Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Handle Brum Living In Your Village

Episode Date: July 19, 2020

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most American podcast network. Did you miss the Plumbing Boys play slash ruin D&D live, but still want to watch three handsome idiots bumble their way through dwarven porno caves and gross fish people? Well, you still can! The complete four-part series is available on demand over at SOSPresents.com, or click the link in the show notes. Or, better yet, check out SandsPantsRadio.com or click the link in the show notes. Or better yet, check out sanspantsradio.com and check out Banner.
Starting point is 00:00:28 You can also grab the same wild magic table that we used for that campaign. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com. Hey everybody and welcome to Bromming the Death Star where we ask the important questions like how would you handle Brom living in your village? I would not handle it. I hate Brom.
Starting point is 00:01:00 He upsets me. It's bad. It's bad to know about Brom. I got three words for you, Jackson. Cunts a car. One quick question. What is Brum? He's a car that lives in an English village. He lives inside the shed of a mechanic or an old man
Starting point is 00:01:18 who lives on a hill outside a town. And when the mechanic goes to sleep or away, Brum comes to life and enters the town and solves minor problems and the town will love him the town know about brum but the mechanic doesn't or the the old man doesn't and that for me is the most unsettling thing about brum because it's not just that a car is alive possessed by some kind of devil it's that the whole town knows about it, but nobody will tell the old man. I have no time for it. It's fucked.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Okay. Brum's eyes are headlights, but they blink. Okay, that's fine. His number plate is Brum. That's great. Yes, absolutely. There's a personised licence plate, and he has blinking eyes,
Starting point is 00:02:01 and he fixes problems, solves problems, causes problems. He fixes problems. Brum is the story of a small replica car who ventures out into big town and his owner isn't looking. How big is this Brum? He's tiny. Brum's the size of like a about that big, size of a small dog.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Okay, see I was more on board when he was just a car. Now that he is a small car I don't like it. That means he can get into my house. If I have a cat flap he's coming in causing mischief. Why doesn't he want his owner to know? Why doesn't he want that old man to know that he's coming alive? I'm Sass of Brum.
Starting point is 00:02:35 What does Brum think the old man will do if the old man finds out about Brum's secret? Why is there only one Brum? What is Brum? Brum is the worst thing is there only one Brum? What is Brum? Brum is the worst thing to ever happen to humanity. Brum has been around 2002 was series 5. There are 5
Starting point is 00:02:54 series of Brum. Christ. So Brum is a half scale replica of a late 1920s Austin 7 chummy convertible. Goddamn. Wait, there's something called Brum and Franz. Are there further Brums? 1920s Austin 7 chummy convertible god damn wait there's something called Brum and Franz are there further Brums
Starting point is 00:03:09 oh thank god they're just chickens alright so things we know about Brum he likes to fix problems he lives in a garage with other cars that aren't Brum and can't be Brummed to define Brumming means to come alive. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Brummed into existence. Does he live in a museum? That's what I'm reading here. I think it's just like a guy's shed, but maybe it's a museum as well. Because, yeah, it says the owner of a car museum where Brum lives. Well, that sounds like a car museum then, Joel Zammett.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Trust whatever you just read rather than what me and Jackson say. What we say isn't clever. Is this like a car museum then Joel Zammett trust whatever you just read rather than what me and Jackson say what we say isn't clever okay is this like a night at the museum but for one model replica car it does feel very night at the museum for a replica car yes here's what I keep thinking about Brom if I killed Brom what would happen
Starting point is 00:03:59 and follow-up question can I kill Brom because like I would love to smash brom with a sledgehammer right but yes will that release something well how about this i know i know you you're you're you're very bloodlusty for when it comes to i'm anti-brom it's true yes however uh i feel that that might be unleashing something worse because then what if whatever is possessing that car possesses something else? So how about we trap Brum in a kind of like, you know, classic horror film situation where we just have to trap them and seal it away, and then it's someone else's problem
Starting point is 00:04:36 in a hundred years. The Brum prison theory that some eldritch devil has been imprisoned within Brum. Then why does Brum only do good if it's something so bad in Brom? Well, I think that is maybe a defence mechanism so that it kind of befriends people, that they're unassuming. So when Brom does finally enact his plan, everyone is unassuming because it's like, brum helped us so they he's lulling
Starting point is 00:05:06 this whole town into a false sense of security either way uh tip it upside down pick it up upside down it's it's a car does have the crab problem yes it's like a crab or turtle uh i feel any car really you flip a car it's fucked yeah so what and this is a small car it's fucked. Yeah, so what? And this is a small car. It's as big as a small dog. So what I would do is... It's bigger than a small dog. Don't listen to Jackson. It's a half-scale replica. It's half the size of a car.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Is pick this small dog car up. No! Flip it over on its back. And then in like that horror story about that Carnevale uh, Carnevale Italian, uh, drunk thing. Adam Carnevale, yes. No, no, you know when he gets him drunk and he builds like a brick? A cast of Monticello or whatever. Yeah, a cast of Monticello.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Monte Cristo? Yeah, whatever. Maybe. Um, uh, brick this, uh, uh, upside down car up. Uh, like that, um, The telltale knocking or whatever? No, no, no. Like the train in
Starting point is 00:06:08 Tom's Tank Engine. Yeah, it's got a very naughty engine that I had enough with, so they just bricked it up. But I think bricking up Brum perhaps the best solution that we have for this terrible cursed car.
Starting point is 00:06:26 For it enacts its final plan of whatever that might be. I don't know, but I'm wary and sus. I'm wary and sus of anything that will help us humanity that is not a human. It's why I don't like guide dogs. Yeah, of course. Absolutely. Sus of them. So are we in this situation,
Starting point is 00:06:46 do we just live in the village or do we run the car museum? No, we live in Big Town, I thought. I mean, we could try it either, but in my mind we lived in Big Town and the town loved Brum, but I know I personally don't love Brum. If you two are Brum fans...
Starting point is 00:07:00 No, no, and I'm pretty mad you would even suggest such a thing. I'm a brum chum this fucking guy so i love that little rascal what how would you deal with brum though what are you gonna do about brum i would immediately just sit in the car and see what happened you would become brum dude yeah i'm putting up those like, you know, those like spike like on the road to like, you know, puncture tires. I'm putting them all around my house. I don't think Brum has like regular tires that can pop.
Starting point is 00:07:34 That's not fun. I don't like this. My one defense is now gone. I just like the idea, like the mischief in my brain is like this car is alive. I just want to and it's like doing shit i would just want to see what it was doing the same way that like i don't know if i knew my dog was fighting crime i'd probably follow it just to see what it got up to i'll tell you can i give you a typical day in the life of brum yeah tell me if this is good or bad the farmer or whatever the
Starting point is 00:08:00 car museum owner goes to bed yeah brum Brum's eyes light up. Yep. They are lit with an eerie, devilish light. Brum leaves the farm and goes into Big Town. As he rides through Big Town, people are like, Brum! Because they're excited to see him. Yep. A jazzy tune plays.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Brum sees a pram that's out of control. Brum goes in front of the pram and wheels the pram back to the owner of the pram, saving the baby. So you're telling me that Brum maybe tries to run over a small child? Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:34 All right. That's interesting. A kid loses a balloon. Brum drives up the stairs of a building and gets the balloon as it goes up past the rooftop where Brum is now. Some other similar good doing by brum and then as night begins to fall brum drives back to the car museum nestles himself in there
Starting point is 00:08:52 closes his eyes and then as is tradition the car the museum owner comes downstairs and finds a random object from brum's adventures in the back seat every time and he's like hmm that's strange here's my theory on what's happening with brum i adventures in the backseat every time. And he's like, hmm, Brum. That's strange. Here's my theory on what's happening with Brum. I think that the car museum owner knows exactly what's going on. I think the car museum owner, when he was a young man, trapped a devil spirit in Brum. And Brum now goes out and does good. And when he comes home with a random item, the guy's like,
Starting point is 00:09:21 at least he's not out there killing children like he used to or whatever maybe now he's got like well now that i've trapped this devil in a car he no longer has the mind of a devil but the mind of a car that's true and for some reason the mind of a car wants to help people where the mind of the devil wants to hinder them yeah well the car is a tool for humanity we use it to get to from a to b or to move objects and other things from a to b if anything the car is a very helpful thing for humanity sure as a devil's a devil yeah yeah so maybe the helpfulness of a car has confused the devil brain and he's now with the car brain being like i know I have to do something to humanity. Maybe it is to help.
Starting point is 00:10:05 I like that in your assessment of it, cars are lawful good, I guess. And the devil obviously is evil because that is the devil. Yeah, on the Venn diagram. Not Venn diagram. Yeah, no, a Venn diagram. The Venn diagram of that table. Devil, car, humanity. What are we picturing when Dusha sits on Brum?
Starting point is 00:10:30 Because I'm imagining Sits in not on You can't sit in Brum Brum's half the size of a car Look up Brum V Human dude He's so tiny He's like a cat I imagine you Kind of squatting on Brum with your knees, quite frankly, near your ears.
Starting point is 00:10:51 And your hands with two fingers on the wheel. That's how I imagine. See, I imagine Dusha disappearing the moment he sits on Brum. Consumed by Brum. Gone to Brum realm forever. Oh, yeah. Okay. Brum realm forever. Oh, yeah. Okay. Brom is small compared to other people. He's tiny.
Starting point is 00:11:09 The only other kind of car that I can think of that can come alive is Christine. Yes. From Stephen King fame. So how does Brom relate to Christine and is this a hell car as well? Brother and sister.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Yeah. I guess another theory could be that Brom is possessed Christine and is this a hell car as well? Brother and sister. Yeah. I guess another theory could be that Brom is possessed by a ghost. That's very possible. Okay. To figure out what to do about Brom, first you need to solve the mystery of Brom. Yeah. Who is Brom? What is Brom?
Starting point is 00:11:38 If Brom has been controlled by a ghost, clearly this ghost has unfinished business. And so with Brum going around this village trying to help everybody it's the unfinished business and maybe does does brum know that he's being possessed by a ghost or is the ghost being like i know i have an errand to run i need to help people yeah very possibly we should test this out by putting salt on the road and seeing if it kills brum hey maybe see this me, this might be more Brom propaganda, but maybe Brom is a lost soul, which is what you were saying,
Starting point is 00:12:09 and Brom is My Name is Erling it and trying to get into heaven. My name is Brom, I'm just trying to be a better person. I mean, car. Because if Brom is a soul from a recently deceased, well, the old man is very... Recently deceased?
Starting point is 00:12:25 The old man is very old, and he doesn't seem to have a wife. Okay, so Brom is the old man's dead wife, and every time he... Who was a real piece of shit whilst alive, but not enough of a piece of shit that she went straight to hell. Yeah, instead of going to heaven or hell, she went to car. And why does she not want to let her former husband know that she is back from... Brom's remarried, as Brom.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Well, then again, usually the vows are... Till death do us part And now that there's nothing in there About becoming car Nothing is stopping Brum from remarrying You're right Funerals should state Also announce that this is a divorce
Starting point is 00:13:17 Why don't they make that clear What do you mean Like when you die You're technically divorcing your husband or wife i mean you know till death do us part that's an if you die that's a divorce all right and you're dying so you're initiating the divorce it's just common sense we're also imagine having to give half your stuff to your dead spouse and you just bury them brave. I could have used that money to pay for everything now that I'm only on one salary,
Starting point is 00:13:47 but I am technically divorced now. Into the fucking ground. Isn't that good? It's good. So the Brum ghost theory, so that would mean that to get rid of, because my initial, if I had to get rid of Brum,
Starting point is 00:14:03 because I do, if I was like, I need to rid my town of Brom. Well, Brom is big enough that I think I could pick him up and throw him in a river. That would be that. Definitely in the ocean. It would never be with Brom ever again.
Starting point is 00:14:13 Because what town is he in or near? Big town. Yeah. It's called big town. It's in Birmingham, if that helps. Is that near the ocean? Is Birmingham near the ocean?
Starting point is 00:14:25 Yeah. Great question. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Also, did you know that we do too many shows across the Sandspancer Radio Network? Take Why Am I Sad, a happy little podcast where four friends try their best to stop feeling their worst. While we often advocate for therapy in the show, you know what's cheaper? Talking to your mates. And sometimes that's all you need. Unless you do need therapy, because if you do what's cheaper talking to your mates and sometimes
Starting point is 00:14:45 that's all you need unless you do need therapy because if you do go to therapy therapy's great so if you want to hear myself chat to my good friends cast george and zoe about our feelings and the things that are making us sad that week just search for why am i sad on itunes or spotify or head to our website sanspantsradio.comio.com. There's a lake in Brom, I'm pretty sure. Does Postman Pat live there too? No, not at all. Are you sure? Yeah, Postman Pat does not live in the same town as Brom.
Starting point is 00:15:13 That's insane. So Birmingham is right in the middle of the... It's kind of dead centre of the UK, yeah. It's kind of dead center of the UK. The closest water I can find is the Edge Bastion Reserve. Yes. Okay. So let's find out how far that is.
Starting point is 00:15:39 A reservoir, not reserve. What's wrong with my brain? I'm trying to look up how to kill a ghost. Unfortunately, I'm just going to solve it. We're all doing lots and lots of research. How far is Birmingham to look up how to kill a ghost. We're all doing lots and lots of research. How far is Birmingham to water? How to kill a ghost? I think the biggest problem here, just by reading some synopsis of episodes
Starting point is 00:15:54 when it comes to Brum, is I feel that there is something going on in the town of Big Town. In Brum and the Naughty Dog in 2001, Scruffy the dog gets into trouble after scampering through the big town getting everyone in a terrible tangle and chasing after a flying hot dog okay something is amiss in the town of big town maybe this goes beyond just brum
Starting point is 00:16:22 where are you getting this list of brum episodes, Zaman? I want to join you on this deep Brum quest. The Brum wiki is Brum and the Airport Adventure when precious gems are stolen from a celebrity at the airport. Brum is soon on the trail of the two thieves. Oh my god, guys.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Do you know what the original name for Birmingham was? What? Brummer Jam Something is going on So is Brum one of the original founders of Birmingham? Is Brum somehow related? Was Birmingham created to worship Brum? I think throw the Brum ghost theory out the window
Starting point is 00:17:02 Brum is something eldritch and ancient Brum is something from before So it's been summoned by the good town Of Birmingham Unbeknownst to the Birmingham's It's been around since the middle ages apparently The term Bromagem
Starting point is 00:17:17 Oh my god Where's more Brom episodes Well he has changed models Oh no That's also bad Where's more Brom episodes? Well, he has changed models. Oh, no. That's also bad. So I think we might be onto something here with this eldritch being theory in that it simply will just keep evolving into its new form so as to appear unassumed.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Kind of like, you know, those like skinwalkers or some kind of changeling that will happily, you know, adopt a form and to kind of likeeling that will happily adopt a form and to kind of hide in plain sight. Kind of like the Transformer, if you will. More than meets the eye. Yes. So I think there's a lot more than meets the eye to this particular Brum,
Starting point is 00:17:55 where it is using the energy of Birmingham for some nefarious reason. I mean, it has to be, right? Yes. Something is going on. I'm looking at the first and the last episodes of the Brom. Wait, that's not the last episode. There's also Brom's car wash adventure. Oh, that was part of the CGI reboot. We don't need to worry about that.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Yeah, so I think what's important is before we know how to deal with Brom, we need to know what Brom is, which is what we stated before. So this is now investigative journalism. Yeah, gorgeous. Here's the summary, the synopsis of Brum and the Crazy Chair Chase,
Starting point is 00:18:29 the last episode of the live action Brum. Gorgeous Gordon has ordered a new remote-controlled chair for his hairdressing salon, but it turns out to have a mind of its own. Brum follows it to the big town theme park where it gets stuck in the roller coaster. Brum has only seconds to prevent an accident. Brum saves the day by crashing the chair into a pile of candy floss and saves gordon from
Starting point is 00:18:49 a hair raising incident great pun so brum is not the only alive piece of furniture or or man-made the only alive man-made creation within the town of brumagen something is going on guys so something with that uh that's probably worth noting is like does that mean that brum is just malfunctioning and it's like seen as a personality or is this chair alive and they're seeing it as a malfunction or is it two separate things i don't know if is this chair sentience different from brum's or is it the same and we just see brum as a being yeah and we see this chair as a malfunction maybe brum is just not functioning there is an episode where two children have created a homemade robot that brum then goes and stops so maybe this isn't supernatural at all maybe this is a situation where this is a town full of science has finally gone too far yeah maybe this is science
Starting point is 00:19:46 reaching its peak new theory the old man is a scientist who made brum the perfect machine okay but the town is full of scientists who are also creating their own robots but in a bid for robot supremacy yeah brum must go out and destroy every other robot that comes to life because that seems to be the plot of a lot of these episodes so brum is killing well i was thinking brum's a kaiju interesting all right i'll allow it so you're working brum uh much like godzilla uh brum comes out of wherever brum probably drove out of the ocean one day and the old man found it and was like, oh, sweet, new car. Put it in the thing. But Brom's existence, kind of the snake that eats its own tail. Ouroboros Brom.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Absolutely. Ouroboros Brom. Brom being a kaiju has awakened other kaijus to fight Brom. So Brom is sort of king of monsters, like Godzilla style. And so the robot and the hairdressing chair are your King Ghidorah and your Mothra. I think you are definitely right, but I think if we combine the two theories,
Starting point is 00:20:57 I think that's kind of, I think maybe more what happened. As opposed from Brom emerging from the ocean, I think it's a little bit more of science meets occult here. So we have this idea of where the museum owner made Brum like this kind of thing. And the reason why Brum is like pretending that he doesn't work
Starting point is 00:21:16 or exist when the museum owner is around is because he doesn't want the museum owner to be like, aha, my plan has worked, and then to enact upon what that plan might be. And so I think here it's some kind of dark magic, kind of a hellboy situation here. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Where you've got some kind of weird dark magic has summoned this creature, and he's taken the form of Brom. He's taken the form of the apex predator, Brum. Yes, Brum. Absolutely. And then what's happened here is it's caused a rift into the owl realm and the supernatural,
Starting point is 00:21:56 and that is causing these other machines to awaken. Yep. And Brum being the first one, the hell child, is trying to stop that he's he's using his maybe his powers for good and stopping these other things uh and causing more havoc i'm just looking up the sort of uh grand villain or anti-hero of the brumverse this is a character called the shadow now let me read you the shadows rap sheet four rap sheet. Four counts of theft, one count of robbing, one count of disrupting, one count of escaping jail, two counts of assault, one count of trespassing,
Starting point is 00:22:30 and one count of attempted murder on Brom. Okay, may I just say that The Shadow sounds cool as hell. Yeah, he loves to... Attempted murder on Brom. One count of attempted murder on Brom. If the laws are saying that there was an attempted murder on Brum, which means that he's definitely alive and can be killed. Yeah, he's killable.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Great. Great news. Brum put the shadow in jail, though, for life. Wow. But the shadow can clearly escape. Wait, is Brum a cop? I don't know. Is Brum the police?
Starting point is 00:23:07 I don't think you can put someone in jail if you're a car. I don't think that's how it works. What is the shadow? Is it just another car? No, it's a guy. It's a human being. It's just a regular dude. But he's great at disguising himself that's why he's known as
Starting point is 00:23:26 the shadow jackson this rap shit this has revealed something far far far far far more sinister and more of an anti-theory i feel yeah so we've got an old man a car that sneak or a being that sneaks out and does justice yeah and a villain under a code name uh-huh uh maybe brom is just british batman wow that's a take yeah so shadow's a joker brom is yeah uh so the old man is obviously alfred that one's easy they're the same that's easy to do you know how alfred never knows batman like alfred goes to bed. When he comes back, Batman's sitting in his chair like he was with something from his adventure on his lap.
Starting point is 00:24:10 And Alfred's like, is this ward of mine alive? I can't tell. Have you been getting up to adventures, Master Wayne? Where is this book from the shops from? And Master Wayne's just like, whoop, whoop, Master Wayne. Where is this book from the shops from? And Master Wayne's just like, and his eyes glow a little bit, and he winks at the camera. I reckon that Master Bruce is alive.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Master Brum. Master Brum. Absolutely. Well, maybe, like, that's just, like, because obviously Bruce Wayne is Batman's alter ego, where brum's alter ego i guess is just a car in the shop yeah look that's very fair and then his batman is just the same car but alive so maybe he's just alfred's just pretending and hoping that people aren't putting the two and two together that the car that they're seeing brum that they love from the village is the same car
Starting point is 00:25:02 that alfred has in his shop. Maybe Alfred's well aware. Hey, can I read you just the synopsis of the episode Brom and the Bank Robbers as written on the brom.fandom.com? Please do. Oil! Steal the safe from the thieves! Rob me off! Rob me off. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:25:21 This feels like a code. Oil! Steal the safe from the thieves, rob me off. Rob me off is capitalised. I think it's worthwhile noting. This episode is also the first time Brum goes underwater and it's the first and only time we see a baddie use a bomb. Don't like the first sentence in that. Underwater? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:25:41 By drowning Brum out the window. Don't like this He can survive Living as we do In Melbourne Australia We were safe from Brum But he's gonna find out We were talking shit And he's gonna come for us
Starting point is 00:25:52 So he's Clearly a vigilante Yes And if he's putting People in jail Again Batman But
Starting point is 00:25:59 He's clearly Like I guess leaving them For cops Yeah Hey look New theory here. Just hear me out.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Do we ever see Brum acting, like, alive at the same time where we see the museum operator also alive? Oh, my God. Cool theory. So he goes to sleep. Possessor's Brum? Yeah. And the whole thing about him being all like,
Starting point is 00:26:25 you know, oh, I don't know that Brum's alive is actually just a little bit of a wink and a nod to the audience to kind of like fool us. Yeah. Why is the museum owner always going to bed? It seems like he goes to bed during the day. That's strange. Is it a bed or is it some kind of perhaps sci-fi magic machine
Starting point is 00:26:44 which transfers his brainwaves into that of a car? Let me get in the Brominator and Brominate myself into a Brom. There's definitely something going wrong here, and I don't know what it is exactly. I don't know if this is a naturally occurring phenomenon or if it is some kind of being from the occult or an eldritch being or something like that. I don't know if this is some kind of, I don't know, crime against God, i.e. science,
Starting point is 00:27:10 of this old man controlling Brum. I like your old man possesses Brum theory the most of any of the Brum ideas we've come up with so far. Either way, I would not feel very comfortable having Brum in my town. I don't like the fact that this old man has this much power that he isn't sharing yeah would you go in brum if you could though what can he why here's a question if we take joel zammett's possessed brum theory to be broke what what can the old man do as a miniature car that he cannot do as an old man? As you get older, your body starts failing
Starting point is 00:27:47 and you can't be as mobile. But as Brum, he can do and go into places that the old man can't get into. Plus it's faster and he can go underwater. Underwater, car races, he can get shot, he can get stabbed. Yeah. Cars can
Starting point is 00:28:03 survive a lot. Brum is sort of immortal. That is true. Whereas you're right, the old man absolutely isn't. So being Brum would be superior to just remaining a fragile old man. Yeah, and think about every single fucking Lazarus pit. Brum's a Lazarus pit, maybe. You get eternal life in a fucking car and that's the the faustian deal live forever as a car yeah and if you can live forever and like you want to make a positive
Starting point is 00:28:35 change on the world i guess you would turn to vigilantism i mean i probably wouldn't i'd probably just watch movies or something but maybe this old man has a better sense of justice or justice in air quotes because vigilanteism is also not justice. Well, maybe the old man is seeing or he's hearing all these things that are happening and he's like, man, in my youth, I could have done something. In my youth, I had the wherewithal and the physical prowess to go out and help my community and my town, this town, this big town that I love so much. But I don't have that anymore. But I remember reading somewhere in like a book of my forefathers about summoning the great beast of Brummington. Yeah, no, what happened?
Starting point is 00:29:21 Yeah, and so this is his way of helping out the town that he loves so much. This man is a patriot for Brummington or whatever. It's a double-edged sword for him, though, because as Batman creates his villains, I think the moment this old man decided to possess Brum and fight crime, then Big Town became a hotbed for criminals, only stealing stuff. Exactly. It's not too bad.
Starting point is 00:29:45 And occasionally using a bomb. Or trying to kill Brom. Absolutely. The Shadow has stolen the Big Town crown, so there was royalty in this town. And a bucket of money from street performers dressed as gorillas.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Oh, the Shadow, you scamp. You're robbing from the rich and the poor you're like a well you're not like robin hood at all i guess you're just a big cunt so i don't know if i would feel comfortable with with brum living in my town however i guess i would go to bed at night feeling safer that there is someone out there looking out for the town's best interest. And you know what? I think I've come around. I think I'm happy that we have this vigilante tiny car
Starting point is 00:30:35 solving crimes and stopping people like the shadow. And also killing other creatures that are popping up and becoming alive. So this isn't such a bad thing. And maybe, look, it's fine. I think I have to admit that without Brum, there would be more alive chairs than there are with Brum. And I don't think that the town would be adequately equipped to kill robots the way Brum can. So I guess as much as I dislike Brum in theory,
Starting point is 00:31:10 I have to accept that he does more good for big town than bad. And I'm loathe to admit it, but I think I've come around too. I have also come around, but I started where you guys ended. You didn't come around then, did you? No. You just stayed in the same place. Let me fucking finish. I hate Brom now.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Aww. Because the shadow... Okay, he's trying to destroy royalty. I get it. Yeah, that's good. He hates guerrilla street performers. I wouldn't want to live in a town where there's people dressed as guerrillas. That's scary.
Starting point is 00:31:44 That's true. I don't think he hates them he's just robbing them and that will encourage them to not do it again that's true they will leave and yeah brum is a small car that perceives justice and punishes people by i guess arresting them but being arrested by a car presumably just involves being hit by a car i do enough wrong in my day-to-day life that could be conceived as mischievous enough that brom would come for me i don't want to be hunted down by a small car i don't like the idea of living in a town where a car has that much authority that's true who granted brom this Who granted Brum this power? Fuck Brum. I've come back around. Fuck Brum. The town will be better off without him. Yeah. Give me those fucking scary chairs or whatever.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Now that you think about it, Brum is lulling us all into a false sense of security. So when that time that Brum isn't around and that there are chairs that are alive and attacking us, we're going to be like, oh, Brum's got this sorted. You're right. Nah, fuck Brum right in his stupid eyes. Let's get him. Let's throw Brum in a river. But he can drive underwater.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Upside down. Let's flip him and then throw him in a river. Just fill him with bricks. Take off his wheels. Yeah. We'll take Brum into the woods and kill him. There are a lot of ways to kill a car. The guillotine should come back solely to kill Brom.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Yeah. In the middle of town. That's the way we'll do it. A public execution of Brom. Hang Brom. The next day we will wake up and the old man will have died from having his head mysteriously roll off
Starting point is 00:33:20 in the middle of the night. And we'll be like, oh my God, he was Brum. Huh. But we'll be happy. Yeah, we'll know. We'll finally have an answer. We'll be like, this town is too science-y.
Starting point is 00:33:32 This town's got too big for its britches. It's inventing chairs that it can kill and dressing as gorillas for money. Something needs to humble this town and nothing will humble them more than their precious Brum getting guillotined. humble this town and nothing will humble them more than their precious Brom getting guillotined. And on that note, I've been
Starting point is 00:33:50 Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel. Fuck Brom. Yeah. Fuck Brom. What a shithead. I'm gonna kill Brom with my bare fucking hands. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to SandspansRadio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Just head to SandspansRadio.com and follow the links.

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