Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Become Batman on the Cheap?

Episode Date: May 10, 2026

This week the boys are tasked with the almost impossible task of attempting to be Batman on the cheap. The biggest hurdle? Not being strong, clever, smart, handsome or good looking. Those are the things that are really going to hamper your boys. We do not know how to make things non-lethal nor do we know how to find information about the seedy underbelly of a city. And even if we did, what are we going to do with that?! Listen in as three adult men realise they are well past their prime to learn how to fight, would be beaten by teens and would lose a handsome competition to a dog.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm also Joe. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions, and sometimes they're not even ones we've thought of. Exactly. Today's episode is a listener question. Yes, it comes to us from Nora. Now, Nora took the bold move of emailing us the question, which I like,

because Plumming the Death Star doesn't have an email. So I don't know how they did that, but I'm impressed. This email the Sats Pass Radio email. You can do it. Often those ones are fairly ignored, but this one caught my eye. It stood out to us. And you can also suggest us a question if you subscribe to the Bad Brain Boys. You get access to the Discord, and you can chuck a question in there.

That's typically what people do it. If we like the question, we'll answer it. And plus you support us and get access to a bunch of bonus content. And you'll find out if we don't like the question, because we're also in the Discord. And we can just give you direct feedback. Hey, nice try, try again. Fart noise. Okay.

This one got the positive fart noise. Today's question is, How would you become Batman on the cheap? Okay, so in a way, this is kind of, you're saying... This is one of the most relevant and accurate current pop culture questions that we've done in quite a while. Exactly. Because, and I don't know if you meant this, Nora,

but that is the plot line of Absolute Batman, which is the current very successful, which is rare for comics in 2026. Yeah, yeah. It's the current run of Batman. comics, which is, look, the universe starts in a bad place. I'm so sorry. You know what? You don't have to... You don't even say it. Yeah, exactly. Just kind of like, what if Batman...

Look, I'll just say it really quickly under my breath. Okay. Docs, I created a whole bunch of universes where he took away the main strength of every superhero and now that all the superheroes have had to start from a different place where they don't have their one main strength and, like, identifying features of Batman is poor. Anyway, so in this universe, absolute Batman. I know, well, bad. Yeah, like, yeah, what if Batman was poor? Yeah, exactly. Batman was a blue-collar civil engineer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's not necessarily like poor, poor. He just doesn't have the immense wealth of the way he doesn't have... What I think about is... He also grew up in Crime Alley. Yeah, dude, nice. What I think about is that if I was going to be Batman on the cheap, right? Like, Batman has the technology and the money to make the technology

where he can decide that a weapon is like non-leath. Like, you know, like, I think making something non-lethal, especially when a Batman's, like, gadgets, is probably harder. than making it lethal. And so basically I'm thinking, if I was like, right, I'm going to go to stop crime. Yeah. Everything I can think of will kill a person attacking. For some reason, the thing I can think of is a T-shirt gun.

Yeah. And so, you know why. That famously killed Mord Fland? Yeah, exactly. Rest in peace, Lord. Rest in peace to a real one. The first thing I was thinking of was maybe the Futuramaamaamaher episode where they make mutants basketball players.

I'm a guy has a cannon in his chest. I was thinking of a cannon that could shoot a basketball. But then I was like, I don't know if that exists in real. So I'm just going to kind of like maybe make this a t-shirt because I don't know that exists. Yeah. Because I was thinking a t-shirt gun, like to shoot someone with that with enough force and it was like a basketball, that could still kill somebody.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't know how you stop. Like, anything could be very deadly in any way. I know. It's quite funny to think about the fact that Batman's never. just accidentally killed someone? A batarang, it's a throwing star that's sharp and it's got. But usually what happens, it just makes people go,

ah! Oh, shit, my fall, I've fallen over. He throws it and maybe... Friken hand. I've dropped my gun. Oh, no. A little bit of Batman might be out tonight. A little cut on my hand.

Yeah, exactly. As opposed to, oh, no, I just took that man's whole, like, two fingers off. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so I don't... But Batman wouldn't care about cutting off a guy's hands. Yeah. But I mean, I don't think he would. I mean, it depends on the Batman.

Probably, you know, Adam West Batman might. That feels so cool. I don't feel like. Batman in my head says, yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. One hand forever, baby. Oh, it's the Joker, baby. That doesn't make me horny, yeah.

But also, like, Batman throws, you know, traditional Batman, he throws like a grappling hook at you to grab your legs and pull you. closer to him so he can be like, Rachel, but then you just fall and crack your head and die. He throws the grappling hook. Yeah, he either misses a little bit or like he whiffs it a bit, whatever, but like, or you just steps slide to the side.

Yeah. And then you get a grappling hook to deface. Absolutely. Throne with force. That will kill you. Yeah. That will kill you. Usually not even thrown shot from a gun.

Yeah, exactly. It's a true one, though, that there's not just been a, like, a little whoopsie, where one of Riddle's boons is like, you know. slipped and cracked his head and died. I mean, like, Batman's also fighting on rooftops all the time. Yeah. Using stuff like oil slicks, some guy slips just falls to his death. I was thinking, like, you know, throw in some ball bearings on the floor.

Yeah. Oh, fuck. That's probably a good way. Michael Keaton's Batman is just happy to kill, though. Yeah. I think he's absolute Batman from memory. He's loved to kill. Yeah, that's fair.

Do you reckon is a good strategy of you're a goon? Yeah. Say, like, we're three goons on the roof. Okay. And Batman's arrived. Oh, no. And I need you guys have the bomb and you need to get away with the bomb. If I jump off the building,

Batman's not going to let me die. No, but what he might do is, like, shoot a grappling hook and wrap around your legs, and then, like, you're secured. Yeah, true. And then you'll jump after me and JD. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, take the bomb and leave me to dangle and all the blood will rush to my head. And there, as I'm about to run, Batman, jump from up high, one fist, top of my head. Oof

You know, how are we not meant to die from this? As I'm running, maybe my tongue is out If I bite my tongue off I'm like, bamem off Bam-em! And I fall And I'm bleeding a lot And he's like, oh no

And then he rolls me over And my tongue is like, it's just your tongue Yeah, grow up You're fine And then he runs off Yeah, exactly He swings his batterang of Dusher It cuts his Achilles heels

Dush can't have a walk again I'm hanging upside down off a building getting a worst headache of my life. My friend John Dusha has no Achilles, but I got a really bad headache. Oh, my head so sore. Zama can't talk properly. We're in hospital later and like, well, we equally suffered together.

Hey, my head. They, dude, do you know they had to give me three Pannadol? Yeah. Hmm. What's that? So. Where I live, there's been a recent spate of robberies, but a very strange robbery in that anything with a bit of copper.

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, I got served news about this. Okay. Someone stealing a tap from your neighbor's front yard. Interesting. Oh, interesting. Interesting.

So is that what we're hearing? So that is what we're hearing. You're being robbed currently? No, no, no. So there's a bit of copper out the front of the property. Yeah. That's like usually connect to the gas maids, etc. Now, when we were building this thing, we were this place,

we made a kind of effort to kind of like not have gas and have everything fully electric. Yeah. So everything is like fully electric. Oh yeah. Actually, that makes sense because I always forget about the time that there was a live stream where St. Spence Radio, you weren't there. Yeah.

And our good friend Jackson and then two others gassed themselves. Yeah, yeah, I left the gas on like an hour. Yeah. Anyway, so we just don't have gas in the property. So then, unbeknownst to me, someone has been going out there and snipping off where the connection of the gas to the house would be. Which is a little bit of copper. And they're done into a bunch of different houses, like I had a bunch of different buildings on this street. And, yeah, when I went out there one day, it took either, like, you know, grab something, whatever, the guy was there.

He's like, have you noticed, you know, the gas area isn't working? I'm like, oh, we haven't had gas for like six years. Yeah. No idea. So, yeah. And so I guess what they're doing now is like fixing up that Oh, I see. Injury? The building injury?

The building got hurt. The building got hurt. And so that's going to. So apologies for that lovely rumble that everyone is currently, maybe hearing. I assume they are. If it makes you feel better listeners, it's way more distracting for us than it is for you. Exactly. I might be able to EQ it out a little bit.

Maybe. Or it's not being picked up and everyone's thinking the three boys have lost them. You got to understand that there is a vibration. We're here in a rumble. You might not be hearing a rumble for us. It's very loud. Very loud for us. I'm really sad you're not presently getting robbed.

That would be very... Just to be like, yeah, to take the copper out of the house. Yeah, whatever. Copper industry is worth $18.40 on average per kilo. That probably gives you a sign that it's rough out there at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a big copper crime spray. God damn, dude.

Where do you take copper when you steal it? Like, who do you go to? Some copper barrens? Yeah, I guess. There would be recycling centers, but I think you would have to do something because they would look at it and be like, this is stolen. Or they not care because it's really not that worth that much. Yeah, or like, do you melt it down?

Maybe. You make ingots, copper ingots? I guess. I don't fucking, I don't know. Yeah, dude. I don't know shit about nothing. Maybe I should get into stealing copper. Okay.

Let's talk about that. Okay. Where would you go? Probably, uh, probably go. Like abandoned buildings? Probably go to one of the because like I mean I'm blessed enough to have a car currently

Probably just drive to one of the Sort of out of suburbs And have like a big factory district Break into a factory No okay Take copper stray from the source Yeah That's a good idea

I feel like factories do have good security though Like warehouses Yeah they do feel they would have Probably They might have guards even Yeah Maybe They might have that's like you know

Those security guys just drive around Yeah They do like you know It's got to be quick God I'd love to have that job I mean, I don't drive, so they would never hire me. I can walk around. Yeah.

It seems like a security guard who just, like, walks up and down a building. Yeah. I think I get too scared of ghosts. You go, who's that? Hey! Oh, it must have been nothing. Hey, wait a second. Must be my eyes playing tricks on me.

Who's there? Hang on. You, stop. Never mind. Must have been the wind. Must have been ghosts. Must have been ghosts. Oh, fuck.

And then I run away back to my little guardhouse and you have like maybe, you know, some time to do whatever you need to do for the mission. And then for the next hour and a half, I steal all the copper in the wayhouse. Well, it has a budget copper in it. Apart from, I guess, yeah, anything with gas? Yeah. Gas pipes. I don't know, man. Do they use copper for heating coils and stuff?

No, no. Maybe. Fiber optics or that kind of stuff. Yeah. You used to, you know, like the copper to the node. Oh, that's true. Yeah. So probably a lot of like, you know, you could just destroy someone's, you know, internet connection.

Yeah. Take that delicious copper. It's used in a lot of electric generators because it's a great conductor. You getting zapped a hell. Turning up with an handful of copper and like your hair all spiked up or whatever. Well, one of the, we hold a substantial portion of the world's copper. Really? We're a key exporter of copper.

Cool, dude. Yeah, that's great. I mean, it's not worth heaps, but, you know, $18 bucks a kilo is not nothing, dude. Get a kilo of copper, that's like a pretty good fish and chip order. Oh, fish and chips. Yeah, dude. Maybe I'm going to steal copper so I can buy a good order of fish and chips.

Just like a good point. Like, you're not going crazy, but you're like, I'm satisfied, you know? I've got like two dimsims, two potato cakes, a bit of fish and some chips. That's like the perfect fish and chip order, really. Perfect fish and chip order for me is always, burger with the lot. A perfect fish and chip order for me is always way too much food, but I'm just happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, well, I can't eat all this, but God.

But damn, you feel good. Burglar a lot, like, again, I'm big fan, but I've got to be in the mood for a fishing chips. Oh, no, I could eat a burger with a lot. People could surprise me with it, like a birthday cake, and I'm like, I'm so happy. I wish I liked everything on a burger with a lot to be able to order the lot, but there's too much that I don't want on my burger. Egg. Egg's the problem.

Yeah, eggs the issue. To me, eggs the best bit of a burger bowl. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't do. Mm. Oh. Fish and chips.

It's sad. I tell you what, when I get a fish and chip order I need to get, and this is not surprising, like one freaky extra. Yeah. I got a chuck of corn jack

or chicker roll or pineapple fritterers on the end. They're not that freaky, because all the freaky stuff at a fish and chip shop you know you don't like it. But all the freaky stuff in a fish and shop is disgusting.

Yeah. Like a deep-fried burger patty have you ever had one of them? No. Horrible, dude. No, thank you. Because it's like something fucked up, some react,

I don't know, it's like you get the burger patty and then this disgusting layer of grease and then the batter. So biting into it makes you feel... Oh, dude. I've had it like maybe twice in my life.

Yeah, that makes sense. And then I had a seafood stick once and it gave me probably the second worst diarrhea of my life. I had that experience. He had an off one. Yeah. It gave me big diarrhea. Are you sure?

Yes. I think so. I mean, what else gave me the big diarrhea? What else did you eat that day? I don't know. I was like, I probably would have been like, was it the greasy burger? Was it also a deep fried patty?

Go to the beach that day? drink too much salt water? Eat too many crabs? No, I think I was like tall. Yeah, eat too much seagull? That's a good meat. It's probably a pretty bad meat. Yeah.

Well, would you get? Oh, wait, you hate seafood. So fish and ship shops, you can't go too freaky. Yeah, I know. I got to stay tame. I'm looking, because I'm looking at a local one. Like a muscle in battle, that's pretty freaky. You would never.

No, of course no, dude. Muscles are gross. Not delicious. I really like, in a podcast, like, I think there's a good podcast and you know we're just chatting about our fish and chips reporter but I know that people listening are gonna want to get fishing chips now and I like the power that gives me

knowing that there is definitely more than one listener right now that's thinking I need to have you lunch or dinner but maybe I get fish and chips maybe you do are you a mom's bar and batter guy I used to be it's a bit much for me these days fair enough when I was younger I was a big boy I'm a big cornjack guy yeah that makes a creamed corn and I'm kind of very

rough batter for some reason. Named off to you? Yeah. I'm corn Jackson. God, I wish I was corn Jackson, inventor of the corn jack. That'd be awesome. How? Yeah.

I go, I'm sick of eating hot-creamed corn in my palm. I wish it was cold. Yeah, I wish it was like in some little shape like a hot dog. I do love starting. I wish it was cold so it would have burned my head just much. Wait, this is still so. This is just wet gruel. Hang on a second.

How can I make this better? Maybe if I put it in... See someone putting like a hot dog, like the skewered there like, like, hmm. Next iteration he's like corn in like hot dog skin. Mm. It just was bad. Gross. You see someone doing like the battered salve?

Yeah. If you listen to this week's baseless speculation, which is his to podcast, the audience, there's some show. I spoke about how my mouth is all fucked up. It's not fixed yet. But I'm thinking maybe fish and chips could be good for me because salt water is good for mouth wounds. So maybe just... Salt? What do they say about chicken salt?

Yeah. Chicken salt good for the mouth. Chicken salt for the mouth. Yeah, dude. Oh, to do like a salt water rinse, but with chicken salts? That's good, dude. What about getting confused in doing sugar rinses? My teeth fucking cane.

My teeth keep falling out. I don't know what. The dentist is like, so you've been doing the salt rinses? Salt! Ah. Say that, I guess. I'm gonna grow back, yeah. Sugar and then he just plucks one of my teeth out

and waves in front of my eyes. You're a fucking idiot. And then he just pushes and it turns to doth. Oh my God. You can't talk to me like that. I'm your fucking dentist, bitch. I can say what I like to you. I got my fist in your mouth.

And you're fucked up. What are you going to do about it? Oh, I think I go. Why is my dentist so mean to me? I hope my dentist treats me like that tomorrow. I hope he slaps you around the face. Tooth idiots. Yeah, I haven't been to the dentist for ages, which is crazy.

Do it with a tooth idiot. Fucking tooth idiot. Just to have a beautiful dentist. I would listen to, well, I went from angry old dentist that I was not, I wasn't scared of going to the dentist, but I was scared of how much I was going to get in trouble. Oh, yeah, fair enough. I had a beautiful, kind dentist. Where I was like, damn.

And then I was really good at going to the dentist. Yeah, of course. I think COVID happened. And then I got bad at going to the dentist. And then I started treating my teeth worse. And now tomorrow's the big day of how much trouble am I in. And is my dentist still beautiful? Oh, dude.

I'm excited for you. Has COVID changed your dentist? Yeah, I mean, my dentist could have just, you know, moved on. Well, yeah. Yeah, true, true. Because I booked the location, not the dentist. Yeah. Good luck.

Good luck, man. They're going to slap you around the face. Yeah. They're going to give you wet willies and shit. And they'll be like, chicken, salt, fruits? Yeah. Yeah, because it's part of the regular stuff. Better than sugar.

I don't you have a guy who's teeth are dust now. Very funny. I come back from the dentist and I'm like, so it's all good, but I can't let my teeth touch because they'll just turn the dust. So I have to talk like this for the rest of my life. Oh, and I'm absolutely character. They just got to be this.

So every carefully, Can't let touch. Exactly. And I can't... I'm actually going to talk with my lips. Yeah. I can't chew anymore because it'll just be... I'll be eating dust.

I need a... Do you, how can I drink a straw? Do I not touch my teeth? It's going to be a very wide straw. Let me try. Pshh! Oh, fuck. Please.

Oh, fuck. Please, boys. Don't laugh at me. Please. Please. He's not funny. tweet me with kindness but I have no

top middle teeth bottom teeth anymore they turn to dust now and they mix with my smoothie so I've worked my teeth and my smoothie my smoothie yeah that's how I kind of

envisioned my trip to the just going that's right I'm not that bad with my teeth, but I could be bad on. I could be bad on. Dusty smooth. You can y'all. Most smoothies.

Wow. Batman on the cheap. Batman on the cheap. So the way that he does it in absolute Batman is kind of, I would say, a loophole with money. Yeah. So his suit is made out of, like, so rather than just like having a billion gadgets, it's all lower tech stuff. but it is still kind of fucked. Okay.

Oh, he's an engineer, though. So, like, he engineers it up. Plus he works with a garage or something. And, like, he has access to things clearly. Yeah. And, you know, again, he's working out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's huge.

But, like, so he's 6'6 tall in this. But also he looks 6.6 wide. Yeah. He's a sort of square. Yeah. He is a civil engineer, but he's studied applied mechanics, criminal psychology. chemistry and military theory.

Okay. Okay. Now, his... A lot of that does sound expensive. Yeah. So I guess you need to... But hey, it doesn't have to be. I mean, if it was in a... If we could do that if we wanted.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. It's a debt, but... If we're going to be Batman, if we're going to protect the city of Melbourne, I mean, like... May as well. Well, what about... Well, yeah. The thing I was running up to, though, is his costume, which is he built.

Yeah. Every element is functional. Yeah. The chest emblem detaches into a battle axe. Okay, very cool. The calle is a removable throwing knives. And the case, this is the one. Okay, so an axe in the chest.

You could do that, I guess. Yeah. The knives as the ears, I'm stabbing myself. No, no, no, that's okay, because that's just like, that's honestly the easiest. Yeah, I know, but I'm stabbing. He's kind of misses. I throw it, I go to retrieve it because I need the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's wasteful if I don't. Very true. I put it back. I've lost my ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is the one I don't buy. Yeah. The cave consists.

and articulated mechanical tethers rather than a fabric capable of extending into hooks and spikes. Okay, no, that's not happening. He's got the spawn. Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, what about this seems like... He engineered so good that he became spawned.

Yeah, dude. This seems like the easiest thing to do because it doesn't necessarily require technology, okay? So a big part of Batman's power comes from, like, him imposing fear on the criminals of Gotham, right? So making the bat a symbol that when the criminals see it,

they go, I'm about to have the shit beat out of that. So is there a way to make the city of Melbourne scared of the bat symbol? Because if we do that, half that works down for us. Could you do something? Oh, no, it's something cheap. Because I was going to go, like, you basically get paid actors to, like, already spread the rumor that they got the shit. Oh, clever.

So, but that kind of costs money. What about this? I know in the city, in the botanical gardens, there is a population of flying foxes, which is a kind of bat. Yeah. I get a sack, I guess. I try and collect them during the day when they're asleep in trees and not ready for me. How long can a group of animals survive in a sack?

I need them to survive until dusk, okay? Okay. And then I take them, what's in the city? The Maya Santa, I guess, Enforium. The Maya Christmas windows? Maya Christmas windows. I wait until a bunch of families have lined up. And then I release the bats and they say, but where are the Batman?

He's not me, or I get someone else to do it. Why are you striking fear into just children? Also, what do you think? Okay, hang on. A well lit. This feels like a very big misunderstanding of the Batman origin. You know, Batman's the one who's scared of the bats. Yeah, but then he wants to make the criminals of Gotham scared about it.

By his actions, he doesn't scare them with bats. But I got a symbol becomes. Yeah, yeah, but that's not like, so Batman, okay. No, I understand. He's a fuck with, but he's going to bat in a weird way. Batman year one is not him being like, for the first year, I'm going to set bat traps. So the Joker and the Ridler and whatever just get startled by a bat and then they fear me. He says, you've eaten well.

And then he reveals a bunch of bats or whatever to attack the elite of Gotham. Maybe he should. But that's what I'm thinking. I mean, this works for you because you go, okay, I'm going to scare people with flying foxes, which are a type of bat. You try and put them in a bag. They break out of the bag. They attack you. You become terrified of flying foxes.

You become fox, man. I need to make, yeah, my fear resemble. Getting attacked by flying foxes and falling out of a tree. Getting bitten heaps. Yeah. Well, because what I'm thinking, you said, I don't have the ability. I'm not strong, smart, clever, or good looking. None of us here can say that.

We're all just below-average, sloppy joes. Exactly. So I don't have the ability. Never the ugliest guy in the room, but could get invited to the ugly party. Yeah, exactly. Would be the best-looking guys at an ugly guy party. Yeah, well, at least top five. At least top five.

You're going to understand that there's probably handsome guys there that go there as a joke. Oh, that's true. In a room of a hundredth of the ugly party, we're not bottom three. No way are we bottom three. And I'll take it. Yeah, that's fine. If we went into any random room and then everyone got ranked from 1 to 100 in most attractiveness, yeah, we're probably clearing.

Like, look, maybe we're in 80. Yeah, 80's fine. We're probably clearing the bottom 10. Yeah, I'll take it, dude. Exactly. Because, you know, could be worse. Could be worse. I'm not that guy.

No, look at that dog. As long as they don't take personality into it. No, they can't. Don't take personality into it. We haven't asked us questions. Yeah. Yeah. They haven't asked us questions.

There's none of this. I've kept my mouth shut. Okay. I've affected an air of disinterest. If they ask us to answer three questions before they rank us, we're getting... I'm not getting asked to leave. We're getting...

$199.99. Still one guy ugly. Yeah, one guy is like a dog that someone accidentally led in. At least I bet him... That's a dog. Come on. Come on. And then, we're going to be fighting amongst each other,

depending on our ranking, and then where the dog's going to overtake us, because we have an irredeemable personality. You're so right that if we were 97, 98, 99, whoever of us was 97 would be like, I'm so handsome. I'm the beautiful one. Like, look, I beat you and the dog. I'm the hot one from the death. Eat shit, idiot, and random dog.

Fuck, he's right. God damn it. And then we fire. And the dog. overtakes us and we all get the dog because he's scared about yelling. Yeah. And they go, with all those dog bites, Jackson, you're nuts, not looking good.

And then we laugh at you, then he looks it up. Those dog bites are you, fellas. Come on, pup. Their dog gets brought up. They give us equal loss. Yeah, three more dogs come in and we get kicked out in. What that? That's an ugly dog.

Yeah, I'm upset that we get kicked out, but like, whose dogs are these? And is the person, does he think they're guys? Because they're clearly dogs. I'm like looking out in the corridor. I'm like, more dogs are they going? Guys, I know this is the whole thing. Four dogs in one room is a lot of dogs.

I'm wrestling with no owner. Do they belong to people? Hey, is this any of your dogs? No? What? I'm going to go to. We refuse to talk to you anymore. Yeah, sure, I'm the ugliest man alive.

But like, you weren't even listening. I get what you're saying. There's a lot of dogs. And they're sitting in a line. This is weird. I'm going to go talk to reception. Just passing more dogs on the way. What the fuck is going on?

Did I get voted world's most ugly dog? Did I end? Did we enter a dog show? And didn't come first. What the fuck? What we initially remember is being voted to ugly. They're just like worst in show and it just was a dog show. Was it?

Yeah. 98, 97. I'm the handsomest dog here. Guys, we fucked up. We didn't even win handsomest dog. Yeah, possibly the handsomest man or the ugly guy party, which is in another room at the function. Where will we? Our question is even coming out tonight.

We should have called. I know it's in honor to just be invited to the ugly guy competition. I'd rather have stayed at all. You know where it would thrive, though. Bad personality convention. Yes, dude. We're coming first. Equal first.

In wretchedness? These guys stink. Yes, dude. That would be nice. I didn't know that a personality could have an odor. You'd be, uh, you'd be, uh, actually most of that comes from my body.

Inside and out. I pride myself for my cleanliness. Unfortunately, my insides are always on display through my personality. Wretched. It's probably bad for me to say it is my body because then they'll be like, that was part of why you're, and then I get ranked down. But stinkiest guy competition. You throw, you know, any of the types.

That would be good, you know. Yeah. So yes, you're not, none of us here are clever hands. Well, yes, exactly. Clever, handsome, smart or good looking. Yeah. So what I was saying? We're not clever, smart, answer, or good looking.

That is true. Yeah, yeah, okay. We're not clever, smart. Handsome or good looking. That could be a slogan. I'm into that star. They're not clever, handsome. All good.

Look at it. Funny in there. So, what I'm thinking is, if I make people scared of bats, and then I become like a giant bat, half my work's done for me. Because I can't go fear the bat, I am the bat, I beat up a bunch of crooks, and then they fear the bat. I have to make them scared of bats first. Because you're not going to be capable of beating them up?

Yeah, exactly. So you're going to get a big furry bat costume? Yes, dude. Flap around, dude, like, ooh. I'm going to get you. The problem here is that if they're scared, some people's, you know, response to, I mean. Fight or flight. Yeah, fight or they're going to punch a bat.

Yeah. Or shoot the bat. Get stabbed. There's a lot of ways to do. dies about, I think, yeah, look, douche is right. You did misunderstand. Damn it. Batman. Damn it. Like, I was trying to like, you know, I was trying to take the train you were on and I was like, I whiffed it, dude. I whipped it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because it's hard to do Batman on the cheap without just being like a serial killer. Well, yeah, because you just got

to not kill them. I guess that's my, I think you're a serial assault him. I guess this is why it's a question for plumbing the dead star and not just something that is easily in. Yeah, exactly. You're going to think about it. There's a brilliant in the mind. You've got to take it to the Australia's least handsome, smart, clever, and good-looking podcast.

Yeah. And they go, good luck with this one. Yeah. Oh, man made the world scared of bats and then became Batman, yeah. Yeah. Remind me. That's why he used his money to buy bats.

Buy a bunch of bats. Buy stocks of bats? Release the bats into Maya. You guys hungry for fish and chips? Oh, yeah. God, I'm so hungry for fishing. Eat a fucking dim sum? Well, could you, rather than

kidnap bats and then release them in a public environment? It sounds more like you're a villain. It's hard to avoid. I guess we need to be training and I guess we gotta get good at some level of fighting. Okay. So absolutely bad man.

He does a lot of like, you know, becomes like a gym junkie. Yeah. So I guess we've got to become like he's gone down, brute force, I'm just got, I'm all nothing but muscle. I have often thought that it would be funny. Yeah. And I know that it's an always sunny bit, so it's not actually that funny.

Yeah, that's pretty funny. But because Plumming the Nestar is filmed, if one or all of us just got ripped without ever talking about it. Just to quietly become Jacked. Just to become a really, really, and then we could just say we're the strongest podcast. Exactly. We're still not clever hands and clever. Oh, good looking. At least strong.

Just to get like a gym junkie head. Oh, yeah. Well, our heads all stay perfectly spherical, but then our shoulders rise. We've got no neck. We're wearing like those spaghetti strap kind of cross. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're going to, yeah, I think I'd kidnap and eat the bats to develop bat powers.

Yeah, I've got to eat the bats because, you know, you get your juice a bat. Yeah. Into your protein, you shake that up. Oh, yeah. Now your protein shakes a little bit like a bat, and now you've got the strength of the bat. Yes, dude. That will be good. Yeah.

This is feeling very always, son. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Crow milk, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I could ever become strong, unfortunately. No, but that's why it would make it funny. No, I agree.

It would be hilarious, but, I mean, in terms of fighting crime... Because the thing is, you can't just do, like, working out in terms of, like, you know, build, like, you're weightlifting to fight crime. Yeah. Because, like, you know, you see a lot of the... Boxing would be the ideals. And also some level of, like, flexibility, like gymnastics, that kind of stuff as well, because you really want to be able to do flips and shit.

And also, you really want to have, like, Like, you know, not hurt your back. Yes, true. Controversial opinion, you don't need to do fucking flips. Yeah. I mean, if you don't need to do flips, but you do need to be able to stretch and you know, you want to avoid crimes on fighting crime. I would say splits could come in handy.

This could be bold. You never need to do a flip in a fine. Yeah. I think you're probably right. Like, what are it? Okay, you say you have one truck going next to another truck. Yeah, exactly. And they're going at the same speed.

Alternatively. And you want to do the splits in between them, and then... Dangling down the bottom. And then you're not... Hit some guy with your nuts on a motorbike. His... Is my nuts slam into the top of his helmet?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. And you've been doing... Gracie street. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. They're not washed. They're washed. They're watched. I've been bat-maning all day.

You do some, you know, and you've been doing your Kegels like crazy. So you stop him in his tracks. He flips off the box. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You land on that motor, like, motorcycle. But your back hoods now? But because my balls are so strong, I'm balancing on them.

Wow. I'm still balancing on them, but this hurt, this fucking pain. They're really strong, but the same level of sensitive. So I think, yeah, a level of like, yeah, flexibility training. You're going to need just to, you know, because like, if you're batmanning that, like, like, how Batman is Batmanning. And if you're not stretching and you're not working your flexibility, I don't think you're going to be Batmaning for very long. Hey, okay, what about this? Pulling a handy.

Yeah. Because I think boxing we could agree. I think boxing would be, yeah. Because that's good. Great for cardio, also for strength. Also, you're learning how to throw punches. I mean, kickboxing, I guess, if you want to add kicks into the mix. Should we get into boxing the three of us?

Yeah. Well, then the other thing is, I reckon Pilates. Yes. Rather than gymnastics, just Pilates. Yeah, good idea. I was thinking like, you know, like, is it moitai? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get real good with kicks. God, this is sound like a lot of work. It is a lot of work. It's why you've got to start young, unfortunately. Yeah. Can I just go out of them with tasers? Yeah. If they're electrocuted, they can't hurt me.

Yeah. You know? Well, it's really hard because doing Batman on the cheap is also what kick-ass did. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he just had the shit beaten out of him, which then gave him superpowers. Yeah. I don't know if we're going to be that lucky.

No. I do feel like, yeah, you need to be training from a very young age in, like, different types of, like, you know, combat. It's hard to do approaching your 40s. Yeah. It's a bad time to start. Oh, you get it in super? He also does that on the cheap.

and he just hits guys with a hammer. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That was my first thought. And then they would become maybe a serial killer. Yeah. Well, the line is fine. Okay? And then you fuck your Robin and it's very upsetting.

Well, I'm probably not going to have a Robin, I reckon. God, that scene sucks. I might have a bunch of bats because I think it's just good to have them. How does it to train or, like, befriend the flying fox? I think they're pretty friendly looking. They look like little foxes with wings. Give them a bunch of mango. Yeah, if I gave them a mangoes.

go a bit of watermelon? Why don't they eat your face in your sleep? What the hell? They're vegetarian. They really hate it. All you fed them too many historical foods and they just thought your head was a fruit. Oh, big orange. No, no, no, no, no.

This is me. Why did they stop? The moment they realized I wasn't a fruit. Hatred. Hatred for me. Impassionate. Yeah. That's sweet.

Fruity blood. Yeah. Tangy. Yeah. It's tricky. Like, you could do, like, yeah, a taser or something. Yeah. Well, here's my questions.

Okay, all right. You want to do things on the cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap? Like I sound like a motherfucking bird. I'm like a bird man over here. Mr. fucking Sparrow. Yeah, oh, no, I'm scared to Sparrow. Cheat, jeep, jeep. Get it all out of your system.

You idiot. I know, I know. I know. You bird dickhead. Fuck! I never saw bird dickhead coming. Go on. Black hoodie, hood up, pull those drawstrings tight,

black pants, track suit pants, probably. Don't even need to train, just have a pipe. Yeah. A pipe man. The human pipe. Or a bat. You become Batman because you're holding a bat. True.

Now, here's my question for you, because this is another thing you consider. And then you stop crime just by, like, you just wait in the shadows, you're all black, and then just hit people once or twice with a bat, stop them from doing what they're doing. Smack him in the knees. Back to the head. go, oh no. Oh, no, murder, you're on trial. Oh, wow. They bring back the firing squad just for me. But here's a question for you. How do you find crime?

Police scanner? Police scanner? Yeah. You're going to be, but I reckon a police scanner's funny because you go, oh, like, over and like, I don't fucking know. Popper's crossing. It feels like with the police scanner, the police are on their way. Yeah. You're on, and you're not quick enough as Batman.

Don't find crime areas. You can just hang out in certain spots of the CBD. Street. Yeah, that's true. I'm sure. There's stuff happening. You'll see something. Currently, there are so many clubs just getting firebombed. Yeah, true.

And like Zammit was saying before, the people stealing copper here. Yeah. Yeah. Funny to be like, I am the night and you're just like stopping a guy getting $16 worth of copper. By hitting him with his back. That's the kind of stuff. Like what kind of crime are you also stopping?

Because it's like, okay, let's... It has to be petty. Yeah. While you think about that, I need to go take one of my my world famous mid-episode pisses. You're not pissing like crazy. Because I've had... Nothing but water.

He's not eaten because we've... I've had five cans of water. That's crazy, dude. That's a big coffee. Yeah, piss, piss. Piss. Yeah, that's just doing twice the work, I think. He needs a catheter or something.

No. Let's try to imagine. We're okay, Batman on the cheap. And Batman, apart from fighting supervillain, he loved to fight organized crime. So let's put, yeah, let's put Batman, if in Melbourne, on the belly. Okay. On the belly, season one.

There's just no way. The season of the bat. You're going to get shot with a gun. You're going to get shot pretty quick. They're going to bury you out like fucking in Werribee or something. You're not, there's no way. Yeah. I would not want to go, because Batman, the thing I keep thinking is he can get out, right?

You're fighting on a rooftop. And people come where it gets a little too hairy, jump off the roof, fly away. If we're just wearing a hoodie and trackies and a guy shows up with a gun, running, shot in the back of the head. Or like, okay, that's okay. I have like a parachute. Yeah. And it's like, you know, cool.

It's like a maybe condensed or whatever. I jump off the building. I open it and they see the parachute. They're like, oh, yeah. Okay. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Holes in my parachute and my body. Because I don't think they're fast.

No, no, they're not at all. Or the wind, like, you know, if it's in Melbourne or whatever, it's a very windy city. Like up, you know, like an updraft, whatever, they're like hovering next to them. Float back up to them. Oh, fellas.

Fuck, fuck. I just, I don't know what you're doing in that situation. Yeah, brap, bra, brack, bra. And also, you go, okay, I'm going to set out

to stop organized crime. Fuck, it seems like I missed out on an awesome bit. Yeah, it was a guy in organized crime underbelly. Yeah. Oh, fuck,

that is an awesome bit. Because we're like, what? But then it's like, that's so scary. Yeah. How do you do that? And if you start,

well, it's, I mean, I think one thing that we're kind of circling around at the moment and we haven't directly said it, head on, unless you did in the moments that I took, one of the clearest pieces of my life. Oh, very nice, dude. A hydrated man. A healthy you can be in.

Joel, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And like, uh, so yeah, nothing to worry about. I'm just consuming a lot of water. That's good to hear. Because it make my mouth feel nice. Yeah, nice. But yeah, one thing I think that we have sort of realized, and I mean, Batman comics have touched

on this before, is like, Batman, the only reason that he's considered the good guy is just because we're told he's the good guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, you remove the wealth and, like, the motivation of, like, I'm trying to fix Gotham, even though, are you? You're just a lunatic going around beating up people. Yeah. And also, it's like, sure, like, what crime you care? He's taken on organized crime. Yeah, that's okay, fair enough. And there's like, oh, I'm, I'm taking down, like, petty, like, criminals. Yeah. You go, really? Should you be doing that bad, man? There's a guy out there who's stealing copper of houses

is, like, $16 per kilo, so honestly, he's stealing, like, a couple, like, not even a couple Dulles was. He's just trying to make a living and you get through the next day. They're in like diet straits and like and you're just going to punch him in the mouth. Yeah, exactly. Come on, Batman. What if? I ain't doing Batman.

Batman, my Batman on the cheap, like Batman just started hitting politicians. Oh, okay. You become sort of like a terrorist. It is a vigilante. Vigilante, vigilante. I like that. Anytime like they go, oh, cost of living's going up. Then they come back and they find their car beat the shit.

Yeah. Kind of like the guy threw his shoe at George Bush. And then went straight to jail, then on the way out, and they were like, well, do you any regrets after you serve time in prison? He goes, yeah, I regret I was only wearing two shoes. That rocks. Well, because that's the other thing we're going to need to avoid prison. Because Batman is lucky enough to be friends with Commissioner Gordon. So Commissioner Gordon can be like, you know, we'll wave some of that way. With respect to the police department, they're not good at their job. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. And also like, okay. Depends what kind of crime you're doing. If you're like... You know what? Honestly, if I'm smashing up a politician's car to jail. Oh, you're going to jail. If you guys are just beating up people doing petty crime and I'm breaking their cars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to jail. You guys are not even under suspicion. Yeah, exactly. And I'm dead because I went off to organize crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They buried me in a shallow grave. Yeah, we went off to underbelly and got shot in the head.

Yeah, we're buried in a shallow bush grade out in Wererby. Absolutely. Because, like, that's the thing. Also, if you go, all right, I'm going to go off to organized crime. Who? How do you do that? Like, watch the season of underbell? Are these guys? They still are doing stuff? And then what are you going to do a bar and being like, hey, I'm looking for, you know, fucking Johnny the lips or whatever.

And they go, who are you? And you go, I'm fucking dead. I shouldn't ask questions. I'm fucking dead. God damn it, dude. Because that's another thing. You can be strong and as flexible as you like. Yeah. Batman has armor. Yeah. Are you making armor? Out of what? I guess you could always like Ned Kelly this.

Yeah, that's true. And we just put in a lot of, like, metal shooting. Yeah, yeah. Would you have, like, a Ned Kelly helmet? Lose visibility? Yeah. What if, okay, what about this? Batmaning Melbourne, that's a whole big city.

Yeah. What if I find some country town with a population of like a thousand people? Queenstown, Tasmania. Yeah, and I just go, I'm just going to, I'll be the asylum protector of Queensland, Tasmania. Okay. What if you just make it as a public service thing? Okay. be like, hi, I'm moving into the area. Yeah.

And you know what? If anyone has any problems? Yeah. I'm a bad man. I'm missed to fix it. Yeah, I'll come and I'll fix those problems. Maybe you're a handyman as well. And so maybe you're going to build up those skills, get friendly with everybody.

And you see what kind of problems that are happening around. Because a lot of them maybe don't need necessarily someone getting punched in the face. Organized crime does seem maybe not as high in Queensland. Yeah, probably it's lower. I don't know. But then also it's probably a pretty tight-knit community. will be an outsider. And I might get involved in like small town squabbles where they go, I hate this guy.

You know, he's a... You go, me? Me? You hate me? No, no. It's my neighbor. Are you sure you're not talking about me? So I guess you could use your certain level of like skills to be a good negotiator and a people person. You're not really being Batman.

You're just being a nice guy in the community. Well, I would say... But you're solving squabbles with a... Yeah, with a shit out of them. Yeah, that's what I'm imagining. Still Batman level of violence, but I'm dealing with small town crimes. They go, hey, this guy says it's his tractor. It's actually my tractor.

I lent him 15 years ago. I need to get it back. Okay, yeah, I got this. I just beat the shit out. The other farmer, like, give back the tractor. You're that new guy that moved into town? No. I'm going to call the police on you.

Please don't. I need this. I need this. I couldn't hack it in the big city. There's too many cries. really hard. And then I run away over the field. Yeah.

He watches as I trip over and they get back up again. Your big Cape billowing. It gets caught in a fucking windmill and I get picked up. Help me. No. I don't think I will. I'm calling the police on you. Damn.

Yeah, it feels hard to be Batman on the cheap as one person. Yes. Yeah. With not being clever. Smart. Handsome or good looking. Well, could the three of the three of them, us do it if we combined powers?

Well, then at least we can have what powers, but at least we can have shifts. Yeah, that's true. Good point. Good point. It just feels like you need someone who is very clever to build a thing. Yeah. And who knows that like, this will stop a bullet. And then you also need someone who's like, hey, I know a bit more about the, you know, the seedy underbelly of Melbourne to be able to tell you what's happening. Yeah, because otherwise. And then also you probably need someone who is also very wealthy. Because a lot of the corruption is, you know,

coming from like that end of town. The two big crime things are happening is like the copper spree and also the fire bombing spree. And the fire bombing spree is a lot of like teens being asked to do it. Which is also easy for us to beat up. Yeah, that's true. I could beat up a 15 year old. Maybe.

Depends how strong of 15 year old is. That's like peak physics. Nah. Yeah. If they're like working there and they got a bat. And they bounce back, you know, much easier than what? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no. I don't know. What about, okay, what about if we centralize down to a single location? We find there's an abandoned building or something. We're just going to get a job as a security guard? Yeah, yeah. But beating the shit out of anyone that comes in. Including their security guards.

Yeah. Well, there are some abandoned buildings where they go, we don't want teens loitering here. Oh, yeah. And so I go, okay, I can be your guy. I'll hang out in the abandoned iron works. Yeah. By when teens come in. The three of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, again, like, we, we don't. The teens are strong. Teens are strong and there's a group of teens on like one of us. We're fucked. But they say there's three of us, we're at least a little bit more intimidated. We beat the shit. It's very fun to imagine teens.

I'm like, I'm the bat. And they're like, let's kill this fucking loser who's dressed like a bat. Oh, fuck, dude. Dude, I'm going to make an awesome creepy posture about me killing this man. What if I dress up as a ghost and I scare the teens away? Teens scared of ghosts still? Or do they look at the world and they go, Ghosts are real.

What kind of ghost? Sort of like if I paint my face completely white. Dude, you're getting canceled. I don't know what you're doing. White face? What? I am white.

I mean, I am a ghost. I'm a white ghost. I'm a white ghost. Why are you pointing that out? No, I'm not. Dude, I'm going to use a sound, and this TikTok is going to go viral, and you're never going to work again.

Cancel the white ghost. Oh. I want to be hitting the gritty Yeah Yeah Okay Why You might need like

Special effects Like like You know Become a zombie But like the make I don't think becoming Mysterio is Batman On the cheap

I can't bring a smoke machine Into it too You can bring a smoke What about this You're in there You're smoking Dubby smacks In the middle of the

Abandon Ironworks Doobie smacks Yeah you're having a great time And all of a sudden You start to hear Dink Dink Dik Classical music Bing ding ding

Ding ding Yeah I love that classical music which was the crazy frog but on piano fog comes in smoke machine fog

and you go what the fuck and then ooh I come out in white face too much too much white and you've come out in white face

no like you're doing too much you're doing too much the creepy music if it's crazy fog funny but it's like classical music

but then like the fog machine kicks in I'm like oh this is a bit Someone's doing a bit. And then you come in his white face being like, oh, I'm the white ghost. I'm like, why'd you tell me? I didn't ask.

I just was scared people. I don't know what I thought. What are you doing? Yeah. I didn't want to get canceled. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. You're doing too much.

You've got to be like maybe, yeah, like. Well, because the reason I brought up, like, if people are like in the banner building and they're like, you know, doing the urban exploring and like, yeah. Just, just a big metal pipe and you scrape it along the, floor intermittently. That's all you gotta do. That's more scary. I don't need the fog machine. I don't need a fog machine. Well, yeah, because what I was thinking you could do like makeup, yeah? And then you got to lie there and wait. Yeah. And then you don't get scared. And then maybe the fight or flight kicks in and then you get maybe a lead pipe to the

head because you know, that's how you kill a zombie. You gotta get there for a man. No, it's the white ghost. No, the white ghost. The white ghost. I mean, just the right just a zombie. But I am white. Dong-dong-dong. Donked in their head. Cancelled and killed. Well, yeah, because I thought about it because I know there are places that will play classical music from speakers to scare teens. Are they scaring teens or they just, it's just annoying? I think it's to scare.

Because I'm pretty sure at one point, yeah. They did it at train stations. They played classic music. I remember once talking to some boys at train station back when Frankson was really just like an awful place to be. But they just played a lot of classical music just to kind of. get the loitering teens to fuck off to move on because it was annoying and just like yeah it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't the one i'm thinking of is at lorondal asylum before they turned it into before they poured concrete into yeah yeah because they didn't want teens loitering around it

they would play creepy classical music and maybe even crying sounds because they wanted to scare the teens away that's kind of funny so that was kind of my thinking and then i was like well yeah but then they're just like a tape being played you're not there i don't need to be there yeah i don't need to be there. Batman's just like AIing is... Yeah, yeah. He's getting...

Yeah, okay. I'm trying to think is there like one... I mean, I guess you can just like, what about like, um, like it's safe way, like to stop people stealing?

Hang out by the self-checkout dressed as Batman. Punch people in the top of the head. Batman, why are you... Hey, okay, so you're here to stop me from stealing like, you know, some skittles or whatever, or bread.

Yeah. And yet the CEO of this fucking company, what was there, what was the yearly earnings? And they kept crying poor. I don't know. Fuck you. I'm just here.

You're getting hit in the hands. I didn't expect to get lead piped in Safeway. Yeah. Fucked. Sorry, dude. It's hard to be Batman. It's hard to figure out the place to do it. Especially for the cheap.

Yeah, for the cheap. And again, like what are you going after? Petty Crime is the one that makes the most sense, but you're basically attacking the victims. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. You're not, you know, like, you know, barreling into a crayon, trying to, like, go to the high roller room to be like, which one of you fuck is responsible for the horrible bullshit that's happening. I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

And crowns get so. much security. The best idea we've had so far is JD taking a bat the politician's cars. And he'll be arrested so quickly because he's destroying property of the wealthy. Yeah, they might kill him. They might kill him. They might kill him. And then maybe I'll get, I don't know.

Maybe. But they just go... That'll be like, Joel Dusha touches kids. Yeah. And I'll be like, from heaven. Yeah. Where I rivaled deserve to go, I go, that's not true. I didn't do that.

I was just bashing cars. I was actually beating up cars off people that love to do that. Yeah. And they were interviewing us and I'm like, I don't know. remember. How much was this interview? Yeah, I don't think so, but I couldn't say for sure. Stop saying that. I don't remember really.

Why are you giving them down? What the fuck, man? I don't remember. Who are they talking about? Yeah, you know what I? And they talk about Joel Dujer or Jared from Subway, because I can't remember. They both like Subway. Yeah. And I wasn't with him all the time.

Was Joe Dusha did Subway mascot? I don't know. I'm getting that confused. My legacy is in real. I'm just imagining He's just like Yeah I guess Yeah I guess we don't know

We couldn't say I mean I don't think he did But yeah He got me eating Subway sandwiches I'll say that much Yeah so I do associate What I was

Look I associate him with Subway He got me on the subway train Dude Meeples sub Compit That's one thing about me I'm constantly getting everyone On the subway diet

Yeah so you know Say what you will But you make the connections Offes You figure it out yourself Do your own research In my head There's like that

You know the classic image of Jared holding his pants and then like you and they just just become the one. That makes sense to me. Yeah, it was good they got him, hey. Good they finally took him down. Joel Dushra from subway. To hit Bonneby Joyce's car with a hammer. Oh, yeah, dude, it would feel good.

It would feel real good. First Paul, Hanson's tires. What? I was thinking, because maybe this is harder to them to, like, kill me. Yeah. What if I got, like, a very angry horse? Then shoot the horse so quick. To trample on those cars.

And then shit in their car. Oh my God, dude. Now, my favorite. And I'm sorry, the horse is out of control. It's also really funny. And I think that the horse shitting in the car thing will have revealed this. But every single time I think of any politician's car, I am thinking of the motorcade that JFK was in. That's really good.

There should have been a horse at the motorcade. Yeah. It's funny. My favorite part of that, well, my favorite part of that, well, my first thing is. favorite part because it's funny, but my least favorite part because I know it would be my responsibility is pissing off the horse beforehand. I know I'm sitting inside that horse carriage tasering the horse in the chest. Because I know, like, and then we're talking about on the cheap. Yeah. Now, I know in our sister show, basically, that's true, we found out that we could

rather easily get at least maybe 50 very free horses. Yeah, that's, that's not a bad scheme. So, like, we could get some horses and then, you know, trample on some politician cars. We wait until there's a big, some big meeting at Parliament House, we go, our horsehood got loose. I don't know. Or, if we're at the politicians are driving around, and like, these horses were free, so that, you know, it's not

going to cost us too much. And the optics of their car hitting a horse? No, dude. Not good. That's good. And then I've got to be like, you know, my poor horse. They ran over my poor horse. Oh my gosh, did my horses were just crossing this road? Yeah. And Pauline Hanson ran into them with a

car? Exactly. Now she's got horse blood all over a car As a horse just climbed up on the car And then took a big shit all over a car These horses were wild brumbry Brumbies too I won't mispronounce it on the day These horses are wild brum

Fuck your one chance Brumbris Never mind What were you going to say No Doesn't matter I fucked it Fucked it

I fucked it Yeah fucked it up Dude Pauline Hansen got given a new car recently It's a Ford Ranger That's a lot of car For me to hit with a bat Yes

And a lot of horse to get hit by that time. Oh, yeah. Horse v. Ford Ranger, that horse is getting absolutely annihilated. And I really, because I was imagining I was riding these horses. Probably shouldn't have done that. The car goes through the horse and all you get is the front half and the back half of the horse. The middle's gone. How big Twelfth is.

These ones are huge. They are pretty big. Yeah. Is a horse as wide as a car? maybe just No A car's way wider than a horse On the side

On the side Horse on the side Snout to tail Oh right Yeah No that's wider than a car Okay so if a car hit a horse It could just be front legs back legs

No middle I reckon maybe Yeah It's still hitting Yeah It's still hitting the whole horse It's still hitting the whole horse It's just if a car

Yeah Yeah Cars is a big Yeah Cars are the same size you expect them to be, but horses are big, cars are the size of a car,

but a horse is big. I've never claimed to be smart, clever, good looking or handsome, and I think that that's very important. And I think the best thing, the best course of vigilante justice, if we all want to become Batman on the cheap, is just to find your local

politician and you beat that shit out of that car. Break the tax, dude. I steal a steering wheel. The best thing for the outside of Malpham is dating son of a horse. Yes. Very true.

On that note, I've been, Jill. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Nora, I hope we answers your question perfectly. And if you want to support Melbourne's least smart,

least handsome, least clever and least good-looking podcast. The only three men to lose a handsome competition to a dog. You can sign up to the bad brain boys, which gives you access to a special Discord. Discouts and live show tickets plus a bunch of bonus content. We do

an extra episode of Plumbing the Death Star every month. We do an extra What If will we go through Marvel's 1977 comic run of What If? And we do the questions that they ask. Plus Jackson Bailey Spooks America. There's a bunch of stuff in there's so much. There's Plumbing the Death Star

for the rest of your life. You subscribe to the bad brain boys. And that might sound like a threat, but it is good. It is good. You want it. You want more of this. Plus, predominant. You'd be supporting us and allowing us to continue to make these podcasts. So please sign up. Thank you very much.

Good night. God bless. What would a bonus episode this month, perhaps, for Tane? Like, if you signed up for Plumina Destop Plus, you go, oh, I wonder what the most recent episodes about. What I'll get. It's good. It's good.

It's good. Maybe, hey, Joel Dusha wasn't around for me when we talked about Spider-Man, our good friend Adam. So why don't we take a crack at that with our good friend, Joel Dush? I imagine that would be largely about Spider-Man. about Spider-Man is barely about sounding at all.

Yeah, right? That's what I would guess. Predominantly Spider-Man and finally, maybe a one-off reference to sounding and in no way the reverse. All right, thanks for listening. We love you.

See you behind the paywall. God, you just made me remember the crunch. It's so bad. It's so bad. What did he hit? What did he hit? Why? Joel Dusha, the bored magician.

Hey, kind of tell her. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? I was like, I was loved to with like the three gigs or whatever. Yeah. It's good for like, you know, it's good for mums. Mm-hmm. But it's also really good for kids.

Yeah. Oh, dude. How good for mums do you reckon it is? Pretty good. Dude, you, the over 40 market? Come on, dude. Learning magic to fuck moms. Learning magic to get pussy?

Dude. Come on, man. Suburban moms. Magic for pussy. You go, hey, I'm here at your kids. You know, kids, I'm to do some card tricks for the kids. You flirting with the mom the whole time. And then all of a sudden, she goes, hey, I know your time's up, but you want to stick around?

I want to see my penis disappear? Or like, she's like, hey, you're a magician, but I got a few tricks of my own. Maybe you want to pull a rabbit out of this? Yes, I am. Oh, okay. Awesome. And my mouth. Of pussy and mouth.

Well, that's really good for me. Right. Yeah. Yeah, my kid's going to be fine if we leave him alone for like an hour. Just lock him in the car. Lock him in the car with the engine running. It'll be fine. I'll just connect to this tube to kill myself.

I have sex with a magician. Damn, that's dark. It's fucked up. It's a fucked up. It's fine to gas you kid while you fuck a magician. Your life's not going to get worse than fucking a magician. You might as well kill your kid. It's not going to look good in court, I'll tell you that much.

Why were you gazing your kid? Well, I wanted to fuck a magician. I go, wow, I didn't think it would get worse. That doesn't make sense. Those two things are connected. No, I think you find, Your Honor. No, I think they are. It would be.

No.