Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Take Down the Bat Man?

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

In which our heroes regroup, bandage the wounded and ask for a very simple solution to a very serious problem; how do you take down the Bat Man? We look at what it takes to truly destroy Batman both physically, mentally and publicly, contemplate what happens to the other Batmen seen in The Dark Knight and generally seek to fool as many people as possible. Duscher follows on from The Joker’s two-step approach that still feels overly complicated, Zammit thinks orphans should play a violent role and Jackson just wants to waggle his junk at people while wearing a perfect 1:1 replica of the Batsuit. It’s a series of harebrained schemes and body comparisons as we take turns speaking in a pretentious, gravelly voice and attempt to avoid getting thrown in Arkham Asylum for our own crimes. Want to help Jackson become Batman’s shameful alter-ego? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making a little boy’s bat boy dreams come true.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least four dark and brooding trilogies about identity theft. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sense Man's Radio, remember to clean behind your ears. This episode is sponsored by Peter Belumier, good on you Pete, Toby and Liam Cole, good on you fellas, thank you. And um, so I'm... dad. Perfect. How good. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of Flubbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, How would you take down the Batman? How good? celebrate with ice cream cake. Does the Joker say it's simple, we kill the Batman? Who says that? The Joker says something like that. I just love that one of his goons is like,

that doesn't seem simple at all. It's like a really complicated thing. No, okay, I'll tell you how I'd take down Batman, because I've been thinking about this. Because, you know, we did an episode on Batman villains, and they were good. They were ridiculous, but good. They were great. Dr. Beef.

Penny legs. Penny legs. Eternal flame. Eternal flame. Or the fireman. Or great. Dr. Beef. Penny legs. Penny legs. Eternal flame. Eternal flame. Or the fireman. Or the fireman. Or Chargrilled. Chargrilled's a better name.

Yeah, depends where on the like, towards the 90s we are. Yeah. I don't know if I said this in the episode, but his hand, you know how one of his hands was separate? Yeah. When he became Chargrilled, totally should be called Sirloin, because that's fucking sick. God, that is good.

Sirloin to me! You didn't say that, but I'm glad you did now yeah well hey look in all fairness two out of three of ours were very good yeah i'm not gonna reveal which two out of three it's choose your own adventure it is um it was joel and jackson exactly yes hey i still come out on top there's a bit of ambiguity with youtube no how i take down the bat. Yeah, so last time we just made some villains just to have some fun with the rogue gallery. This time, no, we have a mission.

We have a mission. We've got to destroy the bat. You're never going to beat Batman in a one-on-one fight. It's just not happening. Not even Superman has done that properly. Well, I mean, he has, but he hasn't really. No, heart attack beat Batman, not Superman. Yeah, but you can't out-beat him.

You can't out-think him. You can't out-beat him. Shut the fuck up. You can't out-fight him. How about that? Out-punch him. And you can't out-think him. What you've got to do is besmirch his character, right?

Like the character of Batman. So imagine this. Some guy, me, gets a one-to-one batman replica outfit right yeah and then i just go around and like shit on people or i just go around waggling my dick at strangers and and i you know i i get batman's voice down perfectly i get his mannerisms down perfectly waggle my dick run away i'm like i'm batman and then i run and the public of gotham opinion from batman is our dark protector they're like is this just not perfect running around waggling his dick at strangers i start to come up with controversial opinions i go to press conferences i'm like

ethnic people we should cleanse them it's like oh my, what is wrong with Batman? And then, to coup de grace, the piece de la resistance of my total takedown of Batman, I hold a final press conference. I'm like, hey, the true Batman, he's going to be here. I take off my cow. Hi, I, Jackson Bailey, son of John Bailey, and Cassie Cranbourne. I am Batman. And then everything Batman does from then on, on this boy. Oh, Batman saved a boat full of people from the penguin? This boy.

Jackson did now. Several problems. Yes. First off, let's just... Okay, they agree that you are Batman They're going to arrest you for the crimes that not Batman has done But that you have done As Batman

By inciting hate speech And waggling your cock at the public Cock waggling is illegal So they'll arrest you for that The moment I'm like I'm the Batman they're like get it Oh no Or you know defecating in public like you've like they'll at least fine you uh also while you're having a press conference for like hey um ethnics should be cleansed um

cops might attack you or arrest you batman's actual villains will might come and just hassle your shit because they're like batman's holding a press conference let's all just attack batman okay even if i was just like i'm the bat and everybody believed me and i'm like sitting in my apartment being like yeah all right it would just explode yeah yeah penguin would come in i'd be like no no no i'm jackson he's like i know batman i'd be like no no no you got it wrong penguin so penguin to the head yeah take it to account that everyone believes you and they're like look you did some good so we're gonna ignore the racial comments and the cock wagging hey Batman just got some controversial opinions but look you've now come clean so we're gonna like wipe the slate

clean that we're gonna like wipe your criminal record as Batman the actual Batman is not stopping his vigilante spree so yeah I didn't think about the actual Batman thing. Yeah, I was going to say, you forgot to take into consideration that in your perfect way to take down Batman, Batman's not in it. It's not like he's not there. Batman's still around.

Batman is, for some reason, not around in my idea. Maybe I wait till Batman's off fucking, I don't know, in Zimbabwe, helping out one of the Batmen from Batman Inc. Well, you could jump in in between the Dark Knight and the Dark Knight Rises. Do it in that eight years. I'm Batman. Another thing that neither of you picked up on, surprisingly,

Batman's in shape. Yeah, I look like I'm made of dough. Yeah, but that would be fine because of the suit. I guess, and they also don't see much of Batman, so they could be like, I thought Batman would be in better shape. That suit must be really funny. Like the moment I take off the cowl

and I've got this big old beard, they're like, I don't see much. I think a better thing would be maybe if you hired a couple of other people to also be Batman and to also have a few unmaskings or at least one person to unmask basically you need a patsy that's not yeah that's not me so i don't go to jail yes the idea of me and arkham and then actual batman is doing stuff and they're like oh

you weren't batman like no i wasn't it's all a ploy or that you have a press conference from you know china like yeah because they don't have an extra dite thing to gotham america whatever yeah uh so you'd have a press conference from there and say look i'm doing this this is my that's where i live i'm the batman you take your mask off everyone's like ah he's batman but we can't arrest him from all that the cock waggling the defecation you know even if you get rid of the cock waggling defling, defecation and ethnic slurs, even if I just out of the blue got a one-to-one Batman replica, held a press conference, revealed myself,

and then chuffed off never to be seen again, I'm still getting the kudos. That's true. But you're not taking him down. I'm not really taking him down. You're just taking credit for all his work. What if I just went off and like... But then if you take your mask off,

then the FBI, etc., now have a face and a name. Yeah. Your parents are going to get murdered. My parents are going to get killed. Yeah. I killed my parents. And then I become the real Batman.

Or not quite, but sort of. Like a late blooming Batman. How funny is it to imagine there's some guy trying to do Batman after Batman did Batman? So, like, you go to that temple where Batman learnt how to do martial arts, but it's just blown up because Batman, you're like, oh, okay. League of Shadows is like, oh, we rebuild. It's just a shack now.

Yeah, so we can train you, but a lot of us are dead. What if I just said I'm Batman and then I just, like, scarper? Like, I'm never seen again. I shit on someone, say I'm Batman, I leave the country. you've been a lot of us are dead what if i just said i'm batman and then i just like scarper like i'm never seen again i shit on someone say i'm batman i leave the country what you could do because i want to put bruce wayne yeah in a position where he's like there's no way i'm gonna get the good character of batman back unless what if i reveal who i am you could basically be i'm batman basically you could you might have train a little bit, Jackson, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to do a little bit of work.

Work? I just thought it was cock-waggling and shitting. Maybe take down a weak villain, right? Just punch Calendar Man in the goolies. Yeah, so basically take Calendar Man down, but go over the top. So you'll be crazy about it. Actually stab Calendar Man. Make sure, like, Lois Lane or someone from the Daily Planet down but go over the top yeah so you're a bit crazy about it okay actually stab calendar man

make sure like lois lane or someone from the daily planet or a press conference is there so they can like take pictures and make sure you got like a little bit of battle damage so your cow is a little bit cracked so they kind of see half your face beard poking out poking out yeah maybe shave uh we'll say so you have to put in work and shave. I don't like this plan anymore. So then besmirch his name as someone that killed and screamed, like, I'm Batman. Then Scarper. And then never

being seen again. And then nobody trusts Batman anymore. Exactly. Why don't you start a fire dressed as Batman? Why don't you just start a fire? Punch some orphans. Yeah. Dress up as Batman. Replica one to one. I batman uh go to orphans and be like have a press conference we got to give back to gotham yeah have the orphans all lined up and start cold clocking them because by about like they won't stop you till maybe the sixth one

yeah they'll be like what's batman oh my god oh my god bam bam could cold clock at least six, I reckon, before you get tackled. And if we get rid of the revealing who I am, which, in retrospect, does not achieve anything... No. Then that... What you could do is get a replica of one-to-one Batman. You could then come out, reveal, I'm Batman, don't do anything, start writing autobiographies,

sell them, make money, and then as Batman's doing other stuff, you'd be like, that's me, I'm Batman, don't do anything, start writing autobiographies, sell them, make money, and then as Batman's doing other stuff, you're like, that's me, I'm the Batman. I figure what's going to happen though. And then you're like, we saw Batman across the street, and you're there, you're like, of course they did, I'm hiring decoys. Yeah. Actually.

Idiots. What if Batman just comes down and is like, no, I'm Batman, and punches me? Be like, imposter, arrest him, help, gods! That just reminded me of so in the Dark Knight yeah the opening scene

there's a fake Batman fighting Scarecrow and real Batman rocks up so the movie sort of implies at first that there's a whole bunch of Batman-esque vigilantes

running around Batman but then for the rest of the film just doesn't happen so while Batman's fighting the Joker is there also other Bat-men fighting the Batman the Batman the Batman all with cricket clubs yes fine well like i mean i

guess so or is it like those were the six batman sorted that shit out they like saw one of their number get killed by the joker we're like overhead yep i'm gonna go back to bloody selling cars i wish yeah i wish i had a road with that and like Batman, just like a whole bunch of Batman. I feel like Batman would, my biggest issue really with the whole plan is just Batman himself. There's several issues with the plans.

Yes, Batman being one of them, but you could take credit for Batman and like, again. I'm liking just punching orphans. Just being like, hey everybody, I'm Batman. Don't reveal who I am. Punch an orphan in the face.

Throw my whole costume out. And everyone's like, remember that one time Batman punched an orphan? Because he would spend so much time like, it wasn't me. And everyone would be like, no, we saw. We saw. And what other evidence? And he'd be like, I have an alibi. They'd be like.

I think what I'm trying to say, or trying to get to, especially with the Duck Knight thing, is you wouldn't be the only fake Batman. Oh, yeah. So I think it would be. But if he got a one-to-one replica, because the problem with Batman is he's a shitty outfit. Yeah. Yeah.

I reckon it's all right. I reckon it's not the greatest tactic. It's not the greatest tactic. It's not like they're going to be like, Batman, get out of Gotham. They're just going to be like, Batman, that one time you punched an orphan was weird. That was an odd time for you.

We don't like you anymore. I mean, thanks for destroying Mr. Freeze and saving the city, but weird that you punched an't like you anymore I mean thanks for destroying Mr Freeze And saving the city But weird that you punch an orphan one time I'll take that I'll take that as a win Okay It's not a win

But you haven't lost You were meant to take down the Batman And here's a brief list of things you didn't do Take down the Batman I cock waggled a bit That's true Things you accomplished Cock waggling and public shitting

And also just besmirching his name for a little bit Yeah Punching one orphan Nah we got six Cold clock and six orphans Alright well I'm going to take the approach That Bane did Back in I think it was the 90s when he broke Batman

Yeah In the classic DC comic run Nightfall Which is Spelled with a K Bane did back in, I think it was the 90s when he broke Batman's back. Yeah, broke the bat. In the classic DC comic run, Nightfall. Yeah, which is... Spelled with a K. Beautiful. So Bane's tactic was exhaust Batman out. So he broke all the people out of Arkham Asylum and all that kind of stuff. Batman had to basically fight all his rogue gallery.

Yeah. And then he's doing that. He's getting exhausted. He ends up coming down with the flu. Yeah, he gets pneumonia. Yeah, it's great. And then he fights Bane one-on-one. He gets his back snapped.

So in that similar sort of approach, I want to be maybe something like the henchman, something like that, just a person who has been around Batman but never directly fighting Batman but has somehow survived not being killed by either Batman or the Joker or any of the rogues. Just any of the rogue galleries.

Just work his way through. So he knows all the tricks and trades of all the rogue gallery. And then what I'm just going to do is just inundate Batman with different MOs of all the different rogue galleries. Like, start out with a riddle. So he's like, oh, fuck, of course it's the Riddler. And then when he goes there, exploding penguin in his face. And he's like, whoa, Riddler's working with a penguin. What the fuck?

And then when he goes, you know, next clue or whatever, it's like, you know, Joker gas. And then slowly he's like, kind of making him think that he's fighting more people. Yeah, well, okay. With Bane, though. Yeah, he was actually fighting more people. He was actually fighting the people and getting tired. With you, he's just getting puzzles.

That's true. Which is good. Like, hey, it's a good start. Yeah, halfway through my conversation, I was thinking, what if I just did what Bane did? What if I just did Bane's thing? That's a much better idea. But could you break the bat?

Would he get to you and be like, all right, and you'd be like, I'm still afraid. It's a best case scenario. I've got, like, I've, like, thrown alligators at him, all kinds of weird shit, and weakened him somewhat. No.

Yeah. No. Yeah. I think if you... Yeah, because even if he was convinced that the Riddler was working with the penguins, was working with Killer Croc, was working with Poison Ivy... Working with Scarecrow. All that kind of stuff.

Basically, like, wearing him down... I'm sure that's probably happened to him before, anyway. Maybe I could just go to Killer Croc, Scarecrow... Yeah, and stuff basically like wearing him down I'm sure that's probably happened to him before anyway maybe I could just go to Killer Croc's Scarecrow yeah and be like hey do you want to take him back and even if

because if you convinced him and they weren't and then he's like hey Penguin is something going on Penguin's like no I've not heard anything Batman's like

Penguin might sell me out that piece of shit he probably would he would in a heartbeat I feel like even Two-Face would probably sell you out I feel like most of them even Two-Face would probably sell you out. I feel like most of them would. Two-Face with a coin.

You've got a 50-50 chance of getting sold out there. But I like the idea of convincing Batman that... Confusing Batman seems to be a good tactic. It's a solid strat, but you need an end goal, because you've got a Batman being like, I don't know, what the fuck is going on?

Which will make him angry angry and then punch him. When he finally sees me, I come out, but because I've been henching for everyone, I've got all the henchman gadgets and uniforms, so I come out and he's like... I'm going to stop you there for a second. You've frustrated Batman for the last couple of weeks. I imagine in your head you're slowly emerging from the shadows.

He's just going to throw in a fucking batarang. Clocking you square in the head. Just be like Batman sitting on his computer like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm like, it's me. And I come out rather fabulously. You couldn't see that, listeners, but that was the most fabulous arms flying in the air.

It's me! Impressive. Very impressive. Dressed in this cobbled together mismatched outfit. So you're having the equipment of each villain. Yeah. Okay, so that's an exploding penguin and a freeze gun are the only weapons I can think of. No, but a costume as well. A freeze gun, the red hood with a little Ebola cap on that.

The Joker vest. Yeah. Maybe a penguin jacket an umbrella a whip cats also cats just kind of around my legs

and a chain with a crocodile on the end Batman's just going to be like no Batman villains and Bane's mask over the red hood how are you going to be like, no. What are the Batman villains? Scarecrow? Oh, and Bane's mask over the Red Hood. How are you going to even see?

I'm not. It's just going to be pressing all the buttons, just trying to hope I hit him. Freeze rays going wild. Freeze rays going wild. Joker gas going everywhere. What's going to happen is Batman's going to see you emerge from the shadows and be like, oh, it was just one guy.

Yeah. Robin, there's just a guy on the roof. He's got like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on, but he's not a threat. You deal with him. But then see, I'd press like the button, everything, all the lasers. But it'll go off at once. Exactly.

Batman won't be prepared for utter randomness. Batman's thing is being prepared, knowing things that are gonna go down exactly as they're going to go down. I'm gonna interrupt you there. Who is Batman's, like, number one most, like, fucking feared villain? The Joker. Who fucking does what you're just saying?

Like, so he's fucking prepared for randomness? He's been fighting it for, like, 60 years. Your randomness involves, like, a live crocodile. Did you train that? Or are you, like, freeze ray, guns, and it just, like, snaps be fighting it for like 60 years your randomness involves like a live crocodile did you train that or are you like freeze ray guns and it's just like snap snap snap eats you eat the kittens

also you've done what Jackson did and just completely ignored the fact you're trying to take down Batman you're just like this is a fun villain I think I'm onto something I think we're both onto something we're just like this is a fun villain i think i'm onto something you've got you're not i think we're both onto something and we're just executing just loving the idea of the alligator

attacking you eating you as you focus in my mind it was on top of a skyscraper death rolling you down to the ground smashing into the earth and the cops are like this is an alligator can i open their man they're like i don't know what this is. What could this be? I don't even know. I don't even know. I feel like you've got maybe, again, the skeleton of a solid plan. Like, was it Zaziz? What's his name?

Ziz. Ziz. The serial killer. Yeah, the scary guy. Yeah. Get him on team. I reckon it'd be good. Okay.

Just get him involved in some capacity. Because him, to me, is like a real world like serial killer. He's just like a fucked up guy. He's not like a gimmick. And so then, maybe distract Batman

with just this guy's serial killing. So just get, just get Ziz to do what Ziz already does. Yes. But also your, I think your plan

is somehow worse than mine, and mine involved public cock waggling. Yeah, I think maybe not being somehow worse than mine And mine involved public cock-waggling Yeah, I think maybe not being the henchman Maybe just trying to organise an effective team-up Yeah So pretty much do what Bane did Do what Bane did, I think

That's how we break the bat But it doesn't work because But then I'd be like, Bane, let's go the extra mile And kill him Nah, paralyse him, but then go the extra mile and just, like, stab him again in the spine and again in the spine. Why not just take his arms and legs?

Yeah, actually. Yeah. Would Bane agree, though? Would he just team up with you like that? I don't think so. Bane's a clever man. You are not a clever man. Oh, see, but Bane...

Hang on, which one? I'm trying to work out. No, because Bane, I think, wants to wrestle the Batman at one point. Wasn't that his motive in the comics? No, he sees the bat. When he's trapped in prison as a baby, he... There's like a bat demon. There's a bat demon that spooks him, so he's like,

I'm going to take out the bat because the bat's the best. Yeah. And so he takes out the bat. And then if you approach him and you're like, Mr. Bane, I want to take out the bat. Why am I a miser with a shitty speech impediment wringing my hands? Mr. Bane, I want to take out the bat with your plan, but also I'm a part of it. He's like, we stamped the bat there. No, none of that. Be gone.

Because he's Spanish. I think if we teamed up, me and you, Jackson. No, none of that. Be gone. Because he's Spanish. He is. I think if we teamed up, me and you, Jackson. If you distract the bat and I take shits publicly. You're like, I'm the bat man, and I somehow am doing all these sort of crimes, and you maybe are seeing you trying to do those crimes, but not really doing them well and sort of fucking up. We sort of besmirch his name.

We don't have an end goal, though. Nope, we don't. Because the bat man still exists in this world either our plans were good sam i think we just gotta accept that dusha you're our saving grace how are you taking down the bat help well i feel like i feel like we fucked up zamit you're onto something and bane was onto something yeah but you just need to up the ante for all the villains because I feel like every single Batman villain has gone like the distance and then bitched out.

Not under my leadership. Okay. I'll be like, that's fucked up. I'm like, yes it is. We're villains. So you're gonna corral

the rogues gallery, the villains of Gotham together. I'm gonna give them a rousing speech. That's your plan? A rousing speech? No, but like...

Rousing speech. Two-Face is going to be, was I roused? Flip a coin. No, no, no. 50-50. Joker's probably not going to give a shit. Joker's going to shoot you in the ghoulies.

I'll be like, good. And the riddle was like... That's good. See, that's the thing. I'm going to be fueled by stuff like this. And the riddle's going to be like, that didn't involve no complex riddles. I'm not on board.

No, that's okay. Fuck the riddle off I don't need him. Two-face, he can stick around, but I think what I might do is like, hey Joker, you know how two-face is like two-face? Should it be funny? If we melt the other side of his face, and then he's just one face, and he'll just be so angry The coin thing doesn't work, or he'd flip it and it doesn't matter which side it lands on. That's true

because he does get plastic surgery to fix up his fucked up face. And then he's all good. He just becomes all good So if he fucked it up, he'd be all bad. Yeah. So your goal is to be like a motivational fucking speaker, a self-help guru for all of the villains. Yeah, but not quite a self-help, just sort of like... Be like, hey, Penguin, my name is Joel Dutron.

I'm here to help you reach your full potential as a villain. Not even quite like that. Just sort of be like, hey. I was on your side, but you're right. Well, sort of more sinister than that, because if I'm just like, hey, look, listen to me. You guys. It's good vibes.

You're great. You're just the absolute fucking tits. But, but just one thing, just one little thing. You just need to go the extra mile. Like, exert yourself. No, because they'll just be like fuck you if I'm like hey Good you know what we need to do to kill the Batman and they're like well. Yeah, and like no no no no You haven't been trying to we're at it. No no you're not that's the thing the Batman films aren't trying to kill Batman

They're just trying to fuck him around, like what you two cunts did. You need to kill him, and he's just a man. But you're never going to get the Joker to kill him, because the Joker's MO is he's like, I don't want to kill Batman. I love the Batman. Batman's fucking great. If I didn't kill Batman, how sad. Who actually wants to kill Batman?

Penguin doesn't. Penguin's like, hey, Batman's fucking under my thumbnail. Two-Face? Two-Face. Ziz, or whatever his name is Ziz might How are you going to convince the villains of Gotham To kill Batman instead of just hassle him What's in it for them?

That's the problem with the villains They don't want to kill him they just want to hassle him Yeah they just want to hassle his rights So I feel like I just need to crack the villains I think you're onto something though With a motivational speaker, like a Tony Robbins-esque kind of man or lady who's just basically like, this is my thing.

I'm going to be the motivational speaker. And then you could... Well, your name, your crime name would just be the motivational speaker. What about if we combine all three of our plans? No, I don't want anything to do with your plan. No, because there's a certain logic here. So if I impersonate Batman, right, and I piss off the villains by not playing to their game, right?

Penguin comes to me and he's like, hey, I got information, Batman. And I just knock his teeth out. Like I beat his face to a pulp, but I leave him alive. Yep. And he's like, that's not on. Batman doesn't do that. I kill Joker.

Outright, Joker's like, ha ha, we've got a game that we play. And I'm just like, in the heart. Meanwhile, you're distracting Batman with all of these other villains, right? Batman, he can't pay attention to me beating up his other villains because he's fighting Killer Croc in the sewers that you've fucking orchestrated. And Dusha goes to Penguin, who I've punched the face in, and he's like, don't you want to fucking kill Batman now? Batman killed Joker.

He's off the fucking rocket. Let's take him out. And then everybody, fueled by my impersonating and cock waggling, comes together and destroys a tired Batman. There's a certain sense to all this. I'm surprised that, I'm pretty impressed that my plan could somehow tie your two shit plans into a kind of good one. But hey, we did it.

I guess we took down the bat maybe you just need to put you just need to push the villains to a point where killing batman seems like a good idea and i think by killing one of the villains the joker especially who they're like batman i never kill the joker and then i do that and they're like oh fuck no see i don't even think it's maybe not the joker because that's the thing that's every every fucking villain knows every hero knows they're like, that's the eternal dance of Gotham. One will never kill the other. Never the twain shall be that dance on the pale moonlight. Yeah, that shit.

Dance in the pale moonlight. That shit. But also in the Killing Joke, it's revealed. Hey, let's get real for a second. Comic books. In the Killing Joke, it's sort of like one of them has to kill the other or it just goes forever so like that's the end which is man i'm so annoyed at the ending of that because like i read it as batman killing the joker but it's not meant to be read like everyone can read however you want to tell you read anything but alan moore's like nope nope nope there's one way

um so i think yeah you'd have to kill the Joker to be a... Yeah, end the dance. No, I reckon... To end that dance, to make all the villains know that, shit, Batman is... Oh, fuck, we can't do what we've been doing for years. We can't just be, like, hassling his grapes, stealing some money,

and then just have him, like, you know, a couple of days in Arkham, and then we just start the dancing again. No, the dance has stopped. The music has stopped. That would be the fucking title of, like, the fucking Arkham. The Dark has stopped. That would be the fucking title. Oh, yes. The fucking arc.

The Dark Knight. The dance is over. The fucking colon. The music has stopped. Well, I don't reckon Kill Joker. Kill Catwoman. Nah. Nah, who gives a... No villain gives a fuck about Catwoman.

Penguin's gonna be like, oh, well. Yeah, and everyone's gonna be like, she was a hero, wasn't she? And everyone's like, no, she was a villain. And they're like, no, it's a bit of grey hair. I'm pretty sure Batman was banging Catwoman. People would just be puzzled by that. Okay, fine, kill the Joker.

Gotta kill the Joker. You gotta kill the Joker. I was trying to think of someone more likeable than the Joker. No, but it's not even about that. Like if you killed the penguin? No, because it's not about who's likeable. It's because the villains don't sympathise with one another. They have respect, though.

They have respect. And that's part of the make-up of Gotham is that Batman and Joker fight. The rest of the villains are kind of also around and part of the makeup of Gotham is that Batman and Joker fight. The rest of the villains are kind of also around and part of this dance. But that's like the fucking couple tangoing in the middle of the ballroom that is Gotham. Exactly. And you kind of think. That dance ends.

Lights go on. Music stops with a brrrr of that record scratch. Let's take out Batman so that we can keep living our peaceful Gotham life. Because you think Harlequin's gonna go insane. Yeah. The Riddler might also just be sympathetic like,

oh, he might start dressing up like a Joker. Who knows? He's like, I'm pretty much a worse version of Joker. I'm like a more structured Joker. Yeah.

And if Batman can happily take out the Joker, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. We're all fucked. And then they'd kill Batman because like you said, Dusha, he's just a man

and he's tired because Zammett's had him fighting Killer Croc and Ziz all night yeah and like solving some weird complex riddles well they're made by me

so they're complex there's no answer in the slightest Batman's like there's gotta be more to this well it's black white and red all over

because yeah let's be honest that's where I'd be getting all my riddles. Joke books? Joke books and just Google riddles, question mark, how, colon, help. So I think we took down the bat, but we also destroyed Gotham in the process. But that's sort of what would happen if you take down Batman. That's sort of... I suppose you're right.

I feel like... But now what we've got would happen if you take down Batman. That's sort of... I suppose you're right. I feel like... But now what we've got to then do with the Bat family. Oh yeah, I didn't think about Robin. Because now that we've killed the Bat, we've got Robin, fucking Nightwing, Huntress, Catwoman will probably go over to the good side. Asriel, fucking Asriel.

Damien Wayne. Fuck that guy. Oh my god. Do you want to just leave that to Gotham? Yeah. We'll chop over to Bloodhaven. Nobody saw me. Oh my God. Do you want to just leave that to Gotham? Yeah. We'll chop over to Bloodhaven. Nobody saw me. They thought I was Batman. You cunts might be in trouble. I'm off to Bloodhaven.

Hey, I'm Nightwing. I'm going to whack my cock and shit everywhere. Something's fucking up here. I think Batman is Nightwing, guys. An easy way to run the motivational thing would just be running it in Arkham Asylum. Yeah. To be like, hey.

Get yourself committed and be like, hey. No, no, no. Just go and approach Arkham. Don't get committed and be like, I run a self-help group. Let's help these villains. Mm-hmm. Under the pretense of trying to rehab them.

Batman shot Joker. What the fuck's up with that? Then they kill Batman. We chuff off with the riches why were we doing this step one is to kill the bat yeah there's no steps before or after

it's like take down the bat as we started at the start step one was take down the bat step two was to kill him step three was to eat ice cream cake yeah so I believe done

done are we all eating ice cream cake tonight uh yeah I don't really eat ice cream cake, I believe. So I believe... Done. Done? Are we all eating ice cream cake tonight? Uh, yeah. I don't really like ice cream cake. What kind of cake would you like? I don't really like cake. Mmm. Okay. We've got a new hurdle, guys. And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. We took down the bat. Have a shit one, Batman. Have a shit one, Batman. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website,