Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Re-Design Aquaman?

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

With basically no plan Plumbing the Death Star launch into the question today. How would you redesign Aquaman? For what? Who knows. Zammit wants him bald and mutilated, possibly so he more resembles a... fish, or maybe for some other esoteric reason known only to him. Jackson sees him as a fisherman of sorts, forgetting that fishermen are the enemy of fish and fish are the friend of Aquaman, and Duscher goes full ‘lympics and also gets very frustrated with the boys. Do they come up with anything concrete? Who can say. Is it a classic episode of Plumbing the Death Star, liable to be entered into everyone’s top 10 list? Also debatable.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Who is the dad? For years, a Canadian lab promised people the answer. It's obviously legit. It's a DNA company. But one by one, its prenatal paternity tests gave people the wrong answer. You're the company that's supposed to provide me with results. I was pissed. This is the story of our investigation into how it all happened. And a company that continues to stand by its testing.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Listen to Uncover Bad Results everywhere you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that dreams to ask the important Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joe. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that dreams to ask the important questions. We do dream. What if? We dream big. Yeah, what if these questions had answers? We're little guys with big dreams. That's Plumbing the Death Star.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Another question that we're asking this week, the one that we dream to find an answer on is, how would you redesign Aquaman? So Aquaman, he's a joke. He's a joke to me, he's a joke to you, to the audience. He's basically a merman. Yeah, exactly. He's silly, dude. He's silly as frickin'...
Starting point is 00:01:38 What the fuck? He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a merman. He's a joke to me, he's a joke to you, to you, to the audience. He's basically a merman. Yeah exactly, he's silly dude, he's silly as frickin'
Starting point is 00:01:49 He's a merman, he doesn't even look like a fish. I don't understand. First question, why does he have hair? He should be bald, he spends most of his time in the ocean, he should be a smooth man, to be able to like just crest beautifully through the water so before we okay The bold Aquaman theory will just put the light for a moment. We will come back. We will talk bold Aquaman I also want to modify his ears, but ask me that later go on okay DC themselves have recognized like yeah We've got an Aquaman problem because every time they reintroduce him or bring him into something
Starting point is 00:02:24 He is the character that probably gets the most drastic redesign. Absolutely, yeah. When you take a step back and you look at most superheroes, like, objectively, they all look pretty silly. Yeah, of course. Like Batman is a guy wearing a little pointy hat.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Yeah, he's got little pointy ears on his helmet for no reason. Sometimes they're big and it looks even stupider. Exactly. Wolverine's the exact same, except his points go kind of out to the side instead of straight up. And the hair.
Starting point is 00:02:48 And the hair also does go out to the side so it's straight up. Yeah and like why not? Just like the other day, who designed Wolverine's costume? It was like, you've inspired me, Logan. What if your hat was like your hair? Or is Wolverine's hair like that because that's what happens to his hair in his hat. What, so his hair goes into the... Yeah, there's his hair going to the points.
Starting point is 00:03:11 So those points are hollow for his hair to go through? Yeah. That makes more sense to me than the reverse. So from the side they're like big horns? Yeah. Well, my theory was that his hair sits like that because it is that cuz it is weapon X that we're doing like what a hair experiment Like electro nodes Today just like
Starting point is 00:03:34 Yeah, I love about that though is that that's his natural hair as well Yeah, probably before but yeah every time he's blowed up or whatever And then he loses his hair from being on fire if they will then grow back because of healing factor to that hair That's crazy as seen in the famous 2013 film that everyone loves and adores the Wolverine So people do like it. Yeah, no one saw it. Yeah Yeah, but now they've gone back and they're like actually it's not so bad He gets hit with a nuclear bomb at the start of that movie and then his hair grows back Yeah, that is like a hair. The intro's great. The rest of that film, ooh.
Starting point is 00:04:05 You're thinking of the wrong movie. Am I? I don't know if I am. You're thinking of X-Men Origins, Wolverine. That has a cool intro. That's a good thing. That's a good thing, they have a Sabre Tooth fighting intro. Lee Schreiber? Yeah, that is good. That is a cool intro.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Fighting through history. Yeah. Wolverine starts with him in World War II, or maybe, I don't know. He gets a bomb drop on him and he protects a guy by covering the hole with his body, but then he gets burned, but then he's fine When did his hair go like that for always He was a little boy I know I've seen James Hallett, but have we seen little boy Logan Well, when was he how old is he when we see him?
Starting point is 00:04:45 He's definitely like that 12, 11 kind of thing. Oh, okay, so he is a little boy. So he's a little boy, but he looks like a little fancy boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like a little. When's he from? What's really weird though. He's a posh. When?
Starting point is 00:04:55 He's a posh. He's very posh. He's a posh. He's a posh, yeah. It's like the 1800s. Yeah. In New England somewhere, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:04 I just wanna know when his hair grows in well well It's so it wasn't when he was James Howlett But then the groundskeeper has that hair because I think that's the real father. Yeah, it's a secret dad of James Yeah, and does dog Logan also have that hair? Yeah, I think he does I think he does then dog Logan's hair goes normal mode later I think man Logan's hair and there and Goes dad's mode How does hair work with dads?
Starting point is 00:05:38 From your mom I don't have my dad's hair because you get your hair from your mom I don't have my mom's is that is that for everything or is it? I know it's like safe, you know the the balding mom. Or my mom's hair. Is that for everything? Or is it, I know it's like, say, you know, the balding jeans. That's from your mom's hair. But is everything from my mom? Because if that was the case, why is my hair not beautiful and red? I got little red specks in my beard. It's still grey because of age.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I mean, I'm grey in my beard too. It's good. I like it. I wish war came through anyway. No, because I think, okay, so I think with eyes and hair color, it's your parents rolling with... It's wrong with eyes. This is very simplified version that's probably going to be a bit wrong with this. I don't want to hear it. We're not geneticists.
Starting point is 00:06:23 So, I'm fairly sure that every person has like two, when it comes to like eye color and hair color. Every person has two eye colors in them at all times. Yes! What? So, like to get blue eyes, it has to be basically two of the blue eye gene. Okay. Because if you get blue and brown, it goes brown. But it means you can still pass on the blue
Starting point is 00:06:47 Yeah, honey squares and shit So we got blue eyes yeah, that means if we have a little boy That will be tricky Okay, if we like that you're like that would be tricky, then there, if we have, okay, if we have- I like that you're like, that would be tricky, and then there was a pause where you're like, maybe not impossible. Yeah, science can find a way. If Junius told me anything, uh- Yeah, let's-
Starting point is 00:07:12 Junior each other. If we have children together, their eye color would be blue. Okay, so for example, for example- But if we make love to a beautiful woman that has brown eyes- I have brown eyes. So if I was to make beautiful love with either of you and have a child. Do your parents both have brown eyes? No, only my dad.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Does your mom have blue eyes? My mom has a color I cannot remember right now. Could it be brown? It could be green. It's not brown. Maybe green, maybe blue. I think it's green. Green, I can't remember how that one works.
Starting point is 00:07:43 80% choice green. See eye colors are a thing that I genuinely, it's like, I don't works. Yeah, 80% choice green. See eye colors are a thing that I genuinely it's like Yeah, I don't know. I don't see eye cover. I got no idea whose eyes what eyes I don't I just know that your eyes aren't brown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. I got either green or blue I don't know. We both have blue eyes. I'll help you out there. And that helps you out too listeners if you're listening at home and not looking at our beautiful faces on YouTube Yeah, if you want to check in on that and you're listening on a podcast, uh, a podcatcher, just head to www.youtube.com.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Great website. Have a look around! Have a look around. Some great stuff on there. How horrible a word is podcatcher? It's a lot. I hate it. It's the worst.
Starting point is 00:08:19 It makes me think of cowcatchers, which are the things they put on the front of the train to kill the cows. It's cool to call it a cow. They should call them cow killers. It's not a catch and release a cow. Cow obliterator. Yeah, just put the cow obliterator on the front. It's kind of more of a cow splitter to be honest. It's like a point. It's the one with the...
Starting point is 00:08:38 It keeps the tracks clear so that if you hit a cow, it won't derail the train. Yeah, they did that with camels with the trains that go up the desert in Australia. I remember watching this documentary. Hit it with a train? Yeah, I remember watching this documentary ages and ages and ages ago. And I probably talked about this in a podcast where it was a guy doing, he's like, great rail, he was a British guy, great rail journeys of the world. And he was on this train full of like tough outback Aussie guys.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah. And they were just steaming ahead through the desert. Yeah. And he was like, oh, I can see can see like you know a couple of kilometers ahead There's some camels are we gonna slow down and the guy didn't say anything Maybe he didn't say anything for ages, and he was like no and then it just cut They just plow through them cuz you gotta fuck it. What are you gonna do? You can feel the vibration and hear it you camel. You just go to obliterate a camel, dude.
Starting point is 00:09:25 If you're driving a train... Camels are pests? Yeah, they're not native. But they love it here. Oh yeah, because we got desert. They have a great time, camels. Camels fucking love it. They have a great time.
Starting point is 00:09:39 There you go, there's a hump sort of a... Ah! Such a wonderful time. Oh yeah, and back to the hair color and eye color thing I think it's the same thing with hair color where your parents both roll in with two genes Yeah, and then the baby takes one of each One recessive, one's dominant Yeah, okay
Starting point is 00:09:55 But then I think brown or dark colored things are always That's the color, we're talking about the style I'm guessing that's probably mum The shape of, do I have the shape of my mum's hair? Well I probably have a mullet at the moment. But your hair also went curly for no reason. It went curly because I wished it was curly. You wished you had curly hair and it went curly.
Starting point is 00:10:17 I want it, I'm so angry because he's right. Yeah. Remember my old hair? No. My old hair was like, boofy. Oh yeah, actually yeah I did. And then he made a My old hair was like, boofy. Oh yeah, actually yeah I did. And then he made a fucking wish and was like, why is it my hair?
Starting point is 00:10:29 And then suddenly? I used to, I didn't like my hair. It was too straight, it was too... Like a... Helmety, bouffanty, and I remember thinking, I wish I had curly hair. And then, an indeterminate amount of time later, my hair got curly. Well, old heads of the podcast would remember there was a period of time where you didn't have a fetish, and then on air you said, man, I reckon I could probably give myself that
Starting point is 00:10:54 fetish. And now you have that fetish. Yeah, that's true. So I guess you're just- Unpowerful. You're just thinking your own- I have an untold power within me that I am wasting on fetishes and hair. You are like, yeah, basically you're a reality warper. And you're choosing it to have curly hair and certain perversions.
Starting point is 00:11:12 You always wanted to work on radio and then like new media started? Yeah, okay nice. Why not? I can drop out of uni and do this. I don't even need to try about anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you will to pig giving you cancer? I hate this one nut Wish my nuts were more interesting Yornsville in my pants. Sleepy nuts. Sleepy nut bite Some kind of angry pig. Yeah, that would be a real... That would fix my problems.
Starting point is 00:11:45 That would real sort me out. Jackson, do you want a pig? Thanks again. God is real and he loves me. He'll do whatever mad thing I want. So getting back to Aquabad. Oh yeah, sorry, he gets redesigned all the time. Sometimes they give him a harpoon hand.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Yep. Sometimes they change his costume to try and make it look more badass. Long hair, short hair, blonde. Jason Momoa. Jason Momoa. Yeah, exactly. Big muscles, kind of life, like a swimming pool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:01 And then he's got a little bit of a beard. Yeah. And then he's got a little bit of a beard. Yeah. And then he's got a little bit of a beard. Yeah. And then he's got a try and make it look more bad. Oh, yeah sure Jason Momoa Exactly big muscles kind of life like a swimmer sometimes they lean into the fact that he's kind of silly and campy other times They're like no actually he's bad. I communicate with the sea or whatever that actually makes you very sometimes They try and make him see Thor sometimes they try and make him like So re like an open wound, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Or B-S-H-O-R. So-hor. So-hor. Yeah, but yes, they did redesign him a lot, but I don't think at any point have they nailed him. No. I don't know if I've ever looked at Aquaman and thought, he looks fucking cool.
Starting point is 00:12:38 And this is where we, we've now reached the part of the podcast, but we go back to the table that Joel Zammat has raised his idea on. So, first of all, bald Aquaman. Okay. So we've seen with long hair, it makes no sense. Long hair in, uh, you know.
Starting point is 00:12:51 No fish has hair. No fish has hair. Long hair in like a pool. Any Olympian like swimmer, have you ever seen them be like, no, I do not want a swimming cap. I want it long and just. Let my beautiful hair. Let it like, you know, flow behind me.
Starting point is 00:13:03 Slow me down. It's gonna get caught up. If you're gonna be fighting a shark and you're kind of swimming away the shark bite, bite the hair I don't think a shark would ever bite hair Well the bite, it's not gonna mean to, it's just trying to get food And if he's got these long lashes beautiful hair I think it's really funny to imagine we're out say we're out surfing as we love to do Oh fuck a shark bit my hair Yeah a shark got me I'm like help help wait it's just it's just going for my hair
Starting point is 00:13:29 The shark wants my hair Oh fucking fucking canes the shark just ate my hair Then I come up bald I think it's happening It scalped me When you think about any kind of machinery but like you know like the moving parts or whatever The whole thing is you don't want like long hair or like, you know, like a scarf. You don't want to be using a scarf while wearing this because it just gets caught and suddenly you...
Starting point is 00:13:50 And so the safety has it. Oh no. And again, the shark's not going for your hair. Yeah. It just might be when you're ducking and weaving in the water. Oh shit, it just gets tangled and now, well guess what? You're going for a ride with the shark by your hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Not good. Well, okay, I've got a question. I've got a question about bald Aquaman. Yes. So, um, where, well, I suppose it's about the premise of today's episode. So, has Aquaman come to us and said, I need a change of image? Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Okay, so, okay. So, in your mind, people will be more confident seeing bald Aquaman. Well, uh... Will it make more sense to them? Will people be like, oh... He speaks to the fish, fish are bald. Well, first, we have a couple of questions. Are fish bald? Are scales fish hair?
Starting point is 00:14:33 Well, fish don't have the chance to have hair, so they're not bald. Do you ever see... Do fish ever have, like, a receding scale line? Yes. Then maybe? Yeah, but can you be bald if you never? That means they're sick though. You can be bald and not sick. Yeah. That's true. But can, if you could never have had hair, can you be said to be bald? Yeah, is it listen
Starting point is 00:14:56 bald? Is a cactus bald? Is this pencil bald? There is a little cactus, but I think a bold cactus means no spines There are things called balls on mountains Ball the fellas yeah, no ball. There's just a place where there's no Yeah, it's good. Bald of fellas. Yeah. That's nice. No, bald is just a place where there's no... Hair?
Starting point is 00:15:26 No, there's just nothing. No grass? Nothing. There's no grass, no trees, and it's like a naturally forming thing, and I think we don't know why they exist as well, I'm pretty sure. Would it be better if we called it something like baron? I'm not bald, I'm baron. I'm hair baron.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Hair baron. Well, I guess baron is what they used to call people who could not have children, so I guess, yeah. But also hair baron makes me think of a guy Town where everyone's bald and then some guy walks down the street with the longest hair in the world To live here, you must pay for your hair. Hair tax? Damn it, the hair tax? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Give him the hair. I don't know what he does with it, but have you seen it? Luscious. I think I know what he does. Yeah, but how does he make my hair into his hair? Is he sewing it in? Sewing it? Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Stitching it in? Whatever you do with a wig. Oh yeah, fair enough. Weaving it in. It's like all this multicolored, different textured, different like all matted and gross. He's the richest guy in town. In terms of hair.
Starting point is 00:16:31 He's rich with hair. He's so rich with hair. And poor with respect. Yeah. Why do we keep giving him hair? I don't know. Fights of violence. I don't know if you could give a fish
Starting point is 00:16:43 could be classified as bald. I don't think fish are bald Yeah, does any sea creature have hair? Seals? Seals have hair? But they're they're amphibious. They're more of a mammal than a fish. They're definitely not amphibious. They are a mammal Like you don't you don't see. Amphibious is a- uh oh. Oh no. Amphibious is- Amphibious is like up and down. Up and down in water and out of water. Why are they not amphibious? Oh Why are they not amphibious
Starting point is 00:17:18 Amphibious and it because it can what does it mean amphibious? Okay, I walk and down I can go in and out of water, but then we can go in another water. Can you be? out of water but then we can cook it in out of water can you be this man amphibious no but I thought amphibious was like a lizard subcategory a lizard subcategory I'm frog amphibious frog toad turtle some trucks newt vehicles some vehicles I don't think it could do you call those amphibious I wish I had my phone yeah yeah amphibious vehicles accounts Yeah, but they I believe amphibious means to be able to survive in the water and on the land But how long this is true of seals? They go on
Starting point is 00:17:59 True for us for a little bit in fact, I'm pretty sure it's true for most things for a little bit of time I can come out of the water for a little bit of time. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's true for most things for a little bit of time. Dolphins can come out of the water for a few. For a little bit of time. A dog can survive underwater for a little bit of time. A seal is just a dog. Yeah. I have my little machine. I'll find out when I'm previous.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Because a seal, they mostly are a land-based critter. But then they also swim a lot because they've got them flippers. Every single week of Plumbing the Death Star, we get one week away from our high school education. Yeah. And things are just gone. Relating to living in or suited for both land and water. A seal... Ugh...
Starting point is 00:18:41 Is suited... A little burp come. Whatever the fuck that was. Is suited for both land and water. Is the seal an example there or did you just make the seal an example? The seal fits the criteria. Not necessarily, because if the criteria is living on the water, no one does not. Relating to or adapted for both land and water. A seal is adapted for water. You don't, so are we.
Starting point is 00:19:06 No, not as much though, cause we don't have like, you know. Trained to organize for such action. Look at fucking number three. No, but they're able to live on both land and in water. Can not a seal live in water? I don't know. It doesn't die in the water.
Starting point is 00:19:20 What do you mean by in the water? Cause it can't breathe underwater. It goes in the water. Is a seal amphibious? Like say't breathe underwater. It goes in the water. Say for example, Michael Phelps, the wonderful Olympian, who's got like, you know, a giant wingspan, makes him good for water,
Starting point is 00:19:34 feet that are basically like flippers, is he not basically, if a seal were man? Jackson found the ants he was looking for, just scrolled straight past it. Yes, seals are amphibious. You can have amphibious mammals. According to www.polapod.fr Polapod.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Forward slash arctic. We should collab. Yeah, they are perfectly- no they would get so angry. They are perfectly amphibian. Uh huh. And seals are pinnipads. The more you know. Carnivorous amphibious mammals. Walrus, same deal. Areorous amphibious mammals. Borus, same deal.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Are we amphibious mammals? Yeah. Time to Google the scariest Google. Am I an amphibious mammal? Am I amphibious? Am I? Is human? Could we swim?
Starting point is 00:20:15 Not as good as a seal. We can float good though. Sometimes. Not, I mean, the human body is designed in a way where floating is meant to be a survival mechanism we can just do. Oh, it's good to Google humans amphibians and the first thing is humans are mammals. We know. We know.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Yeah, but they are amphibious mammals? We're descended from amphibians. I know that, a fish come out of the sea. Yeah. With legs. Who said I am amphibious? Why is that a suggestion? So when it comes to floating, so I always forget to Google this because every time I notice this I'm always in the pool
Starting point is 00:20:51 So when it comes to say you're sitting in the pool and say me and my wife She is so much more buoyant than me that she doesn't have to think about it. She float. I cannot. Oh, you can't float? I struggle. I think it's just like- I can float but it's just like if you're there just like, you know Just chillin she will just float I will be like, I'm I just this I'm not right like I'm not raising up Huh? So I'm like is it just a thing with like, you know, uh, buddy mine. You should Argonis mindset Get in the zone. What is all to do with like you ask my theory? I don't know but I got a photo of a guy just wrestling with a squid He's got that squid by the head, dude
Starting point is 00:21:32 He's wearing pair he's wearing chinos Yeah, he jumped off the boat So like yeah skin tight chinos put them on man Yeah, okay, this is why I'm going with bald. He needs to be going, he's cutting through them waves. Svelte. Hair can be a hazard. Like Michael Kilm. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:50 Kilm. Kilm. Yeah, okay, okay, bald. So I want bald. Now do we want eyebrows? Potentially no. Okay, alright. I want him smooth.
Starting point is 00:21:58 I want him wax everywhere. I want that man to have, I want laser. Okay. No chance of hair coming back. I don want to see a guy with like, you know If we're like, yep, we're gonna shave his eyebrows off and that and then he comes back a couple days later He's got we get like eyebrow stubble. No, no, no, we're late. Bring that off All right, he all of a sudden does look unwell. Yeah now to fix this. Oh, well, no movie I was gonna say okay, give him a helmet. No, no, no, no, no, I got a better idea.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Sometimes I'll smell, sometimes people will be like, look I hate that. They're gonna do the lip liner or like your eyebrows or whatever, shave them off, etc. Just tattoo. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna tattoo like eyebrows onto Aquaman, but it's gonna look more like scales. Okay, make it more fishy is the thinking. More fishy. What about coral eyebrows? Oh, that's good too!
Starting point is 00:22:45 Okay, and the mustache that's too fish. And the beard that's a jellyfish. As a tattoo? Yeah. We tattooed too fish on his upper lip. No, no, no. The guy wrestling that squid gave me a great idea. So what we want to do, octopus.
Starting point is 00:23:00 We get him an octopus friend. He can talk to them. Doesn't he have an octopus friend sometimes? Sure. Probably. But I want like a smaller one. Am I thinking of the deep? No, you don't know he does because he has the one that drums or whatever. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:11 Alright, okay. So we want to get one that can kind of, basically like, you know how you can see beekeepers and they've got a beard of bees? Well, this Aquaman, he's got a beard of one octopus. Okay. Octopus beard, does that... Just hanging off. He's familiar.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Can an octopus hang on someone's face and not hurt them Give him a big hug, uh-huh. Is he also is that is that coming gonna use that as a a weapon Like a friend like a familiar like a wizard's familiar like makes him relatable Look, he's got a pair octopus. it's basically like a puppy of the sea I think it's confusing about your attempt at this and hey, I'm there's not a criticism It's a is that so the baldness. Yeah, I have to admit makes him seem alien. Yeah, that's fine But you're like, but it makes it more relatable and then you're back. What's the goal here? I don't know cuz we make it more relatable or more efficient. Well, we just said redesign
Starting point is 00:24:04 Yeah, you've made it more efficient by getting making him we're making him more relatable or more efficient? You said, we just said redesign. Yeah, you've made him more efficient by making him bald, which makes him less relatable. And then I guess you fixed that by giving him an octopus pet beard, which makes him more relatable. But I don't think that makes him relatable because like, yes, people have pets. But I think there is a subclass of pets where that makes them foreign to me. If I met a man who had an octopus for a pet, I would be like, uh, pervert. First of all.
Starting point is 00:24:26 I'm thinking this might be a good way of selling toys as well. Cause he has his octopus friend. Yeah. Why pervert? Octopus is the pervert's secret, Chau. Is it? Yes. Got Roman hands.
Starting point is 00:24:39 So did Julius Caesar. What are we doing here, man? So did Julius Caesar Yeah Hahahaha Hahahaha What are we doing here man? 12 years in 10 out of 10 What about if we give him a dog? If we want to give him a pet
Starting point is 00:24:58 Wet dog? It stinks What's underwater? You can't smell it? You ever smell the dog? It's wet and stuff. You see a dog swim? Well, yeah. How the fuck is it gonna be underwater the whole time?
Starting point is 00:25:11 You want a dead dog pet? No, we take it to the lab. And we- Install gills? Install gills on the dog. No, it can't be on the, on the, on the thing that would land. Now it's a gill dog. We make it amphibious.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Gills and lungs. Or we give him a seal, the dog of the and lungs. Oh, we give him a seal the dog of the sea I was gonna say give him a seal the dog of the sea put a collar on the seal seals bolts See Aquaman's ball save the seal. Yeah Seal basically the seal is already bald. Yeah, I'd argue so then we make yes, we get Aquaman We balled him up. I still think like some slight tattooing around the eyebrows and stuff like that so it looks like scales. And like slight, you know, where there might be beard
Starting point is 00:25:50 or whatever, slight like, you know, little scale tattoos. So we're really leaning into the Merman aspect of Aquaman. Which is why I wanna like cut his ears a bit and make him into a point like an elf. Okay. Cut his ears. Yeah, we're doing some body mods to make him look like an elf man.
Starting point is 00:26:05 Yep, so a little elf man. Another thing is like, so he's a creature of the sea. Why does he have nipples? I want them off. Gone! He wears a shirt. Not in my world! He is topless.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Nipple-less. Is he gonna be nude? No, he's got chinos. Okay, no nipples. Chinos. Is he wearing shoes? No. Why don't you just put a shirt on him?
Starting point is 00:26:26 I don't want to put a shirt on him. He's got abs! What about pasties? Can we do pasties? Just cover him up? Rather than removing his nipples for no particular reason? Nah, he's a sea creature. I don't want- He's not a sea creature, he's a man! Show me a fish with nipples! You can't do it. Get rid of him. Show me a fish with a fucking man head!
Starting point is 00:26:43 I can only show you a fish with man teeth. Yeah, that's about all I got I love that fish is pretty so you're imagining Aquaman exactly and he does spend most of his time underwater Mm-hmm, but sometimes he joins the Justice League. Do you think if you were being saved by this creature? You would be comforted No, but I'll be saved Saved if he's wearing Woody Cartley. No, no, no. See, I don't want him part of the Justice League. I only want him to be part of the Justice League.
Starting point is 00:27:10 What are you doing to Aquaman? Talk us through your plan. So, he is the king of Atlantis, I think. And he needs to be underwater, stay underwater, stay in your lane Aquaman. You don't need to be flying next to Superman. You can be JLA's swim team. That's pretty good. Stay underwater stay in your lane Aquaman. So you don't need to be flying next to Superman
Starting point is 00:27:25 So you can be JLA swim team. Okay, pretty good. So he's never coming on land again Redesigning Aquaman so he's less effective Well more effective in the ocean. How many ocean crimes are you'd be surprised? Well, there's a many ocean cities Because the ocean is like full of, you know, what? How many kingdoms under there? Seven, I think, yeah. So, you know, yeah. So he's got to kind of deal with that.
Starting point is 00:27:50 United to seven. United to seven. Well, the justice movement continuously do. Yeah, and plus you've got to deal with like, you know, those gross looking lionfish maybe things, the anglers or whatever. The angler fish out the water, right. Those are gross.
Starting point is 00:28:01 Yeah, cause I think Jackson and I can say that we thought we were redesigning Aquaman to make him I guess more appealing to the public Or to be more effective at fighting crime you can do that you've redesigned him so that he is less Relatable and less helpful to the public that's more Relaxing for you a little bit. I think I just want me. Yeah, definitely. I just think he should be more like, you know, effective to the people, the public of the seas. Okay. So the oceans.
Starting point is 00:28:32 But the thing about the guys- Isn't that what he's doing all the time? Well, no, because if he's on land, how is he trying to do the sea stuff? What I am thinking about is- Like when Superman goes to space, it happens sometimes, but- Yeah. What I'm thinking about is that I think the other- You're right, Superman only in space.
Starting point is 00:28:47 No, but that's what the Ringboy's for! Yeah, he doesn't need to go to space to be honest. Yeah, Superman's stepping on Ringboy's territory. But then Ringboy does the same thing. Space is big. What I'm thinking about- Space is big, just like the sea, yes. Sea's smaller than space.
Starting point is 00:29:00 The other Atlanteans have nipples. Yeah. So- And not pointed ears and hair. You've made him scary for the other Atlanteans. He looks normal to no one. What do the Atlanteans look like? They look like guys. They look like guys. I'm talking like Willem Dafoe Atlantean. Yeah, they look like men. Yeah. Because I'm also thinking of like, Namor's crew. Yeah. And they're like, instead of, except for Namor, they're all blue.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Yeah, but that's Namor. That's Namor. That's the other, that's 6'6". Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's DC's Atlanteans? They just look like guys? They just look like guys. That seems wrong.
Starting point is 00:29:37 They just look like... We're doing a whole redesign. Everyone's bald! Okay. What? You're an Atlantean, am I? They just look like guys. That's wrong. Look at that hair, wasteful.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Mira famously has like red hair. I know, I don't understand it. You're in the ocean. Red and green shirt. Green, not shirt, well I guess it is a shirt. Green outfit. You don't understand. Also like they're meant to be talking underwater or whatever, but instead they have to make little bubbles Yeah, that makes no sense. No, that's only in one movie. Yeah They just talk on the water. Okay, good then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I think I'd make Aquaman look kind of like a fisherman like an old fisherman
Starting point is 00:30:16 Give him like a cable in that jumper. Oh, yeah some dockers He is going to get so heavy when he falls in the strong He got drowned He is going to get so heavy when he falls in the sea. He's strong though. Well, he can't drown. No, but he's going to be way slower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But why though? He's very, like he's super humanly like fast and strong. So a cable knit sweater is going to be fine for him. Yeah, I think he wouldn't even notice really, right?
Starting point is 00:30:41 No, but okay, look. Superman can stop a train with ease, but it will slow him down a bit. Yeah. Yeah, it won't be much but it is slowing him down Same with this cable that's what I think the problem It definitely happen like when there's beaten like a beating down like being like a Sal West or something Yeah, it's like the ones like they really care the old style goes like fisherman has like, you know, the hooks in it Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think he's gonna adopt a new accent. He's got a kind of talk like this Okay, and when he saves he says don't you worry me it everything's gonna be all right. I'm from the sea So I have a like him to be about 20 to 30 years old
Starting point is 00:31:18 Oh, yeah, okay, we're gonna get it. We're sure we sometimes see him with a hook hand or whatever. Let's lean into this pirate Okay, pirate. I'm doing with a hook hand or whatever. Let's lean into this pirate. Okay Doing pirate. It's not a pirate. It's like an old voice Oh, I'm just an old fisherman. Here we go. Come on I'm a fisherman you've fallen into a similar thing of Joel's amity. So Joel's amit has made him not fit in with Atlanteans Yes, and has also ruined his crime fighting What's Aquaman's like one ability he can go underwater and talk to fish? Yeah Yes, yes. And has also ruined his crime fighting. What's Aquaman's like one ability?
Starting point is 00:31:47 He can go underwater and talk to fish? Yeah. So, but then you've dressed him as the enemy of the fish. Oh no. Well maybe he's got to do a quick costume change to what's the friend of fish? More fish? A worm? No, worm.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Well a fish is an enemy of a worm. Yes. Why do fish know what worms are? Well, they don't. I guess they just know that it's wiggling and they want to eat it. Could be anything wiggling on that line. Could be kelp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is like a friend to fish though?
Starting point is 00:32:18 More fish I guess. It could certainly be some fish. Yeah, some fish are the enemies of fish. Or a hole. A hole in the sea. Coral? Coral? Coral? Coral could be the enemies of fish. Or a hole. A hole in the sea. Coral?
Starting point is 00:32:26 Coral? Coral could be the friend of fish. An amoeba? Yeah. Bruce the shark. Bruce the shark from Finding Nemo? He's famously a friend of the fish. I don't know if fish have any friends.
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Starting point is 00:33:45 Yeah, that's true, but I think I can make it talk to the fish. So he comes underwater and he says I'm sorry fish I'm not an enemy. Okay, I'm just dressing like a fisherman. The fish don't know that as well If I come into work, right and I'm wearing a I hate Jackson t-shirt. Yeah, or I'm gonna kill Jackson Yeah, it's a good shirt. And then I say, don't worry, don't worry, I don't mean it. Well, I don't mean it. Well, the thing is with the fish though, cause if you're like, how does a fish know that he's the enemy of fish?
Starting point is 00:34:12 But they also, how do they know what a worm, you know, by this logic, they would have to know what a worm is. Yeah, that's true. So because- Fish don't know what a fisherman is. Yeah, cause when a fisherman, generally, if you're a good fisherman, the fish aren't going back to tell the other fish What happened fishermen famously throw fish back? There's rules with fishing fish a lot of base the rules but even if one must assume
Starting point is 00:34:40 50% of fishermen. Yeah, follow the rules. Yeah, but then again they could just be like... But what does a fish see? Yeah, when you come out of the... Because you gotta measure the fish. Yeah. It's a certain thing, then you go, whoop. But it's eyes are for water. It come out, it's not water.
Starting point is 00:34:56 How can it see? Are fish blind out of the water? I wouldn't say it's blind, but at least distorted, so that when you come in... Are you sure? I would assume, I don't know. Because I would assume if you go into the water as an old fisherman, they wouldn't see what they would see if you were on land. Because I would assume that hippopotamuses...
Starting point is 00:35:14 Atlanteans might be pissed at him. Do they care about fishing? They eat fish, presumably. Well yeah, but they also hate the fact that the land dwellers over fish. Oh, that's true. So you are dressing as the enemy of the land dwellers over fish. Oh, that's true. Mmm. So you are addressing as the enemy of- Of the Atlantean. Of the state. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:28 And you're telling me right now that like at least like not one Atlantean has like just bitten into a hooker? Yeah. Mmm. Yeah. What's this worm? Dude, free worm, dude. Free sky worm.
Starting point is 00:35:39 The sky is the sea for us. Other way around. Oh. Do you think you could get tricked by like an equivalent? Oh yeah. Like if you saw dangling in front of you like $50 bucks. Yes. I'm getting got. I think $50 bucks if it's floating I'm not getting got. Yeah. You think if there's $50 bucks just floating here no visible hook because presumably the fish can't see the hook either. If there is $50 bucks on a, and then as I walk towards the pavement, the pavement
Starting point is 00:36:10 flips and I'm in a hole, they'll get you. Yeah, and in hindsight, maybe I should have been able to see that this paver had been dug up so that it was a trap. Yes. I would probably get gone. I mean, it's not going to be floating, because again, it's got to be in the environment that you're used to, so it would be on a pavement. If you're hunting man, you're putting 50 bucks in the ground.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you see that 50 bucks, you go, oh nice, and then you're picked up, taken into the sky or whatever. And they're like, I don't understand what is happening. What is happening to me? I get to give him a kiss and throw him back down to earth. Oh, cosmic racks hunt. Die on impact. Splatter. This isn't, some things are like fish and some things aren't like fish. Cosmic Wrax Hunt! Die on impact! Splat!
Starting point is 00:36:46 Some things are like fish and some things aren't like fish! Gravity still exists! What the hell! Fuck you alien! Cause like I mean you know, yeah that's the thing A fish comes back from getting hooked Like what does that fish think happened to it? Something bad. Like that fish ate
Starting point is 00:37:02 The fish learn? No fish are stupid Some fish learn. I think I would be scared So like that, so like that fish ate the fish learn no fish is some fish learn I think I would be scared So like that so for that fish what happened that fish saw food. Oh, it's like you on my love Eat seafood no seafood. I see food and I die So he eats the food seafood I see food and I die cuz I ate it is that the seafood diet I'm the seafood diet. I see food and I die cause I ate it? Is that the seafood diet? On the seafood diet, I see food and I die it. And it's die me?
Starting point is 00:37:33 Anyway. We'll table that, we'll circle back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go back to figure out the seafood diet. Fish on a seafood diet, cause if they eat the worm, they die and then die it. Seafood. Seafood diet, we didn't table it.
Starting point is 00:37:43 We carried right on ahead. I die. Missed the table. One of us picked it up from the table. I see food and I die. I see food and I die, it sucks. Yeah, I see food and I die, it's bad. Seafood eat it, die if at it.
Starting point is 00:38:03 I'm on the seafood diet bad But a fish is also seafood oh, yeah, yeah, I'm on the I'm food diet. I am food that I diet I'm on the I'm food diet kills me. Yeah, I am food and I died kills me I'm on the I am food diet kills me. I am food and I die it kills me Yeah, that's it No, but for a fish they see that they see that worm. Yeah, they're like that food they eat the worm They're like suddenly it hurts to eat this food. Suddenly it hurts. I'm now in the sky. I have a sore mouth and I'm up I'm up. I'm experienced. So I can't comprehend what's happening. Yeah. Yeah, I can't just it's no way for me to fathom What's going on? I know I'm in danger. Yeah, and you're like I'm in the sky and I'm going down. Yeah splash
Starting point is 00:38:50 I'm back in the water with a hurt mouth. Yeah, pretty much and then someone says what just happened I don't know. I had no fucking idea It's kind of like getting abducted by aliens really is blessed by God Yeah, something I don't know cuz sometimes if it's like a pufferfish It's like you get got you take an anti-ocean. I get angry like a yeah, yeah, and now I'm back in the water. Yeah, that's gonna be crazy Well, you're pufferfish. You're like I got big didn't work the thing I do to get ready guys didn't do nothing Well, maybe one maybe did though because he gives now back in the water. Well, that's true Cooking back tackle man. Yeah, okay. Maybe we'll take it back a bit. So we don't not just you know getting say, you know
Starting point is 00:39:27 We're getting rid of his ears No, no, no, I gotta stop no no, it's okay. No, no, we can continue from where we've left right you have pitched bald alien Aquaman, yeah, we've established would just make him ostracized by every community Yeah, which suits you because you don't think you should leave the sea. But he'll be also ostracized by the Atlanteans. But that's okay. The fact that the Atlanteans have hair is a thwart. Makes me angry.
Starting point is 00:39:53 You've gone for fisherman Aquaman, which also will upset the Atlanteans. Because they're like, you're the guy that we hate. Yeah, you tricked me with that hook, you piece of shit. Yeah, dude. Where I think that Aquamanaman he can keep his hair Just chuck on a swimming cap And where the the famous outfit that I think was outlawed after the Sydney Olympics of that like onesie I like how I call it outlawed
Starting point is 00:40:17 Bad, but that's outlawed Outlawed, outlawed If you wear it you're an outlaw What's the shark suit or something about the shark suit? Made famous by Ian Thorpe-edo Thorpe. Okay, what does it look like? I'll look it up. Yeah, it's like, think of like a wetsuit but smelt. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:33 And basically I'm gonna do this because then we can cash in on Olympic fever. Okay! Oh come, come, come. I accidentally googled Ian Thorpe shark shit. That's not what I meant to do. But yeah, it's basically like an all over one zero. Just go Ian Thorpe shark shit. That's not what I meant to do. Yeah, it's basically like a like a all over onesie. Just go Ian Thorpe 2000. Oh I see it, I see it. Okay, now are we going to claim
Starting point is 00:40:53 By Olympic fever are you trying to imply even if you're not outright stating it? He reminds you of Olympians. Okay. They're heroes. Could we? What does Michael Phelps wear? Because that'll also help cuz Justice League of America Michael Phelps I love ripping bongs and winning gold medals. It's kind of But the Australian one is more Aquaman colors. Yeah. Well, if you look at the color scheme that Aquaman has it's often just green and yellow gold Australia exactly so can we think of a better Version of this like what color scheme can we gonna go with? What do we want? Do we want him to be like, you know, blending in with the oceans? Or do we want him to be like standing out?
Starting point is 00:41:30 Well, it's worth pointing out if he's still a member of the Justice League, there's a couple of colors we probably don't want to give him so that he doesn't Clash? Or match up. Red, white and blue? So probably not red, white and blue because we don't want him to be Superman colored. Batman colored? Can't be black and gray or blue again again He can't be red and silver and yellow because that's Wonder Woman. He can't be green
Starting point is 00:41:53 Mix of these because like you said like yeah, he could be like green and To be honest, I reckon we should just get like one uniform for the Justice League kind of make it kind of Maybe I know like the X-Men in the early days like the first-class X-Men where it's all just like one kind of you know Yeah, uniform suit. What kind of uniform are you imagining for the Justice League? Are they the Justice League of the world or are they Justice League of America? No, the JLA. Let's say Justice League of America. It's the JLWay. It's the JLWay.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could be our tagline. So the Justice League of America, it's the truth, justice and the JL way. No, I don't like it. Truth, justice and the American JL way. Yeah, I don't even like it. Truth, justice and the worldwide way. Alright, alright, let's table that. We'll come back to it.
Starting point is 00:42:42 So yeah, if they're the JLA, then yeah, we can definitely lean into like the red, white and blue. So we want to go red like we're an Olympic team. Not, because I was thinking the alternative is that we treat them like emergency services. So we give them like a uniform that people see that they don't. It's a superhero, yeah, like high vis. Yeah. Batman's going to be so pissed off at us.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Yes, not going to work for his stuff. here's something I'm wondering with Aquaman we don't have to do this are we happy with the name no I'm not I like this sure we were doing before I think it's like not perfect but I think we're on the right kind of path here because Aquaman I'm like ah it's a bit bad what are you trying to be Superman? let's open the let's open just for brainstorm. Just throw out whatever exactly Okay, so you're happy with Aquaman cuz I'd hey no bad ideas in a brainstorm just throw first thing that comes into your aqualus Quarantine
Starting point is 00:43:43 What it's good Quarantine. It's like aquatic. Oh my god. It's like aquatic, but you know fish man Like the fishman wet boy Don't you wet was gonna? Yeah, wet boy the wet Joel's Emma feels like he has a vendetta against that Band from the land Your own people think you're a freak. You're a monster. A gross monster. I've fucked your entire life up. I know your name's fuckwet.
Starting point is 00:44:15 What about the amphibious man? Amphibious man. Or just fibious. I like- Fibious and firm. Is there something to do with Arthur Curry? I like- Is is there something to do there like art art? Okay, just Sea art sea art sea curry. I think ocean curry The old man is the sea
Starting point is 00:44:40 Is there something to do with like what are the Poseidon Pisces all Pisces. I think I thinking like the names of all the different oceans. Okay. Atlamp-is-indian. Wow. Indian. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No, no, no. Like the sea. Like the sea.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Okay, okay, okay. I mean, Aquaman, I don't wanna, I mean, I don't know, but- Could you call- You don't? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you could you could you call them like Atlantic or Pacific? Yeah, like but if you can say, you know the other ocean you'd be like I think aquatic is probably the best one so far. Well, let's just first of all Quantic
Starting point is 00:45:16 Atlantean Dead Sea Dead Sea That's kind of bad. That it's rainy? That's good, that's good. I mean, I don't know Aquaman, but are you sure? Like the sea, like the sea. Like the sea, like the sea. The ocean? The ocean, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:32 Okay. Well, there's ocean lord? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is someone. Is it ocean lord? Yeah, yeah. Shen? Like, oh, Shen? Get rid of the O, drop the O.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Yeah, get rid of the O. What about just O? O? What about... What about O O? What about What about Oshen but it's like O-S-H-E-O Or like O and then like a little apostrophe
Starting point is 00:45:52 like maybe he's Irish Oshen My name's Arthur Oshen My name's C.Oshen Yeah, your name's like, yeah, Clark Ocean. Yeah, yeah, hang on, hang on. My name's Wet Sea Ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Wet Sea, yeah, like wet sea, but it just means like it. Wet, yeah. Well, I'm trying to think of one. W-E-T. Well, what about Quar-deck Sea Ocean? I'm the new sea ferro and it's in Quar-deck Sea Ocean. I'm the new Sea Feral in Quar-deck Sea Ocean. Oh, if we're going with like say for the JLA, what if we called him Navy? Okay!
Starting point is 00:46:32 And does he work for the JLA? Well, he works for the JLA. Okay, I guess it's kind of like a branch of the military. Okay, Navy. Navy man? I was going to say submarine, but this is Submariner. What about the fish communicator? What if we use that part of his powers? Johnny talks to fish.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Johnny fish? Johnny fish? Johnny fish? What about Johnny shark? Okay. Johnny whale? We can play up the shark, you know. Kill a Johnny whale?
Starting point is 00:47:01 Kill a Johnny whale. Shark tooth? Shark tooth. Kill a Johnny shark. Great white? No, no, no Aquaman. Killer Johnny Whale? Killer Johnny Whale? Shark Tooth? Shark Tooth? Killer Johnny Shark? Great White? No, no, no Aquaman! No Aquaman you can't! You don't want to do that one!
Starting point is 00:47:09 You can't do that one! Like the Outer Ball, like the Outer Ball! Hammerhead? Spider-Man's villain shaking his shoes, that's my name! And I think if he said his name was Hammerhead I'd be annoyed he didn't have a Hammerhead. Yeah, I mean if we went for like a shark kind of theme, then we could definitely style him around hammer. Yeah, I mean we if we went for like a like a shark kind of thing Yeah, then that way then we could definitely style him around that yeah Yeah, like we tried to get him around some sort of like an aquatic animal so okay again Branch I'm thinking maybe like an army gummy
Starting point is 00:47:38 Orca or because like whale yeah like sharks very terrifying, but orcas, the shitheads of the sea. Yeah, that's your real sons of bitches. Real pieces of garbage. And so why don't we leave? I really thought so. Like I've got a vent that already gets back around the sea. I'm so mad! Hey look, hey, I can see it. Saying it out loud, you know what? I can see it. I can see it. I'm coming in with some biases. You got some hate in you, dude. You got some hate in you. Yeah, so like the orca of the sea. You know what I can see it. I can see it. I'm coming in with some biases
Starting point is 00:48:09 Yeah, so like the orca of the sea, okay That's what you can call him. He could be the orca of the land. Okay, it's land orca land shark land loan shark Like but he's like like he's alone. Yeah Like he's the lone shark. Oh yeah. Oh. Like a lone wolf. Okay. Part of the JLA. Not in my eyes.
Starting point is 00:48:29 I like calling him land orca, but you're not letting him on the land. Yeah. He's land orca. Hey, look. It's a, yeah. Look, I, I, I, clearly I have, I've got some beef with Aquaman.
Starting point is 00:48:41 He got some stuff to work through here. What did he do to you? I don't know. He spoke to the fish and you ate that. I'm gonna talk to the fish. I just don't know! What about the wave? Wave hello? Wave hello.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Wave hello. No bad ideas in the brainstorm. No, no ideas. Well, I mean, wave ocean. Wave ocean! What? But like if we go with something like, oh, what if we went with like the seal?
Starting point is 00:49:04 Okay. And then we made him very what if we went with like the seal? Okay. And then we made him very seal themed. The human seal? The man seal. But then, if he's costume was like a seal, it would look like he'd clubbed a seal and he's now wearing a seal. Yeah, okay, I can't do that. Even when I'm trying.
Starting point is 00:49:21 What about octopus? Octopussy? Pussman? Yeah, the pussman. What about P? Octopus? The Puss Man? What about Puss Meister? Puss Meister? Batman! Superman! Puss Meister!
Starting point is 00:49:36 Okay, Puss Meister! By day, he's wave ocean by night, he's the Puss Meister! But where are my pussy tentacles? Wave ocean by night. He's the postmaster My pussy tentacles Like octopus Octopus like a pussy do you think that any of the ideas we have had in this episode have been an improvement on just base Aquaman. I think Wave Ocean rocks.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Wave Sea Ocean. Every last one of these has been a major improvement. Bald, pointy, no nipple Aquaman. Hi, I'm Wave Sea Ocean, the Pussymeister. I'm Ian Thorpe. Ian Thorpe, hang on. Ian Thorpe. What if... Well, okay, what about this then? We completely rebrand. So what we do is we sort of like get Arthur Curry into the Olympics. Okay. And then he win gold. And then we're like, damn, look at him go. He's so fast. He's like, he's earning more medals than most countries.
Starting point is 00:50:43 He's basically, he even put like, you know, Michael Phelps, you know, look. What countries is he representing? Well, I'm guessing it would be America, right? Okay, okay, that's fine. No, he's Atlantean. Yeah, but he lives, he's half American. He's an Atlantean American. His passport would be like, you know, American.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's representing America. Everyone gets Olympic fever. We're all having a good time. then we then we use that for heroics I think he could just he could tone it down so that he's you know, it just Turn it up just blow every record out of the water and then we could call them the Olympian Yeah, kind of makes people think of Mount Olympus where the gods live Yeah, and we put him in the shark when I think the Olympian I think of Hercules like a big strong muscly man thrown a
Starting point is 00:51:28 discus yeah we need like we need like the sea Olympian Aquaman is a big strong, ocean Olympian it'd be like yeah if he was like the wet Olympian did they do a wet Olympian? they do a winter Olympics it's the normal Olympics all the poor shit is in the summer Olympics. The summer Olympian? The summer Olympian? But Hercules is also a summer Olympian. Yeah. I don't understand if Hercules is also a summer Olympian. Yeah, but I think summer
Starting point is 00:51:54 I'm thinking I'm playing in the ocean. Yeah. Beach Olympics? Beach Olympics. The beach Olympian? Okay. I like this. I like going beach themed. Yeah. So why don't we call him the holiday? Okay. And now we get him what we do. What we do, we keep his hair. We're gonna get like frosted tips. Okay, nice. He's gonna have like a beautiful-
Starting point is 00:52:15 Pukashell necklace. Yeah, yeah. You know, there's like leather striker. Give him a surfboard. Give him a surfboard. We could call him Hang Ten. Oh, Hang Ten. And he's gonna have like a California like, hey dudes kind of voice. Is the surfboard also his weapon?
Starting point is 00:52:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. The surfboard is my weapon. I can talk to sharks. He's got those leather bracelets on his wrist and stuff. And that also works if he's got that harpoon like off for his hair. I don't know. I kinda like Hang Ten. Hang Ten's pretty cool. We give him a pair of boardies, open Hawaiian shirt. And plus he can go through many different phases here. Because maybe the 90s we give him like, you know, white boy dreads.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Oh yeah yeah yeah, big time, big time, big time. Then the, you know, 2010s were like, oh my god, we gotta get rid of those dreads. Get rid of those dreads. And then he shaves his head, right? Yeah, that's just fine. Kind of spiky. Yeah, yeah, nice, nice. Like, you know, a one or a two all over. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:07 That'd be alright. That's good, that's good. Then he can grow his hair out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, 2020. Like, okay! And plus this way his long hair would kind of work with, like, you know, the sort of, like, the man bun going on.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Yeah. Yeah, just making myself look good. Hey, I'm Wave Sea Ocean. You can call me Hang Ten. Mm-hmm. Done. We did it. Fixed it. We lost our way there for a bit but then at the end we struck the landing or whatever they say. He's so chill,
Starting point is 00:53:29 he's so cool, you know. Man, man, be his day job. Surf instructor. Yeah exactly. And he works like maybe three hours and he spends the rest of the time either just surfing for his own pleasure. Or talking to fish. Yeah talking to fish in a hammock. Yeah eating coconuts In the fishes he's on the phone. Yeah Yeah, yeah, no phones now work underwater or whatever the pretty good waterproof he just throws a phone to ocean Open call. Hey, what's going on? I gotta start taking calls in the shower. Yeah My phone's really cracked. So I'm guessing it's not waterproof. Nah, it'd be waterproof, dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna answer the phone in the shower.
Starting point is 00:54:06 I think you can do it, dude. Answer the phone in the shower. Hello? Who's calling me? Who's calling you in the shower? Hello, it's for your landlord. I'm coming over. Well, I'm in the shower.
Starting point is 00:54:14 So you can't. I'm gonna do it anyway. And then his voice gets distorted as the water gets into your phone. I'm going... I go, what? My phone's getting hot. That's not good. You think Arthur Curry would agree with this?
Starting point is 00:54:30 Yeah, he'd agree with all of these ideas. I think so. The moment you said we gotta shave, he'd be like, do it. Done. Fuck me up, dude. I need this. Fucking wreck my life. Fuck my shit. Yeah, just fuck my shit up. And you're sitting there with the razor like, are you okay? Yeah, dude, whatever. Shut up I guess anything with the razor like okay
Starting point is 00:54:50 Said we can do this nothing matters anyway, right? I'm giving him alpha years Yes, I'm awesome. Fuck it man. Yeah, what's the point? Yeah, so might as well wreck my life Yeah, well, we did it. Well done black commands fixed. Welcome to the Justice League hang ten. Yeah, beautiful I don't that note. I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. How must have been, Joel? Let us know, how would you fix Aquaman? Just like us? Or would you just- Would you do exactly what we did again?
Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah. Great answer. Yeah, really good. We like that answer from you. How can you improve perfection? Exactly, we nailed it, dude. So true, so true, too true. ["The Last Post-Series Theme"] ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Who is the dad? For years, a Canadian lab promised people the answer. It's obviously legit. It's a DNA company. But one by one, its prenatal paternity tests gave people the wrong answer. You're the company that's supposed to provide me with results. I was pissed. This is the story of our investigation into how it all happened.
Starting point is 00:56:04 And a company that continues to stand by its testing. Listen to Uncover Bad Results. Everywhere you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com. Hello. Zamit here. One of the the Joles from middling to OK podcast, Plumbing the Death Star, not a Star Wars podcast. While my two effervescent co-hosts gallivant around the UK, I'm back here in Melbourne preparing for the arrival of our firstborn. But I'm
Starting point is 00:56:38 not here to tell you about that. I'm here to tell you about a wonderful podcast festival that is happening in October. The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. That's right. We're a part of it. On the 4th October at 8.30pm at Stupid Old Studios, I'll be joined by my very jet lag co-host for our last live Plumbing the Death Star show for a bit. Maybe. It's hard to say. What with the upcoming birth of our... Anyway, you can grab tickets at cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com
Starting point is 00:57:07 and there you can check out all the assortment of delectable comedy podcasts on offer. That's cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com, a festival of funny podcasts going for 12 days across two continents here in Australia. That's October the 4th to the 6th, and across that big pond over in the UK. That's the 12th to the 20th.
Starting point is 00:57:30 It's all your favourite funny podcasts all in one place. Plus, we'll also be there. Crazy. So once again, that's cheerfuleatful.podlifeevents.com. I love you.

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