Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Exploit Your 'Better Man' Ape Son?

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

We’ve all heard of the Robbie Williams Monkey Movie, right? It’s all fun and games in the world of the movie, but what if you actually had a little ape son? How would that even work? Super ape sperm? Maybe a super ape egg? So many questions, but as always, the most important seems to be how we can exploit him for money.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+Support Jarren's Outpost on Kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dndnerds/jarrens-outpost Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you remember the brand that popped up while you were scrolling your social feed? No, but I bet you remember who sponsors your favorite podcast That's because 74% of listeners recall the brands they hear when listening to podcasts If you want your business to be top of mind podcast advertising with a cast is the way to go Book your campaign today by visiting go.acast.com. Hey everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jack. And I'm Osacha. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast to ask the important questions. Like, how would you exploit your ape son a la better man?

So everybody's seen the movie better man Made for a budget of a hundred and ten million dollars yeah and grossing worldwide twenty million dollars total of ninety million dollars but yeah but they made well negative 90 mil but they may yeah 20 mil yeah look at it like you'd already spent that money yeah yeah that's free money they made money they made really when you think it's a really good move Yeah, so is it their money that yeah, like who's money? You got paid right so you're paid your director bucks Yeah, and you're paid your I'm assuming Robbie Williams did a voice not yeah, Robbie Williams voices himself. He didn't do a monkey suit No, yeah, Robbie Williams doesn't voice himself. He does the narration. Sorry. Yes

Yeah, oh, yeah, I was under the impression. He did at least the voice. No, that's sorry. He narrates Over what's happening? He's a little kid But that's very fun. I'll do it all No, he can't do it. Yeah Yeah, no, John O. Davies is the voice and motion capture Yeah, okay for Robbie Williams Robbie Williams plays the narrator. And probably got some of his money from selling his story. Yeah, exactly.

So he got his back, dude. And he's the only one I care about. And Adam Tucker provided additional singing vocals for Robbie. Did they get anybody to provide additional ape experience? Did the monkey get paid? Yeah. Did the monkey get? Did they pay the monkey? Yeah, actually, yeah, the monkey get paid? Yeah Actually it says here that the 110 million dollars was the monkeys money this was its dream

It's a Robbie Williams monkey Monkeys like always dreamed of playing Robbie Williams in a movie and they just let it happen. Robbie Williams was at the zoo and he was like, you know, I've always sort of seen myself as a bit of a monkey. And the monkey said, I've always seen myself as sort of a Robbie Williams type. And they were like, it doesn't match made in heaven, dude.

What if we collaborated on something? Robbie Williams looks at the ape, he's like, oh. And the ape looks at him, oh, and they're like well I know what to do now. This is one of those moments You know it's one of those magic moments where you end up making the greatest movie of all time. So for those who say it may happen I don't know who that could be, maybe someone in this room, but um yeah what happens in the movie? So Robbie Williams is a little ape okay. Okay. He's a little chimp boy, okay, and he's poor in England Okay, and then he you know he grows up

Well at one point his dad leaves him leaves his family. Okay Because he wants to go and do stand-up comedy at pubs So he abandons his family. How true is this story? How much can I love it's true? This happening law is the idea of some of the abandoning their family to do stand up at a pub. That's what happens. It's not even quite stand up at a pub. It's more like stand up while also doing pub trivia. Yeah dude. That's brutal. No it's bad. He abandons baby Robbie Williams who is a chimp. And then he, Robbie Williams obviously grows up troubled by this. Well, Mike will cut me there.

I don't know. You what? You grow up some kind of wrong. And he's like, and his dad as well, his dad is a lover of the greats, of your Frank Sinatra, you know, because like, what, your faith, like, the greats of pub trivia comedy. He loves Frank Sinatra and he always equals Robbie Williams youth. And he says says come on youth You've got to be famous one day and so Robbie Williams. He internalizes that and then he fooling famous

Yeah, and then he becomes famous. He joins a boy band. Yeah, whatever He goes he becomes Robbie Williams as we know him and then his dad comes back Yeah, and he's like youth look how well you did for yourself. Let me be I've made him well I know well, but anyway, he comes back Welsh And he's like, you look how well you did for yourself. Let me be. I've made him Welsh. He's not Welsh. But anyway, he comes back Welsh. I went to Wales, I came back Welsh. He's like, where were you, dad? I was in Wales.

I was in Wales. I came back Welsh. And then he basically comes back. He tries to sort of parasite onto Robbie Williams' fame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Robbie Williams has a fight with him, does a lot of cocaine, makes a lot of Christmas eggs. Whatever. The question for us is, you know, if I was that man and my boy was a talking ape,

I think my life would be very different. Yeah, firstly, probably wouldn't go into stand up and be writing a pub quiz because I have a talking ape son. I'm eating beans across the table from my son And then I suddenly look it up and I realize he's a chimp that can talk like a man of my eyes become dollar signs Because I know I'm about to make the big bucks. Yes. So how are you going to exploit your son? Well, my first thought was um to just like I mean just like at a base level yeah he's impressive like at a base so your base level is look at him check this shit out dude have

a look my son is full chimpanzee man Maybe fuck the kid study me and my wife and pay us let me impregnate more people Good luck without like trying to get the wife to agree to that Honey, is the wife the life needs me to impregnate people, okay? So you're just gonna like jerk off into a cup and they're gonna Not quite Yeah, like I so it's not I do wish that I'm gonna make love to many beautiful women Okay, all right, well then I'm gonna go and get fucked by many men to see what you like

Yeah, I got chimps to me What you like, darling? Yeah. I got chimps to me. More power to you, dude. Wow, you just don't give a shit about me and this family. No. I know. I know shit about making chimp men.

Yeah. And then I can raise a chimp. You knew that from the moment we got together. What did I say on our wedding day? You knew he was going to be a chimp. I said, there's two things I care about in this life in order of importance one Making an army of chimp man to take over the earth. Yeah, I know you my wife

Why do you think it's your calm that's so special? What is my I'm just hoping Just open Wow, maybe made the best person made the best chimp maker win and then imagine they both make a chimp This person may the best chimp maker win and then imagine they're both making sure yeah See that was my first thought Judge ten bucks a pop have a look at my talking chip. Yeah, my son is a talking. Yeah, you know sell him to a zoo Whoever will take a zoo Well it's a zoo! First, hang on. Firstly, it's a zoo. Whoever's willing to buy it. I don't know if zoos will purchase an animal.

Secondly, it's your son! How do zoos get animals then? Like conservation efforts. Your son gets, you contact the zoo trying to sell your son to the zoo. Let's roll play that out. I type in the number for the zoo Hello, it's the zoo you're right

So I've got are you doing Alright, mate. Yeah, sorry. I've just taken my the phone off the oligarch that answered it and now it's me To me And now it's me the zoo fighting over the fucker everyone's here to chat to me slow day at the zoo here mate yeah yeah how can i help you well i wanted to know if you so i've got an animal

basically yeah alright just bring it over i'm looking to sell we don't buy animals here mate we're a fucking zoo aww dude that would have wrecked that slow day at the zoo. Well, then you could talk about it a bit, you know. Well, reading very quick, how do zoos get their animals? Yeah, it's like, well, breeding their own animals.

They don't buy them off lunatics. You say that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I say, I'm quiet from other zoos, and it's like capturing from the wild, and then other sources, zoos can get animals from backyard breeders or the black market. Well, I'll try to do it through legitimate means. Yeah, actually, that makes zoos way more exciting for me. Because that means, like realistically, if a zoo catches, there would have to be someone that was pretty much working undercover for the zoo. That's true.

Cause they have to be paying attention to like, like private collectors and like what's being sold on the black market and then dip in and buy for the zoo. Like the sort of like import export, like, hey, we just said like a white rhinos come through, get that at the auction or whatever From two years ago like how do most shoes get their animals someone's like, you know, my boss's boyfriend I just smalls move most of these animals come from ex exotic pet owners. Well, so yeah

What am I? We picked up before I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, yeah Is this a zoo right? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. This is a zoo. Well, how can we help you? I've got an ape to sell. Yeah, right. So what kind of ape? Good question. Boy. Boy kind. So it's a male ape. What kind of ape though?

Well, I'll go back a bit. There's a chance I might have magic semen. Right, mate. Can I just... Four, let me carry on. One second, one second, I'm just gonna put you on mute. Right. Joe, pick up the phone here is saying he wants an ape. Hello mate. Why is the thing fellas? It seems I might have magic semen. He says he's got magic semen. Yeah.

But when I cummed in me wife. Of course I would never expect you to come in with. When you cummed in your wife? When I cummed in me wife. When you cummed in your wife? When I cummed in my wife. When you cummed in your wife. Instead of, you know, producing a little boy in the hospital, what came out instead

was a chimpanzee. Oh, a chimpanzee! Not a normal chimpanzee, for it had the brain of a man. Right, and you've got a baby. Yeah, well no, he's a lad now. Not normal chimpanzee for a brain of a man, right? Yeah, well, no, he's a lad now be about Seven years old. We haven't ever is the first time Well, it occurred to me over me beans

Perhaps as who would like him and I'm looking to make some like the like, like the nurses, the doctors, they didn't have much to say, no. They didn't really say anything, like it's a miracle. Sort of accepted it for what it was. Didn't say like, what a weird thing. No, no. And he's raised normal. Just, and he's raised, well, when you say normal, okay. And so you want to sell your boy. I raised him regular.

Yeah, now I'm looking at myself. Yeah, right mate, I just want to double check. You cummed in your wife. I cummed in my wife's pussy, yeah. I cummed in my wife's pussy, right. I don't know, whatever pussy it came, your boy, your, your wheel ad. And he's, he's growing up normal. You're not normal. Raised him normal. Now you wish to sell your boy. I was looking at him over the beams and I thought, well, you know, maybe a zoo would

like him. Maybe it's a male, like a male chimpanzee. say? I believe so, I mean I'm not a male chimpanzee. Could we have a breeding program or something? I'm like doing like over the thing like, this guy's fucking insane. I'll tell you what mate, how about you bring in your boy son, ape, to the zoo, we'll uh... I'm giving you the thumbs up like... We'll have a look at him and uh, then we'll figure out a quote and you can decide what to do from there. Great, that'd be Great. Robbie! Robbie! I'm like over the heat cold. Robbie we're going to the zoo!

Either he's got a chim- We're going to the zoo! Get in the car! We're going to the zoo Robbie! Get in the car! He's in his room, welcome out So he's his name's Robert Robbie Williams 20-minute like the comedian don't know bye Then I turn up with my son who is a chimp man You both have a god your face I And he talks to us like you both have egg on your face Hey, I guess you're like well, um, he's it's so he appears to be obviously is a chimp Well, but he also needs to be a boy. Yeah, he's not actually well, he's not really a chimp

Oh, he's a boy like he's a boy. So that's a no you're not taking him. Well, I think um, he's not a chimp Though he's a boy with a computer not answering my question. How about we will take him if you can somehow tell us what we could do with this boy in like what? Put him in enclosure. Yeah yeah yeah. Show him to child. I'm just gonna quickly just record this conversation First one second what come to zoo Here with a baton, I know the Bobby's came yeah the Bobby's did come yeah That's gonna be the real trick for me is how to avoid the Bobby

Also, how are you going to sell your son in a way where... Yeah, yeah. Could it be like I want to sell my chimp and you bring them over there, the chimp's like, hello? And you're like... What?! This chimp has never done this before! It's crazy! What do we have to up the price? This is a very important, expensive chimp now.

Yeah, maybe I don't want to sell anymore unless you can give me a lot more money and you want to dissect him. Yeah! Smart chimp alert! Yeah, so fucked up. Maybe you should dissect my son. I mean, there's chimp. Like, if you want to give my chimp the electric chair or whatever. Just for experiments. Drop him out of a plane or whatever. Yeah smart as you can see

Yes, you can see he's a smart chimp. He is a chimp not a man. Yeah Not my boy chimp and yeah, I didn't I didn't get this Insane to even suggest that makes a chimp baby. Yeah. Yeah, exactly So I don't know how much a cold willie? Yeah, one billion I assume a lot. Hi, I'm looking to sell my son For you know science reasons in brackets dissection Just wondering if I can get one billion dollars What are you going to rate this uptick in? Uptick in one billion

Just a billy Having less of that I might be sad that I've got my son disected Going right to something I'm thinking 150 Yeah just a billion Having less of that I might be sad that I've got my son dissected I mean my chimp dissected There are plenty of other zoos out there So no zoo is gonna pay one billion dollars for your son One billion dollars to kill a chimp? Wooo Okay so if you acquire a chimp from a breeder be prepared to pay

around 50,000. It's not bad. Not one billion. Not one billion. This is a non talking chimp. 50,000 below my asking price. Yeah. What about a talking chimp? That's at least doubled. And that's for a breeder as well presumably. Yeah yeah yeah. Not a lunatic. Well, no, not, but as in like zoos would probably be offering less than that. True. Well, the other thought I had is that greatest of American scams, and I just do Bigfoot scams in the woods with him.

Get him naked. He walks past campers. Question mark, question mark, question mark mark was that a naked little boy? I think it was bigfoot can I have one billion dollars you do so in America I'm gonna cast a bigfoot's foot

and the frog price one billion dollars you know they say you gotta aim high ok cause one guy out there will buy it for a billion dollars They say you gotta aim high. You do, you do. Okay? Because one guy out there will buy it for a billion dollars. So I just keep saying a billion dollars. So in America, when you're going into the woods, maybe like say you're hunting.

Yes. You know, maybe you're there, and some people are there not to hunt Bigfoot, but some people are there to hunt Bigfoot. Okay, so you say my son's gonna get shot with a gun. Yeah. Probably multiple times. The risk is not zero, is what I'm saying. My boy, you killed my boy! I was gonna use him for one billion dollars and now he's dead and no one's ever gonna want to give me one billion dollars.

You thought you killed a bigfoot, you've killed a human being, but I'll keep this quiet for one billion. It's the simple price of one billion dollars and this goes nowhere. Okay? And it's basically a bargain, a one billion dollar fee and no one will know that you're a boy killer. You killed a human boy today. And like, I'll figure out a way to put the body.

It's just one billion dollars. Whatever, it's just a chimp. I mean, if it is a boy. It is my boy, but it's also a chimpanzee. I can just throw it in the river, okay? Yeah. You know, it's fine. It's just gonna cost you a simple price single bill one billion dollars and that's how you get shot Just call the bank you just ask them for yeah

Yeah, I know like do a one billion dollar transfer it's so easy to do so yeah, I and then I'd like do a one billion dollar transfer. It's so easy to do. Guys, so simple. Come on. I didn't think about the fact that my son could get shot. Well, I mean, I didn't think about any way to make money by making my son. That was my next question. So let's say he doesn't get shot.

No one's hunting a Bigfoot. All right, you got your son. You're like, how old is he at this point, seven? Well, no, I gotta wait till he ages up. Okay. So he's like the right height. What is that? How old? When he's like the right height. Yeah, what is that? How old when he's like the size of a man we say so I hate is all yeah

Okay, bye dad Don't try to sell me for one billion dollars and eat shit and die Yeah, you kept you can't feel like for like ten years the what the moment you were looking at looking at me over a plate Of beans I could see you were like a hummer mate you I'm gonna make a billion dollars this boy I know I'm a team of like of age of bigfoot age as you keep saying I'm leaving god damn It should have done this a year earlier Okay, I'll do it when he's a boy then okay, and then so here's what I do so yeah I buy a bunch of land so you have to with a so you're poor Yeah, go to America. Okay step one shave my son

Shave him says all pink doesn't look like he's a hairy ape boy I think shaving him is gonna draw even more attention Just put a hoodie on him. Put a lot of clothes and a big hat that goes down over his face Anybody but anybody says sir, what's wrong with your son I say you can go right to hell. Yeah, and he's sick and he's sick, too He's hideous. He's sick and you could go to hell. He was born hideous Yeah, yeah, he's nicknamed at school is mr. Fuck head ugly Or fuck ugly for sure

Or fuck ugly for short. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also a unique name at home. Okay? So he gets enough of that at home, but he doesn't need it at the airport. Okay. So how dare you ask what's wrong with my boy? Okay. Okay.

Alright. For God's sake, I'll tell you what's wrong with him. He's fucking idiot. Okay? But he knows it. You think he doesn't know he's fucking idiot? Yeah, like when he looks in the mirror, he sees the same fuck ugly head that we see. Exactly.

He should, if he doesn't look in the mirror look at the marriage crying something's wrong. Yeah, exactly I'm and he cries every day which I think is normal if I looked like that I would cry more than all the time crying right now. Okay. I'm sorry my hideous son That people was cruel to you at the airport. Good day, ma'am. Yeah. Okay, so you've shaved your son Yeah, Robbie Robbie. I'm so sorry. You're fuck These pieces of shit, I wish you were beautiful It's a Robbie Williams, oh sorry Robert Peter Williams fucking ugly boy.

So then I take him. I shave your boy. I shave my boy. Then we fly to America. With what money? With what money? I sell my house. Sell my house, divorce my wife.

She takes off your house. She takes off my house. Fuck. She takes off your hat. She takes off my hat. Fuck! The divorce gets ugly. I'm in the court for a long time. She says I need visitation rights. I say, no. She says, well you're not, you know, she gets a kid.

Yeah. Cause of course she would. Cour courts are really struggling to find a way To give you full custody of the boy yeah I've ended up with no house and no son What do you mean I can't keep fuck ugly Why does she want him? He's fucking idiot I love my ugly stupid boy He was gonna make me one billion dollars

How easy it is to become a billionaire one say one Billy It is to become a billionaire one say one Okay, okay, I'm gonna think of some other way to do this I Okay, you take out a credit card you know Whatever you're in debt in the UK. She sells some more I sell the ones I don't need okay I think it a credit card, baby. Go into debt, but the UK doesn't matter cuz you're now in America I go to the US we fly to the US. Okay. I buy a plot of land somewhere uh-huh Strong start okay credit card together over there. So the organ

Okay, don't worry, It's all gonna work out. Now, with this plot of land, I don't develop it. So... It just remains me. It's woods, so you sit on a prime piece of land where he appreciates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I build a little shack out the front. And I say, and that's where we live. Well, he can live in the woods Yeah, and I say baby bigfoot tours

And then I take people into the woods To see my son so you abandoning your son into a woods. Yeah, okay? Well, he's in it at night. He can come back to the shack. That's okay. You can come if he wants well I'm gonna keep track on him actually yeah, what what's the stop him? Just jumping off? Okay? Alright dad will be back this evening. I'm just packing this rock sack. You have a no reason as long as it's for no reason Quest for one billion dollars. Thanks. You don't have to wish me luck Seems like you're coming around at all of Dad's big ideas. Yeah. Seems like you're figuring out your Dad's not such an idiot after all.

As Robbie Williams. I'm like staring ahead at a window behind me, you can see him get into a taxi and drive away. Just stumble out on a highway. Head back towards the airport. It just seems like maybe Robbie, you're realizing your dad's not such a big old stupid fucking idiot, is he? In fact, he's about to be the world's richest man. And then the next day when people arrive. Yeah.

And Robbie Williams hasn't come back. And I say, welcome to Baby Bigfoot Tours. In the woods woods near here people say that there's a baby Bigfoot uh-huh 50 bucks a ticket and I'll take you into the woods on a tour and maybe if we're lucky we might see him okay and then we go into the woods and then you don't say sorry I think my son I mean Bigfoot has gone to Europe? Yeah, I guess he's not, you sure he's not here? And I look around, I go I guess we didn't see him that time.

And then he doesn't come home that night, and I go I've been fucked by my ape son. I can't wait to tell my wife, well don't have to tell her anything. She's gonna have a field day with this, would you hear about it? But you could probably keep that shack going for a bit, right? Well, with baby Bigfoot tours. Yeah, cause like, I mean, I'm giving you a tour of the woods. There's no Bigfoot, but there's no Bigfoot. It would last about a month max, I reckon.

Okay, let's see. How much is Bigfoot tours? I don't know if it's, okay, so the Bigfoot tours, I don't know if it's okay say the Bigfoot adventures. Yeah multi-day Bigfoot tour to 275 dollars per person per day. Okay, three person minimum Okay, is this actually like is it? Is this a you're looking for a Bigfoot or is it just like hey, we're going out like hiking or whatever Well, I think you know I take him into the woods. Maybe I give him a gun And I say if you see him you shoot him you You've gone from trying to sell your boy to science for 1 billion dollars to

Selling him to your friend for $10 with the claim that if you Shoot and has given him a gun and like yeah shoot him you can keep it. Yeah Well, maybe I up that price. I say yeah bucks and they go. Okay, and I go actually I'm the only person doing this 15 actually do this one You're here see might as well pay actually be the price hike yeah, it's one sorry inflation One billion dollars. It's very funny to imagine my shack with a sign out the front saying baby bigfoot to it's ten dollars one bit so look okay so it looks

like you could do yet it's a multi-day thing okay so you know it's maximum six people yeah so you're getting like I say 1650 mm-hmm a day yeah you're getting six people in and it's usually like every you know for like you know Most of it is is that more yeah, then the cost of say the mortgage of your giant block of land Yeah, there's all and then any and also like you know paying alimony. Yeah

And also how long are you staying in America for? The rest of my life presumably. Yeah I don't know if he can do the- Yeah. Well I mean- I'm off the grid. He's doing a lot of stuff that you're not traditionally meant to do.

Yeah. You know anywhere. You're not really meant to let people hunt your son. It's like one of the big no-nos. When you start, when you become a parent they say- Yeah. Obviously you know- And you would have got, they say, hey, obviously, you know. And you would have got this with Joey baby. They were like, you know, how do you change?

You know, a nappy, you know, when you were, you swaddle, when you're putting him down, you know, for sleep, it's like, you know, no pillows, no blankets, no something, whatever. And also by the way, yeah, you don't hunt, you know, you can't hunt him for sport. Every parent can't pay someone to hunt him for sport. Every parent at a certain point, you know, you had the baby a long time, you're gonna think, what have I hunted this him for sport. Every parent can't pay someone to hunt him for sport. Every parent at a certain point,

you know, you had the baby a long time, you're gonna think, what have I hunted this baby for sport? Was it part of your birthing classes or was it part of like early parenting where they're like, I know the dream to buy a block of land with woods on it. Yeah, yeah, so you can do it. Give your friends gun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it was shockingly, it was reinforced. It was like, you know, the pre-birth and then like, you know, the post-birth. Yeah, I guess they need to remind you. They really gotta remind you was a reinforce. Yeah, you know the pre birth and then like, you know the post Yeah, I guess they need to remind you like don't you know, even though maybe your son may or may not be hairy Yeah, not a big foot. Yeah, even though you might have got a Robbie Williams situation Trust me. Do not try and sell your boy to be hunted for sport. Yeah, it was like a big hole Well, it makes sense. I mean I guess I didn't get the last Did for sport yeah, it was like a big hole. Well. Yeah, make sense that makes sense. I guess I didn't get the last Yeah, I didn't get the memo. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, baby, I know baby make sense. Why yeah, you know you would know I think it's okay to hunt my baby for sport Yeah, you haven't learned Like I think uh going back to what you just said before about it being illegal Yeah, yeah, your best bet is you're gonna need to keep it low-key, okay? So so you can't have lots of foot traffic So ten dollars a pump not in the car. Yeah, so if you were to charge maybe a couple of people Just like you know charge a couple of people one billion dollars you'll be a billionaire in no time It's just one cent You just need to do it once and then you'll live in the highland

Yeah so you get two people and it's like half a billion Yeah exactly right 500 million are you kidding me? No but see that's bad thinking because this would be me I'm sitting in the shack and I'm like I just need to charge two people half a billion And then I'm like but if I charge one person One sale Million dollars

Like you know, I'm gonna think if they should people for two bill. Yeah, I'm two Billy up Yeah, Bobby you listening to this and if they shoot and kill my son. Yes Yeah, what are you listening to this and if they shoot and kill my son? Yeah? Second amount of money anyway, yeah, I should just charge one billion dollars. I should just start with one billion. Yeah, you know That's my baseline. Yeah, and then anything on top of that. Yeah, that's gravy. Yeah, yeah a billion dollars is a great baseline Yeah, that's profit. Yeah All this right now sure it's expense. Yeah, but it's gonna be worth it when you get that sale for a billion. Yeah, this is gonna be the price of, you know, the plane tickets, the mortgage, the alimony,

that will be chump change when I get a billion dollars to go. Your ape son comes home one day to find you crying in the shower being like, I've got so many bills yet no one wants to pay one billion dollars to hunt you what the fuck this doesn't happen soon financially I'm gonna be in so much trouble and the cops are gonna be coming for me yeah don't tell anyone we live here son where did he go school you just enrolled him in like a local high school. What does your dad do? It's really hard to say.

Anyway, can you once again give this letter to your dad about like, you know, paying the school fees? Just can you make sure he gets this one? Yeah, I'll give it to him. I don't know if I've got no like confidence in the fact that he can read What it says though, you know in our shack it says one billion dollars it's spelled BIL yo why oh Billion yeah one billion Spell billion wrong. You started saying yawned.

As if that was a letter. Yeah, B-I-L yawned. Yeah dude. Well yeah, that's my plan. Do you think it was good? Yeah, the world's most dangerous game. But it was the most dangerous haunt? No game, my most dangerous game, but with my son.

But the thing about my plan, obviously it was most dangerous hunt yeah, okay, but with my son yeah, but the thing about my plan obviously bad It's the biggest gamble well yours is for profit yeah, where I've gone for fame, okay, because You know Robbie Williams obviously a lot of talents athletic as well And one thing so I was like trying to find somewhere where you know having like a person who was like good at stuff Yeah, and a monkey or an ape or a chimp Yeah, you know could work together or like you know having like one person resemble both is good And the place I could think of was NASA. Oh, they love chimpanzees Oh, they love to send them space. So let's get my boy in the you know out of space. Yeah, okay now

When they send a chimp to space, yeah, it's cuz they don't want to send to me What what are you drinking? I'll buy my son I'll buy my son Just inquiring I don't want to make I don't want to say what I want. I want to see how much you're willing to pay Okay, so I said when they said the chip to space was because they do why did they send a chip to space? I think they were they testing the chip or space well because they I'm like a dog so a chimp to space. I think they had... Were they testing the chimp or space? Well because they... I'm like a dog. So a chimp can still... Sorry, I just saw that fucking cricket

that has been in the studio for the last week. That has been just like... For making the most... Every evening at 5 o'clock... Johnny Cricket! Johnny Cricket! I gotta take a photo of Johnny Cricket. Starts making noise and it's...

You keep talking. There he is there. He is anyway Uh, so yeah when when NASA like I don't want to I don't want to um, so send it send it send a dog Yeah, but then like well, hey a chimp has thumbs Yeah, we can ask that chimp or train that chimp to press buttons. Yeah, I'm like wait say we're a dog We're like they send it off and yeah Yeah, I'm like wait say we're a dog. We're like they send it off and yeah By dog we ain't getting that dog back whereas with the chance There is it there is a chance that the chip will come back the chimp will go to space gain sentience and then return Yeah, crawling. Yeah, it is the crickets going

You can get a copy get him right now Let me just be mad and furious and bugs. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean... Which just like, I would be mad at a cricket. Yeah, look. Okay? I mean, I'd be mad at a... well, this is... Aw, sorry.

Okay. Aw, yes. So like, I don't know, I have 5-5-5-5-5, said this in 80 of the podcast. So anyway, so, um, yeah, we had a bit of a like a my slash rat infestation of a while ago And so what happened was to assume a beautiful cat Every summer it gets a little little almost knows yeah, we initially thought it was like getting scratched out Yeah, and so we were like because it's like kimchi. We're like stop fighting So eventually like because it gets caught really bad into the vet

We're like we think it's gonna be you know like she's scratched infected or whatever Yeah, and so like we're gonna get go to like a groomer to be like put those gel caps on the cat tonight And it looked pretty as hell But the vet was like I don't Scratch this looks like an allergy or something and I was like But what if though? Yeah, you might as well put some humor me mr. vet yeah humor me without like you know spending like a lot of money on on a bunch of things like you know anesthetic and biopsy etc etc anyway turns out yes there's an allergy

so we're like well what could it be allergy to we're thinking maybe it's mosquitoes yep so I'm like okay well plus what could it be algae to we're thinking maybe it's mosquitoes. Yep. So I'm like, okay, well Plus with Johnny baby time trying to like, you know wrangle the cat. Yeah, everything so I'm like, okay for this summer Yeah, simple solution is to block off outdoors because they go out those got an enclosure out there they go into I'm like, stop that so I did that because I'm like I don't want to deal with like, you know her getting this Yeah And then what do we but to see? I wonder who look out. And I'm like,

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Acast.com. Little rat just run across. Johnny Rat. And then as we get home one day in like an evening time Yeah, oh the amount of rats scurrying Coincided with the time that maybe I try and get into gardening. Maybe this is what I do I'm gonna plant some tomatoes and I do all this thing and I'm like, oh well You gotta you know set up all sprinkler system. I did like, you know, we've got fertilizer

Yeah, and so, you know, you're putting down fertilizer. It's good for plants. Also apparently fucking good for rats Bullshit guys, so then I'm like great now. I got a deal with this rat problem. Yeah So I you know making sure you let the cats back You know put some rat poison out right And the cats are small Yeah, so I put like you know, you know, you bait the kind of in areas right and they were eating it so quick Yeah, and I'm like, that's great. And like, you know, they're like day two I was like, you know what I probably should have done was like just let the cats out into the enclosure even they're not gonna like

You know into the enclosure even though they're not gonna like you know escape or fight at least like scare the rats away but I can't do that now because well they poison the rats and like if the cat eats the poison rat then it's like oh they're gonna be then it's not good for the cat and now it's just you're gonna have a backyard just full of dead poison rats yeah

well yeah I found two one was in the cat enclosure and the other one had died next to the strawberries and I'm like mother fuck why anyway, inside of the strawberries that I'm like, mother fucker, why? Anyway, side of the strawberries, that must have been fucked up. So anyway, so I've been dealing with this rat issue for the longest time, and then one

fucking summer, beautiful summer day, we come out and we're like, ah, I understand, I see that the, uh, the, the ant faction has used the distraction of the rats to invade. Good. Okay okay time to start dealing with the rat the ants yeah right so start dealing with the ants so so I

was being like okay so you can't be ready thing in the sink and I'm like that's great and also why are we're dealing with this as an aside my wonderful beautiful wife she's like I think I'm gonna get into syrups I'm like first off what? She's like you know everybody's life. You know they're gonna get into syrups. Like hazelnut syrup. Yeah. I think it's like she's got like a white chocolate syrup that kind of stuff to add to like They are good syrups. I've used some of the syrups I will admit. I have also used it in like coffee. Delicious. Good syrups.

Yeah good syrups. Yeah man. What do you think about this? Army son syruped order? Ooo. What could you think about this? army son syrup daughter What could you possibly be those are the two things you get into army army or syrup? Yeah, would you rather an army son or a syrup daughter or maybe syrup son army daughter? That's a good one. Hmm. He's like syrup son. Yeah army daughter sad. I never see you Where syrup son I can be like oh yeah coconut up my coffee

Army daughter when she comes back if she gets if she's done well yeah I get to sort of like you know parasite some of that success I just meant like army isn't like into the art like he's in like she's not like like a fan of the other Just being like hey, that's a weird daughter. am I knocking her bedroom door and she's looking at like tanks? Yeah Oh, no, I've got an army daughter Samantha is totally normal to want to fuck a tank. Yeah

That kind of army daughter she hid it when I opened the door. That's my assumption. Is that she's getting off on tanks. And I don't want her to feel weird. Darling, it's okay to be in love with a tank. I think it's awesome. You want to get off to tanks. I think hitting someone with... Like, you know they've seen your porn.

You've shot it very quickly though. And then they say, It's okay, honey. I know you want to have sex with a tank. Like, you know they've seen your porn. You've shot it very quickly though. And then they say, it's okay, honey. I know you want to have sex with a tank. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's bad. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But what if she does want to have sex with a tank? I still think that's bad. What's wrong with that? What are you doing? Just trying to get comfortable. What's wrong with, if my daughter, who my love,

wants to fuck a tank, you were good at a thousand blossoms blue. Okay, so you're you're googling Gapes yeah, and then your dad comes in and you slam your laptop shut and then he's like, it's okay son It's okay son. I gaped asshole is truly one of God's most beautiful gifts. Hey, am I my own dad? Today rocks. Well yeah, I guess I should. But what if I said, Samantha, I just want you to know, whatever you're looking at, it's okay. I think is awesome.

Yeah, I think you gotta avoid the word awesome. I will love you no matter what part of the army gets you off. You could have stopped her like a sentence earlier. Do you want to join the army? What if you just don't acknowledge it? Also acceptable. But what if I decide not to acknowledge it too late? Like a company to sit down on her bed and then I'm like, no.

It's okay, honey. No, not for me. What are you talking about? You know what? I don't know No, I don't know what I'm doing. So man. Yeah, what I'm gonna go sell your brother for one billion dollars It's funny to go down sit down realize I don't know how to deal with the scenario try and get out of my bit by being like, huh You what you want? I wasn't talking. What'd you you, what do you want? Dad, I wasn't talking. What'd you say? Sorry, were you talking to me? I wasn't listening.

Yeah, did you want some? Nothing? All right, well. I thought you were calling for me. Yeah, well, it's been real. And then like in further trying to get out of it, I just start to go to sleep in her bed. Could you actually just like leave me alone?

I'm actually like really dying. Yeah, I'm exhausted. I'm actually so tired right now. I put up four ads on Craigslist Trying to make I'm on that grind honey, yeah, you know daddy very tired Anyway good night tonight like to a 2pm Okay, dad No wonder she wants to fuck a tank

It's not a normal household So my wife is into syrups Yeah, so we're clearing up the you know making sure there's no crummies around like you know the the the toaster or whatever Because they were loving that yeah, they they also seem to be like oh, it's a vanilla extract Just like just around like you know perhaps like maybe in the very sweet very sugary. Yeah, it's would love it Yeah, so the the the syrups were on the coffee bar Which is like you know a little bit of a distance from like you know with a pantry, but they still found it Yeah, lovely to find love to find so now we just keep finding

Ants every now and again like you know one was in the lounge room today. I'm like what are you doing? Yeah, that was nice of to be like yeah, do know finally like that's all right. Do you fan today? Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, I say like mice though. Well first off I ate all my fucking tomatoes How long with the tomatoes planted before they all got eaten Like like one of them was like getting real ripe. I was like oh, I can't wait Like one of them was like getting real ripe and I was like, oh I can't wait It's gonna be good mato, maybe in the next like three days Yeah, that next day they didn't even have they had the audacity to eat half the mato And leave the other half on the vine

A half mato situation? Oh my god, and there was one real, and again there was another good looking mato You got rude rats There was one mato looking real good. Yeah, and then like it was gone the next day I was like literally like I was like the day I'm like like it's like made me just not care about gardening at the moment Well, cuz of the rats and I'm like got like it like a pomegranate tree That's not gonna kind of get some fruits, and I'm just like I know I need to get it But that's also where they were living because you can see little rat holes

Rat holes in the tree! Yeah, well in the soil around the tree Maybe a pomegranate is too tough for a rat to get into. No, a rat will find its way in. It does really feel like this should- I feel like if I saw a rat hole, like if you found rat holes in your backyard, I feel like you meant to like do something.

Well, you got to cut me. Dynamite? You meant to like rake them up or whatever, cupping them up kind of stuff and that kind of stuff to be like, stop making this. Yeah. I was doing that, but then it just like, I'm not too mad and salty.

Yeah, what if you fill them with water or something? Is that good around the rats again like now because I'm like, alright and then like that half motto Yeah, I stayed there for ages until I Was gonna eat that motto but By and large I feel like rats are gone. Oh, that's good Cuz now we got some mato's that are growing. I'm like alright We've missed a lot of the good mato season and because I have not been fertilizing or watering during the heat The rats are basically like just dropping in the weed. Yeah, yeah The rats know. They fucked it. But anyway, but now we're dealing with the rats. The ants. The ants. The ants are slowly coming down

So am I cool cuz we got ant red Whatever yeah, really annoying with answer. We're like all right cool Got some ant red and we put it around like you know where it was coming in in the middle of the night I stepped on it like god damn. This is annoying so put that in the bin Yeah, and the next day they're all like be aligning onto the fucking bin with a ant red was Why are you doing it when it was on the floor before? Now you're in the bin Now I'm gonna put the bin outside Yeah

Ants are so annoying And now about crickets Yeah and Johnny Cricket in this whole conversation Has entered and exited Our vision multiple times I can see him crawling around like a little He was going towards Jackson And then he disappeared behind a plan for a bit.

And I looked back down, and he was back, but he was near me. This is the second cricket as well, because I got like the other one I got rid of, and then this one I'm like, I've been hearing him for the last year, week and a half. There's no water, you're gonna die. Yeah, classic Johnny Cricket. Doesn't it feel like there's some solution that evolves? How did he get in here? Well, it's drafty, there's that hole in the wall with a mouse got it over Johnny Mouse

I remember I think about Johnny Mouse every 20 minutes. Yeah, but how do you get in here? Yeah, what do you mean like there's gaps under the door? Doors can be open as we are in a soundproof studio. Yeah For him as a cricket. Yeah, he chirps and not nothing nothing Doesn't feel like there should be some solution here where it's like you let the rats eat the ants For him as a cricket. Yeah, he chirps and not nothing nothing Feel like there should be some solution here where it's like you let the rats eat the ants Mmm, I don't think rats eat ants that ants eat the crickets You know it feels like you should be able to work this out like crickets are more likely to eat ants Crickets yeah, absolutely the crickets and the answer the dead rat yeah

Cricket yeah absolutely the crickets and it all the answer the dead rat yeah Right poison the crickets rats eat the crickets die ants eat the rats heaps of rat Heaps of ants dead rat dead rat ants outside though not coming in delicious and eating out delicious syrups. Yeah God I keep forgot it started with tank daughter Syrup son yeah, I try your wife syrups, which is a very awesome Strawberry daiquiri salted caramel and white chocolate. Yeah, I saw you try it is delicious. I like the salted caramel. I saw you try coconut I... coconut Yeah, can I know like, we, I can have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a little bit. No, no, you gotta go hard. You gotta go hard. Anyway, NASA. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, NASA. So basically like, I, cause what you were doing, you get a billion dollars or nothing. I send my chimp boy to space. I probably don't get paid, but if they do wanna pay me, hey, that's all right.

Plus you get to go to Cape Canaveral, be there for the rocket launch. Yeah, I get to watch a rocket launch. That's exciting. Plus you get to be, yeah. That's my son up there. Be like, my for the rocket launch. Yeah, I get to watch a rocket launch. That's exciting Be like my son's an astronaut. Yeah Cuz he's but is he can he do astronaut things get astronaut training Yeah, get any astronaut training or to get chimp astronaut training. Yeah. Well, I could be I guess he could get like Did any national training would get chimp astronaut training? Yeah, well, I could be I guess he could get like if you get chimp astronaut Okay, what about this? Yeah, you say you go Robbie Williams. Come here

Pretend you're just an ape. This is the deal pretend. You're just an okay I've got a crisp $20 note in my pocket. Yes, son. You could go buy all the marbles you want But you've got to pretend just for the next couple of weeks that you're just a regular chip Then you put him in the NASA chimp program. Okay now he's gonna get put up in space This is what they do with the chimps. Yeah, they get taught to pull some levers or whatever They go up in space and they crash back down now you sabotage Am I trying to kill my boy surely you don't need to sabotage because he's smarter than a chip well yeah but if he just does what a chip does that's not it that's not notable

yeah but he needs to go above and beyond yeah exactly that's why you sabotage he could probably go above and beyond without sabotaging other Kill some chips Jackson Jackson's plans going Jackson's like saboteurs of rocket then they're like, oh no chimps gonna die But then I teach Robbie Williams how to do an emergency landing of the rocket exactly So they think that's it. We've lost the 10 greatest chimps NASA's ever had and that guy's new This morning 10 greatest chimps NASA's ever had and that guy's new Yeah, this morning How are you teaching your son who is maybe seven at this point? Yeah, how are you teaching that your your seven-year-old son to? Emergency land all right. I just remember the trick is to keep calm and carry on.

Stiff off a lip. Stiff off a lip. Stiff off a lip, mate. Stiff off a lip, mate. And then when the rocket's crashing and he's like, God, I want to cry because I'm about to die. He's like, what with dad's words? Stiff off a lip. And then he... with a stern face.

He's a lot of dead chimps and one dead boy who looks like a dead Government give him a state man funeral estate chimp funeral do they find out are you like well Eleven chimps died today. You're sitting of your face. Well, even Chimps died to you. Why? Well, I did a Google search of what can Chimpanzee do better than humans and then Google corrected me. And so chimpanzees can play video games better than kindergartens from a 2014 article.

So what if I raise my chimps son to be the ultimate gamer? Or, okay yes, love where that is heading. May I just offer a counterpoint? Go on. You take your chimpanzee to the local kindergarten and make bets against the other kid's parents that your chimpanzee will beat them at video games. You say, what? Video games?

I reckon that my chimp can beat your child at a simple game of Atari's Pong. Okay, what do we think? I would have gone for Donkey Kong, but that does seem too you. Would you take that bet? Mm-hmm? No $20 if the entry price is low really I don't see myself. Okay. Let me see this day for 20 bucks Yeah, I'm in 50 bucks 50 is fine. I'm in $80 okay, I feel like I'm getting scammed for all of these amounts 50 bucks. I seem like you might be getting scammed Yeah, yeah, but I get bucks if you scan for 50 bucks you can wear it. Yeah Look, this is probably a bold claim. Okay, but I think that if you were a person who gets scammed

You've had $50 worth of entertainment happen to you Pretty busy $50 to see your child like absolutely eat shit to an ape like in a video game? Yeah. Funny. Like look at the price. And you could film it and you'd be like look at the time you lost to an ape. Yeah, like the ape man came to the kindergarten with his famous ape. If like, you know, a call center person called and was trying to get all my personal information and it was like a back and forth about how my computer's being hacked and I need to give them the password

or transfer them some money or whatever. And then like, oh no, it fucked up. We gotta do a refund. You gotta do that, blah, blah, blah, blah. If I lose $50 and that, I'm like, that's all right. I had $50 worth of fun. Yeah, for sure. So you think it'd be $50 worth of fun

to watch your kid versus a chimp? Yeah. Okay. My boy... Johnny boy. Yeah, yeah. Versus... My boy...

Johnny chimp boy. Yeah. My boy Chimpy John. Yeah. Crazy Chimp John. Crazy Chimpy John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

What's crazy about him? What do you mean nothing? It's his name. He's like a boy. Like how like Venus or like Washington's a name? So it's crazy. So it's crazy. And he's so named Chimpy after his grandfather.

Yeah. Old Chimpy Bailey. Noam Chimpsky. Noam Chimpsky. So in terms of like examples of names, you went Venus and Washington. Interesting. Yeah.

Did you Jackson imply that your dad is famous ape? No. Yeah. Is that? No. No. No. No.

No. Yeah. It's my dad. Yes, you could challenge kindergarten to this. But like, yeah, that's like an instant gratification, instant like you know, 50 bucks here and there. I'm trying to be like, well look, Robbie Williams, this chimp did not start off like being like the best like you know, performer, right?

It took a while for him to kind of you know, like you know, get to where the success, right? So same thing, we're gonna start like you know, enter competitions, we're gonna go to the local blockbuster I'm gonna play NBA Jam This might be a bold claim yeah, and I know I've said this might be a bold claim and then made bold claims like seven times I think chimpanzee right here right now bring them in you give them a controller to play NBA Jam They figure it out faster than any other video game.

I could not agree more. NBA Jam feels like it was made for chimpanzees to play. Yeah, I could not agree more. But chimpanzee games would probably include... Donkey Kong, obviously. Donkey Kong, yeah. But that feels... Nah, they don't like it when Donkey Kong fall down a hole.

It's just too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. It reminds me of that time that they fell down a hole. Yeah, they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dig Dug? Yeah. Honestly, Pac-Man? Yeah, Pac-Man. It reminds me of that time that they fell down. Yeah, they're like no no no no no no no. Dig dog? Yeah, I honestly, Pac-Man? Yeah, Pac-Man big ape game.

Yeah. Because I can figure it out, you know, it's like- Tetris, I reckon they'd be good at. Tetris, yeah. Oh yeah, okay. Is your ultimate goal to make your ape sound like a streamer? Yeah. Okay. I mean like, he would stand out.

Watch out for the thing. Oh, like join a, um... Oh, like he'd be like, FaZe Clan. Yeah. Chimp Clan. Yeah, chimp clan Hell yeah, dude, that's awesome getting about doing like I'm going to playing What's that one that they do like the big video game competitions with? Starcraft sure. I don't know what yeah What what would be a good game that you would like enjoy seeing a chimp play?

Rainbow Six Siege would be good, watching a chimp play. Okay, okay. I think what's weird about that is that like the chimp doesn't know how a gun works, but it knows how to shoot a gun in a game. Rainbow Six Siege actually could be a good chimp game. Yeah. It could? I reckon Rainbow Six Siege could be a good chimp game.

GDA 5 too. Yeah, I can see I imagine they're good at stuff that requires reflexes. Okay, that makes sense Yeah, yeah, would you watch cuz again he's a boy, but he looks like a chimp. Yeah, but yeah, like I would you yeah You see this like Playing GTA 5 and then you know, I hit the front page of twitch. Yeah Jim ta5 I think this is what Yeah, is how to see I would see chip and see playing gda5 I'll be like no way then I would click on it see that it's a sort of chimp man. Yeah, yeah

I'll be like talking in a British accent. He's talking I don't want this It's not really a chimpanzee at this point It's like when I start thing that was like that they taught a chimp to play minecraft right which it was a video I watched yeah from beginning to end. Of course. And they kinda did. Okay. But it was more like he knew if he held this lever forward, Steve would walk.

And it moved Steve. So then, okay. So ideally we're doing this, like, you know, I'm not trying to be like, hey, I'm going to put you in the woods. We're gonna work this together, right? Okay. Yeah. And maybe fairly look, going to put you in the woods. We're gonna work this together right? Okay yeah and maybe fairly look what I'm about to say is still not great developmentally for a boy.

Okay but it's like okay I understand this but look buddy we're gonna earn a lot more money if you pretend to be a chimp and just lean in. Yeah see now I'm watching. Yeah. And so then we just got to be like yeah do never speak. Because like when I watched. We gotta do chimp sounds. When I saw we taught a chimp to play Minecraft. Yeah. If it doesn't have to understand it completely. Yeah. But if I'm watching that and I'm like that chimp is playing Minecraft. Yeah. You know what I mean? So if you could do that with Robbie Williams. Yeah. Like that ch is playing Minecraft. Yeah, you know what I mean? So if you could do that with Robbie Williams, yeah, like that chip he doesn't know what's happening in GDF I but he's playing GD exactly imagine that you see a little chip slack

George just yeah headset on little controller and he's like just moving Mario around Dude Goombas and I'm just like, you know, like and he doesn't have to be good. Yeah, it doesn't matter He can we think yeah, we just make that like, you know, like and he doesn't have to be good. Yeah, it doesn't matter He can we think yeah, we just make that like, you know, you can see We're dealing kind of want to do this when he's like maybe what? 16. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. You really want him to be in on it. So it feels less Exploiting and yeah, I do think it's funny that you were like this is bad, but he has to pretend he's an ape Yeah, when I was like I'm gonna let people But he has to pretend he's an ape. When I was like, I'm gonna let people hunt him for sport.

I'm in fact not gonna let them hunt me. Dusha was sending them into space. And then one watching his head go, we have different fars. Yeah, we've got different priorities. That's okay. Yeah, that's all right. It's fine.

And listeners will be happy to know that you are the only one out of us three that currently owns a child. Exactly. Wouldn't clarify, wouldn't describe it as I would only a child. I would hunt my real child for sport. No one would want to.

Yeah. The market is just, yeah, there's just no market for it. That's the problem. I just gotta be all right, honestly, if I go hunted for sport. Yeah. I think it would be kind of fun. I thought you were talking about a chimp playing,

before we're going back. No, no, no, you were doubling down, you chimp. Well, I think it'll be kind of fun. I think you're talking about a chimp No, no, no you were doubling down you can't I think hunting me for sport you for sport Yeah, like if I got kidnapped, would you do it if there was a time limit? It's like hey for the next two hours Yeah, you're being hunted for sport if you survive will give you X amount. Oh, absolutely if you don't well You're dead in a heartbeat. I would be there dude because I think I could probably figure it out Climb a tree whatever yeah, that's a dead. That's a dead jack Jackson's dead within 90 minutes and the guys that pay Jackson like damn we should steal his wallet because it's not worth the money We picked a dud yeah, we really wanted the dog yeah sucks that sucks This was probably like the least dangerous game

I just don't when they fired a starting gun. I just don't move Was even fun. So I was really tired from the trip up here. So I'm just gonna actually lie down And then you fall asleep face down in the mud and just drown He really didn't even resist when he started to turn just a bunch of bubbles came Still He really didn't even resist when he started to drive. Just a bunch of bubbles came around his head and then he went still. We got these guns that I just, I don't know, I don't want to shoot him. He's already dead. Should we just shoot him anyway, just so at least? No, it's like, when I wanted, I paid the money to shoot him.

Could you get a refund, do you reckon? From who? He's dead. No, but from the guy who organized it? Well, the guy who organized it is you Because you're confident you're gonna survive I said... You said, I want someone to hunt me for sport. I went to these guys and I said, okay, here's the deal. You can hunt me for sport, but if I win, if you don't kill me, I get one billion dollars. Yeah.

Okay. And they did, so they paid up front. And then I say, I'm so tired. And I fall asleep face down in mud and drown. They did Face down in mud and drought It's the greatest Maybe they had to pay a deposit Yeah, that's sad for those two hunters. It's sad for those two hunters. It's not so much like a good scam. It's just like a bizarre thing happened to them.

What? Was he? Did you guys see? I got scammed. I think we got scammed. They gave me this option. You know, you have always wanted to kill a lad. Yeah, you never always wanted to kill a lad. Yeah You would never this guy come up to me is like look I you can try to hump me if I you don't get me You're like 90 minutes or whatever. You got to give him a billion. Yeah Deal and he's like you have to pay a deposit. Yeah, like a hundred Starting line he's like time to go like yeah

Why would he do that and then we just watch them head drown which wasn't really worth that no Why would he do that? It was cool? I don't understand what happened It's the perfect scam. Yeah, and now we feel like but I don't where the money go Yeah, it's good. It's I don't where the money go. Yeah It's good in my bank account word look through interest that's good. That's what you want Like the two people hunting you visible being like well, this is the next best thing I'm like tying you to like a zebra or something Kind of like wake up, like I didn't fully bounce.

I go like, what is happening? There you are dodging the bullet as the zebra like bucks and kicks and just runs away with you, head slamming against rocks. As I'm assuming they've tied you up right as you- I guess they tied me to the zebra's back but then I like slip off, so I just drag you behind right as the Ever is back, but then I like slip off

This is my zebra Hey you guided nuts, so you could fucking use my zebra dude I guess they did hey you I did not say you could fucking use my zebra dude That's gonna cost you another billion dollars. That's a one billion dollar fine guys. Yeah Minus a deposit you need to transfer me You give me two bill I'll give you a hundred thousand dollars now and you give me two billion I do next like convenience yeah yeah it seems like a good deal fellas good working with you I lie back down in the My head hurts from all those It's a quick brain refresh exactly I do before I do my business Just like resorts my thoughts

It's like some people have cold showers. I have this zephyr to keep me in the head. Cold showers, that's so like last year. Yeah it's old dude, it's old hat. Looking at my stocks or whatever being like rubbing my forehead. Like I can't even concentrate, go outside, CLOCK! Come back inside. Woo! Oh fuck.

BYE LOW! BYE LOW SELLELL LO BABY! BYE BOW SUB DOE! Just blood pouring out of your nose. Onto the keyboard. That somehow hits the click button. Yeah, bye. Bye, bye.

As you pass out from severe head trauma. Wake up. Yeah, bye Wake up Yeah, thank God cuz I have a transfer me one billion dollars after I let them leave these dividends of paying Yeah So yeah, that's what I'd do with Robbie Williams. Game of Ape, I like it. Game of Ape, lean in, be an ape. Go on the TV, go on Twitch. Hit in the bath or whatever. We've got a lot of big ideas this week and I think they'll all pay off.

I reckon so. I think they're all a path to success. Let us know what you would have done with your chips. And is the asking price of $1 billion too low or too high? I think it's too low honestly. I reckon you could go for more. I think I could go for more. Because it's the only one of $1 billion too low or too high? Yeah, I think it's too low honestly. Yeah, I think I could go for more. I think I could go for more. Because it's the only one of his kind.

Well because you know say $5 billion, I'm sorry $1 billion, I'm a billionaire. Yeah. But if I go say $1 septillion, I'm a septillionaire. That is true. Maybe the only one on earth. Yeah. I think so. You know.

And like that's all you gotta do is... But you think, look dude, you're an idiot. You're thinking too low because you're wanting money. Yeah, give me a country. Oh, that's true Yeah, I'm president become a king, you know, yeah, you should be like, yeah, the asking price is the United Kingdom Yeah, just like one If you want to throw it on yeah, you can do that and then I wouldn't mind Yeah, and then you can do you can't buy a son or me for sport You is and the thing is then what you're doing is you're really limiting like who you selling to yeah

If you're like hello King Charles, yeah One one United Kingdom for this boy or whatever. I think I wouldn't know what to do with the United Kingdom Yeah, like if they were like what okay Jackson you it's yours. Yeah, what are we doing with it? Yeah, I'd be like hey, can we all just get everyone that owns a boat to come meet me on this side? We're gonna tie a rope to the UK and drag it try and drag it out to see you bit. See what happens Yeah, yeah, maybe like closer to the equator where it's warm. Yeah Would oh yeah, you could drink drag close to the equator. I was trying to remember where the UK is on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, just pull it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, keep going down. Yeah keep going down

Yeah, warm it up. See what I'm making hot. We good hot Britain. Yeah Create hot Britain. Yeah, I love Really good idea. Yeah, and I think we're really smart mmm and on that note I've been Jackson Bailey And I've been Joe We make good yeah, yeah, we make Posted first podcast ever become billionaires. Yeah, someone should send us a billion dollars Yeah, like all you need is one transaction to go from whatever you are now to a billionaire.

Obviously, the moment you spend any of that money, you are no longer a billionaire. No. But that's a small price to pay for becoming a billionaire. I'm looking at the world's richest people right now, just to end the episode, and we're not on it yet. But with one billion dollars... You make it not on it yet, but with one billion dollars Yeah, like you know actually one billion dollars doesn't get us close. We're gonna need a hundred billion dollars Billy's always the hard exactly. Well. Yeah, cuz if we have one billion dollars. We just simply diversify Yeah, and then that one billion dollars becomes like ten billion dollars

and then we simply diversify the ten exactly we say we got a billion dollars we go bank give me another loan of a billion dollars I have a billion dollars they go no worries has a billion dollars we take the two billion dollars and then we go and invest that and diversify and make another billy exactly And we're just basically it's actually finances easy, dude. Yeah, it's all about the optics. Yeah All you need is a small practice small starting starting salary and or loan a billion dollars Yeah, and then you'll often do yeah and bonds are safe. So just like Yeah, yeah always goes up.

Gold's always good, dude. Dividends. Dividends. Yeah. Silver. Is silver good? Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. Well, goodbye. Yeah. A A VP at HBO said no one would ever watch Yellowstone. Stephen King was rejected by 30 publishers, Charles Schultz was told he'd never make a living scribbling, and Missy Elliott was dropped by her label. The stories of famous names, their lesser-known rejections, and the insights those rejections provide. We regret to inform you

the Rejection Podcast. Listen to Season 6 wherever you get your podcasts.