Plumbing the Death Star - How Would Deal With Sid's Revelation in Toy Story?

Episode Date: December 26, 2021

On the "make sure that toys are having a good time" to "becoming lovers" to "I will 100% be on Family Guy" where do you fall? Anyways, go buy tickets to our live show in Melbourne on February 19th right here! Not in Melbourne? Grab tickets anyway and convince someone to take in an iPad and prop your zoom'd self on a chair you coward. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy Holidays everybody! For those of you who are not in Melbourne, just hit that minute or whatever skip button. This isn't for you! Okay, now that it's just us, I have a quick question. What do you think is the best coffee in Melbourne? I'm a big fan of the auction rooms in North Melbourne, but I've heard some great things about Manchester Press, and I'm 80% sure I've already been there, and it was pretty good. The Glass Den is a bit wanky even for me but I'd experience their iced coffee at least once if you haven't already. People have told me to try this place in Paran but it's a bit of a hike and I don't know if I really want to deal with all that. Okay now that it really is just us we're doing a live show on February the 19th where we're going to answer the question how to curse a small village. A question we have answered before but it

was too heinous for the main feed. So instead, we're making the wise decision of doing it in front of a live audience where we cannot edit the terrible things we say. So don't forget to grab your tickets in the show notes. Start 2022 off disgusted with your favorite bad IQ boys, and let's all hope it's not a super spreader event. You're listening to the sans pants network home of comedy culture adventures and ghosts hello please come in take a seat welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star i'm joel i'm jackson and i'm also joel and today we're asking important questions like How would you deal with Sid's revelation in Toy Story?

So we all remember Toy Story Uno Where Sid Vicious No, his name is just Sid Vicious. Sid Vicious is dead, rest in peace. We don't actually know Sid's surname. Could be Vicious. We probably do know Sid. We, okay.

Okay, probably the Death Star don't know Sid's surname. He surely has one. No doubt. With a quick look at my phone, I can figure it out. But that is not in the spirit of today's episode. No, not even a little bit. But Sid is a, well, he's a child, and he likes to mutilate his toys. He's a real motherfucker of a kid.

No, he's creative. He's a real motherfucker of a kid. He just wants to know how toys are made, and maybe he wants to do something different, like give a crane Barbie legs. Yeah, if you saw a kid, like a 7-year-old, 10-year-old, who'd put a rubber ducky head on their Barbie. And was melting toys and hassling their dog and just being a real piece of shit.

I don't think he hassles the dog. And just being a real piece of shit kid. Anyway, that's not the point. I would be like, I'm going to move before this kid burns down my house. If he was hassling the dog. If he's just creating interesting arts and crafts projects. I wouldn't go that far. I'm going to call him Andy Warhol.

I'm Jackson. I'm inspired because of this fucking kid. I'm inspired by Sid. It's true. You're both going very opposite ends of the spectrum here. Fuck this kid. That's all I'm saying. Put him in jail early.

And you're like, this kid is like the Renaissance reborn. Kick him up and throw him. Swing him by his feet and throw him over the fence. What if he's just a kid? We hate this kid. We love this kid. Anyway, I'm kid neutral. The point is, Sid, to get out of his house, Woody reveals to Sid that toys are fucking alive.

Hey, Sid, it's me, Woody. There's a snake in my boot. There's a snake in my boot. I'm going to kill you. Whatever he says. Yeah, well, the toys do pretty much say, hey. I'm going to climb down your fucking throat, little kid. Get into your guts, and I'm going to dye them up so I can swallow your peas.

You ever shit a cowboy, kid? You ever shit a cowboy, kid? God, let me at them teeth. You king of the woody string. You ever shit a cowboy? I'm going to climb in your mouth, kid. I'm going to climb in your mouth and I'm going to get into your guts. I seem to have gotten a wrong one.

Mummy, could you take this one back? I've got a wrong one. My Woody's a freak, Mum. I don't want him anymore. I'm going to knock your teeth out and make you shit me, cowboy. Imagine teeth kicked in by a cowboy. Anyway, mummy. So Sid, he knows for the rest of his life.

Should have killed me, Sid. Should have killed me when you had the chance. The toys are fucking guys now. Yeah. So let's assume each of us at some point in our lives had that revelation. Well, important question. Yeah. Is this happening to us when we're Sid's age,

which is anywhere between, based on our guesses, 7 and 12? A baby or 12. No, I say, because I think it's more interesting, it's happening now. Okay. Like you're walking home and you see like a dilapidated teddy bear get up and walk away. Ted?

Is this Seth MacFarlane's Ted? It's funny to assume that's what's happening, not Toy Story. There's just one alive teddy bear. I feel, if I saw that, I would just assume I had a mental break. Yeah. Down. And I would just be like, I need to, I'm sorry, boys. Boys, loving family.

Daddy got to go home. Daddy got to go home. Daddy got to go somewhere. I don't know where I got to go. I got to go and have a lie down somewhere. I don't know. I don't know. I'm seeing shit. Sitting across from your psych and being like,

I need to have a lie down in a hospital. I can't fathom what this means about me, but toys are alive. So can I, I don't know. Do you have anything you can just huck into my mouth rub my throat let me be so maybe i forget it yeah sit down and be like this is it's gonna be a drugs one because we can't talk out talk out of this okay you need to medicate me because i'm fucked up now all right shock therapy how do we feel uh put some electrodes on what

would convince you then that it was full-on alive toys if both if if more than just me sorry if it was all three of us or even just two of us. I looked over, I saw a toy, I'm like oh, daddy gotta do something. And then Douche is like, I see it too. I'm like, well. Yeah, like maybe so, you know, Douche is driving home from work and he sees a teddy bear walk across the road.

Ted 3! Ted 3 is happening. They're filming Ted 3! And Zabit, maybe you're throwing out the... Oh my god, they're doing Ted 3 but with other toys now. And Zabit, maybe you're throwing out the- Oh my God. They're doing Ted 3 with other toys now. No, because it has to happen together. We have to be together. So you don't think if we each individually had it,

you would believe that we- I don't know. What would you think was happening? We were pranking you. Yeah, dude. I saw Ted 3 today. And I'd be like, fucking you. The guy, not the movie.

It'd be something like, okay, did you just get like a drone or some like animatronic something and you're fucking with my brain all right no dude i swear to god one of my many china dolls was alive okay there is something in this like the studio that we have consumed that is poison gas uh did we eat a bad banana together or whatever bad banana the air was wrong oh no sorry i've got the air conditioning Set on wrong gas Ah shit I knew I shouldn't have installed that

Everyone kept telling me don't But I did Don't you actually want the air to be right Everyone said it'd be I'm like oh it'd be funny If you did a drunk episode Or something We're like what if we did a gas episode

Yeah What if we did a wrong gas episode Okay so we'd have to all see That's fair enough Yeah I'd have to be in the same room as you and I'd be like, that's fucked up.

And you'd be like, that is fucked up. And I'm like, you seeing that? And I'm like, oh no. What would it have to be to convince you that it was all toys?

Like, if you came, because I was just thinking then, I'm like, well, you could all come to my house to see my extensive collection of China dolls. Yes. But if they all came to life at once,

you might think, oh, just Jackson's China doll. Jackson's done a curse. Yeah, like, oh, the devil's got into Jackson's many Batman dolls. I shut Jackson's door and I leave him alone. I guess if we-

They dare me to stress. Yeah, yeah. Piranami. Open up the door, just a skeleton, and they're all back in their place. And you're like, I guess I gotta feed them. Yeah, I'm like, hmm. All is right in the world. Do they just want human flesh or just that one guy?

Yeah, they never come to life again. Like, I guess that was a comeuppance for something. I guess there was a problem and they fixed it. I guess. Yeah, okay. Well, sort of. Like I said, all is right in the world. God is in his heaven.

All is right in the world. So what? So it would have to be multiple toys? Like, what convinced you that it was all toys everywhere? If we ended up, say, if it was like, oh, look, it's Ted 4, walking down and we tackled it and then he started talking and then it was like, all toys are this. Unless he said, fuck you, thunder, et cetera, et cetera, it's Ted 4. Walking down. And we tackled it. And then he started talking. And then he was like, all toys are this. Unless he said, fuck you, Thunder, et cetera, et cetera, whatever the song is.

I'd be like, oh, this is a viral marketing or whatever. I'd be like, where's Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis? I think Mila Kunis is in this movie. Mila Kunis? Do you know Mila Kunis? I like her a lot more than I like Mark Wahlberg. I'm an alive teddy bear, man. I don't know what you're talking about.

Have you seen Ted? It's about you, maybe. I have to go to sleep when people are in the room, all right? What? But I'm in the room currently. Yeah, well, you fucking got your hands around my neck. I'm scared. Why am I strangling you?

I imagine you had him up against the wall. No, but still I'm afraid. I can't breathe, but I can feel fear. You could still tear me to bits. What happens if I tear you to bits? I don't want to find out. Anyway, all toys are alive. Put me down. What do you mean all toys? It'd be an interrogation.

It'd be like a... Are you Ted 3? I don't know what that is. What do you mean you're not Ted 3? I am a teddy bear. Is your name Ted? No, it's Scrunches. Scrunches? Scrunches.

Yeah. All right. No further questions. No further questions. Put him down. No, but he's saying all toys are alive. No, I've got the information I need. Yeah, but his name's Scrunches.

He doesn't know what he's talking about. What do you mean? He's never even seen Ted. He didn't even know what Ted was. That's basically about you, dude. Yeah, it was like Mila Kunis. He said, who? She's very famous.

He's right. She is. Put him down. Douche has convinced me. And then I'm walking away. I'm like, I'm going to turn around. I'm like, wait. Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

Oh! Mila Kunis! Yeah, he remembers Mila Kunis. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, shit. All toys are alive. His child would often watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was his favorite film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he scrunches on his lap. Well, then, after a long conversation with scrunches, learning all toys were alive. I mean, what would that change about the way you live? I'd be like, what do you mean they're alive? Well, he's like, they're like me. They're just up and about doing whatever they like.

When did you learn to speak? How did you learn to speak? The moment I was in the packaging. What? I don't know. Do you have, I'd feel his head to see if he's got like a computer chip. Please stop squeezing my brain. You've got a brain?

I've got a place where a brain should be. I've got a head. Where are you? Wait, when you think, what do you think? That's actually a fucked up question. What do you mean? What do you think? I'm thinking right now, I'm thinking I should get out of here.

I'm thinking you're one fucked up guy with dumb fucking questions. Where's your sense of self? What do you mean? Where's your sense of self? In my brain. In the center of my head. It's in my head, yeah. Yeah, it's in my head.

So do you think in like words, sentences, pictures? Hey, guy, you can be honest with me. Are you about to dissect me? Because it sounds like you want to dissect me. You want to cut my fucking head open, please. Can I just put in a request? Can you stop me from dissecting you? No, I'm not very strong.

You have a teddy bear. How did you come to be? What's your first memory? My first memory is being in a box. Open my eyes, I'm in a box. What's your first memory? Yeah, fucking hell. How about you have some questions I got?

I wasn't fucking born, but you don't remember being fucking born, eh? My first memory is breastfeeding. How fucked up is that? Imagine if that was Scruggs' first memory. Get off my mum's ditty! No! Couldn't even drink the milk.

Yeah, he's doing it for fun. I'm a pervert. I'm a pervert, Daddy Brat. I don't know if I like Scratches anymore Wait are you watching us always? Yeah I can see you are a pervert

Not much else to do I gotta pretend to be asleep but I gotta get my eyes open So really it's your fault Don't masturbate At least turn me around But I'll turn back around I wanna see him yeah

I can't I'm curious I don't know what do you want to be loved by a child that's it but pretty much why do you want that

well cause it feels good yeah so it just feels you're married yeah it's like that that's nice right you get to feel love

or whatever I want the same fucking thing yeah I could probably have a toy partner too if I wanted yeah double the love you can have It's like that. That's nice, right? You get to feel love or whatever. I want the same fucking thing. Okay, that's it. I could probably have a toy partner too if I wanted. Yeah, double the love. So you can have a partner. I can have romantic and bad ones.

You can have a romantic relationship. I don't have teddy bear genitals. I call it teddy bear fuck. I didn't ask that. Why do you always ask me about my teddy bear fuck? I didn't ask you about it. You just said... Oh, this guy.

I'm a teddy bear fuck. I don't want to... So you have romantic... I don't want shit either if you want to know you just said you- Oh, this guy, I'm a-ma-ma-ma-teddy bear fuck. I don't know, so you have romantic- I don't know shit either if you wanna know how- But you have romantic feelings. Yeah. Okay, so you have- Platonic and romantic love I experience both. So those are- can you, I guess, anger?

Yeah. I'm fine. In all the range of emotions, man. I'm real- tell you what- Except for horny, I guess. Nah, I can be horny. I can be horny. You can be horny.

I don't do nothing about it. Yeah, I just can't. So that's frustration. Yeah, I can feel horny you can be horny I'll do nothing about it yeah I just can't so that's frustration yeah at least anger okay I get it and also as you can see currently I'm on the street so I don't know where

the fuck my kid is that always has to be a kid or does it well mine was a kid but I don't know where the hell they've gone so and so you always pretend

like you're sleeping or not real when there's a kid playing yeah but I don't know where the kid is I've been walking around these alleyways. And then you,

then I roll out and then I fucking run into this. You. So you just very much, you just kind of like lay there and you'd be like, oh, I'm getting played with.

This is the greatest. You are a fucking pervert. And the kid, no one knows this? No, well, you three now. He's fucked.

Can I go? No. Just let him go. Yeah, I don't mind. Go on, Scrunches. Get out of here, Scrunches. Find your boy. I hear him scurrying down the alleyway.

Yeah, thanks, fellas. Except that one guy that wants to dissect me. You can fucking eat my ass. I'd be dissecting him. It's so funny to imagine the three of us after that just going to a cafe and like, okay. Xamarin's got a lot of questions. We're just eating on. Are we recording something later? No, I don't think so. after that just go into a cafe and like, okay. Zammett's got a lot of questions.

We've got none. Are we recording something later? No, I don't think so. So do you mean if scrunchies can feel- Who? Oh, the bear. Yeah, he was a nice guy. You asked him a lot of fucked up questions. Could he feel your hands around his neck?

Yeah, I think so. Probably. He didn't say he could though. I mean, he didn't like it. I feel bad to be able to know. He wanted to say he could, though. I mean, he didn't like it. I feel bad. He wanted to hear us, but he's got no, like, receptors, right? All I know is all toys are alive now. We should have dissected him.

Why? Well, you can go find him, Ben. What do you mean, why? Tell you what'll be inside him? Fucking stuffing. It raises more questions. I think if I knew all toys were alive. You honestly killed the cat, Joel Zammett.

I'm eating this sandwich We're gonna go dissect a bear Alright Have fun murderer How can I murder something that's not even alive? Well we just found out that he is alive Yeah you see How is he alive?

Well you're not listening to your good friend Skirbleshanks or whatever that guy's name was I've forgotten What's your definition of alive then? Living? Walking around? Yammering? Talking?

Yeah, but that could have just been a response that just coincidentally lined up without questioning. That seems like you don't want him to be alive, to be honest. Or he's like an AI or some shit. Yeah. Would you kill a robot? Yeah. See, he wouldn't. Yeah, but he didn't say, I'm a robot.

He said, I'm alive. We don't know. He might be a robot. He said, I'm alive. If a robot was like, I'm alive, would you believe know He might be a robot He said I'm alive If a robot was like I'm alive Would you believe that? Nah I don't want to kill the bear I'm killing the

You know what's the situation With the robot Is my question The same thing It's a robot But he looks like a bear Is he metal? Is he a threat to me?

Well you don't know that Well there's any chance That he could be I must kill the robot Well yeah but this bear Was saying he watches us When we masturbate Not me The royal wig Yeah but But he could be. I must kill the robot. Well, yeah, but this bear was saying he watches us when we masturbate. Not me.

The royal wig. Yeah, but... But he could have. He was a pervert. Now that he knows, he might be, you know, wanting to watch us. I don't know.

I'll just check my room for him before I jerk off. If I knew that, like... I mean, obviously... If I jerk off with a webcam in my room, that's probably dangerous, but it happens.

Like, I'm a 30-year-old man, so I don't have any toys, okay? But I do have one stuffed... I guess a stuffed toy that I bought because it was from a web series I liked or whatever. What web series? Umami. Are you excited?

I'm sure there's plenty of... It's called Interface, actually. It's by Umami. Oh, Interface! Cool. That's the one by Umami, yeah. You nailed it. Long running. Yeah, it is. That was a safe bet, though.

Quite popular in certain areas of the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got any more comments about it? Good. Yeah, pretty good. Entertaining more comments about it? Good. Yeah, yeah, pretty good. Entertaining. It's funny.

It started out in black and white, but then developed in... Nice try. See, I've read it, Joel Zeman hasn't. Yeah, read it? Read it. It's a web series. Read it. Yeah, it's like it's on YouTube.

Oh, so it wasn't like a web comic. No, that's why I said web series. You fucked up. I read the script. You think he thought web comic. I think he could have sworn he said web comic. No, I said web series. By that I meant, yeah, it was like on YouTube.

Yeah. Yeah, you can just fire it up on YouTube. Just give it a read. Yeah, just give it a read. Well, you can read the script. Yeah. So the first ones were a bit, you know, a bit janky and not as like well polished.

Okay. Another safe bet. Another safe bet. Nicely done. Nicely done. So I already fucked it. I'm going to keep going. Okay.

Yeah. So what I'm thinking is that I have this stuff. It's a character called Mischief in it. It's like an evil clown or whatever and a bird. But like, if I knew he was alive, would i turn him away while i masturbate it i think i wouldn't care it's like a different kind of whatever yeah yeah i guess it's like a different kind of alive it's like if you got a dog and you're jerking off for the dog you shouldn't yeah well it's more like if you got a goldfish or a hamster no No, it's more, though, because they're alive and they talk and they understand, like, your language.

If you owned a chimpanzee and it spoke to me in English. I will just say, having a look at mischief, you should probably, which I already knew what he looked like. Oh, yeah, we all did. You should probably turn away when you masturbate anyway. No, turn away, dude. He looks scary. Do you own Blue Guy as well? No.

Do you like Blue Guy? Yeah, isn't he a fan favorite? Blue Guy's usually a protagonist. dude he looks scary do you own blue guy as well? no do you like blue guy? yeah he's a fan favourite blue guy's usually the protagonist see? fan favourite yeah

everyone loves the protagonist this is such a strange kind of bullying I don't know if I've ever witnessed bullying that looks like this does you know

like what, what's the end goal? I don't know if you're mocking me for enjoying it. I feel like what's happening is you're sort of playing a game with yourself. I just find Mischief very interesting as a character, especially after the 1943 Philadelphia

experiments, which altered his appearance forever. Left him look like a freak clown. You remember that? It's like the first line of the thing but yeah yeah first line of what of the first series of the first year the first series foggy in my brain I've seen a lot since then obviously yeah I think you'd quite like it Well I know I like it It's good, I'm a big fan Blue guy Mischief guy

Any of the other characters you can recall? I remember they're all freaks Yeah but surely you can remember some of the other famous protagonists Famous characters Because I know that blue guy is probably blue Yeah Yeah I'm sure blue guy is probably blue, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure blue guy's blue.

He's the blue one. Yeah, yeah. His name's blue guy, so I assume it's blue. He's definitely blue. Yeah, that's right, Jack. He's blue. He's the blue one, right, Jack? You nailed it, bro. What can I say? He's the blue one right Jax? You nailed it What can I say he's the blue one It's one of my

favorites too You must gotta love it Incredible series Okay so You also probably don't have toys in your house. Well no, but I would, what I would do is be like, well I need to go visit my parents' attic, where they've kept all our childhood toys.

Why are you going to the toys? Because I think, well, I wanna- He's obsessed with dissecting one. I'm just throwing all those Funko Pops people have bought me over the years out. Yeah, it would. I hope they don't all have fun. The bad energy you've given, you know how like toys in the Toy Story universe need the love of a child. Those Funko Pops you own are getting the opposite

of whatever that is. Pure hatred. You don't have mouths, so you can't talk. Oh, yeah. Dissect them, by all means. I'm not... I would go to my... Yeah, I would go to my parents' house

and go up to the attic and be like, right, where are those stuffed toys? I would just go into a toy shop. And then my parents would be like, oh, you mean the ones we gave to the dog and the dog ripped its face off and i'm like yeah i remember coming back home once and seeing one of my stuffed animals that i had when i was a kid and and ajax the dog is little jack russell was just like ripping um its face off it was um uh i don't know how you experienced childhood trauma as an adult yeah yeah yeah yeah

it was something else well now it now it's going to be worse because now you know that the toy was screaming in pain but couldn't actually scream. And then it's like, where's my boy? He will protect me. Ah, he's hours away.

He doesn't live here anymore. He abandoned me in the attic. I'd feel like fuck a lot of guilt. I have a mouth, but I cannot scream. Well, he does have a mouth because Ajax bit it off. Yeah.

Well, that's a good question because if Simon's feeling guilt... We really went for faces of a lot of those toys. Kept everything else fine, but the fuck is this? Man, Jack Russell went for a lot of faces. You've got to keep that away from your mischief toy, from your favourite web series. What was it called again?

What's the name of the web series again? Interface. By your mummy. Yeah, by your mummy. Yeah, absolutely. Very popular. Very popular. Yeah, he changed his appearance

After the 1944 Philadelphia Express 1943 Easy mistake to make Easy mistake to make of course It's just you know Dates are hard to pay attention to Yeah no no That was a mixed up number

Yeah of course I'd go to my parents The ones that remain And just be like I'd sit them down And be like Hello Well isn't that a weird thing

Because like I mean we've obviously spoken to scrunchies Well yeah I've spoken to scrunchies And scrunchies was alive But these toys Like If you're like I know the secret

Are they gonna give it up Well that's why I don't know Because I'm like Okay I scrunchies I don't know if you know him But It'd seem weird if you did

Anyway A toy He came alive Scrunchies He was like All all toys are alive. So are you guys alive? You've got to tell me. I guess that's the part that would fuck you up the most

because they probably wouldn't reveal themselves. And if you don't, then I'd be like, well, okay. You're like, wait, did that happen? And now your daddy's in trouble again. Yeah, daddy's in trouble. Daddy's got to go home. Yeah. I don't know.

Your mind is once again. Maybe I'll call up my boys. I'll be like, hey, do you remember scrunches? And both of you are like, who? And I'll be like, okay, yeah, no. No, dude, I don't remember. I remember that great sandwich Dusha had. Chicken and lettuce and tomatoes. And let me tell you,

a little trick that sometimes sandwich shops don't do, you've got to put a bit of cheese on there. Cheese and some aioli. And then, like, the the phone you can't hear me and douche on the other end because we've gone I've gone to watch him eat the sandwich again anyway we gotta go yeah nah that is gotta go

me with my hand in my hands watching douche read it fuck that's a good sandwich what does Amit want yeah but if they don't reveal themselves then I'm like well I've experienced the mental break and maybe we all just one yeah yeah yeah but if they don't reveal themselves then i'm like well that's this is a i've experienced the mental break yeah maybe we all just experienced a joint psychosis yeah i think that is probably like hysteria or something like again that kind of stuff that like did we just

hype each other up to think a bear was alive yeah like was the reality douche it was just holding a stuffed bear against the wall and we were all just thinking like maybe bear against a wall. And we were screaming at it. And we were all just thinking, like, maybe we're a little bit hungry. Oh, the bear wasn't alive. I was just hangry. Oh, of course. Okay, if they don't reveal themselves, I'd be like, okay, that's just strange and weird. Yeah.

The thing that happened that maybe I just repressed. Well, do you think if it had happened as a kid, you'd believe it more? I mean, if it happened as a kid, I'd believe it as a kid. But then as I grew up, I'd be like, oh, my imagination went like a fly. It'd be a Drop Dead Fred situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I hallucinated it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our hearts and souls. It's not real. But much like Drop Dead Fred, it would turn out you didn't hallucinate it. Yeah. It's real. It's kind of like, I guess, what Sid has done,

which is basically, like, got on with his life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And be like, yeah, that thing happened on a few. Yeah, he sorted himself out. He became a garbage man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sorted himself out. He became a garbage man. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. It pays really well. Yeah, Sid's doing great.

And he's so happy. As opposed to Andy, who's got a sort of quiet rage. Yeah, Sid's loving it. So I guess you could just kind of bounce back if it happened as a child. I'd just go to a toy store and be like, I know. I know. Lean into a little Elsa toy or whatever.

I know. Hey, Elsa. And then I just shake her. I'm playing with you. You become an absolute menace to toy stores everywhere. It happened as a kid. We don't know why.

He comes into the stores and just shakes all the toys. I'm punishing him. I've been keeping it a secret for too long. It's rude. Okay, sir. And now a quick word from our sponsors are you like me a big old fantasy nerd who maybe dabbled in magic the gathering in

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or wherever you listen to your podcasts. It's never been a better time to be a big old fantasy nerd. Yeah, it happened as a kid. I think either I'd become more of a... And if it happened more in terms of like, yeah, like once we kind of got past that threshold and then they became like, oh yeah, we're having a fun time together. It would then be like, okay, I guess little Joel is now very reclusive boy because he's having some sick times with his toys.

Yeah. And we're like, we need to socialize. Like, my parents are like, we need to socialize that kid more. Yeah, he can't just play with his, like, little action figures all the time. And I guess, like, that would maybe shift to be, like, my parents being like, we need to go see somebody. All he does is play with his toys. He's got an incredible imagination.

Yeah, but he just. And this, this, and this, and this. But, like. He also keeps saying the toys are a lie. Yeah. Which they're patently not. Which they're not. So, I guess there'd be maybe some like therapy there well what about if you just

say you're convinced yeah say you don't think it's a mental break and even if the toys don't respond to you you just know innately somehow in your soul all toys are alive i would kind of as i would be now but i'd be i want to know more i would dissect some yeah yeah no that's fair that's fair i think that's reasonable i know how much you don I want to know more. I would dissect some. I'm sorry, Jay. No, that's fair. That's fair. I think that's reasonable. I know how much you don't want to dissect a teddy bear. No, no, no. I just think that I don't care. It's just that if you're like, they're alive.

I need to kill some. Well, they're not alive. It's a phenomenon. And what are you going to learn from dissecting them? It is a phenomenon. Because they're not alive. But if you know they're not alive. Well, I don't know.

Yeah. But the thing is, like, I look at them You palpate You be like Alright what's going on here You press them So I guess you kind of go insane Even if you do genuinely believe That they're alive

Because you dissect the teddy bear What do you find? Well things like That's the thing It's like the Sid way Which is like You are taking them apart And building them

But that doesn't kill them No But they suffer pain We know that We don't know that No but we As in us Plumbing the Death Star We don't know that. No, but we, as in us plumbing the dust are watching Toy Story, know that toys feel pain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They certainly fear death. And they do feel pain. Like when Sid is burning Woody's head, he eats it, but then he screams the moment he turns around. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it just fire then? Have they experienced other pain apart from heat? No. Because they're afraid. I feel like something's been thrown at one of them and they've gone off. Yeah, but that happens with us as well. When you get something, you hit us. Because it hurts.

Well, sometimes it doesn't. And it's like a response. Like, oof, ow. Yeah, that's true. And it does happen. That's true. But they have sensories. When Buzz tries to fly through the window and he falls and breaks his arm, he's in pain.

Yeah, that's true. Okay. And Woody gets a tear, I think. He breaks his arm. His arm comes off, right? And then he just chucks it back on? Yeah, but later. Clearly it's not that bad, then. No, well, yeah, probably not.

Maybe he's tough. He's into space. But are they in pain, or is it, again, psychological, but for a toy? I think, I don't know if I would get as worried. It's upset, Joel Zalmuth, so much. I don't understand how you'd be like, it's fine, I'm having a sandwich.

It alters reality as you know it. There is so much going on that what we assumed we understood no longer exists. I don't know how records work. So I've already come to terms with this. I own 400 records. But the fundamental... CDs, I can tell you how that works. Files this 400 records. But the fundamental- CDs.

I can tell you how that works. Yeah. Files are stored on the disc. A laser reads a disc. A record plays music even if there's no speakers plugged in. There's grooves or something. How does that make sense? Okay.

So if your- How do you press a song? If your record just suddenly grew lips and started talking to you, you'd be like, that's I understand this the same amount as I understood a record player. I'd kiss it. That's what I'm saying. Kissing music. That's what I'm saying. No, I think I would become, I don't think

I would have those questions, but I don't think I would go down the same path of madness. Why let it weigh you down at night? I don't know if you're like the most zen motherfucker I've ever met in my life. It would fundamentally alter how we...

It would, but I think what would happen for me is I would assume malice on the part of the toys. And so I would spend my time avoiding all toys and maybe killing all toys that I came into contact with. See, I wouldn't kill them. I would just be more experimental, which may be worse for them. They might see us both as monsters, but a different kind of monster. Well, I mean. At least I grant them the sweet gift of death. How are you killing the toys, though?

Burning them alive. Okay, I was going to say. Chucking them in a fire. Yeah, yeah. Chucking them in a fire. Give them to a dog. Whatever, you know. Dog won't kill them.

Fire will. Are they ever revealing themselves again to us? They don't have to. I'm still scared. Well, no. Because I don't think I'd dissect them if they were revealing themselves. Yeah, I don't think they'd be revealing themselves. were revealing themselves yeah i don't think they are i don't think they yeah i don't think they'd be revealing themselves because then yeah it'd be like all right you gotta keep up the

masquerade well then yeah it'd be cutting them i mean like it's just full of stuffing yeah but then starting them back up and then be like i guess it's fine yeah see what's your next step after learning there's nothing going on inside them i would assume that there wasn't anything there yeah and if i that's the thing it's's kind of like, I would just assume that I experienced something that I can't explain, and maybe I just saw a cursed doll, or it was some marketing for Ted 4 that didn't happen. Yeah, oh, they never

made a Ted 4, wow. They didn't make a Ted 3. One day. One day. Maybe they made like a Ted 3. Maybe they were just like, I stumbled upon Ted 3's marketing in its early development. They realized that that was bad marketing. They're like, we'll make a little animatronic bear and just let him loosen some out. You know how the McElroy's were like, they started a podcast called the McElroy's will

be in trolls too. And then you're in trolls. I'll talk. Yeah. Do you reckon plum in the death star could appear in Ted three? Interface sadly ended after 24 episodes. But if they bring Oh, sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Interface. I think Interface is- Interface sadly ended after 24 episodes. Yeah, but if they bring it back.

I know you spent some time on your phone earlier. I've watched it happen. I don't know what you're talking about. That information- Surely if I knew that information at the time, I would have said it. Yeah, you would think so. Yeah, I think if we started a podcast

called The Plum Boys, we'll be in Ted 3. It could happen. Yeah. Somebody get the word out to Seth MacFarlane. I reckon just this podcast. We don't change Plumbing the Death. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Just occasionally mention it. When we cameo in Ted 3. Yeah. Oh, Family Guy. Get us on Family Guy. Get us on Family Guy. I'm a big Mila Kunis fan, as mentioned earlier in this episode. I was angry at that Ted for not knowing Mila Kunis.

Lois, this was me, Peter. Holy crap, Lois. Do you believe this shit? Seth MacFarlane, this is like that time where I was on Family Guy. This is crazier than that time I was on Family Guy. Hey, Peter, I'm on Family Guy. Holy crap! There you go. You just did the whole episode just that.

That's incredible. I would assume the devil or something. Yeah, again. If it never manifested again, I would be like I was visited by some kind of ghoul, some kind of demon, a devil, a ghost. No, but I mean even if I thought that all toys were alive, like if I innately believed all toys were alive,

I would think they were alive and wanted to kill me. Okay, that's an interesting idea. I would make that jump. The toys want to kill me. Okay, that's an interesting idea. I would make that jump. Their toys want to kill me. They want to climb down my throat. They can say what they like to me. They just want magic. We are pulling.

Exactly. Yes, there was that one woody doll that was somewhat cursed, but he wanted to find his boy. Well, that's what the fucking teddy bear said, but I don't know if I believe that. I might go back and try and find scrunches. Yeah. You've got to question him first. Yeah, maybe we'll try and help him find his boy.

Maybe try to team up and have a go on a grand old quest. Imagine, though, this is a fucked up situation. Yeah. We see scrunches, we have that whole interaction. Like, a year later, you see a boy with scrunches, and you're like, that's my opportunity to ask questions. But I don't want to go up to that kid and be like, can I talk to your teddy bear? Well, no. I think it'd just be like, hey, scrunches, that's my opportunity to ask questions. But I don't want to go up to that kid and be like,

can I talk to your teddy bear? Well, no. I think it would just be like, oh. Hey, scrunches, what's up, bro? I think I get. I'd probably. Hey, kid, your toy's alive. No, I wouldn't play as insane.

It would just be more maybe. But you're right. You wouldn't do anything. Or you'd be like, oh, it's great that you. You can't do anything because the fucking kid. I just feel like. It's good to see you go through the multiple scenarios, but you can't do anything Because I'm a fucking kid I know I just feel like It's good to see you go through The multiple scenarios

But you can't do it I know You're like Did you lose your toy? Like how do you know You creepy old pervert Ah shit Now I'm getting hit by a cop

I don't know It is funny to go up and be like Hey can I talk to your teddy real quick? Yeah no Scrunches Scrunches What the fuck is going on? What the fuck

What the fuck Scrunches I got questions for you bro Answer. Scrunches. Scrunches. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Scrunches, I got questions for you, bro. Answer them. Scrunches. Ted 3. What's it happening? What's it happening? What's it about?

I know you know. What happens to Ted and Mark Wahlberg? Hey, kid. You know, you like forgetting Sarah Marshall. I love it. Whoa. Wow, that's crazy. Looking at Scrunchies.

That's a strange conversation with a child. Why are you asking my kid if he likes Sarah Marshall? Because I know he does. Because I know he does because I spoke to that bear. And once again, daddy's got to go home. Daddy's lost his mind. He's lost his place. He's going somewhere.

Would you do a show, you know, because of the two of us or the three of us, you've, what happened there? You're the calmest about all this. Would you interact with toys differently, do you think? Probably try it one more time. Like, hey, I know you're alive. Do you just want to chill?

And they'll be like, nothing. I'm like, all right, suit yourself. Fair enough. Whatever. You go to a Toys R Us and shake the toys. Revenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough Whatever You go to a Toys R Us And shake the toys Revenge Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah No matter what you do And again If they never appear to you again And you don't have any footage of this Because I could try and go to Like a neurosurgeon

Yeah Or go to like Anyone who is a very smart person Yeah And be like I experienced this Yeah What happened to me?

What happened either to me Or are toys real? Either conversation. Neurosurgeon's like, thank you for coming. We're dissecting you right now. Thank you for coming. Let's scan you for a tumor. And I'm like, I've already had them scanned.

Well, we need to fucking scan deeper. Oh, well, we cleared and scanned properly. If you think toys are alive, buddy, you're in trouble. What if they did reveal themselves to you? How about, you know, Scruggs has wrecked the masquerade and the toys are like, ah, okay. These fellas, the plumbing boys, we can reveal ourselves. There's two things to know about the plumbing boys.

They chill with us being alive, and two, they will be on Family Guy. And if they are happy to reveal themselves and have a chat, it would just be more a lot of just questions. Yeah. And then I think it would be like, well, what do you guys want? Yeah. And if they're like the love of a child. The love of a child.

Is it happy a child or can it be like. Just love from somebody who looks after us. Do you want to be played with? Yeah, I'd love to be played with. What kind of games do you want to play? I'm 10 Lego men in this scenario. Like what kind of games do you want? Just like if you can like pretend we live in a city or like we're cowboys.

I would part of my day would be playing with toys a lot hey lego guys yeah what i'm gonna take all 10 of your heads off and stack them in a totem that'd be fucked up is it bad or fun it's just fucked and it just feels weird good weird or bad weird no just kind of like if you haven't dislocated a Yes. It kind of feels like that. Just a bit fucking weird. That's full on pain. Yeah, like it's pain. Jackson Bailey, have you dislocated a bone?

No, I've spoken to people who have. So you're claiming that it doesn't hurt. No, they just say it feels uncomfortable. Yeah, but it hurts. It was nerves. If you do it heaps, it doesn't stop. Is it more like cracking a knuckle or is it more like a dislocation or a broken bone? Well, maybe it's more like cracking a knuckle.

No, it's just like a bad feeling. It just feels bad. So, like, bad vibe? Yeah, no, it's sort of just like an uncomfortable sensation. Like sitting on a chair that's not quite comfortable? Yeah, more like sitting on your leg for too long and then standing on it. Ah, okay. Yeah.

That's what it feels like. If you can walk around like a guy. So you don't want that, basically. No, ideally not. And you don't want me to take your heads off. Yeah. Then why don't you, why don't I just build a thing and then you just run around in it? Isn't that the same? It's the same as what?

Me playing with you in a fake city. No, because I need your imagination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I won't make you a- You've come to the wrong place. I won't make you a totem head, but with this house I'm building, is that alive? But if I make you a totem head, we can pretend you're in the first level of Banjo-Kazooie

and I've got to shoot eggs into you. I hear that. Lego man. Lego man. So that house is alive, yeah? Yeah. Well, the Lego's alive. It's alive.

But oftentimes it's... Well, no, okay, it's complicated. If I put eyes on it, it's alive. No, well, yeah, but currently it is a real house as well as being a lego house oh yeah so when i you know when we're like hey uh yeah when i play you pack down a lego yeah and you put them all like what what's happening is that what do you mean if i pack down your house am i making you homeless because when we yeah like when i when when i was a kid okay i'm still

like when when i'm playing you know like le Lego again with like other, we tend to, you know, you break down all the Lego pieces, you put them in certain piles, you color code it or you're like, oh, these are the same kind of thing. And later on, like you build the ship or you build like. Well, no, that's fine. Cause those are just like, that's like, just so like, if it's a bit of metal for a spaceship, it's like metal. Reallocation of energy, right?

It doesn't matter if you take one thing and turn it into something else. Well, no, cause it's like, it's like if you took a bit of a spaceship and made a house in real life well yeah yeah but what with are they alive no but they're not alive no but they're really a house and they're really okay that's fine i'm not basically dislocating everyone okay but if you give me someone else's legs yeah that's fucked up yeah okay so don't do that okay that'll hurt like sitting in your leg for too long and then walking on it. Hey, what if I want to put a helmet on you and have to take off your hair? That's fine.

Legos seem complicated. Yeah, wear a little bit different. Change your shirt. Yeah, that hurts. That's a different guy's fucking torso. What if I take off your hand and give you a hook hand? That's fucked up as well. You're taking off my fucking hand. What if you're a pirate and you want that though? Well, that's my hand then.

How do I know that I've given you the right hand? I'll tell you I mean previously I couldn't say shit But you guys, I know the Plum Boys are cool And also gonna be a family guys So I can just tell you, I can just let you know We can, sorry, I'm 10 Lego man Well once again, I would probably spend a lot of time Trying to facilitate their comfort.

Yeah, yeah. You've really gone all in on looking after the toys. For me. Well, this is a new thing. But I think I would try and have a different relationship with the toys because I'd be like, well, not a sexual one. Maybe a sexual one. You've gone from murdering them to then being like, well, okay, now what? Imagine you just found out I was in a relationship with a Barbie.

They can experience romantic relationships. Me and this Barbie are an item now. I just take her with me everywhere. And she's alive and you know she's alive. It's hard to fuck, but we manage. I wish you didn't as long as you do you do you like wipe her off with alcohol if not i would please yeah she's clean oh thank christ because i don't want that track through the house. I just shake it off. You fucking filth creature. I put it in the sink,

turn on the fucking washer cleaner. I don't know. You like that, Bobby? I have a great time. We're in love. That's good. Yeah, me and Bobby are madly in love. Yeah.

I can't kiss her, but I suck her head like a lollipop. I mean, I can't fault you if you're both... Yeah. You gotta get used to it. I mean I can't fault you if you're both yeah you gotta get used to it it's not it's like

cause like it's not they're not alive but they're not not alive there's nothing morally wrong with me and Bobby being in a loving relationship

no there isn't there isn't a crime against sucking on a Barbie's head like a lollipop and claiming that you're kissing they're kissing dude there's a lot morally wrong, but you can't

be punished by law. He's got to be in jail for this. No one wants to see it. It's like head and then just a whole mouthful of hair that comes out. And you pull her out. She's smiling. She seems to be loving it. And she's like,

she's covered in Jackson's spit. That was great. wash me under the sink honey and shake me off hello no no you're getting all over the kitchen

can you please I'll put her in the bath she's one of those Barbies that can do the swimming motion they're alive they can all do the swimming motion

but you can I guess force it into the swimming motion yeah what if you were in a relationship with a loving relationship with

Barbie and you left her on a chair with Bobby and then you left her on like a chair or whatever and then, um, so you come back and you've like, uh,

say a child, like a nephew or whatever, they're playing with that Bobby. Oh, that's fine. And they're sucking on his head or whatever. That's a bit weird.

But, but I mean, like, I get, you know, when I suck on Bobby's head and when a child sucks on Bobby's head, it's a different situation.

Maybe that child is more like Sid and they're pulling Barbie's hair or they're trying to pull off its arms. Hey, buddy, don't treat Barbie nice. But also, I wouldn't take my Barbie around children because that would be a risk. What if a dog grabs it? Well, that's a worry.

Because that's my wife. I got married. Yeah, we got married. I'm married to Barbie. Yeah, that's nice wife yeah I got married yeah we got married I'm married to Bobby yeah that's nice I'm Ken I think you're cock and can that's also pretty good yeah

yeah so yeah I mean like that's something I could do and that would be cool I'll just be their friends because they clearly want like you know

love of that kind of like platonic love of a child yeah that kind of like, um, you know, they want to be played with. Are you doing this with your old toys? I would be, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess you could just put like, cause you could- And then also like saying like, you know, if they, like, do they, do you guys communicate with other toys? Like, is there any people that kind of- I think they like to do it, but it's hard to. Like, yeah. Cause I was like, well, one of them, um, communicates via like messenger. Instant messenger.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, one of them communicates via messenger. Messenger, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that mean we've been catfished by toys? Yeah. Hey, it's very possible. Well, in Jackson's case, it was the opposite of catfishing. Whoa, you're just as hot of a babe as you said. Let me suck your head like a lollipop. We'll call it kissing.

But you could have an adult relationship, again, not a sexual one, with your toys now You don't have to play with them I mean they like that But like you could just Because these are older toys now Yeah yeah yeah You know like Woody

Woody at a certain point He's like He's like Sit down and have a cigar Yeah You can invite the toys over Just leave them in the kitchen And just all hang out together

I mean you wouldn't invite them They'd be living in your house right? Yeah And we'd know Me and Dusha would know why the toys were here. But would you tell anyone else? Well, I guess I should tell my wife. Like, toys?

She's cool. You can come out and be like, we're real, right? And if they fucking stay silent, well, I gotta go. That is going home. Now she's committed. It's bad that we're at the beginning of the end of the masquerade for toys. Because the moment they reveal it to us, we'll reveal it to others.

And then they're done. Well, that's the thing. I mean, you'll be in a relationship with this Barbie. Me and Barbie are married. But I guess everyone is like, hmm. You've gone to a priest, I assume? Or some kind of marriage celebrant to be like, hey, can you marry us? I know this Barbie looks like a Barbie, I assume? Or some kind of married celebrant to be like,

hey, can you marry us? I know this Barbie looks like a Barbie, but she's real. She looks like a Barbie with a socked on head, yes. Would you wear her face off? Yeah.

With all that constant sucking? Yeah, and her hair would be like, it'd be something about Mary's situation, except... Well, it would smell bad. Yeah, of course. I'd shave her head, okay?

She'd look like Cynthia. Yeah, I'd look like her. I think that'd be fine. Just keep... I mean, with the constant sucking and the constant wiping with an alcohol rub... She's getting smooth. She's getting smooth. Her features are gone.

Oh, yeah. She got her lips. What if you lose her face What are you talking about I get a marker Dot dot Big smile We're back

You take her head off You get another head off Yeah Okay baby we're back to it Or is that like the mop thing If you change her head She's a different guy I don't want a Barbie of Theseus

I just draw I just draw a new face on Well this is a good We finally actually have the answer For the ship of Thetius. That's true. We can figure this out. The answer is no.

The answer is no. The moment you fucking replace one, you've got a different toy. My God, that's a different ship. You should be calling something else. Well, what about you, Dushan? If you knew they were alive, like they were well and open to you, what would you do? How would you react?

Well, the thing is, like, I'd just legitimately be like, I just don't know how it would affect me. I don't think there's any toys in my house. Yeah, but the fact that you could talk to them. I would go on to Family Guy and reveal their secret. You would message Seth MacFarlane, Sethy boy, I have huge news. I got huge breaking news,

and the only place I'm happy to share it is on an episode of your critically acclaimed, a very popular television program on the Fox network, Family Guy. We'll also settle for American Dad. Yeah, or Ted 3, if available. Yeah, in brackets, if available. If available, and then open up the parentheses, like, please make a Ted 3.

Holy crap, Lois, this is crazier than the time I met Australian podcaster Joel Dushan he told me toys are alive Peter you've got to listen to me toys are alive holy crap

and if you want you can just use that audio yeah you can just animate over that that'd be amazing Seth MacFarlane we did it

thank you so much for that I don't know if you do the animating yourself do you he used to yeah you probably got

a guy to do it now or whatever. That's fair enough. Yeah. That's a good thing to do with it. So it's a complicated, it's a life-changing experience. Well, two of us. Yeah, two of us. Well, don't you get to go on Family Guy?

That's pretty exciting. I reckon. Not so life-changing, but like. I reckon that would be just as life-changing. I think finding out that all toys are alive is equal to me going on Family Guy. Well, no. It's like me dedicating a good chunk of my life. You can change a man's life forever.

He could. Season 15 of Family Guy. Joel Duescher episode. So you've got one man who has married his toy. You've got another man who is like, I'm going to dedicate my time making sure my toys are happy. And a third man being on Family Guy. And I think all three have a very significant amount, like a similar weight.

Yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent. Yeah. We're changed people on the other side. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Well, audience, look, let us know. Yeah.

What of those three experiences is the most significant? Where would you fall? If you, if you found out that you were like toys were alive, would you say, I don't know, would you be like, okay,

these toys are alive. I played with them when I was a kid and I kind of now feel like almost obligated or honored to be able to actually play with them and give them what they want as you know, a fully cognizant, you know, adult man. Yeah.

Or would you marry a Barbie? Marry a Barbie, suckant adult man? Yeah. Or would you say marry a Barbie? Marry a Barbie, suck on their head? Yeah, suck on their head, suck on their legs, deep throat them like a penis. Put them in any orifice if you would like. Or would you go on Family Guy? Yeah, or would you go on Seth MacFarlane's critically acclaimed animated sitcom Family Guy?

On Fox, on the Fox network. It's actually called sometimes The Animation Show That Cannot Die. It was cancelled after the third season, but DVD sales saved it. acclaimed animated sitcom on Fox on the Fox network it's actually called sometimes the animation show that cannot die it was cancelled after the third season but DVD sales saved it and I can save it again

Seth MacFarlane put me on Family Guy I was one of the people that bought one of those DVDs I think I did too we were part of that we were part of the

Family Guy-aissance so yeah let us know we're on the spectrum of where do you fall Family Guy to playing to to fucking. Where are you?

On that triangle. The dark triangle of the toy reveal. Sid's triangle. Where are you on Sid's triangle? And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. See you on Fox 8 or Fox or whatever when I'm on the newest episode of Family Guy.

If someone has a connection to Seth MacFarlane, this is not a joke. Put me on Family Guy. Yeah, Dush on the newest episode of Family Guy. If someone has a connection to Seth MacFarlane, this is not a joke. Put me on Family Guy. Yeah, Dusha needs to be on Family Guy. Or make Ted 3. Or be in Ted 3. We would love it.

We could do a podcast. We could play podcasts as in Ted 3 reporting, getting Ted in to interview. To do a podcast. We could do like,

he could come on and we could riff on the Joe Rogan thing and we could be like, we're smoking a fat dupe with Ted. Yeah, that's funny. I'll be like, Ted, DMT. And he'll be like, blah.

And I'll be like, blah. Hey, Simon, get that up. Get that up. Let's have a look at that. Yeah, we go. See, it writes itself. It's too easy. Seth MacFarlane, reach out to us.

OK, we want to get in contact. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. I love ghouls and ghosts. I unironically believe in Sasquatch. I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this.

Oh, wait, shit. Yes, I do. If you head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus for as little as five buckaroonies a month, you gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America, the show where I try to explain an unsolved mystery

or a monster setting or a ghost story or whatever to the rest of Sans Pants Radio who do not care or listen. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus to gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America today.