Plumbing the Death Star - How Would you Deal with the Superhuman Registration Act?

Episode Date: April 17, 2016

In which our heroes make a list, check it twice, then put everyone in the negative zone if they keep superhero-ing while asking how would you deal with the Superhuman Registration Act? It's a controve...rsial time as we decide to just punish Bruce Banner, make vigilanteism double illegal and just can't stop Captain America from Nomad-ing. Zammit is still pro-registration, Jackson is still pro-mutant extermination and Duscher is still anti-establishment. After all our changes, whose side are you on? It doesn't matter, cos they're both still bad and by the way we're all Skrulls now too. Or Hydra. Or Hyrda-Skrulls. Good.Want to help fund an even better superhero task force than last week? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we'll try and ensure everyone maintains their civil liberties, but harder this time.Hankering for some sweet geeky loot every month? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to receive your (possible) Val Kilmer today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:03:18 Okay, so we did the whose side are you on, and we kind of- You all picked the wrong side. Because they're both bad. So I think Tony Stark, and I said this then and I'll say it again, I think Tony Stark had a good idea, but then it just gets real dumb right from the word go. He clones a Thor. Never what?
Starting point is 00:03:36 Don't clone a Thor. Just don't clone. Like when you are aiming your guns at a man dressed in the American flag who is meant to be like your super soldier maybe you're the villain so maybe don't do that yeah fair fair yeah yeah yeah so set the stage um stanford has happened so nitro blew up and killed nitro nitro and nitro and blew up like 600 or something odd kids poster boy for the anti-mutant league
Starting point is 00:04:08 right there the destruction from that is what I'm assuming we put on all of our posters and how and ad campaigns Nitro goes Nitro so basically we have to do a superhero registration act and now the point is
Starting point is 00:04:24 apparently the superhero registration act now the point is like apparently the superhero registration act had been going for a while as in like they've been wanting to do this in the comics for a move like the political parties have been doing this and it was this and oddly enough another another move that i don't really know about which was um hulk just leveled las vegas in a fight or some shit um fucking fucking goddamn superhero But they know who Hulk is That doesn't Send him to superhero jail That doesn't make any sense
Starting point is 00:04:51 When he used this Hulk thing It's Bruce Banner, we already know this I'm sure he's very sorry Make him all register So Stanford and the Fall of Las Vegas The two things that really happened Fucking we need to do something It's not about Bruce Banner but it's clearly that So Stanford and the fall of Las Vegas, which is the two things that really happened that were like,
Starting point is 00:05:05 fucking, we need to do something. It's not about Bruce Banner, but it's clearly that something has to get done. Yeah. And so then they're trying to get people on side, and then they're kind of like, they go too hard too fast. They go too hard too fast. They're like, we need to make this registration act happen.
Starting point is 00:05:21 They don't really work with the superhuman population. So that would be your plan, work with the superhuman um population plan work with the superhuman communities talking to captain america and i would try to get into negotiations with captain america to just come to some sort of agreement before we start doing any acts what's captain america going to agree to what are his values other than you freedom freedom yeah so things like what what I don't know, be having at least a dialogue. And if we can't have a dialogue,
Starting point is 00:05:49 I mean, we are still beholden, or at least Tony Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D. are still beholden to what Congress do. Yeah. And when they put the law into act, they then go into action. But they kind of go about that in the most brutal way possible.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Again, I was thinking, I mentioned Patriot or whatever his name is. Lion Patriot? Green Goblin as Captain America? Get him as the poster boy? He's the poster boy of Iron Man I think at one point. Oh wait, no, that's what Iron Patriot's part is. Perfect!
Starting point is 00:06:22 He represents our bond! So I think it was the son of isaac bradley the original the black cap america yeah and he's stopping a crime and these shield agents who are just dressed in these like mech suits just hunt him down to the point of stupidity they're shooting at him and they're like destroying a lot of public property and they're just sort of really going at it it's kind of like first off no bad don't do that like don't not a great publicity yeah like like don't use a like a gun to kill a mosquito it just should be like excuse me hi don't run this is your warning kind of thing and almost approach it almost like a misdemeanor for at least a few times this is after they've enacted the act they catch him and there's a couple options not yeah basically get him get him um so that's one thing i'd like definitely have also when it This is after they've enacted the act. They catch him and are like, kill him. Yeah, basically. Get him.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Get him. So that's one thing I'd definitely have. Also, when it comes to the whole arresting and chucking him into the negative zone, no, don't do that. Where are you putting him? The positive zone. The positive zone. What's weird, because they send Matt Murdock, the daredevil,
Starting point is 00:07:21 they send him to the negative zone. And he's just a man zone And he's just a man Honestly, the best thing for that would be He takes over a city block When he becomes an evil ninja I remember that comment I think a good way to do with that Is to put them in normal jail
Starting point is 00:07:38 But some of them can't stay in a normal jail Hulk's gonna get out I know, but You're appealing case by case basis here. Hulk could probably get out of negative terms. Literally anything, it's fine. He's a Hulk. That's what you do with a Hulk problem.
Starting point is 00:07:54 That's just a problem with Hulks. That's like a hurricane, you know what I mean? That's just like a hurricane. It's like a natural disaster. Freeze the Hulk, I think is how you want to go about that. Drop him in the sea. What even space is also about I mean we learned
Starting point is 00:08:06 that the hard way but it can be a good idea if things don't go awry if you don't put bombs in his fucking plane little bug dickhead
Starting point is 00:08:12 anyway but with Matt Murdock you put him in jail yeah and like you can't escape but it's like if you escape you are a criminal
Starting point is 00:08:20 you are a criminal you are a criminal who escaped from jail well he's already a criminal because he's in jail I know but like you kind of like a double criminal but it's like you are a criminal because he's in jail i know but like you kind of like a double criminal but it's like you are being you know you were practicing you know
Starting point is 00:08:29 vigilantism yeah without a license um so that obviously has x many years or a fine or whatever that kind of punishment is but if you escape from prison that's another crime on top of that yeah i think that's even a like is that a felony? Probably. He's already in jail, though, because you're treating this superhero thing like it's not a crime, and it is. That's what I'm saying. It is a crime. It'd be like going to jail for shoplifting
Starting point is 00:08:54 and then trying to break out because you don't want to do your 30-day service. Yeah, but the thing is... What's the punishment for being a superhero? I feel like being a superhero is going to have quite a high punishment. It'll be like five years in jail. They're not making being a superhero illegal.
Starting point is 00:09:06 They're just making going out without registering illegal. They're making vigilantism. Which has always been illegal. Unless you work for S.H.I.E.L.D., it's kind of vigilantism. And even S.H.I.E.L.D. sometimes is kind of vigilantism. Because I S.H.I.E.L.D. the government sometimes. Who knows? Sometimes they hide.
Starting point is 00:09:23 It's a struggle. I think the first step would be to have a sit down with Captain America and be just like, well, what do you want, Cap? Cap, do you like freedom? I was like, look, Captain America. Truth, justice, the American way. Or Superman's ideals. Cap America, Steve.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Hey, read this comic. It's a pretty good comic. That's the original. Yeah, I got it myself for a dime. Because I was alive at that time. I kept it frozen with me in my jacket when I got frozen in the Arctic
Starting point is 00:09:47 oh I hate the 40s no no when did that make a make that didn't make sense well then I found it are you happy now no I feel like the action comics
Starting point is 00:09:57 was post World War 2 because otherwise Superman would have been punching him with Hitler he punched Japanese people oh there you go
Starting point is 00:10:03 that's good so on your soups you can go talk to um rogers and be like look there's an elephant in the room and it's super humans yeah and look the nitro incident public there's public johnny johnny johnny storm was glassed just glassed at a nightclub what's uh america's like reason for not wanting the act just because he doesn't like people? He's like, what, if you want to do it in secret? Yeah. If your aunt gets killed?
Starting point is 00:10:29 Aunt May style? I think his idea was that you have to sort of say your name to the government. And basically arguing that it's just been tradition. Like, we put on tights, we go out, and we fight crime. That's just tradition. Solid. Solid. Solid argument there, Cap.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Well, that makes it sound like he's going to be pretty irrational. I think even if you sit him down, you're not probably going to come to much of an agreement, are you? But you'd be like, Cap, we need to do something. And he's like, but it's tradition. It's going to be like chatting with a Christian fundamentalist. You're going to be like, well, we should probably teach condoms in school. They're like, no.
Starting point is 00:11:00 The way I think of it, it's like a monarchist. Yeah. That's the way I assume. It's kind of like Well there's no reason For the Queen to be The head of Australia They're like
Starting point is 00:11:08 But she always has tradition Yeah Tradition What do you do It's the reason we do everything Correct When Cap's like No it's tradition
Starting point is 00:11:16 No Sorry Tony No Well Steve Unfortunately it's either Going to be It's not even tradition It's safety for them as well
Starting point is 00:11:23 It's like you need to Come to an agreement Or things are going to be Made without your not even traditional. It's safety for them as well. It's like you need to come to an agreement or things are going to be made without your decision. So is it in your best interest to come to an agreement before we actually... Because the government... I'm a nomad now. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:11:35 What if you're a nomad? Why? Get the fuck out of our country. Captain America is probably stressed about the Jesus thing happening to superheroes. What? What? So like... Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:11:47 The son of God is scared that Spider-Man is going to die for our sins? Yes, kind of. No, the government will turn on them and then just kill them all. That's kind of what happened to Jesus. That's exactly what happened to Jesus. Hey, you're alright, you're alright. Are you the son of God?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Take off your mask, Jesus! I've seen your mutant abilities. Pontius Pilate being like, You're alright Are you the son of God? Take off your mask Jesus What? I've seen your mutant abilities Pontius Pilate being like I wanna know who he is Pontius Super Jesus Registration Act But no Captain Rex
Starting point is 00:12:15 Probably scared of something Like that happening Because if the government knows Pretty much what the government do When people don't register They could just do If they do register There's something a little worrying
Starting point is 00:12:24 About knowing that I live in the complicated hoity-toity, not hoity-toity, hustle and bustle world of being a superhero where morality is grey and kind of what I have to decide on the fly. So it's scary to imagine that the government will someday decide, you know. Also, the
Starting point is 00:12:40 government's probably been Hydra like 30 times by this point. I'm worried about Skrulls. I was about to say, Look, we know that. I'm worried about Skrulls. Yeah, again, I was about to say, yes, we know in the future it's all Skrulls. But right now, we've got to pretend like it's not Skrulls. That's what I mean. We're pretending. Hydra could run the government at this point.
Starting point is 00:12:55 But no, it's like. But like, even if I was Cap and I was like, look, I'm on board. I'd be like, but what if you're Skrulls? Yeah, but he doesn't know about Skrulls yet. Oh, okay. But he knows about Hydra. Yeah, but things. We've got to take everything in face value
Starting point is 00:13:06 to be like, okay, this is like the government as it stands. There is no Hydra, there's no Skrulls. And it's simply just there was a random incident that happened that we need to address. So Captain America, what is your solution? Because the solution that they want is a superhuman registration act and we need to get on top of that before they make it stupid because they are going to react to this and we need to get on top of that before they become and make it they make it stupid because
Starting point is 00:13:25 they are going to react to this and we need to get on top of it first so we need to have a sit down and have a chat to go we're both happy what about if Captain America
Starting point is 00:13:32 just this is just an idea we register them but not their names just their powers and abilities and their superhero identity I agree
Starting point is 00:13:41 I think that's a good idea but there needs to be a kind of a link between their civilian identity and who they are because for that's a good idea, but there needs to be a kind of a link between their civilian identity and who they are because, for example, you know, Spider-Man,
Starting point is 00:13:48 he's over there, Spider-Man around. Yeah. What if someone has got a Spider-Man outfit and came into the government facilities and was able to, like,
Starting point is 00:13:55 access whatever Spider-Man could access? What can Spider-Man access? I don't know. Whatever we set up, whatever infrastructure we set up. Why are we giving
Starting point is 00:14:01 Spider-Man infrastructure? I have to go to New York. The new cap, wait, oh, you're missing it. Smack Spiderman in the gut. Stay away from our government. He's like, what? I just don't think you're going to get Tony to be rational enough to say, because Tony's whole point is, he's like, nah,
Starting point is 00:14:21 I believe that it's tradition. You got to keep, if you went up to like a monarchist and you were like, hey, look, we got to get rid of this whole queen business. It's a stress. It's going to one day get people killed. They're not going to be like, yep. They're going to be like, nah, the queen, lover. Very true. So I guess it's a very hard situation to kind of...
Starting point is 00:14:40 And be like, well, Steve, this is going to happen and you can't fight back. You can't. I will. I intend to. I'll become Nomad. I'll become Nomad on you. I'm getting my bandana mask. Steve.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Steve, you put that down. Tearing off the stars and stripes. Steve, you put that down. Putting them in the bin. The bad Steve. I'm going to fight with a whip now. Just paint the whip, Steve? It's the opposite of a shield.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Isn't a sword the opposite of a shield? No, they complement one another. I guess you're right. The opposite of a sword is a bayonet. No, same thing. And then he leaves out a whip. A net. Whip and a net.
Starting point is 00:15:23 That's what I'm finding now. Damn it, Rogers. I'm going to say you'll Damn it Rogers So I'm going to say you'll lose Rogers I'm going to say But Rogers You could ever get him on What's your argument? Your persona is known Yeah
Starting point is 00:15:33 Yeah That's because I allowed that I wanted that to happen Yeah Yeah I'm a super soldier Who cares? Exactly
Starting point is 00:15:39 Like I was known before the war And now I'm known I was a war hero That's fine Yeah But you don't understand Like yes you are a known person You work for known. I was a war hero. That's fine. Yeah, but you don't understand. Yes, you are a known person. You work for the Avengers, who are basically this anyway.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Yeah, that's fine. We're doing this on a grander scale. It should be your personal freedom. You should get to choose. Yeah, I agree. I agree Steve but it's just like we were protecting little guy as well
Starting point is 00:16:09 I if I was Steve Rogers I'd still be so stressed about the fact that the government in the you can't assume that they're Hydra stop doing that I'm not assuming they're Hydra it's just like I'm assuming they're Skrulls even if this is set...
Starting point is 00:16:25 Even if we're writing this comic book in 1943, the government's probably been bad already in the modern universe. Yeah, there is a time where he goes up against the president, which is clearly Nixon, and Nixon shoots himself in the head. He's super good. There's also a man-thing comic where the leader of a cult is clearly Nixon.
Starting point is 00:16:44 It's good. I think a swamp cult Thing comic where the leader of a cult is clearly Nixon. It's good. I think a comic book writer did not like Nixon. I just think, yeah, you would just be worried. Not necessarily that the government is Hydra or Skrulls. You'd just be like, I don't want to give. Or Captain America would be like. I think you're still going to have to end up fighting Cap. But Cap America, unfortunately, is going to happen.
Starting point is 00:17:01 They're going to have the Registration Act, and he's very sorry. He's like, I'm mad about that. I'm proper esteemed. I'm going to become nomad and gather a little army of like-minded individuals. Well then fine. You can do that. I'm going to get shot with a time. It's been a pleasure. Okay, good. I'll shake his hand and I'm like, I'm sorry, but you know, please don't take this to the streets and fight.
Starting point is 00:17:17 People, use your words, not your fists. Please, because this is what we're trying to stop. This is what we're trying to stop this is what we're trying to stop use my whips not my fists catch him in a net whip the shit out of him words whips not quips
Starting point is 00:17:33 I am nomad damn it nomad so send him off I guess with his whip in his with the whip in his net being like please don't cause a war we don't want it the net noise-huh being like please don't cause a war we don't want it the wet the net noise all right so then registration act goes into play yeah well yeah i mean okay you're in charge so it
Starting point is 00:17:53 doesn't no goes through congress and then shield have to react so i would be like okay we're going we lose cap regardless but then who would you speak to after that and that's fine we don't need to speak to anyone right now Civil war still happens No Because then You don't go about it The most insane ways possible Like Iron Man No Clone Thaws No battles
Starting point is 00:18:12 And I'd be talking about Non Violent conflict resolution Okay Really push that Because that way It's like
Starting point is 00:18:20 Look we've got Wonder Man And we've got like Wunder Man Wunder Man Wunderbar James Yep His name'sunder Man. Wunderbar James. Yep, his name's Simon, but all right. Wunderbar James. Okay, good.
Starting point is 00:18:30 And then we've got Miss Marvel. Like invulnerable people. People who can take a punch. And things like, if they punch you, don't punch back. Just talk to them down. Just let them smack on you. Let them go. Because they've got some...
Starting point is 00:18:41 Look, Steve Nomad... Yes, that is me. I am him, yes. He's clearly got some pent-up frustration that he wants to get out. So if he wants to whip you, I guess just take it. So your idea is basically send out invulnerable people and pull the classic Homer Simpson boxing move. Yeah, basically.
Starting point is 00:18:56 Where you just wait until they're tired. Yeah. And then are like, now do you agree? Well, the thing is... Because the thing is, it's like... You've got to be very careful with your invulnerable people, though. Get Calf Sleepy. You know what happened?
Starting point is 00:19:08 Like, you know who else tried to pull this trick? Who just, like, if an invulnerable person just gets, like... Houdini? He wasn't invulnerable. He was a man. He was a human being. He died like anyone. I'm going to point us towards my favorite comic book,
Starting point is 00:19:24 because it's dumb as fuck how does superman grounded start superman gets slapped in the face punched by a well yeah slapped by a lady but then invulnerable people know like because people know that my point is if someone is punching an invulnerable person yeah they're not doing it to hurt them because they know they're invulnerable yeah yeah like so you'd be scared the invulnerable people similar to what happens to superman in that is like has like a moment of realization like oh wait no yeah and also surely the moment captain america arrives at ms marvel with his whip and whips her and she's like whatever he's like oh okay and just goes yeah no basically you're you're trying to arrest them or at least basically i just
Starting point is 00:20:04 don't want to escalate where are you putting them you're you're using to arrest them basically I just don't want to escalate where are you putting them you're using the enrollable people like fucking riot police yeah I just don't want things to escalate what about the actual police they're going to be mad about this they're just out of the job now no they're still there
Starting point is 00:20:17 there's still human crime happening the police are joining Captain America there's still human crime they're like misregistration actually put me out of the job too bad
Starting point is 00:20:29 Iron Man Captain America just has a blanket the police Nomad and the police Sting's there like what the fuck
Starting point is 00:20:39 are you doing here I just have a message in the portal he's got Sting on side now Sting is a benefit I'm ruined Basically don't chase kids Because the teens
Starting point is 00:20:58 The young Avengers and the Runaways They're going to be your problem They're going to be the ones going out and solving crimes Someone's got to So don't go too hard on them runaways. They're going to be your problem. They're going to be the ones going out and doing crime, like solving crimes and all that kind of stuff. And they're the ones that we, so don't come, don't go too hard on them. Just be like,
Starting point is 00:21:09 because things, if you're like a kid who could say like Wiccan, right. Who's like a magic boy. Yeah. And he's like doing magic stuff. You just have Ms. Marvel.
Starting point is 00:21:15 It's not even threatening. It's like, Hey kid, stop what you're doing. Yeah. Um, you know what teenagers love to hear adults telling them what to do. That's right.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Other teens, superheroes that look like children but are. Shapeshifters. Vampires. I know teens don't like that. Yo, kids. I know what's hip. This Mutant Registration Act all them grown-ups be talking about.
Starting point is 00:21:40 All right. So Cap's got Sting. Who do I get? Who's the equivalent of that? Who's the shapeshifters? Who's the shapeshifter in the Marvel U? Like Mystique. they've got so cap's got sting who do i get who's the equivalent of that like who's the shapeshifters who's the shapeshifter in the marvel you like mystique you got hulkling you got any scroll you can find all the scrolls that have turned good scrolls i feel like yeah mystique and trying to think of who would try and pass as a teenager and probably not do a great because i feel like mystique would be fine yeah Mystique it's not about
Starting point is 00:22:05 I'm trying to think about any children oh wait but the thing is though that they're just gonna be they're not gonna Mystique's just gonna be
Starting point is 00:22:12 disguised as just a teenager though because you can't be like I'm Mystique and they're like well then I know you're lying there's the issue
Starting point is 00:22:18 with the shapeshifter they're just gonna come across as humans so again it's less about I know teens are like teens like to rebel but the thing is you give them the
Starting point is 00:22:26 what is that to my computer dying what is that to say the thing with teens is yes they like to rebel and that kind of stuff but the thing is you're giving them is that your computer or is it the vacuum cleaner now it's my computer
Starting point is 00:22:43 will you explode on me today? That's what happens when your computer's full of moths, Jack. It's like this weird ringing. I know, I'm like it's real distracting. I just turn that. Oh, I wish I could. Is the computer on?
Starting point is 00:23:00 Yeah. Close it. It achieved literally nothing. Close it. It achieved literally nothing. Stupid time. Has it made this sound before? It's made similar noises. It'll, because I've closed the lid, but it still thinks it's going. You just have to wait for it to catch up
Starting point is 00:23:22 and be like, Oh, you've shot me And then it'll shut down Or alternatively Unplug it I just unplug it and just shut it down There we go Your hard drive is just like going into overdrive
Starting point is 00:23:37 It's having a bad time Anyway go on So yeah I know with kids Like teens I don't want to be told what to do. But, again, it's talking about you giving them warnings. You're sort of giving them consequences. But what if they, like, yeah, because you give them, like teens doing graffits and shit,
Starting point is 00:23:53 you know, you give them warnings. You're a Peter fan. What happens when they're a Peter fan? Jail? Supermax prison? No, no, no, and no. And this is their problem. I think they just, again, I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:24:04 I think Mr. Fantastic got just off with his he's got an idea and went with it he's like I have the negative zone I might as well use it like I'm doing nothing with it I just
Starting point is 00:24:12 it's where I put my Kleenexes I wouldn't be putting so first thing I wouldn't make there's nothing dumb to me to do they're like if you're a super villain
Starting point is 00:24:20 and you want to register we will wipe the slate clean oh no no thank you don't do that well how are you getting want to register we will wipe the slate clean oh no no thank you don't do that well how are you getting them to register then um yeah because that's going to be an issue like you do need them to register because otherwise they're arguably more dangerous than the heroes although the heroes have caused more damage not arguably at all i would basically be like villains are villains for a reason i'd be his because you also want people who are registering
Starting point is 00:24:44 something to do yeah they give the villains people who are registering something to do. So they give the villains, that's their something to do. So maybe have, look. No, that's bad. So you'd have this idea of, okay, villains,
Starting point is 00:24:52 people who would come to us and we can see what you can do. We've got some crack team lawyers and they can try and argue your case. You register with us, we'll go lenient on you. But if you don't register, we're going to throw the book at you.
Starting point is 00:25:04 No, that's... Again, it's about incentives and consequences. So you're saying, so say I'm Professor... Bullseye. Bullseye. Yeah. Okay, and I can make bullseyes
Starting point is 00:25:13 like in a pub out of my hand. That's not what Bullseye does. No, no, I'm Professor Bullseye. I'm not Bullseye. I'm Dr. Kingpin. Yep. We're a medical duo. And we hear on the news, Captain America, I mean Iron Man, he's like, look, if you're a villain, you come to us, we'll register you.
Starting point is 00:25:31 You'll go to jail. You'll go to jail. No. We'll try and go lenient on you. We've committed heinous crimes. We've murdered people. We've murdered children. Like all supervillains have.
Starting point is 00:25:40 I ate a child's dog. It's basically, you can't have just blanket. I cut a man in half. But you're saying to us that if we come to you, you'll be like, well, you have to register so we know who you are. And then we'll go lenient on you. Right? And we'll try and argue your case. I've eaten a child's dog. He cut a man
Starting point is 00:25:57 in half. We know we're going to jail. Or alternatively, try and send us to jail, which is going to happen anyway. Because that's literally all that happens. Plus, if I'm a supervillain in the Marvel Universe, I know that jail is a temporary thing. Also, because that's like supervillains thing already. They're just constantly avoiding jail. So this is just like, oh, this changes nothing.
Starting point is 00:26:17 But now we'll have like at least a uniform. You might get maybe some low level, a dude who dresses like a You know Bear man and monkey boy The spider man villains who are just idiots You might get them You get those two registering and then you realise that they don't have any powers It's just what do you do with that situation Well I don't know it's up to you
Starting point is 00:26:38 Because your current idea is a bad one Well then what's a good one Because you just can't register supervillains. You've got no incentive other than wiping the slate clean. Like, if fucking
Starting point is 00:26:48 Dr. Bullseye and Professor... Professor Bullseye and Dr. Kingpin, like, unless you're like, look, all of your dog-eating and man-cutting and halfing crimes, don't worry about them,
Starting point is 00:26:58 then see it, we're in. But also, if you do that, we'll do more crimes. Can I lie? Yeah. I mean, like, that's going to get even less superheroes on board with you.
Starting point is 00:27:06 And then arrest the villains? Well, it depends how much you want the big backlash to be. Because there will be backlash. There would be so much backlash. Because what they do do... No matter the police. What they do do is that they register the supervillains and just put bombs in their heads.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Sick. Suicide squad, that shit. They should put more villains with bombs in their heads. So villains that shit um more villains with bombs so yeah so villains with i don't know villains is another kind of issue with over there which you're worrying too much about villains rights i know i'm not well thing is like let's table that because you're gonna you're gonna anger me and i have things to say first all righty so villains an issue over there which we just sort out later but right now we're sort of dealing with a superhuman okay and so it's kind of like okay um so what's the punishment and there, which we need to sort out later. But right now, we're sort of dealing with a superhuman administration act.
Starting point is 00:27:45 And so it's kind of like, okay, so what's the punishment? And that's what we need to be working out. Like, what is the punishment? And it shouldn't be indefinite imprisonment, incarceration in the goddamn negative zone. It should be like, okay, you should be like, I don't know how we kind of, is it like a scaling thing? As in like, you know know You find for a while But you keep doing it Then you have a chance
Starting point is 00:28:06 Say I'm stopping crooks Like I'm just like I just I don't know Got like a mask Whatever And I stop crooks From doing purse snatches
Starting point is 00:28:13 Okay And I don't register Yeah Okay But then Then there's another guy Do you have a power? Yeah
Starting point is 00:28:20 But it's like real insignificant Like maybe my eyes light up And work as a torch Okay Yeah But then there's Someone like Nitro, you know, like so are we going to get different punishments for not registering? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Because I'd be like, look, I love what you're doing. What's your name? Torchy the Torch Boy. All right. Torchy the Torch Boy. I love what you're doing. I think you're doing the community a great thing. But why are you wearing a mask?
Starting point is 00:28:41 Because I don't want to know who I am because then I'll know who, they'll be able to track me down at my job at a frozen yogurt parlor okay okay how about this so you register with us and you can work with people that can help and up your scale of purse snatching um or leave the purse snatching to the professionals no but i cause great power comes with great responsibility because my torch eyes I feel like I kinda need to I know but look We've got like a Spiderman We've got like a Nova We've got like all these
Starting point is 00:29:09 That's always good to have backup I agree Spiderman's busy doing Like sometimes he teaches At the X mansion I heard So like When he's away Maybe we should have
Starting point is 00:29:16 People on the ground I agree with you But so You need to be Also Spiderman Only does New York I'm also Stop person actors Yeah As Torch boy Repeater fending Also, Spider-Man only does New York. I'm also stop-per-snatchers.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Yeah. As Torch Boy, repeat offending, just having eyes that are torches and doing little crook stops and stopping the perch snatchers. I love what you're doing. I think it's really good for the community. However, how about this?
Starting point is 00:29:39 You can just join the neighborhood watch. Yeah, but I like doing it on my own. I mean, Captain America's saying a lot of real good stuff at the moment also Torchy the torch boy I'm a government agent I'm happy to go join Captain America don't tell my boss
Starting point is 00:29:55 whisper whispers neighborhood watch you're not going to be able to stop purse snatching in the neighborhood watch you'll have to call the cops who are also already on Captain America's side. That's right, he has sting, I remember. Look, it just seems to me that if I join you guys,
Starting point is 00:30:12 then there's a whole lot of bureaucratic bullshit, whereas at the moment I'm going by my own pace. I know, but I'm scared, I'm worried and concerned for you, because what happens if there's a perch snatcher, and you snatch their perch, and he's got a gun, and he shoots you? Your fucking laptop. It's good.
Starting point is 00:30:29 And a phone. This is good shit. I love it. Is it too bad? Like, will it be too distracting? Fuck it. Go on. I'm just concerned.
Starting point is 00:30:40 I'm looking out for you. What happens if you grab someone's... Yeah. Someone's got a bit of perch snatching. You grab that perch... Grab that perch like a fish? This is a hard sentence. Grab that purse.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Grab that purse back. Mm-hmm. And he pulls a gun and shoots you. That's my fault. Exactly. That's why I wear armour. Uh-huh. And what happens if it bounces off your armour and hits a bystander?
Starting point is 00:31:02 What happens if he misses and shoots a bystander? What are you going to do? What do you mean, what am I going to do? Well, you're saying like, oh, that's what you're worried about. So say I'm registered and the same thing happens. Well, if you're registered, we give you proper training. And maybe that, so that... All my training...
Starting point is 00:31:15 I've been stopping purse snatchers for a very long time. How long? Seven moons. That's seven. Seven. The last year... I was thinking seven full moons, but all seven. I was thinking seven full moons, but alright. No, a week is better.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Even still, it's something can and will go wrong. So you're saying that if I'm trained by Captain America, I mean by Tony Stark and his goons, that when the bullet hits my armour, I'll have enough training to stop the bullet bouncing off and hitting a bystander?
Starting point is 00:31:46 Not so much that. You're going to give me enough training that I can avoid getting shot in the head? How does one train for that? We'll hopefully give you enough training so that you can disarm the person before they shoot you. Most people snatching purses don't have guns.
Starting point is 00:32:03 Because if they're snatching purses and they had a gun, they'd... They wouldn't be snatching purses. Plus, look. Because if they're snatching purses and they had a gun, they wouldn't be snatching purses. You say you're working at a frozen yogurt store. Yeah, I am. It's pretty good. Before you were saying you're not earning enough. I like the people I work with. With this, if you work
Starting point is 00:32:18 for us, you actually start earning a wage. Well, I mean, that's good. We'll give you free dental. I'm not a superhero. You're a government agent and a wage. You give me a while? I mean, that's good. We'll give you free dental. Hi, I'm Mr. I'll take government. Okay, no, no, I'm not a superhero. You're a government agent and a superhero.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Good. Hi, I'm Mr. Torch. Torchy the Torch Boy's father. I've got some questions about these employment benefits. Does your face become a torch? That's what I was imagining. Like your face slides up into your skull and like a bright light shines in.
Starting point is 00:32:44 That's great That's exactly what it is Oh no, it's Mr. Torch Basically, we're offering you to be trained How does the hours work? We'll be accountable What do I get paid on? He's in line for management
Starting point is 00:32:57 Oh, that's pretty good From Frozen to Yurigit At Froppy's Fro-Yo Maybe just going full time at Fro Froppi's Froyo? I mean, it just seems like that is something you like doing. Well, I'm happy doing that part-time and also working part-time. But when I get the manager position,
Starting point is 00:33:12 I might need to cut back on the superhero. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. But I want that to be my own decision, you know? Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I want it to be... I want my boy protecting the city. I know, look, I want... Hi, I'm Senior Torch.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Hi, Senior Torch. His arms are torched. Look, we all do decisions. When I was younger, I wanted to be maybe a sculptor and then I was like, a sculptor or a superhero and tried to go into superheroics and now that's what I do. Do you kind of regret it?
Starting point is 00:33:38 I'm the government agent from before now. You're a sellout, mate. Sold out your dreams and now you're trying to get other people to sell it. I feel like maybe they shouldn't have paired the two of you together. Were you friends and then had a falling out?
Starting point is 00:33:51 No, no, no. Ah, we had a civil war. No, he just... He's dating my sister and I don't approve. That's all. Oh, is he a bad guy? It's just that I think
Starting point is 00:33:59 my sister can do better. That's gotta hurt you. Where's Nomad? I mean, look, better. That's got to hurt you. Wes Nomad. I understand you're going up for management and that's great. I understand. You can't have everything we want and sometimes you have to make sacrifices. I don't know how this became about my job. I'm saying that
Starting point is 00:34:19 we offer you benefits. But it seems like if I join up with you, then I have to join a team or if you want me somewhere you've got to send me somewhere you know what I mean everything is very much if you can provide me
Starting point is 00:34:30 with a wage and let me just keep doing what I'm doing in the city how about this we'll provide you with a wage okay you keep doing what you're doing in the city
Starting point is 00:34:36 however yeah excuse you sorry I had a milk before that's alright before you mean currently you're currently drinking a big M go before That's alright That's alright Torch boy it's fine
Starting point is 00:34:48 Not in my face I raised you better than this son And I raised you better than that also Grandson Your whole family We're kind of like the Bat family But not really anywhere near as useful You keep what you're doing Register with us We're kind of like the Bat family, but not really anywhere near as useful.
Starting point is 00:35:06 You keep what you're going to be doing. Register with us. Look, you don't have to tell us your secret name or your identity. We just need a form of identification, so like a fingerprint or something like that, just so we can match you to your persona that you're choosing to train with. Why? What's the benefit? What we're going to be doing is one day a week or two days a week. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:25 Or we'll kind of treat it like a TAFE kind of situation where you come to us and you get trained. So basically you come to us, we'll have some sort of, I think in the books it's called Camp Hammond from memory, but I'm sure we'll have some sort of facility where we train you X days per week or X days per month. Richard Hammond. I was going to say,
Starting point is 00:35:42 last time that Hammond was left in charge of something Things went askew But he's not naming it Hammond Camp whatever it is Basically it's a facility that we just train you X many days a week until that X many days a week? Charles Xavier? He's nowhere here, don't worry
Starting point is 00:36:00 The mutants are doing their own thing Charles Xavier is unfortunately dead What do you get out of it? We get the peace in mind that We could kill you if we wanted to No, shut up government official We get the peace in mind that we're doing the best that we can To ensure that there's less civilian casualties
Starting point is 00:36:15 Do you think I'm going to make somebody's eyes glare for a bit because of my torch eyes? No, but there's something to consider If you're glaring your eyes it bounces off Sort of like a pointy laser like if you're glaring your eyes, it bounces off. Sort of like a pointy laser. You don't want them in your eyes and you can kind of cause an accident, that kind of stuff. So it's our job to kind of think about how this might impact the wider populace.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Like, fair enough, but why are you coming to me and not like dudes who can explode? Oh, we are though. We're coming to everybody. Okay. It seems like I'm just sort of small time. It seems like a bit of a waste of your time coming to me. No, no.
Starting point is 00:36:45 It just seems that we want to do everything. Because look, you have a special power and that's great. I'm guessing this was not a mutant thing because otherwise I wouldn't be dealing with you. Do you remember what happened to Sandman? Yeah. How there was like a spinning. A fuse thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:00 So it was like that but with torches. Okay. And my grandpa went in, and it became genetic. But it's gotten worse, actually. So are you a mutant? I don't know. Because if you're a mutant, it's not my problem. I disagree with the mutie term.
Starting point is 00:37:14 We are heroes. I didn't call you a mutie. That was your word. I said mutants. That's disgusting. I didn't say that. Grandpa's from another time. So look
Starting point is 00:37:25 If you're a mutant Or homo superior That's a homo superior's problem But if you're just a superhuman That's our problem So you're not doing anything with the mutants? They're sort of governing themselves Because that seems like they're a bigger problem than the guy with torches fries
Starting point is 00:37:39 Isn't one of them like a werewolf? Maybe? One of them has a cosmic force in them. One of them is as a cosmic force. I know, but look, they've gone through some hassle at the moment. Look, there's only about 200 of them left now. So, look, they've gone through some bit of a trauma. So they're just dealing with their thing over there. We're dealing with this thing over here.
Starting point is 00:37:55 And I think you fall under our jurisdiction. And so I know you're very small fry, but we just want to help train you. That was, again, your words, not ours. That's what you said about yourself sorry i'm from a different time two minutes ago george boy out of time so uh what do you have to say uh for that is that okay you can still keep your manager position at the um frogo fropes frogo and, you know, it'll be after school and after sort of hours, so we can work with you to get the proper training that you need.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Can I decide, just because my fro-yo shifts, can I decide when I attend? Yeah, there is sort of a minimum attendance rate that we have to have. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. We'll work with you. Yeah, I mean, sure. Fantastic. I mean, dad and granddad probably don't really agree, but I think as it stands, I'll probably join up.
Starting point is 00:38:47 But I'm one in many. Yep. Shake your hand. Off we go to the next boy. I keep stopping person, actually. That's all right. As long as you're enrolled to go to school, we're fine. I feel like then you have the problems, though.
Starting point is 00:38:59 All of that aside. That mess aside. Then you have the problems of, like, how many superheroes are there in the marvel universe lots lots yep you should get it right seven no eight can't jackson count the problem with me is they go too hard too fast like patriot apparent uh was it he's unregistered he kind of stops a robbery and that's's right. They get attack helicopters. Okay. Attack helicopters in the city for them.
Starting point is 00:39:28 You know, it's just don't go in guns blazing. A little bit of democracy. I feel like it's going to take such a long time. And that's the point. It is. Hey, Zamit. Yeah. So based on your thing, so what is your punishment going to be if an unregistered superhero stops something?
Starting point is 00:39:43 What are you going to send in? Because you don't know their powers. They're not registered so like so someone who can handle it and what i think it's kind of like maybe miss marvel and wonder man so you kind of have people and all you have like different sort of power you're just doing america uh well that's where my jurisdiction lies okay but like so i'm pretty sure i know we bring up firestar last time. I'm pretty sure she chuffs off to Canada. Or maybe Jessica Jones chuffs off. Someone chuffs off to Canada.
Starting point is 00:40:11 Seems like it's going to be hard to police the world. We need a team. Maybe an avenging team. No, of course it's just America. The law is through the American Congress. Yeah, okay. I know he's a mutant, but I'm sure there's a superhero equivalent.
Starting point is 00:40:30 What if Colossus just decides to stop something? Juggernaut, say. Yeah, Juggernaut. He's taken one of his bouts of being like, I'm a hero now. Yeah. Yep. Juggernaut breaks through a wall
Starting point is 00:40:41 and saves someone from being shot. Okay, how is he doing it? Is he in the full gear? Is he in a costume that kind of costume i'm like okay what are you sending down um any lad really but we're not fighting him yeah no but yeah but like but then you're like you're waiting in your office and they're like what happened when you sent torchy the torch boy to fight juggernaut man uh mr zamit he dead yeah okay then then it to fight Juggernaut. Mr. Zammett, he dead. Yeah, okay. Then it's like Juggernaut is now being charged with a murder.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Okay, it's like, are you going to get him? The cops can't really stop Juggernaut. Yeah, they will send in like, you know, Wonder Man and Ms. Marvel. Okay, so the collateral damage of that fight is probably more expensive than the cost of sending him to... We'll send in like Mr. Fantastic. I've got an idea. Wrap him around. Mr. Fantastic I've got an idea wrap him around Mr. Fantastic was talking
Starting point is 00:41:25 a lot about the negatives no I'm gonna hang up on that so again it's someone like and the thing is I'm dealing with a villain here again so it needs to be a hero
Starting point is 00:41:34 you risk well okay even like a hero like heroes punch people all the time yeah I know you come in and you're just like
Starting point is 00:41:39 basically you're trying to deal with this non-confrontational and so non-violent I feel like just the nature of superheroes means that you're gonna not be able to and thatconfrontational, and so, well, non-violent. I feel like just the nature of superheroes means that you're going to not be able to... And that's why we need the training.
Starting point is 00:41:48 We need training out. Basically, a lot of talking, a little diplomacy, and a lot of bureaucracy. I think in about 50 years, you could be on your way. Yeah. Because you've got to wait until that old generation of superheroes passes. And this is what I would do.
Starting point is 00:42:00 I'd be starting this. Wait, how immortal are superheroes? Oh, they're so immortal. But I'd be starting it. So you'd start it slow, and you'd be like, look, we're just rolling they're so immortal But I'd be starting it So you'd start it slow And you'd be like Look We're just rolling this out
Starting point is 00:42:08 It's going to be a process Watchmen tried to do this And that way That way you Because the thing is You're not just appeasing The superhero community You're trying to appease
Starting point is 00:42:15 The general public Who remember Are very very Anti-superhuman at this point Like again Johnny Storm got glassed Yeah So
Starting point is 00:42:23 You know There is this sort of sentiment where things are... I feel like you could start sowing the seeds. So it's less about... But it's going to be an uphill battle. That's what it needs to do. It needs to be an uphill battle. It's going to tell the public on the superheroes, though.
Starting point is 00:42:36 They already are. They are, like, more so. More so. No, they already are, though. No, but is it, like, more so? Good. No, but is it, like... So Johnny Storm's getting glass and
Starting point is 00:42:45 you keep highlighting that as an incident there's gonna be like way worse than that worldwide glassing or like yeah just like prejudice towards superheroes but more not just like oh you're a superhero like i'm gonna fuck you up yeah like hunts like witch hunts and then the superheroes fight back and we gotta be like i've got to quell that. We've got to get, again, riot police. So we try and get our lads who can, invulnerable, can take a bit of a punch and just be like, look, you're going to have to take it. So you're going to fight superheroes with superheroes?
Starting point is 00:43:15 No. What? You said when there's lynch mobs out to attack the superheroes or powered people, it's going to be like, we'll send the invulnerable people to kind of quell that so that they can get their aggression out and be like guys, everyone chill. Basically, I'm
Starting point is 00:43:28 trying to make this a non-violent thing. I think you'll struggle. I know and that's the burden. I think I have a better solution. Who has a shrink gun in the Marvel Universe? I think they... Do they do this at one point? Because like shrinking them Putting them in a jar They do this at one point? Because, like, shrinking them...
Starting point is 00:43:46 Putting them in a jar. They do this. I'm almost positive. Well, there you go. How does that not work? During the... When fucking Red Skull seals Xavier's brain and just pops it in his own head.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Sick. One of the things that happens is that they just get all the superheroes who are being all crazy and just shrink them down and put them in a jar or something like that. It's so much easier than building a prison. Plus, if they're tiny, they can't do much. I say shrink them.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Pym particle that shit. But you know that means they can control if they shrink, yeah? How does a pym particle work? If you're shrinking them, then the whole point is they're still human. They still have rights. We're falling into that problem again jack yeah yeah no i just mean i'm not talking all of them just if they refuse to register no that's true so i guess for me it'd be a good punishment talking to them having some sort of
Starting point is 00:44:37 diplomacy realizing that trying trying to deal with every single conflict a little bit more non-violently offering them more incentives to be like, look, we're not going to stop you doing what you're doing. You can keep doing what you're doing but you have to register and come with us at least once or twice a week or month or whatever it is
Starting point is 00:44:52 to continue your training so you're doing real good. I think the only struggle No more negative zone. That's a silly idea. That's not right. Let's not do that because again,
Starting point is 00:44:59 you get someone like Matt Murdock Well, you don't put Matt Murdock in the negative zone. Exactly, that's silly. Put Galactus in the negative zone. You put Galactus in the negative zone you put Galactus in the negative zone but here's another problem
Starting point is 00:45:08 Galactus you're under arrest also your planet oh dear also cloning Thor no just don't best not
Starting point is 00:45:17 best not let's not do that what's the downside to the negative zone why not why are you so anti-negative zone why are you so negative
Starting point is 00:45:23 about the negative zone oh because they treat it like Guantanamo Bay basically zone i'm so negative about the negative oh because they treat it like guantanamo bay basically oh well then that's not the negative zone's fault and negative zone is always being i think a nihilist and that are kind of like what the fuck is this is our place and then they attack it it's just it's just more of a hassle than it's worth and again they do give up rights and they just kind of like sap all the basically it's like guantanamo bay but worse and it's just it's like Guantanamo Bay, but worse. And it's just real bad.
Starting point is 00:45:47 So the negative zone saps their powers. Yeah. That sounds kind of good for what you're trying to say. Yeah, kind of. It sounds like the negative zone would solve all of your problems a lot better than any problem you're trying to solve. It's just human rights, though. It's a stupidly powerful jail that really borderlines
Starting point is 00:46:04 on a lot of breaching of human rights. So it's okay maybe for the extreme supervillains as a temporary measure till we find out what to do with them. But again, Daredevil, though, put him in a normal jail, and if he breaks out of jail, well, again, that's on him, and you can kind of really sell it to the public, being like, we are trying to keep people safe, but he has broke out of jail and in doing so has probably
Starting point is 00:46:25 caused another breakout of more murderous villains he's doing more harm than good this is again this is why we need this registration i think the thing you're going to struggle with the most hi yes i'm a citizen that you're selling this to matt murdoch put all of those people in jail so without him doing his thing they would already be out on the streets yeah but not really because like if you're a human being living in the marvel universe yeah all the villains are always here like the amount of times i've seen spider-man put the rhino in prison at a certain point you should just stop once every three moons one thing that kind of is weird to me always which in particular with say when the rebels so captain like nomad Nomad and the police he's being like
Starting point is 00:47:05 you know we need to be working on ourselves and everything like that Captain America becomes the boss like in the Civil War he becomes the rebels boss that they answer to
Starting point is 00:47:13 he becomes like everything he hates yeah he becomes what the government is meant to be doing which is like sending them out on missions
Starting point is 00:47:20 because they're like hey we're back from a mission so clearly Captain America has like Captain America is the purest man. But he's still fallible. Nah. And that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Worst case scenario, he becomes nomad. Yeah, exactly. He's back with his content. So I guess that my solution is, yeah, keep things a little bit low key, start things small, a little bit of progress because look, change doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Your biggest hurdle is the culture of superhero violence. Correct. That's what you have to re-educate people. Yeah. And that's going to be like almost 101 for us. Particularly when we get the big hitters on the side to be like, we can't solve everything with our fists. If someone punches you, don't punch back. Kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:48:00 I don't know if I'd register. I don't think I'd register. I think you're just going to end up with the plot of Watchmen. Yes. And that ended bad. Ended great. It ended real bad. Ended real good.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Humanity joined back together fighting the cosmic international... What is it? Intergalactic squid thing. It worked. Fix that Cold War bubble. I'm on board. If Watchmen is your end goal goal that's not a good end goal I just think it needs to be a little bit more time
Starting point is 00:48:31 a little bit more thought don't go out guns blazing and maybe make it a bit more of a slap on the wrist first and make it escalate like look you're going out vigilante again not on here's a fine
Starting point is 00:48:41 oh my god imagine the paperwork for so many slaps on the wrist I know and it's going to the paperwork with so many slaps on the wrists I know and it's gonna have to be x many slaps on the wrists then you have jail time and then it's like 30 days
Starting point is 00:48:48 what about dudes who have no wrists yeah that's another problem as well so again it's gonna be a bureaucratic nightmare it's gonna be a nightmare
Starting point is 00:48:55 for literally everyone but it's better police are gonna hate you government's gonna hate you superiors are gonna hate you your wife's gonna hate you not my wife she's secretly firestarred
Starting point is 00:49:05 God damn No yeah it's a bureaucratic nightmare But it's job creation though That's quite good That's a benefit Yeah it's a benefit Everyone you hire hates you Because it's the work
Starting point is 00:49:15 It's just filing paperwork They're like why They're just Slaps on the wrist Are not going to stop superheroes Because they already know What they're doing is a crime You're shitting all over this of my solution
Starting point is 00:49:26 because I'm thinking you can't do big things and I still believe in human rights. Remember, that's one of my big things that I believe in. Tenets of government. If you ask the people that work for you, maybe you don't because the amount of paperwork they can work through is bloody ridiculous. So that's my solution.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Jackson, before we get to his crazy thing, what's your solution, Dusha? The negative zone. Yes! Because you just need to police the negative zone. Who are you putting in there? Everybody? No.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Villains. Villains aren't the problem right now. The problem's the superheroes. Where are you putting Captain America? Who blew up the school? A hero or a villain? villain well it was a villain because the heroes didn't stop him so what you're doing is like
Starting point is 00:50:13 I know what happened the fucking new warriors Speedball was like I'm going to make this showy and punches him all the way to a fucking school so look you can argue yes it was a villain's problem like the villain's fault but the heroes played their part so you're like hmm it was the villain's fault the heroes played their part let's remove the heroes it's well this is the world we live in
Starting point is 00:50:35 and remember you can't change the fact that stanford happened las vegas happened the super human registration acts is going to happen put him in the negative zone so cap america in the negative zone yep so dead evil to make it negative don to happen put him in the negative zone so Captain America in the negative zone yep so dead evil in the negative zone you know what fuck it everyone in the negative
Starting point is 00:50:49 zone us as well humans get everyone in the negative zone and then we're just walking around eating shit you've leveled the
Starting point is 00:50:56 planet and then I'll be like is everyone is everyone unhappy and they'll be like yeah I'm like let's go back to earth and fucking stop
Starting point is 00:51:02 all this superhero bullshit don't worry about registration just stop doing dumb shit everyone because otherwise we'll just be back here let's go back to earth and fucking stop all this superhero bullshit don't worry about registration just stop doing dumb shit everyone because otherwise we'll just be back here we'll just be back in the negative a bit more of a nightmare this is like the naughty stool like everybody fucks up into the negative because i just can't imagine a world where superheroes getting a slap on the wrist matters because what they're doing is already a crime
Starting point is 00:51:23 but you're not thinking about you're a crime. But you're not thinking of Thor. You're not thinking of Hulk. You're thinking of the younger superheroes like the New Warriors, like the Young Avengers, like the Runaways, who are sort of doing that vigilante-ism. Well, you've just picked Thor.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Thor. Thor. Damn you, Thor. Thulk. No, fuck. Why can't I talk? My favourite superheroes. Okay.ore. Thulk. No, fuck. Whore and Thulk. My favorite superheroes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Whore and Thulk. Yes. Captain America and Tony Stark. Uh-huh. The Avengers. You guys from America? You don't just work for the government. No, no.
Starting point is 00:52:00 We're from Scandinavia. You guys are Avengers? Okay. What are you doing here? I don't know. I just figured we're from Scandinavia. Piazza Vavangia. What are you doing here? I don't know. I just figured we want to show up. Let me blast some techno music first. Yeah, villains. I fight you.
Starting point is 00:52:18 Fucking folk. Things sound real good in Scandinavia. A lot more entertaining than here. They're like, like everybody we're putting on a fight now villains come at us you cue the music it's just a dance
Starting point is 00:52:31 you guys fighting? no we're having fighting dancing yes well okay first of all because the reason the negative zone
Starting point is 00:52:40 is because like I don't believe in the superhuman registration act but if I did thing is you have to come up with a solution. The general population are being like,
Starting point is 00:52:47 the superhumans need to have accountability. We need to train them, and they need to be registered. And that's what the... Train them, then. Just hold training days. All right. Done. That's what I was offering to the little torch boy. But you also had the registration.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Dushu is just training with no registration. Yeah, like, you don't need to sign up. Ah, but now if you... The thing is, if they're offering training, right? Then it's like, what if a actual supervillain wants to kind of infiltrate there?
Starting point is 00:53:11 They could steal someone's costume and then fuck shit up. That's fine. Then we trained them so we know their tactics. That's a good point. We'll train them wrong. We'll train them all wrong.
Starting point is 00:53:22 You'll be like, what's this guy coming in wearing all black with like a deer head? Okay, we've got a special one planned for you. When you punch forward, actually move your fist backwards. Like this, whoop. Just pull it back.
Starting point is 00:53:36 Like you're starting a mower. Yeah, like you're about to elbow someone behind you, but not when there's someone behind you. So when you're going to punch someone in the face, you just whoop. That's what you do. They're like, yeah, all right. I think training is a good idea, but you're going to punch someone in the face, you just whoop. That's what you do. They're like, oh, alright. I think training is a good idea, but you're going to have to have some sort of registration. If it's
Starting point is 00:53:49 not their identity, at least some sort of like fingerprint so we can kind of match the person to the persona. I don't think so. I don't think you need that. No, I'm anti-registration. Yeah. Anti-registration and just train them wrong. Have you trained them all wrong? Yes. Everyone trained them all wrong. Yes Everyone trained them all wrong
Starting point is 00:54:05 So how about this We'll just train everybody Wrong Train everybody wrong No you train everybody right So everyone knows everyone's Like everyone knows everyone's Sort of tactics and manoeuvres
Starting point is 00:54:14 And that kind of stuff Yeah So we just kind of like Blanket training Accountability Because that's not the big one Who's responsible for You know destruction of shit
Starting point is 00:54:23 The government Us So we need to Take accountability But if we take accountability We need more responsibility Because that's not the big one. Who's responsible for, you know, destruction of shit? The government. Us. So we need to take accountability. But if we take accountability, we need more responsibility for the superhuman. So we need to train them. No, because, no, fuck it. Like, we've organized the training.
Starting point is 00:54:40 We've been like, all right, no, look, because the Registration Act is not going to end well, regardless. Like, we're just going to end up like... Why not do what they do with real cops? Put cameras on their helmets. Yeah. Done. And then, oh no, what? fucking speedball threw a guy into a school speedball you're under arrest that's a crime good not all superheroes cop it because the speedballs fuck up only speedball oh hulk did you destroy vegas well we put it on the camera negative zone i have no problem putting a Hulk in a negative zone what about when he turns back into
Starting point is 00:55:06 Bruce Banner then you take him out and then when he Hulks again you quickly chuck him back in half off half off
Starting point is 00:55:13 Hulk's another issue Hulk's another issue Hulk's a Hulk issue but yeah you know like train him wrong and if you're gonna train him right
Starting point is 00:55:21 then just put cameras in their heads yeah I was gonna say on their helmets but you pop out an eye pop in a camera eye for every superhero Train them wrong, and if you're going to train them right, then just put cameras in their heads. Yeah. I was going to say on their helmets, but... Well, not all of them wear helmets. No, you pop out an eye, pop in a camera eye.
Starting point is 00:55:28 For every superhero. If they don't have eyes, like if they're Matt Murdock... Oh, he's got eyes. Yeah, but not... I don't know. It's underneath a thing all the time. On the side of his helmet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Perfect. Sword. So here's my solution. How many habitable planets are there? There's the World War Hulk planet. Where only hulks can live on that. Go on. So we find another habitable, because they're bound to be.
Starting point is 00:55:58 Are you apocalypse twinning this? Maybe. There are bound to be other habitable planets. Yep. So we build arcs, we say humanity how you doing This shit's rough How about we all get on ships and leave it to the superheroes We all get on ships
Starting point is 00:56:12 We fly away we start again Earth's mightiest warriors become earth's only warriors Exactly the superheroes can have earth Fair enough You're gonna fucking beat the shit out of each other I don't give a shit it's not our problem We can have our own human petty issues On new earth
Starting point is 00:56:28 I agree The problem there is On new earth Things are going to pop up Mutants as well Plus more superhero bullshit is going to happen Also there's going to be the dichotomy Of being like
Starting point is 00:56:42 I want to know what's going on on new earth They could go back Then there's going to be the dichotomy of being like, well, I want to know what's going on in New Earth. They could go back. Sentry's going to bugger off to the new thing. Then there's going to be an immigration issue of people wanting to come in because... We check them for superhero marks. Yeah, great. Bruises.
Starting point is 00:56:54 What the De Parcos twins do, they piss off a celestial and they create a new Earth over there and teleport all the mutants there and just destroy Earth. Well, yeah, but I want to still be alive. Well, if we have a good immigration policy and we keep the people with powers out
Starting point is 00:57:09 and the mutants out and we just keep humanity on Earth. What happens when someone is born as a mutant? We're like, hey, you're real special. You know where you get to go. A planet full of your own kind. We pop them in a ship and Superman style, fire them back to Earth. So Jackson's solution is a galactic
Starting point is 00:57:26 apartheid. Yeah, basically. Is that what it is? Segregation? Your solution is segregation. Yep. Well, I think my idea is pretty good. Actually, your idea is bad. It's the worst out of the three. My idea? No, here we go.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Somebody's born a mutant on our planet. Oh, what's that? You're born a mutant? Training right off the bat for non-violent solutions. That means we're not dealing with a culture of fucking mutant fighting and bullshit. That means they're like, oh, sick, you got powers. Don't use them. Use them for artistic things.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Conceal, don't feel. Sorry. Okay. Suppress them. Okay. Put them underneath. Use them for artistic things Conceal don't feel Sorry Okay Suppress them Okay Put them underneath Bury them deep down See that closet you go in there So you're making out with Mr. Tumnus
Starting point is 00:58:14 Is fine That's where you go to do your powers It's fine We get Professor X to make us a real big danger room You want to let off some steam Go in the danger building yeah your city's danger
Starting point is 00:58:26 I still think a slow build a slow burn if you will I think you'll get become Skrulls before you have time for it to work
Starting point is 00:58:34 this is my this is my main problem I think long term solution I have the best idea yeah even though she's going to shiddle over it but my biggest problem
Starting point is 00:58:40 is going to be a Skrull invasion well that's the biggest problem is the Marvel universe because nothing's really long term a Skrull invasion Hydra's a Galactus eats you a Galactus is going to be a Skrull invasion. Well, the biggest problem is the Marvel Universe, because nothing's really long-term there. A Skrull invasion.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Hydras, a Galactus eats you. A Galactus is going to come along. Wanda makes everybody dogs. Yeah. Mutants are back, and now they're a thing. A portal opens, and ape versions of all the heroes come through the portal. An Asgard war. You know, an Asgard war.
Starting point is 00:59:00 Professor X makes everyone a dog like Wanda. Again. Again Again What happened? Dogs again this month, huh? Didn't we do dogs like two months ago? I guess this is our lot in life So I think my idea is Aims big Aims high
Starting point is 00:59:19 Just by the very nature of your universe My idea Effective, but a crime. But not good. Mine, even more effective, more of a crime. Crimes. It's the only way to fight crimes. I guess if you guys have any better ways to deal with
Starting point is 00:59:37 the Superhuman Registration Act, tweet us or email us. Our Twitter handle is at sanspenseradio. Email address is sanspence radio at gmail.com we look forward to your suggestions I Joel Dusha
Starting point is 00:59:48 will reply to anyone who feels positive I Joel Dusha will reply to anyone who feels positive towards the superhuman
Starting point is 00:59:56 registration act because you're wrong don't register anyone the government is watching you and the government
Starting point is 01:00:01 is scrolls it's a slow it's a slow process but it's an effective process I think it's an effective process. I think it works. That's the problem.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Send all of them all to Asgard. Who cares? I think it's an effective system we have. And they're not Asgard's men. But Asgard are gods. Odin's looking down at us, hands on his hips, being like, the fuck did you little fucking mud men do this time? Chuck them over the rainbow bridge?
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