Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Re-Design Spider-Man? with Adam Carnevale

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

JD is missing, presumed dead. We can only assume that all his bad decisions have finally caught up with him. But never fear true believer, we have Adam Carnevale from the hit podcast series 'D&D is for Nerds' to join us instead. Today we examine the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man and see how we could re-design that amazing and spectacular wall-crawler. We take the first suggestion of attempting to get a sponsorship from Velcro and really run with it. From the Val-Crow to the Valentine Crow Man, we do our best to avoid getting sued by the general public, Charles Xavier and Val Kilmer's estate before turning on a dime to try and get that lucrative cigarette sponsorship money. Spiders are scary, we do not know why Peter Parker themed himself that way. Is he stupid? Excelsior!Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gamers and fans of podcasts in general? Are you a gamer and a fan of a podcast and maybe in Sydney in April? That was my practice one. I'm good to go. It was really good. I don't think you need to practice anymore. What's up gamers and fans of other podcasts that aren't necessarily video game-based. Did you know that Thumbcrams is heading to Sydney in April?

That's right. Thumbcrams and Friends present Sydney April on April 16 at 7.30 p.m. At where? What? The factory theater. I don't know. Don't look at us. We don't know.

You tell me where we're performing. We're performing it in the factory floor, which is one of the rooms in the wonderful factory theater. And when? I don't know that either. I said just before. Well, remind, he wasn't listening. listening, I don't know what's going on, I'm very scared. And it's on April 16, Thursday, April 16, at 7.30pm, respectable time for a weeknight.

Yeah. And thumb cramps obviously is hosted by me and Jackson. Yes. You might have heard when I said thumb cramps and friends present things in April, and you're probably sitting there being like, Who are with their friends? I'd love to buy a ticket to this podcast, but I need to know who their friends are. Great news. It's Joel Zamette.

Hello, I'm right here. You probably heard my voice from before when I said, what? What's going on? You can expect some of that, but you can. You can also expect that from Andrew Levens. He's not in this studio currently. We can't throw to him. He'll be there.

Steph Panicassio. Also not in the studio. But you can imagine what you might say. Chloe Appleby. Same thing. Bet she'd have a good joke right about now. Ruby Inters. I bet she'd say something mean to me.

Those are the friends, but whose thumb creams? Well, it's Joel Dusha. Hey! It's me. That's back to why. And Jackson Bailey. I'm in Zammett Bailey And Zammett Bailey

This starts going really well Anyway Tickets are available now There is only like 30 or so left We booked a room that we thought Was gonna be too big And now it's looking like it could sell out

You can get tickets through the Thumb Crams Instagram bio Or any of the show descriptions Of a Thumb Crams episode Listen Released in the last Probably the show notes of this episode too Whatever it is

Look down I guess Grab your phone and be like Look down but not too down because that's how you'll find the floor. This is Thumbcrams' first time doing a show outside of Melbourne and technically London. Yeah. So don't forget to come.

And I'll see you there, gamers. Don't you dare forget to come to our show. Don't you forget to come. This is such a funny call-out. Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumming the Dust Star. What is Pullming the Death Star, you ask me? You goddamn son of a bitch. Well, it is a comedy pop culture podcast that I see important questions.

But before you get to the question, I'm Jackson Bailey. I'm Joel Samed. I'm Adam. I'm sorry. I didn't know if I needed to be introduced. You do. Dush is not here at the moment. We don't know where he is.

He's not always here. Get used to it. Okay. Where could he be? Sound off in the comments. That's what I'm saying. Where is Joel Dusho? Today's question is

How would you Redesign Spider-Man? I got to drink a drink I've got a sore throat From my brilliant Reels exclusive rill It was pretty good It was really It was a RRI

Did we Did one of you already make this joke I didn't hear it if you did make it Did one of you say it was really good? We would never make that joke Well I'm making it How great is this? I went to grab a deck of cards to shuffle because I...

Spider-Man cards? Well, no, they're Marvel cards. But the first one is Spider-Man. Oh, my God. How serendipitous, actually, rather. Or did we see that and it activated something subconsciously and that influence the topic of today? Who can say?

Yeah, Spider-Man. Often, you'll say, I'm the friendly neighborhood, Spider-Man. Yeah. Now, again, he knows that he is Spider-Man because he got Peter Parker. He is aware that he's Spider-Man. Mildman and Peter Parker got bit by a radioactive spider, and he's like, of course, the spider gave me those powers.

Yeah. Go, I'm going to call myself a Spider-Man. However, if he was just, like, walking through the sewers or Oz Corp or just like, wherever he got bit and just wasn't paying attention, it was like, oh, my army is so sore. What the hell, dude? And the next day, wakes up, he's buff. He can walk on wall. I crawl on wall.

Well, he doesn't. He doesn't shoot webbing. Yeah, okay. Exactly, right? We're going by comic book. Okay, comic book rules. He's going to make the, so yeah, yeah, okay, fair. He's an inventor, he's smart.

He could do it, maybe. There's no been in time. He could just walk, go, walk, on walls, and he's got this weird thing where he can sense when someone throws something at him. Yeah. I don't know if I would ever make the connection of Spider-Man. Spiders famously get squished, according to me. That is his spiders, yeah, they know when danger is coming.

I believe millions of millions of years ago we did a plumbing episode where we argued the same point that Peter Parker should not, he was lucky that he saw a spider because I would not connect those powers necessarily

to a spider as a beast of the ground. The only power he has that he has in common with a spider is crawling on walls. Exactly. And a lot of animals do that. Geckos? I was thinking,

what if we killed the animal angle entirely? Okay. So Peter Parker, sitting in front of us and like Peter Parker you have zero capital you are also famously

quite a poor man Yeah yeah yeah So what if we were able to What if instead of going with an animal angle We were able to go with a substance angle And get ourselves some sweet mula Okay, what substance you think? Velcro

Oh Velcro! Velcro! Okay Velcro man Velcro man So do we say that his hands are covered in Velcro In some sort of like chemical accident, he'd got Velcro hands? Through the power of Velcro material. I think we don't.

I don't think the people probably wants to know, but I think it's best if we don't tell. Okay, fair enough. What name? That's a good place to start. Well, Velcro Man, if we get this deal, if the contract goes through, Velcro man, because I think Velcro, I know I have a laptop in front of me, but I refuse to look at it. I would do. I assume Velcro is a name brand.

Yeah, I believe so. I'm so confident, don't message me. I think you are, because I think it's the, it's called like hook and loop. Yes. So I think Velcro technology. Valkro is the actual name. So we go to Velcro, we're like, hey, we got a superhero, and he needs some brand deals. Yeah, okay.

A big V on his chest. Deep V. Deep. Showing a little bit of pubicare. Sorry, showing a little bit of pubicare. How deep we say. How sexy are we going. This is an old idea from you.

And I'm excited for the recycle. I think it's a look. Not enough people are doing a tasteful amount of pubic hair. Just a, you know, a tasteful non-pornographic amount poking out styled, poking out the front of a deep V. What you could do there is if you're going that deep V, you're a bit of chest hair, you've got a bit of pubic hair, but we make sure we either shave that or wax that off. And then we have some like Valkro.

That's a really good idea. I don't think we need to shave. Once again. Yeah. Once again. For the first time, I don't claim to be a Peter Parker expert, but I'm pretty confident he... He's a smooth boy.

He'll be hairless. We need to get a Merkin, if anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about if we make him the VALCrow and we theme him after a crow? What I like about that is you've leaped off my idea, which did not lead leaping off, and I am for it. Let's do the VALCrow. The VALCrow.

Sponsored by Velcro. My only problem here is if we want this sponsorship deal to go through. Yeah. Is I am worried as like, so maybe as a board member of Velcro, I'm worried that if we don't address that he either he isn't using Valcro on his hands. Yeah. Or we make up a story that he did get somehow like a chemical accident and with Valcro is we're going to get some copycats. Yeah, very true. Very true.

Well, Spider-Man could get copycats. Yeah, but Spider-Man doesn't represent the company. Yeah. Currently he does. If a child tries to climb a building and falls off and dies, it only weighs on Spider-Man's conscience. I'm looking after my sharehold. Exactly. If a child is like, I'm going to be like my hero, Valcrow. And then he tries to, using some store-bought Velcro and tries to climb the Empire State Building and falls and dies, I feel we're going to get sued.

Can we put on his back a disclaimer like they do for the wrestling? I think that's a good idea. Or any citizen he saves, he has Steiner Waver. saying, I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He hits them with, don't do what you see. Hey, you're welcome. I saved you. I'm your friendly neighborhood, Spider-Man. Also, I'm just getting into your signature at the bottom of this.

Just to wave away, it's a boilerplate piece of... WWE doesn't need a signature. He just needs to say the word. Oh, that's true. Rather than say, like, away, whatever, he's like, as you're saving people, oh, just when he's like, you know, running around, because I'm guessing in this, he's not swinging, he's crawling. And he's running around just to be like, I was born this

way. This is nothing to do. with Velcro. I was born this way. But that's a bad look for... Something about an expert, him being an expert. He should say something like, I was born this way. I'm an expert at being born this way. Don't try this at home. I mean, I'm a Velcro expert.

Oh, yeah. But I was born this way and it's got nothing to do with Velcro. I just want to keep it mysterious. Then I'm a Velcro expert. Yeah. Do not try this at home. I think that's the best way of doing it. Yes. Yes.

Because then people can say, excuse me, how does the Velcro use Velcro to crawl on walls? And you go, sorry, that's a company. secret. There's somebody's proprietary. Yeah. And, you know, he is a

Valkro expert. Yeah, exactly. And doing that would devalte his secrets. And the Valkrow has lots of enemies and we cannot keep them away. Now, does

the Valkrow, do they in their... Are we them with Crow stuff as well? And Vell stuff. Okay. I think more just, I would say,

Velcro and Crow, because I don't know what VAL stuff is. I don't know either. My mother, Val Kilmer. I was going to ask, what, can you give me some Vell and some Crow-theming idea? Well, I imagine.

Would he's always theme, so and could be Valerie? Yeah, exactly. There we go. Salman gets it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. And like he said, he's got Zammat's mom on one side of his costume. I don't mean to be, I don't mean to be compatible.

I want to know what your vision is. Yeah. Give me the vision. So, deep V. Yes. Little puber care. Beautiful. Love it.

Love it. Coming from the other direction up the legs, a secondary Vee. that meets in the middle. Sorry, okay, so each leg has an element of the V. Yeah, so this... Now, is it going to look like an X? That might look like an X. Yeah, we don't want the X.

Okay. Does Xavier have a patent on X-Men might soon. Yeah. What about if we go deep V to the pubic hair and then another V like a loin cloth down to the floor? Okay. The structural integrity of this fit is not good.

I like it. So we've got a V going down there. And then we have like, so it's almost like a... Like a belt. Like a triangle. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But it's another V. But the triangle, I guess you'd have to have a little bit cut out.

So the... Pubic hair is visible. I'm worried. I guess the top V may have to come down not as much as we'd like. I'm worried. So that the bottom V can have a little hint of pubic hair. I'm worried that's going to grow up his snail trails. Just the Merkin.

We don't need to... Velcro. Al-Velker. It could be pre-styled. We don't need to worry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can shave it. We can get off in the weeds.

Yeah, we can shave that into a V as well. Yeah, great idea. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. We love chest hair. Go all the way down, like the V, so it covers up his nether regions, right? And then, so I'm thinking, um, boots. Yeah, we'll have little V's on the top. That's a really good idea.

It's so funny that we've gone hard on the V. Yeah. Crow seeps really. Hang on. We're getting in there. We're getting in there. We're hitting there. It's the Vs and a lot of there.

Can I... Sorry, with the... What if... I think this is really clever. What if, for the Merkin, rather than showing the full V, we just have poking out of the belt just a little...

Smart. To let people know that it V's... How about... I just had an idea. I had an idea. Because, again, we're making Merkins. What if, rather than making it a belcro, crow feathers?

Oh, very good idea. And then we just need a couple of little crow feathers. You have two. We can give me fucking wings. Of course. Little crow feathers. Therefore, Like, just another bit of things.

I think rather than, because if we give him, like, wings, it's going to be an expectation for him to fly. True. And I don't want that because he's not flying. I mean, just kind of like feathered arms. Is it? No, even then, I don't want kids jumping off buildings. Are you thinking about, like, forward feet?

I'm thinking kind of like, like, like, poldrons. Oh, okay. Like, like feathered pardons. Yeah, lovely cape. Nice. A cape is fine. Yeah, cape made out of crow feathers. Cape made out of crow feathers.

I like that. I like that. Kind of like, again, the, the, the, the night's watch in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm imagining for the face to get some of the Vell in there. You know when, like, a performer,

we'll do that thing, when half their face is done up like a lady. Oh, yeah. Half is done up like Valerie Zamet's mom. You mean my mom? Now, not my mom's mom. Now, several things. First off, what I love,

what I love is that you have included Zamit's mom when there are more famous Val. Valerie. Not to me. Not to me. That's, yeah, exactly. Good son.

Good son alert. Tell me along. I, the Valerie in Valerie, I guess. Yeah. But I don't know. I'm just, sorry. What does she look like? Do we know what she looks like?

No, but I just know that there would be a more famous Valerie. Well, when one comes along, when Peter Parker arrives in the makeup chair at 6 a.m. Yeah. All I can think of is, yeah, Val Kilmer. Yeah. Val Morgan. Val Morgan. The advertising.

guy on cinemas surely we're going to run into actually you know what? Do we know what? You know what I love about Valerie Zammett? There's no rights issues. We do Val Kilmer, we do Val Morgan. There's a rights issue there.

Fuck, Jack's right. We've got to do your mom. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so an homage to my mother. Yeah, yeah, exactly. On one half and then we find a Val that's willing to give up their likeness for the other half. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then other Val... It does throw a random vowel. It does throw people off Peter's scent. Well, exactly. Because one of the biggest problems, you know what? I'm really coming around this. One of Peter's biggest problems is people finding out is secret identity. Yeah.

That's, you know what? Fuck, man. That's a good idea. I think it's smart, dude. It is. Yeah. The Valcrow? Are you kidding me?

Are there any other things? We're cooking. Yeah. Are there any other things that start with Val? Valve? Like, I'm thinking like, like, like, something of weapon. Maybe his weapon could be a valve. Okay.

So he carries, okay, hear me out. All right. He carries around a pipe. Okay, now we're talking. That's what I was thinking originally, but what about this? What about this? What about, like, a stick and then like flail valves? Oh, okay, great.

Yeah, that's good, dude. Okay, how about this? How about this? Because he's an inventor, right? Because we know that he makes web suits. We will need him to invent the veil. What about this? So he's got a pipe.

Yeah. It's got a valve there. Right? So, you know, it's like a big pipe. It's like whatever valve there. Maybe on his back, he's got some sort of like, like, you know, whatever we need, maybe some propane. Yeah. And on the end is maybe, maybe he takes up smoking.

So he's always got a lighter on him. Okay, good idea. And now he can turn the valve. He's got a flame problem. Yes. Pitaparker taking up smoking. Yeah. Okay.

Because of the Valkrow loves to smoke and loves to set things on fire like a real crow. Yeah. I'm worried. Okay. Okay. So, options here. Yeah. So to take on the smoking angle.

I think Velcro might be like that's diluting the message. So, good point, good point. We take less money from Velcro. They're just like one of our advertisers. We start taking a little money from Philip Morris. Oh, okay. Exactly, because there's nothing in the rules to say you can't sponsor a superhero. Exactly.

Show me the law. Granted, we can't advertise on television and print media anymore. Sure, we came down real. The advertising. We really came down hard on cigarette companies, especially in Australia. But, well, there's nothing to say we can't. It's urgent territory. We go to Philip Morris.

We're like, you can't advertise in newspapers anymore. But Jay Jonah Jameson is crazy for this superhero. Imagine the press. You will be all over. The people of New York City, they understand when they see an article that is disparaging Peter Parker, half the population of the Velcro Man. Sorry, the Valcrowman. Half the population are going to read that and go, well, I disagree.

I think he did a good thing. Exactly. And the other half are going to be like, God, I could go with a smoke right now. All of them are going to be like, God, I could go smoke. Really bad. Part of the mask should incorporate a permanent cigarette. Nice. Well, I was thinking, because, again, with Peter Parker currently or Sparman currently, again,

he uses the web shooters because he doesn't have any, like, range attack. Okay. But what does a crow have that is potentially, maybe maybe think about the crow? Okay. So while I like a flame throw up. to train crows? Could he learn to train crows? I believe we can at least employ somebody to teach him.

I reckon he's pretty clever. He'll make it a bit of money on it. Yeah, exactly. I reckon the crow expert. Well, crows, what else can make, you know, crows are good at, like, stealing. Yeah. Very good at, like, you know, grabbing shiny things.

But also they have a lovely, like, a sound. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the crow called. The crow call. So what if we, maybe with this valve was some sort of, like, sonic device? Oh, that's a good idea. And then maybe, like, like, some sort of,

uh, what is it, The plague doctors evolved. That can be the marks. Get a little cigarette coming out of that. A bunch of cigarettes coming out of that. So, well, I mean, wouldn't this be frightening? You've got the beak, right? And equidistant along the beak are tiny little holes.

Okay? And then he fills those holes with cigarettes. So he's kind of constantly releasing a smoke of a cloud of cigarette smoke as he runs through the city. He can hit people with smoke. Yeah. Or no. Maybe Philip Morris won't like that. If he hits people with smokers and attack, maybe...

Plus, you know, he's tussling with the Green Goblin. He says, you know, they say secondhand smoke is... Like, one of them... Even more dangerous than smoking a cigarette is inhaling secondhand smoke. And every second you fight with me, green goblin, imagine. I don't think Philip Morris are going to be super... Well, I mean, are we recording every fire? Yeah, that's true.

That's a good point. That's a good point. He's still defending the city. Could Valcro be like I got my, I'm tough and I can run all this distance with the healing powers of cigarettes? Yeah. Wow. It's fucked up that his mask is designed in such a way that it's basically like basting his head in cigarettes. I wonder he's actually secondhand smoking himself.

He would smell awful. You'd find out his secret very quickly. I wonder if cosmically speaking, we're starting to do more half. I mean, obviously, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, next a cigarette idea, because, again, I don't think... Fair enough. I don't think we should mix it just yet.

Let's put it on the maybe pie. Well, I was thinking about the valid things. Yeah. Value. Value. Valium? Yeah, valium. Okay.

I feel like creating the same problem as cigarette. The first superhero that forcibly drugs his villains. No, with Valium. Yeah. With Valium, he can take hits. Oh, his face doesn't hurt. He's hopped up on Valium the whole time. Okay.

I'd be like, Oh, Green Goblin, you can't rob this bank when you're so sleepy. He just throws in it up. Yeah, okay. Get into his goblin mouth. Now we're cooking, dude. Yeah. I do love a Spider-Man that's just fucked up on Valium with no quips or anything. Green Gobbin says, ah, peanut pot got you to Spider-Man.

The first national bank is mine. What do you have to say about that? Peter Park is like, uh, walks over, punches him in the face. Shut the fuck up, green goblin.

That's all I got for you, dude. That's a fuck, fuck off, man. He's like always three beats away from a nap. Yeah. Oh, green,

fucking, oh, man. Green goblin, you son, bitch. Yeah, his outfit is a, just a bath row. Yeah,

oh, yeah. And just track-idax, and that's it. Oh, we've changed this design. I'm so sleepy. I'm so tired. Maybe we can put the track-y-dacks on, but keep the V. I think we need the V for the V. So maybe not.

Yeah. We need it for the Vuv part of it, sorry. We need it for the Vuv-Pa. Yeah. Maybe not hopped up on Valium. I think as much as I love it, I think we're going to make it sleep. Yeah, I think it's worse than cigarettes. Unless it's an attack.

Yeah. If it's an attack, that's fine. I don't think Valium's going to be happy with that. No, no, no. What else is like a Val? Val. Valentine's. Valentine's Day.

Oh, Valentine's. He's the Valentine Crow. Yeah. The Valcrow. Okay. Okay. There's some there. There's something there.

Just like a cherub, maybe. I was going to say like a, or like a baby crow cherub. So what if we rebrand like Valentine's case? A baby crow cherub. Yeah. Yeah. Please, give me the vision. A big crow baby in a diaper.

Okay. We've got a rebrand. We're pivoting. We're pivoting. We're pivoting. To be about crows? Well, yeah, yeah. Well, he's the Valentine Crow, the Valcrow, if you will.

Okay. So basically we've got to make him debut on Valentine's Day. Okay, yeah. And he's got to basically help. Okay, yeah. I understand, look, Peter, I understand you want to like. Advertisements from restaurants and theaters. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

I understand Peter Parking with great power comes great responsibility, all that kind of bullshit. Yes. I understand you want to protect the city and like, you know, stop crime and all that. But why don't you just help. help people find love. So we can kind of do something like the the Will Smith film Hitch. Oh, yes.

But with a valkrow man. Less of a superhero, are you thinking? More of a matchmaker. Yeah, he's a superhero matchmaker in a crow costume. No one's done that before. No one's done that. How's he matchmaking? Talk me through a typical Peter Parker, sorry,

the Valentine's Crow matchmaking session. Well, I guess we got it like, let's see. because everything needs to be very much, you know, tailored to the person, the people that were trying to matchmake. So I'm wondering, is it going to be a service where either some, like, you know, single people come to them, like, come to the Velcro Man, and be like, I need, you know, I'm looking for something like this or whatever like that, or if it's going to be like, hey, someone comes up like,

these two people that I know my good friends, they need to be, like, they are so perfect for each other, but they just don't know it. So now what we could do is... Could Peter Parker invent some sort of matchmaking device? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Well, I was thinking you put him in a situation. Let's not lose it. Okay. Why do we put them in a situation? Because, okay, this couple, we know that like this, their friend is like these two, their guest to be. They are in love, but they don't know it.

Yeah. And so we have to put them in maybe a little dangerous situation. Okay. Yeah. So that the Velcro man can come in and save them trauma bond. Yeah. My good friend, Reg Dachla and my other good friend, my other good friend, you know, and my other good friend, friend, Sess. All right, Sess and Reg Dekla. And Sess. Yeah.

They, like, I can tell they've got this energy between them. Like, they very clearly, they've got feelings for one another. But they just can't seal the deal. Yeah, right. What are you going to do for Reg and Sess? Let me tell me a bit more about Reg and Sess. Like, does Reg have a fear? They have a fear of heights, for example.

Yeah, he's very, he's very afraid of heights. I like this idea, but I think that's better served by some sort of sort of matchmaking device. What I think alternatively, gun, yeah, sure. We'll put a pin in. We'll put a pin in. We'll circle back. Would they ever go on a ferris wheel?

Reg never says definitely. She's a big ferris wheel. Could we convince Reg to get on a ferris wheel, but then it breaks down? And that's the Valentine's Day crow comes in and saves the day. Could we get someone like the Green Goblin on payroll? Yeah. Green Goblin can dangle both of them. Yes.

Yes. We do need a villain. Yeah, okay. Interesting. Yeah, is what I'm thinking. Yeah, because initially I was thinking maybe we get the Velcro to be that person,

but no, we don't want that. You want Velcro to save the day. Exactly. And then to be like, are you two okay? That was crazy. In a moment like this, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but in a moment like this,

I would be really taking stock of my life into things that are important to me. And more than that, the people that are important to me. I think there's a power in, specifically saying maybe, to be like, you should be careful for the next few moments. Life and death situations like that for some people can be very bonding, almost even romantic.

Yeah, you put the idea in their head, not even subtly. Yeah. You just tell them. You tell them. You go, I don't know about you, but to me, saving you from that rolling ferris wheel, I can feel some romance in the air. Sparks are flying. You're a couple.

Or buy Velcro and then. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, even something as subtle as that. Like, you know, as a Velcro man, he's like, oh, I'm so happy I got to save you and your beautiful wife. Oh, oh, we're not married. Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're just, oh, my God.

Sorry, you and your, you and your girlfriend. Oh, we're not dating. Really? Yes. I'm really shocked by that. I'm really shocked by that. That's a great idea. Well, anyway, well, either way, it was so nice to, you know, meet you and save your lives.

I hope you have a great ones. And then he gives them just a little coupon to one of the restaurants that have paid us. He says, also, you should go to Mr. Giovanni. Yeah. Well, yeah. Oh, normal name for this one. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, anyway, you know, like, I understand, like, adrenaline's, like, you know, you all, like, yeah, thankfully the Valco man was here to save the day. But I understand with adrenaline, like, you know, spike is going to crash and you're probably going to be hungry. So if you're just going to Mr. Giovanni's pizza real. Yes. Yeah. You're actually, you know what? You probably, you need somewhere to sit and relax.

Don't think of it like a day at all do. It's up to you. Yeah. Two for one spaghetti, Mr. Giovanni's. And also, yeah, buy Valcro. Thwip. Oh, not Thwip. War.

Buy Velcro, walk away Can he like use Velcro to stick to things? Well, he has, like, he can crawl away. Yeah. So he's like, buy Valcro turns around and just crawls up a building. Yeah, got out all fours and just walks away like a dog. What about the scenario? Don't do what you see on television.

I am a paid expert. I am an expert. The Valentine's Crow, i.e. Valcrow. Yeah. Don't tell Val Kilmer about my face makeup. Smoke cigarettes. I thought we were doing Valerie. Half of it is Val's half of it. Half is Val.

Oh, it's two different vowels. I thought it was Crow Half Vowal House. No, no, no, no, two different vowels. What about the other scenario, okay, where somebody comes to your company, say, hi, I'm Brexed Destiny, and I'm looking for a particular kind of partner. I heard you can matchmake. I like absurdly tall women. I'm looking for somebody seven foot and taller. Oh, that's the best news.

Maybe it's a very limited dating service. Unless this is already what you're describing. Can we, like, date out the Rokes Gallery? I'm looking for some sort of rhinoceros man. You go, okay, we've heard what you want. You want, you know, a seven-foot-tall woman with a good career, you know, no kids. Okay, well, that's fine. How about a rhinoceros man?

They are quite tall. Okay. The height was more, it's not really the main thing. We could do, like, an escort service type thing. Stop pippin out the rhino Yeah That's more than just the rhino as well It seems like you've only only have the rhino

Somebody comes in there like Yeah like a petite woman You know somebody Kind of somebody who You know has a good job Maybe a cat like a pet would be lovely Someone who has some time off And likes going out outdoors

You like animals, yeah? Yeah sure like a like a cat You know I've got cats Say no more I got the perfect person Yeah, just be at Mr. Giovanni's at 6 o'clock tonight. Sitting there waiting for your date. Sit down.

I hear the two-for-one spaghettis to die for. I'd go on a date with the... I'd pay for a date with the Sandman. With the Sam... Yeah. You reckon he's the most attractive of Peter's Ruggs Gallery? From the movie version, which is the version that I'm currently thinking of. Yeah.

I think he is quite handsome. He's got that kind of like nice square face. He's got a good jaw. Made of sand, so that's always good. Thomas Hayden's church, yeah, Sandman is often drawn. He's very striped. Yeah, he's got the strange stripe hair.

And also, like, Osbournes often have as well. Yeah. What's that a bad? I'd fuck Venom. Venom is kind of got a sexiness to him. Oh, Venom would be freaky, I reckon. Yeah, that'd be all right. A lot of tentacles.

A lot of tentacles. A lot of tentacles. A lot of tentacles. A lot of tentacles. Yeah. I don't know. I'd try something. I'd try anything once.

Scorpion, sure. Dr. Octopus. Why not. A lot of tentacles. Pretty much is no one. Vulture. We'd have to be careful, but... Yeah, break a hip.

He's an old man, but I'd go for it. Oh, Vulture, you'd break Vulture's hip. I thought, I kind of assumed something about flying would be involved in the... So I was worried about my hip. Yeah, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, a lot of Rokes Gallery you could... Make sweet loves to do that.

Well, I just think that's a better use of their time. Mysterio, acts what we need is... Mysterio on payroll. Oh, my God, yeah. Mysterio could just like, we could, okay, yeah, come on, come on, Mysterio. Use your powers for love. Yeah. And this wonderful scam as opposed to whatever it is it you're trying to take.

Exactly. You're going to get a steady income. Like, what's the problem? What's the problem here? What are you going to do is make, because then. Why do you hate success, Mysterio? Exactly. Because none of these people are actually in danger.

Yeah. We just make them think they're in danger. And that's when the Velcro man comes in. Oh, you were still thinking about dating. Yeah. Well, I mean, that was the other service. You said you all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But, like, is there a way we could get, say, Brax's destiny comes in, he says, a seven foot tall, you know, very muscular woman who works out. Yeah. I would like her to, you know, have her own job, and like traveling.

What can you do? Okay, so I guess what we need is to build a database. Yes, that's true. So we need to be starting this probably in, let's say, yesterday. I want to say, like, I don't know, like April. Yeah. You know, the previous, so we can kind of build up a database

so that we can. And again, because we're tailoring it and maybe we heard. We want to try and like advertise. Are we making this like a dating thing for like say Normies to superheroes? Ooh, I hadn't put it at that angle. I like that. I like that like fuck off Peter Parker. We got a new business plan.

Well, it's not fuck off Peter Parker because he's the face of the company. He's the same thing. The seed money we get from Velcro and Philip Morris is going to help us build this. Because, hey, are you a busy? superhero on the go. You don't have time. And one, you don't have time, okay? But two, if you have a relationship, that's

somebody that your, your rogue's gallery can get to, to get to you. Without dating service, well, without dating service, it often includes the rogue gallery. Yeah, exactly. They're at the same risk you are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent, yeah, yeah. They get your

hobby, you get their hobby. Yeah. Mutually assured destruction here. We're games. fearing a superhero dating. Probably if you are a superhero, you would end up just dating other superheroes. Maybe. Like,

I think there might be people who are like, that's work. I kind of want to, you know, just find someone who doesn't have superpowers, who doesn't want, like, isn't in,

you know, a normal life. Yeah. You come home and you say, hey, honey, how was the bowling alley today? Yeah. And they say pretty busy. And then you,

you know, they complained about, oh, these kids came in, they were fun and everywhere. Some kids would, they wouldn't use the shoes. They kept running and slip in it. And that's why we have the shoes so that they slip over. You've come home from a hard day of fighting the fucking electro-shooter or something like that.

That's what you want. You want a slice of normality. Anyway, how was your day? And you go, I saved 10 lives today. That's great, honey. What's for dinner? You know, what are we going to do? Pek on the cheek and then you go, right.

I've heard it like this lovely play, do you want to record we live our first day? Yeah. Mr. Giovanni's Two for one spaghetti. You know? I don't feel like cooking. Let's be bad. Yeah, let's go to Mr. Jimonters.

I was thinking this is what I was going to do for Peter Parker. Yeah, okay? Is I was thinking, you know, Spider-Man, some people have arachnophobia. Yeah, spiders. Especially in Australia again. At any moment, there's like a grab of a pepper pig

or whatever. They're like, oh, this is a spider, it's a friend. And then the government went, no, no, no, no. None of that. We can't be teaching kids that information. That's horrible. Spiders are evil and we'll

hurt you. Spiders are going to poison our children, right? And then I was thinking, well, in a lot of video games that have spiders, okay, they will have sometimes an arachnophobia filter, which often turns the spiders from a spider into just a kind of blob. And I was thinking, what if we'd scarier to me? Do you have me? I agree, but what if we did somehow the same for Peter Parker? So we gave him a costume that looked like nothing. Well, okay, I was going to say, like an image inducer, which they have in Marvel, which, you know, makes them, like, you know, they can press a button and look like whoever they want. Yeah.

And they could just make it look like an amorphous blob. Yeah, like it's just like kind of like a circle for their head, like a snowman sort of body shape. Yeah. But gray. And that's it. And so Peter Parker, he comes around and he says. So just like a lumpy dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no arms and legs. But he does have arms and legs. Just to the image inducer. Is this to everyone? Yeah. Everyone sees it. Oh, so this looks like a big sphere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he lands and he says, don't worry, citizen. I'm your friendly neighborhood man. Because the image inducer also gets rid of the word spider. Nice, nice, nice. So Spider-Man thinks he's a spider-man, but no one else. Everyone just sees him as a sort of amorphous snowman. Can we then, and maybe this is going to, this is going to sound insane when I first say it,

but please follow me on this one. Of course. Can we make him look more in real life, actually, without the inducer? Can we make him look more awfully, hideously like a spider? And then, when, if he's fighting only enemies, he can turn the image inducer off for like a surprise. Well, I mean, with the image inducer, we can make him look like a giant spider. Well, yeah, that works as well. When he's fighting a bad guy, he looks like a giant spider.

But when he's saving a citizen, he just looks like an amorphous snowman. To the point where you don't even, he doesn't, he just looks like kind of like floating geometry. Yeah. You don't even know you've been saved by a human being. You think you've gone insane. You think that this salvia you did 10 years ago, 20 years ago, has finally kicked back in and you're having another trip. I want pictures of dolly, man. Is this amorphous blob or menace?

What is it? I don't know what this thing is. All I know is I'm scared. I'm scared of it. It doesn't seem like a person. It just seems like shapes. But this is worse than when we were accidentally doing advertising for Philip Morris. I think, yeah, I just think that we comfort people to just get saved by floating geometry.

And we still have webs and stuff? Yeah, but you can't see it. But we can't see him. It just kind of looks like he's floating through the sky. That kind of work. Okay. And then you don't even know it's a person, which is great for Peter Parker, because Peter Parker goes, nobody can be like, I've got to get to Peter Parker through his.

What if people find that scarier? I was thinking also... Hadn't thought of that. Also, in terms of like a voice modulator, what if we just have it muffled? Yeah, okay. So then, like, you just, no one hears anything. And so, like, I think if he's this, like, amorphous blob that just goes around and saves people. And it makes this noise?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's got a rogue gallery. No. Because he's not interesting enough. You can't pin anything on that. Yeah, exactly. I was going to, if I'm the green goblin, I'm like, I don't know what.

I don't know if it's a guy. I don't know if sometimes the city just does that. I, I'm coming on. I was not, you know, I was for the idea, but the amorphous blob thing didn't have me. But the more that you say it, honestly, actually, I think, yeah, it's scary, but I think people would get used to it more. You would not see it as a superhero saved you. You would see, like Simon said, sometimes the city does this. It's the city, yeah, the city of New York, it just does that.

Or Queens, there's that a morphist, the amorphous called the Queen. Yeah, exactly. It's like a crypto-zoologist thing. Yeah. Tell me, tell me about this, the image, the mirage generator or whatever it is. How, not how does it work, I suppose, but are there any known weaknesses to it? Great question. I guess if it breaks.

Yeah. Sure, yeah, of course. Yeah. Perhaps if you I guess runs out of power Do we have any idea of its battery life?

No. Peter can just charge it every time he comes back. When he goes back to his apartment. I'm just trying to nip problems in the bud before they arrive. I love the idea of like... Maybe he wears like a morph suit

underneath the... I was imagining him like he's been doing it so long just in case it does happen and like you know it just... I just imagine he's been doing it so long he's just naked under there. Sorry? He's been doing it so long he just doesn't

wear clothes anymore. Then it runs out, they go, I don't know what I would think was happening. But I saw the amorphous blob like gently float down onto a rooftop and then just become a naked guy. Start glitching out. And he's like, his dicks out. He comes out. Peter Parker's like still walking around. Would it be harder for Peter Parker to slip a, you know how he needs to like go in through his window when he's done or whatever? Yeah. Would it be harder because he's more noticeable? How about this? Yeah. So we have like the But what if we just call him citizen man? Oh.

And we, using the image inducer, what is it's technology, this new technology you can have and maybe adapt, is that we get like a facial scan of every citizen of New York. And we make an amalgamation of every single person. We could be anyone. It's, it's, it is, it is, it is, representing every single New Yorker. Yes. This guy, citizen man is you. and he's here to save you.

You ever see when people on like Instagram like they do that like uncanny Valley makeup? Oh yeah. That's what I'm imagining his face looks like and now I'm really scared of him. You're rubbing a bank and you just see someone that looks kind of like every man but not. What was selling me, one of the things that was

selling me about the amorphous blob is that it makes you inherently you're not thinking about people. So you're not chasing down who quote unquote this is. With that one I think you lose that, but I don't hate that idea. What about this is a solution

to him coming home to his apartment, okay? Yes. You're watching, say. And Peter Park has to do this every single time he comes home. You're watching, you're just walking your dog down the alley. Let me take a shit on the Mr. Giovanni's back port. I love it when he does that. Because I hate the Giovanni's. Unmentioned I have a feud with Giovanni.

Yeah, exactly. And then you go, what the dickens? There's a amorphous blob. That in the sky. Is it a bird? Is it a shape? And you watch it go up to Peter Parker's apartment and going through the window and you go, it gets, the gentleman in that apartment, what's going on? And then Peter Parker, and he has to do this every time. He pokes his head out and he goes, what the fuck was that?

Every single time he comes home, which is a little thing he's going to do. What the fuck? Yeah. I guess I guess never mind. And then he pokes his head back in. I would not assume anything untoward through that. Yeah, you know what? Because you might have, you like, hey, did you see that?

And he's like, yeah, that was weird. I mean, it disappeared the moment he came inside. And you go, wow, weird, man. Yeah, did you guys see the amorphous blob? I don't know. That was crazy. And Peter Parker is, You think the guy this has been having his dog shit on Mr. Giovanni's back on.

Go, go, go, go to. Oh, fuck, fuck. Oh, fuck. He's going to have me shut. I'm going to be lined up against the fucking brick wall again. People are Mr. Giovanni. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Well, Peter Parker cares more about Mr. Giovanni's than your life. That's funny. He doesn't know. Giovanni covers it well. Oh, I see. Yeah. That makes sense.

Mr. Giovanni. He's a professional. He's a consummate professional, yeah. I was thinking, instead of maybe a more excuse me, right, we make him the every man, like citizen man. Yes, he's putting now a face on Peter Parker, even though it is a face made up of many faces. Yeah. And it still is kind of human shaped?

Now, is there anything that is basically friendly? Like, can we turn? A clown? Can no people, that's scary. It's scary. It's also the shape of a person. What if we, with the image inducer, manage to sort of like, now again, because it can make people see whatever they want to see,

what if we just make it a very big friendly dog? Oh. He's a dog. So everyone just sees a dog. When the dog is walking up walls, yeah. You go, that's a special dog. It's a special dog. Yeah.

Because then it's like we've got to make it like because the angles are going to be weird because, again, you know, you don't want a dog walking up right. That's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Peter Parker, when he's climbing walls, he's climbing. That's what he's walking on the street. What about a chimp or something? Chimps are scary. I like dog because you know what I love about dog actually?

When if a dog superhero is coming to save the day, if you're like the Green Goblin and you're like, curse that dog, if you're trying to set a trap or you're trying to counter the dog, you're not treating it like you're dealing with a foe of equal intelligence. And also, at some point you've got to be like, I'm fighting a dog. I know.

I couldn't stop. There's got better things for me to be doing with my time. I think villains would inherently underestimate Peter. And that's what I love about that. They would be like, oh, I know how I'll trap the devious dog man. I'll put a bone underneath this bear trap. A big steak order. And he doesn't fall for us because he's done an idiot.

He's not a dog. What do you think about the fact that like when I'm talking to Peter Parker? Yeah. In dog form. Yeah. The dog's down by my knees. Yeah. But the voice I'm hearing.

Yeah. It's from above. Huh? Shut up. Peter Barker? Shut up. Shut up. God damn.

I hate this idea now. Yeah. Fuck it off. He wrote it. Okay. Yuck and disgusting. I was thinking like he just sounds like he spark. He's on a little button that comes out of the dog mail.

Peter Barker. But now fuck that off. Shut the hell off. Terrible idea. I hate it. Yucky. What about this? Okay.

Use in a similar vein. Okay. So quite often, here's stories where people say, I was about to step onto this. busy road, I wasn't paying attention, okay? And then I felt a hand on my shoulder and my dead dad's voice said, hey, be careful. And I turn around, dead dad's gone. What if we use some kind of psychic technology and the image mirage inducer?

Peter Parker could maybe make this. Yeah, exactly. Or we contact, you know, like Gene Gray or whatever. Yeah, whatever, whoever. And what it does is it scans the brain of whoever Peter Parker is talking to and then projects a trusted and deceased loved one onto Peter Parker's face. This has the potential to go very wrong, but, I, crucially, I'm not against this. It also has the potential to go very right.

Oh, yeah. I think we, oh, this day and age, we probably don't even need a psychic at this point. We could just, like, you know, using a lot of technology and AI, expressing the Marvel universe, just to troll through all, everyone's like, you know, social. This is barely science fiction, yeah. Everyone's social media kind of thing. And then that way we can just be like, you know, he has a visor on whatever. He's scanning the crowd.

He can just be like, oh, that person's in trouble. And then it's automatically quickly. Like, oh, here's your dead dad, or your dead loved one. And they're just, they see them. They start crying or freaking out because that can't be right. Dad, how, when did you learn to shoot Webb out of your wrists? I'm a big fan of Peter Parker landing in front of, what's the, what's his big enemy? The primary enemy of the first animated movie, the mob boss guy.

Oh, Kingpin? Kingpin. Thank you. I'm a big fan of Peter Parker landing in front of Kingpin appearing as Kingpin's, or Vanessa. Yeah, yeah. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah.

And then being like, sure. Yeah, I'd love to help you. Like the first words are, here's a great line. You can say to Kingpins. To convince him to end his evil plan. What if, what if, though, rather than going down the kind of like your deceased loved ones, what if we just make Peter Parker look like a loved one? Oh.

Don't have to be deceased. That's good. Just to kind of throw them off a little bit. So it's like King Ping's about to do whatever he's about to do. and then Peter Parker hits a button and there's King Ping's son I don't know if he's got one Let's just say he probably does

And no I think he does And then he's just like Hmm? Yeah, distracts him just enough for then Peter Parker to punch him in his face Blam him in the chops Yeah

And they're like son, what the hell Even on a lower level You know Would that lose effectiveness over time Well yeah to the main villains But you're a crook About to rob a convenience store

Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah And then Peter Parker says Daddy And then the crook turns around He goes who here, my beautiful son, Raymond? How did you get out of bed?

You're about to be in the apartment and he goes, Daddy? And then he walks up to give him a cuddle because he's like four years old, three years old. Crooks, you know, he's shitting himself and then bam, right in the chops. Why is my beautiful child Raymond come bang? And then right in the head. Yeah, exactly.

I don't know if the diminishing returns because what you're going to do here is breed a lot of paranoia. Yeah. Because they went, Ping is like, I don't know if, where is my son? Are you my son? I'm who's... Which one?

I'm like the paranoia angle because what I was going to say about the fighting regular street villains or whatever is Pitbarker doesn't tend to have problems there. It's the big recurring villains that you got to worry about. But if we're breeding paranoia

that's good. The only downside is Kingpin might go home and hit his son. That's true. Why did you confuse me? Why did you come back? What were you doing there? Dad, I wasn't doing anything. How could I have left This house.

I don't have the strength of Spider-Man. These bruises on my face, you did. I'm three years old. Kingpin's not that stupid. He's just going to slowly build resentment. Have love style. We're kind of pre-rescentment. Another problem is, say, like, if you have someone like saying Craven, who I hate his

family. Yeah, that's true. So you're like, oh, it's me, your son or brother or whatever. And he's like, okay, cool, time to stab you, you piece of shit. Truly, Crevin has a loved one. No, he's a... No, he just appears himself then. Yeah, yeah.

That would work, actually. Yeah, I think he clones himself and... What about a scenario? He's a great line, you can save two Craven as Craven. I'm just imagining that chat GPT response at the beginning of everything. Hey, I need to take down Craven. Hmm, that seems like a tough problem. But don't worry.

I'm here to help. We can work through this together. Wasting fucking time, you robot cunt. What about this scenario, right? Peter Parker, to a regular crook, he's appearing as the crook's most loved person, their wife. Yeah, okay? The wife, they say,

you know what, I shouldn't rob this convenience store. Thank you for correcting my ways, honey. Goes in for the kiss. Now, it would be not ethical for Peter Parker to kiss this crook. So he's got to swerve the affection, which is suspicious for the crook. Same with the son.

It is strange. So we can't give a, yeah, because first, like, depending how, Yeah. What the image, if he's doing the three-year-old or whatever, like Peter Parker is not that high. Yeah. And if he tries to crouch down, he's getting an unearned cuddle. Yeah, exactly.

That's fucked up. To get a cuddle that's not yours and is meant for a three-year-old boy, that's, we're entering pervert territory. Okay. Because, like, if he stops it, you want to be like, oh, we'll continue the ruse because now he's stopping it. And then you're there getting a cuddle that you didn't deserve? Does? Yeah, Peter Parker getting forehead kisses from a crook? In this rebuilt?

No, he's fucked up. Hang on, let me try and make this work. In this rebuild, does Peter Parker have web powers? Yeah, he can. Well, when they go in for that, that's when you trap them. You hit them with the web. But the problem here now is are you going to rehabilitate them?

Because the idea there is because, again, I didn't even think it working. I was thinking a bit of a trap to them and get closer, you can biff them. But they're like, you know what, kid, you're right. I shouldn't be a crook. I'm going to go on the straight and narrow. Yeah, my beautiful son, Raymond. Now, please go back to the apartment.

Raymond and you take Raymond's hand You say this is my road to Damascus moment I'm a change man Let's go home Thank you so much Coming for a cuddle Wait a second This is my beautiful boy Raymond

Yeah This is an adult man This isn't my beautiful wife This isn't my large automobile What the hell What the fuck is going on And then Peter Parker has to get up And be like I tricked you

And then the crook's gonna be like Well fuck you then Yeah I'm gonna rob the bank I'm gonna go I can proceed as not I think look hey I'm not saying this is a perfect idea

But I think the solution we already had wasn't perfect. And so I think this is an improvement. I think there's definitely something to making like robotic versions. Speaking of robotic version, I was going to suggest to maybe Peter Parker to be like, okay, look, I understand that you're very afraid of like people coming off your loved ones. Because I think you're a human.

Now right now you have super strength. You can kind of perceive like problems. I'm interested. I'm interested. And you can like crawl on walls. Yeah. What if we just pretend you are. a robot man. Okay. I like it. I like it. Okay. So what we're going to do is just going to like,

you know, maybe put like a like, you know, wrap you in tin foil or something. And every time we got a budget. He's like, we contact what's the something dynamics. General Dynamics, who makes the robot box and stuff? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boston or whatever is. Boston electronics. Boston electronics. Yeah. We contact them. We're like, hey, we got a great advertising opportunity for you. This man. is willing to pretend to be one of your robots. Okay. That's where we're getting our seed money.

It's all about the seed. You're right. You're right because all like the tech freaks are being like, look at my AI robot and it's a guy in a suit. And we can be that guy in the suit and just be like he's a, he is a like a saving citizen robot. Yeah. And we say that's not blood he's bleeding. Yeah. It's a special fluid.

So now I was thinking about this. A proprietary fluid. I was thinking about this. Yeah. So what we got to do is we got to kind of like maybe make. a bunch of different, like, sacks that he wears underneath. Full of oil. With oil in there.

And then we put the suit over the top of that. He's heavy. But he's strong. He's only a little bit heavy. He's strong. He's a strong. He's a strong. He's actually, like, one of the strongest people in the Marvel.

What about if we go? That's crazy. Some sacks of oil. Some sacks of acid. Yeah. No. Why acid? Well, because then when he's stabbed and the acid bleeds out on to say the vulture,

an old man, he dies. Question. Yes, Adam. I'm in the audience. So, when the sack of acid strapped to Spider-Man's body is pierced, why is it causing more damage to the person not wearing it? Ideally.

Ideally. Ideally. In an ideal scenario, only the front of the sack is pierced. The back of the sack. Okay. If that's pierced, yes. Spider-Man might sustain some damage to his chestal region. Ideally, only the front of the circus piece.

Ideally. When he's thrown around, punching the guts, exploded upon, I think maybe we just have oil. Okay. No acid. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I don't know why we're adding acid, but... We are. I understand we're adding acid. That's why I'll concede. What if?

Yeah. And this is very... Okay, so what if? Yeah. We have... It's a late... It's a layered system. And this provides extra protection.

It's essentially like he's wearing Kevlar, except it's various layers of liquid. The first layer, let's say oil. Okay. Okay. The second layer is acid with the back part of that is a little bit tougher. Okay, sure, sure, sure. Okay.

Because if that, but then if that one is pierced, the next layer after that is some sort of basic liquid to neutralize. Smart, smart move. How about this? Yes. Instead of, let's just be like, let's just, The sacks are full of oil Okay, he's a robot.

Yes. Now, instead of web shooters. Yeah. Acid shooters. Oh. And could the oil be burning hot? I don't see why not. Because I think I'd be suspicious if I was a crook.

Yeah. And I stabbed this robot in cold oil. But oil, the purpose of oil is either as a lubricant or a coolant. Yeah. So it should be cold. I'm just trying to keep Peter Parker not burned. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. But he's gonna have some tanks of acid on his back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then he can shoot the acid at his feelings. Well, he's not even more if he keeps the web, right? Yeah, he's putting the web, he could put the acid. Oh, yeah, well, Cartridge is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, if they get destroyed and their web, he gets covered in fucking web anyway. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's better than acid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's neither of them are good, and I've never seen, I've basically, I've I've never seen those cartridges burst. Explod it. Here's something I keep thinking about. Okay. Not really Peter Parker related.

Okay. Do you think... I'm liking less and less the idea of Peter Parker doing acid attacks. I'm liking it more or more. I disfigured. This is the vulture try to like rob a baby. He looks over there, gets sprayed in the face. What the fuck?

It feels like a really awful escalation. It really does. It really does. If you got, say, let me talk about the superpowers he has before, and this occurred to me. Say you fall in a vat of nuclear waste, whatever. You get superpowers. As I do. And the superpowers are this.

You can heal. You can walk on water. You can float. I was about to say, am I Jesus? Well, that was what I was going to say. If you got the same superpowers as Jesus, but from, like, nuclear waste, do you think you would theme yourself after Jesus? Me too. Well, in a weird way, I wouldn't maybe call myself like, you know, J.C. or just Christ. Maybe call myself the Redeemer. Oh, that's good. All right. I think I'd go second coming.

Oh, that's good too. Maybe something like the acolyte. Oh, that's good. Again, I would try it. Second coming feels like it's prime. Well, no, I would. I would. I would. It feels like it's prime for you to be bullied. Bullied? Second coming. I'm Jesus Christ. Why are you bullying Jesus Christ a second coming? Well, you're not saying that you're Jesus Christ. No, I would. I would. He's the second coming. I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ. I like the Redeemer the most, but if you're calling yourself, because the second coming, I was like, teenagers are going to make funny.

But if you're saying as well, I'm Jesus Christ, and I'm good with it. What if I'm like, I'm like the fighting Christ? Yeah. Oh, Christ's come back and he's ready for. Yeah. Before I was like, the sacrificial lamb or whatever, but fuck that, I'm now the lion. I'm going to like, I've come down with my burning sword. I'm going to fuck you up.

That would be great, dude. And you'd have the entire Christian world behind you, which I just think... I don't know if you would. Why not? I think what you'd call... I think the phrase here you're looking for, Jack, is a schism. Yeah. I think you would have a schism.

The Christian church split in half over, like, a lot simpler things than has Christ returned. We should sit down at this point. I think we should stand. Oh, okay. One million years of war. If Christ has returned, is something that wouldn't divide the Catholic Church, then there wouldn't be the Mormon church.

So you think if I came back and I said, hey, I went to the Vatican, I floated to the Vatican. I said, hey, everybody, call me Second Coming, but I am Jesus risen again. Some people, probably. I know I look like a dumpy 30-year-old, 35-year-old man or whatever. Surely you're wearing like a costume.

Yeah, but I mean, still. I throw your hair out a little bit. I think some people would follow you. You'd get followers, but I don't think you'd get, You get a bunch of doubting Thomases. That's what you... I've displayed every... You'd have to do a lot of miracles.

You would also need to knowingly deceive. And I know you have no problem. I'm knowingly deceiving like fuck, dude. But then they go, the only way I think... And you're a hero? I don't know. Jury's still out. I think I'm just scamming the Christian world.

That's kind of my plan. All right, okay. So... I go, well, you have all... I go, hey, check this out. I walk on water. I go, hey, check this out. I bring someone back from the dead.

They do live in a world of superheroes. Yeah, yeah, but I go, but this is pretty crazy. These powers? Once again, I'm saying, okay, hang on, let me help you out here. Okay. Let me try and work with you on this. You be the Pope. Okay.

Okay, and I'll be come again. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Mama-mea. Mario? Italians say mama-a. Yeah, they do. That's where he got it from. Yeah.

Fair enough. And I go, come on. I am him risen again Oh, I think the Pope's from Boston now I'm doing Hey, how you doing? Hey, I'm here White socks, right?

Someone shoot this guy Give me a bishop I am he come again Yeah Jesus Christ has risen You can call me Come again I believe

Second coming I mean Why am I calling you Not Jesus Christ Well I want everybody to know that this is the second coming of Jesus Christ. Well, that's kind of inherent. I think it's implied in second coming.

Yeah. I think there's a bit of that you don't, you know. I don't mean to argue with you, your lordship. I think second coming is implied with Jesus Christ. What, what is the message for the... Really feels like a splitting hairs, you know. Your Majesty. I don't like that you're calling yourself a different name.

That feels very sacrilegious. My message for the masses is chill out, smoke a number. So your second coming does mean the end of the world. I feel like, may, can I be your... The popes of Zia? Yeah, please. Popes of Zia! I do not think this man is Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I don't think he's Jesus Christ either. He said he wanted to smoke a bunch. I don't know if Jesus. Does he know that there's like a bunch of things that are supposed to happen first? Excuse me right here. Talking about me, not to me. Who's the Antichrist? I don't know.

That's going to be my first job is to find out where he is. Do you know what are you meant to be doing? I meant to be gathering forces, I believe. Has the rapture happened? Look around. I just came back. But you being here means the rapture's happening. Well, looks like everybody was good.

I like a man who has not gone to. If you're believing in the rapture and everyone's still around, that means not everyone was good. Also, only certain religions believe in the rapture. And I'm pretty sure as Catholics, we don't. If you're here and the Pope's here. Also, do you believe in the Pope? Like, which subset of the Christian, like, Christian faith are you from?

Well, a lot's changed since I was here last. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. But do you know about religious stogma? What happens on here is also... I can't have but notice that no one's gone up to heaven. I guess no one was good. I don't know.

I just don't think you know enough about... Can you please tell me more? I'm here at the Catholic Church to find out how you guys are doing. Okay. Then I'm going to go chat to the Protestants. I don't know if they have a country like you guys. You're going to the Protestants? Yeah, I've got to chat to everyone and figure out who's got it

Right. What about the saints, Mormons, called the same. God. Yeah, he's got to talk to the Antis-Aidventists, the Baptists. Let's see if this motherfucker can resurrect himself. No swearing. I didn't take the Lord's name in vain. That's true. I don't think the Pope can say fuck.

I'm pretty sure. I'm so confident the Pope can say fuck. The Pope can say fuck. Not only can the Pope say fuck, but with a Pope from Boston, he said fuck. The Pope can say fuck. Pope can say fuck. Well, you guys were rude, so this isn't the main religion. Swiss Guard, I'm back.

Oh, I never float away. Yeah, we get the Swiss Guard to shoot you several times. Yeah, you are riddled with bullets. That's a bad look, even if I'm not Jesus. Come on, Vatican. It's a bad look to riddle. Are you dressed like Jesus? Yes.

Yeah, it's a bad. It's a bad look. It's a bad look. We can't shoot the guy. That's bad press for the Pope. The Pope who says fuck. People love me for that. I say it at those Sunday sermons.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think we can, unfortunately shoot this guy. Our father who art and fucking have me. L-O-B that motherfucker's name. Okay, well, yeah, I think there's a lot of options for old Peter Parker. A lot of options for Peter Parker. And a lot of them don't include a spider, which I like. Yeah, yeah.

Basically none of them have. Basically none of our ideas did. I think he just, you know, leapt onto that spider idea far too quickly. Way too quickly. He was like, I go bit by spider. I'm going to be a spider. If I saw a spider bite me and I didn't get powers till the next day, I actually wouldn't even necessarily assume.

And also, like, yes, I guess wall crawling is like bug related. Yeah. But it's not my main associated with, you know. Because also, again, I'd be like, oh, you know, there's, like, the other people or the other, like, superheroes that also do climb on walls, like night crawler. Yeah. And I'm like, well, if he's kicking around, what if I call myself day crawler? Yeah. But then I'm copying him.

I would call myself a wall crawler. None of these are good. That sounds like a perver. I would try to, I was just thinking this, I would try to find out what specific type, if I was to go the spider angle. I'd find out what specific type of spider bit me, because being called something like the huntsman or... Or believe it. Yeah, that's way cooler than Spider-Man. Yeah, Spider-Man's pretty lame.

Yeah, lame is hell. I guess it didn't help him make the, you know, the webbing. Yeah. Okay, gave him a direction. That's true. That's true. Otherwise, he doesn't know what he's true. I just have a gun.

Yeah, that's a good idea, dude. Gunman? I'm your friendly neighborhood gunman. That's good, dude. Put up the gun signal. He's out shooting tonight, dude. Yeah. Well, either way, a lot of ways to improve Peter Park,

a.k.a. Spider-Man. Hey, if you haven't a better idea than Valentine Crowman. A good luck. If you also think the Pope shouldn't say fuck, okay. Let us know. Yeah, chuck it in the... Or if you think the Pope should say fuck. Yeah, chuck it in the comments of the...

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And we've been joined by Adam Conavale. And you can hear Adam Connavali. with the two of us on D&D is for nerds. It's bad. It fixed itself. It's a similar dynamic. So if you really enjoy this, you'll really enjoy D&D. Yeah. Rolling it. Yeah, exactly.

You're right. I don't know what the hell is going on, dude. I'm not getting enough salt, I guess. See you next month, week. Heat a, like a banana? You got to stretch before you do these. Yeah. I know.