Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Use the Remote Control From the Famous Motion Picture Click?

Episode Date: September 27, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like how would you use the remote control from the famous motion picture click? so we we all remember click it's famous adam sandler meets the devil in a store yeah the devil says he gets it beyond he goes to beyond it's a classic it's a classic bit and the devil says adam sandler here is a remote control yeah it's a universal remote control and then adam sandley takes it home and he discovers oh my dirty god yeah it works on everything sweet mary jesus joseph fuck me my, this remote. Yeah, it fucking works. Sweet, merciful, mud-covered Christ.

It works on every goddamn thing. And then Adam Sandler, obviously, he uses it in one way. But Adam Sandler gets killed by a bus, and instead the three plumbing boys arrive at Bed Bath & Beyond. And we meet the devil, and he's like, well, okay. And he gives us one each. Christopher Walken? From Hairspray? And who was the orang and he's like, well, okay. And he gives us one each. Christopher Walken?

From Hairspray? And who was the orangutan in the Jungle Book? Yeah. He was that orangutan. I'm the devil. And then we just steal the remotes and leave. Yeah, so we got universal remote controls. I try to use it to play PlayStation.

My memory of Click might not be as good as the two boys in front of me here but mine is crystal clear does it does the remote work like i say i pointed at a person yeah or a thing um does that thing say rewind pause or whatever or does everything rewind pause or whatever within the most famous ever motion picture click it's unclear yeah does it basically work kind of like the time gem uh in uh avengers uh i think it's it's it's individual people because he uses it on himself that's why i'm getting confused no it's individual people because he changes the hue of someone he pauses his wife so yeah it works on individual people. So, Dushar, if you tried to use yours to turn your PlayStation on,

I like to imagine you being like, it's wrong. Fast forward, fast forward, and your TV just degrades in front of your very eyes. Huh. Fast forward my PlayStation, get new games. I'm gaming in the future, baby. Yeah, enjoy your Playstation 5 I've got a Playstation 6 Playing Jak and Daxter 4

Daxter's got a gun And tits I reckon I just have fun Rewinding everything Making babies that's good I think I just Benjamin Button the world So one thing that happens In click is that the remote learns Making babies, that's good. I think I just Benjamin Buttoned the world. So one thing that happens in Click is that the remote learns and you can't stop it from learning.

So if you fast forward or rewind or pause something, the remote starts doing it. I know that for what you just said, this doesn't affect you, but just going forward. Yes. It's worth remembering. Just, okay, rewinding for ourselves. Yes.

Yes. So does that mean, so Samit, so you're Benjamin Buttoning people. Does that mean you're going up to strangers and making them babies? What I'm doing is I'm just holding, I maybe get a bit of duct tape and I put that over like the rewind button. And then I just start willy-nilly just kind of moving the remote like a wand at anything in my vicinity um yeah i want to see what happens the big bang yeah that's what i want to know how long did you rewound to

the beginning of the universe well because this is the thing is if i'm rewinding at everything or everything is all rewinding there'll be a a point where I blink out of existence, but no one else is there to touch the remote, so it's just going to keep going. And then we have a backwards world. What's the range on the remote and click? Like if you embedded it in the earth, does it do the earth or does it just do like the section of the ground you embedded the? It must do the earth because if it points it at a person, it changes the earth Or does it just do like the section Of the ground you embedded It must do the earth because if it points it at a person

It changes the person So I'm going to assume by embedding it in the earth You rewind the planet Back to its So you're Have you killed yourself Well I haven't been born So I'm not eager to know

I've unexisted myself, thank you very much. Well, it's exciting that you get to experience, because this is always a struggle when you discuss Benjamin Button. When Benjamin Button becomes an old man baby, does he go back inside a pussy? No, Benjamin Button doesn't end with him going back inside a pussy. What a horrible way to describe birth. Thank you, Jackson.

You've wrecked multiple things. It's not birth. It's opposite birth. Go back inside the pussy. As opposed to going at the pussy. I get it. So what I'm saying. Hey, congratulations on your new out the pussy i get it yeah so what i'm saying oh hey congratulations on your new out the pussy

what i'm saying is that if you rewound yourself yeah does that mean i would enter my mom yes yeah you would go back into your that my god that's crazy this is bad. You rewind yourself and you became a baby. Then you would become a baby who is not like, you know, like days old. Yeah, you just become eggs and sperm on the concrete. That would be the end of you. It would be a single glob of semen and an egg on a remote on the sidewalk. And if that keeps being rewound,

where does that go? Well, it doesn't keep being rewound. You're dead. But I duct taped it. So where does it go? Am I rewinding my parents? What's happening? Is it just a lot of cummies and eggies?

What's happening? Presumably, there you just, like, there would just be a point where, so the cells would just slowly go backwards. If you want to go down that path of they just ruin. I don't! Okay, so, if you were to point, if you're saying that a person is made out of, if a person's

made out of sperm and an egg, which famously they are, equally famous to the 2006 fantasy comedy film Click, people are made of sperm and eggs. So if you rew Equally famous to the 2006 fantasy comedy film Click. People are made of sperm and eggs. So if you rewound a person to the point where they're a sperm and egg, then presumably the sperm and egg would both also just slowly or quickly deteriorate into just cells where you wouldn't see them.

No, but the thing is, when Mr. Click himself... You want to go back in your mum, I know. You won't be satisfied until we say, yes, zamet that's exactly what'll happen you shoot backwards into a penis and a vagina because i'm trying to remember the the the film classic click uh and it's not just fast forwarding a person it fast forwards through time so i'm not just rewinding the world i'm it affects the world so i'm making everyone experience unbirth well i mean i think what is happening i i believe in the film rewinding isn't a thing i think it's on the remote i've got the the remote here yeah play golf mute mother-in-law pause kids growing up delete parking tickets well tickets. Fast forward, working out.

Rewind to prom night. That is an actual- Rewind to prom night. Oh, yeah, actually, no, that's right. No, no, no. So the remote in the film, I believe, manipulates his mind more than the reality. So when he pauses stuff, it's- Well, I mean, when he rewinds stuff, it's more that he just lives the memory.

Okay. Because now he fast forwards moments and he has no recollection. He goes into autopilot. His body is just acting. So the event is still playing out like he would choose to. Because it's created by the devil. Holy shit. So you guys, hey, do we have $11,000 on hand?

Because we could buy a replica remote from the movie Click. Holy shit, guys. A replica for $11,000. Not even the one that was used on screen. replica remote from the movie click holy shit guys like her for eleven thousand dollars not even the one that was used on screen that adam sandler himself touched i refuse it was made by the same production company but it's not it's not from the film as fun as it would be to ruin everyone's day and make them experience themselves like doing everything in reverse. I feel what will happen if I actually did get this remote. What I would do for potential like, I would just maybe jerk off, rewind, and repeat.

That's a really sad answer. That's maybe the saddest answer. So if the remote learns, I'm just having a perpetual orgasm what happened to zamit oh he continually comes and then sucks the cum back up his wiener yeah does it again like a vacuum cleaner and he's he's out he's won't talk to us he's in the strangest kind of coma anyone's ever been in we may have to kill him so one thing that's going to happen is that our life can so you live in yes i don't know if it does it does because that's like the autopilot thing why he can't remember he can't remember stuff but stuff still happens which means that

you're rewinding moments you're stuck in a time loop but you're to us so you're stuck in one moment of time where you in our realities you would then stop coming and be doing something else but for you yeah you don't exist anymore basically okay yeah so what about say for example i'm like all right so me and my partner we're gonna have a wonderful romp and so we're just gonna like start banging from like you know sun up to sunown, rewind, and then we just keep going over and over and over again. Well, yeah, because you're rewinding.

So what happens to both of us? Well, that day, I think that the way that the remote works, it would only affect you. You would basically create a second version of your wife. Wow. This is not just a remote. What? This is not just a remote. What? It's not just a remote.

Are you kidding me, Joel Zabit? What? You had it replaced? What about instead of just me and my partner, what if we're like, let's have a repeatable orgy. Same thing? I believe so. We just clone a bunch of folk?

I don't know if the remote would work. But they're stuck in the orgy you have two timelines well one's not really a timeline it's like a horrible loop it's like a boil on the timeline if I'm Doc Brown and I'm like this is our timeline and then I'm like

and this horrible infected boil that's your time orgy popping off the timeline like a postule never ending infinite I don't believe that it works aging and stuff like that still happens like normal which means that if you're rewinding you're not aging

so I'm not aging so we'd be forever young in this orgy infinite orgy of beautiful immortals say me and Jackson rudely aren't invited to your orgy because you don't want to see this rail. Why would I invite...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, who's saying I'm not inviting my good boys to this orgy? We're coming in lubed up, ready to go. Lubed both sides, baby. Head to toe, wearing nothing but socks. Looking wet, lubed up socks up socks like risky business but wrong yeah lubed up penis flapping in the breeze as you slide into the room like risky business but i slide into a like a cupboard in the hallway full of plates and really injure myself and you have to

call the police so what would happen himself that bad so basically what would happen is like let's just say hypothetically me and jackson aren't invited to your secret eyes wide shut repeat orgy time boil but i was thinking more of like that west world gold orgy okay that's okay yeah whatever orgy you're putting your orgy largely unimportant but yeah okay no let's roll with that you want to have a gold orgy me and jackson like have fun if you're putting. A variety of orgy. Largely unimportant. But yeah. Okay, no, let's roll with that. You want to have a gold orgy, me and Jackson, like, have fun. If you're having an eyes-wide-shut orgy, you would be there.

But a gold orgy from Westfield, I don't understand that reference. Westfield? The shopping center? I'm having a Westfield orgy. I'm back on board. That's dirty. Westfield.

All of your dreams can come true here. You could go to a Cotton On. A H&M. We got a Wendy's. There's a cinema here and an orgy. These violent delights have violent ends at Westfield. So, hypothetically, Sammy and Jack's not interested in your gold orgy.

Yeah. So we're like, you know what? You have fun. So you rewind back to the start of the same day so you create this time boil where you're not aging i mean you're remembering the events you're just fucking forever but me and jackson the orgy ends in our timeline so you're so i've created a clone of me but a clone that only enjoying the orgy no zamit wouldn't exist he they're not enjoying the orgy. No, Zammett wouldn't exist. He wouldn't exist. Because the orgy,

that's why it's a time boil. It's off the main timeline, looping forever. In click, Adam Sandler exists even in the party fast forwards. Yeah, but Zammett's not fast forwarding. He's rewinding. I'm rewinding.

It's the rewinding that makes it the boil, my friend. Our timeline carries on, but his timeline boils backwards to create an infected postule at the time so either either i have made the end of the world or the end of the known universe where everyone is experiencing the orgy day they may or may not be experiencing the orgy but i'm experiencing the orgy day everyone is doing their normal day,

and it's going back to the start every single day. Or I have winged myself and all the orgy participants out of time. Yeah, absolutely. It's definitely not the first one. And time will continue, but I no longer exist. Yeah, Zammett's gone, because he's in the boil. He's in the time boil. But Jackson, you remember the 2006 film click better than zamit of course but

rewinding i feel will still doesn't affect our timeline so i'm not sure if there is another zamit if he does clone himself but that clone only exists for the period of time that zamit is rewinding and then the moment that zamit I never will. No, but also if you did, your day continues like normal. Rewinding's not an issue. Fast forwarding's bad, but Rewinding, the moment you press play. Rewinding's fine. He just loops forever. I like the devil being like, this'll fuck him a bit.

Alright, he's... Any day now. Christopher Walken's gonna come to us and be like... The remote learned to keep that... We gotta lance the boil on the timeline and then we come in there and just kill the orgy well presumably yeah I guess you're just out of time

then like as in you just don't exist anymore where'd Zama go I don't know like he had that orgy I think he's still having that orgy somewhere wistfully out the window the moment you rewind is the moment that you stop existing. Yeah.

Because he disappears from our timeline. Yeah. Because, like, I rewind and Mr. Click himself, he rewinds and then he, you know, continues with his life. But I'm like, no! Back to the start! And I'm always going to do that. And so, like, the moment I rewind, I was always going to rewind.

So I'm just never going to be part of the future timeline. Yeah, absolutely. I'm moving forward. He's checked out. There may be ways to clone each other. And I'm trying to figure out how it's possible. Because if me and Jackson rock up to the orgy, we can't rock up on day two.

Because if we go to the room on day two, there's no one in the room. No one's there. It's only happening on day one. Yeah. Well, it could be a multiple day orgy no but it doesn't but the time bubble is still that one the moment you press rewind you leave that room for us yes yeah i'm sure there's a way to clone each other if i pause you. Yeah. Can I also then, can I use that, the remote whilst I'm being in, like say we're doing this for about 10 years now.

I've been experiencing this one day over and over for 10 years. Can I use the remote whilst being, say I rewind, can I also then keep, you know what I mean? So there's 24 hours. I say at the end of hour 24 i want to start but i'm like man that was a great hour there let's rewind back to the start you could well so here's the thing with the click thing that becomes an issue so i think that your orgy idea won't work because you can only rewind one person at a time and the moment you rewind them they

don't exist in your time so you wouldn't be able to rewind a whole room and also the remote learns so but it learns in a bad way so like say you're having a 24-hour orgy yeah then you try and rewind for an hour it won't rewind for an hour it rewinds for 24 again well that's how the fast forward yeah that's how it works it's always gonna be oh no oh it rewinds me to the day before the orgy. The boring bits where I'm planning. Oh, no. You're planning for an orgy you can never have. This is hell. Devil one.

That son of a bitch. He got me. He got me. He got me. Always planning for an orgy that never eventually. I'm just like, oh, my God, this is going to be so good. You're experiencing the orgy. You're rewinding every single day.

And it's the remote, like, oh, he likes to rewind. Two days. You're like, ah, tomorrow's the orgy. Oh, no. And then it keeps learning. And then it's like, oh, three days a week. And because, like, look, we said, you know, you're planning for an orgy. But you're never planning a day before.

You're planning at least a week before. So it gets to that point where you and then oh no because it's going to be like the day before the excitement of having an orgy the next day that goes and then it's like the week before you're planning you're like okay so i'm going to be spending all this time planning for an orgy that never happens and then like it rewinds even further so like the idea of an orgy and so you're having that for a while and that never happened. And then before you know it, you're going back into your mum's pussy. Finally, you're back, dude.

Your mum's pussy, unborn. Just like what the devil always wanted. Wow. That's grim. That's grim. One thing that we don't explore too much in the film is what would happen if you kept pausing one person?

Would it freeze? Is that what you're going do jd no i haven't decided the world my playstation 6 idea is the best i had so far no see yeah so fast forwarding through the uh like the the boring bits of life means that it robs adam sandler of like so basically adam learns that, like, you don't make connections and stuff like that through exciting things. Yeah. Like, all of the small talk and stuff like that is how love is built. And, like, he misses Adam saying goodbye to his dad before he dies because he's fast-forwarding through all the small bits. Not me.

Whatever. Just exciting bits non-stop. I use it exactly the same as Adam Sandler, except I'm not sad. Fast forward to the end. Speed run life, baby. High score. Hit rewind right at the end.

I'm an old man traveling through time now. Here's what I imagine you do. You're just trying to keep only the exciting bits. And so you stop experiencing the not exciting bits, and then all of a sudden it stops because you had a heart attack because it got too exciting you're like why can't I fast forward anymore oh I die

on a rollercoaster that's your final memory or your final bit of life will be coming to on a rollercoaster that's like one of those rollercoaster tycoon ones that has no end you know doesn't loop back and you just careen off. Yeah!

Like Thelma and Louise, except the roller coaster shoots me off a cliff rather than a car. And then you just like, you put it in pause, then a bit of slow-mo as well to really experience the exciting moment of your life. As you're careening off on the roller coaster, you're like, but I want to save for this. Save your trap for the rest of your life as you're as you're reading off on the on the roller coaster you're like but i want to i want to savor this for the rest of your

life slow mowing rewinding slow mowing just your last moments as you crash into a canyon in a roller coaster the best part is the remote would learn so what would end up happening is that all i just get stuck in

a loop of dying. Like the moment of death. I'm not even on the roller coaster anymore. You just like crash into the canyon. Constantly feeling the pain of death. A bit of rebar through your head. Then it rewinds and the rebar out your head. Oh, no.

Just feeling that like cold metal slide in and out of your skull i shouldn't have skipped the excite and the boring bit why does this remote thing being impaled by rebar is exciting it's pretty exciting it's not boring it's never happened to anyone I know it's a unique experience that's a fair assumption alright go on your remote it's funny though it's because like

it's just that last little bit your life becomes reduced so much to the last minute where you're crashing into the canyon your sweetest moments would be just the second before crashing into the canyon your sweetest moments would be before just the second before you hit the canyon your worst moments would be when you hit the canyon well it also because i would at no point in this would mean that like i would experience what not the like

you know like when you're like dropped from something your stomach kind of feels like it's going up i would just be constantly experiencing that i would never experienced solid ground the stability ever again it's also great it's great to imagine you like i don't know maybe there's like a the x games are coming up and you're like gonna participate so you're like great i'm gonna fast forward to the x games you experience the x games then another exciting thing's happening you fast forward to that but then like your life gets out of control and you can see but can't stop as it gets more and more exciting. You're like, what's this?

And the guy's like, this is cocaine we give to horses. And you're like, oh no, oh no. You're like, I'm in trouble. Every single time something dangerous or exciting appears, I just know that I'm about to do it and you can't control it saying no we can graft eagle wings onto your back I don't want that

no and you're like flying through the sky with horrible eagle wings help me a thunderstorm starts and I'm like I should probably fly home and lightning strikes and I'm like oh no do you want to be funny if you married a bear don't say that shut up i now pronounce you husband and bear your life gets so out of hand dude so quickly yeah i feel as opposed to you just uh uh reliving the

last moment of rebar entering your skull yeah i think regardless that is how my life is gonna end yeah of course absolutely but i feel it's going to be that kind of one-upmanship of yourself and you are going to be put into situations over and over and over again to be like, yeah, yeah, hey, try this horse cocaine. Rub it in your gums. It's good. And you're already there rubbing and being like, oh, shit. Because the remote's going to be like, we're going to get the most exciting point.

So you're going to be a zombie up until that point. You're going to be a zombie up until you're doing sword swallowing with a swordfish. And you're going to be like, damn it. And then you're gone onto the next horrible moment of your life. Well, yeah, because of the problem with Mr. Click himself,

he's like, he fast forwards those kind of boring bits or whatever bits he wants to. And he realizes his life is kind of boring and dull because he never goes and does these wonderful things that are exciting. Whereas you, JD, I feel just your personality alone

is you are going and going and trying to find these thrill-seeking moments Yeah, exactly It's just going to be this perpetual kind of like You might have, your heart will explode Oh, absolutely You're going to come to and the doctor's going to be like Well, we've replaced all your blood with lizard blood Damn it!

And then cut You're off into the future yet again. No, no. When you're on the roller coaster, you'll be like, finally. But then obviously you'll have to relive those last moments forever and ever and ever. Yeah, it's just like you realize

that your blood was being pumped too fast through your body. So we've replaced it with a horse heart so that you can go even faster. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Horse heart popping lizard blood, look out. Just the idea that someone's like, hey, we've got an opening on a television series, and then it just fast-forwards

and I'm like, hi, I'm Joel Dushan, welcome to Jackass and today I'm going to get kicked in the head by three horses. Oh, wait, no! It's great as well if it's like the realization comes through the hi i'm joel doucher and welcome to jackass i'm gonna get kicked in the head by three horses means i'm gonna like doucher went dangerously off the rails really quickly. It was a real shock. When he told us he'd done horse cocaine, I was like, that's a bit much, but wow. Did you know he got all his

blood replaced with lizard? All his blood. That's so many lizards for his blood. Lizards are small. I thought he was joking when he said he was going to graft eagle wings to his back, but we saw him soaring. He's a monster now.

He's a real monster. You hear he's building that roller coaster up by the Grand Canyon to die with? Yeah. There's no end. There's just no end. What's great about that is straight into the canyon. It's great as well because whilst whilst you're not with us you're such a zombie and we're like are you sure you should build a roller coaster to the canyon you're

like because you just basically enter a fugue state yeah it's autopilot it's not quite like a fugue yet like for me i don experience it, but everyone else in my life, I'm just on autopilot. So I'm just like, yes, yes. I wish to build this roller coaster. But I think,

I think Adam Sandler just does a lot of grunting. Do you sure it's really clever to replace all your blood with lizard blood? Oh, okay. Wake up. All your blood is lizard blood. What? Yeah. Wake up, John Ducey. All your blood is lizard blood. What? And look, if that doesn't work,

my other method is to pause myself and see what happens. Because pause yourself. You can't press play. You're paused. Yeah, that's true. You are frozen forever. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Also, do you know we do far too many things?

Like we've gone and adapted one of our campaigns for our sister show, D&D is for Nerds, into a novel. So if you're sick of listening to us and want to instead enjoy your own voice narrating an adventure, just head to sanspantsradio.com and grab your copy of The Auticus today. Print run is limited, but it is available what if I put myself, I wanted to do the opposite of what you did. In an effort to seek enlightenment,

I want to slow-mo all the boring parts of my life. Waiting in line? That's going to take literally years of my life as i wait in line does that mean that well i guess i guess it would have to be or do i but very well that's pretty cool like your memory i guess my brain does what you want to do is yeah you you kind of have time to think yeah that's what i've given you're're a very contemplative man Here's the problem, Sam If I'm like, right, I'm waiting in line at the bank

This is going to take about a minute Let's make it take about a year And then I'm like, time to really settle in Let's look inside and find out who is Jackson In my head is just me again being like Oh, hi Yeah, there's nothing, dude dude oh shit i'm here for a year yeah yeah like there's no what introspection am i gonna get you know you've also because if

you're doing that you're the remote's learning so every time you're bored everything and it's gonna start off with slow-moing just when you're bored but it might just slow-mo everything so like you might be watching a film and it's going to take you i don't know six years to watch an episode of signee and i don't know if that's going to be something you want also it only slow-mos me yes does it i thought it was the whole world no because when he fast forwards himself he's really quick in bed and doesn't sexually satisfy his partner because he's going at like a million miles an hour so that means that what must that have looked like from the outside wrong from mrs click herself being like oh no my husband has been possessed i'm getting fucked by the devil today, I suppose.

But does that mean if I slow-mode myself, I come to in a year and the bank has been demolished or whatever. The world has changed around me. Have I time-travelling into the future very slowly? Is that what I've done to myself here in an effort to seek enlightenment ducere has a look on his face like he's reading the click tomes to learn yeah i was trying to and it's not because i forgot that he speeds himself up and wife is like i was unsatisfied but is that just because he's entering a fugue state. No, because he behaves very quick. And also, when he pauses his wife and his sister,

and her sister, or the annoying neighbour or whatever, he can continue to move. They are just frozen. Yeah, but are they frozen to people that aren't him? I think so, because I think there's people outside that don't move, and he does it to his boss at one point, and I think there are people moving around outside. He farts in his boss's face.

Yeah, and then he's like, what? I think, anyway. He gets angry. The boss gets angry, played by And then he's like, anyway, he gets angry. The boss gets angry, played by David Hasselhoff and thinks someone's shit in his sandwich. But really Adam Sandler just let rip Mr. Click, John Click,

just let rip the biggest fart of all time. Yeah. As is a staple to 2006 comedy films. Yeah, absolutely. Rip an ass. That's what the audience has wanted. Were they, were we wrong back then no

so i think i've slow-mo'd just myself for for all the boring moments of my life which is annoying because that's a lot of waiting in lines and then coming to and not being able to take care of whatever i was waiting in line for but then what do the people witness you when you're waiting in line? They witness a maniac pull out a remote and aim it at his head and start moving at a snail's pace. Surely, if it takes you a year to move

through a line, you become a sensation. People are filming you. There is no way this doesn't become a story. Like this would affect the world. There's like this maniac is now he's not dying. He's not responding to outside stimulus.

His heartbeat, it's there. It's so slow. It's so slow. By all our kind of measurements and metrics, he's dead. But he's not. He's just going so slow. Imagine they come to after a year in a grave. Yeah, but you would be experiencing that slow motion.

You could still react. Oh, that's true. Right? So if you're waiting in line, everyone's like, oh, no, this man died standing up. Yeah. And then they begin to carry you. like waiting in line, everyone's like, oh, no, this man died standing up. Yeah. And then they begin to carry you. You would be like, no.

And like move your hand to stop them. And they're like, okay, no, something has gone wrong here. Yeah. I think I just wake up in a lab. I think a year goes by and I've been experimented on. And they cut me open and they're like, oh, he's's just a regular slightly out of shape guy so you'll never know sure that take the remote off you would be the first thing yeah then you'd snap back into reality and going at a regular speed but now scientists have the remote and now we've had we've we've and scientists have now discovered satan

so what happens in the film and this affects all of our so i've just consulted the tomes again and this time i remembered the ending someone needs to john click yeah yeah dies and then when he dies is taken back to the moment where he gets the remote and he gets to make choices again so it's like a weird dream sort of where he learns a lesson so presumably all of us have that moment which is jack Jackson gets cut in half by science because he's moving in slow motion. Me as the rollercoaster impales my brain. And you as you become semen and egg.

More orgasm than man, yes. My one billionth come. I'm guessing we all reach enlightenment at a very different way and, I guess, time. Jackson, by experiencing a billion years in the space of ten minutes while he waits in line. I can't wait to ask the bank how much money I have because I dropped my phone and a dog took it. Me, as I come my one billionth orgasm,

reaching that point where I just become a pure feeling. And I guess JD as the billionth rebar. The moment the rebar's entering my brain. Yeah. The moment rebar's entering my brain stops being excitement. Yeah, yeah. And then we all just wink back out of the moment there. There's Devil Click himself being like, hey, do you want this remote?

And we're like, yeah, it was great. Come on, give us again. I just fucked it up the first time, dude. We have the memory. Mine was perfect, yes. dude we have the memory was perfect yes so we have the memory so out of all three of us that's probably a good way of telling how well this went yeah so out of everything we experienced who is now going to live a better life having the memories and the experience of doing that but time hasn't passed i'm gonna be like i really need to

get an education because i was with just myself for a whole billion years and it sucked i am dumb guys wow and no good to talk to that's right listed every kind of bird i'd ever seen we just sat there for millennia. Robin, Blue Jay, and I think that's it. Wow, that's heaps of birds. Yeah. Two. Yeah, it's quite a bit of birds. Yeah.

Looks like we've still got a couple more billion years here. Yeah, wish I could have remembered more birds for this. Almost all the mice I know. Mickey the rat. Bun Bunny the rat. know. Mickey the rat. Bob Bunny the rat. Porky Pig the rat. It's cool, huh? All the Looney Tunes were rats, huh?

No. Wait. Wait, fuck. I said mice. I meant rats. I meant Looney Tunes. No, I meant rats. You're an idiot.

I need an education. That Tasmanian rat Tweety rat Sylvester the rat Sylvester Stallone the rat Grandma rat Can't have a grandma rat Without a granddad rat That's just maths

Baby rat You're not even listening Looney Tunes anymore. Dog rat. You make up a rat family. Baby rat. Little boy rat. Little girl rat. House rat.

Car rat. You're just listing things a family has and putting rat after them. Let me out of here. Sky rat. Ground rat. Water rat. Ground rat. Water rat. Water rat. That's one. Water rat's the show.

I'll save that for when I'm listing shows I remember. Ah! I wish I was dead. Monday rat. Car rat's got wheel rats. On the road rat. Rat road, sorry. Rat race. Like working, working rats. Working class rats. on the road rat, rat road, sorry. Why is there a distinction? Like working, working rats, working class rats.

All the jobs, of course. First class rats. Rich rats, poor rats. Rats with a little bit of money. Rats with a lot of money, but not rich rats. What is happening? Are these still the Looney Tunes? You can't, I'm moving in such slow motion,

but a tear is rolling down my face. Wow. He looks like he's in a lot of pain. My face just slowly contorting. Like getting angrier and angrier. He seems really upset by something. TV rat. Radio rat. Remote rat to turn on. TV rat. Radio rat.

Remote rat to turn on the TV rat. Oh, I had a remote once. Mine wasn't a rat, though. Didn't we have a remote? Yes! That's why I'm here. What? What do you mean?

Devil rat. God rat. God rat. Angel rat. Did I say Bugs Bunny rat? Yes! at the start Martin the Martian rat Why are we back on Looney Tunes?

Foghorn leghorn rat Rat horn leg rat Also you've obviously got just rats Yeah Rattus You remember Rattus? You've got just rats and also just rat You've got just rats and also just rat.

You've got two rats. Three rats. Three rats. Four rats. Five rats could have. Seven rats. Are you just going to go through the numbers? Well, yeah. Nine rats.

There are all kinds of rats. There are not kinds of rats. There are amounts of rats. I need to go. This is also my inside out there's just a big panel that has one big word that says rat on it when they hit it a little rat memory comes down in the ball and then they're like yeah i remember when we saw that rat and it's rat core memories rat world of rats that's it

world of rats and world of fucking there's a two worlds coming off my inside out but yeah so we've all maybe I don't want the remote

we've all definitely reached enlightenment some way or the other it's like Jackson would you like a remote and I smash it with my hand I'm going to a university right now

I'm so scared i know the difference between rats who is that guy so yeah you experienced that i'm like yeah no that was great could i have another go yeah um you want and i've probably just lost all excitement in life because i can't reach those heights they again. You crave rebar in your brain. You've become, JD, a bit more of a boring man now. You might learn the lesson of not every day needs to be a 10 out of 10 experience. Sometimes having a 5 out of 10 day is great, and you might say for the 1 out of 10 days, you might be like,

I want boring. I want a cup of tea, a bicky, and a nice thick book. That is my life from now on. I get addicted to quaaludes. Yeah, you just slow the fuck down. Whereas Jack needs to speed up his education. And I have to, well, I guess keep coming. So I'm fine.

The only problem you got is time cops who have to, well, I guess keep coming. You nailed it, so you're fine. The only problem you got is time cops who have to come and lance the foil you made on the space-time continuum. Exactly. And the time cops have that added risk of joining the orgy. Yeah, absolutely. They're like, oh, the sexy cops are here. Everybody get on them.

So many good cops lost to that time posture. It's really gross to imagine them lancing it Just a lot of jizz coming out This was a gross job This was a gross job for us The time cops So we did good Yeah I think so

I reckon we nailed it I think we did much better than Mr. Click I'm satisfied I died too but I didn't die in a sad way I died and I got impaled through I didn't die in a sad way. I died and I got impaled through the headway. And that's cool. Yeah, that is cool. Jackson got dissected for science.

That movie would be different if that happened. Yeah, it would. A lot of the running time would be dedicated to me listing rats to myself in my brain. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've also been Joel. And I've been Jackson. How many rats been Joel. And I've been Jackson. How many rats can you name? Yeah, let us know.

Warner Brothers rats. Dog rats. Time Warner rats. AOL rats. Insurance rat. And then rat insurance. Of course. Ceiling rats. Wall rats. Hand rats. Ceiling rats.

Wall rats. Hand rats. Feet rats. And body rats. Fever rats. And then a rat's hand. A card rat. A mac rat. A PC rat. Roadcaster rat.

A mouse rat. Zabit rat. Table rat. Mouse Rat. Zabit Rat. Table Rat. Zoom Rat. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to SandspansRadio.com and consider joining the Sans Pants Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a

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