Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Curse a Small Sword?

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

They've cursed a small village, a small town, and maybe even blessed a village, I cant remember. Now they're asking: what if you owned a curaed sword and using it ruined your entire life? That is what the plumbing boys dare to explore on this weeks episode. Duscher makes a sword so floppy it breaks reality, Zammit spends an eternity in Line Realm, and Jackson loses all friction and gets sent to space. Feel free to use any of these curses to wreck your next D&D game. If you dare.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm also, Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast and asked the important questions. Like, how would you curse a small sword? This comes to us from Azura on the Discord. Hey, if you've got a question you want us to answer, you can subscribe to the bad brain boys. And you can throw a question out there one of thousands.

You got a question that's burning a hole in your pocket. Subscribes on the bad brave boys. Send it out of a sad. Fastrated.com or Apple Podcast. You just press a little button for the Apple Podcasts. It's very easy. Super easy. And you get a bunch of bonus content as well, but mainly you get to suggest the topic.

This one as well is clearly a sequel to, how would you curse a small village? A contentious. A wonderful, what's the full episode? Maybe one of the very first plumbing plus episodes. I believe it was. For no reason. Now, okay, a small sort. Yeah.

So this is also, so not only is it a self-referential sequel episode. Two of episodes we've already done sequels too. Yes. It's also, I guess, kind of like a play on a D&D trope. Well, just a fantasy trope in general. It's like, oh, powerful sword, but... You know, you know, it has the sharpest blade in all the realms. However...

But it's heavy. It's really heavy. It's the strongest sword, but it makes you so tired. And also, it's heavy. It's really heavy. It's so heavy. I don't know if it's a cursor or if it's just a heavy sword. At what point, how do you differentiate?

Yeah, that's true. That's, yeah. Now, look, I'm going to go first because we were when we were like, just before he record, in between the Reels exclusive riff, which you can find that plumbing. And it's a good one. And the offensive one. Okay? I'm hurt by my friends in it.

You'll watch that reel and you'll go, Jackson was the victim. And I said, I've got a curse. Yeah. I've thought of something. I don't know if it's clever and I don't know if it's funny. but I've thought of it and then we all said that's the most important

doesn't matter you thought of it that's great it's all the minimum all we really require and the maximum do it did you think of it great's enough sometimes you're like

half and that's also fine I thought around it yeah so I'm thinking that my sword the sword that I guess I'm embodying beautiful sword

perfect sword but every time you swing it the blade rotates one degree Oh. So at one point it's just going to be pointing directly down.

Oh, wait, so it, okay, not like on because I was imagining it like rotating. No, no, no, no. No, it starts to have. So you're holding the handle and like, like, it's doing the chop. Yeah, you know? Like, very slowly doing the chop.

Yeah, but then it will come back around of the cursors eventually. You swing that sword 270 times and the blade points back at you. But like, surely you could. It's like nearly down. touching my hand, I go, well, or you just spin it around.

Yeah, yeah, true. Oh, yeah. And it just goes back up, I guess. Then it might cut your fingers. Yeah, I guess, not a good story. It's annoying. It's a asshole. It's not funny or clever, but I did think of it.

What if, okay. What if it rotates a certain degrees at random? It's like roll of the dice. Oh, and does it, so you swing it, and then it could just fling back and cut your hand up. Yeah, okay. or it might not. I really like that because the sword would be in the pommel and the handle.

If it cuts back, it might just cut its own handle in half. You've got nothing left. That's good. Yeah, and I guess any angle, no matter what, because if you're swinging it, you really, like, any movement's going to miss. That's true. It are. Fuck.

I know this is not at all what you're describing, but it feels like I have a sword, and then there's, like, a tiny chain, and then the... play. Yeah. It's kind of floppy. It's like it's like rubbery. Yeah. A little bit of rubber. How about that then rather than it rotating a degree it gets one percent floppy. Oh that's good. Because like when a floppy blade slides it slides it through you. It's funny because you just would need more of a windup. Like it'd smack you more than cut you. I meant it. Imagine a sharp whip basically. Oh yeah, whip swords?

They're a thing in fantasy sometimes. In fantasy, certainly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just imagining what is a 101% floppy? We've never seen something that floppy. He goes in a hundred percent floppy. And you bring your hand back and you go, no, no. What are you doing?

101. Does it turn into a liquid? I'm kind of imagining, you know, like a video game where like a physics object gets glitched out and starts like stretching in wrong direction? Oh, yeah. become a lot more stretchy. He basically got Mr. Fantastic on your sword. That is kind of awesome. Yeah.

And I know that like when... Imagine, oh, dude, you got your floppy sword, and instead of doing a swing, you do a thrust, and it sort of stretches out and stabs of like that. It snaps back and just flies it to... It's like one of those, like, you know, those things, like the slap hand thing. That's true.

It's like... Yeah, so you're like thrusting it. Oh, you got it. How much percent floppy would you have to notice your sword's getting before you realize it's getting floppy? Probably, yeah, 10. Because like 1% you're not going to know. No. You might be like, oh, it's a little loose in the palm or something, but you wouldn't.

Maybe it needs to be re-forged something because I'm like, oh, it's getting like a bit of a wobble. But the moment it starts like drooping. The moment you pick it up out of your sheep and it's droops? Yeah. Wait. Is it like a talking sword as well? Like, I promise, does it always do this? I'm sorry.

I feel like the idea of it's not. There's no other... It is also funny. This is a listener suggestion of clearly heard... It's a small town village. I know our podcast. And I'm just like, yeah, what if the sword got floppy? They're expecting...

Yeah, they're expecting something ratchet. We go, yeah, what if you pick up the sword and then your asshole gets bigger and you shit bricks? Every time you cut... That would be pretty bad. Did you say you shit brass? Bricks. Well, look, that would also be bad.

Yeah, you pick up the sword, your arseal gets 1% bigger with every shit and you shit breasts. And your nuts get bigger, but your dick gets smaller. I couldn't do that. I'd have to check myself into a retreat or something. Yeah, I like the floppy sword. It's just funny to picture and to imagine waggle it around. It's just, it's awesome to think about. Having it in your sheath, but like, because it's like blade down and it's floppy,

Pommel's kind of just like hanging, looping. I'm also, maybe, I guess, is a bonus because we want to do like an area of effect thing. So it gets 1% floppyer, but everyone's respectful. So it's like a magic thing. Yeah. So you can go, here's the idiot with his floppy. I fucking hate this guy.

So you can get 1001% floppy, but negative 101% percent. I hate this guy and his floppy's odd. I fucking hate this man I hate this guy more than I've hated anything before somehow I hate his eyes but like what does negative 100 to 1%

respect? I don't know to attack him like he ought to just loop around again and they're like oh I love this man you know what I hate his ass but I gotta give it to him I hate him so much but I respect him I've never seen a man that wretched before in my entire love when he whips around that wobbly floppy

sort of it I gotta respect it man Which is the idea of like, especially if it's just an area of effect, say of like, I know, five meter radius. Walking into what happened. 80% floppy sword. Everyone goes, oh, hey, what's... Oh, I don't like this guy at all. I don't respect you at all.

People just spit it out of me. Floppy sword, idiot. Nice floppy sword, shit, floppy sword. It's a cursed sword in the way. It's a cursed sword. It's good. It's good. It's still fucking works.

It'll kill anyone. I'll kill anyone in this room. It'll kill you. It'll kill you. It'll kill you. You can't do many. Like, you know, the classic sword, you hold the sword to the neck, threat. You can't really do that. I'm resting it on their shoulder as it just flops over their back. You can slap someone with it. That's great.

Slap someone with a sword. Does it remain sharp? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, that's good. I guess, like, with a cursed sword, they used to be a little bit of good and, like, a lot of bad. So I guess it's like, you know, it's the sharpest sword in the land. It's a sword you never have to, you know, like, sharpen at all. Yeah, exactly. It saves 100% sharp. But you just can't chop shit with it.

It's a little floppy every now. Imagine trying to go, I've got to chop some firewood. Why are you using your attacking sword for chopping firewood? I lost my axe. A witch took it. So good. She didn't respect me, so she stole up my weapons. She left me with my bullshit floppy sword.

And she's chopped a shoveled with her axe. Look at how uneven my woods I chopped. Yeah, because you got to like maybe hold. hold like the blade very carefully. Yeah, but it's so sharp. Then you gotta like drop it onto the wood. Yeah, but as you drop it, you know, anything warmly you drop, it just distorts, it cuts like a weird circle in the wood.

That's so sharp though. Fuck, fuck, it's fucking. I should just go down and kill some guys, or at least that I can stab them. Yeah, I'm gonna go kill that witch. Get my axe-knock. Yeah, I'll use the witch as firewood or whatever. I'll wait till she's finished chopping it, then I'll kill her.

Steal her of firewood. Think she's so clever. That's really good. dude, the floppy sword. The floppy loss of respect sword. Yeah, and it's good because if it is so sharp and so powerful, you know, you might be going around the realm doing good, protecting people from bandits,

but no one's going to respect you at the end of it, you know? Yeah, it's a good curse, it's a good curse. I was thinking, yeah, as a curse sword, it would be very kind of, like, I can't think of, it would be annoying. Yeah. And I really don't like bureaucracy. Okay.

So I was thinking that like, whatever the good sword is, you know, Whatever the good sword is, maybe it's like a flaming sword, something like that. Like a sword is like, it's very, like, very powerful. Yeah. And just before you get like the killing blow, you were palliported to like a waiting line. Oh, no. Like, it's like, it's a little pocket realm.

It's a waiting line. It's always a line there. And then you get to the end, there's like a little goblin. Yeah. And you've got to fill out like a complicated, like you've got to go get a form. Yeah. Fill out a bunch of complicated forms. No matter what, when you arrive at the goblin, he says, you've got to form.

It's 34. Yeah, you got 35V? You're like, yeah, I did. I can't prepare. Why do you need 35B? Back on the line with you. And so then you've got to fill out these long forms to just kind of like, you know, to basically get approval to get the killing blow.

I really like that because when you swing the sword, the guy goes, and then he sees a brief moment. Is it like, no time's passed? Yeah. So he sees a brief moment in your eyes as you go, ah. And he slices your head. Clean off. Yeah, so yeah, no time is passing for anyone else.

Just you get teleported to a pocket realm. What number in the line am I? What's the most annoying number of the line to be? You can do the incremental thing as well. Like you started... No, because I think the line is just like... The line to me is a cherry on top. Yeah.

It's the form feeling that it's also annoying. I mean, like, the killing blow, that's annoying. But what about you go, away, brigand, and you put your hand on the pommel and then all of a sudden you're in line and they're like, you're going to need to get approval to one to feed your sword. Oh, yeah.

Like approval for almost every action. Yeah, and you go, fuck, you sit in line and you wait. The goblin makes you feel out of form, stamp it. There, you need to go home and you need to wait for the approval to come in the mail. All that kind of shit. And then finally it does, and you go, Ha! And pull out the sword.

Funny if, this is very cursed, but time keeps moving for everyone else. So you get teleported. Yeah, but by the time you pull a sword, everyone's gone. I like that awe, because again, it's like it's like it. Instead of like when you draw it, the killing blow. Yeah. If, yeah, you get teleported, time keeps moving. Yeah.

So, like, you've got to be quick to get there. But, like, you know, could take days. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then you come back and then it's like, you finish your swing, but no one's there. Chop an old woman's head off. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Or, like, just some random goose.

Oh, oh. Oh, God. I guess if you tied someone up, you go, okay, briggin. This is he going to probably take four to five business. days. You just sit tied. It's funny if like just mentally you get said there.

He's just frozen holding the sword over him. Oh yeah, like you're frozen but you're like you can't be attacked. You're invulnerable. Yeah, yeah. So it's like yeah, you're like almost petrified in this one stance. But then like you, I guess like you could then, if someone else, you could use that to your advantage by putting someone else there and be like at any moment.

Yeah, when his forms are all going to prove, he's gonna swing down and kill you. Funny to imagine, like, some incredibly couple, you're there for years. You put like a statue in the middle of down. Hanging out under the statue, coming to life, slicing my head off. Scaring all the pigeons.

Yeah. But then I guess, would you use that sword? I think... It's like a cursed sword, right? It's like you have no option. Yeah, that's true. I was going to say, like, the pocket dimension, like, if there's no time passes, that's kind of awesome.

Because, like, oh, okay, you're in line. That means there's other people. You can be making moves. Making chats. Chatting someone off. See what's going on? Hey, wait in line. For an entire life in the line.

Yeah. Want to get married? In the line? In the line? Have kids in the line? A bunch of just other like disgruntled adventures all there. You swinging a sword somewhere? Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, you know what? Fuck that life. Let's start a new life here. In the line, you want to be my line wife? Yeah. You have two kids. You watch the kids grow up.

You're old, you get to the end of the line, the goblin stamps your form. No, no, no! Swing and killer goose, young again. Whoa. But then I guess you go, my line wife is out there somewhere halfway through a swing. I got a good fight. I hope they're living their best life. Where are my line kids?

How is that one? Well, my line children real. Are my line children? If I go back in the line? Yeah, that's funny. It's why you go pull out your sword and go for an attack again and you're at the back of the line and you're like looking down

and kids you're a different line yeah fuck a second line wife and then the next time you go back it's back to the first line what the fuck was my second

was my first time out of the line also part of the line am I in the line still how do I know when I'm not in line which is line is combatant of which is line is combat

real? Am I real? Am I a line, child? Is life the line and the fantasy is swinging the sword? Am I a man in a line who dreaming of being a man with a sword? Or a man with a sword dreaming I'm a man in a

line? I don't know anymore. Yeah, that's risky. I think it would be just like an annoying thing as an adventure. Yeah. Oh, it did. It would so instantly go back to this line. Yeah. Because even if the line was like, you know, not too long, it was just, you know, maybe there's

like, you know, five to ten people ahead of you. And maybe sometimes there's like, oh, there's only one person you're ahead of you. Yeah, okay. Sometimes there's no line. Maybe then it's like, oh, fantastic. I'm going to be here so quickly. And then it's like, have you got your fours? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, wow. They say, sorry, we've recently had an update in our protocols. Yeah. Or like there's like, you know, gone to lunch. You'd be back in five minutes sign. You're like, where's that fucking goblin? And you're looking at your watch, your pocket watch, waiting for the goblin to come back. And then the goblin does come back, but they just put a little sign that says

this station closed. Come back tomorrow. It's my wife's birthday. What does that mean for me? I don't know. It's not my problem. Come back tomorrow. Is everyone here a line? What? The line's got to this one. The line has him. It's where do you go? Is this a line dimension for everyone else or just to me? I don't know. I can help you with the forms, buddy. This line stuff, that's your own business.

It's horrible if you're the law. They close and you're the only person in line dimension. Oh, that you're going to wait for tomorrow. Yeah, man. Yeah. Because I'm imagining, like, it's sort of... Would it make you want to kill less? I reckon. Yeah.

I would be like, okay. Time to maim. I've got to put my... I should buy a gun. I'd be like, I've got to put my sword away. So there's got to be one go in the line for the unsheathing. One for putting it on its, you know, like hangar and then I'm out. Then I'm done.

Oh, hanging up the adventuring lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah, I was imagining some sort of like, like, like, almost like a 70s sort of DMV. Yeah, oh, yeah. That's what I'm picturing too. Like a water cooler. Yeah. And like.

I'm imagining a lot of mission brown. Yeah. Like a lot of mission brown. Absolutely. Yeah. Like, it's a little bit too hot. Yeah. Yeah.

Like you want to find somebody to be like, could you turn the heater down? Yeah. You can't find anyone that's got time for. It's just a little, it's just human. I'm imagining it's just like a sparse, white void. Just a desk at the end and nothing else. That's bad. And when the goblin gets up to go home, he just opens a door you couldn't see previously.

Yeah, I'm like, closes it and it's just gone. Well, then I'd immediately try and find that door. Give me out. Don't go wandering around in line realm. Dude, I've, you put me in line realm once? Yeah, that's bad. No, I'm staying by the ballads and the desk. No, I'm immediately being...

You're lost to the realm. Yeah, that's all right. I don't know. Yeah, whatever curse has happened is happening to you hard. You're off in the void. Yeah. And then I'll find the line again. Maybe I've aged 80 years or whatever.

But then I fill in the form and then if I die in the line realm, do I die in real life? I don't know. Well, I mean, how's this? What if a line? If you don't die in real life, then easy way to get out of the line realm. Oh, that's true. Bring your, well, I was going to be like, bring your sword up. Bring your, you go to another line.

And you go, then you go deeper. It's never good. It's so deep in line realm. It becomes loin realm and you're like, everything's a bit wrong. They're like, have you filled in your fam? What? I'm a grappling. It's like line realm, but everything's kind of spelt wrong.

I'm a grappling. Fill in your foam. Get back in loin. I got to kill myself from this one. Gotta kill myself right now. I'm gonna long rob. I'm a gripling. Have you put in your form?

Fill in your flame. If I just keep killing myself, it's only gonna get worse. Yeah. Yarm. Yeah. How much worse gonna get? I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna ripi.

Okay. It's gotten pretty bad. How do I get back? Grab it back. I made a mistake coming here. I should have killed myself. I should have stayed in the Griplin. Yeah, I like the Gremlin.

I could grasp. It was like maybe like the first maybe 20 kills. They don't send you to Lion Realm. But when the 21st kill, it sends you a Lion Realm. But then it's filled with all people you've killed. Oh. And they're pissed off. Or who've been lying are like the people you killed.

If I kill someone and then I do something and I end up in a line where the person I killed is in front of me, I go, oh, I died too. Yeah, I'm in hell. Yeah. Or heaven. I'm in heaven. Yeah. I love lines. The heaven line.

That's so funny to be a guy killed and you end up in the line outside the pearly gates. You're like, this is fucking awesome. This rocks, dude. You should be glad I killed you. I'm not to go to heaven. Oh, my God. Heaven's amazing. I go, we're not even in heaven.

You go, what? It gets better than this? Better than the line? Holy shit. God damn it. How long am I going to be stuck in line with this guy and to have? How long is that line to get into heaven? I mean, I would be scared if I killed someone that died and then there with a person right in front of me like, no one died?

Yeah. How did this work? I thought that like people died all the time. Yeah. How quick, do you reckon the processing is? Do you reckon you get in there and you look up at the head of the line as a bunch of Roman guys? Oh, my God. No fucking way.

How long's the line to hell? If that's fast, get me in there. I'm doing it, dude. I hate waiting. I'll take an eternity of having my nipples sliced off and being forced to eat them. Yeah. Even means I don't have to wait in line. Lost on fire.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least that's something. Yeah. To weigh in line for one minute longer and I think. Maybe you're in hell. You know, if the line's out long. Lines don't phase me, though.

So if I'm in a line, I'm not in hell. Yeah. You'll stand around jumping or something. Yeah, if I'm in a line, who cares. You're vibing. Yeah, it's fun in line. You get to meet. people, meet the two people on either side of you, find out how they died, you killed me.

That's right. Oh, yeah, butheaded by myself. I thought it's crazy. No one died in between me and you. To me, that's nuts. I didn't get killed straight off to you died. I left. Do you think it's weird that you, the victim, get into heaven, and me, the killer gets it to happen to?

Does that really just throw out your whole... Or is hell for you, but heaven for me. Yeah. Because heaven for me would be being in life with God. I love it every second of this. I'm having the time of my life. Well, can I still say that? I guess it's off.

That's pretty crazy. He goes, this is my hell. Yeah, yeah. When we get back in heaven, I'm going to kill you again. In that realization, like, wait, this isn't a line to heaven? No. No, it's just a line. It's just a line.

You go up there, we fill some forms in. You go to, like, I don't know what's happening really, but yeah. You go back to the back. So, wait, it's the same box for me having to fill in a form. Yeah. This is. To go back out of Lion Realm to kill a guy that is. is for you to get into heaven or how.

It's all the same system. I guess we've got to go speak to the goblin. I've been here before. He's got to speak the goblin and see which form I've got to fill out. Yeah, exactly. Maybe I get reincarnated. Whoa, that's true. I hope that's how it works.

You get to pick. You get to the pearly gates and they say, would you like to come in? Come back as a dog. Heaven or dog? And I go, ooh. So you go, in heaven, your every dream comes true, your wildest wishes. And what if my wildest wishes is to be? be a dog. Well, you could do that in heaven

and then change. You're women. I go, yeah. Yeah, boy. What about if I pick dog? They go, you'll probably die at seven. You might get full of fatty lymphomas. Yeah, but then I'll be a dog though. Yeah, yeah, but also, all dogs go to heaven famously. If you're often the choice between heaven and dog, always pick dog

because then you get heaven anyway. Yeah, that's true. But you get heaven as a dog. Oh, dog heaven. Fuck, dude. What do they get? You get heaven or what? Heaven or human? Yeah. Well, is dogs better than Man. I think could you body dog heaven, do you reckon?

Getting padded a bunch, like as much dog food as you can eat. Well, I wouldn't use as dog food. Surely it'd be like steak. Yeah, steak, bits of ham? Take a shit, no one's yelling at you. Yeah, exactly, dude. Who's yelling at you now? No, a dog.

Oh. When a dog's... Honestly... Right, right, right, right. Dog heaven is... I wasn't thinking, like, human heaven. No. Or human health is taking a shit and he yelled at.

Do you not live in a world where when you take a shit, people yell at you. People are so mad at you. They're banging on the door. Stop shitting! Enough for that, pal! Cut it out! I'm sorry. It's a biological problem.

Only for use, buddy. Yeah, you're choosing to do this. What? Huh? I got taught wrong, I guess. I thought everybody poops. No. No, that's a lie by big shit.

Big toilet. Yeah, big toilet got you on that one, pal. Um, I was thinking... You think that everyone rolls around having to wipe shit off their asshole. Yeah, what are you... Were you stupid? That's disgusting. They're for fucking.

Okay. Your asshole has one purpose. Getting fuck. Okay? And if shit comes out of that place, that's your problem, but it's disgusting. It's got nothing to do with us. Yeah, no, no one of us. We're not doing it.

It could be us. Penises, toys, fingers. Yeah. They'll go in there. Shit should not be coming down. People are telling me that I'm scared to admit I've been pissing. What? You did what with your penis?

What's meant to come out of there? Come! And a dick sometimes meant to go in it. If you're docking. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's it.

That's it. We do allow sounding, but it does still freak out. We don't like thinking about it. But for some reason, we can't stop thinking about it. Am I in heaven or how? This is real life, motherfucker. Oh. No!

The idea to go to heaven and the only difference is that you don't shit and assholes are only for fucking. That'd be awesome, dude. That does sound like happens. That's pretty good. It sounds like wonderful. Yeah, assholes don't have a second purpose here. I think I would miss shitting sometimes, though. Yeah.

I'm in heaven sometimes. Sometimes it's like taking a shit's nice. Yeah, but yeah, but now you're a place. Then we're getting railed. They go, hey, we're still going to toilet. It's just that it puts some railing toilets. Okay. Except on the toilet, reading the paper, getting fucked in the house.

It's just like back home. Yeah, it's like, but after reading, Cluny's little machining invas. And then you finish up, look down to the toilet flush, nothing happens. Is this happen? Are we sure? Don't flush, but clean it. What am I meant to do it?

This is what I was thinking So it's a sword That while you hold on to it It's get the sharpest blade in the world And you'll render immortal But the sword is always As slippery as humanly possible It's max slippery

It's a hundred and one percent Slippery So you're whoop And it's always sliding out of your hands Like a wet bar of salt Yeah it's like it's covered in lubrication The whole sword So you can't really

So you pick it Once you've held it, you can pretty much never pick it up again. Yeah. Well, once you go to pick it up and goes, out of your hand like a barso. And then, who impeds itself in the ground, and you're kind of continually chasing after trying to pick it up. I guess I'd leave it there.

But you're immortal while you're holding on to it. Yeah, but you're never holding on to me. I mean, you stab it in the ground. This would be my strategy, okay? Grab it the first time. Blom, flies out of my hand and beds itself blade first in the soil. Then I... Oh, yeah, that's easy.

you to manipulate. Yeah, well, then I grab the handle, which is too slippery, but then maybe I, like, wrap, you know. You can wrap your, okay. Yeah, wrap my hand around instead of it stays on my hand and then try and pull it out of the sword without it just slipping out of my hand. I guess, yeah, if it's 1001% slippery. It's kind of like the sword and the stone, but you can't get it out because it's too

lubed up. Yeah, like you'd get it out, but then we just fling and just keep going. Like, it just feels like it's got a lot of momentum to it, you know? It doesn't embed itself in the earth. It's so slippery that it hits and just starts sliding away. Or if it does, as you pick it up, it's like, it's just so slippery. You just goes up your arm and just slices your hand. I like the idea of, yeah, you pick it up.

It shoots out and hits the ground and just starts sliding. It's just picking up momentum. So it just becomes in perpetual. Uh-oh. Is that looking behind you? I got to step out of the way. It's like a line of destruction. You're flicking around the earth.

You start making... You're making a canyon. Yeah. It's kind of cool. It's going to eventually slice the earth in half. Because I don't know how to stop it because it's so slippery. I like the idea you're immortal until Earth and never really get split in half by your sod. Or it's like, it's so slippery, but like you can't let go.

Yeah. Sticky handle, slippery blade. Oh, that's good too. I can't die, but I'm forever circling the earth in hell. You kind of try and maneuver it a bit, you're aiming it. Just getting grass and dirt direct. Yeah, yeah, sticky handle, but it was like, yeah, like a blade of, like, infinite flight. Yeah, zero friction blade.

I like that because I feel like the way to get rid of me. Say it's not infinitely sharp. It's just got zero friction. Is to make, like, a ramp? So you go, you wait to, like, pick up some momentum, and then you slide the ramp in front of me, I just, whoa, shit into the sky. And they go, thank God.

Thank God he's finally gone. Oh, we'll forever have fuck-ass canyon. It's so funny, like that everyone, you see the canyon, you just be annoyed with me? Oh, God, dude. It's not that annoyed. He's kind of, like, jump it. I can't imagine it's that thing.

Yeah. And we take a long time, I guess, for it to become a jumpable canyon. It'll take a while for you to realize what was happening. Fuck-ass canyon. It's just this one thin line around the world. It's the world's ass crack. That's funny because, say I grabbed the sword, we're in a medieval village,

I go sliding away, you go, what happened to Jackson? No one year later, you hear, huh? I guess the world's round. I also like that the time it would take to physically do damage so you're like for like 600 years just going around before people go hang on I don't fix this let's wrap him up okay

let's wrap him into space but if it's sticky handle Okay, the moment I pull it out with the zero friction, we're okay. Yeah. Okay, we're all right for a bit. Don't trip. I just can't trip or fall over or move wrong. I'd all let go of the sword now, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, the sword's constantly stuck to my hands. If I swing at a guy, do I slide, like, well, it'll just keep going, so you'd kind of do some sick dancing. I imagine if you would cut through someone. Yeah. But then as the sword hits your maximum extent, it would probably... That's when it starts... Like it would, yeah, we'd cut the earth, but like, yeah, you'd try and want to do it like a pirouette kind of up. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd really want to style it out. Absolutely. If I'm going to learn how to use this sword, I'm gonna have to be... You need to become a very fancy dance. And I'm not gonna do that. Or use it like a bat, maybe? Oh yeah. Because if you're just swinging it on a little, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. If I stab with it, I should be okay. Well, you're moving forward, right? Yeah, you don't want to start with it. What I want to do is actually not move, hold the sword, and run into people. Okay. Yeah, but, okay. You're going to run.

No, no, no. Have you ever run without moving, like, holding your arms and, like, to run before? Yeah, you sort of tells. Yeah. Do you know what we use for our balance? Yeah, hands. Oh, wait, give me a second. Ooh!

Like, yeah, I guess you could try and get your, like, other people to, like, push people onto your sword. Yeah. You become, like, a pier. But a horizontal pit. Yeah, but it's like, at that point, you know, why not just get somebody with a normal sword they can swing? Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

There's zero friction sword, though. I feel like there's some way, there's going to be some way to become the greatest warrior in the land. I think you're going to have to either, yeah, with a lot of these, you've got to combine them with, like, another magical item. Yeah, okay. I mean, because what you've got, it's almost like an unstoppable force. You've got to kind of have, like, roller blades or something. You've got to have, you got to have, I was going to say, shoes of a movable object.

So, like, you need to, like, lock in, no, roll of it. Roller blades. Oh, okay, so he's going to go even quicker. All right, sure. Fuck it. You know what? Yeah, roll-blades. Yeah, yeah.

Just zoom it around the... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna follow anymore, but I got my own problems. Yeah, roll blades of, like, infinite zoom. Fuck it, I don't know. Zero friction shoes. Zero friction's a lot. Zero friction suit of armor.

Wow. It's constantly just going through every. wheeling around the wall. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Yeah, fuck. Help me! Yeah, whatever. Give you like, yeah, a rubber suit as well

so you can bounce. Yeah, bouncing around. Yeah, that'd be great. Just rolling up constantly. Stop my mother. Give you a hat of dizziness. I feel so terrible. Spin it around.

Yeah, yeah. You can't die. Glasses or perpetual vomiting. Why the fuck a lot? I don't know. And your dick's turning inside. Oh, fuck. It's just getting smaller.

Just like, I got that at my mind, too. When I get out of this, I'm going to be a little dicked bastard. Okay. Yeah. That's so funny. I like this going inside, you know. At some point it's going to come out of your ass. That's the least of my problem. I do like, it's like fighting the sword and the suit of armor in a dungeon. Do anyone want this?

No, Jackson, it's yours. Oh, sweet. Fuck yeah. Zero friction. I'll be able to slide. Yeah, this is great. Putting on the glasses first. They're all in the same chest, so they must go on together. Do you guys at the tavern? Do you eat the same things?

You have the potatoes because I'm feeling kind of food. Yeah. I feel like I get a set bonus. Yeah, let me, hang on. Put on the helmet. Oh, I'm so fucking dizzy. Oh, I'm so fucking dizzy. I think I got a set bonus.

Oh, it feels bad. Anyone else feel like? I'm gonna pick up this sort. Anyone else feel like shit right now. Oh, I'm growing up. Blu-all. Let me put on these rollerblades. And the jocks trap.

Oh, that's a strange sensation. Anyone else feel like shit, but you're getting hard? Okay, let me put on the suit of armor. Jackson, you okay in there? I'm like, fly out the door. Out the dungeon. Oh, he goes. Oh, goodbye.

Yeah, I guess that's a... That's a great way to curse a sword. Yeah. It's a really good way to do it, dude. It's a really good way to do it. Yeah, I like that our swords, each of the... Like, you know, lost some level of annoyance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I mean, one's wrecked my life. Well, truly. I was just imagining a sword that's just slippery, but it went really, it went a lot further than that. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. You created a new wonder of the world that everyone hate.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The world's first annoyance of the world. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. As I slide around. I like Lion Realm.

I want to go to the... Lion Realm? Me too. What's happening in Lion Realm? Yeah. Who's there? What happened? If I meet someone in Lion Realm,

is they just placed back on Earth somewhere else? Yeah. It's exciting. Yeah, exactly. You search the realm to find them, you know? It's great. How'd they get there? You'll remember a Lion Realm?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a little curse sword that maybe you give yourself a little quest

and find other members of lightenroll. Exactly. I like this world with floppy sword and being loathed. You see me sliding around the world you hold your sword back and wait until I come by and let it go. I just tried slings shut you want to flicking into me. Just changes your direction

so it doesn't slag her. Yeah, fling him and then I'll have theirs like a little statue just waiting. Exactly. Finally get the right form to Yeah, dude. We're going to be a force to be right. The greatest mercenaries, the realms have to say.

Yeah, three beautiful souls. Yeah, exactly. It's the three of us, well, I'm not there. And we strike the pose, I go sliding away. Zammett pulls up his sword and freezes. You pull up your floppy sword, and everyone goes, I hate this guy. Three beautiful swords wielded by three beautiful men. I think we did it.

And I think that's going to make a listener that submitted the question. I think you're going to, that's exactly what you want to, want it to hear. I can only assume. Yes. Surely, dude. Surely. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been, Joe.

Wow. Yeah. Remember, if you want to support us, if you want to support Plumming the Death Star, you want to keep us in finery. Okay? You can go to the Bad Brain Boys and you can subscribe. You get access to a bunch of bonus content.

Bonus episodes of Plumming the Death Star. The show, What If? Jackson Billy Spooks America. I cramps. Exactly. Plus you get access to the Discord. Yeah. Yeah, when Jackson said, go to bad brain boys,

What he meant to say was go to SandspassRadio.com. Yeah, and sign up for Bad Brain Boys Plus. Or an Apple podcast. You could also just sign up to that. There's a button if you're on Apple. It's very easy. And if you sign up, who knows? Maybe you'll get teleported to Lion Realm and we'll be there.

And we can be your Lion Realm friends. Yeah, we'll be your Lion wife. I mightn't be there, though, because I'll be in Loing Room. Dusha killed himself so many times that he's in Root and Drut. Waiting in Drut for the... To tell him to fill out of nicknap. Believe it's not, no, that. Diamond Gilmast.

It's going to get to get to a board where she's like, which is abstract ideas. Not even a physical realm anymore. Abstract ideas and I go, I'm finally at peace. I'm a thought. This is good. This is the time to lay down. This is heaven for me.

A guy who loves lines. See ya Bye Bye Swords Oh that's good I've been stabbed in the fucking guts I don't know how to hold a sword

I'm dodging the sword I'm pushing the sword through my wrist I'm going back in time To get the sword Pulling that sword out of this fucking look