Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Get the Rats Out of Hamelin?

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Can you believe it? There’s so many frikkin rats in this sweet little German town of Hamelin and there’s some fool dressed in pied that says he can get rid of them all with his silly little pipe and, get this, they’re gonna pay him a thousand German dollars and or francs! Well not on our watch! We’ll do it for the sweet reward of 50 Australian Dollars and the love of the game. Zammit finds out what rats hate and immediately thinks of spaghetti, JD thinks way too highly of structural engineering in the 15th century and Jackson forgets just how flammable a tiny town with thatched roofs is. So come with us to the town of Hamelin as we try and puzzle this one out and then deal with that sneaky mayor who won’t pay us a dime.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. What's doing, listeners? Welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm Austin Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a pop culture comedy podcast

that asks the most important movie and whatever questions in the world, such as, how would you get the rats out of Hamelin? As everyone knows, Hamelin is a real German town. But it has a fake story that it is famous for. Well, fake to some. Fake to some, real to others, real to us in the studio. That is the story of the Pied Piper.

Long ago, the town had too many fucking rats. Rats, man. They're everywhere. Rats be problem. A fella came along dressed in multicolored clothing, i.e. pied, and he said, I'm going to fucking pipe. Hey, Germany town. You got a rap problem?

I got a pipe, baby. I'm going to fucking pipe up in this shit. And so the mayor said, I'll give you a thousand German dollars. Franks? No, no, no. I think they're called guilders at the time. I'm pretty sure. I think it was a thousand German dollars.

Is Franks German now? Maybe. Oh, no, it'd be a Euro, right? It'd be the Euro. Aren't they part of was a thousand German dollars Is Franks German now? Maybe Oh no It'd be a Euro right? It'd be the Euro Aren't they part of the Euro? Aren't they Franks? Anyway But when

No What did France have? France has the No now A lot of places have the Euro Yeah but The UK before they decided Brexit

Also didn't use the Euro No no That was the only reason Why the London Or the UK Was part of The European Union Is that they kept the pound Because the UK was part of the European Union is that they kept the pound because the pound was so strong.

That's why they kept the pound. Franks could be German. It's all the C, I'm pretty sure. German Franks. Franks, you call a hot dog a Frank? Frankfurt. That's a town. That is a town in Germany, I believe.

Oh, to go to Frankfurt. It was used in France and Belgium French French French and Belgium French dressing French dressing France

Sorry Oh my god I got stuck on Schtick Yes France Yes Sorry

France and Belgium Yeah thank you Use the franc Okay Now they use the euro Well at the time They used the Gilder Or German dollar

Yeah yeah And the mayor said I'll give you a thousand German buckaroos If you get rid of the rats Pied Piper Played this little pipe machine Do you reckon that's how the song works?

They used the Deutschmark Deutschmark classic He went And he piped to the rats They all followed the sound of the piping Into a river where they drowned Fucking rats are stupid The mayor said

Have you ever had a song so good you'd kill yourself in a river for it? No, not yet. Gloomy Sunday? Yeah, that's true. The Brown Note? It's just so beautiful.

Well, you might run to a river to take the shit and then you get swept away. What year was it meant to be? 14 something.

Okay. It was the Gilder. I have a list of I know I have a list of the currency that was in Germany but I don't think it was up to 1619.

That was the mark. That was the Hamburg mark. Yeah. I think, yeah, German marks. The German marks. That makes sense. Was it marks again kind of recently? Yeah, Deutschmark.

Deutschmarks. It was from like 1990 when it was unified or 1948 in West Germany to 2002. Hey, let's fucking say Plumber's out there on a teacher song. Yeah, shit. That's probably why I think of Germans as marks

even though I said Franks. Franks. Franks from French. Yeah. Who ever said Plumber's out there on a teacher song?

Yeah, I think Paris, Franck is... I want to really go to Paris, you know, in France. Franck. In France. Yeah, I want to see Gay Paris Paris You know in France Franck In France

Yeah I want to see Gay Paris in Franck Yeah Sorry And then I'm going to Belgium I love Belgium I'm going to Belgium Anyway

The mayor says I'm not giving you The thousand German dollars Yes I'm going to give you Fifty if fucking anything What is his logic Or reason

He just doesn't want He just ruined eggs on the deal He's basically like Well why would I pay you When the rats aren't here Idiot Yeah exactly You've already gotten them gone

I got what I want And it's 1400 and something So if you try and stop me I'll hang you in the street Yeah What can you do You gonna take me to like Old timey court

No The pipe piper says Fuck you He leaves Then while everyone's in church On some day Some spiritual day Sunday No It's like a fucking Saint John Joe's day Saint John Joe's day He leaves. Then while everyone's in church on some day, some spiritual day. Sunday?

No, it's like a fucking St. John Joe's Day. St. John Joe's Day. Fair enough. The famous German saint. Yeah, St. John Joe. The Pied Piper comes back. Tiddle, tiddle, tiddle, tiddle. And all the children of Hamelin follow the Pied Piper either into the river again or to a mountain and a magical place called, like, something mountain.

I love the magical place of something mountain. And then. Dude, I didn't know you could go there. That's crazy. According to some legends, a blind, deaf, and no longer using his legs boy. Blind, deaf, and dumb boy still played a mean pinball. Pinball wizard. I'm sorry, man.

Anyway, they come back and they tell them what happened, and that's the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Hell yeah. But now it's us. The Pied Piper got waylaid. Kicked in the head by a horse. Well, what's all the stories of boys or whatever? The one with the death on a blanket that sure could play me in pinball.

His name's Tommy. Nice. His side and stuff came back at the end. Because he played such a good game of pinball. No, he went to a camp, I think. Fix your town, get rid of a shark, kill a wizard boy. Well, get rid of your rats, $5. $5 will get rid of your rats.

You got a big rat infestation. Mayor of Hamlin rat infestors. I was going to pay some Pied Pasta. Is he drunk? Piper. I was going to pay the Piper. Piper. Piper. Is he drunk? Yeah. Piper. I was going to pay the Piper a thousand German dollars. But I can pay you five Australian dollars. Five Australian bucks.

It's worth nothing. Yeah. Exactly. Useless currency. Sure. And we'll get rid of the rats for you. Okay. Very easy.

Yeah. So I had a quick little Google on my little thing. Nice. Of what do rat hate? Okay. And then I got like a list of mothballs, citronella, and so they deleted the question mark. And then I got pictures, which helped my brain better.

Okay. And lo and behold, do I see, it was a bunch of stuff, but I see garlic. Okay. I see onion. I see bay leaf. Herbs. Oh, my God.

You know what rat apparently hate? Big bowl of spaghetti. The rat? I would never in a million years have believed a rat hates spaghetti. Look, no one is as shocked as me. Because it's so easy for me to picture a little rat slurping down a spaghetti. Hang on, can we just get that again? That's how you slurp down a spaghetti?

It looks like you're playing a fucking trumpet. It's like you're sucking a big dick. Because the spaghetti is so thick for the rat. He's got a good point. Oh! Yeah, let's just... Oh, my. Pretending I'm a rat eating that spaghetti.

He's slurping it down. He's having the greatest time of his life. Well, no, actually. He hates spaghetti. He's having a fucking horrible time. That's crazy. I think he loved the spaghetti. He hates the spaghetti sauce.

Right. Especially the one that I'm making, which is always chocos of garlic, onion. Is that chilies as well? Chili as well. They hate chili. They hate the perfect spaghetti. This is so fucked up to find out.

They hate all. Charles Zalman has the taste opposite of a rat. That's crazy to learn. Huh. But are rats attracted to cooking? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you think? What could you possibly mean by that?

The smell? Are rats attracted to smell? Is that what you mean? You mean like crumbs? Like grain? If Zabit starts cooking, are the rats going to be attracted? Are you drunk? Are we all?

If Zabit starts cooking a spaghetti in the middle of town, are all the rats of Hamelin going to converge to eat the spaghetti? No, because they hate the spaghetti. He's not feeding them. The ingredients isn't going to kill them. It's a deterrent. They hate it. They hate it.

He makes a big pot of spaghetti, puts it in the center of the town. The rats run away. Yes. Okay. Circled around. Yeah. Circ rats run away. Yes. Okay. Circled around. Yeah. Circumnavigate. Good.

Okay. You might need to make a lot of, maybe a spaghetti in every house. Yeah. Maybe that could be a promise. I'll put a spaghetti in every house. I'll put, if you elect me as mayor, I will promise to put a spaghetti in every single house. No more rats. No more rats. No more rats.

Oh, spaghetti. Spaghetti all the way down. Okay, and then everybody gets a delicious spaghetti, which I think is really good. Well, no, because if you eat the spaghetti, then the rats come. No, when the rats are gone. Yeah.

Well, they've got to go. Now we're making a beautiful tradition in this lovely German town, Hamelin, of every, I don't know, Friday or every second day, wherever it might be, we've got to make a delicious pasta sauce. I reckon it's every day. It's not just a spaghetti, it's a pasta sauce. And it's got to be heavy in onion, garlic,

bay leaf, pepper, and just as randomly herbs, which I love. And so, yeah. And yeah, all we're going to do is, yes, granted, there's nothing that says meat here. I make a lovely meatball in there. Yeah, oh, well, that's okay. And I'm going to make it for the grass. Well, all we're going to do is, yes, granted, there's nothing that says meat here. I make a lovely meatball in there. Yeah, oh, well, that's okay. And I'm going to make it for the rats.

Well, because people are going to eat it. Well, exactly. This is one we're going to spread around. Is it also poisonous to rats? Just that they don't like it. I look, to be honest, I just read that as what the rats hate. I saw this, and I'm like, oh, I could make a spaghetti with this. I just wonder if they hate it so much they'd run away,

or if they're just like, I won't eat that spaghetti. Well, if we make a ring around the town. Trap the rats inside. Trap the rats inside, and then we just simply got to hammer them every time. Just be like, I'll get a simple solution. It's going to smell wonderful. And then you got all the spaghetti and you're like, get a hammer.

All right, time to start hammering. A hammer in every home. A hammer in my hand, a dead rat in every home. Yeah. Yeah. So again, so especially if they're eating, because rats love to eat grain. Yeah, sure. Love to eat bread, all that kind of stuff.

So pasta. They love pasta. They love pasta. But if we're slopping up our pasta sauce with bread and everything like that, they're going to hate this. The pasta sauce, again, is not poisonous to rats. This is solely just to piss them off. They want to eat the bread real bad. They hate it.

But the rat is angry. Again, it's that kind of what scent will keep them away. Oh, scent. So it's the smell of all of these things. That's good. That's great. That's exactly what you want. So again, we're making that.

We're putting delicious pasta sauce. We're girtin'. How am I going to smell so fucking awesome, dude? We're girtin' the city. We're making a moat. We're getting a moat of pasta sauce. Moat of spaghetti. How good would a spaghetti bolognese be right now?

Dude, you could... Just slopping some sauce on it? Yeah. Like a real saucy spaghetti bolognese. Oh, yeah. We wouldn't eat it too bad. We just don't even care if we get messy. No.

I'm wearing a white t-shirt. This is like the spaghetti sauce you give in a kid. Yes. It's going everywhere. You get a big red ring around your mouth. Oh, yeah. We might even start being like, hey, do you want to have like a pasta sauce bar?

Okay. Hamlin has become a strange town. I just want to eat spaghetti. They've got spaghetti fever. We have spaghetti fever. I reckon we could do a lot with this.

Because yeah, if it's a smell, it's a scent. So it's again, this kind of like, yeah, garlicky, onion-y sort of scent.

And if we make one that's kind of like an aioli, I think, very nice, a bit of a chili in there. Now, and yeah, we use that as like so many things.

We can put it into perfumes. Okay. We can put it around the hands. I think everyone's going to get sick of the smell. Or get used to the smell. Okay. Yeah, that's the alternative. Well, what would you prefer?

This smell or rats? Why would you prefer the smell of a delicious pasta? Why would you prefer? He's kind of like baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you prefer? Why would you prefer? He's kind of like Baby J. Why would you prefer? Why would you prefer? That's a great character, Baby J. Goo Goo Gaga.

Goo Goo Gaga. Goo Goo Gaga. It's time for my nap. What would you prefer? The smell of rats? Johnny Hungry. My favorite part about that was watching it sort of percolate. You had to take a little pause to get the joke,

and then you were there. And it was worth the wait. I had to wait. I didn't want to interrupt. No, I get it. I get it. Absolutely. So yes, what do you prefer?

Do you prefer the smell of rats? Or do you prefer the smell of rats? I don't like the smell of rats. I remember when I was a kid, I had heaps of rats in the roof of my bedroom, and then my dad poisoned the rats, and of rats in the roof of my bedroom and then my dad poisoned the rats and they died in the roof of the bedroom

and my bedroom smelled like dead rats for six months it sucks man rats crawl on the roof it sucked had to get them there rats suck

how crazy is this so my room smelled like dead rats yes for six months because all the rats dad poisoned them outside and then they would go

into the roof and die which is kind of crazy because that was where the house was but then because rats tend they tend to run around like out

you know the idea is they get poisoned and then they run out and then they die in the yard oh yeah but my bedroom brother you should have

smelled my room damn but then you sure it wasn't farts if my farts smelled like dead rats dude I would check myself into a doctor

uh huh oh I'd like would check myself into a doctor. Oh, I'd like to check myself into a doctor today, please. I'm farting dead rat smell. Yeah, we understand. Did you eat a dead rat, sir? Yes. Yes, your honor. But anyway, my dad did renovations there a while back.

No rat skeletons. Well, yeah. I'm guessing like... Is that not crazy? There should have been a rat graveyard up there. Well, in my head, I'm like, rats' bones are little. They wouldn't have been eaten by bones. They would have been bone dust or something.

You think that if you're doing renovations, you would recognize bone dust? I just think. It happened twice as well, by the way. The great rat massacre in my roof. Do you think that maybe they didn't actually die above your room? What was the smell? One maybe died or a couple of them died short. It lasted so

long. And also it probably shouldn't have lasted that long. Do you think that maybe one of them didn't... Here's a theory I have. They actually died in your room. I would have seen a dead rat. I don't think you would have. I was like, I remember your room back then.

I remember your room when you moved out and lived in my wonderful garage. Ah, the garage days. You had a couch in there. I reckon if the rat died behind the couch, you would not have seen it. I remember showing off your room to someone and being like, oh God, what happened here?

They thought we'd been robbed. No, Jackson, just how I lived to my wife. You lived like if someone was searching your room for documents. That would be me waking up every day

looking for shoes. Where did I put those? It's impressive. Okay, so. Yes. You got the rats. Yes. The rats are gone. Let the rats the rats are gone

let's say the rats are gone you've five dollars is the price you asked the man comes to you he says I'm not giving you that five dollars oh

I'm not paying you okay well I guess I guess what do I have over them we eat delicious spaghetti every fucking day and we now know how to make the spaghetti sauce

yeah fuck I thought spaghetti sauce. Yeah. Fuck, I thought spaghetti sauce was not that hard. I made a tradition. Yeah, and we've got no rats, so enjoy the rest of your life, pied idiot. Okay, fine. Then I might go into the woods and try to find rats to get them to love the taste of spaghetti sauce. I'm going to become a villain. Okay.

I'm going to feed these. In the woods. I'm going to try a villain. I'm going to feed these. In the woods. I'm going to try and feed these. Let's role play it. I'll be a rat. Okay. Okay. I'm going to rap.

I know what I'm going to do. Ah. I know what I'm going to do. I like you're a rat that doesn't. You're role playing is a rat that's not doing nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because he's just hanging out. Exactly.

That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do. What do you mean? Hang on. What do you mean? Hang on. What do you mean? Well, what do I mean? Usually when you role play, both people can talk. No, I'm a rat.

He's a rat, dude. What am I going to do? I'm going to get like a bowl of pasta, plain pasta, and I'm going to drench it. Just drench it. Let it touch the pasta sauce. It's more pasta than it is sauce at this point. I do love grain.

You love grain. Famously, I'm a big fan of grain. I'm thinking this, not saying it. I'm going to leave that out. I'm going to wait. You're going to eat that. Are you going to eat that pasta? And then over a course of many, many weeks, you slowly start.

You inoculate one rat. Well, no. One rat. I do tell my. You inoculate one rat. Well, no. One rat. Okay. I do tell my friends, like, come on. When there's one rat, when there's one rat,

they're like, there's some pasta over here. We're going to make more rats. Then they're going to fuck down and then they're going to make rat babies. All this wheat's made me so horny. That's what rats do.

They're going to pop out a lot of little rat babies that maybe love to taste a little bit of garlic and onion. Okay. And then we're going to do that over the course of, however the hell the fuck along it takes little bit of garlic and onion. Okay. And then we're going to do that over the course of however long it takes. I have been spurned.

Okay. I have nothing but time right now. How long would it take for you to make the rats love the taste of spaghetti bolognese? Well, since it's, I mean, like. But, I mean, it's generations. And rats breed quickly. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

But, like, if there's a list on the internet of foods rats don't like... Yeah, but no one is trying to inoculate rats against garlic. Surely garlic... Also, I feel like it's like, you know, garlic sauce and that kind of stuff

ain't going to really work a lot. No. Also, I feel if I'm like slopping bolognese down in the town of Hamelin, they're like, don't worry, we are making a bus of moat.

Let me... Can I ask a quick question? Yeah. When I think of Germany, I'm fairly certain, wolf-free, right? Not traditionally. Have I put a lot of meat around? Somebody is walking, some hunter is walking through the woods

and they find your body devoured by wolves. What happened in the Rathaville? I just feel like I've attracted more other predators and other problems. Also, rotting pasture outside. I love Little German Town. They might ask you to leave. I think for a week I might have gotten rid of the rats.

But I also feel I've made bigger problems. They need somebody to get rid of the wolves now. And like you said, did the Germans have bears? Yes, I think they do. I think at that point they would have. Yeah. So I just feel maybe I'm like, hey, we're going to make a delicious sauce out of things that we have bred to be delicious. And we're making even more delicious.

Rats hate these. But I don't know. Also, so your spaghetti moat idea. Yeah. How are you replenishing that? Or is that becoming just sort of like a moat of rot? I feel that would be eventually. The rats will love that. Of course, yeah.

That's like a rat's favorite thing. Yeah. So I think it's going to be one of those harebrained ideas where it's lovely for the first day. Yeah, it's a lovely idea. Maybe the second day you're like, wow, the rats are going. I can smell this delicious garlic. I haven't seen a rat in ages. Day three, especially in the hot German summer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how well those, especially like I'm adding tomatoes. Yeah, yeah. Tomatoes were not on this list. Were you adding mints as well? And mints, you know. I think it'll be a rat sort of like deterrent. Yep.

And then a rat attractor. And then you've got a bunch of rats that are like, this town is just giving out the free rotten food. But then, well, if I'm being kicked out, Dave's like, too. Being like, I'm not paying you. Then I can come back and being like, well, you should have paid me. This is your retribution. Yeah, well, we're definitely not paying you now.

Enjoy the rats and the wolves, fuckos. You just made our lives worse. I'm glad we never paid not paying you now. Enjoy the rats and the wolves, fuckos. We just made our lives worse. I'm glad we never paid this guy. Good. I cursed your town. It was me that did this. And then I would run to the woods as I imagined I was being chased.

Yes, and no one was chasing you. They were just upset that they had run. Watching you go. Does he think we're chasing him with pitchforks? Because we would not waste our time I will get the rats to deal with

oh then great then yeah I just lauder over them and be like fuck you all then they'd hang you maybe well then I'd have to run

you gotta pick a lane are they chasing me to hang me or they're not which one is this they're like hey leave the town or we'll hang you

but you can solemnly walk away if you want knowing that I ruined their day. Absolutely. If not week, if not lives. So I think food is a good option. And I had a similar approach brewing.

But I think that Germany, obviously, a lot of bratwurst. Right. Yep, yep, yep. Big sausage country. I hate sausage. Can you mind? What if it's like a rat eating a sausage? Slurp a bat of bratwurst.

It's crazy in my mind the rat's not from the side. Yeah, yeah, no, no. No, he's trying to get the whole thing down in one go. Yeah, of course. It's the best way to enjoy a bratwurst. Yeah. Absolutely. This is me eating a bratwurst.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, it's good to swallow a sausage whole. Yeah, I know. Yeah, so basically, I'm like, knock, knock. Hey, man, what the fuck up? See, you got heaps of rats. I, I know. Yeah, so basically, I'm like, knock, knock, hey, man, what the fuck up? See, you got heaps of rats.

I got a solution. 50 bucks, or francs, or whatever you got lying around. German dollars. Marks. Yeah, right. I'll get rid of your rat problem.

Yeah, okay. Well, what's your plan? Okay, so, on the outskirts of the town, I dig a big hole. Okay. Hole dug. Hole dug, nice.

Fill it full of bratwurst. Put a little roof over it. Okay. Okay. Hole dug. Hole dug. Nice. Fill it full of bratwurst. All right. Put a little roof over it. Okay. Okay. And then, so it's like a, so imagine a big hole. Uh-huh. Roof over it, but there's an entrance.

Right. Okay. The smell of sausage is just permeating through the table. Okay. Rats run into the hole. Okay. I'm going to role play a wolf. Okay.

That's okay. It's a whole lot. I'll role play a wolf. Okay. That's okay. It's a hole. Or I'll play a bear. Well, then a wolf and a bear are just going to be standing there because there's a hole. They're not going to be able to fit in. Well, you covered it. Yeah. We fall in the...

What's the dome made out of? Well, I was imagining kind of like, and this is unrealistic, but now look. Yeah. You're going to make fun of me for how I was picturing this. Okay. Hey, that's okay. It's fine. Tell me the last time we've always said it's a safe space.

So, you know the bunker in the first level of Goldeneye in Dam? When you first turn the corner, there's two guys standing in a thing with a slit in it. Okay. Yeah, sure. It's that. So it's hard on top. So a bear standing on it. A bear can't get in.

No, a bear's just standing on it being like. They want to get in. So it can support a bear. Yeah. You know when they do that dive thing and they try and crack it? I don't know. What year was it? 14-something. I don't know in, what year was it? 14 something.

I don't know they had bear repellent that good. Okay. Like, I don't know what they could build that. Or even just like a fucking net.

The bear's falling in the net. You've got a bear. So? You've got a bear and it's clawing the sausages and the net. I guess, I guess what'll happen though. Then the bear dies it's clawing the sausages. I guess what'll happen though.

Then the bear dies and the rat eats the bear. And then I've got more of my pit. If anything, all I'm hearing is that my meat pit now has more meat. You've got the same problem I do with just accelerated. Hang on. Because there's no deterrent initially. How full of sausages is the pit? It's not.

No. So the bear falls in, the bear can't get out again. No, no, no. It's just like, it's a big drop. It's a big drop. It's a drop and the floor is, there's a lot of sausages in there, but it's not like it's filled. It's not like a wheat silo of sausage.

You and a little hunter's blind watch a bear falling. The bear lands on the sausages, dies. You're like, this is actually good for me. Then the smell of the rotting bear attracts other predators. Predators, wolves. Rats. Slowly your meat pit fills with all the creatures of the forest. Now, before it fills up, so let's say, okay, bear hasn't got there. You've gotten rats. Okay, let's say it worked. Rats, good. They go into the thing. Now, well, before it fills up, so let's say, okay,

bear hasn't got there, you've gotten rats. Okay, let's say it works. Rats, good. They go into the thing, they fall down.

Now, how smooth? Really smooth. Like, perfectly smooth. No purchase for the rats. Rats, they love to climb.

They can climb. They also love to burrow. They love to, like, bite things. You're looking at your pants, there's just poles, but no rats anymore? There's like any kind of roots or tree branches.

Where did the rats go? And I look back to the town, they're just back there. I've got to dig another pit. Back there, a little bit full of lovely taste of bratwurst now. The mayor's like, all you did is feed the rats sausages. Those sausages cost more than $50. you did is feed the rat sausages. Those sausages cost more than $50.

But even imagine so all the rats are in the pit. What's the next step? You got a rat pit. Great. Again, I'm like, hey, took care of the rats. They're all in this pit. They're like, the rats are gone. Well, those rats. Those in the

pit, yeah. The thing about a town is that it attracts I mean I guess that's the problem for the Pied Piper too is that the rats will inevitably come back

yeah yeah they had to like they have too many rats at the moment it's not like they're not worried that there's like

it's not like the town's like oh we've got a normal amount of rats every town has like a limited amount of rats you know like we've got a rat problem

except for there's one like state or whatever in Canada that has no rats they fucking limited amount of rats. We've got a rat problem, but we deal with it. Except for this one state or whatever in Canada that has no rats. They fucking got rid of rats. They've got zero rats. That's like how there's no mosquitoes in some places. Zero rats. They've got zero rats. Zero rats.

Am I horny? I don't know what the fuck, dude. Yes, drink zero like it's a big hog. And I love it. I wish we all could be like, you know what? Dollars to donuts. Zero rats, dude. Zero rats.

I got zero rats right here. Zero rats. Okay. Okay. So you've got a pit full of meat. Pit full of rat. Pit full of rats. I did it.

Okay. Now the mayor comes to you. Hey, mayor, you know that $50? Yeah. You're not getting it. Okay. So I got two options here. Yeah. I Now the mayor comes to you. Hey, man, you know that $50? Yeah. You're not getting it. Okay, so I got two options here. Yeah. I put the mayor in the pit.

Or, alternatively, I just chip away at the inside of the pit. Yeah. Let the rats back in. All I needed was a bit of a chip. I just need to maybe. I think you're falling in that pit. He's squatting down at the edge. Oh, yeah, not pay me, not pay...

Ah! Oh, rats! The mayor comes behind you, kicks you out the back. Then the rats eat you. The mayor's got no problems. Yeah. And he's got a wonderful pit

for if he needs to get rid of any people. A rat pit is a great way to dispose of a body. Also, the problem there, though, while the rats are presumably eating each other and fucking and dying Yeah They're building up Like a

Kind of Oh no Like a rat What have you made Like a rat mass Oh yeah That was gonna be my plan When I let them back out

They're gonna be all fucked up They're gonna be in a pit Monster rats Yeah Plus the amount of rat kings you have Yeah That's awesome They're tangled together

Very cool That was part of my plan But I didn't plan for me to fall in the pit. You fall in the pit? You never plan for falling in the pit. You never plan for falling in your own rat pit. You fall and they've devoured you. Yeah, I become a skeleton very quickly.

Generations and generations of rats devouring rats, becoming rats, and then yeah, slowly this rat mass comes up and just overpours. You now have a lot more rats than you initially had that are maybe more feral than before. I would imagine.

More fannable rats. Is this how like mad rat disease happens? I don't think rats should eat other rats, but of all the animals, they probably can. Rats shouldn't, I mean, no one should eat rats, I reckon. What about a dog? Dogs shouldn't be eating a rat. Dogs shouldn't be eating a rat. Cats shouldn't be eating a rat.

They're dirty. Cats are classic rat catchers. No, they're rat catchers. They don't eat rats, though. Yes, they do. Inundate Amlin with cats. Oh, you're going to do the, there was an old lady who swallowed a fly. Yes.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. You bring an old woman. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. Lady swallows rats. But first she's got to swallow a fly. Because, yeah, there was an old lady who swallowed a fly. You bring an old woman. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. Lady swallows rats! But first she's gotta swallow a fly. Because yeah, there was an old lady who swallowed a fly. It made her die, I don't know why. It's something like that.

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die. Awesome ending there. Perhaps she'll die? We don't know. And then at the end she does die. Yeah, well, because she eats a fucking horse to catch the dog to catch the cat

to catch the rat that lady is a maniac to eat a horse to catch a dog what's she I mean a horse could trample a dog I guess

but not inside you what does she eat to get the fly originally a spider spider she found a spider put it inside her perhaps she'll die

then she gets a like a crab to get the spider. I don't think it's a crab. I think it's a crab. I think it's a bird. Bird to get the spider. Cat to get the bird. Dog to get the cat. Horse to get the dog.

Cow to get the horse. Cow to get the horse? I think so. I'm going to look up this. We've got to look up, what the fuck was that old lady smoking? What did she eat to get the cat? The rat? A cat, okay.

She can eat all the rats and then have a bunch of cats come in, you know? I think a horse comes to eat the cow. I mean, a cow comes to eat the horse. It gets big. She gets a lot of critters inside this old woman. Well, there was an old lady who swallowed

a fly, alternatively known as there was an old lady, or I know an old lady who swallowed a fly, or there was an old lady who swallowed a fly, alternatively known as there was an old lady, or I know an old lady who swallowed a fly, or there was an old woman who swallowed a fly, or I know an old woman who swallowed a fly. Children's rhyme and nonsense, though. I disagree. She goes fly, she chucks down a spider to get that fly, then she gets a bird to get the spider,

then she gets a cat to get that bird, then a dog. Then twist. Goat. I got cow on mine. What the fuck? Many different versions of this classic tale. Cow to get a dog or a goat to get a...

And then a cow to get a goat. Ah, there you go. And then a horse to get that cow. Yeah. Oh, it's awesome. Okay, so listen to... So the second line

changes every time so I don't know why she swallowed a fly perhaps she'll die. Swallowed a spider that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. Gross. She swallowed how absurd to swallow a bird. Fancy that.

She swallowed a cat. What a hog. What a hog to swallow a dog. And then just opened her throat and swallowed a goat. Whoa. I don't know how she swallowed a cow. There was an old lady who swallowed a horse. She's dead, of course.

Well, yeah. And I get, you know, I was making fun of her for trying to chase a goat with a cow with a horse, but I think you're not thinking straight. No. Once you swallow a cat. You've got that many creatures within you.

I feel, I think it's, yeah, once you swallow the, no, maybe the bird. No, yeah. At what point is it crazy? Well, why do you swallow a fly? That's just life. I think...

Look, spider is crazy. Yeah. That's kind of like, don't eat a whole spider. No. But to catch the fly! What are you putting in there, a frog? I just would let it happen. Let what happen?

Just the fly die. Perhaps you'll die. Perhaps you'll die, though, dude. There's a fly a fine. I guess I'm solving that spider, okay? Yeah, it'll wriggle and jiggle and tickle inside job, okay, and maybe you'll die. Oh, no Dude better swallow I don't know if I could get the cat one. Fancy that. He swallowed a cat.

I don't know if I could swallow a cat. Not in one go. Which defeats the purpose. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, I guess even a bird, like a live wriggling bird

is tricky. Is tricky. I could probably eat like one of those really little ones. Like a sparrow. Like a sparrow. A hummingbird.

That's like a horse. Remember when that horse ate the chicken? I'll never forget. Do you think, how much would it change your opinion of me if we were just hanging out at a cafe and a little sparrow dropped to my hand? I think I would be...

Like right now, obviously we're very good friends. We've been friends for 10 years. 10 plus years. But I do it like I don't think anyone's looking at me. Like you grab it. I don't think anyone's like looking at me like you like grab it I don't how would you

and then I turn back and I'm like I hope they didn't see and they're like did you just eat a fucking bird no you got a bit of feather like a fucking wing

sticking out of your fucking teeth no I didn't swallow a bird oh okay how absurd to swallow a bird yeah it's pretty absurd dude did you see the whole bird like hang on. I don't think so.

J.D., do I need to go lie down? Yeah, I think daddy got to go home. Swallowing a whole bird, one, I think is physically impossible, and two, I would never. When did you start eating birds? What are you talking about? It was feathers and all, right? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

I feel awesome. Boys, it makes me strong. But you're not very strong. I think eating red meat would do that. Did you eat that fucking... No. So you've been eating that a long time? You make it strong?

It's my first time. Okay. I did eat that bird, yes. I don't believe you. But that was the first one I ever did. It was too smooth. You crunched it. No, I've never done it before. There was no hesitation.. I don't believe you. But that was the first one I ever did. It was too smooth. You crunched it. No, I've never done it before.

There was no hesitation. And I won't do it again. You're going to do it again. No, that was... How did you get it to land on your head? How did you get into eating birds? What the... That was a one and done.

Few coincidences that landed on my head. No, no, no. Third opportunity. Third opportunity for what? Just to see what it would be like. Do you eat person? Jackson. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay. Like, you just go, like, I'm going to go buy a bungee. No, just like if it happens. But also, that's the first one I've ever eaten, and I won't do it again. Yeah, it seems like you're going to do it again. And it seems like you've done it before.

It seems like you've done it before a lot. It seems like it's a secret shame of yours. You know it's bad. You tried. Like, no, he tried to hide it. It still made me worse. Oh, yes! Well, we've never met you before you started doing it.

Yeah. So it could have made you significantly worse. 100%. So you've always done this? You wouldn't be a bit impressed? No. I would be, yeah. Because it's a whole bird.

Yeah, he ate a whole bird. I'm with Jackson here. It's fucked up, but I'll be like, Jesus. I didn't chew. It just went down. There's a level of, look, yes. Like a snake. Yes.

I guess if he was, like, fishing and put his, like, you know, he put his fingers in there, he took it like a bass, and he held it up, and you're like, whatever. What if I also, like, we're fishing together, and I get a fish, and I just pull out, like, the fish from, like, a costume cat. I think it's the eating bit. Getting a bird to land in your hand and, like, holding it, like, ah, I caught this bird, I'm impressed. Yeah. You then to land in your hand and like holding it like I caught this bird

I'm impressed. Yeah. You then put it in your mouth and swallow it whole I'm like what the fuck. I'm still impressed. I think it's fucked up

but I'm like Jesus. Do you reckon I could get a high five out of you in that situation? No. Damn it. This would be my plan

for getting the rats out of Hamlin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So rats love excrement and waste. Uh-huh. You going to get in a hole? No, no. Well, I could do a hole.

I could do a hole. I just think I just get everybody for the next week or so, pile all their trash in the center of town, any leftover food. Okay. So create a breeding ground for the rats. Yeah, make a big rat breeding ground, and then we just set it on fire. We just burn it, and we burn all the rats. You burn and shit. Yeah.

We just make a big pile full of garbage. Now let me have a thing. Big fire. Rats are going in. Yes. The rats are going in is a fire pyre. You then light it up. So the rats are now on fire.

Now rats, they love to scurry. Rats, they love to... I have guys in a perimeter around it with brooms. To broom the rats back into the fire. Now brooms made of... Which is... And then the bristles are of course...

Which are... They're dry. Now back in the... 1400s. 1400s. We have like, what kind of like roofs? We have, we would have thatched roofs. Yeah, which are? Flammable.

They too are flammable. Now, rats can climb. Yeah. So you've got like a lot of on-fire rats. Or even like, and even before the rats catch fire, rats will hate to be hot. And a big pile like you're describing is not going to. It's not on fire, rats will hate to be hot. And a big pile like you're describing is not going to- It's not on fire first.

No, no, no. That big pile you're describing, when you light the fire, it's not going to just immediately engulf all of it with flames. The rats will just get hot and leave. Well, maybe I could put oil on it or something to expedite- So now the rats are covered in oil. Yeah, they're slippery and slippery and more flammable. You cannot put them out.

They run into the nearby woods. Yeah. Right. Okay. And the town's on fire too. So you're standing there being the mayor's like, my city in ruins. You're like, that'll be $50, please.

It's $1,400. So I'm guessing like you got maybe animal grease, animal fat. Yeah, animal fat. That's what you're kind of lathering it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's pretty, yeah. But can I, maybe I'll have to catch each rat individually. Yes.

Lather them in lard. Okay, why are we lathering them? You've caught them. You've done the job. Why have you caught them? You went house to house. You caught them. Then what?

Put them in a sack? No. This is the same logic as the lady who swallowed the fly. You caught the rat. Well done. We're not done. Okay. Coat it in grease.

Let it go. Why? Because to make them all flammable. Yeah. Do you want them all flammable? When you pick up the rat, instead of lathering it, why don't you just break its neck? Yeah. Okay.

Break its neck. Put it in a bag. That's so funny. I'm like, yes, I'll cover it in my multicolored outfit. I'll get rid of all the rats in town. Liddle, liddle, liddle, liddle. Snap. Snap.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Put him in a sack. Snap! Put him in a sack. Just separate the heads and the bodies into two sacks. Not even there. Just tearing the rat in half. Putting it in a sack.

Give the guy a big thumbs up. You played that little pipe and I thought maybe... Thought what? Thought what? I'm just like... It's just a pipe I own, dude. If you love your job, you never work a day in your life. It's the music I play. To tear rats in half.

Tonight is a great day. And any day where I'm tearing rats in half is a great day. Just leaving. A sack of viscera slopping in front of the man. Rat viscera everywhere. in front of the man rat viscera everywhere covering all my front my hands are disgusting

I think he's paying you though he's like I don't want to damn me enough and I will you could just slap him with it I'd put it down in front of him he's like I don't want it that's what you're paying me for. You have to get you all the dead rats.

$50 to get rid of those rats. Yeah, man. That's all the rats in your town in my eight bags. Yeah, okay. How are you getting the rats, though? Oh, how am I getting the rats? Yeah, to break them in half. Well, what I could do is...

What do rats love? Everything. They love a grain. A grain. Yeah, but they also love rotting meat and stuff. I'm just wondering if I could do a thing where I cover myself in something rats love, and I just lie down, and I wait for the rats to come to me, and then I lie completely still, and then when the rat comes close,

I go, wham! And tear it in half. So like Venus fly traps, but for rats. Yeah. Okay, okay. Could you poison grain? I could poison grain, but the town needs the grain. Okay, what do you get a surplus of grain?

Okay. If they have a surplus of grain. If they've got a surplus of grain, we poison the grain. Yeah. The rats eat the grain. And they die. Bunch of dead rats in the sack. Yeah.

Slop the sack down. Yeah. He says, I'm not paying you. Okay, well, I know the grain that's poison and which one isn't. It'd be a shame to mix up those silos. Only I know the poisoned grain. Is it the one that I watched you work in all day?

Uh, no. That's, uh, We also just tested on a rat. I was doing a different thing. We'll test it on a dog. We don't care, it's 1400. Okay, well've got some... We'll test it on a dog. Well, I've got some... Winter care is 1400s. Okay. Well, I'll just go poison all the grain.

I'll poison your grain. I will hang you. Okay. Well, okay. Enjoy eating poisoned grain first. Enjoy hanging by your neck. I will. It's going to be awesome.

Maybe my neck will tear off my head like what I did to all them rats. Putting the hood on me. This is great. I didn't even want to see. I love the darkness. Oh, is that the loose? How comfortable. It's a bit loose, actually. You could make it tighter. This is actually awesome for me right now.

The mayor's like, well, threatening you with whatever, but I don't know. How do you fight that then? Fight what? Fight the mayor. Well Pied Piper Stole all their children Which is something You make a pit

Full of whatever kids like Yeah So is it So the whole concept Of like Well look You don't pay me I will poison your grain

Well they're gonna hang you So the whole thing Would be like Okay then Well goodbye And go poison their grain Yeah I suppose so Because you see

You don't give them a warning You just do it right? You just do it I mean yeah It's not like the Pied Piper When he was like I'm not paying you He was like Oh yeah? I'm gonna steal your kids In the middle of the night and go poison their grain? Yeah, I suppose so. Because you don't give them a warning. You just do it, right? You just do it. I mean, yeah, it's not like the Pied Piper when he was like, I'm not paying you. He was like, oh, yeah? I'm going to steal your kids in the middle of the night. Well, they're not going to hang you then.

No, he's just kind of like, okay, that's fine. Yeah, all right. So, yeah, he's like, oh, with the poison grain, I killed them rats. He's like, well, I'm paying. I'm like, okay. I like that that's sort of like when the Pied Piper did it, it was sort of like an ironic punishment almost

where he's like, well, I'm going to use the thing that I use to get rid of rats. Yeah. As an analogy. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill this whole fucking town. I like the analogy that it says the children and rats like the same song. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I always assumed he had a child song and a rat song. I assume he had many different songs. Yeah. I guess he would have to play two different songs, because otherwise when he played the rat song, the kids would have come too. And that would have, like, you know, really, like, something's off here. Pied Piper, but only of one song. I guess he would have to play two different songs so that when he played the rat song the kids would have come too. Something's off here. Pied Piper but only of one song.

I'm playing it on the other side of the river. Please kids. I hope it's the kids. It's very funny but it's like kids, rats, adults, cows, horses. I should have learnt more songs. Sparrows, three bears.

You're wandering around the completely deserted streets of Hamelin. Everything's drowning. It's like a sea of bodies of everything just drowning. Who's going to pay me? I guess I can rob their empty houses. Yeah, I suppose actually that's a bet. Making an entire town a ghost town without damaging the buildings. Impressive.

Lots of stuff to rob. Imagine what you get to snoop in every house. Just open the drawers. Just go, what are they doing? What's going on in here? What's in this drawer? If you know a song to attract rats to drown them, and then you know a song to attract kids to drown,

could you devise and create or compose a song to only attract the mayor? This is an awesome song. This is a great song. Time to put on my sash and march into the sea. Yeah, because if I could, you know, compose a mayor-only song. Yeah, that's clever. A song for mayors. A song just for mayors.

Finally they've made a song for mayors. Mayors have had it too hard for too long. I agree. So now we just get the mare song into the river or into a cave. And it'd be nice to be like, you know, put him in the river. He's there up to his waist. He's stopped the thing. You going to pay me now?

No. Okay. Yeah, dance, mare, dance. Gotcha. Love this. The hubris on that man. He went to his watery grave refusing to pay $50. And he has no rats.

What a stingy son of a bitch. I respect his integrity. Okay, fair enough. And some would say that saying he had to do a thing and then not doing that thing would be the sign of no integrity. Yeah, okay, fair enough. And some would say that saying you're going to do a thing and then not doing that thing would be the sign of no integrity. But I disagree. How much was,

in terms of like money, a thousand francs or a thousand... German dollars. I don't know. Was it a lot? I think it was pretty significant. I could be like, okay, go to like, you know,

the town, like a notice board, put up something like, you know, I wanted. Oh, be like, okay, go to the town notice board, put up something like I wanted. Help me. I will kill the mayor and you're going to help. Help me punch out the mayor. I will pay you, say, whatever is a lot of money in the time. So it's just $200. Well, look, he owes me $1,000.

So you can take some of that money to pay the people in town to beat the shit out of them. Do you think there's a way you could have, with your music, killed the rats in a more threatening way so they don't want to fuck with you? Like, I'm imagining if I make the rats slit their own necks or something. That is, oh yeah. The rats pick up a bit of glass and just kill themselves. What about if the rats grab their own head and just break their own neck? And I'm like, I'll do that to you if you don't pay me.

Yeah, there's a military that did that to their prisoners. What? Yeah, they basically, to intimidate the opposition, the other warring faction, is that, yeah, they would have, like, prisoners or people like that who would, like, if you do this, you know, your family will get either not murdered by us or it's like, you know, this will be beneficial in some way.

So, yeah, their front line would then just decapitate themselves. To intimidate the... I would be scared. I'd be like, if they can kill one of their own guys, imagine how little my guys mean to them. A line. If one of their own guys, well, like a line of their own guys just died. I mean, my army is all of a sudden bigger than theirs. You're a prisoner.

Why'd you make yourself the general of an army? That is so funny. You're just like, you know what, I'm changing this scenario. I've got an army too. Yes, two armies. The first army, you're like, oh, okay, there's a big army there. We've got a big army. It's going to be an army fight.

And then their front line kneels down. They're like, okay. Then they pull out a sword each. And you to be an army fight. And then their front line kneels down. They're like, okay. What's happening here? Then they pull out a sword each. And you're like, the fuck? And then they cut off their own head. I'm like, buddy, we need to surrender quick. Dave, these guys.

What the fuck? These guys are maniacs. I still stand by the fact that I don't think that's as effective as it sounds like it would be. I don't know. Okay, we're sending JD to fight. All right, you enjoy that. It's yours, baby. That's what they do.

That's their own dudes, dude. Imagine what they'll do to our guys. Those dudes are doing JD to fight. You enjoy that. It's yours, baby. That's what they do. That's their own dudes, dude. Imagine what they'll do to our guys. Those dudes are doing it to themselves. And I think that the horrors of war, seeing a guy cut off his own head, is the same. What? If I go to war, the things that I will see that are normal war things will be just as traumatizing as watching a man cut off his own head. We're talking medieval times. Do you think it's equally traumatizing

to watch somebody cut off a head as cut off their own head? Yes. That's crazy. If anything, I think that someone cutting off their own head is less traumatizing

than someone having their head cut off by a different guy. I think if I see somebody cut off their own head, I'm not scared necessarily because I'm like, what are they doing to my guys?

Threat neutralized. The threat is, it's one, what? You have, say, 10,000 men versus 10,000 men. They have, of that 10,000, they have 500. They are clearly ordered to cut off their own heads in front, full view of this army. They do that. You're like, easy now, walk at the park. If you're in the middle

of a boxing match and your opponent knocked himself out understandable fair enough that's threat neutralized yeah yeah yeah when they hold up

your hand you'll do shit you win you win champion you are you are an infantryman of like one of

like many and they that is terrifying I think that's very scary. That is. Because you're like, we're ready to fight. We know what to do. We understand.

I understand the rules of war. Maybe I don't understand the rules of war. I don't understand shit about fuck. I'm done. Tories own head off. Okay. Well, our goal is to kill them, and they just did that for us. On you go then, mate.

All right. Yeah, I'm surrendering. Cheers. Off he goes. You're dead. 10,000 men versus you. I've never seen a man get speared 10,000 times. It's actually 9,500 men versus me.

He got speared so much, there's actually less meat. He's still solid. Just like a big hole. They poked a bunch out of it. It's just the outline of Duker, but it's flesh. Yeah, so I think we've come up with some pretty good ideas for getting the rats out of Hamelin. Yeah. I still think maybe, yeah, sending cats in.

A lot of cats. The Andrew Lloyd Webber performance of cats. The rats will be so scared of the gigantic cats singing, they'll get out of there. I don't know if we get, you have a big rat, and the rat sees a big cat. That's a scared rat. Does a rat recognize a fake cat? Like, a rat knows what a cat looks like. Well, I don't know.

Do they? I don't know. That's why I'm asking. Or do they just get chased by a thing and they... It's scent. It's scent. Because there's that thing that... Okay, get a bunch of cats to piss on me.

Step one. On you. Step two. Run through everyone's houses making cat noises. Why do you need to? Step three, when no rats have shown themselves. Step one, you've got a lot of cats pissing on you. You've been pissed on heaps. You've never been pissed on by a cat. I'm drenched in cat urine.

Yeah, and you're running through people's houses. Step two, run through people's houses trying to scare the rats off. Uh-huh. Step three. Has it worked? No. Step three, I'm very embarrassed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would have been step one. Or step two, really. Just sadly washing yourself in the river. Why did I do that? What came over me there's that parasite in cats that makes rats more brave

so they're kind of like oh yeah I actually love the smell of a cat and they go and find that cat and they get it so I was saying what you could do instead of dressing yourself in cat piss is that you could milk piss a cat or many cats and then surround the rest of the houses.

Granted, you've now made the opposite of a delicious bolognese smell. Instead, now your ham village smells like cat piss. And let me tell you. Don't get used to it. Cat piss does smell awful. The ammonia-y chemical smell of cat piss. So we drench the outskirts in the town in cat piss. They change Hamelin to cat piss town.

Yeah. And hopefully we've rat free or at least the rats aren't coming into it. Or you have to be like, well, what what's the problem where are the rats getting into they're biting my baby they're biting my delicious dinner maybe I've got to like you know a cat piss circle like a sunbath circle around the house or around the room

catch a baby in cat piss that'd be so funny then like you know 600 years later there's this weird town they have a tradition where they like baptize baby but with piss a little bit of cat piss then like you know 600 years later there's this weird town they have a tradition where they like baptize a baby but with piss a little bit of cat piss

and I think as my entire house reeks of cat piss my baby's dipped in cat piss yeah and there's like still rats around

sort of you're not getting rid of all of them it doesn't kill them it makes them braver so they're gonna be running into my kitchen more I hope you don't get a cat

that's got full of that power which it might be and then I'm just like sitting to eat my dinner. Everything smells like cat piss. And I'm like, I live in hell. I was thinking that snakes would be also a pretty good addition. Because snakes are the predator of rats. Yeah, but then snakes also do what to people?

Well, I don't, well. Like get one in. When people say I found a snake, I don't know. What's a snake that I don't know. What's a snake that's not going to decimate us? Because you can live with snakes. You can live with a snake. Yeah, but you can live with rats.

You can live with, yeah, but snakes are less of a pest. I don't know. I can't remember that plague was started by, was it snakes? Let me have a history thing. You can call it the snake death. The great snake plague. The bubonic snake. The snake. Snakes I hate. So me have a history thing. They didn't call it the snake death. The great snake plague of... The bubonic snake. The snake. Snakes I hate.

So many bubonic snakes. If I had to... Okay, let me give you a choice. I like how much I'm leaning back. You can live in a house infested with rats or a house infested with snakes. What kind of snakes? Non-venomous. They're a form of python, let's say.

Oh, like that snake house that's full of them. Yeah. Are they like in the walls or are they... They are in the walls because it's nice and warm, but they travel. You could theoretically wake up sleeping next to a snake in this house. I reckon the snake house and then I might join one of them snake cults. Oh, okay. Like a snake handler.

Like you're like, God loves me so much this snake won't bite me. And then what usually happens? The snake bitess. Oh, okay. Like a snake handler? Yeah. Like you're like, God loves me so much this snake won't bite me? Yeah. And then what usually happens? The snake bites him. Because God's fickle. Yeah. And they choke on their own tongue because they're dying.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I think I'd pick the snakes. I think I'd happily live with snakes. Yeah. You've lived with snakes before, haven't you? Yes, I've lived with snakes.

Well, yeah, a couple, not like a whole lot. They weren't loose in the house. Although sometimes they were. Yeah. I'm not surprised to hear that. Is this going to sound maybe strange? I don't know, but I feel a snake may be cleaner

than a rat, and I also feel like maybe it would not smell as bad. It would be a smell. There is a snake smell. Not as bad as a rat. I really don't like the snake smell, but I also don't like the rat smell, so I guess I'm in trouble here. Snake smells weird. It's hard to explain.

It's not like it smells bad. It's like it smells alien. It's a scary smell. I don't know. I guess it's because you smell a rat and your ape brain is like, I smell a rat. My brain!

But if you smell a snake, you're like, I might get bit by a snake. My life! I wonder if you could a snake, you're like, I might get bit by a snake. My wife! I wonder if you could transport any of these amazing ideas to New York where they do have a terrible rat problem. I think if I made a pile of human excrement in the middle of Central Park and then set it on fire, like one big enough to attract all the rats in New York,

I think that would be considered... The headlines that day would be like, the worst disaster in New York history. And we mean worst. Oh, rats can adapt to eat delicious things. Like, I guess, you know. Spaghetti. Spaghetti and whatnot. Because of that, you know, that rat that had like a big slice of New York pizza.

Yeah. That's right. That's a good point. That rat loved New York pizza. It's basically like a spaghetti. Yeah, dude. I don That's right. That's a good point. That rat loved New York pizza. It's basically like a spaghetti. Yeah, dude. I don't know if your plan's going to work. I'm worried that as this episode comes rapidly to a close,

we found out that Plumbing the Duster could not defeat rats. No. Hey, look. New York City can't defeat rats. Most towns can't. Only that one place in Canada. Yeah, they managed to do it. They did it.

We are just as good as most cities. But I think it's also not a surprise. Yeah. That we can't. Only that one place in Canada. Yeah, they managed to do it. They did it. We are just as good as most cities. But I think it's also not a surprise. Yeah. That we couldn't. I don't think we could defeat one rat. Yeah. Well, I like you tearing the rat in half and putting each half in a different bag. I never said I'd put them in a different bag, but that is awesome.

Here's your heads. Here's your back. Here's your fronts. Here's your backs. Fronts and backs, but I've done it like down the middle, yeah. My mum once killed a mouse with a shoe, though. Oh, yeah. Like threw the shoe at the mouse.

That's pretty impressive. It's good aim. Yeah. It's good aim. I ran over a rat once and felt it pop. Oh, that's awesome. We were getting into the house, near the garage. She got out of the car.

She saw a rat in the fucking garden. Yeah garage. She got out of the car. She saw a rat in the fucking garden. Yeah. Grabbed her shoe off her foot. Held it. Fucking got it. That's awesome that that was just instinct. I know.

Rat in the garden. I see a rat in the garden. I'm like, that's cool. That's where the rat's meant to be. Yeah, and go inside. Like, whatever. Rats can be in the garden. That's fine.

Seeing a rat in the garden being like. Yeah. Fight or flight. Machos fight yeah that's awesome man she protected her babies from a mouse yeah

yeah well so I guess that yeah that yeah yeah shoes the answer was shoes this whole time

there you go well another mystery solved by plumbing the dad's door on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson let us know

how would you kill and then return rats? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean. You kill and then the mayor doesn't pay you. I guess how would you kill and seek revenge on rats? Yeah.

No, no, no. Rats on towns. On Hamlet. Is it a town? How would you kill the mayor? Yeah. There we go. That's a better question.

It seems like it was like, you know, collective punishment of like the whole town when it was the mayor that was the shit. Yeah. Hey, that's true. That's bad leadership by the mayor, though. Yeah. There we go. That's about a question. It seems like it was like a collective punishment of like the whole town when it was the mayor that was the shit. Yeah. Hey, that's true. That's bad leadership by the mayor though. Yeah.

And it was only the Catholic Titanic that put them people in the water. Sometimes that happens. I just think that Pied Piper did a war crime.

Yeah. So did the iceberg, I guess.