Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Inevitably Waste Your One Wish Willow

Episode Date: August 9, 2026

Da Boys are going to the UK for their Plumbing the Death Star Cannot Die Tour (Tickets available now: sanspantsradio.com/events) and decided to lock in and record do too many episodes over two days. This is episode 1.Johnny Imperfectalien on the SP+ Discord wanted us to ask today's very important question. So after at least one of us saw Obsession, we figured we're adequately prepared to have a think and posit how we'd inevitably waste our one wish willow because none of us would think. Jackson becomes a burden to his family at 52 and wishes to loophole the One Wish Willow, Zammit wishes he was good at business and JD wishes to go big and confusing. While we might not know wishes, we do know the 2000s film Bedazzled starring Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley, so make sure you include not to have a tiny dick in any and all of your future wishes.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+Today's episode sponsored by Omaha Steaks! Go to OmahaSteaks.com and use promo code BEEF at checkout for $35 off. Minimum purchase may apply. Our Sponsors:* Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hi, hey, hello. We're going to be in the UK in less than a month. So if you live in the UK and want to see your boys, that's right, myself Jackson and Joel Dusha, performing live to you, UK member. And it's like, it's, you're in Glasgow and it's, I want to say the second of September. I've got them here too. I'm a professional. I just, you can just chime in whenever you want.

I thought it would be funny to just let you run. Oh, yeah, he's very silent. Hi, everybody. Hope you're having a good time. We're going to be in Glasgow on September 2nd. Manchester, September 4th. Yeah, Leeds, September 5th. Nottingham, September 6th.

Yeah, you see, here on this? Okay. Birmingham, September 7th. Bristol, September 9th and London, September 11th. And never forget. And you might be thinking, well, you guys, what's missing between the 7th and the 9th? That's an 8th. What's going on there?

Why is there no show? And I'm going to tell you that there is one. We just need to confirm a few things. So we may probably, hopefully, will be in Cardiff. I don't know what you're also thinking, but there's also a number missing between 9 and 11. What's up with that? 9-11. Well, yeah.

So we're probably going to be doing another show in London on the 10th. So it's less than a month away, maybe a little bit over a month away, depending on when you listen to this. So all you guys to do is go to sandspansradio. dot com slash events and buy your tickets today. You would be shocked at how many of these venues are already 50% sold out. And you'll actually be shocked because most tours they're announced quite far in advance. Not this one.

And most ad reads are prepared before we hit record. Not this one. And most UK. I'm pretty sure they could tell. And also just let us know if you're listening in the tour is still more than a month away for you. How are you listening to this? Because we're recording it less than a month. before the first show. So, uh, see you there.

See you in the UK, baby. Teach me how to speak British, so when I make fun of your country in the future, I can do it properly. Oh, I love the UK. Orbijines. They say orbijines instead of egg plates. And they say, carrots. Instead of carrots. And cup of tea is a cup of tea.

Yeah. They also say, um, how do you, it's like, it's not water. It's water. Yes, that's it. Yeah. Water. Mm. Is it ta? Water. The king!

See you there! Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. I'm also, Joe. Plumbing the Nestor is a comedy pop culture podcast and asks the important questions. Like, how would you inevitably waste your one-wish willers? What's that?

Okay, so, hey. Well, first of all, this question comes to us from the Discord. This comes to us from Johnny Imperfect Alien. Remember, you can have your questions possibly answered by Plumbing the Death Star. If you sign up for the bad brain boy, There's links in the show notes. And, hey, the bar is basically like, hey, this is a great question.

It's about obsession. Exactly. A movie that's been in the headlines for months. Exactly. You can also, you know, there's people that are just like, what if you were a crab and had a crab penis? And we go, I don't know what we're going to do with that. I don't know about what movie.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's not have spoilers for future great episodes, do you show. Let's bookmark that one. Hey, now. What if you were crabs? What are the crab penis or whatever? Don't join the baby out with the bath, water buster. Okay.

So don't ever be... Basically what I'm saying is sign up to bad brain boys. Throw a question out there. No question is going to stop us dead in our tracks. Yeah. And there's also no way to predict a whole pick, you know? Yeah. You don't need to be shy or embarrassed in there.

Exactly. Someone has done worse. Yeah. And I think that me imagining someone saying, hey, Plob me, that's going, can ask this really important question? What if you were crab and how to... crab dick crab's penis

A crab's penis That's like the perfect question Basically Exactly where did I have it I'm holding it in my hand Yeah Am I a crab with a second Crab for a penis

Or do you just have the penis A Crabber You guys are falling into the trap Of doing two plumbing The Best Star episodes At once We're giving it away for free My brain's already burning

I haven't seen obsession But I know a crab Yeah I can imagine I know what kind of crap Anyway I have seen obsession Okay thank God And beautiful movie

About a real big sack of shit man Okay, okay. Bear. Fuck you, bear. That's a name I would give to say a dog. Yeah. His name's Baron, and they call him bear for short. I didn't know that was a nickname.

You can get for Baron. I'd have called him Bear. Oh. Wow. Your riff just answered. Oh. Imagine I still haven't got it. Oh, and I'm just desperately hoping you'll move on.

darting your eyes around the room. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. It's nice when your brain catches up with your mouth. Yes, dude. Truly. Also, for the record, this is the first podcast we're recording today.

It's like 10.30 in the morning. We just got to work and just had a coffee. There's no reason for us to be like this. Yeah, I know. Anyway. Yeah, okay. All right. Bear is a piece of second

Yeah, so basically it's classic Like bears like, I'm a loser And I have a massive crush on this girl in our friend group Nicky but she would never I'm not even brave enough to talk to her about it So Oh, shucks Ah heck yeah

So then he goes to a gift store The guy's like oh like a woo woo-woo shop Yeah, yeah Like a crystal emporium Yeah Okay Yeah he goes like a crystal emporium pour him and they go, hey, this is funny.

We got these one wish wheelers. They're like seven bucks. Yeah. You break the stick, you make a wish, you break the stick, you only get what? Okay. And then... Seven bucks? Yeah. It's funny if he says it wrong, he goes, you make a wish, you break the...

Or like, he gets it backwards and it doesn't work for me. Huh? Seven bucks, buddy. That's cheap, dude. Yeah, it's... It's a bloody bargain. Yeah, it's... Well, we'll get to why. That's extra funny.

So he buys it because he... Bear originally goes there to get Nikki a gift. gift because he's going to ask her out. But the chicken's out of that, ends up buying that. They have a conversation in the car where she's like, is there something you want to say to me? And he goes, no, oh. And then she goes inside. It's very funny to be like, I'm too much of a coward. I love my friend. I have a giant crush on her. I have no idea. I haven't talked to it. I don't know what she said. I've built this woman up in my ear.

And you haven't seen obsession, but you're getting the movie a lot more than a lot of people that have watched obsession. Okay. And then this, this concept of like, okay, I'm going to ask her. I'm going to finally build. up the courage and asked her out and like, I know what I'll do. I'll buy her a crystal from crystals and pory to do said things. Chicks dig crystals, dude. That's what I'm hearing. That's what I'm hearing. Crystles make girls so horny.

Exactly. In Bez. And this is going to be. Fucking panty drop of crystals. Oh my God. In? And this is going to be the only time I say this for the rest of the episode. In Beers' defense.

As the movie goes on, you see that their relationship is nowhere. and you're as close as youth. As Bear sort of made it out. As Bear, wish it was. Yeah. Yeah. Because a lot of the... A lot of the conversations between about Nikki,

we are hearing Bear talk about how he's got a massive crush on her to his other male friend, Todd or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a group of forefront. Anyway. Yeah.

And he's like talking about her a lot. But then it gets to a point where you realize, like, Todd or Craig or whatever his name is, he's like says stuff. And Bear's like, oh, I didn't. know that. And then you realize, he didn't know Nikki at all, basically. But basically, anyway, the start of the movie, he's on the phone to Nikki and Nikki drops her crystal necklace. Oh, so she loves, yeah, okay. See? So she's a, chicks dig crystals. You love you. You take a lady back to your house, your bedroom's full of geodes. Yeah. Oh, you know, no, that's

actually, that's, don't dig geodes? This is a plumbing the death star dating tip. If you're bringing someone back to your house, cover your bed and dirt. Checks dig dirt Yeah, yeah, yeah It's giving nature Exactly What you want to do is you want to get your garden hose You want to snake it through your window

And just give it a couple sprays Yeah Makes it wet And wet dirt is mud And that's love On the earth But on the bed Yeah

And mud's the The highest aphrodesia Maybe put some lobsters or something in there too Because everyone had sex on the bottom of the sea Yeah Something about a horny goat weed, which I don't know what that is. Maybe a goat has to like sniff

some like a weed or whatever. Get a couple of goats in the bedroom. Some geodes. Goat milk kind of smells like goat, so just douse your blanket in that. Yeah. And get ready for the most beautiful love of your entire life. That's the plumbing the death star

exclusive. No, exclusive. It's an exclusive tip. Exclusive love made. And then there's a little bonus little tip is what he want to do is going to get your geode. You get a hammer and you just like crack a little bit off and then open up your condom, you just put it in there, and then wrap it around your tautil. And be like, oh, I think that went inside me.

Time to make love. Wow, dude. Tell them Joel Zammett said you. Give them the old Gio special. My penis is bleeding. Yeah, internally. Anyway, sir. Exactly.

You know, it's kind of like sounding with debris. Yeah. Man, it's 11 a.m. I don't know why we're here. I don't know what that means for the rest of today. It concerns me. Anyway, basically what happens is bear... I was going to say spoilers for obsession, but no, this is the inciting incident.

Yeah. That's not spoilers. No. Bear is a coward. Has an opportunity to ask her out. You find out pretty quickly that she would have been like, no. Yeah. But then she walks back into my room and he's like,

I've fucked it up. So then he opens a one wish willow and he goes, I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone else in the world. breaks it and she comes back out she's clearly wrong wrong with the mind yeah okay uh kind of like something bad happened to her um and then as the movie goes on

you find out that um it's not like it's not that nicky's will has been changed it's basically like a demon's in her now and the demon is using her body um and bear has ruined this girl's life does that mean if you if we use the one wish will or whatever however the wish comes true is through demons

not necessarily So there is another wish, and this is, I guess, more spoilery. Yeah. There is another wish you see it come true, and it doesn't seem to really be any... It's like a monkey paw situation. Okay. Unless it has to be, if that makes sense. So if you're trying to bend someone's will or free spirit.

Oh, so it's classic, yeah, classic genie rules. Yeah, okay. Like as in... If I bring someone back from the dead, they got to come back wrong. Yeah, it's a pet cemetery situation. Yeah. Okay. I think, and this is more of a reference for the...

sickers that are like in the front row of the cinema squinting and trying to read everything but I'm pretty sure on the One Wish Willow box because you get like a shot of it pretty quickly. There is a couple of rules and the rules are, which I should probably pull up because that's very relevant to the episode. It's like one of those Easter eggy things

but you can't bring people back from the dead. Well I mean it's like classic genie rules you don't bring someone back from the dead and you can't make someone fall in love. Yeah. One Wish Willow Is it real? Those are the only genie exclusion. You can't wish for more wishes. Oh, true, true. I wish for a less, like one less wish. And then, well, then I'm good.

Well, I got negative one wish, though. That's true. You got a grant a wish. There's only four. Oh, fuck. So there's the one big rule, which one wish willow kind that covers there. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you get, every single person gets one single wish. And once you break your willow and state it, you're done.

Yeah, yeah. You're done out of wishes. And you can't have a moment where you're like, I want to understand. undo my wish. Okay. You can get other people to undo your wish. But they've got to have their wish under your wish. And the four cosmic limitations are you can't alter the past or the future.

Like, as in like you can't be like, I wish in the future. Yeah, I wish in the past. Time manipulation, basically. No time manipulation, no resurrection, no immortality. Okay. And no wishing for more wishes. Well, my wish is kind of immortality, but kind of not. Oh, yeah.

So tell me how this would go wrong. I get by my one, which will I say I buy it today, 34-year-old man. Yeah. Then I wait until I'm an old man to crap it in my bed, okay? All my family, my loved ones, they've left. Okay. I've become too much of a burden. Very quickly, I became too much of a burden.

This is taking a burden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, in 52, everybody got together and they said, you know what, I'm sick of this fucking guy. Let's just leave him. Let's just leave him and never come back. So I'm alone. I've been in a retirement home. I'm 82.

And I bring in my one with Willow and I say, I wish I was a baby again. I think. It's not, it's not, because you're not being like, I wish I was a baby. When I was a baby,

I want to be a baby. Now, and I'm not saying I want to be immortal, because I'm a baby with a normal human lifespan. Yeah. I'm just a baby again. I think that this would, I wish I was a baby again.

I think what would probably happen is it would just physically make you a baby and everything else would stay the same. and you die of old age. That sucks. Not gonna lie, that one's bad. It's a bummer. Yeah, like, I'm an old man's brain. So sick and brittle.

Wait, so am I a baby with an old man's bone? Yeah, I guess so. Fuck. It's funny because, like, a baby's usually in, like, the fetus position. So, like, that's just broken every bone. Because old... I know, they kind of curl up into themselves. Yeah, that's true.

Humans kind of like when a spider dies. You're like... How hydraulics, like, you know, stop working and everything just curls up in it itself. Yeah, that's damn. Yeah, because the one wish willow... Yeah. And obviously in...

I know I said this just before, but in obsession, you only see two... Actually, three... There's three wishes happen in the movie that you see. And one of them, you don't see the full... Well, actually, two of them you don't see the full effects of, but from what you do see, it's not like a monkey ball.

It's not like, well, this comes true, but... So it's not like I have to phrase it perfectly, then. No, but I think that it... Intention matters as well, maybe? I think phrasing is important because it will just do whatever you're saying. It won't be like, it's not like bedazzled rules where it's like, oh, I've got a 28-inch penis, but now I'm only attracted to men, which is a plot point in that movie for some reason. What's his wish? Well, he wanted to be... He wanted to be...

He wanted to be very famous, or, like, a spore-sized. or whatever, and he gets granted that, but he has a very tiny penis. So then he makes another witch, which is like, whatever it is, but my penis is huge now. And then he's gay. Damn, it's, dude. That's awesome, though, dude. Just become like a power top. Also, like, what the hell is that?

You don't need to become anything. All of a sudden, you're like, damn, I got a huge dick, and I'm attracted to guys. You know who's fucking handsome? Handsome guys. Yeah. That's so crazy that he's like, I'm attracted to guy. What? Yeah, because you'd be like,

oh, no, I'm attracted to guys, but I am attracted to guys. I guess like maybe academically you could be like, I miss when I was attracted to women. But like, but not really. Not really because you're like, exactly the same,

but make me like, you know, buy because then the whole world, my eyes. The smorgasbord. Wait, so when do you got the tiny dick? That's so funny to me that he was like,

because normally a monkey's poor situation is like kind of ironic. Yeah. You go, I wish I was a millionaire and they go, okay, you're a minute, This is 90s ironic.

Yeah, exactly. And they go, you're a million. The tax man's coming. You know, you need to declare. You're getting tax to shit. But in this thing's like, I wish I was a celebrity. And they're like, okay. But you got a tiny dick.

Remember it was a sports star and then in the locker room and he's got a tiny dick. That's awesome. And he's like, something about being a sensitive man. Yeah. And he's like, an emotionally sensitive man. And Liz Hurley's like, nah, it got me there. And then he starts crying at his own poetry. That's awesome.

It's been a long time since I've seen bedazos. Sounds like we've got to watch Bedazzo. That sounds like maybe we, We watch Bedazzled. Damn, if I was a genie, I would be that lazy, and I would make the ironic punishment a tiny dick every time. Every time. The dazzled starts with the stupidest, biggest red flag of all time.

It's like, any wish comes true? And he's like, yeah, he's like, okay, I wish for a big Mac and a large Coke. And then the devil takes him to McDonald's. And then they get the Big Mac and the Large Coke, but the devil's like, well, yeah, you've got to pay for it. The moment that happens, I go, oh, I see. Oh, you're not the devil at all. He just made me pay for my meal.

I love that, here we go. I like that your takeaway there is like, hang on, you're not the devil. Not like, oh, hang on, obviously every wish. Each one comes with a punishment. Okay, I want a big mac and a large cook that you're sure, it appears in your hand. But you got a tiny dick. Fuck. God damn it.

I wish I had a huge dick. Sure. You got a huge dick. But you got a tiny dick. It's like, your huge dick has a little tiny dick on it. Yeah, a huge dick. Yeah, it's got a tiny dick. Tiny dick.

Fuck. I want my... Can my huge dick have a huge dick? Yeah. But you huge dick, huge dick, have a tiny dick. Fractal dick. Fuck. And for my fourth wish, I still want the big Mac and large cook there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to fuck it now. You're attracted to burgers. You're attracted to burgers. And guess what? That burger? Tidy dick. I don't think you're a very good genie.

You don't even know other genies. So fuck off. I'm the devil, not a genie. I don't know a genie. I don't know a genie difference. frustrated. No one listening to me? I've said the devil multiple times. Simon's like, I don't think you're the devil. I don't know. I think you're some kind of

McDonald's. That's the boy. Dick-based genie. So I've got a dick-based McDonald's wizard I think it's what you are. So, I don't think it's necessarily a monkey's poor situation, but so it's not bedazzled rules. It's not like, well, you

wish for this, but... Yeah. I'm a baby with a tiny dick. Yeah. Or a baby with a man dick. Yeah. Which I would say worse. Yeah. Because a baby... You gotta tell of a baby's got a tiny chick. I'm not looking. It's my son.

I'm got to clean it. Yeah, like, how am I going to not? You, I mean, I guess you could be like, I want to be a baby. Because you know, I want to be a baby again. Yeah. And like, with the attention there, it should be fine. But you could be like, I want to be a baby again and live the life that baby would be living from now. That might, I reckon...

How wordy do you have to... Yeah, I'm scared of going too wordy. I think it's... I think it's... what will happen is if you go more wordy, it mightn't work because it gets close to immortality kind of thing. Exactly. But then, but I honestly just think all that's going to happen is you, I wish to be a baby again, snap it. Struggle to snap it because you're brittle.

Yeah, I'm old. You have to, yeah, I mean, that also could happen if you wait until you're old because it's not like a, it's like a pretty thick stick. Yeah. Like, bare kind of struggles to. The one thing that stops me from, I'm like seconds away from dying. Please. Could you do something like, I, I want to. do a Benjamin button

but from now, but if I am the old man, but baby. I think he's getting to work. And then you snap it and then I don't know what's going to happen. I think if I see... What about this? I wish I was a human baby. Come on. That's foolproof.

No, because of the immortality. I think because of the immortality clause and the altering of time, I think that no matter how you wish to be a baby, It's just going to make you a baby, but it's not going to extend your life. It might be better. Instead of waiting until you're 82. Yeah.

Is when you're 34. Yeah. You're like, I wish I would. Why do you want to be a baby again? Well, so I can live another life. It just has to live a weekday. It is immortality, but I thought maybe I was cheated, which is never good. In a situation where you get a wish, being like, I think I can cheat.

It's like a one-way ticket. It's not immortality. You just have a two-fa. You've got two lives. Yeah, two lives. That's not in Montreal. That's not greedy. Too long.

Exactly. That is greedy. Yeah. Well, how about I wish to slow aging, like my aging. Oh, true. Yeah, do that at 82. That's a good idea. Which is why he's like, yeah, do it.

82 until you're 87. Yeah. But yeah, you could be like, yeah. Right now. At 34, you snap back. I wish I aged, for every five years my friend's age, I age one. Nice. That's not even another life.

That's just a little. extra time. That's true. That means I look better than all my friends. When I say, yeah, at the same age, they go, damn, he looks good. And he gets to get by a car. Which is how he's going to go. Still get to by a car, but I also feel like that what you'll probably find out is, so you're physically not aging. Yeah. Or you're aging one year for every five. But I feel like that like things like, it's like, oh yeah, but you're still being exposed to the same level of like toxins and stuff. So at the same time, you get sick with something. Well, yeah, like my cell decay is the same as everyone else's, but. So I'm like, you age like five times.

I'm just slow. Yeah. So either, I like, I like the idea of you become like five times slower than everyone else around you. Yeah.

So you're like, you guys look like shit. But I look five years. Everyone's laughed. Your brain is like going five times slower than it is now. Oh, no.

Or because like, you know how like Sal, Sal, you know what? Hey. He's going to be really, with cancer. Yeah.

Why? Well, because with your cell regeneration. Oh, yeah. Because, like, if your body is taking five times as slow to regenerate and five times as slow to age and do that kind of stuff and refresh, we need to start, you know, our cells need to, like, you know, basically. I'm getting sick way quicker because the moment, like I say, a viral infection hits me, or a bacterial infection, all my white blood cells are like, got to get there.

The illness just takes over my body. I like that, yeah, when you're cut, it's like, everything is just a slow drip. Oh, yeah, fuck, blood clots. You're fucked. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, you're probably, I mean, you haven't wasted your wish. I guess you've, you've, you've, you've, oh, he's wasted the wish. At least I look five years ago. It's also awesome, because you don't even get a last five years with this.

No way. I'm not going to hit a point where it's worthwhile. I realize, like, I guess we'll just get mine out of the way pretty quickly because I realized that, like, the more I think about this, if I had a genie situation, or the devil or a one-wish willow, I don't think I would be able to, like, live with myself if I wished for something that, like, directly only benefited me, if that makes sense.

Not in, like, oh, I'm so selfless. It's just like, I feel like that... No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Not one piece. Not that either, but it's more just like... Like, I don't know, if I was like, money, not so much. If I was like, a billion dollars, whatever, fine.

But like, something like Jackson's, I think at some point I'd be like, because then people know. Yeah. And like, hey, you wish for a billion dollars, I can give money to people. And they're like, see, I'm not a huge piece of shit. Do you think if I wish, say it works, there was no issue, I just said I wish that I aged, you know. Okay, well, let's say your original wish worked and you got to live two lives. Okay.

And then. Well, everyone I know is dead. Yeah. Everyone I know he's dead. As a baby, someone just finds a baby in Jackson's room. Yeah. Now, as in like his, you know, old man Jackson's room. My room at the retirement village, yeah, exactly.

And there's a baby there. You'd hope people check on you quick. Now. No, they don't check on me at all because they're sick of me, do. Well, I mean, yeah. They're drawing straws to see who has to go in to talk. Well, they'll hear a cry and someone will come in. Now, my question is, if you're a baby again, are you a lip, are you a blank slate?

Yeah. Okay. He won't know. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. Exactly. But then I also, like, my. They'll be a mysterious baby and that's it.

You'll be a mysterious baby. They'll grow up and you'll be like, oh, you look like that guy whose room you were in. Yeah. And then maybe you'll get a one wish willow at some point. You'll crack it if it doesn't work. You're like, oh. And that might be the only clue you get. But also, if I grow up anything like I am now.

Like if we got one wish willows now and mine didn't work, you wouldn't be surprised. As you're an 82 year old second time, you're an 82 year old man. You got the same, like another one wish will a little when you were 30. You're like, you're gritting because you're like, I loophole this. I wish there was a baby. Crap. And then my nurse comes in and I go, hey, come here. Do I look like a baby to you?

Hey, hey, go, gu, gu, gugu, gah. Well, the trick with one wish willows, after you've used one, if you get given another one, no matter how hard you try, it's not that your wish doesn't come true, you just can't break it. Oh, so he'll be 82 trying to break it, and you think he's just weak. You think he's the weak, old man. Then I die. But that's also really funny because I can imagine...

Straight... Straight through the frontage of the retirement really. Well, I guess it's my time to go. Thank you for looking. Whoa. It's funny. Anyway, so, like, anything that's, like, personal game, I don't think I'd wish for. Just because, like, at some point, I feel like it would weigh on me.

Yeah, I can see that. The problem is that the way I've thought about this and what I'm about to say makes no fucking sense. It's like me being like, well, yeah. It is also personal game with like, it's like if I wish for something that it's just for me, I'm not getting personal gain because I know that

will make my life worse. But I like the idea of getting a one wish will and being like, I wish something truly inconceivable would happen. To you or just didn't know? He didn't say to him. You might never know. You might never know. But that's also just awesome to know that something that is impossible just happened to somewhere.

And not even impossible. Inconceivable. Well, you turn on the news. Well, in a very unprecedented event, it looks like the sun has given birth. NASA is confirming that the son has a, and I quote, womb and big pussy. A pussy. So we're calling it to... Imagine the smile on my face.

Well, if that happened and I knew you bought a one wish will or earlier and you had a smile on your face, I turned to you and be like, what did you do? If you looked into the sky, you can see, I guess, the big sun baby orbiting the sun. We don't know what's happening now. In your mind, is the sun baby like a human baby or like is it made of the sun? Well, I imagine it was a bit of a human baby but with a sun face. Yeah, I was imagining the opposite, the Tali-Tubby's son. Whoa.

Regular sun, but baby face. could we talk? Is it going to grow up? Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. I think if that happens, they go, what the fuck? And then they go, oh, we don't have long, and then Earth is fuck. Or like everything that we thought about the world. Wrong. Not wrong. Universe was boob.

NASA says, when asked for a statement, NASA said, actually, that's pretty funny to, like, do things that, oh, or is that time manipulation? Because I was going to say, like, what if my wishes? I wished that everything we knew about the universe was wrong. You can say that. You can say that. That's not time manipulation. It's dangerous.

Yeah. Because again, like, whole point of, like, you know, scientific discovery is like, you know, we were wrong. You know, what we think is true and then we find something. No, that's actually very wrong. Yeah. It's not my asthma. It's little bugs. Exactly.

And everyone's like, well, it's not little bugs. That was just some schmuts on the tap of the microscope. Or it's, you know, it's, yeah. Yeah. But it's crazy to say. Just going like everything. that feels like people are going to start floating into the sky and going inside out I just like the idea of like hey if I'm going to wish

make it big I'm going big and like just like so confusing yeah I also really love that you're like man I can't if I wish for wealth or like immortality it's also funny because I did say like wealth I have no issue with because if I wish for one billion dollars for example yeah yeah like I can do stuff with that where I don't feel like I'm like, hey, I hit the jackpot, I got a wish. I now have $1 billion. Offload. I can share some of my success.

But I just love... It's so funny. I wish I had $1 billion. And everyone goes, whoa, Joel's like, he's done it. He's like so rich. And I go, hmm, step one. I'm going to buy Amazon. Yeah.

Oh. But I love that you're like, if it was... Decrease their pay. Damn it. He became like, rude. It's like, I want $1 billion. Like, snap. You didn't specify what currency?

You can? Oh, yeah. One billion U.S. dollars. Damn. In my bank account. In your pocket. Actually, yeah, that's a good point. If you were to get one billion dollars,

suddenly, where would you want it? Well, that's the thing. Gold. Gold stable. One billion dollars of gold. Yeah. In a vault. So I can swim in like Scrooge McDuck.

I feel like what you go. I wish for $1 billion in gold and then you get crushed to death. Yes, dude. Now, this is... But I say $1 billion in property? Yeah, it's your wish, dude. You know what, look, I'll stop dancing around this.

If you're this deep in the episode, you probably have seen obsession. Also, this is like a light spoiler. Yeah. If you care, stop listening. If you don't... Keep listening. This won't wreck the movie for either. And I hate spoilers.

So there you go. That gives you a bit of gist. Anyway, one of the wishes in the movie is, I wish for a billion dollars, because one character is making fun of the other character being like, oh yeah, wish is a real? Yeah, well, I wish $1 billion. Then money just starts raining through the roof.

Whoa. Okay. That's awesome. It doesn't kill him. It doesn't, nothing bad happens. Money gets a billion in cash. Yeah, it's one billion dollars in cash. Step one, I got to pull all my money and buy a failing public pool, drain the pool.

Then I stand in the middle of it, make my wish, and then fucking like it as it fills with gold dollar coin. Solar coins. That means you're going to have one billion dollar coins. I was going to have 100 or notes at least. Like, it's still a lot. Yeah, but isn't it awesome to imagine me running out the front door of the pool and slamming the door behind me? It's really awesome.

Boys are fucked up. Full of holes. Yeah. I will be dead from it. I will indeed be dead from it. Yes. Like, there's like, that's 1,000 million. Yeah.

It's a lot. It's heaps. I can't. We, we've, we've, we've, we've, conceivably cannot do that. And then how awesome to be like, we're going out? And I'm like, yeah, just give me a second. I go to my pool and just scoop up.

It's not a pool, Jackson. It's spilled out. I go to the pile. It's not even like one billion gold coins would probably knock over the building. Yeah, yeah, the building's gone. Yeah, it's... I have to sift through debris.

People are grabbing those coins. The coins are... There's no debris. The debris's in the coins. I can't come out tonight, fellas. I got to fight off the people trying to steal my money. But then also I feel like if you wish $1 billion in your bank account

Hey You know who's gonna have some pretty big words about that? The bank Oh yeah absolutely But also the tax man Yeah yeah yeah yeah I get given one billion dollars Yeah I'll pay the fucking 10%

Yeah but they're gonna come up your ass Yeah Like hey you know Where this billion dollars come from And then you go a wish and they go That's the most suspicious thing anyone's ever said I give them a wish stick And I go go on

I wish you didn't have a billion dollars. They crack it. You're like, oh, god damn. God damn it. Stupid tax man. Yeah, wish metric's real and now we both lose. You both wasted our wishes and they go, aw. And they go, well, yeah, if you didn't have so much hate in your heart, then this wouldn't happen.

You could wish for a billion dollars too. He's like, oh, you have no, like, you lost your billion dollars and, oh, I wish I had a tiny dude. That's what happens, right? And we're like, oh, you tax fuck. Yeah, I don't think. Yeah. I don't think that's what's going on. That is really funny to be like, here, taxman, and they go, I wish you didn't have a billion dollars, and the tiny penis.

No, no, no, no, no. Damn, I'm poor and poorly endowed. You've really fucked my ass, taxman. I knew wish magic was real. And I happily wasted my wish on this. I'm the taxman, and I hate mankind. I felt no disappointment. I hate mankind.

I hate you. Every person I'm in my workplace is my number one enemy And you just happen to be the one that I was looking at When I got handed a wish Yeah I honestly I make this wish every time I talk to someone It's not that it finally worked Damn

Huh So a billion dollars in property You're paying property tax at the ass And you don't have the capital to Yeah And then they sell sell sell sell But then Yeah but if I sell a billion of dollars

You get whatever Yeah exactly Although, you could word it'd be like, I wish I inherited. Oh, yeah. Could you just be like, I wish I was the richest man in the world? Oh, no. Oh, no. You idiot.

Oh, fuck. Joel Lomba. Why is my body shaped like that? What am I doing? Did they also wish for a broken tiny dick? Yeah. See, that's a problem. That exactly is why I told they just.

for any of us to get the one wish willer because we won't think. Yeah. Okay. Oh, you go, oh, this is easy. And then that's,

yeah, because even, like, the billion dollars thing, like, it's only that I started talking through it. Because I would have been like, yeah,

I wish to throw a billion dollars in my bank account. Yeah, exactly. And then be like, oh, fuck. They're putting you in debtors prison. There's nothing,

you know. But then I, you know, do they instantly, and the first thing first, I guess, hire a lawyer. Yeah,

you got the money for it. Straight away. No, The problem is, because the most, okay, I go snap, that moment, my account gets frozen. The moment that the bank sees. Yeah, that's what I mean. It gets frozen, but I'm like, but I do have money. Where's your money?

In the bank? It's frozen, right? And so then it starts its whole like, you know, procedure to be like where to come. I don't think you can be like, hey, lawyers, I have one billion dollars. It's frozen in my bank in a way that's incredibly suspicious. But I will pay you if you get me off. Would I be like, I wish? I wish a lawyer would get me off.

Wow, we. Keeping it simple. Well, again, you know, you have to pay them instantly. You got, like, a little bit of grace in terms of payment. That's true. Some do require up-front pay money. Yes. You're probably not getting a great lawyer.

Could, okay, how about this then, in terms of money stuff? Yeah. To be like, you know that guy who bought a dump to try and find the hard drive that had the Bitcoin? Did he have it or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Be like, I wish I had that man's Bitcoin hard drive and the passcode. That's smart. That's, but then, well, but it's also, it's Bitcoin.

So it's not traceable, really. Yeah, so then I have it, then I have the Bitcoin, and then I just sell it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Or sell them in the black market or, you know, the dark web or whatever. And then, yeah, off I go. Yeah, could you say, I wait, because, yeah, I wish for a billion dollars in Bitcoin in my, in my Bitcoin wallet. Yeah.

And I, but you'd have to, okay. Now, yes, that works. What you'd have to do is you'd have to, before you knew you were going to make that wish, you're going to have to set up a crypto wallet. Make sure you put in all the... You've got to do the legwork here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Figure out how it works. You've got to make it secure because... And that'd be really bad if, like, you know, because you're really banking on this working. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, a billion dollars is obviously a lot of money.

Yeah. But maybe it's too much. Maybe just wish for $10 million. Yeah, $10 million. I mean, it's still going to be suspicious to the bank. I think that's why you're not in the bank, but in Bitcoin. I still think a billion, like, you get, whatever, a billion Bitcoin, fine, and then it's in a big, you don't have to declare nothing yet.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. How does selling Bitcoin work, though? I, I don't know. I don't have Bitcoin. I have no. I don't know how. I couldn't fucking tell you right now.

At some point, like, I think it was one of those things where, like, you know, people weren't declaring shit and it was that kind of stuff, but now, because like, you know, through capital gains. But like, you know, it was like, oh, well, they have risen value, but I haven't actually sold them, so I actually don't technically own anything. Yes, okay, yeah, yeah. So you can't tax me on that yet. But then they were like, well, hang on a second. Hang on. Okay. Let's figure this shit out. Yeah. There is Bitcoin ATMs in Australia. Yes, yeah. But again, I don't know. I'm not

a stump, I'm not clever. See, this is too complicated for me. I go, I go cash, okay, a billion dollars cash. Cold hard cash. Cold hard cash. And I just live on that for the rest of my life. Yes, it's a lot of physical money. Money, sure. But if I can do the, my leg works easier than Samuts. Buy a pit.

Okay. What you would have to do is with $1 billion cash and now this is not good advice listeners. What you're going to do is you're going to get some dirt. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're have to start becoming a gambling man, I think. Done, dude. Because if you start making

wear a pork pie hat, no, not a pork pie. What's a gambler's hat? Why are you stuck? Like the vaught, no, what? You know, like a gambler's hat and a suit go to Vegas? Dress like a member of the rat pack? Go on. Oh, like a tribly, tribly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a gambling man, you can wear a trilby, I think. Trilby, yeah. I think that's the rule. Hey, there's lots of different types of men that think they can wear for dora. Yeah, a gambling man is wonderful. If you believe in yourself enough, you can do whatever you like. Yeah.

It's just you. Dress like Kenny Roy. Rogers I could do. Yeah. Could you become a gambling man or do like you just open many businesses? You would need to do no businesses as bad. Yeah. Because if you've got one billion dollars in cash, yeah.

Yeah, you want to launder, but you also don't want to suddenly, out of nowhere, be a guy that's like, oh, I just bought seven fucking... Well, that's why you've got to be smart about it. Yeah. Hire a lawyer. Yeah. Which I think... Hire a lawyer.

That's just good advice. Yeah. It's just good to have. You got the money. You might as well have a lawyer. hire a lawyer and an accountant, a good one. Yeah. No one that's going to like, you know, chuff off to like some sort of, you know, like, Cayman Island types of ways with all your money that you've, you know, not, you've gotten questionably way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because cash becomes tricky because there's, like, there's limits with cash. True. Like as in, if you walked into a car, like a brand new car dealership, not that you would because you can't drive. Yeah. And try to pay, I don't know, 30K in cash. That's going to raise some alarm bells, yeah. Where'd this come from? Yeah, exactly.

What the hell is that about? Second-hand car salesman? You can find the right guy and he'll absolutely take the cash. It's kind of what I'm thinking. Yes, I've got to change the way I live my life a little bit. But, I mean, you know, I'm going to be comfortable forever. Gambling is probably the safest money-laughtering technique. Yeah. Because also you can do stuff where you, like, put money in, like, say, the pokies.

And then just go, like, cash out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But even, you basically just need to start making ridiculously high odds bets with, like, money that you Jackson could live... Conceivably make the bet with. So, like, say, like, putting, like, a $100 bet on something that's a thousand to one.

Yeah, yeah. And then... At some point, you're gonna have to... Like, some of them will come off. Yeah, yeah. And then... Yeah, this is where how money laundering works becomes confusing.

No, because... No, money... It's just because with money laundering, it's so rare to go from no money to the most amount of money in the world. Exactly. So, like, okay. Because money laundering,

usually build up to it. You'd be like, okay, fuck. We'll, um, we'll start working at this place. And then I'm going to buy this place I work at. And then I'm going to just start, you know, cooking the books. Cooking the books. Oh, actually, yeah, you got to cook. We're going to cook the books. I was like, all right, we got to go.

We'll try. Basically, you got to find the lawyer who's like lawyering for an accountant who's accounting for, like the mob. Yeah. But this is a good way to get me, my kneecaps gone and my billion stolen. So I'm like, oh, no. I guess you cook the, okay. You cook the books because you,

You got to do what my knowledge of this will come from, I guess, breaking bad and better call soul. Whereas like what you want to do is you get a business. You lie about how much money's coming in. Yeah. So you want to get a business. It's cash based because you've got a lot of cash. Yeah, yeah.

So you try and get a business that's cash based. Okay. Hence why they have like a laundromat or they do like the nail salon or car wash. And so in that scene where Skyler is there just being like to nobody and just ringing up sales, ringing up sales. Yes, yeah, yeah. And that's what you sort of doing. Yeah, yeah.

Or you're like, yeah, I have a car wash and every car wash is one billion dollars. I had one customer once. Jackson Bailey's billionaire's car wash once and you would not believe it paid off. Dude, I'm just, you shocked as year. It was the world's biggest gamble that would take off. A one billion dollar car wash. I don't know. I didn't, like, okay, well, do you have footage?

Like, you know, who is this person that bought this? You know, that's, you know, I didn't ask questions. I've got disclosed it out of the car wash. Is it we turn the cameras off? Total anonymity. I mean, like, they wanted me to clean it. I had to wear a blindfold. Yeah, they pay me in cash.

Does it help if they were a pervert? And they said, clean it with, like, their car with my tongue? Yeah. Does that make you better or worse? I didn't know. I cleaned it with a spawn. Yeah, exactly. I did not degrade myself for a billion dollars.

Yeah. Unless that helps. me. And so that's the billion dollars cash you see behind me in my truck? How do you diversify it's so hard. Because once you get to the point where you can buy a business, you're fine.

But to get from where we are now, lowly pieces of shit. What you want to do is you go, okay, maybe you go to a bank. Yeah. Or a loan shark. So you'll have a paper trail to be like, oh, I got a loan, and I use that to buy this and then I paid that back and then I then I used that so I say like I got to a bank

they laugh me out of the bank they're like you you stupid poor idiot with your wish tiny dick fuck off and I'm like fair enough and then of course I got to do like the the more risky things like your loan shark or like the payday stuff whatever and so like oh I have to do that so I do that but so then I buy the business but I pay back and I'm faking the transactions I'm like Billy I pay the loan shark back and then I go to the bank I get out of night the loan. I then expand my business. Yeah.

I pay them back. I actually do pay them back, but then I expand. And that maybe might be how you do. It's that initial loan shock. That's the, but also. Because you want to be able to have an answer for things. Yes.

Yeah, exactly. You need. Because, yeah. Unless you get a loan based on your income. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I know. So I have one billion dollars in cash in my house. Uh-huh. Yeah. You're like a hoarder's house, but it's just, you're scrambling through it to get to the kitchen. But also, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Would that wreck the country's currency? Billion? In cash? Depends what you're doing with. Well, you're not spending. No, but the mint, so the money, the way that the money would work. Is it new cash from the wish? Or is it already circulating cash that's gone into your house?

If it's new money, then it's. probably fraudulent. But it's not, well, it probably is new money, but because of Wish Magic, it's like, it would have all of the, yeah, like, the, it's legitimate. It's the signifiers to indicate it's legitimate. Or it's like, you look at it, it's like, all these, like, weird old notes where clearly it's like, money that has gotten lost over time.

Yeah, yeah, and suddenly the wishes... Or, like, been destroyed and it's come back to you. Okay, let's say that the money is legitimate. Okay, I have $1 billion in $100 notes in my house. Yeah. I then go to the bank and I go... I just love the image of your... You're like in the morning, like you put your, you know,

sauceman on the stove, cracking egg, and it's a money. You're sliding, you're trying to push past, all this money. Your roof is full of just money. That's your insulation. Yeah, dude, you're sitting in the toilet. There's under, like, sister in a gigantic pile. You're flush. I'm going to even give a phone out of it.

Yeah, fuck, I'm using the toilet paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm using it as toilet paper. I go to the bank and I go, can I get a small loan? Yeah. Because I want to buy car wash, say. Well, no, because I'm using it. Because that's the thing.

I don't have enough money now. To buy a car wash? To buy any business. Yes, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So for you, I would have to start a business and fake it success. Yeah. But I don't know what business I could start.

Sam Wood Shop out of my garage? A laundromat? Oh, yeah. Out of my garage. I've got a dryer in my garage. Maybe I should do that. That's a great way to be. A little extra scratch.

Exactly. could you yeah it's just I'm like oh could you do something like you know a Patreon

and only fans like a coffee donation thing but then like the problem here is getting your hard earned yeah um

physical cash money into the computer if it's an only fans or a patron I would have to open new bank accounts and put the money in there but then I have to open

the bank accounts in someone's name yeah but like the thing is you got this physical cash. Yeah. That's the problem. Is there another country where this would be easier to do? Could you also just like move to Thailand or something? Like I have a Swiss bank account. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what that means. I think. I think people say. And I think the Panama

papers or whatever, whatever canal. I don't know. That's a place. Yeah. Was it a Panama papers? Was that a scandal? Was what the Panama papers? Was that a big scandal where all these people were like, oh, wow, all these people who appear like, yeah, we should pay, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They had all this money hidden there. Yeah, yes, true. And everyone was like, maybe he was it, um, you know, Jimmy Carre. Jimmy Carre? No, who's the, oh, Jimmy Car.

I was right. Okay. He did some tax stuff. Oh, yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Well, you know. You, you would too. And everyone was like, fair enough. What about?

And I fucked your mom. Yeah, classic Jimmy Car. Classic Jimmy Colt. What about this? Crowdwork pisses me off. Which is funny because I do it sometimes. But when I do it, it's still pisses me off. But at least the audience shut up. Yeah, I don't know if what you do is crowdwork or like a telling off.

How much is treasure taxed? I think treasure would just be, if you just found buried treasure, the government would take it. No, it depends. I know there's like, there was treasure that was found at sea and someone was like, fuck, which way we need this story. But it was like, you owe them, like, this to the government. That's like, whatever this treasury is, that's ours. Or it's like, rifle, out's the bounty thing, whatever.

And he's like, why? If I don't, what's that happened? Like, you're going to jail. He's like, fine, put me in jail. And he stayed in jail. Didn't say a fucking word. He really got out. They're like, yeah.

That's awesome. And I think it depends on the country, too, and the place you find the treasure. Yeah. So if you found treasure in a... Actually, yeah, maybe if you just, like, fuck it. Yeah. You've got a billion dollars in cash. You just walk into the bank and be like, hey, can I deposit this quarter of a million dollars?

Yeah. Hey, can I use that quarter of a million dollars to... Well, I guess that'd be like, how did you... I don't know what the protocol is if you roll in... Because I was just going to say, like, maybe it's just like a fucket situation. You're so rich that... Who cares? You know, I'm not going to go to jail for long.

I'll pay off forever any year. And also, like, I never need to work again. So who cares if I'm in jail for a year or a couple of years? Or 25 to life. Yeah. Ideally... Who cares? I'm in jail.

Until I'm an old man. Who cares if they give me the chair? I don't get some of them like shaking you. I don't care. I'm rich. How about this? How about this? How about this?

How about this? How about this? You wish for a billion dollars worth of like a big gold nugget, right? You know, like it's like, oh, this is the biggest gold nugget that was ever found in Victoria. And it's like, you know, the replicas are display and it's worth, have much money. It's worth. Maybe it's not a billion because the billions is a lot of money. Yeah.

But to be like, I want that. Even to drop one zero. and grow 100 million makes. Yeah. Because that would change... Like, how that... I just looked up the treasure rules. Yeah.

So, you would not get away with this. But if, apparently, if you're a hobbyist... Yeah. And you find gold whilst gold detecting... Yeah. Zero percent tax. Ah. Because it's considered a windfall, a non-taxable windfall.

Now, a billion dollars. Yes. So you're going to... You go, quite a word for. I think... They're very interesting, sir. You're going to jail for 25 to live. How about this?

How about this? How about this? How about this? Okay, I wish for a billion dollars, but I want that billion dollars split up. I want, say, you know, like $100,000 in cash. Yeah. And the rest of it in rare gems and, like, you know, and valuable, like, large gems, right? I then go and buy a property somewhere in the bush.

Yeah. I then sit on my gems for a bit. I then go, look what I found digging. It's a hobby. a hobby on my property that I legally own. Thank you. That's awesome. What are you going to do with the gems? I'm now going to sell them.

Yeah, yeah. What's step one of selling a gym? Finding a buyer? Yeah, yeah, but like, what do you... Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, you want us? The government's help? That's very interesting. Yeah. That's so interesting, I have a billion dollars worth of gems. Yeah.

Even if they give me, even if they give me a not a great rate, I'm coming up, like, smelling like roses. If you're a commercial operator, if your job, your business is we look for gold. Yeah. It just apparently, according to this, counts as your taxable income for that year. Yeah, so what if I... Okay, that's actually... Okay, okay, okay, okay.

How about this? The biggest gold nugget. No, no, no. I need, say, 20 big gold nuggets. And then I find one each year. I just have it with this fourth woodfell. It's just my job now. I keep digging and finding an incredible goal.

Hey, what do you reckon would happen, you know, like how, like, when people win the Tats Lotto? Like when people win the lottery or something. Yeah. And they don't usually go straight on the news to say, hey, I have $100 million now. Why do you reckon they do that? Oh, yeah, yeah. My baby's getting kidnapped. Yeah.

We've got witness protection. We're also. Or, what about I wish for a very, a very, a very, very. rich gold vein to be under like the property that I own. I wish what for one billion dollars worth of oil to be under Jackson's house. Nice. Why'd you do that? I'm the richest man a lot. Except those I know that once I hit oil and it started spurning out, I'd be like, what now? What now? Oh no. Oh.

Fuck and then I got got balls from the kitchen. It was like the idea of like one billion dollars worth of oil directly underneath your house, like you just take a step and the earth cracks a little bit. The problem there is you're renting. It's the landlords. Why would you do that to me? Not only have I, I'm now, like, covered in oil. And now I'm getting ass from the house.

And now my, like, worldly possessions, the meagre things I have is covered in oil. My first... And the US government keeps drone struck in my old house. Get out of you, drone. Shoot! Putting up a scarecrow. Some reason, there's a coup forming local. in my entire street.

I don't understand. You come over to my house and I'm gone and they've installed somebody in my place. Who are you? I'm democratically elected Jackson. What happened to the Jackson I know? Who? The US government held an election

and I'm the new Jackson. Yeah, the new Jackson. So actually, do you have a US passport or citizen should be? This is US soil. It's actually US soil now. I democratically elected Jackson have declared I'm in a secret print.

They put me in Guantanamo. My first image for you said putting oil under my house was like the oil coming out, me not knowing what to do with it, and then a smash cut to me on the side of the road with like a lemonade stain. And I've got oil in like cups with like oil 50 cents. I don't know how this become fuel. I don't know how to sell this. What a cup of oil? Copper oil. Cup oil for a hot day, refreshing.

He still got lemonade. Like lemons just like piled up. I don't know. I'm mixing the lemons and oil. In terms of a one-wish will. Yeah. Is seeing that they're like $7. Yeah.

Being like, that's a ridiculous. Can I wish to be a one-wish willow, like, open up either a one-wish-willow store. Yeah. Or I wish I had a one-wish-willow tree so that I could then sell my these one-wish willows and be a competitor. What are you going to sell them for? Why don't you just buy the stock? Yeah. And then I get to up, like, yeah, I'll buy the stock.

I need a constant supply. Yes, yeah. So if I have the tree. Yeah, okay. Now, you've fallen into exactly the same problem that we've all had, especially me with the $1 billion. Yeah. It's funny that wishing for something inconceivable didn't get a look at and then we got very lost in the $1. It was inconceivable, you know?

And I also, I never got to say that I think it's so funny that you were like, I don't, I would feel bad if I pick something for myself. So I'll pick something that destroy is. It could make it better. Just, you know, just completely. When the sun baby is sucking. on the planet, like a pacifier. The Sun Baby, unfortunately, is kicked Mercury

and is really taking an interest in us with its mouth. You're sitting there with a big smile. Thank God I didn't wish for money. I'm a generous man. That God, I didn't wish for immortality. Yeah. But yeah, okay, so constant supply. But then, okay, you've got a one-wish willow tree.

Yeah. How are you preparing the sticks? Well, yeah, I don't know. This is a problem. This is like, I'm like, can I wish for a one- wish willow business. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, if I would have. Yeah. Because if I could get, because it's a key right. So how you work. So then you have a. If I could get like, you know, the one wish willow tree and the knowledge of how to like, you know, harvest the willow stick so I could do this, then that'd be great. Yeah.

And your competitor. So these products are available for $7. Exactly. So firstly, how easy it is to buy. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to just grab as many of those I can before I even open mine. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So you're selling, what are you selling them for? What's it going price for? Well, now they're there a wish. I know that these are coming true. So you've got to sell them really high. Okay, so, hey, Joel Zammuz. What would you think, okay, conceivably,

what would you want to, like, pay for a wish? Because it needs to be something that people could pay for, like, conceivably, but it can't be too absorbent, like, sorry, too exorbitant to be like, oh, that's clearly a scam. How are you convincing the world that wishes work? That's why I need, like, maybe a supply of people that are like, oh, haven't had the wish. Or kind of you do it like snake oil style. So like maybe me or Dujo there.

And we're like a talking giraffe. And you go, We wish to be a giraffe. Yeah. So that's why I got to convince. Okay. These are my sons. Yeah.

That's right. Okay. So I got to convince somebody or find somebody. So it's not too nefarious. Yeah. To have like a wish like a wish like I wish I was a talking orangutan. Yeah. And they're like, oh, thank God.

Look, this is free. You give this one for free. It's so funny. But you have to become my business part. I need to imagine somebody being like picking up the one wish willow and being like, wow, 100 bucks. You go, is it real? And you go, uh, Jack soon and I walk in like an orangutan. And I go, does this answer your question?

And they're like, ah! As you'll see, that orangutank has a very tiny penis. I wish to be an orangutank with a minuscule penis. I don't understand how you think this is going to work. Because in obsession, one wish willers, like, uh, They do the classic thing of like when the wish happens, like doing research. They've been around for a while. Yeah.

So like there's no, I think you're going to really struggle to convince any. I think basically what you've done is you've bought all these one wish willers. Yeah. You try to open a new business. The business fails. But also to be the wish salesman. Yeah, the person that people come to. Your life is going to be fucking awful.

Yeah, I was thinking. There's a one wish willow hotline in the movie as well. Oh, okay. And it's bad. Okay. I was thinking a good wish as maybe just a protection spell, just to maybe be like, no wishes can ever affect me and snap that and be like,

enjoy whatever you're doing. You know that sun baby? I'm fine. But then would that mean you couldn't even see it? Yeah. Well, hey, good. Or it doesn't affect me. Probably what you're going to do if you're selling the one with Willow?

I don't even think that protection works is I reckon you can't see the sunbaby, the Sun Baby destroys Earth, Earth's still destroyed. You die. Or you're just floating in the vacuum of space. Or it's like, oh, you know, it's, I think it's in one billion genies where, like, one of the first wishes, it's like, this bar that we're in, no wishes can ever penetrate this bar, this is a safe space, wishes get the hell out and, you know, he's a wish. So I think that's like a good, smart idea.

But then I'm like, but then I can't open up a wish business. Yeah, well, but with the wish business, what you could do, say this doesn't work on single customers, but say four people come in. You go, I'll give you one of these wishes for free so that everyone can see that it's real. And then the subsequent people watching their friend wish to be an orangutan with a tiny dick

or have a head that comes off like a rocket chip or whatever. Then they go, oh damn, it is real, maybe I want to spend the hundred bucks. I think that you are... Oh, okay, this is maybe, maybe. Really, really, really showing yourself up to have the work. If you go, okay, a group of four... Yeah, yeah.

Like, I wish this shop burnt down. I know, I know, I know. Don't do that. Hey, I make, okay, okay. You know how you're like either basically go big? Yeah. Okay. How about this?

I wish this man was up in the sky. I, okay. Firstly, I buy all the wish sticks, right? Then I wish to be like, I wish to be able to sell this to the military. Oh. Oh. Oh, no. I make this wish because now I get a foot in the door

to be able to like, hey, militaries of the world, these are wish sticks and you can give me the money and you can make a wish. Money is meaningless. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I guess it's like, you know, let's see what happens. Who lives the best lives? Let's see what happens.

You know what the fuck's going to happen now? Nothing good. I think if militaries should make a wish. the planet is not good it probably lasts maybe 60 seconds maybe like a better version of mutually assured destruction

no no no because people wouldn't believe that it happens and then a wish would happen and then well that's the thing you gotta get like you gotta have a bunch of wishes

and you gotta get that someone got to be waste on protections so I'm gonna be I reckon could I just wish for the I wish to have the powers of Superman

now we're cooking Yeah, you can do that. That's good, dude. That kiss being Superman, pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. I'm invulnerable. The only thing's going to really fuck me up is Matt, I wishers. Yeah.

I was like, crept tonight, though it doesn't exist. And magic. Oh! I walk up to you on a rag attack with a tiny dude. This fucking idiot, dude. Have this wish to go to the house. Why? You don't.

Oh. Pong. Oh! My heart Hippuck Yeah Yeah I wish this man was inside out

Yeah Cause giving a teenager A free wish When they're annoying Oh But if you go I wish If he does the

One Million Genies thing And he goes I wish my wish shop Was impervious to wishes Yeah Okay That doesn't mean You're impervious

To wishes happening Within the I wish that this man's head Was in his own ass You go my shop Oh fuck I didn't say me too And then you're like

Oh, would you? They like to buy one of the one we'd will. Yeah, you just hit the sound of vomiting. Because I can... Jesus Christ. I wish to have the powers of Superman and none of his vulnerabilities. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And now the wishes will bounce off? No, he will still be affected by wishes. He's just not super affected by wishes. Yeah, that's true. Good point. Yeah, because you want to be like, I want to be like, I want the power of Superman, and that wishes don't affect me. And they go two wishes.

Wish is not a strik, boss the head off the asshole. The Hancock special, okay? Damn it. Well, at least, you know, before, yeah, I guess grab all the supply of sticks that I can. Wish for Superman's powers, then using the powers of Superman, race around the world to get all the sticks to the no one else and get them, and then run through all the billionaires. Yeah, well, okay.

That's pretty good, dude. What if you were like, I wish that one wish Willows didn't want? work. Yeah. Because then, yes, you're going to be the most hated man a lot. No, no. Well, but already in this universe, people are aware of the one which we're... Yeah, but, like, not...

It's in the same way. It's the same... It's shit in, like, real time, basically. Yeah, okay. So it's like, if you've read on Reddit, someone was like, my wish came true, you'd be like, yeah, okay. It's something like, really, I'm like, okay, I want to be able to be like, I want to be able to be like, I want the power of Superman.

And then to try and get, like, someone else to be like, I wish, wish, wish, like, you know, like, from now on, wish sticks didn't work. And it's like, how can I do that? What would you? What I do? Okay, I get two wish sticks. Trick your boy.

Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, but he's barely, like, he can talk, but it's not. What's he got a wishful, dude? I wish daddy was monkey. I wish daddy was monkey. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Why'd you wish you had a tiny penis?

And then you're in a ragatang with the power of Superman. Yeah. Which is pretty fucking awesome. That's great. And then maybe your wife would be like, I wish my husband was a man again. Yeah, exactly. And then you're back to normal. All she goes, I wish I had a good husband you got.

Exactly. Yeah. Well, a family can be anything. Really can. Husband, wife, Superman orangutan, and baby. I could be like, I get a power of Superman. Yeah.

And then gets like a very, a person who is just like, baby, like, wow. You know, like, hey, guess what? I can fly. I need you. I can give you powers. Yeah. I need you to grab this and wish that, like, these sticks were like, you know, none of these sticks from now on will work.

Okay. And I will grant you the power of flight or the grab, whatever. He does this and then he's like, yeah. And then I'm like, ha-ha, I fly off. Suck shit, idiot. Woo! Every, um. Or, or, oh, well, just do a telepath then.

I wish I had the power of the telepath. But then I can't fly through people. Yeah. I feel like, what would you? You keep saying Superman, but it really sounds like you want to be saying homeland. It's the name. What's the difference?

What would you give up? What would be worth it for you to use your wish for someone else? Like, what would they have to offer you to use your wish for someone else? I have so little, like, self, not worth. That's not where that was going. It was like, I have self-preservation. Yeah, self-preservation that if someone was like, hey, can do this. I'm like, yeah, okay.

You go, whatever. And like you got a real idea. At the moment that happened, you're like, you don't believe in wishes. You're going to be like, I wish for a million dollars. And honestly, even if you do, if you're smart and none of us are, we're not smart, good looking, funny, whatever. Oh, fuck.

I wish I was smart. Snap, done. Damn, dude. No, that's a good way to get a flowers for out, you know. Everyone's been making fun of me. And then you're like, oh, I know what I should have done. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

I wish I was dumb. Now that's good Nothing happens Yes Yes dude Life's awesome And I've got to turn your dick For some reason

I think that's the safest wish of all I wish I was done I think that's really smart to do Yeah Yeah Because either nothing changes Or you're living alive A bliss

Yeah I wish I was a blist out dumb guy Damn Broth You see Perpetually a horse Dude, I just saw a fucking poster for a fucking

motorbike. Dude, I just saw the fucking post man. And he's delivering mail? Dude, I just fucking like saw a dog. I mean, dog. Wow. Damn, dude. He was,

I wish I was no about you crack it or horse appears. And he's like, what? Kicks you in the head. Fuck. Disappears. Oh. That was awesome.

I got to find more horses. Where the horses lift the farm or whatever? Forest? You can have a horse. Some horses are from the woods to the woods, gentlemen. You can have wooded horses. I think the dumb guy answered to where horses would be would be the jungle. Because it's like wrong, but you can see how they got there.

You're telling me that you're in the jungle, you're lost because why are we there? And then we hear the clip-clop-clop-clop-clopping of a horse? I'm scared. I think if you're in the jungle... It's like the slop, slop, slop of a horse because the grounds wet. I think if I saw a horse in a jungle, I would be like, I didn't know horses could be in the jungle.

What kind of... It makes a bit of sense. What kind of awesome jungle horse am I going to face right now? There's actually no environment that I would be surprised to see a horse. Exactly. Yeah, it was a skydiving horse. That's fine. Horse fell out of a plane, sad.

Yeah. Doesn't have a parachute on. That's sad. Does it have a parachute on? That's fine. Does I have a parachute on? That's fine. And I think the best place is, that's sad.

And I think the best place to see a horse Beach. That's exactly what I was thinking. See? We make the wish. Yeah. Yeah. Because what's he doing on the beach? Foraging for claims? Is he going to go swimming? It's like the best, dude.

What's he fucking up to you on the beach? He's going crabbing? I think that this really highlights the Bears wish. Ned fellow. Yeah, that's okay. He's doing magic. He's cooking up something. Yeah, Bears wish should have just been I wish I was dumb.

Yeah. I wish I saw a horse at the beach. Now that's a wish. That's a good wish, dude. Nikki turns around after he's made the wish and she's walking inside and she's like, did I just hear a horse? We're going on the beach. It worked. Look at it.

Standing in the waves. Yeah. Wow. Where's it going? He's going to go deeper? It is. And then it can be like, hey, Nikki, seeing this horse at the beach has made me brave enough to ask, do you want to be my girlfriend? She'll be like, no.

And he'll be like, dear. At least I saw a horse at the beach, though. That's really taking the sting out of this. Yeah, exactly. Maybe we should just focus on being friends. And now you can tell everyone I showed you a cool horse at the beach. Exactly, dude. Now I've got to find some, you know, a lady that likes, you know,

seeing a horse on the beach. We're just got to hope it's still here when I come back. And it will be. It will be. Because that's the magic of the one wish we'll be. Yeah, dear. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.

I've also been Joel. Thank you to Johnny Imperfect Daily. And again, for that question. And thank you to Obsession for the movie. Yes, thank you once again, the movies. Remember, if you want to support Plumbing the Death Star, which would be a real kind thing that you could do, would help us out.

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in the comments or on I think Spotify have comments or on that Discord. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Wow. Wow, we, wow we. Fuck out. Wow, we indeed. See ya.