Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Dunk Achilles Into the River to Make Him Better (and No You Just Can't Throw Him In)?

Episode Date: December 8, 2024

No form of pop culture is safe from Plumbing the Death Star, and that includes ancient greek mythology. JohnnyImperfectAlien from the Sanspants Radio discord, asks the boys to give their strategies for dunking their baby boy Achilles in the river styx. To no one's surprise their baby almost instantly gets swept away and Jackson starts eating snakes and then they start remembering the movie coneheads. If you love the boys misremembering ancient myths and getting into arguments about brains and skulls then this is the ep for you.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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You're listening to the sanspants network Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson I'm also Joe plumbing the death star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions. And sometimes those questions don't come from us, they come from listeners. Like this one that was in the Sandspants Radio Discord from Johnny Imperfect Alien who asks, To make him better in brackets. I know you just can't throw in this That would have been my first choice yeah, so Achilles Bradley Pitt Beautiful man, okay Achilles! Brad little Lee Pitt. A beautiful man. Okay. Bad man. Terrible father. But good actor. Yeah. Fair enough. In some roles. Most roles. Well yeah Achilles more famous than the movie Troy. He's also in the book. Homer's the book Home is the book

and Iliad Iliad, I've read both of those for some reason You've read the Iliad? Yeah, what's that Kevin Smith quote? Ten years in You still You're still putting my brown in taint I'll say it

I read the Iliad in you That's crazy, Is it any good? It's kind of like when people read the Bible, I guess. Where you read it and you're like, oh it was fine, but there's some parts you just can't believe people don't talk about. I'm sure I would have brought it up in a podcast before, but there's a point where Achilles kills a river. Yeah, that's awesome. He stabs a river. Well someone needs to. Good on. Yeah good on him dude that rocks

You know, that's what if there's like 15 other books in that series that I just lost the time. Yeah Happens when history happens Look at it this way the early on very famous this 15 lost books or whatever. Yeah, Sam Spence radio dog shit podcast Yeah, yeah hot like probably at this point 50 plus episodes lost. Yeah, that's true And they're all bad. Oh, yeah, so I guess every book that Homer wrote is also bad Well, you probably wouldn't have lost it if it was good. Yeah, that's good What was the last time lost media turned up and it was good. Yeah, after lost media turns up and you're just like, oh yeah That's why they lost it. There's a reason.

The only lost media I can think of that was found and turned out to be good was Wake and Fright. Yeah, that's fair. And that was only lost for like 20 years. What about 120 days of Sodom or whatever? Was that kind of lost media for a while? Was it? Yeah, cause Mark Dessad wrote it in jail on a bit of toilet paper. Oh, the book was lost. And then he threw it in jail on a bit of toilet paper. Oh, the book was-

And he threw it in the bin, and then one of the guards picked it up and was like, This guy's fucked up wank material? I'm publishing this. People need to read it. People must see this. So when he wrote that, do you think that he knew- So it's like that little dominoes thing. Yeah. Of like him writing wank material in prison, and then the last domino is the director of the film being killed by the government

I don't think he ever could have predicted that dude No, I don't think he would have, I would have said well I'm in jail But also, here we go, if someone did something like this I mean the next ex- yeah they might hang him No no no, not hung, run over with his own car and then claimed it was an accident That's awesome They were like, ah, he ran over his own head. That's sad.

Who owned the car? That's true. Who owned the car? Do you reckon if you were tall enough you could run over your own head? No. You could run over your own head. What do you mean? You could run over your own head.

What do you have to do with this? No, shut up. If you are extremely... I want to pay me the picture. You've got your car. I'm sitting in the front seat, but I'm extremely tall. Jackson's right, I could run over my own head. I've thought about it, it's actually,

it wouldn't actually be, you'd be in an uncomfortable position. You could do it now. I could do it right now. Do I know how big cars are? I'm looking out that window at my car, that's my car, I could run over my own head. You gotta keep foot on the pedal.

Yeah, it would just be a really uncomfortable position. Just you open the door, you're half in the car half out the car. Yeah Yeah, reverse You gotta get underneath your wait, no, it's all no, you know what the angle is It's the more the fact that the moment I hit reverse. I'm moving with the car. Just grazing my face You're not stationary. I thought if you were tall enough. Okay, I'm gonna help you out. We're getting rid of the door. Okay? Alright. So, where the wheel is positioned, can you hook around, I guess you could actually.

I think yeah, if you're just lying on your side. If you're lying on the side, you hook around. And you kind of kick the accelerator. You're kind of hugging the front wheel sort of. And then you kick the... No, you don't know cars. No. You're in the wrong spot, you fucked it up. But you're staying away from... You're running over your own head,

your head is in the middle of the car. You're not going anywhere near the tire. Cause you're just lying... This is the car. Okay. You're lying on your side, foot, and then you're in like a curve. I see what you mean.

So yeah, you need to start kinda in like a U formation like punch doing a V And then kick and then like with your head underneath the where the wheel is gonna go Do you think it would kill you? It would hurt Something's gonna happen Something will happen Cars are heavy and heads can only with stains so much What probably if you're like you're far away you hear a really loud pop

And you're like what did they run over and then you come out and you're like what what am I seeing today? Are you looking up? I don't know if your head and pop just wouldn't hear that you don't think it would pop no you're not gonna hear like it would crush Yeah, it would you do screams? Yeah, unless you said stoic and silent through the whole thing just straight face the moment You want to the moment you kick the penny like more weight? Yeah, well, I'm glad to know that it's possible. I'm glad to know that it's possible I'm glad to know that it's possible. You could probably do it with even the car door not being removed because yeah yeah oh yeah for sure for sure. Get your leg around.

So yeah it was labeled as an accident even though he was unrecognizable after being savagely beaten and run over multiple times with his own car. Yeah I think that would be hard to do. And his nuts were crushed with a metal ball. Wow, to do that to oneself. Do that to yourself and then run over your own head? My god. After giving yourself such a hiding. Yeah, and then he'd been set on fire.

Wow. That's impressive. After death? Uh, not sure. That's impressive. That's impressive. Do that to oneself? Yes, yes, after death.

Wow, wow, impressive. That's impressive Okay with Achilles this is what I was thinking of doing okay, so the idea of Achilles for those who don't know is that he was Dipped in the river sticks, but because he was dipped by his ankle Yeah, or his Achilles that meant that that was the only weak part of it is everything else became invincible It's like a very vulnerable his mom's name. Yeah, he was like yet I know that like you know my boy my boy is going to be invincible. Hold him by his Achilles, dip him in the ribcage. That'll protect him. He's now going to be impervious to, well, not bullets.

No, arrows. Yeah, yeah, arrows. Arrows, swords, get him a shield. Yeah, yeah. Run over by a mule. Yeah, kicked by a mule. Run over by a mule is how I die in the wild world. Run over by a giant sort of Trojan horse. Yes, yeah. Yeah Sort of a Trojan horse, yes, yeah imagine being a horse though

Yes, I'm already there Yes Because he's slapped you or giving you a spook or whatever. I am spooked I am well, then because a horse would expect like, oh my legs gonna win. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. What happens to a horse's leg? It breaks. It's like if a horse kicked a wall. No, he'd go flying he just wouldn't be hurt. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I would you do a big kick a victory fart a bit of a trot. Yeah, yeah. Real big horse smile. And then you turn around. And look back and stand up and be like BOOM. You turn around to Achili just running for you

oh no oh no oh no yeah yeah that's true kick him back well what I was thinking so when akili's mother dipped him in the river six she held him by his ankle and that meant his ankle was became weak I just go up to my elbow don't get monda but you still have an invulnerable arm okay what are you holding him by

no no no no no no no What are you holding him? You haven't no no no no no no no no What are you holding him by I guess if I realize that I let him go and try and grab it really quickly Your plan is to lose Achilles and get an invulnerable arm I pull my arm out and I see Achilles Well No, I have an invulnerable arm. Okay, what are you doing? Cause, okay. Yeah, that's cool, you've got an invulnerable arm. That's awesome. But what are you doing with it?

I guess I could use it to make money, maybe. How? Getting snakes. There's a recent trend in forming the Death Star that I think has happened before, which is you say something and then when questioned about what are you gonna use it for, you're like, oh, I could make money from it.

But to get from A to B is... Well, because I'm thinking with snakes. Okay, let me take a guess. You think that in these times, people will be impressed that you can get bitten by snakes and they will pay money to watch you get bitten by snakes and not die. That was when you were going with that, wasn't it? It was either that or like if somebody needs to get a snake out of a hole, right?

You can grab the snake. I can grab the snake. As long as the hole only goes up to my elbow. Because if anything passed that, I'm gonna throw up. Yeah, you grab the snake with your invulnerable arm, but snakes are long. Yeah. I gotta hope I'm grabbing the head. Also, have you seen someone grab a snake before?

Yeah, you gotta be that. It immediately curls around and starts squeezing. It depends on if it's a constrictor or not. Question, cuz I know you just gestured with your left arm Yeah, and your dipping. Are you right-handed? Yes, he is. This is my dipping arm. We're all right-handed only. Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No Aussy types here I'm a little ambidextrous I could jack off with my left hand if I really wanted to

I'd only jack off with my left hand What? That's really interesting I guess it makes sense Oh yeah true Oh no cause old school jacking off When dial up jacking off mouse Yeah true that makes sense Not before the internet No, cuz old-school Jackanoff when dial up Jackanoff mouse. Yeah For the internet. Yeah, that's awesome. Slipping through magazines. Yeah

Jackanoff to Victoria's Secret. Yeah, you ever do that girl. It's great as a child. I did there's a wee boy Yeah, you know needs most. Yeah, exactly. Oh, absolutely. You get what you you know, it was either that or you fucking deserve Exactly. I Pick up a guitar. I'm left-handed. Yeah, that's strange. Yeah, Jimi Hendrix Jimi Hendrix Nirvana man, he was a man over here Well, yeah, I'll just have an invulnerable arm I guess cuz my plan was to just let him go, you know, they're like a real quick Yeah, you let go then you grab him again. So he's completely covered and I just kind of as a bonus is a reward Yeah, get an invulnerable. Oh, you've lost Achilles Yeah, so your plan to work Hector survives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Where does the river sticks go can I go try and get my boy? Okay, well, I'll just follow along the river with a stick trying to pull that. Yeah, it goes to the underworld. So you've sent a kill to hell. I'll go to Hades and be like, hey man, I'll go invulnerable arm first into hell. Imagine he just cuts your arm off. Yeah, Charon or whatever it is. Charon just paddling in there and just like, hey man, I'm not dead. But my boy is in the river.

Well he's dead now because boy is drowned. But he's invulnerable, dude. He needs to breathe. Not if he... He's invulnerable, not like... If you drink a bunch of the River Styx water, which he would. But, okay, so where... I can see where you're going with this. Yeah.

Yeah, he's drinking a bunch of it. Do you breathe with your stomach? Invulnerable. No. But he does have invulnerable guts. Yeah, ah, he can eat some spicy pasta and not get the shits. My boy's dead. That's why I accept it, okay? You shouldn't let go of that boy. I watch you drift away and I say, hey, today I'm gonna get a real serious case of the Mondays. Today's not my day. And then I'm like, well, I'm here with the River Styx, maybe I do drink some.

Okay, and then maybe I try make money Collecting snakes and eating them So you're gonna try and drink? You're gonna eat snakes? I go back to ancient grace and I say hey my boy is there But check this out! Okay So you know again, I just I don't know what I'm trying to Google so much to be like Can you eat snakes? Well, here's the thing. I'm like

Parents it was someone else and what does River Styx actually do and also snakes in Greece They're in Greece There was snakes because they would they love to chuck them on shit. But just look at where the River Styx goes and worry about that. Because I look, okay. So, you know like in the actual Iliad when Achilles is dipped.

Yeah, and because- I think it's not in the Iliad, weirdly. Anyway, just read that up and I was like, huh. When he gets dipped in the River Styx, it might be the other one. What's her fucking, not Odyssey, the other one. I don't know, dude. One of them lost ones, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Anyway. So we dip him in. Yeah. You noticed that because we were holding him by his ankle, the ankle is vulnerable. Yes. So are you confident enough that you've drunk

river sticks, water that has coated every single part of your insides? Mm. How? And also, are you eating the snakes alive? Yes, I know you eating them or swallowing them I'm swallowing them is sort of the plan. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess shitting them out down the track Yeah, okay, okay, you're swallowing in a live snake mm-hmm, so you're gonna choke to death Cuz you can't breathe again

Hey, did you know that the river was a lady? Uh, I'm accepting myself in a woman? Is that what's happening? Yeah, it's the Styx is a goddess AND a river. Yeah, I think all of those ancient magic rivers are also people. Like Acheron and all that shit. She was the wife of Pallas. Yeah.

Well, that's of no concern to to me because I'm eating snakes for money Yeah, um and choking to death because you're trying to swallow a live snake. Okay. What about this? Uh-huh hear me out Also, what do you see you're pretty much trying to start a circus in ancient Greece circus? Yeah I say hey for one ancient Greek money unit. Mm-hmm. I'll swallow this snake Actually, we need snakes for what well like we live like a bot like it's you got plenty of Snakes why do we need snakes for what? Yeah? What do we need snakes for? I had a curiosity this guy's crazy for snakes. We probably eat them. We're eating the snakes I don't know if we eat snakes. You can't the

I know you can eat a snake, but I'm gonna for money. He's gonna for money, money I don't know like I'm just confusing cuz I know like you know eels. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm eating eels like crazy, dude I'm like I guess like In like pre colonized Australia snakes got eaten. Yeah, that's different. I guessed from Greece Yeah, I don't think they were that many snakes in ancient Greece, but they were Yeah, yeah, There are snakes. They know of snakes. When you say they put snakes on everything, like as in their art, as in their like... Yeah.

They used a lot in like... Yeah, but like the Brits use lions as their... Lions and unicorns, that's true. ...as their like cut arms. I haven't seen a lion in the UK. Yeah, but they loved to steal shit. And they had lions at one point, I think. Did they? Yeah. at one point. I think did they yeah They the cave lion. I think it was called, but they never had unicorns

Yeah, so well, yeah, okay So let's just say that ancient Greece has a an ample supply of snake or wasps I could eat Snakes we used to heal the sick so they're gonna be really upset We used to heal the sick so they're gonna be really upset you're eating it. Look up the wasps we use to heal the sick and I'll eat the wasps. The symbol of like medicine is the star. Healing, transformation and fertility. Maybe I'll start getting frickin' worshipped. Okay, I'll eat this snake and bring your, if you're having trouble conceiving, come to me, I'll make sweet love to your wasp.

Okay. I'll eat the snake which will make me extra virile, and then I'll give you a son. Exactly, I'll give you a son. I'll hold your hand while I make love to your wife, and that way you can have a son or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Do you think they need to grease their-

And give me your dollars. Do you think they'd be like, what if I have a snake son? Do you think that would be of a concern? I reckon there would be. There would definitely be a subset who would be like, no, that is a snake child. Yeah.

Oh, well then I'll eat wasps. That's a wasp child. Cause if I eat wasps, I'm less likely to choke too. What do you mean? They're littler. Yeah, but a snake will fill my throat entirely. But wasps, I can eat one at a time. Is this impressive anymore?

Are they live? Yes. To watch a man eat a hundred hell out of your mouth Yeah, but it's hands and face I eat them with my invulnerable hand, okay I guess I dunk my face in the river sticks, too So that if I get stung on the head it's fine And then I put them down my invulnerable throat, and then I shit them out my invulnerable asshole You know so you're basically you you're spreading it in the river sticks.

Yes. I'm spreading what in the river sticks? Your, your, your asshole. Your apple cheeks. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, cause- You gotta dip yourself in there. Well, cause what I'm thinking, and perhaps this is cross, but if I drink it, it's gonna come out my asshole. Well, at some point, I guess, but aren't you digesting it?

Where does liquid- Can you digest it? Where does liquid famously- It'll come out my penis at some point I guess Just where does liquid digest it what is liquid? I'm not my penis as well. Yeah, but there will be some moisture coming out my asshole guts I'm trying to get a whole invulnerable internal system, and then I'll eat wasps for money. What have you injected the river sticks? Oh Involvable blood in your yeah well into your blood which again goes to your muscles and everything is controlled by it It's a good to have invulnerable muscles? You wouldn't, you'd still have weak skin. Yeah. Why is blood supply to your skin?

There is blood supply to your skin. Hmm. I don't, yeah. How are you gonna inject the River Styx? In ancient Greece. In ancient Greece. Slice your- Get a wreath. These motherfuckers out here also using bee venom as medicine. You gotta stop eating the medical supplies.

Don't see them coming to your house and eating all your band-aids. That's very funny. Watch me eat all these bees, we need that. Oh my. Oh no, no, no, but I feel fine. Yeah, of course it's fucking medicine. Well, I'll eat the snake then.

No, no, no, no, no. That's medicine too. Stop eating our supplies. You're so weird. Bees also make honey, fucking medicine well i'll eat the snake then no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Medicine couldn't save him. Yeah, I lost him in the River Styx, dude. So I guess, yeah, a re, like a hollow re. Yeah. And then like, yeah, somehow sharpen that, and then just like, into my vein, and then into the river, like as it flows down. That sounds like I'm gonna get a nasty infection. But it's the River Styx, so maybe I'm invulnerable.

Yeah, that's true. Also, but then once again, I guess the problem with the question was, how are we dipping Achilles? To protect him more. Yes. The goal here is to protect Achilles and you've lost the boy He's now in the underworld. Haiti's like oh a new son. Well, I think all right Zagros off you're sure I'm getting this one. Do you think my invulnerable undead son will come for revenge? Yeah, he's gonna cut your head off. He's gonna cut my head off and it's gonna be like I think my invulnerable undead son will come for revenge Yeah He's gonna cut your head off

He's gonna cut my head off and it's gonna be like my neck, a snake's neck Yeah, I guess, are you Zeus in this scenario? No, I'm Jackson Bailey Okay, look You adopted a kill this morning I think that the smartest way, cause like when you think of Achilles, what's he wearing? A toga A helmet Sandals A helmet I think that the smartest way, because when you think of Achilles, what's he wearing? A toga.

Yeah. A helmet. Sandals. A helmet. Holding by the top of his soft little baby head. And yes, that means that he is vulnerable from attacks directly from above, but that motherfucker's wearing a helmet all the time.

How young is he when he gets dipped? Grab him by the hair? Well, no. Because that was also my thought. Hair is good, but if he's a baby, How young is he when he gets dipped? Yeah, grab him by the hair? Well, no, well yes. Because that was also my thought. Hair is good, but if he's a baby, they've got the softer skulls. Yeah, that's true. Oh no.

Because if you're holding him by like say the top of his head, and then the force of the river is pushing him down, you kind of make a beautiful Dan Aykroyd like a beautiful dad, acroids, uh, cone head situation. Cone head Achilles. I like cone head Achilles. Okay, so they don't obviously don't have an exact age, but Achilles was dipped in by his mother. Yeah. Holding him by the ankle with her thumb and index finger. Yeah. So you got assume young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a baby.

I think we can assume a baby. Yeah, I think it's a baby. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs

and policies apply. Details at FIS.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most.

Stay in the know. CBC News. So cone head achilles. Cone head achilles. I mean the cone is now going to be a bit of a target. Also helmets are going to be harder to make. It's going gonna have custom cone helmets because of what you did to your boy. Whoa, Achilles doesn't die in the early ad either. I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah.

When does he die? After it. No. It's an arrow shot by Paris. Yeah. Guided by... who's the goddess of the hunt? Athena? Athena? Yeah, or Artemis depending? Um...

It might be Artemis. Cause I also like, so how is- Achilles ends with the death of Hector. Okay, so the top of the head. Iliad, not Achilles, anyway. Top of the head with a helmet is. So how- Okay, how much conehead you imagining conehead to be?

Well, probably not like in the film Coneheads, but I'm imagining it like a nice little teapot up. Okay, that's okay. We can work with that. Yeah, you can still get him a helmet. Are we thinking, uh, and this is a deep cut that everyone's gonna have to pull out their phones for, are we... That's you listen, it's not us here at the table. Oh, that's my phone. Is this similar to, are you imagining like longhead from the webcomic Longhead?

Maybe I do need to look this up. Longhead. You know Longhead. I truly don't, dude. You know Longhead from the webcomic Longhead? Maybe I do need to look this up. Longhead. You know Longhead! I truly don't, dude. You know Longhead! Show me this Longhead fellow of yours. Here's my prediction. Oh yeah! Longhead! Show me Longhead. Let's see.

Let's see if I have that reaction. That is what I would say if I did recognize them. I must admit. I got Beavis and Butt-head. They have a pretty long head when I thought when I typed long hair the comic Okay, but there's also is this guy who's like looking at behind? Sorry dude dude long head long head rocks. He's got a long head He's got a long head. Oh, a huge, mysterious ass.

A very long nose. I really like long head. I got a lot of time for him. Yeah, I suppose- Yeah, let's go with long head. Yeah, like a long head scenario. He's also got a long penis. Okay, nice.

So is this a long man? Yeah. In some ways, he's got a normal torso, but everything else is long. Okay, well yeah, helmets become an issue, but like, and the top of his long head is vulnerable, like an egg. If you, if that's like a long head like that, like it's very like, you know, it's kind of like a, I guess, what is it, cylindrical. If he's wearing like a little helmet, little buckles down here, kind of like hitting the

side of his head, that bit is protected. It's just he's now got this giant, like, well, like an eight head almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A long head. A big, long head there. And if that's not, cause if you're holding him kind of like... How long did it take us to invent the stupid fucking hats that the fucking... Yeah. British wear?

Royal guards wear? Yeah. Okay, why don't... I guess with Achilles with a long head, probably earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instantly. We just make it out of metal. Yeah.

Cause if you're holding his head, right, by his hand... Or just can go through head, right? Yeah Yeah, you've got five like fingerprints And you have in vulnerable fingertips Yeah, just saying if you like a vulnerable hand normal hand because depends how long you're gonna dip it in Oh, yeah. Also, are you holding as your palm on his whole head? You just have a ball hand. Yeah, are you holding like, you know, are you kind of like good, you know, if you're holding a ball, are you holding it like, you know, all the way, surface area? It's tricky because if I, because if I manage to hold him... Like that photo of Jonah Hill dropping his coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Because if I'm managing to hold it like a coffee, that means that the top of his head won't be yeah invulnerable, but he will have five just

Like thoughts like flat parts of his head five like fingerprints and remember York man fingerprints on a baby Yeah, grow with time if okay, so where are you positioned? Cuz they're really ah cuz he's either gonna have like a very big Like you know Point is head right like one thumbprint. Yeah, the rest is like on and he volume point in his head, right? Like one thumb print and the rest is like on his behind in his head or the other way around. What do you want? One weak spot in the back, one weak spot in the front, and then four weak spot like where? I think I'm gonna go one, okay look, I mean it also seems like the easiest way, it feels

like he's downfall, but I imagine one weak point right in the middle of his head. I agree. And four on the back. I agree, I think that's the best way. Because also, oh no! His helmet has the thing that goes in between his nose. Oh that's true, he's given us a rope. It'll be like an ancient Greek, yeah you want the weak spot here?

That's smart. And then the other four will be covered by the helmet anyway, because it covers the back of your head. Now weak spots, now because he just gets shot with an arrow in his his heel if I get shot with an arrow in my heel. I am fine That's always less of a weak spot more of a kill spot. Yeah Well, I don't think you're fine if you get shot through the Achilles heel. I'm not gonna die. Yeah Oh wait, no, it's ancient Greece and they're trying to be venom and biting me with snakes. Maybe I am dead All right. No, also if you're gonna if you currently got an arrow through your Achilles heel

Yeah, yeah, like even if you see them say you're in the middle of nowhere with no phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Oh, yeah, you're dead not even not dead not necessarily dead dead. I haven't been shot with an arrow I am in the middle of nowhere with no phone guess what? I'm dead. Absolutely. The moment your phone runs out of battery, because you don't know, you're like, well, just kill over and die. Yeah.

So say you had five weak spots on your head, like Achilles. Five little sort of fingerprint sized holes of weakness. I just want to know, let's have a thought experiment. Achilles falls off a cliff, bonks his head. Does his brain come out those holes? What? You bonk your head. You have five weak points in your skull for the damage to come through. What happens? As long as he hits his face first, he has to angle up with his, look up with his so he hits the ground

with his chin and he's fine. Well I'm just imagining the brain. Are you imagining the force from behind coming out? Jackson that's like saying that if he went for a run in his current form that all the pressure from the run would be transferred into his one Achilles and just blow it out. Yeah. I suppose you're right because what I was imagining is I'm like well when you hit your head part of the reason you suffer damage is because your brain goes Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what's that's a good damage. Yes Yeah, even if that was true banging your head unless it was an I just cuz my skull would be invulnerable anyway Yeah, I suppose you got a magic why skull. Yeah, I'm a kill you go imagine. Why skull? Yeah, I'm Achilles' heel. You gotta imagine there's a little magic here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so again, I think it's just like... Yeah, it's not just science. Yeah, okay. It's the goddess magic. So when he lands on like, he's falling face first. And if it happens to be like a sharp rock that just so happens to hit... Go, yeah, then he's fucked.

Then he's fucked. Then he's dead. So he needs to know to angrily, like, chin first. Chin first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's fine. Okay, okay. So he needs to know to angrily like chin first. Chin first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay Okay, okay. So like sparring sucks. Yeah Cuz if you're like practice sparring and you have like a big pole. Mmm, and like, you know, ta ta ta donk

Yeah, yeah, he's dead. He's dead. You could kill him with a pool cube. Yeah, he could wear a metal headband I suppose that'll probably help him. You really got it. What you want to try and do I think when you do is you don't want to kind of do it So like perfect in the middle of his head because that's not your spot I want to go asymmetrical off-center Whoa, so it's like you know almost like above his eye. What about this actually? Maybe this is clever bowling ball style thumb in the mouth Okay, thumb in the mouth. This is not traditional bowling ball style thumb in the mouth two fingers up the nose with your other hand This is awkward to hold a baby. You're doing with two hands thumb in the mouth backwards

Give me out. I'm trying to figure it out thumb in the mouth or I guess you could thumb in the mouth fingers up the nose Yeah, and you dunk him like that and then he's just got a vulnerable mouth and nostrils, but who doesn't? That's fair. That's not a bad idea. I was thinking. Yeah. So you know, if say you got like a bit of noodle. Right? Food noodle? Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no pull it out your mouth right? Because it's a good way to show and say like hey see there is like a connection between your nose and your mouth So we can do that with a bit of string Okay, dunk your baby like a teabag

Yeah, go fishing with our boy Now I do worry that because babies do have soft skull Oh Their front, is it the frontonella? Yeah Or the max like a Brother you're the one who's dad All with the time this comes out Baby

Your baby as well Please mine's normal. I don't think that a baby's face can support its own weight via string. I don't think. When do they fuse? Yeah. Uh oh. Uh oh. Because like, yeah,

there's all different parts of the thing. Yeah. That's why you can make a cone head. Yeah. This is when your baby's face is the most malleable. Yeah, it's like, you know, you don't want to. If you want to have a handsome baby, this is the time to get in.

It's why tummy time's important. You don't want them laying down on their head all the time. Yeah, one that's gonna get flat. They get the flat head and all that. Flat head baby. That's funny. I hope that Johnny baby's a flat head baby. I hope somehow he's laid in exactly the right way to come out looking like Minecraft Steve.

Yeah! Make you mad. Come on! Come on! So they, okay, so it's 26 months is that's when they fuse together So we got if we're doing early if we're doing it in the first style first, you know six weeks kind of thing Oh, what about the fishing wire? You say 26 weeks So two and a bit yeah, he ain't that

String back out of the river being like oh fuck Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go eat snakes. What? That's how matters. Okay, he's going Vulnerable arm. I don't know how he's gonna eat snakes I guess actually in vulnerable fishing line is more useful than an invulnerable arm and throat. Yeah, cuz you can fish for anything. Yeah That's not how that works Well, no. That's not how that works. You fish for anything. The fishing line, I'm still holding it. That's great. So you say, alright, let's say a big fish.

Not even like a huge fish. Just a bigger fish than I. And I'm there, I don't have a rod, cause I'm an idiot. I'm just holding fishing wire. You just rock the fishing wire around your hand. Shook my fingers. Oh, off it goes. Where's my baby?

Wait, were we fishing with our baby? It was the best way to make an invulnerable order. Fishing in the River Styx. Oh, I see. I mean, isn't like your baby's floating down, like, well, at least I can go fishing. I don't wanna eat any fish fished out of the River Styx. Well, I don't think you can call it.

It'll be a skeleton fish or something. Oh no, it'll be a very powerful and vulnerable fish. Why can't I eat this thing? You take a bite, you hurt your teeth, teeth try and cook it the fish is like stop Don't eat. Oh What if we what maybe that's the way of making money? It's why you try to make money. It's He lost his boy Destroy everyone grieves differently. Okay, it's a prank fish

differently, okay? It's a prank fish. You fish the fish out of the river, invulnerable. You can't cook it, you can't chop it, you give it to a friend, you say, hey I've got a delicious fish for you, fish are valuable, they can't eat it, prank fish. And where's the money being made? He pays you one unit of ancient Greek money, you get that, he pays you one unit of ancient Greek money. You get that, he gets an invulnerable fish. I set up that whole scenario by being like, I'll make money. And then completely forgot that that's what I was trying to do. Okay, well in that, okay, so you're not trying to make money, what are you trying to do with that situation?

It's just like a fun prank on a friend. What about, so using your invulnerable fish. You know those singing fishes? Oh yeah, Billy Bass, yeah yeah. Yeah, Billy Bass, all we do, cause he's invulnerable right? We're you about to nail a fish to a cross? I was about to say, no. Oh, hang on.

But like cause he's invulnerable, it's just not gonna go through right? So we gotta tie it to it. Tie it to a sort of placard, yeah. And then you got a live fish you can hang. Is that good? Yeah, it's just a regular fish though. So it just does that. That's not a song.

Sort of sounds like if somebody played some sitar in the background or something. What does it really about sing bad to the bone? Yeah, I think so Which is pretty impressive if you're like you know it's talking peace Yeah, all your ancient Greek friends over to your ancient Greek house. They come around look at this alive fish I have on my wall. Yeah Everybody comes over to be like hey Jackson like we're really sorry for your loss like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, come into the laundry come into the you hear that gossiping

Yeah, you want to find out what that is? It kind of reminds me of the sound my boy made as he was going away in the river sticks But this is what I this is my moment. I got this from the river sticks. Yeah, this is my invention I call it Billy the fish And he's alive. He's alive. Just like my boy is alive Just like my boy is still in the you know, possibly alive in some capacity down in Hades Anyway, that'll be one Greek money unit for coming to see my alive fish pretty good. I hate you I'm going to kill you with my sword

But he's trying to scam us I can see a fish I can see a fish. Yeah, this one's alive. I don't know if it's fish and it's alive This one won't ever die. I should don't know that's true. Well has a guy died. Yeah. Well, he's will the fish die Your fish dude, yeah, I think you will eventually um well that's bad for you then Rotting dead. Let's get another one dude. I'll just get another one rivers full of fish Okay, what about is it is the river sticks'll just get another one. Rivers full of fish. Okay, what about this? Is it? Is the river sticks full of fish? Probably. There are rivers full of fish that I can just take to the river sticks. Well, okay, it's something I was thinking. Babies famously come out the womb able to swim sort of. And they also come attached to a biblical cord and a placenta. So we dangle...

Make sure we don't cut that cord. Yeah, yeah. We do a water birth in the river Styx. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. In vulnerable pussy. In vulnerable pussy. And legs.

And legs. Lower half, really. I mean, what about the whole wife? All the way here? I mean, yeah, it depends on the bath, but yeah, probably up to like the neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have a vulnerable head.

That's just normal. And then we, you can have a vulnerable head. Yeah, that's just normal And then we have the invulnerable baby Invincible wife and vulnerable umbilical cord, which I'm sure we know no no So yeah, usually like yeah, so cutting the cord I mean that's you know, you can you have delayed cutting So get more of a blood flow But then it's like you have the cord that's attached there for a while and falls off because again you kind of wanted to eventually Yeah If it's invulnerable what happened and because it can get infected, but then the infection you're invulnerable

Yeah, he's just gonna have a bit of a bill No, maybe you can use that as a whip. But won't it still be attached to mama? Well, that's if the placentas come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, well, we don't have mama in the river. Okay. Or we snip the umbilical cord and we just kind of hang the baby by the umbilical cord. That's probably the better way of doing it. We just sort of dunk the baby like they're kind of like a, you know, parasailing or something down.

Like a tea bag. If the umbilical cord does fall off naturally after that, which I don't think it will. Yeah, I don't think it will either. That means that it would have a vulnerable belly button. But that's okay. But it's being protected by the umbilical cord. If he's got an invulnerable umbilical cord, you just swing that shit around. It will be short.

Well, it depends on how long we cut it. You want to cut it long enough so that it's... Well, I've got to dunk it. Yeah, exactly. It's got gotta be dunking like, dude! But the River Sticks... I mean, well, no, because she... Yeah, the person who dunks her Achilles is holding him by his Achilles. So, presumably the River Sticks isn't like, you know, rushing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can dunk the baby, and then... You can dunk him without him being detached from his umbilical cord. And the beauty of it is that... Hello, kid! Three Achilles. God damn it. Presumably, it doesn't. Jackson's standing there with invulnerable gods and a vulnerable arm.

First time. So presumably, because you don't want to just grab it by the, you don't want gravity to be doing a lot of the work here. You don't want to grab by the umbilical cord they're just like over it above it. They're dunking Yeah, I want to hold Into the river so you still have an invulnerable hand Put your hand under there and scoop up the baby is there going to be any okay? What would happen to a baby if it's held by its umbilical cord? Well, it's gonna be crying

I reckon it's gonna also it's gonnaical cord? Well, it's gonna be crying. I reckon. Also, it's gonna be dunked in a river, also gonna be crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's gonna be good. I don't think the baby's gonna have like positive opinions toward you at the end. And Freddie got fingered he swings a baby around by its umbilical cord and it likes it. Yeah. Well, maybe the baby will like it.

I don't know, and I don't know if I want to Google how strong is an umbilical cord. But I... You should know this as you are now a hoomster man who is father. Yeah, but as a recording, not yet. Well, it's not relevant to you, our posts, we need to know what the time. I don't know if I want to go to our team, like the midwife and the doctor, I have a quick question, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should cut it old style with your teeth. Yeah, I was going quick question. Hey, I like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should cut it all style with your teeth. Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, yeah.

Eat the porcenta too. Or give it to Jackson. Give it to Jackson. I did. I don't know how strong it'll make me. Yeah, you'll be so well. We as a, where my parents used to live, we had a tree that we buried on a porcenta.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. For everything I know about you. It was never very strong, the tree. I wanted it to grow better, if I'm honest. You have so many stories from your childhood. Ten years in.

But I was actually surprised. No, no, no, no, no. They're not surprising. It's just like, this crazy thing happened. It was disappointing. Oh, okay. All right. Hey, someone has answered this.

Oh, great. So the tensile strength of the umbilical cord has been measured. That's awesome. An attempt was made to relate this to placenta or fetal factors. So 200 cords were examined from spontaneous vertex deliveries. The average load required to rupture the cord was 12.9 pounds or 5.88 kilos with a variability between 1.81 kilo grams. As long as our baby is less than five kilos.

Yeah, yeah, that would be fine. And if your baby is five kilos, that's a big baby. That's a big baby, dude. Average. I've already once to bet. Oh, thank you. Oh, 3.3 kilograms. Okay, so we can dangle a baby in the River Styx

by these billicals. And the beauty of that, right, is because obviously you have to hold a portion of the billical. But once you get it, out you just snip the fragile part We can see where it's fragile How many sorry how how much was the 5.88 kilos? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's So when does an average baby get to 5.88 kilos? It's like after it's in between three and four months

We get in early we get in early Alright, so we get in early What you gonna do with your vulnerable, baby That'd be great. Yeah, yeah, just raise it to Troy which who's he fighting against? Truly yeah, yeah. Yeah, well you want yeah, you know he just wins and now he gets to revel in his winning. Yeah that's nice! He gets Troy! It's a prophecy like, yeah, Zeus was gonna have a kid that's gonna be more powerful than

his father in one port, which is Achilles, I think. Yeah okay. Or is it Hercules? Well I mean, probably both. Yeah yeah, it happened twice. Well Hercules and Achilles are brothers. That's crazy dude. Yeah.

Zeus is the dad of both of them right? I think so. I believe so. Yeah well Zeus gets around. Yeah he's a goose sometimes. Golden shower, an eagle. He's having awesome. Yeah, this is the data both of them right? I think so yeah Someone's just like when he goes easy mode and just pretends to be someone's husband. Yeah Yeah, that's much better than a swan. I know I like the shower golden shower How do you fuck someone as a shower hey Zeus found a way you figure it out. So like yeah, someone has a shower Okay, and then you turn back into zoos you like man. That was really good for me Yeah, well it must how does it feel to be water probably feels pretty on a beautiful woman's naked body awesome

I reckon this is it has to be I guess it would feel would it be like you you rain down as a bit of water I like the small of their back, and then you start racing towards the earth This is gonna be great. Then you go over one bump cheek. You're like, yeah You just drop it at the bottom of the chair. That's all right. I'll try again It's the other hundreds of drops. I feel like it'd be overwhelming to be all those drops I'd want to be just one drop at a time, you know, yeah and pay attention where I'm going. Yeah The cleft of the bosom or whatever Yeah, just like but if you're likeft of the bosom or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Just like, but if you're like water like runs over the nipple, you're like, this is awesome. This is the best, dude. But if I just go down like arm, I'm like. Yeah, I can get arm anywhere. Just zooms in on like a water droplet with like your face. Yeah. Oh no, I'm in the arm.

Yeah. There's no good stuff on the arm. There's nothing weird. No, no, no, no, no, no. Cause like the arm is great because what that means is like, you know, when eventually you do get the nipple or the buttocks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

You can't be winning all the time. You gotta have a couple of arms before you get a buttock. You gotta titillate yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Start with arms. As a bunch of droplets of water. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

And then you go down the drain and go to the sewer. So it's actually win-win for me. That's where the shit is. Well, again, you're probably like near a river or something like that. True. Hopefully get into the ground, then you get to a river, which is often also a lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. And then you get to experience being, you know, a river.

Or a portion of a river. And then I go down to the river sticks with my son. Yeah. Same direction. Yeah, awesome day for Jackson. Yeah, I see you have an invulnerable baby I think cuz you wouldn't have to worry about it as much Self yeah, I'll leave it to its own devices Vulnerable baby you just left it in the woods You know you get those you know those babies that are raised by wolves

You know you get those babies that are raised by wolves? You get that! But you can't take it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you trying to take it down? You get a menace is what you get. You get something that doesn't- Red sun. Yeah, no, because red sun can communicate.

You get something that can't communicate. You get a feral boy. You get a feral boy, cannot be taken down. He can communicate with wolves. King of all the wolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wolverine. Yeah, in a way. Again. King of all the wolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wolverine!

Yeah, in a way. Again. Feral Wolverine! Yeah, more like Feral. Closer. Closer, because again. But he'll have a nose. Yeah.

And you just have to give up on Ga- Because like often when you get a Feral Boy in real life, everybody tries to get the Feral Boy back into regular society. Yeah. With this one it's just not happening. Just leave it. He can become Bigfoot. Let him live in the woods.

Yeah, nothing's taking him down. He'll be fine. I'm frightened. Yeah, I'm scared of my feral boy vulnerable boy out there That is getting bigger and bigger by the day Yeah, I just gotta hope that living in the woods for so long has made him forget who I am Yeah, if he ever gets cognizant enough to realize I abandoned him my time will come. Yeah Cognizant enough to realize I abandoned him my time will come Well, I think we've answered that pretty sufficiently let us know Johnny Imperfect alien. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that good? Is that the way you wanted us to get Achilles in the river you think there might have been some ways we might have missed?

Yeah, I don't think like any other way. I was thinking of like a big net. Yeah, the problem There is now we're just gonna have like fish net fish net like we do Yeah, I was thinking doing it with a claw machine you get the douche ahead problem again A big rope around his waist, but then he's waist is vulnerable. Then you get caught perfectly The only way I was thinking but this also doesn't work because we both get washed away is just like holding him to myself And jumping in huh? Because I can swim but this also doesn't work because we both get washed away is just like holding him to myself and jumping in Huh? Cuz I can swim. You're holding him. Yeah Okay, actually figure this one out. Yeah, I know we're about to I think that's the perfect method Okay, I get a pelican. Oh

Okay, I put a killer in the pelican Pelican in the river with his beak wide open I'm fairly sure if the pelican eats like eats Achilles It's fine because already swimming around in that sticks and these will burst out of that pal. No because the pelicans are vulnerable You've just made Pelican with an invulnerable. You've just made- I've made an invulnerable pelican with an invulnerable boy- You've made an invulnerable horrible to duck in. That's what you've done.

What happens when my invulnerable baby grows up inside an invulnerable pelican? I imagine it'll just- Does he kinda like the shape of the pelican? I think his head will eventually pop out the pelican's neck, and so the pelican will walk up to you and his mouth will open, and your son would be in there and he would be like, Father, I hate you. I hate what you've done I know but I'm really glad that you can't grab me because your hands are in a pelican. Yes one day I will be

strong enough to get out of this pelican And on that day, yes my time will come But until then, you're my peliboy. I really like that the pelican's walking around forward. The pelican's in on it, dude. Yeah. Okay, maybe I didn't fit you. I said you were close. You were so close.

Not close enough. Well, on that note, I've been Joe. I've been Jackson. Let us know, how would you dunk Achilles in the river? Don't lose your boy! It's really easy to do. Shockingly easy to do. Damn.

Oh well. Bye. Bye. He's in the river. Yeah, I lose your boy. It's really easy to do Shockingly easy to do damn. Yeah. Oh well. Bye