Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Survive the Labours of Billy Madison’s Academic Decathlon?

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

The boys have decided that they could take on Eric, Billy Madison's nemesis, by taking Billy Madison's place in his Academic Decathlon. We present a lot of piss solutions to a big piss problem, play a simple game of 'pigs' to try and endear us to Veronica and burn our thumbs with hot sugar to impress the judges. We're all very confident we could beat a second team all-American Harvard track athlete, make the bold claim that we're at least as smart as a cat (if not smarter) and are all extremely confident we could body a bullet. So join the boys as we don't remember Shakespeare, shoehorn smut into a question about the Industrial Revolution and get taken down by our own hubris. Thanks Veronica for beating the shit out of us. PS Eric drinks his own pee.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm your host, Joel. I'm your host, Jackson. And I'm your host also, Joel. And you're probably sitting there wondering, Hey, Plumbing the Death Star, what day is it?

And I'm here to tell you, you're right, listeners, it's Nudie Magazine Day. Because today we're asking the important questions, like, how would you survive the labors of Billy Madison's academic decathlon? The labor of Billy Madison's academic decathlon. I'm sure my good friend Joel Zammett will tighten it up slightly in editing. I have no doubt. Billy Madison, as played by the wonderful, ever funny Adam Sandler. Now, he's a buffoon of a man.

This is his debut film performance. Yes, absolutely. A movie that is... I'm pretty sure his debut film performance was something called, like, Overboard. Oh, yeah, maybe. Oh, that's right. A film that no one liked. But this is his first sort of Adam Sandler movie.

Yeah, and it's the first Happy Madison film. Yes, yeah, yeah, and in it... Well, actually, I guess Happy Madison doesn't form until after Happy Gilmore. This is the one half of Billy Madison. Yeah, it's the first part. It's one of the most successful independent films of all time. Rightly so. Billy Madison, he is an heir to a lot of wealth, basically.

And his daddy is like, I'm going to give you a lot of money. But then his weasel business partner is like, Eric. Eric. Eric the fuck. Yeah. Don't give him business, give me business. Your son's dumb as fuck, dude. He sits in the pool all day thinking about nudie magazines

and putting dog shits in bags and setting it on fire. He gave birth to a fucked up son. He's not even done a high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is, he needed an education. He dumb. He got rocks for brains.

He's got rocks for brains, this son of yours. He can't decide if shampoo is better or condition is better, but he hates when the swan's looking at him. Oh, he does. He does. Yeah, he hates that swan. Yeah. So he's like, Daddy, it's okay.

What if I go to do school again? And I do a week at every single grade. Yeah. And I basically learn as much as I can the whole year in one week. Through the final assessment of every year. And then I graduate from that each year level. And we have a sweet party where a clown almost dies. And the majority of them are maybe just the one.

Yeah. I forgive which. And then he's like, that's a great idea, son. And let's do this. You got to pass them all. And he's like, yes. Yes. Hell yeah, dad.

Third grade is the best. Everything else sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he gets blackmailed or exposed. Like, yeah, well, Eric does a dirty. Oh, yeah. That piece of shit. Eric the fuck.

He's like, I'm going to go to the principal of the primary school, and if you don't tell everyone that Billy Madison cheated, I'm going to tell the world that you're a wrestler, and that's bad. It's embarrassing. It's shameful to wrestle. It's shameful to wrestle. Obviously, yeah. Because he's the masked man that maybe was there a scandal or something where he accidentally killed a kid?

Could have been. Could have been. Anyway, move past it. Move past it. Or like maybe a kid was in jail. Anyway, whatever. It's basically like. Move past it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm stuck on it now. I'm stuck on it now. And so he's like, the principal is like, Billy Madison cheated at his whatever grade. He didn't actually pass the fourth grade, maybe. His academic is invalid. You're bullshit. And so Billy Madison's like, damn, I guess company go to Eric, and now I'm sad.

And I'm going to set a dog shit on fire. Yeah, I guess now I lay in a pool. Yeah, really drunk. Yeah. Here in a trunk with my good friends. Norm MacDonald, rest in peace and another guy throw pickles at Macca's windows

and see what happens and then Veronica beats the shit out of him and he's thankful for it though in which we learn in song yes and then he's like look

you know I didn't cheat and instead let's have an academic decathlon me versus Eric the fuck, and see who wins. The only thing we missed is that there's two things.

Billy has a run-in with a kid that thinks Mortal Kombat's the best video game of all time, but Billy thinks it's Donkey Kong. And the kid hates that. Billy Madison. And then another kid pisses his pants. That is cool. And then Billy Madison pret kid pisses his pants. That is cool. And then Billy Madison pretends to piss his pants. Yeah. And then says, if peeing your pants is cool, then I'm Miles Davis.

No. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. I guess the labors of Billy Madison actually start before the decathlon. Yeah, that's true. So, okay, so. You've got to have strong self-esteem.

Could you piss yourself? He doesn't actually piss himself. No, I know, no, no, I know. Could you fake pissing yourself to help a child? Oh, I wouldn't. I would have pissed myself. Me too. Oh, shit, I forgot. I forgot he just does it with water. It's nice to know that Billy Madison is clever

than I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the kid pissed himself and I was like, I need to make this kid feel better. First of all, I'd say it's cool to piss yourself. I wouldn't piss myself. I'd just say that. And then when the kid said, so piss yourself, I'd be shamed into pissing myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, damn.

Yeah, I guess me and Jack have pissed ourselves. I guess we'll get the job done. Yeah, it still works. I just bashed the bully kid. Oh, you don't even pretend to piss yourself. Pissing yourself sucks, but you suck more. I'm going to put you in the well, kid. Shut up.

Wells are the perfect size for children. Oh, yeah. Put a kid in a well. Putting a grown-ass man in a well doesn't work. They get stuck. Little kid, grab him by one foot like a fucking Oreo. Okay, so your best friend, who is quite young. Your best friend, yeah, okay. So, your best friend, who is quite young,

your best friend who is 10, you maybe have the brain of a 10-year-old. I think it would be awesome to have a little 10-year-old crony. I think that would suit me. So, you know, he's a bit of a... I think 10 is like, it clears the weird limb and it just becomes like cartoonish. If you saw me with

like a 10-year-old, would you be like, he's getting that 10-year-old to steal? Oh, yeah, 100%. Okay, your friend's 10-year-old, he has had an accident. He wet himself. No one has seen that he's wet himself yet, but he's wired that he's about to be picked on. This is Billy Madison chooses to pretend to piss himself by being like, pissing your pants is cool

and causing everyone else to piss themselves because it is very cool. Yeah, everybody wants to be cool. Everybody wants to be popular. Great quick, you know, thinking, like, pissing your pants is cool, and causing everyone else to piss themselves, because it is very cool. Yeah, everybody wants to be cool. Everybody wants to be popular. Great, quick thinking, like getting in that mindset of a 10-year-old to quickly turn a negative into a positive. Yeah, yeah.

Now, what would you have done in that situation? I would have probably just taken the kid to a bathroom and been like, let's try and get you dry. Yeah, yeah. But it doesn't work. That's pee stains. You can't dry out a pee stain. Especially if you remember that scene.

There's a lot of piss. He soaks his fucking drawers, dude. He's done the biggest piss of all time. If you held him up to the dryer, it would just dry, but then there'd be dry piss stains all over his pants. You've got to be very quick.

And piss stinks. Yeah. Piss stinks. So it's not like you can blame it really on anything else. And you can't switch pants because you're an adult man. Yeah. You can't even do, like else. And you can't switch pants because you're an adult man. Yeah.

You can't even do the classic Degrassi high of, oh, no, my period after I'm wearing such classic white pants. I just got to quickly tie his flannelette around my waist. That's a classic Degrassi episode. Yeah. You can't do that in this situation. What do you do? What do you do?

You can't do that no more. My first thought is I'm going to take the kid away. Well, I guess I would probably just think like, all right, let's wash the pants in the sink or something. And you got a kid with no pants. But in a bathroom. I'd say go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

Where are they at at the excursion? They're about to get back on the bus. It seems like they're in the woods slightly. Aren't they, in my head, and this is a very specific Australian reference, even more specifically Victorian, in my head in that scene, they're at Sovereign Hill. Oh, okay. What the fuck? Okay.

I know they're not at Sovereign Hill. But that's just what you pictured them. In my head, they're getting on a bus leaving Sovereign Hill. I imagined them on the side of the road near a junkyard. So I guess I got it. Tells you a lot about a person where they think Billy Madison is when the boy pisses. Is it a Civil War reenactment? Okay, yes, that's true.

No, it isn't. I think it is. I think it is a Civil War reenactment. Let's say yes. Okay, first thing is, okay, where... Oh, no, you got shot! In the penis? This is blood.

It smells like piss. Yeah, if you get shot in the penis, you bleed piss. Don't worry, I haven't made you uncool. His penis will heal! Bigger than before! It's kind of going to go back strong. And cool! bigger than before it's kind of gonna go back strong and cool Veronica

are we good friends with her or does she loathe us at this moment in time I think she loathes us and the fact that we helped this kid with this piss problem

is what makes her be like damn this guy's alright because on the way there we get caught trying to prank the teacher by groping her

yeah yeah yeah not a super funny prank. Yeah. Because I was just wondering, okay, we're about to leave the equivalent of Sovereign Hill. Yeah, yeah. A re-adaptment. It'd be like, quickly go to the bathroom.

They go to the bathroom, go and find, like, the gift store. Oh. And try and find new pants. Gifts of all the clothing items you can get at a gift store. Very rarely do they sell pants, but I wish they did. They don't sell pants, but they do sell jumpers. Oh. We can make pants jumpers a thing.

I buy two jumpers, a kid-sized one and one for me. I wear them like they are pants. I give them to him, and then we come out and be like, look at us. We're wearing jumpers for pants. So the one problem with that is... Is that jumpers have a hole Where your dick will go

So you're gonna have An exposed dick And nuts And arseholes If it's a hoodie But then from behind People will see your balls That's right

You put them over the pants Oh okay I'll take it off my pants I'm putting them over my Like my pants that are already there So when you turn around People can see the piss Wow Piss will go everywhere dude Well to jump He's pissed his pants So you put them on Like my pants that are already there. So when you turn around, people can see the piss. Wow.

Piss will go everywhere, dude. He's pissed his pants. So you've put them on. You're covering up. Yeah, but the crotch that you see will be damp. But it's a good move. It's damp, sure. You pass the labor, for sure.

Yeah, it'll be damp, yeah. But it's not going to be as obvious that he's wet himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to go into the bathroom with the kid. Uh-huh. And leave him there and get on the bus. Put him in the cubicle and be like, I'll be right back, and then just get on the bus.

Uh-huh. Maybe I can shift the shame onto me by being like, we were pissing at the urinal, and it splashed back on both of us it's my piss i pissed on it he didn't piss his pants i pissed on it your old child i pissed on it don't worry i need to call the police it was an accident he surprised me when i was pissing at the urinal i flipped around and there he was and I pissed on him.

I'm sorry. Pissed on a child, sir? Quick, piss on me. You're not making this better. The movie does treat Billy Madison like he's just the same age as everyone in whatever year level he's in. I mean,

claiming that you pissed on the kid is probably not going to get the kid. Not intentionally. It was an accident. I just don't think that's going to get the kid not bullied. Yeah. Because bullying is the thing you're trying to avoid. Yeah, that's true. Which also jumper pants is where that goes.

Billy Madison is also, or I am also in jumper pants. Yeah, that's true. Look at us. We're the jump pants bros. And Billy Madison, if he can convince the kids that pissing your pants is cool, he can convince them that wearing jumper pants. I'm like, look at us, we're the jump pants bros. And Billy Madison, if he can convince the kids that pissing your pants is cool, he can convince them that wearing jumper pants is cool. And that means other people probably go and buy, they'll just buy out the gift store.

And they'll grab all the jumpers and everyone's wearing jumper pants. It's a tricky one because a gift shop is probably a good idea. Is there any way you could hang a tote bag from the kid's neck on the front and the back Yeah

What else is there usually Sometimes they have aprons Yeah that's true An apron would be chill as Because you can play that off as being goofy and wearing an apron Yeah that's true Maybe if you were near some Civil War You could steal their pants

You stay in the cubicle and then I just pulling the pants off some guy dressed like a Confederate soldier. You're not a real veteran. It's fine. You're not a real veteran.

It's fucked up. You chose this side. Get out of here. You're not reenacting. Yeah, I'm like a war looter or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm stealing pants.

But the problem here is you will then have more adult pants. That's the issue, right? Yeah, but if we get a belt, we can take a look at this. You think that adult pants will fit a 10-year-old with a belt? Because what you have are the school children. But how do you get, say, a loathed O'Doyle's pants?

You cannot. Look, pissing on the kid was one thing. You cannot steal the pants of another child. Yes, agreed. But how do you do it in a non-creepy way? Is it possible? Well, sometimes. You get the kid dirty.

Push him in the mud. Then he goes to. Okay. What if I push my kid, who's pissed his pants in the mud? And I say, hey, get out of here, mud pants! And then I push him in there, and having mud on your pants, way less embarrassing than having piss on your pants. Much clever.

I become lonesome, sure. You're trying to avoid a kid getting bullied by bullying the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's happening now, though, is that you're bullying him, so now he's mud pants. Yeah. Hey, his kid's like mud pants, like he shit himself. I give up.

He shit out of his dick. Mudpants, Mudpants, Mudpants. He did shit out of his dick. He did shit out of his dick. He shits out of his butthole like normal people. But you could, yeah, I'm thinking like if you would, he got like Muddy Pants, but then you, because the thing is, you also need to get Muddy Pants because you're like Muddy Pants is cool.

Yeah, okay, well, yeah. And then you've got like a bunch of third graders rolling around the mud like they're goddamn pigs hey who wants to play pigs that's maybe what i said yeah you could be like i got an idea let's get in the mud let's call this game pigs yeah and then we just we just cry in the mud and uh the teacher comes around and he's like what the fuck is happening behind me? We're playing pigs. I hate you. We're playing pigs. You are the most loathsome man. But I think that works. That Veronica doesn't beat the shit out of you, which means you don't go back to school, which means Eric gets the company.

But it's the same thing. She sees you playing pigs because this kid has pissed himself. Same outcome. I'll explain it to her later. She comes around. But she would have seen old mate piss himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she gets it. Okay, alright, alright.

Same thing with Jumper Pants, same thing with Playing Pig. Both options, I feel, would be, yeah. What are you doing, Dusha? Well, I was hoping that there's a kid in the year level that is a famous take my pants off to shit guy.

And then I'm not above giving laxatives to a child which means that i'm basically my solution is to prevent a kid i like from getting bullied is to pick on a kid but you don't know what kid is going to take their full pants off so you need to poison every other child so you basically so I guess you know in a world where every kid shits themselves

the kid who pisses himself is king alright I don't know Veronica that's super cool well with Veronica I just come off

neutral because you're not going to think I poisoned all the children that's true that'll be your dark secret but then you're not going to think I poisoned all the children. That's true. That'll be your dog's secret. But then you're the only one that didn't shit herself. You have to fake shitting yourself.

Would Veronica also shit herself? Yeah, well, if Veronica shits herself, she's not worried about if I shit myself. She's not even thinking about it. Because I'd just be like, yeah, I did. But then this one kid that did, you hear? But he pissed. And why this one kid, he gets blamed. It's us.

To try to take the heat off you, you made that one kid shit themselves. Maybe I make him shit himself too. So because of the horrible diarrhea bus. But nobody's thinking about piss pants. Well, maybe because if you're shitting yourself, who cares if you're also pissing? Yeah, that's true. Well, okay. I think that works.

I think you're you're like one degree relationship degree lower with Veronica compared to me because at least she's like oh they did a nice thing when she thinks of that day

she's just like that was the time what did we eat yeah everyone shut the fuck up every single person yeah Veronica everyone

me as well it was sad shitting yourself is sad it is shitting yourself is sad. It is. Shitting yourself is sad. It's a bit depressing. It's got a depressing aura around it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's exhausting. It's tiring. All right. Although, what's more depressing? Pissing yourself or shitting yourself? Shitting yourself. 100%.

No, not... Because I feel like the shitting yourself also can have a dark energy around it where it's not sad. It's a bit scary. Oh, yeah. Not scary. Something's going's not sad, it's a bit scary. Oh, yeah. Not scary. Something's going wrong. Yeah, something's going wrong,

but you could piss yourself just because you can't be bothered going to the toilet. Sad. Pissing yourself is sadder, I think. Yeah, no, come around. Shitting yourself is way more dangerous energy. Like, if you're talking to somebody, they're like, I've just shit myself.

But you could be so sad. A sneaky fart that just went wrong. Yeah, exactly. Shitting yourself just happens. It just could be like you ate something bad. But imagine you've sat down to piss if you sit down to piss like me. You've sat down to piss and you forgot to take your pants off. You're so sad.

You're like, I'm so sad. I'm not even going to take my pants off. I'm just going to piss my pants. That's sad. Pissing yourself sad. You've painted a very terrible, very upsetting picture. Tell me that that's not about highs and lows. A man just taking himself to the bathroom, desperate to piss, too sad to even remove his pants, sits down like he usually would to piss, pisses his pants.

It's very sad. See, last time I pissed myself would have been in like year seven or eight, and I had a fever. Oh, yeah. I was hallucinating. I kept thinking that a small game of Gridiron was happening at the end of the bed. That's awesome. And that a giant monkey head was yelling at me.

Oh, no. So I do remember having to, like, you know, I was cooked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quite literally, brain on fire. Yeah, yeah. I needed to piss. It did irreversible damage, which explains plumbing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Quite literally, brain on fire. Yeah, yeah. I needed to piss. It did irreversible damage, which explains plumbing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I vaguely remember, at least when I was told this happened, is, yeah, my mum took me to the bathroom, and then, like, you know, okay, you needed to piss, so I pissed, but did not take off my underwear. That's good. There you go, it happens. So that must have been hilarious.

Like, I understand my boy has a fever, and's hallucinating and he's very, very sick. That's funny. I would just call him Joel Pisspants from now on. That's pretty funny. He just pisses himself off. You'll never guess what I'll piss you, son. Would have gone all over the floor, the seat. What a mess.

Oh, down my legs. Hilarious. That's good. That's good. So we've dealt with that problem. Labor one taken care of. What's labor two? Well, now Billy Madison, after the whole incident with the school,

he's got to do this decathlon. There's a lot of going through high school, going through primary school, which I feel we can kind of body that, even when it gets to the more harder things like high school where it's like chemistry and that. But I reckon we've got a little bit of that, like, you know, knowledge as it were. We could make it through enough.

But the decathlon. You can pick your own subjects as well, so who cares? So the decathlon begins with a maths equation that we need to solve that's on the board. Which looks insane on Eric's side, but Billy sorts it pretty quickly and then has enough time to write Eric drinks his own pee. Now, did Billy sort it quickly or did he realize he was just not going to solve it and then just wrote Eric drinks his own pee?

Yeah, I think that's my interpretation. I love that you think Billy nailed it. Me too. Don't get me wrong. My interpretation of that scene has always been that Billy fucked it up and was frustrated monumentally yeah that's what I imagine because the change in

what's on the board is wildly different yeah well again it's up for interpretation like all classic films are for me I would think that point to Eric. That points to Eric in my mind.

Okay, yeah. Revisiting the scene, Billy doesn't actually answer anything. It's like K equals or it's greater than if Y is 2X minus X. Look, I reckon I could solve that.

I reckon given enough time. Is it like actually sitting down and writing it all out and maybe with a calculator? I reckon I could solve that. Yeah, okay. I was pretty fine with algebra, calculus. I did special maths. It wasn't my best subject, but I still did it. Well, I think you're passing this one.

Me, not so much. Yeah, I'm probably in trouble. I might remember how to do stuff, but probably not. Although the numbers aren't big. It's 2x minus 7 divided by 2x. Do we have a timer on it? If y equals that. I reckon I got

this. Let y equals 2 times. I reckon I got this. Less than or equal to. I reckon I got this. K is got a solve for X. Yeah. Oh, but K, oh, hmm. Less than or equal to, yeah, yeah, yeah, I reckon I got this. K is greater than that equation, which is... So, yeah, looking at that equation, it doesn't look, like, look, it's algebra. It's sort of like, you know, late stage algebra.

That's sad. Yeah. It's advanced. It's not algebra Like you know Year 7 You're not giving that To a 14 year old

No no no I reckon I got that I reckon that'd be easy I'm out You're writing You're writing Eric drinks his own pee I'm like don't worry boys

I'll take this one Is this situation We three Yeah Okay just checking Yeah yeah yeah You damn it Or you

You damn it You gotta take this one for us. Jackson, I reckon you're up next because you've got to bake a pie. I can bake a pie. I've baked pies before. I bake all the time. Yeah, you're a much better baker. Yeah, baker's easy.

Especially knowing that no matter what we serve up, knowing what Eric dishes up, as long as we make something that's edible, we win. Because Eric, for anyone who doesn't remember, brings out a pie dish that is on fire, which then sets him on fire while Billy just cheers. Yeah, cheers'll make it. Because Eric, for anyone who doesn't remember, brings out a pie dish that is on fire, which then sets him on fire, and while Billy just cheers. Yeah, cheers and laughs,

which I feel we would also be doing. Oh, absolutely. He's very on fire. What pie are you making? I reckon I could make a cherry pie. Yeah? Yeah. Okay.

You just need to make, like, a cherry mix, like, with kind of mushed cherries, sugar, a bunch of other stuff, make a pie crust, put it over the fucking lip of the goddamn- Oh, yeah. Can I stick my thumb in it and pull out a plum? I'll put a plum right in the middle.

Yeah. That'll be our big trick. Like little Jack Horner? I'll be like, hey, judges, you know little Jack Horner? Do shit now, and you'll put your thumb in it and it'll just sizzle. Yeah, I don't know if you know this about hot sugar, but it's- Pull out your thumb! Pull out your thumb! Pull out your thumb!

Burning, sizzling plum on the end. You're welcome, Your Honor. Do you need it? Cornice adjourned, Your Honor. I'm just going to eat an ice cream tub with some scoops. Just try to scoop it on the plum. It'll cool it down! It'll cool it down!

It's good! It's good! You eat a hot, cold, ice creamy plum. It'll be good for me. I think so. It'll get it down. It'll cool it down. It's good. It's good. You eat a hot, cold, ice-creamy plum. It'll be good for me. I think so. It'll get you fiery. Next one, we're all fucked because it's a 100-meter running race and Eric is two-time state champion or whatever.

But could we sabotage him? Yeah. We could trip him. Yeah. So, again, I've been running a lot more. That's good. I used to run a lot when I was, you know, well, one of the ages Billy was pretending to be at some point. Yeah.

So I've been running a lot more recently. Unfortunately, I do get shin splints, so it does mean I can be injured quickly. One of my knees is not as good as it used to be, so I might struggle there too. Yeah. So, I mean, it is athletics. Is there something else we can do instead of a foot race? I'm going to go beat him at shot put. I believe that.

That's a track and field event. Yeah, I know. It was just funny you suggested it, but then I imagined you hefting a big rock, and I was like, yeah, that suits you. Eric could. I don't think he could. I reckon Eric could probably have me done on discus, but I could beat him at shot point.

I reckon he'd know the proper technique for discus. Shot point's got such a funny technique where you're like, you push. You push the rock through the air. I reckon, is it Greco-Roman wrestling? Is that it? Oh, yes. Having never done it, I reckon

I could beat Eric. The confidence is what I like. Wrestling, boxing, I could beat him. I could do shot put, and I would just, like, I'd be holding the shot put, and then I would flash to throwing rocks at trains. I'd be like, how different could it be? And then I think I'd nail it. That would be my inspiration moment, yeah.

You're a complicated man. Sometimes you like trains, sometimes you hate them and want to throw rocks at them. I got a bit of weight on Eric. He seems a bit like, you know, a bit spiddly there, which means he could get out of my grasp. Oh, with wrestling, you kind of got to be all close in, right? Yeah, I reckon I got it. Eric, however, does sadly have cocaine energy. Yeah, that is true.

He's got cocaine business, man. Could we beat that with methamphetamine? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What about just my regular amphetamines that I take legally? That's true. Because they are a prescription. That's much better than us all getting hooked on meth.

Sometimes it's important to visit the glass pipe. Yeah. Before important events in your life. Is there like a track and field that's about like crawling through a tunnel i could do that really good are you good at crawling through a tunnel well i don't know i've never tried but you're the only one out of us three that i know as an adult has got stuck in things yeah yeah yeah yeah so crawling through a tunnel seems like a recipe for disaster.

Everybody waiting on the other end of the tunnel. Dark clocks ticking. Now, the next trial is interesting because it's chemistry but I don't know what... It's chemistry but Billy Madison pulls correct me if I'm wrong, a boot

out of the concoction he's making and everyone applauds. So clearly, they're making something like a chemical reaction in a vat. To make the most complex or to make a boot. Well, they're making something, because Eric pulls out, it's kind of like,

I don't even know what it is. It almost looks like a bit of spine. I think it's a clump of minerals, isn't it? Or like mineral-ish thing. Now, I am bad at chemistry. I think it's a clump of minerals, isn't it? Or like mineral-ish thing. Now, I am bad at chemistry. I never did chemistry, and then when I had to for to get into a course

that I also dropped out of, cheated. It's like dry ice is pulled out, I think? Because dry ice would be also melting. He's pulling it out of dry ice. I don't know what he's doing. And Billy pulls out his boot. But then the camera pans down and it's actually his own boot.

Okay, so he cheated. But we've got to pull something out of here. I have experience cheating in chemistry. That's true. Do you think we can pull off the Billy Madison boot trick? There's three of us. Surely it'd be easy to distract the judges. Teach, what's that over there?

Holy shit, teach! There's a guy out the window. Or use my laxative trick again. We don't want him going for too long. He does need to judge the competition. Or make an Eric shoot himself. So that'd make us win the foot race.

Okay, we could cheat at chemistry, but I think this is an easy one to make Eric lose. Because chemistry is volatile, right? So you just need to put the wrong thing in his tub. Could kill him. I was thinking like a Coke or something. Like a Mentos? Yeah, we just flick a Mentos in, drop it in a Snickers bar.

What are you trying to achieve? Well, I'm just trying to disrupt whatever the chemicals are in there. With a Snickers bar. With a Snickers bar. What are you trying to achieve? I'm trying to disrupt whatever the chemicals are in there. With a Snickers bar. With a Snickers bar. Or a Coke. Or a Mentos. You know, enough Coca-Cola in there. Coke and Mentos.

Coke and Mentos goes poof. But that's not what Jackson was suggesting. Vinegar's good. Vinegar and bicarb soda. Yeah, we make it more acidic or we make it more basic. This is all I know about chemistry. You distract the judges. I sneak into the chemistry lab.

I get a bunch of stuff. I bring it out and I go over in Eric's tub. You distract Eric. Yeah. I just dump everything in there. Yeah. Hope we don't make mustard gas. Yeah.

What do you mean? So by tub, you mean his like- His back. Whatever his concoction is in. His beaker. Just whoop, whoop, whoop. And you're just pouring random shit in there and hoping for the best? Yeah.

You will make gases. Yeah. Maybe they're good. Well, but that's, you know, if he makes... The moment you're going to mix any two things that you find in a chemistry lab together, you're going to get a gas. It's just whether or not it's a good one or a bad one. He's, like, Eric's done it, not us.

Yeah. So he can be disqualified. And Eric's not making- For killing everyone with his mustard gas. Mustard gas is very easy to accidentally make. Yeah, you can do it with cleaning supplies. Bleach and vinegar. I think, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, if you've got to clean up some cat piss, may I recommend never using bleach because you will gas yourself. Well, we get cat piss. Okay. You're going to go milk a cat for piss? They do milk piss cats. It's fucked up.

Oh, they like massage the piss out of a cat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our cat had to do a piss test at one point and we're like, how do they do it? They just slap your cat down on its back on the table and then just rub its stomach? Rub the piss out.

You rub the piss out. They push down. It's like they're pushing the belly. That's crazy. Because we were like, oh, well, do we need to collect the litter? Because we got clump and litter. What do we do here? Do we need to kind of set up?

No, no, no. We'll do it now. And yeah, flip it on its back, push down on the bladder, it pisses itself. They collect it. Wow. And milk piss the cat. That's crazy. Milk piss the cat.

Unless my vet did something real wrong. That's not how you're meant to do it. Well, it's important to share it on the podcast just in case. Well, I'll milk piss the cat. And then we can put some in our concoction and hope there's bleach in there. Well, we're going to gas ourselves because we are the closest. We know what's coming,

so we at that moment, we all say, sorry, I'm just going to quickly take a cigarette break outside. Yeah, we all need to smoke a cigarette outside. Yeah. We go outside. Oh, sir, can I smoke in here? Oh, I can't. Oh, I guess I'll smoke outside.

Better go smoke outside. And we smoke out the window looking in as everyone gets gassed. And we're like, well, we're going to win this. Eric's dead now, so it should be fine. They can get out in time. Big enough air. All's happening.

People got some itchy eyes. And it costs like a lot. And they come out and we're like, well, Eric fucked up. By default, we win. Yeah, exactly. We won by default. That's good. And here's another one which is not in our favor. Music. Okay, well, correct me if I'm wrong, JD, but you're in a band. That, exactly. We won by default, that's good. And here's another one, which is not in our favor. Music.

Okay, well, correct me if I'm wrong, JD, but you're in a band. That's true. I, this may be a shock. I'm not classically trained, however. It's not classical music, it's just music. No, it is definitely classical music. Well, that's because

he knows how to play, Eric knows how to play a violin. Yeah, you know how to... If you know how to play a violin. Yeah. You know how to. If you know how to, whatever it is that you do. Yeah, yeah. So here's the thing. I can kind of play drums. Okay. End of list.

Okay. So we can get the drums in. I can play a standard rock beat. That's good. Hey, that's something. It looks impressive if you can't play any instruments, but if you can play any instruments, you can also do what I do. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Well. And what does Eric do? He plays a pretty hectic violin solo. Yeah, he does it well. Okay. This might be one we have to lose. Can we, it's fine, it's best of ten.

Yeah. Is, can we, can we. Sabotage him somehow? How do you rack a violin? You could untune it. Oh yeah, that's true. But he would know straight away. Yeah, he would literally.

And then tune it. Yeah. Yeah, he would literally play every string to check to see if it's tuned and be like, oh, it's not tuned. Yeah. Well, what if we kind of like. Put a bomb in it? More of that mustard gasoline from earlier. What if we all just sit down and enjoy a wonderful violin recital?

That's true. We could chalk this one up to a failure and just enjoy it. Which is what Billy does in the film. He sticks a clarinet in his mouth and just goes... What if we keep taking phone calls during it and try and, you know, stress him out? So he, just as he starts...

Oh yeah, Dad, yeah, it's going real well. I'm so sorry, Eric. I gotta take this. Hey, Dad. Yeah, just you gotta call me back in a little bit. Eric, sorry. Please continue. Oh, shit. It's got to call me back in a little bit. Eric, sorry. Please continue. Oh, shit, it's my dad again. I'm so embarrassed. This is probably Dad.

He was help selling a trailer. He was letting you know he hates you. Dad's calling me to say that you suck. I guess we might get kicked out for that. We might get disqualified. We do know that this is coming up, the decathlon, right? Because Billy does study for it.

Yeah, he gets shooted by the bus driver. That's true. And what better motivation than naked Chris Farley? Yeah. That's a callback because earlier in the movie, Veronica Vaughn is doing a striptease in response to a pop quiz and he gets it wrong. Billy Madison, you don't discriminate.

He's down for whatever. That's nice. So because we have that little bit of training, is there anything that we, is there any instrument that is very easy to learn or obscure enough

that they wouldn't know if we were playing it well? Ah, the theremin. Ah! A musical instrument that a cat can play perfectly. So if a cat can play it, we can play it. We're just as smart as a cat. Right?. So if a cat can play it, we can play it.

We're just as smart as a cat. Right? It's not smart. All right, so let me just quickly type in, is it hard to learn the theremin? Yeah. And if we don't play it right, we can just convince the judge that it's spooky ghosts.

Yeah. For playing the theremin, it is important to have a good sense of your body and hearing and to work on a precise playing technique. At best, you can learn the scale in two hours with professional guidance. Thus, the theremin is not harder than any other instrument. Perfect. I reckon we can learn the theremin.

How difficult is the theremin? Beware, this instrument is notoriously difficult to master. We don't need to master it. We just need to perfect it. The theremin requires a unique focus and a level of hand-ear coordination that most other instruments do not require.

But because it's a bit obscure, the judge won't know it too much. The judge isn't going to have any idea if we're playing it well. We just have to have some sort of like... What are the 11 hardest instruments to learn? Violin's number one. Oh, okay.

And Eric is playing the... Violin. Maybe we chalk this one up to a failure when we go to the next one. Yeah. A monologue. Violin. French horns number two. Organ.

Bagpipes. Accordion. Give it up. Oboe. Oboe. We're not learning the oboe. Guitar. But Radiohead famously said anyone could play guitar.

Radiohead lied, dude. Piano. Piano. Yeah. Cello. Clarinet. So the theremin's not on there? Theremin's not on there.

Okay. The crazy thing is I think drums are probably easier than the theremin, and we've already got a slight head start. Yeah, that's true. Well, we get the theremin as a backup. Yeah, well, that two theremin players and a drum? We have the worst band ever conceived of. Two theremin players and one frosty drummer.

What about maracas? They seem pretty easy to do. Theremin, maraca, drums. Okay. And. I am worried about Jackson's rhythm because he's throwing lots of random notes in there that aren't in time at all

those big three instruments can't be some slack here's the thing, when three instruments are playing together they still need to be in time yeah, that is true you can't be like... That's a bad practice. Woo! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Well, that's why we get to practice. Yeah. I still think we'll lose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we might have a bit more of a fighting chance than Billy. Yeah. But yeah, we'll probably... Yeah, we'll chalk this one up to a loss. Yeah.

Theater. Okay. So it seems like they're doing monologues. And Eric's fucking sucks, and Billy's not that much better. Yeah. So, yeah, we got this. The only thing that Billy is darned is he's got costumes. Yes, that's true.

We can put together some costumes. We can slap together some costumes. And Billy also remembered the speech where Eric is reading from a book. What's the longest Shakespeare quote you can remember? Does it have to be Shakespeare? It's Shakespeare and Billy Madison. It's Shakespeare and Billy Madison, but what does it say on the board? It says Shakespeare on the board as well. To be or not to be,

that is the question. You are a rose. And every rose has its thorns. Is this a dagger I see before me? I don't know. A rose by any other name. The name should smell as sweet. Romeo, Romeo, where are you?

Romeo. I've fucking gone and killed myself. Shit, shit. I'm dying. You fuck. Why are you waking up? Can I get the Hamlet speech again? Is this a dagger I see before me?

That's all I have. To be or not to be. To be or not to be, that is the question. First line, done. And you did get prompted twice in that one first line. To be or not to be, that is the question. Okay, so the longest quote you know is

That I thought you were about to do it. Ten words. Ten words. It's pretty good. Oh daughter, I thought you were about to do it. Ten words. Ten words. It's pretty good. Oh, daughter. Oh, dockets. Fuck. I bite my thumb at thee, sir.

I bite my thumb at thee. Do you bite my thumb at thee? Yes. I bite my thumb, but I do not bite my thumb at thee. Sir, take this poison. It will make you seem dead. But it won't kill you outright. Take this poison. It will make you seem dead. But it won't kill you outright. Take this poison, it'll kill you outright.

I'm the best apothecary in all of Venice. It's like, two lovers in sweet Verona. No. Sweet Veronica. Two lovers in fair Verona where we set our scene. The Capulets and the Montagues are the guys. They are enemies. Honey, pass me my long sword. I'm going to kill Horatio.

Ask for me tomorrow and you'll find me a grave man. Okay, that's pretty good. Out damn spot. I killed this man and it stained my hand. I know the start of... Husband of mine, go kill that king. Do you reckon I could pass off a man for all seasons of Shakespeare? I know the start of that.

Probably. I ain't stopping you. It is perverse to start a play about kings and cardinals with the common man. I'm pretty sure. I think between us we've got enough Shakespeare. We'll make it work. All we've got to do is be Eric, who is currently in a business suit, reading off a book, and doing the most dumb fuck voice I've ever heard in my life. I think our earnest...

I don't want to be trumped by Billy Madison doing also equally a dumb fuck voice. Exactly. I reckon we could do that. I think our earnest attempts would endear us to the judges. How close did I get with the opening of... Toil, bubble, bubble bubble toil and trouble frog of newton frog of newton

turn on the devil okay we gotta move on we're not gonna talk about shakespeare to be honest so then we get once again we would make a great uh rosencrantz and...

Guildenstein? Yeah. They would. Yes. We would. I mean, I know that's not Shakespeare. They happen behind the scenes. Well, they're in.

They're in. Yeah, but like... Hamlet, Macbeth. They're Macbeth, I think. We'd also be really good at waiting for Godot. Yeah, that's true. The thing is, we have enough time to prepare for this. So I think we could do a three-man play of one of these many shakers.

Absolutely. We could be the three witches. We could. You're going to die in a tree, brother. Dude. No man or woman born is going to come and fuck up your shit. You'll be fine, dude, unless the trees come alive and eat your house. Unless the forest comes to you in this particular castle, you'll be fine, dude, unless the trees come alive and eat your house. Unless the forest comes to you

in this particular castle, you'll be fine. You'll be all tits and cream, dude. So when the forest comes to you, you'll die in this castle, and it's gotta get got by someone who was a woman born.

That's not a thing. It's impossible, baby. Look, Macbeth, if I was you, I wouldn't have gone to the castle. Yeah. Then as he's walking away, we're like, ooh, what about if you're born from a caesarean? Should we tell him?

Nah. Figure it out. What's the likelihood? All right, so the next part is- Who kills Macbeth? Macgullet or something? Macduff. Macduff.

That's right. Who kills Macgullet? Lay on, Macduff. or something? Macduff. Macduff, that's right. I wish it was McGullet. Lay on, Macduff. Lay on, Macduff. Is Macduff also the name of a... Oh, no, that's the dog from The Simpsons. Hey, the crime dog. No, the dog that gets the Duff sponsorship.

Macruff the crime dog is a dog dog. A crime dog? He's not on The Simpsons. He does follow me on Twitter, though, for reasons beyond my understanding. Macruff the... He's on... Yeah, he's on Twitter and follow... He might also be on The Simpsons. He does follow me on Twitter, though, for reasons beyond my understanding. He's on Simpsons. Yeah, he's on Twitter and follow... He might also be on The Simpsons, but he's a real dog. By which I mean a real character from life.

What's Eminem's dog's name? Like, insult of something? Insult of comic dog? Is that Eminem's dog or a guy? Isn't that Conan O'Brien? It's a rude dog, though. He's a cigar. Maybe I'm associating with Eminem because I think he's in the Without Me music video.

He's not Eminem's dog. He's just a dog Eminem knows. Triumph the insult dog. Yeah, because he would go where he made fun of people lining up for Star Wars. Oh, that's right. Got him. So, I wonder what he's doing these days. Put down by the vet.

Too rude. Too rude. Too rude. Can't have a dog that rude, dude. Yeah, he got milk piss and then got a bullet in the back of the head. So we have three trials left. Three labors to finish off with. We need to, one, well, I guess technically one of these we wouldn't have to do, but we're going to include it anyway.

Trial one, six. There's only nine in the movie yeah we couldn't find it yeah yeah we have to talk about how the industrial revolution changed the face of the novel yeah citing examples now billy madison says the dumbest thing anyone's ever said he is awarded no points that makes everyone dumber for having heard. Yeah. And may God have mercy on his soul. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

He talks about the lost puppy. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he starts using them as if they were like a metaphor. Yeah. So the industrial revolution, the way it changed the novel is, correct me if I'm wrong here,

but it enabled more people to acquire books. Yes. Right? And so you had a wider spread of people now reading books. And so it wasn't just the nobles and the people who were like, you know, trained in classical literature who could read books. Now, can I spin this around to be something dirty? Marquis de Sade. Is that before or after be something dirty? Marquis de Sade.

Is that before or after the Industrial Revolution? Marquis de Sade is before. I think he's the 1700s and he wrote that whatever it's called, 120 Days of Sodom, in that jail cell on a piece of toilet paper or whatever, using his cum and shit, maybe. Industrial Revolution

happens from 1760 to 1840. So maybe it did. Maybe it was during the Industrial Revolution. Is the Industrial Revolution happens from 1760 to 1840. So maybe it did. Maybe it was during the Industrial Revolution. Is it to do- Is the Industrial Revolution changing the face of the novel? Is that to do with the fact that it was just more- More available? More available books?

120 Days of Sodom was written, like, literally smack bang in the middle of the Industrial Revolution. Fantastic. Okay. So, more people are reading books. Therefore, we are now having a larger audience. Sure. And we're not just catering to the nobles, the aristocrats, the bourgeois.

Yeah, yeah. We're actually doing it for the common man and the interests of the common people, like fucking. Okay. Which gave rise to smart and things like the Marquis de Sade's Thousand Nights or Hundred Nights of Sodom or whatever it is. It's got a crazy story, the 120 Days of Sodom, because he wrote it on the toilet paper then he was

hanged or whatever or sent somewhere else and he was like, well, that novel's gone but somebody, and nobody really knows who or why saved it and then eventually gave it to somebody and they turned it into a novel. Crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Industrial Revolution plays a big part

in it because the Bastille? Bastille, yeah. Gets attacked by revolutionaries. Okay, that's not... The Industrial Revolution was sort of like a revolution of, like, technology not of people, though. So, it's not that quite

a revolution. But wasn't it because it was that we suddenly had access to a bunch of factories basically or like but doesn't that tie into the French Revolution no that's about I mean maybe a little bit enough that we could

absolutely spin it because the French Revolution the people rise up against the monarch's abuse of power, and surely the Industrial Revolution, because then technology is advancing, the common folk have access to more weapons. That's what the guillotine was used on, but then it got switched. That's pretty funny about the guillotine. That's good stuff.

They're like, hey, we should use this to kill the monarchs, and then the government were like, yeah, you should. Oh, we kill all the monarchs. Let's start killing more people. We've got a guillotine. It's going unused. So it'd be a waste of, you know. Yeah, it matters.

Otherwise, it's just going to sit there gathering dust. So we should use it on the. Probably as well, the Industrial Revolution saw the emergence of the middle class. Yes. So probably with the emergence of the middle class. Yes. So probably with the emergence of the middle class. So then we've got stuff like, please, sir, can I have some more? Right? Charles Dickens?

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And him writing about people's experiences of like, not just, you know, again, not going with the bourgeoisie, kind of like, you know, the human experience of like the pure, the and like, you know, the working class man, as it were. Yeah, yeah. So we're getting more novels about that. Also, probably with the emergence of the middle class, there was a lot of people all of a sudden making things entirely contained within the middle class.

So it wasn't poor people making stuff for rich people. It was middle class people making stuff for middle class people, which typically included like furniture and stuff. But it probably also expanded to a kind of like people making novels for other people of the same class as they were, which is different to how it was prior. This is probably enough, right? Yeah. So we're now like expanding everyone's like, you know, people reading about things that aren't just about, you know, like a fantasy or like religious texts or, you texts or something like a noble might read, but we're actually reading about actual human experience.

And fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Market to suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, look, that's better than what Billy Madison did, so I think we will get a pass here. Yeah. Alternatively, we've just set ourselves up for our audience

to give us exactly the same speech. Yeah, I think that's very possibly coming our way. But maybe we can get them on the next one. So the next question, this one's directed at Eric. But it is to explain business ethics in the 20th century. Right? Something like that? To elaborate on

business ethics in the 20th century? Give an insight of trading and the downfall of certain things, ethics in business is now very important. Could you explain what that means? As a business owner, it is your responsibility

to be running your company in a way that is both beneficial for the company itself, the shareholders involved, and the employees that are there. So you need to be able to run and you also need a responsibility

for the environment and the planet that you are doing. So you make sure there's a lot of different ethics involved. So you're making sure that you are at least net zero in terms of your emissions, but you're also trying to treat everyone equal and making it with respect. And so if there net zero in terms of your emissions, but you're also trying to treat everyone equal and making with respect.

And so if there is something where there is insider trading, those kind of things, it's you need to either make sure that there are things in place where that can't happen, or if they are happening or you do witness them to happen, you need to be able to have an independent body that you can go to to report said things. Beautiful.

Don't do what the guy who made Sonic the Hedgehog did. Yeah. What did he do? Give the Knuckles rights to that pervert? He might have been responsible for that. But no, this guy heard that there was a new game coming out on a series that was long dormant or whatever and then put a whole bunch of bad stocks or something

and then it turned out, yeah, and he's in jail now. Oh, okay, there you go. Yeah, he got done for insider trading, which is funny. Yeah, so yeah, you spin those wheels about, like, you know, treating everyone and every decision that you make you have to be thinking carefully, like, how will this, you know, what will be the wider impact of this? Because, you know,

it's not just about, like, flippantly making a decision, you have to really think about this and be honest with the shareholders. If it's a public company, you need to be open with the public as well as all those kind of things. I think we passed this one because if we recall, Eric doesn't answer. Yeah, because he pulls a gun. He pulls a gun. The final labor.

The final trial of Billy Madison. Can we avoid getting shot with a gun. The final labor. The final trial of Billy Madison. Can we avoid getting shot with a gun? So, Billy Madison has made two friends, which saved the day. Yeah. The wrestling principal in a revenge for the blackmail, which probably still happens because we didn't really need to. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He was just guilty. Yeah.

He felt guilty, and he was just like, I'm sorry, Billy. I'm going to help you out. Yep. And Steve Buscemi. A sniper. Yeah, who he apologizes to because he bullied him, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, in high school. In high school.

He picked on him something shocking. Yeah. So Steve Buscemi crosses him off his list. Yeah, exactly. He's no longer on his list. That's nice. That's nice. And now we know what the list is.

Do we think there's anyone in high school that we could apologize to that would shoot our enemies? A share is hard to get a gun. Yeah, that's true. What about tackle our enemies? You know, just fight them in general. Will I apologize to any of them? But I did nothing wrong. I'm an angel.

I went to high school with friend of the show, Adam. I could say sorry to him for something, I guess. That's true. Adam could come in. He love army. He love army., I guess. That's true. Adam could come in. He love army. He love army. That's true. Adam, would you shoot a man for me? Hey, I'm sorry if I

ever treated you badly in high school. Second question. Anyways, now that we're squares, can you shoot a man? Doesn't have to be to death. He'd shoot him in his bum cheek. Just to disarm him. Well, I remember once, too, if I forget on what show we do, we do do a lot.

You said that you think I could get shot and be fine. I also think I could probably get shot and be fine. Is this what we all thought? I think we all kind of like deep down think we could get shot and be fine. Eric pulls out a gun and we're like, we'll be fine. And then we all just get shot. Why did they think they'd be okay?

They have it in their head that one bullet will just hurt and feel weird. Surely they'll just, you know, his aim can't be that good. He'll just wing me in my leg or something. Straight through the head. There's nothing important in my leg, right? There's no big artery. Yeah, the blood's in my body, not my legs.

He can shoot me in the guts because there's a good chance he'll miss my important organ. Shooting yourself with the belly is fine, I heard. I've got, my organs are all over the place. There's heaps of empty space. I only have one kidney, so if I position myself that he shoots, he'll shoot straight through me. And I've only got one nut, so

if we line ourselves up so we can shoot. I'm like, don't shoot me in the nuts. That would be the worst place to shoot me. Specifically, the left nut is my favourite nut. Shoot you straight in the belly. Hopefully you missed the important internal organs. And then the adjudicator's like, what organs aren't important?

You know, you've got the dud organs. Warplot. Kidney. I mean, how long is the intestine? Does it really need to be that long? You can cop a gunshot in a bit of the liver. You don't want to get shot in the stomach, though, because then the bullet wound oozes stomach acid.

I get confused about what's an important organ. The stomach's not an important organ. All it does is eat my food. What? My heart does one thing. It's not important. Shoot that! Come on, Bray, I'm barely thinking as it is. Shoot that!

Two thoughts a minute. Shoot my brain. Nothing's happening in there. Least important organ. Lights out. Buried in a coffin. Well, that's nice. Yeah, it's unusual I think I'm just going to be left outside Shall I push grave Well that's the final labour of Billy Madison

I didn't keep tally and I don't think either of anyone in this room did Well we died at the end So it's largely unimportant I think we come into it like because Billy comes into it you know winnings Yeah One point up Yeah, and you know, I think you know We basically we are I can together we could have probably done a little bit better or just as well as Billy man I'm sorry survives the final

No friends and thought we'd be okay if Eric kills us He kills us. He's not getting the company. No, exactly. That leads to a very different outcome. Eric's arrested and our dad goes to his grave with no one to give the company to. And of all this, Norm and his mate might take it over. Norm gets it! That's nice for Norm.

That's nice. Yeah, I'm happy for Norm. I think we did pretty well. Yeah. We know at least a decent amount to give it a good crack. Yeah. And that's without prep. That's without prep.

Yeah, that's just off the bat like we woke up tomorrow and they told us we had to do it. Eric's going to shoot you with a gun if you don't do this. Which is where we got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we lost because we all got shot because we think we can body a bullet. Oh, yeah. But we passed if we hadn't gotten shot. That's one way of looking at it, yeah.

I think we nailed nine of said labors, but the sneaky last labor, dodging a bullet, which we would not have done. No, no, no. First off, it'd be how hard can it be to tank a bullet? Yeah. And also, I reckon I could dodge a bullet. Yeah. He'd go to shoot. I would move.

I'd already be shot. I don't know if this is, I feel like between me and Jackson, this is a horrible common thought we have of just like, having a if someone pulls a gun, we're about to get shot, be like, huh, I wonder what being shot's gonna feel like Oh yeah, dude, and like I'd like to know before I die You might know like a split second As you die Oh, hurt!

The two things on my bucket list, see the aurora borealis I get shot That's all I got so far And if they happen at the same time, I think that would be lovely. Yeah, I think that would be lovely too. I'm like, wow. And then one of you pulls a gun and just shoots me in the leg. Yeah.

Maybe we're still awaited again. Wow. Wow. Ah, thank you. Does it need to like. Good night. Could I shoot you with an air gun? No, no.

It needs to be a regular gun. Bullet. Bullet in leg. Yeah. No, that's fair. That's good if you're a bunker leg. I've got to see what it feels like. I've got an old timey musket. No, because I fair. That's good if you're a bugger. I gotta see what it feels like. What about like an old-timey musket?

No, because then you're gonna fuck me up real bad. You could get the bullet, you know, like, if we knew what we were doing, we could make it harmless. Yeah. You could die like that guy that his friend was like, I'm gonna shoot you with a real gun, but I don't want to use bullets, so I'll put cigarette butts in there. And then he filled his friend's heart with cigarette butts. Don't kill me like that. Don't do that to me. Don't cigarette butt me. Don't be so cruel.

Don't cigarette butt me, just shoot me with a regular gun. Cigarette butts are soft, they'll bounce off but gunpowder, no. They're fired from a gun. Just shoot me in the legs. Yeah, okay, we'll shoot you in the legs. You're nothing important in your legs. You should add C and B torture as a third entry,

just to see if you like it. Ouroboros shot in the leg, held up by my nuts. Like a really strong guy comes in and just grabs me by the nuts and picks me up, maybe in front of my friends. Yeah. Humiliation is also part of it. Would you respect me more or less? Less.

More. Well, there you go. I'd respect the other guy more. Oh, yeah, I would respect him more too. But I'd still respect you. I'd be like, he did it. Wow. Wow, the grip strength.

He just lift the man up by his balls. Would you not be like, damn, the tensile strength of Jackson's testicles. No. You just stood there getting your balls lifted. This guy did all the strength. No, I'd be impressed. Yeah, thanks, man. Well, I'll take it. I'll take one from you and none. No, I'd be impressed. Yeah, thanks, man. Well, I'll take it.

I'll take one from you and none from you. That's all right. Yeah, that's fair. That's a 50% success rate. And speaking of 50% success rate, this episode, I reckon. And with that, it's time for us to say goodbye yet again for another week. Good night, listeners. On that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Good night, and we love you. Yeah. As we always say, we love you, and good night. And just a quick shout-out to Veronica for beating the shit out of us. Yeah, thanks for that. We went back to school now, and that's good.