Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Handle Having a Super Ex-Girlfriend?

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

Da Boys are going to the UK for their Plumbing the Death Star Cannot Die Tour (we assume it went well) and decided to lock in and record do too many episodes over two days. This is episode 6.Are you ready for a beautiful trilogy of episodes based on the 2008 classic My Super Ex-Girlfriend? The movie that hates women? Yes? Perfect. Because it's My Super Ex-Girlfriend Month at Plumbing the Death Star! It's all a bit of fun where everyone is at the top of their game after recording all day and it being so late. There's a lot of discussion around the truly terrifying prospect of having sex with a super-powered individual. Jackson wants to level the playing field by trying to get superpowers, Zammit keeps insisting to be held like a bowling ball and JD really needs to thread the needle during the break-up. Anyways, subscribe to Yung Boy Internet, he's going pro and has heaps of clams to eat. He'd appreciate it.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+Our Sponsors:* Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast and asks the important questions like now. Who? Who, baby? Who, Nelly?

How would you handle having a super ex-girlfriend? Before we jump straight into this, two things are very true when you listen to this episode. And if you're watching on YouTube, one of them will probably be very obvious straight away. Yeah. One. we just watched my super ex-girlfriend. Yeah. And two.

Jackson has almost finished his glass of milk. Yes, I have. Three, at time of recording, it's 10.47 p.m. Yeah, it's been a big day for the plumbing the death stall, boys. Four, my bedtime is often 9 p.m. Yeah. I'm feeling good. We've done a lock-in.

We've been recording since I want to say about 10 a.m. 10.30? Yeah, about 10.30. Yeah, 10.30 and we've been going all day. Was it today you were late because you have to go buy a capsicum? No, that was another day. It was yesterday before. Yeah.

And I did buy the capsicum. You did. As a request from Zammett's wife. Yeah. It was a confusing turn of circumstances to witness. I will just say that. Well, when I arrived with a capsicum? No, because you said I, you're like, yeah, I'm running late.

And then you had, like, I knew you were trying to spell capsicum, but it was a C and an S way too close to, it was, look. It was a rough read But then Joel Zammett seemed surprised Which meant that like Where did capsicum talk? Well, when I arrived and I found out that That Jol Zambit didn't know the capsicum was coming

Yeah Then I felt like when I gave the capsicum to his wife I was like, was he not meant to know? Is this a secret? I knew. Why was I surprised? You seemed surprised. I don't know.

I thought you also didn't know the capsicum was coming. Maybe you just weren't paying attention. Yeah. Oh, could have been. No, no, no, two Jackson arriving, not to the capsicum. Yeah, yeah, that would make sense. I knew. I want, the craziest part of that situation was finding out that England don't call them capsicums. They call them bell peppers.

That's true. That feels very American. Capsicum is a fucking, well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Australia, we call them capsicums. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. Okay. Let's take it back.

It's late. It's late. Okay. My super ex-girlfriend, a movie you've all seen. 2008. 2008. Classic. Uma Thurman on top of the game.

Luke Wilson is top of her game. Yeah, whatever. Everyone's top of a game. Oh, my God. Rain Wilson, top of the game. It's a certified public of that's a clock, click, click, classic. Everyone's top of the game. Wonder Sykes is definitely has a reason to be there.

It's a really good movie. She's doing great. You got to watch. You got to watch. It's required reading for this and possibly future episode. It is currently available. Ex-G girlfriend, month. I don't know.

Okay. My super ex-girlf- My super ex-grumpf. My super-month-girlfriend. My month-girlfriend. Yeah. My girlfriend, month. You know that movie where Charlie's Theron has maybe cancel or a brain thing?

Uh-huh. And she keeps dating people for one month only. Maybe Keanu Reeves might be there. September girl? No, September? No. September girl is the name of a month. song, which makes me think that it could be the name of a movie.

It's definitely a movie with Charlie Sterron. And maybe Keanu. My Super X Month, friends? Yeah, I was just wondering if we could combine, maybe, maybe we watch that movie and we can kind of do like a mashup. I think we should get brain shooters. My Super X Girl Month? My Super X Girl Month.

Anyway. Girl Month is one word. Yeah, yeah. My Super X Girl Month. So, Ed Musseybrook's girlfriend. Yeah. Owen Wilson lives in a world. Luke Wilson lives in a world that has a superhero in it.

As far as we know, what superhero. G-girl. G-girl. And G-girl, she's got basically the powers of Superman. And if you think, you're going to find out what the G-and-G-girl stands for. You're not because we don't know either. Oh, yeah. They speculate, but they don't have to give an answer.

Could be good kisser. Good-kissor or gorgeous or God-ass. Anyway. Or G-Sot. Girl. G-spot, exactly. So Luke Wilson. By the way, these are not my jokes.

Yeah, yeah, these are Rayne Wilson's jokes. So Luke Wilson! Yes. Okay, he's divorced or something. He hasn't dated somebody for six months. Yeah. But who does he see on the train? It's on the pretty lady.

Pretty beautiful lady. Yes. And Rain Wilson says, approach this strange woman on the train. That's normal. So he does. She rebuts him. She's not interested.

But then her purse gets stolen. He gets it back for her. They start dating. But guess what, dear sweet listener, Umma Thurman, that is G-girl. And all of a sudden, our guy, Luke Wilson, he's dating a superhero. And at first he doesn't know,

because he's not the most conserved from that. He's not. There are signs. Really obvious signs. Possibly the most obvious sign. He's low-looking through life. The most obvious sign, I would say, for Luke Wilson in this scenario,

is when Umah-Thurman, i.e., G-girl, mashes his penis. She literally fucks his bed through the wall and also maybe fucks his penis clean up. Yeah, he does not, he's in pain. And then in this scene, which I know we're not going plot like scene by scene, but this is where the funniest line in the movie is delivered.

I would say so, yeah. Where she says, do with her, they break the bed in their lovemaking. And Jigel says, don't worry, I'll get you a new one. And Luke Wilson says, a bed or a penis? What I like about this, because it all ties back together and it inevitably, whatever, all the shit happens, but then, like, the new girl he's seeing also just powers. But he's into it.

He's gross to love getting his dick absolutely obliterated. I've never seen a man more into CBT by, like, accident, I guess. You're reading his face far different to mine. To me, it's like the man who is, I don't know, about to. a fucking raw dog having a tooth pulled at the dentist. He's wide-eyed and manic. But he goes, there's no other way I can make love to

my super-powered girlfriend. He's like he's so happy. He's like like, okay, so the times when he makes, he's making love to Uma Thurman, there's a bit of fear. Yeah, and pain. Yeah, and pain. When it's an apharis, he knows it's going to be pain. Why? He's got a grin.

Yeah. Personal preference aside, that has nothing to do with any of this. Yeah. One thing I will say, if I'm Luke Wilson, that's I'm significantly more scared of fucking the person that just got their powers. Yeah, absolutely, dude. Yeah, that's why, again, you watch that. Anna Farris is very like, are you, you sure? You're ready, okay?

And he's like, we gotta do this. But I'd be scared that there'd be like one thrusts and then she'd get up and my penis would did that. Yeah. I'd be like, wow, you snipped it off as though your vagina were a pair of scissors. It's a thing. The powers have made your vagina a clamp. Uh, wow.

Out of, also, every single position bar maybe like two. Yeah. They've picked the worst one. What's the best position for your super current girlfriend? Doggy style? Doggy, even missionary. Missionary. I don't.

Oh no, no, missionary's bad. Oh no, she might grab my back with her legs and my, the back of my head with her arms, and she's gonna snap me like she's a praying dentist. Yeah. And you've got to bite my fucking head off. I'm scared. Doggy style, at least, your band's getting way more fucked problem. Yeah, but you're getting, if there's any thrusting back, you're getting shot it away.

Yeah, but that's okay. Or he's got to get a strap and hold on. Yeah, right. He's just got a hold on. Otherwise, you do something that she doesn't like. You might get kicked. You can't buy it. I don't know.

I've never. Eating her out. No, no, no, no. My head's getting popped like a fucking watermelon. Just dig into my head as that was making wet, do you paper? No, just my head's getting popped. My head's getting popped. Oh, yeah, fucking water balloon.

Like, like, a tensing of the thighs or pulling of the hair. Oh, okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. The best way to make love to use to your girlfriend. You get a remote control vibrator and you do it from across the room. Yeah, that's smart, dude. No, I might just fire out.

What's the problem here? I mean, first of all, I still can't believe we just move past getting kicked like a horse during doggy style. Yeah. Like, that's a normal thing that happens. Yeah. Oh, okay, just me. Forget her. I'm just more, if he's doing something, maybe she's not prepared.

Maybe if he does something like, you'll put the thumb. She's like, oh, I guess she jolts. Yeah. And she kicks back? How is she kicking back? What is happened? Is the back of her foot hitting the back of your head? I was imagining she was like on my.

She's on her knees. Either way. I was thinking like you're kind of using the bed frame to steady yourself. I'm not in the band. I'm standing up. She's also kind of like her feet are on the ground as well over the bed. Oh, it's okay. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, but then even then, fucking by the time, I'm not worried about getting kicked like a horse. I don't know. I'm not like in the head. Just kick back and break my knee. stomp on my leg she's very powerful dog you saw with the other person

is like on all fours but not on their knees also she could do that walking around like a spider she could float yeah she could kick me in there see these are the risks of having a super ex-girlfriend dude

I look I'm not I don't want to flex but every time I've had sex I've never been worried that I'm going to do something where I'm going to get kicked like all yeah because you're not dating someone with the power

of supermaia. Yeah, exactly. I still... One of it's a supergirlfriend. Yeah. And she kicks back into your legs maybe. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm not worried.

Well, you slip because I'm Mr. Mogoo, and then she moves out of the way, and suddenly you stepped on your foot. I feel like if you slip during Doggy's style, all the worst thing it happens is your moat and moat and a ass. Yeah. And that's fabulous. Wonderful. Wonderful.

Happy to be, though. Yeah. But just, I'm just, I get, I'm just worried it any way shape of four. There's really no safe way to have sex with some. somebody that is... No. No, it's a remote control vibrator and you're on the other side. You're right though, but what if at the point of orgasm there's contractions, it fires out like a bullet? You should have a little hole in the top before. I was worried, yes, yes, I did suggest that like that might have before.

So what you need to do is you need to, you know, because you don't know where... So what you've got to do is because you want to look at this. You want to be seeing it. You've got to have a series, at least at least a mirror and you've got to angle it in a way. So you're at a right angle away from them. So if it shoots forward, it's not going to hit you. I'm... You haven't thought about this. No, I have.

Fucking, he's dead. He's fucking dead. I would just stare to the side. You are so fucking dead. You are dead with a remote control vibrating. You're fucking... Imagine it. I'm not standing.

I'm not... This motherfucker is so dead. I'm not in a position where I'm like, damn, I'm going to use this remote control vibranor. I want to see where the action's at. So let's get it in a position. like who giving birth. I mean, standing to the fucking side.

I don't need to have... What if it ricochets, bitch? Yeah. What are they made? I bet he's not even wearing a hard hat. Yeah. Yeah, you're dead. You're fucking dead.

Okay, I wasn't wearing a hard hat. Safety first, dude. Dumb motherfucker. She goes to be got the condom and the hard hat. I'm right. Condom, hard hat, safety glasses. Steelto boots. Yeah.

Hardest. Still, too, Bruce, not a bad idea. Yeah, smart. Stomping during doggie style, if you're both standing, maybe a thing. Getting kicked in the chest? Well, you can get kicked backward. Yeah, I'm not even saying getting kicked in the chest.

I'm just like getting kicked. Anyway, shape, or four. I guess you're getting healed more. Yeah, okay. Well, yes, because now I'm not thinking of a horse. But would you, okay, so obviously with Umitherma, well, these are all current girlfriend problems. Yeah.

I haven't even hit this X part. Yeah. But it might become a problem if we whiff it. Because I think it's like a, it's possible, you know. We're having fun with the structure of the sentence. We started with girlfriend. Yeah. And then super girlfriend.

Now we've got to throw an X in there. Yeah, that's true. There's a lot going on here. But if I can't satisfy her in the bedroom. Yeah. And then she becomes ex-girlfriend. I think it's going to come back on me tenfold. If I can at least in the bedroom sort that out,

maybe when I hold that against me. Wouldn't you be more likely to, to be, if you're not satisfying a super girlfriend Yeah And then you break up, it's good Yeah, that's good Yeah, because the problem here in this movie

Because then she goes damn, it's not him Well, I mean, it could just be him But like, it does fall into, it would just be like Maybe I shouldn't be fucking people When I'm something above. Or if you're awesome in the bedroom But then you don't want to have the upper hand Or not even upper hand, not in like a, it's not transactional

You just don't want to be competent sex is what we're saying Yeah. You want to be missing and confused. You want to be fucking the space where the mattress hits the bat. Oh my God, it's in. I'm like half a meter away. I'm in the kitchen, babe. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Is this good for you? You're making a peanut butter sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. You're fucking the sandwich. No, I'm hungry. Leave me alone.

I thought we were. gonna make love. No, I'm eating lunch. I skip dinner. Fuck. Sorry. And now I'm fucking the bad. You don't want to date me, huh? I guess I'm just a regular human schmuck.

I guess you should leave. I've had plenty of bought partners before. No one's happened. You're just fucked. Yeah. She probably break up with me. Because that's the thing. In the movie,

my super ex-girlfriend, Uma Thurman's character, G-girl, is sort of crazy. Yeah. Okay. They date very briefly and then they have sex once and it's like, oh, we're in love and you're my forever person and you better not leave me or talk to another woman, especially

that slut hanner in your office. And she becomes like the stereotypical crazy woman. Yeah. It's a movie that hates women. We're written by a man. Written by a guy, Don Payne, who died. Yeah. Maybe if he didn't hate women so much

It'd still be alive Hey, at least we got Thor 2 Yeah, he has a generational run of movies Yeah, it's really funny This, something else Fantastic Four rise of this Of the Silver Surfer I'm gonna say Skywalker

No, that's not right But hey, some people argue That's the best Fantastic 4 film I don't know why, but people are arguing that And then he wrote Thor, then he wrote Thor, then he died Historic run From one of the best to ever do it from one of the best to one of the next best

Yeah They actually have sex twice before they break up The second time we should talk about as well Let's get the sex out of the way They have sex in the sky And then she starts plummeting And as we discuss while watching it Freezing cold air

Must be rocketing up his anus Like he's just hitting that like The butt crack and that Gooch and Ball sack area Because his balls would be like dangling between those legs Get and win The weird bone on his Gooch

It's not even Like even when she's just talking basics He There is 0.000000000 1% chance That he manages to have a bono At any point during that

Alright No because there's a moment where he's like I want because he's like I got a fantasy I think we don't hear it Yeah And from what we can gather It's like

I just think it's the fantasy Either is I want to go flying Yeah Or just can you put on the costume And we bang Yeah And then she's like okay I'm going to mix those two together.

Then she's like, let's grab you, go flying, and then there's in the end. She's, I've always wanted to do this. And then she unzips his pants. And we're thinking, okay. Skyhand job. Sky hand job. And to me, that sounds wonderful. That's great.

That's when he gets an erection. And then she's like, turns around and he's like, nah. And then they start like, you know, full pen. Yeah. And then I'm like, that's a bit like, okay. But he currently isn't looking down. The hair job is also really scary when I actually think about it, though, because she can fly

he can if you slip and she's just holding a severed penis and you're plummeting to look you she needs a good grip is it

no but then the only way to jack him off would be to hold him because she can hold him across the chest and then jack him off down the bottom I don't know if I would like that or she could hold him like a bowling ball

wall now whoa how would you like to be jerked off in the air the way currently thinking is, hell by the scruff of my neck like a bad dog. And jerked off.

Honestly, I think that's better than being... Not right. But maybe that place... Legs tinkling. I mean, honestly, that place... This isn't a fetish I have. But if you've got a fetish of being caught and fucked by gay girl... Well, yeah, sure.

If you're submissive... If you're sub... Yeah, being held by the... Scruff of your neck. Yeah, absolutely, of course. And then jacked off, because then it's like, I've been bad. Yeah, or I have literally no power in this scenario. I mean, to whether or not you have a, like, a villain fantasy, or you're just a sub.

Yeah. Yeah, you're... Next level sub style. Then, yeah, that's good. Being held, like, across the chest, like, arm, like one arm coming around. What about if it's kind of like... Like, like, you're floating in a pool, right? Because she can kind of like angle herself so that...

Oh, you lie on her like a bed? Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's... Is she taller than him? Yeah, she's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you could do that.

Is she my thermo taller than me? Probably, yeah. She's so tall. She's quite tall. But yeah, so she could do that. Yeah. And that, because that could be, you'd feel a bit more secure. Yeah.

Like, because, you know, G-girl would have that core stability. Exactly. And she, you know, she's, yeah, she's not dropping here. She's two centimetre shorter than me. I don't like the idea of lying on top of her. I feel like I'd be smothering her. What if she scoops you up in one arm like a baby? What about, now, can we go back to, what about, like, someone I think suggests being held like a bowling ball?

With a thumb in the thucas? They bounce like that. I think I would do a new type of comb. It would be so uncomfortable. I think out of nowhere. Because you're sitting, like, you're being supported. You're being supported only by the gooch. that's hitting

into the hand that's a crazy crazy movie yeah like I said I'd either invent come two or come 0.5 it would really depend

yeah I'd go with the bowling ball like why don't you know I think scrub from the neck look I'm gonna die

I understand this no matter what way this goes yeah you might as well bowling ball me either at this point or in the future or like when we break up

I'm gonna die. What about headlocked jack off? Oh, that's a bit of fun. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that. I can handle that. Yeah. So, they do you, oh, wait, no, you're being hanged then.

Yeah. Because that means your entire body is being supported by your neck. Yeah. What if she... Suddenly the bowling ball and ball technique doesn't look so bad, doesn't it? I mean, it still seems pretty bad. To each thyroid. To each their own.

But then, it's funny because she flips him around to have, like, just sex, normal, like, you know. But she's on top, which I think is so scary. Because you're lying and you go, beneath me, nothing. She's just really holding on by the legs. I guess that's why they're falling. Yeah. Well, no. No, then she just falls on purpose.

Yeah. And that's when one 100 miles per hour cold wind shoots directly into his anus. And there's no way that that man. Yeah. That is like, babe, do you love when a flaccid pundice is inside you? Because I guess what that is right now. I'm so scared. I don't even think it would be, I think, because it would be cold and you'd be so scared.

It would not just be flaccid. It would have retreated. So I was like, babe, do you love no penetration? I don't know if we were retreated because, again, you talk about gravity. Oh, true. It's still going like, you know, you gotta... It could actually be elongated from the fucking... You're falling at terminal velocity.

And also, I can't stop imagining his ass cheeks getting spread and laughing. As he flies to all the other than... There's a wonderful video online. I remember seeing, like a talk show, like a thing, but I was like, what... man running around and it was like naked skydye game. Oh yes, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah. And like, yeah, they show it. And like the man's, like, from the, from behind. So you see his, like, he's buttocks.

But you also see his penis just like flapping behind him. I reckon naked skydiving would hurt. Yeah, I think we would. Because your penis would be absolutely obliterating your knots. Well, we just get me. Flaping away. Just flapping away. But also, you're born to be flapping into your head.

Oh, God. A lot of flapping. It's a lot of flapping going. Because the moment she starts like careening, canniballing for the earth, your balls slam her gooch. That's all right. That's a bit of fun.

That's a bit of fun. That's a bit of fun. That's a bit of fun. God damn, dude. So yeah, look, two terrifying sexual encounters. That we see. And then again, we don't know how, because it could have the movie magic thing

where it's like, you know, we fast forward, say, four months. They be dating. They do, like, a couple of kind of random time jumps where the scenes themselves give absolutely no indication that any time has passed. But then the way the characters are talking is totally different.

I guess this is three months. It's almost like it's not a well written and directed. Anyways. If we just check Jackson's letter box. It'll be a five star or one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five stars and alike, they made a movie.

The problem here is, yes, you've dated, she's obsessed with you. Yeah. And then it's like, you see, It's a bit scary because she's jealous. She's quite manipulative. She does a lot of very strange things that I would say move her from super to evil. Yes, my evil ex-girlfriend.

Well, I mean, she does try and kill a goldfish. Yeah, she boils his goldfish by heating up the fucking... The tank with her laser vision. Whilst they're breaking up. Yeah. Yeah, she... Etches dick into his forehead with... That wasn't why they're breaking up.

The breakup is basically... She bends a knife, headbutts of fridge, breaks it, and basically, and tries to kill a fish. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry, petfish. Yeah. It's just like, this is not good behavior. Yeah. And then she flies out through the roof?

Yes. She destroys his roof multiple times. And, yeah, and then throws his, the next day we throw, throws his car up into the air. Into space. Gets him fired from his job by making him randomly naked in the middle of a meeting. It's a very strange scene, sweet dear listeners, because he, uh, Luke Wilson is giving a speech at the architecture firm he works at. She's also tagged him with dick on his water.

Yeah, laser-a-dice his forehead. Yeah, so he's got dick on his forehead, but he's wearing a beanie to cover it. But then in the middle of the presentation, Umu-thurman comes in, and she does this with super speeds, so nobody can see Um-a-thirma's here. They're just like, it's crazy. There's so much wind in this, in his indoor room. All of the papers are everywhere.

The papers get thrown everywhere, like the Chinese delegation that's there are like, what the hell's going on? And then he gets, Luke Wilson gets all of his clothes stripped from him. And so, but we know, because nobody, because he's got to keep the fact that G-go was his girlfriend's secret. So we know they don't know which G-girl that did this. So from their perspective, Luke Wilson was in the middle of a speech. Then he was suddenly naked. He forgot about the wind.

There was a big gust of wind in the room. They said papers flying everywhere. And then all of a sudden, we don't see the clothes come off. We don't see any of that, but he's naked and then one this acts is like, you're something like, you're a real sick ticket. And then she blames him and he's fired. And then the very next scene,

he's dressed and they're putting makeup over the dick on his forehead. Yeah, because he just got fired. But neither of the characters helping him with a dick in his forehead know why he has that. Yeah. And I just chill with it and aren't asking any questions.

Yeah. I think Ryan Wilson says something about, yeah, I've never had a girl do this to me. Oh yeah, he goes, yeah, girl's never done this to me before, and I'm an actual dick. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know what they must be thinking. Because they're like, wow, it's crazy that you broke up with this person.

Yeah. We know this that you broke up with somebody. Yeah, we know. She was quite clean. He's obsessive. But it's crazy that she somehow managed to carve dick in your forehead. With what appears to be a laser boom. Yeah.

And, hey, why were you suddenly naked before? And then, well, they asked that, and he goes, I can't talk about it. We're getting all of the plot details of my super ex-girlfriend out in this episode For no reason Yeah, we just want to talk about it We just watched it, okay? There's a lot of crazy shit I will say, and we haven't addressed this

And like the thing I was thinking this entire time So the movie comes out in 2008 Yeah, I'm 17 when this comes out Yeah I remember being 17 I do not remember everyone dressing this fuck This is the worst dressed movie I have ever seen in my entire life And I've seen fucking movies.

At one point, Luke Wilson is wearing a tie that is braided down the front of his shirt. In a way, I've never seen anyone do. Not a tie, sorry, a scarf. Yeah. He's wearing a scarf that's braided down the front in like a platt. Rain Wilson, at one point, he's wearing a scarf that looks like the joke is meant to be that he's gay, but he's not. Yeah. But then it also wasn't a joke.

He's just dressed. She does that. I know, like, quote-unquote, metrosexuals were a thing. Again, I was alive then. Is he meant to be a metrosexual, but then the way he behaves is like a loser who's horny? Yeah. So it's really strange. Yeah.

You got to go watch it. Yeah. Check it out at the local cinemaplex. Yeah, go ask, say, two tickets, hopefully you got a friend with you. Two tickets to my super ex-girlfriend. My friend's coming. Yeah, trust me. What is that guy?

Let me just chuck my phone. Check my damn phone. Hello, Steven? Yeah. Pedevan? You come by? Oh, you're still parking your car? Yeah, I'll tell the ticket person to reserve two tickets to my super ex-girlfriend.

I'll have your ticket with me. You let me know and I'll come out, Spievin. Yeah. I'll meet you in the cinema, Spreevin. And then tell me if Shepardin comes. That is his name. Bye-bye. And if he doesn't come, God, gee whiz, something must have happened to him in the car park and I would love a refund.

In fact, you know, well, maybe there's a long ticket right now. Because Spieffin Spievin loves to take age He's getting out of the car Fein' Stephen will You know what you're Because he'll pay me back anyway

Yeah So this is like It's like It's funny to be like One ticket And Stephen will buy his own If he doesn't come I'm sure I'll be worried about him

And then they come And they're like Stephen's not come He's not Oh Chief de heck Has it been any reports Of any car incidents

In the car park Well I don't know Let's see if we can go find him Mm I'll be How long's left in my super ex-cofriend? It's about 20 minutes, but we need to find you. 20 minutes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How long does it take a man to bleed up? I reckon shorter than that, buddy. He's got a lot of... Stephen has a lot of blood. Do you think that Spievin might have been a tax, sir? Is he being in a house? Maybe by terrorists. He should call security.

Yeah, the government's always looking after Spievan. I said, you'll be safe here at the cinema, Spiven, my real friends. Then you pull them in and you say, hey, Stephen's not real, obviously. Stop embarrassing me in front of all the other people seeing my super ex-girlfriend. In front of my super ex-girlfriend. I know there's no one else here. I know it's wholly me, but this is still embarrassing. You had to have known.

Why are you doing? You're making me miss a movie. It's also not normal for people to come in the cinema and tell people. Their friend is in danger That's strange Did you go have a look? Maybe you should have a look first Leave me alone

I want to read Letting them go Anyway so we should go look for Spievin Yeah let's go find him Winking at the manager Oh Spipivin Oh Spivin

Yeah I love my super That is how that would happen That's how that would go Anyway Okay let's just jump Into the actual question Yeah we've got a shipwrecking

for it. We're dating a superhero, super girl, G-girl, but we broke up. He said, hey, G-girl, this ain't for me. Exactly. You know what? It sucks that we're in this weird, like, polygule. It's not you, it's the three of us. Well, we can't do this. Well, how much?

So, we got to, we're just, oh. Yeah. It depends on the super person we're dating, because if it's Ouma Thurman in this, where she's written by someone who hates women. Yeah, it is. It is, makes a situation a lot tricky. You choose most, you know, superheroes, like, you know, heroes written in the 90s.

You're also going to have the same problem. It's true. So I just got to imagine, we dated G-girl. Yeah. And we're like, hey, you're a little cling. Yeah. I'm good. We dated F, G and H girl.

There we go. I feel, I, because a break, I feel a breakup is part of the reason maybe why G-girl goes kind of a bit off the rails. Because he doesn't handle it well. That's true. He doesn't handle anything well. He's a fucking idiot. He's a buffoon.

He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a lot. But he can kind of do no wrong by the movies. And he looks like shit. He looks like he looks like a shit in his movie. I know why me, a 35 year old man who has never looked at after themselves a day in their life. Comfortably looks at Luke Wilson, a Hollywood actor and goes, brother, you look like shit. He looks bad. He looks bad.

He fucked it up his shit. Like, it's not good. I can't tell if he's wearing a wig and it's a fuck-ass wig or if they've glued his hair down or something. They've not to glue his hair. They've done something weird. He looks really strange.

Royal Tenen bombs is he shaves his head in that. He looks good in Royal Tenant bombs. Yeah, but that's... That's... A bit earlier, but not that much. But not enough. Because in my head, I'm like, oh, he shaved his head.

Yeah. No, I don't know, dude. Well, how would you break up with Gigo? What are you doing? Well, so... Hey, I'm a worm to you. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, I love you.

When you fuck me, I almost die every time. Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah, it would be, it would be, hey, you know how we, when we make love, you know how I have to, like, lie in a bath. Yeah, I need to ice my penis, yeah. And, you know, ice packs and I can't walk for maybe three to six weeks. I can't live that life. Yeah, yeah. I'm taking a veil of celibacy.

I have joined Monastery Oh no, I'm fucking fucking dumb Yeah I feel like like yeah I just We can't do this I'm in a lot of pain Yeah

Also your professor Bedlam Archonem He kidnapped me And his goons kept slapping me Yeah exactly And then one of his guns You are And he knows who I am

I feel like I'm in danger Yeah I actually did get kidnapped And then hung from The Statue of Liberty Yeah Then you say me I don't know how he

got up there, I wasn't paying attention. We don't know either. We don't know, Luke Wilson, not me, Jaldusha. I know that it was a hard car. Yeah, yeah. So, to be honest, I'm a little terrified. And I, when I saw you, you, when I saw you on the train,

you were like, beautiful women in the world. I could call my eye. I didn't realize I was signing up to get kidnapped. Yeah, exactly. And I just don't think I'm ready for that. Now, I think he's made it too wordy. I think also, yeah. I'm so scared. Spal you later, man.

babe, and get out of there. You've both managed to make exactly the same mistake as Luke Wilson, but both taken the exact opposite end. You've been way too harsh and an idiot. What if I do it with a nice letter? Smat you later, babe. What if I've gone to in the weeds? You've gone way to in the weeds,

and also she's a superhero, so the moment you lie, she will discover that. Well, the monastery one I might be. But the other part of my heart, I'm not. I'm so scared of me. approaches somewhere in the middle, be like, hey, I think we just need to talk about our relationship. I've been thinking. Yeah.

You know she's got a knife and she's like bending it right now at me. Yeah. Whatever. Kill me. Actually, at this point, maybe I've already resigned. So if I don't come off maimed, I, yeah. Yeah. No, fair enough.

Hey, I'm like, I've been thinking and I just don't think this is working. I know you're looking for something very serious and I know you've trusted me with something very important to you. And I respect that. And I still respect you, but this isn't working. I'm so sorry. Why isn't it working? What do you mean?

It's that slut, Hannah. You're breaking up with me. And then she slams your head into the fridge. She tries to boil your boil. I let her cook the fish. We just stand back and I watch her boil the fish. And I go, did it feel good to kill it in as an animal? Go, you better eat it.

If you've killed it, okay, at least you can do it is eat it. I go, okay, that's actually made me evil. And if you've killed my fish, you've got to eat it in front of it. eat in front of me. Because you've got no powers. If you do that, you're getting back together. It becomes sexual. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, you made it weird. You say, eat it in front of me? Too late. That's a hard cut to you with your penis crushed. But happy. Oh, yeah. Your penis crushed happier and her pulling like a fucking goldfish out of her mouth, like a fucking cartoon cat.

God damn, dude. No, actually, no, because if it goes, I don't think my penis is getting crushed, because that's very sub-dom. flipped it. Yeah, as you did, that's true, that's true. That's true. So maybe my penis is remaining intact.

Maybe. And I've made this situation way worse for myself, but my penis has remained healthy. Yeah, maybe, but all, or you do a doggy style and you got that harm. So you've got to like, hope he doesn't. Kind of like you're doing the idea rod. Yeah. Well, I mean, you can use lunch, not caught about that. Or is that what I'm thinking of?

Yeah, you can just design things basically for this. You can buy a dog you style harness. You get a swing? Yeah, swing. You can do that, too. What about, like, a pole that I attached to my penis and then walk to the other side of the room? So, basically, I have an 18-foot dick.

Interesting. Long-distance. Oh, yeah, what you can do? It's not like there's even, like, a flashlight on your arm. It's just a pole sort of... Well, I think that... They do have these things that are like... Tapes in this?

Yeah. It's just gaff up. It's kind of this thrusting. Just Gaffir to a broom. It's just a fucking, like a broom. Yeah. You've like Gaffed like, you know, the bruising and nuts. Yeah.

You go, I think I figured it out. Are you getting off on this? Well, I'm not scared or hurt this time. But then she's thrusting. That cold girl got into you a bit. Oh, that hurts around and the bruise cut me in half. I don't love you being so far away. Did you say 18 foot?

Yeah. You're so far away. I mean, I know it's not. that far, but who, like, kind of looking between your legs trying to make you out? Where is he? I mean, 18 feet, that's three of me lying down. Yeah. Because you can't, I know you can get, like, sheets.

Yeah. That, like, you can put over your- Sheets or sheets? Sheets. Oh, okay. You put over your member. Yeah, exactly, to make it, you know, bigger and whatever. So you could get that, but not probably an 18-footer.

And also, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking for a horse cock, I guess, but way long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a monster horse car. That's what you've got to ask for at the sex store. Hi, I'm looking to something that would kill a regular person

but won't harm the person I'm sleeping with. Don't ask any questions. And they go, this still does gigantic, and it would harm someone. You go, well, actually, most of it's not going to be in them. Most of it's going to be. Just feel like, ah, you're dating G girl. Yeah, you know. Say no, we know.

We know. Fuck, um. No. Back, no, break, break, baby. He's like, we've been here before. Well, okay, but it's crazy to me that, yeah, Gigo hasn't figured this out. Yeah. Like, anyway.

Yeah, it's tricky. The movie is, is, what was his name? Tim? Luke Wilson. Yeah. What was he's, Matt? Matt. Yeah.

That's right, Saunders. It seems like Matt is maybe the first boyfriend. Yeah. That she has. No, because actually they showed in the flashback that she's like going to a guy with prom and stuff. Oh, that's true. Going to a prom with a guy. I think this is just probably happened to a bunch of guys.

Yeah. But the thing is, no matter actually how we break up with her, it's the, it's the break, there's actually no way to do it. Yeah. Because no matter what we do. So now all of us. I think I've got to commit to the bit. Yeah. I have to join a monastery.

Yeah, but even so she'll find you. Yeah. She'll throw a shark at you in the other months. I'm like, what are you doing? Well, I went to find myself. She's so, she's so. A sticker, carved in your balls. Boles is fine.

I don't know. Well, he's about vile celibacy. What are you doing? You're attacking a monastery. Yeah, she doesn't care. No, she does at the end. Yeah, at the end. Yeah.

Her secret identity is a tricky one. Yeah. Because in reality, what you should do with the Anna Farras of it all, the Hannah of it all, you'd go, hey, my previous girlfriend was G-girl. Yeah. But because she's gone on double dates and been around, they know who. she is. Yeah. But then later in the movie, he's just calling her

Jenny. Jenny in front of everyone. But then also her name is, they point that out at the start. She's got the superhero alliteration. So maybe that already is a fake name. I don't fucking know. I don't know. But yeah, like, it just has to be like, hey, super into you, Anna Farris,

aka Hannah, call the date a regular person. You're probably going to want to give me six months. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to need some time from this. I think, because I got shit. to sort out with G-girl who maybe has gone evil. She put my car in space.

And she threw a shark at me. At us. At us. You remember that? Remember that? Remember that? We're still in the aftermath of that right now because the only time to have the conversation is dead. You know how like,

you know your couch has that big shark bite in it? And you hear that outside, the gentle sounds of a shark dying on the pavement outside. Because it fell out of the window and onto a car. You hear that, you know that alarm, that car alarm that's going off? That's because that dying shark landed on it.

Did you see when that shark tried to eat my balls? Yeah. I don't know if G-G girl trained the shark to do that, but it feels like she might, that might be another power of her superpowers. Anyway, Anna Farris, aka Hannah, I think you're truly wonderful. And I liked when you sucked on my finger earlier in the movie.

That was one. Is this one of the fun things that you said that we have fun together? Like, were you describing that? Yeah. Because really, we haven't interacted much. Yeah. We were a bit flurdy at work, but that's kind of like... I was looking at your ass for so long.

And then Wonder Sykes caught me and rightfully called me out. And made a scene. But I'm Luke Wilson in a movie from 2008, so the movie said what I did was actually awesome. Yeah. But also, I will say, in a workplace environment, I don't think that how Wonder Sikes handled that would also be good. I would say that's also sexualized. Yes. Yes, it is.

Hey, you're all looking at that woman's... Bum! Hey, is this okay, Anna Farras? He's staring right at your cheeks. Well, in the bizarre end credits animation, Wanda Sykes pinches Rain Wilson's butt. So she's, we know she's not very good. And then he's attacked by squirrels for no reason.

And Luke Wilson's character gets beheaded. Yeah. Which maybe, maybe, umath, Gigo, one may be heard of her powers is to talk to animals. Could be. That would make sense. Is it Gigo? Luke Wilson that gets beheaded to the credits. I don't remember.

It is one of them. I know we just watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this? Okay, because in the movie, Dr. Mayhem or whatever, Professor Mayhem, who's Bedlam, thank you, who is Gigo's archedemesis.

He's like, he explains how it happened. Or maybe Giego does. I don't remember. He does, yeah. Touch the meteor. Touch the meteor, got powers. So you go, okay, fucking K, superheroes are a thing.

You can get powers in this universe. And we know he knows superheroes are a thing, because he says, oh, you get the superhero alliteration thing going on. So what if you... I guess comic books are also...

Yeah, exactly, but you go... But also, G-go is real. It's not like the existence of G-go is a surprise. Yeah, no, no, I know. But that means that I might be like,

well, the only way, I can't stop her. But maybe if I get powers, I can at least withstand the barrage. And then I just eat some nuclear waste or get bit by a spider or, like, you know... Just try it all out. So fall into a vat of acid.

Yeah. Get bitten by a spider. Yeah. Get bitten by a spider. Yeah. nuke dropped on me. Get a nuke dropped on here. Get blinded by the ooze. Be born a mutiny.

Yeah, that's important. Get put in a sand experiment. Oh, yeah, sand experiment. They're looking for vampires. Yes. Bidden by a vampire? No, your mom gets bitten by a vampire. Mom gets bitten by a vampire.

Yeah. Well, Morbius gets bitten by a bunch of things. Yeah. Honestly, you should just go to zoo and just be like, yeah. Get into those enclosures. need to have at me. Damn.

Your parents are going to die. Maybe that'll do something. Hey, mom, hey, dad. Big, bang! Just try to solve a problem. This didn't make me Batman. She's made me sad. I should have done that.

Try and get Uma Thurman about you. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Maybe if I get some of Umu Thurman's blood. Oh, hair. Eat her hair. Let's get back together, babe. I want to chew on your hair. Well, no, I just need to.

I go. I come back into her. apartment and I go, maybe before I break up. You sneak into the box room, I go, hey babe, awesome love making you. I just need to piss real quick. I pull out of her hairbrush.

Get her hair brush and just start eating that hair. Hopefully get like a like a bazaar, is that what they're called? Yeah, yeah, where the hair becomes like a tumor in my stomach. Yeah, and so hopefully the powers of that hair kind of like seep into me. It's so funny to be like

full of hair. Step out of of the bathroom. I think I'm ready for round two. So don't hold back. Let's see. One thrust in my like, my torso legs and the hips just all separate.

You're basically, you're lying there. You're kind of making you a dip. I'm like, G-girl, like, yeah, dip in you. It didn't work! I have no Yeah

Yeah I think the only Yeah It's tricky Because he's lucky Because she definitely does a few things in a row That could kill him Yeah Yeah yeah

Yeah Yeah yeah yeah The gang fired from your job thing I think he can absolutely Talk his way Yeah Oh but then I honestly think when she

It's like why is a superhero attacking you Yeah What have you done What have you done But I do think You're right about like When she goes to boil your fish

Yeah I understand this is your pet fish You love it. You've called it Biggie Smalls. You like, I like, his fish is my fish. Yeah. I've got a lot of attachment. Yeah.

At the moment she goes to kill that fish, you just... You almost got to be like, well, if you do nothing and just like it, yeah, you do the whole, you just killed a fish. You just killed a pig. You just killed a pig. You're a here. You're a hero. You're a good guy. Yeah.

You just killed my fish. You just killed a fish. Yeah, you killed Biggie Smalls again. You assassinated Biggie Small. So I think, yeah, at that point, you got to be like the most. neutral, just like, what are you... Yeah. Why?

That always works when people are flying off the handle, by the way. That's a tip from me to you, listeners. If someone's flying off the handle, just go, be normal guy mode. Yeah, yeah. It's true. Like, okay, well, that's... She's bashing her head in the fridge and you go, don't... Don't do that.

Hey, we need to... We just... Okay, let's just talk through this. I know it sucks. Yeah. What the hell? That's me. Yeah.

My fridge. That's where my cheese is. And my hair. I hope she's not racked my hand. Yeah, I think one of his biggest mistakes was mentioning that, like, he was, you know, the potential of sleeping with other people. Yeah, that was, he, he whiffed it. He really whipped the breakup. Because I guess the thing is, if you're breaking up with someone and you haven't cheated on them, there is absolutely no point to bring up the next person that you're hoping to sleep with.

There hasn't been a crossover. You're in the clear. You're doing the. ride thing by ending it. Yeah. But also give yourself a bit of a calling off period. Yeah, exactly. Don't go. I did it. Time to go

visit girl number two. Again, and this is maybe a problem of like when it was set and because yeah, because his whole thing was like, you know what? I need to get the hell out of here. I need to, yeah, I got to flee. I got to get out. Maybe got it, was it Idaho or whatever?

I wasn't paying too much attention. That's crazy. I was locked to the fuck in. He says something about a high at one point. Anyway, he's like, I gotta leave. But then Anna Farris calls as an answering machine. Great, they're like, oh, I remember them. Yeah. And then he's like, you know, she's like, oh, I need your help or like whatever.

He thinks she's in danger. Yeah. And he grabs the phone, but oh, he's too late. And he can't call her back. No. He can't hit redial. And so he rushes over and then it's like, well, it wasn't planned, you know? Yeah.

And he kind of does often just think with his penis. Yeah. And he's kind of got the taste for like, well, my penis was just injured by my. It's only recently healed. So it hasn't even recently healed. So if I jump in the sack now with Hannah, it's still a little bit tender and sore. And that's kind of nice at the moment. I'm learning to like it.

So maybe if I, it'll be a bit painful, but that's good for me. It's also crazy because the first scene in this movie is basically, like the first scene prior to, so it opens with G-girl doing superhero shit. The net cuts to Luke Wilson and Rain, whoa, they got the same name. Oh my God, are they brothers? Are they related? Are they cousins? What the fuck? Is it Owen, Luke, that other one?

Andrew. Andrew and then rain? Did they know what the fuck they were doing? Did they talk about it offset? How did I really just notice? Hey, you're Will's son? I'm Will son. Dude, that's crazy.

We should collaborate. Will Smith's our dad. Damn, we're best friends and Will Smith's our dad. Or maybe Will Wheaton's our dad. Definitely a Will. A will out there is out now. George Wilson. Will Smith and Will Wheaton are our dads.

Is there any other wills? You can think of. No. Rain or Owen or Luke. That's all the wills. Anyway. Yeah. They're on the train.

Yeah. And Rain Wilson. Whoa. And Luke Wilson are talking. And Luke's like, oh, it's been six months. And Rain Wilson's like, you fucking idiot. You need to fuck. Think with your penis.

It's true. Stop thinking with your brain. with your penis. You're poor, neglected six-month-old penis. I love that Rayne Wilson in this movie, he's like, like, the relationship between Luke Wilson and Rain Wilson, that is crazy. Yeah. It's like, it's really funny because Rayne Wilson is playing this kind of like

pathetic. Pussy Hound. Yeah, he's a wannabe pussy hound. Yeah, he's a wannabe pussy hound. And he's like, he's obviously terrible. But he's also like the most trusted man in Luke Wilson's life. So Rayne Wilson will be like, you gotta, you gotta fuck the pussy and then get out of it. there. And Luke Wilson, who's like a pretty

normal guy aside for being sort of schlubby and kind of loser, is like, oh, okay. Is that so, Rayne Wilson? Like, who are these people? You know? I guess I will trust your... Yeah, I guess you're... At one point he's like, why do I listen to you? But yeah, that's... Yeah, why are you doing? You're like 35-year-old men. Like, what are you doing?

Yeah, I... Yeah, there's a lot of bizarre relationships in this movie. But I think if you'd fuck up the breakup, you're pretty much there's no way to get out of who are trying to kid you. Yeah. Because Except Luke Wilson's way that he does at the end. Yeah.

Because at the end of the movie, for various reasons, Anna Farris also gets powers. Her and Uma Thurman have a fight in the air. A lot of spinning. It looks like shit. Oh, that does it ever. And they arrive at a fashion show. And Luke Wilson does a big speech where he goes, Uma Thurman, who you should be dating is Professor Mayhem.

Bedlam. Bedlam. The guy who's your supervillain and has a creepy shrine to you. And she goes, oh my God, you're right. But clearly, Umma Thurman is just really kind of crazy and willing to love anyone. So I think if you find someone and you go, hey, you want to be in a lot, you want to date G-girl? You can get G-girl. You just need to push her out of the next person.

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think the way to handle this, maybe this is option one or option, like, whatever at this point. But it's like, you know, the moment we're like, hey, we need to talk about our future. And then how she starts getting like, back to break that knife. She starts chopping real hard. So I'm like, I'm getting this down. Yeah, I'm about to die. The moment where I'm like... I'm not worried.

Here's a crazy thing. I see a superhero with a knife, though. I'm not worried about the knife. I've seen what she can do without the knife. Why does she need the knife? She's got it. Yeah, I just... I'm scared. Because I know she could like...

Yes, she could plow through me with her finger. I understand that. She once held me like a bowling ball. I get it. I'm very scared. I came all over the city. I'm so scared. What I'm still calling come to...

Yeah. I was frightened, but I clearly was turned on. Yeah. I don't know. But again, I understand. But she's got control of that. Yeah. And but a knife is sharp.

And it's just, again, there's that lizard brain, which is like, well, we're human. We look human. You look human with it, whatever. And you've got a big sharp stick. I'm scared. So I think the moment she's like, oh, you're going to break up with me. And it feels like maybe he stabbed. Yeah.

So I could be like, no, sweetie. We're not. We're in love. And then I got to realize, okay, I got to be patient. Yeah, okay. And now it's got to turn on that slub. I gotta be a piece of shit Not like a horrible boyfriend

Yeah But just a big loser This is when you start having sex with the bat Oh the bad The bad fucker move But this is when I start being like I really let myself go Yeah, maybe I don't

Like she's got super senses She's got her super senses Oh I'm I'm not sharing Just farting Just farting heaps Babe You know what I've decided to go on nothing But like my

I'm calling it my Oyster Lobster Dyes I mean nothing but oysters crass of the sea Yeah I mean nothing but Yeah All farts no substance

Day All farts No breaks Yeah yeah Yeah all fast no And you know my snack A big jar of sour A sour crowd

Yeah I just I feel like it's a good way To be just like Okay I love Hannah Yeah I do that's the reason I want to pursue But you know

I understand I got it like really It's so funny To get to Anaphares, you've got to go to some deep, dark places. I got to, you know, I just got to lock into work. Yeah. And I got to lock in to be the most piecey shit. The job you're fired on?

I haven't been fired at this point. No, get fired. Get fired and hang out at Uber Thomas house all the time playing Xbox. Yeah. And he's not oysters. Yeah. I'm like, Ray, Wilson, best friend, come over. Yeah.

She won't mind. Yeah. Should you ask her? No, she's not going to notice. Come over. Yes, dude. Let's play some Xbox. I got two dozen oysters.

I get a sack full of oysters. Okay. And as many clams as I could catch. Now, have you shit yourself up, though, for her to be like, what's going on with you? Yeah. And then grab you by the ankle and fly up into the sky and be like, what's going on and shaking you? I don't know. What are you doing?

What do you mean? What's going on with me? I love seafood. I love seafood. I love Halo. Yeah. And I love fucking the bad. I just, oh yeah, I love Halo, I love fucking the bed.

I read on the internet, you can, you can make money if you become good at Halo or something. So I'm becoming a pro gamer. Oh, man. You just made me think about, like, at what age? Every guy you ever bet. Like, when it dies and, like, resurrecting that. To be, like, I think, actually, it's a 20, like, I've heard there's, like, you know, you can get these webcams. And maybe, like, people can just watch me on the internet.

I keep saying it's 2008, but it was 2006. Yeah. I'm loving the idea of, like... This is YouTube thing? Yeah, I'm going to get big on YouTube, babe. Yeah, you can just try. People, I've set up this web camera. Yeah.

I got a second hand. I filmed probably like 20, 30 hours of myself. Me playing Xbox. I'm just going to put it on the computer. Yeah. And then I got to edit it. I don't know what kind of editing. Do you have a computer?

Can I borrow some money to buy like an editing thing? Yeah. So Luke Wilson, at, time of this movie came out was 35. Yeah. We're guessing that Matt is probably early 30s. They do that with Hollywood. So yeah.

You say he's 33. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. To be like, it's Xbox time, baby. Well, it's funny to think about...

I got a super hot super girlfriend. Yeah. And I can play Xbox. I'm going to be the greatest gamer in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Han, you are an artist? Or you own her arts...

She owns a gallery or some variety? You're wealthy and you're a super girl or whatever. And so I quit my job. Yeah. Because, you know, you can support us, right? Yeah, I was kind of hoping you could support my dream. My dream of being the first ever gamer YouTube man. The first ever gamer.

Yeah. I'm just, I just saw the wizard and oh, what the fuck? Those kids stole my idea. When was it? When was no one going to tell me about this? Yeah. You know Super Mario Brothers 3 came out? Yeah.

Like, when could you? When could you do like a let's play? Like, when was that your heyday? Yeah, you could have been absolutely doing one in 2006. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, babe, so that's what I want to do. It's so funny.

Like, look, look how good I am at Halo. I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I didn't see that a lead. It's, I'm getting nervous because you're watching. Yeah. I'm really fucking good. I got six views. Hey, let me just, hang on. I'm just going to turn the difficulty down a little bit.

Yeah. This is just because you're watching. Yeah. I'm actually really good at this normally. Yeah, yeah. So I was watching Red v. Blue, and I've really got into my cinema. Yeah. And, like, I've spent 18 hours on the, want to watch it?

I did the voices myself. Hello, it's me, Craiggums. It's me, Craiggums. This is my best friend, Spieven. Oh. What do you think, hon? And then, like, has the audio recording. She's still going.

Oh, hey, Rain. Yeah, come in. Yeah. No, she wouldn't care. She doesn't give her shoes, dude. I hope you don't care about the full. Farts there, brother. Up top.

There's a sack of oysters by the couch. Yeah. They're from yesterday. They've been left out since what day is it? Yeah, I think that's so good. Wednesday, yeah, dude. They're fine. How long the oysters live in the city?

Yeah, exactly. So they'd be fine on the floor. Oh, shit, hang on. Hey, Ray, grab the, you can be spevin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, can you do voices? It's cool that becoming a pro gamer, that as a dream,

like, there's like a dip where it becomes humiliating. But as you get, say you get past 60? There's a famous grandmother who plays Rosen Ableymaneeble. I'm impressed again. It's a 10-year-old's dream. Beautiful. 20-year-old's dream.

Sure. 30-year-old's dream. I would say 20, you go, okay. Well, but he could work out. 20's big like, okay. You go, okay, yeah, prove me wrong. 25, you go. And you've been, how long you've been doing it for?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or are you just starting now? Oh, okay. Maybe 25's okay. I think 20, I think honestly. 28. Yeah, I think up until. It depends how good they are, though.

Yeah. Because if it's like, I have never played video games, I'm starting at 25, you go, why? Yeah, where did you get this idea from? I think like, because the 25-year-old being like, I'm going to be a pro gamer, I go, oh, okay, you drop shipping didn't work out. And now for some reason you think this is a scheme. One of the, it hasn't hit my desk yet, but one of the crazy influences has told you that pro-gaming is now a free market. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you hit 55? I think 50. Yeah. Or maybe even, yeah, anything in the 40s, you go. Because 40 doesn't seem that old. If somebody said, if Zammert, if I had dear friend Joe Zammert, young man internet. Young man internet over here. What up?

Y-U-N-G. Yeah, yeah. Young man internet. Young man internet over here. After his 40th birthday, which is soon, in his 40th year, he was like, boys. Happy 40th birthday to this guy, young man gamer. I'm going pro. I'm going pro.

We'd be like, oh. It depends what game, I reckon. Let's say a game I've never really played and all really picked up. So I think Halo is the perfect. It's dated? Halo, I... What if I'm like, I reckon I can get pro on StarCraft too, knowing that I could never? I think...

I just got to figure out the macros or whatever. I think I'd be so excited by the obvious mental brain. Yeah. You've got to understand, Joseph. We're not good friends. Yeah, I know. We go, oh, our friends lost his mind. Two tickets, please.

If any of us did that, the same thing would happen. If you were like, oh, yeah, I'm going to program. Like, oh, okay. Oh, do you get a notification. Oh, a beautiful message popped up from my good friend, Jol Zammuzama. I won the best of luck, buddy. You got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We have, have you bought tickets? I'm buying it to, dude. This is going to be the best. This is a devastating blow to any of our Twitch audiences out there. What do you mean? Huh? You're not? What, no?

But I see what you mean. If Joe Zammett was going to be like a hearthstone or some shit. Doda? Doda? You think, oh, Dota for him? No, he wouldn't be good. That's what I mean. It's like, I go, what the fuck?

Yeah, okay, I'm on board. Yeah. But is there a game that if he was, because you said, like, depends on the game. Oh. Is there a game that if Sam it was like, I'm going to become pro gamer, you'd be like, what if it's like even, like, something like goes? You just, like, game you can't be pro at. Like, oh, yeah, I'm doing, like, pro gaming at, like, Baldersgate 3.

You're like, that's a single player game. I don't think you can really become a pro gamer at that. I mean, you can play it a lot. I can try and go. You get speed running. It's, yeah. I actually know, yeah, yeah. If it's a game you like where there's no, like,

yeah, competition element. Then I just go, hmm, that's a boring mental break. Yeah. He just clearly doesn't want to hang out with his wife and kid anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I guess I can... He's found a good excuse to. And then I'm like, okay, well, this isn't exciting. I guess I'll console wife and child. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is he doing all right? Like, what's happening? Obviously, no. I'll hang around more often. I got nothing going on and my name's the same as his name. So maybe the transition for the new child will be easy.

Yeah. It's just... Dad, here, dad won his playing in Boulder's gay. Dad, too, is there He's sweating, worried, you're like, I'm not the dad one,

but I'm the dad who stepped two. Yeah. But yeah, if I was like, I'm going to become the top CSGO player in the world. I think first person shooters is where I go, really? But if it's a weird game,

so if you were like, I'm going to go pro with Halo, I'd be like, okay. Yeah. Or like Cod or Battlefield. But if you go Starfield,

StarCraft, I mean, or Doda, I go, Oh, my boy's lost his money. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, actually, you know what?

I'm walking it back as well. Halo for some reason is not that exciting, but if all of a sudden you go, black up seven's out. Yeah. May as well. I go through. What if I'm like, yeah, I just.

I'm getting in the ground. Fortnite. Fortnite. Damn it should never play Fortnite. Yeah, I agree. I just imagine his character spinning around. It's being like, how do I run? I'm got to get pro with this, guys.

How do I build a house? Am I Homer? He's not even done an I odor of research. I'm trying to build Homer a house. I'm trying to build Homer a house.

People keep fucking shooting me. Can I farm? Is this one of them farming sims? Then I go, this is possibly the best kind of mental break we could have gone. Yeah. So is this like,

is this like stardoo mixed with like death stranding or something? I'm not going to dad you. You should have researched. You know, I'm going pro. trying to go a progen of research. I bought so much gear and this chair.

Oh, actually, just quickly, and this is a beautiful way to end, because I think the best way to handle Monsubrek's girlfriend. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, because we're going to go back to what we're just talking about. So I'm just putting an end on the episode, and then we'll finish this room with a funny story. I'm ready, dude. Yeah. So, because that just reminded me.

Yeah. The Fortnite thing, walk in. Okay. So, my super ex-girlfriend, I guess it's just like, yes, try to get dumped, or letting it be a slow fade, or alternatively just not jumping, straight into something else. Yeah.

Let the... Be patient. Let the chaos... Because you know, from when you've dated her, that she's, like, pretty emotionally... Yeah. Yeah. So you've got to, unfortunately...

And, hey, it's not good when you date people like that, but you're just got to be like, I just got to let this happen. Yeah. Especially if you're the one doing the breaking up. Yeah. Yeah. If also, just fart heaps and get dumped.

Yeah. Because also, you've got to realize there is a power dynamic when she can snap you like a twig and turn your pelvis into ducks. You've got to be safe about it. And then in six months, And you've already gone six months of that dating, so it's not like, it's not that new to, like, being alone's not like a new thing for you. And you go, well, be nice to regrow my penis in those six months.

Yeah, yeah. Now, so that's how you handle having a super ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Now, Fortnite and spending so much money. Yeah. The fourth co-host, or fifth, depending on who you ask, of this show, Darcy Smith. Oh, yeah. He decided there was Adventure Time skins in Fortnite, so he messaged me, someone he knew.

knew that played Fortnite. Yeah. And Woody, a man who you would know from thumb cramps, he hasn't been on Ply the Death Star, but just, I'm sure he will in town. He's around. Uh, he messaged us and he was like, boys, I'm going to get into Fortnite. Yeah. I go, okay, awesome.

We can play whenever. Sounds good. From home today and I play Fortnite so I can show you the robes. He logs in. He has spent $100 Australian dollars in Fortnite, which is a lot. Like, the season pass is like $11. dollars. And he'd never played before?

He'd never played before. Has he played since? This was maybe two years ago. We played... You gone pro yet? We played for maybe an hour and a half in that one time. That is awesome. So what we're describing, I realized halfway through that analogy that I have seen

of close. Yeah. It's all. Yeah. And then once a week, me and Woody would message Darcy and go, we're playing right now and he's like, I'm at work and we go, damn, dude. Yeah, which hadn't spent a hundred dollars. A hundred dollars on adventure time characters? He bought the entire Adventure Time pack. He bought the season pass and I think he also bought. He was so ready to get into Fortnite.

He bought like a Fortnite t-shirt act. But he was not to his taste. Plays at once? You can play by yourself. I don't know why you never did. I think it's really funny to be like... He wouldn't have even finished the battle pass he bought. Oh, of course so. You're going for an hour and a half. I think it's so funny to be like the Adventure Time Pack and presumably there's multiple characters.

He was playing as Jake the Dog. But instead of just being like, I'll get Jake the Dog, you go, I might want to play it in two. Many, many games before. Or maybe the Ice God? Yeah. Ice King? There's a lot of characters I might want to play out in my many sessions ahead of me. Yeah.

Oh, not for me. That's a real story about our good friend Darcy. That's a real, yeah. I mean, the Plumbing the Death Star loves to have on. And apparently, according to the car. comments never show an iota of respect to once. So I guess, yeah, it's a good

track. Yeah, it's probably one of the best. Babe, I'm going pro gamer. And if you're out there right now in a relationship, you don't want to be in... Like a toxic relationship, you're like, you've got to get out and be like, I need to make a, you know, I need to make a, you know, a break that's like, it's not the cleanest break. It's just, it's a bit of it.

And it's a lot of... There are downsides to this. Yeah. But I think you just got to be... Pardon positive. You just got to accept it. Yes. Yes. You break... It'll work. You know, you go, I'm going to be a pro gamer. But then you've got probably a year of rebuilding your reputation after the breakup.

Well, you go to your friends, you go, I'm not a pro gamer anymore. And I've stopped farting. My diet is ravaged my body. Yeah, good friends of mine, I'm so sorry. As you can see, I've lost all that seafood weight. And that scent is now gone. My guts will forever be scarred by only eating. It's so funny that it takes like a week or two to get back to even like resembling a regular human being.

And then G-girl is just like, oh, so this was your plan? No, no coincidence. I was going to create a quick order for some clams. No, they run out of clams. So that's why I stopped eating clams. I actually hate being like this. Desperate for them. And the fortnight servers are down.

So let me just, hey, let me just go back on my Bingbeck couch and smoke this bowl. wrong down your cheek when I pick up the controller again you got to be a controller the dog just spinning

on the screen honey where did I put my bong this is the life I've always wanted it's time to hit record on the webcam I love you

my super girlfriend and I love video games hey all my gaming followers time to Jake the dog it what's up gaming I always say my catchphrase

Jake Thogget And honey, where's my clan? Shuckin' clans playing Fortnite! You go, hey man, young man internet's not looking so good. Young man, he says looking really good, but he's crying. Yeah, mentally. He's not looking to cry. Like last week, he was looking like shit.

You didn't see him? He looks better now. He looks great. But he's crying. What's up? I'm back for another clam jam. Clam muck rag and Fortnite. It's your boy, young man here too.

Oh, wait. With a clam jens and get at least one victory. This is why I love this channel. That's exactly what I eat with the power of flopses. We can build a homer house. Thanks for the sub. man fan fan he's one of the most celebrated Twitch streamers of all time young man internet just for whatever to cross the midst he's also one of the saddest

on the platform and history will remember him to clans. I hate fucking clas. Fade to black. It was like, Young man internet, against all odds, became the most famous gamer in the world,

and his dream came true. Him and G-girl are happily married after 10 years. Oh, Christ. Well, that's one way of doing it. Yeah.

I think so. They were the best one. I would say, sir. Well, that brings us to roughly our seven and a half of recording today. it's now 1157 p.m. And I think that's a beautiful time for us to say. I think it's time to go to bed.

Good night to our listeners who are listening to this presumably on a Monday morning when it came out. Life's normal for you right now, but for us it's crazy. Yeah, and I hope to see you next week where we'll probably talk about my super ex-girlfriend, so you better watch the fucking movie. You better watch it. You got a week to watch it. And remember you can support us, and we need it more than our life.

Okay, we really need it. Obviously our dreams are becoming pro-gamerist. That shit's in the toilet. But we might become successful podcast. Fingers crossed. So please subscribe to the bad brain boys. You can do it through sansmithraider.com or through Apple Podcasts. It's our subscription service.

You'll be supporting us, helping the channel. And also you get access to a bunch of bonus content in the Discord. And it's really good. Please do it. I'm excited to find out where we're out in our lives when you hear this. Yeah, me too. Because you're hearing this now. And we're recording it now.

But the nows aren't the same now. That's true. Your now's different to our now. Now. Wow. Bad time. Yeah. Goodbye.

See you. And I've been Joel. Oh yeah. And that. You fucking know. Come on. Was this your first episode? Really?

This one? You stuck around to the end. If this was your first episode and you stuck around to the end, I'm coming pot on Instagram, jump in the comments and let us know because you're a real one. This is your first time you see like, oh, I'm one of my trying a new podcast. Oh, I remember that. movie from 2006. I loved it. I've been scouring my, you know, podcast for any podcast about my super ex-girlfriend. If that's you, you're my favorite listener of this show ever, and we've

been doing it for 15 years. You're number one. See you next week when we do more my super ex-girlfriend content. For you. For you. Good night.