Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Survive Oz?

Episode Date: June 23, 2019

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SANS PANTS RADIO. BLESSED BY GOD. Oi, do you like cowboys? No. Look, you can lie to me as much as you like, no judgement, but you can't lie to yourself. And you know that you love cowboys. You won't shut up about cowboys. Every day with you, it's cowboy this and cowboy that. We all have a framed poster of Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger over our beds with a blown up photo of my face stuck in between so it looks like the other one's kissing me. And look, I get it. Brokeback's a sexy movie. Sad, but sexy. However, there's one

thing that Brokeback was missing, and that was mysticism, and poker, and deals with satans. Also, there was no inbred magic. There was a lot missing in Brokeback now that I think about it, but thankfully, this July 1st to July 5th at 11am Melbourne time over at twitch.tv slash sanspants radio, Jackson is going to be running a live Deadlands game for myself and friends of the show, Adam and Cass. Deadlands is an alternative history role-playing game that Brokeback wishes it was. Sure, there's no beautiful gay romance and an end scene where we all cry, but there might be. Anyway, follow our sister show over on Twitter, that's at D&D is for Nerds, for updates and information and other dumb bullshit like that campaign by

committee adam is currently running that's at dnd is for nerds and we'll see you cowpokes july 1st hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask the important questions like how would you survive oz So, like, the Wizard of? Yes, not the... Australia. Not the Prisoner. Oh, no. I wouldn't.

Rule one, don't get shanked, I guess. Oh, I failed rule one. How? We've been here for four seconds. I fell on a knife. No, okay. I like that because Wizard of Oz. And it's funny that the first thing we have to survive is a twist.

Which could arguably be the most dangerous thing that Dorothy encounters the whole time. That's true, actually. Like, nothing else is as much of a threat to her life. So are we living exactly the same? So the Plumbing Boys live on a farm in Kansas. Yes. So instead of Dorothy, Aunty Anne and Uncle Henry? Could be.

Aunty Anne and Uncle Hen. Yep. Hen and Hen. They were like, it's a shame that one of our siblings died and left us with three idiots. Boys we hate. We weren't even their kids. Yeah.

I bought my dog. Just some guys. We each brought a dog. We each bought a dog. And then, oh, no. I guess we go see a wizard or a psychic because we run away from home and he's like, I don't know. I hate living with my aunt and uncle Hen and Anne.

Hen and Anne. It's like, that can't be their real names. I don't listen very much. Shut up, old man. We push over his caravan. He curses us. You're not real. You're not real.

And then a twister comes. Maybe you were real. Shit. Oh, wait. Also, an old woman's like we gotta kill your dogs And I'm like that's fair Yeah Bitch I get it that's the law

Did the dogs bite the lady Yeah that's what she says Did we see it No Whatever put the dog down Show us your leg love If this bite marks fair enough I'll fetch a hammer Alright Wait which dog do we put down You can't tell Show us your leg, love. If this bite marks fair enough, I'll fetch a hammer.

All right. Wait, which dog do we put down? All three. You've got to be sure, I guess. You can't tell. They're all the same kind of dog. Put them down. Yeah, put them down. All right.

I'll bury them out the back. So before the Twister comes, we have upset a wizard and buried three dogs. Yes. So, so far, it's pretty different from the Wizard Wars. Yeah, it's not the same. You're right. Okay, Twister comes. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Twister's coming. All right. So, do we all live in the same house or go for real living situations? Because this is either one house or two houses in a garage. Let's go real living situations. So, for some reason, Aunt Hen and him are like, we hate you, idiots, but here's three houses. Here's two houses and a garage.

All right. That's less than I did. I guess it's like it's the house, the garage, and the bungalow out the back. Yeah. Hell yeah. Bungalow. Sexy.

No, but you're in a garage. And then three witches dead. Wicked witch of the west, wicked witch of the northwest, and wicked witch of the east-west. Can it just be the wicked witch of the west, but we managed to all- The east? Hang on. East-west? Yeah, I know. I was being silly. I was just being silly.

Can we each hit the witch somewhere? So, like, we've got her splayed out, crushed her head, I'll crush her legs, and Zavager can crush her torso. Wow. It's funny if if How'd that happen? Just like a corner each. Oh boy. The precision on that. I feel like it would be slow for some reason.

Sounds like she crushes her legs. Then stomach. Finally head, but too late. That was just a pop of the head. The good witch comes. It's like, oh, thank Christ. You've killed that woman. How are we going to divvy up them shoes?

That's my question. She's like, you got to wear this shoe. Oh, okay. We never prepared for three sets of feet. I guess you two take a shoe each and I'm shit out of luck. I'll put on a socks. No, I don't want to wear like an uneven shoe. One of you wear the shoes.

Jackson, you're wearing the shoes. Hell yeah. No way. Who's got more experience in heels in the three of us? I'm going to put forward me. I'm not going to question that. That seems fair. I've worn heels once, maybe twice.

Multiple times. I would say maybe I've worn heels like three or four times in my life. Yeah, look, we're all on par. We paper scissors rock. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 24 hours. Divide that by three. Clever boy.

We'll share the heels. Wait, eight hours each. We also sleep. That's good. Someone gets to sleep in heels. That's great. Sick. We'll take it in heels. That's great. Sick. We'll take it in shifts. That's great. This is also a very funny conversation

before the witch Glenda's... I'm excited to get a full eight hours of sleep whilst on the yellow brick road. It's funny that Glenda's said nothing to us. Shut up, Glenda. What about talking about the... I'm Glenda the Good. What are you doing?

We're figuring out when we got to wear the shoes, Glenda. Wait, how much of this witch can we take? All right, you take the shoes. I'm takingenda the good. What are you doing? We're figuring out when we got to wear the shoes, Glenda. Wait, how much of this which can we take? All right, you take the shoes. I'm taking the dress. You take the hat. All right. That's good.

Okay, sweet. What do you want? Glenda's like, no, you only need the shoes. I'm like, yeah, but if the shoes are good, then this hat's got to be fucking kick ass. I only need the shoes for what? I don't need the shoes. I just want to look pretty.

What do you want about? What are you talking about I'm looting a corpse I guess it's about Glenda's like You want to go home Or we're like I guess Hang on Glenda

Sorry, nice to meet you, I'm Joel The shoes, you keep talking about the shoes They're very magical Can I take them off? I'm not wearing them. Well, yes, I am. I mean, no, it's magic. So I guess the eight hour three rule that one of you idiots

proposed is just doesn't make any sense. Also, I guess Why are you wearing the dress? Who are these munchkin cunts? I would be looking in bushes at this point. Anything else in here? What about any Easter eggs?

You got any choccy? Would you listen, please? Did you know in my world it's black and white, but in this world it's in technicolour. What does that even mean? Quite frankly, this is a lot. Would you three be quiet for once in your life? I'm just, wait, you've never met us.

Anyway. Can you zip me up, Glenda? Glenda, I can't get it. The Munchkins look heaps like they want to sing. Sing! What have you got to say, little guys? Come on, get it out. I'll start.

Your turn. Getting a big stick and poking him. This one is definitely a singing boy. What is it? He's got a song in his heart. Sing it, my little friend. Come on. You know you want to sing it.

Good. Then she just waits. Don't sing it. Whoa, that's weird. Who'd we kill? Glenda? She's evil? She's the witch

Hand me a two by four, boys I guess somehow Glenda will have to get out That we need to go find the wizard to get home I feel at one point she's just going to scream If you want to go home What? Oh yeah You need to go see

Yeah The powerful wizard of Oz. And you get it in the Emerald. Let me finish. It's in the Emerald City. And you get there. You get there by going and following the yellow brick road. And then the munchin starts singing.

Is there any forks or anything in the road? What? I don't know. Is it going to be hard to follow it? Is it like a one-way road? It's just a yellow brick road. You follow it. You follow it.

Yeah, but like most roads, there's no intersection. No, you just follow it. When we go home, are we going to still be able to see colour? I hope so. How do you know what colour is, boys? Technicolour. Technicolour. This is in Technicolour.

We know what Technicolour is. Don't be an idiot, Glenda. Haven't you ever seen a movie? Come on, idiot. Wait, is this a movie? You're not in black and white. It was more sepia. Then she becomes a bubble and fleas.

Why, I guess. She was rude in Technicolor. She was very rude. Hey, it's weird that some of the munchkins are in eggs. Yeah. Do you remember that from the munchkin song? Yeah. There's a bit that goes over a nest and there's munchkins hatching.

Yeah, that's so strange. I thought they were birds. What are you guys? Maybe Reptiles, I reckon. What's a lollipop guild? Hey! It's great to imagine the munchkins singing and some of them hatching

and I just start grabbing at your shirts like, guys, the birds. Guys, what the fuck? Everything we knew is wrong. Are they hollow? Are you hollow? They've got hollow bones. They've got hollow bones.

Then the Wicked Witch of the West turns up. I'd probably take a munchkin, I reckon. Not as in a kidnapping I'd just be like hey do you want to come I want that lollipop guild cunt He seems alright He's aggressive He basically comes with a bat

That's great I'm like I like you Hey mate you want to come You're good I hate this fucking town. Sick. Eat my ass, cunts. Can I get a papoose for him?

Yes. I think he can walk. Can I get a papoose for him? That's not what I asked, Jackson. Why? It's the question. Have a look around. Mate, do you want to be in a papoose?

Yeah, lift me up. That'll be sick. What? I'll make a wish on my dress for a papoose. Is that much tensing, I don't know why. Do a little fart. No place like a papoose! Zalman, you're gonna

shoot yourself. Stop. Hey, why does the Wicked Wish of the West turn up? Because we killed her sister. Oh, that's right. You killed my sister. We haven't killed anyone. What are you talking about? It's really good, though, if we're quite a bit down the yellow brick road at that point and she's running after us. Hey!

Hey! What now? Looking down as I somehow got a papoo. Who's this guy? Wicked witch of the west. Oh. Who cares? Wicked?

Why are you wicked? We just spoke to you No that was Glenda What You told us to go see the wiz This is so much to remember How many wizards are there We're a witch

What Look I'm leaving Alright we'll just leave the wicked witch of the west To yell at us from the distance First stop First stop on the way to the Emerald City Right, we'll just leave the Wicked Witch of the West. Yeah, she yells at us. To yell at us from the distance. First stop. First stop on the way to the Emerald City, i.e. a field full of scarecrows.

No, just corn. Yeah, I think we attend, oh, do we attend a banquet held by a munchkin named Bok? I don't recall that. I think that might be the book version. I think that might be Frank L. Borm's novel. I love Frank L. Borm. Frank L. Borm.

What a man. He wrote too many novels. Put the pen down, Frank, for fuck's sake. Christ almighty. Jesus, get a hobby. So the first place we stopped- A lot of corn being eaten by birds and a scarecrow that's bad at his job. We don't have to talk to the scarecrow. I don't.

I wouldn't. He doesn't look alive at first, so I just wouldn't talk to him. And also, there is not one of us and a dog. There is three of us. And a munchkin. Three of us and a munchkin. We're far too distracted. Power bastard.

Yeah, because Dorothy's real sad and talking to herself. We're yammering at each other. These shoes hurt. These shoes? These shoes! What a... This dress is riding up, but it's kind of breezy. I like it.

These dresses riding up. Grammar is important! What are you on about? Great if we walk past the scarecrow and it's like, excuse me, we scream and run. What's the introduction to the... I think Dorothy's like,

I'm all alone, and the scarecrow's like, you don't have to be or something to that effect. That may not be correct. Does anyone remember The Wizard of Oz? Vaguely. I predict no. It's something like she's talking and the scarecrow answers and she's like, gosh, an alive scarecrow. So we're yabbering about how many witches this place has.

Oh, excuse me, sir. And we're like, what? Oh, what now? Oh, are you another witch? I hate this place. We probably don't stop, but we'll yell back. If he interjects and makes us laugh, does he pick on us? I don't think so.

He may start singing his song. Would he make fun of any one of us? He does not look cruel. Why do you think this skanker is mocking us? Because if he's like, well, one, he's a big dickhead, then two of us would be like, he's all right. Hey, leave him alone. I'm going to kill you.

I want to see if you've got guts or stuffing. Alright. Is our lead singer song guts or stuffing? If you only had real guts. He's like, I need a brain. We're like, we got one of those already. Fuck off. Yeah, shut up, Scarecrow. What can you do?

What does the Scarecrow even offer Dorothy? Friendship. Friendship. Something that we don't need or deserve. He's like, I can give you friendship and I've got no brain. And then both me and Dusha point to Jack and go, We already got one of those. Got this place covered, dickhead.

Position taken, fucknots. Well, thank you for your interest, but unfortunately we are not looking to hire another no-brained dickhead. See you later, cunt. They didn't have to get me down off a stick. We just grab his hat, pull it over his eyes and chuff off. I might dack him.

We'll dack him and put his... He's got a little straw penis. Yuck. We'll point, we'll laugh and we'll leave. And we'll carry Merrily on Then what? Then I guess it's the tin man He's sick, he's got an axe

Can we just take his axe? Because we need to oil him up to free him So what if we just take the axe? If you knew that you had to oil something up, Jackson What would you try first? Spitting on him Yup Yeah, or piss

Piss, not a lubricant. Spit can be. It's great to imagine one of you spitting in his face and then hearing like a, Jackson, are you pissing on this guy? Yeah, water, right? Yeah. It's a lubricant. No.

You know, water-based lubricant. Yeah, water-based. So is piss. It's a water-based liquid. All liquids are, Jackson. Yeah. Yeah. What does a tin man provide?

An axe. An axe and he's got no heart. Give us the axe and we've got that covered between us. Exactly. We don't need that. We'll take that and push him over. See? None of us have a heart. A guy with no heart and an axe. Okay, yeah, that's unique. Take the axe, give it a, I don't need that. We'll take that and push him over. See? None of us have a heart.

Guy with no heart and an axe. Okay, yeah, that's unique. Take the axe. Give it a, I don't know, zam it. Okay. All right. Guy with no heart and an axe. And then we spin his head around.

Spin his head around. He gets stuck halfway because he's rusty. And then we shove him over so he's on his back like a turtle. What now? He's on his back like a turtle, but his head's halfway around, so he's still face down at the same time. I want to be like, oh, wait, wait, wait. This is a teaching moment.

Munchkin, do the honours. I just want to see him kick the tin man. Yes. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. Yeah, I am. That's right. I love you, you dads.

Yeah. I love kicking. He loves kicking. Give him the axe. I love kicking. He loves kicking. Give him the axe. I love kicking. Oh, big axe. You're a weird guy, Munchkin. What'd you say?

Nothing. Seeing the Munchkin just go to town on the tin man with his own axe. What a little hero. Wild moment. Then, of course... I'm going to interject here. Yeah. Don't think we're going to find ourselves finding much adversity.

No, I don't think it's going to be really much of a struggle. Because we're about to become poachers. Yeah, really at no point in The Wizard of Oz does Dorothy resort to violence. Yeah. That's where we've gone directly each time. The cowardly lion comes in. We're singing a song.

No, you're forgetting during the tin man, she fights some trays. Because there are some clearly alive trays, you're forgetting, during the Tin Man, she fights some trees. Because there are some clearly alive trees, and Dorothy's like, I'm hungry, I'll have an apple. And we'd be like, I'm hungry, I'll have an apple. Fuck yeah, I'm hungry. The trees hassle us. I'm hungry, I'm booking Uber Eats.

I'm not getting any fucking signal there. I just don't think trying to climb the tree. I don't know why. I just think we're not. He's climbing that tree. Boys, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. I can't know why. I just think we're not. He's climbing that tree. Boys, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. I can't get reception. Yeah, I found some apples though.

That'll do. I was going to order apples anyway. It's so good. It's pretty good. Are these apples good, Munchkin? And then the trees attack. Munchkin, get them with your axe. He can chop them down.

They bleed. We move on. These trees bleed. I don't want axe! He can chop them down. They bleed. These trees bleed. I don't want to eat these apples. I say eating an apple. Hey, isn't this that era where you can... Wait, is this meat? I'm uncomfortable now. Samad eats a bloody apple. I am no longer a vegetarian.

It grows on trees, but the tree was a guy. Is this flesh? Hey, is this the bit in the movie where you can see the munchkin hang themselves? Oh, it was just a big bird. Never mind. Let's carry on. Then we kill a lion.

Oh, hi there, guy. Oh, hi! I kick him in the shins. Munchkin axes him in the head. That was scary. I now have a lion mane hide. We spend the time to skin that lion. Yeah.

We're going to get armed. We don't know why we're going to have to fight. We just have to kill a lion. That was crazy. That lion was walking like a man. He spoke, I think. What the fuck fuck he didn't roar like a lion he just said the word roar yeah that was frightening oh well glad he's no longer a problem because we have all this delicious lion meat meanwhile i guess the wicked witch from the west is looking in her globe being like oh oh, fuck. Maybe I'll stay home today.

That is no good. We got to walk through a field of poppies to get to the Emerald City. We're just falling asleep. Yeah, they forbake us fall asleep, yeah. Does the munchkin have prior knowledge of this poppy field? No, but I imagine he has immunity. Well, he guards us like

the ever vigilant sentinel he is while we all have a lovely nap. Yeah. I don't know how long that lasts. Does she just fall asleep and then wake up again and everything's fine? Do the monkeys come at that point? I don't really remember.

Where are the flying monkeys? When do they come in? They come in in a bit. We've got to go to the Emerald City first. Okay. Shit's happening. There are the flying monkeys coming, then she gets arrested, I guess.

Then she kills the witch. Yeah. So when we, look, I guess we just wake up. We're like, that was weird. Yeah. Does she fall asleep in the poppies? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess maybe the tin man doesn't. He doesn't have lungs. Yeah. Nor does the scarecrow, to be honest. So maybe they're just good. I don't know. Did we just die in a poppy field? Is that where we died?

Surely we'd wake up eventually. Damn it. Although we're protected from all the flying monkeys because they too will fall asleep. I guess we wake up when the poppies die in the summer. In the winter and we're like, well that was weird and we keep moving.

It's weird to wake up surrounded by monkey corpses. Strange. Strange. All right. We're just sleeping monkeys. Then we'll just kill them, I guess. Wait, what? Who are these monkeys? We probably wouldn't kill a sleeping monkey.

Are these monkeys ours? Our pupusa monkeys. Did we? I'll put on one of their little jerkins. This is tight. Cool. All right. Get to the Emerald city yeah move one a wizard

and then that fella's like nobody sees the wizard not nobody not know how we have an axe shut up axe the door down shining style here's the boys here's plumbing plumbing. Here's us. Have you seen that one yet? Do you know The Shining? It's also funny to stick your head through and get it stuck. Hey, we've made a mistake. Can you get help? Well, we're in anyway. Let us see the wizard,

and then we'll go see the wizard, but your head will be stuck in the door. Bit of piece of door just there. Yeah, I can't get it off. My wish is, can you remove this? Do we get three wishes? Each? All we've been told is to come

here. We're like, we need to go home. He's big head. He's like, you're a big head. Oh. Axe, a big head made of smoke. What do you want? He wants the witch's broom, yeah? Yeah, he's like give me the broomstick and I'll give you your wish Why do you want a broom?

Our wish is the same wish And I'm assuming Munchkin, what's your name again? Shut up, you're my son He wants to come with us back to Kansas I'm your son, daddy Yeah, good So we all want the one wish. I want $100.

And I would like this thing off my head. Three wishes. $200. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Well, just a weird pause. But while I have you here, have you heard of our sister podcast, Shut Up A Second? I'm not in it, so already we're off to a great start. Jackson hosts it, and it's just comedy without the pretense of pop culture garbage.

So if you're tired of us talking about a Star War, a current Avenger, or that Harry Potpot bloke, why not check out Shut Up a Second? There's currently almost 300 episodes of pure, unadulterated nonsense, available on iTunes or directly from our website, sanspantsradio.com. Clock's ticking. Something's going to get higher, Mr. Oz. 300, that's my final offer.

Jackson, what do you think is happening? Sold! And then we go to find the win. You're already like Talking about how you're going to spend your $300 $300 that's great guys Guys that's heaps That's like one night in a good motel

Nah nah nah that's like 90's 1920's Kansas dollars Oh man that's rich as shit I'm going to buy a farm Probably yeah And run it into the ground And hang myself while the crops about. I don't know the first thing about

farming. The Great Depression sucks. Do you know how to buy a house? No. No. Not 1920s Kansas. Do you know how to buy a house in 2019? I could figure it out. Could you? With help. What's step one? Don't make me

go through steps. I just want step one. You're buying a house. Step one. Contact a bank. Wrong. Gotta do it eventually. Yep. I'm gonna need a loan. Can I get a loan? For what? A house. What house? I'm gonna buy one eventually.

I could buy a farm. In 1920s Kansas all that is is like $300. Give me your farm. And then I get a farm. In 1920s Kansas, all that is is like, here's the $300, give me your farm. And then I get the farm. Or I just take Xander's axe and take the farm. They're not going to stop you. All right. So let's go kill this witch.

All right. It's funny because they kill the witch with water, but we have an axe. It'll do the job. We've got to get kidnapped at some point. We go to the castle. Because the flying monkeys get Dorothy. Yeah, so the flying monkeys.

But could flying monkeys pick up us three? They could pick up maybe one of us if there were many monkeys. They might kidnap our son. Oh, no. It'll be a vengeance mission. And now we've got to rescue our son. Our baby boy. I think it's gone from a munchkin friend to Zammett's son to all

of our sons. I don't remember just like, hey douche, isn't it a side? I don't remember adopting that guy. Yeah, me neither. We'll sort it out later. Don't you guys want to be three dads? Yeah! Yeah, I guess. I don't know, he's cute. Yeah, he's a good boy. He was in one of our

lollipop guilds or something. He can work on the farm. We'll get it sorted out when we go to the wizard again later, it's fine. We'll make it legally by He can work on the files. We'll get it sorted out when we go to the wizard. It's fine. Make it legally binding. It'll be good. We got to dress up. Yeah, sounds good. Yeah.

I'll make a wish about it. Fine. I'll adopt the boy. Yeah, yeah, it's good. Yeah, great, dude. I'm still going to make the wish. Yeah, me too. I don't need that guy.

He's scary. He's so gruff and clearly an adult man. Hey, what are you guys talking about? Nothing, dude! He's axing monkeys left, right and center and eventually gets got. I'm like, my boy! I reckon that he is dumb enough to ax

the monkey that he is holding him. Oh no, I just watched my boy get pasted. Now it's revenge. I will pick up his axe that was definitely always honed by him and take vengeance on my child killer.

Alright, I like that each of you got you guys got me from the cowardly lion, you guys got me from the axe I got nothing from the scarecrow. Maybe I'll have his little straw penis in my top pocket. Hey, guess what I brought? Hey guys, when you went looking I took the straw man's penis.

I want to touch it? No. It just feels like straw, not like penis. But it's good to know that it is. Right? No. Anyway, it's in the top pocket if you want. If I'm sleeping or whatever, just help yourself.

Yeah, have a good time, you know. That's why I got it. Maybe. All right, so then we're going to disguise ourselves as guards. We do not look like whatever the whatever. We're very tall. Yeah. We kind of disguise ourselves like monkeys.

Yeah. Would we disguise? Hey, we found this ape, I point to Jackson. Is this yours? Can we come in? He looks like one of ours. Where is his wing? I never grew any.

Stealth in this mission of ours has never been a top priority. Yeah. Axes swinging. Wait, what do the monkeys have? Do they have spears or some shit? They just get their little gross monkey hand. Can we cut them off and use them as weapons? The monkey hand?

Yeah. I guess. If you want a weapon. I mean, I've got an axe. I don't know if using a hand with your hand is that good a weapon. I was imagining this heaps, so we're just going to bag a monkey hand. It's great to imagine holding two monkey hands by the wrists and slapping guards. They slap with so much force.

All right, slap our way into the Wicked Witch's chamber. What's that final fight like? I genuinely don't remember. Well, I think she tries to put um, she puts someone on fire. Oh, that's right. She sets the scarecrow on fire. Oh, no, I'm going up in a blaze. She sets that penis on fire.

I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no, my shirt. And my scarecrow penis. We try and put it out with water and get the witch. Okay. Would we be clever enough to do that? No, at the moment my little straw penis gets set on fire, you just attack her with the axe. Okay. Would we be clever enough to do that? No, at the moment my little straw penis gets set on fire, you just attack her with the axe.

Yeah. Leave him alone! That was his penis, he got fair and square. He earned that. Also, you killed my boy. On fire, rolling around. Zamet's hacking, just threatening her and you're punching her in the kidneys from the side. Ah!

Christ, throw the water on me. End it. Throw what water? What are you saying? Throw the water on me. I'm on fire. Put out Jackson.

Put the water on Jackson. And I'm just hacking away at the witch. Oh, man, that was scary. How's your penis? Oh, it's all gone. Oh, that sucks.

Wow. Anyway, let's get a... That was bad news. Oh, the guards seem happy. That was weird. I don't know if the guards are probably just standing around in silence.

Wow. They seemed happy when... When they thought we were going to pour water on her. Yeah, when we melt the witch. Now they seem less than happy. Nah, aren't the gods happy the witch is dead? They are, but I feel like they wouldn't be happy with the method in which we did it.

I think they're just... Rather than, like, applauding, it's just cold silence and then one of them hands one of us the broom. Is this why you came? Yeah! See ya! And then we all them hands one of us the broom. Is this why you came? Yeah. See ya. And then we all dab and leave. Do you guys get dabbing yet?

No, you didn't get the shining. You probably don't have dabbing. Wait till you get Fortnite. You'll love it. Dude, check out the, I can't do the dance properly. It's like this. Okay. Anyway, bye-bye.

Cool. All right. So then we get back to the wizard covered in gore. Yep. We did it. And she bleeds red. And I thought she'd bleed green because her skin's green. But she bled red like a human.

It was crazy. Did we kill a lady? Anyway, here's the broom or whatever. Did we kill several ladies? Where's Glenda? Did we kill her? No. Where'd she go?

We killed Glenda. He's like, what? I'm like, yeah, that witch you wanted to kill. No. No. No Glenda. Oh, yeah, no. We killed thatenda He's like what? I'm like yeah that witch you want us to kill No No Glenda Oh yeah no we killed that one Oh wait Would we have tried to hunt down Glenda?

No Oh we tried to get kidnapped Okay okay At no point did we have to hunt down anyone Yeah Good Okay How do we realise that the Wizard of Oz is not already seen? Well, Toto is

not there to pull back the curtain. Also, our munchkin is not there to, I guess, fulfil the same role as Toto. That's funny because that just means the head's like, go away! And we're like, oh. That sucks. We gave you the broom! We gave you the broom,

idiot! We're not leaving. I go, like, ham with everything with an axe. It's great to imagine chopping into his little booth and him being like, all right, all right. It's funny if he's just standing behind a curtain. You're like, hey, what's in here? Swing your axe, just kill him. Yeah, look.

Uh-oh. So yeah, so we give him the broom. Is he just like, chuff off? Yeah, he's like, well, too bad. And then they find out that he's the man behind the curtain. Maybe you swing the axe and just hit him in the leg. Yeah. Ah!

Hey, there's a guy here. Look, I know us. And if we've done a gruesome murder and other things, for a man who's not prompt, yeah, we're going ham at that face. Is it in front of a curtain? Where's the face? The face is in front of us. The curtain's behind us.

Oh, it's going to take us a while. We're trashing that joint. We'll eventually find him, but we're trashing that joint. Breathe face is in front of us, the curtain is behind us. It's going to take us a while. We're trashing that joint. We'll eventually find him, but we're trashing the joint. I'm going to breathe this head in. I could do this all day. You breathe that in. I'm going to slash up this machine or something I'm seeing. I'm just going to punch walls.

Give me back my straw penis! I'm not a hole without it. Then we reveal the wizard by cutting his leg at the thigh. Who are you? What? Wait, no. What?

I am the. No, hold on. What? Anyway, whatever. Where's the wizard? Or I just be like, okay, whatever. You're the wizard. I don't care.

Just take us home. Give us the wizard. Where is he? What did you want, Dusha? You wanted. I've't care. Just take us home. Give us the wizard. Where is he? What did you want, Dusha? You wanted... I've still got that door on my head. You wanted the door off. Well... Some oil? Maybe if you live with

the door... I headbutt him. That's good, because like... I just knock him out and be like, sorry about your wishes, guys, but he told me to take the door off. It's great if then I rifle through his pockets and find $300. Yes! Never mind, douche, we had it on him.

I still want to go home. Let's search, I guess. Find his balloon. Blender arrives, like, what's going on? We find his, like, what, his license? He's from Kansas as well! Do we know this guy? Is this guy the wizard we saw earlier?

Why did we upset him? Why did we do any of this? Oh, an accident. I found a balloon. It's great if Glenda arrives and is like, all you had to do was click your heels, and I just start clicking like crazy and disappear. Three times and you'll

all get okay well we're gonna find some other method for you too then I'll wake up in bed ah was that real and I guess you guys take the balloon home yes that's good we did it we survived the wizard although then we get home and then we wake up and it was all a dream but then it wasn't. It was only a dream for me because I clicked my heel. For you guys, you took a physical balloon. Jackson, where's the other Joles? They'll be back.

They're taking a balloon. Actually, I don't know. We'll be awake still for some reason because the wizard is the doctor. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know what's happening. We arrive with a balloon and being like, Jack, I've got questions. About what?

I'm going to buy a farm. And then roll credits. We did it. Do you think we did better or worse than Dorothy? We killed more people. Our body count was higher. Much higher. Is that what the wind? We killed more people. Our body count was higher. Much higher. Is that what the- We had less annoying-

She only had two. Yeah. We had at least four. We would have killed Glenda if she'd hung around longer. So there's a good chance we could have killed this. And I guess your munchkin son, which is not necessarily like a, you know, a body count, but it's still a loss.

Yeah. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, munchkin boy. And I'm the tin man as well. Yeah, well, he's- He's going to rust on his back like a turtle. He still a loss. Yeah. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. And I'm counting the tin man as well. Yeah, well, he's going to rust on his back like a turtle. He lives a terrible, he's covered in piss, so he will rust. Yes. Piss rust.

Yes. Yeah. Well, look, rust and piss. You got his cock, so that's not good. It's not ideal, but he's not dead. He's made a straw. He can take it. I don't have his cock anymore.

Do you think he knew when the cock caught fire? He could feel it. He's like, ow, ow, ow, ow. I hope so. That's what I'll say when his cock anymore. Do you think he knew when the cock caught fire? He could feel it. He's like, ow, ow, ow, ow. I hope so. That's what I'll say when I wake up. I hope the scarecrow could feel it when his cock burned. Oh, I was having the most wonderful dream. I was in Kansas.

Some stuff happened. You were in Kansas? I won $300 from a lottery, I think. I met some scarecrow I hated. It's so funny to wake up and be like, misremembered. Were we there, Jackson?

I don't think so. No. Just a scarecrow I hate and a lottery. And a lottery that I won. And then I bought a farm. Didn't go well. Hanged myself. Anyway. Back to bed.

Get out of my room. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. We're off to kill the wizard. Somewhere over the rainbow. That piece of shit wizard of oz thanks for listening

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Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.