Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Exploit the Pet Sematary for Personal Gain or Profit?

Episode Date: October 27, 2024

It’s our lucky day! We’ve gained unique access to a cemetery where if you bury something it comes back wrong! While we struggle to find the bit Zammit comes up with a hairbrained scheme involving cheap meats and a sack, JD has a longwinded plan involving a certain gorilla and Jackson wants to get back at poachers by encouraging poaching. Sometimes dead is better and sometimes the best laid plans often go awry.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horrors abound. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't. After Dark. A How do you get your podcasts? Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com You're listening to the Sans Fans Network. What's good listeners and welcome to this week's episode of Flaming the Death Star.

I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm El-Say-Jo. Flaming the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions like how would you exploit the pet cemetery for personal's not really a pet cemetery. What? Well, so there's the pet cemetery. Why is it spelled with an S?

Because it was, okay, so there's a pet cemetery. Yeah. That's a cemetery for pets. Yeah. You bury your dog, it goes away. Yeah. Okay. And the sign, you bury your dog if it goes away. Yeah And the sign it was which was made by children They can't spell for shit that doesn't think about kids. How can I bury my dog if it goes away Jack? Well, that's different scenario if your dog gets you know, it passes on

The pet cemetery was made by children. No, it's just like an old pet cemetery. It was labeled by children, I suppose. There's a big sign at the front of the Pet Sematary. It says Pet Sematary with an S. Now beyond that, Upper Deadfall, and you gotta walk a bit to find it, is an ancient Mic Mac burial ground. That's the true Pet Sematary. That's the true Pet Sematary,

but it's just a regular pet cemetery. Yeah. the true pet cemetery, but it's just an act. It's just a regular set. Yeah Regular cemetery. Yeah, I don't know why I'm nervous Yeah, you're scared Cuz you're gonna have to remember this movie you've watched Exactly. So it's a regular pet. It's a pet cemetery. It's not easy. It's a regular cemetery There's a pet cemetery. And that's attached to a regular cemetery. Yeah, but it's more like a burial ground Yeah, and if you bury something in there, yes, it will come back. Yes, but it's more like a burial ground. Yeah. And if you bury something in there, it will come back, but it doesn't come back right. Okay, come back a bit wrong. Well in the movie, they bury one cat, which comes back evil and tries to eat a baby. And then they bury one little boy, and it comes back evil and tries to kill a family. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Which version so Baby Edie is not- Which version of the movie did you watch? I watched the most recent remake. Okay. Sometimes dead is better. That's what they say. Yes. Oh, Plumbing the Death Star.

Yeah, sometimes dead is better, see? Sometimes dead is better, Plumbing the Death Star. Okay, okay. So- You must not be burying anything in that pet cemetery. Well, I was going- Are you imitating my accent? Oh, it's me, a third guy!

Oh, you're British. Never mind! Okay, sir, I have a question. I would like to bury my dog. Where do you- I wouldn't do that! Bury it in the regular pet cemetery, plumbing the death star. But isn't that- Well, yes, because I keep hearing about this cemetery that I should avoid, but that appears to be not a Why is he doing my voice?

I don't know sir I live here too Why are you doing a different voice? Because I thought I was going to be a small child trying to bury the dog or something I don't know, what's the bit? Why should we ask you that question more on Plummie than after that? What's the bit? What are we doing? What's the joke here? The joke is we're three different

guys with funny voices. I have a question though sir. When you said you bury a cat or whatever and it comes back and wants to eat a baby, what happened to the cat beforehand? How many pieces was it in? Was it whole? Well, in the movie. Was it a bit missing? I mean, the previous tenants, their cat got hit by a truck, I think. Oh, that's real fucked today, eh? No, it came back just with like, matted fur and stuff. Even when they buried it, was it like a smear? No, it wasn't like a sauce. It wasn't cat sauce on the highway. Okay, so they scooped it up.

It was just a cat. Alright, but Okay, so they scooped it up. It was just a cat. Alright, but like you said it was hit by a truck soon. Yeah, but it was mostly fine. So when it comes back, hello it's me Joel Duescher, I've wandered into this conversation. The other guy laughs. He got confused about why he was being accused of stealing a voice. Okay, fair enough.

So he went off it off. Yeah, what's the question? He doesn't know what to do with his dog. You made that man for a bit and then abandoned him. That's dangerous. You uninvited him into the conversation. Um, okay, I have a question. So, does, hi, I'm Joel Duscha.

I'm looking to maybe bury a dog or a cat or whatever soon. When they come back bad... What does that mean? Cat's sick, fair enough. Yeah, there's a dog I hate and I'm gonna do something about it. It's finally time for me to take revenge and do something about my problems. Am I number one problem? There's a dog that I hate! Hey, fair enough. So if I, for example, blow up this dog. Yeah, yeah

Grenade in the food ball trick Or car bomb the dog Will it come back in bits Altogether now, but it doesn't come back. So the cat that got hit by the truck some sometimes dead is better So the cat that got hit by the truck Sometimes that is better The cat that got hit by a truck It didn't come back just looking like how it was after it got hit by the truck It healed

Yeah but it was still sort of fucked up Yeah but was that caused by the truck or is that just No well yeah it looked like a regular cat That had just been like Did you see the cat before it came back? This is what the cat looked like Imagine you had a cat And then he let that cat go into the woods He didn't see the cat for a long time and it lived really rough

And then it turned back up on your doorstep and had a sinister atmosphere about it Well sir, um, so I understand that you know when you bury something you come back wrong or whatever Yeah, and we had a competition with me and you know the guy the funny voice but he's gone yeah you guys Anyway I'm back! Oh yeah that's nice! What is this bit? I was asking around the town to see if anyone else knew what to do with my dog and they kept pointing me back to you Hey man with the silly voice I think Dusha is gonna kid your dog

He was talking earlier about a doggy ace. My dog's already dead! He's got a separate doggy ace again. Oh yes, when I entered this conversation at the start before you were very rude to me about my voice, I said I want to bury my dog. Right, no, that's true. I think, I'm pretty sure I said that. Little kid? What's your question? Have you ever seen a TV series called Pushing Daisies?

Yeah, I've seen some episodes, yeah. So you know how the premise is that he gets like, you know, like rotting fruit in a pie or whatever and then he touches it and brings it back from the dead so they're like all healthy or whatever? I have a lot of spoiled pies in my backpack, so I want to bury them in the pet cemetery and then sell them for delicious pie. Ah! No one's happened on that before. You're on your own. Well that means that the pies come back as fresh pies or they come back as cows? Well no, no, no, it's fruit pie. Fruit pie?

Oh, but is it gonna come back full apple? Yeah, so now, like I want, well cause initially I got some bad steak. Mmm, that's... And I buried that. So, okay. Alright, I have a great deal. Let's go with the one we might be able to answer first before we even look at fruit. I have a great deal of a shady butcher.

He's like, you want some like, you know, past it's prime meat? I gotta give a jig. Do I? Hey, you fella! Sense on the kilo. And I'm like, oh yeah. Want some cheap meat? It's prime meat. I gotta give a dick. Do I? I just see it. Hey, you, fella. Cents on the kilo. And I'm like, oh yeah. Want some cheap meat? It's off. Oh, I would love some off meat.

It's off. It smells. Get in here. Oh yeah. I get in there. You're not gonna wanna miss out on this, do you? I'm like, how am I gonna get great? For the cents on the dollar, I'm gonna get a whole sack of bad meat. Right. I'm then gonna go, with my shovel shovel to the pet cemetery, dig it up, put the sack in there, okay, bury them, wait a bit. What happened? Am I getting like healthy,

delicious, primo steak, but evil? Or am I getting a lot of cow? In one space. I think that a steak is not dead. Sure you're working. But I wish I mean like a steak is like not... Is not a dead body. Is not a dead body, but it's not like an entity. So I don't think it's gonna come back. A cooked steak or a fresh steak, your steak doesn't die, it goes off. It's already dead.

So you're saying that... But it's meat. Yeah, I think you're likely to get a cow or a piece of steak yeah that is just a cow again like a chunk of cow yeah like a chunk of cow and maybe alive and sinister okay so I could just be like a pound the flesh yeah but like with fur or some shit. Yeah, I have to skin it again Yes, and then I suppose you could cook it. But what happens if you cook evil beef? I think you'll have a really really hard time selling evil beef because it's got an off-putting aura Yeah, no one likes being around the cat or the little boy So I think little girl it's a little girl in the room Okay, but then is it also a little boy don't they kill two kids a little girl in the remake. What if I could then... Okay. But then is it also a little boy? Don't they kill two kids in the movie? In the

remake, it's a little girl and she kills the mom and then the mom... Basically the family goes evil mode. Yeah. And the last shot is them approaching the little kid in the truck and you're like, oh they're gonna be an evil family I guess. But I think in the first. It's only the little boy. Yeah Yeah, okay. I got a bunch of like bad meat. I bury it. I am dig it back up It's now basically like if you bet you just like a t-bone steak. Uh-huh now you imagine that I guess alive somehow and Covered in the cow skin. Yeah, like kind of like Now I can like well initially I was like, okay cool Well, then I'll have to stab it and then kill it and skin it and then I can like, I'm gonna be careful, because now I can like, well initially I was like, okay cool, well then I'll have to stab it and then

To kill it And skin it and then I can like, you know, mince it or sell it, you know, whatever and then I can either make it like some kind of like, maybe I'll mince it, put in some like, Like a burger patty Meatball? Meatball? Meatball? Spaghetti? Spaghetti and meatball? Spaghetti! Evil meatball and spaghetti Evil meatball!

But, but It's time for some evil meatball But if I've cooked it with a really high quality other ingredient, does that counterbalance the evil meatball? Well this is funny, you're going to so much effort to get rid of the evil when you could have just bought steak. Yeah, I know, but I bought cheap meat, I'm trying to make money. This meat was going in the bin, or I bought it for like nothing, right?

It's very cheap meat. And now the thing is, if it grows like a skin, like a cow skin, like a hide, and I stab it, well now I've got hide to work with, I could make an evil jacket. I'm just like, I'm using the whole evil cow. Yeah, use every part of the evil animal. Yeah, like I'm just like, how much does it regrow and how much does it not? Because I'm like, if I get a bit of steak and it's just like you made it a steak as is but like covered in cow skin Like undulating yeah, yeah, I have to hit it with a hammer. I guess yeah

Well, it's like in the movie so when the cat comes just like the movie It's just like the movies dude when the cat comes back It's like still you can't a very important point is you can't brush it anymore because it's hair just falls out. Okay Oh, not a problem for me. Yeah great for me Is there hopefully I can be the hide or just disintegrate all over its sloughs off great. Yeah Sloughs off for the boys How do we feel about that sloughs off I was gonna piss off to discover that it's slough not slough.

I wish skin sloughed off instead of sloughed off. I like sloughed better than slough. Sloughed is good because you can say slough. Although slough does remind me of that wonderful British town. Which made me sad because I loved being in slough that time I was in slough. And then I found out that it's from the office or something? The I don't know office we were there for a big Tesco for memory Yeah, yeah, but that's good because you say sloughed off. Yeah, and it feels fabulous I thought sounds like it's bit more on them on a peak. Yeah, you know what I said would like sloth

Cool sloth imagine like, you know a bit of a soft skin as it were falling right off a delicious now. Yeah true. The Tesco in Slough was very big. It was quite a big Tesco Slough had to be fair. And people listening to this podcast were like oh he looked it up on his phone. No no no. No I just sat here and thought. You can see it in the YouTube video.

Exactly. And a big thing about that. What do you think about a big Tesco? If you imagine like a big thought bubble appearing that's what's happening. And the big Tesco and I think there a big test go if you imagine like a big thought bubble appearing. That's what's happening The big test go and I think there was a sex CX which I think I think they've just got a game store called sex. Yeah, they do No, it's Think also while we were in slough, we saw a bunch of people lining up for job interviews at a star box

Anyway anyway, so yeah, so I buried big big Let's get because this is this was weird Yeah, because it was it was like a job. No, it's not Let me explain why it was like- People need a job! No! What's happening in Slough? Let me explain why it was weird. What? We went into the Starbucks to get a coffee Yes. Because we're in Slough and what else are you gonna do?

Of course. We had to hype ourselves up for the big Tesco with some caffeine. We went into the Starbucks and rather than a situation where you've had to apply for the job and then get an interview, it was basically the vibe seemed to be between these two hours, roll in with a resume and they're doing a big group interview, anyone's welcome. Okay. Is it kind of, yeah, kind of like a- Well, maybe it's a-

That's so weird. Maybe they were just opened or like, you know, recent open or recent like firings or something happened. And they needed a lot of people. COVID just ended. Yeah, that's true, true. And so maybe like, well, shit, COVID just ended. We need a lot of like employees. It's a free for all.

We're getting a lot of applications to actually go through every single one. Actually, you know what's gonna be easier? No need to, we should have got jobs. We could have, dude. What's gonna be easier is, hey, everyone that's applied, we're gonna open this up now and then we can whittle it down. Yeah, true.

Because it's gonna be easier to do that In person it is gonna like make sure like, you know a hundred residents But COVID was still happening. So in person actually feels even dumber. No, cuz again remember that time it was like They cooked it a lot, yeah Awesome period of time where it was reported that roughly one in seven people in england had covid yeah that's true and also reported of shush no one has it maybe doesn't matter we're good now i'm trying to remember in pet cemeteries if the cat when they bring it back because like when they try and brush

its fur its fur falls off which is because it's dead. And then I'm trying to remember as well if they were like, it's ice cold to the touch because it's dead. It's still dead. Like it's still dead, it's just back. And I'm just wondering about your steak. What does this mean to a steak? Because again, I'm like, all right, are we, fruit maybe? We don't know right now.

It might be a bit too much harder to answer. Yeah, hard work. I'm trying to figure out how do I make money off this thing that brings things back to life. Yeah. And if it's kind of like, well, great. Because then if I can have like, like how say some people, if they want fresh seafood, they will go and they will point to that lobster in the tank that they want to take out and

eat. And I'm like, if I can do the same thing with a bunch of like, you know, undulating bits of meat and to be like, take your picks. I suspect you couldn't do, I think if you buried a bit of meat and then you unburied it, dug it up, it would just be dirty meat. I don't think it would be coming back, but you could do a lobster. I think you could kill a lobster with a little hammer or whatever, bury it, dig it up, that lobster's alive again.

Actually, what about, ah, okay. Because if it's a small enough animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, lobster, I don't know why we're hammering lobster first because it defeats the whole purpose. What about, instead of going to a butcher, I go to a fishmonger. And I'm like, give me your deadest, rancidest, disgustingest. I got a great deal. That's some rotten seafood.

I got some rotten seafood. I now have a big bag of coming. I got a great deal. That's a rotten seafood. I got some rotten seafood Yeah, I have a big bag of fish. Yeah the whole fish. Oh, that's true You guys I get on like unbury I did yeah Yeah, they're flopping around cuz they're like trying to gasp for air they buy then and there freshly. Oh, yeah, that's true I have a big ice bucket or an esky Yeah, yeah, chili them and then you take that into the market the next day. Take the market fresh fish. Okay got some terrible news Yeah, there is direct plot point in Pet Sematary that means that your plan doesn't work No, no even with a whole fish. So yes because

The cat that gets hit by a truck Winston Churchill. Yeah, yeah Part of the plot of when they come back and it being a little dead is that it reeks The cat that gets hit by a truck, Winston Churchill, yeah, church, yeah. Part of the plot of when they come back and it being a little dead is that it reeks. Ah, so if you have even the freshest fish, I'm smelling that, I'm like, that's all fish. Even though it looks primo fresh. What if you had the fish in like a tank,

you don't like kill it again, okay. And then I can pick the fish, and if I'm like, this fish reeks, you're like, yeah, but it's alive Like it's a stinky fish Jackson's world famous stinky fish. It's stinky. That means it's good. Yeah like The thing you get in certain Scandinavian Oh, yeah something strong where you open it up. It makes you vomit. Yeah, okay, so you say that's part of the deal Oh yeah, that can of fish. Yeah, that's a fucked up can of fish

Strom Stromsburg Stroms Stromscon. Yeah, yeah, you say you say hey this fish smells like fucking shit, dude But it's delicious and the smell is good. Okay. I guess you say it's fermented. Is that what's happened to the fish? I say it's fermented. I'm realizing well I could just get you can't ferment in a live thing I know I'm realizing I don't necessarily need to take a little bit from you. Give me hey Give me that You're on selling rotten fish Yeah, okay, so I guess if I saw the same thing if I was to say get an apple pie Yeah, and it was rotten. Yeah, and then I buried that, unburied that, dug

it up. You just have like a- I would have like a pristine looking amazing pie that smells bad. Okay. So then, can we then, if it smells bad but looks great, can we then shift this to marketing? Okay. And so I'm going to take some like, I guess I guess primo like be real shots. Yeah of like like food that looks incredible Okay, but just smells like shit. Who cares? I'm filming it. Yeah, and I will sell that as stock footage. Hey Your plan is really dramatically fallen down look and I don't know why I guess it's cheaper to buy an off pie Than a pristine pie. Because again when you're looking at like, you know, for film magic and that kind of stuff, the whole thing is like, you know, well, they're using, you know, mashed potato for the ice cream.

But I don't think it comes back pristine, it just comes back as it was. In fact, actually, if the cat's anything to go by, it comes back disgusting. Yeah. God damn. And it will stink. Yeah, but he's planning to just film it for B-Real. I film it for B-Real. Yeah, but no, no, no.

And sell it for stock, that's fine. But like, how much money are you saving by doing that? You gotta go all the way into the mountains to the Mic Mac cemetery. Then you gotta bring it back. You gotta do it at night too. How much are people, okay. So I guess the only way that this works is like,

you gotta assume that people aren't gonna actually be selling you bad pies. You're gonna find them in bins and stuff. So they're free. But then like how much is a pie gonna cost you for B-Real anyway? A dollar bucks? Well, that's the thing.

Again, I'm trying to like figure it out because again, you can't. My idea was to then get the gross rotting meat to like make fresh and delicious and salad even though it's evil. Food's not gonna work. Because you gotta think about even just the basics. Yeah, you're putting this food in the ground Yeah, and then you take it back out. It's gonna be covered in dirt. You give it a wash

Yeah, you're gonna wash a pie I was still thinking of a fish Yes, sir. Again fish. I thought would be the good like the best idea But now also about your stinky fish what I would be worried about It's on like a kind of raised sort of like plateau or whatever, and everything comes back not only secretly dead, but also evil. So you're gonna pull a fish out that's gonna flop into you and knock you off the edge of the cliff.

Yeah. And try and kill you. The cliff? Yeah. The fish will try and kill you, dude. Getting killed by a fish? Can you imagine? Yeah, that would be very embarrassing.

And I am burying like a sack full of them. That's a lot of fishes. You might be torn apart. Like I'm back as piranhas. The only food I could think of with all these stipulations would be an actual fish. Because it's a whole alive thing that's like there. But if it's going to come back stinky and no one wants to eat it, I just have a bunch of like Stinky fish to sell. Yeah. Yeah, would you say you accidentally? You hit the neighbors dog with your car. Yeah. Yes, and you knew about the pets. I'm a ten. Yes

Would you try and bring it back? Yeah, what in the book? Yeah, I know but like Yeah, but it's their own cat. Yeah. Yeah. No, so it's still there in my but is in's in like the kids away. Yeah, yeah, and they're like, oh we don't want to know how to explain death to the kid. So let's not explain death and use the evil pet cemetery. Yeah. Do you know it's evil? Well, no, it's extremely funny in the movie because this guy who talks like this. He's like, hey, I hear your cat's died. Oh, come with me. I'll show you a special place. And then he takes him to the pet cemetery and then the cat comes back and he tries to eat the baby And the guy whose cat it is goes to the old guy He's like what the fuck and the old guys like mmm. I thought that might happen, and he's like why would you do that?

Yeah, and he's like when I was a boy My dog got hit by a train and we brought it back and it killed my mom And he's like and you let me bury are you crazy old man? Yes? He is yeah That's um I think they're also the story of the boy that got brought back. Yeah in the war well look I did my best I tried to make some profit here. Yeah, I got a bunch of evil stinky alive Yeah, and I actually sir the stickiness is really hard to get around. It's yeah, that's a real problem Yeah, I thought maybe being alive would be fresh to get around. It's a real problem. This is stinky. I thought maybe being alive would be fresh. No, no, no.

It's a little stinky. Come back stinky. Come back wrong. So this is less of my personal gain and more to put to bed. I guess it's our personal gain because it's a stance that me and you, Jackson, have taken publicly before. People didn't like hearing it. So this will fix that. So I guess it's a personal gain sort of it's mostly a PR move The fact that it's gonna come back evil will help it. Okay. I'm interested. I think I know where this might be going so in 2017 2018 in a Cincinnati Zoo. Yeah Yeah, fall into a gorilla enclosure. Uh-huh. I then a

Zookeeper had to make the ultimate decision Yeah, do I let this child get torn apart by a gorilla in front of onlookers or do I take the shot and end? Harambe's life. Yeah. Yeah, and everyone's like you made that you made the right choice. Yeah. Well, no we said Yeah, yeah said wrong. You shouldn't have shot wrong. Arambe was going to look after the child. If there is a 1% chance that that gorilla could have ripped apart that boy, you've got to take that as an absolute certainty. There are two timelines possible to us from that moment.

One where we say people saw the worst thing they've ever seen in their lives happen at the Cincinnati Zoo. And another one where we say sadly, we had to shoot a gorilla in the head. Yeah. Okay. We live in the probably the better timeline there. Yeah. I'll say it. Maybe that's controversial.

Sometimes you gotta shoot a gorilla. It sucks to say. It's unfortunate. Yeah. These are the choices you have to make. Yeah. So yeah, anyway, people are still up in arms about that. So I take Harambebe bury him in the pet cemetery

Yeah Harambe wakes up evil Squeezes your neck so tight your head pops Somebody living in the neighborhood nearby is like is that the sound of a gorilla? Choking a man's neck so hard I'm actually just connecting that with the guy who came into town the other day with the pickup truck with that huge something under his sheet. Yeah!

What was that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're stopping in at a local bar or something looking out the window, there's clearly a gorilla under his sheet. Hey, where's that pet cemetery? I heard it's a great place to mourn. I got a dog That I love That's a huge dog

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It's shaped like a man No, no, no, the blank is just saying it Especially like three dogs, just makes the fucking one pee What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Was that the cemetery? You locked up this gorilla, you buried it, you dragged yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, to my car. In that period of time when I leave the Pet Cemetery, Barry Harambe leaves the

Pet Cemetery, put out a press statement. Harambe survived. I'll be like, hey, there was actually, there was a mix up and because of all of the controversy at the zoo, I was declared that Harambe didn't survive her injuries, but she did in fact survive. She's been relocated to this town. And then she's probably going to go on a King Kong-style rampage. And then get killed, and then everyone will come around to the fact that Harambe would've killed that child. Fair, fair, fair. When we thought Harambe was dead at the Cincinnati Zoo, that was actually good. So as part of your press release, Harambe's back and loose?

So a couple of issues that kind of maybe come to mind. That was actually good. So part of your press release Harambe's back and loose A couple of issues that kind of maybe come to mind. I would be like well first off Who's gonna 100% believe the press release secondly who wrote this press release? Who's publishing it? Can people clock what Harambe looks like on site? If someone is like oh no for some reason there's a little tiny sleeping tail, we have a gorilla on the loose. Yeah. That has definitely popped some heads off. Um, and then now we've had to shoot.

Yeah, again. Is that... would it have the bullet wound from prior? Yes. Hahaha. It would have the bullet wound, it would have horrible matted bloody fur. Yeah, could... And a bullet wound in the middle. It's four. I guess that after the autopsy or like investigation, they're like, this is the same.

This is Harambe. Okay. This press release, where we got rid of the remains of Harambe, that no longer exists. Like, it's been dug up or whatever. What did they do with the remains? Well, that was something I was wondering about as well, Dusher. If you're like, Harambe is loose. Are people going to be like, Harambe's grave was robbed recently.

Yeah. Are these connected? Well, what do you do with a gorilla you shoot? Yeah. If you're Cincinnati Zoo. Do zoos have graveyards? Do they bury it, or are they gonna like cremate it? Incinerate it, maybe?

Are they gonna like, you know, behind closed doors, hack it up and feed it to like, you know, a lion? I think it was- Well, there was that awesome thing the zoo did where they fed what? A giraffe. A giraffe to the lions. in like during like public hours Everyone was like don't do that and it's kind of like yeah don't do that Yeah, the zoo was like no we're gonna do this circle of life, baby Their reasoning was like genetically or whatever because it was like a

It was like a dud giraffe right and even if we were to ship this to other giraffes like other places around Yeah, it's not gonna like further the conservation effort. Oh, that's right. It's like a dog giraffe right and even if we were to ship this to other giraffes like other places around It's not gonna like further the conservation effort. Oh, that's right in my head It's the giraffes already dead, but that was no no it was kind of like we just have this kind of like a dog Yeah, and it's kind of like you know what we have to you know you don't know the same giraffe and you kind of like this is I guess this is the Stuff we don't like to talk about other stuff that kind of sucks when it comes to conservation Oh, no, I was right and then it's like a healthy baby giraffe for the Copenhagen Zoo was killed by officials and Fentanyl lions over the weekend yeah

because it was healthy but it was like it was a bit of a dud in terms of genetically like it wasn't going anywhere helping increase giraffe populations that was the reason I get and so like I don't know enough about it to be like oh one way or the other but I'm like look I will defer to the people who are experts. And they're like, you know, this is a thing that has to happen. And this is kind of like, oh, this is kind of suck. The Harambee problem though is that,

don't do it, I was gonna say just don't do it during the Zodiac. Oh yeah, you know what people see in it. But I was gonna say with all- They in fact did an open autopsy where they're like, come see the autopsy of this giraffe. I know. The giraffe had a name as well, which is funny.

That's crazy. Really? Zoo. Whoever your PR person was at the time, fire them. Sure off I know I drop out of name as well Whoever your PR person was at the time Fire them, but like I think that you could never feed Harambe to anyone because no animal eats gorilla, right? What animals eating gorillas? Actually, maybe alligators I think alligators eat chimpanzees I Like you know, I saw it once in an episode of The Simpsons maybe. Yeah, if I try to... And where the cause gorillas can't swim, which makes them the perfect...

Chimpanzees can't swim. Well, also gorillas can't swim. Which makes me think it would be the perfect delicious meal for an alligator. Or a crocodile. I think it would be a crocodile. If I picture a crocodile eating a chimpanzee, I think I'm picturing a far side cartoon. Yes.

I think I'm also picturing a far side cartoon. Yeah, so I don't know if that happens in real life. I'm also picturing, there's a Simpsons. I think it might be Simpsons. Or maybe a family guy. Where a gorilla swings and then he falls and then it's just like ate by a crocodile. Maybe?

Or is that a Futurama? Well, cause... Well, here's something awesome that will settle that debate unrelated to answering any of your questions. But I think that this is very important to know. Yeah. The person, so when interviewed, the person interviewed about, hey, was it actually a good idea to do this?

Yeah. To shoot Harambe? No, no, no. The giraffe. Yes. Hey, was it actually a good idea to do this? Yeah If we sterilize him he'll take up the space more genetic genetically valuable giraffes because his whole thing was basically if this giraffe was Left in the program it would have resulted in breeding which would have been bad. I fucked up the giraffes Yeah, yeah, they were like we can sterilize him, but that would also not be helpful And then there was a whole big petition, don't kill the giraffe, but then they're like, we killed the giraffe.

And even though there's been a huge petition in the uproar, we are still doing the autopsy. And then the interviewer was like, did the children cry? Then the person being interviewed says, just the opposite. The crowd was very enthusiastic and the kids asked really good questions. Well, at least it was educational. Maybe the PR guy did. That's so funny. The kids asked really good questions. At least it was educational. Maybe the PR guy knew about it.

That's so funny. The kids loved it! And then they were like, well we've got 200 kilos of meat now. Time to feed them to the lions! Fair enough. The lions what else are they eating? Waste not one night. They're using the whole animal. Exactly. I guess that's just part of the fucked up part of running a zoo

Yes, I guess it's just really their biggest crime there was Pulling back the curtain on waters. Yeah, I'm assuming that shit happens all the time in the zoo Yeah, I reckon if you died at the zoo that feed you to a lion. Yeah, I would hope so you died at the zoo They do an autopsy in front of the kids. Yeah, the kids loved Let's get back to your Harambe plan yes, I want to get it as a plan step one bury Harambe bury well no no no step one dig up Harambe from Harambe's current grave first off step one where is Harambe currently? Step one is find Harambe's like remains because if you say if Harambe has been cremated, maybe there's an urn.

Yeah that's true. Can you bury an urn? Yeah I would, I reckon that would count. Okay. This is what I'm trying to work out. Cause again, if you bury a steak, what happens? If you bury it, like you know. So okay, the little girl who dies, she also gets hit by a truck. Damn, these trucks be hitting everyone.

Yeah, they live right next to the highway, it's crazy. But anyway, when he gets the little girl back, she has the reconstruction scars on the back of her head that happened during her autopsy and stuff. Or during her, whatever you call it, getting set up to be buried or whatever. So she still has the wounds and the... So if you were to do... I think she's still in the body she was in that she died in. Acast powers the world's best podcasts.

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Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Alright, so when you die, they do an autopsy or whatever, they generally cut you open or whatever, drain you of all your fluids, and get you all your organs or whatever and they gotta weigh you and blah blah blah. Sometimes they're just like, well, now he's gotta put him back, and they'll just kind of in one big pile, slough you into the cavity. And they'll just sew you up, who cares? Because you know, you're gonna be buried.

Doesn't matter. So that's happened. Yes. And so say for example, maybe it was a slow day or a long day at the mortician factory. And the person's like, we've got all these dead children organs. Or they're like, well, this is an organ donor yeah we've donated those organs that's maybe that's nicer okay yes they donated all those organs and so we've sewed up whatever has a dead body take the body you

buried a body yeah of course got the scars yeah about like organs what happened we don't see the insides of any of the returned pet cemetery monsters. What do the people look like when they come back? Well, I was just saying before, they've still got all the stitches and stuff from. Being dissected. Well, I think if you buried an urn full of ashes, when you dug it up, you would just have alive ashes.

Okay. Yeah. And they would maybe go down your throat. Yeah, try and kill you. You might die coughing on Harambe's dust Or would it be like a superhero type thing Or like in Spider-Man 1 or 1 Where it's like this dust cloud But in the shape of an angry gorilla

Yeah, like a Sandman gorilla Made of his own cremated ashes Which is sick as fuck And, yeah, very cool I was wondering, what's powering Because I guess you don't need to eat when you've come back. So I'm guessing it's just really your flesh. Yeah, pretty much. And like your skin really.

Yeah. And you're being, I guess you're full to the brim of evil. You come back and you say shit like, the little girl comes back and is like, You were a bad mom, your grandma's in hell. Awesome. Stuff like that. You gotta die, mom, you gotta die with you gotta die with me stab you with a needle Like you think it's good, but nothing good's happening back there shouldn't have brought me back It's a kid ever normal. They're normal briefly, but then they go it's sort of like they're normal, but it's like a facade All right, so I think it's like your brain like whatever

Harambe will pretend to be normal for a bit and then kill me Yeah, but the problem is Harambe pretends to be a normal gorilla So you undig Harambe, that's so funny. You're digging in this sort of like dirt and then Harambe's digging out Big gorilla hand. Hello Harambe. We're here to make your death... ...not a mistake. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Someone should really shoot this gorilla. Harambe's body, the reason I disappeared there is to try to find out what happened.

The first part of information I found out that his sperm was saved. Well, we could do something with that. So they're going to... What if he buried Com? I think it would come back as a live Com. An evil alive Com. But he also wasn't cremated. So his body's somewhere.

That's awesome. Maybe they hid it like how they hid... You know like they hid where they buried Alexander the Great? Yeah, Margaret Thatcher. They were like, people gonna desecrate Harambe's grave. Okay, so step one you dig up Harambe Yeah, under the cover of night. Yeah, you load him up onto the pickup. Mm-hmm You drive all the way out into Maine Castle Rock probably. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You go to the pet cemetery Bury Harambe. You bury Harambe, you leave. I need to and then when I leave Press release Harambe is still alive. Okay hiding out in Maine. Okay hiding out in

Maybe you've been like Harambe still alive check his check the grave. Yeah, yeah dug himself out he did So he died in 2016 and now it's 2024 he's back are you saying Hi Jackson Bailey the Jackson Bailey times. Yep um What do you mean by? Arambe's back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Joel's Abbot Joel's Abbot times what yeah back. How well he wasn't dead Where was he gone? I don't know I could just tell you that he's back now I wasn't there for the other question. Who are you? Joel Duescher from the Joel Duescher times I'll just tell you that he's back now. I wasn't there for the other piece. I got another question. Who are you?

Joel Duescher from the Joel Duescher Times. So is it? I used to be just like you schmucks. But now I'm standing here giving a press release. It's nice to be on the other side I guess. I believe in you. I might go interview the Cincinnati Zoo. Yeah, good idea.

Hi, what happened to Harambe? We buried him because he shot him in the head. You know, the very tragic incident where he looks like he was gonna kill the boys, and we had to make the unfortunate decision to shoot him in the head. Joel Dusha of the Joel Dusha Times, former journalist, he says Harambe came back. Well, I mean, we... Or was never dead? Okay, well, we weren't really gonna mention, like, you know, say this, but yeah, Harambe, his burial site, has been disturbed.

It looks like someone has dug up Harambe. Um, Mr. John Luthor... Yeah? You're desecrating a grave is a crime, right? Is desecrating an animal's grave a crime, is my question to you? That's a good question. I don't know. Is that an initial kill? No.

No, I'm just curious. I'm just curious. I'm just asking questions. I'm just making sure that your question- I'm a journalist. Journalists ask questions. Yeah, I'm just making sure that your question actually makes logistical sense. Um, okay, um, if Harambe is back, where is he? Main.

What bit? It's a big group. Castle Rock Rock I think Yeah How do you know this? I saw him And then you came all the way down here to give the press Are you giving the press conference in Castle Rock?

Yeah Or did you travel back to Cincinnati? Yeah I reckon I'm probably giving it in Castle Rock So when I'm like, where is he? And you're like, he's here I'm like, what? Oh shit

Did you dig up Harambe? Did you bring him here? Okay, I'm like where is he and you're like You dig up Harambe and bring him here? Well, what would that know and even if I did do that? But okay, I Don't understand what you mean. Did I bring you? Do you live here? No, I was visiting in Sorem. What do you live here no I was visiting and saw him what do you mean saw him how do you know it's a wild gorilla well first of all why would there be a wild gorilla in Maine? Why is Harambe here? That makes just as much sense as a wild gorilla So you have seen a gorilla in Maine?

Yes with a bullet wound in the head but it's healed So you're saying you've seen a wounded gorilla, and that you are making the assumption that it's Harambe. Find that gorilla? That should be hard, there's only one in Maine. DNA tested, that's Harambe. Even though his grave has been disturbed. Are you saying he came back from the dead? I guess, I mean, I'm just here to say that Harambe's back. I don't have any of the answers you're looking for.

We should go find Harambe, that'll probably lead us to the answers. We have the police report, like Harambe didn't push himself out of the grave. Someone dug him up. With a shovel. Harambe's back. That's what it is, well if you just like a quick glance at your pickup truck, where there's a shovel that you used to bury him. I don't know who did that.

Why is there Harambe's back? Okay, now let's imagine the people of Castle Rock band together, they posse up, they fight Harambe in the forest, shoot him dead. What have you achieved? I have achieved the fact that now everyone agrees Harambe was gonna hurt that boy. No one's talking about that. They're like, was Harambe a zombie? Like, what the hell?

We AA, the people that saw, I guess, Harambe, he'll lope around. They also have like his furs all patchy and messed up. He looks scary. He looks terrifying. And he's stinky. Four years? Harambe's probably mostly skeleton. Whoa, skeleton Harambe. I think they cover it up. I think the government gets involved. Because I was imagining again, like- That doesn't bode well for me. Like when you're burying, like if it was like a dead fish or whatever, like in the near, like a live fish. Yeah. Like a half, like a skeleton fish kind of stuff.

Yeah. Kind of moving a half like a Skeleton fish kind of stuff. Yeah, I've moved you can alive like that imagining that with like Harambe with half his flesh Dealing with How much will Abode Decay and four years in eight eight years. Sorry. Oh dude. Herobrine is full skeleton. That's just a bone. That's just gorilla bones that have come to life You've made living gorilla bones that are gonna pop your head off with like maybe bits of flesh. Yes Yeah, there might be scraps attached to the skull or something. Yeah, how does the magic of the cemetery work? I don't based on the movies based on the movies it doesn't reconstruct anything

Yeah based on the movies thinking about doesn't reconstruct anything. Yeah. Based on the movies, thinking about it now, nothing gets reconstructed. Maybe internally, internally, the bones get kind of like, reshifted so that you look like you're walking like a normal person. Cause if there's nothing, so say for example, you've made a live bones. Yeah. Cause like, there's no tendons. And also have you laid it out perfectly? It wouldn't matter first of all, because it's alive bones. Yeah, because like, there's no tendons. And also have you laid it out perfectly?

It wouldn't matter first of all, because it's just bones. There's no connective tissue. So, apparently, depending on if Harambe was buried in a coffin or not. I, hey, I suspect- I'm no dead body doctor. But I think it's unlikely Just a hole you

Maybe a sack. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like think about that. Like how do you I'm just spending money to get an Might be like a wooden box maybe maybe so if I respect for the zookeepers that are there Yeah, if Harambe, yeah, cuz again, it's like when you bury a dead pet it feels fucked up But it's mostly because you just put a dead body in the ground. Yeah, absolutely Like as you bury it with a... Sometimes you wrap it in a sheet. Maybe Harambe would have been wrapped in a sheet. Maybe a sheet Let's go look at a cheap pine box. Yeah, okay So it takes up to a decade to fully skeleton eyes. Okay. So he's gonna have some flash So it's our um, bae is buried without a box. Yeah five years full skeleton

You're like her on base in the woods There's a gorilla skeleton Harambe's back alive How did you know it was Gorilla's skeleton in the woods? Harambe's back. Alive? Chick, chick, chick. How did you know it was Harambe? Bullet wounds. It's just bones. It's just bones.

Actually, honestly, if you saw a gorilla's skeleton alive in the woods with a bullet hole in his head, I think that makes sense that you would've seen that in Harambe. I mean, I would if I was in- That checks out for me. I would if I was in the woods of Cincinnati. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be like, well.

But if I'm in the woods of Maine. No, but still, I'm like, what other gorillas do I know that's been shot in the woods of Cincinnati? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be like, well... But if I'm in the woods of Maine... No, but still, I'm like, what other gorilla do I know that's been shot in the head? Yeah, how often do gorillas get shot in the head? Well, now I'm asking these questions. Yeah. What kind of fucked up country do we live in where everyone's shooting gorillas in the head? I think you've not necessarily redeemed or anti-redeemed. Yeah.

You've just made the government come in and cover up magic that happen. Yeah, I'm just don't know if you Skeleton of the gorilla would be able to move you might just be a bunch of bones being like Those bones have a sinister atmosphere. Yeah, I hate these bones But then maybe they'll be like, oh my god, Harambe had a horrible vibe Wow Harambe was really sinister. I'm glad we shot him. I'm glad we shot him. Even without the kid we should have shot him.

I'm glad someone dug up these bones. Cause now we know how, like Sean maybe just looking at bones is what's giving us this sinister feeling. I mean, could you dig him up? Go down to Cincinnati, bury the bones, sorry, go down to Maine, bury the bones, dig them up and then be like, I have exhumed, it's not a crime, I don't think, to desecrate an animal's grave. But here are the bones of Harambe and if you want to come over and have a look, just, oh yucky. Yeah, oh sinister, you get really bad vibes. Bad vibes. See, maybe it's good. Inside him all along Harambe had sinister bones

And I'm proving it. Well could people then be arguing like well yeah It's it's got sinister vibe bones because he got murdered. Yeah, he got murdered in Cold Blood. And actually what you're doing now is you know Yeah, that's true. You might accidentally exonerate Harambe, which is something I know you don't want to do And I get it dude. Apparently desecrating an animal's grave may count as animal cruelty. Oh no, dude. It does feel like you're doing some cruel shit to Harambe. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just trying to make sure that his death was justified. And so what if you go to all this effort and people are like, yeah, of course. Oh, thank God. I thought I lived in a world where we thought it was bad to have shot that gorilla. We understood It's a tragedy, but it had to happen. Phew. I really wish I hadn't brought back Harambe's evil bones Maybe I'll bring back that giraffe as well that we fed to lions in the zoo. Sue revenge. I was thinking that I could maybe use it as a way of getting back at poachers somehow

Okay, okay. So it requires... Okay, so I find a stuffed, say, bear. Yes. In like a, like a hunter's cabin. Okay. What do you mean get back at poachers? Because poachers are armed with the one thing that will stop whatever you're about to do again. No, but, well it's...

Okay, when you... How do you kill the zombie cat that comes back? It gets killed by morphine. Yeah. Okay. It gets killed by... Yeah, and then I think back? It gets killed by morphine. Yeah. It gets killed by- It basically gets given a lethal injection. Yeah.

And the little kid just doesn't die. So, not in the remake. If it's kind of like, you know, zombie kind of rule, if someone's like a poacher trying to like, you know, re-poach that bear, are they- Shrugging over bullets. Are they like- They got it in for their head?

Well, here's what I'm thinking. A bear is not stuffed with its own guts. Correct. It's full of, I don't know what. But if I bury the bear, at least the skin and stuff, will it come back with... Well, like what we were saying before, it seems to be, you know, the encasing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is that...

So say you stuff a bear, say you kill a bear. You stuff the bear with like, I don't know what. Hey? Hey? Hey? Let's say hey. Let's go with what you do like a regular, say a teddy bear. Yeah. That.

Okay, it's full of stuffing. Then it comes back to life. Obviously I do also have the problem that you have. Yeah, of the bear grabbing your neck and squeezing it so all the head pops off. Well yeah, but also there's no skeleton. Yeah, but it's full of fluffing. It's floppy. You've bought back a floppy bear.

Yeah. With like the ferocious appetite of a bear, but floppy. And then, well I was gonna say, and then I like take the poaches, I'm like, do you wanna go hunting in the forest around the pet cemetery? Yeah. And then the bear can get its revenge, but it's a floppy bear. I mean that's great, but it's a floppy,. I mean that's great but it's a floppy bear. And also if you've just taken poachers poaching.

The animal, the animal, it doesn't matter how ferocious the animal is if the poacher is in a car with a gun. The poacher killing a bunch of animals being like, where's that bear? Yeah, putting a poacher, bang! And there goes a deer. Oh fuck. Bang! And he's like trying to get out of there. Just flopping around. Oh fuck. Also I'm guessing

because it's like the weight, the jaw and the teeth. Yeah you can kill as many animals as you like. Kill as many animals as you like. Yeah. I'm just going to go check on something. Seeing the bear. Oh fuck. No skeletons of course. It's floppy. It's got to have something in there to keep it upright.

Stuffing? But does that mean that the bear actually isn't floppy, it just comes back like this? Like it just kinda, like, uh, yeah, just stuck. It's buried in the ground, can, no, no, no, no, no. I go to a poachers cabin. Yep. And I steal everything they've got. I steal mounted moose heads. I steal bare skin rugs. I steal, like, elephant's foot umbrella holders.

Yep. Take them all to the pet cemetery. Yep. Bury them. Yep. Bring them back. Yep. They stink like shit.

Yeah. Hahaha. Ohhhhh. They stink like shit I returned them to the Purchase get back to the house. They're like I live in a nightmare Walls are screaming and everything smells like shit. I was, okay, maybe I, okay, oh yeah, I gotta leave because all these animals,

they're back again, they're evil. I was right to kill them all because animals are evil. I'm gonna up my poaching game. Yes. Thankfully I was invited to poach in these woods. There's no limit. That's what he kept saying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're joining in. I'm just trying to keep up appearances. Hey, do you wanna go head towards in that direction? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cause the problem is you wanna like... The bear's standing like this, he's like, is that my snuffed bear? Yeah!

Wow! What's it doing there? How'd he get here? Maybe this is gonna teach him a lesson. Do you wanna go over? Smells like shit, I'm gonna leave it here. No! Looks like it really struggled to claw out of a grave.

It's really floppy for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. Cause yeah, the idea there to teach them a lesson, but the lesson there is like what? Don't, don't poach or bad boys will poach you. Or you want to like revenge, like bear, kill him. At least look, say what you want about my maybe nonsense plan, but at least my lesson is meant to be, it was good to kill the animal. Say what you want about my maybe nonsense plan.

But at least my lesson is meant to be it was good to kill the animal. You're trying to bring back evil animals and to teach a poacher that they shouldn't kill animals but it's just going to make them want to kill more animals but this time in self-defense. Not just that as well. You bring back, say you do, say you go get a freshly poached bear before they come down to harbors. get a like a freshly poached bear before they come down to you know harbour whatever they grab you grab it you bury it now you have a evil angry bear that has come back maybe it wants revenge on the person that killed it yeah it's also

maybe just wants to be evil and kill everything I'm at a stroke of genius it's like everyone's like you should've got a good idea for you too. You should kill the bear cause it's killing everyone. But I guess, listen to my stroke of genius. Let's see if it's the same one I just had. Okay, sometimes you get a crack of your eggs to make an omelette. Yeah, okay, this could still be the same thought I had. I go into, say it's a forest that's full of like endangered bears.

Yeah. Cause it has to be within the area. I can't go to like Africa or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it's so good. So it's far- I kill every bear in the forest. Okay, we're different. And I kill every deer, every moose, every squirrel, every mouse, every bird, robins, blue jays.

The forest is devoid of life. In my big sack, I take all the bodies to the pet cemetery. Bury them. I leave. Now every animal smells like shit, and the poachers don't want them anymore They're also gonna walk down into town What do you do to an ecosystem? Every animal I guess is dead is dead This they can't reproduce. Yo, yeah, there is thirsty for like

Like murder of like humans. Yep, because that cat wants to kill a baby. A human baby. Yes, it does. And now you've probably got a bunch of like, deer that's like, I'm a fucking stopwatch, I'm a man. This is gonna be good for me. You now have a bunch of anger, like a forest of evil. I'm sitting in a diner in the town.

I'm like, yeah, feeling real good about myself. Yeah, give me the slice of pie and a coffee. Just hearing like, ah! Ah! I'm like, mm. I don't think that's gonna do it. No. You know slice of pie and coffee Yeah! Just hearing like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't think that's gonna be an interesting thing No As they all- all the forest animals stampede

Yeah Yeah Okay Okay So what was your idea? about it as the death of an innocent animal. Yeah right. Hey, if you're gonna make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. Yeah. So there'll be endangered bears in the forest. Uh huh.

Kill one. Uh huh. Bury it. Yeah. They can poach that bear. Poach that bear. Maybe you start a little tag. And then, bury it again.

They can poach it again. And keep going and keep going. Recycle it. Yeah, recycled poaching. The problem is that the bear cuz okay, they'll get more evil and more fucked up. You keep showing it heaven and then robbing it Which is what I assume happens. Yeah, why they come back pissed off back Yeah, or they go to hell or something. I don't know. Yeah, or it's a demon in the bear or not. Really a bear. It's unclear Well, if it's a demon, that's all right. Yeah, if it's a demon in the bear or not really a bear. It's unclear Well, if it's a demon, that's alright. Yeah, if it's a demon, that's funny Keeps being like alright. Here's my chance

Arriving in Helen being like goddamn. Oh, there's a bear going again Okay, another chance another chance. Yeah That may be the one With about best idea yet. Yeah to recycle poaching I was thinking if we could maybe, if we just go in there and we excavate a bit, like we dig up a bit of dirt. Okay. So now we have this pet cemetery dirt, can we say, for example, if I say injure myself, and say I've got a big gash on my leg or my leg has fallen off, and if I just, you know, bury my bloody leg in some grave Yeah, I'm gonna get a sinister like this the leg, but a functional leg sure. It's a bit stinky

Yeah, it's not great Every time people see it they get very upset, but it's still there Prosthetic would be easier and also I think we've established that the wound wouldn't be healed. No. That's true. That's true. Is there some strategy to like, bear- It's like, you dig a hole in the cemetery.

Shoot yourself in the air. Fall in. Fall in the hole. Well, you do need to be buried. Fall in the hole. But- Set up some kind of- Maybe you're holding like a-

You're holding a rug that's covered in dirt, so when you you fall back you pull the rug and the dirt on top of you. Yeah, or alternatively you can just have it so that when you fall into... So let's just say you've set up kind of like one of those rabbit traps or whatever. So you're gonna fall backwards off your shoe so if you're gonna land, which will knock a stick and the stick is holding up this thing of dirt so it'll cover you. Yeah, yeah. How much are you going to be covered? You gotta be buried and then you actually have to build a little can of stones on top of you. That's gonna be... So I was gonna be like, I could bury myself enough and then just, you know, then you kind of shoot yourself underground a bit.

Shooting yourself underground is crazy. The idea of like burying yourself and then just... Because you gotta bury yourself like a little bit and then just like up to your head you know yeah, you can do it Yeah, but then I can't put the little like you okay step one get a help a monkey Help a monkey yes step to train it to make a little can hmm. I think how if you do the dishes What do you mean a little can like a CAI RN? So like a lot like? Which stuff yeah exactly so you say you train the monkey hey monkey when I die you build a little stack of rocks you come back kill that monkey

Well, here's what I think happens you pull the trigger. Yeah die monkey gets so scared runs away You at the house. We've bought a like why is Jackson's helper monkey coming back terrified Was Jackson trying to shoot his monkey? The monkey's- to de-stress the monkey he's building these cans. Why is it doing that? I rot in the mountains. A missing person.

Eventually someone finds me, buries me, doesn't build the can cause they don't know what to do. Yeah. Missing presumed that Did my plan go well, what was my plan? You buried yourself and you were faced with a monkey but um, what's the bit? I sort of hoping that the bit would turn off. Yeah. That we'd figure out the bit as we went. Yeah. Because even if it works, sir, what would happen?

You're evil. I see heaven briefly. And then come back stinky and pissed off. Stinky and evil? Yeah. And then what, sir? Or a demon goes in my body and I just go to heaven normal style. Yeah.

Yeah. And the demon possessing your body, does go and like maybe try and murder your helper monkey Yes, your family I helped you out because It's funny to imagine you hear the gunshot in the woods my helper monkey comes back scared Yeah, getting a little cans you're like he was trying to shoot his helper monkey And then I appear the next day at the edge of the forest with a gun and you're like he's back for more You would we knew the moment he got one With a gun and you're like he's back for more He's gonna try to kill that monkey

with a gun. Yeah! Hey! We found the bit! We found the bit! It came to us! The bit is I want to shoot a monkey with a gun for suffering. And when I appear at the edge of the forest you have to save that monkey. Yeah! And on that night, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel! Enough of that, first time at the jury, enough of good can come out of it. Don't bury daddy. Sometimes daddy's bad-o! Daddy's better. He's dead better soon. That's not even how he sounded. Sometimes Dad is Badum! That's more accurate. He's played by Third Rock from the Sun guy. This guy? Yeah John, let's go. John, let's go. Wow. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horrors abound. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol.

Catch you next time, dearie. No, he won't. After Dark. And with that, the curtain falls on the story of Anne Boleyn. The Red Room. Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history. Listen to these Acast shows wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetise their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello, Zamit here. One of the Jolls from middling to OK podcast Plumbing the Death

Star, not a Star Wars podcast. While my two evovescent co-hosts gallivant around the UK, I'm back here in Melbourne preparing for the arrival of our firstborn. But I'm not here to tell you about that. I'm here to tell you about a wonderful podcast festival that is happening in October, the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. That's right, we're a part of it. On the 4th of October at 8.30pm at Stupid Old Studios, I'll be joined by my very jet-lag co-host for our last live Plumbing the Death Star show for a bit. Maybe.

It's hard to say. What with the upcoming birth of our... Anyway, you can grab tickets at cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com and there you can check out all the assortment of delectable comedy podcasts on offer. That's cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com, a festival of funny podcasts going for 12 days across two continents here in Australia, that's October the 4th to the 6th and across

that big pond over in the UK. That's the 12th to the 20th. It's all your favourite funny podcasts all in one place. Plus, we'll also be there. Crazy. So once again, that's cheerfuleatful.podlifeevents.com. I love you.