Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Stop John Wick?

Episode Date: November 24, 2019

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onto an unsuspecting dinosaur land. Hey everybody and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star where we ask important questions like how would you stop John Wick? Oh, wait, why is he after me? Well, you killed his dog and stole his car. On purpose.

I killed his car and stole his car. On purpose. I killed his car and stole his dog. Hey, John Wick. And he looks up from reading the paper in his mansion and then I just shoot into his engine a couple of times. Grab his dog by the scruff of the neck and run. See ya. Try and catch me, idiot. And they're like, you're back in the game. And he's like, I guess.

Hey, give me a dog back. I think I can just kill this guy and take my dog back and I'll be good. I don't think he's part of the secret society that we're part of. I don't think he's part of a Russian crime. I don't know. I think he's just an idiot.

He might be going around and doing this to many people. I might be the one time it doesn't work. You keep shooting cars and stealing dogs. What end? Don't know. What end? Forward. Got to fill the hours of the day somehow.

People keep asking John Wick if he's back, and he says no. I'm really not. You back, John Wick? No, it's this whole thing. It's just one guy. Have you seen him? You notice the spate of shot cars?

He's responsible. So you're stopping him. No, he has my dog as well. I want my dog back. That's pretty much as far as I'm going to go. Maybe I'll give him a bit of a smack on the nose. Yeah, and then... Well, I'll kill him, but, you know, whatevs. He hasn't killed my dog.

He just shot my car a bit. It's annoying. I'll shoot his car. Does he have a car? He actually didn't wreck the car. Yeah, because shooting is... Look, I've got... It's damaged, but it works.

I've got to, like, get, like, a panel sorted. It's expensive. Yeah. Do we see John Wick kill anyone in the movie? Like, pretty much everyone... He doesn't deserve it? Yeah. Oh, I deserve it.

No. In this situation... Phallus. You've shot the car. Fellas. He can just tell by looking at me. He's like about to leave me and he's like, no, wait, no. What am I doing?

The classic thing of like he's walking off. You're like beaten up and you're on the ground instead of being like, be seeing you, John. You're like, hey, asshole. Fuck you. Hey, why didn't you kill me, you coward? I'm obviously a bad guy. I am deranged. I'll do it again. Hey, you coward? I'm obviously a bad guy. I am deranged.

I'll do it again. Hey, you know your dog? I looked at its genitals on purpose. Shoot me in the head. I don't know why you want this. What do you mean on purpose? Obviously I don't. What do you mean looked at?

What? I didn't do anything yuck. I just had a look. Yeah, I just was checking. I just want you to know that I did that. It's not a crime to look at a dog's genitals okay do you want yeah you know what else isn't a crime though fucking your own backyard should you do it no do I do it every day yeah so you put your penis in your little hole step A step B fuck it Step C

Come and then cover it up And get ready for another day of shooting cars and stealing dogs Hope to hell one day your tree will grow I mean you should be arrested Are you going to shoot me in the face or not? Do you want me to shoot you in the face? No I would love

I'll die I just think you should But you just You're a nuisance the face or not? Do you want me to shoot you in the face? No! I would love... I'll die! I just think you should! But you just... You're a nuisance! Hey, John! Have you ever sucked on a dog's tail? Do it now! Not a crime! Do you suck on my dog's tail? No, but I could've! And you couldn't send me to prison!

I'm not a cop! I don't know what you are! You're very angry. I'll tell you that much. You stole my dog. I mean, I'm stealing people, plenty of people's dogs. You're not special, John Wayne.

I know your name for some reason, but you're not special. You're back in the game, are you? I don't even know what that means. People keep saying that to you. I notice. What game? What's happening?

We're playing a game. We'll be included. I'd like to be part of this. It's also funny for him to go to the hotel and me to just walk in behind him. Where are we going? Holding his dog. Give me your dog. No! Mr. Wick, sir, you cannot

do anything violent to this man in this lobby. Violent to me? What? What do you mean? So if I'm in this hotel, he can't punch me? Can I punch him? No. Well, you're not part of the maybe. Yes.

Wait, no, but how do you get part of the syndicate? Maybe Jackson is now. He's wet walking the continental. No, but it's established that you can be like a hitman but not take. It's your choice if you want to take. If I have a coin am i in yeah if like john wick puts a coin down like you know very deliberately and then i

grab it and i'm like what's this am i a hitman now do i get a cool suit am i a wick man is that why you're called wick are you a candle based man something, Wicke? Something like that? How do you become part of the syndicate? You just got to ask. Oi, mate, I want to be one of your bang-bang guys. And you don't have to kill people if you want to be a bang-bang guy because it's established in the third film that Head of the Continental, what's his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ian McShane. Yeah, Ian McShane. I was going for his character's name. No. Walter, maybe. Sure. Call it Walt. Wally. Ian McShane Ian McShane I was going for his character's name no Walter maybe sure call it Walt Wally

would I know John Wick's name if his name wasn't in the title no not a million years he would be Keanu yeah be seeing you Ian anyway

Ian Shane he's like I was under the impression that things were optional and then she's like they are so yeah

you don't have to take any contracts done deal you don't have any take any contracts. Done deal. You don't have any more of those sweet gold coins. Let's just keep taking them when people put them on the table. Everyone's very done. It's so funny. You know, like someone does it, but the bartender's not watching, and I just grab it, and the bartender's like,

you're going to pay for your drink? He has my coin. No, I don't. He's lying. It's good to do it at the Continental. So wait for someone to put the money on the thing to check into a room. You just take it because then they can't do anything. I can never leave the Continental.

I'm going to have like a John Wick, but it's when I leave the Continental. Everyone's getting their one coin back. You're basically living the villain of two. Constantly being in the hotel. Yeah, this is good for me. The contract thing with all the ladies at the exchange center. Contract out.

Whatever the reward for killing your one coin. Jackson Bailey, excommunicado. Oh, wait, you don't want that to happen. They can do that. Then you can't. Then I'm out of the hotel. It's also great to imagine everybody looking at their phones when I get excommunicado and being like,

eh, not worth it, really. You're there surrounded by your stolen dogs. What? What's everyone looking at me for? What was that? I wonder if their tails are different flavours. I'll never know, but I'll think about it. I'm not going to do it, but...

I could. Who are these people chasing me? I've been paying maybe 40% of attention this whole time. Anyway. Yes. So we've all killed John Wick's dog. Yes. Yes.

Okay. Some on purpose, some as a pure accident. And now he's coming for us. Okay. What are we doing? All right. So I know he has a big old soft spot for dogs Yes

Well guess what my Step A Yes Go to the pound Step B Right Get a lot of puppies Uh huh

Step C Go to a tailor Oh no Cruella de Vil this year Cruella de Vil But with live dogs Oh no So get a suit made almost like a papoose

Uh huh Situation where I just cover my body in dog. Hey, great idea. Jackson, you've seen the John Wick films. I have. Where would you say the majority of the bullets end up in the bad guys? Heads. Cover my face in dog.

I will have dog everywhere. I cannot see for how much dog is on my body. There is no part of me that is dog free. John Wick like creeping down a library and hearing distantly. Me blindly stumbling into walls, maybe killing further dogs because I'm accidentally crushing them. Oh, no. So you've killed more dogs and also, okay, you can't see.

I want to imagine this. I have maybe some kind of like small Jack Russell or Chihuahua over each side of my face. A sausage dog over my like eye region. A big Labrador hugging me from the front. A Doberman behind me. No, a Chow Chow I like their blue tongues It makes it look like you've got a fur coat as well

Which is pretty cool Maybe all the sausage dogs Because they're aggressive And I'm like that They are, but they're also a very fragile dog So if you move wrong You might snap one of them back. And...

John Wick will have no issue if you've got a dead dog. We'll shoot you through the dog. But what if he doesn't know that they're dead? Well, if you're going up to John Wick and he's training the gun on you looking for a dead dog and you grab the mouth of a dead dog and like...

But I wouldn't know because I would be blocked. Yeah. Also... Bang, like, grab the mouth of a dead dog and, like, but I wouldn't know because I would be blown off. Yeah. What? Bang, bang, bang. Hey, Jackson, a follow-up question to my other one. You've seen John Wick Chapter 3, right? I have, yeah. Yeah, the conclusion of that film when everyone's wearing full-body armor

and his pistol isn't working properly. Yeah. What does he do? He gets a better gun. Yes, but not in this situation. Before he gets a better gun, he still kills people. I forget. He jams his pistol into the little gaps, which is

exactly what would happen with your dogs. No! My perfect cut. Okay, so so far, you killed his dog, you stole his car, however accidental you decide. You've gotten a whole bunch of other dogs. That works pretty well.

Steal a car and accidentally run over it with his own car. Oh, no. Backing out of his driveway. Put a bump in like, I don't think I did anything. I think I'm good. I think I'm good. I think I'm good. And then continue to reverse and then the same bump again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And leave like a trail of dog blood back to my hideout. Yeah. Yuck. Somehow that's worse than Jackson doing it on purpose. Oh, wait, no, because Jackson didn't. How about can I make it worse? No!

Because I imagine this, right, kind of like National Lampoon style. It's already funny. As I'm stealing the car, close the car, and not realizing that there's a lead stuck in the door. And choking the dog out as you drive away. As I drive, yes. You hung that dog. Yeah, you hanged that dog.

Does that happen in National Lampoons? Chevy Chase does it to his dog, yes. He hangs his dog. He hangs his dog, yes. While he drags behind it. Is the dog okay? No. It's very much dead.

It's very much dead. Which National Lampoon? I think this is the first one, isn't it? The one where they go across America? Yeah. You know when their grandma dies and they leave her somewhere? There's a lot of death in these movies. Man, the Griswolds are not a good family.

They kill a cat in the Christmas one as well. Yeah, they love to murder animals, just like the three of us. Yeah, so unfortunately, I'm trying to think of this a way. What if you get in a dog? How about... So you get a dog big enough. One of those massive dogs. You get it to eat you up.

One of those big dogs. You know, big. Like, it's got to be huge so you can comfortably sit. One that's capable of eating... Some kind of Clifford situation. One that's capable of eating anywhere between 60 to 80 kilos of meat. Oh, that's nice of you. More like 80 to 100, JT, but thank you.

You get vored the shit up by the dog. Okay, first question. Are you horny? No. Okay, good. Thank goodness. John Wick comes here and he's like, where are you? And you from within the dog go, the dog vored me.

Try and kill me now, John Wick. And he might climb in the dog, stab me, drag me out, and now he's got a giant dog in his arsenal. What if I have the dog suit but keep my eyes free and then just hold a gun to certain, like, you know, have my hand free with the gun and be like, John Wick, you get closer. I'm a cold clock all these dogs.

I think the struggle of John Wick is that no matter what, he's quicker than us. Yes. That's established by the universe. John Wick is quicker than any of the three of us. I just realised that you're... I just heard that little whisper of like, might accidentally shoot myself. John Wick's like, do it, and then you miss and just shoot yourself

in the head. Try and shoot a dog, get my own arm. Ow! Alright, alright, alright. Can I maybe have a Rube Goldberg machine style Where he walks through a door He sets up like a lever in action Where a gun goes off and shoots several dogs

Yes, here's the struggle, okay And this is a struggle Oh wait, hang on He has no attachment to dogs It's his wife, which is what I was about to bring up So you're wearing a dog suit, he's like I was about to bring up. Yeah, absolutely. So you're wearing a dog suit. He's like, I'm so sorry.

He just shoots you through a dog. Also, it's worth remembering that one of John Wick's key characteristics is that he's relentless. So if you've decided to wear a dog suit, you're wearing it forever. He'll just look and just cross his arms and be like, okay. Every single one of our plans. And those dogs are not going to sit still. No, they are. They're going to be yapping.

Oh, shitting on me. This has got to be a situation for the next 40 years till John Wick dies, okay? Okay, okay. Average lifespan of a dog is about 7 to 14. No, no, no. We'll go 10. Yeah, all right.

The smaller dogs live longer. Sure. A lot of small dogs. Okay. They're going to get sick. They are going to get sick. You're going to have to feed them individually. You're going to get sick. Yeah. You lot of small dogs. Okay. They're gonna get sick. They are gonna get sick. You're gonna have to feed them individually. You're gonna get sick. Yeah.

You are gonna die of disease. But I'm gonna be warm. Uh, yes. From all the dog hate, but then all the dog urine. And then you're gonna be hot from all of the dog hate and dog urine and dog feces covering your body. Fuck. John Wick has to do nothing but wait until you die from infection down the

track. Plus, eating's gonna be hard because the moment I go for a chip, the dog is going to eat. You know what feeding the dog means? More dog shit. Okay, now I can engineer this. All right, so I'm imagining like, say, a sausage dog in either of my arms strapped in. That's going to be hard because they're going to eat everything,

so I wait for them to sleep. I'll put little baggies around their bums. Okay. So that's that taken care of. For a bit. Hey, Jackson, what was the thing we established just before? Just keep it going, Jackson. Keep telling me more about these dogs.

John Wick is relentless. And has no attachment to dogs. Yeah, just keep going. John Wick is relentless. And has no attachment to dogs. Yeah, just keep going. I like to imagine me coming out like Iron Man, like one armor-esque.

Just all these dogs. See, John Wick, I've engineered it. You shot me and my pooches. You shit. My pooches, John Wick. Jonathan. My pooches, John Wick! Jonathan! My pooches! I only care about my dog.

Yeah, I miss my wife. Damn it. Okay, well. So how'd it go? John Wick shot you. The metric to test this, by which we'll judge it, is did you die from John Wick? So. Yes.

Actually, maybe that's a bad metric because Abbott could have died of infection. Did John Wick shoot you? A rabid dog bit me and I got right in the wound. Well, here's a good metric. Did John Wick kill you? Was it a good one? Was it a good metric did John Wick kill you was it a good one

like was it a good idea yes no yeah and maybe a third one would you if it had happened in John Wick 3 have been excited

by the fight scene no in that scene where John Wick is like running through the like the subway and all of those assassins around him

are like turning their violins into guns if one of them had been zammed in dogs, I would have been like, wow. Having a bad time as they're all barking and trying to bite me as I flail around,

walk into the streets, hit by a car and then die. What a weird choice would be my thought in the cinema. Was that an assassin? I don't know. That maybe is an in joke I don't get. That maybe is an in-joke I don't get. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Well, just a weird pause.

But while I have you here, have you heard of our sister podcast, Shut Up A Second? I'm not in it, so already we're off to a great start. Jackson hosts it, and it's just comedy without the pretense of pop culture garbage. So if you're tired of us talking about a Star War, a current Avenger, or that Harry Potpot bloke, why not check out Shut Up A Second? There's currently almost 300 episodes of pure, unadulterated nonsense

available on iTunes or directly from our website, sanspantsradio.com. All right. My plan is there's one place John Wick can't go that is up, okay? He could get to the top of a building maybe. What I'm going to do- I mean, we've seen him on top of buildings. Yeah, like he goes by an elevator in a horse. Okay, yes.

Or am I thinking of an Arnold Schwarzenegger film? You are thinking of True Lies. An elevator in a horse? No, no, no. He rides a horse in an elevator. Okay. And then he tries to jump from roof to roof, and the horse is like, fuck this,

and then throws him off the horse and off the roof. What a good film. And then he's like, you should have jumped, you dumb horse, or something like that. What a quip. So I get a hot air balloon. Yes. Any True Lies fans know that the line is not that much different

from whatever I just said. All those True Lies fans out there. All you True Lie heads listening tonight. No, get a hot air balloon. Get a whole bunch of anvils. Go up Looney Tunes style. Float above John Wick. Try and drop anvils on his head.

Joel Zaman. Hot air balloons. How do they work? Well, it's do it with weight and hot air. You have no weight, so you can kind of rise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's controlled with a hot air. Yeah, yeah. You have no weight, so you can kind of rise. Yeah, yeah. And it's controlled with a sandbag. Yeah, yeah, sweet.

What are anvils? Oh, heavy. Anything. Heavy. Oh, weights, would you say? Yeah, big and heavy. Can I pitch a scene to you? Yes.

Okay. How many anvils? Let's say I've got 40, okay? Okay, where's the hot air balloon in this situation? The hot air balloon is on the edge of a skyscraper, okay? Incorrect. It's on the ground. No, no.

It's on the roof. It's on the roof of the skyscraper. Incorrect. It's on the ground. No, no. It's on the roof. It's on the roof of the skyscraper. Too heavy currently to come get me. John Wick is down below. He starts running up. I start throwing anvils out at him. Okay, how many anvils do you reckon you personally could lift before you get tired?

Okay, before I get tired, roughly three. Okay. Three? Anvil, I reckon I could, or roughly three, okay? Three? Anvil, I reckon I could, oh, yeah, getting them even out of the basket is going to be hard. I could kind of heave them. What's the average weight of an anvil? Are you checking that? Yep, 75 pounds to 500 pounds.

What's that in kilos? Um... Great question. We'll go to low low end the 500 pounds. So 500 pounds to kilos. Yeah. No, that's a lot. 75 to 500 pounds.

Okay, yeah, we have 75 pounds in kilos. Could I lift it? Surely. Surely. My point being that the more anvils I throw at John Wick, the higher I go. 75 pounds is 35 kilos. Okay, that's not too bad.

Yeah, that's doable. When was the last time you lifted something that was 35 kilos? I don't remember, but I'm sure I could get at least three out before John Wick got to the roof. And then I throw more at him. I forget that you haven't worked in a workplace that requires any kind of physical activity. Anything that is 15 kilos or more usually requires two people to lift safely.

Yeah, well, I'm not being safe about it. No, no, no, but 35 kilos is probably heavy enough that if you try and lift it, you'll probably pull your back out. Just lift with your knees, baby. Yeah, I'm trying to think like 35 kilos. Because it's in a thing that you don't really. I mean, it's got like, you know, that pointed bit. Yeah, I can grab it.

Look, you're lifting it, but I don't think you're lifting it that high. All right, gang. What about this? I cut a hole in the bottom of my hot air balloon. Okay, so it's just the ring of the basket. There's no flat surface. Okay, well, there's a little bit, and that's where the anvils are around the middle.

Okay, now I have to take my amount of anvils down from 40 to, say, 10. Yep. Okay. But I make the balloon bigger so I can actually get high. And now I have a little target, i.e. the circle in the middle, and all I've got to do is push with one of my legs and then gravity will do the rest. Okay.

Yeah. Uh-huh. What do you think will happen when you lean on a basket in the sky that is held by a balloon when you push your body weight against the side of the basket? I'll probably go in a different direction. Uh-huh. Yeah. Missing your target. But making it unsafe for John Wick on the ground. And if

the anvils don't work, whatever. I'm in the sky. Hey! We'll explore your idea. We'll explore mine. What's a balloon full of? Hot air. Yeah, and gas and stuff. What is that bad for? Being shot. Yeah, I was going to say, you know what John Wick has?

Guns. You know what else he has? Maybe a sniper rifle. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Just straight through that balloon. A handgun would stop you. Then I in a hang glider. Another thing that's very easy to shoot.

Yeah. Then I jump from my hang glider. Another thing that's very easy to shoot. Yeah. Then I jump from my hang glider with a parachute down. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Actually, look. So it's Willem Dafoe in the first one. He's the sniper boy, yeah? Yeah. So maybe John Wick's not that great at sniping.

However, every other film has proven that he's just great at marksmanship. He also is a sniper in the first film. He shoots the guy that's playing the video games through the head. That's right, he does. Maybe the target of the hot air balloon is almost too big. He cooks it. He's like, I don't know what's... Well, no, because you know what's small, though?

Your head. Also, you've now got like... Okay, so wait, wait. What is a basket in like a balloon made out of? Wicker. Okay, so you've cut... John Wicker. Ah, so you've cut a hole in the middle.

Yep. That's kind of way, ruining the structural integrity. Absolutely. And now around the edges, you have... What was it again? Anvils. Anvils. Anvils. And they weigh a decent amount.

30 kilograms. And so now you've got this destruction integrity kind of gone and these kind of like edges are like weighing it down and they might break that. Where are you? I'm clung to the outside of the basket. The outside of the basket? It's full of anvils.

So you're on the outside. So he can just see a hot air balloon with a man hanging off the basket. It's full of anvils. So you're on the outside. So he can just see a hot air balloon with a man hanging off the edge. You're being shot in the bum now, maybe, just as a goof. How long do you reckon you could perch like that? Okay, what about if- How are you controlling the hot air balloon? You can't land. The controls are on the inside.

If you go up high enough in a hot air balloon, does it like a helium balloon you let go, does it pop and fall? Probably. I don't think it'll go... Amusing as that would be. What about if when the anvils break away the bottom, I just use it as a target to drop myself onto John Wick?

Beneath me. Off a skyscraper. No, no, so I'm in the hot air balloon. It's miles above the earth. Jack, can you just take your glasses off for a second? How many fingers am I holding? That's about a meter and a half that you made that call.

That's fair. Hey, can you just turn around and read anything like the notes that we have up on there? I cannot read any of the notes on our office calendar. Which is, you're sitting close enough that when you pointed what was your finger very close to? The calendar. Yes.

So that was an arm's length away. Yeah. But you can see a man. I got binoculars. Well, you got me there. Then I jump out at John Wick. Holding binoculars to your eyes as you descend. You know that my body weight will crush him even if he kills me.

I think he might just sidestep. And I'll slam into the earth. But you know what? He didn't kill you. You killed you. I ended it. On my terms. I feel that if you're coming towards him, he's just going to like, your mouth for some reason. I that he's got coming towards him he's just gonna like your mouth for some

reason i assume he's a gay yeah screaming just i'm inhaling as i go down hoping that the air will fill your belly and slow you down exactly him just aiming straight through your mouth through the through your body out your bum it's good to imagine I have a little parachute coming out of my legs to slow me down, but it just opens up and tears off my legs. And then he shoots me from the front and it just disintegrates my body until I'm just hips, which clatter to the ground as a skeleton.

You won't be sucking on any more dogs. So how'd I do? Well, let's see. He killed you. He killed you? Yeah. Was it a good plan? No.

Okay. You really wanted to hit him with an anvil, which was never really going to happen. And would that have been entertaining to watch? Come on. A man's legs getting torn off by a parachute, and then his front getting disintegrated down to his hips, and then a pair of hip bones clanging. I would imagine if this was in John Wick Chapter 3,

I'd be like, oh, they've gone for slapstick comedy, I guess. Yeah, look, I yeah look it's i would say it's on par to me flailing in a dog suit getting hit by a car yeah yeah there's no dramatic tension no you're just confused could largely do nothing yeah unless you were like the lackey of someone like a big strong man with the same similar idea or he was higher up and he was like hurling his lackeys at john Wick to shoot. Oh, yeah. Now, that's something. That's something.

That's not quite what happened, unfortunately. You stole his dog. Why didn't you just dangle his dog off the side of the hot air balloon? Then he wouldn't shoot you. Yeah, well, not as fun. Also, he took the dog back early. This is a different situation where I angrily went back and just shot it. If I can't have this dog, I care nothing about you can't either. Bang!

Then I shoot his bed and I shoot his car on the way out. His bed, his dog and that picture of his wife. Bang! Sorry, the third one was an accident. It misfired. I got slippery fingers. I was eating wings in the car. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry. Do you have another picture of your wife? Is that the only picture of your, I guess, dead wife you have? Oh, I guess this is where is she? Can I kill her?

Oh, hang on. Wiping my hands on it. Getting them. I guess this photo is now more accurate because now there is a hole where her head used to be representing the fact she is now dead. And a whole bunch of barbecue sauce from the wings that I guess could be blood.

Does that make sense to you, John Wick? Then he shoots me in the mouth. Oh, ow. Right. Yeah, right, KD. What do you got? Jackson. Yeah?

I think you're onto the right idea of going up. But you didn't go up enough. Okay, how up is the right amount? I'm talking space. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. Look, if I'm capable of sneaking into John Wick's house and I guess killing his dog,

I feel like that means I'm capable of sneaking into NASA and onto a rocket ship. Could Alfie Allen do that? Yes. Okay. Interesting, logically. Well, Salmon ran over the dog and I went in on purpose and shot it. You, it seems like you've done it far more surreptitiously.

So maybe you're part of the society. You snuck in and garroted the dog to send a message maybe. See you in space, John Wick. Be seeing you, John, in brackets, in space. You know how they've got the Bowery and they've got all the different groups? You're the assassin group that are astronauts. Oh, no.

It's so great to imagine NASA-sanctioned assassins. That meeting in three, or maybe it's two, but instead of that Italian guy it's just you as an astronaut the second A in NASA stands for assassin national assassin oh no

national astronaut society of assassins oh NASA NASA the national astronaut society NASA-va NASA-va The National Astronaut Society Of little

Little o Assassins, NASA It's like it's NASA But it's always like little tiny So you don't have to get sued by other NASA So I'm not part of normal We're not rebranding There's NASA and there's other NASA.

There's gone NASA. Still go to space, but we shoot too. Yeah. So I guess I've taken out a contract to kill this dog that my NASA hates. And now John Wick's like, you did it. I'm coming for you. And I'm like, be seeing you in space, John. Yeah. Bullets. Do they work in space'm like, be seeing you in space, John. Yeah.

Bullets, do they work in space? Probably not. No gravity. Harpoons do. But bullets would, no. Because you're firing it out. The compressed air would probably be bad. No, but you're firing something.

So it's going to be an equal opposite reaction, whatever. So like, as that goes. So if you shoot, you will also go backwards. Because the bullet will be propelled forward, but it will keep being propelled forward. But will the gunpowder go off because there's no air? But there's air where I am in the spaceship. Yeah, that's true.

You're just going to fire back in opposite directions. And if John Wick, this is how maybe he'll kill you because he fires a harpoon at you, it embeds itself inside you, and then he climbs along the rope and punches you in the mouth. That be cool. He fires a harpoon at you. It embeds itself inside you and then he climbs along the rope and punches you in the mouth. That's cool. Where'd he get the harpoon? It's John Wick. Of course it's got a harpoon. It's John Wick. He goes onto the rocket and opens up

a panel. Yeah, I can imagine the countdown like the 10, 9, and in that 10 seconds he's in that rocket. But, gotta remember, he shoots me with a harpoon. He's still in space. Yeah. I've removed the John Wick problem. Oh, that's true. John Wick cannot get back to Earth. remember, he shoots me with a harpoon. He's still in space. Yeah. I've removed the John Wick problem. Oh, that's true. John Wick cannot get back to Earth.

Yes, he can. How are you going to get back to Earth? You're other NASA. You've got rocket ships going back and forth. That's true. I put it in reverse. In fact, if you're part of other NASA, an organization that is an assassin base in space,

not only have you killed yourself You've killed Other NASA And he's coming back John Wick Wearing your space helmet That also somehow has your skull in it At the same time Rocketing back to Earth like a comet

And then Well no because I guess if I've killed Oh and imagine you have like one of them Space dogs in the space Like a Laika situation And then Well no Because I guess If I've killed Because of it Imagine you have Like one of them Space dogs In the space Like a Laika situation

That's his new dog Oh my god He steals Laika From other That's your Prize possession On your moon base Captain

Under a glass panel So I He's Laika No because if he goes... He's old. They've put out the contract that I've claimed, which means that John Wick's problem doesn't end with me. He's destroying this

moon base. I've accidentally pitched maybe the greatest film of all time, which is John Wick in space. Because not only now has he destroyed other NASA, he now has control of other NASA's like moon base and satellite, which means now he can start lasering control space. Oh, my God.

In one fell swoop, he'll defeat all of his enemies. And you'll be watching that and you'll be like, that's great. But then the plumbing boys will be like, hey, should we do a question where we're like, why didn't other NASA use that? Why did other NASA just send a dude in to garotte this dog? I don't understand these movies anymore. They've really gone downhill.

Other NASA could have just lasered John Wick's dog from space if John Wick, when he had other NASA's technology. Why do they call themselves other NASA when the O is towards the start? Is the abbreviation O-N-A-S-O-A? Is it O-NASA-O?

O-NASA-O-R, sorry. Why didn't they just go up with a different name? This really doesn't follow on from John Wick 3 at all. Is it so they could wear their uniform and sneak into real NASA? Wasn't his dog already dead from John Wick 1? This is confusing. That wasn't even the new dog.

Is this a soft reboot or is this a hard reboot? I'm so confused. Why was that guy you? I don't know. I would have used the laser. He garroted a dog. That's fucked. That was gratuitous. Why is this man me?

What's happening? What an existential crisis John Wick 4 in space has given us. Is that the first time I've ever done a Plumbing the Death Star episode in a Plumbing the Death Star episode? I think so. Wow.

It's a new achievement. It's much like how I kill John Wick in space because he hasn't been to space, but this Joel Dusha has. You do have home ground advantage. That's true. Yeah, I've got. I just, I just think

it's just like, is he going to kill you? Yes. Yeah. Was it a good idea? Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Is kill you? Yes. Yeah. Was it a good idea? Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, yeah.

Is this entertaining? Well, yeah. Because John Wick in space. Definitely. Well, actually, it would be a logical follow-up because there's the underwater gunfight in John Wick 3. That's true. What's underwater but up?

Space, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. You know. I'm just trying to figure out. So, okay, I got wick in close quarters his punches aren't gonna hurt as much because but he's got knives yeah and harpoon guns and he'll clearly kill you in some cool way where he like harpoons you out the airlock or whatever

he's opening the airlock is he yeah goodbye john well he'll strap him he'll strap himself in with like his belt Yeah And something like that His Italian leather belt And then as they're fighting He'll have you And he'll just keep

Punching you in the like Glass Space helmet you've got And it'll slowly start to break And then it'll explode Yeah And your guts will get Sucked out your mouth

Exactly Maybe You know he'll let go of his like His leather Italian leather belt As you both go Careening out into the vastness of space while he's just punching and punching and punching your helmet until it explodes. And then he's somehow going to use your body to get back into that space station.

Yeah, absolutely. He'll use the explosion of your mask as force to send him back. He'll do the thing in The Martian where he cuts a hole in my glove and then the air shoots out and it's like Iron Man. Absolutely. Or it'll be even more grotesque. He'll just cut bits of you and fling them into the sun. And it'd be good because I'll also get to my final words

as he's smashing the helmet. He'll pause before the last one and I'll be like, good seeing you, John. We're not so different. You and me and you, John, we're the same. And then just silence. You can't scream in space or whatever. Also, it's funny you wouldn't hear what I said.

You'd just be mouthing, what? As your esophagus leaves your body. And then John Wick will use the lasers to kill everyone's dogs. Yeah. Out of revenge. Kill everyone's wives. If everyone's lives are dead, then no one's are. John Wick, no.

And then chapter five starts, he's the villain. Oh, my God. And we're back. Power corrupt, absolutely. Because this is, you know, the origin story of other NASA. They were heroes once. Absolutely. And they got access to lasers. Rest in peace, other NASA. They were heroes once. Absolutely. They got access to lasers.

Rest in peace other NASA. They just wanted a NASA free from bureaucracy. A people's NASA. Alright, so welcome to this episode of Probably the Death Star, where we ask important questions. John Wick killed all the wives. Hey. That's weird. Things have really changed for John Wick.

What did we think of John Wick 5? All wives must die. What's up with that? I've taken a strange direction. A bit misogynistic. Yeah, something about it makes me very uncomfortable. It's definitely like they've taken, was this meant to be turning the girlfriend of the refrigerator

to a trope on its head? Was it holding a mirror to society? It didn't feel like that. Is this a comment or is this, what has happened to the John Wick? When did this other NASA become so important in the John? I saw John Wick 4 other NASA were very clearly the

villains but now they're the good guys. But I guess like the kind of continuation of the trend of John Wick 1 and 2 where like you never heard anything of like the high table in John Wick 2. So I guess it's just the next leg. Was other NASA the high table? I don't know. Is that what they're saying? What happened to any of them? Why are we training our assassins in space now?

Is he still excommunicado? Are they Martians? Do we have to worry about aliens? What? Is he still alien? I guess, I mean... They never said he wasn't excommunicado anymore. Is this why when the lad, the assassin that killed that dog,

when John Wick was punching him, he looked the other way, away from Earth. Is he hinting towards an alien invasion? Is John Wick a Martian? Is that what they're saying? Is he hinting? Is that what's going on? Well, guys, I think this is maybe the worst John Wick film.

Is Independence Day a stealth sequel? I'm just very confused. Slash prequel to John Wick. What happened to this franchise? Well, I guess I'm excited for chapter six which i guess will be the end of this space trilogy i hope i really i miss when it was exciting well choreographed fight scenes and not strange slapstick sci-fi adventures yeah john wicks i mean look if you look at like i don I don't know, Ain't It Cool News, it's John Wick 6 on Mars.

John Wick of Mars. Yeah, did somebody get creative control between 3 and 4 and we didn't realise? Spielberg's producing. Maybe it will be good. I've changed my mind. I'm excited. I'm also a little distraught that they killed off the man

that looked exactly like me by having his guts sucked out of his mouth yeah that sucked to watch yeah that was that was upsetting it's weird looking at a face in the mirror and being like

I saw this man die how you doing man how you holding up yeah I guess this is how a dead twin feels or whatever it's no good yeah

anyway I'm giving this movie five thumbs really made me feel things and on that note I've been Joel Anyway, I'm giving this movie five thumbs. Really made me feel things. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel.

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter you can find us at Sandspants Radio or you can find us individually I'm at Douche13 I'm at OldDogsAreDead

and I'm at GodDammitZammit If you want to hear our other shows you can head to SandspantsRadio.com and you'll find all our other content there There's heaps! And if you want to support us head to SandspantsPlus.com Thank you again for listening

and we'll see you again next time Goodnight for now. But not forever. Kisses.