Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Survive in Skyrim if You Weren't the Main Character? (Feat. Adam)

Episode Date: November 27, 2016

In which our heroes stop eating souls, give the finger to the Greybeards, and become an NPC as we ask the important questions like how would you survive in Skyrim as not the main character. We talk about the invulnerability of beggars, take refuge in a dress shop, and die anyway as Alduin eats the world. Adam hitches himself to the main character, Jackson chooses poorly every time, and Zammit just asks a lot of questions. So find the least occupied corner of Skyrim, hunker down, and do your very best not to get caught up in someone else’s destiny. It's harder than it sounds.Want to help Adam get a job at Dragonsreach? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can really punch up his resume.And don’t forget to be a magic boy or girl by heading to http://www.lootcrate.com/letmedie, use the promo code letmedie to save some serious $$$ on your next lootcrate subscription! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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You have until the 19th of december to subscribe to receive this month's crate and when that cutoff happens that's it it's over you've lost your chance and now your cause is destined to fail all because you didn't head to lootcrate.com slash let me die and use the promo code let me die all one word on any new subscription now enjoy the show hey everybody and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star well we ask the important questions like how would you survive in skyrim if you weren't the main character got a dumb song for us? No, sir.

Good. Nearly. Melody's snoring and it's cute. So we did an episode previous to this, where we were like, how would you survive in Skyrim? As the main character. But we were kind of the main character for it. So we thought, what if...

We weren't the main character. You're just Joe Blow. We're just an average Skyrimian. You know? Skyrimian? Skyrimam. Skyrimush. Nord, I believe.

I guess, are we gonna what I was gonna say, so first of all I think we choose a race. Are we just Nords? Or can we pick? Well, you can pick. Go Dark Elf. Choose hard mode. Choose hard mode.

The one that everyone's racist against. All right. I might. Oh, no. People hate. Argonian's my favorite race. But people hate Argonians. Yeah.

The beast races are hated. People hate orcs too. Orcs aren't as hated. They're just rare. Yeah. Fuck Skyrim. Fucked over orcs. There's like nothing to do with them.

Yeah. Such a shame. Orcs are cool Well like every other race gets kind of race specific quests A bit Not heaps but some The orcs get some Some kind of messed up ones

But orcs it's like visit the orc strongholds Good job Well done I guess What about the cat people Khajiit I mean like you, you're not... Beast races is, once again, kind of hard mode, because everyone hates them.

Especially Khajiit, actually, in Skyrim. They're not welcome in cities. You'd have to live on the streets... Oh, sorry, in... In the wild, almost, and you would be subject to bandits. All right, well, how about... Look, to make this fair,

just choose whatever your favorite race is. Imperial. Although I was going to pick Imperial anyway. Well, again, Khajiits. Yeah, I was going to say Argonian. Damn it, Adam. Enjoy, motherfuckers. We can go through this.

We can go through it. We'll go with voice of the fucking emperor. Easy, medium, hard. Well, you go Orc, because I think Orc's medium. Yeah. So Orc is medium. So we'll go like, you know, easy mode first. Easy mode first, you're an imperial.

All right. Well, first off, I've got voice of the emperor. So just once a day, if someone wants to fight me, I can be like, nah, we're friends. But do all imperials get that or only if you're a main character? That's true. Because you never, there are other imperials that you encounter in Skyrim. Well, then like, do all Argonians breathe underwater or is it just the main character? I suppose that's a good point.

So I guess, what's the racial trait? Yeah. Do you get any other racial traits? I feel like, rather than it being basically a spell, I should just be good at talking my way out of shit. Because don't you also get shit

like an immunity magic in some things with Imperial? No. Is that the only racial trait you get? No, Imperials have Voice of the Emperor and they have a special ability where they find more gold. Ah, okay. Well, that doesn't make any sense.

So, I guess you're just good at talking people down. I'm good with money and I'm good at talking people down. And find more gold. That's pretty useful to be like, so you're good at commerce and you're good in negotiation. I've become a traitor in a town. Whiterun, because I know Whiterun's gonna be fine. Whiterun does get attacked occasionally by a dragon.

I guess you can just stay inside and hope the hero deals with it. All the towns get attacked by a dragon. That is a problem with dragons, mate, and vampires. Well, yeah, every town gets attacked by that. You're subject to that more likely outside of the town. Well, how do you deal with it? Well, yeah, I just go into my town. Well, you can't.

I mean, that's the problem about being, you know, it's like, I can't shout at him. Well, I can shout at him. Actually, you can't. I mean, that's the problem about being, you know, it's like, I can't shout at him. Well, I can shout at him. Actually, you know what? Get out of here, dragon. I go to the keep. Dragon's keep was designed. Would they let you in?

They'd be like, get out of here, you merchant. This is for kings. You ain't a king. You ain't a y'all. I'd be the y'all's aid. Okay. I think it's cocky of you to think he let you in. Alright.

Wait, does that make you a house call? No, no, no. Like, I keep his books. Keep his house in order. I work for the Jarl. It doesn't matter what. Because dragons keep. Designed to withstand a dragon attack. So I'm good there.

So you just spend your entire life within Whiterun. Never leave the walls. Well, yeah. How are you getting new goods? Oh, you're not a trader anymore. Well, no, I'm not a trader anymore. But like, trade, Jackson? I mean, really?

Trade is. I mean, like, it's not my argument because I don't need to anymore what if the Jarl requires you to leave are you just going to be like no why would the Jarls like I need you to go on the fact finding mission

to Whiterun to what end to Riften to what end I Wait, you're in Whiterun. To Riften. To what end? Maybe he needs you to investigate the books. I am your Jarl. Don't question me. Go.

Why are you questioning your Jarl? I can hire someone to do that. I'm hiring you. As far as I am aware, I asked you directly. Because I trust you. Well, then I... Wow. There's a civil war going on, so I asked for an armed escort.

I guess you can probably get an armed escort. Yes, you can have an armed, so I asked for an armed escort. I guess you could probably get an armed escort. Yes, you can have an armed escort. I think with an armed escort, I'm fine. I'll give it to you. No, okay. We gotta think about the... I mean, if I go to Rifton, I'm probably gonna have my pocket picked, but that's the worst that's gonna happen.

Yeah, you're gonna get like, these, man. It's like, whatever. Come back. Rifton's shit. Don't do anything with them. But I guess we've got to go through the troubles you'd encounter on the road to Riften. So, bandits. Bandits.

Bandits. An armed guard can fight them, but how many bandits do you get versus how many armed guards do you get? So, you're probably going to get one bodyguard. Yeah. One bodyguard? I'll give him two. No, give him two bodyguards. We're in the middle of a civil war.

You see a ward going through with one or two bodyguards. So, one or two bodyguards. We're in the middle of a civil war. You see a lord going through with one or two bodyguards. So one or two is probably enough. One of the random encounters you can have is you meet a lord who's on the way to a wedding and he only has two bodyguards. A lord? And a lord. Surely I'd be fine with one or two bodyguards. Yeah, all right.

Is it better? Here's a weird question. Is it better to be in a position of power like you are or to be like a simple farmer? Just sort of in general. What kind of random, are you a random assassin? A random assassin is not going to be interested in the guy who's second in charge.

Well no, I'm just trying to think, like you know at the end of your main character, at the end of the Dark Brotherhood line you get like a recurring quest which just gives you a random NPC. You're a random NPC. I'm just wondering what your chances are of being assassinated. I think it tends to be farmers, weirdly.

The Dark Brotherhood, though, is still in decline. Yeah, it is. It is in decline. But we have to assume that the main character still exists within the world that we're living in. That's true. Okay, first off. It's a risk, but it's not a high risk.

I think it's a risk for anyone. So bandits, look, you should be fine against bandits Same with like wolves Any of those smaller I think I'm taking my life in my hands Every time I go out of town But I don't think it's like It's like driving a car There's a risk, but like it's

What if you encounter the hero? Yeah, that's what I was wondering Yeah, I was thinking about that myself I'm trying to think Okay, no, no, we can do this What are you wearing? I'm wearing probably noble's clothes I have to be

You can find noble's clothes everywhere though So if I'm the main character I'm not going to want to loot you You're armed guards However No, town guards, what have you ever killed a town guard for their equipment? He probably wouldn't. Unless I'm like,

well, actually, sometimes I do this. I want like mannequins that have the full set of every town guard. Nah, I'm with you. Another thing that I just thought of. So the parving of all of the AIs is that they'll fight anything. So imagine a dragon attacks nearby you.

Your armed guards are just running off to get the dragon. Hell, you might have an innate desire to fight the dragon. Also, again, if you're walking and you've got an armed guard and you're just in noble's clothes, I would be, what's that person got? Yeah, you might be like, they've got gold on them. I think what I do, I know what I do. Oh!

Oh! Sit the fuck down, both of you. I know what I do. I see the main character. I engage conversation with him. And I say, young man, you look like you know how to handle a sword. I have a quest for you. I have a quest for you.

And then you get him to do the job that the Earl said. You're like, this message needs to be delivered. No, no, no. I see him and I'm like, I fear for my life along these roads. Guide me along them and I will pay you. Then I get to fast travel with the main character. No problem. Yeah, though. Wait.

What? So, just playing devil's advocate. Nah, fair, fair, fair. I know occasionally I've encountered something like that where someone's like, I'll follow you for the quest. And then I become interested in another quest. Or what if somebody's like i know there's a glitch in the game if i find the adam npc because he's a quest npc i can have him along

with my followers giving me two if i'm a quest npc i'm immortal hey that's true but you're away for a very long time you come back to me i like, did the letter get delivered? I feel like I was in caves and dungeons. I don't know why, but I had to follow him. Look at the armor I'm in. Help me. Fucking flaming swords. That'd be a good way to stay alive, actually, to be the main character's

sidekick. It would. You can die, but you're tough to kill. Definitely. And if you're a quest npc which you could force your way into you only need like 100 or 500 gold you don't get a lot for completing a quest no not at all and you're good really all right hang on whoa whoa whoa i don't like this no this, this is good. Oh, yeah? Do your followers level with you? Yes.

I come back, the y'all's like, where were you? I'm like, do you care? I'm level 50, mate. I'm the y'all now. And I guess, I mean, okay. If you're the y'all now, then you have that problem of maybe I'm going to assassinate you. I probably don't do that. Maybe don't do that. Okay. Well, what you do that problem of like, maybe I'm going to get assassinated. I probably don't do that. I maybe don't do that. Okay.

Well, what you do is you just like, after like, say, 20 years of following your hero around and becoming sweet and leveling up, he finally takes you where you need to go and you finish the quest. The hero is like, oh my God, I had this quest to do. And then he doesn't. Forgetting that that's why Adam is in his party. And then it's like, Adam has left your party. He's like, oh, fuck. That's why. That's why. I'm here. I get why Adam is in his party. And then it's like, Adam has left your party. He's like, oh, fuck.

That's why. That's why. I'm here. I get it. So you do that. You come back and you just like, here is the letter. You're like, what happened? And you're like, oh, man, this guy.

You would not believe the day. He basically Shanghai'd me. It was fucking weird. My heart's beating really fast, guys. I think I got it. I think I got away scot-free. Did I? Do you think I did?

But then, you're level 50. You don't tell a single person. Well, of course I don't. And you just keep doing your normal duties. But then when someone attacks you, you're like, fuck off, mate. That's true. Smack him in the mouth. You're so powerful.

I think I've got... But you've got to be... You, especially you, can't let this power Go to your head Yeah That might be your downfall Possibly Yeah Because

You might get greedy I gotta be so careful Because Oh Oh Have you ever done I forget which Daedric prince it is

One of the Daedric princes Part of their quest Is you have to sacrifice A follower Yeah It might be you have to sacrifice a follower. It might be you because you're a quest follower so you're not like the main follower. Every time I meet the main character it's like a gamble.

Are they just coming? The person is... Alright, hang on. You guys gotta help me. What sort of follower do you... Do I spout quips? Am I a funny guy? How do I do...

I gotta be likable. No, you don't. If I had a follower that spouted quips, he's the one I'm sacrificing. I'm not saying like... I'm saying how do I become likable so that they don't sacrifice. If I'm perfectly quiet,

I'm gonna get sacrificed. You just have to have a deep backstory. Because the followers that I sacrifice are the ones that I meet, and it's just like there's nothing to them. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you've got to have a reason to keep living. I do.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah. So you've got to be like, oh, I've got to go to this town. I've got to kill my daughter at some point, and then frame it as a mystery or something. Well, okay. I mean Jesus

what else could I do? now I'm with you, you gotta kill your daughter and then just tell the main character that like bandits killed her and then he's like oh that's so sad but then he might be like well he's got nothing to live for or Jesus how like fuck

you tell the main character you're like yes I'm going to deliver this letter to the Jarl And you're like, oh, because the Jarl And then you just lie about your whole involvement Oh, lying No, if I lie, then they'll find out eventually And then they'll post it on Reddit And then the next player to come along

Kills me They post it on their Reddit Oh, that happens if I kill my daughter No, I can't kill my daughter Did you know that the NPC you meet in Whiterun says he has a daughter, but he doesn't? Did you know that Adam has a daughter, but he killed her?

Adam is the secret monster that is in your party. I'm in love with someone. Oh, clever. I'm in love with someone. A girl in another region. She's from Hammerfell. Whatever. No, I might sacrifice both of you.

No, but if you say she's from another region, you've just got to create lore for yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? The person I always sacrifice in Skyrim is the priest lady that is like, hey, do this priest quest. And then you do, and she's like, can I come? And you're like, I guess. She's easy to kill. What an ironic

sacrifice. You know the one, the Temple of Azura or something? Oh, I don't know this one. She's like the lady, you know the lady holding the things on the hill? Yes. There's like a monk lady up there. Anyway, she's got a useless story. But I kill her because there's nothing to her.

So you give a bit of lore, you're probably not going to die. So you could just be a good person. And then if you're very, very good, if your chance of the main hero is a good person, they won't necessarily sacrifice you. But if they're a cunt like Jack. But if they are a cunt like Jack. I do play a bad guy. Because, again, because you'd be like, look, I've got a daughter back home,

a wife, townsfolk will love me. I would laugh that up and sacrifice you. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I'd be like, ha-ha, this would be funny. Yeah. Like, what a good. Gotcha. Ha-ha-ha. Can I? i yeah can i be part of a mod terrible voice acting bad path finding it's default path finding sometimes it's not if they need you to do specific things for the mod

all right never mind bad animations i. I was going to say, I think maybe the quippy, but not as in too quippy. Not game quippy, because that's going to be repetitive. But someone who would make sarky observations, they're alright. I'd keep you on side.

If you make enough comments about the world... What I'm thinking is, I make comments about quests. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I make comments on the quests you're on, then I'm not always talking, but I am like, you're hearing stuff from me, I'm talking, stuff like that. Yeah, and like, oh, and what happens if this person tells me, like, I'm on a new different quest, maybe he'll say something else.

I got to comment on the shit they're doing. Yeah, and you got to be helpful. Not all the time, but sometimes. Because then they're going to be like, well, I can't get rid of Adam. Because if I get rid of Adam, can you help me solve that quest over yonder but if I I've got to pick up gold that I see

just around because every now and then they check my inventory and they're like hey there's a bit of gold I've got to be useful like that here's a problem though Adam you don't have skills

as in you don't know how to fight with a sword new beginning okay I'm a mercenary you hire alright okay

that's still an NPC. All right. Then you have some skills. I got some skills. Mm-hmm. Okay. However, if you're a mercenary I hire, that means that if I need to replace you with a follower I want,

I will. I'll sacrifice you. Not if I'm that interesting, though. I suppose. Not if I collect money, and every now and then you check my inventory, I got money. You get a little bit more gold You need that backstory

You gotta hit us in like A. You gotta be useful so you gotta have some gold You gotta comment on literally the quests All of them that we're doing There's sort of like a randomness to it all So that is useful to have around Feels a bit you know Fresh

And you have a bit, you know Fresh A bit, yeah, spontaneous And you have a bit of backstory I think what Yeah Alright, so what are you going to do? What are you going to do? So you've got to basically Not the same

Not where you do your story But you're still the guy The y'all sense of the letter or whatever And the thing is Then I could be a quest NPC You almost You could quest NPCs That's good, that's good You then almost have to stage something Like the guy, the yell sense of the letter or whatever. Then that could be a quest. You almost... Quest absence.

That's good. That's good. You then almost have to stage something where your bodyguard gets killed. Okay. The main character is like, I'll protect you. If I stage something, then maybe they find out. You can do it or win away. It doesn't seem staged.

It's easy. It's easy. It's easy. You've got to get to Riften. Yeah. It's your bodyguard. You're in charge of where you go. Mm-hmm. Go to where you know a Riften. Yeah. It's your bodyguard. You're in charge of where you go.

Go to where you know a dragon is. Bodyguard gets killed by a dragon. Then you didn't stage anything. Bodyguard gets killed by a dragon. Because all bodyguards are like, you've got to kill that dragon. But then what if the main character doesn't come along? But then the main character... You're hiding a spider cave until he does.

This is the idea if the main character comes along. If the main character comes along, because there's going to be a dragon there, so they're going to be like, sick, I'm going to get them bones. Yeah, yeah. Kills that dragon be a dragon there so they're going to be like sick i'm getting them bones yeah yeah kills that dragon then like them bones then sees you know you weeping over your your like dead bodyguard and then if you threw in that like that dead bodyguard was my my dead lover as well oh oh oh i'll be careful gotta be careful why because like a lot of this relies on a lot of very specific things happening.

Yeah, look, here's my dead lover. Here's my dead lover. And then if the main character investigated you, they'd be like, were these people dating or whatever? And you'd be like, no, they weren't. They'd be like, oh, no, no, we found each other on the road. No witnesses. There you go.

It's not a great life. Because you're spending your whole life just following the main character. That's fine. I'm happy to do that. You know, and cowering, doing a lot of cowering. A lot Because you're spending your whole life just following the main character. That's fine. I'm happy to do that. You know, and cowering, doing a lot of cowering. A lot of cowering, but you do see the world. Eventually I'll level up enough. Yeah, yeah.

Surely. And even if you don't have any skills, I'm going to say, if you're leveling up with him, you're going to- No, you're just going to get better generally. What I mean is you're not going to have specific skills. That's fine. You're not going to be a mage. You're going to be just like basic.

That's what we are, though. Yeah, I know. We're all just basic. I though yeah i know what is a downside everyone gets basic spells what if i use my basic healing spell to heal the main character i'd be useful like that i gotta make myself so useful okay so your strategy ultimately boils then i hope that by the time that they're too powerful yeah this is oh this is good end game. Because the main character gets very powerful. At some point, he's so powerful that it's irrelevant for me to heal him. At that point, maybe he's already done that sacrificing quest.

True. You've got to hope. You've got to hope. But it's a good chance. Definitely. I think. And also, again, if you're that high level and that much goodwill. I think.

And also, like, again, if you're that high level and that much goodwill. If I'm a quest NPC who's immortal, then I'm worth more than regular followers. Yeah, that's true. Here's a question for you. This is a bit of a complicated one. In Dwarven Guard, are there any new followers? Yes, there is. I think so, yeah. There's the vampire lady.

And also in the Dragonborn, there's new followers. You're gone. Because there's a quest followers. And they're powerful. So if I get vampire lady, after I've had Adam follow me. Well, that's fine then. I just go back to my life. Yeah, exactly.

And I'm powerful now. Yeah. I guess. And then he's like, hey, and then you go, I guess, y'all, here's a letter. It's all good. He's like, thank you. It took you so long, but it's all right. It's all good. He's like, thank you. It took you so long, but it's all right.

It's fine. You're forgiven. All right. So your strategy, I guess, boils down to become a follower, an NPC follower.

It's like you live your life as an advisor to a y'all. My plan, like, took so many forms. It's hard to pin down. The plan is just to become an advisor to a y'all,

live in Dragon's Keep, and then just kind of hope that, like, he doesn't send you on any missions. And if you do go into the wide world, then hope that the main character just becomes a follower of the main

character. But there is still that risk where if you don't encounter the main character, there's some risks there. I think it's impossible to eliminate. I think it's impossible to eliminate risks. What about you, Zanon? So we'll go Orcs. So we're starting you in an Orc It's impossible to eliminate. I think it's impossible to eliminate risk. What about you, Zarin? Okay, so that was Imperial.

So go Orcs. Okay, you're an Orc. So are we starting you in an Orc stronghold? They're like these small settlements dotted around the place. Yes. Okay. So you're in an Orc stronghold. What are you doing to survive?

Male or female? What's Orc culture in Skyrim? As a lot of medieval cultures are portrayed, women are not considered. So I'm a man. All right. Women are just married off, aren't they? I don't know. Is that the case?

I think it's like a sister wives thing. Yeah, I think like the chieftain gets all the wives. I just want to have my head down low. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to kind of rock any boats. So it's going to become a simple... I'm guessing they don't really farm. No. You don't want to do anything. I don't want to kind of rock any boats. Mm-hmm. So it's going to become a simple, like, do orcs become, I'm guessing they don't really farm.

No. You'd be a sought after smith. Definitely. So again, I would probably just kind of be very kind of, again, maybe just like a simple life of a blacksmith. Mm-hmm. Just be a blacksmithy. Okay.

That's what I'm going to do. He's going to keep my head down and be like, look, I'll just make some weapons and armor and that's all I'm going to do. All right. So I'll be supplying my stronghold with good armor and good weapons. All of the orc blacksmiths are quite high level. So you are getting a visit from the player character. Damn.

Yeah, like I just know that the orc blacksmiths tended to be like, I can get good stuff from them. Yeah. But they're not going to really attack you. Yeah, because you're a merchant. You're a valuable thing from them. Yeah. But they're not going to really attack you. Yeah, because you're a merchant. You're a valuable thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Although, hang on. Buy stolen property. Then they'll love you. Hang on. I killed a lot of the blacksmiths in my towns. Why? I couldn't tell you, mate. Are you just mad?

I just know there were a lot of abandoned blacksmiths in towns I'd go to. I'd arrive in, like, bloody Winterfell and be like, oh, cool, let me go. Oh, that's right, I killed this one. What's more on you? I'm just trying to think why. And if I have a player character who is just like, I'm going to kill the blacksmiths, well, I'm fucked. I'm not kidding.

Buy stolen equipment. But no, I will. I'm an orc. You'll be loved. Whatever, it's fine. Fuck, it's good. Buy stolen equipment, melt it down. Oh, no, there's one other

NPC that buys stolen items. But if you're one of those two, you're golden. I have no qualms taking stolen goods. In fact, I will request stolen goods. But whatever, I'm a blacksmith. I'll melt it all down. I'll make some good shit. I'm trying to think of what happens in the orc strongholds. You don't get a quest

to clear them, do you, Adam? There's no quest to destroy all the orc strongholds. No one bothers the orcs. There's a quest to fight the orc chief in each one. Yes, there is. In each one, you go up to the chief and you're like, hey, and he's like, fight me. Oh, that's not really a quest.

That's just like a fist fight with the chief. I think it's a miscellaneous quest. Yeah, it's also like, not to the death. Yeah, it's not going to hurt Sam. That's fine. Sam's fight with the chieftain. I think it's a miscellaneous quest. Yeah, it's also like not to the death. It's not going to hurt Sam. That's fine. Sam's like, look, whatever. I'll supply you with some great gauntlets. There you go, mate.

So, and again, I'm just playing devil's advocate. It's fine. The blacksmiths always have ingots around them. Ingots are the kind of thing you're always trying to get because they're a hassle to find anywhere else. So people are going to steal from you. People are going to pickpocket you and people are going to steal from you.

And when you see someone stealing, you kind of have no choice but to fight. Well, of course, I am going to be angry. Once again, I don't think it's impossible to mitigate. I think that happens... I don't know how you are going to mitigate it and I don't know how I would mitigate it. But you're not a blacksmith i yeah i guess it's more likely definitely it's more likely for people to steal from them i have i'm guessing i have basically

a store yeah yeah yeah you might get pickpocketed on your on your run to you know wherever you're more likely to be stolen from yeah that's fine because again look i'm assuming that what take at least you know what 10 of my stock going to get stolen in any given year. I know that. The problem is if you try to fight the player character. And isn't that automatically, if you steal something, everyone kind of attacks you? Oh, fuck. Yeah, orc strongholds.

Ugh. Yeah. You play... Orc strongholds have no jails. You pay a blood price or you play a gold price. Yeah. There's no other choice there. The thing is, if I start attacking him,

chances are everyone else will attack that guy as well, yes? Yeah. So if he or she's coming and I'm like, I'm going to... It doesn't matter if you kill them. The game resets. You go back a couple days. Yeah.

So, it's fine. However... Also, the other thing is that you will be considered less of an orc if you're not a violent person, so you might have to do some fighting. I never said I wasn't. Which has some... Yeah, all right, well, fine.

If someone's going to steal from me, axe, cut off their hand. All right. All right, okay, okay, okay. And again, if I'm a highly sought-after blacksmith, or if I'm doing good as a blacksmith, a simple kind of trade job, chances are, hey, I'm going to have apprentices, or at least hiring a bodyguard. What you could do is, instead of being an orc stronghold,

you could be an orc smithy somewhere else. Like in Markarth. An orc smithy in a city? In Markarth? Markarth has some orcs in it. Yeah, Markarth has an orc smithy. Okay. And that's a city, plus then you get a city guard,

and you don't have to fight everyone that comes in. Markarth is a fucking fortress as well, so you'd be pretty safe there. And, like, dragon attacks. Unless the main character sides against you. Oh, no. No, I think you'd be fine. Yeah. I don't think the blacksmith fights back.

No, no, no. Even if the fucking main character is against my talent, I'm just the blacksmith. Yeah. You've got that thieving problem again that's fine but you don't because i think it's only an orc strongholds that you'll just straight away attack you won't get that desire to attack in because no one's gonna call me you know a shidok you know no one's gonna be like oh look at zama he's shidok he don't attack no you tell the town guard and it's become their problem and you keep at it plus if you're like uh using your uh grinding wheel your your knife sharpener or your forge at the time of an attack you're stuck in

that animation so you don't come out of that animation sharpening so i can do that yeah and also if there's a war breaking out, they're going to want me. That's true. You're going to be sought after. I'm going to be sought after, not just because I'm supplying people, but also, again, I'm going to have some apprentices. So I'm going to have a pretty good life as an educator.

Okay. So I think this is not too bad for Orc Zab. Orc Zab is going to be like, look, I'm going to have my equipment. I'm going to make it become real good at that and train the next people who do that as well. I think you're all right. You've got some of the problems that come with a city, like a dragon attack or a vampire attack.

I think you're doing okay. Markoth, while it is built like a fortress, has some other problems with the, you know, the Force one. Yeah. It's just like guerrilla force that are, you know, fucking. I thought you meant guerrilla. I wish. No.

There's these people who are, like, kind of just causing. They're, like, feral. Yeah. Wild people. Wild men, they, like, kill people, stuff like that. You might have some problems with that. And again, if I'm doing well as a blacksmith, chances are I have pretty good armor and stuff myself.

The Force One don't care. No, but the thing is I'll have that so I can attack. Oh, to fight back. Yeah, but you've got no skills. You're effectively level zero. Level zero with like... You die with one hit, largely. Even with like...

Also, Force One are also very tough enemies. Is there not like a conspiracy happening in Marko? Yeah, there is. I mean, I don't know if it'll affect... That's the Force One thing. I don't think it... No, I don't think it will. Can I have war profiteer?

Can I just make it... Can I make arms for both pilots? Like, you could be hit... I'm just saying you could be hit... The Force One uses bone swords, so... Yeah. I think you could just be hit in the crossfire, is my worry. Yeah.

Look, that's the problem with living in Skyrim. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's just a danger of everyday life, is that there are beasts all over. And Jan's like, I have good armor, so that might, you know, if I ever have to travel or anywhere like that, Jan's like a wolf attack or something like that. And plus I'm also hiring

mercenaries or people, because again, I would be having some kind of bodyguards. I don't think you can do that. Not in the towns. I think your struggle is... Can I hire, like, is there an equivalent of hiring, like, security for my blacksmith? No one does that in the towns. I think your struggle is... Can I hire, like, is there an equivalent of hiring, like, security for my blacksmith? No one does that in the towns. I might.

As an orc, as, you know, aren't they, I guess... As a put-upon person. As a put-upon person. And also, the fact that people are going to steal from me, and I know that. I'm not an idiot. I would be hiring my own personal security force. You might be able to get the town guard. from me and i know that i'm not an idiot i would be hiring my own personal security force you might be able to get the town guard if i come across the only merchant in the entire game with bodyguards

oh yeah i'm stealing from you maybe killing you yeah what if i just get one you also might parade around as we were saying okay how about this i'll pay off the guard we don't want you to become a quest no it's all yeah yeah yeah so if you get some town guards if you get some bodyguards you might become a quest i might you might become a fucking. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you get some town guards, if you get some bodyguards, you might become a quest. You might become a fucking thread on, like, our Skyrim where they're like, why does this one blacksmith have bodyguards? You don't want to draw attention to yourself.

Okay, I'll just pay the city guard a couple of, a bit more gold. Okay. Maybe a bit better. Whatever. I'll make him some good shit. Corruption is rampant in Markov. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll pay him a bit, whatever. Just to kind of, like, look, every other town or you go past in your shift, you might only go past them, say, five times in your shift. Come by mine like ten. Okay. If you try to become... Just have the pathing a bit different. You know, maybe just come to mine a little bit more.

You could do that. Or if there's an orc guy who's in the castle in mark off oh yeah if you be that guy then you're like literally spitting distance away from where the y'all sits so that'd be pretty you kind of like what would that all do was easy smithy yeah he's a smithy yeah yeah there's those aldmeri dominion guys who walk past like every 10 minutes so you know what i'll just become an apprentice for him. Yeah. And learn off him and eventually like work with him. And then eventually there's a cool dog there.

Just letting you know. And then I get to pat a sick dog. Oh, there's a couple of dogs. I get a couple of sick dogs. They're like wolfhounds sort of thing. Oh, man. My arms are going to be sore from all this patting. And you can go outside and there's the guy who sells a dog to you. Oh, I'm going to have so many dogs.

It's going to be a lot of dogs. You're good for dogs. No, but not too many dogs. Not too many dogs. Once again. Don't become a quest. Don't become a quest. Don't become a blacksmith apprentice.

Assassins. Blacksmiths are another thing that you get tasked with assassinating. I think that's why I killed so many blacksmiths. There we go. There it is. But that's a risky run. That's just a risky run. That's just the problem of having assassins

in your fucking world. Yeah. Once again, the Dark Brotherhood are kind of dying out. And again, if I'm a blacksmith apprentice, chances are that at least I got like one person as a buffer. Yeah. So they'll kill him first. Just have one of your ambient

dialogue things just be like i forget the name of the guy who helps if you get the dark brotherhood there's like a thing you can there's a guy you can go talk to and you're like hey the dark brotherhood's a thing and he's like sick let's wipe them out but the game doesn't tell you you can do that one of your ambient dialogue things should just be like i hear lieutenant such and such in this city is looking for the dark brotherhood just make that your ambient dialogue things should just be like, I hear Lieutenant such and such in this city is looking for the Dark Brotherhood. Just make that an ambient dialogue thing. The best thing about that is that it might give them a miscellaneous quest. And they're like, fuck, I got to do it now.

And you've got rid of the assassins. I like that this is just like trick the main character into helping you. If you fund it, Adam, what would your ambient dialogue be? The main character comes up to you, presses like conversation. They want to conversation. What are like the three things you say? First thing is, say, what's that?

I'm trying to think of a love interest. Who's that? The lioness. Oh yeah, Mjolnir lioness. I'd like, you know, mutters on the breath, Mjolnir lioness. What a beautiful young lass., mutters on the breath, Mjolnir lioness. Oh, what a beautiful young lass. And then I'm like,

oh, did you hear that? Oh, I'm sorry. Don't say anything. Perfect. I'm in. I'm not sacrificing you. Zammett, obviously you start giving him a miscellaneous quest

to wipe the dark brother out and he just can't help but do. Then also maybe, maybe, you know, I don't want to become quest givers, but maybe like one of those, like, oh, maybe you can supply me with some, you know, ingots or supply me also maybe, you know, I don't want to become a quest giver, but maybe like one of those like, oh, maybe you can supply me with some, you know, ingots or supply me with some, you know, raw material. Something like that.

That's a good quest because it's not the kind of quest that's going to get you, like, killed. It's the kind of quest that will just sit in somebody's quest log and they're like, oh, I need to make some cash. Oh, I'll go get some ingots for the blacksmith, whatever. Yeah, done. I might just steal them back from you. I killed a bartender.

No. Bartender's a good person to be. Who's never killed a bartender? They're full of rumors and good cheer. Yeah. But if I was choosing, because I think you've done pretty good. I think, yeah, I've done pretty well.

I've set myself up as an apprentice next to a y'all, get to pet some dogs. It's pretty good Wiped out the Assassin's Guild After this conversation I bet there's a bunch of people who are going to load up Skyrim and kill the people we are describing And that's unfortunate

Because the guy we're describing is an actual person in Markarth That guy's going to get a lot of decapitations Look, that's fine, because I'll be his apprentice. You're not him, you're his apprentice. Okay, so...

You're gonna be the cat person, yes? No, I'm an Argonian, I'm a lizard man. Or a lizard lady, I don't care, whatever. It doesn't matter for lizards. You are discriminated against. I am discriminated against, but that, I think, works in my favour. So, you guys both chose jobs of people that

you are gonna interact with, and you're gonna interact with kind of often. I'm gonna be a beggar. I chuck myself in rags. My only ambient dialogue is, got a dollar? What if the mankind becomes a vampire? I feed on basically nothing but beggars

Well then I become a vampire That's not how that works Fuck Okay But then you need a good life I was thinking before like Ah children are immortal just be a child forever You grow up

Okay Okay what about if instead of asking for gold i maybe i lean into becoming a quest giver okay maybe i give an ambient quest that's very useful you know what i mean what's the quest maybe if they give me like a bottle of something they get what's that thing you can get like a... Like it's like a magical after effect. Charity? Oh, gift of charity.

Gift of charity. Every beggar does that. Oh, damn. Also, you don't want it to be a quest like that. You don't want it to be like, ah, turn in skooma bottles and I give you X. Because that's a use... That's like maybe a useful ambient quest, but it's like... It's a boring quest.

Yeah. Well, I feel like the vampire thing is a minor threat, but it's just as much of a threat for also. If the Civil War thing happens, you're on the streets, mate. Do they fight the beggar? You might be collateral damage. I also might steal Zammath's idea and suggest the Dawn God. Vampire attacks Vampire and dragon attacks

You have nowhere to go That's okay The town guard are there to protect me Town guard get wiped by vampires Have you ever just watched them fight I was defending myself against the Also everyone fights the vampires You will fight

You draw your shitty little dagger and you charge that vampire like a champ. I work for Radiant Raymond. What? I work for Radiant Raymond, the dress shop. Uh-huh. No one goes in. There is one quest that lends you to going in there. You go in there, you buy a dress and you leave. He's right.

They have no... Their dialogue is kind of bitchy and annoying. Nah, bitchy and annoying dialogue. like you don't want to kill them you just don't want to go in uh true and it's just them who have the and it's just clothes that they sell which you can just get anyway by the time you go into radiant raymond you'll have all the clothes that they're selling anyway and he just would never go in plus it's right next to the fucking general store which has far better goods that you're going to go to anyway. I will never see the main character.

That's true. Plus, when a dragon attacks, I'm inside. I'm fine. Gotcha good. Wait. Playing my own devil's advocate. I'm an Argonian. That's a job for fancy people.

Yeah. You're not going to be accepted. I'm not fancy. Although, seeing a lizard in fancy clothing is all right. Yeah. Well, there's only two Argonians with jobs, aside from the dock workers that I can think of. And those are the bartenders in Riften, the husband and wife.

Yeah, yeah. You strong arm is part of one of the quests. You sure do. Maybe I should become a bartender. As you say, bartender I think is a good option. Bartender's a job I can do as an Argonian. You know what I was thinking? Yeah?

And if we want to do the beast races, I should have done Khajiit. Yeah. And then just be part of the Khajiit traveling thing. How often do you see them? Every once in a while? Yeah, that's true. How often have you ever killed them? Booping around.

I've never killed one of those Khajiit. Yeah, that's true. Never. And I've killed a lot of characters. Also, like dragon attacks never... never and I've killed a lot of characters also like dragon attacks never dragon attacks will happen inside the city cell but it'll never happen around the city cell

same with vampire attacks that's a good point you don't actually want to be in a city just outside the city is the best place because you've still got the town guard but attacks never happen nah I've done it guy sells horses because if you kill him you

can't get horses i gotcha how often do you use horses well it doesn't matter because you buy the horse from him then you leave when do you ever go back to that guy yes yeah and if you are going back it's to buy a horse so you want him there i think there's a lot of different positions plus there's all the town guard which which hang out around the city, which is, like you said, is the place to be. It's a good life. You're out in fresh air. Exactly.

You get to tend to animals. Tend to horses. Make good money, because a horse costs like a thousand gold. How often have you bought that horse, and how often have you stolen that horse? I steal that horse in a pinch. I steal it kind of often. That's okay.

I'm not dying. That's all right. Once again, no, I guess that is the town guard, right? You know, it's the town guard's problem. It's not mine. Plus, you'd have insurance. Yeah, I was going to say I'd insure my horses. So I get the money back.

I don't think insurance is a thing. But I'm giving that to you. The only downside is that I'm outdoors, which means that if the player character is fighting, that fight might make its way towards me. True. You know what I mean? Say the player's fighting a bear and just runs.

I might end up having to fight that bear. And I feel like I have seen the dragon outside the city walls. It doesn't happen very often, I would think. No, but it can. But it can. Well, dragon can happen anywhere, pretty much. Plus, a benefit of being the horse guy is that I think the pathing makes me go inside sometimes.

So, fingers crossed I'm just inside when the dragon hits. Well, yeah. Yeah? I mean, look, a dragon attack and that kind of stuff is something we can't really fight against. Exactly. Like, if we're worried about dragon attacks, we're all dead. That blind guy inside the beginning to the one dungeon.

People just use me to sneak yeah that's true that's pretty good i'm blind so you just i'm not gonna attack no but see i didn't know he was blind i just killed him uh and then i found out he was blind later and i'm like i guess that's neat but never mind whoops i found a better way to sneak kill him what about the captain of the ship that takes you from Skyrim to Soul Slime? Without me, you don't get to Soul Slime. We're getting very specific. I know. What about this, like, kind of Mr. Priest

who's guarding those fucking, like, stairs up into the fucking walk bit? And they're monk cunts? Oh, you mean like a greybeard? Yeah. You do get hassled, but you don't get killed ever. Yeah, all of them are immortal. Yeah, but if we're choosing immortal characters, then...

Ugh. Nah, fuck. I don't need immortal. Yeah, plus you made yourself immortal. No, immortal is in like... Go on, Adam. Let me die. Quest giver characters.

You can only die when the plot requires it. You don't want that. That's cheating, I feel. Yeah, it is. You were only die when the plot requires it. You don't want that. That's cheating, I feel. Yeah, it is. You were okay because you forced it to happen. I feel like if you are already a character, it's kind of cheating. But a great beard isn't a bad option because they're above everything. They're powerful.

They're very powerful. Everyone respects them. Being a great beard is not a bad option. Just a humble mage. Hanging out in the mage guild. That's true. In that universe. Because if you find somebody in the mage's guild, all the mages are going to attack you.

Just hanging out there, learning about magic. You do the same thing for the companions, then. Yeah, true. Just, like, reading a book about magic. But then you're done for diving sometimes. I might fall down into a fucking, into the sea, as you were saying. But, you know, the first mage's guild quest, Sarathol or whatever? sometimes i might fall down into a fucking into the sea as you were saying but oh yeah this uh you know the like first mages guild quest sarathol or whatever yeah have you ever noticed how funny it is that you're kind of the guy's companion in that quest oh man you so are yeah you act as his

companion it's funny it's just like this guy's like follow me and he goes around and he unlocks all the doors and shit like that i was doing a quest back in the day and it's like, go to Sarenthal. But again, it's like you were saying, you know, you've got to become the mages in the previous episode, you've got to become the head of the mages guild to steal from yourself. It's like, open

Sarenthal, but if you haven't done the mages guild, you have to do the mages guild quest to do this quest. It's the worst. They're becoming just like a thief. No, but then you're in danger of getting killed assassin same difference what about okay and this will be my final option because i've gone through a few one of the imperial or storm cloak soldiers who's inside the city firing a bow and arrow at a target.

I'm never going to see combat aside from a dragon. No, you will see combat. What if a civil war happens? Those guys don't go and fight. No, but assume they do. You never see them leave, though. You're a soldier in the war. You're a soldier in the war. Presumably you're going to be doing a lot of fighting. Yeah, you are a trained soldier in a war.

Like, you're not just glitching the game here. This is your life. Like, you know, even as a blacksmith, I might be required to join an army, or at least a militia, because you can at least swing an anvil, like swing a hammer on an anvil. Plus, I don't think the Imperial would like me

being as I am an Argonian. Yeah, true. You know what? Weirdly, to be honest, the best place for me is where all the other Argonians are. Yeah, it's like, where's their homeland? Well, their homeland is Black Marsh,

but where they are in Skyrim is this dock near Winter... What's the name of that? Winterhold. Winterhold, which you can kind of never go to. Like, actually, that's a great place because it's a dock that you have to cross a river to get to, right? Or come out of the city. Or come out of the city. Or come out of the city,

but it's this back way in that nobody ever uses. You don't actually have much of a point to use it. Yeah, no, that's pretty good. Yeah, so you don't have the main character. You're pretty out of the way, yeah. Yeah, the main character, I didn't know it was a place until my second playthrough. So what's happening with docks?

You're just moving crates from boat to boat. Because I guess it's not a bad job. I mean, you've got like the dock problems of people smuggling shit in, I would assume. Yeah, you've got

some problems, like once again, dragons, vampires. But I'm on the outside. Look, dragons and vampires, they're just like, you know, like you're across the

water from, I think, a couple saber-toothed tigers from memory, so watch out for that. They can't swim. It's fine. They can. They can't get up on watch out for that. They can't swim. It's fine. They can't get up on the thing, though. They can't get up on the dock. They just swim around the water and we're like, I guess

that's fine. That's our job. The only downside is that it's not a great life. I'm quite put upon as an Argonian living in a kind of a shithole. But I'll cop that to survive. I can't go into the city. I just live on the outside But that's fine

I mean it's a fine life I think so What about just like a humble farmer In the middle of like you know Butt fuck nowhere Middle of Skyrim Yeah Just farming

Just providing food for the town Alright Like what's wrong with that? I feel like you're exposed Yeah Stay with me on this one Okay A random bandit in a random cave.

Okay. Here's the thing. The main character comes through. I fight them, whatever. Eventually, I die. Main character keeps going. Three days later, main character comes through again. Oh, look.

I'm still here. So, your way of surviving is dying. My way of surviving is respawning. How about this, Adam? Be a wolf. Does the same thing. I mean, yeah. Actually, but like specific bandits respawn.

If you're in a temple, not a temple, it's like a tower outside. Yeah. Those respawn with the same bandits. Yeah. So you don't ever really die. I just come back. Again, you're just using, you're glitching

the game. Uh-huh. But it is Skyrim. We're just spitballing here. I'm just throwing that out as an idea. I'm still going with my original one. I would still say that the bandit just keeps dying and it's a new bandit who kind of looks very similar.

Similar to the old bandit. Maybe because, you know, we just all think bandits look the same. What if you teach something? Like the girl, what the fuck's her name? The lady that teaches you archery up on a hill. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck.

I've never killed her. Sometimes I can't even find her. Oh, fuck. That's good. You live like way out, middle of nowhere, up on a fucking mountain. Little hut. You teach something like archery or some shit like that. Sword fighting. No, not sword fighting.

Because sword fighting you do all the fucking time and it's easy to level that up. Archery, speech craft, illusion, conjuration, those sort of ones are hard to level up, but people want to level them up. Yeah, that's true. So you teach that shit, and you have an interesting fucking story like she does. But you live a simple life, so you've got nothing that they want to steal or kill you for. Also, bandits don't want to kill you for either. Exactly. Bandits come to your little house.

Yeah. Plus, you're away from a town, which means you're away from dragon attacks and vampire attacks. If you've got your one little heart, no dragon's going to come bother you. Not at all. You're not a speck on their radar. Here's something that I'm going to add. Right. Make things a little difficult.

How are we going to stop the dragon eating the world? Because that's happening. That's the main character. That was last episode. That's not my fault. Problem. Say the player character is not gonna yeah

say the player character is like I've become the head of the thieves guild we all meet in the tavern again how do we as simple NPCs as a beggar a blacksmith's apprentice and a wealthy quest giver who is level 50 my quest becomes

yeah you've got to do it shit i'll provide you i'm gonna go on the i have to join him doing it oh that's so dangerous for me yep i mean i'll provide you with like you guys get better give me blowjobs if i survive weapons and all right yeah all right use my mouth. That's fine. I'm not fussed. Be my guest. I mean, you saved the world. I feel like almost I'm obliged to. Yeah, I'll give you one. I'm giving them out for free. It's okay. I was going to give you weapons and armor,

but I guess mouth is as good. I want those as well. I want a blowy while I am donning your armor. Alright. Well, I have nothing to give you, but I wish you godspeed. As a dead beggar from a vampire attack.

Or the dock worker. Now, you be that person up on the hill. Which, what? The archer. Up on a hill, yeah, teaching archery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll just train you. Yeah. I can tell the main character where to find you. Yeah, that's true. yeah, yeah. So I'll just train you. Yeah. I can tell the main character where to find you. Yeah, that's true. Exactly. Look, fuck.

He'll train you. Yeah. I'll give you armor. And then once you kill the... Once you... I can come back for my blowy knee. We'll be here down on our knees, mouth agape. Sucking away.

You can just like... I hope you guys fucking appreciate what I'm doing. You know if I die, there's no afterlife for me? It'll just be me and jack how messed up is that making out with your wang in the middle yeah it's very like beautiful i got eaten by parthenax that's it i'm gone forever that's you done that's that's you gone and you'll never know the sweet supple like feeling of me and jackson's lips i'm blowing you yeah that's the risk we have.

This is my letter. I'm not opening a random letter. I'm not going to open it. So I think we sold it. Right? Yeah, I guess. I think that's the best way to survive Skyrim. Again, I don't think you have to. You can't be someone like a Jarl or someone of high note

or someone who's really that interesting. He's got to kind of be middle of the road. Out of the way. Out of the way. Out of the way and just like not worth. Or a bartender. Or a bartender. Bartender, really. You kind of basically, your whole goal is you've got to be super worth the player character's time.

Or not worth the player character's time. What about getting et by cannibals? What? What cannibals? getting ate by cannibals? What? We're cannibals. You know those cannibals? Like those fucking... They're the Forsworn.

No, no, no. There's like a sneaky... Oh, yeah, the Daedric Worshippers. Yeah, the Inmartharth. That's your problem, mate. That's how it's going to get at. Maybe. That depends.

Or he'll be eaten. Oh, fuck, though. You will. So many people from that town are cannibals. Either you're eating folk or folk are eating you. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, if you...

Your choices are be involved in that group. If you're involved in that group, then pray the player character doesn't decide to side against you. Or not be involved and risk being eaten. Hey, does a ghost count as an NPC? Can I be a ghost in the soul can?

I guess you're technically dead already though. But it's kind of alive. It's all over. I'll be a ghost. It's 11. I'll be a ghost. Thank you very much. A horse isn't an NPC.

But you don't get killed. Who's ever killed a horse? I kill horses all the time. I get a horse jump off a bridge. Eh, horse is dead. I keep walking. Oh, yeah. Horses cushion your landing. That's a good horse. That's true. Exactly. Is it a thousand dollars For an easy fall Or like I just stole that horse

So I don't really care Exactly Yeah Sorry Adam Yeah Yeah What about being a dragon Yeah if we can be an animal

Fuck it Dragons are always killed No Not if I'm like a nice one Be a butterfly No Nice ones get killed as well You got a 50-50 chance

That the NPC Sides with you or not. That's how the good dragon that you meet works. What's his name? No, that's Parthenax. Who eats the world? Oh, shit. Parthenax is a friendly dragon. Is he?

Yeah, Parthenax is a friendly dragon. It's another dragon that eats the world. I forget. Parthenax. Alduin. Alduin. Alduin. Par parthenax voiced by mario yeah same guy who voices mario it's weird when you hear it and you're like i can hear it no no not even a little not even a tiny bit i wish you could it's like it's like being told that um fucking dane cook and bo burnham are the same person you don't believe it

you just could both comedians okay so so i mean really like i guess he's he's fucked in this world i like i'm trying i'm struggling there's a lot of this there's a lot of hassle and danger literally in every corner. You're going to get eaten by the townsfolk who are cannibals, sacrificed to some kind of god, eaten by a werewolf. Yeah, like any monster. Bears.

Any monster. Wolves. Bandits. Random dragon attack. Even if you were in the middle of fucking nowhere I'm talking like I'm just going to go to this little tiny place near where there's a little lake

and build a shack and all I'm going to do is fish and that's just going to be my source of water and food and that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to eat fish and drink I always kill people like that if I encounter a lone person in the wilderness, I kill them oh yeah, hunters, because sometimes they have leather

and you need to build things. Yeah, I always kill them. I just do it because I want to. Sometimes I'm a vampire and I need to feed. Sometimes I'm a werewolf and I don't like the look of that guy. So even in a small town, in a small little tiny hut in the middle of nowhere, you're not even safe there.

No, you're safe if you have, like we were saying, if you teach archery and you've got that interesting background. What if you're a marriable son of a gun? What if there's the option to marry my NPC? And I'm real good looking.

Then you're also useful in a speed run. Yeah, there you go. There's a little speed run reference for people in a speed run. Of Skyrim. Yeah, there you go. There's a little speed run reference for people in a speed run. You're welcome. Of Skyrim. Oh, okay. How does marrying someone help a speed run?

So, you know the marriage ceremony? Yeah. Apparently, if you read the... You know that Elder Scrolls, you get as part of the main quest? Apparently, if you read that during the marriage ceremony, it glitches you out and you're allowed to do some stuff. Huh, neat. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go. I'll be marriable. Exactly. it glitches you out and you're allowed to do some stuff. Huh, neat. Yeah.

All right. Well, there you go. I'll be marriable. Exactly. They'll glitch out. I'll be there at the altar being like, um, jilted. Rude. Jilted as fuck.

I hate that my groom wore, like, fucking massive ice armor to this wedding. Wouldn't even fucking put down his sword. I think you have to equip the wedding garb, don't you? You just gotta wear the fucking amulet of Mara. No, don't they give you wedding garb? I don't think so. And on that note, I've been

Jackson Bailey. I've been Adam. And I've been Joel. Happy Skyrim. Happy Skyrim. Have you ever thought of A better way of Surviving Skyrim Is not the main character Let us know

SansPantsRadio Gmail.com Or hit us up on Twitter At SansPantsRadio Or me personally At GodDammitZammit At OldDogsAreDead At RetroArchetype

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