guys want to just release our Pokemon into the grass and go home? Would Mum be disappointed? I don't know what Mum wants. Well, she doesn't want me to be a journalist no that's true

that we know I think the way that the world of Pokemon works is that everyone would have at least one Pokemon whether or not they want to adventure

or not oh that sucks so it's sort of like if everyone's had a mandatory dog so it's kind of like the golden compass yeah

now you're talking language Daniel Craig's a polar bear yeah Craig's a polar bear yeah is he a polar bear in that no

I'm gonna watch it yeah Ian McShane is though Ian McShane yeah oh that's that guy in Game of Thrones I was like I don't

give a fuck about Game of Thrones yeah the guy who was in the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean film correct

oh he was get out of it he's in everything he's great he's a man I've never thought about until just now he's a great guy he's very good until just now. He's a great guy.

He's very good. Funny man. Yeah. They have like a little demon, which is their soul. And it's this little body that hangs around them. But if it wasn't a reflection of your soul, it was just a reflection of what you get. Yeah. Like.

Wait, what? What? It hangs with you. Yeah. No, no, no. That's not Pokemon. That's Golden Globes. No, I know.

But I don't understand. What do you mean? It's like your soul is an animal. Oh, no. Now they're going to do this. Oh, the kid has the polar bears. Is that right? No, no, no, that's not Pokemon, that's Golden Globes. No, I know, but I don't understand. What do you mean? It's like your soul is an animal. Oh, no, now they're going to do this. Oh, the kid has the polar bears, is that right? No, no. The polar bears are also a race of people. The polar bears are their own thing.

You know what, forget it. I don't care. The polar bears have armour, which is like their soul. So they made one of them, right? Yeah. I can see why. Also, it's a very big atheist book and they took

any religious overtones and undertones and mid-tones out of the movie so it's like the opposite of Narnia yes

that was written for yeah it was an atheist response to Narnia there you go I'm so glad I stopped listening otherwise I feel like based on

Jackson's look that I would be dead by now real good book no Daniel Craig's polar bear is what I took away from that. Sure.

If that's the case... I thought Ian McKellen was a polar bear. He is a polar bear. Oh, okay. And he fights Ian. Ian McShane. Sorry, Jack. All the Ians are polar bears.

Yeah. In that universe. And one polar bear rips off the other polar bear's jaw. It's pretty good. I remember that. That's gross. Nicole Kidman's in that film.

But, so... Tell me more about the Golden Compass. She has a monkey. Yeah. Stop telling me about the Golden Compass. She has a monkey. Stop telling me about the Golden Compass. So if we have to assume that everybody has to have one Pokemon. Well, I think it's more just like, because you can't. It's almost like. You can't do anything in that world without one.

Well, everything in the world of Pokemon is based around Pokemon. It's sort of like. It's like we've based everything around Pokemon. The more I've thought about it is like 10. Like you get your own Pokemon at 10 because you're like functioning in Look at your face James Yeah I'm just I'm in this fucking world man It's like Duchamp's this look of like absolutely like he's like his brain is on fire

And James is just sort of looking like it's son of a bitch It's a puzzle of confusion I'm not happy about it It looks like he's trying to eat your own bottom lip at times. Yeah, my brain is on fire. James is just thinking about the golden compass some more. I am. Polar bears, that's fucked.

They're both called Ian. Wow. What are the odds? I know what you mean. It's like you're a functioning member of society. Have a Pokemon. What you do with it is up to you. Yeah, it's more just like, hey, you're allowed out of the town now.

It's almost like 10 is when you don't have to be supervised, which is too young, maybe. Yeah, well, I mean, like roughly. Well, look, if you give them a Mankey, they'll be all right. But you can't choose, though, can you? They're like, this is it, mate. This is the next one, so you get it. Well, yeah, that's true.

It depends. You get the first choice, and person who comes second like eats shit. So it was like the four of us, whoever comes in first, the last person adds up with like a Pikachu or something garbage. Well, aren't they the best

or something? Nah. They're just the one that's about the most. Well, because... They're the one that got... He was so fat in the first game. In the...

So sad. In the game, there's only you and your rival that you gotta put up on. But in the TV series, if I remember correctly, which I probably don't, Ash sleeps in and all the Pokemon are gone. And it sort of implied that there was like 100 people. So like Fresno Rooks fucking maybe not 100.

110-year-olds just running around in the world. Everyone turns 10. Actually, that's a good point. It's not. Is it his 10th birthday? Or is it just like everyone just gets a Pokemon this specific year? It might be like high school,

but school, primary school, it's like, all right, if you're 10 between the dates of, you know, 1st of January and 31st of December, that's when you get a Pokemon. This is you. Yeah, it could be. You know what? I'll go with that.

I'm happy with that. I'm not happy about a lot of things, but that one I'll let slide. But it could be. Like, I get there. They're like, Jackson, you're going to have Mr. Mime. I'm like, sick. I'm going to have nightmares. Is that like a bloke?

Yeah, Mr. Mime is like a... That's not right, is it? Is he an animal? There are a lot of Pokemon that are kind of like blokes. He looks like a clown, man. Excuse me a second. Look up Mr. Mime and just imagine using him to fight. Oh, what's your favorite one that you keep using?

Oh, do you mean my little Mexican fish man? Old Spooky Face. Old Spooky Face. Mexican fish man is, what's his name? Long Brained. I love that guy. Old Ludicolo. No, yeah, Old Spooky Face.

Spirit Tomb. That's genuinely, within the world of Pokemon, 160,000 souls trapped in a rock. It's not a Pokemon. It's just like a cursed rock. And you fight with it? Yeah, I caught it in a Pokeball and now I use it to beat the shit out of monkeys. Do you hit him with the rock?

Or is the rock the soul shoot out? No, he is the rock. So the soul shoot out of the rock. The soul shoot out of the rock in like a big scary face. And then I make it fight You know like butterflies How many of these rocks are there? There's about four

So they're not uncommon No they're rare But there's like four over the course of all the games But they are the souls They are 163 souls on a rock Souls of what? People, human beings Or Pokemon

No, human beings or pokemon no human beings it made more sense of pokemon of the game what? how did they get in this rock? I don't

a curse? why are we fighting with who's cursing people to get into a rock as a 10 year old you're like

I'm in charge of 160 souls katana's got nothing on Ash no oh man if we're getting

into like what Pokemon are we're in what are ghost Pokemon ghosts of what dead Pokemon you can't be a

ghost unless you at one point were alive you've been a thing yeah what is a Gengar so you can fight you can fight with a

ghost a ghost Pokemon ghost Pokemon is Pokemon are like there's different types yeah guy? You can fight with a ghost. A ghost Pokemon. Ghost Pokemon is... Pokemon are like... There's different types. Yeah. And often they're the elements, but ghost is one.

Dark is one. These are just evil Pokemon. Oh, no. There's another Pokemon. Skeleton dogs. Well, Hypno, which is a Pokemon, in its character bio, is just like,

it adopts children. Don't give that to your kid. If my kid came in with a Drowsy, which is what Hypno evolves from, I'd be like, we're taking it outside and shooting it. We can't be having this. That's not what you do in that universe. You take him outside, you kill him with another Pokemon.

That's the rule. You smash its head in with a Metapod or something. Fucking Geodude. Get Geodude to beat the shit out of him. If you've got a shit Pokemon and you're like, I need to go to the shops and then you get bailed up in some grass you're like, fuck, I can't. Is that a thing? Yeah, well, if you keep dying

in the games, it's like you lose all your Pokemon or your Pokemon die, you white out and go back home. Like, you have to start again. So that's like moving back in with your parents as an adult. But if you're like I've got to get to the shops and you're trying to get through the grass, you just keep ending up back at home and being like, like alright doing it again

and you drop some money every time as well yeah every time you die you drop money so you'd be very poor by the end of it there are like

real downtrodden people in this universe then like kids that just don't make it kids that just like they're like 40 with they haven't done

anything with their Pokemon and I wouldn't even say that's their fault of their own a lot of that would be just bad luck just a shit Pokemon you started off with. Like I was wondering about the shopkeepers. Were they

at one point 10, like trying to make it in the world? Then they were like, you know what? I'll just sell I'm in this island. There's a bunch of fire Pokemon and I don't have anything to fight them. I'm just stuck here now. Just screw it. Shit. I guess I'm going to have a ship make a shop. Exactly. I guess I'll get a boat. That's fine. Just one. Just screw it. I guess I'm gonna have a shipmaker shop. Exactly. I guess I'll get a boat.

That's fine. Just one. Just the one. One of the Pokemon is a blue whale like the size of a blue whale that you can just have. Starts off real little about like as big as a beach ball and then you just love it too much. You make it

fight too much and suddenly it's as big as a blue whale. So what happens if you're like... Because they're in Pokeballs, right? Yeah. So you're like, oh, I'm going to show you off my meow. We'll get back to that. And then you pick up the blue whale one, and you open it, and suddenly you've got a blue whale in your goddamn house.

It's destroyed. It's destroyed. You probably killed your mate. Maybe yourself. You're squished. Your TV's gone. I don't. You just be like, get back in.

And it's like, way of law. You're like, no, no, no, no. Oh, that's right. They all say their own name, don't they? I forgot that element of it. In the anime they do, but in the game they just make hideous noises. Okay. Yeah, they're like, every time you take it out.

Or like. And they, yeah, they can communicate with each other. Because there's that one episode that I've seen where they like peek a peek a peek at you and they're like cha cha cha manager and they're having a full on conversation

and they have subtitles and shit in like this garbage that's I remember Jigglypuff's stupid song yeah end the show with that just bum everyone out Jigglypuff

oh that's close please put it in at the end of this start and end um yes to answer Play, Bob. That's close. Please put it in at the end of this. Start and end. Yes, to answer James' question while you guys were talking. Yes, Pokemon can eat, but I don't think you need to. They eat Pokeblocks. Yeah.

So you squish your Barry into a cube and then it makes your Pokemon cooler. Like Energon? No, like you get a Barry or an Acorn and you put it into a machine. You put it into a machine that basically I think you crank. Right. Turns it into a square. Do you need to buy the machine? No, they're in all hospitals for Pokemon.

There are no hospitals for Pokemon Bears. That'd be foolish. But if you have Pokemon Dick, we've got something for you. So if you break your leg in the woods. You're done. Okay. You're playing like a bear Pokemon. So you make a cube you make a block

of a berry then you get whatever Pokemon you want and depending on the color of the block it'll make your Pokemon cuter

tougher cooler smarter or stronger did you say cuter yeah okay you can make it

cuter or cooler you can just be like fuck you're cooler now it's like a like a Nutribullet or a smoothie maker yeah you put in the you can't just give them berries and be like fuck your cooler now it's like a Nutribullet or a smoothie maker you can just give them berries

and be like eat this berry it's gotta be cube fuck they're fussy aren't they how do they make it cooler

do they give it sunnies and take up smoking just something about it something about it's real cool now oh like as in

like it's a temperature thing no no no no cooler as in like as in like hey that's a cool dude yeah cool like mirror shades

and a toothpick. Cool. That is cool. That's fucking cool. Cool as in also like a cop that might hurt you. That's the same look. All right.

Well, but some of them have teeth. Like a growlithe is clearly a carnivore. Uh-huh. He eats blocks too. Oh, yeah. His old spooky face eats blocks. He eats a rock. He eats blocks too. Oh, yeah. What's old spooky face eats blocks? He eats a rock. He's a minion's holes in a rock.

Does he have a mouth? Yeah, he's got a spooky face. He's got an old spooky face. I bet he does. His face is just souls. Yeah, it's comprised of souls. Is he unhappy? He's quite happy, really.

Would you be? I would be very unhappy. When I was watching Jackson play with old spooky face, he was giving him a pat. Just putting your hand into someone's soul. What's his name? His name is Spiritomb.

So Spirit and then Tomb. I know it's not good podcasting etiquette, but I need to know what the fuck's going on. I feel like everyone needs to look this up. I think everybody needs to have a look at old spooky face. Spiritomb? Spiritomb, yeah. One word?

Yeah. I think that's his name. Spiritomb? Spiritomb, yeah. One word? Yeah. I think that's his name. Spiritomb. You can get God. You can catch God in Pokemon if you want. Is there only one? Oh, God. Oh.

All right. That's all spooky face. That's 163 souls or something in a rock. Horrible. What do you mean you can catch God? You need to explain that. Is there one? Yeah.

His name's Arceus Or Arceus? I don't know I think it's Arceus And he's a Pokemon He's a Pokemon But he's also God I think it's Gendalus

And He It lives In space And Oh it's like a It's like a white horse Yeah

That's God I've seen that That's God You've seen God He's on a poster or something You've seen God Yeah look I got it in the head once

It was a rough day It wasn't easy but I made it work Oh he has a Mega Revolution as well He's a Power Ranger I'm sure I've seen him That's pretty cool I'm sure I've seen him

On a poster of one of those movies That I've never seen Yeah I think I've never seen a Pokemon movie Past the first one Oh and the one with the unknown That was alright That's like number four I think

I think it's three Cause three's got Lugia. I don't know shit. Alright, so you catch God. First one, Ashelmers dies. Yeah, so you can catch God. Yeah, like in... And then what happens?

You just use it to fight. To fight other ten-year-olds. But then if you're like, alright, oh, look at this shit ten-year-old. Hey, he's got a cap on. Haha, I'm gonna chuck out my beedrill. And then you summon literally God. Yeah, that's not fair. And then you're like

the fuck I have a Beedrill Can you imagine just like being this cute? With like a Kakuno which is like a little yellow like shell Pokemon that can't do anything. And you're like gee whiz I want to be a Pokemon trainer. You send that out. Some kid sends out God with glassy eyes and you're like I

can't get out of this fight. Can God talk? I think he makes like a hideous noise. Like, meh, or something. Because, and God's like, Arceus, Arceus. Nah, the really, really, really, really fucked strong legendary Pokemon

that are used, like a God or Mewtwo, which is a clone of the first Pokemon. Mew's the first Pokemon, right? Yeah, clone of the first. They always like speak with telepathy. Yeah, that's true. But Mew can talk first Pokemon, right? Yeah. They always speak with telepathy. Yeah, that's true. But Mew can talk, can't he? He's like, hello, look at me, I'm a dickhead.

No, Meowth can talk. Meowth is like, I'm in Team Rocket and whatevs. What happened to M? I don't know. Meowth can't talk in the game. Meowth's just a garbage money cat. He's got coins on his head. Yeah.

He has a move called Payday. He just got coins on his head. Yeah. There's a movie called Payday. He just throws coins at Pokemon. Fact. This is one of those episodes where people are just screaming into their iPhones. Just like, you guys are fucking idiots.

Gotta talk about this. No, if you, if you again, so the 10 year old who has like a Metapod or whatever that you're

fucking up with God. Like, that kid is clearly starting off his journey. Yeah. To start being the best there was or whatever and you just stopped that. You've pinched that part of his life. Not only that, almost everything.

If you catch God and now you control, you are God. And what's ridiculous is that there's a Pokeball you can get called the Master Ball. You can catch any Pokemon. Yeah. God included.

Yeah. I'm playing Ruby and Sapphire, right? The remakes, Alpha Ruby and Omega Sapphire. And there's a bit where they're like- Such as being sponsored by Nintendo. Sponsored by Nintendo. Nintendo, send me free stuff. Please.

Anyway, so they're like, there's these real big ancient Pokemon. One is like the Pokemon of the ground. One is the Pokemon of the sea. They're like dinosaurs pretty much. Yeah, but they're like primal and oh my God, they're unimaginably strong and they're going to destroy the world unless somebody gets them.

And they're like, for some reason, you 10 year old Jackson, only you can go into this cave alone and get this Pokemon. And I go in and it's like, and it's like this epic fight. And then I'm just like, Master Ball. And it's like, got him. Like, fight and then I'm just like master ball and it's like

got him just like that so like anyone could yeah why is it just you what then I come out and they're like

fuck you're brave and I'm like not really I just threw a pokeball and you got him and then what then it's yours then they're like

sick better get those last gyms what alright and that's the end that's also like as a gym leader so say you're like fuck yeah I better get those last gyms. What? I'm like, oh, alright, and that's the end. But that's also like as a gym leader. So say you're like, fuck yeah, I'm like the last gym leader. Yeah.

Having a good time. And then a dude just rocks and throws out a Pokemon that... Is God. It's pretty much just like if you went to the shop and Noah rocked up in an arc and you're just like, I didn't think that was a thing that I was going to see today. Or be like, hey, douche, do you want just like a bicycle ride? And you're like, yeah, see, you can turn up on a motorbike. And I'm like, I guess there's no rules in this game. No, by the way, give me your bike.

You're on foot. Oh. Oh. I mean, okay. No, it's like if I said, hey, let's have a bicycle race. And I rock up on a bike. And then you rock up fucking. Like a spaceship?

A Pegasus. Smell you later. No, no, no. You rock up on the back of Jesus. Good luck on your bicycle, doucher. I found God. He's going to have me on his back and run real fast. Go on, off he goes.

Everyone knows that Jesus has the same moveset as The Flash. Super speed? Good hair. Live. Say you've done it. You've gone through the gyms. You've beat them all. You've caught God. You're at the Elite Four

which is the last, the best Pokemon trainers in your region how do they fight God he got him in a master ball how do they fight God because they'll be like that's our God say you win

this is sacrilege if we like lay a hand upon our God the scariest part is God can faint they say like

Pokemon can beat God yeah what happens if there is no God in this universe don't beat God he could die, I guess. Yeah, that's what I mean. But what's he doing?

Like, is he really making that much of a difference beforehand? Yeah. Is he answering letters? Yeah. He just exists up there being whatever it is.

Like, wait, up there? Up where? I could exist. On a sky pillar? Sky. It's like you blow a flute and then it turns up and you go up some steps.

There it is. God. God. God. He's like, what up? Oh, that's okay and you go up some steps. There it is. God. God. He's like, what up? Oh, that's okay. I just remember, like, yeah, catching God, that's fucked. Yeah. But at least you're going up a building.

In the game you're playing, a 10-year-old gets sent into space at one point. Yeah. Yeah. Got to go into space and fight a space Pokemon. What? It's a big space virus Pokemon in space. They're like, get in this rocket.

Why is it a virus Pokemon? Like, that's just what it is. Is it from space? It's a big space virus Pokemon in space. They're like, get in this rocket. Why is it a virus Pokemon? That's just what it is. Is it from space? It is from space. Several Pokemon are. Jigglypuff is from the moon. So, okay. I need to unpack that.

Clefairy is also from the moon. Yeah. Well, yeah, they look like the same. So, all right. They're moon Pokemon. They didn't appear on Earth until part of the moon crashed into earth and out popped them fact

look it up I won't I don't believe you what can we anyways being 10 is kind of hard there's a lot of things about being 10

in this universe that are hard I know like you're 10 now and they're like I guess we should probably start thinking about primary school

no you're in grade four now. Go meet your creator and catch him. Fuck off, game. And space. You have to go to space. Professor is like, here's a poker ball. Within a week, you'll be an astronaut.

Is that how long it takes, roughly? Probably. Something around that. I don't go to bed. My character doesn't sleep ever. Yeah, doesn't sleep, doesn't shit or piss or eat. Sounds like your god In this game

If anything Just fucking ruining shit Capturing stuff What I was gonna say It just incorporates shitting more Yeah Make it more realistic There's not enough shitting in games

Like overall Anyway Say You beat the Elite Four You beat the Pokemon Master Of the land The champion Champion of the fucking region

Yeah They're like You are the new champion. You're like, sick. That's your job now. What do you do? Do you just stand in a room? Do you fight other champions from different lands?

No, so the champion just waits there until someone beats the Elite Four and then challenges them. Yeah. So you just forever just be there with God, chilling, and be like, when anyone comes here, get him. Until somebody beats you eventually. And then you're like, all right, my job's done. It's kind of like a curse. Do they not mind when they get beaten are they like finally

this burden has been probably yeah probably they're like thank god i can go back to my hometown and sell bikes like i've always yeah i know because like if you think about it like imagine if jobs work like that in our world you know you're like i'm an amazing barista somebody comes in one day and is like oh let me show you how it's done i'm an even better and you're like, I'm an amazing barista. Somebody comes in one day and is like, oh, let me show you how it's done. I'm an even better barista. And you're like, well, I'm off, I guess. Bike shop? Bike shop?

Best job in the game. Off I go, lads. All running the gambling casino. So the goal is to be the best there ever was, as it were. You want to be the best political montrainer fucking ever. And then eventually take that job long enough for somebody to come along to best you and then retire to have a bike shop. That's best case

scenario. That's the arc you want to basically follow. Well, you can be a movie star. Yep. You can be a movie star. That'd be alright. What are movies about? I mean, they're about Pokemon. It's like The Day the Charmander Cried or whatever. I... Horrible universe.

I don't know why out of every movie title I went with that to play on words The Day the Clown Cried the holocaust film we're not allowed to see yet apparently that is a strange choice

I don't know what's going on with my brain that's the parabola you want to follow is this your first Pokemon episode? yes really?

of all the episodes what number are you on? like 4,000? how is that possible? how many episodes have we done? Oh, 150-odd something. Let's just pretend this is our 100th episode. We did it, guys!

Yay! Plumbing the Dats-Town! Good to be here. My goodness. Thank you for inviting us. For an episode of Pokemon. We did it. That's Pokemon.

But yeah, so how do you grow up? Badly. Poorly. Poorly? You're either the best guy or you're not. Is that? I just, I just, I'm sorry I'm just huffing on about this god Pokemon

but I just think when you're 10 and you meet your creator, you are going to have an existential crisis. Like, because you know generally when you hit a certain age, you kind of have a, not a crisis of faith, but you can have a crisis of faith and all that kind of stuff and like what the fuck am I doing here blah blah

what is all pointable you're 10 and you're like God in my pokeball sick I now control God what about this

here's a more like you wanna just that's how do you I can't cope with that but you're thinking about it from the wrong direction

what if the kid doesn't even know like you're 10 the way you find God in the game is that an evil from the wrong direction. I'm 30. What if the kid doesn't even know? Like, you're 10. The way you find God in the game is that an evil terrorist group wants God. Yeah.

You just know you gotta stop that evil terrorist group. Okay. They get a Pokemon. You catch it. You're like, haha, neat. Everyone else is like,

that kid has God. And you have no fucking idea. You got no idea you got God in your Pokeball. And is that like a toy you have when you're younger that you end up just, you know, putting under your bed for several years? It's gonna be like a decade

at least, where it's like kind of like Andy's toys, where you're just chucked up in the attic. God's in an attic somewhere being like forgotten about. Is he wrathful? Like you pull him out and he's like, you're dead, I'll kill you. It can't be any type. And then he's like, I'll kill you, back in the ball.

And he can't disobey you if you have the right badges. And you also can't use some... Sorry, what? So you can't have the right badges so Pokemon of higher levels will obey you. So if you...

Do you have to have them on you? Like you're a cop? So you have to carry it all the time? Excuse me, sir. Rock badge here. Enough of this nonsense. It's like, so Pokemon, it's like 1 to 100

in terms of levels level 100 that's amazing level 1 that's garbage put it out put it in the bin bury it

but if you have a level say 30 Pokemon but only badges up to level 20 sometimes you'll be like hey use razor leaf and it'll be like

nah and just loaf around and then you get hurt because nah, and just loaf around. And then you get hurt because the other Pokemon just gets it. So God could be just like, nah, and loaf around. God, yeah. So if you got that Pokemon super early and never got any gym badges, and then you were like, ah, God, use Sugar Rain,

then he would just be like, nah, and just fall over or whatever. And just flump around as God is wanting to do. Yeah. Because that is God's plan, I guess. You need those badges. Also, you can't use certain moves. So hang on, who designs the badges? Because if the badges are designed, are they designed by God? Can they be forged?

I guess. Because clearly there has to be someone designed by God to control God. You can't have just badges. No, they're designed for all Pokemon, not necessarily just God. I don't God to control God. You can't have just badges. No, they're designed for all Pokemon. Not necessarily just God. I don't think it's God. I think it's just a weird monster. I think that's fair, though.

Yeah. It's a really powerful Pokemon, not God. Isn't there also two Pokemon? One's in charge of time, one's in charge of space? Yes. Sorry, what? And you can capture them. So you can be in charge of the creator of their universe Of the embodiment of time And the embodiment of space

Plus the embodiment of earth The embodiment of water and air Plus What the fuck are the legendaries In later games? Dragons Just dragons Dragons yeah

Well yeah there's the The primal Dragons. Just dragons. They just look all lazy. Dragons, yeah? Yeah. Well, yeah, there's the primal, like, ground and kug. Kug. Yeah. They're like earth and the ocean. What else? A big flat whale. The one you mentioned before?

Yeah. What else have you got? There's a clone of the first ever Pokemon that could be yours too it talks yeah it's alive can you like

open him up and then just watch TV with him and just chill probs I mean you can come with any of them yeah but this one

can talk to you so can a couple of others what did you think about this particular film if you get a slow poke yeah pink weird lad yeah

he gets like, someone bites his tail and he becomes another lad? Yeah. No, I'm not familiar with this. Oh, okay,

there's one Pokemon that evolves by putting its tail in a lake and then another Pokemon bites onto its tail. And it's after being a very specific Pokemon. Yeah. And now it's a newie.

A slowpoke has to get bitten by a shelter. Here's something stupid. But if it puts its head in. It's better than that. Yeah. That same Pokemon can evolve in a different way by sticking its head in the lake

and getting bit on the head. And that makes it smart. Yeah, then it can talk. It becomes real wise. Pokemon is so fucking stupid. Well, I was gonna say, so here's I wanna talk about stupid evolution. Never felt so old. I know, you know, I was around for this and I just completely missed it.

Like, I just didn't play it. I was there for ages and then I left and then I jumped back in and... So, you know Diglett. Everyone knows Diglett. And sometimes there's three. That's an evolution. But that's just three Digletts. That's not a new

Pokemon. No, it's not. That's just three Digletts. Stuck together having a mad time. Are they stuck together? Are they? Doug Trio, Doduo. I love that one. They're like, hey, you know what we're missing? A third head. Doduo, two-headed bird, evolves into Dodrio, three-headed bird.

It's practically the same bird, just the third mate. That's rather new. That Pokemon can learn to fly. And apparently I was reading this, what it does is it runs so fast that it can learn to fly. And apparently, I was reading this, what it does is it runs so fast that it can jump real high. But it's a bird.

Yeah, it's like an ostrich. Okay, sure. With two heads. I know, actually, he's got the real long neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and this isn't like, when they evolve, I've seen this, they just kind of flash and then they change.

Then suddenly they're a newbie. It's not like it's a slow, painful process over many months. Over millions of years. Yeah suddenly they're a newbie. It's not like it's a slow, painful process over many months. Over millions of years. It's just like a third head like. Oh, it's coming. It's just a gross lump. It's a sudden pop.

Right. It's like the thing just separating and growing. What about the egg-secute, which starts its life as several eggs and then becomes a palm tree with eggs. Instead of coconuts. Can they have children? The Pokemon. Yeah, Pokemon can breed.

And you can breed two different, you can breed that whale one. This is a classic. There's a little kitten Pokemon. Yeah. You can breed that whale Pokemon that I spoke about before with the kitten Pokemon

and get another whale. Wait, so they don't make a new Pokemon. They just make another type of- They have an egg and that egg will be one of the- So you get a mom and a dad Pokemon, and the Pokemon isn't a mix of a mom and a dad. It's either a mom or a dad, but a small one. Be like if-

See, I've always had the idea that the Pokemon world was just a computer game that you're playing in that world, as in it's all just data, because as you go on out, you're a person who's playing a computer game that you're playing in that world as in it's all just data because right you just as you go on out you're a person who's playing a computer game so then you can catch someone and chuck them in a like it is like it is and then you can transfer it because it's all just data exactly the whole world is data the whole thing is basically like we're playing the matrix yeah but it's like regardless if it's like on everybody's phones, is that what you're saying?

Hmm? You're saying like the Pokemon is a game, sure, but it's a game that has that whole world raptured for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, maybe. Kind of. Like if we were at, like, say, the Matrix, right? Yes.

And we were playing, like, Nioh. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? I mean, I guess. It's gotten elaborate, if that's okay. It's gotten to the point where people have bought our game. I would say it's only slightly more elaborate than it already is. Because then it's kind of like, well, how do you fit into a Pokeball?

Does everyone just converse energy? You put it in a computer, you transfer them out, chuck them into a computer, you're healed and shit. Nobody ever tries to explain ecosystems, I guess. If you get two three-headed birds and you breed them together, are you guaranteed to get the bird? A two-headed bird, yeah. But if you breed two different ones, you'll get one or the other.

Yes. So if you've got a whale and a two-headed bird, you'd get either a whale or a two-headed bird. There's like a... There is a formula to it. It's like there's different groups of Pokemon. So there's like mammals and fish and gods can you breed god with everything no no i don't think you can breed god with anything

yeah so there's but then there's a ditto which can transform into any pokemon and that can fuck any pokemon and make that pokemon so you could have two gods yes with the classic ditto move if they can only have have one at a time, I'm just trying to think about how does that exponentially grow. I'm trying to think of the numbers. That doesn't matter. This whole fucking world is horrible. Horrible nightmare.

I hate it. I'm glad I never played it. When you sit down and try and like... And I don't know how people live in that world. I'm still like... How's the economy work? It's all based around Pokemon. It's all fucked. I'm still like... How's the economy work? It's all based around Pokemon. It's all fucked.

I'm still stuck on the fact that... Pokemon and bikes. Slowpoke can evolve by sticking his head in a lake. What if I stuck my head in a lake? What if I stuck my head in a lake and a shelter bit my head? I want to stick my head in a fucking lake. I'll tell you that much later. What happens then?

Do I become a genius man? I think you just get bit on the head by a shelter and die. What happens if a Bulbasaur shoves his face in a lake and he gets bit by a shelter? That Bulbasaur gets bit on the head and dies. So why is it just a Slowpoke that gets smarter? Slowpoke-a-lucky. It's evolution, I guess.

I guess it's evolution. That's just how it goes. In a way. That's just life. Sure, I guess that's evolution. All right. That's just the nature of the way the world works Pokemon

And on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've also been Joel I've been James And that was Pokemon You guys have hassled us with this since day one Or two

Day Dod It's day Dod, fuck you you day dod you fucking dickhead if you think this show is worth at least a dollar why not donate to our patreon account