Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Bless a Small Village? with Matt Stewart and Dave Warneke

Episode Date: October 23, 2022

This week on plumbing the boys have are joined by Dave Warneke and Matt Stewart (from Do Go On) who have convinced them to change tactics and bless that small village (while also letting us all know you should head to dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ to check out their upcoming live shows!)! Zammit want to help everyone get more done in a day and so blesses everyone with another them so they can get shit done (multiple man style). Jackson decides the best course of action is essential to make everyone candy. Duscher turns the whole village into astronauts while Matt wants to give the people the gift of edging and Dave just wants everyone to have a great Wednesday!Now don't forget November the 8th to the 20th Matt and Dave are going to be in the UK! And of course, remomber remomber the 26th of Octomber to check out Matt Stewart's YouTube Special!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to a very special episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And today we are joined by two of the most fabulous guests we've ever had. Yeah, absolutely. Two of the kindest men in my life.

Yes. Introducing Matt Stewart and Dave Warnecke. Thanks so much for having us, dude. You might know us from our website, dogoonpod.com slash live hyphen shows slash. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah just the same do go on pod.com forward slash no backslash live hyphen shows forward slash great it's actually a great spot to find out about upcoming shows in perth uh my live stand-up special being released on the Stupid Old Channel,

and also our upcoming UK tour. Going to Birmingham, Glasgow, Leeds, London, Manchester, and Bristol. There are dates for that. I would love to go there.

When will this be? I'll make sure I'm available. We'll be in the UK between the 8th of November. Remember, remember the 8th of November and the 20th of November. Remember, remember the 28th of November. You're going to miss my birthday. That's okay.

Best way to celebrate Joel Zammett's birthday is to go see Do Go On Live. No, not Do Go On. The best place to celebrate Joel Zammett's birthday is to go see Matt and On no not Do Go On no it's the best place to celebrate Joel Zammett's birthday is to go see Matt and Dave

live in the UK where they're two opposed to their wearing funny British hats yeah it was very good we're trying to fit in with the break

I think you will I think you will couple of gazes couple of lads couple of lads couple of lads lads lads lads we had to send the photos

to all the the comedy clubs and the bars and stuff that were doing the shows. And I'm like, is this offensive to your culture? What are you playing at? You having a laugh? You having a laugh? You're looking down on this here geezer culture, eh, fellas? That was the best impression I've ever heard.

That was flawless. Yeah, yeah, I know. No transporters to Murray Old England just then. Do you think you could open for us? Yeah, absolutely. I'm on the bill now. That sounded more like an American doing an Australian accent. I thought you were wrestling a crocodile.

Welcome to sunny England. You're a good accent, Sam. And I also am very good at accents. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't it? And we are asking a very important

question today. That's right. It is a special episode. We're asking a special question. What is it? The very important question is how would you bless a small village we've cursed enough small villages in our time, okay? The destruction. We owe them one. We've led our way.

Yeah, exactly. It's time to give back. You know, sometimes you've got to give back to the community, not just take, take, take, take. Well, usually what happens is we roll into a small village, plumbing the Death Star by themselves. The village is like, fuck. Oh, no.

Fuck. We're there for an hour, fuck. Oh, no. Fuck. We're there for an hour or two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck these loathed fools. Get out of our village. We get strapped to a donkey. They slap the donkey. The donkey charges out of town.

And we say, oh. You know what? Get fucked. And we curse them. It's just one donkey. Yeah. Oh, my God. But this time, we've brought our two beautiful friends

Matt and Dave similar to how we're bringing them to the UK but then going straight home You won't see us there It's a metaphorical bring Will we be strapped to a donkey for the flight? No, I think it was strapped to a plane I'm like strapped, I mean wearing a seatbelt

on the inside of a plane Tell our host he prefers going on a plane Can't wait to get the inside of a plane. Tell her how the reference is going on a plane. Can't wait to get strapped on this plane. Can't wait to get strapped in. Yeah, I'm going to be strapped in. Well, yeah, strapped in is normal. That's a normal.

In fact, they say strap in. Yeah. No. Okay, sure. Yeah, all right. Moving on. Yep. If you're like, hey, mate, just strap in.

That makes sense. Oh, my God. Are you an airline host? I'm a pilot. You're the pilot? Fly the plane! Pilot comes out. All right, ladies and gentlemen.

Strap in. We are at 40,000 whatever in the sky. If anyone could just please strap in. Even for a drink. Well, I felt like the pilot was saying it to me specifically, which is scary. It's the pilot walking down the aisle. Be like, hey, strap in.

I'm like, it must be important. I think the pilot is about to fuck you. Yeah. Strap in. Are we in front of everyone here? Strap in. If you're like just getting all your books and your iPad and your little Nintendo Switch ready for the plane, and the pilot comes in, looks at you, and he's like, better strap in, mate.

And maybe gives you a cheeky wink. I don't know what's happening. Do you think that someone saying strap in means prepared for us to fuck i think if the pilot said it because then i think i would become like the biggest celebrity on the plane like if you watched me walk up to the cabin and then walk back and it's clearly i'm quite ruffled and flushed you'd be like oh my god you're doing the walk of shame down to economy class i think people will be lining, oh my God, you're doing the walk of shame. Down to economy class. I think people would be lining up for my autograph, personally.

The Mile High Club, that's just fucking anyone. That's got to be like the Platinum Mile. Fuck the pilot. Because we're putting the whole plane at risk. See, I think if the pilot comes out and says strap in, I'm expecting a loop. Like the pilot's like, I'm about to do some crazy shit.

Yeah, that's what I would have thought as well. And if he's winking at you, it's like, I don't care if anyone else gets in. I want you to survive, because later on, we're going to fuck. Welcome to the Platinum Mile High Club, brother. Oh, my God. So, we brought our two good friends to this small village,

and they're like, you guys are unreal And we're like, we've never been loved before We should bring Matt and Dave with us more This time we've had to sit together and be like We've got to bless this village We've got to give back to the village that welcomed us with their open arms And you know what I always find That I always have a struggle with

Is time management And I often think how much I would get done if there was another me. So I would love to bless this village with another them. Every person just gets another them. Okay. What a blessing. Every two-person household, four-person household, four-person, eight-person.

You're a one-child family. You're a two-child family and you also have two dads and two moms do how hmm if i feed one of the me's yeah does the other me get fed i guess not because we're giving them a whole other person right yeah i will say yes because you're using the time management yeah yeah that's a good point you're using the time management and if you make a new person and they also have to eat that's slowing it down but if everything one person eats the other person's also eating how about this how about this we do like uh once every 24 hours you can just absorb the other you and you get like the

best of the of both situations so you get each other's knowledge, experiences, things you've consumed, and then after maybe 30 seconds, you get split apart again. And then before you come together, do you say, strap in? So how would this work? So if I went and saw Matt and Dave's show in the UK at Birmingham

with my other me, and then we both had obviously a perfect time, and then straight after the show, I absorbed the other me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we both had, obviously, a perfect time. And then straight after the show, I absorbed the other me. Does that mean I've enjoyed the show twice as much as everyone else? Not only that, but you've also seen it

from slightly different perspectives. Whoa! I don't know what that would feel like. Seeing your memory, it's sort of like a 3D. 3D scan. Wow. How in control of the other me am I? Is the other me going to come back and absorb and it might be bad?

Maybe. I mean, it's you. Maybe. Well, it's you. How bad are you? But can you be punished for other person's crime? Well, it was you, so yeah. So, like, if the other me came back and I was like,

you've been eating worms. Is that a scenario that's going to happen? Well, yeah, because would you go eat worms? Yeah, because it is you, Jackson. So, I guess. If I ate worms, but then in that situation, if the me came back, I would be like, oh, we've been eating worms. It's good to see we've both been eating worms.

So, it's not going to be like a bizarro version. No, it's exactly you at the moment you split and then you have 24 hours to do whatever you want. And if you would like to, I mean, you don't have to do 24 hours. You can do a week. You can do a year. Are you going to need a bigger house, a second, you know, extra bedrooms and stuff?

Or are you sort of clocking on and clocking off? No, because it's like not a real person really. So you can just like put them under the bed or whatever. Well, no, you absorb each other, right? Oh, so you absorb for sleep. You can absorb each other and just share a bed. I kind of feel like what I'd like to do is just send the other me out into the world and be like, I'll see you in a year

and just see what he did, you know? Because you've experienced it. He comes back and you go, worms, that's all? A whole year? You're eating worms? Yeah, I dug a hole for a year because I thought that one year down might have the best worms. I fell in the hole, couldn't get out, had to live on worms.

Oh, my God. How far away were you just outside the room? Okay, so, I mean, it would be a blessing, I guess. You go to sleep for eight hours. Your other me goes to sleep for eight hours. In the morning, you combine. That's 16 hours of rest. Oh, my God. But also, I guess you could do the other way around. to sleep for eight hours in the morning you combine that's 16 hours of rest oh my god but

also i guess you could do the other way around like if you're worried about space you could just have one of you agrees to be nocturnal basically oh yeah yeah he had so much shit done so much done would it be less impressive though if you're able to do so extra shit but every single person in the village can do extra shit but everyone would your. Your village, but as a whole, your village would be killing the next village. Oh, yeah. Could you just send all yourselves in to go kill the next village? Literally kill the next village. Also, it comes down to, like, say, choices as well.

What if you're in a situation where it was like, oh, I don't know if I want to say, you know, marry this particular person or not. Well, I can send single me out, has a great time, and then they just do that, and I'm happily married at home. And then a year later, you absorb and you go, oh, no. What have I done? I'm so sorry. What did you do to those words?

So if you're, well, because I'm always nervous about the monkey paw Yeah of course This one's flawless though I don't know why I could possibly be worried I'm just asking just to make sure Before we lock this in So you know One of you is nocturnal right

When you reabsorb Do you get the vitamin D deficiency Well of course Of course Or would it even out or do you get the vitamin D deficiency? Well, of course. Oh, of course. Well, because if you're getting- Or would it even out? Maybe, because you're getting the positives, so I'm assuming you get the negatives as well, right?

I guess. That would just make sense. So if I'm like, say, for example, I eat a burger, and then my meat's a burger, and then we absorb- That's two burgers. That's two burgers, right? Oh, no. One hell of a shit.

But we've also been, you know, say, exercising. We've also been moving around or whatever. So that's really the same amount. Hopefully you'd burn it out. But I'm a lazy piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And mind me, I assume also a lazy piece of shit. Yeah.

And you can't get them to be like a gym junkie somehow? Well, they would be like, well, why don't you do it? And I don't want to do it. This is the problem. What I'm scared about is, so you keep saying I absorb the other me, but what if the other me absorbs me? But they're both you. No, but I am me.

Do you get to claim to be the original you? Yeah, like I am the original me and the other me pops out and makes a part of it. Well, that's what it is. Yours is the only one who does that. Is it possible that they think the same thing? That's what I'm scared of. Yeah, they would because they would be you.

So if you think that, then yeah. So if I get absorbed but I'm gone for like maybe 30 seconds, then you just pop back out. But is that the same me? So if you're very strong-minded, it's going to be dangerous. But if you're sort of weak, like Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't say weak.

More black. Sort of like a maggot man. Kind of like if you blow your nose into a tissue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that became a guy. Snail without a shell, cursed to be a human being. That's how you see yourself. Well, that's just how they see you.

That's just how I am. You've got to really... I'm trying to figure out the Sandspan's dynamic. Because I know when you're around Adam kind of allay he becomes the lowest status guy but when he's not around you're the lowest status guy what happens when you're not around?

I don't know, I'm not there because the other two guys here the Joel's, they're kind of like the silverback gorillas Joel's together strong is Cass as well the other silverback gorillas. Yeah. Joel's together strong. And maybe Cass as well, the other silverback. No. No, take the wrong skill.

Adam, me, Cass, everyone else. Oh, Cass is on there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Yeah, Cass does this beautiful thing, and she often has Jackson as a distraction. Yeah.

So it would be like, Jackson, pull your life together. You're always out at, at like 3 a.m going to mcdonald's just eating just shoving that gross worm out hole of yours with sloppy burgers get a hold of yourself cast you're beautiful and amazing never change we did it together i was with cam i was cast the whole time why i got a small fry yeah that's a good plus I think there's some sort of

like existential issues with it because the whole thing is you start as one person and then you go to two people and then you come back as one person

with two persons experience and then you keep splitting this has already happened and the douche is the split off of you Zammett what happened I mean

there's some very like interesting divergences in our lives that has happened for this to... A five-year age gap? That is confusing. The science isn't clear yet. Yeah. We don't know. There's no science behind blessing a village.

Well, exactly. Your bless doesn't even have to be maybe. Maybe your bless isn't actually just another version of you. It's just another person. Maybe the bless doesn't have to be... It doesn't look like you. It's just another person. Maybe the bless doesn't have to look like you. It's kind of like twins that aren't identical. Oh, okay. That's scary.

That's worse. Who's the Danny DeVito in this scenario? We're both Danny DeVito. So what happens if your new person dies or one of the people dies? Do you both die or can you still reabsorb the corpse reabsorb the corpse and experience dying

but then if I'm experienced would I be hard oh man you've just given me an expendable person oh no Jackson you've given you a, you're also dispendable to them.

Me and my me kill each other, I guess. Well, it's either that or you suck each other off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. I and you're like either they're 69ing or one of them's stabbing the other. Both sound the same. I don't know if I want to find out. Then you close the door.

It's not for you. Fair enough. It's been six minutes. Now what does this sound like? This wet slopping sound. That can sound like either death or... I'll do it. Hang on, I'll do it. That is wet.

That's a wet stab. That is a wet stab. I'm a wet man. It's a wet stab. That is a wet stab. I'm a wet man. It's a big knife and a big mouth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of Jackson's world-famous wet socks. Yeah, yeah, that's what's happened to me. That's pretty cool, I think.

I think that's a good blessing. Yeah, I mean, everyone will be, I reckon, four thumbs up because there's two of them. That's right. I don't see any problems. Everyone's experienced life, and it won't change anybody for the worse's right. I don't see any problems. Everyone's got to experience life and it won't change anybody for the worse. No, I don't think so.

I was thinking about Hansel and Gretel. I was thinking it would be awesome to be made of candy and have a house made of candy. Be made of candy yourself. It would be nice if the world was candy. So I'll turn everybody in the village, inhabitants and buildings

into candy. You got gumdrop eyes, your tongues are ice cream. If you are made of candy, are you gonna like candy still? If your house is made of human flesh. Yeah, well I don't like the taste of human flesh.

Well, I don't know. To the point, actually. Yeah, that was close to admitting something. Interesting, interesting, interesting. Well, if your house is made of candy, and you're made of candy, like, candy's still good. Yeah, but you're made of candy.

Can you still taste the candy? Yeah. Or does everything just taste like ice cream? Well, everything tastes like ice cream. That's a dream. It's not bad. Well, everything doesn't taste like tongue. That's true.

Tongue does have a distinct flavor. Well, I guess you'd be tasting your saliva because your saliva would also be made of candy. So it'd be like Coca-Cola or something. Would it be like a sugar syrup? No, Coca-Cola. All right, we're leaking Coca-Cola. Yeah, like Coke syrup or whatever.

Blood is Coke. A lot of it is Coke, I feel. Yeah. So all fluids in the body are now Coca-Cola? Yeah, the various, you know, so maybe your saliva is Coke Zero. Your piss is Diet Coke. Blood is Coke with, it's like cherry cola. Yeah.

What's vanilla Coke? Vanilla Coke would be cum. Yeah, fantastic. I mean, that's going to be a game changer. Yeah. Vanilla Coke is cum. That changes everything. Awesome question.

Do you think if cum had the same consistency as piss, it would feel as good to do? Ah, or better. Well, okay. Is there a condition that makes you have like watery gums? Well, what if you have the same volume? Oh. If you have the same volume, I reckon that feels better.

As what, a 600 ml bottle of Coke? If you cum a 600 ml bottle of Coke every time. Dick just becomes a little Coke bottle and you just unscrew it to piss and cum. You can't really tell the difference. And then you've got to screw it back on and it rebuilds on that's what's happened to your body it's not great sesh babe what a blessing this is what a blessing was i lacking in candy flavored saliva well what's bad i mean what's so bad about it's a change i mean what okay okay i'm gonna hit your question with another

question sure what's good about this okay candy tastes good piss tastes good now that is definitely the biggest plus what happens to food like if i'm like i mean i wanted to have it okay i'm eating a steak sure just before Just before I get blessed by Jackson's blessing. Yeah. What happens to this steak? The steak would become a gummy steak. But if you brought steak from outside, it would just be a steak. Okay, now can I eat that steak?

What? What a teeth. Yeah, can you digest it? Teeth are candy corns now. So no, you can't eat the steak. But if you mushed it up, you could drink it. Do I still need certain nutrition? You actually need candy now.

That's the only thing I care about. Your village is going to be fucked. You know, kids from surrounding towns are just going to be there non-stop. I'm not a target to this town. But also, I'm hungry. I'm really hungry. I've already eaten my

house. Don't do that. Where's my house? I'm getting candy. Okay, fine. Oh no oh i'm so hungry oh there's oh the the town is looking rather tasty now i suppose i have made a situation where you are the only thing you can eat well i get my own lips? Yeah. Is that good? And is everything in your house is made of candy? Yeah. So like if you get really hungry, you could like eat the toilet.

Yeah. Made of candy. I wouldn't start. But I guess actually, whatever. There's no difference. If you're pissing coke, you can piss outside. Do you need a toilet anymore? What are you shitting? In fact, if you're pissing coke, I mean, you're just aiming for your mouth, right?

You would be shitting. Bobbling. Oh my God. If anyone doesn't know what bobbling is, I highly encourage you to Google it. In fact, look it up on YouTube, I reckon. I think that's a great idea. Are you saying bobbling?

Bubbling. The rugby league. Pastime. Yeah, it's also a skateboarding pastime. It seems to only be... I want to use the word big, but I don't think I really mean big. Big in Australia.

And I'd say probably bigger in the rugby league state. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said Wales, Queensland. They lived a bubble. Vice wrote an article on it, so it got big enough. Hey, man, like the sun's real bad up there. You know, it does stuff to your brain.

It's funny to do a thing and then celebrate by pissing in your own mouth. Yeah, exactly. And they all do it up there. They love it up there. They're freaks for it. You go to Nana's birthday, we're having a celebratory bubble. That's why they're all so flexy. And that's not even when it tastes like coke.

Yeah, exactly. It tastes like piss. I would never imagine. It would just be like a cycle be worldwide never stop you wouldn't even think about are you gonna need a house now that everything is like the rain is probably going to be that's true yeah also yeah as as dave just said it wouldn't stop so could you kind of have this like self-perpet like self like energy in energy out situation drinking piss and you're just kind of constantly sucking on your own Coke bottle.

But you said it tastes like Coke. You didn't say it is. So it tastes like Coke, but for you it tastes like Coke, right? For all intents and purposes it is piss. And then it's your tricking your already candy brain to be like, this is the sustenance I need, but your body, I guess it's processing. This is the sustenance we need, of course, Coke. But your body is now processing it and it's becoming more and more concentrated.

It's coming out like a syrup. You're pissing more and more concentrated coke. But is that good or what? Because that's the waste you're extracting, right? Yeah, it is still waste. So if it's the waste you don't need, then surely it would be water? Oh, yeah. Because you need the candy. That's true.

So you retain the syrup. So you piss coke, you drink that coke, you piss. And then eventually, yeah, your piss turns to water? Yeah. So like sparkling water is what you'd be pissing. And you don't need that. Yeah. Yeah.

So you end up back where we are now. Yeah. You can't really drink your own piss. Damn it. Well, it wasn't part of the design. Just everything you guys decided to do. I'm just wondering how, like, emaciated you would be or how, like, do I need to go out for any other source of food?

Well, I think you're right because you would eventually eat the village and then each other and then there would just be one person left and then eat themselves. And this is the blessing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a bit of Jew. Oh, yeah. I don't really think it's true. Most blessings end with people drinking their own piss and then eating each other.

This isn't even ending with that. It's beginning with that. That's day one. 20 minutes in. Guys, have you tasted your own piss yet? If you found out. If your dick became a Coke bottle full of Coke, I'd see a doctor.

Would you think about it? I said I'd see a doctor, but I think if I looked down. Just to brag. Hey, doctor, check this out. How's that regular dick doing, yo? Where's a bottle of Coke? Just a nonchalant shrug. Where's a bottle of Coke?

I feel like it does open you up to like the whole town to a new revenue stream where you can now all separately join like Ripley's Believe It or Not style tours

and you can be like come see the amazing Candy Boy watch him suck his own dick it's not weird because it's a bottle of coke

it's still a bit weird I would rather it kind of was a can of coke so you like reach down you pull the tab then you kind of was a can of coke so you like reach down you pull the tab then you kind of

still get the piss sound a little bit I think that's my favourite sound in the world oh it's a great sound yeah hot day

crack a can and then yeah that's you pissing and it would re-seal every time so you'd be breaking the seal

yeah oh alright I'm back in on this. Yeah, it's good. It does bring me to like two questions, I guess. Sure should. Coming with it's a can of Coke. Yeah.

So is it still cracking? Yeah. Yeah. It's just the build up. Oh, it's just the build up. Shit. Yeah. It's kind of like, you know, if you leave, say, milk in a car.

Oh, no. And it kind of goes like, it swells up a bit. Oh, no. So imagine your Coke can swelling up a bit. You've got to release that pressure. But you can edge yourself, but don't do it too much, because it's my purse. Edging goes from an awesome thing to do to more dangerous. Do you think it would improve the orgasm if you shook your penis off?

Yeah, yes. Oh, just pick me up, shake me, crack me open. It's more dangerous. Do you think it would improve the orgasm if you shook your penis off? Yeah! Yes! Just pick me up, shake me, crack me open. We've really been focusing on the penis as well. This was my second question. Yeah. What's the pussy situation? You can quote me on that. That's when you catch phrase.

T-shirts. What's the pussy situation? I guess it's probably like an internal bottle of Coke somehow. An internal bottle of Coke. Okay, I think that just broke my brain. But also, have you seen a vagina? Well, no, but you're pissing the same thing. You're both pissing Coke.

Okay. Just the tab can, like the tab pool ring is a bit higher up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is it just a tab, like there's no can. It's just the tab pool ring. Yeah, it would just be the tab pull in, I suppose, gummy. So then sex would be putting a Coke can into a Coke can. Yeah.

Perfect fit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're both kind of pissing on each other, I guess. You've made sex awesome. I love to be like, hey, babe, want to eat up and piss on each other? Piss on each other's... Piss in each other, sort of. Yeah.

Well, I didn't, again, didn't sort of... Yeah. Maybe as you went inside, the two tabs of your cans would connect, and then when you pulled out, they would open. Whoa. Linking the tabs, pulling back. Yeah. Double. I think that's awesome. Then you can grab each other

and just shock them. How was that for you? Did I open your tab? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My tab's way open now. I don't think I heard the kch. No, no one opened. Sorry, I just didn't have a lot of vanilla coke in me.

Oh, okay. Quiet tab. Animal sex is fun. Yeah, you drink up your wife and drink her. Pick up your wife, crack her open, crush her on your head. It's a very traditional village. There's only sex with wives. Husbands and wives only.

Absolutely. Extremely monogamous. You've seen me the other night, fellas. Drank my wife like crazy. Drank my wife dry. Yeah, I think it's pretty good. I think it's a good blessing. Yeah.

Question, though. With Coke, when you put coke on other candy doesn't it dissolve candy like say you you have like a bucket of fairy floss which I'm imagining

is everyone's hair yes well fairy floss is tricky because anything will dissolve water will fuck fairy floss up yeah yeah yeah

everybody yeah everybody's bald I guess no happens what about like lolly snakes lolly snakes medusa

oh that's cool like a lot of you can have one hair cut in your life so it doesn't doesn't grow no why does this hair not grow

why does wait does anything wait hang on oh no if you cut yourself what happens it just stays cut and you bleed

coke I guess and you so you you got one good cum one good bit so And one good piss. So that doesn't reseal. Yeah, I suppose not. I suppose it's all finite.

Yeah. So if you choose to piss, that's your one piss. Yeah, that means you're better enjoying it. Why have you made this change? Because I can't, I mean, you know, candy can't regrow or whatever. Jackson, candy, you know what? No, okay, Yeah, fair enough. Everything you said... Candy can't regrow.

You're right. Candy can't regrow. That's the only roadblock. We don't know how to do it. There's no cells. Well, there are cells, but not, you know, regrowing cells. Yeah. So you've killed a village. Maybe. They're going to die quite quickly. Do you age? No. Oh, that's good. No, you don't age.

You die. You're candy. Yeah, I know, but you're candy. No one's living. Well, candy ages, but like, you know... Yeah, but do you age? No. Oh, that's good. No, you don't age. You die. You're candy. Yeah, I know, but you're candy. No one's literally. Well, candy ages, but like, you know. Yeah, but do you age? So, okay, I am, I am, let's say I am the ripe old age. I'm a 10-year-old boy. You're a 10-year-old boy for the rest of your life.

Until your candy melts in the sun or whatever. What if you lose a limb? Yeah. Can you steal someone else's limb? Yeah, and if you like lick it and slam it onto your leg. Do I have control of that limb? Yeah. Okay.

Candy can't heal, but you can take someone else's arm, lick it, and stick it to your body, and then you regain control of it. What if I get, like, say, I go to the store. I am a candy man. I go down to a store, and I get a chomper. I unwrap it and I just shove it into my forehead like a horn. Do I now have a horn? Yes.

I love that the shops are selling candy. But I'm sick of it yet. I went to a neighboring village, I guess. Yeah, it's a horn, but you don't feel it. Okay. What if I had lost an arm and I shoved the chomper where my arm was? horn but you don't feel it okay what if there i had lost an arm and i shoved the chomper where my arm was no you wouldn't feel it what if i shaped the chomper i got a bunch of them molded them together like an arm if you went to somebody else whose body

was part chomp bar for whatever reason like you opened them up and you took their bones out their bones being chomp bars and then you shoved them into your missing arm you could control them but not a chomp bar from the store i can control them control the chomp bars that you've put where your arm is but if you go to the store you buy a new chomp bar that's not one of the special chomp bars created by the blessing okay so i have to get a blessed chomp yeah which is, which is eye bones. Yeah. What if I got a squirrel? You could do that.

What if I got the whole squirrel and just, say, licked it and put it on my arm? I'd say that'd work. I feel that there's no rhyme or reason with your answer. I think there's a kind of rock-solid internal logic to all of this. I have lost my arm.

Dushan has lost his arm. We both lick our little stumps. Yes, you can control one another. You become one being. That's awesome. Yeah, okay. So we can do this with daisy chain. Yeah.

Join the whole village, become one guy. The whole village could become a kind of Cronenbergian lump of gummy. Okay. If they wanted to. Okay. So I'm walking down the street that is also candy uh-huh i've taken off my no no no i think they got my shoes my shoes are also candy because they're part of me yeah i'm walking on the candy floor but no that's what is happening maybe there's a bit of a little bit of rain no's floor. I get stuck to the candy. It's not alive. So Jackson's logic, I think I figured it out,

is when everything turns to candy, whatever its role is in that point can't change. What about a tree or something like that that is alive? I would say it's a sort of 50-50 chance. I was like, I was there and I'm gone again. But if I say, yeah, lost a foot. Yeah. Or I licked the sole of my current foot.

Yeah. And put it on a brick. No. Bricks aren't alive. Okay. But I can't replace my foot with a brick. You can replace your shoe with a brick. Well, you can do that now.

It feels like he's got the answers all in his head ready for the questions. It's not like he's even having to think about it. He knows. Dave, ask him a question. Does electricity still exist? Yes, but it would be candy. I have no follow-up questions. He has all the answers.

How does he do it? The smartest man alive. He has all the answers. How does he do it? The little electrons. The smartest man alive. The little electrons are going through. They're just like, what, little nerds? Whispers. But it's candy. Honestly, if you went to the frequently asked questions of Jackson's theory here,

that would be the answer to them all. Yes, but it's candy. How does fire work? There is no fire. But there's electricity. It's too dangerous. Yeah, fire is too dangerous. Everything will melt. Jackson, in this world, what about lollies? Are they the same or is it a different is it the same word for a different thing?

What do you mean? Like, you know, mixed lollies. Are they the same or is it the same word for a different thing? What do you mean? Like, you know, like mixed lollies. Yeah. I don't know. Is there a difference between candy and lollies? No, I wouldn't say so. Okay. I'd say candy.

You know, like little milk bottles. Yeah, yeah. I think of them as lollies, but are they also? I think it's all the same thing, really. I think that would be candy too. I'm trying to think of something that already exists that could be mixed lollies. For some reason, I think a candy is like gobstop. Oh, hard candy.

Yeah, that's fair. But maybe that is hard. That probably would be cleverer to make your bones out of hard candy rather than chomp us. What if I was to melt myself down? You'd be dead. Well, no, you wouldn't. Wait. You can't die?

Well, no, not really. What do you mean, well no not really what do you mean no not really because the sentience is kept within the kind of candy form yeah it's in the goo so you've you melted yourself down you wouldn't be able to see hear smell or taste anymore oh my god you'd just be a sort of this is this isn't a blessing this is the worst nightmare ever created so So, okay, I've lost an arm. Yeah. I go to my neighbor, Greg, and I rip his arm off. Okay. I put it on my arm.

There are no wars in the candy village. I've now gotten that, I don't know, candy-filled rage. Yeah, yeah. I now have decided to, like, pick apart Greg, and now I have another leg, his torso onto my torso. Greg's got some good bits.-huh his torso onto my torso some good bits on my chest uh-huh what what well you're in control of the work greg where's greg he's still in the bits but you are now in control of the bits so you can see through his eyes but

he can't do but he can't do anything about it so he can't okay and then someone comes along and grabs my head and pulls it off. Yeah. What happens? You can still control your body, but they can control your head. But you are still seeing out your own eyes. He's done it again. I think. What a blessing. How good.

What a blessing. I feel like we're getting a little off. I feel like you abused it. This is what happened there. I feel like we're getting a little off topic here. What abused it I feel like we're getting a little off topic here and what we need to remember is you need to go to dogoonpod.com forward slash live dash shows forward slash

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only boys in the world you love. So three of the UK shows are a book cheat podcast, a podcast about books, and the other three are Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, which is like a quiz show. Hell yeah. Jackson was on this. I was on it. It was a lot of fun.

And I was working sound, so I got to experience it. I nearly kicked the table. Well, I did kick a table. I nearly broke a table. You didn't nearly kick a table. I nearly broke a table. You didn't nearly kick the table. You kicked the table. Beer went everywhere. Not your drink either. Did not apologise to the owner of that drink either.

Why would he? It's not his fault. No, it's not his fault. He's an ugly man. The whole show's about making up bullshit. And your answers, compared to what you've been doing today, were so dry. Your performance then was, thought yeah that's true yeah but really now that i'm witnessing this yeah it was a pathetic display it's true so okay so in terms of a blessing i think that's um not a great one okay it's kind of like being like i'm blessing you by sending you to hell. Yeah, yeah.

You talked about monkey pouring. I just don't think. That was the whole monkey pouring, clutching you to a fist and punching you in the face. JT, how are you going to bless this place? Okay, seriously, look. You know what people never really get to experience? What's that? Out of space. Okay.

So my village, I'm like, hey, blessed. Yeah. In one week, the village is going to shoot off into space, orbit the earth maybe twice, and then come back down. Are we protected? Yeah. A dome will come over. Okay.

And will that dome suffocate us all? No, no, no. There's air. There's air in the dome. There's air Oh, okay. And will that dome suffocate us all? No, no, no. There's air. There's air in the dome. There's air in the village. All right. So the blessing does mean that people, look, I understand that shooting people directly into space will kill them.

Okay. This one won't. Okay. A dome will appear over the village. Yeah. The whole village will rocket up. So like a bit of ground and stuff. Kind of like a,

here's a pop culture reference. In Avengers Age of Ultron. When the city go up. Yeah, cool, cool. I understand. Except this time it's going to dome over it. To protect it from the vacuum of space. And it's not going to go down and cause an extinction. That's cool. Will it go down

to the same place it went up? Yes. Okay, how are you ensuring that? With my blessing. This is magic blessing. The same way I'm getting it went up? Yes. Okay, how are you ensuring that? With my blessing. With his magic blessing. Fair enough. Same way I'm getting it up. Good point. So yeah, I just think like two rotations of the earth

just so everyone gets to experience the presumable majesty. Yeah, yeah. Majesty. Yeah, majesty is right. The majesty of earth, yeah. I understand because you're going like, say, for example, you've got a globe.

Yeah. And you're going one way around. Yeah. So you're going from like, say, for example, you've got a globe and you're going one way around. So you're going from, say, pole to pole. And then you go, say, the other way around and you go around the equator. And you're experiencing it, right? But that's only twice. You need to kind of add more loops.

Let's make it four times. A year in space! A year in space! Because there's a lot of permutationsations. There's a lot going on. You can kind of rotate and move around and want to see. And now, I mean, is there much of space you can see from just in the space that you can't see from here? I reckon.

The horizon. Yeah, that's true. You can see Earth from here. And the moon. And the moon. So I guess that means if it doesn't go straight up, it flips as well. Yeah. Because otherwise how are you seeing? You can't see through the can't see through the ground you have to rotate it as well unless you've got a like a glass bottom to the village so you feel like you're just floating

yeah this is scary that's yeah you know your glass bottom uh so i guess you still got like pipes and stuff yeah yeah so the village still functions you can still piss and shit which i know so you're not strapped down at all no no why would you be strapped down you're flying around shit's going everywhere oh yeah no gravity no way i mean you're in control of this no no you just get this section of a village with a dome to spin, causing it its own gravity. Oh, thank God. Is that how it works? I've watched all of The Expanse.

Yes. I thought the reason the ISS had gravity is because it was always kind of falling a bit, not because it was spinning. It does need to spin. Okay. All right, cool. Just checking. What did you teach at uni?

Not this. I was all right, cool. Just checking. What did you teach at uni? Not this. I was all the way in on that. Well, crazy, because he actually did teach this, though. Yeah, media, yeah. How are we doing? How are we doing? Pretty amazing. Oh, thank God.

Great episode. Great episode. If I was you guys, I'd just maybe suggest, so you're going to the UK, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember, remember the 8th of november and then the 20th of november it worked it worked it worked can you come up with one for my uh comedy special coming out on the stupid old channel 26th of october remember remover remover 26th of october

yeah easy gonna got a hard one for us just get a remover that day that's all you gotta do I would be with your space village if there was gravity I gotta admit I'd be a bit disappointed because I think part of the space deal is getting to float around like an astronaut what if we made it like

slow rotate so you have a little bit of gravity you could just make the gravity because the gravity is just for shits basically so you just make the gravity below the the surface so you shit in the toilet and then all of a sudden gravity takes it oh you just have all toilets have like a sort of sucking vacuum function like what happens on a spaceship yeah exactly or even a plane yeah what if can i can i just chuck in a i don't think that's how plane toilets work. They don't... What? They don't suck the shit out of your ass. No.

Correct. Like the ones in the village. I don't want that, dude. That sounds bad. Yeah, the toilets are a hose now. Well, if I could maybe just chuck in a bit of another sneaky little blessing to help out. What if no shits for all the time you're in space? No.

No space shits. No space shits. Some people enjoy good... All your shits you do when you get home good shit it does give you a bit of peace and quiet yeah why don't you just replace it with an alone time you can smoke as many cigarettes as you like and it doesn't affect you so you're alone times you just go smoke a cigarette yeah there you go on the toilet so in the alone time room you get to smoke a cigarette and it doesn't have any no negative consequences only positive ones so okay the village smells like candy yeah the village lands back on earth yeah the dome dissipates everyone now loves smoking cigarettes yeah it's the most smoked village. And I guess if they hadn't been shitting for a year,

their sphincter would lose elasticity. Elasticity. Would it? And muscle tone. Well, maybe they don't have to shit ever again. Yeah, that's also a kind blessing. That is a beautiful thing, I think. Yeah.

I mean, in my mind, a gentleman never shits. I think it's very uncouth that you three are talking in this way. Boys don't shit. Boys don't shit. Boys don't shit. Boys don't shit or piss. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When we go to the toilet, we're simply powdering our nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing cocaine. And wanking. At the same time. That's living. God gave us two hands for a reason. So, yeah, I just think that, like, hey, that's a positive influence.

I mean, look. Yeah, you get to see space for a year. Space is cool. You get to smoke with no consequence and see space for a year. Imagine puffing a dart, looking out at the majesty of Earth before you. Wow. That sounds good. Where does the smoke go?

In the dome. Yeah. It's just a big compression session. For tobacco. Everyone's skin yellows. Everybody lands on Earth, the dome opens. Can't see the Earth anymore. There's this one big smog. Coughing, throwing up as they clamp around in the dome.

Jesus Christ! It only took like two months. coughing, throwing up as I clamber out of the dome. I love to speak. Jesus Christ! It only took like two months. We've been fucking dry aging. Yeah, okay. I think that's a pretty good blossom. I think that's awesome. Yeah, get to see something that we've never experienced before.

Seeing the world and space from the comfort of your own home. Yeah. Everyone comes back as salami people. I don't fully understand the salami process. No, but I think it's something like that. You just smoke a cigarette and do a smoker, right? Where you got some ham and then eventually it comes out salami.

You put the cigarette in a little slot and you smoke the end. You just smoke cigarettes with a pig. You're going to be salami one day, buddy, and you slap it on the back. Smoke up! He nods, he's like, you do, he smokes up. I like this, yeah.

Pig utopia in space. How's the salami made? Can I see? And you just open the back of the restaurant and there's a pig with a cigarette in his mouth. It's a traditional way. We do all things old fashioned here. Just like on the farm.

Jaldush's salami house. Wow. Alright. Yeah. Interesting. Pretty good blessing. I think you come back the coolest people ever. Yeah. You've been to space and you smoke. That's true. Cool baby. And never shat. Yeah. I don't know if that is a flex.

Hey, baby, I've never shit. You don't think that's a flex? I'm impressed. Yeah, I'm worried about your internal thoughts. My insides are septic right now. I am ready to fill my stomach. It is nothing but hard concrete.

Fill my stomach, don't. Maybe don't. Edging and shit. Ow, ow, don't. Maybe don't. Edging a shit. Wow. That's good stuff. All right. So yeah, not a bad, definitely better than a candy blessing.

Better than ours. Better than ours. Yeah. But you guys. I was thinking, and I should have been thinking ahead of time. Yeah. But it was only as that was sort of coming to a nice general

conclusion that i started panicking i've done 450 episodes of plum in the death star let me tell you i did exactly the same in fact i'm gonna even peel back the curtain i got the idea because joel zammett has an astronaut on his t-shirt and i'm facing you guys associate, you did. Oh, my God. You guys are so sad. I could use the same. Jackson's got a nice cryptid shirt. Yeah. But I was thinking, and maybe we can work the cryptids in here. Okay.

But I thought there's nothing better to me than it's all about the buildup, you know. The lows make the highs. That sort of stuff. Edging. Edging. Edging. So I'm blessing this village.

Everything. Yes. Is edging. Everything is lows building to a high. Everything is edging. I eat a hamburger a tiny bit at a time. All new ways to have a burger. This is great. Oh, my God.

Oh, but that last fucking bite. Oh, damn. Fuck that last bite. It would be good. Does that mean you can't finish anything? No, you finish everything, but it's a slow build. So everything you do slower. Could you describe to me how sleeping works in this village?

Oh, okay. I want to use the Jackson thing where I just go, well, yes, of course I can. And then obviously just be slowly panicking out an answer. Well, the way you sleep, of course. Yeah. Well, it starts with a nap. You wake up a little bit and then you're like, oh, I could probably get a bit more of that.

Yeah. And, you know, you put on your pajamas one item at a time oh my god i'm starting to wind down for the evening this happens in the afternoon starts with maybe a little kip on the couch yes at about maybe 1 p.m little if you really want to edge yourself you do it the moment you wake up get out of bed close your You just rest your eyes for a minute. Hot cup of chocolate. And that takes a few hours. Read a sentence in a book.

First you just examine the first letter. Then you close the book. Go for a little walk or a bit of a walk. No, you put like one shoe on. You're teasing yourself with that walk. Yeah. Put on a sock first. Oh, baby.

I think I've just given the town extreme ADHD. Yes. Yeah, because like everything you've distracted with something else and now I was, okay. Let me try and imagine waking up and then go, because like, okay, so first of all, I've got to edge waking up. Yep. So I come in

and out of consciousness a little bit yeah i doze until like how long am i doing this for well yeah i think you know a day in this village is no longer 24 hours i think the year is a day yeah because the day is being edged yeah yeah yeah okay so does that mean it's like feeling outside the sun peeks over the horizon and just tips back down again oh hello okay a little bit more oh that was nice and that'll help you with waking up then you're gonna have the shower first you're gonna just like look at the shower and know a shower is coming well is this the kind of like the you know where there's like there's that with edging, that mad rush a little bit, so it's like slow, slow, slow, real quick, stop. Oh, yeah, true, true, true, true, true.

Back to slow, back to slow. Back to slow. It sounds pretty good. It does. You can go, having a shower, a little bit of shower. Yeah, a little bit. A little shower. A lot of shower.

Feel, feel, feel. Stop it immediately. Yeah, I nearly got clean there. No, no, not yet. You've got to slow down. Slow it down. You're getting emotional. It just sounds beautiful.

Yeah. What about actual edging in the world of edging? Oh my god. I'm going to take you the entire year. One hour. Come your own balls. It's a slow just... It means you come so hard to come your own balls. means you come so hard to come your own balls

come your own four nuts I think it's pretty self explanatory you you come your own balls she comes over it's beautiful it's magical it's like when a shark vomits up its stomach to wash it.

That's what's going on. Swallow them back down. You've got to pop them in. You haven't had a perfect comb until you've combed your own balls. You've got to pop them in like a fucking stovepipe. Are you specifying that they're your own balls as well? No. I'm going to comb everyone's balls in the village.

Maybe I was combing balls. Whose balls? Whose balls? Whose balls are you coming? Wow. Beautiful. That would be intense, I think. That would be really full on. That's right at the end of the year.

Everybody comes throwing balls at over us. It's intense. Getting told a story. What? I know I've got a little tale for you. Take a seat. I'll be back in a moment. I'll be back in a month. Imagine the crescendo or the drop of a

long build-up song. Couldn't even handle it. And then, you know, sometimes there'll be like a pause before the actual drop a pause is like three weeks it's the end you know a song's happening though you just can't hear it in this world this is what made me think of it in the first place is that T-shirt? I love edgy. Ask me about edgy. I was thinking about I wanted to have a village where the Saints won a premiership. Yeah.

And I haven't won one in my lifetime. And I'm like, if they ever win it, that is going to be like a lifetime of edgy. So did you decide to instead ground this in reality? Something that could actually happen. That came close. Twice. Yeah, could actually happen. They came close. Twice. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. 12 years ago now. They've been there since 12 years. That's been a lot. Yeah, I mean, that was the getting close. Yeah, that was

nearly there. Bring it back for 12 years. Oh, easy now. Easy girl. Easy girl. Don't kick a goal. Part of this village thing as well is that the Saints win a Premier League. That's how the year ends.

Everyone calms their own balls and ovaries and the Saints win a Premier League. Wow. One hell of a blessing. What an ender. What a blessing. Just hearing like the roar of the crowd and then... As everybody ejaculates.ulates yeah and fireworks probably go off except they the fireworks edge so no no they'd been edging oh yeah everything at the end would

happen all at the same oh my god on the at the end of the year that's when everything happens everybody shits every shit they have. It's bubbling in the air. You finally finish your meal. You shit all your shits. You shit all your shits. You cum your nuts. You cum your nuts. The Saints win a premiership. There's a look going on.

It's just like hooking yourself up to a car battery. Your body just evacuating everything. Now, does this normally happen on the Blessing or Cursing episodes where every scenario involves cheating somehow? Yeah, pretty typically. If someone is listening to this episode because they're huge Dugo One fans and haven't really dipped their toe into plumbing the Death Star, this did start with an episode called How'd You Curse a Small Village that we finished recording. We're like, I think we've finally done it.

We've done an episode too fucked. We should probably not release that in case it's someone's first episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we put it behind a paywall

and people are like, that's fucked up. We love it. And then we've done it live a couple of times and then we tried to fix it. We tried to turn it on its head today.

Yeah. I think we're doing a really good job. So fast. I mean, none of them have been really obviously bad. I wish this was a clip show so we can get like.

Because if there are people listening for the first time, what's the best next episode to listen to? Okay, so what you want to do is you want to grab whatever you're listening to and just hit stop. And then you want to go to your podcast app of choice, delete it. Unsubscribe. And if you look, if that doesn't't took your fancy what you should do is you should hit stop yeah go to the search box type in either book sheet or who knew it with matt

yeah subscribe pick any episode at random hit play yeah and then you're gonna head to do go on pod.com forward slash live dash show forward slash hit enter by ticks to every yeah that's the second best episode of Plumbing the Death Star. And, of course, don't forget to remember, remember. Yeah. 26th of October. That's instant to my mind. 7 p.m. live premiere.

Whoa. Australian Eastern Daylight Savings Time. Oh, my God. And you'll be in there commenting along on your own material. I'll be in there commenting, hopefully being distracted from it. It'll be on mute. On Remember, Remember the 26th of October. I just go to a particular website?

The YouTube, stupid old, youtube.com slash stupid old channel, I think. Okay, yeah, fabulous. Is it on SOSpresents.com? No, it's not on there. There's no paywall. It's free for anyone. Free for anyone. That's fantastic.

If you're not doing anything on the 26th of October, you can watch this for free. For free. And it'll remain up there after that, but yeah. Watch it with me. Yeah, of course. I think some of you were there at the recording. You were there, weren't that, but yeah. Watch it with me. Yeah, of course. I think some of you were there at the recording.

You were there, weren't you? Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah. That's good. The Gels had better things to do. Yeah, exactly. They were probably coming there

throwing balls. Blasting our balls against the wall. It was good stuff. Yeah. Speaking of good stuff, Dave, last blessing

I've saved a big one for last and I think what about this for the village every Wednesday everyone gets a free garlic bread oh my god you're small fair enough don't want to break the budget

I think that would improve my life tenfold if I knew every Wednesday a free garlic bread was coming my way. I'm good with that, man. That'd be fair. You know, you're depressed Monday, the work week's starting. You're like, what if I killed myself? This again? You start the work week.

You're but two days away from a fresh, small garlic bread. I think small's perfect. I'll get a large. You know, sometimes there's a pizza deal. I'm eating by myself a pizza and a garlic bread. Small's perfect. I'll get a large. You know, sometimes there's a pizza deal. I'm eating by myself a pizza and a garlic bread. I don't feel good at the end of that. I'm sleepy. Yeah, and like a large, you know, could theoretically,

you're like, that's filled me up. That's almost taken the place of a meal. But a small can fit anywhere in the day. This is a little extra. It doesn't matter what you've eaten on either side. And they were arriving freshly cooked. Freshly cooked. Will they find me wherever I am in the village?

Absolutely. So, like, does a guy bring them to me? We've got multiple guys. It's a team. Good luck monkey pouring this one, Jackson. It's impossible. It's the perfect blessing. Who's in the team?

It's the A team. Now or then? Unfortunately, it is now. There it is. There's only four people in the A team. There's so many people at the village. It's a small village. It's a small village.

First off, who's paying for all this garlic? Who's growing this garlic? Where does the garlic come from? Where's the bread coming from? What poor miller or bread maker or candlestick maker? How are they being affected? What if I am a garlic bread salesman? You've just taken money out of Zalmut's mouth.

What if we buy it from you for a fair price? Well, then Zalmut's get, I don't like this thing. This is nice. I'm getting a government subsidiary. This is good for me. The government pays Zymu to give garlic bread to the A-team. And then gives it to us. Excuse me. Yeah, I'm a doctor.

I save lives and I'm earning significantly less money than you. Mr. Garlic Bread over here. Yeah, but you get a free garlic bread. I do get a free garlic bread. And also, everyone eating garlic bread every week is leading to more health issues. That's true. Giving you more business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially the

celiacs. We're shoving that bread down their throats. They gotta eat. You know what? I'm fine with it as a doctor. This sounds good actually. Thank you so much. And everyone should keep smoking. Oh, yeah. He's the best doctor in town. Good, actually. Thank you so much. And everyone should keep smoking. Oh, yes. Good for your T-zone.

He's the best doctor in town. I would say smoke. I broke my leg. So here's some drugs with that, but also just keep smoking. Can't hurt. What are we, what kind, are they sort of like a small pizza garlic bread or are they the classic sort of stick? Yeah, it's a stick pre-cut in foil.

Oh, yeah. That's smart. That's good. Easy to deliver to you. You can throw them at your door like a newspaper. Like the old timey paper boys. That's right. Mr. T's got a pretty good attitude.

You get it out of the bush, it's still good. It's in foil. Yeah. Foil protects it. But that means it's not coming to everybody at the same time right so somebody is getting the garlic bread last yeah but inside the a-team van there isn't an oven to keep it warm so everyone gets it at perfect temperature so is the hot i further question if if you don't mind of course so the a-team in their van yeah yeah so not individually it's a team effort they've all got it's the A-team in their van deliver them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So not individually.

It's a team effort. They've all got a role. It's an A-team effort. So one of them's putting them into the oven. One of them's driving. Hannibal's driving. One of them's throwing. The face is in the back.

Then B.A. Baruck is out there. Mr. T is throwing. The other one playing tunes on the radio. Okay. That's an important role. Yeah, it's a good question. You know, like an ice cream van has the ice cream. Yes, but it's surf rock.

Oh, I was going to say, garlic bread for everyone. I live in the best village of the world. When I was thinking of them playing a song, I was thinking of

here comes the hot stuff, which is, uh, I think a great garlic bread. Well, you were wrong. Like, yeah, I fucked it. That's okay. It Well, you were wrong. Yeah, I fucked it.

That's okay. It's surf rock. Yeah, yeah, surf rock. A version of surf rock. A traditional Italian kind of music. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait.

Are you? Here is your garlic bread. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Gregorian monk. And we can just have a bunch of them. Plumbing the Death Star are so good at accents. Yeah, yeah. Are the Gregorian monks doing the Italian music? Plumbing the Death Star are so good at accents. We've said it from the start of this episode. 100%. That's the best thing I've ever heard.

We can have the A-team just singing that. Oh, the A-team is singing that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah, well, there is one. You did say one's handling the music. Yeah, yeah.

I've been leading the music. Yeah. This sounds great. i think this is it sounds pretty good i don't think of any monkey paw yeah i think there's no downside and i feel like once a week that's an i'm getting sick of it absolutely small garlic it's just something to look forward to you know what i mean bread is it's perfectly cooked it's not like in the simpsons monkey paw episode where the turkey is a little dry. It's not a little dry. Okay. Oh, thank God. Perfectly moist this garlic bread.

Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah. You know what? What if you don't like garlic bread? I can't imagine that happening, but I just feel like You know what happens? You get kicked out

of the fucking house. Yeah, you're out. That's right. You're out and you're in. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Don't like fucking garlic bread. Yeah, go fuck yourself.

Good one. You're going to moat right now. If the celiacs can eat it, so can you. I watched my first episode of The A-Team recently and it's really bad. It's maybe one of the worst things

I've ever seen. What are you talking about? Okay. I was wondering if I thought that was what everyone believed. Maybe I just caught a bad episode. Are you sure you're watching The A-Team?

Yeah. Not watching someone else? Not watching MacGyver accidentally? Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what I did. MacGyver's great. are you sure you're watching the 18 yeah maybe you yeah not watching someone else not watching macgyver accidentally oh yeah maybe that's what i did macgyver is great what are you talking about jackson yeah that is true maybe i'm not watching macgyver i must be thinking of something else maybe i'm watching hawaii five i must be watching hawaii five the remake or the original that's right i felt like it made no sense there was there was a one of their mums her uh she was living in an apartment complex yeah and these toughs had come in for some reason and we're sort of

trying to like move in on the apartment complex and then they came to the apartment yeah but they were trying to take it over yeah okay that's. That's a plot of lots of movies. They were like The Raid and Dread. And then Dirty Work. Dirty Work. Die Hard, they take over the building. Die Hard. The A-Team's plan was so elaborate. Yeah.

The A-Team. That was the A-Team. They could have just been like, hey, stop this. Just rolled on with a gun. Hey, we're the A-Team. Oh, shit, sorry. My mum lives here. Oh, my God.

If I'd known, I wouldn't have done this. I'm so sorry. Everything about it was so odd. Yeah, I couldn't believe how many steps in the plan there were. They didn't seem connected at all. It was one of the, I watched the whole thing. That's good. Yeah.

And you remembered it. Yeah. It stuck with you. It's memorable. Were they connected in the end? Yeah. No. So many of the steps were superfluous to the journey.

That's why we can only deliver the garlic bread once a week because there's so many steps between Wednesday and the next Wednesday. I love it when a garlic bread plan comes together. So is that, do you think it's a good show? Are you all being ironic now? It's a bit of fun. Yeah, it's a bit of fun. I haven't seen every episode.

I've never seen an episode. I will happily flip-flop whoever I decide is winning the argument at any given time. But for you, I'm saying it's good fun. The movie, I think, like the remake movie is also pretty solid. That was fun. It was a good time. I also haven't seen it, but yeah. Liam Neeson. He's definitely

in it. Bradley Cooper. They pull out of a plane in a tank. Is Mr. Tate still Mr. Tate? Yeah. Yeah. Bradley Cooper. They fall out of a plane in a tank. Is Mr. T still Mr. T? Yeah. No. Well, no, he's not played by the original Mr. T. But he is still Mr. T. Is the character Mr. T?

No, the character is B.A. Baracus. Yes. Right. Yeah, I see. Oh, B.A. Baracus, of course, is the fake name. Yeah. Mr. T is his real name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the movie's worth a watch then, is it would say so yeah of course i feel like that would make more sense than the show sure i guess so yeah i think it did so i'm with zaman on this one so should we just quickly rank the blessings from we start from worst to best? Do they happen concurrently? Oh. That's troublesome. Okay. So I think, like, look, I think a few of ours could work very much concurrently,

but then it all unfortunately falls to shit when everything turns to candy. Because, like, extra use, that's great. Then we get two garlic breads every Wednesday. And then we get two 18s to lift up the garlic bread. And we're in space. And you're in space and you're edging it. We're edging it. You see the 18-band drive past and you're like,

in about an hour, I'm getting garlic bread. And then all of a sudden everything turns to candy and we're eating each other and drinking our own piss. Oh, damn. So I feel like there's a lot of equal firsts. One last. One dead last. Well done for letting down the team.

Someone's got to suck shit. That's what I said. I'm low on the ladder. And in Candyland, you can suck shit. You can suck all the shit you like. People often say it by people, me sucks to suck, but in Candyland, rules to suck. Rules to suck.

Sucks to rule. Even though in a short amount of time, you're going to be one with the footpath and just forever just being conscious of being walked on and you never get to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's unreal. It's awesome.

Sounds good to me. Well, on that note, I've been Jill. I've been Jackson. I've also been Jill. You guys don't have anything to plug or anything to do? Oh, yeah, we're good to ask. We don't need to me. Well, on that note, I've been Jill. I've been Jackson. I've also been Jill. You guys don't have anything to plug or anything to do? Oh, yeah, we're good to ask. Is there anything you need to plug? Anything happening?

Oh, gosh. We actually have something coming up. Oh, yeah. I'm doing a show in Perth. Oh, yeah, yeah. On October 29th, who knew, with Matt Stewart. Oh, yeah. It'd be great to see people there.

Does this show go out to Perth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perth do get this. They get it a little bit later. About an hour and a bit, I think. Time zones or whatever. But we are in the UK in November doing some book cheats and Who Knew It With Matt Stewart podcasts.

And for people who can't be there, you can also listen to those podcasts. You've all been on them. That's true, yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining us. And listeners, let us know. Are these good? Is it still good?

Still funny? Still good? It's always good to check in. Yeah. You still laughing? Having a good time? That's what you want. Still happy with this?

Yeah. Sometimes we feel like maybe we've lost our way. Yeah. Have we lost our way? We're really deep in it. It's really hard to tell. We can't go back now. We're just looking for confirmation. Anyway, have a good tell. We can't go back now. We're just looking for confirmation.

Anyway, have a good night. Do you want to get some garlic bread? Yeah, I can't stop thinking about it.