Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Market the Pym Particles?

Episode Date: November 13, 2022

In this weeks Plumbing the Death Star your 3 favourite dumb boys bring you one of their patented good episodes where they try and sell Pym Particles in various different markets. From food service to the entertainment industry and everything in between. Jackson thinks the best use is making regular size hotdogs from tiny hotdogs essentially increasing the price by something like 500%, Zammit suggests making small men tall and Duscher reluctantly helps those c***s that go into the wilderness. The boys also discuss the ways the Pym Particles can be used in medicine including cosmetic procedures, child birth and of course, penis enlargement before finally settling on making their orifices tiny.Come see us Britainology live in Melbourne on November 19 at 5:30pm!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jax. And I'm also Joel. And this week we've got a good one for you. Yeah, it's going to be a good one. It's one of our pay to do good episodes.

Because today we're asking the important questions like, How would you market the Pym Particles? So Johnny Pym, by which I mean Aaron Cross, by which I mean Yellow Jacket, by which I mean someone has come to the Plumbing Boys. I guess we've got to sign out the front of our store. Did you mean Hank Pym? No.

Why? Because doesn't in the movie, in First Airman... I'll take it from here. Hank Pym invented particles that make things either very big or very little. Yes. Hank Pym in the movie doesn't want to sell them. In this Plum in the Death Star, he wants to sell them. In the canon of this episode, yes. He wants to sell them.

He's sick of getting little. Yeah, and he's saying, we've got a store that says boys killed, economies fixed, oozes marketed. Hey, I don't have... It's not a traditional ooze, but... Hank Pym, he's just like, look, I understand that some piece of shit is going to try and steal this and give them the Hydra or whatever. So instead of that, you boys help me out.

Maybe we can come up with a better idea than just, I don't know, hoarding it for my wife, my daughter, and the guy she's fucking. I hear you boys only cost $5 each. Correct. So that seems like a good deal. Exactly, sir. The price of a footlong. No, a six-inch sub. A bad one.

Yeah, with no trimmings and like, just the meatball sauce. A basic six, yeah. I don't know if the deal's still running, but have you bought a hot dog from Subway yet? No, it's fucked up. I haven't, though. I really got to buy one of those sub dogs.

We got to find, okay those Sub Dogs. Yeah. We got to find, okay, so this is a two-part episode. Part one, we got to do whatever we're talking about. Two, we got to get

to the bottom of Sub Dog. Are they still available? I think you can still get a Sub Dog. Okay. Well, I got a great idea for lunch. Yeah.

Sub Dogs for the gang. Sub Dogs. Sub Dogs. Okay, so first thing I'm thinking, speaking of dogs, is we invent a new hot dog called the Hot Dog Dog. Hot Dog Dog, okay. Which is a hot dog made of smaller hot dogs. So it kind of looks like writhing pink maggots in the bun.

Why are they writhing? And why is this good? It's a new texture Lots of little hot dogs would be a new texture for a kind of hot dog Wouldn't they crumble? What do you mean? Well if you've got a lot of mini hot dogs How are you sticking them to each other?

No I'm not sticking them to each other I'm just pouring them into the bun like a chilli dog So you've made mints? Yeah so you've made mints? Yeah. So you've invented mints? Or alternatively shredded ham? Like the ham that goes on the pizza?

Yeah. It's more similar to shredded ham than mints. They're not that small. How small are we talking? We're talking about the size of a rice. So it is kind of like, that is more mints. Yeah. That's definitely clear. Rice is little. No bad ideas inherkin. Of a rice. So it is kind of like, that is more milk beans. Yeah, that's definitely close. Rice is little. No bad ideas in a brainstorm.

That's true. No bad ideas in this brainstorm. So you've basically made, rather than a hot dog, so you open a hot dog bun and then you just scoop in this. Little hot dogs. Yeah, but it's just. But then you've killed more. I've killed?

Well, you've killed more thing to make the hot. So you basically say a hot dog takes what? How many, like, a thing? Let's just say it takes, I don't know, the equivalent of, like, the arm or leg of one pig. Okay, yeah, sure. And the arsehole. You've got to remember the arsehole. So you've got that.

And now we've gotten, shrunken that down. And now you're, like, in one scoop, if they're rice size, one hot dog has a lot of pig holes. It's going to have to cost a lot to buy this hot dog. Yeah. We're talking like a $50 hot dog. What is better about this? Wait, hang on. $50, that's underselling it.

Yeah. Like, I mean, that's undercharging. A $100 hot dog. Like, because imagine, like, how much are you paying for a regular hot dog? Like, $3.50? $3.50. Now, do you think there's going to, how many little hot dogs are going to be eating this hot dog. Imagine how much you're paying for a regular hot dog. Like $3.50? $3.50. Now do you think how many little hot dogs are

going to be eating this hot dog bun? How much of that $3.50 do you reckon is actual dog versus the rest of stuff you get with a hot dog? Yeah, I reckon the overhead of an actual hot dog cannot be that much. So it's probably like $0.50 for a hot dog. $0.50 for a hot dog. Now how many hot dogs

do you think are going to make your big hot dog? Probably like a thousand. So 50 cents times 1,000, and then that's just cost price. Okay. My hot dog dog idea? Bad idea. I think that, yeah, it is. It is one of your patented bad ideas.

I reckon we could spin around to a good one. Well, I got a good idea. Okay. It's similar. Okay. But good. Uh-huh. And also the opposite, I guess.

Cooking sucks shit. Yeah, okay. It's boring. You can fuck it up. Uh-huh. Who cares? But you need to eat to live. Yes.

That is one of the raw ideals of being alive. What if you could just make your food big, make a little thing, get a real big meal prep for a week? Oh, okay. So you've got to cook once. I understand that meal prep often is just also cooking once. So you're imagining I make one spaghetti A spaghetti for one Then I make huge

Let's go back to hot dogs One encased bit of meat It's the best unit of food So you cook up the hot dog And you don't have to cook your hot dogs You just throw that in boiling water Then you embiggen it And then you dice it up

Into smaller hot dog Like regular hot dog shaped hot and then you dice it up into smaller hot dog, like regular hot dog shape hot dog. Or you could kind of have a hot dog steak. It would be kind of like a ring of hot dog. Yeah. That's so funny to imagine you coming into work and unwrapping that as your lunch, just a ring of hot dog meat. Now, I have a question. Yuck, dude. Yeah, but what if, okay, so one hot dog.

What if I made it big enough that it's like burger patty size? Then you're going to make a whole burger. Fuck! You should have just bought a burger patty. God damn it! But like, yeah, it's the same kind of concept. You have like a burger. You make the burger.

You biggin' it. Cut it up like pizza. And then you cut it up into pizza. And you have a meal for eight days. Now, is, say, a burger after the eighth day good? Okay. The reason why meal prep tends to be good is because, like, oh, yeah, you make chili. It's like a big pie.

Have you made a big chili? Is that good? Well, no, because then I'm getting huge bits of mince. But also, that's a normal thing to do already. But now it lasts, I guess, even longer, and you could eat, like, a bit of mince like an apple. Yeah. My question, question though is- Hang on.

Why is that yuck but little hot dog- Little hot dogs would be awesome. Writhing. Little writhing hot dogs would feel cool going down your mouth. A big bit of mince would be- What the fuck are you talking about? What are you imagining? Little writhing hot dogs is going to feel great right around the back of my throat.

It's going to be a fun texture. It'd be like eating nerds. No. It's savoury. No, it wouldn't. Nerds are hard. It'd be like eating lots of grains of uncooked rice. That rides.

For some reason. Kind of like, I guess, eating hard worms. Or maggots. Or maggots, actually. How awesome. Actually, a fistful of maggots is probably the most close to this. But maggots taste like hot dogs. If maggots tasted like hot dogs, we'd be eating maggots.

How do you know maggots don't taste like hot dogs? Because they taste like peanut butter. There you go. There's a grub up in Northern Territory Oh yeah, that's not a maggot That's a witchetty grub Yeah, witchetty grub I've eaten one of them

And it did taste like peanut butter Was it good? Yeah Why didn't you shove them there? Yeah, why didn't you eat one of those? And have a fist with those bad boys The texture's good According to you

Yeah The texture's not little like a tiny hot dog It's more like a kind of fat sloppy one Okay So what if we got a bunch of witchetty grubs Shrunk them, poured them in a hot dog, and here you go. There's your fucking peanut butter texture good.

Well, if somebody does that, I'll eat it. Until then, we're going to have to make a lot of tiny hot dogs to make a hot dog, okay? All right. I'm trying to think of what food I could make big. Yeah, because let's talk about a chili. So you've got chili on the stove. Yeah.

You shoot that with the pimp articles. It gets big. Does the pot get big or just the chili, which then overflows into the kitchen? I have to make it in a bath. John Dush's bath. It's good meal prep. I'm imagining that in a jar at a store. It's like, yeah, because you have like a handful size bits of mince.

Yeah. Beans the size of, I guess. Like an apple. Once again, most of these things are the size of an apple. But that's the thing, like the good of a chili. Big onion apple. The good of a chili. Is you're eating all of that at the same time, yeah.

If your meal prep was one big bean. Also, my question here is when you large in these things, do you still get the same nutritional value because when it comes to like growing and like I think it's crops

real when they have say a big tomato the reason why like ah it's a huge tomato can feed but it doesn't

because it doesn't have the stake it only has a certain like limit of nutritional value and it's like how you get a big chicken breast it's more likely

to have that kind of woody texture making something bigger is not always better. But this isn't naturally growing bigger. That's true. We are expanding it. That's true. But you're not adding any more nutrition. You are making it... But you're adding mass.

The proteins are bigger. Ant-Man famously, the movie famously claims that it's actually just shrinking and expanding the gap between the particles, but that is not true. that it's actually just shrinking and expanding the gap between the particles. But that is not true. But it's not true in the movie. But if that is true, then it's definitely not kidding.

No. I mean, you'll get real fucked up eating a thousand hot dogs. No, because if that is true, also Ant-Man can't run on a gun because then a man's holding a pistol. And all of a sudden there is an 85 kilo man running down his arm and he's still shooting. And if you make like a pinto bean that's the size of an apple

it's going to be so light. Yeah. And also if Ant-Man become Big Man when he steps on a car well it's just like a man stepping on a car. A little bit dented.

Yeah. A little bit. And also when Hank Pym shrinks his laboratory down and then just wheels it away. No. No. You can't do that. And when Thomas the Tank Engine gets big, it would not burst through the wall.

No, it would just donk against it. Well, it would break, I guess. Yeah, it would just shatter. Yeah. Okay. So I guess that's, yeah, a lie. Yeah, okay. So I guess that's a lie. Yeah, okay. So I guess something else is happening.

Something awesome is going on where it gets a new mass at a new size. They're adding matter to it, I guess, somehow. Yes, I guess you would be. Well, what about something that doesn't necessarily have. Okay, so what if we just make it like. What about a steak? Are you making it big or little? Big.

Why are we making any food little? I don't know. It's snacked on the go. about a steak? Are you making it big or little? Big. Why are we making any food little? I don't know. It's snacked on the go. Eat a steak. Why is that good? Well... Show any working. I will take any explanation at this point. I just want everyone to know

just the look that me and JD are giving Jackson right now. It's so withering. So, okay. I know we just... It's so withering. So, okay. I know we just... It's like you've come in and you're like, I've done the report

and it's just like a picture of like your morning shit and we're like... Oh no, I've given you the wrong report. And this is meant to represent... So... Jackson, I get that it's cool

just to say shit. It's fun just to open and close your mouth and push air out. But unfortunately, words do have consequences. consequences well and we'd like to know why shrinking a steak is a good snack well okay so i know we just spent some time establishing that they don't retain their mass or but if they did then you need a lot of energy quickly. You're down a steak.

You can do it on a run. No, because if you're going to say that, because he's saying the mass is the same, which means that, oh, yeah, I'm just going for a run. I'm just going to quickly slop down 600 grams of meat. Look to your credit. Good for astronauts. How?

Saying shit is cool. To your credit. Yeah, fucking great on submarines. Probably would be good on submarines. No, no would. Easy to store. Hang on. Can you slow down your bullshit? Because Jackson's like, yeah, because if it retains the mass, then it will be good here.

But if it does retain the mass, then it'll be good here. We're like, neither of those make sense. Like, I want to investigate astronaut submarines in a second, but right now I'm like, for your like, I need mass quickly, or I need like calories quickly. Exactly. So if it keeps the same amount of calories, like, yeah, because like, for example, you're a marathon runner or you're a bicycle courier or something like that. Don't say, yeah, like, this is what you were thinking.

You know, you need to quickly, like, download a calories. Yeah. And there's some things like, oh, you should know a guy who was, like, a courier, a bicyclist, I think in London. Cyclist? Yeah. Bicyclist? You could be both. A bike courier?

um like a courier and yeah like they would be doing so much like exercise and so much burning so much calories it was like going to those awesome quads oh very awesome but like going into like a convenience store and being like oh how many calories is in this like you know tiny milkshake thing it's like a thousand good slamming exactly so some for someone like that a very a very specialized few people or if you climb an everest if you climb an everest because like it's not much weight if the stakes the size of a pill so for things like survival and things like trekking things like where you need uh where space is really very very very limited yeah so going for a hike going up um you know everest an astronaut even going

in a submarine. In a submarine, Joel Dusha, as you suggested. So if they do keep the caloric count, if they are very much like, yes, this is good for calories, yes, shrinking them. But the question remains is if you then pop one, are you full or do you have to basically big it up

before you consume it? Or do you point it at your belly and then you big it up? No, that seems dangerous. Well, yeah, because I think the way we're going to have to look at it is, because like I said, the movie does lie to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is bold to just say that and then show the opposite. It's not true, yeah.

Like the whole time. If it's keeping its nutritional content, I'm assuming it's also keeping its mass. Yeah. And if it's not keeping its nutritional, if it's not keeping its mass, it's not keeping its nutritional content, I'm assuming it's also keeping its mass. Yeah. And if it's not keeping its mass, it's not keeping its nutritional content. I think that's probably the fairest way to look at it. Yes. So when you're smalling it, it loses every-

You've got to eat a lot of steak. You've got to eat a lot of steak and hope someone doesn't quickly makes it big again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your belly will explode. Yeah. Okay, maybe for- But if you give the astronauts the big ray- Yeah. No, because then they're still eating a full-grown steak in space.

That's not a good idea. Why not? How do you eat steak? With a knife and fork? In space. Yeah. They have special astronaut food for that exact reason. Isn't the special astronaut food simply because it's like the weight and

it's to do that for setting it up? I don't know. Someone stuck a sandwich into space once. Yeah, and nothing bad happened. That's true. Yeah. I think it depends because a lot of, when it comes to like say, yes,

sending people to space, a lot of the stuff really goes into the weight because you have to, you know, make it break the atmosphere, right? So it's kind of like everything that you are adding to it requires a certain level of force for it to actually, like, break free of gravity, right? So the more mass there is, the harder it's going to be. So, yeah, so if we're having a lot of…

Why don't we just shrink the whole spaceship? Okay. Shrink the to be. Yeah. So, yeah. So, if we're having a lot of- Why don't we just shrink the whole spaceship? Okay. Shrink the whole spaceship. Yeah. Send it into space. Is it going to burn up in the atmosphere quicker or slower? Or not at all? Well, what you could do is-

Why does the atmosphere burn things up when they go up? Isn't it angles? Yes. Is it? I don't know. We shouldn't be suggesting this without knowing. Am I a rocket scientist? No.

I just, because you were like, you need, the more mass you have, the harder it is to get into space, to get the rocket up there. Well, and this is why I think there is the theory, which is, well, if we, say, sent fuckos up to space with material to then build something in space, so an extra sort of launching pad or whatever it is, then we can kind of explore deep space quicker. So if we get the building materials and shrink them down...

Make them tiny, give them a Pym gun. Rockets are built to withstand the atmospheric forces as they leave the atmosphere, but this is nothing on the scale of re-entry. So... Leaving's easy, coming back hard? Yeah. Okay. Well then, like...

Tell that to Challenger or whatever. Tricky. Wait. Anyway. Tricky. Wait. Anyway. Whatever one. The two horrific rocket disasters that claimed the lives of innocent people. One of them exploded on exit and one exploded on re-entry. And re-entry, yeah.

Killed a lot of spiders, the second one. Oh, that's sad. That day to be a spider. I think that one where they were doing an experiment to see how spiders like spun web in zero gravity. I know this because my girlfriend at the time went like,

yeah, they was a spider. Was a spider. She was very torn up about it. She was at like the school where they could like,

they'd send it like a link up so the students could talk to those astronauts. What? And then they died. Oh no. Whoa.

That's extra fucked up because that one they knew they were going to die. Yeah. And then they die. Oh, no. That's extra fucked up because that one they knew they were gonna die. Yeah. Did they? Yeah. They were going up. No, no, no. The moment they got into space, NASA were like, they're not gonna survive re-entry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. Did they tell the astronauts? No.

Oh, no. How did they? Because the damage, so when the rocket took off, the damage was sustained. And they were just like, oh, okay, you're fucked, no. Fuck. How did? Wait. Because the damage. So when the rocket took off. Oh, no. The damage was sustained. And they were just like, oh, okay. You're fucked, basically. But then they don't want to tell the astronauts that and have them panic, I guess.

Yeah. Whoa. Sure. Which is crazy that they're like, yeah, let's get them to talk to kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to kids. What about using Pym Particles? Yeah.

For travel. Okay. So hear me out. Okay. What about using Pym Particles for travel? Okay. So hear me out. Okay. I mean, it's great for you because you want to go in a drain and talk to a ride. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great for me. If these become commercially available in my life.

I was thinking, okay, we could do this. Now you're going down a drain. No, no. I'm personally going down a drain. Okay? That's not how you're marketing it. That's not how I'm marketing it. You can travel wherever you want.

You can go to X, Y, down a drain. That's not how you're marketing it. That's not how I'm marketing it. You can travel wherever you want. You can go to X, Y, down a drain. Down a drain, maybe. I'm skimming a little pimp articles off the top to ride a rat around the sewers. To become sort of a sewer barbarian or whatever. But, so, accommodation. Yeah. Tricky. You know, space is difficult.

Don't have the space or whatever. It's expensive to build a building. Having a tiny building and you go to a country gets shrinked really little. Like the block that has a hotel on it, if you could shrink everybody, you could have 40 hotels on it. Yeah, he's not wrong. Right? Right?

For real estate, I don't know why I went for travel, but for real estate. What if, I like this, be thinking too small. What if we made the whole world a little bit smaller? Okay. More space. What? More space for everybody. All the people on Earth a bit smaller.

I thought you meant shrinking the globe. I was like, that just seems like it would make it more crap. Shrink all of us and maybe some animals. Some animals? Yeah. Leave the dogs huge. And rats with the delicious rat meat.

Okay. Actually, yeah, if I am a small little wee dude and then we kill a regular size, say, rat, is that going to feed us? You're eating good for months. For a while, yeah. If you make rat jerky, I guess. Maybe make it less gross.

What would happen to the world if every person went, like, the average size of a human being shrunk down to six inches? Would that be mass extinction? Well, that's a plot of downsizing, kind of. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, if we all downsized.

Yeah. Well, then no one's downsizing, because we're all downsized. That's true. If everybody's downsized, no one is downsized. And then I guess real estate prices go down? No, they stay the same. They stay the same. You're just paying with tiny dollars.

That's the one condition of shrinking, everyone. gonna rename dollars tiny dollars yeah why because we're tiny okay fair enough yeah well you could do it there's a lot of infrastructure to but also you can shrink the infrastructure yeah but even if you do shrink the infrastructure people are gonna be like all right my house was one million dollars and now we're shrunk. It's still $1 million. That's true. There's just more space around you, but also not really. If I am the rich and wealthy, I'm like, well, that's great, because all the poor are small. I am a big.

Yeah, see, that's the trouble. If it's voluntary at all, that's a great way to get eaten by a giant. Yeah. Yeah. Live out your FIFO giant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Live out your Fee-Fi-Foe fantasy? Absolutely. Give it to people

who are into Vore. Get eaten for real. Yeah. That's good. Perverts is a market you can't forget. Yeah. Okay.

Well, let's... Okay, it sells to perverts. All right. I don't think that's what Hank Pym had in mind. Well, Hank Pym went inside his wife's pussy in the comic books famously. That's true.

Yeah, very true. Very true. He went down there, boxed the clitoris like a boxing bag. Like a, what do you call it? A boxing bag? I can't imagine. And this has been something that's been explored in both A&M and comic books and Amazon Prime's original series, The Boys.

Having someone little go inside your genitals doesn't seem like it would be good. I'd just be so scared I'd kill them. I would just be so scared. Like in Amazon Originals, The Boys. Yeah. Well, I'm guessing it's just to do with, like, you're pressing certain parts and it's pleasurable, right?

Yeah, yeah. That's why when the guy goes into a penis, he starts putting the inside. I mean, that's, I guess, why people sound, right? Yeah, yeah. Because that feeling of, like, it must feel great. Just figure out how to, I reckon, just, like, when it comes to Ant-Man. Yeah.

Going inside his wife's pussy, which he does in the comic book. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably just figure out how to be, like, I reckon it's easier to figure out how to be better at fucking normal. Yeah. Than it is to figure out what's good when you climb inside your wife's pussy. Well, yeah, but what if she wants that? And what if he wants that? Well, I...

I guess... I mean, it's just as a game to be like, hey, look, I understand. I understand that, look. I get it. Yes, I could fuck good, but you know what's really great for me? If you put your big toe in my mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand that means nothing. But like, you know... But I'll be getting off on it. But I'll be getting off on that's great. So with Hank Pym, he's like, well, let me be small and little. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Live in a horrible, moist, wet, horrible, good, very good, hot, wet cave. Yeah, and that might be Hank Pym's fantasy. That might be Janet's fantasy. And what I keep thinking, my fear is that there's a lot of muscles going on down there. You contract an orgasm. Hank Pym dead well he's still got

this easy body to hide well no it doesn't matter because even if it's a situation where he needs to get big hold it yeah I'm not talking about

yeah if he gets big bad I'm talking about he could like you know put his hands out that's true he could probably protect himself that's true

you know like say for example if the internal gape yeah he's got littler. Yeah. Like, you know, the walls are coming in like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

Yeah. He's just going to put himself, you know, army the side. Or get littler. Or get littler. It's so dangerous to go subatomic inside someone. Because you're going, you're passing through. You've got to come big again in their, like, fucking butt cheeks. Also, when you're that little like the the the native or the

natural flora and fauna oh yeah true like we happen to be like because i think you know if you're getting little you're getting into like say my wife's pussy or my husband's penis yeah and then i see like to me like right now it's microscopic i can't see the floor and fauna I'm little I'm seeing a fucking you know an oak trig there and a goddamn dog sized mite or whatever

and I'm like oh you got pussy mites what a terrible way to find out your wife's got pussy mites get little and then get big

you got pussy mites I gotta go over the shelf but like there's like mites everywhere everybody's covered in mites like in the inside

of your eye or some shit there's like heaps of little fuckers covered in mites Everyone like in the inside of your eye or some shit There's like heaps of little fuckers What about Speaking of If you're listening to this episode You are covered Covered

Covered in bugs And there's nothing you can do about it No matter how much you scratch that skin Yeah yeah yeah That's why People say that like Feeling like you've got stuff under your skin When you smoke methamphetamines

Is just like a side effect No it's You're seeing the truth. It's true. Everyone's a little bit itchy right now. I'm big time itchy. You're feeling them. Could you use Pym Particles for surgery?

Go on. So, say your brain's fucked up. And it's like there's a tumor in there too hard to get to. You small, innit? You small a doctor, put the doctor in the brain. All right. Okay, we're basically a magic school bussin' doctor.

That's great. The doctor goes in there and he can properly get the tumor out. He can get every little bit. I don't think doctors are, like, trained to operate on the tumor. We've got to train new doctors. Yeah, we've got to train a brand new team of fucking... Wouldn't it be easier if we could kind of narrow focus the Pym particle to shrink the tumor?

Well, yeah. But it still involves, I guess, cutting up the skull. Well, exactly. This way is such... You go into the sinus. Yeah, you don't even need to make any incisions on the skull. You're going through the sinus. How are they going to remove the tumor?

Well, they've got a bunch of tools. Okay, so the tumor is removed. A little tiny buzz. The tumor is removed for the brain. Now what? You've got a little doctor inside someone's head holding. He climbs back out. Holding the tumor. He's back out. Holding the tumor.

He's got a bit of the tumor. He's got to do a bit at a time. Comes out of the nose, gives it to a nurse. The nurse takes it. He goes back in. Maybe they do like a production line coming out. So now my head is full of ants. I've got ants on my brain.

Yeah. This is good. No male left behind. Surely, if you're doing with So, you know, surely, if you're dealing with that, you send a guy in with a little, like, a little buzzer thing that he can kind of

cut around quite perfectly where the tumor sort of, like, ends. Why don't you then give him a pimp article that's small and that

now free tumor puts it in his pocket or whatever. Puts it in his pocket. Walks out. Chucks in his mouth, chews like a mint. Yeah. Gross. This is a bad doctor. Tumors are gross. puts it in his pocket or whatever. Walks out, chucks in his mouth, chews like a mint.

Gross. This is a bad doctor. Tumors are gross. Don't chew a tumor. Full of teeth and hair. Comes out, spits it out. Everyone's like, you are so rancid as a doctor. But I get results. Damn, you're good.

It's a great way of using PIM particles. It is a good way of using PIM particles That is a good way of using PIM particles Yeah I agree But And this is a dangerous way to think If a tumor is say X big And then you shrink it Isn't the tumor latched on

Like as in consuming part of the brain Well that's if you go in there And you're using sort of like Like a scalpel To cut it out with a little saw sort of thing. So I'm not shooting the tumor with the Pym Particles attached to the brain. You don't want to accidentally

shrink a person's brain, although nothing bad would happen because the brain retains. No. Lots of bad things. Here's what would happen. Step one, the person dies. Because you shrink their brain but then it'd go like where their sort of brain stem connects to the bit where you're not shrinking. Surely it would stretch and snap?

Yeah, that's a good point. Then you've got a free-floating tiny brain in your head. No, maybe it wouldn't snap. Maybe it would just be... Because everything retains all of its properties. But where does it begin and end? Because you say, for example, shrink the brain, right? The brain gets shrunk, and I'm assuming it would have to go towards the brainstem.

Yeah. So your eyes would get sucked in. Oh, no. The brain shrinks because the doctor fucks up. Everybody looking at the patient just sees the doctor and the eye socket. Oh, no. Everything just gets sucked in. Face goes in.

Like you've eaten a big sour candy. What's he doing in there? He's missed. He was a fucking centimeter off when this happened. I guess that's a danger. It might be more safe than in usual traditional

means. I was thinking thinking because you go with the medical like route yeah that's good for saving lives but what if we go with the medical cosmetic route? Oh okay.

So for example there is a certain type of man who is like I'm a piece of shit because I'm not six foot. Oh. I'm a piece of shit

and everyone hates me not because of my personality Yeah yeah. And that I'm a very gross man with very terrible opinions Yeah yeah. because I'm short. I'm not piece of shit and everyone hates me, not because of my personality. Yeah, yeah. And that I'm a very gross man with very terrible opinions. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm not quite tall enough. I say I'm 5'11", but I'm 5'7".

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every single problem in my life can be sourced back to the fact that I'm just a foot too short. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A foot and a half too short. Three feet too short. If I was some kind of giant man that towered above everyone, if I was 12, 13, 30 feet tall, I think everyone would love me. Then my life would be good.

But here's a question. If you pimparticled someone, because you can't pimparticle them up. You can only pimparticle them like a size bigger. But would that do a weird uncanny valley thing where you'd be like, this guy is tall, but also just like. This guy's too big. He's too big, but not too tall or too wide. Just like a size category bigger than me.

And it's freaking me out. But I'm taller than him. Yeah, but he is bigger than me. He's wrong big. For example, if you are 5'11". 5'7". Smaller than him. Yeah, but he is bigger than me. But he's strong big. Yeah. Yeah. So, for example, if you are 5'11". 5'7". Yeah.

And then you get, like, a little bit big and... Yeah. And so then... 5'10". Yeah. Now you're, like, 6'2". Yeah. 5'11".

But so you are now, like, a little bit too big. Yeah. Or, like, you know, the perfect height. Yeah, yeah, of course. But that may or may not be. Six foot, which is what I am. Yeah. Joel Drescher, perfect height, perfect man.

That's it. I've heard that. Damn right. Yeah. And so, yeah, I mean, because there's that scene where Scott Lang becomes a toddler and it looks fucked up. Yeah, I think it's going to look fucked up if you're- But if it's only a little bit.

Yeah. Because it's still the same proportions of a regular human. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, but we never see- Yeah, he becomes a toddler and it's fucked up. Yeah. But like, we've got toddlers. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, but we never see... Yeah, he becomes a toddler and it's fucked up. Yeah. But, like, we've got toddlers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where we don't have guys that are... Because we've got... Because everything's

in proportion, right? Yeah, but that's what I mean. We've got... So we've got tall guys. Yeah. But they're tall. Because this is big. This is big. So, like, it's like we don't have... Because we've got smaller versions of guys. Yeah. Because you've got children, toddlers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Young adults. Yeah. But we don't have, like, it's like we don't have, because we've got smaller versions of guys. Yeah. Because you've got children, toddlers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Young adults. Yeah. But we don't have, like, bigger. Yeah. We don't have bigger than fully grown adults. Because I'm like, if you're a 5'11", and an actual 5'11", and then we embiggen you so that you become 6 foot. Yeah. Right?

That might be okay. So then that means you become an inch taller that you become six foot. Yeah. Right? That might be okay. So then that means you become an inch taller, but an inch wider. Yeah. You've become an inch bigger. Yeah. That's probably fine. I think you're fine. But if you're, say, five foot, and you become six foot, you become six foot taller than six foot

because you're now a big here's the fucked up thing you're a big version of a five foot person you're not a six foot person though you are six foot well yeah it's like if you saw a six foot baby or like a six foot child you'd be able to tell

that it's a child you'd be like that's fucked up that's scary yeah it's a child though'd be like that's fucked up it's scary yeah it's a child though but you could you tell it's the same thing but it's a but it's still a person i think it would i don't think it would be so obvious but you should be fine but i think when you start getting to like three or four inches you're like because you're a six foot five foot man you're not a six foot man you've got the proportions of a five foot man you just happen to be six foot yeah but you'd be would you. Yeah, but you'd be... Would you be broader? Yeah, you'd be way broader.

You'd be broader, you'd be taller. Well, that's what I mean. So it would kind of look all right. But your legs would be thicker, your arms would be thicker. Yeah, so you'd be just like... You'd be stocky, but huge. I think it would be the kind of thing where you wouldn't obviously be like, something terrible has happened to this person, but you would look at them and your ape brain would be like run so you mean that now that i'm six foot and my problems are still there

my problems are worse it was never about my height fuck um yeah yeah okay childbirth you'd probably help because you could yeah. That's great. Make the pussy bigger. Okay. Just the pussy? Yeah. Whoa. That same problem, but with the brain small.

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. So making the baby a little smaller. Yeah. Well, like speaking of insecure, man, your weiner too little, but then weiner too big. Aren't we getting the same problem? Yep. Where it becomes long and wide?

Yeah, who cares? Don't look at it, but it's awesome. I'm not doing it to me. You know what? Good point. They're just putting it available. If people want it, they can have it. Yeah, the people that inject themselves with giant and make things all real wobbly.

Or anyone who uses a penis pump. Those things don don't work they just make your dick inflamed it's basically the same principle and they can't come back and sue me okay or maybe they can oh no fuck unless you get they they engorge it so much it like falls off yeah yeah well yeah there's that oh yeah oh i guess it wouldn't really matter because blood flow would you'd feel different They engorge it so much it, like, falls off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, there's a risk. Oh, yeah. I guess it wouldn't really matter because blood flow would – you'd feel different. If your dick, like, suddenly gained a couple of inches, like, suddenly – You would feel it.

You would feel – like, your whole body would feel wrong because blood flow would change. Yeah. I'm just trying to imagine, like, the bit where it joins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Because that would be still quite – That would be in, like, the regular size of your regular penis.

Oh, you'd have, like, a sick dick where it goes narrower than big. Yeah. Kind of like your dick swallows something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a snake with a rabbit in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Awesome. But that would have to be, like, the tip of the penis was the tail of the snake. Like the snake's biting just above your balls and just pulling around. You've kind of butt-plugged your own penis. Yeah. It's flared. Maybe that's how we market it.

Butt-plug your own penis. By which we mean shoot it with pimp articles. That's a good idea. Okay, we've got some good options here with the pimp articles. What about like, I mean, like these are all basic ones, but just like make people huge for construction. It's a good idea. It's a good idea. Okay. We've got some good options here with the PEM particles. Okay. What about like, I mean, like these are all basic one, but just like make people huge for construction. Like, is it easier to build a building if you're like eight foot tall?

I reckon it would be. Yeah, surely. Because then you get, you're stronger. Yeah. So you can pick things up. No longer need trucks. Well, you would need trucks, but- Replacing a six foot guy with an-foot guy does not make trucks extinct.

But if you say, for example, a cement mixer on a truck, right, as opposed to it being poured into, say, a wheelbarrow or being poured into something you've got to transport, you just pick up the truck and you pour it away. Oh, there you go. That's bigger than an eight-foot guy, though. Much bigger than an eight-foot guy. But that's okay.

That's okay. Oh, wait. They do get sleepier. Do they? Yeah. Oh's okay. Oh, wait. They do get sleepier. Do they? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He gets tired. He is so sleepy.

So you get more done quicker. Oh, yeah, because you're expending different energy. Yeah. So the shifts, I guess, would be shorter. Yeah, but as long as you're getting the same amount of work done. Yeah. Well, for a guy to lift a truck Yeah

Like for a human being To pick up a truck That'd have to be Pretty strong Well at least Ten times bigger Yeah Like at least

Yeah Yeah So like Yeah so they get into What Ant-Man becomes How long did Ant-Man have Was when he was real big He's not very big

For very long No he can't hack it For too long Well you could recreate King Kong. Are we giving him types? No. If you make an ape big, you're recreating King Kong exactly.

Like, as in, exactly the same thing happens. You actually go from recreating King Kong to doing King Kong. That's what's happened there if you make an ape big. Did we learn nothing from King Kong the fiction? Did we need King Kong To doing King Kong That's what's happened There if you make An ape a big Did we learn nothing From King Kong The fiction Did we need King Kong the real To happen

Very great Look Hank I understand You're old yeah You watched King Kong You like King Kong right It was

Seminal Peter's Cinema year What if we Got an ape Yeah we did A King Kong I like your quote There Dushar,

as like instead of Twas Beauty killed the beast. Staring at the dead ape in the middle of the street. We had a King Kong in fiction and we had to do a King Kong in real. Tear rolls down your eye. Did we learn nothing?

Okay, so yes, we could do that. Because I was like a King Kong with a guy. Because it'll still, well, he'll get tired up there. And also, Jackson, we have, look, I don't know if you've noticed this, but we have recreated King Kong. We call them movies. What about air sports? If we made people bigger or smaller?

Big football. Yeah, is that good is a good question. What's the difference? Is that good? If it's televised, does it make a difference? I guess I'm like, well, the regular game of, say, football, you would then, I guess, have a smaller field. But could you not also just recreate this with a smaller field?

What about for war? What about for war? Make a big tank? Well, actually, this is what Yellow Jacket wants it for. You can make the opposition smaller. That's true. Step on them. No, but if you, because they still retain how strong they are.

Because my first thought, obviously, is shrink my enemy. But then they just punch their way out of my throat. Yeah. Maybe that doesn't work. But would that be awesome? Yeah. Dying as a guy punches his way through your throat? That'd be the fucking best.

I guess it'd be good for war in a sense. If you had that, you kind of went small and then fucked up the opposition. Yes, yes, yes. Very true. Or steal the White House. What are you going to do with the White House? Throw it in the sea. Ransom it off.

Want your White House back? Give me a dollar. Yeah. One dollar. Sneaky dollar. I like that Hank has been like, we need to market the Pimparticles. All right. Crime?

Steal the White House. You could steal a lot of monuments. Oh, yeah. All of them. I mean, what monument is safe? And then if the cops come, I just go tiny, slip into a drain. Yeah. Make them tiny.

Good luck, idiots. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's probably a better idea. Because, yes, while they could, you know, punch our way out of my throat, I have to swallow the cops first. I'm not going to do that. And if they're tiny, how are they going to get to me quick? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're tiny. That's true. Although Ant-Man seems fast. Steal Buckingham Palace, step one. Okay. Step two, go into the drains. Step three, make Buckingham palace step one okay step two go into the drains step three make buckingham palace big in the drain yeah step four drain kingdom go home where to buckingham palace or your house my house so you've made buckingham Palace big but underground.

Yeah, well, it would kind of destroy it, right? Yeah. Yeah, good. He's not wrong. Why'd you take it to the drain to do that? Well, because then no one can find it. No one can find it when it bursts out of the ground. Well, then the damage is done.

Take it to the sea. Okay, well, that was my plan, yeah, when we were at war. Take it to the sea, drop it in the ocean. It retains its weight, so it just sinks to the bottom of the floor. That's true. The king drowns. It doesn't retain its weight, though, because you can pick it up. Yeah, if you can pick it up, it hasn't retained its weight.

But Hank Bim retains the force of his punches. But Hank Pym retains the force of his punches. Because you're right, they can move the whole laboratory like it's nothing, but Hank Pym can punch someone stronger than he could when he was just a guy. How does it work? How does Hank Pym particles work? Hank, we would love to sell this. We just have one basic question. How does Hank Pym Particles work? Hank, we would love to sell these. Yeah.

We just have one basic question. Yeah. How do you work? How come any of this? What it do? What it do, dude? It's like make thing big, make thing small. I get that.

But if it makes small, heavy or light? Yeah. Why when make big tired, but when make small, not very awake. Surely if he makes him smaller, then I guess he could run for days. Yeah, right? Expending the energy, yeah. Because you're expending the little energy. But then you're punching. So good.

Yeah. Jackson. Yeah. Pimp particles, easiest way to use it and something I'm shocked you have not yeah thought of

put it in survival packs for those cunts that go into the wilderness and then if something goes wrong they can get small alternatively if their rations start running out they can get small

get small survive that's true well that was kind of my steak idea that was the beginning of that make a steak tiny give it to somebody going on a massive camping trip. Yeah, so yeah.

Really, for us to make the most money out of this, we basically market and sell it for two different sort of sectors. One is a survival, military kind of route where we're like, look, we're going somewhere. It's going to be hard to fly in and fly out, food and that kind of stuff.

So make it small and it's easy to transport and that's great. And the second group that we sell to is the perverts. Yes. Because they've got the cash that we need to fund whatever schemes that we have. And these are fantasies that are impossible to replicate in the real world. I'm going to make my flashlight really big and climb in it. Exactly. It's going to be my house from now on.

That's where I live now. Going to put a little doorknob on one of the labial flaps. No one can press it. Doorknob. Doorbell. Doorbell. Yeah. Yes, I think it really would work for the perverts out there. Absolutely.

Yeah, well, if you give a pervert- Anything. Yeah, you're like, hey, pervert, have a go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll find some. People are going to be walking around with huge assholes. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's going to be grotesque.

How many little butt plugs can I fit inside me at once? That's hype. There's going to be a lot of deaths. There's going to be a lot of deaths. So many deaths. That horrible anime porn style of just like really engorged people. Yes. That'll be real now.

That'll be real now. And then, I mean, we have done our job. We've got our $15 between us. Hank Pym's suffering the lawsuits of families being like, my husband would never have engorged his anus. All we have to do is either get the people to sign a waiver, put in our TNCs, where you're like, we take no responsibilities of engorged or enlittled anus.

I'm making my arsehole tiny, so I do little thin shits. That's the plan. My farts sound like a mosquito now, because I make my arseholes So little and wee That's awesome This is for me Do it to my mouth as well

Why'd you do this? It's funny Little boys Little boys Little boys I think realistically That's what happens Hank Pym gives us like

A Pym gun or whatever And he's like I'll come back in like a week to see what you've got. He comes back and we've made our arseholes and mouths really little. Hello. Hank, it's good for you. Have you figured out anything?

No, we've been pretty distracted. Hold up our hands. Three fingers are small. One is real big. We've been giving each other big thumbs up. Just on the whiteboard, just a big thumbs up with a bunch of question marks next to it.

Big tick. I think it's the best idea. Big thumbs up. Big thumbs up for that one. Doesn't it look good? Seems more positive than a regular sized thumbs up for that one. Doesn't it look good? Seems more positive than a regular sized thumbs up. Did you just fart, sir? Did you also make your arseholes really little?

Yes. It's easier to dispose of little cigarette shits. What? A shit the shape and size of a cigarette. Yeah, but you didn't before the tiny arsehole. Now the pressure buildup is real hard.

Comes out of us like a shotgun. I dinked the possum. Why haven't you changed it back? This isn't good. We're scared of making our arseholes too big. You understand. He's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, fair enough. I had the same problem back in 63. Okay, cool. Yeah. I don't think we're getting our money, if I'm honest with you boys. Oh, damn. We make our mouths big again? No.

Brats. Takes his Pim gun and leaves. We got to feed each other little grapes from now on. It's the only food we can eat. Big thumbs down. Each other a huge thumbs down. I think we nailed it. He just couldn't see our genius, I reckon.

Big thumbs up it's the way of the future big thumbs up that's what that's what you use pimp particles for it's an advanced thumbs up

yeah big thumbs up it's more positive that's a good campaign yeah yeah you have in the ad

someone gives a regular thumbs up everyone throws up because you know everyone's like what's that is he flipping me off yeah what is he doing with his minuscule tiny thumb?

He's probably got a small penis as well. Then somebody comes along, big thumbs up. Oh, my God. I did good today. Yeah. I feel so powerful. I feel positive. I feel almost enlightened.

I feel like I have done a very good job. And then you go and push over the guy with the small thumb. Is this an ad we're doing after we didn't get the contract? Yeah, we're trying to reclaim losses. Hank Pym's like, they can't... What are they saying? They're advertising their own big thumbs.

This is the presentation we show. He just gets up, leaves. Aww. I guess if we were the only guys with big thumbs. Hey, Oster, come give you big thumbs up. Do you need someone to really positively enforce someone? Well, we're the guys with the big thumbs. Plumbing the Death Star presents Big Thumbs Up.

It's more positive. And then we turn up and they're like, why are your mouths so tiny? It's normal. Yeah, so hire us for ball games. Yeah. Children's parties. Whatever you need. Bucks nights.

Bucks, bucks. When you're making a speech, you look to the side and you come up with a big thumbs up. Any speech, thumbs up. 21st, weddings. Yeah. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be there. Thumbing you up. We'll thumb you up. Yeah, we'll thumb you up. Yeah. We'll thumb you up. Do you think that needs... No, I think that's perfect. We'll f***ed out the game.

We're the boys who will thumb you up. Yeah. Okay, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Yeah. Yeah. We're the boys that'll thumb you up.

I mean, what can you say about it? We're the boys that'll thumb you up. Thumb you up. We're gonna thumb you up. Thumb you up. I mean, what can you say about it? We're the boys that'll thumb you up. Thumb you up. We're gonna thumb you up. Thumb you up. Goodbye. Goodbye.