Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Pitch Jurassic World to Investors?

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

For clarity's sake, Jackson is pitching a cult this episode. It's a weird cult with seemingly no purpose, but the vibes are fucked. Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions like how did you pitch Jurassic World to investors? So the thing about Jurassic World and this is what makes it tricky to pitch. We've pitched. Whoa, this is the thing about Jurassic Park. You take it back earlier. Yeah. Is Jurassic Park in and of itself difficult to pitch?

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not difficult to pitch. One thing that I think people forget about the movies is that they are theme parks and there are investors. Yes, that's true. And that the investors actually do, like, it's one of the things where the movies address this But it's not like one of those really think about it. They're people like oh, yeah, John Hammond. He fucked in the head Yeah, he's eating it and those children got stuck in the fridge or whatever. I've seen Jurassic Park. Uh-huh

Dinosaur? He has he has seen Jurassic Park Okay Pitching again pitching like a Drastic park kind of easy cuz you're like, hey, you know zoo you like yeah, no zoom the dinosaur I know dinosaur dinosaur zoo better zoo better zoo. Yeah, and you're like, oh, yeah And then obviously I'm intrigued for those of us who've seen the film. It goes very wrong. Yeah, we've all seen the film We've all definitely seen it. I like the idea of the investors. Because they're thinking about like, you know, hey, it's called, you know, Jurassic Park.

It's basically like a dinosaur zoo and like, yeah, cool. Now going to investors for that, you're going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, we have this technology. We can do all this kind of stuff. And they're like, that's fantastic. It's going to be great. And like, probably you want to like downplay the fact that you have a t-rex. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, or maybe you don't and you're like, it's a t-rex. You're like, it's gonna be under control right? There are sharks at the aquarium. So Yeah Yeah, like you know, hey so yeah how you in visit a lot of money

Anyway, it is funny. We're getting soon You know hey, so yeah, how you in visit a lot of money? Uh-huh? Anyway, it is funny. We're getting soon The guy on Wall Street screaming at his phone the t-rex did what? John what do you mean so the lawyer sent! What? What happened to him? Ahhhh John! Rebecca hold my calls Cancel, uh, hang on Cancel all my appointments for the next three days

Thank you Is everything okay? Yes? Everything's fine Lucy is fine? Lucy Lou, I just need my secretary Lucy Liu. Not the same person. Not the same person.

Lucy Liu, I know we had a planned lunch date because we are discussing your future career. Lucy Liu, my receptionist, please hold all calls from Lucy Liu, the actress. I know I was meant to go. Today was going to be confusing already. Lucy Liu, my receptionist. I was gonna be confusing already I know it was weird to think that maybe as a Wall Street investor to invest in Bug and become a Hollywood agent I just thought I could spit all those plates But clearly I can't hold my calls cancel the lunch date with Lucy Lou the actor Lucy Lee my Zachary now, please I'm so sorry. I need to get back to this cold

To the mainland Okay, okay, maybe we can He tried to steal what well Ferret you were paying him. Yeah, you weren't paying you How much was he getting? Well, I'd steal from you, too John he was like some of three employees You're not many people on the island. You could have up this way and then Lucy Lou comes into like your front area with your receptionist Lucy Lou not like she's like I'm so sorry. He's like, she's like, no, no, he's in the middle of something. He's in the middle of something. I'm so sorry.

He's yelling at John Hammond about the dinosaur park that went to itself. But yeah, so then Jurassic World, because of the failure of Jurassic Park, infinitely more difficult to pitch. Well, I actually think it's easier to pitch. Okay, okay, go on. Dinosaur Zoo, It couldn't possibly happen again 11 went to the moon fucking awesome Apollo 1 everyone burnt alive died on national TV Cowards wouldn't have back 11

Cowlitz wouldn't have backed 11. And that's why Jurassic World will be a huge success. It will be the dinosaur Apollo 11. I love the idea of you coming into the pitch meeting and like pulling down a little white board that's just got the Apollo 1 crash on it. Every one of the dragons just being like, hmm, leaning in. Death toll, Apollo 1 Apollo one death toll Jurassic Park Apollo 11 Everyone survived president happy Jurassic world question by question mark two thumbs up

Have a question. What about Apollo 2 to 10? Yeah, most of them didn't even fucking try and go to space In fact, but most I mean all. When they attempted it a second time, it was a success. Don't ask me about the third time, don't ask me to make Jurassic World 2. Okay, so has there been like other attempts from Jurassic Park 1? Yeah. For a theme park?

No, actually very similar situation to the Apollos. That's true. After the Apollos's this hasn't been other Say like, you know Maybe that ended in disaster one first attempt burn alive on TV. Okay Apollo 11 land on the moon, right? Yeah, right Park eating in a toilet Jurassic world heroes on TV. Yeah, right. Jurassic Park, eating in a toilet. Oh. Jurassic World, heroes on TV. Yeah. So, yeah, okay. Are you trying to say, mate, are the Russians also building a Jurassic?

They might be. Oh damn, he's got my vote. Oh damn, I'm scared of the Ruskies. Well, now we're talking Turkey. Yeah, we don't want a Soviet Jurassic Park. Yeah, maybe, like, I like this idea, like, in terms of, like, yeah, hey, the space race, you know, if we would have given up the first time around, we wouldn't have made it to the moon. We would have never made it to the moon. And the Russians would have, like, had won. We don't know for sure that the Russians aren't making a Jurassic-themed park.

I think it's a great pitch, because you're like, you know, do you want to be sitting there with the Soviet Jurassic Park? I'm being like we could have we could have tasted glory. Yeah, we could you know We could have been first to make you this park. Yeah, and yet now the now tourism in Russia is Russian dinosaurs may could be seeing American American-made USA in the aisle of where they go I was sworn yes it's a yes somewhere off the coast of South America yes you've probably pulled off the documents of the

Apollo missions and being like we what are you saying multiple went to space in between I'd say yeah but only one went to the moon Jurassic world, bitch. I love that like part of, and it's very, it's very funny that that's to get bogged down in what is just a tagline. Like it's just the inn and we're like, it's not a metaphor. What you're just trying to say is the first one failed if we should try the second one, but it's very funny that that's sort of eat our own arse and be like Obviously other space disasters have happened and some went to space and not the moon, you know

Yeah, except for Apollo 2 and 3 which apparently didn't exist. No, oh We went straight to 4 we went. Yeah Sometimes people call... There's like unmanned tests. Okay, and they call them Apollo. I guess those are the Apollos. Yeah, they go, I guess, I don't know, informally. But formally, Apollo 1, rest in peace.

Apollo 4, didn't try. What are we gonna do about the original murders in the marketing and in the advertising? Yeah, yeah, you've got foot in the door, you're like, you're right. You're investors, right? You watch the news? Yeah, I sure do. Give me one name.

What do you mean? Don't say Dennis Nedry. From the news? No, give me one name of a victim of Jurassic Park. That's not Dennis Nedry. Because Al, don't worry about that. Dr. Alan Grant, he was one of the paleontologists we sent to investigate. I said victim.

Oh, I thought you meant just people who went there. Excuse me. And also, don't test us back, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta be, why do you gotta access our little machine? How do you access your little machine? Yeah. And also, I'll say that we sent a lawyer our hood.

There was a lawyer sent. Was he a dirt bag? History doesn't remember dirt bags. I mean, it's really bad ill to talk like that. It's not great to talk ill of the dead. Hi, I'm Jackson Bailey here to advertise Jurassic World. You may have heard some nasty rumors that a lawyer died at the previous Jurassic Park, but don't worry kids, he was a dirtbag who deserved to die.

You might have heard some rumors that a lawyer died at Jurassic Park, and we're here to say, yeah, he did it, but he sucked. He got eaten in the toilet. And who cares? What I'm trying to say here is the people will not remember who died at Jurassic Park. So you don't need to worry about public perception. I think it was such a small, I mean, it's still five people

is quite a lot. But five people is enough that you could remember the names. Oh, sorry, four people. It's five. It's five, somebody died delivering a dinosaur. That's right. Yeah, so while I can't off the dome, know any of the names apart from Dennis Nedry,

I feel like if you lived in the world of dinosaur park, where that happened, you might want, you know, you might pay a bit of attention. I think five just made it. Four people, four people, that's less victims than a bus crash. Can you name one victim of a bus crash? Could you even name the last time you heard

about a bus crash on the news? I think there's a bus crash, Australia. I mean, yeah, but like also at the same time, I can't name any of the astronauts that died in Apollo 1. And I understand what you're saying in that. It's like, well, I don't understand what you're saying. I maybe understand what you think you're saying

is a good thing, but people still die. What about this? What about this? This is just an advertising pitch, just like, okay, so. We get somebody to go to the New Jurassic World before it opens, we get like a preview tour We get that we pay them to give us five stars and then in the ad we say five dead. No five star You can't hide away from it

My approach you're gonna lean in no, yeah, yeah, my approach is not to use the fact that Jurassic Park had a death toll. It's just like, hey, sometimes the new exciting things, there is a loss of life. And this is also not part of the pitch. I'm not saying, hey, you got to break a few eggs if you want to make it omelet. Was, do you remember, apart from Dennis Nedry Nedry name one other death was that part of the It happens! It won't happen again! Joel's having your pitch buddy here just gonna, cause it was subtle up

maybe, maybe, maybe Disasters happen but they don't happen again Okay, sometimes Maybe they do happen, once again Manmade disaster, crap Unless you count a world war as a disaster Time out! Thank you dragons, can we take a quick time out?

Time out to Time out to dragons for once Thank you dragons, can we thank you? What I'm just trying to say is this not gonna happen again? Oh, this is just to you. They're not listening. How about instead of say, Hey, it's just gonna happen again. I like where you're coming from. Cause I think it's really cool to be like, Hey, look, yeah. One disaster doesn't necessarily mean it's going to fail again. That's fantastic. Maybe, hey, now is a good part.

But apart from maybe reminding other people of other disasters, how about we simply just, hey, you got it. You got in there with the foot in the door, with the whole Apollo one, Apollo 11. That was a great. I like it. Look, you're right. Because, like, hey, hey, you know, we come from a long line of people like, you know, it does. Is it American to give up? No, unless you account maybe some some wars. We're not yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

We're not saying that not saying is that like hey, we don't give up with our perseverance Yeah, right now to be like you've got foot in the door Maybe now you start being like and because of of what happened before, this is how we are ensuring it's not going to happen again. So let's go with that as opposed to just keep reminding them of Prince Kalam's disasters. That seems bad. Probably not the move. And I know you have a list of disasters on your laptop right now.

And I know you want to do it. We know you. So if you'd like to. It's not your laptop right now. And I know, we know you wanna do it. We know you, so if you'd like to. It's not a list of disasters, it's simply what the worst bus crash in Australia is. If you want, you can tell us your good. Jurassic Park killed five people. A bus crash killed 34. If you want, you can tell our good buddies.

Do you know when that bus crash happened? No, cause time forgets my people if you'd like to like tell you a good investment bodies Investment pitch buddies that before we say hey, yeah time on You're where you've convinced you have to save space you can say the bus crash now Yeah, it's already anymore about the bus crash. It's like 35 died 41 more injured. Okay. No one remembers it. Yeah All right, would you like me to talk would you like to? For Jurassic Park, so I reckon if you know, yeah that amount of time makes you forget about a 35

Crash. Yeah, so in your mind. Yeah, would you like us to go back to the dragons now? Sorry dragons. I'm back time time on time Apollo 11 hmm imagine if you said no to investing in Apollo 11 Really makes you think yeah When people go is yours part of your argument that when people go to dress up They're gonna be like I don't remember the deaths. Yeah. Yeah, okay All right, so you get on a plane. Do you think about the fact that every single time a plane's crashed? When you get in a car do you think about probably some people do

But I mean not everyone's like motherfuckers still out here buying cars I was maybe say the third person ever mm-hmm or the second person to drive a car and knowing that the first person to drive a car Wrap themselves around a pole yeah Aldrin or Neil Armstrong shout out Apollo 1? No! I mean, they probably were thinking about it. I mean, probably. No!

Neil Armstrong very famously, without any speculation, was thinking about his neighbor getting sucked off. So, I'm pretty sure, I mean, crack my throat wrong. Wasn't there maybe a speech written by, say, Nixon? wrong. Yeah, but wasn't there a baby a speech written by say Nixon Yeah, that just in case just just What happened to Joe my god What happened to Joe my god? They didn't want to this guy. So I'm pretty sure yeah Yeah, I'm pretty sure most motorcade when they go part, especially what like, you know

Drinking the Pope thinks about JFK He probably thinks about the Pope's I got assassinated or attempted. I'm pretty sure the Pope has a bulletproof glass now. Yeah, I'm sure most presidents say But in the spirit of continual innovation and of persevering So yeah, okay, you're right, you're right as dragons now you're right, if we'd given up the dream of like the first man on the moon

Yeah, we'd have never gotten there So you're right, why give, just because of like a small tragedy why give. So you're right. Why give you just because of like You know a small tragedy. Why give up? You're right. Okay, so how are you going to ensure and maybe they say the investors? Yeah, the the public that things are safe. Things are great. What have you what else ever what else? Yeah, I'm gonna be doing now would it be okay. Just quick side would it be powerful if I started my speech with this? Okay fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace do you know what that's from mmm dragons den the pole of 11 speech who didn't hear that the public because it was a huge success. Yeah. Okay. Jurassic Park tragedy.

Five people who will never forget. Yeah. Perished that day. That's true. Five beautiful souls. That reminds me a lot of Apollo one. Yeah. Great. Great. great tragedy Yes, with three to five men who perished that day that I will never show that truly But really if we as a great American people did not try again Mm-hmm. We would never have defeated Russia and achieved greatness with the Apollo 11 mission I think that's which today is why I bring to you Jurassic World. I think that's a great opening. It's a great opening. I'm confused because it's like, well, the Apollo mission was government funded and it

was all about- I don't think you can really invest in NASA, but I like the boys. I like what you're saying. I like what you're saying. I like it. So are we sending dinosaurs to the moon? No, better. You're saying like so we sending the moon No better we're sending men to the dinosaurs at a safe distance yes, okay? All right familiar with the zoo. I know yeah, no imagine a dinosaur zoo, but this time we better safety precaution, okay?

We understand we're after 20 years of research yeah, we figured out where Jurassic Park went wrong. We didn't pay Dennis Nedry. So you're gonna pay- Don't worry, this- I don't know how to open a little photo- is Dennis Nedry's brand new paycheck. Nothing can go wrong, because we're paying our staff this time. So wait, you're saying- I mean, do you think the public knows that it's that tree got shifted like the shafted a page Yeah, Charlie. He's just a short You like don't know what and a big statistic to 20%

Yeah, I wonder what the public do that because I just know that deaths happen. Yeah Is that yeah sure five people died at Jurassic Park But if you're paying attention to the news and like I don't know journalists and stuff There were two other Jurassic Park movies and not everyone survived those films Okay, so the death toll by Dinosaurs yeah, but like yeah, it's like because again. There was a t-rex in Yeah, oh yeah There was a T-Rex in New York maybe? Yeah.

Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because we know there's a dinosaur island that's like free roaming or whatever. Cause I'm pretty sure we sent Pete Posselswait

and a couple other people to do shit with. To get, to capture dinosaurs. Okay. So, all right. Cause the events of one, two and three have happened. Yes. So we know like, yes, a dinosaur tragedy happened in park. We know that there's a T-Rex. There was a T-Rex in like Manhattan or something. San Diego. Okay. So what happened? The timeline, I just double check because I was like, what does the public

know? At first, after Jurassic Park happens, Ian Malcolm writes a book and everyone's like, this guy's an idiot. Yeah. They're like, he's lying. It didn't happen. Yeah. Because the dinosaurs didn't go to the mainland. No, they're like he's lying. It didn't happen Yeah, because the dinosaurs didn't go to the mainland no But they didn't it didn't so yeah, he writes a book. We're all like you shut up the dinosaur Yeah, yeah, so you're getting cows and you're painting them like Genetic the what the hell Conspiracy madness and then in j2 lost world There is a t-rex in San Diego. Yeah, that is hot. I would believe

Yeah, harder to and then in Jurassic Park 3 I think there's poachers on the island and Sam Neill has said go save a kid right So it's like okay like you want to make another park that seems and you say, what do you mean by world as well? When you like Jurassic world. Yeah, let's talk about the name. So all right. You've come in, we know dinosaurs exists. We know that we can, as in like, I don't, I don't think dinosaurs are a myth.

We know dinosaurs exist in the now. I'm saying that they exist now. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, we as dragons know that dinosaurs. They're real currently there in the life. Yeah, we know that So with it, we also know they're on an island. Mm-hmm. What's your plan? Yeah, so you want to make a world? So what I want to do here we get in the small ones. Yeah, we get in which dinosaurs in particular you choosing We're gonna go very similar. I know what you want to hear and that's herbivores. I mean like

Very similar. I know what you want to hear and that's herbivores. I mean like I Because again, it's your picture not my pitch yeah, I know that the world wants me to say herbivores because they don't eat men Yeah, correct There will be a t-rex. Okay, we've learned how and it'll be if I remember the movie correctly We've learned how less it'll be if I remember the movie correctly His CCTV footage of this t-rex eating the lawyer on the toilet now men have captured I believe that same t-rex in San Diego We know that this t-rex not only knows but loves the taste of human flesh. So we think it's really like,

It's imperative that we have this T-Rex. He's a mascot! He's a mascot of the island! With this time, security a lot heavier. Okay. So they just had an electric fence. Yeah. Against dinosaurs? That's absurd to absurd. That does sound absurd.

I've never actually, especially if the Raptors, I think turn off the power. Is that, is that, no, there's a storm. There's a storm. What is the chance of that happening? There's a storm and what's like, isn't the shit meant to happen? But Dennis Nedry is trying to do other stuff. And there's a storm and Dennis Nedry is that was a virus. Yeah.

What? Dennis Nedry installs a virus that turns off the power for like 16 minutes or something. And then Samuel L. Jackson has to turn it back on. And that's when he gets caught. He's got to turn Jurassic Park back online. Cause like, I don't know, I mean, being like, okay, we're going to have a T-Rex. You're like, oh wow.

That's exciting. That's exciting. It's again, it's a bit of a mascot. It's like, you think a dinosaur, what are you thinking? You thinking those long necked people with docus and you think of T-Rex, that's about it. Those are your dinosaurs. That's who you're thinking of.

If you're thinking about any other dinosaur, you're wrong You're a dino nerd and I don't like you. Exactly. This park not for you right now. It's not for nerds. No, okay. This is for cool people It's a cool park So I'm thinking T-Rex and you want a T-Rex. If I go with a dinosaur park, I'm gonna be a little bit like Yeah, I mean we could that's like what I want to see is like go It's like there should be an elephant at a zoo. Yeah, you know the T-Rex is the elephant equivalent. So you mean like hey we get a T-Rex I'm like fantastic and then you'd be like, hey, we get a T-Rex. I'm like, fantastic. And then you'd be like, maybe that's where we kind of like...

We cap it? We cap it in terms of maybe we don't need the velociraptors. Yeah. I understand that I think for like, look, hey, investors. It's like, we want to have, you know, a park and whatever. The military are co-funding it and they really, really want us to make these raptors. But I think maybe we don't. Owen Grady.

Owen Grady, yes. The world's greatest Raptor behavioral specialist. And he's gonna train the Raptors. But I'm pretty sure that's not a real job. Because frankly we think he's scamming us. Because frankly, how, when, where, where did he train? Where did he train? If it's not under us, when, where? Could he ever, what? Where did he train? If it's not under us, where's he getting that from?

I'm pretty sure in the movie he says he trained with wolves. Those are different animals. A wolf is not a raptor. That's crazy. I'm really, really good with birds because I had a dog. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Right, right.

You know, you simply, when a raptor's getting around, it's a pack animal or whatever, and the raptor's gonna be like, you just gotta be when, you know, a Raptors cut, you know, getting around the pack animal or whatever, and the Raptors is going to be like, you just got to be like, get down on all fours, start growling and just bark at him. Absolutely. That's going to stop him from attacking. Yeah.

He's not going to bite your head. Yeah. That's how you stop a Raptor. Well, see, I was thinking for a pitch and I don't know, maybe this is bold, but I say five people died in the original Jurassic. I like that you've opened your Pitch in the same way I have people dead say five people died in the original Jurassic Park. Yeah, and that's a good thing Hold on then I show CCTV footage of in Jurassic Park showing real-life deaths

Oh, no, no, no in in Jurassic Park to when the the T-Rex came to San Diego Yeah, it's in a child's backyard the full T-Rex and the kids looking out his window This is a scene and he sees it and he's scared, but he's also excited. Mm-hmm children love violence Yeah Excuse me sir are you suggesting that the whole thrill of this park is that you might get killed when you watch a Race a rally race yeah, are you not slightly hoping that the car will fly off the track and into the ground? Not if I'm there

You're watching the ice skating in the Winter Olympics, are you not sort of hoping they'll fall over and break a bone? I mean yeah, but that's them hurting them, not the audience. Are you not familiar with that ice hockey game where the goalie's neck got slit with an ice skate and it was horrific? You are. Yeah, but it wasn't good. Obviously. If it wasn't for a Vietnam vet being the coach doctor, that was horrific. You are. Yeah, but it wasn't good. Obviously. If it wasn't for a Vietnam vet being the coach doctor,

that man would have died on the ice, but he's dead, and this is fucked up. He stuck his fingers in the guy's throat and closed the pipe manually. That's baller. But see, that's exactly. A lot of ice looks cool though. That's my point.

The park is safe. I wish it wasn't real. The park is safe, but you don't want the people in the park to think it's safe. Are you familiar with Action Park? Yes. One of the most beloved parks in the world with multiple documentaries about it. Brother, yes I am. Beloved? In what way? Now, I am maybe not as familiar with Action Park. I think I am. But I'll play ignorant. No, I don't know about action park that got maybe shut down because of all the deaths that were led to action park Yes in light in the 1970s to 80s wrong

60s to 70s to 80s 80s in the 1980s Yes, there was a theme park and this theme park was particularly dangerous and had particularly negligent staff. And this resulted in many deaths. And broken bones. But that's a good thing. Because people, knowing that, went to the park specifically because of it. And if the park had been safe? I'm gonna like the hall okay as an investor so okay

Um so do you have the stats of the people who went to say? Action I could get them this was not part of my version of her I went to like that theme park because the the the fear of can you pull up any stats right now of say? I don't know Yeah Disney Disneyland mm- hmm. Mm hmm. In regards to. Just the popularity, like the popularity.

Yeah. In regards to say like. Well one that is safe. Yeah. Versus one that is not safe. The Disney Corporation has decades of goodwill that we are lacking. What we have is a foundation of violence and death. Okay. The thrill of seeing a dinosaur is it's going to a a dinosaur zoo is unlike going to a right dresser

Action Park did stay open for a lot longer than I expected Until it got sued into the ground and they lost all the money. I have to admit your misunderstanding my pitch Action Park was unsafe. Mm-hmm. Okay. You're gonna be, it's safe. It's safe with a reputation of being unsafe. How do you, what? The perfect marriage.

Okay. To make the perfect most popular park in the world. So when, but then, so when you have this idea, okay. Let me get this straight. I'm an open book. Okay, so you're gonna open with, to market to people who want a bit of a thrill. Yeah, well we're gonna market it as though we're a normal zoo, completely safe, where you can visit dinosaurs. That's our primary marketing strategy.

The viral marketing strategy. Okay, so they viral marketing strategy people go there They what happens because again, you're saying it's completely safe Yeah, I want that that the the I guess the idea that it's not yeah fortified What is that fences? What does that mean though track? I'm there. Yeah, I am Johnny you just love you. it's just a regular zoo. You see a T-Rex, you go, damn, remember when that broke out when they first tried this park

and killed all those people? I'm a little nervous and scared, but I'm also seeing all of the guard towers and the guys with sniper rifles and the electrified fence. And so what I'm experiencing is a thrill. What if it got out? It won't, but what what if oh, that's exciting

So I just go there and I just see the security measures. Mm-hmm Well, and the day you see the t-rex eating a goat or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, you see the velociraptors tear apart a pig Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Hey, I've just been doing some research on action park again Because I know that you like the idea of it was safe, but unsafe. Well, Action Park wasn't safe. No, I know. Your Jurassic World will be safe.

We'll seem unsafe, but it's actually safe. Well, it won't even seem unsafe. It'll just seem safe, though. I'm just trying to marry what you're saying. Yeah. Because you keep saying you want it to be dangerous. The primary marketing strategy, you got to listen. I got two prongs. I get that. You're not it to be dainty. The primary marketing strategy. You gotta listen, I got a two prong.

You're not listening to the two prongs. You hear one prong and your ears shut. That's what's happening. It's just, you're saying one thing but then when you're like, what do you mean by that? The primary marketing strategy is, come to Jurassic World. It's a fun

filled dinosaur adventure for you and your pals. Meet, meet a diplodocus Yeah, yeah, yeah pat a fucking whatever some other fucking dinosaur. Yeah Yeah, the viral marketing strategy probably too Okay, is we start releasing or leaking a bunch of information about what went wrong with the original park? Mm-hmm. Okay. So while we have check out all the new safety measures to ensure your safety at Jurassic world Check out all the safety measures. to ensure your safety at Jurassic World check out all the safety measures They didn't do a Jurassic Park. Okay, and then you see this and you go fuck me

And I gotta go and see what it's like. Yes, what if a velociraptor gets out and tears me apart So that second see that bit there the what if though Isn't happening because you know we get sued into oblivion. Yeah, yes, but what I'm saying is the viral marketing you're saying like What you're saying is not what you're doing. Yeah. Intentionally. No, no. You're adjusting in each game like you've won. No, what I'm saying, because if you're saying these are all the things that went wrong in the previous part, but then you also like the public, these are the things that we've addressed and will never go wrong. Yeah. No one is going to the park thinking, what if it goes wrong? Well, that's, they should be.

Why would they do that? But no one is though, because you are already addressing this. That also means you're paying for marketing three times. Why? Where's the third one coming from? Oh, sorry. Two, well even, so you're paying for real marketing. So you're doing, you're doing actual repairs.

So cost of, so first of all, cost there. Then you're doing actual marketing, which is, hey, check out Jurassic World. But then you're running a secret second marketing campaign, so you're spending double the amount of money. I also have a question. The whole, like, this is what happened, like, the original part, and this is the steps we've taken to, like, stop that. That should just be part of your marketing.

Yeah. Like, this, this, this, that's good. Yeah. yeah, but then you want exposes at the same time. Yes, but that's would be negative Yeah, I would make people all prices good price. No, but no, especially not when you're paying for it twice No, it's not the same. It's not of the one mark. I actually this does come into what I was gonna bring up before Yeah, I mean, yeah Just cuz it's a marketing the marketing budget is large enough to include both a viral marketing strategy and the primary Let me just put it into like a term that maybe we consider here like we talk a lot about movies Yeah, a movie has a marketing budget usually about a hundred million dollars if you found out that a movie was running two separate marketing

Campaigns that were saying don't come see the movie because it sucks and come see the movie It doesn't suck yeah was spending 50 million on each you'd be like why they doing that if I There was one that was like a primary marketing strategy That was like come see the greatest movie of all time and that they were also putting some of the budget towards like a Viral marketing this is the scariest movie I've time and that they were also putting some of the budget towards like a viral marketing This is the scariest movie I've ever seen to get a good budget That's different. That's basically what I mean. He's he does he look he doesn't know really what he's saying. I think that's true Well, okay the pitch for action action park needed investors as well

Before anything went wrong and they also advertised pretty similar to look I know that they actually were dangerous Yeah, but before it was obvious they were actually dangerous and everyone was drunk and that's another very important part of action Yeah, yeah, yeah No, we're really they were really relaxed about safety precautions that they had heaps of bars on the thing And they were also very relaxed about the age of drinking. Yeah, okay, and if staff are allowed to drink They pitched to a whole bunch of people Famous investors people that love to invest money somewhat recklessly in the 70s and 80s including one This might be a name you recognize Donald Trump who said

He was like yeah, okay, and then he heard more about it And then he heard more about it. This sounds good to me. Yes. Just kidding. No, this is chaotic and socks. Me, Donald. It's me, Donald J. Trump.

Greatest brother. He's not just incoherent yelling. I like that it's a little Bob Dylan. Yeah, I like that. It was like the Donald day Trump. It's sort of like, how does it feel? I'm rolling out of here from this investment opportunity! He sounds like he's eternally disappearing into the distance or falling. Donald J. Trump, goodbye!

So you're saying that even Donald J. Trump who happily bankrupts several casinos. Donald J. Trump, a man who happily bankrupts everything. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, he was like, whoa, this marketing campaign, I've seen what you're saying about how it's like, edge of your seat stuff, this is fucked up. And I'm fucked up. It's because it was unsafe.

Mine won't be unsafe. No, they didn't, the pitch here, they were doing what you're doing. The pitch, like what you're saying, I mean, like the pitch I'd be doing with dragons, in a way almost similar in that we actually have to take this as a multi-pronged. Because look, I think people, we know that there is definitely a market for people wanting to see dinosaurs. We know that. That's fantastic.

Everyone, you think of someone, that's a person that wants to see a dinosaur. And we can facilitate that every, but everyone in the world is our, is a potential customer for us. So we know that there are people out there that want to see dinosaurs. I want to see dinosaurs. You want to see dinosaurs. But of course the thing that we know, unfortunately, in recent history has has shown that when they attempted

to, before it even opened, there was tragedies, there was deaths. And then we saw what happened when we tried to bring a dinosaur to mainland America. To mainland San Diego. Real bad. It was really bad, we shouldn't have done that. And we do know that there is now apparently an island sitting around, full of dinosaurs. And you can't go there because they're just free roaming. It's like a safari.

Exactly. And that's again, if people, people can go there for a safari, but you're not going to take your kids. No. That seems dangerous. Cause it is. So what we need to do is, and this is my idea for a park, is that we have like a lot of, you know, in a very similar vein to the original Jurassic Park. We're going to have a secret from everyone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no of lean into back. Yeah, like, you know, I think we need to like firstly

Maybe a smear campaign against John Hammond. Mm-hmm being that he was reckless. He didn't know what he was doing He's a man. He was drunk Yeah, he's maybe dead Might be cancer. I don't know. He dies in number three. Yeah. He's dying in number two, but yeah. Either way, we like, we maybe look, we lean into how reckless he was. Okay. Yeah.

And that like, you know, we've taken like a lot of precautions now and like all the safety measures. We will make a feature about the safety precautions, the safety measures that we're going. And I think what we need to do is like, yeah, we'll have like, you know, you can pet some like triceratops, those kinds of things. You having any sort of carnivores? safety measures that we're going. And I think what we need to do is like, yeah, we'll have like, you know, you can pet some like triceratops, those kinds of things. You're having any sort of carnivores? One.

Okay. We're only gonna have a T-Rex. That's it. Okay. And then we're gonna make sure that like, you know, it's a very like large enclosure. See the T-Rex, I like them wrong. Very large enclosure.

And we're gonna make sure that like, you know, there are multiple points of safety. So yes, you can see it. And also we're going to probably at this point in time, we've got drones here. Yeah. Yeah. So we can have like a viewing screen if you want to see the die, you know, like, you know, chase it around like a safe chase it at a safe distance to view it so that, you know,

if people like, you know, maybe it's a bit too far away from where they may be standing, they can see it on like a big view screen. Okay, so I think I think I think So I think yet you really want to see a t-rex but again usually If you don't have a t-rex at the park exactly who's gonna come no one's gonna come see it. Yeah and I'm like like and by lean by lean into your history do you so you mean Smia be like the previous drastic park. Yes, that was a piece smear, be like, the previous Jurassic Park, that was a piece of shit. You know, if you ever, say you go to a fish and chip shop,

and you eat there, and you go, wow, this fish and chips taste like garbage. And so you never go back there again. And as you're walking by, you're driving by, whatever, you see under new management, you're like, good, I hope the previous management fucking die Your plan is sort of the dominoes approach. Yeah, where you want people to come on stage and be like, hey We hear what you're saying. You don't want it the Jurassic Park that kills you. Yeah, and we're listening. Okay

Our Jurassic Park used to kill you but our Jurassic World it'll suck you off But our Jurassic world, it'll suck you off. And, uh, uh, uh, because in Jurassic world, that's what they're like, hey, here's this the this this this new dinosaur. Yeah, that's the endominus. Right. It just bled through like, so yeah, we've got like all those boffins down engine. They've come up to me and they're like, hey, we can make a more dangerous dinosaur. We can make a dinosaur that can blend into its surrounding.

We can make sure that we make the most violent Bloodthirsty and horrible dinosaur. Yeah, I said what the fuck are you all doing? Are you insane and stupid? No, give me give me a velociraptor with like Very like not sharp teeth at all Oh, okay, those are velociraptor so they give me a velociraptor with the brain of a puppy. That's what I want. Also, no, yeah. So what we're doing now in InGen,

what we're doing is we're genetically engineering all these vicious dinosaurs to not be vicious at all. E-classid herbivore T-Rex. Yeah, well the T-Rex we keep them like it is. You want them sharp teeth. Dude, if you placidify, not a word, the velociraptor. I think that takes away some of what's enjoyable about saying a raptor. Because you know how I believe another person was saying that it's that fear.

The idea here, like someone was pitching maybe a weaker part. I've got more ideas about that too, but I'll keep them to myself. That like ideally you want that. You want that fear about this dinosaur eating you. So what we can do is like, yeah, outwardly it might look like, and we don't tell the public that, you know, okay, we don't tell them they've been classified or that they actually don't eat meat or like, you know, like the sharp teeth. They're just gums now or something. We just don't, we just kind of like your... They're just gums now or something? We just don't, we just kind of like don't let that be known.

Hands instead of claws? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an open doorswit. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Smarter actually. 20% smarter.

20% smarter. Smarter's a 10 year old boy. Oh yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, like yeah, we didn't take him down the range. We've taught him how to shoot guns. That is good. That is good. Din dinosaurs with guns. Yeah, Dino riders. You remember Dino, right? Yeah So we're doing that cuz I was thinking like with my park idea

Mm-hmm. Maybe I just have like it look like stuff just went wrong So all okay. So the one part of your plan that we keep saying is the boy like I have my work I have is the one you've watched you know like anything that's good is being like hey These are the things that went wrong in the first one and we're like addressing that he's like Terrified I think you need Yeah, I said hey, do you want to come over and play my brand new PlayStation 6? Yeah, or if I said hey Jackson Do you want to come come over and play my old PS5 the last person that touched it died?

Yeah, but I fixed it. Yeah, which one's more of you saw the gaming helmet that might get kills you Yeah, you'd be tempted to put it on no In the park. Oh, yeah, I would have places as you come through just like seems fine and there would be like I would not I would have places as you come through just like seems fine, and there would be like evacuation location in case of dinosaur escape Come here, and I don't have I'd instruct my like stuff and people are already there. Yeah That's not like if something just went wrong. That's just to get the thrill of the park say you want to go on Enjoyment, but that's not a marketing campaign. That's just how you're designing the plot. So yeah, that's important to the pitch too.

Say for example, you were at, I don't know, what's the lethal weapon ride now at Warner Brothers? Isn't it a Green Lantern ride? Oh no, it's the Joker ride, I'm pretty sure. So again, you're at Warner Brothers Movie World on the Gold Coast, and you're lining up and you're so excited to be going on the Joker Yeah, and then you get there and there's this big like, you know, they've like blocked it off There's a big screen or whatever in the way. There's like like tape whatever they've got smoke going. Yeah, like oh, yeah Sorry, the Joker either has been a big accident. Yeah just happened, but don't worry

We're actually like fixing it all up with you know, it's fine. It'll be ready in about three minutes Yeah, just start step on you know, just join the join the queue. Don't worry But it's it's yeah, well, and it's construction work. You can hear the noise is all just smoking Destruction are you wanting to line up cuz I know I'm not if I was at the zoo and They were like here's where to go if the tiger escapes. I'm like, that's exciting, the tiger could escape. And that's fun, that's a thrill. But don't they have like evacuation,

if you look on like a map of whatever. Yeah, but that's for like if there's a fire or something. It's an emergency, also generally when an emergency happens like say, say like a lion does escape. I I have not worked in a zoo I am now just making the sound yeah but if a lion escapes I don't think they want to let the public know yeah so I'd be like yeah there might be a fire here or we're in my Jurassic World dude you are pet terrified the whole time announcement all right you you have a and I might have you have a park. And I might have...

You have a park. I might have like the zookeepers or whatever, just like too loud so that people can hear. Be like, that was a close call. The velociraptor nearly escaped. Thank God we've managed to, you know, re-acquire it. And I have my children with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm leaving.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm never missing back. You're missing out never missing a wonderful time. I'm probably demanding maybe No, I wouldn't demand a refund, but I would tell like all my friends do not go the velocity I'm doing a page. You're not go. It's not worth it. Yeah, you're gonna be like, you know what you get You get those hardcore death tourists. Yeah Please you know what you don't get? Families, I don't want families you want death death tourists? Yeah, my Jurassic Park's not for families

There's a lot more money in the advertising not for families not families You might get at you might and probably will get at yeah you one billion dollars One billion dollars Another ticket. Yeah, dollars a ticket. Wow. Fair enough. I'm the only guy with dinosaurs. That is true. Well, sort of.

Because you've also got to remember something we have not spoken about in this episode at all. When we see Jurassic World and Jurassic World, Jurassic World has been open for years. Yes, yeah, yeah, that's true. And we've done an episode on this. When we see Jurassic World and Jurassic World, it's like people are bored of it. That's why you gotta get the abdominal spray. That's why you're like,

we need to make a freaky dangerous dinosaur because the people are sick of our fucking petting zoo bullshit. Yeah. Which is very funny to think about. It's insane. To be like well surely You know look hey even even Warner Brothers in the Gold Coast even that reinvent itself. Yeah

Yeah, well, I was just reading about it Sadly the lethal weapon ride it's been demolished Into an Arkham asylum ride and then they knocked it down and also the Wawa West ride now. Yeah safe They made it safe. That sucks. No, it sucks. Now Jackson will never go back there. I'll never ride it. Did you ever go on that ride? I don't think I've ever really been to Warner Brothers movie world. You've never been to Hollywood on the Gold Coast. When I was a child I went to Wet n Wild, awesome rhyme, and the volcano, or maybe that's Dreamworld actually. The volcano scared my brother so much we had to go.

So you thought it was real, I guess. So a fake volcano had scared your brother. And you had to leave. Like three? Yeah. Yeah, so you would say that maybe being scared is a great for family. Well, there's a problem if you're bringing your family.

But you don't want family. Jurassic they are not a family because families have The park for single man instead of making the adornment actually making the tinnitus Beer and dinos yeah, yeah, we got the, and I'd hate to bring it back to this. We got dinosaurs that'll suck your dick right off. Yeah. It's the park for single men. It's the park for single men. I like being rated for other reasons.

I don't even advertise anything. There's no like barbecues or pornos. It's just the same park, but you can only come if you're a single man. I will be checking for rings. And then when you read the plaque at the beginning with this, it's a statue of me. It says Jurassic world started with a single dream. Yeah. You're making not a lot of coin. Yeah. Well, I mean, single men,

a lot of disposable income,, well, I mean, single men, lot of disposable income, depending. Rich single men. I'm a rich single man. Pitch to me. It's a theme park just for you. Oh, cool. Why? It's always been my dream, I suppose.

What do you mean? I mean, nobody else is allowed in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a single man. No women are allowed. No. I'm not like children. All children. So it's not like a single- I'm thinking about opening a park for single women. So it's not like a single I'm thinking about opening a park for single women

So it's like a single man. This one does well. I will if I'm a single man. Maybe want to meet somebody Place for it. Oh, so it's like it. It's not a dating thing. No, that's absurd. It was just a bunch of single men Enjoying the dinosaurs enjoying why I'm enjoying the atmosphere. It's just always been my dream like but Once it it for me as a single man. It's a great day Yeah, but Drinking beers with yeah sure he's with the Bruce. Those are different experiences You can feel like dinosaurs what why you enjoy the sunshine why for beautiful Isla sauna? Why for single men though it's always been my dream that just you know the sunshine why for beautiful Isla, Son of wife for single men though. It's always been my dream

That just you know answering why it's just always what I don't understand. It's I suppose you know some might call it an arbitrary rule, okay? Yeah, okay, cuz like yeah, then it's up to you if you come or not you know okay? But can I so I can't bring my my buddy know who is in a relationship? Yeah, not at all that not at all, but I don't so I don't want to go by myself. Yeah, okay You know my target audience, but I am a rich single man. Oh, yeah, I'd love for you to come to Yeah, he doesn't want to come well I do but I want to bring I want to bring that's the target part of audience Yeah, yeah Have you not in the way? I'm thinking about business work know the way I'm thinking about it business work thinking about it dude for me the audience I wanted the part I just

like say me and my friends yeah but I'm not interested in advertising to someone that doesn't want to come to the park I do want to come to the park great come on down I say say I'm okay I'm a real I'm a recently divorcee. So I am a single rich man. You're my but I have a good customer. My best friend that I've known since college. Yeah. And we always tend to like, you know, hey, you know, every couple of years we go like, you know, we love theme parks. Yeah. Like every year we go enjoy a dinosaur world. He's single man. Oh, the family. I'm like, so sorry. I'm sure you'll enjoy Dinosaur World. Apart for single men. He's married with a family. I'm so sorry. And things like he just takes time off so he doesn't bring the family.

I'm so sorry. It's just the two bros hanging out. Unfortunately. He's just not. Unfortunately what? If you check the website, it's a park. And the slogan I will say, it's a park for single men only. Okay.

So you're saying that there's just going to be stuff that he's not going to enjoy. No, it's just not for him. Yeah. But what we have a great time. It's just not for him. Do you, sorry, do you understand anything about anything? Just not a park for him. Okay. It's a park for single men. I don't know what's hard to grasp about. But I want to come with a friend. Well, too bad. On that day, we would be two single men. Yeah, that's not how it works. Sorry. What if I'm a single? I'm really sorry.

What if I am a single man and I have another friend that's another single man, but we come as a, because it'd be two of us coming at the same time. That's fine, that's fine. So I just have to be a single man. Are you romantically entangled? No. Oh, then that's fine.

What if we are though? Well then, no, you're not single man. What if we just say that we aren't? you say that you want about a situation ship. Yeah Well, I like hey me I think we'd go through it. Uh-huh. I'm a single man and Processing yeah. Yeah, okay. I miss a rich single man. My good friend over here is a rich single man Yeah, but sometimes occasionally we fuck each other in the ass. Yeah, like we'll get drunk sometimes and jerk each other off but sometimes occasionally we... Fuck each other in the ass. Yeah, like we'll get drunk sometimes

and jerk each other off. It's not all the time. No, it's just like, I don't know, like once every few months maybe. Or every couple of weeks. Yeah, depends on much we drink. That's what the process is for. Or maybe not drink it, we're just bored.

We determine. And jacking off a friend feels good because you're getting jacked off. Yeah, sure, of course. Hey, I love jacking off my friends too. Yeah. I'm, my heart's not made of stone. So yeah. I'm no monster. But we're not like... We ain not like to come into the park. Well that way you'd go through process

Sending money on process Because you get situations like this we're going through processing and then yeah, we're not romantically involved we just like After this rigorous processing you open the doors Jurassic World and what? You open the doors to Jurassic World and what? Buh-buh, buh-buh, ba-da-da-da So we're allowed to come? Yeah. That's fine. Assuming processing you go through, you go to Jurassic

What processing looking for? They're just trying to determine how single a man you are. How single do you have to be? Well I don't know, it's not my department. Yes it is your department. No, it's just my park. But you're the one putting down the rules. This is why I paid experts to figure it out, okay?

What? Yeah, but this is your vision. Yeah, of course. What is your vision? I said, but I can't be in control of every, I don't want to micromanage every tiny detail of my thoughts. What is your vision? This is your vision. A park for single men.

And how single is single? Well, that's what the processing is. No, in your vision. Yeah, because they need to be like, oh, hey, these bros here. We need to collaborate this with your vision. Well, in, you know, in a situation, there are edge cases. Yeah. And those edge there are edge cases. And those edge cases are outliers.

Typically, a man who is not romantically entangled and has no children. Hi, Jackson Bailey. Thank you so much for hiring me for the opening in your processing department of Jurassic World. Oh, fantastic. And as the boss, my door is always open. Yeah, yeah, perfect, perfect.

I love that you can just come in and we can trap. I'm just calibrating. This is day one, obviously. No stupid questions, just calibrating your little machine which we use to scan people's business cards to determine if they're single men. My own design, yeah. I'm just adjusting this. How single do the single men need to be?

Ideally, as single as possible. What does that mean though? Well that's, aren't you the experts? No, no, no, no. I'm tinkering the machine machine you hired me for your vision. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It will be an automated process, but you just need to tell me what to set it to. So like, what ages?

This is crazy. You know, I hire experts on finding out how single a man is, okay? Experts in their field, so they tell me, so their resumes say, and they come into my office and ask me how to do their job. You're fired. Okay. Well, good luck running this park. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Okay. So you've got no staff. Now you've got no staff in processing. Now you're in charge of processing.

Now you're in charge of processing. Why did I, I didn't hire just two guys. Every person who you've hired is going to have this question. You want this for single men? Yeah. Single is a man. I need some questions. What age are we saying? A man 18 up to eight. So a 16 year old can't come here if they're single? 17? No, 18 only. Okay. So 18 plus park. Okay. Perfect. Now how single do they need to be? Now single. Now, okay. Now you should say before no kids Yeah, this person is it's like wants to come they are a divorcee. They are single currently. They have kids

Yeah, no, they can't come in so no kids So a single man can't have kids for previous Ideally not no, no not ideally yes or no. No, no. No, I have a single man here. He is a single man. He's very rich He's unattached. He did say he's got a couple of Bastard children around because he doesn't believe in framers Well if we could track those children down and verify their existence he wouldn't be allowed in the park Yeah, so he has kids, but he says he's paying child support But has never laid eyes on these rat bastards his own words

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'd love that. We're bringing this to me and yeah again I see we can track down the children the park is not for him. What do you mean track down the children? Well, I mean do you know higher private detective? He's got the kids he just is paying out. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no He's never really kids he just is paying out no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Here who is single but I've slept with the same friend at least once a month for the last six months Okay, that's I would say that's that counts. He's entangled. No, no, that's something Okay, we got another man You're up with the same friend four times in the last six months in the last six months four times What's the gap between those interactions twice in six weeks?

Okay, and then two nights in a row. Two nights in a row? How recently? Like that would be the like, you know, it was like a long gap and then it was more recently. I would say no, he's entangled. Al Park. That sounds like it's becoming a friends with benefits situation. Yeah. Or they've not decided what it is. So honestly, he's not in. One month ago. Yeah, this man slept with a close friend. They've hung out a Lot since but haven't slept together since okay Have either of them got any sort of remnant feeling about the hard to say they have a little disgusted Yeah, that's what processing is for

Okay, but they're not both there. Well, you chat to the guy. If the guy's got no feelings, he can come in. But if he still has some complicated feelings about the lawmaking. But he can just be like, yeah, no, we haven't spoken about it. Well, of course people can lie. I mean, we're not wizards. So complicated feelings.

It just feels like we're encouraging people to lie. If you've slept with someone that you are romantically interested in, that's not single to you. Yes. For the purposes of coming into my box. Even though we're not wizards, you do have this very idea. In an ideal world, if we were wizards, you wouldn't have these people. Of course. Absolutely.

But we just have to be very ridiculous. People are going to slip through the cracks There's nothing we can do about one month ago who sleeps with someone who are we getting and they have? Full this last month year you had a crush on them Not reciprocated nothing's happened. Okay, not reciprocated if we can we know things happen. They haven't discussed it Well, he'd probably be allowed in the park honestly sir because we just can't verify on the other end of that what you count as Relationships and single is frankly absurd sir our wages like I rely on ticket sales, right? Uh-huh. Yeah, is that is that true? No, I'm independently wealthy

wealthy. I've just looked at the expected admission for the first six months and it's uh it's at zero. Yes yeah I imagined that might happen. You might get four people. Yeah four people in six months. Yeah yeah but then I see them in the park from my vantage point from my like elevated lounge and I see those four people walking around in a single year rolls down my eye because I'm realizing my dream So what happens when they're really bored and they leave because there's no environment bunch of dinosaurs and stuff to see Well my question. This is my slaughter last next question. Uh-huh, sir when you're hiring Mm-hmm is are you what what's the pro? You can be a tag or so you work if you work here if you're hiring, is are you, what's the process for your hire? Oh, you can be entangled if you work here.

So if you work here, if you're selling your stuff, you can be entangled. If you're selling hot dogs, you can be, you could be... Of course, in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah, just as the park's not for you. Can they use the park, like when they're not working?

Like as an employee. Probably I'd have to make that allowance, so yeah. You seem to, your dream's compromised. Yeah, I mean, that's I'd have to make that allowance. So yeah. So your dreams compromised. Yeah, I mean, that's just gonna have to happen. You know, we don't live in a perfect world, obviously. It would just be single men. It feels like the best way to experience your single park for men, if you are not a single man,

is to get a job there and then just so you pay them and then just go to the park with your family. That might happen. That might happen. Oh no, they wouldn't be allowed to bring their families. The families would have to stay on the mainland while they came home. So they can't bring their family.

No, no. It does sound like you're just trying to start a cult or the YMCA. Can, if you're, okay, so what if I'm, okay, can my wife get a job here? Yes, of course. So, and we can then okay. So what if I'm okay. Can my wife get a job here? Yes, of course. So, and we can then go and enjoy the park together. Yes.

Well your children can't cause there will be no one. But we got no one to look after the kid. No, it's on my problem. I've got an adult. Well, no, I probably provide a daycare on the mainland. On the mainland. I have an adult son. They get a job here.

Can they get, well. They can get a job here. They can get a job. Oh, I have an adult son. He's single. Yeah, yeah, your adult son can come come okay, and then I will of course me and my wife We would accompany now. It's a family holiday This is not what I want yeah, but I can't you know I don't want to be draconian you can't fire me in the way and obviously I would get in a lot of legal trouble if

I fired him for having a family Get in a lot of legal trouble for saying this is for single men only No, I've't know either actually. No, I've said that out loud. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like an Isla Sona. It's an exclusive club. It's not in any country.

Yeah. But also it's the rigorous testing is insane. If you weren't so independently wealthy, you'd be bankrupt pretty quick. Wouldn't we have a lot of problems? Thank goodness I'm independently wealthy. Well, I guess. Thank goodness I'm from old money. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and I can watch single men roam my part. Yes. I think you are

No, are you sure absolutely not? It's absolutely not a sexual thing. It sounds like a sexual thing No, it's just a dream. Hope that in this dream. You're also small. No, no, no in my mind. I'm really old The single man is like the young man and you like know the manner of all different and you like cute boys No, no, no. In my mind, I'm really old. When I see the single men. Are the young men... No, the men are of all different ages. And you like cute boys? Is that what you're saying? Are the men of all different sizes wondering the park shirtless? No. They're just guys. They're just regular men.

And then I watch them... And the temperature in this island is like... They could be shirtless. Well, they could be, but it would not make their experience worse. There's no dress code. There's no dress code, of course not. They could be shirtless. Well, they could be, but it would not experience words. There's no dress. There's no dress code. Of course. They could be shirtless. If they want to. Encouraged actually, you know, probably not encouraged. I would say, okay, that's, you know, you like these men in,

and then I think as I watched the single man walk around the park, I shed a single tear and then my heart gives out cause I'm just so happy. And then the newspaper that day says thankfully man running horrible cults dies No one mourns. I'm not getting anything out of it. Oh, yeah, you're getting dead. I don't know how if you even if you That's not gonna be a problem for me. Oh, you've lost. I'm 97 I'm 97 years old and the doctor says I'm a death's door. Are you a single man? I had a family once but is that why?

What you had a family? Yeah. So you wouldn't be allowed in your own island? Well yeah but it doesn't matter it's my island so. Yeah rules for thee. It's my park so. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.

Well out of all the pictures yours is the worst. Congratulations. Yeah dude. And mine reminded people of national tragedy yeah yeah yeah i think if we if we all banded together we ignore jackson and then we just have like yeah don't give up and we like look at maybe take those those initial uh i guess what if we ignored your uh jackson's and mine and then we just say don't give up. Yeah, don't give up Give up never give up and really lean into that like a

Security, yeah safety measures that won't happen again. Yeah, but you don't make that the tagline No, no, no, it's just if people ask you say it will never happen again. Yeah, we have slam that on the wall It's not a Jurassic world Maybe we don't call ourselves Jurassic world now to think about it. Yeah, that's a good idea So it's like a different era walls All yes, hold the line prehistoric world. Yeah, what are we three star times? Like medieval times that's like a kind of yeah pre start times see a red fair bracket dinosaur Yeah, what's the actual period dinosaurs lived in well? they did live in the Jurassic period, but also Triassic Triassic world Triassic world dude the Crusades Cretaceous

Yeah, mm-hmm pangea pangea pangea times. I just could just say world dude pangea world Pangea was the world whoa Yeah, and so and then yeah, we just lean in that we kind of maybe families welcome accepted even. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Fam is encouraging. Bring your family. Bring your families. And if you're a single man or woman, you can also come. Yeah. Okay.

We want everyone to come in and go. It's a business. It's what you like in your park. Yeah. Everyone to come and and and your business. It's even what you like in your park Yeah, I like to imagine we've inherited this park of 97 year old you who's died. Yeah, you're in hell looking up What have they done to my beautiful? Yeah, we have to do some families. We have to some rehabilitation Yeah, there's been some vicious room. Yeah, this was only for single men that that's insane That would be crazy! That would be crazy. People were saying that they would often get private investigators coming to their family's

door to check how single they were. And they would seem disgusted if they found a kid. That's crazy. That would never happen. That's an insane thing that an insane man, if it was to happen, would have instigated. Thankfully, if that person was real, they're dead. They're deader than dead. So please come to our park, it's safe for children. Family friendly.

It's, yeah. For all ages. All ages. 1 to 101. We're welcoming. All inclusive. I'd probably go 9 to 99, personally. I don't trust a three-year-old near a fence I Mean I mean you mean an electric fence no I mean

Yeah, but you should also like you know hold their baby. Yeah, what do you think a baby's gonna? Do with a fence climate like you could do there with a pram like it is you they're not gonna like no baby baby outside See this is a you can pull down It's no baby. Yeah, you fair you fair but when you go to an R rated zoo, it's no baby You know, what are the what are the zoos where they take the underwear off the animals? But take the tiny whitey's off the giraffe. Whoa mama. Giraffes. Those, those are cool. I think. Yeah. I like those Jack off zoos. Yeah. The R18 zoos adults only. Yeah. I might just sell

daddy's like daddy's park that we got to be done with it. It's not to the government on the cheap Yeah, oh you are my children. Wow Fuck I don't know You are my two adult sons who I was estranged from yeah, he said he had a family that just like it No, maybe you know the fear is happening. We just never really spoke to him ever again. I think step one of receiving daddy's farm, daddy's farm for single men is one, euthanize the animals, two, sell it to the government on the cheap, three, forget about him and his farm. So first four euthanize those animals, see if the government wants daddy's animals. Yeah, Good idea. Unfortunately, the man who perfected the dinosaur cloning technology was also the man singularly obsessed with a park for single men.

And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey. And I've been Joel Dusha. Oh wait, no, and Joel Zaman's also been Joel Zaman. I said, and I've been. Yeah, you didn't leave him room. I've, I've,'m what have I feel like I've just been like cocked an outro I mean the people know who you are. Yeah, yeah, do she said yeah Yeah, I did him Joel one of you could just say it at the end of every Job we've been Joel that would be enough. Yeah. Goodbye!

Don't go to Jackson's Park! No. No. It's bad. It's just rigorous. Nothing bad happens there. It sounds like so much bad stuff can happen. It's just extremely exclusive.

That's all. It feels wrong. Well, that's on you. There's a vibe. There's a vibe. You know how like when you find out that cults aren't assaulting people and you're like, but why not? Yeah. That's the same vibe your park gives

Yeah The men are treated well That makes it sound well, I don't know what's happened, but you've made it worse. I'm glad you died Yeah, and there was no afterlife. How funny is that? Like empty nothing for me. Isn't that a laugh?