Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Compete With Westworld?

Episode Date: August 5, 2018

In which our heroes ask the hard hitting question; How Would You Compete With Westworld?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Theme music by the wonderfully talented Benny Davis! You can find all his stuff at his website bennydavismusic.com or check out his YouTube youtube.com/bennythejukeboxWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, hanged like a horse. There's still a few spots left for our London Podcast Festival show, as well as back-to-back late-night shows at the Soho. So, once again, head to sanspantsradio.com and grab your tickets today. Every show is a completely different topic, and remember to head to our Twitter or Facebook for any and all updates. Just search for Sans Pants Radio. Also, if you have any coffee, breakfast, brunch, or just general food recommendations, please email them in, zanspantsradio at gmail.com, or reach out to me directly on Twitter, at goddammitzammit. Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where

we ask the important questions like, how would you compete with Westworld. We were chatting about it. We were having a gab about Westworld and we were like, we're talking about taking your kids to Westworld. And then we were like, well, you know, imagine you had to take your kids to Westworld or Jurassic Park. And then we were like, well Westworld. And then we were like, well, you know, imagine you had to take your kids to Westworld or Jurassic Park. And then we were like, well, Disneyland. And then we were like, not even Disneyland. We were like a mom and pop carnival type thing.

Mom and pop theme park. Yeah. It's not a big thing in Australia, but it is in America where they have those kind of like run-of-the-mill carnivals. I guess how does, for an Australian reference, how does Silver's Circus stack up? Yeah. Like, um...

Lunar Park? Fun Field? Yeah. Movie World? Sea World? Well, Movie World... River World. River World.

River Dance. But I feel like you're getting closer to, like, those grand... Because Disneyland is, right now, surely, pinnacle theme park. Sure. For the world. Oh, Adam seems sceptical. I don't know. There's that Donacle theme park. Sure. For the world. Oh, Adam seems skeptical. I don't know. There's that Dolly Parton one.

Okay. Disney slash Dolly World. Oh, maybe therein lies one of the solutions, actually. Yeah. Not even kidding. What if you can get... So, West, maybe you're like, we just can't... Objectively, we cannot make sex robots as fast, as quickly, or as well as Worst World can.

What if we instead partner up with, like, a celebrity or get, like, an endorsement deal or something? So, like, a theme park. Yeah, but the theme is... I'm giving you the theme. The theme is, like, Dolly World or something. So, like, Dolly Parton is like, yes, I want to make Dolly World, but better.

So I give you permission to clone me and upload my personality to Dolly Bots. Is that what you're sort of talking about? So we have a whole theme park of Dolly Bots? So it's like, hey, kid, do you want to come to Dolly World? What's there, Dad? You can fuck Dolly Parton, I guess. Yay!

You can fuck and kill Dolly. Just nowhere that I... That's what everybody wants. Find out who you truly are at Dolly World. The black hat or the white hat? No, the answer is no. Get your mind out of the gutter. I don't want to fuck Dolly Parton.

You're turning 16, boy. What do you want? Well, but it's the idea that we at Dolly World, we have made one Dolly Parton because that's all our funding will allow. And that is the attractions that you come to see like young Dolly Parton. Because Dolly Parton's still alive. Is that the aim? Well, look, Jack, you completely missed the point

and then made a question that I need to answer. First off. Yes. Jackson Way. missed the point and then made a question that I need to answer. First off, first off, Dolly Parton is not alive when Westworld happens. Is Westworld in the future? It sure is, I said a couple years ago, I suppose.

A couple years ago? Yeah, I'm making a joke for Cass. Oh, sorry, thanks. Once again, Jackson, you have zoomed, driven right past the point. Yeah. But no, like, you don't even need an animatronic dog. Don't. Don't make animatronic people.

You're not going to be able to beat Westworld. Yeah. My theory is that you... You want to make animatronic dogs? Adam, that's disgusting. All right. You know what? You just finish this thing. so are you saying just just making a fucking amusement

park you want to create a like an animatronic goat that we can fucking kill is that what adam carnavale is a hundred percent look that's actually better than the insult I thought you were about to level at me. Is your proposition is that we make a, say... Let's make a 60s rock themed place. Okay. Where we get like a bunch of big 60s, like the licenses for a bunch of big 60s rock bands or whatever. And we get, we use that however we can like fuck people do that shit you just have a roller coaster themed to i don't get no satisfaction so i have got my family and i'm like where would you like to go this summer and my kids are like well i don't know dad

westworld is incredible where you can live an entire simulated life. Or there's that place that has a roller coaster with a song in the background. That's pretty neat. A, you're going to get tired of Westworld eventually. B, my theme park is not going to cost you $10,000 a day. That's true. Your theme park is a lot cheaper. Also, you don't need to travel to a fucking island.

Or instead of this because again you're not right westworld is ten thousand dollars a day because those animatronics are real good yeah what if almost not like west world but like oh it's a north planet uh-huh and instead of like real good electronics and like animatronicsronics and what looks like people. Cowboy land. It's real shit. We're talking like that is quite obviously a robot. Like the robot in the basement or whatever of season

one of Westworld. Yeah, but worse. But worse. I'm talking like they don't have skin. It's kind of like it's metal, but it's been painted. Basically, what you're asking for is what we have in the modern day. Look, you're going to save a lot of money.

It's a small world to be repurposed. You know those clowns that always mouth open and they're going to keep going. That's a game. Don't call them. So that game. They're not people. So yes, that quality of person.

Fiberglass. So yes, that quality of person. Fiberglass. So fiberglass, but just as people in quotation marks or just whatever. Or maybe they'd be like, fuck it, they get real actors. I don't know what would traumatize a kid more. So I was like, so you could really do. Okay, all right. Get a bunch of actors that are okay with being fucked. And maybe you're slightly wounded there every now and again It's like, you may not be able to kill our workers

But you can cut them a little Or like a piece A PB gun A PB gun will just leave us Jesus Surely this is starting to cost more than we're asking We fence off a park. Yeah.

We just let a bunch of people go. Tell them they're the guests. Then we get the real guests. Trick is everyone fucking pays us. We're getting a few waivers Yeah Maybe we dip into the sex working Oh my god

You want a quick If you're trying to compete with Westworld And I'm going to cowboy land I expect to be able to have sex With at least some of the cowboys I just feel like You're being shut down by the international community For war crimes

We get a couple of Look we will pay him a decent wage Yeah What's a decent wage for this Alright look We will dress you up like a cowboy And we'll have a colour system So you can have a kerchief

To be like I'm okay Red, green and orange so you can be like red don't touch green green butt stuff green is everything is okay yeah oranges let's talk about it let's phrase it better than everything is okay because that could mean a lot of different things. Except killing. No killing. Killing's off the cards. Unless you're very rude. We all seen Hostel, yeah? Yeah. How much would you need to be paid to go to Westworld and let the guests have sex with you and shoot you with a BB gun? All right.

All right. How about this? How about this? How about this? How about this? All right. I understand no one wants you to kill. I think I have a price.

I'm going to figure it out. How about this? How about this? How about this? All right. Look. Yeah. Crimin this? All right, look. Yeah? Criminals are a problem.

Yeah? Yeah. Sometimes there's death row for a reason. If you want to sign away your basic human rights so that maybe your family members will get paid, we can offer you a situation where you get to go out like a cowboy. Like the movie Condemned. Like the movie Condemned.

Or Death Race. Or Death Race. So the problem here, Zaman, is unfortunately you are taking death row inmates, arming them, even with BB guns. They don't get guns or anything. Yes, the guests do. And yes, they could overpower them. And yes, they could overpower them. And yes, they could get those guns. Okay, I see what you're saying.

It sounds like I have a solution, but I do not. I just feel like someone who has already committed the worst crime has no more sticks left to draw lines. They are. That's a good expression. I've got no more sticks left to draw lines. Fuck, that's good. Samet, I just don't know what to say.

Okay, how about this? All right, okay, fair enough. Criminals, because there's that element, that look. Our fucking guests are the ones getting fucked. Adam, Adam, Adam, how about this? The terminally ill. Okay. Cancer patients.

Sure. People with incurable diseases. This is a sad cowboy way. This is bad. They're so sick. The terminally ill, Joel Zammett, are not going to be riding horses. They're not going to be doing storylines. Well, they will be riding horses if they want to get

paid to feed their family. You're going to get a lot of, you know what 90% of your park is going to be? Old Alzheimer's riddled patients. And they're doing their best. And that's easy because they believe they're in the world. They're already role playing.

Yeah, that's what I remember when I remember degrading slowly mentally they'll see they're in a wild west park and they're like that's right I never had those kids I didn't fight in the war but then

if they're really thinking they're cowboys they're overpowering the guns they're not gonna think okay be nice to the guests they're gonna be, they're overpowering the guns. They're not going to think, okay, be nice to the guests. They're going to be like, everyone is an enemy. Yeah, exactly. And then you're going to get a lot of geriatrics overpowering Jake Norman,

your best paying customer, taking his fucking Bowie knife and slitting his throat, stringing him up in Main Street. And that's the risk that Jake Norman takes because he wants the real experience. See, I feel like you guys are going about it in a way that you say we can't compete with Westworld and you're trying. You've got to go different.

Okay, okay, okay. Geriatrics, they're old, they're wild. Yeah, yeah, this is all true. They can take us out. I understand what you're saying. They're adult sized They have mass They have something

I don't want to know what you're about to say Terminally ill children No No No No No No

You want terminally ill children Robbing banks Working in the brothel Working, working in the brothel, working the bank, working the brothel, driving the stagecoaches, working the brothel. Can this be vetoed immediately? Done. Nope. Next. No.

My name's Adam. Yeah, Make-A-Wish Corporation. Can you get me the fuck out of here Alright maybe not work in the brothel None of it None of it None of it Don't want to look me in the eyes

I have a terminally ill child Who's like I want to rob a bank And you're crushing their dreams There's no terminally ill child being like I would like to risk death, please. You're already dying, kid. I'm sorry. But I'm not dead now.

No, no. I'm currently alive. No. If anyone can appreciate how many seconds there are to a day, it is me. All right, well, snow kids, we'll scrap them out. How about terminally ill animals? Well, then that's a very strange.

Working the brothel. Driving the stagecoaches. Working the brothel. I still think you're still trying to make a cheaper version of Westworld, and I think by the end of it, you're going to look at the books and being like, for the price difference that's there, it's just not worth taking a hit to what you want.

I reckon... I don't want to go to a terminally ill world. Committed war crimes? Definitely crimes. I just had the idea of going to Joel Zavitz's Cowboyland and I like step off the little tiny train that I assume gets there.

I got my pistols and it's just like sad old man walking around. Too many ill dogs. Just be like, this is, I would rather be paying the money to go to Westworld. This is all on top of the issue that you would need to constantly be training staff. Yeah. Which, look, I know it's

a small complaint compared to everything else. But you are constantly telling your staff what their stories are. Also, like... Si vous faites vos achats tout en travaillant, en mangeant ou même en écoutant ce balado, alors vous connaissez et aimez l'excitation du magasinage. Mais avez-vous ce frisson d'obtenir le meilleur deal?

Les membres de Rakuten, eux, oui. Ils magasinent les marques qu'ils aiment et font d'importantes économies, en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés, comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia, et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent. C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple, les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés, et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada I just can't, Samit. It's just not worth it. The money that I will have to spend on therapy, I might as well have spent going to Westworld.

I feel like going to whatever you suggest. Imagine shooting a terminally ill child. No! Does it make it better if they're in a coma or worse? Oh, my goodness gracious. No! Yo, Samit, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh my goodness gracious. No! Yo, Zammett, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh goodness of heaven. How is it that there is less moral ambiguity to my idea of making a bunch of people think they're the guests than releasing the real guests? Yeah, that's funny. And everyone's paying you.

Everyone's paying you. Abs paying you abscond with that yeah you come out on top you put it i reckon you could throw one look actually no i don't want to sound like i'm encouraging that that was a joke yeah fucking dolly world doesn't seem so stupid now does it i i reckon i reckon if you want to compete with westworld efficiently you got to go so different so westworld it's like oh you go in and it's like you're living that thing you want to compete with Westworld efficiently, you've got to go so different. So Westworld, it's like, oh, you go in and it's like you're living that thing. I want to go somewhere where it feels wrong all the time. Okay. So we don't have the budgets for animatronics.

No. Holograms. All right, we do have the budgets for holograms. I want to go to Illusion World. I want to be walking through things and have everything change on me. I want to fall into what I think is rocks and have it be marshmallows. You will have problems

with people catching lung cancers and such. What? Holograms don't just sit. They need to move through a medium. You'll need to be constantly pumping smoke. Yeah, we give everyone a nose plug. It's fine. Can you stain?

How about this? I suppose, that's true. I like this idea of nightmare cast. It's a good idea. So, Westworld. Probably mass produces a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of moulds that they use for people. Now, in a production

line, there are probably some things that are going to come out a bit wrong. Oh, no, I'm into that. There's going to be some things that are, like, not quite right. You know what I mean? There's going to be some things where you're like, I know that's meant to be human, but probably not. And I reckon we could probably ask Westworld where you get them on the cheap. You buy them on the cheap.

I don't want to live in the TV show from Spy Kids. You want to live in a Cronenbergian horror version of Westworld. We simply get the offcuts that Westworld produces, and we're like, we can build something out of this. What's this? Is this a fly man? I've got an idea. I just love Cronenberg this. Wrong Sweetwater, where you walk in, all the signs. It's not just the people.

Surely all the buildings, all the trains. And not just that, all the support staff. Those riders. Surely there's a disgruntled rider that got fired. Yeah, absolutely. Snap them up. Seconds world. Yeah.

It's leftovers world. I mean, you're still getting the Westworld experience just for a lot cheaper and a lot worse. Yeah. Plus, I wouldn't feel super bad about killing any of them. Exactly, right? Because they're a bit more, you know, different. And, like, again, the AI in Westworld probably plays up, and we've already got an advantage.

Ours is already playing up. I didn't think about that aspect. If you are only taking the shit that they don't want, there will be consequences because you are getting a machine that doesn't work properly, written and coded by a man who was fired for alcoholism or something, being repaired by a man who was caught fucking the robots, who is being overseen by a security team that quite clearly can't distinguish between the robots and the guests. Yeah. There will be problems. But like cheap problems. I just imagine sort of you getting

the plot of Westworld a lot quicker. You're getting the robot uprising, but maybe the robots don't know what they're doing. Maybe you're getting six arms out of their face, all holding a gun. Maybe you're getting an itchy and scratchy

robot uprising. You walk into, like, not quite Westworld, like, you're going in and the robot's like, hey, you know I can't bleed? you can though fuck that's crazy what have i got you i hate this place and then you genuinely can't tell if that's one of the robots one of the fucking security team or the owner the mysterious aloof owner of the park joel's no one's seen him's seen him. I love the, you know, the little

piano that's always going bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, That is, what do you call it? Like free to the public. Like public domain. Like London bridges falling down. I'd simply, again, you'd hire someone who can do a version of Paint It Black, but again, not quite. A version of Paint It Black that the copyright... Bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk. You'll get the person who was... Bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk.

I'd be very careful. I mean, like, right now. Go on, Cass. You'll get the person who was fired for not being able to play it properly. Yes. I just get a shitty cover band. That cover band have, like, a nightmare to live inside the park. Do you live in the park park do you just let it run

i imagined i would just open it and then i would leave somewhere where they can't extradite me yeah i was gonna say i feel like i don't know what crime is necessarily one of those countries where there is no laws yeah yeah sure what's got like a no extradition kind of thing sweden's always neutral yeah that's how it works where the international community is based that is that is where you will probably be tried go columbia go columbia we were in uh the dark night where uh the accountant like fucked off because they're like they don't china china china china yeah china do not like to play ball with anyone.

Yeah, you'll be fine. Famously, notoriously, not economically interchanging with any country. I think you may need to do this in international waters. International waters. I'll buy a houseboat. International waters. You're going to get sniped by SEAL Team 6. Look, I'll get a houseboat.

Small enough. While in the future, yeah. I'll get a houseboat. And then I'll just roam the oceans. Okay, so you'll make like a raft city. That's just not where I am. Oh, I see. We're trying to find him a home.

So everyone pays via PayPal. What you need is an underground lair. What I really like is you and your boat being like, God, I'm rich, but isolated in the middle of the ocean. I'm rich, I'm crazy. Just eating fish and sea gulls. Talking to this fish skeleton. And then you'll get in trouble when the international community

freezes your assets and they turn the power off and you're underground sub. See, I think you're all going far too complicated, you know. What? Yeah, I know. Can you believe it? I just made a theme park. Okay, Sam, but... I'd cast with her fucking nightmare world.

There, absolutely. Mine was just illusions and holograms. You don't know which way is up or anything. Holograms are expensive. You know what's not expensive? Yeah. A lie. Fake Westworld.

Hey, come to Westworld. Yeah, I run Westworld. It's on this island. Just get on this boat. Everyone pays me. Send the boat off. No worries. Wait for the next boat.

Done. You have not made a theme park. Well, I don't know if that was the purview of the episode. It was just how could could you not eat? The problem is that everyone's out to sea, but they'll starve and eat each other or whatever. And I'm the monster. And you're right.

You send people out. Everyone's taking their photos. Oh, Instagram, I'm going to Westworld. Look, this is the boat I'm going on or whatever. This is my location. Stuff like that. They all get on the boat, send them off. They all die, no questions. Jackson Bailey figured out how to get away with a murder.

You're right, Jack. You're right. No one would ever catch you. How could they? They're all dead. I'm gone by then. That's why when someone murders someone, they never get caught because they killed the witness.

You are absolutely right. Murder can never be prosecuted. Exactly. A small family, they're like, oh, look, we're sending, you know, not just like, you know, a small, like, three of them are going on, they're seeing them off, and they see Jackson Bailey, but I guess they're not going to, like, be a witness.

Alright, what about this? Jackson Bailey, when people start searching for them, and they check their financial records and are like, hmm, they all paid this one man. Also, surely someone is driving the boat. Surely they could go around. Surely you've paid a boat man to, like, drive somewhere. Yeah, well, what if you splash out on a Westworld quality robot

to drive the boat? There we go. So then all the blame for the boat crashing goes to the boat driver who dies. But not really. And I'm like, that's such a shame they never got to Westworld. But don't worry, we're opening again in a month. Hey, everyone, get on the boat.

You're saying the boat driver looks similar? What? You wouldn't know. You went on the boat the first time. Otherwise, you'd be dead. Okay, on the boat, on the boat. You'll get away with it, 100%, Jack. Absolutely.

Jack, whenever you tell me a plan about how you're going to murder someone, I believe you as much as I am Raoul, which is completely. There's never any doubt ever when you plot to murder someone. What if I keep moving? So I start in Australia. So you kill a bunch of people You're like, what I'll do is

I'll fly to another country You go to the airport You give them your passport They're like, Jackson B. Bailey? No, no one's ever wanted you for murder Please, go on through Get on the plane And they're not dead by that point

You fly Here's the situation Hey everyone I'll see you in Westworld Goodbye The boat heads off toward the Antarctic Yeah, everyone. I'll see you in Westworld. Goodbye. The boat heads off toward the Antarctic or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I quickly, while they're going, get on a plane.

And then I change my identity wherever I am, pull the same scam. It's a grift, Adam. You have to set up a new business every single time. I don't know why you're seeing so defensive, Jackson, because you're absolutely right. You'll go there, you'll change your identity, and you'll think of absolutely right because you'll go there you'll change your identity and you'll

think of everything when you do it you'll think of everything they won't be able to

catch you because you just change your identity and when they'll look they'll type into their

computer Jackson the computer will be like He's gone They'll be like who? What? Where is he? There's only Consuelo Consuelo And they'll be like

That's not Jackson Bailey The computer's like Sorry I mean he may look like him He's got the same face and beard And then Consuelo Consuelo Pulls the same grip Both of your Both of your goals are like the same face and beard. And then Consuelo Consuelo pulls the same grip.

Both of your goals are like, okay, so I'll set up this foolproof plan and then I guess I'm running away for no reason. My plan's foolproof. And all you need to do is keep doing that, keep changing your identity and think of everything until you die. And when you die an old man, you're good.

That's all it takes. I've only got to do it like three times How about this for an idea Going back to this dolly Parting world that Adam was doing Making fuckable dollies So again Or getting like a band or a celebrity Or someone like that

Because again I imagine Westworld The biggest problem there is making a lot of people. Yeah, sure. Because you've got to get variations. You've got to think of all different personality types. But, again, if we're just mass-producing one person. Yeah, it's a lot easier.

It's a lot easier. One mold. So if we're like, all right, we'll get one of their Westworld techs. Maybe they've been fired or maybe he wants to moonlight or whatever like that. We're like, hey, can you design me a Dolly Parton bot? He's like, I reckon I could do that. Do you have the rights to a Dolly Parton? I say yes. I lie.

I'm just so glad that was the end of it. I'm just so glad that's where it finished. The plan was done. And he makes me a Dolly Parton bot. And then I'm like, sick. I got this mold. I can mass produce a load of Dolly Partons.

You can make a hundred dollars. I can make a thousand dollars. Why even lie? If he's making it for you on the down low, why be like, I have the rights? Because maybe he or she has ethics. Yeah. He has ethics.

What about, so Dolly Parton's alive, what if we did someone dead? What if I bring back Elvis? Lincolnland. Lincolnland. Big Bopper world. See, that's not a bad idea. You could have every iteration.

Who's in the public domain, right? Fucking, it's Willie Shakespeare. He's got's in like the public domain right fucking it's willie shakespeare you gotta be in the public domain people ever in the public domain i think it depends or is it their works that end up in the public what if someone writes an autobiography you can just find people who are after 100 years imagine the whole of presidents but they're the presidents yeah they're all together in one whole fighting. It's President Bull. Imagine you open the doors and they're just tearing each other apart.

No, actually, Cass, that's a great idea. So, okay, we don't need to buy a whole island. We just need to buy a coliseum. And then we just make celebrities and famous people fight to the death for people's amusement because they're robots. There's no crimes happening. Here's the thing. the thing yes what if we also we get like a i don't know we make them out of some mold it's cheap it maybe doesn't look perfect it's not very realistic people are

seeing it from the seat yeah put the seats far back no no no it needs to look at least a little bit good because then we get a person who's like i hate my fucking boss ah and we're like we can make a robot that looks like your boss you can fight it in the coliseum oh yeah so like kind of like minority report how they had those dreams of like killing their boss but we can be like we can make that reality and that is that say adam you chose it for me imagine yeah imagine a world where i'm standing in the coliseum dressed like a Roman gladiator, the doors open, and Jackson steps out and Jackson's like, I thought of everything.

I have a brilliant plan to win. All I've got to do is get you. Jackson, my, Adam, my D&D character's name is Bismarck II. I'm going to fight you with this ham. Imagine the satisfaction of just one shotting me in the head It would But then imagine I'm in the crowd watching And I'm like what the fuck

I turn around and shoot you Oh no no no The door's open The Jackson robot steps out And is like wow this atom robot's really Bang I open The Jackson robot steps out and is like Wow, this Adam robot's really bang I shoot the Jackson robot And you in the stands are like Very good, Adam

You did a good job You got the robotic Jackson I am real flesh, Jackson Good job, old chump God, you're cold I am real flesh, Jackson. Good job, old chump. God, you're cold. It's chilly out. You haven't blunk in a while.

Oh. There you go. Do you want to share some of this food with me? No, I'm on a diet It's a new one All the Hollywood celebrities do it We eat only motor oil I was imagining It's like the Jackson robot runs in

I don't want you to kill it I leap into the coliseum as well And stand next to it And I'm like, you don't know which is the real one? Bang, bang, bang My shoot My shoot only once, but I knew Coliseum as well and stand next to it. And I'm like, you don't know which is the real one? Bang, bang, bang. I shoot only once, but I knew. I think we've hit on a winner with a big Coliseum.

That is a good one. Fight your boss. Fight your enemies. Fight your friends. Watch them fight. Even celebrities. Everyone hates a certain celebrity. Yeah. You just think yeah i was just thinking having having like you set up and make bets with your friends and you make fighters to duke it out so you're like

you want to have a fight but like seeing your friend get beat up is like a bit much and you're like no no i'll bet you a coliseum battle it's fine and you like deck out your much and you're like, no, no, I'll bet you a Coliseum battle, it's fine. And you like deck out your fighter and you pick what they look like and stuff and then like... Is it out of celebrities? Can I be like the fists of Muhammad Ali, the face of Jerry Springer? Imagine this. The beard of Lincoln. Imagine like Cass and I are like, oh, for

a fun thing, why don't we go down the Coliseum, see which one of us would win in a fight. We go into like a little gym right before, punching bag, punch as hard as you can. We both punch. The robot is programmed with that punch. It's like run for as long as you can, lift as heavy as you can.

I don't know, like think. That's good because then you don't have to get injured at all. Yeah. You just get to watch the two yous duke it out. It'll be rough. It won't be pleasant seeing Adam tear cas's head off or tear out adam's guts yeah don't worry i was prepared for both scenarios as i'm like doing the punching or whatever you slip your robot a knife i like i do like that it's kind of it's like uh yeah you

fight your friends you watch your friends friends fight Or you yourself get to say, look, if I could pay money to, say, punch Richard Wilkins in the face, I would. Absolutely. I think a lot of people would. The good thing about celebrities as well is we can just mass produce them. Yeah. We know we're going to need so many Tom Cruises in a month. Do we need to get them to sign off on that? I don't know.

I feel like we used like a paparazzi law, you know? Where we're like, you're a celebrity. This is satire. Yeah. It's hard. I actually don't know. Because there was like a thing recently or something like that where it was like this computer program got released where it was like very easy for you to put a celebrity's face onto. Often in this particular case of porn actor's body or something like that

and that got shut down. Maybe that's fair. Yeah, that's reasonable. Maybe it would be like we just have to make it cool. How about this? We find some celebrities and we're down on their luck.

Maybe they have terminal cancer or maybe they're just broke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we get them to sign a waiver that wore a whatever to be terminally ill. That helped no one. Not us or them. Just look, we're not killing them. So let them go.

And so we're like, hey, look, we'll pay you a little bit of money and now we get your likeness. Yeah, please. That would be a really interesting thing for the celebrities because it's like, okay, sign off on this. Every time a robot of you gets made, you get royalties. So you'd get heaps. Imagine being unpopular.

You get lots of money and you're like, people just want to kill me. Or fuck me. Oh, is that an option? I don't know if I like this Coliseum so much anymore. I mean, are we want to be a historical Coliseum or not? Well, if I can watch... There's a lot of fucking in the historical coliseum. If I can watch Abraham Lincoln fuck a bear or something, I'll pay money for that.

Look, we'll get Abraham Lincoln, right? Yeah. We'll cover him up in bear stank, and then we'll set a real bear on him. No, I want him to fuck an animatronic bear. I guess that's fine. Animatronic bear is easy compared to fucking... Then I have to deal with a real bear.

I want a bear I can shut down. Fair point. You can shut down a real bear. Not me. Bang, bang. Yeah, then get a new bear. Or fucking trank him. Jesus.

I guess. That's rude. That's rude. In terms of making more money, because I'm assuming that's a goal if we're competing with Westworld having, what about you have the option to make your fights public

so you can go in, you can just go to the Coliseum to watch if you just want things to happen, maybe you can have a bit of a spiel beforehand so me and you are fighting, there's like a short video package, you'd be like, so why are you fighting today? And it's like, oh Just'd be like so why are you fighting today and it's like ah

just as a goof or are you fighting how about you can be like alright if you want to settle a bet yeah you can bet on the fights what if we organise some sort of league we got like a team that's like presidents

we got a team that's like rock and roll boy bands tell me you don't want to see fucking We got like a team that's like presidents. We got a team that's like... Boy bands. Boy bands, yeah. We got a team that's like boy bands. Tell me you don't want to see fucking Hoover just smash, I don't know, one of the Backstreet Boys' face in. All of them at once in synchronization. You can get fucked with it.

Imagine we get a team that's like robots from Robot Wars. Yeah, I guess they don't actually have to be... Keep no disc fucking cutting his way through the US president. They don't have to be real people. It's probably easier. Imagine like a, I don't know, a sponsored Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be like a sponsored Westworld.

It could be like Goonies characters versus Monster Squad. Finally, we can find out which one is the better one. Why? What is it with you and killing children? They're animatronic children, Adam. They're not real kids. You're the only one who suggested all children teens. It's a classic competition.

And it's putting them against each other as well. I like Adam's idea of going in and you do the punching and stuff to figure out your own stats. I think that should absolutely stay as a thing. Definitely. So the celebs come in. Because imagine if you go in and it's just a celeb,

but you do it on the basis of being like, I reckon I could take most other celebrities in a fight. You go in and you're like, I'll do it. You put all your stats in and it's like, cool, let me this president or whatever. You start making your own bets. Imagine shit like I want to fight Muhammad Ali

and there's a slide or something like that that's like his age. Give me old Muhammad. I want to fight Lincoln but old Lincoln. Absolutely. I think we've hit something here.

This is gold. I'd almost prefer this to Westworld. This one's a lot cheaper, I reckon. Oh, yeah. You're just going to sit in the stands. Like sports bets in on it. It pays for itself. 20 to 1 odds of presidents versus fucking... Monster Squad.

Animated Statue of Liberty. Or you can do like werewolves v vampires. Any kind of old classic bullshit trope. Yeah, because it's such a classic nerd thing where they're like, oh, who would win in a fight? X v X. We've been guilty of it ourselves. Find out.

Yeah. Find out 20 of me versus one Superman. Get like scientists and literature experts and things like that to be like, cool, I've read through the Dracula books. I've gotten all the fight scenes. We've got his base stats. We've compared it with a sports scientist's findings. And so these are Dracula stats

if anyone wants to take Dracula. But if you want to even get your stats measured into the machine, you have to pay. If we can make a Superman, I feel like the US Army is coming in to be like, quick question. Yes? How many?

Can we have that? Yes. How much? Therein lies the problem. If we're like, we made a Wolfman. It's obviously animatronic, but it's a full-on Wolfman. Tell the armies, like, give us, yeah. Maybe not a Wolfman.

Because you could make a Wolfman pretty easily in Westworld. I think that, though, we will be competing with Westworld there, because I'm pretty sure, sorry for spoilers, but that's like an undercurrent of what might be happening. The Wolfman? Yeah, they're making Wolfman for the US Army. Also, because if we're doing this, we're making Wolfman because we're like, let's make a president,

but if a president was strong and maybe a Wolfman. I don't want to fight a president that's strong. I just want to fight Lincoln. Maybe then Westworld are like, here, the Coliseum world has a wolfman. I guess we're going to do a werewolf theme story. Oh, my goodness. Themed Coliseums. Can you imagine, like, October Halloween month?

Yes. Hells yeah. So you're like, okay, so we've decked out president's hall so you can come pick your president they're all spooky so we've got thomas jefferson the mummy oh i will be a president sexy made abraham link that's not spooky it's halloween sexy cat andrew jackson get him to fight mommy. That's what I'm looking forward to.

Slutty vampire Roosevelt. Yes, please. In the crowd eating popcorn. It's a weird show. Sexiness FDR. Was FDR in the wheelchair? Hell yeah I think there's

There's absolutely something here Imagine sexy nurse Trump Do I have to? Getting like soccer punched by I don't know FDR Bloody nurse FDR Fucking stepped on by the Statue of Liberty

presumably wearing a I don't know like a slutty dog costume I'm running out of slutty costumes slutty cowboy I don't think we can have a slutty cowboy I feel like for legal reasons we can't have any cowboys oh yeah

it'd be a old timey western man we don't have the fucking pattern on cowboys. Oh, yeah. It'd be a old-timey Western man. Oh, my gosh. We don't have the fucking pattern on cowboys. We'd have to call it something different. We'd have to call it like, yeah. We're calling it Westworld, of course. No, can we call it Best World?

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Cass. I've been Adam. See you at Best World. You've heard of West World. Now see the Best World. See you in the Coliseum.

These violent delights lead to Coliseum fights. Your Coliseum suit. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at SansPantsRadio, you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead.

And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com, and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to SandspantsPlus.com. Thank you again for listening,

and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever kisses