Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Reinvent Hancock's Image à la Jason Bateman in The 2008 Film Hancock?

Episode Date: April 24, 2022

We have several harebrained ideas. All of them are good we reckon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

you're listening to the sans pants network home of comedy culture adventures and ghosts hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star part two of our hancockathon the 2008 film hancock the hancock experience yeah yeah yeah we're celebrating hancock here at plumbing the death star it's a hancock here. I'm plumbing the dust, though. It's a Hancock celebration. Yeah, I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel.

And today we are asking the important questions, as you can figure. It's a Hancock question. It's a Hancock question. Of course it's going to be important. How would you reinvent Hancock's image, a la Jason Bateman in the 2019 film, Hancock, we all recall that a big crux of the movie is that Jason Bateman, he, who is a PR person himself,

he improves the public. I noticed that you're full on hiccups from last week of Stuck Around, Jackson. Stuck Around for all week. It's funny. It's almost like we were going to the straight after.

Back to back. Almost like that. It's almost, it's 1230 AM. Yeah. We just watched Hancock. So, we just got to watch Hancock

and we get the spirit of Hancock. We're fired up. We're fucking Hancock. We're Hancocked and loaded, baby. Anyway, he is a PR person. He improves the public image of companies.

And Jason Bateman decides, I'm going to improve the public image of Hancock. Because Hancock just saved my life. And I think that there's actually... There's a little good in this guy. It's not necessarily that there's good in him because he's saving lives. So that was never really like...

In question. It's more like this guy could be the superhero That everybody usually wants But the way you go about it It's a bit of a dick move You're a fucking dirt bag But you've got a heart of gold You don't care about collateral damage

You've got a heart You've got a heart There's no metal around it You don't care about collateral damage. You're very rude to everybody. You're calling most people dumb pieces of shit. You're a fat drunk. You're a bit grabby with people.

You're kind of gropey. Don't gropey. Yeah, don't be gropey. You threw a kid in the sky. No one saw that, so we don't know about it. Well, Jason Bateman saw it. He did. The kid experienced it.

His friends also. You did also push in line, like a line of children to get an ice cream. With your ass out. You did have a hot ass. In your defense. In your defense, you were just coming out of an apartment fire. You were on fire. It's still not a great image.

No. Okay. But Jason Bateman, he does a very classic sort of superhero thing with Hancock. First of all, he sends him to prison. Atone for his sins. Yeah, the DA is like, look, this piece of shit, we should arrest him. We're sick of his shit. But the idea is, while he's in prison, the crime rate will rise, which it does.

Fucking does it ever. And then the city will be like, Hancock, come the fuck out of prison. Yeah. And then Jason Bateman gives him a suit, a flash kind of leathery X1 suit. What happened to you? I don't know. It's when I drink fizzy drinks and laugh, and I'm surviving on like two feet. And so much

laughter people don't understand the tall laughing such a good time well if they're listening to this they don't know that at all they're like fuck I wish I was having a good time but probably that's been nothing but garbage for two weeks

three months for the end of April baby ah anyway Plumbing the Death Star has been nothing but garbage for two weeks. Two weeks and a half? Three months. By the end of April, baby. Anyway. So, and then, yeah, he sends him out to fight crime. Have we tanked the podcast? Let us know. Did we make it?

Did we fuck it up? Dear Plumbing the Death Star, gmail.com. Let us know. That'd be nice. Dear Plumbing the Death Star, I miss when you came up with funny superheroes instead of talking about Hancock all the time. Dear Plumbing the Star, I understand that you guys have got to be in your bonnet about Hancock,

but do we really need 30 episodes about Hancock? Dear Plumbing the Death Star, I understand that your brains work in such a way that if you just saw Hancock, you have to talk about Hancock. But we haven't seen Hancock. Also, you scheduled in Hancock. Why did you choose to watch Hancock? Anyway. What?

So Jason Bateman, that's his plan. Yeah. Okay, but let's say Jason Bateman previously was hit by a bus. And so he has to take up the role. Well, yeah. And also Jason Bateman's plan only goes so far and then kind of luck and destiny and whatever is on his side. Because obviously Mary, his wife, like all that shit comes into it. And really his plan to kind of get things happening didn't really, I think, take to fruition because of all of that.

We see it starts working, but we don't... We see like a third of the plan, really. Yeah, because we don't really know what would happen next. What's the end goal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you do? Well, my first thought is we get him like a Batmobile-style thing. Okay? Okay.

So there's one pretty big problem I have straight away. What's that? He's a drunk. Yeah, well, no, we clean up his act as well. Okay? Okay. So there's one pretty big problem I have straight away. What's that? He's a drunk. Yeah, well, no, we clean up his act as well. Okay. Hell. Experimental medication. So...

We know he's tough on the outside, but is he tough on the inside? Jackson. Yeah. Are you familiar with medicine? I am. So, you know, when you get given any type of relatively strong medication of any kind, it says do not operate heavy machinery. And here's a little thing that people seem to forget.

When I say do not operate heavy machinery, what are you thinking of? A forklift, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it also includes cars, and I see the floor in my plan. And a Batmobile, unfortunately, even bigger. We cannot have Hancock on meds driving a Batmobile through the city. No. But in favor of my meds strategy.

Also, he can fly, and he's not in anyone's way in the sky. Well, when he flies. He kills a couple of birds. That's better than running over a- It's chaotic, is what I'm thinking. The flying. Uh-huh. Through the city.

Yeah. It looks messy. Yeah. Okay. And running a red light into a child is... Experimental medication. Yeah. Let's not forget.

Yeah. He gets drunk. What does that mean? Medication works on him. Ah. Not ah. What? What does that mean?

What is... He gets drunk. Medication works on him because he's drunk and now he's driving. No, I mean. What? I mean, if he can drink, that means we can affect his body chemistry with outside influences. Ah. Okay, I see the thought process.

Right? Yes! If he can get drunk, but he drinks a whole bottle. It's got to be a lot of meds, yes. Very experimental. Experimental meds, experimental dosage. We're experimenting with it all. When I say experimental meds, I mean experimental meds of what you would give an elephant.

I guess elephant, what do you give an elephant that's addicted to alcohol? Well, that's why they're experimental. You got to invent anti-alcohol elephant meds. I got to go to every circus in the country. Drink up. You got any alcoholic elephants in here? Because I need experimental meds. No, I got a whole bunch of fucking clowns, though.

Won't stop smoking and drinking. Well, six clowns is like one elephant. You sound like you got a whole bunch of stuff going on. Yeah. My circus is fucked. My circus is falling apart. That's a shame. What happened?

Look at my clowns. I know. They're fucking drunk and shit. Smoking and drinking. You only have clowns? I got six clowns and one elephant I don't know what to tell you is anyone looking

after this elephant well the clowns are on the menu but they're not really doing anything they started smoking and drinking oh yeah I can see

I've become a broil I missed it did you guys need some help I missed the laughter of the children do people ever come and see this sometimes

I go back to Hancock and I'm like okay so you gotta advertise a circus we gotta save this circus Mr. Hancock and I'm like, okay, so you've got to advertise a circus. We've got to save this circus, Mr. Hancock. I don't know if you know about this. He's like, are we doing the experimental medication? I'm like, I don't think someone else is coming up, okay?

So you're going to send Hancock to my sad circus? Yeah. No, he can just tell people about the circus. We've got to fix the circus. Good job, go to the circus. Good job, go to the circus Good job Go to the circus And he gives them all flyers Then I'm giving my clowns more money

And I feel like that's not helping their problem But then find a clown Find a clown That's on you But then you're one man and an elephant That's sad How many men do I have to have to an elephant Where it's not sad?

Four Oh yeah Because then you're obviously doing something with it Otherwise I don't know what your plan is what are you one man gonna how are you gonna if the elephant rampages well that's what i mean that's why i haven't fired the clowns yeah well okay that's fair enough you would have kind of catch 22 yeah because you hire more people uh to fill in their job and then you have that risk of them becoming like the clown yeah they Yeah, they're going to see how the clowns live and think that's awesome.

I'm worried. Yeah, those clowns are a bad influence on new employees. I understand. You can't go one man to an elephant's bed, eight men to an elephant's bed. Four's the sweet spot. Eight men to an elephant, I'm like, what are they going to do

with that elephant? Well, yeah, But the problem here Jack Is you've got four Useless clowns No no It's six The clowns are a separate problem No it's

Six clowns And they would usually Do clown stuff too Yeah yeah yeah So like when you see Six clowns One ringleader And an elephant

You're like Well some of the clowns Do elephant shit Yeah that's fine That's fine Four Eight strange men And an elephant

I'm worried for the elephant One man and an elephant's fine. Four, eight strange men and an elephant. I'm worried for the elephant. One man and an elephant. I'm worried for the man. Four men and an elephant. I'm happy for everybody. I'm good. Anyway, experimental medication for Hancock. To get rid of his drinking and his smoking like that.

Does he smoke? Probably. Yeah. We don't see it, but we can assume it. Yeah. It's just to stop the erratic behavior. Have these nicotine patches. I don't see it, but we can assume it. Yeah, it's just to stop the erratic behavior. Have these nicotine patches. I don't smoke.

Have these nicotine patches. No, I want to smoke. Awesome. That'll be great for your public image. Yeah. Smoking's cool. Oh, I got a good idea for my PR move. And then we get him in the Batmob without tumbling around the city yeah yeah okay so this

is all a convoluted plan just because you think he flies messy yeah that's and it's like uh-huh okay yeah you got two crash scenarios okay pr moves usually don't have crash scenarios let alone two but okay. Crash one. He smashes into a building from up high. He hits the glass, smashes through the glass, tumbles through the glass, smash scenario number two. He hits the base of the

building. His car tumbles over. He gets out. He's fine. Well, no, because he'd go through the windshield. It's a tough windshield. then he'll probably do the same thing on the ground floor where the foundations might be okay forget the car he runs everywhere then okay yeah yeah there you go there we go solve the problem um okay no because yeah in fact there is also popular culture events where there is someone that goes too fast on experimental medication that paces a lady.

Turns them into Sonic. No, that other show. Yeah, not Sonic the Hedgehog, the other show. Ty Hall? No. Who goes so fast they pace them? It's episode one of that TV show I don't like that everyone loves. The Boys?

The Boys. Oh, okay. The Boys. The Boys. Yeah, the speedster runs through a lady. Okay, well, no, I'm not saying he needs to. Hancock might run through people. He runs at the speed he flies.

Oh, that is fast. He's running through people, dude. Yeah. Okay. Once again, you haven't done much to improve his public image I'm going back to step one The experimental medication, of course And that just stops him drinking

And that's a win as far as I'm concerned So you stop him drinking So at the moment you've done what one little part of Jason Bateman's plan was Okay It's worth noting Jackson's taking his glasses off and he's just rubbing his eyes and his forehead. Okay. This is like a very stressful job interview for you.

Forget step one. I got a new plan. Okay. We'll find a lookalike. Yep. Okay. Of John Hancock? Or Jason Bateman. Who are you talking about? I don't know. Yourself? Jackson, step one of your plan was experimental medication. To get him to stop drinking something that Jason Bateman? Who are you talking about? I don't know. Yourself? Jackson, step one of your plan was experimental medication

to get him to stop drinking something that Jason Bateman did already. Okay, so we find a body double. Okay. Yeah, of Hancock. Yeah, okay.

We pin everything on him and we say, this is a new John Hancock. That is the old John Hancock. What? What if you say, what if you say, what if you say. What would that do?

No, no, no. You get that new body, that guy, right? You put everything in. But you simply say, oh, my God, Hancock, he's an alien. And you know how cells can split in two? Yeah. He's done it. You've got the piece of shit and you've got the good one.

Yeah, he's dumped all of his shit in this guy. Actually, better yet, We do a twins like situation Where we don't have to even find a look alike We gotta find like Looks kind of basically a piece of shit Danny DeVito looking guy So we gotta be like He osmosised

And all the good went into this guy And all the bad went into this guy Piece of shit And this is what's been happening. His drinking is like a cocoon, if you will. And he needed it to get to the metamorphosis. And this is what came out the other side. Like a butterfly.

And now he's good. Yep. Holy shit. We have such good shirts available at the moment. Seriously, if you head to santspantsradio.com slash shop, we've got a bunch of new amazing shirts available for you to grab and wear on your filthy bodies. I personally currently own a long-sleeved black Plumbing the Death Star tee with the Sans Pants logo on the breast and a huge Plumbing the Death Star logo on the back. I wear it all

the time. And I also have one with the logo of the Greyhill Free Company on it from the latest season of D&D is for Nerds because it looks sick as hell. It's probably one with the logo of the Greyhill Free Company on it from the latest season of D&D is for Nerds because it looks sick as hell. It's probably one of the best designs I reckon we've had in ages. So head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop and grab yourself an awesome t-shirt. We also do limited monthly runs based on specific designs like references or in-jokes.

They're so good. So once again, that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop. And he wears a tracksuit. And then we send Danny DeVito to prison. Yeah. Hey, do you want to be Hancock's body double? You're going to prison for life. Also, we're putting you, you don't have powers,

you're going to a normal prison. And we're putting him in general pop. And then, guess what happens? We're so sad to inform the general public that evil John Hancock is dead. He got killed in prison stabbed by a million chips. Okay.

Oh, that's such a shame. But thank God we got the good bits of John Hancock. It's not actually sad, because that wasn't actually a guy. Yeah, that was evil John Hancock. It was kind of like if you have a bad meal, you do a big diarrhea. No, okay. So I've had a big meal and I do a big diarrhea. You've got rid of all the bad stuff. That's what that guy was.

Okay, so I shouldn't be sad about- No, at all. Okay, so I just want to double check something here. I should never be sad if I have a bad meal then diarrhea. You shouldn't be sad if you flush the diarrhea. Yeah. Because it's like just diarrhea. You don't need to keep it around. No, no, no. So that means if you have a good meal and have a good shit, do you keep it? But the metaphor isn't perfect.

I have to admit. It's like the idea of an investigative journalist being like, we've done some research. That is not John Hancock. That's Gary Killaw. And now he's dead. If that happens, I'm blaming

it all on Hancock. I've been misinformed, I must admit. He must have used his alien powers on me. John Hancock's a piece of shit. He's had me on experimental medication this whole time. See, a liar.

Why would he do that, the freak? That's crazy. Experimental about the medication from a circus. The flinching clown. Yeah. A circus I recommend everybody goes to. The only game to the circus is to ask if my elephant was drunk, and it's not,

but I got drunk clowns. The meds aren't even from me. It's a different circus. It's a different circus. Don't worry about it. I went to many circuses. You're not the only circus I went to, okay a different circus. I went to many circuses. You're not the only circus I went to. I've got many circuses down. Come on now.

But I do feel sorry for your circus. I'm advertising. Thank you. Anyways, this is my plan. Hang on. Can you just walk us through your plans? I'll do it in steps. Step one. Step one. Go to every circus in America.

Step one A. one, go to every circus in America. Yep, step two. Step one A, have a great time. Step one A, encounter Joel Dush's sad circus with six drunk smoking clowns and one elephant. Step one B, become sad. Step two, find a circus. Find a circus. There shouldn't be a circus. Okay. Step two, he's circus. Find a circus. There shouldn't be a circus.

Okay. Step two is holding four fingers. Good. Step two. But also, go to every circus in America. Step one, step two, find a circus. I think you found them. Okay.

Step two. Yeah, now you have five fingers up. This is a finger hand. This is just gesticulating. Why were the fingers separate then? Why were you looking at them? Step two. I know this one's secretly down, my pinky.

That's still four. Yeah, these two are 1A and B. Anyway, step two. Acquire experimental anti-alcoholism medication from a circus. Step three. Give it to John Hancock. Step four. Find the body double.

Step five. Oh, not even a body double. Just a freak. Just find the guy. Just find the guy. Step five. Tell everybody that John Hancock took a human diarrhea. And it's this guy. And it's all the evil in John Hancock took a human diarrhea. And it's this guy.

And it's all the evil in John Hancock. It's so good to imagine having a meeting with the guy you fight as a body double. Look at this human diarrhea. And then Tony will be like, it's all right. I know you're good. It's all going to be okay for you. I'll do it. I'll make a little addendum to this plan.

I like that his plan starts with one and then goes 1A. Because usually it would be 1A, 1B, 1C. We're going to skip this part, but now you've got to say John Hancock is a very powerful man. He's in good peak health. He's got a lot of powers. And we need to find a human diarrhea equivalent. Now I am gesticulating to a certain individual in front of me. Does this certain individual have four fingers up but keep saying two?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe this human shit... I'm in prison. I'm like, how did the plan... Wait a second. I'm on the other side. I'm like, don't worry, dude. It's going to pay off. I'm going to keep saying you're a human diarrhea, but trust me, it's good. I know you're not. I'm going to keep saying it. Dude, you're okay.

I know you're not a human diarrhea. You're a great guy. This human diarrhea is equivalent. I'm responsible for every one of you who's in here today. This human diarrhea has been all of the cause of all of your misery for 10 years, and now I'm putting him in this prison. And now I'm Shiv to death. And that's step six.

Perfect. So that's my six step plan. Oh no. Hang on. Step. I don't know where I can fit it in, but let's say step five, one A.

Now you've got three fingers up. No, no, no. You've got two. You've got two up. For five, one A. You've got two fingers up. Is to advertise Joel Dush's sad service, because I promised him I would. That's right.

Anyway, that's my plan. That's a pretty good plan for turning Hancock around. I have a different strategy. I look at the situation, and I'm like, maybe we're too far gone. Maybe this is fucked. Hancock, have we ever thought about supervillainy? How about, look, who used to say you can't be the DA? If you kill the current DA, do you become the new DA?

He becomes sort of like a cosmic emperor. Yeah, well, Hancock becomes irredeemable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he just pulls around town tearing guys apart. It's a reference that I'm making solely for Joel Zammett, who I think loves this book. I'm not even sure if it is a book or if it's a reference that I'm making solely for Joel Zammett, who I think loves this book. I'm not even sure if it is a book or if it's a webcomic.

It's a comic. It was written by Mark Waid. The first arc is pretty good. Then on a reread, I'm like, oh, it gets pretty dumb. Is it irredeemable or the other one? It's irredeemable. What's the other one called?

Uncorruptible. Which is first, irredeemable? Irredeemable. Okay, so I was referencing the right one. Yeah, well done. Thank you. In my head, it's a web Irredeemable. Okay, so I was referencing the right one. Yeah, well done. Thank you. In my head it's a webcomic still. Anyway. Okay. That's strange. It just seems like a webcomic.

No, it's like Jackson's favorite webcomic. Yeah. Yeah, the pink guy. Yeah, that's my favorite webcomic. What's his name? You know it. I'm a big fan. You know the protagonist of my favorite webcomic, yeah. Yeah, the blue guy is the protagonist. Pink guy's the bad guy. He's a clown. Anyway, we hate looking at him. You know the protagonist of my favorite webcomic, yeah. Yeah, the blue guy's the protagonist.

Pink guy's the bad guy. He's a clown. Anyway, we hate looking at him. You got a plush of him. It's good. Anyway, what I was trying to say was I've forgotten. You said he was like the guy from Irredeemable. If Zama makes him a supervillain.

Oh, yeah. And also, you make him a supervillain, you got an issue, though. Yeah. What? Because you're forgetting. What? That there is also a superhero so who is who the movie constantly reminds you is stronger and faster than yeah well then if she ends up say killing hancock i'll fix the problem yeah that's true hancock's dead charlie's the

rules the town i mean maybe tess almer in half Maybe test it out. What's this on me? You are the evil PR guy. You're pretty much a Lex Luthor role here. You're like, hi, I'm a dark PR man. There are two kinds of PR person, light and dark. It's like, it's Jedi and Sith kind of. I'm the bad one. I'm just saying, well, okay, okay.

Maybe we don't have to kill the DA, but maybe if we can just, I don't know, what if you, Hancock, as powerful as you are, maybe just kind of like annexed a bit of land from the United States. Oh, yeah, made a Hancock town. And made this his Hancock town, and we live there. Yeah. Or you live there by yourself. What do you need? What do you want?

And you just stay there for a bit as a hermit But I think the trick about Hancock is he likes fighting crime Because he does it off his own volition He doesn't get anything out of it Yeah, in fact the entire town fucking hates him And he still does it So I think if you're like, hi, I'm a dark PR guy I'm sort of the devil of PR

He'll put you in someone's asshole And if you're unlucky, maybe his own I'm a dark PR man. It's going to be good. Yeah. So the best way to stop crime is with an iron fist. Okay. So I think what we need to do is we need to take control of a lot of the, I guess, elements

that are happening. Now, do we know, like, maybe is there like a mob boss that we could- I'm sure there would be. Or are people we basically- There are lots of gangs. They talk about there being a mob boss? I'm sure there would be. Or are people, we basically. There are lots of gangs. They talk about there being lots of gangs and drug cartels in the city. Maybe we need to go pay a visit. I know you want to be threatening a lot of heads up assholes.

And maybe that's a good threat. Maybe we do it to a couple of low level ones. Okay. A high level one doesn't matter. But you're indestructible. I think if I was Hancock and I wanted to send a message, I'd do it to the two highest level guys. Yeah. Making the raw brus.

Don't do crime. Roll them down a hill. And then do a press conference in front of a big sheet and then you say, hey, I'm John Hancock, don't do crime, and you pull the thing up and the sheet's revealed and their heads are in each other's eyes. And you pick them up and you all are open.

I'll do this to you. I will do this to you. I will do this to you. Crime doesn't pay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Crime, in fact, makes this happen. Woo, woo. You might not like my methods, but they get the job done.

Yeah. So you're saying John Hancock goes to, like, the heads of the drug cartels. Yeah. And just pastes them? Yeah. And then, like, runs them. Yeah, but I think he'll just paste them and then he'll pull a 40 out and he'll just go and lie back down in the streets.

He doesn't want a house. He could have a house if he wanted a house. Yeah. I don't think John Hancock... Sadly, in the version of the film we watched, didn't have a butt. In one version of the film, he comes holes in his trailer.

It's a shotgun block. Yeah, it's pretty sick. It's pretty cool stuff. Yeah, but i think you could get him to go so right now he is a lethal protector oh my god yeah eddie and uh but you could make him be even more lethal i think yeah yeah yeah you might not be able to get him to rule the city but you might be able to get him to be like, Hancock, in one day, you could kill every guy. All right. Hancock. Harris, we know.

What about this? Yeah. We go and get like a cop from the city. Yeah. Who might know like a detective or something like that. Maybe there's a lot of names about the people in the city. Maybe he's like a bit more older. Sure. Maybe he's a bit disillusioned with the justice system. And we're like, hey, you've got a list. older. Sure. So maybe he's a bit disillusioned with the justice system.

And we're like, hey, you've got a list, yeah? Yeah, we'll just go and take out every one of the bad guys. And then there's only good guys left. Exactly. Judge, jury, executioner. Yeah. And that can be Hancock. Judge, Hancock, Dredd.

Yeah. That's good. And that's basically it. And we kind of live under his law for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, again, we're nothing but ants to him. Absolutely. And we need to please our new god. But here's what's going to happen.

He kills everybody in town, right? And he's like, but then he turns around to you and he's like, you're a dark PR man. I must kill all the evil in town. What about this instead, Hancock? And then he grabs you and squeezes you and your head pops off like a pants. What about before we squeeze my head? I understand that you want to do this. However, how about we turn you into a new god?

I don't want that. I only want good. I don't know why he talks like a front part. People can't worship you, and you need a little bit of bad. He'd be like, what are you saying? Shut up. He's already left. Oh, great.

Oh, that's good. I'm good. He forgot about me. Then he just immediately comes down and squashes you like a bug. Oh, I thought you left. You said you left. Mamma mia. Well, if you need me, and I do the speech with Joker and Batman, but half remembered

and tired. We complete each other, Hancock. You need me. See, Hancock's like, I can't even remember your fucking name. Yeah, I don't know it either, dude. I exist for this joke. Hancock, we're all in a bit right now.

Come on now. I'm upside down spinning. What am I attached to? Nothing. Nothing. Come on. This is all for the sake of comedy, Hancock. And that scares him so much he leaves. I reckon Hancock does that Mario to Bowser throw where he picks you up by your foot, spins around and just...

Oh, like the whale. Like the whale. He throws a whale into a boat. That's so funny. Greenpeace remembers. Yeah. Walter remembers. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. But I think the trouble you're encountering is you're relying on trying to fundamentally change who Hancock is. And at the core, that's a hard thing to do. I mean, I am getting to paste a lot of criminals. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's still a victory. A huge leap. From murderer to God? Yeah, that's the leap. But pasting a lot of villains or a lot of criminals doesn't seem like the easiest. No, no, not for Hancock. Goodness, no.

I reckon my way of exploring Hancock and reinventing his pair, I'd be like, Hancock. I'm going to explore him. Hancock, the way you haven't tried yet. Yeah. Space. But you can go to space because at the end of the film he goes to the moon. It's true. Why? He doesn tried yet. Yeah. Space. But you can go to space. Uh-huh.

Because at the end of the film, he goes to the moon. It's true. Why? He doesn't die. Yeah. Just like see what's going on up there. Reinvent. And then, because you're disappearing, I think you can come back.

Everyone will be like, oh, you're back. That's good. It's the same as going to jail, except you're not going to jail. You're going to space to play with the planets. Yeah, you can do whatever you want in space. Fly through a fucking asteroid. But he's lonely. Yeah. You're like, be lonely. How long you can do whatever you want in space. Fly through a fucking asteroid. But he's lonely. Yeah.

You're like, be lonely. How long are you sending him up there? Yeah. Is he going to be like, get like a bit of the space crazies? Is he going to be alone? Are you giving him space goonies, dude? Is he going to be alone for too long?

I am risking a big time where he flies out and does the thing that astronauts do sometimes. They look at Earth and they're like, we're puny. Yeah. This means nothing to me. What are you saying? They have the opposite thing happen. What awesome scenario are you imagining? Buzz Aldrin comes back and they're like,

what was it like up there? And he's like, we're fucking Apes. All of you are puny and worthless. They're like, wow, we're all connected. We should really look after each other, is every astronaut's opinion. Are you thinking, did you read the Squadron Supreme Max line of comics back in the 2000s? I don't know what you're talking about. Where's Hyperion? It's like Marvel's Superman. Where he flies up into space and he looks at Earth. He puts his hand in front of it,

he makes a fist like he's crushing it. Oh, wait. Is that what you're thinking of that? Are you thinking of that? Are you imagining Buzz Aldrin? And being like, hey, they're like ants to us now. I could crush this. No, no, no.

I'm not imagining the Buzz Aldrins like they're like ants to us. I'm just thinking Buzz Aldrin's like, ah. We're ants and insignificant? Yeah. He comes back and we're like ants to us I'm just thinking Buzz Aldrin's like ah we're ants and insignificant yeah he comes back and we're like everything's meaningless and he's just like honestly who cares don't send people to space because they come back with nihilism they come back with

nihilism and some of us a little bit destruction I just love that your haircut comes back and you're like oh fuck do you think it's all meaningless now and he's like we're all connected. This helped me a great deal. But you went to space. When you left, it was a 50-50.

Well, actually now knowing that the opposite of what I honestly truly believed is true, sitting in space is not a bad idea. Yeah, because he sees it and he's like, wow, what am I doing being so self-destructive? Yeah. Yeah, they probably won't fix the property damage, you'll probably be a nicer person.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, like initially when I came up here, I had a little bit of a thought of maybe if I throw the moon into the earth. But now that I see that the earth is so tiny that we're all connected. We're all so fragile, we need to look after each other. I've got to protect not just LA, but the world. What if he gets, okay, I know this is gonna sound crazy. What if he gets big from the cosmic dust?

Like he goes up there and he gets like Fantastic Four or whatever. It just seems risky to send a superhero to space. Okay, that's all I'm saying. Okay, so is the cosmic dust you referenced, is this a comic book thing or is it just a fear of yours? Has this ever happened in the history of astronauts? I'll even take pop culture at this point. Has anyone ever gone to space and got big?

Well, got big was just one possible example. Just in space, you are bombarded with a whole matter of dirty radiation that you are protected from on Earth by the ionosphere. I will say, though, I do have a slight edge with this because I know that he's gone to space and doesn't come back big. He's only been to the moon. He does come back with an eagle, and we cannot confirm or deny that that's not a space eagle. He comes back from space with another eagle.

And you're like, what? Where are they coming from? Space. Do you? Yeah, okay. It's crazy to have that confirmed, but that is kind of what I expected, and you've kept it vague.

Yeah. There's clearly something in this you're not telling me, but clearly you don't trust me with the information, so fair enough. We'll move on. Don't know if I can live with it, really. Hey, look, I do not have the ability to go to space. So you can just tell me.

He's like, it's probably best you don't know where all the eagles are coming from. Imagine all the astronauts coming back from space and NASA just shoots the eagles when they get off the rocket. Can't have that. They raise too many questions. People want to know where all the eagles come from. It's a state secret Yeah yeah yeah

Of course Of course Okay well he goes to space Yep And either comes back big We don't know Or Comes up being like

Human life means more to me now Yeah which is good Yeah And also Sort of a lesson you wanted to learn I guess has he stopped drinking Or did he go on a space bender Well also if he's spending time in space

Where's he getting booze Yeah You know Unless he brought it with him Well that's true But he would on a space bender? Well, also, if he's spending time in space, where's he getting booze? Yeah. I mean, unless he brought it with him. Well, that's true, but he would have a finite supply, but maybe he makes a lot, maybe a ration. Yeah, and we see him try and buy some, so it's not like he's got an infinite amount of alcohol.

Yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true. And also, like, that does the crime rate stuff. I mean, it doesn't make as much of an image as sending him to jail, but maybe that is enough in itself that when he then goes to jail, he's like, I get it. You could be like,

instead of sending him- He probably doesn't put that guy's head in the other guy's ass. Yeah, which is nice. Instead of sending him to jail, you could do a PR thing where he's like, I understand we want to go to jail,

but we're going to send him to the next, you know, a jail for him, which is space. Yeah. Because if you don't, you put him in general, he could kill people,

he's too strong, they might attack him. Someone's going to end up with their head up in the ass. We all know it what if this way you might like this i might maybe what if you hancock grounded him you're like hancock has lost touch with the american man across america hancock hancock you need to be grounded walk across america that's not a bad way to get in touch with the like yeah the common folk because then he'll get

to his experience and honestly especially based on the history that we get of him that will probably be a good thing yeah

he'll get tougher he'll get stronger as he moves away from Charlize Theron he will understand what's going on he'll assume that he's getting stronger

because he's drinking the walking's working oh wow I should be working out. Knowing how those two apparently operate, it's like she will eventually be like,

let's go on a road trip and be in the same town as him at some point. That's true. And he'll start to lose it and he'll be like, I gotta walk faster. I gotta keep walking America.

So, yeah. Actually, I like that. I like that a lot more. Do a Hancock grounded. Yeah, Hancock grounded. Do a Hancock grounded. Yeah. Hancock walks from...

Hey, if you're unfamiliar with Superman grounded, think also Forrest Gump. You can have Forrest Gumping him as well. Yeah, Forrest Cock, you could say. Yeah, we're Forrest Cocking him. Yeah, so he just runs across America as his penance

of all the collateral damage he's done. It's so funny to imagine him doing the press conference and he's like, as recompense for the destruction, everybody's like, oh, he's going to go to jail. He's like, I'm going to run. Yeah. I'm running America. I'm walking America.

I'm walking America. I'm going to walk. You can call this Hancock grounded or Forrestcock. Up to you. Whichever reference works better for you. I don't understand either. And Gump. That sounds too much like and gun,

so we crossed that one off. We went with Forestcock, which sounds awesome. It was Forestcock or Gumpcock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't want to go Gumpcock. That's also great if you all assume Gumpcock's going gonna be like, just make sense to everybody

immediately and it's on a banner that people did. Don't worry, as recompense for what is done, Gump Cock. It's also funny cause like you go the other way around, Cock Gump. Everyone's just in the crowd in absolute silence. Ladies and gentlemen, we are Gumpcocking it. What's he going to do? Gumpcock. Gumpcock 2008.

It's Gumpcock. Yeah. It's Gumpcock. It's Gumpcock. Does anyone have any questions? A lot of you have questions. That's a lot of hands. Okay, I guess we'll go with you. What is Gumpcock. Does anyone have any questions? A lot of you have questions. That's a lot of hands. Okay, I guess we'll go with you. What is Gumpcock?

What is a Gump? I think it was a guy's name. What guy? Forrest. Forrest Gump. 94. What could you possibly be? Then Hancock starts running. Oh, Gump! 94! What could you possibly be? Then Hancock starts running.

And everyone's like, oh, Gumpcock! Gumpcock 08. I get it now. Yeah, I think that's a brilliant plan. Yeah, we're Gumpcocking it. We're Gumpcocking it. It's time to Gumpcock it. It's time to Gumpcock our way into the next century.

Yeah. I agree. And I think that maybe Jason Bateman's PR moves in here smart but he should have just gump cocked yeah he should have just pulled a gump cock and everything would have worked out so much better yeah no one goes to jail crime rises 30%

no one gets a head up your wife doesn't get bashed or bashed or shot well maybe because crime rate did rise wife doesn't get bashed or bashed. Or shot. Yeah, no one gets shot. Then he knows. Well, maybe because

crime rate did rise by 30%. But Hancock will be back eventually to clean up this mess. And also, if he's gumcocking around USA. You gotta come back.

I was gonna say, the crime rates where he's gumcocking will go down. Absolutely. In many ways, he's lowering the crime globally of the world. Or America, at least.

I don't know about globally, but. Well, if he gumcocks across the ocean. Yeah. Gumcocks of the world. Or America, at least. I don't know about globally, but... Well, if he gumcocks across the ocean. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Gumcocks across the sea. Gumcock World Tour. Gumcock World Tour 09. Yeah. We're gonna break Newfoundland. No, no, we're gonna gumcock America.

And now we're gonna gumcock the world. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. And like, other countries won't know what that means, but it doesn't matter. They don't know. They'll understand. They'll learn in time. Soon there'll be a time when no one will know what Forrest Gump was, but they'll know what Gumpcock is. Where were you when Gumpcock happened?

Yeah, that's a good question. And you all can be like, I know where I was at the beginning. I was at the start of Gumpcock. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel. And this concludes us doing 16 fucking episodes of this shit in two days. Let us know.

Is this good? Was it good? Should we return to Hancock? We will. We'll do it. There's still more to talk about. Yeah. There's a lot to unpack.

But yeah, we'll see you next week with an episode we've recorded three months from now. Goodbye. Goodbye. So long. My God. Do you want more of this bullshit but don't want the commitment of Sandspans Plus? I get it. Too many shows, a good chunk of them are D&D, and I don't know if you know this, but that shit want the commitment of Sandspans Plus? I get it. Too many shows,

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