Plumbing the Death Star - How Radioactive is Spiderman? (Feat. The Weekly Planet)

Episode Date: June 3, 2015

In which our heroes get exposed to some chemicals, don spandex HazMat suits and generally do whatever a spider can while wondering just how radioactive Spiderman is. We look at how dangerously potent Peter Parker’s bodily fluids are, which of Spiderman’s girlfriends are most susceptible to radiation poisoning and how dedicated some of Marvel’s villains truly are. James ponders how many deaths Tobey Maguire is responsible for, Zammit makes a horrifying correlation between Spiderman and SIDS, Mason calls out Peter Parker for being as selfish as Tony Stark and Duscher just wants to get a burger without double pineapple while he reads a comic. It’s an inevitable study in creepy crawlies and creepy teenage boys as we try to swat Peter Parker off the ceiling and end up covered in sticky web threads. Want to help us make our studio radioactive spider-proof? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in plugging up the glowing cracks in the walls.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seventy-three books about juggling two girlfriends while shooting webs from your limbs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio. I looked it up. Today we'd like to wish Jonathan Searle, aka Alan DeGeneres, aka your name is kinda dumb, have you considered changing it to Joel by deed poll? That really is a message for everyone. Anyway, uh, Johnny boy, happy 18th birthday. On this day you are finally a man, so celebrate this fact by refusing to wear pants and getting blind drunk as is tradition enjoy the show hey guys and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask important questions like how radioactive is spider-man okay so i read spider-man rain uh on the weekend bad Bad time. Don't do it. This is a little advice from me to you.

It's just bad. It's kind of like if Spider-Man was old and like the Dark Knight, but he shouldn't be and it's terrible. So they tried to do like the Dark Knight Returns, but with Spider-Man and it didn't work? And just him having a giant pity party of himself. Is he like 50-odd? Yeah, he's 50-odd and old and shit.

It's just bad. All kinds of bad. And it looks like the rest of the population have just forgotten that other superheroes existed and everyone's like, hey, Spider-Man, want a shit one? Have a shit one. Anyway, by about episode four,

which I think is the last episode, there's this big, giant reveal. Issue? Issue four. Big, giant reveal. I wish. Can you imagine a TV series oh my god

now I'd be more on board and the big reveal is that Mary Jane is dead and she died from cancer caused by radiation

poisoning caused by him banging her a lot and her his semen his life can't be that bad then I mean like

it depends how radioactive is his semen it could just be one and done one and done and then she mean like it depends how radioactive is his semen because it could just be one done one and done and then she's like i'm riddled with tumors now and that's on you peter so it's very heavily implied that because he had sex with her a lot and his semen is radioactive it caused her to have tumors and die when you plied, there is a scene where he's like, a page where he's just like, it was my cums all along. I had radioactive little spider cum.

You're both gesturing holding up a building because every time we see Spider-Man... He's holding up a building. That's his go-to. That's his go-to. I'm doing it now. There's got to be a time when Spider-Man is his own, just jerking it by himself. There's got to be a time when Spider-Man is his own Just jerking it by himself

It's gotta be a time If fan fiction is to be believed I can find a thousand pictures Right now In this drawer If he gets on his own belly Does that mean he's gonna get also cancer Or is he immune

If he is radioactive then radiation should not affect him. Which means, send him to Chernobyl and get him to clean up the place. It'll be sweet. But a different radiation though. Maybe he'll die. Unless he absorbs it.

But also, what do you mean, just with the brew? Like he's just sweeping up the radiation? Yeah, yeah. Just hose it down. Get rid of that. Yeah.

Get rid of that fallout. Yeah, man. And it's also implied, not just his own semen, but all his fluids. So if Spider-Man just walked up to you and just spat in your mouth, why you had to open a gape. Again, my fan fiction.

Peter, why? Just straight into you. Peter, why? Or if he's running and sweating, and then that somehow gets on. You know that moment in 28 Days Later where the father's screaming, and he looks up, and a bit of blood just falls in his eye. Unfortunately. From the crow.

And now he's a zombie. Brendan Gleeson. That's the one. Great actor. Great actor. The crow was pretty good too. The crow. Two great performances.

Films. We've seen it. We're just going around in a circle. Eyesight. That's good. I like how I can see. It's good. A Book of a Lie

where Denzel Washington planes a-bye man not great not great Equalizer another great Denzel performance exactly

is that a graphic Equalizer there's some I can see them right now so back to podcasts back to podcasts

and Spider-Man so if you're like running next to him say Peter Parker's going out for a morning jog and you're like running next to him and he's like runs and a for a morning jog and you're right next to him and he runs and a bit of sweat just splashes into your eye,

are you going to die now from eye cancer? Or is it a repetitive thing? Just how long and how much exposure to Spider-Man? How dead has Mary Jane been? Pretty fucking dead. Can we bring up the grave and be like, they could have had the years, then we know how old she was.

We roughly work out how long they were together. She looked pretty youngish. I'm going to say mid-40s because I can't remember if they gave a direct date. So let's say maybe 20 years. So radioactive, pretty radioactive, but not super radioactive. We're assuming it's fluids. Maybe just lean a Geiger counter towards his dick. Maybe it's not the fluid. It's just his dick. It's towards his dick. Maybe it's not the fluid,

it's just his dick. Not the rest of him. No, not the rest of him at all. Well, spiders have radioactive dicks. Correct, that's exactly what I'm saying. From a science perspective, that would be the answer, right? Yes, you are correct. Also, how would... But I mean, comic book logic is crazy,

so it could be anything. It could be anything. It could be his butt. And it might not be about him, it's crazy, so it could be anything. Could be. Could be anything. Could be his butt. Could be his butt. And it might not be about him. It might be the alien symbiote suit that made him radioactive. Because Mary Jane would have been like, put the suit on. Put the suit on.

We'll do it with the suit on. Do the teeth. Yeah. That's my jam. Good. Good. That long-ass tongue of yours, I want it now. Should we go back to the spider that bit him?

Yes. In the original incarnation, it was a radioactive spider. Correct. It had just been blasted with radiation. Yeah, so a spider drops down, gets blasted with radiation, he gets bit. Between just two big metal balls that shoot radiation between them. That's never explained, really.

No. We don't know what that is. So it goes right through it and then onto him. Yes. Like, that's the turn of events. Yeah. Spider dangling, radiation blast

because they're on a science tour. So they're just blasting radiation into the air. Yeah, above the kids. Above children, absolutely, yeah. And the kids are like, look at this radiation thing. They're like, great.

Well, it was the 60s, yeah? Yeah. And that's when x-rays and shit, everyone just, who gave a fuck. You could bring plutonium home in a briefcase and use it as a paperweight. To like athlete's foot equivalent in the 60s. And they would just bring out like an x-ray machine and give you an x-ray of your foot and be like, good. There's your foot.

There's a good shoe for it. No one gave a shit. They really did that? Yeah. That's amazing. They didn't even know they had feet sometimes And they were amazed Like whoa

You saved me athletes foot Exactly Of the 60s Yeah This is a bit further back But we're talking about Like cot death Welcome to the podcast

Comedy Cot death Oh boy Good night everyone So There were people like Cot death What causes cot death?

We don't understand And they were finding out That when they were doing autopsies They would have The babies that would have this, had this like really big, say, I think it's a thyroid gland. And so they were like, oh, it's a thyroid gland. It's so big. That's what's causing all these babies to die.

So here's some radiation. We're going to shrink the thyroid of all these kids, causing a lot of problems. And the big issue there was because a lot of the autopsies and all the medical information they had prior was because they were getting these, say, poorer families and kids that were quite malnourished. So the point of reference was generally an unhealthy thyroid,

which was therefore small. And so that was what they were thinking. So, yeah, radiation back in those days, just willy-nilly give it to everyone. Speaking of willies. Yes. Spider-Man's dick. Yeah, it'm just going to whack it up again after the contest that's why I let a pause there for you to jump in there but anyway

does that mean he's webs radioactive well because the webs because the webs are a oh yeah it depends on the version doesn't it of course in most versions it's man oh it's man made Because the webs are a... Oh, yeah, it depends on the version, doesn't it? Of course. Wasn't it mostly... In most versions, it's man...

Like, he makes the web thing. It's only, like... Oh, it's man-made, all right. Hey! Some of those voices again. It's radioactive! Everywhere. Yeah, because I...

Wasn't it... I think there was a version where he had it built in, but then... Yeah, there was the... Because the Sam Raimi films... Sam Raimi wanted to do it. But I think when he did it it only

happened like once it was in the other storyline where he turns into a giant spider I hope that

Sam Raimi's films he was like I'm gonna bring that in as foreshadowing James Cameron actually invented it when James

Cameron was gonna do it fact we've learned a lot in this podcast more than normal

I don't feel like we have I just feel sad because it's a fluid so when he was shooting that in the organic webs then yeah the wire has killed a lot of people yeah in real life again the spider-man's one of those uh it's one of those characters where he's created like when it was mechanical webbing you know mechanical web shooters he's created a

substance that he just uses for that and he's never he never had he never makes another application for it and nobody seems to mind with that like a nice baby yeah exactly like where where iron man creates jarvis this incredible artificial intelligence that can do anything and he doesn't just make some suits give me one yeah give us one exactly yeah yeah tangent i'm sorry no you're right that's the whole episode, isn't it? The application of... These are selfish people who invent things in comic books and don't give it to me specifically. Exactly.

That's my side point. Iron Man 3, end of it. Arc Reactor, which you'd think is very important for science improving. Throws it into the ocean. Throws it into the ocean. Like we've said, he might find it, blow his hands off. Right?

You don't know. It doesn't switch off when it hits the water. It's not really designed to not do that. Think about a porpoise. It swims around like, what's this? It grabs it, starts playing with it, and you've got a dead porpoise in your hands because its head's been blown off.

That's on you, Tone. I don't want that. Tone. Piece of shit, Tone. Tone star. Is the spider radioactive? They retconned it so it's just like a genetically enhanced spider? I think they've done it a lot of different ways.

Because the idea is they're never going to be able to explain it correctly, scientifically, so they go, okay, well, it was radioactive, then it was genetically modified. What else don't people understand? Now it's genetically modified and then it got some mysterious radiation or whatever, or then it, you know. Nanotechnology. Nanotechnology, or it got irradiated,

then it snuck off into a broom closet, and who knows what happened, and then it came out again, and then it bit. Or bit another girl. That's what happened. She was in the broom closet. She off into a broom closet and who knows what happened and then it came out again and then it bit. It bit another girl. That's what happened. She was in the broom closet. And now she's a superhero called Silk. But she has webs that are from the...

She's also killing a bunch of people. I'm guessing she's also killing... Murderers. They're the Bonnie and Clyde of being Spiderman. Being Spiderman is... It's a tough life. Tough gig. Tough job. together. They're the Bonnie and Clyde of being Spider-Man. Being Spider-Man is a tough life. Tough gig. Tough job. So I think it depends.

If it's genetically enhanced... Yeah, it is whatever people don't understand at the time. So at the time they didn't understand radiation, now we don't understand genetic engineering. And then in Amazing Spider-Man 2 it's so convoluted that no one understands. It's great. It's blood and it's blood and

it was my dad and it's your destiny look he had an origin in the building that's full of origins he's got this Spider-Man and then in the basement there's a whole bunch of origins

if you want an origin just go down there and grab some vulture wings or some octopus arms or a bloody rhino tank that'd be a good like an origin story of just a guy walking to an elevator,

pressing a button, getting in, waiting. He doesn't have an agenda. Gets to the floor, opens, walks over. Yeah, those will do. Somebody draw these arms in my back. Call myself Doc Ock. Done. There was, I can't, this was many years ago,

when the Image comic book universe started, there was a corporation called Cyber Data, and if you wanted to become a supervillain, you'd just pay the money and build an armoured villain suit from a menu on a website, and they'd just send it to you. Like Noodle Box. Yeah, like Noodle Box, exactly. Good.

It's like the new Mac, build yourself a burger. I'm overwhelmed by those machines because I'm like, I know I'm either going to go too simple, it'll be shit, or I'll go way too fancy. It'll cost me like $20 for a burger and it'll still be shit.

I don't want pineapple. I'm done. Why don't I order double pineapple? I'm picking it out like a peasant. Like I do all the time. Oh, God. I spent $25, so I wouldn't have to pick time oh god I spent $25 so I wouldn't have to

pick anything out I know I wonder how many people use that just to get cheeseburgers with no pickles people will yeah people will absolutely

I still work at McDonald's I mean you can always do that you just didn't have a screen and if you don't like pickles you can still you can pick it out you can have that pickle taste pickles rule though

I'm on team pickle people used to request them so that they get fresh burgers. That's why I used to... Because I was in the biz when I was a teen. And then would they sneakily go, can you put a pickle in there as well? I did get that. I remember once I got a guy who goes,

I can have a... This is unrelated. Can I have a cheeseburger without pickles? And I said, yeah, it'll be a five minute wait because we were busy. And then he goes, oh, can you just take the pickle out of one that's already there

I was like why don't you fucking take it out why am I taking it out like I'm not your mum it's the laziest piece of shit your mum is like actually I've got a surprise for you mum

so that's when you found your son that's exactly what happened yes that's how that's what this found your son? That's exactly what happened, yes. That's what this episode was built into. Exactly. The camera zooms in James' eye, pulls back, he's a woman holding a child. What?

What's happened to you? Do I want a child with that? It makes sense. I work here. Exactly. Then someone shoots some radiation above you, catches the spider, dangles down, you're the new Spider-Woman.

Spider-Man, right. I don't need any of that. So, very radioactive, I would assume? Well, it sounds like, by the sounds of things, well, it's interesting that Spider-Man Rain is, like, super radioactive, because if his dick is killing someone, then... And it is.

And it is. Definitely did. Well, I think it's less his dick and more his semen and bodily fluids. I'm going to agree with Mason on this one and say it's specifically his penis. He's got a weird glowy lightsaber dong. We have never seen it. Yeah, it's true.

What a spider penis is like. Have you seen a spider dick? Fuck, we're asking the same question. Yeah. You ask like you don't know. Because I know the orb weaver spider, thanks to that Tism song, breaks off in the lady. Oh, actually, I saw there was a video on the internet. Scientifically accurate Spider-Man.

Oh, yeah. I've seen that. Yeah, yeah. Web from his butt. Dick flies off. Good. Well, yeah, because a lot of spiders' dicks do fly off. Do they grow back to get another dick?

No. I think the orb weaver spider will basically, it's one and done. It's just sort of like, because they're so tiny and they tend to get one and done. One and done, but is that what happens? Dick's radioactive, breaks off in her.

That's what I'm saying. It's like a box of tissues. You don't pull the dick off and there's another dick there. No. It's just one dick. And he only ever has one kid in the, like it's only ever one kid he there. No, it's just one dick. And he only ever has one kid in the... It's only ever one kid he has. Yeah, it's only May Parker. Somehow they got past the dick. Golden bullet.

First time every time. Or I did like May Parker giving birth. There's like May Parker placenta, ready like dick. Oh, there's like May Parker placenta radioactive dick. Oh, there it is. There it is. I've been needing that.

Thank you. That's mine. I've been using a funnel to sit down for the last nine months. That's how May Parker gets her spider powers from the radioactive dick. For nine months? For nine months in the womb there. I think we've firmly established a pattern here. Yeah. So, wait, May Parker's...

Okay, so May Parker is... I know that she's Peter's daughter. Yeah, from the future. Because there was also, like, another... I think she... Did they lose a kid? Okay, so here's what happened. I'm remembering some, like, vague things.

There was a clone saga. We won't get into it. And basically the plan was to have Peter lose his superpowers and go and have a kid with Mary Jane. With a regular dick. With a regular dick and a regular kid, and they'd go off into the sunset and have a happy ending. And then Ben Reilly, who was Peter Parker's clone,

was going to be revealed to be the real guy, not the clone, but the original. Because he had a suit and it had a mask. It had a hoodie on it. And a hoodie. Yeah, it had a hoodie. Why did he have a hoodie when he had a mask? Because he was rad.

Because it was the 90s and everything, it was rad. It was pretty rad. It was pretty rad. The easiest way to tell if someone's cool or not. And so anyway, it was going to be revealed that he was the original. He was going to be Spider-Man. And they were going to go off and have that.

The others were going to go off and have the kid. But then it got looped around a million times. And it turned out Peter Parker was the original. He was going to be Spider-Man. And they were going to go off and have... The others were going to go off and have the kid. But then it got looped around a million times and then it turned out Peter Parker was the original and Ben Reilly was the clone and he turned to dust. Yes. And then I don't know what happened to the kid. Didn't they drop him? That's the answer.

I was building to something. Didn't they drop him down a smokestack or something? That was the child. Oh, the clone. Like the original, original, original clone back when it all... Dropped down a smokestack. From the Jackal?

Yeah. The child, they also dropped down a smokestack. They had the kid, Dropped down a smokestack. From the Jackal? The child, they also dropped down a smokestack. They had the kid dropped it down a smokestack. Because there was one storyline where it was like, you know, you go to this house because May is there or something and Peter Parker thought it was his kid because it was all orchestrated by Norman Osborn. And he like busts open the door, but it's not his kid.

It's Aunt May who he thought was dead, but because the original Aunt May that died... No. The original Aunt May that died was an actress that the old man's husband hired, who, like, was so committed to that fucking role, even on her deathbed, was like,

Peter, I knew you were Spider-Man all along! Dead. How did he not know? I don't know. He's a man who spent a really long time concentrating on the fact that his dick has come off if your dick had come off I wouldn't get anything done exactly, he wouldn't think about anything

I'd get my keys to go to work and then I'd just put them back down I need to sit down and think and also like the fact that he's just like, where did it go? Like, I'm pretty sure I know where it is, but I don't want to ask. Yeah. Surely she would have said something.

Oh, jeez. So, did this woman have surgery? I think she had surgery. She had to have. Yeah, to look like Aunt May. Because what are the chances of having, like, the world's greatest actor and she looks exactly like your aunt? But I think, think yeah she had surgery unless your aunt's

Meryl Streep yes oh my god what a great actress she should have been Aunt May she should have been oh I imagine

no those films are already perfect they are you don't want to like too many too many good things in one pot I guess

that's true so wait which film Spider-Man the first set yeah you love those films don't you

I don't that's not true don't slander me in public don't do it what no I don't I hate them not true. Don't slander me in public. Don't do it. What? No, I don't. I hate them. Why?

How? They're great. What? They're no good. Spider-Man 2 is the greatest. Spider-Man 2 is okay. The rest are okay. Jesus.

Probably think X-Men 3 is the best one too, yeah? No. There's all sorts of wild accusations. Yeah. Are you doing your favourite Avengers film?

But Jonah Hex is your perfect comic book movie? Yes, that one I'll take. You know what? He makes a lot of valid points about those movies. What do you say? They pack all the... You could say it.

Give me three reasons why they're not great. They're not great because they're so dreary. They're all sad and sepia tone. And they got all the... They got the... Okay, I'm going to counter that. How do you feel about the one scene in spider-man 3 everyone hates even though it's the dance scene yeah amazing it's not good but i

love it i love it too good okay i'll listen those movies it's what they did is they because i always think of spider-man is this fun happy-go-lucky guy and occasionally like you know he's gotta i gotta pay the rent you know i gotta hold up this building exactly you know but and then and then once every you know good number of years, something tragic happens, like Gwen Stacy dies or something like that, or whatever. But what I think they did with the movies is they got the entire timeline of Spider-Man, like all the tragedy, and they packed it into like six hours.

They went, oh, he can't pay his rent. He lives in this rat trap apartment, and his uncle Ben dies, and everybody hates him at school, and he can't get a date, and everything else, all the and he everybody hates him at school and he can't get a date and that he everything else all the sadness everybody hates him yeah he's crashed his bike

crashed his bike he could never get to a theatre on time yeah exactly his flowers aren't as good as the other flowers he's just miserable

all the time yeah he's not great power comes great responsibility and he can't reveal his identity and yeah but it's too sad

you're right where's the fun in like where's the joy yeah anyway that's all my three reasons okay where's the fun where's the joy yeah anyway that's all my three reasons okay no that was more than three

and I disagree with most of them okay great now here we go good fair enough you raised good points wait

as long as you didn't like so did you think Amazing Spider-Man was better like a better series no I think they're all pretty bad

okay that's okay hey look level playing field that's good guys I hate comic book movies I also hate comic books.

They're just dumb. So dumb. Radioactive semen. That's what we're talking about here. That's what we're talking about. That's my interest. Finally. Comic books are dumb except for that one specific event.

Yes. Great. Is it a what if, this thing? Is it like, this is a potential future? It is a bit of a potential future. Is it like an old man Logan or a Dark Knight? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it is a bit of an old man Logan-esque type thing. I like old man Logan, though. Yeah, I hope that's the future. I hope that's what The Wolverine 2 ends up being. I hope it is also a watered-down version of that, which it will be. Good. The Wolverine's okay.

Yeah, you're right. But that's the thing. The Wolverine is, like, it's okay. I really like The Wolverine. Shut up! That's right. The director's got pretty solid. Yeah, I agree. It's good, but it's not mind I really like The Wolf Room. Shut up! That's right. The director's got pretty solid. Yeah, I agree, it's good,

but I'm not like, it's not mind-blowing. Oh, yeah. It's like a solid comic book film. It's probably as good as X-Men Origins. I'm joking. I got him. No, it's way better. And it's got one of the best train fights, I feel.

Agreed. And one of the best animatronic bears. The problem with my reaction to your X-Men Origins comment is so I work at a cinema and a bunch of people I work with

just have really dumb opinions like that someone told me that the Transformers films are better than Indiana Jones because more stuff happens and that was an

actual opinion well look if their opinion relies on stuff happening then yeah they're correct like stuff happens in Transformers films yeah it's all subjective isn't it when you think about it really Well, look, if their opinion relies on stuff happening, then yeah, they're correct.

Stuff happens in Transformers films. It's all subjective, isn't it? When you think about it, really. So if his only box to tick is stuff happening, then yeah, he's correct. If his definition of stuff includes a 40-minute battle sequence at the end of every one that just keeps going, he can just leave the room and come back 10 minutes later. To be fair, this guy thought that

Iron Man 3 was his film of the year until Pepper Potts saved the day and he was like that's not on it's called Iron Man 3 not Pepper Potts 3 well they haven't even made Pepper Potts 1 and 2

so that doesn't even make sense it'd be like Lennon Part 6 it'd make no sense okay yeah so that guy so the person the name of the person whose movie it is has to save the day.

They have to save the day. Okay, right. Yeah. So no one else can help. No. No, no, no. So Catwoman shot Bane at the end of The Dark Knight Rises. So it should be Catwoman Rises.

Yeah. And at the end of Drive, Drive is ultimately the winner. Yeah. Drive saves the day. It is the concept of it. He does drive away. Like a king. Like a king with a knife wound.

What a film. That's a great movie. So if you got a blood transfusion from Spider-Man, which has happened many times before. Does it usually just turn you into Spider-Man? Turn you into Spider-Man or are you just poisoned? Oh, good question. I reckon it would be a bit of a rollercoaster ride. I think you'd have

spider powers for a little bit, and then your dick would fall off. I thought you were going to be like, but it depends on your resolve and what's going on. No, your dick is falling off. That'd be the worst, because you'd be there swinging around in the city like, I'm having the best of...

I'd feel lighter all of a sudden. Like, just the bulge in your pants would just sag. Why? I needed best of I feel lighter all of a sudden like what like it's the bulge in your pants just sag yeah I needed that what I liked

about the Miles Morales origin was he was like I thought you were going to say what I like about the

idea of my dick falling off is there's no responsibility from then on out like they kind

of explore like what's going to happen to me am I going to die is this going to get worse? What happened? Because I pretty much stopped reading Ultimate Spider-Man.

His uncle steals a spider or gets a spider. Is that right? I can't remember. And it bites him. And it's, I'm not sure whether, I don't think it's the same spider, but it's from, like, the same lab. Oh, okay. And he just gets identical Spider-Man powers.

Except he's got, like, a sting. He can grab you and he does, like, a sting. Cool. That's cool. Yeah. Wait, so Peter Parker exists's cool yeah that is also cool Peter Parker exists in the same universe

it's the ultimate universe yeah and then he died and then he's clones banging around but that's a woman sick spider woman

which your friend doesn't care for it's a woman and it's called Spider Man yeah he's out friend is probably

too short of a term sorry yeah your best mate and mentor yes my best mate mentor and a man who shares the same ideals as me

both with films and clearly in life yes yeah he's I don't work with him anymore he is a piece of shit I hope he's listening

I hope he's listening because fuck you he knows I don't need to say his name I hope he's listening. I hope he's listening, because fuck you. He knows. I don't need to say his name. If you're listening, you know who you are. Yeah, Gary. Fucking idiot.

Piece of shit. I work with Gary, though. He's great. Gary, you're all right. No, yeah. Go on, Gary. He won't be listening. It's fine.

So Miles Reynolds has a bit of a panic attack. He's like, what about my my cum Is that going to poison women Yeah exactly Oh Jesus And men I don't know He read Spider-Man Reign He didn't like it either

He's very ominous You see him turning The paints on No Oh god Supermodel I like this Oh no

Oh no My dick fell off And now I killed someone I need some Supergirl And some Gaffer Stat How does Spider-Man reign end? Does he die? Spoiler alert, all the

listeners. I stopped paying attention. Holding their copy of Spider-Man reign. I should listen to this podcast first. It's all about the symbiotes and the Sandman is in it and then he like accidentally kills his daughter or his daughter dies in front of him and he has a shit one.

So what I'm thinking is Beach Party. Yeah. That's how it is. Beach Party. And like J. Jonah Jameson's in it as well. How old's he? Very old. And he gets all yelly too. So he's like an even more yelly old man.

I want to read this now. It's an adventure. It's not great though. I thought he died at the end of it i don't know why it seems like because it goes really dark and gritty that they might as well just kill him just like five issues is it like four or five like i i i've only yeah four or five episodes i honestly now forget how it ends i just it's just you're really bad with that all the time like you check out of something and you literally you'll keep watching it or reading

it and then you just i'll ask you you a question and you'll be like, oh, no, no, no. Right. I didn't care. It's now not in my memory. I think, is this early Alzheimer's? Is this what's happening?

Honestly, I hope so. Probably the radiation poisoning. Probably the radiation poisoning. Ah, my dick. Don't worry, it's all right. It's all there. I'm going to quickly fact check because I want to talk about the ending

but I don't know what it is so, hey, you can edit this out or you can keep it in. I'm googling everything he lives it's about Venom he lives he visits Mary Jane's grave

oh so the ending is the ending is him finding out that he killed her or us finding out that oh it's a picture of us recording for you guys

no no he defeats he defeats the bad guys like some some like Doc Ock I got this one guys it's alright

Doc Ock like he Doc Ock's dead this one guys it's alright Doc Ock like he Doc Ock's dead body is being like carted around by the arms that have sentience and shit

and they're like we need to do something to Peter Parker and tell him shit and I think the arms might give him a good inspiring message for him to win

and he rises up hell by like riding on a wall yeah they're like nah I think they can speak through. Can they speak through Doc Ock's dead corpse? This is like Weekend at Bernie's.

Maybe. Maybe. Apparently the ending ends with Spider-Man defeating Venom and Rain. Jameson reports crime levels. Venom and Rain? Who the hell is Rain? I don't know. Who cares?

Whatever. Is it R-E-I-G-N? Yeah. I miss there was a character called Rain oh after Venom

and the Rain oh right the Rain is like R-A-I-N or R-E-I-G-N which one second one second one

with a G after Venom and the Rain are defeated Jameson reports that all crime levels are back to where they were years ago

but so are heroes as Peter visits Mary Jane's grave he states that he will join her in peace one day but until then he has Jameson reports that all crime elves are back to where they were years ago, but so are heroes. As Peter visits Mary Jane's grave, he states that he will join her in peace one day, but until then he has responsibilities. Spider cum. Spider cum. Spider cum.

So yeah, that's how it ends. Because all the symbiotes are raining down on the... Oh, and then everybody's turning into a symbiote. Yeah, and a big symbiote wall is coming to kill all the citizens. And Spider-Man is just like, I guess I'll save the day. It's a mess. It's a mess of a comic book. Where's everyone else? You said they weren't around.

It's like a big bubble that they sort of implement. Oh, under the dome. Yeah, it's like under the dome. Thailand 2. Yeah, Thailand 2, under the dome. So the big dome goes across, I guess, New York. That's where Spider-Man is, not Metropolis. That's Superman. So the big dome goes across, I guess, New York. That's where Spider-Man is, not Metropolis. That's Superman.

So the big dome goes across, and everyone's like, this is bad, but it's kind of like, but it's preventing crime. How good? And then it's like Venom's revealed to be the big bad guy, and he's like, well, now I've got you all trapped in here with me, and now I'm going to eat you. How does a dome prevent crime? I don't know.

Criminals are afraid of domes. You know about this. Do you remember, criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I remember that. I remember Batman, he's in his study, and he's like, what should I, I'm Bruce Wayne, what role should I take? And then he looks out his window, and there's a bat flying by, and there's a dome.

He's like, which one will I choose? And he flips a coin in the end. Because he gets spooked by both. Yeah, he gets spooked. Wow. So his life could have been... He looked at an upside-down salad bowl and he's like, oh. I just don't see how putting a dome...

Unless the dome does something. I think it's more like surveillance as well. It's a dome and also surveillance of something. It sounds dumb. It's a dumb comic. surveillance of something. It sounds dumb. It's a dumb comic. Don't read it, guys. And I was under the impression that all comics were amazing. Sometimes they're only just spectacular.

Not that shitty joke. I've been Joel. Yay! Fuck you. I've been Maceo. I've also been Joel. I've been James. Hope your dick doesn't fall off.

I hope it does. Maybe see a doctor? I don't know. Nah, I wouldn't go. I'd be like, this is too embarrassing. That's true. My penis has literally fallen off. What are they going to do for me?

I'll be on embarrassing bodies and be like, so what happened? My dick fell off. How long ago? Six years ago. I've got it in this jar. Also, I can shoot webs. Yeah, is that something?

This might be a two-hour speech. Yeah. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.