Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Stop The Dinosaurs From Going Extinct?

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Would you make a smart dinosaur? Would you have sexual relations with a dinosaur to slowly breed dinosaurs with human intelligence? What would Oppenheimer think about time travel? Believe it or not, these questions will all receive confusing, stupid answers in today’s episode!Buy Tickets to see Plumbing The Death Star & Thumb Cramps herehttps://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Because they matter to us too. Toyota for what matters most. Hey everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of Flaming the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also, Joel. Flaming the Death Star is a comedy,

pop culture podcast, and asks the important questions. Like, how would you stop the dinosaurs from going extinct? This is a question comes to us from the Bad Brain Boys Discord, listen to suggestions. You can sign up to the Bad Brain Boys Plus, and then you can suggest a question, and if it's good, we'll answer it. And if it's bad, we'll ignore it. And this one comes to us from Gustavo TCB. But also if it is bad, we might ignore it for a bit, and then we'll come back to it when the mood strikes. Exactly.

be like, actually, that's funny. Don't fear your bad questions. Just sign up. Yeah. Sign up. For God's sakes. And then join the Discord and just spew whatever fucking garbage. How piece of shit listeners having their stupid fucking heads.

And we'll be like, yeah. Be like, yeah, that's about the fucking Gallibor, isn't it? Now, that sounds right for a fuck wit. So, so off the, I'll straight off the. So I'm imagining for this, we have acquired somehow a time machine and the noble goal of stopping the dinosaurs from going extinct by, I mean, Gustavo specifically saved by destroying the comet, but I mean, if we've got any other, or stopping the comet, but if we've got any other strategies. Is we got a time machine? Yes. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So I think personally that the best way for you to save a dinosaur, what to say to the dinosaurs is for them to save themselves. Okay, interesting. Because like, hey, you know, you can lead a horse

to water, but you can't teach it how to cut up a steak with a knife and fork. Yeah, yeah, no hands. Yeah, no hand. That's a problem. That is the problem with horses. So a dinosaur, not clever. Yeah, stupid. Pea brain, maybe. God's stupidest moron, the dinosaur. So if we can go back in time and somehow... After their extinction, sadly, that, uh, that distinction has been taken by plumb in the death, I'll listen to this. God's stupidest creation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Used to be the dinosaurs.

Now it's not, no, no. Listeners. That's what I'm saying. It's recently changed. It used to be inwards. For some reason, J.D. is like, no. He's doing his attention. You.

Who is who is listening, you know? That's the thing. Who's stupider? The stupid man or the man who listens to the stupid man. Yeah. Yeah, the prophet or the idiot. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Who's stupid a Jesus Christ or the guy who said Jesus Christ is smart?

Yeah. Who's stupid a Jesus Christ or doubting Thomas who refused to believe the man came back to life? Yeah. Until he fingered his handhole. Yeah. I mean, that's fair enough. I'd be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm feeling his handhole. This guy's real. Yeah. So, uh, dinosaurs?

Yeah. They're just a regular animal. Yeah. They didn't build any society. That's very true. There was no, like, you know, buildings or anything like that. They didn't have, like, art, whatever stuff. We can somehow... No tools.

We can somehow go back in time and introduce, like, human DNA. Now, this may mean that someone has to make love at a dinosaur. I'll make love at a dinosaur. I don't have to nominate myself. That's wonderful to be here. It's very important you can go back in time and jack off into this puddle of DNA. No. Is this for real?

Yeah. You know, they said, you know, don't dream big, but, you know, do what you love and the money will come. Yeah. Go back in time. It's far enough in time that we can introduce, I guess, yeah, human DNA into, like, you know, into dinosaurs. Yeah. So hopefully they can evolve enough that they are smart enough to have a space program.

Okay. And then stop the asteroid themselves. That's smart. That's smart. Now, is the best way to get human DNA into a dinosaur? Jackson's a jackoff in a puddle? Coming in one? Because, you know, not to get too crude, but if I come in a lizard,

it would have made a lizard. To be honest, it'd be more like if you come to the chicken. Yeah, I'm not making chicken, man, down on the far. What about if we go far enough when it was just kind of like... back until it's a primordial soup and then jack off in the soup. I don't think I should do that. What if we get big com men? But big com men that comets can't hurt.

Smart. Yeah. Well, yeah, what if we get like the smartest sort of, because I guess it is, yeah, you're going back to like, yeah, single-celled organism. What is the smartest single-celled organism that we have now? So we can then take and, like, you know, and throw that into the soup. Okay, so you kind of play. Well, what if I get a clever,

dog. Okay. Yeah. And then... Uh-huh. Because what, I guess... Has the cleverest dog in existence ever started a space program? Well, no, but we don't know yet.

There's no... It hasn't been enough time. Dogs have not been around for as long as you think. Yeah, that's... I mean, dogs have been around for a while. They've been over a while. But in a way, we're impeding dogs progress. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If we get a very clever dog that could... We're stopping that. We say, well, what is that? But also, you know, we're... say dog, you know, be my cat. Instead of saying, dog, do what you like.

If dog does what it likes, it just lives in the street, nothing happens. Also, isn't like, because we domesticated them, we kind of made them stupid? Yeah, probably. Those are maybe smarter as well in some regards. But isn't like, it's like you reduce them to, like, they're adolescent.

Yes, yeah, that is true, actually. The smartest animals are predators. Yeah. Predators tend to be smarter than prey. Okay, so what? I'm just thinking, because, yeah, you've got They're smart. Because, again, the whole, like, sort of the cross-breeding and that kind of stuff, I understand.

Unfortunately, maybe when you cross-breed something, you can end up getting a very, like, infertile, yeah. Sterile, like, offspring, whoops of daisies. Well, what if we go back in time and we just sort of get the cleverest dinosaurs? Okay, we do, okay, yeah, okay. We do dinosaur eugenics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how we've ruined dogs. Yeah, we like, unruined dinosaurs.

Unruined. Yeah, well, what's your opposite? Were they ruined? Were they ruined? Yeah. Improved? Well, did they stop it? Did they stop an asteroid?

No. Eugenics seems too hard. What you should do, because you got a time machine. You go grab the smartest dinosaurs, bring them to the future, send them to dinosaur school. And then let them get, you know, smart on their own. You give them the tools. Okay. All right, I'll go back in time.

And then you go forward in time. And then you go really forward in time. What about go back in time? time dropping like, you know, a couple of volumes of an encyclopedia. Oh, I'll give them A. Okay. I reckon a for asteroid. Yeah, that's useful.

S for space. And S for stop. And S for stop. That's also good. What are the volumes would be good? When's in a comet and when's in an asteroid? I'll give them C then. Give them C.

An asteroid. Is an asteroid when it's hit? No, there's a meteor when it's hit Earth. Oh, I'll give them M. They did that. Meteor's asteroids and comments. I think they're all three different things. It's like one is more like, you know what? What?

Yeah, one is ice. One is rock. One has an... Yeah, it could be. I think... I think meteoroid. Meteoroid. Meteoroid.

Metroid. Yeah. I think a meteor... Yeah. No, because meteor shower. Here's my feeling is that one has a core of ice, one has a core of rocks, and one is the same as one of the other one. So it's like there's actually only meteors and asteroids and comet is another word. It was really, I was about to type in Meteor V, like, Asteroid V, Comet.

But then I got, I got Meteor V, Meteorite, V, Meteoroy. Not like, you've thrown things? Meteoroid. Well, the meteorite would be a small meteor, right? Or is a meteor when... One of them, I think, is when it's made impact. Okay. Asteroids, comets have a tail.

Yeah, that's true. Space rocks. Okay. But they differ in their composition, origin, and behavior. Okay. Asteroids are rocky. or metallic objects comets are icy and dusty

and meteors as space rocks that enter Earth's atmosphere and burn up often appearing as shooting stone So a meteor

that's the one Well they didn't burn up enough No The meteor they need to know Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah yeah And I give them M then

And I'll give them A as well Yeah Yeah Yeah How do you ensure the dinosaurs Read this book Okay I got to write in dinosaur language

Yeah you can write in dinosaurs Does a triceratops speak probably a different language than say it's a rhinoceros. There was one dinosaur. Raw means I love you in dinosaur, I think. Oh, that's true. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because wasn't there like...

Get a bunch of 2000 scene kids. Okay. Wasn't there like the smartest dinosaur? It nearly could have become a guy. It almost became a guy. What the fuck? Imagine if you came in the soup. I know, dude.

He would have been a guy so fast. That's true. Well, what if I go back and I, integrate myself with the clever dinosaurs yeah and you become like like become king of the clever dinosaurs no that's in you are not are you clever enough to stop something from space this is the problem then why would you want to be the leader you need heaps of atmosphere okay right what because how do you stop the meteor is what breaks up the meteor as it comes into contact with earth so the more atmosphere you have yeah right

Well, in Armageddon, they send a bunch of oil, like old oil rigors. Yes, to space. And to dig, well, to drill into the asteroid and blows it up. Yeah. Now, what is the most blows up a bull? Okay, we need, okay. So if we, how much resources? Yeah.

I'm guessing we don't have a, like, how much resources are we bringing back? Because, like, what dinosaur can drill the hardest? Mm-hmm. What dinosaur is the most flammable? The, mm. I don't know. of scientists haven't it. If the archaeologists can tell that from the bones they find, well, I'm concerned about it. Yeah, I was going to say, the, the, the Pachycephalosaurus, they've got

them chrome domes that let them smack each other in the head. Yeah, that's true. And we have one that's a drill shape. You could, uh... Wasn't Earth basically just like methane or farts or whatever when the dinosaurs were it? Wasn't the air really heavy? The air is really toxic for you, yes. Maybe, or is that something that Jackson has said in previous episodes that you have believed? It's true. It's just. It's Because this sounds like something I've heard from him and I just... It's true. It's true.

You can't breathe earth in the primordial times. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, well, yeah, because I mean, yeah, I'm remembering something that was like a very, very smart dinosaur. Yeah. And then almost like, like, oh, just like a little bit more could have become a... A smart dinosaur that could have become a man. Yeah. Is that something you know or is that something Jackson told you?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's true. This is something that I found... Because that sounds like something Jackson would say. This was something that I'm pretty sure I read independently. I'm pretty sure. I'm like 90%... Independently.

There is a 10% like, well, it's a 5% chance that I'm... I think I came from Jackson. And there's a 5% chance I'm thinking of the... The next Jurassic Park plot line. Uh-huh. So, in the way... The dinosaurs war pants. Yeah.

Yeah. Could you, as a way to like... Introduce pants. Yeah, speed up evolution. It's to introduce pants and the original sin. Maybe, yeah. Okay, here we go. If we can introduce a, like, given the tree of knowledge.

Well, what about this? In the future, where we come from. D. Rex, your cock is showing. You're so fucking, you're so fucking naked. Dude, no, it's not. I've probably got a cloaca or whatever. It's in a sheath. You're cloaca showing.

Oh, my God. Yeah. What about in the future where we're from? Yeah. We develop a shame gun. Ah. We go back in time. And we give the dinosaurs shame.

Yeah. Will that stop them from, uh, Getting destroyed by a meteor? Absolutely not. But it'll be funny. Okay, what about, okay, instead of a shame gun, go into the future, get a horny gun. Okay.

And then we shoot the hell out of these dinosaurs, make them more horny. And then they're breeding more. Which means that hopefully they'll eventually get a smart, smart dinosaur, or they'll just breed the horniest dinosaur. They'll pick the horny traits. Yeah.

I like in this world where the dinosaurs weren't breeding because they were just, like, not into it? That you're thinking that the T-Rexes would have... They would have been more, but they were just like, yeah, I'm not feeling it right now, you know? Well, maybe if we get more, they'll huff the gases, which I noticed that Jackson started researching and put his phone away, which makes me think that it's not true.

Well, I just picked a random ear. I picked the Triassic period, and it said it was really hot. And then I read Panjian mega monsoons, and then we started talking about something else. What about using CRISPR? Okay. Because that changes your DNA somehow. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, CRISPR, it's a device that they have today in the current year of our war in 2025 where you can alter the DNA of a person. Why would you do that? I don't know. To stop from getting sick or shit. Yeah, because you're like... Oh, okay.

Yeah, Chris. Yeah, it's C-R-S-P-R. I don't know what it stands for. I think we've bought it up before in an episode and I was like ignorant then and I'm ignorant now. I don't know how it works. Jackson seems to be a cross-off. I'm fully across the crisper, dude. I know kind of how, like, that it, I know of the concept.

Yeah, so what are you going to crisper the dinosaurs? What are you going to do? Yeah, okay. I don't. Okay. Is that how DNA works? Could I have a clever guy DNA? If we got it as an egg.

Yeah. And we started crisper in the hell out of that egg. But again, I don't think. If you go from nothing to intelligent enough to understand rockets. Yeah. How does that feel? Well, I was thinking. Really good.

Because we got a time machine, we just kind of generationally. Oh, okay. kind of interfere every step of the way. Because again, I know it's not going to be like, you're as dumb as rocks right now, too, you are a rocket scientist. That seems, wait a second. Yeah.

Rocket scientist. All right, I've got a time machine, eh? Sweet. Leque, let's go get, like, Oppenheimer Einstein. Oh, and we'll kill them all in space accidentally, because none of them are going to know shit about what to do here. Yeah. That's so funny to like that.

Well, World War II ends differently now, because Oppenheimer never invented the bomb because he died in space. All got eaten by a dinosaur. We'll take them away for a bit. Yeah, yeah. And we'd be like, here's this problem. Do you think off and if we stop the dinosaurs from going extinct, well, I think we're changing, like, many things.

Well, yeah, I mean, the moment you make smart dinosaurs, you come back to the future and all of the smart dinosaurs are like, it gas. Yeah. Shoot you with a shame gun. Some kind of horrible chimp. Oh, no. And you come out. Shame gun, shame gun.

Oh. Who shaved this around? My face and hands are showing. I'm so shameful. Oh, no, but, um... I have a dick and knots. Oh, it's covered. No one can see it, but I know.

I'm ashamed of it. I feel deep shame. Yeah, they stopped all wars in the dinosaur future by using shame dogs instead. You're too ashamed to kill. Yeah. Oh, no, my penis is showing and it's not internal. Like, there needs to be in a sheath like a dinosaur. Why does it all have a sheathless penis?

I don't mean lack of foreskin. I've got that. I just mean like not like another thing on top. Not like a foreskin. You know how a dog's penis is in it till it gets horny? Well, then it's disgusting and out. That's what I have. That's what I wish I had.

That's what I should have. Like a skin. Because I don't have a dog's penis. And then the dinosaur looks at a gun. What the fuck? I think my shame gun's really broken. What? I saw this weird shun, but I shut him with my shame.

I only kept lamenting the fact he doesn't have a dog's penis? I wish he had a penis like a dog. I'm so ashamed. He is ashamed, but it's not... I think maybe he was already a bit ashamed about that. It's only made him more ashamed. I don't know. Do you think if you took Oppenheimer back?

Yeah. And you showed him, like, the dinosaurs and stuff. Yeah. And someone at your door, should I go get it? No, my wife got this. Oh, okay. And then you brought Oppenheimer back to the present, back to his time period. Yeah.

Do you think he'd still be interested in making the nuke, or would he just be like, so fucking dinosaurs? Well, I guess because also you've shown that time travel is real impossible. They probably all abandoned whatever they were looking into. Yeah, and I feel that's going to be a problem. Yeah, I think if you bring back Einstein, Oppenheimer and, like, a bunch of, like, rocket scientists, they'll kill you and steal your time machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To win the war. Yeah, you're like, up a timer. Your wife will get the door? Oh, wife's nowhere to be seen. Wife's missing. Oh, that sounds like wife. Nice. Nice.

Nice. If you're watching on YouTube, you can't see wife, but I want you to know that I can right now. We can see wife and baby, dude. Johnny Baby's there. This is about different perspectives, you know, it's beautiful. You're seeing a podcast. We're seeing a wife and the baby.

Wow, dude. And now I'm seeing outside. Oh, my lord. And car and bush. I can see outside all the time, because I face the window. I can see door all the time. Yeah. You on YouTube are watching me, but behind you is door.

And behind you for me is outside. Yeah. Just so you know, behind the examiner's just wall, really. Yeah, I get to see my boys. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's good to see the boys. Yeah. And I don't get to see boy.

So that's, yeah. Yeah, well, I'm looking at your boy right now. No. No. Something happens. Yeah, something happened between us hitting record and me seeing it right now. You're a terrible boy now. Oh, thank God.

I will say it is funny. Your baby's very cute. You obviously weren't looking just then either. Not anymore. But it's funny to be, because I see, obviously, I see Johnny Baby all the time. And when I ever see another baby, I go, God, you can get an ugly baby. You can really get an ugly, ugly baby in this life. And this is like, again, every parent will be like my child.

is beautiful. And the moment they're born, you're like, what a beautiful baby. Yeah, of course. And then you go like, I don't think any baby's beautiful, not a petter. That's fair. Okay, fair enough. And then like, yeah. He got me good. He did. And like, yeah. Say seven, eight months later, he's not looking at old pictures when they were first born. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, you took a while. No truly fresh baby is cute. Yeah, you look at that, you're like, the doctors and nursing stuff, you lied to me. I did not have, I had a, he was not cute. Yeah.

But I was a doctor, I'd be honest. I think. Hey, congratulations. Your baby's healthy. Yeah. It's healthy. It will get better. It'll get cute.

We hope. Yeah. Might not. Hey, I'd go into them. I'm like, I'm so sorry. And they're like, what? Oh, my God. No, no, no.

Baby's fine. Just ugly. Ah, that's worse. But like, on it, then like, I just said me. Yeah, it's crazy because with two sides, you'd make a beautiful, hot and attractive parents. Yeah, obviously, I thought you would, you'd make something. You thought you'd have a very hot,

I want you to know that I wanted to have sex with your wife. And you could watch your join in, I don't mind. Like when you came in here, I was like, I want to have sex with both of you. And then he had such an ugly baby. And I thought that was really weird. What the hell happened there? Do you guys have heaps of work done? Is this not natural?

You must have an ugly DNA. Or is your baby going to get hot when it grows up? Are you sure you're a doctor? No, oh, no, I'm not a doctor. No, no, I was just a guy that walked in. I'm just a guy who hangs out in the hospital. you see like two doctors coming like running down the corridor like i gotta go this great place to meet milfs and dilfs security check where is he where is he

fuck don't tell you so on me authorization to use lethal force the hospital's trying to kill the i like to think i'm just it's not even any reason i'm there i'm not even cruising to pick people just like got to be somewhere yeah yeah i like going in and talking to the sick people. A men. Sitting down next to a sick old man. Hey, what's up? You sick?

Yeah, nice. Not me. I'm healthy as a horse. You hear the nurses coming. I'm like, can I hide under your bed? Don't let me, don't be a dog. Hide me, hide me, don't be a dick. Don't you dare tell them I'm here.

Ah. Shut the fuck. Shut the fuck. Cut the fuck up, old man. I will steal your juice. Don't tell me. Don't gelo. I want it.

I'm like lying under the bed and I like pull his eye V out and then put it in my mouth. He looks over the edge. I'm not here. I'm just thirsty. What happened? I like this guy. Got to hang out somewhere.

Got to be somewhere, dude. Might as well be at the hospital. Yeah, well, there's like no places that are free anymore. Why not hang out at a hospital? The hospital's the last free place. You know, people are always talking about where's the food location? Yeah. You're at your house or you're at a house.

bar or a coffee shop. The third location is a hospital when you're not sick. I think you've kind of misunderstood the third location because it's home and work, not home and social activity. That's the third place. Yeah, isn't the third place the idea of having a location that is not, he's nailed it? Yeah, it's not a bar, it's not a cafe. It could be a bar or a cafe. It could be a bar or a cafe. It could be a bar. Yeah, that's what I was saying. He was saying it's home is the first location. Bar or cafe is a second. You need a food. Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah. I misheard you. I'm sorry, Jackson. He's not to be on my side for the time you were on my side.

The third location is, yeah, a social, a home and work, a location one or two. Hospital could be three, though. Well, that's what I'm thinking, dude. Yeah, and I think about how happy everyone that's dying of mysterious illnesses will be to see you there. Yeah, exactly. I come here and they go, oh, are you like entertainment? I go, no, I'm just a guy. What are we eating?

And I sit down and watch Wheel of Fortune and eat their food. Yeah, I keep guessing and getting really angry when you're wrong. Albuquerque. Solve! Solve! I'd solve. Albuquerque, that's wrong. Fuck, it would be...

I mean, like... Don't tell anyone... Don't tell anyone... Don't tell anyone I'm this stupid. Oh man, okay? What was your name again? Give me your mashed potatoes. Don't worry, you could tell the doctor you I ate them.

I do want to eat them. Nah, nah, that. That's shit, dude. Hospital food's bad. You never seen a stand-up comedian or whatever? Yeah, yeah. You're always talking about shit like this. I'm not using a iPhone for you.

God, that was good mashed potato. Hey, press that button. I'm just a soul's free steak. I want one. Yeah, it's press the button and I'm going to hide it. And I take the IP out again.

Under the bed. God, there's a soccer board every day. You'll get it back. You'll get it back. And I'll get my Salisbury steak. Get me food. Get into the bed next to him to hide and they just think I'm really sick.

We'll be in for surgery. Oh, yeah. This is fine. This is actually awesome. Oh, my God. A mythical. fourth location. The surgery.

Den. Whatever they call it. The operating theater. Yeah. The surgery. Oh, sweet. You're taking me to the surgery, then. Nice.

I've never been there before. You can't loiter in there. Just trying to find places I can't loiter. Yeah, I just want to, like, be in a place. And then they take out my kidneys or whatever. Well, like, I mean, like, this is totally unrelated to saving the dinosaurs. But, like... What?

What? No, no, no. Not this. What I'm about to say. Oh, of course. But, like, we're talking third locations. Yeah. Like, it's crazy that there's, like, just like being a guy that hung out at a library was a type of guy.

Yeah. Is that guy still exist? Yeah. Yeah. Just like, go to the library. Go to the library. You could be that guy. I was that guy for a very brief period of time.

At university? No, it was just out of high school. And I would sometimes just, I don't know, be in. and there was a library and I was like gotta go somewhere third location hang out of the library dude yeah except for you it was second location

because you didn't have a job no chance no no no no library is why I was thinking like yeah well I guess where could you like you know loiter for free for yeah yeah it's a library stay like I'm not even like I mean I've done it a couple of times

and I wish I could get like super in the zone but I'd love to just be like a guy that's at a cafe for like four hours oh yeah like just like tap it away ordering a couple of coffees. The reason I can't, and this is very funny, is because I drink too quick. Yeah, you don't know.

That's what I mean. So, like, a cafe guy, provided that you order one drink, like, so say you've got a laptop. Yep, yep. I reckon you need a laptop. You might be able to get an away with an iPad, but I reckon you're on thin eyes,

but you've got work, you're doing work for some variety. What if you're a guy with a book? Yeah, I was going to ask. A guy with a book? Can you do that? No, book and a notepad. That's an intellectual. I've seen that in, no, I've seen, I've seen, I've seen that move pulled off in cafes near my area, which is it, I mean, listeners can probably figure out where we live anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it, is, was it like a, is it, is it, was like a textbook? No, it was like a, he, he, it seemed like he was, it. It seemed like he was, it. Yeah, okay. Okay, because what if you had, like, say, I don't know, yeah, you had a novel. Yeah. And that was it. Yeah. Just reading a book. Just reading a book in the, in the cafe for four hours.

Yeah. I think you have to order... Do you think coffee an hour? One coffee an hour at minimum. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree.

I reckon you buy yourself more time, though, if you go coffee and cake. Yeah, okay. Coffee sandwich. Yeah, yeah. And that sandwich, you can sit on that sandwich. Yeah, you can nurse that sandwich. Yeah, yeah. If you get a bit of food, you get an hour and a half.

Yeah. And then you get away with one coffee. Yeah. And then if you wanted to, a little cake. Yes. Smart. And then you really... Yeah, that's for four hours.

That's a four hours Sandwich two coffee and a cake If you like space that out You could be there for four hours But yeah like just to be that guy I just don't think I can pull Although imagine Yeah

Sitting at a cafe So like for work I'll like watch movies Or play video games Sometimes Sitting at a cafe And pulling out like My Nintendo Switch 2

Yeah yeah And just playing Mario card For four hours in a cafe You could do that There's nothing stopping you doing that In this life Even going to the library And just sitting

there and playing video games? No, it's pretty bad. Like, you thought, yeah, I mean, not on this, this show, but I, Jackson, you've talked about, like, he's very embarrassing to go and buy a pen. Yeah. Let me tell you what's even worse. Yeah. Is sitting at a cafe and playing on your Steam deck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's humiliating. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then someone's like, oh, that's cool, what's that? And then you say, it's a Steam day. And then they go, what's that. Oh, no.

You know what you're doing is bad. Yeah. But you start talking about, you start, you start to get out of it. This is what Steam is. Yeah. And you're like, oh, no. I'm explaining steam. Oh, no.

Well, here's the thing. What you're like, what's that? And you spend your coffee on your steam. Nothing. Oh, well, it's a paperweight. It's trash. Yeah, exactly. I had the opposite experience where I will never, like, so I went to a doctor's office for anyone

watching on YouTube for this. Yeah. Jam my finger in a door. And then it was getting a lumpy and swollen. And I was like, hmm, that's not good. Yeah. Went to a doctor's office. And it was like an all hour.

I have some friends that are nurses that were like, hey, I know that you were just like, you've looked into it and it just says, just leave it, it'll be fine. But it looks like it's not going to just be fine. I was like, oh, okay. They're like, you don't need to go to hospital, but I would probably go one step higher than a GP. Yeah, yeah.

Those like, non-urgent care places. I was like, huh? Well, since you're suggesting that, yeah, maybe I should. Yeah. Anyway, I had my steam deck there because the weight was two hours. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. And the doctor was like, oh, is that a switch? And I was like, yeah. And it was like, why is your switch so much bigger than my switch? And I was like, oh, no, it's sorry, I missed.

Yeah, it's a steam deck. And then, that's bad. That's bad. Because, yeah, because the assumption is like, oh, they don't know what a steam deck is. So I'll just say, whatever, he didn't. That's the thing. He didn't know what a steam deck was. Yeah.

And then I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I was like, oh, no, sorry. It's a computer thing. It's like a switch, but it's not a switch. Yeah. And then I was like, I was like, um, are you excited for the switch too? and he's like, what's a switch two? And I was like, my God. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. I tried to just do nothing. I tried to. You can't be like, is that a switch? Oh, it's so much bigger than my switch, but that's cool. Yeah. The switch two, what's that? You can't be that.

Who's that guy? Use your reasoning. Who's this guy? A doctor. Yeah. Be like, what's the switch two? It's probably the next switch. That's awesome, dude.

I mean, fair enough. I think, but I then did nothing for my finger, because I was right. He's like, yeah. It's just healing. Yeah. I think taking a steamdecker switch for doctor's office, fine. Fair enough. Because you know you're going to wait.

Yeah, exactly. At a cafe, the reason it's weird is because it feels like you've gone to the cafe to play. Even if you are waiting for something. I was, you know, she was at the hospital and it was across the road. There was a cafe. It was like, oh, it's way here for like, you know, 10, 15 minutes. Ordered coffee. Got it like, oh, it was horrendous.

Yeah, it was outside too. Oh, no. It was because it was kind of a darky. Yeah, no. see you shamefully playing no one really walking by it'll just leave me alone yeah no they ask questions I've actually decided I ask questions

I'm on a longish flight yeah and I don't even mean overseas necessarily if I'm for some reason going to Perth or whatever I need a flight that's at least two hours my carry on is going to be my switch to and my steam deck and I'm going to try yeah and make sure that someone is watching me when the battery on one dies and I pull out the other

that's great well I was on like you know a flight and I was playing my steam deck and I was playing Boulder's Gate. And it was what the guy behind me, as we're about to get off, he looked over, he said, is that Boulder's Gate 3. And I'm like, yeah, it is. Like, great game. We started chatting and I'm like, yeah, patch 8 just come

out. He's like, oh, what's that? And I'm like, well, you know, they've updated a bunch of stuff. I said, oh, damn, sick. I should get back into it. A wonderful little bonding experience. That guy could have become, like, a best front. He could have. You had the potential there to add a new front of the roster. I'm sad, because I only got, like, you know, I got out the steam day quite late in the flight

when everything was kind of calm and maybe was asleep. Yeah, yeah, jazz. And I could have like, oh, this was recently. Yeah, bro. Baby exists. You've only been on one flight since then. That was recent. Yeah, bro. So I was like, yeah, everything was calm. I was like, you know what? I got up to myself. I'm going to play the steam deck. I, you know, it's funny the things you get self-conjured

about. So I started reading a book recently. Yeah, you should be a self-conscious about that. Someone should walk past and slap it out of your hand and say, don't you know screens exist? Fuck with? We'll say, reading a book on a plane is, like, an actual, like, paper book. It's a wonderful. It's a great feeling. He was no, no flighted, like a

And it's going to be like, I'm sorry, electronics are off. Yeah, exactly. It's a Kindle. That's like not attached to anything. Why do I have to turn it up? Yeah, dude. Reading a flash of blood book on the plane is the best. You can't smack this out of my hand.

I don't need to turn this off, you motherfucker. My God, anyway. I was like, oh, I'll read that because I'm enjoying the book. I was like, oh. What book was it? Moby Dick? No, it's called Wager. It's a book about a shipwreck.

But anyway, a shipwreck book. Yeah, yeah. Based on true story? Yeah, based on true story. That's crazy. Is it? Yeah, that's catelism. I have it, to my credit, I haven't read a book like this in like a year, probably.

The last book I read was Camilla, a sapphic vampire romance from like the 1800s or whatever. Anyway, did you like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it sounds like it made you miss the one type of book you really love. My comfort food. I really like the start of it, but Camilla does this really weird thing where the ending kind of has nothing. They tell the story again. Anyway, but anyway, I only started.

reading it. And I was like, I haven't read enough. If I'm reading this on the train, someone's going to like, how is it or what's it about? No, it's going to look performative because I'm only at the very beginning. So it's going to look like I'm just kind of bringing it as like a prop. So I need to get a little bit in so people know I'm, I've actually read some of the book. You know what I mean? Also, I got to say, if I see someone reading on the train, I'm tricked by it every time. I see some reading in the train and I'm like, wow, intellectual. I can't help it, dude. It just, it gets me every time.

I, like, I'm so nosy when people are doing stuff on a plane or a train. Like, if I see someone pull out their phone and open up Spotify, I'm like, keeping an eye, like, what are they about to play? What type of a person is this person? Even if they're scrolling through social media, they're, like, messaging someone, like, who they talk, and what they say? I've never done this, but in my brain, I've thought it so many times where if I'm close to a stranger and I see them pull up, like,

especially Instagram, because they handle is at the top. I'm like, I should just go on their social. to see what's going on. Like, I just met that guy. I love when I met that guy, stood next to that man. Give him a follow. Give him a follow message him. Hey, man, look up.

This you, picture attached. Picture of like. His expression is. It would be so funny. But I love when the tram, I mean, this is the only good bit of it, but when the tram's really crowded. And people have to get very close to you. And everyone's on their phone in the tram. And if you're taller than someone, you just look down and you can see everyone's phones and see what they're looking at.

It's the best. Yeah. I mean, often it's meaningless. It's just like scrolling through social media. But I'm like, yeah. Yeah, like if I see someone on what you're liking. Yeah. If I see someone on like TikTok or whatever does nothing for me.

Yeah. Spotify or if like someone's picking a movie or whatever. But picking a movie is also bad to see people don't want a plane because it's like you can tell. Yeah. You know picking stuff you actually want to watch? I'm learning nothing for this. Yes. Yeah.

But if I see you put on an album. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, man. God, seeing, I mean, this never happens. But, like, imagine seeing someone just scroll through a podcast app. Oh, my God, dude. See, Blummeda, delete. Yeah, smart.

I tap him on the shoulder. Hey. What the far enough? What was it? Which episode? I mean, like, was it the episode where we said we talked about comments and then didn't? Well, then we spoke about a man going to a third place with a third place, being a hospital, and then talking about, I think, light stalking.

Is that what tipped you up in the edge? Fair enough, fair enough. I've had fans come up to me and be like, hey, you're Joel, right? I used to listen to your podcast. Of course, I used to as well. Yeah. It's so funny. I love to just be like, what happened?

And then they're like, and then I've done this multiple times as well. I've been like, did we get bad? And then they're, like, sometimes they will laugh and be like, yeah. But then all the times they spiral and that's exciting. Keep listening. Anyway, so here, go back in time, make the dinosaur smarter. And let's say, yeah, let them figure it out. What I was thinking of doing is I was like, well, the comet, we're pretty sure, hit in a bay somewhere.

It's a bay now. And I was like, what if I just go back in time? Freeze the bay. That was a But let's explore this Are you going to like Because I was like Well then yeah you dig a bigger hole

But then it just has further to fall This is awesome Like a mountain So my I mean my plan was to take the dinosaurs To the other side of the earth Away from where the comet hits But I love that both your plans were A hole and freeze

Which we'll do I mean the hole I guess No because then the comet The comet's hitting deeper So maybe it'll make a mountain, but like even if you move... No, because the problem was blocked out the sun, so a hole might be smart.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, because it's not just the comet hitting. Yeah. The common hitting wasn't great for the dinosaur. But the consequences were worse. It's that ice age. Yeah. I like the idea of digging a hole slightly too big

so the comet hits and just explodes. I'm in the time machine. And they're just not fading away. Yeah, that'll do it. Fuck. Well, it is the ice age of fucks them, right? Uh, well, I mean, a lot of things, fuck them, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if we somehow transport the industrial revolution back?

Stalking just, just after the comet hits. Okay, the comet hits, and then we drop, like, three nukes. Uh-huh, that's much better than my idea of, like, several Victorian factories. Because I think you need a lot of factories for a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if we drop three or four nukes, will that put the same amount of heat? I don't know how you make global warming happen. Because what if we got...

Aerosol cans? Yeah, okay. We just opened the time machine and... Because, like, what if we got, like, a large enough population of, like, say, humanity? Yeah. Like, put it there. Like, now we put it there. Okay.

And, like, hopefully, like, basically, what if we could time travel and make a Fordlandia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, great idea. I say, in the future, I say, hey, are you sick of living in polluted Earth? I've discovered a paradise off world and I get everybody in a spaceship. They think they go into some beautiful alien planet, but actually I'm sending them to just after the comment hits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they get out and I go, yeah, make a civilization, dude. Yeah, we take enough people there with enough resources to them to fuck up the planet a bit. My understanding of everything is mixed at best. But I believe that the last Ice Age was very important. So I think, like as in the Ice Agees that we've had have been really good for the Earth. Yeah. So if you cut one short. Well, it will change a lot of things.

Because like the last Ice Age, which is not even, which is like, very well the thing is we're trying to save the dinosaur ice age in like the like medieval period um because we're trying to save the dinosaurs and by saving the dinosaurs we're already fucking a lot of things up that's a good point actually yeah cares about the earth damn the consequences Antarctica can go eat our assholes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're so gassy so gassy today it's crazy at least you didn't sound like you were coming that time and I've not even had like one can of soda or anything I've just had coffees I think it's also worth nerding that that was a reference too

just before we started recording, Jackson did a burp and made it sound like he came at the same time. And then we're yelling at him for it. And then I got yelled at. Guess what, listeners? Surprise, surprise. Jackson got yelled at.

Well, what about this? Okay. Yeah. I know that the dinosaurs, the comet's going to hit. Yep. So I arrive on planet Earth. Pre the comet hitting

with like arcs. And I take the dinosaurs back to present-day Earth. They die immediately. No, no, no. I keep them in climate-controlled cells. And then when I know everything's chill again, I reintroduce them. They go back to Earth.

It just says you've got to make a huge time machine. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many dinosaurs were on Earth? Yeah, and that just seems very like, yeah, very time-consuming. Like, I mean, like, how many? Just, like, give me a number.

What are you imagining? Billions. Billions. Probably. I mean, it depends on what dinosaur, how many I'm taking back. And you want to save billions of dinosaurs. Yeah. You can't just save, you know, two of each.

Not one of each. Now, it's a one of each. One of every animal. What's the biggest thing you've been in for an event? The biggest thing. Have you been to the MCG? Yeah, I've been in the MCG. That's 100,000 people.

And I think of a dino, not all, but some are bigger than us. Quite big. Now, 100,000. That's, you need, what, 10 of those for a million? Yeah, okay. What is, okay, can we? Because I think, because, yeah, transporting dynos back seems hard. Yeah.

Is there any way to slightly speed up to Earth? Okay. So that, like, the comet misses us. Oh, like, just shift the Earth a little to the side. Or if we could somehow spin the moon so that it hits the moon first. I think a comment hits. The moon would probably still cause mass extinction. It would probably cause...

It would cause different mass extinction. It might not. Because, like, if it hits... Well, it depends how hard, you know. Yeah. Okay, you've got to remember. I know, this one really fucked up Earth. And this hits the moon.

Is this... Is this the one where there's a theory where the comet that did this also kind of made the moon? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Is that what happened? Was there no waves back in dinosaur dance?

Oh, I don't know if there was... What was in the orbit? The sky? What the fuck did dinosaurs see to know it was night time? Hey, listeners. Meet Russell. Hey. Russell just launched a fitness app, and he needed to get the word out to busy professionals looking to stay fit.

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And so are the installs. Spread the word about your business with podcast ads on ACAST. Start today at go.acast.com slash advertise. What matters most to you? Is it unforgettable adventures? Connections with lifelong. friends, peaceful moments of reflection, feelings of joy and freedom you can't wait to experience again and again, or is it the vehicles that help you make all those special moments

possible? Whatever your answer is, Toyota is here to bring you closer to the things that matter to you, because they matter to us too. Toyota, for what matters most. They're like, fuck, I wish I knew what was happening in the sky at night time. They can't see shit. Gray was like, I know what I'm asking is stupid. I didn't think I'd be topped immediately. Here's the moon, the comets. What if we give it with heaps of moons?

Oh, like a global defense system. My problem is like in a game of pool or billions that the comet that hits to moon. It's the moon to Earth. Yeah, there's that thing with the moon where if it gets knocked slightly out of orbit, it'll just spiral toward Earth. Yeah, yeah. I think we're going to go back to that primordial soup and make them strong against comets somehow. Okay.

Okay. The moon also isn't from the asteroid that it extinct, the dinosaurs. It's from a formation, a Mars-sized object allegedly. Well, here's the thing. No one knows for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, a moon theory. Mm-hmm, yeah. So basically there was like two planets, and they both were... Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right. What if instead of... So we go back to the primordial soup, we pick this sort of form... We just like wait at the edge of the lake of the sea. We see which one's coming out. And if something comes out that looks tough. Yeah.

We let that go. What about something almond maybe? Yeah, well, we have to do like a... Well, this is survival of the fittest, right? Yeah. So one comes out. punch it in the top of the head. Yeah. And if it survives, let it go. Oh, that's true. If it doesn't, well, didn't, yeah. And just through our time, we follow the evolution

of that and we just keep punching it in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, real strong heads. The headbutt, the comment back, yeah. Smart. That's smart, dude. That's smart. We should have done a dog like that. Well, yeah, when we're domesticated dogs are like, hang on, we should There's the, these dogs were nice too, but this dog we smack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We bonged on the ass. So it gets really tough. Because I don't know, naturally, what would survive a comment?

What did survive a comment? High impact. Mammals? Mammals. That's crazy. But like, not directly. Yeah, no, nothing will survive it direct here. So I guess it's like less about what would survive a direct hit from the, from the asteroid.

Where did the comet hit? It hit. There's a specific bay. I forget what it's called. Okay, so what, why, because if we're not stopping the comet, yeah, like, what, like, led to the problems of wiping out the dinosaurs? Well, so the comet hit, and then the comet, the sort of, like, debris that was kicked up by that. Was it radioactive as well?

Probably, but also the debris blocked out the atmosphere, and the blocking out of the atmosphere meant that they could no longer get sunlight, which meant the plants died, so the dinosaurs started to, like, die out for that reason, and then also because there was no, uh, the earth cooled, basically, because they weren't getting direct sunlight and the earth cooled and that meant that you got more snow and the thing of the way an ice age starts basically

is that it's like a kind of what do you call it like it compounds on itself so the feedback loop the snow makes it cold or blah blah blah blah and if you get an ice age so that was the sort of we got to make them alright so I guess we got to make them good at night time

so that they can survive in like you know low light at like in low light environments we got to make them warmer True, they need to stay hot Yeah, yeah So maybe make them Like a borrowing dinosaur

The Yucatan Peninsula Was where it crashed Oh yeah And then And then I guess they have to like So if if plant life is dying So what did mammal survive off really We were just underground, eating roots and shit

So I guess yeah We've got to make them borrow Like turn them into a womb out Yeah yeah yeah Yeah So we've got to somehow make a like yeah Yeah Also they need

Wombat Wombat back in time Yeah, okay They do need to Come in the Sue They need to survive Volcanoes Yeah

But well well We kind of We can't survive volcanoes But our ancestors did But like that's what I'm saying Like well How do we make The dinosaurs

A bit more like that The whole thing is Pretty much everything That survive What things That could go up But triceratops Didn't

Not triceratops Preedactals Yeah So everything that could go up Survived Kind of We don't have Crocod

and shit. Birds survived. No, there were no birds. Yeah, dinosaurs are... 66 million years ago, over a relatively short time, dinosaurs disappeared completely except for birds. Yeah, but do they mean... Many other animals also died out.

Do they mean... Wait. This is, and you're probably like, what's he reading of? The Natural History Museum. So wait, where they... England, you're giving me... So there were birds... I thought birds came later.

Yeah, because I thought that the chicken was basically like a dinosaur Yeah, isn't it like there was like an era of where birds were king of the world Yeah, the terror birds and shit And I thought that was like later on The oldest bird-like fossils are 150 million years old That's an old-ass bird These ancient bird-like creatures looked quite like small feathered dinosaurs But they had much in common with birds

The mouth still contains sharp Well, what about the animals that have remained? unchanged since the time of the dinosaurs. Crocodiles and sharks, yeah. And possibly squids and stuff. Yeah. Water. Go in the sea.

Yeah. But there was water dinoes that didn't survive. Yeah. Maybe dinosaurs were just built wrong. Yeah, I think that's what I'm learning, dude. Yeah. It's crazy that there was just dinosaurs on earth and no guys. Yeah, it's insane, dude.

It took a long time for there to be guys. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I feel like, yeah, CRISPR and. Some of these dynos, so they get more shark DNA and crocodile DNA might work. How long till there were guys? A while? When was the first guy?

Because there were like a bunch of pre-guies. Yeah. Like homo-habelous, Neanderthal. Because how did the proto chimps? Or the proto would eventually become humans. Yeah. And they survived the Ice Age. What the fuck was that?

I don't know. Where were there? Was that like a little rat thing? That's what I picture. I picture like a rat in a borough with three. thumbs. Yeah, but like that's absurd, right? Anywhere between 260,000 or 350,000 years ago. That's not that long ago, really.

No, so there was a gap of 65 million years between... Yeah, that's crazy. Between the extinction of dinosaurs and a guy being like, what the fuck's going on here? What the fuck is that? The first guy to think, what the fuck? What's even more I often think about is because we didn't really discover like dinosaurs for quite some time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, like, for a guy to go, like, what the fuck is that? That's even tiny. Yeah, that's true. That's, like, recent era. But there's probably a lot of time where you didn't have to think, what the fuck. Yeah. You're busy with all the stuff.

Exactly. You don't have to think about what the fuck is that. You could be like, whatever, that's probably some dragon. I've got to do right by God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're just like, man, I hope I don't get eaten by a big bird. That's also true.

For most of human history, that's what we've been thinking. Yeah. And we still have that fear. I feel. Well, yeah, I mean, like, you know, but these days it's become existential dread. Yeah. When you're a caveman lying in the cave, I'm not like, God, what am I doing with my life? I'm like, I hope tomorrow I don't get eaten by a big bird.

You're at there walking, like in the streets. Yeah. And the big shadow comes over to you. Do you not just like hung up? Yeah, of course. Because my caveman brain. Bird. Bird thinks there's a big bird coming, dude.

Shadows over head don't make me flinch, but if a bird flies at me, I flinch. Yeah. But also, any anxiety you feel ever is just your caveman brain being like big bird. You go, oh, I'm going to give a presentation, and your brain's like, it's too complicated for me to think about. We're going to activate the saber tooth. Welly, mammoth coming.

It's basically a big cat, yeah. Yeah, it is. How simple, dude, how simple to just be like, God, I hope I don't get mold, and that was your main worry in life. Tomorrow, for the next week, what I need to do is find meat. God, what's on tomorrow, big day, must find meat. And got to sleep near a fire. Yeah, yeah.

Hope I get that. Done. Tomorrow I get to choose between two berries. I'm very, very excited. Just tossing it to her and thinking, God, which Barry am I going to eat tomorrow? Which berry is berry and which berry is Sabretooth? Anyway, time to jack off my dick.

Oh yeah, we've been jacking off our dicks since way back when, dude. That's crazy. Tomorrow I've got to find some meat, pick a berry, and have beautiful sex with my wife. Yeah, can't wait to sleep with my caveman wife. That's me. I'm from the future. Yeah. Saving Dino too hard.

Yeah. Cave man wife is working out. God, I hope that that guy finds meat for me tomorrow. I'm going to have sex with his wife. Well, he's out. Well, the chief's out. I'm going to have sex with his wife, I think. Yeah.

Well, that would really ruin humanity. Yeah, dude. Future come old pussy. Introducing this early. Yeah. What would that do? I mean, it would depend, you know. Could we impregnate cavemen?

Yeah, I mean, well, it's not a caveman. No. No, no, no, for, I can try it. No, but I mean, if you went back to, I mean, that's like the crazy thing is that those, you know, 100, 200, 300,000. That's just a human being. Yeah, it's just you again, basically. Also, there's, yeah, there was like, yeah, Neanderthals and like, we kind of like bred with them a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. But not everywhere. It's really interesting looking at the genetic sort of, like, makeup of, like, you know, across the world. of the people who slept with the Neanderthals, the people who slept with the Denisovian man. We were going crazy back in the day, dude. That's your dream, period. Oh, yeah, dude.

Maybe you did get a time machine. I'm reading the history book, whoa, one caveman had sex with what appears to be every single type of early human. Everyone's lying there in the cave being like tomorrow, I've got to get me to bury, and I'm like, well, I'm going to set off on the greatest journey of my life. You guys enjoy this.

little, you know, territory. I love to fuck my way around the world. Yeah, exactly, dude. You guys out there with your petty dreams of trying to sleep with someone from every continent or country. No. Pathetic. Pathetic.

Every form of early man. Homo habilis. Mm-hmm. Homo Floranzas. That was the Hobbit guy. Yeah, that's awesome. Going to go to the time. Wait, they might be the same ones.

Anyway, I'm doing it. You're going to find out. Yeah. No, what's actually going to happen to be is I'm going to have my head ripped off. I'm like, hey, here I am. And they're like, to us, you are not a very good specimen. You know, we're like gigantic, broad, and super intelligent. Yeah.

You're sort of like if a womb became a man. Yeah, but tell me not one of you is curious. Yeah. Well, they say that to me, but I don't understand it. So I'm like, I think they're into me. God, I'm horny. They're taking me to their women. Oh, wait, they're taking me past their women.

To a bloody rock? What's that about? I don't know what this is, but I'm excited to find, oh, no, right, of course. That makes sense to me. And then I activate my time travel watch and I just come back to HQ and I'm like, yeah, I've got to try something. I don't know, trying to save the dinosaurs didn't work. This is really hard to be like, what if I, yeah, if I went back in time and I like, you know, gave the dinosaurs like a car. Yeah.

I think a dinosaur will see a car and just either ignore it or push it over. Yeah. Kind of like if I, you know, went back in, like, to, you know, I don't know, today and gave a lion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not going to do much with it. Yeah. Yeah. What else could you give a gun?

You could give a gun? Yeah, same thing. They've got no throes. If you destroyed the comet, you are destroying the present. Like, we know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't know how, yeah, what if I got, um, okay, what I'm a rocket? Yeah.

And as it was launching up, like, you one of them SpaceX one. They're doing a test or whatever. Maybe the portal that time travels, and we travel. And we just... Oh, we send it somewhere else. And we just put that into it, like, into the comet. Yeah. Knock it off course.

I like the idea of, like, opening a portal. And, like, so the people that have sent you to the past to prevent the dinosaurs, you know, from going extinct. Like, he's done it. And then a portal and opens up. And they're like, he fucked up. There's an idea. He fucked up so hard. And then you were in the time, sort of the space between times.

have to pick which period to go do. Do I live with the dinosaurs or die with man? Yeah, we open the portal where the, where the meteor is, and then we either send it to the future or the far path. I like that they're sending it to the future. I don't know what's coming. Yeah. Oh, you send it far away.

Yeah. You come back to the prize and they're like, we're just in the comment, you're like, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it a lot in, I'm not going to tell. Very good, like, like three weeks. I guess what idiots. Yeah, that's right.

I'm the man who doomed to solve. It's just to be like, there'd be no warning. Yeah, exactly, I mean, beautiful. No one where no war was going on. All of a sudden, just, who, p, pf, how's space? Fine. Yeah, fine, nothing seems okay. Well, that early warning is like, it's fine.

No, yeah, nothing's going on. Because the portal opens in our atmosphere. Why is that portal over? I like the idea of the portal opening up, like, whatever office you were at, that's send you back in time. Then you just time travel back into the past to like Renaissance France or something Live out your life, happy is life

Yeah, as I was going to say Marie Antoinette's new husband Yeah, why she was young Yeah, probably But also like you would then get beheaded, right? Yeah Go back just for some reason When you go to the past to hide out

It's always somewhere dangerous Titanic Finally I'm safe, God damn it The trenches I'm gonna send myself back to the safest era of human history, World War I. They didn't even have the atomic bomb yet. So it would be fought.

In the trenches, trench footed up to fuck. Mustard gas was in this one. Hey, hey, I'm from the future. Hey, that's, I'm from the future. Hey, well, hear something fucked up. I know we're in the trenches, but 9-11's going to happen. What's 9-11? It's like, do you have the world trade centers yet?

Do you have planes yet? Like, yeah. Yeah, two of those are going to crash into a building. and like 2,000 people are going to die. Oh, we've lost more than that today. Yeah, but it's going to kick off this thing called the war on terror. And then, like, it's just, it's, it's going to like escalate. You should be more excited about this.

Excited? Well, like, I don't know. You guys have the Titanic sink yet? Because that's going to happen to. Oh, you have? Oh, never mind. Oh, okay. I like the idea of going back in time and then.

Titanic sunk in between the wars, didn't it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I like the idea of, like, seeing the getting like a. ticket for the Titanic and, like, not quite being able to remember why it's important, being like, something about this boat, either something really good happens on it or something really bad. Oros is on this boat, and she's hot as fuck.

Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. I think I'm going to go on it. I think it'll be okay. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to stop the comet from hitting Earth. Yeah. Because I don't have the capacity myself to, like, stop a car from hitting me.

Yeah. If it was coming at me, I would try and dodge, I guess. Yeah, you try and jump out of the way. Push the earth away. Here's what I'm going to do. Okay. Well, here's what I do, because I agree. I think I just get in the time machine.

I'm like, fuck. They make me so angry at me when I can't do this. And I just go, 60 years into the future, hope whoever sent me is now dead. It's smart. No consequences. I'd also, like, who are these people that want to save the dinosaurs? Yeah, I don't know, man.

I think the best bet is to, like, kidnap smarter people. Yeah. Like, yeah. What if you go forward one day, kill yourself and let's replace them. Yeah. So then you've gone in time. You've killed yourself. So you go forward in time.

One day. So you, now it's like you've lost the day. You don't remember what happened in the last day. You've left the office in the time machine. So your reality, you're gone. different reality? Because if you went for a day, you're not there because you're in a time machine. You step out to where you were and you're just you. What do you mean? You're gone for a day. What you do? Oh, fuck. This did not work. You can only kill yourself in the past, right?

Well, no. Well, you, no, that's weird. It depends which time of time travel. Because if you, hang on. If when you time travel, it's just a different reality. Well, I guess in my time travel, How can you kill yourself if you... Okay, so you have to... So you have to time travel into, say, the past. Yeah. And then live your, like, life for a bit. And then...

And then you have to think how time travel again... No. What if I... I time travel forward a week? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then I time travel back. In...

No. Yeah. There's got to be a way to kid yourself for the future. Like, with one, like, yeah. With one move. It's not... It's not... No, killing yourself in the future makes way is easier than killing yourself in the past.

I guess you have to- You kill yourself in the future, that it just means that that's, you've just been like, oh, okay, me, the guy who killed myself in the future, I now know that I am going to die on this day. Yeah. Okay, you have to time travel into the future and you have to be waiting there with a big grin while you wait for the rock to hit you. And then you're like, sweet, that I do that. That's a thing that I did. That intention was there. And then you have to live your life.

Yeah. And then you have to then time travel back to that point again as yourself, but a little bit older. Yes. That's how you've got to do it. Yeah, yeah. But aren't then you killing yourself in the past? Well, you're killing yourself in the future because you've killed your past self has killed you. Okay, all right.

It's looper rules. Yeah. So if I try, okay, I time travel to the future in a week. And there is me 50 years from there. Oh, I see. old version of me there. And I'm like, oh, that's old me. I brick myself. I die with a big grin on my face. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did it. I then live an extra, you know, well, I guess, yeah. 50 years. Or 12 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go, sweet. It's common. It's common.

I go, oh, oh, my God, it looked like me when I thought. Oh, today's the day, fellas. You hop in the time issue. Yeah, okay, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, yeah, killing yourself in the past, you can't really do because you're alive. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah it's like oh there's like say you know teen me i'm like say uh nearly 40-year-old me i go back in time to teen me teen me looks at me i brick myself in the head yeah and i'm like hope that didn't kill me because if this is the paradox yeah yeah yeah yeah you go back in time and chop your head off yeah you should fade away yeah yeah and then stop well then you can't then you can never have chopped your head off so then you hate grows back yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we've said it before

said it before, but it's so funny to imagine doing it over like a really little period of time. Yeah. Like going into the future like five minutes killing yourself and then traveling back and being like fuck! Oh why do that?

Five fucking minutes. Fuck, I wasn't thinking. Oh, fuck. I just got really scared. I just got caught up in the moment. The intrusive thoughts were like. Fuck, how do I spend the last four minutes of my life? I know it's coming.

I know the end is inside. Well, I know where I'm going to be. Yeah, exactly. So I'll get out of the way. No. I accidentally walked into the exact spot I'm going to be. How many past versions of yourself? Yeah.

If I went back, say I went back 10 minutes. Yeah. And got 10 minute past me. Uh-huh. I brought 10 minutes past me into the future. Uh-huh. What? What?

How many me would I disappear at a certain point? I think, well... Okay, so it's you and you 10 minutes ago? Yeah. Well, you had to... It depends, because is it like, are you making alternate realities or not? Ideally not.

Okay. Well, yeah, that just means that this trip is going to last 10 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're always 10 minutes ago going in a time machine. Yes, yeah, yeah. So it just... Yeah, okay. It just means it happens to you twice

is what's happening Because you would have gone in the time machine Because you would have been picked up by future you Yeah, yeah And then in your future You're going to go in a time machine And pick up past you Yes, yeah

But you're going to remember that trip And be like, I've already Why am I doing this? Yeah You kind of stuck in a little loop Yeah From a certain perspective, I guess Anyway, I reckon that's how you save the dinosaurs

Yeah, I reckon too dude That makes sense to me Just send the comet to present day Earth Yeah, yeah yeah nuke the planet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it doesn't matter because when you save

the dinosaurs, the history of Earth is fucked up anyway, so. Yeah. I think if they gave, I don't like these people that are making me,

I don't think that's a right thing to do to save the dinosaurs. Yeah, I think they should send us back to kill them faster. Well, no, I, that's another option.

I was going to say at the moment they give me the time machine, I'll just escape into the time stream somewhere. Yeah. Live in 1975 or something. Yeah, I reckon you'd thrive

in the 70s. Me too, dude. I think that's the era for me, you know? I think that some years that, you know, we wouldn't do so well in, and some eras where we'd, we'd, we'd really, uh, thrive. 1930s for you, I think it'd be great. 1930s.

Yeah, dude. 9035. That would be fucking awful. Yeah. It's on the, I know that World War II starts in like two, three years from there. Yeah, but you got some great, great years until then. That's not even the roaring 20s. All right.

You're putting me in the Great Depression. Okay. Roaring 20s then. But I don't think you'd thrive. Yeah, exactly. I don't think you'd thrive in the 20s. 20s. 2,300.

That's where I thrive. Zammitt. I get to gaze upon the impact that we had on society. I think 17. 17 would be great for Zama. So Jackson's put himself in a period of time. I was like 1950s, maybe. Let's fight like Gommies.

Oh, no, no, no. The 1700s, too. No, the 1700s apparently. Yeah, I think you make a great. 100s for you. Great Depression for me and Jackson gets to live a fun time in the 70s. Yeah, yeah. Well, unfortunately.

Enjoy seeing the fun. fucking beetles. Unfortunately, I don't think that I have a fizzinominy or whatever. Shut the fuck up. A physiognomy. How do you say that word? What word are you trying? Fizominy?

I'm going to send you the middle ages. Guess what? You're on the crusades now. Yeah. I just don't think my face looks like it could exist in any era but now. No past the 1960s. Can you imagine my head in the 1930s? Yes.

We went to a museum where every single. sculpture looked exactly like you because you got a little round head. That was ancient Rome. Okay, well, time for you. I could go back to ancient Rome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There and then 1961, I think, is the only places for me. No, you can go to timeless space. You can go anywhere in a timeless face? You think I got a timeless face?

Yeah, man. It's very kind of you. I think I have a face, I think I have the face of like a 1960s to 70s computer programmer, unfortunately. It could just be what you're wearing as well. Yeah, it's your glasses on hair. You can, you can fix both of those things. I can change those things. Yeah, that's true. You still think you'd thrive in the 30s. Sorry, man.

No one's thriving in the 30. Well, I think you would. Someone's thriving. Yeah, I think you did great. How do you, how, I would just figure out how to cheat the crash of Wall Street or whatever. Yeah. You know, it's common. Was baseball big in the 30s?

Yeah. When was Babe Ruth, like the biggest, the 30s? Yeah, I could do a good, like, yeah, in like, 20s to 30s, yeah. Baseball. Yeah. You could be a baseball player. I don't know why. Okay, so this is a conversation.

You've accidentally stumbled into this fucked up thing of people being like athletes in the past actually weren't that I'm not a walk-up star to baseball. Yeah, I just think you just thrive. I don't know, I just have confidence in you, dude. I think you'd be a middling to okay baseball player. I don't think you could be very bruce.

I reckon you could definitely wear the stripes. You'd be a respectable. You'd be a respectable baseball player. I don't think I would play for the Yankees. I think you'd thrive in 1945. Oh, nice, dear. What am I doing? I think you've gone for a trip to Japan.

Oh, nice, dude. Check out the site. Yeah, dude. I picked a bad time. I'll say it, dude. I should have known. Well, yeah, that's how it would stop a dinosaur, and I hope you're happy.

Whoever asked that question, Gustavo? Yeah, Gustavo, I hope you're happy with this episode. Yeah. You're welcome. And I meant everything I said. And on that note, I've been Jill. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel.

Thank you to everyone who subscribes to this podcast. Yeah. Thank you to anyone that's. ever come up to me and said, hey, I used to listen to your podcast. Yeah, yeah. I appreciate the listens in the past. Yeah, yeah, me too. That's beautiful. But imagine if you still listen to now. Yeah, they wouldn't hear this.

That's the problem. Yeah, they don't know. They can't. They can't hear you. They can't hear your sweet words to them in the past. The wonderful things you say. Been a lot of time travel in this episode. Yeah, that was the whole fucking question. You fucking idiot. God, you're so dumb. He's so mean to me, dude. Yeah. You're so dumb.

You're so dumb. You said me to 1930s. It's like to me, that's like, compliment, but I guess you don't see it that way. You'd be alright. Nothing good happened in the 30s. I reckon you'd be okay in the 20s. Me in the 20s? Roaring 20s, nice, dude. Jay Gatsby's going to hit you in Hollywood? I feel

like you weirdly, like a driver. Oh, interesting. Like driving a celebrity around? Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice. Like in the 20s, I think he'd be good like that. Like in low, there's an up-and-coming like Starlet or something like that. They're sending Jackson and he's a little way. I say, oh, Miss Johnson, where are we going?

The 1930s were dominated by the Great depression and the rise of authoritarian regimes culminating in the start of World War II. The key events of the 30s were the Wall Street crash, the Dust Bowl, the New Deal, and the rise of Nazi Germany. Economic turmoil. For some reason, you thrive. I don't know, dude. I'm just saying, I think you thrive.

I don't know. To me, it's a compliment. Hey, I think Zama would thrive in the 1700s, too. Prohibition as well, you know, but the thing is, you've just picked the worst 10 years maybe in modern history. Prohibition, yeah. That's bad. You're not if you're bootlegging.

You drive. You thrive. You'd thrive. I'd kill myself in the 1930s. That's crazy, dude. That's crazy to me. We're starting? Yeah, dude.

He's gone. Why does it sound like you're coming when you burp sometimes? I don't know, dude. You did that in the episode before as well. It was like, uh, uh, uh, what is wrong with you? You should go to a doctor. Doc whenever I burp,

I make an orgasm noise. And you'll be like, are you orgasming? I'll be like, you can't ask me. And I'll be like, yes, I can. You can't ask me that, actually. I refuse. The fact you wouldn't answer that would make me immediately think yes. You can't ask me that, okay?

How dare you? Is this, is this a court of law? Yeah, is this called a law? Am I a trial doctor? No, okay. Let me burp come if I want to. I'll do what I want. Christ on my, dude.

If I want a burp come or burpcom, and he'll be like, why did you even come in? I just want to know if I'm, my friends told me to, because they don't like that I do. Yeah. What matters most to you? Is it unforgettable adventures, connections with lifelong friends, peaceful moments of reflection,

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