Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Use a Death Note Book? (Feat. Adam)

Episode Date: August 6, 2017

In which our heroes find a magic book, summon the god of death, and commit righteous untraceable murder as we ask how we would use a death note book?Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio, Periscope UP! Evening of Smashing Brothers. Death Notebook. I have one question. What's a Death Notebook? Adam Cannavale, resident Death Notebook expert. All right, I'd like to begin this by saying that I am not an expert. I have not seen the show. I just have friends who are anime fans, and I've heard them talk about Death Note. Let me list the things I know about Death Note. All right, go on. There is a ghoul in it. He's the god of death, perhaps.

He loves apples. There's a boy who has a Death note book He writes a name in it That person dies That's the end of my knowledge of death note That's a lot of knowledge Is it you write a name And then they die and that's it As far as I know yes

No consequences? Great. Live the free life. It's a little bit more complicated than that. Alright, resident Death Note expert, Adam Cannavale, take us away. Alright, I will add to that by saying that when you write in the Death Note,

your soul is taken from you, so there's no afterlife for you. That's fine. So there's an afterlife. That's good to fine. Oh, so there's an afterlife. That's good to know. Well, not good to know. You just wrote in the death note. It's like finding out there's a great party you're going,

that you weren't invited to, when someone's like, Zammit, you're not invited to the great party. You're like, ah. When you write in the death note, you specify when they die and how they die. If you don't, if you just write a name, then I think it defaults to 24 hours and a heart attack.

Cool. What if I write John Smith? You have to know the person. You have to be writing a specific person. So I can't just go through the phone book? I mean, maybe. What you could do is go through Facebook. Hey!

Yeah, because then you get an idea of who the person is and then you can ice them. Ah, but why? Don't get to go to heaven. How about this? What if I go through Facebook. Hey! Because then you get an idea of who the person is and then you can ice them. Ah, but why? Don't get to go to heaven. How about this? What if I go through Facebook but have like a patsy? So you get someone who... I think they do that in the show. So you get someone who doesn't want to go to heaven for whatever reason. Or I just

manipulate them. So I'm like, hey, write some names down. It's easy. Just find like an atheist. Find someone that's staunchly atheistic and you're like, hey, if you write in this book, you don't get to go to heaven. And they're like, well, heaven's a fucking racket anyway. And you're like, well, that's great. Write in the book.

But I think it'd be hard to be an atheist in this universe when it's a magic book. Well, you don't know the book's magic. But the moment I start writing names and everyone starts dying. Yeah. You get all your names done in one go. Yeah. Yeah, right. My question is, if I do something that is not a way a human can die,

but I say that's how they'll die, do they still die that way? Like if I'm like, Adam Cannavale died from being loved too much. What'll happen? Too many kisses. What happens? I think then it defaults to heart attack again. That's so annoying. That's not being loved too much by too many kisses.

That's a heart attack. Get creative, Death Notebook. Yeah, your notebook's trash. What if Adam Cannavale ate too much yogurt? Yeah. Would you then sit down and just compulsively one day be like, I'm going to eat just a fucked amount of yogurt and that would kill you? I don't know.

I haven't watched the damn show. I thought you were the resident. You've actually just tapped all my knowledge of Death Note. Oh, there was a live action movie. There is going to be a live action movie. Well, there you go. Now the Padawan has become the master. Well, I'm reading the Wikipedia article

and apparently you have to know the victim's name and face. So, again, using Facebook is a real good way to do this. Yeah, well, Facebook sorts you out pretty much completely. And that means you can just go through and kill as many people as you like. Yeah. Probably I'd use it to kill world leaders, I reckon. Because they're people I know the face of and it's funny to watch the consequences. You know?

That's all right. Just see what happens. You're like, oh, yeah,, and it's funny to watch the consequences. You know? It's all right. Just see what happens. You're like, the leader, the vice leader, the next one in charge. Let's just keep going. Every day,

a new person's dead. Let's destabilize a government in one go. That'll end well for you. Well, it won't end badly for me. How will it not? You destabilized the world government. Yeah.

Who is the only people in the world who own ICBMs? World governments, dickhead. ICB what? Intercontinental ballistic missiles. Nukes. You destabilize world governments. Who's more likely to fire nukes? I just choose one of the shitty ones.

It's a fucking butterfly effect. Yeah. Well, then we just keep writing names. I just choose one of the shitty ones. Or we do everything. It's a fucking butterfly effect. Yeah. Well, then we just keep writing names. I mean, all right. Well, Lady Macbeth is Adam. We'll just like, we'll write down one name. They died and someone's like, all right, we're taking over. We're going to put, you know, nuclear strike someone.

Write his name. Do you think you will ever know enough to be able to do that? Well, then I'll just keep writing names, Adam. Eventually we'll die. Eventually you'll run out of names that you can, then I'll just keep writing names, Adam. Eventually, we'll die. Eventually, you'll run out of names that you can get a hold of, and the nukes are launched. That's what Facebook is for. They're not always going to be...

You think all those crusty old generals and stuff are updating their... How are you finding them on Facebook? Their fan pages. Do a quick Facebook search for generals in charge of the ICBMs. You know, the kids are loving their general fan pages these days. Do a quick Facebook search for generals in charge of the ICBM. You know the kids are loving their general fan pages these days.

I can't throw a stone without hitting a general fan page. Both of you condemning not just yourselves and the people that you kill with the death book, but everyone today. Eventually, yes. That was the goal, right? That's my goal. What happens if I try to destroy the book? I'm wondering. What if I write myself?

Check the Wikipedia page. You do some Google. Can I write my name? You know your face. I think you do die. I think you could kill yourself with a death note. Here's the rules of the death note. The human whose name is written on the note should die. Human? I think you could kill yourself with a death note. Here's the rules of the death note. All right. Okay.

The human whose name is written on the note should die. Human? Yeah, so it's too bad. Elephant. How many elephants can you find on Facebook? I'll go to the zoo. That one. Okay.

It won't work unless you've got their face on your mind. So I can conceivably kill Brad Pitt, but I can't kill my, like, neighbor two doors down unless I see their face. Yeah. That's weird. I guess. You could just go down. You could just go two doors down and be like, hi, my name's Zaman. No, I guess.

Just getting to know people. Like. I mean, yours involves a bit of work. Why are you so tied to Facebook? What about those people who don't put their profile picture up on Facebook? Oh, yeah. They're like a fucking sunset or something. I'm like, shit.

What about Twitter? Twitter I can use, yeah? I feel like you're less likely to get a face on Twitter. Could you use it to make someone immortal? How? So if the time of death is written within 40 seconds after writing the cause of death as a heart attack, the time of death can be manipulated, and the time can go into effect.

So could I be like Adam Cannavale dies of a heart attack in 40 million years and then you live forever? Well, he'd live for 40 million years. Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh, that's exciting. 100% yes.

Well, then you simply write your name, 40 million. Yeah. Sick, done. But that just might mean, like, I'm sure I can die of other ways beforehand. Are you sure? The god of death has no obligation to completely explain how to use the notebook. That's a good rule, I guess. Why is he like Apple so much?

That's my extent of the knowledge. All right. Oh, hang on. That's my extent of the knowledge. All right. Oh, hang on. The human who becomes the owner of the Death Note can, in exchange of half of his or her remaining life,

get the eyeballs of the God of Death, which enable him or her to see a human's name and remaining lifespan when looking through them. That's neat. Live for half the time you're going to live. Get a God's eyes. That's good. That's the kind of shitty half of your life, I guess. You can also kill the god of death, apparently.

I'm deep in the fucking rules of this death note. How do you kill the god of death? That doesn't say. Write his name presumably in the book. The conditions for death will not be realised until it's physically possible for that human or it's reasonably assumed that it can carry rap. So it could be like Adam Cannavale eats heaps of yoghurt and dies and then we just have to wait until you're in a position to eat heaps of yoghurt, which might just never happen.

I got a big old tub of yoghurt right now in the fridge. Yeah, but if you ate one tub of yoghurt, that's not killing. That might just give you a sore belly. Yeah, you'd have to eat, like, eight. At least. Even a page of the Death Note works. Okay. You can write it in your own blood. That's good.

There are so many rules to the- Wait, you can or you should? You can. There are so many rules. You can write an essay in your own blood. It doesn't mean you should. I mean, I think the point is it works if you write it in your own blood. It just needs to be legible.

I'm pretty sure- I can write it in your own blood. It just needs to be legible. I'm pretty sure... I can write it in crayon, surely. This isn't so much a list of the absolute rules of the Death Note, but more just like a list of things that people have done in the anime. So surely if I got a crayon and wrote a name, that's also fine. Yeah. Yeah. Saying you can write in blood is a stupid rule.

I'm sure it's just like in the show. Whoever pointed it out is an idiot. No, I mean like I'm sure at some point in the show someone's like with the book but without a writing implement and it's like I guess I'll use my own blood or something. Yeah, that's fine. Sometimes, again, you've got an important essay to write. You've got no writing implements but a pen and a finger.

What is LXVI in Roman numerals? Sorry? What's LXVI in Roman numerals? Sorry? What's LXVI in Roman numerals? Is it 65? You'd have to convert it. There are 65 separate sections of rules for the death notebook. Whoever's putting down the numbers, by the way, in Roman numerals is a dickhead.

If they're getting into L, you're a fucking dickhead. Anyway, I've read too much about an anime right now I've reached my peak and my limit Alright so what did you learn? Too much Most of it had to do with the god of death And taking his eyes Oh also if somebody takes

The death note from you You forget about the death note And there are several death notes And it's the god of death's book But he puts it down to the earth got it's the god of death's book but he puts it down to the earth so it's a god of death's book he just puts it down he maybe forgets about it someone picks it up can i in a page of the death the page 100 that feels like something the god of death wants to do oh yeah well he appears once you get it so i don't really understand

wait so a page works yeah just what about a photocopy of a page i don't think a photo has to be a page because the best thing I could do then is like- Distribute Death Notes. Distribute Death Notes. And like, I don't know, manufacture, like somehow get into like a notebook manufacturing place. Like I'm looking at some now, Spirax. Is that the brand? Yeah, I think so.

That. Get to Spirax and just send death notes across the planet What you need to do is You know how someone will staple a poster or whatever To a board or whatever And it has the little tear-off bits You get little tear-off bits Get people to write names on there No, not just that

But are you interested in blah? Write your name Yes Got him Fuck, I would go to a lot of community boards and just post that i do you want to join write your name and availability because then they write their own time of death are you interested in an anime club write your name what i want to see the real death note write your name and availability sorted oh man no i'd do that There are so many like

Do you lose your soul for that? No Not me No because you're writing You're printing on the death note I'm not doing I'm putting it up there I think you own it

The god of death Is probably with you Being like Sam what the fuck Don't worry You're gonna get people They're gonna kill themselves I still get to go to heaven

Loophole dickhead I don't think you're going to heaven Loophole dickhead I think for other reasons. I think you want to lose yourself at that point. Ah, right. I forgot that

there's other reasons you can't go to heaven. In what universe do you think you're killing people because you hate anime and going to heaven? Look, that's on me. You got caught up in the referee. I got caught up in my own loophole. That's very funny to like

you die, you wake up, Satan's there and you're like, aww. That's right. Satan, I used the loophole. You still killed people. Ah, shit, of course. That's how it works. I assume Satan doesn't even explain it to you.

He just punches you in the face and sends you down. Satan, why? I think I'd use it to frame people for murders. Because I could just be like Adam Cannavale and cause of death, killed by Joel Zammett. Shit! Right? Surely. And Zammett kills you and you go to jail and you die.

It seems like you've just got to wait around for that to happen to eventuate. So Adam's got to get me real mad or dies in a manslaughter. That's weird that it says that you've got to wait around for that to happen to eventuate. So Adam's got to get me real mad or dies in a manslaughter. That's weird that it says that you've got to wait around for it. Because then it's not a death note. Then you're just like, is this something I'd like to happen? That's because you are tied to the idea of killing people with yogurt. You could just be like heart attack. But heart attack is boring.

Oh, I'm fucking sorry. But heart attack is boring. It's I'm fucking sorry. But heart attack is boring. It's so boring it's the default setting. Why not change it? Yeah. Why not be like a freak blimping accident? You all are fucking dickheads. I'm sorry, Adam.

How would you use the death note? Yeah, true. I've become the world's most successful assassin. Well, that's pretty good. I mean, fair. I mean, fair. Well, how? You're also not getting to go to heaven.

You didn't loophole it like Zabit. No, I don't want. I'm killing people. I don't want it. I don't want it after life. Not fair. I'm just like, you know, I hire my services out. I'm like, who do you want dead?

Give me a photo and their name. That's all I ever need. Give me a photo, name, and pay me in bitcoins. I don't need to be paid in bitcoins. How are the cops going to prove it was me? No, that's true. Like, although... We arrested him and we found this book of names of dead people, but... And they're going to

confiscate that book. And then they get the god of death. I'm going to get the god of death's eyeballs. That's my plan. I'll sacrifice half my life. How much life do I have left? Like, what? Ten years? Sacrifice five years of your life.

I was going to give you more than that, but all right. Sacrifice five years of my life, get god eyeballs, and tell everyone when they're going to die. That's a dream dream And do you get I don't think I can tell how I just know when Do you lose your soul still or like You good I mean it doesn't say

It's like you're not doing anything wrong Uh huh And I guess you're just like notifying people when they die I guess that's not really No you don't want that then you're in a Nickelback song what there's a nickelback song that's like that is that yeah it's um i forget the song but it's like a guy is walking through the street someone grabs him pulls him out of the way and uh he's like goes to thank the person but the person's like got this expression like oh thank god and they walk off and the guy's like oh whatever i guess the guy saved me doesn't give a shit starts walking around

starts seeing people with numbers above their heads slowly he figures out that the number is counting down to when they die that's a that's a michael j fox film is it it's also a stephen king novel well it's a well someone copied someone i like like to think Stephen King copied Nickelback. Maybe the Stephen King one is probably the most. It's also not that original an idea. Frighteners? No, the Stephen King one is that people have balloons tied to their head. And the length of the string is how long they have left to live.

And there's an evil little goblin man with scissors. It's not a good book. Just a PSA, don't do cocaine. Or do, and... Stephen King did it. He did cocaine, and look at him now. Stephen King's doing pretty well. To be honest, he's doing very well for himself. So I've also just discovered

that you can have several gods. So there's more than one Death Note. Yeah? Okay. The final rule in the How to Use Wiki page is some Death Notes have a red cover. They're not different. It's still the Death Note.

Like I said, I'm sure this is just someone is watching the anime and is like, here is what is happening on the anime. Yeah. Anyway, everyone who touches one of the many Death Notes gets their own individual God of Death. And if a God of Death writes in the Death Note somebody who's about to kill you, right,

before they kill you, your life gets doubled, but the God of Death dies. That's a new rule I learned. Let me just unpack that. So if you're about to die... Yep. That's about as far as I got. What?

So say I want to kill Adam. I've had enough. We both have death notes. Yes. Okay, you don't have to have a death note. Oh, okay. You've got a death note. I've got a death note and I want to kill Adam and Adam...

No, Adam has a death note. Okay, Adam has a death note. I don't have a death note. I want to kill Adam. Adam's god of death is like, that's no good. He gets Adam's death note and he writes, Jackson Bailey shat himself to death or whatever. And then...

Don't have to wait long for that one. Then I'm like, Adam, I'm going to... And then I shit myself to death and I'm gone. The god of death is like, they die and Adam's lifespan gets doubled. All right. That's a rule. And does Adam still keep his death note? I assume so.

What are the benefits of having a death note apart from sweet murder? None. That's it. Yeah, that's it. That's literally the main benefit. Apart from not being able to die once. Yeah. But it's not even like that.

Your god of death has to just really like you. Like, he might just be like, yeah, whatever. Wine and dine him. I don't give a shit. All right. So now I have to wine and dine them i don't give a shit all right so now i have to wine and dine the god of death yeah whilst killing people for fun uh i guess or you know like adam said you know you'd be like a vigilante kill the bad guys i didn't say vigilante

oh adam said assassin. Only six Death Notes are allowed to exist in the human world at once. Okay. Okay. So what if I have a Death Note? Yep. And Adam's got a Death Note. And I'm like, well, I'm going to kill Adam.

But his god is like, oh, fuck, I love Adam. No. And he writes my name. And then my death god is like, oh, fuck, Zammett. No, fuck you, Adam. You two keep asking questions, but no one here is an expert. So I don't know why. I'm pretty sure if you quickly rewound to the start of this episode.

Oh, well, then why aren't you asking me the question? Death Notebook expert. So... I'll take the moniker, but I'm not. Just letting you know. I'm still learning so much. You know, it can only be six death notes in the world at once, and if all six are there, a seventh appears.

Anime's fucking stupid. Six? But there's only six death notes at once. But guess what? If there are six, a seventh pops up. And everyone loses their shit. If there's seven, is it like

if there's seven, an eighth one pops up? No, that's max of seven. It's max of seven, not six. Yes. Humans that have traded for the eye power of a god of death cannot see the name or lifespan of humans who already passed away by looking

at their photos. Duh. And if you lose the death note, you forget you ever had a death note. By lose, what if I just drop it? So that's losing it? You can regain the memory by either obtaining the ownership once again or by touching it. This can be done up to

six times. What counts as losing it? Yeah. If you put it down on a bus stop. That's it. You've lost it. And you've lost it. But you're like, oh, I'll seek a book.

And you pick it up. You're like, oh, I found it. That's right. My death note. No, no, no. What if you're like, I know it's in the house somewhere. Yeah. What happens if that?

Adam, what happens if that? Hang on. I forgot to ask myself. Guys. Guys. Oh, shit. Yeah, Jack? You better not be misspelling a name.

You misspell a name four times, you die. Shit. People with dyslexia are fucked. Yeah, don't use a death note. You and people with dyslexia Jack Are in danger Adam Caramavolo Oh shit

Oh my god Oh no It seemed like he was trying to die As a man who has witnessed you spell my name Incorrect Several times Jack Joel has Less than three L's Huh

Well fucking hell It's very complicated to own a death note It turns out It just seems what's the point of owning a death note Apart from that sweet murder Indiscriminate murder What else do I get? An infinite book.

The number of pages of the Death Note will never run out. Wow. Infinite novel. Infinite novel of names. Just don't put names. Or just keep tearing pages out. Oh, that's true. Infinite paper.

Take it into the wilderness, light a fire. Yeah. No, I still think putting a board like that on a board would be real good. I mean, it's a good way to kill a lot of people. You cannot kill humans at the age of 124 or over with the death net. Okay. So I can't be like, wait, is it saying... What?

Also, if your life gets doubled, that's a lot of life. Well, that's great. If I double my life by being like Jackson Bailey will die in 204040 or whatever, then I can never be death noted as well. 204040. I'm giving myself a while. Oh, you can't give it to a child? Okay.

Damn it. Well, there goes my idea. Why not? It's not allowed. It's banned. Can I give it to a dog? That's what I'm wondering. Can an illiterate person use the book, I wonder? I guess not. Oh, well, they'll die.

What's in a name? What if you think of a guy, and I know him as a... I think of you, Jack. I'm like, yeah, Jackson Bailey. And you're like, my name's actually Rolando Kremblek. And I'm like, damn it, Rolando, got me again. But yeah, if you're a paid assassin, do you have to find out the person's real name? I guess. Or is it the person's real name?

Is it their birth certificate name? What if I change my name by deed poll? Yeah. Or what if your name is Joe Zammett? That's the name you were born with, but then you're like, actually, everybody called me Jay. Yeah. And everybody your whole life has called you Jay. Can you just write down Jay?

Yeah. Or what if I go by, like, you know, like J.L. Zammett, you know what I mean? Like, if I'm going to kill R.L. Stine, do I have to find out what R and L stand for? I don't even know if they stand for anything. Do they? No.

They might not. This might be, like, a fake name. Here's a question. Why do you want to kill R.L. Stine? That man's brought chills and thrills to generations of chills. Here's a question. What happens if, like, say, for example, I read Harry Potter, and for whatever reason

I'm 100% convinced Harry Potter is a real person alive and well today. Yeah. If I write Harry Potter, or if I is a real person alive and well today. Yeah. If I write Harry Potter, if I kill a fictional person with the book, does that count as a misspelling and go against my fore? Does nothing happen? Do I lose my soul still?

That's a good question. I have a new rule that I've just found. There's an eraser for the death note that can bring people back to life. I remember that Fuck yeah, easy Easy done Jackson Oh no, don't write your own name

And then as you're dying, be like Oh wait, crap, fuck Oh my god, as long as the body hasn't been burned, the person will come back You could kill a dick, wait for like 30 years, bring him back as a rotten zombie? That's a good way to torture someone. Oh yeah. I guess. Hey, Jackson Bailey

shits himself to death. He comes back. Jackson Bailey shits himself to death. Please stop. You son of a bitch. It seems honestly like far too much fucking hassle having a death note, if I'm honest with you. Is there a life note?

I don't look it up. Like an opposite death note? No, that's just the death eraser. Yeah. That's annoying. Wait, there's a manga series. That doesn't seem like it. Or is it fake?

What's Yandere Simulator? I'm getting sick I shouldn't have looked Can a chimp use it? A chimp can't write A chimp can write? Chimps don't know English This is the same thing with an illiterate person though

What if I showed an illiterate person Adam Cannavale Illiterate people are chimps 27 See what I said I'm saying it's the same issue as with a literate person If you show an illiterate person what to write They will write it

And get them to write it Does it still count? Surely I guess The note don't know The book is It's a book Yeah a book is a book

Oh there's a god over watching isn't it I think they say it has to be a human. It's funny to give a death note to a chimp, and then within 38 days the god of death arrives. And he's like, ah, fuck it, it's a chimp. It's not a guy. This isn't what I wanted. Man, honestly, I just can't see myself really using one.

Maybe once, you know. But I guess that's the whole point of the death note, isn't it? I don't like that you were looking at me all right all right so the human whose name is written in this note shall die this note will not take effect unless the writer has subject face in mind writing his or her name is this to prevent people who share the same name from being affected well i guess that's nice but annoying that i just can't call or kill or like you all Well I want to be the only Joel Zammett Now kill me as well You're an idiot

Joel Zammett Oh no no no And Leupold What if like I don't know Did death not affect a person Whose name has been misspelled four times So if you fuck up you can't kill that person.

And you're dead. And the writer dies. What if you write your own name badly four times? Well, then you're gold. You can't be killed, but you also die. I like that this whole episode has just been like, how can we loophole the Death Note? Because that's what you'd be trying to do the whole time.

Just doing tricks with the Death Note books, box right when the same name is written in two or more death notes within 0.06 seconds the entry is regarded as simultaneous simultaneous the death note will not take effect and the individual will not die like how much of a cunt do you have to be to be like two of the six maybe seven people hate you enough to write your name oh man you don't want that like that seems an weird rule to have you know what I mean

like that's a very like 0.0 and like the chance of it happening is very slow unless like you're a real prick oh okay sometimes you can get possessed by the god of death. That's all right. Yeah.

That's okay. I'll cop that. Gods of death, the original owners of the death note, do not do, in principle, anything which would help or prevent the deaths in the note. So they're just, like, there to, like, just, like, watch, I guess. Oh, wow. This is like an instant kill.

The cause of death isn't specified. The victim dies of a heart attack in 40 seconds Half So it's 40 seconds, not 24 hours Yeah And it wasn't that The conditions for death will not be realised Unless it's physically possible for that human

Or it's reasonably be assumed to be carried out by that human So it just means I can't be like Adam Cannavale killed by space aliens Because that's just not happening But I could be like Adam Carnevale eats heaps of yogurt Possible Why is it always me and

Always yogurt Gotta get rid of you man I gotta get rid of you In the most yogurt way Possible I don't know A lot of weird rules that I'm reading That I'm like that's a lot of weird rules that I'm reading that I'm like, that's silly. Fake Death Note rules?

Yes, please. Okay. Oh, no. It's more anime. I don't need it. Wasn't for us. Yeah, I just can't see myself. The worst part of this is that you actually don't know the rules when you get the Death Note.

Presumably, you just got the death note. Death is under no compulsion to explain them to you. What if I just get the notebook and I just start using it as a notebook? Someone calls me up. I'm like, yeah, I've got to meet. Yep. What was the name again? I'll write that down.

Cool. 630. 630 on next Tuesday. That's when I meet. Oh, that's when I'm arranging a meeting. Oh, cool. Oh, no. Can you write just, do you have to write like 24 hours from now

or can you write a date? And if you can write a date, what happens if you use a different calendar? Oh. Yeah. Like the Augustan versus the Gregorian calendar or whatever or the Mayan fucking calendar. That's what you want, right?

Everyone's day and then the Mayan New Year or whatever. What happens if I write a time that has already passed? Like if I'm like two days ago. Or like the 22nd of July, 1992. I guess I just got to wait until time loops around. Well, then I'll live for a very long time. I just think like negative 60 years from now. I feel like it just wouldn't work.

You have about 19 days in brackets, according to the human calendar, to fill in a name. What's the human calendar? There are many human calendars. What if I write someone's name twice? Oh, there's a rule for that. It's depending. Like, apparently, it just takes the first one.

What if I write Adam's name and then you write Adam's name? Depends. It was in 0.06 seconds of each other. How do they find that out? Does death explain it? If within 0.06 seconds. Shut up, death. Go away.

I'm writing my dream journal. Or are they like testing it and timing it? It is great to imagine the God of Death arriving and giving you like that elaborate, like every rule. Hello, I'm the God of Death. Sit down. I've got a lot to get through. Batman.

I'm Batman. Why does the God of Death sound like Batman? Can I write Batman? No, he's not a guy. No, but imagine if Batman were real. Bruce Wayne and Batman are real. Can I write Batman? Oh, fuck.

Well, you don't know his name, so... No. It wouldn't work. Because Batman's not his given name. I'm assuming it's birth certificate. All right. What if I write Captain America? Or like...

Yeah. What's Captain America's name again? Steve Rogers But I'm thinking of Chris Evans Doesn't count He's not real Stop trying to kill fictional people Or does it take the

Most recent actor Because if you're like Batman In your head you're thinking of Val Kilmer As Batman It's like halfway around the world, Val Kilmer's like, oh, shit! All right, I'm just saying Batman. But if you're thinking of Clooney Batman, then Clooney's gone. Or all Batman.

I'm just thinking of Batman just because there's like no Batman equivalent in the real world. But imagine if a Batman were real and were like played by multiple people or like multiple people were Batman. were real and were like played by multiple people or like multiple people were batman yeah if i say batman and i'm thinking of the batman that like beat me up in that alley the other night or whatever does it who does it get what if i don't know what if i write that guy in the checkout that was rude to me that one time and i picture his face i think think it's gotta be a name. Yeah, but Batman is a name. Yeah, but it's not his birth certificate. But does that not count? No, I don't think it was.

So if I change my name, I'm immune to the death note. I assume, no, if you've done it legally. I'm assuming the death note works in conjunction with the judicial system. But the judicial system says that's my new name. Yeah, that's what I mean. So that's the name they'd have to use to kill you. So if Adam changes his name to, like, let's say Blake,

and then I write Adam Cannavale, they're like, no. You're not going to die. You're going to write Blake Michaels or whatever his new name is. God damn it, Blake. Got us again. So you just keep changing your name. Classic Blake. That's a classic Blake meme.

Move. Ah, classic vintage. We'll just keep changing your name, I guess. But the thing is, you don't know you're going to get death noted until all of a sudden you're eating heaps of yogurt to the point of death. And then as mouthful after mouthful of delicious

creamy yogurt goes into your mouth and you start to feel deathly ill, you're like, ah. Quickly hand me your phone, I gotta change my name. If I die, like, close to this episode, can people, like, investigate Jackson? Because I think this is sauce. If Adam dies from eating too much yogurt

close to this episode... Just in general, because Jackson can't kill me with yogurt, so we can try another way that might also get him killed, so that might be alright. Jackson had Adam Ed for a yogurt-eating competition. So, Adam, as resident expert of Death Note book, what happens when you find a book lying around?

Yes. You pick it up, and then you just start writing in it? Yeah. The god of death comes to you, don't they? Within 38 days or something. Yeah. So you pick up a book. You're like, that's a sick book.

You put it in your bookcase, and you're like, that's it. I'm done. Yeah. And then death comes, and it's like, dickhead. You're like, whoa. Gosh. I got a book. And you're like, sick?

You mean this one? What if I found the book and burnt it? What if I found the book and just put it in the recycling bin? I assume if you find the book and burn it, it goes back to wherever all the gods of death live. And they're just like, oh. So there's seven gods of death? You don't destroy it. You just send it away. I don to wherever all the gods of death live. And they're just like... You don't destroy it, you just send it away. I don't know how many gods of death. All right, hang on, wait.

What if the six books are there? And then because there are six books, the seventh book comes. If one of those books is destroyed, I guess there's then six books. But then a new seventh comes. So you got to destroy two at once. What? All right. So six books.

Explain your math, please. So if there are six death Notes, a seventh appears. But if I destroy one, then there's back to six. So that means there'll be a seventh. I see what you mean. And I'll just keep on going. I'd like to have a budget Death Note called a kill book, please. At what point do you realize that if I start writing names in a random book,

I find that people start dying? I guess the moment. Because usually when you get a book, or if I start writing names in a random book, I find that people start dying? I guess the moment... Because usually when you get a book, or if you were, say, in high school, or even primary school, and you have a textbook, you're like, the first thing you do is you write your own name. That's true. Melody jumped on me. That's why my knee slammed into the...

But that's a good point. You're like, this is Jackson Bailey's book on the first of this 19... 1995. Year of our Lord. And then you just die. Yeah. I mean... In 40 seconds, you have a heart attack.

I guess you've just got to hope that the god of death arrives and is like, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. What I used to do is I'd write my name and then my birthday. Yeah. That's sad. Especially if it does go back in time. We just were never born?

Adam kind of died the same day I was born. Still born. Sad. Heart attack. They can figure out the cause of death. The death of cause. The death of cause. The baby had a heart attack.

This baby ate so much damn yogurt. This baby couldn't get enough yogurt. It fed this baby this much yogurt. Why did we not stop the baby eating all this yogurt? This crazy baby. Yeah, stop eating that yogurt. The baby's about to just have milk. Oh, no.

Is he? Who gave it a spook? This is a tragedy. It is it is a weird one though because i feel like yeah like you if i give you a book or you find a textbook you're not gonna start using it no i'm not gonna use it for that i might take notes in it like about something i'm working on or like ideas i had what if i draw a picture what if i'm an artist what if i like yeah draw a picture you draw a picture you die in the day with artist? What if I, like, yeah, draw a picture of someone? Oh, you draw a picture, you die on the day you drew that picture when you sign it and write the date

like that you, Joss Hammett, you know, 24th of October 1995. Assuming that I sign my work. That's true. But all artists do because, you know, they are nothing but ego. You do like to be that mystery artist. Anonymous. Imagine signing your own work

anonymous. Fuck off. Who's signing someone else's anonymous imagine signing your own work anonymous fuck off who's signing someone else's work anonymous you don't know who did it it happens with a lot of quotes we can't trace them we can't trace the art if you're signing your own thing anonymous

that means you're like I don't know what that means what do you think happens I think it means if someone sees an artwork with nothing there or no signature, you come in with a pen and you write anonymous. No, I mean, that's not how

that works. I guess no one signs anonymous. People are like, oh, we don't know who it is. I think you meant to use the word assign, maybe? What did I say? Assign. Yes, assign know who it is. It's anonymous. I think you meant to use the word assign, maybe. What did I say? Sign. Yes, assign.

I meant assign. That's better. Yeah, I just don't, like, if I got a death note in reality, I would not use it for what it's meant to be used for because I just use, like, a notebook and then lose it. Well, exactly. Until 38 days happen. You don't use anything for what it's meant for.

Yeah, I get that, but it's kind of like within 38 days or whatever, death is like, oi, dickhead, give me that book, write names in that. You know that book you threw in the bin? What? Who are you? That's a death note. But you would have forgotten about it. Like the anime? Yes.

Yes, like the anime. I don't want it. You can have it back. You don't know this, Mr. God of Death. I am not a fan. The problem with the question question what would you do with the death note is that the death note has one use and a lot of loopholes yeah one use that you're not super clear on until it's kind of too late yeah yeah so like what would you do with the

death note well what else is there to do with the death note i'd kill people like straight up with yogurt i suppose so many world leaders just kept dying by consuming masses amount of yogurt the yogurt industry or as we had to call it big yogurt are very happy because everyone keeps buying yogurt fuck you're like jackson why you got a goofy way to kill it then like guess who's invested in big here's a question actually yeah though got invested in big yogurt Here's a question Actually, yeah though Here's a question I guess Jackson is yogurt But what's your go-to killing someone?

I'm very lazy So it's just going to be heart attack within 40 seconds Alright, fair call Because it's just like, fuck that Because at this point I'm like, do I care how someone dies? No, I just care that they're dead. I'd go through a period where I tried to do dumb things, but then eventually I'd just get them to choke on it.

So I'd be like, Jackson Bailey, hoisted by his own petard. See what happens? Joel Zammett, looked a gift horse in the mouth. And got kicked by it. Hoisted by his own petard. I know what that means, but the idea of me coming and being like, Adam, is that the option? I got kicked by it. Hoisted by his own pata. Like, I know what that means, but the idea of me coming and being like, Adam, is that the option? I bought a pata. Oh, did you, Jackson?

Yeah, I'm just gonna set it up. Oh, hoisted! Crack your neck snaps. Got him. Also, Joel Dushere, one in the hand is worth two in the bush Sorry

Also To save time just writing someone's name Is a lot easier and quicker Oh my god You don't even want to write the words Choked to death You don't even want to write the words choked No because the thing is if I write choked

I'm already moving on to the next person. Think of all that time I'm saving, Adam. How many fucking people do you need? Well, at this point, I figured I'm gonna try. My goal is to kill everyone. Yeah. Maybe that's your goal. Like, if I'm in for a penny, I may as well be in for a pound. So fuck it. I'm not going to the afterlife,

so everyone is. Like, yeah. The guy at death will be happy. I suppose. I don't know that. I don't know what he wants. How can I be like, hey, excuse me, what's your name? I'm Jackson Bailey. How you doing? I'm Jackson Bailey, yeah.

And then we just wait 40 seconds. Next person. Hi, what's your name? Go door to door. Oh, you can rob a bank like that. Yeah, that's true. Oh, well, eventually people. Why would I need money, Adam?

I'm killing everyone. After the first person, no one else is. Like, when someone's lying there convulsing on the floor, no one else is answering the what's your name question. No, at that point, they're shoots at it. I mean, they don't know. Well, there's so many things. Oh, my God.

There's a lot there. You can't rub a bank out of it. With, like, one line, you're like, oh, my God. No one in a bank has a gun that's just the first problem second off like who's like oh zamit wrote something in a book that person convulsed the two were related yeah that person had a heart attack the person talking to them is clearly guilty but the thing is jackson's right. I am guilty. I mean, they're not wrong to shoot you, but they don't have a reason to.

That's why I saved the day. But then you're also going in jail for shooting an innocent man. And at the end of the day, I think that's my goal. Zamit kills a bank teller and Jackson goes away for it. I think that's the best use of the death note that we can come up with. I'll call it. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Adam. Sorry for

interrupting you, Adam. I tried to badger the god for his name. I wouldn't. What's your name? Knowing he knows what I know. He just never tell you. Frankly, I'm mad that we did an episode on anime. Thanks for listening.

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