Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Use the Suicide Squad? (Feat. Mr Sunday Movies)

Episode Date: August 21, 2016

In which our heroes worry about an evil superman, gather the worst of the worst, and get them to do our dirty work as we ask: what would you do with the Suicide Squad. We calculate Harley’s age, describe South American geography, and talk some shit about Twister. Zammit makes the Suicide Squad mow lawns, Duscher over-explains nearly everything, James valiantly defends the film, and Jackson just wants to send the Skwad into lava. So get some bombs in your necks, weep for economically destroyed Australia, and think of a better use for the Suicide Squad then dying when Superman punches their brains out. Because come on, like seriously.Want to help James set up his park to hunt man in? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can start erecting electric fences.In Sydney and want to see the Plumbing Boys live? You can purchase your tickets right here https://www.trybooking.com/MQZP.And don’t forget to purchase your copy of Plumbing the Death Star Vol. 1 right now available at https://audiobooksontape.com/shop/plumbing-death-star-bonus/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there. Hey everyone, just letting you know that we're doing our very first interstate live show. It's the Teach Jackson to Drive Plumbing the Death Star Sydney show because that boy is turning 25 and me and Dusha are just tired of him hassling our grapes for a lift. So, on Thursday the 29th of September, which is incidentally Jackson's birthday, we'll be at the Chippendale Hotel on 87 Abercrombie Street in Sydney to talk some Marvel or DC, Pokemon or Star War or something. We'll work it out.

The show kicks off at 7.30. There's apparently a decent burger joint there, which is pretty good, so I know what we're having for dinner. Link's in the show notes where you can purchase tickets, and we'll see you all there. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, how would you use the suicide squad? Is this the real life? you use the suicide squad. How many of them do I get? All of them

No, but I mean like Do I get the Suicide Squad from the garbage film? The Suicide Squad? Or do I get any like Can I make my own? I guess is my question. You can use the shark man. Yeah.

Okay, look. I will give you. His name is King Shark. It is. All right. So the movie came out a few weeks ago. Classic. Acclaimed.

We all loved it. This episode was recorded before the film came out, so we can only assume. No, we're kidding. It's not. If we've seen it, it's bad. I just want to say I didn't hate it. It's not. If we've seen it, it's bad. I just want to say I didn't hate it. It is

bad, but I didn't hate it. I don't know why. I mean, like, name what? Name redeeming qualities of that film. Songs. Songs. Oh, that was really distracting. Even though they were forced in. Will Smith, it was good to see him Will Smith it up again because he hasn't done that for a while.

And the Harley Quinn was dead on, even though it doesn't always work in live action. And the script that she was given was dog shit. I think I described Harley Quinn's performance as three shits in my mouth. So I'm going to have to disagree with you there. That's too many. One shit for her accent, one shit for her dialogue,

and one shit for her story. But don't you think it was exactly like the cartoon? No, it don't. Really? dialogue and one shit for a story. But don't you think it was exactly like the cartoon? No, it don't. Really? Because so comedic patter has to have a certain sort of timing to it.

A gag that is like four sentences long to get to a so that punchline, everybody saw this joke in the ads where Harley Quinn's like what's that voices in my head? I should kill everyone? But all her jokes were like that. They were like such reaches for comedy gold.

Yeah, okay. I'd agree with that. We're the bad guys. We're the bad guys. It's very deep. She should have just giggled. Actually, that's what she is in the cartoon, though. It's not comedy gold, that show.

No, but she hassles people. She does hassle a lot. When she was like, I am known to be quite vexing, that was good. That's a good joke. That's all right. No, that's classic Harleyley quinn though that's the stuff anyway harley quinn i just got it oh my god makes so much anyway just really quickly before we get into the episode there's one thing i forgot to mention in our review episode which hey this is a surprise part three i guess yes part three yes what did we think of? Alright, alright. Okay, okay, I get it. Please don't keep explaining. I'm not going to.

No, but you fucking do. Rude. Bye, Zama. That's classic douchey though, isn't it? I'm like, oh, I get it. You're like, and then we finish my explanation. For five minutes. Because sometimes maybe the listener isn't on the same page as you, Jackson.

They always are. Every podcast is someone's first podcast. I agree. This is a bad first podcast. All right. Anyway, go on. Harley Quinn has to be like 50 in Suicide Squad film because she helped kill Jason Todd,

which the director of Batman v Superman said happened Todd, which the director of Batman v Superman said happened 10 years before the events of Batman v Superman. Harley Quinn has a doctorate, presumably. That takes about 10 years. Yeah. So that's 20 years and that's out of high school already.

So like that's 38. So she's doing pretty well for herself no she could be 38 but she seems younger acid i mean she is literally it also means that she's fucking around with the joker for 10 years yeah how was she in jail for not 10 years i'm gonna say 10 years 10 years yeah have to be i have to be i assume that happened after Batman Superman. Like just after. Batman didn't have guns on his car in this one though. So was that before? But Amanda Waller was like, what if Superman punches the

president? I need a guy with boomerangs. Because fuck, boomerangs. Superman will never see him coming. You got bopped in the back of the head. No, so. How many do I get? Or can I go to Arkham basically and Belle Reve, and be like, give more to me?

Yes. I'll allow it. Damn, is that okay? No. But yes, you can have all of them. But that's like 50 at least, right? Yeah, I need 50. You want 50?

I'm just curious to see where this is going. So sometimes. I'm going to say yes, but I might change my mind. Sometimes there are dangerous environments that we need things in. Lava flows. Big whirlpools. What are you getting out of a big whirlpool? Places where there's lots of earthquakes.

I think you're thinking of video game levels. The lava whirlpool level. Big cliffs. It's real dangerous for us to go there. So instead of getting the Suicide Squad to fight Superman Because they can't Just get them to do that Because if you lose one, whatever, it's not a problem

So what are they doing at a lava flow? Are they all just kind of pressing up against it? No, they're not stopping the lava flow But say there's a group of scientists They're like, we need a sample of that lava But it's dangerous for us to go I'm like, don't worry I've got my 50 suicide squad.

50 strong. Are they just disaster relief? Not disaster relief. Because I'm not being like, okay, kill a croc. No one cannibal. Go into that flood zone. But say there's a flood happening and we need something out of a building that

is like a raging flood river. Just send them across. One will get them. Okay. It's a brute force team. That's what we call them. Brute force. Brute force. I just don't see the need of ever using them.

Also, it's a very specific scenario. Mass murderers and psychopaths. Uh-huh. That's why no one will mind if bloody boomerang dies in a lava flow. Yeah, but like, I feel like you're going to put them

in a dangerous situation. They're just going to turn it on you. I still do the bobs in the neck thing. I mean, that goes without saying. Yeah. I assume that we just, that was the go. Everyone has bobs in their head.

Would you have to send someone in with them? Are you the Rick Flag? No, I'm the, I'm not even the Amanda Waller. I'm the guy who suggests it to Amanda Waller. You're the two people at the business dinner. No, because she suggested it to them. Okay.

I'm the guy who, on the bus, is like, you're Amanda Waller. Yeah, exactly. Before the business dinner. This would be great. Send them into lava. You don't need a Rick Flag in there with the app to press. You know how phone reception works, yeah?

You have to see them, though. You have to have eyes on them so you have something like a drone on them I'd like to do it if's like a... Think about this. Hostage situation. No, you don't... Send them in. You're killing so many hostages. Because they're just going to turn... You can't put them in a situation

where it's good guy v. bad guy because they're just going to side with the bad guys. I'm not. I'm sending them to bad guy v. bad guy. They're just my bad guys. Or bad guy v. lava. I'm fine with you sending

a wave after wave of criminal at a lava flow but I just don't see why we would well because it's better than sending good people but like I don't know why we'd even send we lose too many laverologists every year it's crazy one scientist

be one killer croc I get it let killer croc die you're explaining the wrong bit. Okay. I'm going to pitch this to you. I'm going to put my Suicide Squad in a cannon and just shoot them into space.

Why am I doing that? Because it's safer because they're criminals, I guess. Because it's safer than shooting one canonologist into space. I can send a Killer Croc. Say we've got... Okay. What are you kidding? No, hear me.

Okay, so in South America... Yes? There's this stretch of jungle that has these real jagged, sharp rocks. Steve Irwin went there once. And we know how that turned out for him. Fine. He died later. But it's like a stress.

Like, Steve Irwin trips, and the rocks are so sharp and jagged that it cuts his, like, work boot in half. Oh, no. Oh, it's fucked. And there's just pit Sivo and trips and the rocks are so sharp and jagged that it cuts is like work boot in half Oh, it's fucked and there's just miles of them. Yeah, we don't know what's in there Okay, but if I got my suicide squad and brute-forced it we get one person across. Okay scientific endeavors Endeavors I'm back on board with that's what that's what the site just needed something out of the lava You were just saying just put them in a whirlpool and see what happens Scientific endeavors I'm back on board with. That's what the lavaologist needed something out of the lava. You were just saying, just put them in a whirlpool and see what happens.

And there's an item I need. Just put them in a whirlpool. Like they did Twister. Dump them in, see what you get. Ah, Twister's so shit. 1996 was a rough time for them. An amazing film. We've never had a good tornado film. I'll say it.

No. That one That came out Like two years ago That was alright With the guy from The Hobbit? Yeah I haven't seen it

It's alright People get trapped in like a Broken down building They nearly drown It's hectic But Sounds like a job For

Yes Send him in One will work The only problem I can see Uh huh Is that I have a finite amount of villains. You're just going to keep arresting people.

That's the thing. You're just going to make sure that you've got your Batman out there. That's true. And make sure he's not the murdering Batman that exists in this universe. How does Batman have a rogues gallery at all? Well, I see they're all in Belle Reve and Arkham.

No, but that's what I mean. He's killing henchmen. Why isn't he killing... Why didn't he just let Harley Quinn drown? It seems like that Batman would be fine with it. Yeah.

He should have punched her in the face and swum off. That's what he should have done. Gotcha. That was a good bit. That punch in the face underwater. Yeah, that was alright.

Okay, there's four things. Nah, that's not... One. One good thing. Do you know what I'm sick of hearing about Suicide Squad movie this is gonna be

a bum in the death star but also fuck this movie yeah when people are like oh it's really accurate to the comic book it's a real comic book

movie no it's not it's not at all I would say the character's situation is not Ang Lee Hulk is more of a better comic book movie than this movie

didn't you see the cartoon introductions that was the worst it's like a comic book. That's my favourite part of a comic book, the stats page of each hero. I'm really excited to read this Batman comic book. Marvel did that in the 90s

with a fold-out cover on the back of it where you had the people who were appearing in that comic and their stats. That's what Marvel did in the fucking 90s. That is kind of cool. In the 90s. That is kind of cool. Yeah. In the 90s. In the 90s.

Yeah. Everyone, guns and pockets. I think it's real funny that Suicide Squad was like, all right, look, not everybody knows the backstory, or the powers of Captain Boomerang. Give him like a stat page, and someone's like, give him a backstory too. No, no, no.

Someone's like, mm. Have him explain it as well. How about this? We need basically five times a stats page. Yeah, good. Which only on screen for like a split second that no one's going to read. It was really quick. Good.

Also, he robbed every bank in Australia. I know. That was the best. I tried to look, because I did a video on this, and I tried to look up every bank, and I'm like, I can't. There's too many. Like, this will take me hours. But does that mean, like, because sometimes you're on a street,

and there's like, say, a bank in Melbourne on one corner. Yeah. And a Commonwealth on the other. Does that mean that one weekend... Well, that's why Boomerang, that's... He just sort of, like, came into one... And clearly, what I love about that, the most about that, is that he got us because he moved to America. He did, yeah. He moved to America, but then he gets shipped back from Australia.

Exactly, because he's in the bag, the Australia Post bag. So is that, like, this will be funny. Is that how we sent him over? Just shipped him over? No, because he's in America. No, because he's in the bag, the Australia post bag. So is that like, this will be funny. Is that how we sent him over? Just shipped him over? No, because he's in America. No, he was caught in the US. He was too. And then he got shipped in an Australia post bag.

In the world of Suicide Squad and the DC extended universe, is Australia just like in an economic depression because Boomerang stole from all our bags? Are we fucked? Currency doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, currency is worthless because Boomerang got us good. Son of Are we fucked? Currency doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, currency is worthless because Boomerang got us good. Son of a bitch. Goddamn Jai Kali.

He cannot deal with Boomerang in Australia. Is that why he left? Because he robbed us and therefore money had no meaning? And then Australia went back to a barter system? This is the reckless Kelly sequel we all wanted. We finally got it. He's a true-name Kelly, Captain Boomerang. Anyway, that's what I'd use the Suicide Squad for.

Put him in a whirlpool. No. Scientific endeavor. Lava whirlpools, sharp rocks. All right. How about, instead, chores around the house? That's what I was thinking. Yeah.

Whose house? Anyone's. Mine. I'd hire them out, like Jim's. You know? Suicide Squad's mowing. Would you? Sorry, go.

I was going to be like, what's going to stop Harley Quinn hitting me with a mallet? Bomb in the head. Would you cater the tasks to specific squad members? Of course. The problem with your drainage, send in Killer Croc. Right, right, right. No, but the typical drainage of like a suburban home is just pipes.

It's not a big sewer. You'd be like, Killer Croc, get in there. He'd just be underneath the sink like... Yeah, that's true. He's not a plumber, is he? Killer Croc get in there He'd just be underneath the sink Like Yeah that's true He's not a plumber is he Yeah exactly I'm not trained for this What was that I bring out my iPhone

You're like What was that Killer Croc I'll fix the plumber Do you give the power To the person Who you're renting them out to Of course Love it

Are you sure Is that safe How about a fail safe As in a buddy system. As if they press it, I also have to press it. So I get a notification and I can call up like, oh, what happened? Well, he's doing this.

He's strangling me. Then we press it. He ate my baby. Oh, then we press. Boom. Boom. There we go. Are you just using the suicide squad from the film?

Yeah, like Boomerang can mow my lawns. He could. Wouldn't even give him a mower. It's all right. Yeah, like Boomerang can mow my lawns. He could. Wouldn't even give him a mower. It's all right, I'll pay him a beer to mow my lawns. One, if he drinks two, dead. Then I'm pressing that one. Absolutely. What was that?

How many beers? Boomerang? Oh, boom. Do you think people should have to pay a fee if they kill one of your Suicide Squad members? Because otherwise people would just be like, just kill him and be like, oh, get out of this. That's true. Someone that maybe Killer Crocs like, just kill him and be like, oh, get out of this.

Someone that maybe Killer Croc's eight, like their husband or wife or something, could be like, yeah, let's hire Killer Croc for my plumbing. Oh, bomb in the head. That's right. Also, what if people are just like, this is dark, actually,

but I'm going to go with it because it's not a saying. People are just like, I've always wanted to kill a man. Yeah, exactly. Well, then they've got to pay the insurance. That's fine. They can kill a Killer Croc.

Kill a Killer Croc. Kill a Killer Croc. That's my debut single. But then they've got to pay the insurance that's fine they can kill a killer croc kill a killer croc kill a killer croc that's my debut single but then they've got nothing to lose if they're getting hired out to be murdered they'll turn on you regardless unless you don't tell them well of course not

why would you tell us you're right that's silly James bombs in the neck while they sleep but hang on so let me pitch a scenario to you yes you've got Katana.

Does she have a bomb in her neck? No, she doesn't. She's not a member, technically. I'll put a bomb in her head, so yes. She's a good guy. Katana, you're like, I need Katana to, I don't know, chop my hedges. Steal the soul from my hedge. Put my soul's edge in her soul.

That never happened in the movie, did you notice? She stole her soul for a bit that was alright somebody pointed out to me did she kill a bunch of those mushroom lads or no

yeah she did in the trailer you see her absorb souls but she doesn't do it in the actual movie this like extended director's cut

must be amazing it's gonna be so good it's gonna be 8 hours long somebody pointed out to me that the only person who kills another human being

in that movie is Amanda Waller yeah she kills like 4 guys. Four FBI agents. Four FBI agents in the back. For no reason. Thanks for your help.

Bang, bang, bang, bang. They didn't have clearance. Why were they here, Amanda? Isn't that fucked? None of the bad guys, the villains. Joker kills one human. He kills Monster T. He does too.

That classic character. Oh, everyone's. The kills one human. He kills Monster T. He does too. That classic character. Monster T. Oh, everyone's. The tattooed man or whatever. When the plane gets, no, the helicopter blows up. Which one? Which one of the three? The one with Joker's henchmen.

A bunch of Joker's buds die. Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. That's a good guy shooting them down again. Yeah. Batman has killed more people in this universe than the Joker has. Yeah, he has. That's stressful. That's foolish.

No, so let me pitch a scenario. Katana's chopping your hedges. She's absorbed their souls. Hedges. Yep. And then the person whose house it is comes out, maybe with some lemonade, places it down, they turn around to walk back in the house. There!

Neck cut off. Katana runs. Yeah. You don't find out. Uh-huh. Well, when I have to go collect her. You're going to arrive, you're going to arrive and be like but if Katana then smashes the bomb

phone I'm pretty sure every bomb oh the bomb phone but they'll have one I've got one overriding one Rick Flag has one and Amanda Waller has one in the film because Rick Flag crushes his and that's when Captain Boomerang fucks off for no scenes because he's just in the next one

he's in the next one yeah goes for a piss or whatever drones as well his and that's when Captain Boomerang fucks off for no scenes because he's just in the next one. He's in the next one, yeah. That's a classic. Goes for a piss or whatever. Drones as well. Alright, some surveillance drones that are always hovering there. This is going to be a fucking expensive mowing service. Yeah. I'd like to get someone to mow my lawns. Oh, Suicide Squad's mowing, that sounds

alright. Ten grand. It's for a guy that could probably kill you. Why is it so expensive? Just drone costs. Drones are getting pretty cheap, aren't they? They're pretty cheap. Look, if I get an iPhone and just strap it to a drone I can buy from an Apple store, because you can do that now.

What a world we live in. Yeah. That's like what? 500 bucks for once off? I'm going to go cheaper. Every Suicide Squad member has to hold a selfie stick Done Drop the stick and die

Yeah Yeah, that's clever Thank you That's clever And also humiliating And humiliating What if I get a helmet? Like the helmet with the

No, no, no It has to point in though, right? Yeah, yeah Oh wait, so a helmet with the selfie stick attached to it? Yeah, yeah, in front of the face Now we're doing it the face no no no coming up under like this so that you can watch

their like stupid like the bad angle of their stupid faces yeah alright I laugh at them as they go so there you go

how do you have those burned in down your house so my only real issues are that I don't see why anyone would choose this over Jim's moment

Jim's a novelty you might get to kill a dad. Yeah. That's pretty good. And also, again, if, say, Killer Croc ate your wife and or husband and you get to watch him mow the lawns. Well, I guess that's good. Or do your draining or whatever.

Whatever you want KK for. Because that's like... KC? CC. KC. KC. CC is a kind of chip. Yeah, and then there's a bit of a humiliation thing.

Yeah, they do. Right. That is good. That is good. Okay, yeah, fair enough. There's a lesson in that also, I guess. Sure. It's not important though, is it, really?

It's the kind of thing you could call rehabilitation and no one would really mind. Exactly. Plus, if I'm calling it rehab, then I'm probably getting some government grants. Yeah, that's true. Then I'm getting money. All about them kickbacks.

Yeah, sending them sweet, sweet government kickbacks. You can buy drones. Look at me making money. You idiot Jackson science. I'm helping science. That's true, you are. I'm torn between like menial tasks like getting chewing gum off the bottom of chairs and stuff.

Yeah, that's good. Or going the extreme like giving them something where they'll definitely die because they're all terrible. Like why not just kill them? Don't even keep them alive. Just kill them. That's good. You know how, like, in Thailand and some places,

they'll, like, roll out a cow and you can shoot it with a rocket launcher? Just shit like that. Yes! And I'm not for that. That's fucking horrible. But there's a crocodile man who's been eating people. Yeah.

Like, if I was in Thailand and they were like, That's the best use for suicide squad. Big game hunting. Jackson, would you like to hunt a crocodile man? He's eaten babies. I'd be like, oh, yes, please.

Fuck yes. Where do I sign up? Hunting man. Slash man crocodile. Absolutely. In their natural environment or you put like croc in a desert.

He's like, oh, this is really... Real dry. Because these guys are killers. Yeah. So you'd have to have a disadvantage. Put them all in the desert desert They'd have to, yeah Ever seen that wonderful John Leguizamo movie The Pest?

No Where a rich man basically hires John Leguizamo so he can hunt him Oh, The Greatest Game of All, the book Yes Yeah, that's a great book Basically what The Pest is So yeah, let's do that I read more books than I watch movies

I'm one of those guys, It's not a big deal. It's just fine. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I feel like if I was hunting the Suicide Squad, I would want to make it more special than just hunting regular men. Right. I feel like I want Deadshot to have not a gun,

but you know what I mean? A BB gun. A boomerang. I want Captain Boomerang to have a boomerang so that it feels like I'm not just hunting oh no like a bloke

I'm pretty sure they would kill you real easily what if you give him a bad boomerang yeah yeah like a rigged one he's gonna kill you

because he's probably gonna like just force down your throat or something well you know like those when you bullfighting right you stab the bull

you make him sick and then you send him out and then you're like aha look at me defeating this bull. Or like a better version, Gladiator, when Maximus gets poisoned and or stabbed. It's been a while since I've seen that film. Outrageous.

Right. So that. And so he's already half wounded. You're fighting a weakened suicide squad. Yeah. With a rifle from the back of a jeep. Yeah. But I think there'd be money in big game hunters.

Because there's lunatics who love love this shit, who'd go, you have to hunt the best guy, and nobody's ever beaten him, so it costs this amount of money, sign these forms, and then you'll probably die, but, you know, if you beat him, there would be people lining up

to do that. Then you get rid of, A, those big game hunter crazy sons of bitches, And then maybe some suicide squad. Maybe the suicide squad. And again, you have like instead of like, oh, I've got a phone.

You have a perimeter that if they go beyond it, it blows up. I feel like that's less suicide squad and more just murder squad because there's no way the big game hunters

are winning. Well, I mean, against some. Okay, dead shot. Oh, you know what's going to happen? He's going to sneak onto the van that

they're on and take a gun. Everyone's dead. Yeah, dead shot. But like what's going to happen? He's going to sneak onto the van that they're on, take a gun, everyone's dead. Yeah, dead shot, but like... Harley Quinn will seduce them and then just bludge them to death. I'm pretty... I'd shoot her. Yeah.

Straight up. Like, if you're a big game hunter going in there to shoot a Harley Quinn, you're not going to be like, no, I'm going to fuck this. I'm like, hey, I'm going to go and try and hunt this lion. Ooh, it's giving me the eyes. That's right, yeah. Ooh, look at that long. Well, Simon, you've never been to Africa. That's true, I guess I'm going to go and try and hunt this lion. Ooh, it's giving me the eyes. That's right. Ooh, look at that lion. Well, Simon, you've never been to Africa.

That's true. I guess I haven't. Lions are sexy. Maybe. I don't know unless I'm in that situation. That's true. I guess, actually, and I guess in the film Suicide Squad, Harley Quinn tries that and she ends up getting electrocuted.

Yeah. That's true. Electric shock because she doesn't know. I feel like she's got away with that a lot, though. Like, they knew that was coming because she does it every day. Who else is in the Suicide Squad? Fucking Boomerang. That's just a lad.

He'd be drunk as well. Easy to shoot. Yeah, he would be easy to shoot. You can get Boomerang. El Diablo's only scary if he's on fire. Which he probably would be. Or he'd just be embracing death. Depends where in his story arc he is.

Who else is in that? I should know. I just saw it. Enchantress would be hard. Fuck that. She's a Satan. That's a Satan child. hard fuck that she's a Satan that's a Satan child did you say she's a Satan yeah

she's a witch yeah it's a lesser Satan that's fair either way is Rick Flagg in there no nah

you would have had Rick Flagg as a visual dang that's like a trick if you you got a big game on if you shoot him you lose it's like in a video game oh trick if you got a big game on if you shoot him you lose

it's like in a video game you lose a lot it's yeah like that game point blank yeah if you shoot yourself mine is alive

same with Katana you gotta avoid her yeah what about Slipknot he just kills himself what are Slipknot's powers he climbs well he has

he can climb anything a lot of people can climb anything. A lot of people can climb anything. He does. He pretty much always even do his shooter grappling hook very similar to what Batman has him in. Yeah. Also, I love that it was because it was very slow as well. It was.

It was real slow. The same line up. He was very still when he was doing it. It was like almost like they cut him out. Like a Mario jump. Yeah. What the hell? That was an odd moment. That's not really a power. What a good movie, eh? Like a Mario jump. Yeah. What the hell? That was an odd moment. That's not really a power.

What a good movie, eh? What a good movie, guys. I'll see it again every weekend. Can we capture the Joker and put him in the big game hunter thing? Because that'd be fun. I think he'd be hard to wrangle.

I think there's a reason he's not on the team. True. Because he's not in jail, which is the first one. That being said, I don't know anything about this Joker

because he was only there for like eight minutes. I mean, like, we know that he's very in jail Which is the first one That means that I don't know anything about this Joker Because he was only there for like 8 minutes I mean like We know that he's very intense Because Jared Leto committed sex crimes Or whatever And we know that the sex crimes of an actor Influence the quality of their performance

Yeah Generally Because metal acting is the most pure form of acting And it's not just like Well actually This Joker yeah Because he was a sex criminal This Joker definitely yeah I'd love to a sex criminal. This Joker, definitely, yeah.

I'd love to shoot Jesse Eisenberg Lex Luthor. Like, put him on the team. Yeah. Because he's not physical, is he? No. And he'd be trying to stop you by shoving Jolly Ranchers in your mouth. That's right. That's all he'd be doing.

Fuck, that scene was so good. That's my favorite scene about him. Really? I love that scene. Yeah. So weird. Jesse Eisenberg. Oh, Lex Luthor's a better Joker than the Joker and the Joker is a better black mask than the Joker

what? he wears a skull he's like a Batman villain but he's just like an angry mobster which is basically what the Joker was this time round has Batman ever fought a rapist I mean let me the Joker because that is what this Joker was the better one of them really really really interested to see how they're even gonna square this joke crop with Batman because Ben Affleck's Batman

is so serious of this joke is not funny or anything just garbage did you know like we were saying before the film came out, that he's got the smile on his... Yeah, hand. And then he did it in the first eight scenes he's in. Yeah, but he didn't do anything with it. He was like, ha-ha. And then there was an awkward moment,

and then he would take it off like, gotcha. It was even worse when he put it in front of his own face. You're like, what? I can't hear what you're saying anymore, buddy. I wouldn't remember this. He's like, bah-bah, in front of his own face, and're like, what? I can't hear what you're saying anymore, buddy. I don't even remember this. He's like, in front of his own face and the other guy is like...

Is this with Monster T? Yeah, Monster T is just like, okay. Why did he kill that guy either? Because he was like, I don't want your lady. He was like, have sex with my lady. No. And he killed her.

I'm going to shoot you. Maybe you should have. Quality film. Anyway. That's a reasonable scene to write and then give to a group of writers to rewrite then to film, to act in

nobody to direct to edit to add a film score next to. Nobody watching that should have been like, what is the point of any of this? Why don't we become carpenters? You're reverse Harrison Ford.

I feel like everyone involved in DC movies, they just have a crew of 100 just on the side of each seat just clapping because it's the only way. Well, apparently Batman and Superman got a standing ovation when they screened it for the DC Warner Brothers. I guess they were just too busy with their copious amounts of drugs in front of them. That's absolute horseshit to be like, we made this and we love it.

It's amazing. We show people who fucking are so close to it. Anyway, so all right. What are we doing? Big game hunting, suicide squad. I'm a fan. Dusha, what do you got? What would you do with this squad?

See, I was going to put bombs in their head and then leave them in jail so that when they break out of Arkham, I just blow up the bombs. That's pretty good, actually. No, but you might get Batman. Like, if was going to put bombs in their head and then leave them in jail so that when they break out of Arkham, I just blow up the bombs. That's pretty good, actually. No, but you might get Batman. Like, if he's waiting on the outside, Harley Quinn runs out, he attacks her, and you're like, got him! Batman's a vigilante.

That's kind of two birds with one stone. Yeah, that's not on you. You didn't put him out there. Yeah, actually. If he wasn't vigilante-ing about, he wouldn't be in jail. Can I put a bomb in Batman's head? It's actually a good way to get Batman.

Have the Suicide Squad attack Batman blow him up all at once. Yeah. How big is the bomb though because when Slipknot's head exploded it just kind of

popped off. It was only as big as like a rice grain or something. And in Assault on Arkham when KG Beast's head blows up it literally just pops

off pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. You're not gonna get Batman. You'll be fine. No that's that's fine. It literally just pops off pretty much. Yeah, you're not going to get Batman. He'd be fine. No, that's fine. No, because Arkham's got an open door policy. Arkham is a terrible whatever it's meant to be. Villain house. Okay, how expensive are those bombs? 20 bucks.

I'd be putting them in every single person in Arkham. I'm putting heaps in them. Just tons. I'm going to be like, Harley, put these in Arkham. I'm putting heaps in them. Just tots. I'm going to be like, Harley Quinn, put these in your pockets. Put these in your hat. It's my use of just free up jail space, I guess. Like, oh, you're out.

Well, that's that dog. I feel like there's money in putting them in limbs and you pick the part you want to explode. I don't know how. I think there's something in that. Harley Quinn without legs. How about? With that, we put them in limbs. Or joints, actually.

And then we make it like a Big Brother-esque televised event. Welcome TV. Sometimes you go a bit too far and you go a bit too far and you become a bad guy by trying to do good. Uh-huh.

I feel like... What if we also have a bomb in our neck? I feel like you may be tiptoeing. What if we torture him? Yeah, that's good. So I'll put a bomb in my neck, and if I think I'm going too far, I'll blow my head off.

I'll be the first one to stop myself. You're like, what if we televised their torture? Ah! I went too far. It didn't work. Oh, Hunger Games them. Hunger Games them! That's pretty, yeah. Whoever wins, free.

Deadshot wins. Free? Ten years off the sentence. Nah, ten years off the sentence for every other person they kill. Because if a Deadshot takes 50 down, like five down, that's 50 off. But then if he gets shot, then we just get a sneaky five dead inmates, or six dead inmates, really. I mean, they're going to escape anyway.

Yeah. Why not move Arkham while they're sleeping, put it in the middle of a Hunger Games arena when they wake up and break out. Surprise, you're in a game now. And if they refuse to, like, cooperate, bomb in the head. Poor Riddler. Wait. Actually, poor everyone but maybe Deadshot and Killer Croc.

Yeah, really. King Shark. King Shark. He's a king. And Deathstroke. Deathstroke. Deathstroke. Deathstroke.

Deathstroke has such a nebulous power set. Yeah. He's just real good. He's so great. Okay. I feel like Deadshot's still going to win really easily, because none of them are impervious to bullets. It depends what you put in the arena and how close, because in Hunger Games, you've got

to run for a thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. You start off in the middle. Get your weapons. On a platform, if you step off the platform, bomb in your head. Done. Hmm?

All right. No guns. Yeah, there you step off the platform, bomb in your head, done. No guns. Yeah, there you go. Or bats. No guns or bats or boomerangs. They have to kind of makeshift everything. Boots, that's it. Okay.

Captain Boomerang can have a thong because I feel like that'll feel more natural to him. Yeah, I agree. Harder to move around, but better in the long run chop the fucking foam into the shape of the boomerang i'm backing captain boomerang in this now in this fight yeah fair deadshot make deadshot's too serious he'll just be like what the fuck is and then he'll be dead because yeah we're too busy questioning it he'd be like what are we some kind of hunger games? Squad? Correct. And plus he wouldn't shoot Harley. Oh yeah,

that's true. No, he wouldn't. Because he doesn't kill women or children. Unlike El Diablo who doesn't care. Except for when he does care. Or he does care.

But then he doesn't care. Do show. You own that, okay? You own the fact you murdered babies. Yeah, that was... Because that... Sure.

Alright. That was a perfectly fine scene for people to write. Direct. Direct. Have a hundred... Someone edited it. Someone showed a test screening.

Several takes of that. And look at it and be like, what the fuck is she saying? And then a hundred people stood up on the side of the set and clapped. Good job. You're doing great.

I think everybody except one person behind them. You're doing great. You're amazing. Jared, maybe everybody except one person behind them. You're doing great. You're amazing. Jared, maybe you should send them more condoms. Maybe that's the problem. Every decision you make is gone. Are these ripped?

I know you're going to send them in pig's head, but maybe just send them a whole pig. I think that's what the Joker would do. That's acting. Give one of your assistants, I mean, your henchmen. Call them your henchmen call them your henchmen they love it hey Jared I'm gonna call you

Mr. J who are you you in character yet buddy are you loving this are you the Joker now fuck you you doing this for six months okay

and then you just occasionally do it in interviews and then claim that it's funny because that's real good what do you reckon would have happened had Jared Leto gotten the role of Captain Boomerang? I think he would have bloody nailed it.

I ate meat pies every day. I sent my crewmates didgeridoos. That's the thing. I want Jared Leto to be cast now. His next movie role to be something just like a regular dude. Oh, yeah, like Captain Boomerang. And if he doesn't method act, he's going to jail because he committed crimes on this set.

Method acting doesn't hold up if you're fucking picky and choosy. Well, he did the method acting for that one where he played John Lennon's assassin. Yeah, but he didn't shoot any. That's right. And then he did method acting for the next one. Didn't he play Dallas Buyers Club? Oh, yeah, he did. I haven't seen it. He played... I didn't download it because, you know, yeah, he did. Yeah, he was. I haven't seen it.

He played. I didn't download it because, you know, the copyright thing happened. Apparently that got all squared away. I think only like three people ended up having to pay the fine. Thank God. I dodged it all. I watched it. I thought I'd have gone to jail too.

Everyone's in jail now. This podcast is live from jail. Oh, no. Bob is here now. Get him in. Download it, Dallas Buyers Club. jail too yeah everyone's in jail now this podcast is live from jail downloaded dollar spies club so i think yes that's the best use of a suicide squad is to hunger game them or menial tasks or science yeah i think science wins well that's ethical isn't it mine's the only one that was using them yours was was just hurting them. I was like, what can I do with this resource? What can I do with this resource? What can I do with this resource of the Suicide Squad? Further science. You guys were like, let's just make them sad.

No, I was like, that's free jail space. You were using them to perform tasks. To chop wood. Yeah, that's correct. You were just shooting them in Africa. I wasn't shooting them. I don't condone it. I just think it's a great idea.

It's a good business venture. I don't set it all up. Yeah, look. I'm just projections. It's like the guy who bought the AIDS drug. He's like, listen, that's the industry, man. It's not me. It's not whatever.

I'm not a piece of shit. I'm just a businessman. Anyway, I think I won. Yeah, I'll give it to you. Fine. Yes. It's another one. Chalk it up on the wall.

One. That's it. That's the only time you've ever won one of these. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. I've also been James. Clever.

And we've been a suicide squad. Well, if I have to fucking watch that movie again, I sure will be. You'll watch the extended cut though, right? You'll have to. You know what? Honestly, I picked up the Batman v Superman Ultimate Cut on Blu-ray in a store like two days ago. And I honestly thought about buying it. And then I was like, wait, what am I doing?

And then I put it back down. Suicide Squad will probably get me though. Probably not. But you hear that there's so much that was shot of the Joker, we can... We'll only see when he dies, apparently. We can almost get a whole movie about Jared Leto's Joker, which I will never want to see.

You're not curious to be like, what insanity? He'll be like, acting, this is acting. This is my best acting. You don't want to see that? I hope it's more of him just playing a mobster. I hope it's more of him just playing the straightest most normal Joker there is. He's pretty much just Cesar Romero at this

point. Yeah. No, but even Cesar Romero was goofy at least. I didn't get a sense of him, to be honest. I just didn't I was like, I was like nothing. I was like, is he I don't know what he is. Can you describe Jared Leto's Joker without talking about Jared Leto? And you're talking about physical talking about Jared Leto. Joker without talking about Jared Leto and you're talking about physical talking about

I am Jared Leto his Joker was a sex pest his Joker was just erotic he wasn't a sex pest and you're talking not physically

not physically what was his deal highly sexual yeah that's good he was highly sexual slippery I don't know

crazy he was slippery um damaged um hey tattoos has probably like upset I don't know. Crazy. It was slippery. Damaged. Tattoos. Has probably like a obsessive nature kind of thing. How'd you get that? Because you know how he put all the knives meticulously around him?

One track kind of. And he's after Harley. He's like, this is my thing I'm doing. So you think he set up those knives? Yeah. Do you think he was like, fellas, hey, it's me, the Joker Secure that room for me Because I intend over the next hour or so

To make like a ring of knives that I'm just gonna yell in I don't know, I just think the whole thing is dumb I don't think anybody does that for any reason He was such a sad boy Joker too Fuck him off, get rid of him I would say obsessive, highly sexual And a little bit of a sad boy. The perfect Joker.

The three qualities of a Joker. Sad, sexual, obsessive. Do you think there's any people that are like, he's a sexy looking guy? Oh, heaps. Really? Heaps of people are like, oh my God, sexiest Joker ever. The day after the screen. Jack Nichol oh my god sexiest Joker the day after this

Jack Nicholson is the sexiest Joker clearly he has such a big gun he's real wide he's so wide

and so old such a big gun though and he shoots down a plane and that's mad yeah but yeah

my Facebook feed was full of people being like Jared Leder is the best actor of the world and I was like like every single one.

Yeah, good. Because that's just. You deserve that support. Thank you. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?