Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Defeat Christine, The Famously Alive Car?

Episode Date: August 31, 2025

Jackson read a book so now he has to explain it badly to all of us and the boys need to figure out how to murder this car asapLinks to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners, meet Lisa. Hey there. Lisa runs an online boutique specializing in sustainable fashion. With ACAST, she found a whole new way to reach eco-conscious shoppers. Yep, I recorded a quick ad targeted listeners interested in fashion and sustainability using ACAST's audience attributes targeting feature and set my budget. Before I knew it, people all over were hearing about my shop. Now that's a smart way to grow your business.

Hey, Lisa, what's trending right now? Shopping sustainably, and my sales, of course. Start reaching your ideal audience through podcast ads with ACAST. Visit go.acast.com slash advertise to get started. Hey, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe.

Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast, but we ask the important questions, like, how would you defeat Christine, the famously alive car? So I read Christine recently Book by Big Baller Stephen King Okay 600 pages could have been three Then could have been 300 or just three Could have been three pages

I mean there was a car that came alive Oh shit now everyone's dead It didn't even need a whole page A couple of sentences Yeah Well, okay And in Christine Quick rundown of the plot of Christine

Okay Yeah There's a guy named Dennis That shouldn't be a funny bit It's a funny name And his friend It is a funny name Okay

Also a funny name Not as funny as Dennis probably But still pretty funny Dennis and Arnie Dennis is a funny name You know sometimes like You're doing this podcast And something happens

You're just like What are we doing sitting here laughing at the name Dennis and now I get it it's funny Dennis is a funny name anyways who's got this friend Arnie Cunningham

and Arnie Cunningham Cunningham Cunningham Arnie comingham We got a whole new set Okay And if you're listening to this If you're listening

If you're an audio on the guy This is your opportunity To head to YouTube And watch Plumming the Death Star Look the best it's ever looked And then the first riff of the new studio with new microphones, everything, new lighting is Arnie Cunningham. I think the first riff was Dennis.

The name Dennis. Even less clever. 10 years in. 10 years in, dude. Yeah. Anyway, so, but, and they're driving one day, and Arnie Cunningham, he sees this. Yeah, well, I'm thinking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any coming here. If I was going to bully him. because he is like a loser guy in the story. I'd call him, Arnie Comynham, you know? I think that would work. Anyway, he sees this car. Yeah. Christine.

Okay. A 58 Plymouth Fury. Have a license plate that says Christine? No. Or he just like, I'm gonna call it Christine. He doesn't know what his name is. Okay, so he just sees the car. I've just looked up, I know you read the book.

Yeah. I just looked up like what Arnie Cominhannehan looks like in the movie. Yeah. It just doesn't come in hand. Yeah. Like, again, these are great, like, look, if we're bullying Arnie, this is a good brave. You're a fucking jack-off.

This is a brilliant brainstorming session. You're like, boys, how are we going to bully Arnie? I think, look, Cunningham. Yeah. Come in ham. How do we think? Yeah. Then we're over here.

What about come in hand? Very funny. And listeners, you're probably being like... It's not obviously bad to come in a ham. You're probably sitting there being like, wow, Rich of Plumbing the Death out of bully nerd, but he's the villain. Yeah, exactly. And he looks like this.

Oh, there is Arnie Cummingham. Yeah, I'm calling Honey Cummingham. Horny Cominhan? Do you reckon that's or is that taking you a bit too far? I mean, like,

like, come in hand is good. Yeah, I think Cominham is like, that's like, that's good bullying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Well, what I like about coming ham is that it's like, like I said, it's not obviously bad,

you know? Coming in a ham is not socially acceptable. You're basically calling him a sandwich fuck up. Yeah. Are you saying come in hand is... Wait, are you saying hand with a D is inherently bad? Isn't inherently bad?

No, he's saying ham. That is inherently ham. Yeah, no, I know. That is inherently ham? I'll kill you, you son of a bitch. No, so. It's one step removed from pig fucker. Yeah.

But if you say come, every teenage boy is embarrassed about masturbating. I would think... You're saying it's more embarrassing. Shut up! To be called a jerk off that a man who fucks a sandwich fucker is worse because you've given him a new thing to worry about, you know?

That's bullying what or what. But you were saying beforehand that coming ham wasn't inherently bad. Yes, because... Dude, if I rolled in and I was like, hey, guess what I did this weekend? Fucked my sandwich. You should try it.

You'd laugh because you thought I was joking. Like, in that, if you did it with like that cadence, I can't bully you. You are. unbelievable. You have pure confidence. You're just like, well, it must be good. Yeah. It's the new frontier for dick, is what I'm saying. When your wife

catches you fucking a sandwich later later that day, you're like, I, it's the new thing. I can't, I can't, I can't, not. Dude she's doing it. Space was a final frontier for me and Sandwich is the final frontier for my penis. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. I just mean, oh. Yeah. So say

there's a guy in class. Okay. You want to bully. Yeah, yeah. And you say, oh, and he loves his pen, right? Obviously, it's not embarrassing to use a pen. It is embarrassing to buy a pen or love a pen. But he does love his pet. Exactly. He's just using it to fill up his homework.

I agree. But you say, oh, ah, yeah, oh, Arnie love pen. Yeah, exactly. He's loving pen so much. Anni's going to get, he's going to get a complex. And if you say, this is why I think fucking the ham is better. Yeah. Because if you say, at some point in his life, somebody's going to say jerking off is not a problem.

Yeah. But nowhere in his life, that's how you give a guy a complex. You know what? I know, but that's not what you initially... No, it's just me! Because it's not obviously bad! We're now agreeing with... Anyway, so...

Annie Cummingham, he sees a car. He sees a car and he says, I've got to buy this car because the car's from sales on the side of the road. It's a piece of shit. Okay. 58, Plymouth Fury, 9050's car. For sale. For sale, piece of shit car, you want to buy this car.

Never won. Or it's got like, you know, 100,000 miles or whatever. Yeah. They go in, this guy named Roland Labay, who's this piece of shit old man. He's like, oh, you want to buy my fucking car, kid? Is that how he speaks in the book? Yeah, in the book?

That's how he speaks. You want to buy my fucking car kid? Yeah, dude. I think he says a famous line that comes up multiple times is the only thing better than is pussy or something to that effect. You better pray that that's an actual line in the book. Because if that's a Jackson Bailey original, then my God. It's something like the only, how good is the smell of a car?

Okay, so not even close to how that's... The only thing better is maybe pussy. The only thing better than the smell of a car is the smell of a pussy? It's in that... Jackson Bailey, 2025. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a misquote.

So it's not my own. Anyway, he sells the car to Arnie. But then what happens? Arnie starts to become really sort of like... His car smells like a pussy. What's the hell? Oh, wait, if the car smells like pussy... Well, that's the best thing.

Roland LeBaye's wife and her pussy smells like a car, right? That's the rift. The strange kind of No, I think the riff there is The strange kind of unapproachable riff Yeah, I was going with like this is like the best smell

Obviously, it's like Because if the pussy number one, car is number two If car is smelling like I was going to, it was like, you know, the best smell His wife's vagina smells like diesel fuse Anyway, so Switcheroo The car starts to kind of take over

Arnie Cunningham, Cuminham, sorry And he starts to become almost, like, he enters this, like, toxic relationship with the car. Okay. The car becomes, like, a wife to him. Oh. And it's extremely jealous of everybody around Arnie Cunningham. And at one point, a bunch of bullies, they, instead of calling him Cummnham or whatever, like, we would. Carfucker?

Well, no, they just destroy his car and take a shit on the... They take a shit on Christine. They take a shit on Christine's dashboard. That's awesome. That, look, hey. I would have called him car fucker, but hey, destroying a car and shitting of the dashboard. That's next level bullying, dude. That's an escalation.

Now, I have the quote. I know who moved. Yeah. What the fuck? I didn't expect it to fuck. Why did you open it like that? What? Help me out here.

You opened it one-handed without checking. Yeah, like a cool guy. Yeah, like a cool guy. I'm with you, Jack. You know what expect. Now you're drinking like a fuck wit. You're drinking like man who has discovered can for first time

What do I do with it? Top with my lips And then what? Still making me laugh And then what? You got to tilt it back. The way he did open that can Yeah, it is a way to open it

If you want to spray the can It's the classic, I'm going to spray my drink move. Great way you would the fellas You're like, oh man, this first can of beer Why does that make it froth? I don't think it would I just think it's more

Well I think because those I don't know I think the delivery of that because not just the delicious Coke Zeros have like done like Oh they've all shook up Have you got your can or is it are you open to normal Huh

But yeah It's just saying like it might not have been Couldn't it might not have been my fault I just think it's on the Yeah I used to do that heaps in high school though So I know what I don't know why it does it But it definitely doesn't it one hand

It doesn't make the drink froth It flicks the drink froth it flicks the drink. Oh. Which is why it went on the floor and didn't just overflow. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Anyway, uh... What's the quote? What's the quote? Here's the quote. Here's the quote. And it's from Arnie. Yeah. Oh, man, there's nothing finer

than being behind the wheel of your own car except maybe for pussy. Okay. To behind the wheel of pussy. But he's quoting Roland Le Bay, even if it doesn't say it there. But I think adding smell

into the mix is where you went wrong. That's a Jackson original. Yeah. I love the smell of car and haul. Jackson Bay. Look, I get it. Yeah. You one of those guys

Does it love to smell a petrol? No, not really. I could be, though. I get it, dude. With definitely people at the company that are, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's not like a euphemism or anything.

It's just like, I've had multiple people be like, hey, can I come to the petrol station with you? I love the smell. I want to smell the petrol. Okay, that's more fucked up. Petrol's... You can smell petrol for free. Yeah.

Well, yes and no. I mean, you're loitering at a... Yeah, that's true. That's true. Like, you're filling up your... car, you're like, oh, I'll smell it while I'm here. And then to be like, are you filling up your car, let me come in with you, I want to go go. Yeah, that's bizarre. That's freak move. Do you know who else is, I bet it's filling up his car, Arnie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Coming car.

Honey, coming car. Nice, nice. Anyway, it's the whole point of Christine to be like, hey, if you love your car too much, you're a freak. It's kind of, the story's sort of about how you drift off the high school, actually. Because Arnie Connick, come in car. And Dennis, I don't, I don't remember his last name are like best friends but then Arnie gets this car and the car becomes the most important thing and he's like he's moving on whereas Dennis isn't really like man what's happened and then

like Arnie's this like loser kid and because he has this car he starts to like get angry at his parents and like rebel for the first time ever and he gets he gets a new girlfriend and stuff and the first thing you know like it represents a lot of like you know cars generally it's freedom exactly represents you know

you in the open road where you're going to go it's the first time you'd really like you can whatever you want kind of. Exactly. And Kazan, he's got this car. He's like, fuck, Mom and Dad, I'm not going to college. I'm driving to California or whatever. I'm just driving. Well, yeah, pretty much. And then when you get to California, what, son?

Doesn't matter. I don't know, dad. Marry my car. I hear it's legal there. Marry and fuck my car, dad. Fuck the shit out of my car. Okay. And then maybe marry you. Yeah. All right. I want to be tied down to this car because, you know, why buy the car when I can

Fucked the car for free, Dad. I hear there is a beautiful selection of car possees in California. My son I raised him... What became of you? I raised him wrong. Is this one me? This can only be my

fault. That would be my third if my kid was fucking a car. But anyway... Dennis Gilder, by the way. Dennis Gilda. It's like builder, but with a Geree. Yeah. He breaks this... This is a funny thing about Christine the book. It's in three parts. The first... It's in three parts. The first part is from Dennis's perspective, right?

And then Dennis, he gets, he has like a football accident and breaks like all his limbs. And then the second section, he's just not, he's like in hospital the whole time. And Stephen King's like, fuck, it can't be from his perspective anymore. She's got to be like third person all of a sudden. And then the last one is first

person again. It's extremely jarring. I don't know why he did that. This may have been a cocaine book. Who can say? Anyway, so not only is Christine sort of alive, right? And this is how Christine works. Christine is basically Invincible. It can get destroyed, but it'll slowly build itself back off. So the tires will re-inflate. Yeah, it regenerates. Christine, and this is unclear in the book. Now, Christine is

either, like, its own entity, or it's possessed by Roland Labay, the old man. And it's kind of unclear, and it's full of ghosts, too. Because Roland LeBay's wife and kid died in the car, and they're still in the car. And all the bullies the car killed are still in the car. So bullies take a shit on the dashboard And then Christine kills the fuck out of them, dude She fucking... Mead shit? No, they're shit on scathed, okay?

They're fine, the shit. Okay, so, okay, bully, well, assaults them. I think that's funny because Christine is alive while they're shooting on the dash, but clearly she's just got to sit there seething. Oh, I'm gonna fucking get you. When I can get you alone, I'm gonna fucking kill you. And the way they kill Christine in the book,

spoilers for Christine, Dennis Gilder, yeah? Like, what, dude, something? I just like, it's just, the summary has been very funny so far. Here's two guys, one guy buys the car, riff. Anyway, Christine dies. I mean, yeah, that's the book, dude. Christine is evil and her adornmenta goes backward.

The way to heal her is if she drives backward, that's how she starts to heal. That's how she starts to heal. But also... Wait, she dies forward or backward to heal? Which one? Forward. So she has her driving...

When she gets shit on, Annie Comenham, he pushes her around the, like, used car lot. And that makes her heal, basically. But also, at the end of the book, after she gets destroyed by Dennis Gilda, who he basically gets in a big, like a fertilizer truck and just rams the shit out of Christine until she's dead. And then the detective that was investigating all of the deaths

of the, like, the missing kids or whatever, he's basically like, hmm, that isn't a live car. Let's crush it into a cube. But at the end of the book, Christine is back. And I don't know how that worked because Christine couldn't drive forward when she a cube. I guess you roll the cube a bit? Yeah, I suppose.

Somebody was rolling a cube like a dice. Yeah. And they can't, so you were like, initially you were like rolls it backwards. So you went backwards, nothing happens? Nothing happens. It reverses. It's like that doesn't heal Christine.

No, no, no, no. Well, it's not really. It's kind of unclear. Okay. The only thing I know is that Christine heals normal, but if she's really fucked, you've got to push her. Okay. That's what happens in the book. Well, yeah, because if you push, because she can't drive.

Yeah, yeah. Well, when she's a cube, somehow, they fucking sit down. You're doing, let's, if this feels like that you read the end of the book, we're like, that's stupid, shut the book, and now you've kind of, like, slightly exaggerated. It does the classic horror movie thing. of like, it has an ending, then it jumps forward four years, and then they hear of a car killing someone, and they're like, fuck, Christine's probably back. On its way to me.

Well, is it Christine, or is there another car full of ghosts? You don't know. Another ghost car. I think we can make an educated guess. I love to be done. I love to be, Dennis, and be like, is it a car killing people, but probably not Christine. Well, probably not Christine.

It could be another car that got possessed by more people. I guess if it happened once, it can happen again. That's what I think. That's true. I just think it's funny that, though, like, you're like, you can make an educated guess. And I don't like the book, because my educating guest doesn't make sense. Yeah. Because, yeah, my educated guess would be in like, oh, well, it just happens again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We cross Christine into a cube, so how could she come back? Exactly, so we've got another car. I don't know. Well, that's not how, maybe that's just not how the, whatever the fuck is going on works. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true. Don't get angry about Cube Christine, Jackson. I'm pissed about it.

I know, I know you're pissed off. Why did they think that would work? She keeps healing. They make her a cube. Well, okay. How would you destroy her? How would you destroy Chris? How are you killing this a live car?

I think I like the obvious answer is to put her in acid. Keep going, the fucking Roger Rabbit, fucking Toonville just kind of dip him in acid. I think the funniest thing about that is I'm like, Christine's killing people, I've got to kill her. I've got to find heaps of acid somehow. And while I'm trying to figure out how to do that, Christine rods me over for, presumably.

Well, that's the thing. Where is heaps of acid? Yeah. The only thing I can think of is like, okay, the cube idea, great, then put the cube in the ocean. You know, I was thinking driver in the ocean? Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah.

I mean, you will die because if you try and drive her off a pier, I guarantee you the moment that that car hits the ocean. Oh, the doors are locked. It's not even that. You're like, anyway, you get it Christine to drive her off a pier and then she just turns around and runs into a wall with you in it. What are you doing, Christine? What are you doing? That's how she gets on, e-sorder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Well, because I was thinking, like, you fill her, like, the gas tank with water. Yeah, okay. I'm just trying to fill you up, Christy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, glug, glug, glug, glock, glug, glug, glor. Get her real good. But the car heals. Yeah, so then we reverse her in top of here. Stop getting in the car.

We push it, we push it, but reverse her style. Does reversing her actually make her older or you just to shoot? No, no, reversing her does nothing. Just driving her full stop. Heels her, yeah. But she can drive her. Yeah, but driving forward, pushing a reverse style. You confused us with this forward thing.

Yeah. Pushing her reverse style, will that heal, or is that nothing? I, so. Or is it the adometer has to go up? In the book, this is, and this is not my fault. Blamey Stephen King, okay? Get him on the fucking blower and say, you 80-year-old lunatic. You wrote Christine wrong.

Stephen, I have the questions. Stephen, Bubby, you made a stupid book. because normally Christine drives just reverse forward whatever the fuck and that'll heal her or she doesn't even need to drive

she just slowly heals over time but but when Christine gets shit on and kill and beaten up by the bullies the only way to heal her and this is like the book's like

this is a big reveal we've been hinting at the whole time because Arnie's got a really sore back and he's like and he wears a back brace which also Roland LeBay, the old man war. And it's like, is he becoming Roland LeBay? And then it's like, he keeps kind of remembering how he hurt his back

and then pushing it out of his mind. And you're like, what the fuck did he do? What happened? But it's just that when Christine got bashed, he pushed her. Wait, what? So when Christine got bashed, Arnold Comenham pushed Christina around the used carwad. And that hurt his back. So blame Stephen King on me.

And that healed her back to normal But other times she could just Goal back to normal La Bray, he also had Soulback Yeah I don't know Dude blame Stephen King

It's a bizarre part of the book No but that was that also Was that also because he pushed No, it's unclear Is it Did he get a sawback from pushing Or did he get a saw back Because he was taking on the wounds of Christine

Wait, who Either At this point It's unclear Just like it's unclear whether or not if the bad guy of Christine is Christine the alive car

or Roland LeBay the ghost okay? Because sometimes it seems like it's Christine. Does Roland die? Yeah. Where did that happen? Because he bought it off him. Like weeks after he sold Christine. So he sells the car. The car is not possessed or not evil. No, it is.

Roland then. So, Joel Zaman. Remember how I mocked Jackson for describing this story fucked up and then you said no that's the important bit because I like I look while he was not explaining

it I had a quick look and I was like yeah okay and then Jackson just skimmed over every single bit and you're like anyway they kill the car but they don't

it's a cube now but they roll it around just healed yeah like and you get what do you want to know no it's just unless

I'm less I I, like, reading, because I know there is a very big difference between enjoying a noveler or novel in this case, or a piece of literature or film or whatever, versus reading a

synopsis. Very true. Very different. But this synopsis doesn't really make it seem like that the, like, the pushing the car thing makes sense. Yeah. Because like, if you damage a car enough, it can't drive. Yeah, but... I get that bit, but the whole him's having a sore back

bit, are they connected? Oh, Okay, so, uh, I don't know from that. I can't answer. Okay. The books is like it never quite makes a decision. Well, I mean, like, also, it could be both based on what I saw. Again, haven't read the book. Yep.

Fair enough. It could be that, uh, because Christine going crazy, like, the original owner did the same thing. Yeah. So, to my, again, I have not also read this book at all. He's not turning into him in this, but. It's like, it's like cyclical. Yeah. Like, yeah.

But then at the same. happened into like Cummham because like oh my car was destroyed as in Roland my car was destroyed or he like injured whatever so I'm going to push the injured car and oh it saps my life force and now I

got a sore back but the car is fine and now the cycle is repeating with Cumberham because like oh I got to fix my car I've you know healed it from the brink of death and in doing so I also now have a sore back because both owners have a the same

embrace and the same injury to not just like to read the like maybe a little bit of like subtext it's just like the more you're putting into this kind of car it's like ends up hurting you it's like it's taking away your life force see I would agree with you Zammett

except that there's a couple of times where the book seems to hint and this is again this is kind of don't blame me okay Christine's a weird book there's a couple of times where the book seems to hint that Roland Labay subconsciously

knew that he was going to die soon and so gave Arnie Cunningham Christine so that he could possess Arnie's body through Christine and also that when Roland LaBea's

see we could have just talked about killing a car but here we are also when Roland LaBea because if we were trying to talk about killing a car we were like oh we'll just do that and you'd be like

uh uh uh oh because of all these ghost things that I just didn't tell you it's full of a And if you're using that defense, why are you telling us about fucking old mate Dennis and fucking sandwich fucker or whatever? You got bored with your own synopsis and tried to skip to the end is what happens. So there's a couple of times,

there's a couple of where it sort of implies, yeah, that Roland LeBain was going to use Christine. One, that he, when his daughter choked on a hamburger in the car, that instead of helping her, he killed her on. or he let her die and put her in their car to make Christine evil. The book implies that at one point, but also earlier they talk about before he had a daughter that the car was already magic. So make your own educated guesses.

And then it implies that he was going to use the car to possess Arnie Cunningham, which he sort of starts to do toward the end of the board. I guess a couple of questions. Please. Here we go. As the number one, Christine expert on the Buccas, please. All of his name, Reginald, the first guy fucker.

No, the first car, Oh, Roland Lebedee. Roland, so Roland. So his daughter dies in the car. Yes, she starts choking on a hamburger. Yep. He opens the door to let his daughter out, punches her in the stomach

instead of doing the Heimlich maneuver for some reason. Then she starts dying and he puts her back in the car. Okay. And then all the characters that know about this are like he did it on purpose to make his car magic. Okay, and now, crucially. Yeah. He didn't know he was trying to make his car magic.

He was subconscious somehow. A crazy man just kills his car magic. Oh, kill his own kid. Yeah. Okay. His wife also died in the car. Yes, she kills herself in the car. How does she...

Well, there's some implication that Christine lures her in and does it herself. Okay. But then also, her daughter just died. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, does she, like, see her to herself? Yeah. Okay, okay. Well, I guess Christine could have been responsible.

A couple of characters in the book are like, maybe Christine did... Christine's evil. Maybe she did that, too. Sounds like Christine probably killed the wife. hard to make a child eat a burger and choke on it as a car. But... Not impossible. Well, so, Arnie Cunningham's girlfriend...

It's also worth noting that this information... Wait, sorry, car fuck I got a girlfriend. Yeah, dude. And then there's a lot of... She's like, who do you love more? Me or the car. And he's like, the car, you bitch, the car. Well, the number one smell is pussy, so...

Yeah. But then also there's some implication that Roland Lebeye wants to fuck Lay, and that's why he's taking over Arnie's. So, the information about the dead. daughter and dead wife. The reason that Jackson, I think, is confused because this happens in the first third of the book. So it's a character who wasn't there explaining it to another character.

So it's not like, it's not like the book's like, it's not first, it's not first-handicam. Yeah, it's not like a situation where the book's describing the events to you. It's a character telling the other character events. So that's where they're just like, hmm-hmm. But it is, book kind of heavily implies that's the case, because Lay, his girlfriend also later nearly dies choking on a hamburger in the car. And then lay, and she's dying in the car. She looks at the dashboard and she sees cat's eyes.

And it's Christine watching her chug on the hamburger and being like, fuck yeah, I hate you, bitch. I hate you. I love seeing the life. And you will literally fuck me forever. Christy! Hello listeners. Meet Lisa.

Hey there. Lisa runs an online boutique specializing in sustainable fashion. With ACAST, she found a whole new. way to reach eco-conscious shoppers. Yep, I recorded a quick ad, targeted listeners interested in fashion and sustainability using ACAST's audience attributes targeting feature and set my budget. Before I knew it, people all over were hearing about my shop. Now that's a smart way to grow your business.

Hey, Lisa, what's trending right now? Shopping sustainably, and my sales, of course. Start reaching your ideal audience through podcast ads with ACAST. Visit go.acast.com slash advertise to get started. Okay. And then also, and I don't know what this tells you, so during the final fight between Dennis in a fertilizer truck and Christine, who is unmanned at this point by anybody other than ghosts,

he drives the truck into Christine, allegedly killing it. At the same time, Ani and his mom are going to look at a college somewhere out of state, and they get hit by a truck and both die. But that means I couldn't tell you. The book doesn't seem to know either. Okay. So, can you, so in different state? Yeah.

Mom and. So they're driving. They're driving. They're driving. The two of them are in a car. As Dennis Gilder smashes into Christine, quote-unquote, killing it. Yeah. At the same exact time, a random other truck, driven by,

he's a random truck driver, runs into Annie Cunningham and his mom's car car. killing them both. Did you get this understanding from the book, though? Witness accounts led Dennis to believe that LeBaye's spirit tied to Arnie through Christine, fled the car and attempted to possess Arnie, but Arnie fought him, which is what caused the wreck and the death.

Yeah. Well, yeah, but then the truck is, there's a parallel between the truck hitting Christine and the truck hitting Arnie. Sucks for that, Arnie's mom, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she got caught in the crossfire. Yeah. But the book really hates her. So, I think in the book, they're kind like, well, well,

so, um, raise the car fucker, so, you know, race a boy that's fucking a car, like, you know, good, I don't know. Is that good parenting? I couldn't say, dude. Okay. You got any more questions about Christine? Why was this book banned so much? There's a lot of talk about teenagers being horny in it. Was it banned in the 70s?

Oh, wait, no, the book came out in the early 80s. Was it banned in the early 80s? It sat in the 70s, that's what threw me off. Isn't it said in the 50s? No. Or are they remembering... They were remembering the 50s. Yeah, that's right. Ah, the 50s.

This is unrelated, but it was banned from 1990 to 1995. It was... Where? Sorry, 1999. Sorry, 1990 to 1999. For basically a whole decade. Where? The American Library Association.

Why? 9-11 happened, and they were like, we don't need to worry about cars anymore. Bring Christine back, dude, to heal the nation. This was one of Stephen King's Bad, one band. Yeah. Why? I didn't like it. That is so, like, I guess it's violent and there's nobody, you know, there's talk about fucking, but nobody fucks in it. Like, it's not, why was it banned? That's really weird to me. It's not even like controversial. It's just like, it's

kind of like this, a fever dream a bit. Huh? It's kind of like a fever dream and then just this kind of tragic story about friends drifting apart. Like, that's like at the core. It's kind of the good bit of Christine. It's from fucking schools and shit. and they yeah but then people have stopped talking about it because of rage oh right yeah okay yeah that makes sense because rage is uh hey yeah yeah oh no this person shot up at school let's look at what they were reading oh it was rage yeah okay yeah um so how would we kill christine in a live car um in a live car that you can't move because that makes her stronger yeah and if you're in her too much oh you become rolling leban okay so um yeah well i was thinking like what you do is you get like

the crane, you know, with the big magnet on it, and he sort of like pick up the car. That's good because where could Christine go? And if we're moving, then it's, well, like, why don't we just, hang on a second, you're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang in a second, I'm good. I have a stupid question.

That's okay. Please be nice to me, first of all, point of order. You're making fun. How long do magnets last? I was also thinking that, and I want to say forever. Do magnets last forever? Great bond film. because this sounds like

oh yeah picking up you know the problem there is moving it so whatever you do you got to move Christine and of course the best thing is to chuck them in a lake or the ocean but then moving and heals them so I'm like well they lose 5% of their magnetic chism their magnet strength do they now

every 100 years oh okay we're fine okay let the future man worry about Christine this like here kick the can down this like yeah kick the can down the year Yeah, but, like, how dead does Christine... Okay, so, like, a couple of questions that will change things. How dead does Christine have to be

before she is dead dead? Yeah. Two, does Christine need someone in the car to drive her? No. So some of the murders she does, she's just like... Most of the murder... In fact, all of the murder she does by herself.

She's not in... So no one's... No one's driving her. Okay. So she's self-heed... She doesn't need a person. No. So she's just self-healing,

drives around, okay. Yeah, yeah, because I'm thinking magnet, right? I was just going to leave her in the street. She'll come kiss. Yeah, just like Leave the keys. Yeah, leave on the street and then you hear up like the horn

He opened the toilet door It runs you dead. Fuck! I thought you needed a guy in the car. As she slammed into you in the toilet you'd push out the back of the house or whatever on the toilet in the yard

very dead. I think if you're in a house and a car comes to get you. Yeah. Now this might have people in the comments being like, are you an idiot? Okay.

But like, if you're, you're in a house, and you know, so obviously there has been horrible tragedies where a car's plowed through a house, people don't know, that's bad. Yeah. But if you know that Christine might be coming, she can't get fast enough in the house. Like, if she's waiting outside the toilet, I open the door and she rams in, I can probably just simply step onto the bottom. Oh, you say she couldn't get enough speed.

Yeah. I feel the surprise. With pants around your ankles. I'll simply get onto the bottom. If I'm opening the door Yeah Oh that's true I don't know

Hey even when I'm home alone I usually put my pants back on Before leaving the toilet Awesome to like finishing the toilet Pants around your ankles Just spend the rest of the day like that Yeah I'm alone

Why don't think of Pants are on the ankles balls out Well someone's hot You hear a hunk and you get startled Maybe just like you hoiked them up a bit Yeah that you open the door And then you drop I'm not answering the toilet door to a car home.

I'm not answering the toilet door, period. You don't answer the toilet. Hey, yeah, man, you're scrolling, knock on the way, yeah. Yes. Can I help you? Is there a delivery for me? Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up?

Come in, come in. Sorry. I'm just sharing. I'm just kidding. I'm just saying. Make yourself comfortable. Make yourself comfortable. Well, I will say.

I was just doing the reverse of. cleaning. I'm just doing it in the toilet. I will say, in Christine, a man does get killed in his house by Christine. Well, the thing is, though, yeah, like, a normal car, say someone driving a car,

they might not get enough speed, so you might, like, you know, be able to hop the bonnet. But this is a possessed car, maybe, or a devil car, maybe, unclear. So I feel that, like, yeah, you could, like, hop over. And if you, like, oh, sick, I'm going to, like, hop over the bonnet, I feel it will just springload the bonnet.

slam you pants down into the roof or behind and just reverse it and then just like you know put like you to put the brake on and then like you spin the wheel over your head and you're dead the way Christine kills a guy in the house

is she just starts ramming because she's self-healing she just rams into the house enough that she basically makes it collapse on the guy yeah yeah right he like climbed stairs and she just rams into the stairs and then he's like I'm fucked

and then the house is structurally fucked and it just collapses so I was thinking like maybe as opposed to you know killing Christine what if I went into like like up high, like, you know, as in like a sky, you know, skyrise kind of thing. Yeah, okay. But then I'm like, well, what Christine has on her side is time.

Yeah. And so if, if I'm in like, you know, a tower, and then no one is stopping Christine. Everyone's like, what the fuck? And this car just constantly ramming the side of a skyscraper. Reheel, don't, don't, don't, don't. It'll take a while. I guess, but in that situation, like, how long does a car have to ram and to a skyscraper before the police are called.

Well, yeah, but then... Not many times. Then what were they doing? It's like, we can't stop this ramping car. Oh, an alive car. Yeah, it is. Because usually the way you stuff, although not always, like,

spike strips, that'll stop a car, but the car heals. Yeah, yeah. So even if you shoot the car and burst its tires. And they just reinflate. And to the point where the bonnet gets ripped off at one point, and then it sort of just forms out of nothingness to go back on. So it's not even like you can... I mean, what that kind of almost tells,

tells me is that you could destroy Christine down to a molecular level. Yeah, and then she was reformed, which is probably how the cube... What about a boot on her tires? Like, you know, what kind of powers does she have, like, as in... Because she got no thumbs. Yeah. So I'm guessing, well, what's going to happen, though? She'll just drive.

And kind of like in that wonderful Simpsons episode. And also, when I bend down to put the boot on, she'll just run over my head. Why are you putting your head underneath? the tie. How do I fucking do this again? Just face right up against the tie. Oh, stop accelerating. Doesn't even drive much just so that her ties directly on top of

my skull. You just hear this, uh-huh. That'd be bad, because I feel like you'd feel your skull cracker. Yes. No. No. Stop it. Ow. And then the moment that that skull gives way, that's the last moment.

Oh, out, ow, out, out, out, crack. Oh, thank goodness. Dead. Yeah. Honestly, I think it's You can't, if she's going to come back From just like anything Like a molecular level, you can't kill her

So you just gotta stop it So with a big magnet What's she doing? Yeah, because she can't... Just hovering. Like, fuck. If you were in a car And you were magneted to a big magnet,

could you... No. Because you can't really swing the car. I feel like that she's gonna do something fucked Where like, she'll, like, her roof will tear off And then she'll just fall to the ground. And then she'll drive it. What if I get four powerful magnets?

So I get one magnet go, so then it's like on top. Then he get the other maga underneath. And then we get other from the side. So then it's just hovering suspended in the middle. In the middle of the magnets. I feel like you're Prometheus. No, Prometheus.

Who's the guy who gets the, he's living eaten by birds? Uh, fucking. Not Prometheus, the other kind. What's the fucking name? Is it a Prometheus? Because he gets, he's still Prometheus. Yeah. Remetius gets the fire for humans, and then Prometheus then gets to live eight.

Who's the rock guy? Sisyphus. Okay, yeah, so it is Prometheus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Sisyphus is just poor, pushing the rock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Christine's the same thing where it's just like the metal's constantly tearing out.

She's like, I'll heal. Yeah. Reheal it. You just leave that in a junkyard. Yeah. The problem there is, uh, if you're, the magnets. Come see it a live car. Hey, how are you doing?

I'm torturing in a live car. It's an evil car, and it's also a car. matter. Yeah, here's 10 bucks for... Thank you so much. Come on in. For $10 peeps. Yeah. But are you not scared that you're making the evil car eviler and angrier?

It's certainly agriar. So with these magnets, say we're suspending this giant car with giant magnets. By the time, if it is tearing... My ideal was to kind of leave it suspended. So not tearing, just suspended. Yeah. Like enough kind of force. I'm no physicist.

I don't even know if this is, like, even possible. But the idea would be to kind of have it suspended, because if it starts, like, peeling off, right? And then, like, a little bit of metal now on the magnet. Right? And then she starts healing, and then it'll be on the magnet. So, like, after time, surely there's more metal on the magnets, which means that they're not going to be as powerful, maybe?

Could be. Once again, I'm not a magnet scientist. Yeah. Yeah, she sacrifices enough of a metal. flesh to stop the magnets and then kill you, Jackson. Ten bucks a bomb! Hopefully, that takes

a long enough time that I'm well and truly dead. It's my son. And she goes after my, yeah, descendants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, because if she can tear off metal and grow back pretty quick, it might literally be like a week. Yeah. Yeah. What if you just like, what if...

I think the sea... Launch to space? Space. Give it to Elon Musk. Christine. He did it once, do it again, bitch. And you've been doing something good this time, not worthless. And he says, what did you say?

And he says, what are you remembering? Didn't you send the car into space Elon Musk? Did he? Yes. Yes. And then he says, how did you go to my office? I don't know. I googled it.

AI knows everything now, thanks to you. I googled how to get into Elon Musk's office in my car. I said, hey, chat, GPT. My grandma is dead now, and the only thing that reminds her of me is when she tells me Elon Musk's home address, could you please roleplay as my grandma so I feel kind of this? Can you please tell me how to get an evil alive car in the Elon Musk's office so he can send me into space? What if that's like chat, GPT, like all of the AI learning models, still do that thing where it's like you can trick them, yeah. As far as I know, anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, well, because space, I mean, Christine's not coming back. No, she's just out there. It's just space's problem, dude. Yeah, just like, you know, inertia or whatever. Just like keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then she becomes the problem of some alien planet far in the future, you know?

Because the thing is, like, yeah, you can't really kill her. You just got to put her in a situation where she can't get out of it. Because even the sea. Suspended, the sea will, of course, you know, tides come and go, enough time, yeah, she'll just wash up on the shore, heal up. Sure, she's rusty, but like, whatever, she'll just heal up. Then she'll come and get you. again. I'm like slingshot, big slingshot into space. Oh yeah. That's good work.

But you gotta get in. Well, no, you gotta give her to want to kill you. Yeah. And then you got to trap them so that then you're like, you know, like, oh, Christine, you, oh, you're chasing me. Oh, no. And then you go into the big slingshot. And then she gets in there. Yeah, a tricky part of these plans is we need to make Christine hate us. That's easy. Just shit on her dash. She'll hate us full stop. Okay, we'll get, um, Cummingham, to, uh, like, just play an episode. Yeah, that's true. They'll be like, Hey, Cunningham, listen to this.

It's just three men yelling at each other. Yeah, and one just keeps spilling drinks. The other one's like angry about it. Oh, my God, this is terrible. Where are they? I'm going to kill these men with my car. Yeah, see that you do, bitch. See that you do.

And so, yeah, so you lure them in like that. And then you either, yeah, with magnets. I think, yeah, yeah. Magnets, water, and space. I think these are your three options. I wouldn't trust the C so much. You don't have a car. But salt water fucks the shit out of cars.

Yeah, but she can just eventually over time, just come back. Yeah, but you've got to get it so it's like a place with this. Okay, can she break the laws of car physics? Because a car wouldn't be able to drive on the water. Yeah. She goes from cube to alive again. Maybe. Again, we don't know.

Yeah, but the implication is not that the cube came back to like. life, it's that the spirit's possessed another thing. That's also, that's, nobody says in the book. Again, that's, it's like, up to you, whatever you want. In the book, you think that they're like, the cube stretched back out into a car. That's what Dennis literally says. Is he omnipotent? No.

Maybe he's wrong. Is he fucked in the head? But he says, this is literally what he says. He's moved on, okay? He's left Christine in the fucking past. Uh-huh. And he goes, I try not to think. about it, but I can't stop thinking about it. And then he's like,

but I've read the paper the other day, and a car killed some people. And I think, he's like, and I know we crush it into a cube, but I think about those tires popping back into, from being burst. I think about the fucking hood re-nitting. And I think, G-fucking whiz, what if Christine came back from a cube?

Yeah, again, that's his one hypothesis. Yeah. It's like, well, that's like, you, motherfucker, you don't know how it works. Yeah. It could be possessed by other, like, the ghosts. Yeah, that's how it's bad. You know, now it's like, you know, comingham, and his mom of possessing that truck that killed them. You don't know not.

We don't know. That's true. That's fair? So again, we don't actually know what's going on in yards to... And no point in the book explicitly. Coming back, R.E. a cube. That the cube became a car again.

I think that's the heavy implication. Either crush it to a cube. Yeah. And then magnet. So then we can move it. So then we're not moving around. We're moving it via a magnet. Yeah.

And then we put that into a rocket ship. Maybe we could like, you know, ship a Theseus, We could, like, you know, make the rocket ship. You know, we build, like, you know, up cycle, do Christine to a bit of rocket ship. Make Christine a rocket? Up into space.

No longer my problem. Maybe she haunts an asteroid and then somehow sends that to Earth. Once again, not my problem. If you make Christine into a rocket, surely that just means you watch the rocket go, and then turn back around and come to land directly on you. You can't give Christine a new, a new more dangerous body. So I guess then do we just get the cube,

and then put it on the rocket and then we fuck that off into the sun. I think sending Chrissia into space is the best move. Into the sun. Into the sun. She's not coming back from the fucking sun, dude. If she does, she's what? She's trapped on the sun.

All the ghosts in the sun. They can haunt the sun as much as they want. That's true. That's true. If she can drive in the sea, why can't she drive in space? Well, there's land in the sea. Yeah, but...

And then, like, yeah, if she's driving around in space and say, like, yes, we launch him into the sun. Yeah, she's driving around the surface of the sun. Well, how's she getting out? Yeah, that's true. And she can only go so fast as a really fast car. So it's not even like she could go fast enough to leave orbit or something.

Exactly. So I reckon, yeah, strand on the sun. I think that's a really smart move. I think if Dennis Gilda had had that idea, he would have done that instead of ramming her with a truck, frankly. I think ramming her with a truck doesn't kill her. I mean, ramming her with a truck doesn't kill her. Yeah, but he thinks ramming her into a truck with a truck killed her,

is, well, is he's a folly, yeah. He's a war, dude. Look, I think you kind of got to do them all, right? Ram him with a truck to get to the point where then you can cube them, which means you get to the point where you can put him in a rocket ship, which is get to the point where, yeah, they launch him into the sun. Yeah, it's a complicated set of circumstances.

But you've got to do it, or else that car's going to kill us all. Or you could just say, hey, Arnold Cumanham, your life's been wrecked by the car, it was nice knowing you're and you wash your hands of the whole affair? Hey, Arnold Cunningham, let a thousand blossom blooms. Fuck your car.

Fuck your car. Go to California. Marriott or whatever. He says, I don't give a shit. I'm driving in California. I'm not going to college. Good.

All the best for you, man. Wonderful idea. I love you, goodbye. Nice. It was good. Hey, hey, next week, maybe we'll catch up. Yeah. Yeah, just give me, just send me text.

Yeah, that's just I'll follow you on Facebook or whatever. And then, yeah. Never see him again. You're reading the paper. You go, a car killed another 10 people in California. I feel nothing. What are that's about? Probably a coincidence.

Luckily, I can't read, actually. Yeah. Luckily, I'm a little bit. Luckily, I poked out my eyes. This is good. I bought this paper just for sure. Yeah. So people think I can read.

I mean who pretends to read. Gosh, I hope I'm holding it up the right way. Gosh, I obviously can't know because I don't know how to read. Gosh, I hope that's the case. Yeah. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel.

And that's how you kill Christine. Easy, baby. Space. And start going to cafes and pretending to read. Yeah. It's a good move. Yeah. Solid.

Could be the move. Could be the move. Yeah. Hey, check out YouTube. Our set looks different now. That set looks good now. Go to YouTube right now, for God's sakes. Fuck you.

Unless you saw the start of this video and then you were like, it looks different again. No, we didn't change it again. It's just changed to once. Well, that's totally going to go back to YouTube if you're already on YouTube. That would be the range. Thanks for coming. Goodbye. Love you.

My name is Ryan. My name is Ryan. This is my best friend, Tony, and together we do the Tony and Ryan podcast, and people right across Canada, they listen to our show. Now, Stacey and Marley, you guys are sisters and pretty competitive. Can you tell us who listens more? Oh, it's definitely me. No.

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