Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You (or Us) Fake the Moon Landing?

Episode Date: May 5, 2024

Sure NASA had those big dollars to give Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing, but what if they instead has a crisp five dollar note to instead hire America’s favourite boys, us idiots? From confiscating TVs to filming at Bondi with Moon Babes to just straight up hijacking Sputnik footage and claiming it as our own! No stone is left unturned in finding the perfect solution to faking the moon landing. There are no nos on the path to greatness, only great ideas that may or may not start a nuclear winter. All we know is that we (and by we I mean the USA greatest nation of them all) need to beat those Ruskies in the space race by any means necessary or the American people will be so sad! The worst American is a sad American, so you better pray these boys can find an answer to this problem quick smart.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Bab. Bab. Bab, I'm sick. Bab. That crab I ate for dinner had no meat in it, just bones. I ate the bone crab from a fridge, babe, and I'm gonna throw up. It was bones with rotten jelly, I think.

It was rotten bones. Fuck. You didn't tell me the crab was full of rotten bones, babe. Babe, should bones be that gelatinous, babe? Babe, I'm hot. My tummy is hot. Babe, what did you eat? I don't know, there was like a wet crab in the fridge.

The meat was gone, babe. It was just jelly bones. That's a good warm-up. Yeah. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson.

I'm also Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy, pop culture podcast that asks the most important questions like, how would you or us fake the moon landing So the moon landing huge part of pop culture accounts yeah 1969 yeah, nice. It's the cool number. That's all I remember. When was JFK killed? Quick question Trick question How do I fuck this up? Is the moon landing in 63 and JFK is 69? I thought JFK was 69

JFK died before the moon landing 63, JFK bullet through the head JFK was like We're gonna go to the moon We're gonna go to the moon We're gonna go to the moon We're gonna go to the moon We're to go to the moon. We're going to go to the moon. We're going to go to the moon. We're going to go to the moon. We're going to go to the moon.

We're going to go to the moon. I love my hot wife. Perfect accent. I love my hot wife and I love my hot affair. Marilyn Monroe. I love my hot wife. On me. No.

What? Right. So, yes. Moon landing famously faked by Kubrick. Yeah. Kubrick, the scoundrel, got in there and he faked the moon landing. Then May 2001, it was like, Caesar! Well, what if instead of Kubrick, Johnny Government was like,

hello, plumbing the Death Star, one at a time, tell me how you're going to help us get to the moon. Oh, yeah, for $5, we'll fake your moon landing. Oh, we'll fake a us get to the moon. For $5, we'll fake a moon landing. We'll fake a moon landing. We'll kill a boy or a shark. Fake a moon landing. Fix an economy. We'll fake a moon landing. We'll show Russia what's what. They've got a guy

in space. Well, guess what, motherfuckers? We've got a guy on the fucking moon. And by guy, I mean four guys. Three guys. There was three guys. One guys. There was three guys. One guy wasn't on the moon. Michael Collins, he wasn't on the moon. He was in the little ship.

Yeah, he stayed in the little ship. What the fucking ship? Yeah, around the moon. He wasn't in the ship that landed on the moon? No. He was orbiting. Holy shit. That's so sad.

That is sad. He got the loser. He got moon cucked. Yeah, he got moon cucked. God, that's sad. He had a ruined orgasm. I'm the loser. He got moon cocked. Yeah, he got moon cocked. God, that's sad. He had a ruined orgasm. I'm pretty sure. Some people love.

I'm pretty sure if he was like, hey, yeah, you're on the moon mission. Buzz, you go have a bit of a walk. And then it's like, Michael Collins, you have to go in the little landing capsule, but you can't leave. Yeah. He's bursting through. He's jumping on that boat. You're extending a little leg and just having a little stand., but you can't leave. Yeah. He's bursting through. He's jumping on that boat. You're extending a little leg and just having a little stand. Just a touch of the moon.

Yeah. Hey, Jackson, you love arses. And you love the moon land. I do. I really do. And you love the moon landing. It's a fabulous bit of the body. Yeah.

And yet, revealing one's arse is called mooning. Do you reckon there's some connection there for you? Well, I suppose in some way people sort of associate the moon and an arse. Yeah. Which in a way I get. When did that happen? The first time someone got mooned was ages ago. Yeah, I understand that, but when

did that become known as mooning as opposed to flashing ones? I don't know. I believe that it was pretty much straight away. I guess is the situation where, because it's like a big cave guys. Check this. Check this, because it's like a big... It's too cave, guys. Check this. Check this out. It's like the moon.

Ugh, please don't do that. I am offended. Well, yeah, because I... In mooning... For some reason, I looked this up recently, and I don't know why. That's awesome. It happened, like, there's like... When was mooning associated with flashing bum? Yeah.

Because, is it associated, is it like you moon, you've got a big pasty white ass, and they're like, oh, like the moon, or is your anus the moon? No, I think it's your cheeks. I do love just the... The picture? Yeah, the picture's great, first off,

but just the way Wikipedia describes it, because they've got to do it in almost no-nonsense sort of way. It's like, mooning is the act of displaying one's bare buttocks by removing clothing, e.g. by lowering the backside of one's trousers and underpants, usually bending over and also potentially exposing the genital. That's awesome. It says potentially exposing, but I think that's a rare mooning.

Yeah, I agree. I think most of the time you want it because, like, two cheeks, good fun. Two cheeks and a fun. Yeah. Anything else. Two cheeks in a hole, I'm on the set of a porno. So if you get mooned and you can see cheeks, you're like, this is funny. We're all having a laugh.

If you get mooned and you see flaps or knots... No, flaps or knots is different. That's a whole... That's what they mean, right? I know, I know. But I'm just saying if somebody bends over, right? I know that an arse... Wait, is an arsehole technically genitals?

Yes. I think so. Is that? I don't know. Now I don't know. Click on genitals. Genitals would just be like hog and puss. Sex organs for sexual reproduction.

So I guess an arsehole is not a sex organ. It's just an awesome thing you can go with. I mean, it can be a sex organ. You can have sex with it, but I don't think it's. I guess a hand's not a sex organ. It's just an awesome thing you can go with. I mean, it can be a sex organ. You can have sex with it, but I don't think it's... I guess a hand's not a sex organ. It's not a reproductive organ. Yes, yeah, exactly. Yeah, you can't...

That would not be awesome. Because there's secondary, like, sexual organs, such as, you know... Mammary glands. Oh, yeah, tits. Let's see here. 1743. I just don't know. If somebody bent over and I see two cheeks, I'm like, we're all having a lot.

Yeah. We're all having a good time. We're getting rowdy. So it's the arsehole you're talking about. I just think it's confronting. I think you see the arsehole and say, how's the mood? It's apparently, apparently, it's the verb to mean has meant to expose to the moonlight

since 1601. Okay. That's not at all what I would have expected. Exposing one's butt to shame and enemy. A long pedigree in peasant culture. That's so funny. Throughout the Middle Ages. You're a knight on a horse with a lance.

Some guy moons you, you're like, I'm ashamed. I'm turning around. Widespread by the 19th century. Jackson, you're back at the castle early. Did it not go well? Sorry, guys, I asked. I felt shame. I'm just going to be up in the towel.

Notable incidents. Wikipedia, you're great. Wikipedia has a list of- In 80 AD, wow. 80 AD, there was a moon that recorded the first known incident of mooning. What do you think about this? To moon is human. To-

Uh. Is. Uh. To moon is human to uh is uh. Divine? Well, what's divine? To moon is human to uh is divine. To moon is human to spread is divine.

Yes, that's true. That is divine. Oh, divine, my love. I, um, for some reason I was really hoping that it was like first recorded instead of the moon landing. In 30 AD. Moon landing. Oh, sorry. Of mooning. For some reason, I was really hoping that it was like first recorded incident of the moon landing in 30 AD. Oh, sorry, of mooning. In 30 AD, whilst Christ hung on the cross.

Dude, that's the best time to moon him. You can't do anything about it. Oh, come on. Pull up those pants. Yes, Flavius Josephus recorded the first known incidents in 80 AD. Was he mooning or did he get recorded? Get mooned't feel shame. Either way, Flavius is the name for that guy. Proctor ship of

Vendittius. He got mooned from a boat. Whoa. What a name. Vendittius Carmenus. Tidius Carmenus. Vendittius Carmenus. Or Carmenus. Then Tidius Carmanus. Or Carmanus.

Okay, but it's literally spelled Carmanus. At around the beginning of the first Roman-Jewish war, a soldier in the Roman army loomed Jewish pilgrims at the Jewish temple in Jerusalem, who had gathered for Passover and spake such words as you might expect upon such a posture, Spake such words as you might expect upon such a posture, causing a riot in which youths threw stones at the soldiers, then called in reinforcements. Pilgrims panicked, and the ensuing stampede resulted in a lot of death.

Whoa! That's crazy. 10,000 deaths! One arse. One arse. Ended 10,000 lives. I was just trying to see if Kamanus, because there's another guy, some history guy. Ventidius Kamanus. There's some history guy.

I was hearing about recently. I can't remember who he is, but his name means like John Balls. And on his coat of arms are a bunch of nuts. Like testicles. Until you show me that photo, I will believe that this just lives in the magical and wonderful, you know, mysterious cavern that is your brain and nowhere else. Now I've had to Google a guy whose coat of arms is balls. Yeah, I found him immediately.

All right, let's share. It's from the great Twitter account Weird Medieval Guys, at Weird Medieval. Just found out there was a medieval Italian guy called Bartolomeo Colioni, which means Bartholomew Balls, and his coat of arms was three pairs of balls, and his war cry was Coglia, Coglia, Coglia, which means balls, balls, balls. And that's his coat of arms. That's three balls. That's three sets of knots.

I mean, you can see that. But anyway, how are you faking the moon landing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you faking that moon landing? So straight off the bat, they went too hard with it in 1969. Okay. They didn't need to put that much effort in. 1969.

Yeah. Television is invented. But like, it's tricky. Yeah, it's not great. It's not perfect. Black and white. Shows aren't good yet. Sopranos hasn't even aired once.

What the hell, dude? But do you know what would be way easier to do? An audio play a la War of the Worlds. Fire up the fucking radio and just hear me be like, oh shit, Neil's on the moon. So you don't even hear the guys on the moon. No. It's just you describing what happened.

Comment them. We're cutting guys on the moon. No! It's just you describing what happened. Comment them. We can cut, we're cutting live to the moon now. It's moony up here. I'm like, fuck, thanks Neil. Are you swearing? I'm not. You swearing on the radio in 1969? I'm getting killed, I think, if I do that.

It's just, so it's like, you know, instead of the immortal words of, you know, one small step for a man. Although he'll definitely say the hand job thing. It'll be like, it's Mooney around here. What was the, this is, cheers to you, Mrs. Oh, yeah, well done, Mr. Graham or something. Yeah, hey. Because his mate was getting a handy J on earth. The rumor, like, look, I can vaguely remember the story.

So apparently there's speculation that he said this thing because he overheard his neighbors arguing. Yeah. And the wife said to the husband, I'll suck you off. When man walks on the moon. When the kid next door walks on the moon or something. I think that's what made him decide to become an astronaut. I'm going to get my neighbor some Wicked Dome.

So yeah, imagine, I'll be like, hey, we're cutting live to the moon. Hello, it's me, Neil Neil I'm on the moon and I just want to give a quick shout out to my neighbor I'm sitting there in an armchair in my house listening to the wireless I'm like this sounds like the same guy Neil sounds vaguely British like the guy who's doing the narrating doing a bad accent. Okay, we'll try that again. Okay. And the Apollo 11 has landed on the moon. Oh, I've just got this in. It turns out I think we're actually going to be able to cut live to one of the astronauts.

That's amazing. Incredible. Did the narrator go British for like a second? I don't know where he's from. It is America that got to the moon, but that's fine. That's cool. I'm enjoying this radio. I don't know where he's from. It is America that got to the moon, but that's fine. That's cool. I'm enjoying this radio. I don't know who he is.

I mean this live cut to the moon. Okay. That's one lost man. What did he say? One giant leaf from a hole. Is he eating something? Did they get Neil to speak? They rubbed Peter

Barry as a gum. It was Mr. Fucking Ed. I like that scenario as well. I didn't know what they were doing up there. I don't know where they were on the moon. I just got one quote from him and that was it. No, because I'm just faking the moon landing. Everything else is still the same. So you know that they're

going to the moon. You haven't just turned the radio on. Am I seeing on the TV, am I seeing the rocketaking the moon landing. Everything else is still the same. It's like you know that they're going to the moon. You haven't just tuned the radio. Am I seeing on the TV? Am I seeing the rocket at all? No. Am I getting that on the radio too? I'm looking at the rocket and it is awesome. It's 300 feet high. 200 feet long.

And 40 foot wide. Is it like a big slice of bread shape? What the fuck? It's a slice of bread shape, but not rectangle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you do audio, because the thing is. Well, I can probably look.

Because there were photographs. There was a lot of stuff that went in a lead-up to the actual moon landing. Yeah, but they did that to... So you're claiming that if the moon landing's fake, they faked all of it. Well, I'm just thinking that you can't do all of it through audio. That's all I'm thinking. I can do all of it through audio. You used to only be able to do it through audio and print.

So my question here is, in terms of faking the moon landing, is are we faking the moon landing from woe to go? Or are we faking the moon landing just in case things go bad? Well, I think that's up to you. I think you can decide either way in this scenario. Unfortunately, I love the radio play idea, don't get me wrong. The Ruskies do have a lot of footage. Fuck!

How can the Russians figure it out? But we have a guy narrating What he sees So yeah Maybe I'm going to have to start a smear campaign Against TVs Television is a Soviet invention You're probing

Oh no no no Fuck I can't say because they can't Television It's making you communist Oh no no no no fuck I can't say it because they can't Who invented it? Television it's making you communist The Red Scare it's um fair enough was that when was the Red Scare was that around It was from like 1950 something to 1980 something I know Because it really got real big like in the sort of like decade up

I guess yeah during the Yeah Because when was the McCarthy era that would have been that was like the 19 oh no McCarthyism was after

Nixon wasn't it wasn't it no I think it was before because it was old Hollywood when was that yeah yeah yeah old Hollywood

it's simply just like the Red Scare was just a lot everywhere yeah it went for a very long time then we had like a bit more I don't know why I'm looking up Red Scare

because I know what the first result is going to be. And then the light. Or maybe like around about the same time. Oh, no. Yeah, it was the mid-50s. Oh, okay. So before the, okay. So McCarthyism is pre-JFK.

Yeah. All right, so you're going to say that, yes, Farnsworth was a communist. When did he die? He died in 71. What did he die? He died in 71. What did he die of? In this timeline, a bullet in the head. In this timeline, maybe some kind of umbrella poison tip or whatever.

How old was he and was he sick for two years beforehand? Can I get away with this without him knowing what I'm doing? 64 years old when he died. You need to find that death tab. Where's that death tab? So in your, how are you, on the wireless,

you're saying it's a communist invention? Well, I guess like we just push it out into papers and stuff too. What is the headline? Televisions linked to communism. What's the link? Oh, right. Howdy doody?

Is the puppet a puppet of fucking the Kremlin? Recent reports have shown that radiation from the television screens have been placed there by Russia. Okay. Television's making your children sick. What about like we found out that the Russians have put a bunch of cameras in your TVs. And so it means it would be a big, giant recall because they're spying on you right now. It's for national security.

But by doing that, I am falling into the same trap that you just accused me of falling into. Except instead of just blaming one man yeah i'm now blaming every single television manufacturer yeah yes yeah yeah yes you need to get to the moon dude because the thing is it's like it's not just about you know yes you're blaming the manufacturers or whatever but i guess by me saying it's radiation is also yeah the same like you know because you're making sure like uh who Who made the television? Yeah, Farnsworth. Farnsworth. I was in all the manufacturing.

Like, probably a lot. Yeah, there were multiple different... What's the guy? Farnsworth. Something Farnsworth. His name was Philo Farnsworth. Philo Taylor Farnsworth. You could do something like, there's a big recall, government buyback of televisions. Oh, yeah.

And don't worry, we're going to, you know, help produce them after the moon landing. Wink. After we win the space race produce them after the moon landing. Wink. After we win the space race, then we can focus on fixing televisions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All American-made televisions without any of those damn commie cameras in them. Foreign televisions in every household. We can't have that. You remove the TVs.

Who made a lot of televisions back in the day? What I want to know is... Are you causing some international incidents in other international relations with other countries? Every country is siding with Russia except us, is my... And are you also being like, we have to recall all the TVs, I'm sorry. Like, are you saying that you were capable

of filming the moon landing, but because we've recalled all the TVs, nobody can watch it? Like, you could watch it. He died of pneumonia, by the by. That's not a two-year illness. Had begun abusing alcohol in his later years, and as a result

became seriously ill with pneumonia. Because school campaign worked. Yeah, I was going to say, alright. So in his later years, when he loves the booze, maybe we just let him character assassinate, and then the moment booze, maybe we just let him character assassinate, and then the moment that happens, I'm like

see, this guy invented the televisions that you trust in your household. And yes, now I am saying we could film this, and we did film it, and we are broadcasting it, but you don't have a TV, so you can't watch it. So you have to settle for the radio.

And the reason there's no stills in the newspaper is... Yeah, why isn't there photographs? Because you can even take a photograph of the rocket. Yeah, because of the astronauts. Down in Florida. Florida, right? Yeah, Cape Canaveral. Yeah, where they're doing all that.

There's probably like journos and news. Yeah, what about people, actual journalists, who are going to come and take a photo of the. Well, here's the thing. Yeah. So like the rocket taking off and actual journalists and whatever. So I don't know if you remember, but the very start of this episode. Yeah.

We spoke about two events that happened in the 60s. 1963. Yeah. The death of John F. Kennedy. Right. 1969, the moon land. Okay. Now I've seen footage of that first event. Kennedy. Right. 1969 the moon landing. Okay. Now, I've seen footage

of that first event. Yeah. Because a man Zapruder had a camera. Yes. And he filmed. Uh-huh. And then six years later, I had to sell my... Well, they might not...

Let's just say you're very successful in destroying... Destruction of television. Yeah. And Farnsworth. Somehow you've gotten, like, yeah, you know, let's just say you're very successful in destroying. Destruction of television. Yeah. And Farnsworth. Somehow you've gotten like, yeah, you've bought out the FCC. Every single TV manufacturer. Under your thumb. So they're like, yep, no worries.

We're going to get rid of every single television. America is TV-less. It's TV free. By the time we're landing. However, now people with cameras. Yeah. But also, that's not even the end of the TV problems. Yeah.

How many TVs were there in 1969? I'm looking like, because again, I'm looking at the history of television. I'm currently in the 50s. Okay. And then I'm scrolling right down. What I'm wondering is, can you really ensure no one has a TV? No. And on top of that.

I could turn broadcasting off. Yes. Yeah. What are you, how are you explaining that? What about. There's a blackout. You could hijack the radio. And then you could just be like, oh, it's a beautiful thing that we're seeing.

Unfortunately, we got some technical difficulties. So we are going to play the footage. We are crossing live now. I don't think you can see anything right now, but we can hear it. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Unfortunately, due to the cosmic rays,

we've lost video footage. We've retained audio. Yes. And then you can just... And now we're here today to play it for you for the very first time. Play it for me. Has that already happened? Are we here?

We're going to cut live to it right now as it happens. Okay. Is he drunk? Is he drunk? Are you still in the Gettysburg Address? That sounds like... In space. No one's done that before. That's true.

That's a great American speech. That has just unlocked... There's plenty of words that haven't been said in space yet. Yeah, that's true. That's awesome. I'm going to get to space, take a list, say them all. What would you have... I mean, you're in complete control now. It's only audio.

So obviously, with the footage, let's say your mad plan works. You cut to just the audio, but black screen. Now, because it's... So what we got is a lot of them walking around the moon, jumping about. Boring. But yours is just audio.

So if it's only audio, it's like, it's like they just said a couple of things. What are you going to do to spice that up? I think that you're going to, to make it sound more legit, going to have a low hum in the background, like a lot of static noise, just like. I'm going to make sure the voices sound far away. So when people hear it, they're going to be like, the moon's far. Yeah, the mic is far away. So when people hear it, they're going to be like, the moon's far away. The mic's far away.

What are they saying? It's a proud day to be an American. I love being on the moon. Once again, sitting, staring at my blank TV. Really? It's got that standby thing. You've got to hear the audio. Once again, sitting, staring at my blank TV. Really? That's what they... It's got like that, you know, like a standby thing. You get to hear the audio.

That's what they chose to say. Or like a picture of the moon. And you've got like the audio going. I'm glad they like being up there. This is a beautiful and mysterious landscape filled with wondrous rocks as far as the eye can see. I just want to shout out everyone back at home on Earth.

God bless America. God bless America and hopefully my neighbors get a cosmic dome right now. God bless. Okay, so this Mac app plan works. You've somehow gotten rid of okay. So this madcap plan works. You somehow got rid of all like either got rid of TVs or had the whole like, oh, we've

had some interference. Yeah. So we can't actually see footage of the moon. I think Cape Canaveral is going to have to install a big black curtain so no one can see the rocket. I was going to say, you would have needed to like, you know. Top secret. What we can't trust.

This is back to. Can't trust the Ruskies. Can't trust the Ruskies. Exactly. Back to the Red S what we can't trust. This is back to the Rusky. Can't trust the Rusky. Exactly. Back to the red scare. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So we've had to build the rocket in private and no one's allowed to see it. Why are you building the rocket? No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, Jackson. Oh, that's the proper building the rocket. It's working. Yeah. I got tricked. Why are they building a rocket?

So yeah, you build the rocket in secret. You've got to be like, hey, we're building it underground where there'll be no footage. Like a missile silo. That's okay. They have those. That makes sense. Because of the Red Scare, we don't want the rocket doing anything.

We're a stronger nation. We're a stronger nation now than we've ever been. The idea of saying that live on air and then the little pause after you say it. We're a stronger nation We're a stronger nation now Than we've ever been The idea of saying that live on air And then the little pause After you say We're a stronger nation Than we've ever been

He knows he made a mistake That's what I'm saying Looking at my TV He knows he fucked up And then a picture of him cut off And he's like Oh okay He fucked up so bad

He had to flee Okay I don't know if I'm Stronger nation Than we've ever been before So Please stand by to flee. Okay. I don't know if I'm... I've never been before. So, please stand by.

I'm like, I don't know if this is the guy who should be in charge of the space race. I'll say it. He shouldn't have voted for me. Yeah. Are you the president? Yes.

Okay. Or am I the head of NASA? Who is making... NASA, right? No, I assumed president. Well, no... Well, because I was doing... But then I wouldn't be doing the broadcast.

What job do I have? You're like the PR guy. Like head of NASA or the PR for NASA, spokesman for NASA. Yes. Yeah. Main guy in charge of faking the moon landing. That's your job. Now, here's my question.

Say you've done the strategy whereby everybody has thrown out their television. Yes. Okay. The moon landing's done. Everyone believes you. America won the space race. Got them. America wants their TVs back.

Now, let's talk about the jobs and the amount of people who have been put out by your removing of the TV and the amount of money you're going to have to spend to put Howdy Doody back on the TV. The Andy Griffith Show. To celebrate America's new reign of the moon, we are increasing jobs all across America. How? Stimulating the economy, and we're going to focus on making American brand TVs.

An American Hollywood. An American TV. Hey, I'm a concerned citizen who threw out my TV because I didn't want the commie raise to make my son a communist. Thank you. God bless you. Now that you're making American TVs, am I going to have to buy a new TV? If you would. Did they throw away their TVs or we just stopped them watching?

What was the buyback? What was the vibe? We had so many plans. Which plan? Which plan? Okay, so we just went through the. You got a little bit of something on your eyelash. Other eye.

Anyway. Was it good? I don't know. It was like a little white dot. Looked like a bit of muffin. Go on. Oh, yeah, fair enough. I also fucked up eating.

Yeah, yeah. Where does this go? Okay, like a baby. I want to eat my face somewhere. Let's get a closer look at this muffin. Too close. Okay, so let's say that we'll follow the plan that gave back the TVs. Everyone listened to it on the radio.

So everybody gave their TVs back to the government. You know what? Maybe that is a good way to do it. Rather than destruction of televisions, we seize TVs. So a bit of police state. You break down the door of our family home. This TV is full of communists. You pick it up,

take it away. Maybe not a buyback. Sorry, maybe not like a seizing, but as in like, hey, give us your TVs. We'll remove the radiation and the communist propaganda. Make sure that it's safe for you and your family. And then we just store them in a big factory. Okay.

Then we just give them back. I think because the problem is you're not going to get 100%. Yeah. So the biggest problem here is people just keeping- The American Airways are being corrupted. I'm turning off TV for a week. An easier way of doing it is to, yeah, kill TV. I think just kill the signal, yeah.

The signal for a bit. So then you might get some pirate TV happening in that one week. Well, they can't pirate shit because nothing will be... Like, the studios won't be broadcasting anything. They can pirate stuff, I guess, as in like... They can make their own stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they could pirate...

Max Headroom. He's back. He happens decades early. You're not going on to 1960s Pirate Bay. I'm saying you're having like pirate television series. I just don't think you're going to be able to get all the hardware. No. And it's going to be impossible.

And insane. Too big. Too big. But cutting off the broadcasting. That's only a button I can open. Exactly. Breaking some legs in Hollywood. Absolutely.

Well, that's a pretty good plan. My question, though, if this works. So you've shut off the signal for a week. Now it's back on. And you're like, yep, we landed. It sucks that the cosmic rays, we couldn't get that footage. But we know through other manned flights that photos were taken, photos of the moon were taken, all those sort of things. So when they come

back, what should go? We live in a reality where that happened. Like, they did have these photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not saying the ones beforehand, like all from the Russian, from the moon flybys, all those things that

happened to get to the... Are you going to say that they couldn't take photos up there? That their cameras were also broken? I think if that happens, I'm going to become a tad suspicious. I would, yeah. I'd be like, you know what, I think they went to the moon. We didn't get to see any of it, and they didn't take any photos while they were up there.

But they told us about it. You could say there's just nothing good up there. There wasn't a single photo worth taking. It sucks on the moon. It's just grey rocks. I kept going to be like, oh, nah. Didn't want to ruin the, you know. Yeah.

Well, hey, good choice. Complicated. Complicated. I don't know how well. And the moment that the astronauts get back, wink, wink. Yeah. I think it falls apart. The moment the Ruskies get back

I was gonna say the moment the Russians are like oh here a broadcast yeah I think the moment the Russians hear that

being like we're still on yeah it's still on the space race is not over I feel what's gonna happen there is let's say it works

yeah let's say America somehow believed this they're like we won the space race Russians I don't think are gonna get that disheartened no they're gonna're like, we won the space race. Russians, I don't think are going to get that disheartened. No.

They're going to be like, no they didn't. First off, I can't believe everyone is falling for your American lies. We're going to be the first people to get to the moon. And not only are we going to do that, we're going to expose how terrible America are. You know when America said

there was nothing to see up here? Well, we're going to show it to you in color. There isn't much to see, but there's something. So, yeah, I think you've got a good, let's say, I reckon a month. Yeah. A month where you are on the cover of Time magazine. Absolutely. Joel Dusha, the man who heard the moon.

The man behind the voice that told you about the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I reckon, yeah, who heard the moon. The man behind the voice that told you about the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I reckon, yeah, very complicated. Yeah. So I think you could go a little bit more complicated. Okay, smart. Because I'll say, yes, we haven't landed on the moon. We don't know what's up there.

We don't know if it's desert. We don't know if there's like a big ocean. We can fake whatever we want, baby. I'm making it interesting, entertaining. Where will you set the footage? I reckon something like Oasis somewhere. I want to get a bit of dirt and a bit of water. Maybe mostly water.

Maybe a beach somewhere. Okay. In fact, yeah, let's just say. Bondi Beach. I don't know. I reckon filming underwater is going to be fun. Maybe I want a trip to a beach.

So this only works I think for me personally. I'm like, in case something happens and we have to fake the moon landing. Because I'm really putting a lot of stake here to be like, you've got this. And then I get a normal expense like an Adam Sandler technique before I see the strategy

you're like they're gonna get to the moon we can trust them we can trust them to get to the moon but I understand I understand that you need just in case something to happen yeah what we're gonna do is all right so what do we actually really know what's up there? Yes. We don't. We don't at all. No. What's on the dark side of the moon? Probably more moon. I'm sorry. Could be an ocean. I don't think it is. Could be an ocean. Could be a beach.

Could be a beach that looks suspiciously like Bondi Beach. From preliminary photographs, it's not. Okay, okay. But does the average American know this? No. Okay, so what we're gonna average American know this? No. Okay, so what we're going to do. Isn't the moon made of cheese famously? Pretty sure it is.

What are your credentials again? My credentials are I've spoken to the people and I'm just collecting, just like I'm an expert of sociology and like what's going on with the people of America. What feels better? That there's nothing on the moon that's rocks? Or it's cheese. Or it's cheese. Or open beachfront property.

Right. So what we're going to do here is we're going to go find the most secluded, beautiful beaches that we can. And we're going to send me and a team over there. And what we're going to do is we're going to film a spaceship, one of the landing in the ocean. And you're going to have like Buzz Aldrin and all of them step out, take off their helmets and be like, oh my god. And then one of them pulls out a little

ukulele. Yes! And we're going to be like, oh, we're going to have some moon babes. And then they're going to look at the beach and they're going to be like, oh my god, that's cheese! Yeah! Americans want to believe that the beach and they're going to be like, oh, my God, that's cheese. Yeah. Americans want to believe that the moon is made of cheese and we can't let them down. And then I understand funding for NASA is rough.

Yeah. So what we're going to do is we're going to try and sell premium cheese beachfront properties on the moon. And you can get there so quick. Right. So easy. But they're just going to need to provide the rocket. Yeah. But. So easy. But they're just going to need to provide the rocket. Yeah. But don't worry.

We can make a claim, and we'll put it in NASA property records or whatever. It's so good to imagine going back to the other scientists, and they're like, well, how'd the meeting go? And I'm like, really, really, really bad. I don't understand. So what will happen is we'll film it. You don't even have to get Neil, like a lookalike. It's a guy in a suit. Well, okay.

Two guys in a suit. He will be on the moon. Yeah, so this is a case, yeah, because of course that'll work. This is a case that doesn't. Right, okay. And so we will film it. It'll be beautiful. It'll be a little splash into the works.

We've got to film it from the rock. You know, we'd have a camera filming it. So you're right. Good point. So the camera would be on the ship as it kind of falls, crests. Into the ocean. And there's all these rocks and stuff and then splash into the ocean. Yeah.

And then they come out. Can we circle back to the beachfront properties idea? Yeah. Yeah, what was that? How are we doing that? Well, we simply say that there are some beachfront properties on the moon. On the dark side of the moon. On the dark side of the moon.

But it's sunny there when we can't see it. It's only dark for us on Earth. From what sun? They won't care. The sun. Doesn't matter. Exactly. It reflects off, let's say, Mars.

Why not? So say I'm a couple who want to live on the moon. Yes. I've bought property from NASA. Yes. I say, okay, well, NASA, how are we? Well, you've got to provide, if you read your contract, you'd have to provide money and rockets to get to the moon.

Okay, well, I don't think anybody's going to be. That's very small price. Very, very small price. And also, it's an investment. Exactly, it's an investment for the future. For when we go there. Yeah, imagine you'll be the first family on Earth to own property on the moon for when. I do understand that for the little. For when we go there. Yeah. Imagine you'll be the first family on Earth to own property on the moon for when...

I do understand that for the little, little, little Jameson jokes that we are saying, ha, ha, ha, what if we... This happens. People sell property on the moon. This is not that far fetched. Wait, people sell property on the moon? Yeah, you can buy a little patch of moon.

People are rude all the way down. It's not very expensive, but you can do it. Uh, property on the moon. Yeah, but Get scammed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one guy who's like, hey, nobody owns the moon. Yeah.

You can buy land on the moon. You can sell the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, I basically do a lie. I do have to admit that I think the American people would be, I think the moon, by and large, was pretty disappointing. Really.

Yeah. When we got up there, there wasn't anything worth saying. Well, I could do this. Okay and large, was pretty disappointing. Really? Yeah. When we got up there, there wasn't anything worth seeing. I could do this, so like, okay, I understand it's very disappointing, very boring.

Yeah. And we'd be like, okay, what we're going to do here is we're going to have like a lovely, like, you know,

a beach side. Well, that's what I mean. I think. We're going to make it a film. I think the moon. We're going to get like beach babies with their aliens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Green. Whoa. Tentacle arms. Well,

that's what I think the moon. Tentacle arms. Yeah. I like it. Okay. One person in a gorilla suit. Yeah. An actual gorilla. A moon gorilla. Get a monkey in there. Okay. Yes's what I think the moon... Tentacle arms. Yeah. I like it. One person in a gorilla suit. Yeah. An actual gorilla.

A moon gorilla. Okay. Because I think when we landed on the moon, I think we were... Like, you know, it was cool to get up there. Yeah. But there's nothing on the moon. I wish that, like, the internet existed when that happened. Because I would love to see people's, like, hot takes of the moon landing as it was happening.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, tweets from 1969. Because you would have been so excited. You would have been like... The moon ain't that groovy the moon landing as it was happening. Yeah, absolutely. Tweets from 1969. Because you would have been so excited. The moon ain't that groovy, baby, is it? At Austin Powers 1. Seeing the moon hasn't gotten my mojo back, baby. This is happening during Austin Powers 2. Fair enough.

One of them said in 1969. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think you're right. I think if the American people saw a beach full of sexy moon babes, they would be so excited. How are you going to deal with the fact that the Soviets, if they go to the moon, are going to show the real moon?

Can I pivot? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. This actually works in your favor. They've got shit Russian moon, clearly. Yeah, they lied. They have made the moon look like shit. They couldn't even find the good part of the moon. They got lost.

I'm sitting on my armchair looking at the TV, and I'm like, which one am I going to believe? The one that looks realistically like a planet or the one that has a gorilla on it? Could I? Now, gorilla off from Earth. I'm no zoologist How do you get up there?

I'd like to imagine the filming It's kind of like You see the city skyline There's a resort in the background I'm curious here Instead of getting to the moon first What if we were to fake That as we arrived to the moon

There was actually a Russian base there and it shot us down? And I fake an attack. What would happen? Would that, like, we go on The Cold War has gone hot! That's so funny where the master's like, we need you to fake the moon landing.

Have you made Soviet propaganda? No, no, no, no, no. Just start the war. Just start that war. What are you doing? I want war. That's a nuclear exchange. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. I'm not seeing the problem yet. We should not have put the human baboons in charge of the moon landing. Or just like, you know, as it landings, it's like, is that? Oh, it's a Russian. It's already a Russian moon landing. Yeah.

Almost like. So you make propaganda film where you lose the space. Yeah. Like in a weird, bizarre way. Then what? You fake it. I just can't. It's just a little thought experiment.

Oh, wait. So you're faking it to be like they're on the moon. And then Russian are like, make them look like monsters. Then we're like, who's on the moon? No no no I actually We are You got another step here

Yeah You fake the moon landing To make it look like The Russia won And shot America down Okay yeah yeah yeah And then The American people

Very offended Yeah Russia confused It gets leaked to them Okay And then You disprove it And then you're like

Russia just tried to fake the moon landing. Okay. No one went to the moon in this situation, but we're still probably confusing everything. Definitely I'm Newcastle Lord. So I'm watching the moon landing. Okay, what about, please pivot again, pivot again, pivot again. Okay. What if we're like, they're about to land on the moon, and oh my God, is that some Ruskies landing on the moon?

Quick, Neil, shoot them into the sky! Okay. And then we show them dogfighting on the moon. Now we're cooking, now we're cooking. And then we're like, once again, America's superior firepower has taken out the Russians. The American supermen have defeated the communist scum before they got to the moon.

And then the Russians are like, what the hell are they doing? We weren got to the moon. And then the Russians are like, what? What the hell are they doing? We weren't on the moon. And then they have to like either, well, they either have to save face by launching some nukes or have to admit that they would never.

That's a bad risk. They would never on the moon. Just gonna say, if I'm doing a risk assessment, if one of the options is a nuke. Also, it's funny because when the Soviets

return from the moon and they have like Moon rocks and shit Yeah And you're like You got nothing We got bullets Yeah

These are the bullets That shot the Ruskies We got We left them in space though Okay But I do think that If you fake the moon landing Yeah

And make it look like The Russia got there first Then expose yourself As faking the moon landing Well not yourself Yeah Expose that moon landing As fake

With evidence But then I was the one That released those footages I'm watching The news Expose yourself as fake in the moon landing. Well, not yourself. Expose that moon landing as fake with evidence. But then I was the one that released those footages. I'm watching the news. The American news. I see the Soviets win. I'm demoralized. Me and my son are crying in the front room.

Tearing the American flag off the wall. I'm saying we're Russian now. Okay. Well, they were Russian to the moon, eh? Then, on the news, you come out again. You say, that wasn't real. Russia tried to trick us, America, but we're stronger than that. So America was tricked by the Russians. But then they saw through it.

Well, that was, yeah, the Russians scrambled our broadcasting from the Russians. But then they saw through it. Oh, yeah. Well, that was... Yeah, the Russians scrambled our broadcasting from the moon. We actually did land. Neil and Buzz, they're back. They had a good time, see? They love the moon. They love the moon. And do you have footage of Neil and the gang on the moon?

Russia scrambled the cameras. And then they sent us this footage. Yeah. So they made it up there It's so funny that all you've done is put extra steps in front of having to fake Okay, so I got two strategies. Okay. The first strategy. Having a double strategy has worked famously really well so far.

You got to pivot every now and again. Okay, my first strategy is you say no one can do it. And we fake an exploding spaceship as it tries to get to the moon. We say Earth's covered in a barrier. We don't know what happened. It blew up. Hello. Yes, Jackson.

I'm just having a quick look at history. Russia's already been to space at this point. They're lying to you. No one could do it. Look what happened to our rocket. And then we show them dead Neil and the gang or whatever. Yeah. What?

Okay. What? Okay. How many people had Russia sent to space and how many people had America sent to space before Apollo 11? A lot, I think. Let's see here. Or we say that you can't land on the moon. All right.

So I think Apollo 10, that was meant to, was that meant to just kind of do a flyby? Because I think faking an explosion is easier than faking landing on the moon. Yes. Apollo 10 was a dress rehearsal for the first moon landing. Yes. Did they make it to the moon, though? Let me have a squeeze. Because I think we could just show an explosion on TV.

It reached lunar orbit. Okay, well, that's fine. It's just landing on the moon blows you up. That's what we... So you have to go to the... So you have to fake going on the moon. No, because we can fake an explosion. You just show an explosion.

On the moon? No, in space. So they have to get further than Apollo 10. Getting a rocket. So we have to... further than Apollo 10. Getting a rocket. So we have to how far, how many Apollos are we faking? No, Apollo 10 can go in orbit. That's fine. It orbits the moon, though.

Let me talk you through it. Okay. We send, this is step one. Yeah. Send a rocket into Earth orbit. Far Earth orbit. Yes. Step two, blow that rocket up.

Okay. Uh-huh. Step three, film it. Well, that's the same as time to step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time to get out the camera. Oh. Okay. It's that rocket up. Okay. Uh-huh. Step three, film it. Well, that's the same as time to step two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time to get out the camera. Oh. Okay.

It's already blown up. So, and it made it, didn't make it as far as Apollo 10. No, it just made it, just orbiting Earth. It's easy. We can do that. Okay. It's far cheaper, too. Now, we filmed that explosion.

Uh-huh. We get that in our back pocket. Yeah. Then we say, hey. So, what's in the background of this explosion? Just space. We film it from Earth's behind us. And the moon's on the other side of the planet.

So we gotta get to space to film this rocket blowing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we need to launch two rockets. We launch two rockets. One's a camera rocket, one's filled with dynamite or whatever. Yeah. Then we're in the camera rocket. Yes. Maybe it's even a satellite sending the footage back to Earth. You could launch a satellite that has a camera on it, sure. Can you take a photo of a rocket

flying to... Okay, sure. They're in orbit together. We've nailed it, right? We're rotating around Earth. The dynamite she blows up. She blows. We take footage of it. That's sent back down to NASA. Then, in 1969, we say, hey,

we get the Buzz Aldrin and the gang. They fly off in their rocket. We film a rocket taking off. That's fine. We can do that. Then we say, oh, my God. And we showed them the footage of the rocket blowing up. That we already had.

Hey, I have a quick question. Hey, where was the camera when the, how did you get that footage of that ship blowing up? Yeah. Because it's outside. It's in the background. Yeah. Wouldn't it? So, okay, to help you out, what if we, look, unfortunately,

we're going to either have to fake some astronauts or kill some astronauts. Well, I was very willing to kill some astronauts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a camera. I think showing off their graves and corpses is really going to help sell the idea. On TV? Yeah. So a camera in, like, the cockpit.

Oh, great idea. Because then you don't have to see shit, right? And that means we can also in the cockpit. Oh, great idea. Because then you don't have to see shit, right? And that means we can also build the little... You can do it on a soundstage in Nevada. It doesn't matter. You can just build that cockpit we see in that... Camera inside. Well, where would we have a camera?

Exactly. It makes sense. It makes sense to have a camera inside. We blow them up. Boom. They're dead. They're dead. Rest in peace to Neil and the gang.

Neil and the gang have passed away. Or you simply have them all in their space flight suits with little visors so we can... It's empty. There's some crash test dummies. Yeah, exactly. Filled with sheep's blood or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We put apes.

Okay. We put apes in astronaut suits. We'll kill some apes. We'll kill apes. It's sad. We thought we would do this in a humane way, but head of PR was like, oh, he put some apes in there. People don't believe it if it's not a living being. Yeah, they've got to move.

Fair enough. Before they get the footage, frame by frame, as it explodes, you're like, I think Neil is a very hairy man. That footage beforehand where they're all just sitting in there, but they've got the apes posture, kind of scratching their head. Trying to take the helmet off. They hate being in that rocket for no reason. They're bashing against the wall.

They're really trying to get out. Must be hot in there. Neil's arms are really long. Step one, sedate the apes. trying to get out. It must be hot in there. Neil's arms are really long. Step one, sedate the eggs. Okay. Oh, they're having a little nap in there. That's nice.

It must be really relaxing. That's funny as well. That's when Neil and the group. That's when the explosion goes off, they just don't react. They don't wake up. They're just like, huh. A gas leak.

It'd be so quick. There was a gas leak in the rocket. It'd be so quick. The explosion would be so quick. Anyway was a gas leak in the rocket. It'd be so quick. The explosion would be so quick. Anyway, then that explosion happens live on TV. We show them the corpses of Buzz Aldrin and the gang. Wouldn't they be in space? We got them back. We retrieved their corpses.

You blew up the thing. Leave it at that. Yeah, okay. We don't retrieve their corpses, but we have multiple funerals. Neil and the gang have to go into hiding for the rest of their lives. Deep undercover. And then we say just no one can do it, and then the Ruskies footage is all fake. They're faking it.

Look what happened to our guys. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get all the conspiracy theories and just apply that to the Ruskies. Yeah, flip it on them. Our guys fucking blew up. We don't know. Look at the footage. Just like an astronaut burning away In the modern day

people going through frame by frame and there's like a scene where one of the apes faces the camera very briefly and they can see

a chimp inside the helmet It's like one of those things where it's like a clear cutaway It's like they're real like like, you know, the humans. Oh, it's time to put my visor down.

The sun's so bright. They just quickly cut. They go for it. Not only do I think the moon landing was fake, I think something else was going on. Something far worse. Far stranger. Yeah, just the idea of being like,

let's watch the moon landing on YouTube and then seeing that and being like, what the fuck? I don't think it happened. I think that these astronauts are chimps. Did the whole moon landing fade or did they send the apes to the moon? I just can't tell.

Did they try to Operation Planet of them? Were these future apes coming back in time? What? Was going so close to the cosmic rays of the moon turning into apes? Did they make Buzz Aldrin an ape man and that's why they had to blow up the ship? I'm so confused. What the hell's going on? What the hell's happening up there?

So, yeah, that's one strategy. Yeah, and what was the second strategy? Second strategy is to hack the soap. So,, that's one strategy. And what was the second strategy? The second strategy is to hack the... So, okay. We do a lot of faking the setting up to go to the moon. We've got a fake rocket, fake astronauts, and coincidentally, our guys are dressed

very similarly to the Soviet cosmonauts. And the ship is painted like a Soviet rocket and then when it's time, we wait until they're going to go to the moon and we just hack their footage and say it's us. So we just build a ship. So Jackson's plan

is build a ship, take photos of our astronauts, make sure our astronauts look like their astronauts and our ship looks like their astronauts and our ship looks like their ship. Okay, why is the American like Apollo 11

is like the USSR or whatever, you know? Oh, it stands for something else. The United States Super Rocket. That's what USSR stands for.

And when everybody's like, is that the United... I'll be like, oh my God, we didn't even realize. We didn't think about it. We don't consider them at all. Yeah, we have not thought about the Soviets

even once. They're dead to us. It's funny that I keep saying us. Sputnik something? Oh, Sputnik one? No, it's American. It's Sputnik Duke. Sputnik, yeah. Sputnik. It's like a dog's name. Like a potato? Nothing more American than a potato. Yeah, exactly.

Hey, KFC? Did somebody say KFC? Yeah. I don't care. I don't know if... You love it. You love it. I'm sure that slogan was around back then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One thing I just caught myself... I keep saying us and them. Yeah. Them being Russian, us being American. We played a part, as in we being Australia. Yeah, yeah. The dish.

The dish. Remember the dish? Oh yeah the dish the dish remember the dish oh shit the dish the dish dude we gotta speak we gotta speak to the dish because the dish is the reason that anyone could watch the move

you're right if you wanted to going back to your plan I need to you need to sabotage the dish you need to go and just like I don't know kneecap Australia

yeah yeah yeah or just get them drunk yeah although we're probably already drunk. It was in the 60s in Australia. Yeah, yeah. They're hammered, dude. You can't get them drunker. And also the dish, I imagine wherever the dish is set,

it's Hawks. Yeah. It's Hawks. What? Hawks. Hawks. New South Wales. Okay. K-E-S, right? Yeah. Hawks, yeah. Human. Maybe the dish isn't that hot. Oh, yeah, true actually, New South Wales. A little bit of paddock, right? Oh, that could be hot again. Oh, yeah.

I'm not American or Russian. I don't know why when I'm talking about myself, Joel, not as the NASA employee, I just keep being like, yeah, you'll get them. And it's a win for us. Yeah, well, we were kind of, you know, America's victory in the space race. A win for Russia in the space race would have been a win for me, I'm saying.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I just think then we steal their footage. That's us doing it. Look, we made it to the moon. And then when Russia say it's the USSR and Sputnik is a Russian word. Yeah, United States Super Rocket. Sputnik, the dog's name. Sputnik, you can clearly...

No, it's named after the... And they dress like cosmonauts yeah that's actually so crazy why did you go from Apollo 10 where you had like you know the white

and all that to go then when the Russians instead of following the naming conventions of Apollo yeah you then said

did you say Sputnik or Spudnik Spudnik well that says Sputnik yeah that was a misprint okay and you've gone so the T's meant to be a D yeah okay said, did you say Sputnik or Spudnik? Spudnik. Well, that says Sputnik. Yeah, that was a misprint. Okay. So the T is meant to be a D.

Okay. So even though you're saying it's Sputnik, it's actually Sputnik. Sputnik is the dog of the deputy director of the night. Okay. Named it after his dog. And you've gone, instead of going from the white ass, you've gone for the orange jumpsuit. Fucking disguised Terry Stomady

he's somebody's nephew I don't know he's got orange he came in he came in he had all these big ideas everyone loved him

he said let's make the costumes orange I said not to I said not to it reminds everyone of Russians that's what I was

that's what I was saying but no one listens to me yeah that's what you can find the guy no one listens to me. Yeah. That's what, uh... I don't know if you can find the guy, Terry. He's, I mean, like, it's his decision. I think from memory he was saying it would be a good idea. I just want to know what's going to happen when Russia say, we didn't fake this, this

is us. Yeah. Not say that's crazy. That's, we did it. We're like, this is all the footage. Okay, here's all the unreleased footage. Here's photos of us. Here's photos. Also. Also, United's-

What the hell? Where'd this come from? Yeah, the fans are gonna be like, wow, that's crazy, we both did that at exactly the same time. That's- what the fuck? What the hell? That's what I do, on stage, a hundred microphones in front of my face,

can you show me that closer? I gotta sit down. What the hell? Is this real? This is crazy. Did they fake this? Did they fake this one? Because, like, what the hell?

My one's real. Because ours is real. That's ours. I know that looks like Yuri Gagin. Does someone have a phone? I gotta call the president about this. I'm like, hey, I fucked it up. I fucked it up so bad.

It's so, so bad. It's coming apart at the seams. It's coming apart at the seams. What? Sorry. No, no, no. I'm on the phone to the president. I'm telling you, I've done such a good job.

Yeah. It's actually a war crime for you to overhear what I'm saying. So this is off the record, unless you want to go to jail for treason. So too bad. Everyone turn away. Get me out of here. I think they bought it. Yeah, those were my strategies.

What do you think of them? None of them. I think the ones we've got were good. none of our I don't think hiring Stanley Kubrick and being like hey remember how you made 2001 do that again I think he no he made

2001 after the unless you can see the future in this scenario no isn't 2001 no oh maybe because yeah

The Shining yeah that has references to when Kubrick faked the moon landing 2001 A Space Odyssey is 1968 I was right

he saw JFK die and was like time to make a movie just feels like it might have been easier and cheaper to just do it just to go to the moon

what was the budget of the moon landing versus 2001 2001 A Space Odyssey was made for sure you got the budget of that movie but you also had like

you had to launch an actual rocket yes so you would have to have built that rocket because no matter what we do if we're faking it even if we're like

even if we're doing like you know what I've got this soundstage it's perfect we're gonna green screen this don't worry I'm a better director than Kubrick

he's a piece of shit did you see Big Baby Big Baby? Big Baby at the end? What are you trying to say? You're trying to say that me, the viewer, is a big baby? I don't know I'm not going to take that from you

I don't really understand that film I think he was calling me a big baby I got some bones to pick So anyway, I'm going to go and, yeah Kubrick made that movie for $95 million in today's money Do you think you could get to the moon for less than $95 million in today's money, do you think you could get to the moon for less than $95 million currently? Currently?

Currently. Let's say... Rocket feels expensive, dude. I don't know. How much was it to get to the moon? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I think it was pretty cheap. I have no concepts of anything above $10. I think it was pretty cheap to get to the moon. What's the smallest amount of money you could give someone to be like, get to the moon. I wonder, yeah, like what's the smallest amount of money

you could give someone and be like, get to the moon? I don't know. Like what? How much is a car? Like a new car? A brand new car? Like sometimes like a, what, 20k? Nah, they're more than that. Like an okay car, not like a good car. How much was, what was, 2001? So 2001, before adjusting

for inflation, it was $10.5 million. Okay. Well, Apollo 11, first mission to successfully land a man on the moon, cost approximately $355 million. It's a bit more. Just a touch. So it's 30 times more expensive?

Yeah. Okay. And he didn't even need to hire actors. I know, he's paying nobody. Although I guess they got a paycheck for going to the moon with 2001 the thing is, you're doing some cutaways you're doing some sneaky editing you're not actually having to convince

people on the ground that they're seeing a rocket yeah, and you're not and also if you're going to the moon, if you're faking the moon landing you're not faking the whole you just need like 15 minutes of footage the thing is, to fake the moon landing you would have not faking the whole. You just need like 15 minutes of footage. The thing is like, yeah, to fake the moon landing, you would have to build a real rocket. Yeah.

You'd have to launch that rocket. You would then have to have that rocket go through the stratosphere. Yes, you would need to have a rocket leave Earth. You have to have a rocket leave Earth. Now, Phil, that's going to be the most of your budget. That's where the budget goes. I feel launching a rocket to outer space doesn't explode. Yeah.

So that looks like we're going. Yeah, but once it's in space- Because the thing is, also you gotta remember people were looking at it with their own little- Yes, that's true. So we really need to like make sure that that- It doesn't explode. Does explode and it's sort of on the right way to the moon. So we gotta figure that one out. But once it's in space, no one's checking space. Yeah, yeah, once you look up and it's gone,

it's gone. It might as well be on the moon. Neil Armstrong was only paid $13 an hour. What the fuck? Not even overtime? No. That's crazy.

His annual salary was $27,000. An hourly rate of about $13. He was paid $2,568 for the mission to the moon and only about $33 to be on the moon. No other bonuses were paid. That's crazy, man.

Maybe we should try... Oh, no, that doesn't help us fake the moon landing. That makes the moon landing not happen. Buy the astronauts. So, like, be like, hey, you're not getting much money. I'll give you $15 now to not go to the moon. But I feel like then it was kind of like, I'm not doing it for the money, I'm doing it, you know. Yeah, for America. I'm doing it for America.

I'm doing it so that my neighbour gets sucked off by his wife. That's fair, that's fair. What if we go to the moon early on? That's a valiant cause. What would you do to get your neighbour sucked off? Go to the moon, obviously.

Let me think. What would I actually do? Like, do you care? Is there anything you'd do? I'm thinking... Of course. Yeah, dude. dude Well you don't Yeah well it depends

One of my neighbours stinks Okay Give me a thing And I'll tell you if I do it To get my neighbour sucked off By his wife Eat ten hot dogs Yeah

I'd do that anyway I'd do that for free You'd eat ten hot dogs For free Yeah absolutely So if I just put down Ten hot dogs Hot dogs are delicious

I know hot dogs are delicious If I had I mean obviously But I reckon eating ten hot put down 10 hot dogs. Hot dogs are delicious. I know hot dogs are delicious. If I had, I mean, obviously. But I reckon eating 10 hot dogs might wreck hot dogs. I don't think so. Okay,

so Jackson, there was a famous case of you failing to eat 10 cheeseburgers. Yeah, and since then, that's mostly bread.

Yeah, it's because of the bread. Oh, I'm eating the bread too? Yeah, it's a hot dog. I thought it was just dogs. I thought you said it was a dog.

No, well then I, just sucking them down. Just swiping down dogs, dude. So you'll notice that when you were referring to just a dog, you dog. I thought it was just dogs. I thought you said it was a dog. No. Just sucking them down. Just swiping down dogs, dude. So you'll notice that when you were referring to just a dog, you said, I thought you were talking about just a dog. Yeah. I said 10 hot dogs.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, well, a hot dog is a hot dog. It's a hot dog in a bun. A hot dog is just a sausage. All right. Just a sausage then. 10.

Yeah, easy. Yeah, but like when you ate the cheeseburgers and you failed spectacularly and everyone made fun of you and no one respected you ever again. No one respected me beforehand, dude. Lost nothing. Break even. Got you there. Do you ever find yourself, like, after that,

where you're like, man, I could eat another cheeseburger. Not that night, but I've definitely eaten cheeseburgers since it's a great, delicious meal. I was worried. I could suck down 10 hot dogs so my neighbor could get cosmic galactic done happily. What about get your license, your driver's license? For my neighbor?

I've got so many other reasons to do that. That would not be the incentive I need. No, no, no, but as in like you found out, you're like, all right, if you apply to get, like to do your driving test this week, your neighbor's going to get sucked off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Okay, so now we're in maybe territory.

You've entered the maybe zone. This motherfucker went to the moon. Yeah, yeah. And you were saying that's fair enough and you won't even learn to fucking drive? I get're in maybe territory. You've entered the maybe zone. This motherfucker went to the moon. And you were saying that's fair enough and you won't even learn to fucking drive? I get slapped in the face. You get slapped in the face so that your neighbor can get sucked off. Yeah, absolutely.

I'll suck you off if that kid... Suck me off? No, the wife talking to her husband. I'll suck you off when that neighbor gets slapped in the face. If I'm allowed... Man, I would love to hit the kid next door. It would make me so happy that I'd probably

just suck you off, husband. Honey, I'll be right back. Hey man, what's up? I overheard actually what you were saying. I know what's up. Yeah, yeah. I'll just take off my glasses. Go ahead. I'm doing this for you, pal.

He comes back and he's like, I don't like the kid next door he's a strange kid he's got peculiar ways he's got weird I'd love for you to get sucked off that's not a normal thing for a child to say

it's also not normal to refer to a 32 year old as a child I assumed I was a child in this situation because Neil Armstrong was he was a boy yeah I guess

he was a boy he overheard I guess he was a boy. He overheard that. And then 20 years later. In my mind, I was like eight. In the backyard, coming and knocking on the door and being like, Hey, I overheard you.

Hi, Mr. Johnson. I just couldn't help overhearing that you'll get some unfathomably good dome if you hit me in the head. No, no, no. If your wife hits you in the head. If your wife hits me in the face.

Yeah, I brought a mallet if that helps. I consider myself neighborlies. Please go ahead. I'd like to think of myself as a modern day, I don't know, like a leave it to beaver kind. Leave it to beaver. And then I'm sitting around the dinner table that night and my mom's like, why are you beaming, Jackson?

A friend of mine's having a great time right now, Mom. That's all I'll say. You've been trying to get that neighbor sucked up again. No. Yes, you have. You go to your room and think of what you've done. Don't be happy about it. God damn it.

No dinner for you. I'm furious about not eating food, but I'm so happy. I'm so happy about my neighbor. I see him out his window, getting done, give him a big thumbs up. He gives you a thumbs up. He looks up and closes the window. God, that's a strange boy. I hate that. Strange, strange

next door neighbor. I understand why you want to hit him. Honey, this is a wonderful sensation, but I think we should move. The next door neighbor kid unsettles me. I think he has a growing darkness. Yeah. So I feel, yeah, to fake the moon landing,

you kind of got to piggyback on the real moon landing. I think you're right. At the end of the day, it's easier to just land on the moon. Let's just do that. I just feel like there's too many variables of people watching. Like, again, if no one could see the rocket, and if we were like, instead of like, all right, first off, turn off your TVs.

Everyone, shush. Close your eyes. We landed. We did it. We can open your eyes. Don't open your eyes yet. Wait. Wait.

And then we do that for like a week. They're back. They're back. The week of blindness. It might be honestly easier to, I don't know, bluff out the sun. that for like a week. They're back! They're back! The week of blindness. Yeah, because I just, it might be honestly easier to, I don't know, bluff out the sun.

Yeah, yeah. So no one can see shit. Because again, you got the, yeah, the rocket launching, that going up there, you're seeing it, it's just, I don't know,

how do you stop that? I just don't think you can. I think you gotta just, you just gotta go to the moon. I think, again, final one real quick. Yeah. You do a false flag attack on NASA a month before, which then causes all talk of it to be like,

hey, we're refusing to show anyone anything because of the events of last month's attack. Then you just say it happened, and you're like, well done. And everyone wants to believe it because they're like, there was an attack on us, but the attack was on NASA by NASA. I was thinking a similar vein. You sort of wag the dog this. Oh, yeah.

And at the same time, we declare war on a foreign country. Oh. All eyes on that. Yeah, I was thinking a similar thing where I was like, what if people in the 50s love meatloaf? At the same time, you say, meatloaf, it's illegal. And everybody in America is in such an uproar about that, they don't even think about them anymore. It's going to be pretty hard to find. Yeah, but if they're angry at America.

Russians are banning meatloaf in America. Well, you just don't claim the American government. You say the meatloaf lobby or whatever. Meatloaf lobby run by Democrats. Yeah, yeah, they're banning meatloaf. The Democrats want to make your meatloaf gone. Every good American loves a loaf of meat. Yeah. But the Democrats don't want you to eat meatloaf.

Also, we landed on the moon. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. On the Nixon's watch, God praise the Republican Party. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't even really worth it to go to the moon anyway. We didn't gain much. Well, we stopped. Yeah, exactly. Because we know there's fucking shit all up there. It's just a fucking couple of rocks and some dirt.

Fuck the moon. Fuck the moon, dude. There's nothing all up there. It's just a fucking couple of rocks and some dirt. Fuck the moon, dude. There's nothing good up there. You started this episode. No, I like NASA, and I like the NASA guys. I think there's something charming and attractive about them. But the moon itself, who gives a shit? You like mooning, but you don't like the moon. Yeah.

Fair enough. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. This has been another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, and we did it. We landed on the moon for real. This episode took place on the moon. Yes.

We're in the moon right now. In the moon. That's right. I dug a hole. There's air in the moon. Just prove me, NASA. Go on. Yeah.

Come on.