Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Win Big Brother (The Reality Show)? with Naomi Higgins

Episode Date: May 3, 2026

Zammit is missing, presumed dead. We can only assume that all his bad decisions have finally caught up with him. But never fear as the beautiful and normal hosts are joined by the beautiful and normal Naomi Higgins. Reality TV is pop culture, we dare you to say otherwise and today the gang try and figure out the best way to win Big Brother. They also get into the nitty gritty of Big Brother Up Late, decide what counts as an act of terrorism, and explore how Duscher requires ego death if he's to even have a chance of meeting Gretel Killeen. So listen on, enjoy and do your best to avoid intruders Frank and Oz who wish to do you some serious harm.Go listen to Naomi's podcast 3 Lemons Carcass Out wherever you listen to podcasts. It really is the perfect pop culture podcast. And check out her new show Pathological over at Humdinger Studios on YouTube starting May 7th.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And today we're joined by very special guest, Naomi Higgins. Yay. Yay. Woo! Thank you for having me.

Hey, thank you so much for joining us. And Plumming the Death Star, it's a comedy pop culture podcast and asked the important questions. Like, how would you win Big Brother, the reality show? Whoa, dude. Pop culture, it counts. It's like the most, to be honest, this is... What else would it be? I don't know

This is probably in the top 2% Of pop culture stuff that we've ever covered Yeah, that is true That is true It's like Big Brother If we did an episode about Princess Diana That would also probably be in the top 2% Hell yeah

Well, too late now Should have done a Diana episode Dude, the people's princess God damn it I don't know what it would have been But I wish we'd be We were doing that instead Yeah

Yeah, nothing good I would say Yeah the only thing That stuff I can think of Is that I don't want to say directly into a microphone Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I, like, just barreling a camera.

Yeah, I got some thoughts about Diana. All good. Well, they're all good. Yeah. Yeah, she was great. Shout out. Shout out Diana. Shout out Diana.

My dude. Shout out to Diana. Yeah, yeah, we're pointing up. Yeah. Have you, did either of you guys, like, obviously Big Brother Australia has been around for a long time, you haven't thought about auditioning? God, no. Every time I watch Big Brother, I go, I'd kill myself.

Yeah. Like, I would. No one's done that in Big Brother yet. You could be the first. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Change the game. I think the thing with Big Brother is, it's like, I mean, like all reality TV show is like this.

It's like you're being put with a bunch of people that think they deserve to be on TV. Yeah. Like in this, I guess, situation, you have the same psychosis as then where you go, yeah, I should also be on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I deserve to be famous. Yeah, as opposed to podcasts where everyone's normal. Yeah. This was an accident. This was an accident that happened.

And when I look in the mirror every morning, I'm just, you know, I go, wow, 15 years ago I wrecked my life. That's cool. I mean, you can just stop doing it. I don't know that I can at this point. Oh, yeah, let's look at our resume. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, I have that too. Yeah. It's good. It's really good. If a bank reaches out and go, hey, brother, here's a six-figure salary. I'd go, absolutely eat shit every single member of the, like, the audience and all that's ever said nice things to me. You would not, would you?

Working at the bank? You couldn't have a day job. A bankman? Are you kidding? None of you could have a day job. I couldn't either. And that's how I know. I've had day jobs before.

They've been good. And how did it go? It's all right. What about? Could I work at like a, oh, can I give you some jobs you tell me if you could imagine me there? Warehouse worker easy. Packing boxes for like 50 bucks an hour. Got your name.

What about like? Nine months. Okay, nine months. Okay. Working at a water park. Not a reputable one. Yeah. Fired within two months.

What the hell? 18 months. 18 months, thank you, giving me more time. With a couple of blocks where you take like a month off. Yeah, okay. Not your call. Yeah. Where you're told to take a month off.

An MLM. And then you can't talk to the kids like that. Oh, MLM. Are you not running one of those already? Yeah. The rest of my life. Sanspans radio, I believe, to be an MLM. Yeah.

It's a pyramid scheme, but I don't know who's losing or who's winning. Seems like it's a flat loss across the board. If you want to compare Sandspans to a business that already exists, it's probably an MLM mixed with a zoo. It would be like apes running an MLM. And we're getting tricked by them. Yeah, it's an MLM for men, which is rare. I think you should be proud of that.

That's true. That's true. What about the zoo? What about the zoo? Could you see me working at the zoo? I reckon you get out. No, because I went for a job there once and I didn't get it. So you're not getting in. And I also think that if you're in a situation where you don't have to apply for the job,

you just have it. Yeah. You get tricked by 70% of the animals there. You just find yourself constantly in the enclosure and them out of the And you go, fuck. Oh, no. Mr. Higgity's going to be so pissed it happened again.

It's just, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. If you give me an office job, yeah. Nah. You'll end up suicidal. Yeah, it's true. Oh, yeah, this is so much different.

I'd like to work on a... You should hear the... I mean, you know, you also do content. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What people say, it's awesome. Great for the self-esteem. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We've, we don't neither... Jordan and I, we don't go on the... TikTok page. We have someone else who goes through that and just deletes me in comment. I don't, I thought we'd come further. It turns out, because it's not my first podcast, people still don't like it when women speak. What the hell, dude? Yeah. It's 2026. It's 2026. Women should not be speaking. Did we not learn our lessons? I'm happy to report that they also don't love men talking. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Well, I'm sorry about that. Thank you so much. Thanks. Thanks. It's actually much harder for us. Yeah.

Because we had it so good for so long. And now what the fuck? Now, I feel like you have to worry about your appearance way more. Yeah. That's like one of the newest things happening to men. No, people have always thought I was ugly. Yeah. But now it matters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think because I sort of built my brand about being ugly and strange, I'm good. I'm in the clear. Okay. People go, Jackson looks peculiar. What's changed? Nothing. The first ever live show we did Naomi.

And again, I just want to say that this is all a bit. I don't actually think we've got it hard. But I do think that I should work in an office. Yes. The first ever live show we did, one of the first fan interactions I ever had was someone, like, I was walking somewhere. They stood in front of me and they went, you're Jaldusha. And I said, yeah, they're like, wow, I didn't know what you looked like. I expected you to be handsome.

What? But then they went, but instead you just look like, and then just like gestured at me and they're like, yeah. That's awesome. Shout out to that fan, honestly. I love these guys enough to come to a live show, but I'm going to tell one of them they're ugly. That is fucking crazy. But I guess, you know, it used to not be video. And it's sort of a love is blind situation.

Exactly. We've heard someone's voice a bunch. And you're like, I know what they look like. And whenever that happens, whenever I've heard someone's voice a lot, and then I see him and I'm like, uglier. Uglier than I thought. That's true. That's, yeah. It happens.

You get the opposite because we're mean to you. Yes, that's true. People go, wow, Jackson. Because we go, Jackson. Jackson's ugly as fuck They are, what are those baby blues? Yeah, look at him with his lustrous hair. But then I did have somebody once say that they will,

I was like, oh, I don't like my hair today in like an Instagram post. And they were like, well, yeah, because every haircut you get is like a joke for some reason. And I was like, what? What could that mean? I think I look nice. You're doing it to be funny. Yeah, it's like a funny joke because you want to look strange. And it is funny.

You've done a good job of being funny with how it's off your hair looks. That's your job? If you worked at an office like my dream, then yeah, would have words. Yeah, that's true. But that is my job. I look at the thing that's going to stop me from an office situation is I can't do business casual. The way I wear it, even like I'm talking like iron shirt, done up top button, tie, slacks, clean. Doesn't work on you?

No, it just, it looks. I somehow take the suit and I make it look fucked up. Like it's like casual. I got the same with a suit. I always say I have an informal head that I can be formal. from the neck down, you go, oh, but he's... Well, you're unkempt. Yeah.

I'm sorry, but, you know, you could be camped. It's not an issue. How could I become more camped? What's unkempt? What do you mean? Just get a haircut and trim your beard. It's not hard. It's so easy as a guy to look like you have at least your head together. The problem, though, is that if I shave my beard, you realize I have a tiny little

plum head. Well, no, I would never, I was not saying to shave your beard. I said trim your beard. I would never suggest you show us what's under there. I don't think of anyone's business. Naomi, it's grim. Let me tell you. I've seen it.

It's bad. I look like Hobo Johnson. Well, now I'm back in. This is my experience with Big Brother. My brother, my little brother. My little brother auditioned for Big Brother. And I went there on the day that he auditioned. And I also had diarrhea on the day he auditioned.

Naturally. And I remember going. to the toilet because there was everybody there, a bunch of cool, like, you know, young, hip people auditioning for Big Brother. I go to the toilet in there, destroy it. Horrible experience, right? Like...

I don't want to... I know people joke. I destroyed a toilet. Yeah. I don't want to know what that means, but you're saying it. Let your imagination run wild. I don't... Well, I'm mad.

I feel like that whoever used the bathroom next, the toilet might have looked fine, but the vibe in that room would have been atrocious. Okay, so it's spiritual... Absolutely. But spiritual desecration. Broke the porcelain or something. No, no.

Just it was a bad shit. But then what made it... Might have got some air while you were taking the shit. Like lifted off the toilet. Yeah, probably. I was sent a meter up. But what was... The worst part about it, the most humiliating part,

is that as I was doing it, and feeling terrible, a bunch of cool guys came into the bathroom. Oh, my God. Bro, it smells like shit in here. No, you know what? Why would they say that, though? I don't know.

You knew I was on the toilet. Also, they're in a toilet. Yeah. You're hanging out in it. That's the home of shit. No, it's the home of cool guys, apparently. Yeah, I did. That's, were they, like, surprised?

Yeah, they were like, damn. What the hell's going on in here? This urinal smells like piss. Nobody smells so nice. What the fuck? And then, because I was like, well. Someone's brother must be in here. Wow, I hope, yeah, if his brother's auditioning, I hope he loses because it smells

so bad in here. But I had to, like, hide on those. toilet until they left, because you don't want them to be like, it smells like shit in here. 26 or something? That's way too old. Oh, my God. I honestly thought you were going to say 19. No, dude.

I was like in my mid-20s? I think it's fine. I hide. What am I going to come out? That's the high school experience, but 10 years later. And the guys are going to be like, you are the guy who did the stinky shit. It sounds like they would have been like that. I think they would have.

I didn't want to deal with that. Thank you, Naomi. Thank you. I, you got a, you brother, come on. You got what, face off? Face the music. I just walk out of the cubicle and be like, it was me. It was me. You want to talk about it, it was me. I heard you.

I heard what you were saying. Be nice to me. Okay, I ate some bad food probably. Bad hot dog? For God's sakes. Now, okay, we've got the two extremes. And now if you just went somewhere in the middle. What's in the middle walking out and being like, sorry, fellas.

Yes. That's, that's, no, no. Have you never? Sorry, guys. Stinky shits. I know listeners of the podcast. That's humiliating. I know listeners of the podcast.

hotguards are already well aware of this. Yeah. But like you're not a urinal user because you love to sit down and piss. Yeah, sitting down the piss rocks. You're not used to the comfort, like the bath, it's actually, when people are saying stuff like that, it's also still safe. They said at the moment they stepped inside. They weren't even out the urinal.

Can I ask you a question? Of course. You sit down to piss. Yeah. Do you spend less time on the toilet doing a shit because you sit down to piss? No. What do you mean? What do you mean? I am worried about men. because I

We're just going to clip that one line That'll be I'll be like Hey Naomi How was plumbing the death star I'm worried about men I'm worried about men Yeah fair enough

I just like the amount of time That men spend on the toilet Yeah They like 45 minutes Every guy I've ever dated That's way too long Are you serious? 45 minutes is not

Like if I'm on the Every guy I've ever dated Has spent like that long on the toilet That's way too long in the toilet That's crazy. But I thought it was because you piss standing up, so you're not used to the luxury of sitting down and looking on your phone when you're pissing. And maybe that's why you feel like you have to spend all that time.

But you... 45. But then again, you're saying 45 minutes is long. That's too long for me. Well, that's... I just found out that is how, like, you can need, like, bottle hole surgery. So now I'm actually concerned. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how... Yeah, that's bad. Like, I think I, you know... They're just sitting there, by the way. It's not, like, it's taking 45 minutes. I think if your shit takes 45 minutes, you're in real trouble. Yeah.

Sounds like yours did. Yeah. That day. Well, that day it did. That day it did. Well, that was probably like two minutes of shitting time. And then 43 minutes of waiting for the cool guys to leave. Yeah, exactly.

They were cool guys auditioning for Big Brother. Are people cool who audition for Big Brother? They're a certain kind of hostile. They want to meet Gretel Colleen. You know, if I come out of there, these are guys that think they're Big Brother ready. Oh, yeah, they're ready to go. They have this shit on camera. What?

No, you don't. But they're not... It depends which era. They don't put it on. They don't... The camera isn't pointing at the toilet, is it? They don't... I think for a while there was a camera in the toilet.

Okay, because season one of Australian Big Brother. They had uncut. They had uncut for a couple of seasons, and then a very famous incident happened, and they go, hey, maybe we shouldn't do this. With the turkey slap? I was so scared of getting turkey slapped after that. Fair enough. I must have been very young.

And I was like, I don't. I really, in my life, this is where I draw the line. I will never get turkey slapped. I thought it was just something that was going to happen to every woman at some point. Because I saw it happen once on TV. I was like, fuck, I could always be around the corner. You never know. Gotta be on your toes.

You do. And, yeah. That was on uncut? Yes. Yeah, yeah, I believe it. I thought that was on like the regular, because they didn't show, I don't recall seeing the genitals. I think they, because I think the behavior got more and more lewd because Uncut and up late were like uncensored and that was the stuff that people like ooh

Yeah So they're like well I'll do naughty stuff to get more screen time I mean that was I remember seeing that guy's penis Yeah in season one do you remember? You had a huge dick Not really you remember the blonde guy and girl who like Yes yeah yeah we're like having sex in the first season of Australian Big Brother and then it was like uncut Yeah And we were just seeing them naked watching around crazy that was like a formative experience

I was not allowed to watch it. No, I think I didn't, I think I barely caught any Big Brother up late so I didn't get a chance to see. That's all I remember from my entire childhood. The thing that I remember was that one of the housemates, it wasn't season one, it would have been two or three, I reckon, was singing the Australian National Anthem while shaving their pubs.

And that was also like a pretty formative experience. Yeah, but I also remember that it was like ranking top 10 rudest moments of this season in up, like, you know. How dare they desecrate the Australian national anthem like this? The logic, and this sucks if this is true, but I think the logic was it had been a rumor within the house that like if you don't want something on camera, you just need to be doing something as copyrighted and unfortunately she had picked a song that was not. Oh, it was a woman?

Yeah. Yeah. That makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Wait, was that on I'm cut? Yeah. Oh, so you saw everything.

Damn, dude. It's crazy that they did that. It's crazy that that was legal. Yeah. I mean, Australian, I guess, just media in general, is pretty lenient with sex and nudity. Yeah. So it's not...

Is it? Yeah. I think it's maybe become less lenient as times go by. Has it become more Americanized. I'm trying to remember the first time I saw, like, an uncensored penis on TV. It was definitely a big brother for me. It was definitely that guy's.

I think his name was Jamie. Damn. It's huge in my memory. Yeah. I think it was huge. I think it was actually huge. Yeah. Yeah, I mean...

Are you looking it up? Yeah, go on, go on. Look it up. Let's find it. Let's look at an uncensored penis at work. The guy or the girl, I think they had like dreadlocks, like white person dreadlocks. Oh, classic, dude. Like braids or something like that.

Very early 2000s. No, the thing that I'm hesitating about, and long-time listeners of Sand Spence Radio will know this, is because that we hosted a show on the network that was hosted by a Jamie who was on Big Brother. So is it going to be the same guy? That's what I'm a little fearful. Damn, dude. Don't be scared. He's got nothing to be shy about.

Exactly. But I know that he didn't do well. Like he got eliminated either first or second week. Oh, then it's not him. Okay. Do you think getting eliminated first or like to, like, if it's, is first worse or is in the middle worse? I just remembered. Yeah.

I kissed someone who went on Big Brother. I made out with someone who went on Big Brother. I think he was like first or second out. First or second out is not bad, though. In a club. That's awesome. Is the reason you were talking to him because he was like, I was on Big Brother. No, because I'd been watching Big Brother, and I was like, you're on Big Brother.

But he was, he was so, I remember because there were people from my work at this club, because it was like near where I worked. But then I also had come with, like, a 21st that I was at. Yeah. And he had gone out first or second. And he was like, hi, hi, Naomi. And he was like, more people here know you than me. It's like, okay, chill.

Yeah. Roll-I. Did he say that line before or after you made out? Because the timeline, if they were Definitely after. Yeah. After his battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was not, I'm not going to say who it was, but there's nothing they could redeem making out with that guy. Can't believe Naomi hooked up with hot dogs. Oh my God, that would have been way better. That would have rocked, dude. Are you serious? Come on. It's my, yeah, my OTP now, Naomi and hot dogs. That's me. That's mine, too.

That's awesome, dude. There was no Jamie. Oh, yeah, we'd be up late. Sorry, go on. There was no Jamie in season. one. There was a Johnny. Okay. Johnny? Was it season?

I feel like it was season one. Season one is 2001. Big Brother, A, you penis. Since you're bad at it. Yeah. You're not finding the penis quick enough. It's Jamie. It's instantly. Season six. Season six. They didn't update for a long time.

That's crazy. It's also crazy that you could. Not safe for work. Continue. Yeah. Yes, please. D-EF list. Man, imagine that. you get posted on celebrity penis subreddit. It's D to Fless. This was posted 13 days ago. Somebody's still thinking about it.

That's how good this penis is, dudes. I can't wait to see it. Do you want to see it? Yeah, I'd love to. Okay, it is big. You got to blow this out because it'll come up on camera. Whoa, okay, yeah, he's packing. God damn.

Holy shit. He's doing very well for himself. Yeah, good on him. Shut out, Jamie. Shout out Jamie. Jamie Brooks me. Very nice penis. Yeah.

Very good penis. You know, you got nothing to be worried 13 days ago. That's held up. That's helled up. Yeah, that is a aged like wine penis. We're talking about it now. Yeah, like you, it's a formative experience for a lot of people. You know, it's like kind of a nostalgic horny if they go back and look at it on the DTF subbride.

I mean, I wasn't horny at the time. No, no, no, I know. What is that thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A penis when you're young is fried. Also, like, a big penis. Yeah. Are they all like that?

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I probably didn't even know of that time. They get bigger. But also, more importantly, smaller. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Oh, you mean, yeah, for other people who are, yeah, other men might be smaller ones than that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, it's huge for me. Can I say if ever I hear anyone has, like, a giant penis, if they're like, girlfriend or something is around, I'm like, okay?

And the answer is always no. Yeah, of course, absolutely. It's worst-case scenario if your boyfriend has, like, a giant penis. penis. Yeah. You're going to rack your sex life, guaranteed. Do you think if you had a micro penis, like a really small one, you'd get more done? That's what I'm thinking.

I think I might. Get more done. Like, it's just in my life. Like I think about of minuscule penis. Like you're making up for it? Or just be like, well, that's probably not going on. I'm going to do all this stuff. Yeah, but I'm going to learn to code. You think you just wouldn't want to jack, you wouldn't have any

Yeah. You could still jack off. Are you thinking of a unique? I just jack off. I might jack off occasionally, you know? Because you'll be like, well, the only person that's ever going to be interested in this is me, which would not be true. Yeah, yeah. Um, well... Putting your hand up like you'd also be interested in it.

No, I'm just speaking on behalf of the micropenus community. Yeah, fair enough. That's fine. I feel like probably guys with micropenis are better in bed than someone... Damn. To have a micropinus and also suck at eating pussy, funny. Now that's what...

You didn't even load the competition. You're like, oh, know what I'm doing. I'm sorry. And then having micro fingers for fingering I was born with micropenus, micro fingers in a micro tongue, okay? And an inability to learn.

I am no good to you. Okay? Oh, that's funny. And if I touch anything that vibrates, I break out in a rash. Yeah. It's not happening. Can they take that right off the table.

Okay. So just get to be a little. ahead of that. What else? Siliconology. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I guess now we're across Big Brother.

Sure. Let's just say... We've covered the basics. Yeah, we've covered the basics. We're locked in. We're in sync. Yeah. We're ready for Big Brother. Okay. Now, let's presume that it's not the Australian one where the whole

point is just to be there and to win people over by getting your clothes off and the people go, I want to vote this person to stay because they keep taking their clothes off. That's awesome for me. Well, that's not, they don't do that anymore. We haven't done that in a long time. Yeah. That was, like in the early 2000s, that was pretty much the easiest way to win,

Brid brother. Yeah, yeah. That's off the table now, though. Okay. I will say for the public voting, yeah. I think Australia's done it two different ways. And there's one way, which I vastly prefer over another. One of the ways was just you vote for who to kill.

Kill? Yeah, okay, interesting. Or you vote for who to save. Yeah. Because, am I thinking, is that right? I don't know. But there's, there's, there's. If you're voting for who to get off and the most controversial people are always just going to get voted off.

Yeah. And then it's going to be boring. Yeah. I like vote to save. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't, usually there'll be like one controversial person's up for elimination. But then there's two people, they'll split the save vote and hopefully one of them doesn't get saved. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then also the people that love chaos will be saving the person that... That's me. That's what I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Did you ever vote for Big Brother or any reality TV shows?

Hell yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, 2012, big brother. You remember that? Who won? It was huge. I don't remember. Is that the Tim year?

I feel like everyone... Yes, Tim won. Did he win? Tim won. Maybe that wasn't him. Maybe he was the year after. No, yeah, no, that was him. It was the year with Tully and Drew.

Do you remember them? Not really. Yes. Because she had a girlfriend outside of the house. Oh, yes, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was, this is how far back my love for complicated women goes. I was, like, fighting people online about it because they'd be like,

I thought she said she was a lesbian, but now she's in the Big Brotherhouse and she's kissing a guy and cheating on a guy. And I was like, can you chill out? Relax, yeah. Like she lied about being a lesbian or something. But anyway, I just loved that. There's a really good, it still holds up, even if you haven't seen anything else from it where she'd gotten voted off. Yep. And then the guy that she was like falling in love with while she had a girlfriend is still on there.

And they did the mannequin challenge. Yeah. really dates it. Yeah. It was 2013. It's a season I was thinking. And then she gets to come, they have to freeze, and then she runs back in to say, by the way, I'm single now and, like, kisses him while he's standing there frozen.

And it is one of the best things I've ever seen on reality TV. He's like, you can tell he's freaking out. A lot of sexual tension. Yeah, and also, Tim was probably the best big brother player Australia's ever had because he was a psychopath, but was so good at hiding it. Was he the guy with the long hair or the no air? Long hair, I think. Okay.

So it was the bald guy. Yeah. Yeah. Who was the bald guy? His little friend. I don't know. Not really. Kind of.

He would convince. Yeah, Tim was crazy. Tim, he would like befriend people and then like kind of betray them but in a way where they didn't realize they were being betrayed. And you were like, God. He would convince everyone to make the worst possible decisions for themselves and still look good. Yeah. And you were like, he's so obviously manipulative.

There's no way he's going to win. And then he just won and you were like, wow, dude, the world is designed for bad people to succeed. Okay, okay. Now, this is, to your main question, how would you win Big Brother? I wouldn't. Okay. There is no way. Whenever I watch Big Brother, if I think, how would I go in there?

I start to have like a panic attack because I know I would put my foot in my mouth, day one. I would then try to make up for it by talking too much. And I would be like, fuck, she's fucking annoying. Get her the fuck off the show. Do you think, though, that you would get the chaos vote? Yeah, you might be like, come on. She is complicated. Yeah.

And interesting. I know that like. Do you make it for good, because that's the trick, are you making for good television? Also, like, there's a lot of drama. If I'm in. And also, if it's Big Brother in a situation where the housemates are voting, you're up for like elimination. I go, no, I want Naomi here because I have no idea what's going to happen here.

Yeah, you do. Yeah. But we're close personal friends. We are close personal friends. We're true. We do. We do. We do. But I always thought if I went on any...

Neither of you text me ever. Do you know where your phone is at any point? It's right here with my shirt and the avatar, baby. It's right. It's possessions. I've always thought if I was on a show with editing, I know they edit big brother, but you know, like a real housewives or like The Bachelor, I would 100% get the villain edit just because anything you can say that can, like, you could say it as a joke.

Yeah. Like, you know, you're on camped, for example, when I said that. And we're going to go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And it's so easy to edit me as a villain. That's great. I think that's why I've always identified with the villains of reality TV. I would love Jire, if you can edit together, a reality TV show villain. Let me give you some hurt faces.

Honestly, it's always just look, it's always just other people looking bored because they're waiting for something and it just makes them look like they're, like, having their heartbroken. Yeah, you can actually change the, change the, you gotta put the tense music under it as well. Or like, just like a neutral face where they're just like sort of, so, okay. Yeah. On The Bachelor, there's like a big feast or something happening. Yeah. And like, it'll just cut to someone who's clearly, like, without the, like, music or whatever.

Yeah. They've clearly just walked in and they're just surveying. Yeah. Like, just getting ground. Like, where's my food? Yeah. The crew's on like a five minute break. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, it means that their face will be something like this where they'll be like. Yeah. And then you just put skiing. Eaming music underneath and they go, Joel Doucher is planning to kill the other contestants. You have one of those little riffs where someone's making a joke about someone else and then you just cut to seven shots of different people doing that in a row with silence and make it seem like they bombed, like, hardest.

It's so easy to do it. That rocks, man. That's, what fun. Do you think you could win big brother? Would you have a strat? Because I couldn't go in with the, I can't manipulate people. I can't do it. I'm wondering, could I do a thing?

I don't know. I'm feeling pretty manipulated. This, yeah, whoa. I was joking. Cut to some neutral faces. Cut to some neutral faces. Well, that's another clip you could put in the big brother. Villanuck.

Yeah. Probably the net stuff. I'm like, yeah, I'm feeling really manipulated right now. Hang it, I'll do like a, like I'm shocked that that's happened. And then it would just cut to you being like, that's the problem with men. Yeah. Oh, we can make you look evil. That's really fun.

I would love it if you tried. Yeah. Well, we got a socials guy who Jackson just threw under the bus. So, Gaya, please. A creative challenge. You've got a creative challenge out of you. And now... But you never know.

It could be one of you that gets the evil edit. Oh, true. Damn. You never know what's going to happen. Yeah. That's awesome. I'm wondering, this may be an act of terrorism. But...

Can I do a thing where they get me on the Big Brother house and they go, Jackson, you voted off. And I go, there's a bomb. Okay? If you vote me off, I will blow up the Sydney Opera House. That is an act of terrorism. Yes. And I don't know why...

How are you doing it? from there. I have a signal that I will give through the camera and that will alert my guy and he's going to blow up the Sydney Opera House if I'm voted off. Now, there is a problem here and that is that even if I win, the moment I step out on stage to meet Gretto Colleen. They shoot me with a gun. Yeah, Gretto Colleen will be.

Yeah. She'll be, she'll have the gun. She goes in for the handshake and the hug and in the gun. Just with the other hand? Oh, she would. Oh, fuck. Well, you remember that guy who was Free the Refugees?

Yeah, that was awesome. Well, at the time, as a young child living in like, the country suburbia, I just remember everyone being mad and me being like, yeah, that was really disrespectful. Then I googled it as an adult and I was like, well, hang on a second. Yeah, disrespectful to who, Gradle Colleen?

She'll be fine. Also, I don't think she was actually even mad. No, she was just like, I think she was like, well, this is going to be a hard interview to do. No, I think she was like... I don't think she was like... Maybe stressed because it was... Yeah.

But she was like, it's fine, you're making a point and that's... I think, no, because she made like a real... My memory of it is she goes, she did something like a real exasperated, like, so you're not going to say anything or something like that. And like was very getting like... She got visibly angry at him and wasn't just like, well... Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, you know, live TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't think she was mad about the refugees. But I'm happy to be corrected. Yeah, yeah. Well, not happy to be corrected. I wouldn't be happy. But yeah, I don't know.

I think I don't know if my personnel, I don't like people enough. And I don't think I'm going to engage enough in like talking to the other people in the Big Brother house. You've got to talk so much. That's, it's really, people get mad at you if you don't talk. Actually, I did watch the last season of Australian Big Brother. Yeah. Yeah. And there's one woman they didn't like because she slept all the time.

She was funny. She was funny. She was funny. She was cool, but she slept all the time. That is really funny, though. To be like someone that's like, so my trade is like, I'm just a sleep. I'm funny to talk to, but I'm just so tired. Yeah, you've got to get that 10-minute window and then you're done for the day.

Going into the house with like a little nightcap and a candle on a stick and a nightgown. Yeah, I'm the sleepy guy. Now that's good. Strong branding. Yeah. Published a lot of books. Who has? Gretel Colleen.

Oh, yeah. She's prolific. She's accomplished. She has a famous series called The Very Nortem. Norty Mother series. Whoa. I don't know about that one. Yeah.

I think it's children's books, but hey, she also wrote a book called My Life is a Wedgie. Okay. I think I remember seeing that in books, though. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that like Paul Jennings adjacent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out Gretel. Shout out Gretel.

Unless you were bad about the refugee stuff. Yeah. In which case, unshouted on Gretel. Okay, wait. So before we were... Oh, yeah. So back to how I would fare in Big Brother. Yeah, because you were comparing it either on or off this podcast.

to Survivor. Yeah. Oh yeah. So there's like two different rule sets and I'm sure that there's plenty of people listening to this

because like reality TV there's some like big reality TV heads who would know all of the rules to all the different games off the top of their head. I feel like there are reality TV heads and there are Survivor heads and the two different things.

Oh, like Survivor is its own beast because I don't really get into Survivor but I think it's because it does require manipulation and mind games and whenever I'd watch it and they'd be like they're playing a really good game

I'm like what the fuck game are you talking about and just sitting and talking that's not a game. But again, that's why I wouldn't be good at it. Because I'd be like, we're all just saying how we feel and being honest. Go on. So, depending on where you watch Big Brother, there's either the early Australian rule set, which

is like public vote. Yeah. Or the American UK rule set, which is the same rules as survival. So it's like it's all internal within the house. Yeah. There's nothing really that the public can do to manipulate it. And it's all just like one big game. And like, you have to be strategic and do things like, okay.

well, this week I need to try really hard to win the Friday night games because I need the immunity because this person can try and do this to me. I haven't later seasons, a Big Brother started to explore stuff like that. Well, I think the Australian series, I think, did flip at one point when they brought it back and they were like, it's the other rule set now. The Survivor stayed strong with its ratings where I don't think Big Brother did. No, no, no, definitely not. Except that UK season with Jojo Siwa.

I watched that. Fair enough, dude. Had to see her fall in love with a guy from her. on with Jojo. Love Island, you know. That's an awesome pairing. Jojo Siwa and a guy. They're still together.

That's so nice. They've been together over a year. I was like, that was a year ago. It feels like so much longer. It's so much happens every day. Like, Jojo Sewa has been in, like, I feel like she's made so many moves. Yeah. I love her, dude.

I'm a jojo head. She rocks. She's done so much in such a short period of time that like, I think she's way older than she is now. Just because how she'd do so much stuff in such a short. She's pretty much dilated time for me. She has because she's simultaneously 50 and also perpetually like nine years old. Yeah, but then also like a lot of the moves I'm like, oh yeah, she's 20. That's fine.

Yeah, oh, yeah. People are so judgment. They're like, oh. Again, she said she was queer, but now she's dating a man. It's like, what the fuck? She's like 21. Yeah, exactly. Who amongst us?

Glass houses. Yeah? Let's put a camera on you. Let's put a camera on you. And it's the first time in your life that you have been without your phone. Yeah. And around someone else who also has 80s. And let's see you not fall in love.

Yeah, exactly. No phone? Your mother isn't standing next to you for your entire life. Yeah. Do you think there's a risk you'd fall in love on Big Brother? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think so. I think it's always a risk. I fall in connections too easily. Yeah. Exactly. I feel like that I would be too locked into the fact that I'm in. I would just...

You'd be playing the game the whole time. No, but badly. Because I think what would happen is that I would be so aware that what I was in... I'd pretty much break. my brain instead of thinking like the Truman Show slash the Matrix where I'd be like nothing around me is real. Thinking like the Truman show.

Thinking everyone's watching you. While you're on a TV show. No, no. This guy's crazy. I'm being watched. I'd be like, it would just be like, because I know it's a TV show and I wouldn't lose track of that, I don't think. Which I think key,

part of the key to Big Brother is to keep that in the back of your mind, but also you need to disconnect. You kind of need to be living. That's why it was so good at first because they were just really living Yeah, the first couple, especially season one, because they didn't know what, like, you couldn't have watched Big Brother. You didn't know what it was. Yeah, what was going to be.

Yeah, what was going to be. Exactly, yeah, yeah. You think you're singing the Australian National Anthem and you're safe. Yeah, yeah. Although, I think, like, again, my memory of the scene is, like, it doesn't seem like she's shy about it. No, no. She also just could be singing her song. Yeah, for sure.

Do you think if you were like, because, you know, okay, my act of terrorism maybe didn't work. But if the whole time I'm in there, any time I do, like, the big chair, I go, this some bad guys out there for me. When I'm, when I get out of here, there's some bad guys that are gonna hurt me. I think that would make you get eliminated fast because people would be curious

to see what would happen. Oh, no, no. When Greidel goes, what are you gonna do now that you're out? I go,

Greidel. To put me back in. I'm in so much trouble. I'm in a lot of trouble, Greedle. Oh, to be the guy though, because you know how like

every season of Big Brother, they always, there's like, oh, we're bringing in two new housemates halfway through or. Intruders. Yeah,

intruders. But then sometimes they'll be like, hey, remember this person you voted out? They're back. And they've seen what you said about them now. To be that guy. I thought you're going to be like the intruders and it's the guys that are going to get me. It's the guys who are coming to kill you. Frank and Oz.

Frank and Oz. Frank and Oz, dude. And they've chosen to bring you to the house bats. Bats? Oh, sorry, I thought you meant the animal. It's like that would be quite a distraction while they're strangling you. Ours is opted to bring in a bat while Frank is coming into the house

with a crowbow Why are you bringing them in? Oh, it's a gift A gift for one of the housemates Yeah, their favorite thing is piano wire Yeah Fuck I'm gonna die in my sleep

I need to do a confessional That goes for The rest of the show Maybe my wife Yes, I'm really like in the house Bang bang bang! Is they're trying to break in? Yeah, so

Sorry session A little more anxious recently. Now the Frank and Oz were in the house, yeah. A little more afraid to be alone, yeah. Just as I lied to killing him. Yeah. But yeah, I guess back to what I was saying with, like, the Truman Show thing, which I rifely got bullied for.

Yeah. I think that I just wouldn't be able to balance the fact that I think I would just go crazy in the sense of like everything I'm forming here is not real. Yeah. And like, I wouldn't fall in love or even make friends because I'd be like, this isn't like my heart would be entirely closed off Yeah you're like I'm living in a simulated reality

Yeah it would be like like I feel like it would be the same As if like I was in a play And like falling in love on stage Yeah yeah yeah yeah You know it's fake You're not gonna get a big bro Well then you'll be terrible in the play Yeah

You know it's fake That's not that's terrible Not a good actor You're not getting the role Yeah exactly I would forget I would fully just Forget everything

I guess like that's kind of like what they hope happens. Obviously, everyone's weird for the first couple of days. It's exciting, but the excitement wears off. Then it's more weird, because people are still kind of on edge, but it's not exciting. And then it becomes normal, and then

you kind of go from there. I think I devolve. Really well said, whatever that was. I think I'd devolve. I think I'd end up, like, sleeping outside and stuff. I think I'd, you know, be, like, trying to get in the walls. I remember once Red Simons... Yeah. Red Simon's... Yeah. Red Simon's spent

his entire time in Celebrity Big Brother trying to find the secret exit. Yeah. And he found it then just left. I think I'd be doing shit like that. He like moved a wall to the side and slipped out and closed it. I don't remember that at all. It's burned into my brain. Dylan Lewis won that season because that's also burnt into my brain. That's so funny. Who's that? The host of recovery. The guy with... What's that?

He's just a guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he sounds like a guy. Yeah. Do you remember when they started doing like torture stuff? Okay, now I'm back. I was just sure. When you talking about intruders, there was, I think this is an Australian version as well. They were like, yeah, the intruders can come in, but they have to be in this all white room. Yeah. And they eat like bland, like flavorless mush. And there's nothing to do in there. Yeah. Okay.

There's a big red button you can press, but you'll go home. And then whoever lasts the longest gets to go in the big brother. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. And that's when I found out there was like a study that people did where they deprive people's senses. and a lot of those people kept, like, committed suicide later on. Like, after the experiment had ended, like, months or years later, they were like, I'm still, I can't. I remember that. I'm done.

Yeah. And if that's what life has for me in the future, I'm ending it now. I reckon if they did that to me, though, that would fix the problem I had. Yeah. I would leave the white sensory deprivation room and I'd be so happy to be on Big Brother. I'm like, this is real life now. I guess, yeah, they have to disorient you enough

beforehand by like, yeah. If I'm an intruder, that's my ideal situation. Yeah, okay. To be tortured first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so your mind sort of cracks open. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you think you're, you've just jumped into a different universe. And then when they bring you out and you go, I know, I don't, this new reality. Too much color. Yeah, yeah. I need to suffer ego death. Yeah, okay. Interesting. That's funny.

I've always said that about you. Yeah. I actually get it a lot. That'd be a funny thing for your side. The two things I get, one, really needs ego death, too, way ugly than I expected from his voice. That's awesome. What a funny thing for people to say. Hey.

People are crazy. I've had variations of that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good. Podcasting, it's awesome. It rocks me. No one's ever said anything bad about me online.

Oh, that's nice. But you probably assumed. Yeah, I did assume. That would be my guess. The only reason that's any... Heartwarming personality. The only stuff, the only reason anything of what I just said before I thought would be interesting because I knew that you'd never had that before.

Yeah, yeah. Only nice comment. Yeah. Notable to heal. Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing. You would get out of the house and I wouldn't be able to handle the... Oh, the, like, post Big Brother Life and what people had said about you where you were in?

Yeah. I think that'd be awesome. Honestly, that's what I would... To come out and find out, I was loosed by the nation. That is such a male thing to say. Hated by the nation. That would be just so funny. I go, hey, everybody, and I just get booze.

What the fuck? Actually, that would be... I didn't even do. I thought it was nice. That would... That actually would be... Kill him! Honestly, that could happen to anyone, though.

You do not know what they're going to do. That's the crazy. That's why the live eviction would be so fucking hectic. You get evicted and you walk out into a crowd. And that's going to be the first moment you know how you've been portrayed. Just to step out and see people with, like, signs that have, like, me being hanged. And, like, people are just chains and fucking knives. And I'm like, what?

They're so pissed off that Frank and Oz got voted out. We love Frank and Oz. They were right to want to kill you. Oh, fuck. Credo. Cretel. You got to call the police. I don't want to do this interview. Hi, Jackson. I hate you too.

Fuck. I've got no friends in this life. I've got no friends on the outside. But she did let people have it though as well. Yeah. Absolutely. She was, yeah. She'd love to be like, hey, remember when you cheated on your girlfriend and then just play

a highlights real event. Yes, dude. And then bring, see that video and then she brought the girl up who had fucked over who'd left earlier. and she just came out. I was like, do you have anything to say? And he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I guess. This isn't real life. Yeah, yeah.

I had ego death before coming in here. They put me in a box. I was buried underground. Yeah. I survived the buried challenge, and then they put me in the Big Brother house. I was not well. Now, Chaldusha, you did the buried challenge the most

out of any housemaid. Let's watch a highlight real. She's crying. Crying and also being like, this is the only safe space. for me. Buried for the 15th time. Wait, could you win Survivor?

No, I'm not. Would you have a plan? I feel like there are people who watch Survivor, people who don't, I don't. I feel like people who watch Survivor know what, like they have a plan. Well, what about this? Everybody goes on to Survivor and they say,

I'm not here to make friends. What if you did? I'm only here to make friends. Whoa, the first person ever to go and Survivor to make friends. I've got no friends on the outside. I'm actually hated. I'm hated. I don't know if you caught Big Brother, but I'm hated by the nation.

But I thought here maybe I could make some friends. Because you guys don't have TV or the news here, right? You're all born in this jungle. Yeah, right? I may have misunderstood Survivor. How crazy was, because there was a Big Brother season where people had to find out about COVID whilst in the house. Yeah, that is crazy because it happened halfway through. Yeah, that's brutal.

To find out that the outside world is locked down. Yeah. That's nuts. Remember David Bowie's wife? I don't remember David. Have you seen that clip? Oh, it's like reality to you. It's like, she's in, it's in the Celebrity Big Brother UK.

And Tiffany Pollard's in there. You know Tiffany Pollard, New York? Yeah, yeah. I can't believe you haven't seen this. And David Bowie's wife, sorry I don't remember her name, has just found out that David Bowie died. Oh. Ex-wife, sorry, X-wife, ex-wife, ex-wife.

Wait, I have seen this clip. Yeah. Maybe her name's Sally. She's got like rubens in her. Yeah. And she's like, I'm just freaking out. And Tiffany Pollard's like, what's wrong? And she's like, okay, you can't tell anyone.

David is dead. And Tiffany Pollard takes this to me, and David, another guy in the big brother house, he's dead. And she freaks out and starts running around screaming. And this woman's just being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, come down. She's dead, David. They're screaming. They run, they're like, no, he's not.

He's asleep. And then they run in, lift the cup of, and David's like, what's going on? We thought you were dead. Oh, yeah. And Tiffany's like, how did he die? And she's like cancer. And you see her face go, like, how did I not know he had cancer? He's in the house.

And then she goes, she's like, well, that woman lied to me. Yeah. Time to fight. Oh, my God. She's so mad. She's like, what the fuck is her problem? And this woman, you know, she's found out probably before it's in the news. Yeah.

And she's like, oh my God, she misunderstood. Fuck, dude. The idea of a misunderstanding, I love that. I mean, I hate it when I'm involved. Of course. But just hearing a story of someone being like, I love watching it happen. There was a misunderstanding.

Time to find. Yeah, I can't imagine anything worse than needing to consult, like confide in someone. Yeah. And the person in front of you is Tiffany Pollard. Who then makes it about herself. Yeah.

And he's about to beat the shit out of you. Doesn't listen. And then goes, time to die. It's actually your time to die now, Angie. The woman who went into an audition and someone else said, like, break a leg. and she was like,

ah, no, I'm going to get the roll and you should fucking die because she's never heard the term before. I think that's awesome. I think that's the vibe you should roll into the Big Brother House with just not know any idioms

and be that. Just constantly. Getting really confused all the time and then immediately dealing with that with instant angle. That is the move, though. That's the way your mind should be.

You won't win, but you'll stay on the show a lot of time. Jackson, what do you want for breakfast? What do I want for breakfast? Why? Do you have that power? Yeah, can you decide? Can I not decide what I want for breakfast? Okay, now you're doing an impression of every guy on Love Island.

Oh, fuck. That's all they do. It's just like, oh, why are you here on Love Island? Well, I'm here just to fuck. I'm here to fuck and to make enemies. Yeah, I'm here to make some women feel bad. Yeah. And have a very homoerotic friendship with a man.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, okay, maybe when Jackson didn't... What do you think the TV show that you would do the best on? I reckon naked and afraid. Dude, if I was naked, I would be afraid. He's got it coming. They just drop me naked in a jungle somewhere.

Isn't that what? What is naked and afraid? What about naked and afraid, but they put me in a haunted house? I'm scared of the ghost. That's so sad. Being naked and afraid in a house is so funny. I just got so deeply sad thinking about you. Just sort of cowering naked through like a, you know, like a night camera.

Yeah, yeah, like night vision camera. While people run around you. It's like a vase falls over. Oh, fuck! Yeah, see? Text line comes up. Text to scare Jackson. Oh, no.

They'd be texting. Yeah, this feels like I've entered some kind of psychological experiment rather than a reality TV show. Yeah, well, it's like, um... They're kind of the same thing. That is true. That is true. I think I would thrive in that Japanese reality show where they locked the man in, again, naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a house. The guy.

Yeah. That's his name. Eggplant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You'd try it. You'd thrive there? I think that it would. I think that's another one where they were like, study show, this causes suicide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, he has said, he's multiple times. He's like, yeah, I was, I was just going to kill myself. Yeah. And the producers were like, damn, I really hope he doesn't. And then did nothing to stop him.

Yeah, yeah. Why do you think you'd thrive in there? I think that... Is it like the perfect culmination of the like, you are in the Truman Show? I would become a different guy pretty much instantly. And that could be good for me. Absolutely. That could be good?

You've met me. We text every day. You think there's no room for improvement here? I'm just putting out because I'd miss it. I'll still text you. You'd just be texting the same name, same number, different guy. I thought you had you'd still be texting while you're in the room and you're just like, instead of going through the sweepstay.

to get food, you're trying to get a phone. I gotta text Naomi. He's starving in there. Can you order me some food? Naomi, I miss texting. I want a bed. And pants. Naomi.

You're like, I gotta block this now. This is getting annoying. Too annoying. That I have to win a second phone. I'm getting toxic. I'm winning a second phone. Being a toxic friend. From an isolation chamber is so funny.

Being toxic And constantly trying to win new phones Like, ah, fucked again. I need to win another phone Or like win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as you get another phone You just text me like a bunch of sad faces.

Yeah. I think something happened. Yeah, there might have been a problem with your own phone because I had to get a new one. I'm just wondering why you never ask about me, Naomi. I'm having, trying to make her jealous. I'm having so much fun. And it's just the white background.

I hope you get a break now soon too. Sad face. That's awesome. That would be good television. I hope it's okay to say that. Great text. Great text. I'm really good at texting.

Really good one to get. Really good one to get. Love you. Hope that's okay to say. There's no real good answer, really, in response there is there? I think there's two options there. Turn your phone off or say, I love you too. But even I love you too.

You know? Ha ha. Ha ha. Oh, yeah, if you throw a ha-ha, I guess. I just thumbs up. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Giff of a minion dancing.

But yeah, I think that, yeah, you know, like I've lived 35 years as the guy I am. Why not roll the dice with psychological damage and just find out what a new guy would be? Well, exactly. You know, you've got your life now, severe trauma, the life after that. See how you operate, dude. Yeah. I don't think any of your ideas for your life are good ideas. Yeah, okay.

Fair enough. Okay, so... Clips that, that's good. I think... You need some neutral faces. That needs to sound like it bombed. There is people that are listening to this podcast on the bus that have heard you say that are now standing up and clapping.

Yeah. There are 50% of them standing up and clapping and 50% of them are steaming. How dare she say that about Joel Dusha? That's my idea for my life too. We had a listener email another podcast, and this is like inside base. Sorry listeners. It's on basis of speculation. Yeah.

Listen to that as well. They're listening to Plumbing the Death Star. I think it's okay. Yeah. We had a listener. This isn't the vile files, am I right? Hey! We had an email listener.

An email listener. Shut on. Fuck on. I will come over there. I want to crack your skull over. I would never do that. I'm not a violent person. That's nice.

We had a listener email in and be like, yeah, I met a guy that, like, Joel is my favorite of the podcast. Yeah. And I met someone that reminded me of him. started sleeping with him, but his life was a total disaster. And then I was finding no joy in sleeping with him, but more just keeping him around because every time I saw him. Something funny was going on with his life.

My shoes are broken. I got fired. Somehow became involved in a tax fraud sort of case or something. This person's still sleeping with? No. They ended up while this was happening. They ended up getting engaged to this guy's ex. Crush, I believe.

Yeah, it's really good stuff. Yeah. Anyway, sir, uh, yeah. It does sound like something that would happen to you though. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my shoes together. Yeah, yeah.

But apart from that, it is pretty relatable. Yeah, yeah. You're not doing that bad. You do fall apart, dude. You know? Yeah, if you, if there's one of us that you need to worry about the shoes situation, it's not me. I think we all know shoes fall apart. You just don't always.

We can pretend, okay? But you're wearing them every day. They're going to come apart, okay? Yeah, but, okay, here's the thing. Yes. like clothes, shoes wear out. It's a hair in my mouth, go on. Man, this guy can't get anything in order in his life.

Hair in his mouth. But you got to pull the pin before they fall apart. You go, oh, they're weak now. Time for new shoes. At what point do you get new shoes? Where's your line? If the soul ever, like, cracks or anything like that. Yeah, the bottom part of their soul's flipping.

Oh, if it's flipping, yeah, you get new shoes. If there's a little hole No, hold, don't. What if it's a little hole Not into your foot But into just like the base of the soul of the shoe What does that mean? Like if there's a hole

Like if... Do you like mold? Are you a big mold guy? No. Do you like mold? I love mold. Yeah. A big mold person.

Yeah, love mold. So, yeah, if water is getting into the bottom of your shoe Yeah. That's making the soul moldy But from the underside. What if it's just rocks getting into the bottom of your shoe? There are rocks in the bottom of your shoe.

I'm looking out of the shoe. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I think shoes last longer than you're giving them credit for. That's all I'll say on the matter, okay? You're just saying you wear the shoes for longer, not that they last longer. Yeah, you're just saying that you call it later. Yeah, yeah, I think that you can call it.

Obviously, there is a limit. Was this a good transition for you where I was the one of the attack and then we both just turned on you suddenly? Well, it's more comfortable and normal for me. It's natural. Yeah, yeah. This is where I'm meant to be defending my shoes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. corrects itself. Exactly. Yeah, everything kind of, you know, the cream rises to the top or whatever. So, okay. Jackson goes to the moment. So we've gone naked and afraid's the show that Jackson thinks, well, the show I think Jackson will win. No, I think you're right, dude. Because you'd be the most naked and the most afraid. Exactly. And I would win, I wish I could remember the name of the show, but we all know what we're talking about. Yeah, it was a documentary called the contestant about it. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eggplant. I would try. Yeah, what about you, Naomi?

Of all of the game shows out there, the reality show, shows rather. What do you reckon? Have you been on like a reality TV or a game show? Why do I have that memory? I don't know. Well, I am here to promote a game show. Yeah, okay. Maybe that's what it is. And people would be like, oh, okay, very funny. No, that was a total coincidence when we picked this top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think

I would, I think I would make a good real housewife. Yeah, I can see that. Have you not been on deal or no deal or something? Or am I... I'm losing my mind. I haven't been on anything like that. But I should. You should go on deal or no deal, dude. But why haven't I been on deal or no deal?

Do you know how easy it is to imagine? It's so easy to imagine you on deal or no deal that I've given myself false memories. It's so easy to imagine me on deal or no deal. In my head, you win like 50K if it makes you feel any better. Oh, that's good. Andrew Keith all day. Yeah, okay. That's probably a guy you don't want to talk to.

But now it's Grant Denier, I think. Yes, dude. Yeah. The Denman. Which is crazy because he had. significantly less severe problems, but the same substance also affected for his tenure.

It's crazy to replace one guy with the other guy that's known for that. Yeah, what a coincidence. What are the odds? What is that about? These guys who host these 5pm game shows of similar ailments. Was Lauren Bonner on

who wants to be a millionaire or something? That also might be a total misfire. Completely different. Yeah. I found out a bunch of people I know were on who wants to be a millionaire. recently? Recently? Yeah. Did they follow?

No, no. Recently, I found out. You know, handsome Tom was on who wants to be a millionaire? What? Yeah, I don't. Yeah, a friend of ours named Handsome Tom. Well, no wonder he's getting on there. Yeah.

He's on who wants to be a millionaire. I don't think it's that hard. They have like six to eight people per episode, no. Yeah, a millionaire hot seat? I think it's just in my head. I'm like, what? That's like the most famous you could be, being on who wants to be a millionaire.

He hates Eddie McGuire. So if he had to interact with Eddie, although Eddie McGuire, I don't think, host it anymore. It's a lady. Yeah, that's true. He lost because he couldn't answer a question about sandpaper or something. Oh, an idiot.

We don't call him genius, Tom. Yeah. Yeah, what a doofus. And then, and to steal. Should we try? Yeah. Should we try and get on who wants to be a millionaire? Oh, you could get on.

Worst case scenario, you don't get on. Second worst case scenario, you're with it, but that's funny. You fuck up the $100 question. Yeah, but best case scenario, you make a million dollars. Which is, let's be real. Incredibly likely. Yeah, I think it's very likely I'd make a million dollars. And also they're like on TV, they go, hey, yeah, what do you do for work?

And I go, you really don't want to know. Like, hey, thank you for asking. Unemployed. Let's just say that. He is a podcaster, but he's hoping to be locked in a room for a year. That's a dream. If I do you imagine them being, like, ask you a question you can't answer, and you just put your head on your hands and weep?

I think that love wouldn't be the first. Yeah. Exactly. Well, we could all beat who wants to be a millionaire. I'm going to look into it right now. Do it, dude. Absolutely. Well, let's get a hot seat. It is a different show.

Yeah, a million-a-hast. I think I'd be a good real housewife. I can see that for you. Well, I think I would be able to, you know, stick some knives in. Yeah. But also be vulnerable. That's a big thing on real house. You've got to be able to be vulnerable.

If you can't be vulnerable. Yeah. You can be like, I'm a bitch, but you've got to say you're a bitch. Yeah, okay. You've got to own it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You got to just, like, rip your chest open. Yeah, that's fair, but then also be like, but I'm also being honest to myself and I'm mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good to... We're all mean. Yeah, that is true. Angel. See? You have a personality disorder. Yeah. Confirmed, bipolar, diagnosed actually. Are you actually? Yeah.

Is that a personality disorder? I don't know. I mean, I didn't ask any questions. I was like, oh, that makes sense. I don't think that's a personality disorder. lied about it a lot on the podcast. I keep saying I have the third thing. Listeners, now you know. That is bipolar. Yeah, dude.

Bipolar. That's the sort of, you know, to this. They go, wow, some episodes he's manic and other episodes he's slow. Wonder what that's about. It's like the strawberry to autism and ADHD's vanilla and chocolate, you know? I think that's kind of, that's where it sits. You're a whole neapolitan. Yeah, it's truly beautiful.

It's not a personality disorder. Oh, nice. I'm not even interested. That's good. No, it's bad. You want what? You want to be borderline? Yes. You know what? Fair enough. Be interesting. Yeah.

Be fun. Change things up. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess like when it all comes down to what, how we win Big Brother, we wouldn't. I don't think any of this would, but that's okay, we'd have fun doing it. Yeah. I think it has made me realize that reality TV is for me, like being in front of the camera. Being part of the cast. Yeah, being a part of the car. That's good to hear. I think so. You should go on maths. Yes, you should go on maths. D.

Says person who wants you to die. Why would anyone say that to another person? That'd be awesome to see you on maths, dude. You should go in the torture machine. Yeah, okay. That's actually a way nice thing to say about me. Be like, yeah, 35, media. Yeah.

No, money. Yeah, I'm housed. Yeah, exactly. But you would actually do, like, on a dating show like that. I think you'd do great. You would really succeed, I think. That could be, it's very mixed messages, but this does feel like the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. I would do well on a dating show.

I think you'd do great in a dating show. With the audience. Okay, you've walked it back a little. But that's more important than like, that's heaps of people as opposed to one person. Yeah, exactly. I can date the audience. Yeah. Yeah, if you're not like a giant asshole.

Yeah. On a dating show. Especially on maths where pretty much all of them are. It'll cut to like a talking. They're all like, I like a wife who stays at home and I whip it. Yeah. Not in a sexual way. No, in a gross way.

In a really corporal punishment way. I treat like a horse I hate. Okay. That's kind of my ideal woman. It's just going to cut to a talk again and be like, yeah, had some really good quality time with Joel. He didn't, he like let me talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Genuinely, yes. Yeah. He didn't attach a harness to me and make me plow a field. I really got to appreciate that. Oh, there you go. I checked the news. It's Joe, bait a cock. go, what the fuck?

I'm hated for that. Even the feminists are like, I just, I wouldn't fuck him. Spineless, so. Too nice. I didn't know it was as possible, but yeah. And I go, oh, what, people kind of dislike you? They're trying to kill me, dude. I've had to change my identity twice.

Yeah, but you won't shut up about him. So they're going to keep trying to kill you, dude. You can't go back to your old friends and complain. When you change your identity, man, you've got to move. on. Exactly. Yeah. Well, this has been a big episode of Plumbing the Dust.

There's been some reveals about ourselves. I've got a new dream. Yeah. My diagnosis is public. Yes. You actually have come out. I have come out. In a way.

That's unwell. Who else has bipolar? Selina Gomez, I believe. Dude. I want to say Chapel Rhone. Oh, my God. Yeah, that makes sense. They're mentally ill.

Just like you. Yes. God. It's good. It is good. My therapist said it's a good coping mechanism. That's good. Being bipolar.

Yeah. It's a good copiness, dude. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Look, it was a lot to one pack. Yeah.

That's all right. That's okay. I'm not working through a car. This was years ago. Yeah, yeah. It's been a while. But you've only just come out. Yes.

Congratulations. Yeah, you created a safe space for me. Me? Yeah. Well, you're our best friends. Yeah. We text every time. We text every day.

Naomi already knew, but. Yeah. Yeah. It's the first time me heard of a colleague. Yeah. Yeah. Work, mate. Yeah, I don't want to talk about stuff like that.

Oh, colleagues. Okay, colleagues. Fair enough. I see you in the break room every now. James? No. What the hell is his name again? Then he texts me. Fuck it to you?

Unkempt clown. Look at fucking having his morning coffee. It's like a photo of me. It's just, What a fucking idiot. Hey, man, excited to the pod later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome.

Sending me a million. eye rolling a moment. Guess you just fucking spoke to me. Like I said, good at texting. Hey, Naomi, thank you so much for joining us today on Plumbing the Death Star. We alluded to it moments ago, but you're going to promote a game show. I am. Would you like to tell us about it?

Yeah, I definitely prepared for this. Nice. I actually have, I've hosted a game show on Humdinger. Oh, amazing. As you all know. And love, right? Yeah, you've both been on Gamey Game, haven't you? Yes.

Yeah, gamey, game is a show that I do on there. But, yeah, it's a new show called Pathological. It's based on a board game. Ooh. Which is like a card game. Yep. Where you just have to lie. So, you know, not related to what we've been talking about this whole time.

So it's really fun. Cass is on it. Hell yeah. Amazing. And it was, we had a really, really fun time. So basically people just have to make stuff up and then I decide who wins. And it's completely biased. That's awesome.

That's the best system. If you are watching it being like the person who's best at this game should win. Wrong. Pack that away right now. Just give up on that idea completely because that is not what it is. It's entirely unfair. But it's a lot of fun. Cass came home after being on the show and because it made her think about lies she'd told,

she really was going through it. So you had an impact. Yeah. Yeah, actually, just before this, I couldn't remember if she was on it because we did film it a while ago. But I'm now just remembering. Anytime she had to say anything, I feel like she panicked. Anytime she had to answer, which is the whole game. It makes sense.

It makes sense. Because there's some people that work for Sandspan's radio. Maybe they're in the room with you. If you go, hey, tell me a lie right now to my face. And then go, that's the easiest thing in the world to do. Other people will be like, that's you, Jackson? That's what I'm flying out. Calling me a liar to my face.

Or maybe I was lying there. Whoa. For a game show? Oh, why? Yeah, of course, dude. I'm not a good person. Which is funny sentence. For a game show.

Oh, why. Damn, this guy will do anything. This guy's crazy like that. For a game show, oh, why. Oh, that rocks. Yeah, Cass. Oh, sorry. Unnamed members of the network.

A pure of heart. And therefore, it's like, tell me a lie. Yeah, they can't do it. Yeah, I'm not good at it either. Yeah. Well, but caveat, I wouldn't say I'm pure of heart. So that's actually what worse. That's great.

Yeah. I'm not pure of heart, but I can't lie. I'm going to have to walk back a lot of texts I've said to other people, being like, have you met my friend Naomi, the one that's pure of heart? Can I'm saying, you're sending text to other people about your text, and I'm still not included. Probably going, is this another Naomi? I don't know this one. Yeah, you're saved in my phone as work, question mark.

I go, Brackets, figure out name. What time are we coming in tomorrow and you go, who is this? Sorry, I don't, who is this? I don't have this number saved in my phone. That's okay, man. You know, it's Jackson. We've been working together for 15 years.

Jackson. Naomi, I just got the name. Finally a name to put to this guy we hate. We talk about every day. But yeah, there's six episodes of that. Amazing. They're available on the, Humming a YouTube channel at the moment?

They will be. I think the first one drops on May 7th. Amazing. I want to say. And they're really fun. And the building next door caught on fire while we were filming one of them. Whoa. Did that make the cut?

It definitely is in it. Okay. I'm glad. You know, a fire alarm goes off. Everyone's like, we got to evacuate and you're like, oh, grab my stuff. They always tell you not to do that. Like, fine. We like, you know, wander outside.

And then next door is like the biggest fire I've ever seen on the building. We're like, whoopsie. Yeah, we were, uh, ooh. Well, yeah, make sure to check that out. And jump in the, like, make sure you also like the video. Yeah, jump in the comments. Say, oh, what the hell? Yeah, be normal in the comments.

Don't be normal. You don't have to be normal. Well, you get the idea from that. Okay. Be, you know. Normal for the show. Normal for the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And thank you so much for joining us, Naomi. That's okay. I also have a podcast. Do you want to talk about that? Oh, I would love to talk about that. That's a good idea. I need a promo it. Yeah.

Do it, dude. All right. Well, I have a podcast. So do we. What's the podcast called me? It's about pop culture. Have you guys ever heard of that? Is it also comedy-based?

Is it plumbing? Do you want this podcast? Yeah. I mean, it started as a podcast about Star Wars. Yeah. But then it just devolved. Yeah. Ours didn't.

That's where we differ. Yeah. But actually not? No. Why would you call it that then? Stupid. It's way, way, way, way worse than a Star Wars origin. Yeah.

So in, I didn't name the podcast. That is just something. I get it. Okay. So it was two things. Jackson had the thought of like making fun of like, like, what in Star Wars like they would have to have plumbers who does the plumbing on the death star, which is kind of like the mission statement of the podcast. Yeah. That's funny. But also it's a riff. It's like a conversation about it. It's a riff in clerks. That I didn't know. Okay. I'd never seen clerks. I still haven't seen clerks. I still haven't seen clerks. Just parallel thinking. Parallel thinking with Kevin Smith. Hey. You know. Yeah. Lucky me. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be. really appealing to, I don't know, men over 40 or something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thereabouts.

We're still mid-30s. I'm freshly 35. I'm 34, dude. Well, yeah, I mean, you haven't seen clerks. Exactly. I have seen clerks. Yeah, damn. Tell us about your podcast.

Yeah, don't worry about our podcast. Tell us about yours. Stupid name. Our is called Three Lemons Carcass Out. I mean, I knew that. Blubby the Nestleks sucks. Free limits caucus out. Okay, well, it is a better name.

It's named after the drink of choice for one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But it is not a Bravo podcast, but sometimes it does come up. And we are watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City on our Patreon. So there is that, which is one of the, if anyone is looking to get into Real Housewives, great place to start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we've just got up to the bit in season two where NYPD and Homeland Security show up outside one of their establishments called Beauty Lab to arrest someone on huge charges of fraud and money laundering. That's awesome.

Which is just exciting stuff. But yeah, it's just a pop culture podcast. The most recent episode, the one I'm editing at the moment. We're talking about Clay Thompson cheating on Megan the Stallion. Oh, damn. Crazy. Like everyone on the internet. Yeah.

Like everyone on the internet, they're like, oh, you're dating Megan the Stallion. What are you doing? You've got space in your brain to think about anything else? What are you doing? Yeah. Well, we do. I read his old diary entries that got. leaked at some point. Let me tell you they are really something. It's surprising he's not a 13-year-old

boy. But like it is. In a way. Yeah, in a way here. And then also Ben McKenzie, as in Ryan Atwood from the O-C, his foray into crypto. Anti-Crypto. Yeah, yeah. He's an activist. Good on. Like Malala. Your point out is awesome. He's just shit-talking. Yeah, no, it's good. And also Jordan's really funny. Yeah. And I'm surprised she puts up with me. Yeah. I mean, we're not surprised. actually very easy to podcast with you. Stop it.

Shut up. That's so nice. Well, that's true, dude. It's true. Links to all of that will be in the show notes. Will they? That's nice of you. Hey, you're interested.

Dear sweet listener, just whoop, click on it. Come on. Unless you just want to listen to this podcast with just men for the rest of your life. Yeah, trust me, you don't want that. And hey, if you're like, oh, a new podcast with Naomi, that sounds exciting, but I don't want to fully commit. Why not check out Naomi's Instagram where she posts very funny reels, which are clips from the podcast?

Exactly. That's right. Or, you know, just that, there's a page for that as well. Well, yeah. It's still getting better at going on Instagram. Yeah, no, that's fair. After my multi-year break. Oh, nice.

Actually, the best way to listen to Naomi's content is to head to patreon.com. Yeah. Find the podcast page. Just donate as much money as you can. Yeah, yeah. Can they do that? Is there a donate button? I think so, yeah.

There should be. There should be. You can pick a tier and then check how much, like, throw in extra if you want. Exactly. Okay. Do that. Well, I'll just make a second tier that's like a million dollars. And then all it takes is one.

Yeah, exactly. The Fendom tier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any tier for me to do with anything is a Fendom tier. That's exciting. They know that. Yeah. And if you're throwing money around already,

hey, remember you can sign up to the bad brain boys and support plumbing the death stuff. We can findom you. We'll fendom you. Naomi's not doing it. We can do it. You can pick your vibe here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, James Jackson or Naomi.

Yes. Yeah. It's tough, tough call. You get a bunch of bonus episodes. access to the Discord is worth it, but mostly you're helping it's out. You've seen the state of us? Mostly you're getting financially dominated by us. Yeah, and you can also be like, oh, I'm a little swamp who has no money if you want to do that.

That's allowed as well. I think this is a good plug, and we'll see you next week. Me too. Goodbye. So long.