Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Win Gold in a Winter Olympics?

Episode Date: February 22, 2026

Da boys have 'lympic fever as they each use their last few remaining brain cells to envision a universe where they could possibly win gold at any sport. Zammit wants to make Cold Horse an event and believes he should get one for reasons that are unclear, Jackson might not win gold but he will go down in annals of 'lympic fever and JD is so sleepy from all that jet lag and good Italian eating so sorry fellas, no 'lympic orgy for him! He's too busy being so sleepy and not at all stealing your gold medals while you're in the orgy pile. It's the 'lympics, f***ing 'lympicsin the winter, the winter 'lympicsI'm cold, gonna get gold, i'm so coldIt's the 'lympics, the winter 'lympicsI'm gonna compete, i'm going skiingIn the 'lympics, the winter 'lympics it's the f***ing 'lympicsThe winter 'lympics, it's in it-a-la-lyItalian 'lympics, mamma miaAh the 'lympics! The winter 'lympics!Ma ma ma mia, it's the 'lympicsItaliano, ma mamia, cappuccinoWinter 'lympicsYou're gonna win gold, you're gonna be coldIt's the 'lympics, the f***ing 'lympicsLinks to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. Plumming the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast. Sorry, I tripped over pop culture. You understand why. You get it.

I guess there's nothing more pop culture than what I'm about to ask. Anyway, it's a pop culture comedy podcast that asks the important questions like, how would you win gold in the Winter Olympics? Yes. In the Winter Olympics. It's such in its Italy. this year. It's set in Italy.

It's set in it. Like it's a film. It's set in Italy this year. 2026. Exterior Olympics, 2026. Brackets cold. Italy.

It's cold. It's Italian. Exactly. It's the Winter Olympics, baby. It's on TV right now, which is awesome because it's hot in Australia. Yeah.

At the time of recording, the Winter Olympics kind of seems like it's become a circus. So we thought we'd weigh in. So we'd go. We got a guy at time of recording very recently was like six months ago. He won a gold medal and he goes six months ago, I met the love of my life, it was bronze.

Three months ago, I made the worst mistake of my life. I cheated on the love of my life. And then one week ago I told her and this has been the worst week. That's so funny. Well, yeah, he won bronze as well. Yeah. He didn't even win. This guy stinks.

I love that. Great meme, right? Yeah. Love of my life. Wow. I did cheat on her. Three months in as well. God damn, brother.

Three months in and we're still cheating on each other with each other. Pop culture. This episode has started with us just going, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. Yeah, but every episode starts with us going, ma, ma, ma, my, my, and continues until the end. We never stop.

Anyway, so that's been happening. We've also got people, the Olympics have officially come out, again, at time of recording. Things might have changed when you hear this, but the Olympics have come out and said, please stop celebrating whilst wearing the medals, you're breaking them and they said What do you mean? That's so funny to me

And I thought they just meant the ribbon breaking And as I was reading about it The medal itself Yeah so one person won And then jumped up and down and it tore the ribbon snapped Jumping up and down is so minor Like a celebration too The ribbon snapped and the metal fell on the ground

And then they picked up the medal And it was like chipped and scuffed But then another person jumped up and down And the metal fell off and snapped it off How do they expect people to celebrate On the podium when they win? Just like gentle clapping. Just a thumbs up.

But you don't want to extend the arm too long just in case the force of that you hear it. Shadows your metal into a million pieces. Is it still made, are they still made from a semblance of a... Precious metal or... Expensive precious metal. Or is it all now just like... I think it's just spray paint.

Yeah, like spray paint. Is it pig iron? Pig iron. Well, I know in Japan, the 2020, well, rest in peace, 2020. 2020. Yeah. Which, did they still call 2020? Or am I just thinking of Mario and Sonic at the 2020 Olympics?

I think they did call it a 2020 still. You're thinking of Mario and Sony. Yeah. And I shouldn't have trusted Jackson because he played that video game, so he'd always think of it as... I'm always thinking about it. Yeah, the 2020 one with Eggman there. Yeah, that little rat that runs far. Yeah, that blue rat.

Eggman's got no nipples, but I think Mario does. Yeah. So that's really interesting. A lot to think about. In Japan, they made like a big deal of a, about... about the fact it was recycled electronics. Oh, okay. Which makes sense, because, I mean, Japan has been the forefront of technology,

since I would say at the least to the 80s. Yeah, yeah. So, like, yeah, you're like, okay, that makes sense. It's like, it's a special award. Yeah. Italy's like, yeah, the home of the cheap shit, I guess. It's made a pasta. You take it home, you put it in a pot of boiling water.

No, it's like, oh, yeah, we talked to the guy. He said I made a pure gold. We trust him. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's my cousin. He wouldn't lie to me. I give him the big government contract.

Yeah, he should happen about it. He makes a gold medal. It's fun. Corruption. I literally. In Italy? No. He goes, hey, um, Winter Olympics organizers.

I coughed and the metal broke. Hey, I want to go. No, no. And the director of Salo, the movie that criticizes the Italian government. He kill himself by running over his own hand with his own car. You keep. I'm trying to get my metal fix. You're probably thinking of like a French metal or something.

Oh, you're probably right. No, it's not us. We're beautiful and fine. Yeah, we're not to make any problem. I'd be disappointed to not get a metal, a metal, metal, because some part of me feels like eventually I'm going to have to sell it. Well, yeah. So, like, I want it to be worth something, you know?

Of course. But by the very nature of it, like, it'll be worth something because, you know, you want it at the limping. How much is it a medal worth? Oh, depends on who's metal. These ones, not much, I would guess. But here's an awesome quote where they're just like pushing back on. They're like, it's the Olympics.

Of course we care. So the Milano-Cotina chief games operation officer said, we are fully aware of the situation and you have seen the pictures. We are looking into exactly what the problem is. We will pay maximum attention to the medals so that everything will be perfect because this is one of the most important thing for athletes. Yeah. We'll pay a close attention.

What does that mean? Just looking at the footage. Yeah. And broke. There it snaps. I'm seeing it's clearly of inferior quality. There was similar issues with the Paris 2024 Olympic medals. See, you are thinking about France.

Yeah, there really remains. Pure and beautiful. Innocent is what I will say. I loved it in the... With more than 200 requests for replacements, roughly 4%. of the medals. Also, 4% is 200? They're giving out so many medals. You get a battle fucking easy, dude.

It's three medals per race. Yeah, exactly. How many races? Also, sometimes as a team. Yeah, exactly. Which brings me to how am I going to win gold at the Winter Olympics. Now, I don't know much about the Winter Olympics. Now, I don't even know much about Olympics.

But I do know in the Summer Olympics, there's horses. True. Now, when you are horsing for the Olympics, presumably, I'm at horsing for a stranger. Primally, the jockey get a gold medal. I'm assuming the horse gets a gold medal. Because the horse doesn't care for earthly possessions, if I, the owner of said horse, will I then, I would then get the medal. Okay.

Interesting theory. That's my theory. Interesting theory. Or at least if I'm training those, the horse. or a part of that squad, maybe if I don't get an actual, like, official metal over my neck, I could imply to the athlete or jockey that, well, in a way, in a way, because of my awesome training. Yeah, exactly.

Like, the horse, the horse isn't going to be able to do that without, you know, me training that horse or buying said horse. So therefore, I went to all the trouble of buying the horse. So, to my knowledge, they don't have horse seeing in the car. current winter olympics. Not currently, but I hope they add it. But. Cold horse.

Yeah. Considering we got cold horse. Yeah. Considering they're always adding new things to the Olympics. We've got maybe skateboarding. Yeah. Rock climbing last year. We got the wine where Australia made a joke of it all.

Break dancing. That's the one. So why not cold horse in the Olympics? What do you imagine the event cold horse looks like? Talk me through. Better question. Okay. What are the current horse

Olympics look like? Equestrian. Equestrian. Yes. That's why you ride the horse around, you do some jumps. Is that when you have to like a dog show and put a pony? No, they don't grade the horse. Yeah, but like, you know when you,

like, if you came out with a ratchet horse, you'd lose point. Also. Well, the dog show when they're doing like the little obstacle courses. Yeah, it's similar. It's like that bot on a pony, yeah? Yeah, yeah. When you're doing jumps and like horse tricks. Yeah.

Like a buckflip? No, like, um. You know that horse trick with a horse sort of walks sideways? Oh, yeah, trotting or something? You know that one? Yeah. Dressage? Maybe.

Yeah. I don't know. I think I remember watching the horse Olympics because I love watching the Olympics. I said equestrian like that was the sport. Yeah. Wrong. Idiot alert. That's like saying I got gold in track and field competing in track and field.

Yeah. Equestrian is dressage. Okay. Jumping. Yeah. And eventing. I think what you're talking about is a vanguard. Also, Joel Zammat, though, bad news.

Do horses get a gold medal? Horses do not care about medals. That's my point. They do get ribbons, though, but they don't care about those either. Well, they don't get that ribbon. And then, look, I will campaign. Ribbon is not. For so long, just like, hey, pop culture,

just like at the end of Star Wars and you hope where we didn't give that big dog a medal, this dog, i.e. horse, deserves a medal. Do you think it's weird that we did a big ceremony giving out a medal? for destroying the Death Star, even though we knew Darth Vader was still alive. Yeah, I mean, you got a boost some sort of morale. Plus, it was called the Death Star. Also, like, a whole thing with that was like, hey, they're about to blow up our base. So, like, they know where it is.

Let's stop and have a big celebration. Yeah, I mean, like, morale was long. Moral was pretty long. Moral should have been high. Well, exactly. That old man they hate was dead. Yeah. Palpatine.

Oh, I was like, Obi-Wan? Yeah, he finally died. The A of a... In a way. And Darth Vader checks his body, but he's clearly not there. There's a lot going on. Yeah, he's closed now.

Yeah. He's closed now. Okay. Well, the Star Wars Remember has logged on. If you strike me down, I'll be more powerful or whatever he says. But then... Yeah, he becomes close. But he does become more powerful and helps train Luke.

And then I'm like, I got a gun and I'm about to say shoot Jack. And Jack's like, if you shoot me, I'm going to become more powerful than you'll ever imagine. Then I shoot him and he becomes clothes. I would be so afraid of those clothes. I'd be like, is the most powerful thing? Has Jacks had just become a cursed pair of pants? I shouldn't wear them, right? I think I'd just be really scared, like, because if your body just vanished like that, I'd be like, well, first of all, nobody, no crime.

I'm getting off Scott free. Yeah. To, yeah, I guess he is about to become more power. powerful than I can ever imagine. And go surreal. Yeah. You go surreal, but maybe the clothes and either I have to be afraid of those clothes or I need to wear them and that might negate his power over me. I think what would scare me is I'd say I shoot you, you've got clothes. I then immediately assume you've teleported behind me naked. We're about to choke me out. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'd be afraid you'd be naked and teleported to the places.

You teleported somewhere but clothes don't teleport. That's what I would assume it happened. I'd be afraid. Where is he? Where is he? I'd be paranoid. What do with those clothes? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I'm scared. I don't know if I should either treat them. Take them to salvos. Well, I don't know. Is your power in the clothes or is the clothes kind of like your Achilles heel?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where I can maybe use them against you. So I'm definitely either wearing them all the time or they're in a vault somewhere. Does Duthor Fader know that Obi-1 trained, I mean that, yeah, Obi-Won's ghost help train Luke? Because if he doesn't, he's like, I'm. become more powerful than you could ever imagine, and then he just dies. And Darth Vader's like, I wonder what he meant by then. Well, I mean, that was a weird thing to say before he died.

Before that, there's no one, there's no, like, is there much force ghost chattens? Like, he might assume that's going to happen. Also, like, he's, he doesn't become more powerful. Well, he does. He does, because he uses the force and, like, helps out. He helps, like, also, the movie heavily implies that Obi-1 is the one who helped guide the bomb. blow up the death stuff. That's true. That is fair. What is the force, but other, you know,

you're connecting with the ghosts of being like, hey, can you move that bullet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good point, good point. Which is what I think is happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just funny to imagine Darth Vader being like, what do you mean? Why do you say that? It is good to say something really baffling before you die.

Star Wars has... Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, I got something to tell you! What was he going to say? That's no baffling. You don't know what I was going to say. Yeah, but... If I'm going to... Okay, I guess.

If I'm going to kill you and I've decided I'm going to kill you. Yeah. Or anyone. Wait, wait, wait, there's something I want to tell you. Yeah. You don't care? Well, the chances is going to be like, you should have killed me. I'll tell you where the treasure is buried.

I'll go, all right. Okay. I go, okay, let's go. Well, no, you said you're going to tell me. Where is it? I'm going to guide you there, dude. That's not what you said. Bang.

And now you'll never get the treasure. Yeah, there's no treasure. The treasure was killing you the whole time. That was a wonderful day for me. Well, I just like the idea of getting in the car and not knowing where the treasurer is It's trying to shoot you a while. Yeah, exactly.

It's why I'm going to shoot you in the head. I think if we just keep driving. Bang. I think I buried it at the police station. Also, the moment, if someone's about to kill you, just like kill you, kill you, and then you go, wait, no, I have to take you somewhere. You're opening yourself up to getting tortured so much worse.

Where's the treasure? Where's the treasure? Oh, your treasure bang in the knee. I don't remember Maybe just Ow, maybe just like I think I buried it near the police station Let's go check that out

Okay Well, okay Now Also I just Unless my maths is totally wrong Yeah If 400 is 4% of the medals Yeah

I think that means there's 5,000 medals awarded In the summer Olympics The Olympics are big Plus you know There's teams Man there's a lot of bullshit events happening That you don't care about

Now Yeah Remind me How well do horses do or dance in, say, ice? Ice skating horse. Yeah. Is that what you think? Well, I was thinking instead of it, a horse, though,

what if we did something that was more, say, better for the Winter Olympics? Because we have, well, look, you know, you don't do, you know, track and field in the Winter Olympics, right? I'm just kind of like thinking now to be like, well, what is the horse equivalent for the Winter Olympics? Yack? Okay. Or a llama? Yep. Sure.

Well, what does well in cold climates? Moose? Moose? Train a moose? I don't think we've domesticated moose though. No, he can't ride a moose. Yeah, what's the cold horse? Yeah, what's a cold horse?

Because a camel's a hot horse. Yeah, yes, obviously. Which, why don't we have like the, you know, we've got the Summer Olympics, why don't you have like the real hot Olympics? Well, that's summer. Yeah, I know, but like, they don't do hot events. Yeah, they just do, you know, like basically the base Olympics. Because there should be, horse should be basic Olympics.

Yeah, Camel is hot Olympics. Okay, I understand. Maybe do like an, I don't know, autumn Olympics? Well, I mean... Well, horse is an... Autumn or spring? What do you reckon? Hoss is a spring animal. I was gonna say autumn.

Well, they're literally born in spring. First day of spring, every horse's birthday. You know this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up, computer. But I don't know if you want to be, like, you know, race in the day you're born. No.

It's your birthday month. Yeah. I don't want to work on the day I'm born. I don't want to work on the month I'm born, says horse. Says horse. I like the idea, yeah, so we're doing a horse. Hey, congratulations, you were born today, run. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the horse figures out walking pretty quick. Yeah, straight away. It could, it probably does run on the day it's born. We should not competitively. We should do that. You get the mares there, ready to get birth, and go slimy horse racing. Go, fall, go.

That's awesome. Yeah, like, what is the? I'm trying to think of the winter horse, because you're right. Camel. That's a summer horse. That's a hot horse. The cold horse, maybe like a... Husky? Like a goat? No, goat seems more like... No, it needs to be...

It needs to be... Horn-torn. Torn. You think they smell bad on the outside. Wait till you get to the inside. Yeah, the best thing for the inside of a man is the outside of a taunt-thorn. You know? Well, the best thing from the inside of a tauntorn is the outside of a man, as Luke Skywalker

approved. Yes, that is true. That is true. He actually used a lightsaber in that scene, and no one really... Oh, everyone talks about it. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like no one talks to me about it.

Yeah. Why is hot? That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. You think they smell bad on the outside? Yeah. And then he opens him up and shows him the guts.

No. Or he opens up the guts and says, you thought they smelled bad on the outside. Okay. How does this scene play out to you? Why would it smell worse on the inside? Why would he smells more neutral? What's fucked up with the... Well, I mean, I'll get to that, but first I want to hear, Jackson.

Okay. How does that famous quote? Let me try to explain to you what that scene is about. Yeah. Okay. Luke Skywalker is very cold. Yeah. Okay.

He's not wrong. You're actually... He's in the snow. Uh-huh. I don't know why. Yeah. But he's dying. Uh-huh.

And then Hans Solo comes up, finds him. Yeah. And Sol is riding some kind of fucked up dinosaur guy. He's writing a torn, thorn. Sure. And then he said, he says, oh, fuck, you're dying from the cold, Luke Skywalker. Yeah.

I know the hottest place. for you right now would be the in the guts of my horse. Yeah. And so he slices open the horse. And then he says, You thought they smelled bad on the outside. And then he puts Luke in the guts. And then he also gets in the guts or he just goes?

Now, you're actually pretty close. Yeah. Luke gets attacked by a wampo. Oh, that's right. On the ice planet of Hoff. Yeah. So Luke has, I can't remember if Luke's torn. No, Luke's Torn Torn.

One's already dead. One of them's like, blah, he just peels over. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's right, because the wamp- No, doesn't the wampa kill him? Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Let's say yes.

Yeah, yeah, sure. And Hahn finds him, but then because it's in the middle of a snowstorm, they're like, you can't leave just yet. So they put him in the body of a tauntun. Yeah. Who says the line in what context? Well, you, you, the rest of that was right. Hawn says it to Luke, who's dying, freezing to death. Don't make a joke while Luke is dying.

Just put him in there. What's he doing? And also, yeah, is it. It's because a lightsaber... Knicks the... Nicks the asshole, probably. The intestines. Which is where, you know, which does connect to the asshole.

He's talking about tauntorn shit, basically in that moment, you know? Yeah. Well, they would quarterize it. Unless it, like, it burns the... I mean, you got, like, cooked shit. Like, a dog can stink sometimes, but I reckon if I cut open a dog, I'd be like, this smells worse. I don't think guts have much of a smell.

Unless they're, like, you know, a dying dog. Yeah. Or an old dog. I'm fairly sure guts smell neutral. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was, like, or of, I'm pretty sure. I don't know what off is. They'll probably smell like iron, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, but not worse than the outside of a thornthonthon. Does all animal blood have iron in it or is that a human thing? No, no, more blood. Except for that, what's that one that's like the crab thing that bleeds blue? Oh, yeah. I don't know if that's got iron in it. Yeah. What do fish, what about fish blood?

Is fish blood special? Is it thinner? Is fish blood special? Is fish blood special? He's got an omega-3. Fish blood would be different to mammal blood. Why? Because they're different guys.

We're all... But like a... A dog. A dog's blood. I got two cups in front of me. One of fish blood, one of dog blood. Yeah. And then like...

I got two cups. A human blood and dog blood. I reckon you could tell the difference. Yeah, because I think it would taste like wet dog. I don't think it would taste like wet dog, but I reckon it'd be different. Yeah. Blood shouldn't taste like dog. Yeah.

But if I have a dog-y flavor, and then I got a cup of fish blood. Is fish blood, okay, is fish blood like... No making fun. No making fun. Is it say less... I was going to say, is it white? No, it's red. What is red?

But is it like a thin red, like a pink? But like salmon, though. Have you motherfuckers been to a mark? Sorry, not making fun. Have you been to a fish market? Yeah. There's blood. Yeah, I know.

I know. I'm just like with salmon. I did look in my defense. It gets pinker because they're breathing. I don't think that's the blow. My computer's listening to me. I think salmon just go pink. I thought they, because they got to.

They go upstream. Yeah. They fuck. Yeah. They go pink and die. Then they go pink before that. But they do it because they're... They do it.

Well, Flamingos go pink. He's reading all that shrimp. Now, I remember hearing a story. probably repeated it before on a podcast somewhere. But there was like some sort of sick ape or baboon that was often feasting on said... True. No, the flamingos.

And it was going... A fur was turning pink because of the diet, i.e. flamingo. And I heard that once and never bothered to fact check until years later, and I have yet to find that story again. And I don't want... Look, in my harder hearts, I want that to be... Of course. You want that to be a pink flamingo eating baboos?

If I was only eating flamingos, my body hair would go pink. Well, the problem is, I'm like, that's bullshit because that's not how fur works. But then I go, why is that how feathers work and why only four flamingos? Is chicken blood different to fish blood? Bones are hollow. Chicken blood's got to be all kinds of different. Thinner. Yeah.

Right? No, fish blood would be the thinnest blood. All right, but fish need, no, birds need to fly. That is true. Yeah, but do you see the veins in a chicken sometimes? They're like beat red. But I, but, but because like say a cooker bar eats worms, but it's not worm colored. Okay.

That's true. That's not only being worms. It's eating other things. So there is natural pigments. Yes. Which can be, like certain foods have certain pigments. I mean, we can send orange if we eat heaps of carrots. That's very true.

I think that's true too. So like some colors and foods. Eat a lot of carrots. Carrant, bless you, and tomatoes. You can get a nice hue. Yeah. Yeah, so, like, all of that stuff, I think is because, based on this very, very, very quick thing I read.

Yeah. The thing that makes you turn orange in a carrot. It's not carrotan, is it? Surely not. Charitin. That's me bullshitting right now. I don't know enough about carrots. Carrot?

Do I answer that question? What is the orange agent? The oraging agent? Oh, the carrot. Why carrots only? Well, the red orange pigment that flamingos are eating is called carotenoids. Okay. C-A-R-O-T.

It looks called the same. Uh-huh. E-N-O-I-D-S, noids. Carotenoids. Carotenoids. Huh. So I guess flamingos... Betcha carotene.

But why are flamingos, like, undied? to begin with. Well, that's just the normal... Yeah, so the normal color is apparently a grayish white. Yeah. And I guess white's easier to die. Yeah.

Like if you're dying, say, your hair... And you got to bleach it first. Well, it's because their entire diet is full of... So I guess... So I guess... Say you got a... ...a mono diet, I guess. Well, no, because they eat algae,

brine shrimp and a bunch of different small crustaceans in their wetland habitats. You don't like seafood. No, I know. But eating like a flamingo is appealing. You can't do that. Hanging out with a bunch of flamingos, dude. And then I see them all fly south of the winter, and I go, I'm about to be so lonely. I'm about to be so fucking lonely in this mountain lake, dude.

Maybe you'd like fish and stuff like that if you actually tasted it rather than just spoiling it real quick. Yeah, but that's how a pelican eats. No. That's not how a palikin eats. Yes, it is. Pelican stores it in its beak. Yeah, and then goes, ghok, gawk, cock, cock. Yeah, but who knows?

Maybe storing it in its beak is where it's getting the flavor from. That's a good point. It's sucking you dry. You want to eat like a duck. Yeah, I do want to eat like a duck. Yeah. But does that mean, say we conducted a fucked experiment where we got a polar bear, say, a white creature? And we fed it a diet exclusively of carotenoid heavy shrimp.

We'd get a pink polar bear? Well, I think feathers grow differently from hair. Oh, okay. So, like, feathers... Because of the blood? Because the blood goes in the feather? I think it's because it gets broken down Look, again, I'm learning this right now

But it seems like that the enzyme gets broken down by the liver Yeah And the liver deposits shit into the feathers Why is it doing that? I guess in the same way that we sweat Oh yeah, well, yeah, I guess it's like the feather is You forget, stupid sentence You forget the feather is part of the bird

Yeah You know what I mean? Like the feather is connected to the rest of the bird and affected by like hair? Yeah, like hair. You know, but more so.

More connected than hair. Well, yeah, because a bird needs feather to fly. We don't need hair for much. Yeah, hair does nothing for us. Yeah, that's true. It slows us down. It slows us down. It actually does.

Yeah. Wait, no, what was I reading? In something to do with swimming? No. I think it was like, yeah, I think it's a, uh, you want to have, body hair when you're training for swimming. And then on the day of the race, you shave it off.

So then you're smooth like a seal. That's awesome. Right. Hey, another Winter Olympics thing you've just reminded me of. This, I think it was unverified, but they were doing an official investigation into this, which is the skiers injecting their penises with acid? Awesome! Now, but now, do you mean acid like the drug or acid like, say, sulfuric?

Well, more like sulfuric. So I think the idea was, is that when, you are fitted for your uniform, it's like personalized, it's like tailored to your body, right? Okay. And that means there's no extra material, but extra material is good

because it helps you with lift when you're doing the big ski jumps. Okay. So what they were doing, and again, this is unverified, but they were doing it, in the article I read, they were doing an investigation into it

is that they were injecting their penises with a specific acid that made them swell up for 24 hours. So they were going big dick into the tailoring. And then when their wiener shrank, they had a bunch of crotch space that when they did the jump or whatever, they got extra lift. Yeah, basically. They were skiers injecting acid into their penises to help them fly.

Surely a penis pump would do just as, I guess maybe you're not going to engulge yourself as much as say it has. But then what I'm thinking is your fucking tailor being like, oh. There's a lot of people on this team there in theory. Extremely swollen, angry looking penises. Gourged up there. aren't they? So Jackson's right. Yeah. Love to hear those two words, dude. Most beautiful words in the English language. They were allegedly, it's been dubbed penis gate. Yeah. It's basically like a hydrating acid. Yeah. Like the same stuff that's in like skin creams and stuff. Hydrating acid. I don't know. That's awesome. I love learning things that I know nothing about. This is how I'm going to, I'm going to get gold for Australia. It retains up to 1,000 times its weight and water to provide deep.

hydration. So basically, yeah. It's used mostly for skin hydration, anti-aging stuff, joint lubrication, wound healing, and also can be put in eye drops. So it's not like burny acid. I mean, look. Should you inject it into your penis? Yeah.

Well, this is what I'm going to do. I was going to say, apparently a winter horse, the equivalent of a winter horse. It's just a winter horse. Oh. Like, it's got, they got like... That's disappointing. Yeah. So it's got like thick, fluffy coats. Well, it's kind of cool. But I wanted to be like as different from a horse as a camel is. I think a moose works.

What? Yeah. Seals. I can see that. I really make it like a dog show. Yeah. But it's seals. Can you ride a seal?

I don't know if you should. Yeah. But I reckon you could like in in SeaWorld. Yeah. A place where they don't ever abuse animals. They get to the animals in SeaWorld famously. They train seals. Yeah.

Why don't we have like a seal show in the Winter Olympics? And I can only assume we've got plenty of them. I can only assume. What's that? Is it? I can't know I can train a seal. I can win gold in a steel training. Easily you could train a seal, dude. You want to put the zoo in the Olympics?

Yeah. What would you have the seal do? What would be your most... Bouncing a ball? Okay. But those are the standard tricks. Playing soccer? Oh, maybe she did card tricks.

Okay. Do you think that we... put horses... Cup and ball? Yeah. I just really... Cockham ball? Just checking. Do you think that we put horses in the Olympics to show off how good

the horses are? Yes. In some sense. We don't? No. What? Because the horses aren't the athletes. Yeah, but the horse has been trained. The horse is the athlete. You're impressed by the horse's skill. Yeah. No, you're meant to be...

So you're being tricked. You're actually meant to be impressed by the rider. No. I'm impressed by both. I'm impressed that the horse has learned these skills and that the jockey can then But the reason... Instigate these skills in the Olympics. Yeah, yeah. But the reason...

Like a dog show and then it's like a dog does a backflip. Yeah, I'm impressed by A, the dog and the person who's... It's not like a dog show, though. Yeah. Because it's not all horse events. Yeah. It's not horses where it's like, look how beautiful this horse is. Yeah, yeah.

That's not in the Olympics. But even the horse jumping... I'm impressed that the horse jumps on the command of the jumping. No, I know. I know you're impressed by the horse. But that's not what the Olympics cares about. Yeah. What?

So you're saying if... They don't care for horse? No, they didn't... The horse isn't the athlete. The horse is a horse. The horse isn't the athlete. So let me pitch you. Let me pitch you...

The horse might as well be a shot put in the Olympics. No. Ridiculous. No, it's the horn. Let me... They don't give the shot put a ribbon. They don't give the shot put a ribbon. They just do it as a funny little like, who gives a shot.

Fuck this horse. No. They appreciate the horse. So if in a... Why do you think it's only horses then? Because horses are the bastard doing jobs. Well, why isn't there a dog show in the Olympics? I agree.

Why isn't that one? Because it's not... Because you can't ride a dog. Exactly. But then if you... It's a partnership between man and horse. It's like a fucking car to them. They don't care.

Well, why isn't drag racing? It might be. That would... Formula 1 and shit... Well, not Formula 1 because it's a whole different thing. Yeah, but drag racing. Yeah. I guess skateboard.

Yeah. Skateboard. Yeah. The skateboard is a tool. The skateboard is a tool. Yeah. Skateboard is a tool. The horse is a partner.

Yeah. So in a world, right, okay, let me pitch you something. You tell me if you think this would get gold, okay? They got to do the jumps, right? They do a loop, they do the jumps. They're graded on how well they do the jumps, okay? In a world where the event starts, the jockey falls on gorgeous. Okay, the jockey's got...

Narcalypsy. Not a little sleep. But the horse... He knows what's going on. He knows what's doing. And he does the whole thing without a jockey's command, okay? Does the jockey fall off the horse? No, he stays on, but he's very clearly like...

I think that's still, yeah, I mean, the moment of the jockey's not conscious, unfortunately, they're calling it. It's disqualified. But what if they don't realize it to the very end? What if he's wearing glasses and then got eyes painted on it? What if it's a weekend at Bernie's situation? And the jockey's dead. Like, the horse wants to win gold,

so the horse is pretending it's still alive. Yeah, I mean, look, if we're playing silly, funny times, yeah, sure, fuck it, the horse would get gold. But in reality, unfortunately, it would be disqualified. Have they ever done anything with it? It's like in a fucking horse race. Yeah. Horses have won horse races without a jockey, but it doesn't count.

Bullshit. That's fucked up. That is fucked up. Because, I mean, also, wait. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Who cares?

Has ever compound, like, say, gymnastics and horse jumping? Combound. Yeah. That's an awesome new word. I'm trying it out. What do we do? I love compound. It's a combination of combined and compound?

Yeah. Yeah. It's good. It's more fun than combined, I reckon. Compound. Combound, sorry. Do you think, like, for example, the horse is going to do like a big jump. And it's done for the jump.

The jockey gets on the, like, the back of the saddle stands up. And then they do a backflip while the horse jumps forward. That would be awesome. And they land and they do like a big, like, ta-da. And the horse lands. And it also rears up and goes, ta-da-a. I reckon that would be awesome. Yeah, that's just motorcross.

Yeah. I mean, I can't do that. No, no. I can't break. So, thank you. Would you... Okay, so I guess we're trying to figure out what lengths would go to to win gold.

Yeah. So the penis-gate athletes are risking penile pain, disfigurement, deformity, infection, inflammation, sensory change, sexual dysfunction. Yeah. Any rare instances, they can get...

Their penis could go gangren and they could lose it. Yeah. Why are they injecting their ass? There's more surface area. Well, that was going to be my suggestion. Okay, I see all these guys injecting their penises and I go, you guys, they're idiots. And I inject every inch of my body.

So I'm swollen walking into the fitting room. Can you somehow develop... Looking like clay face. It develops some sort of like beasting allergy. Yeah. And they just like get this stung like crazy by bees. Induce my beasting allergy. Be like, please hurry up.

I'm definitely allergic. Isn't bee venom or whatever? Isn't that something like a therapeutic thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where people inject themselves with that for some reason. I've also heard the rumor that people used to do. that to like as a way to keep an erection. I don't know if that's true.

You sting your wiener with a B. But then imagine the lift I have when my body recovers. Uh-huh. And I mean, it's a lot of drag. Just flapping in the wing. I'll go off the thing or just fly. I'm wondering if they, but you'd also get a lot more drag. Yes.

Yeah. So I'm wondering if the penis, they've just been like, oh, that gives us the... Minimal drag maximum lift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it just means you're going to be baggy on the front. which wouldn't really affect the drag because your legs would be there anyway. It is funny to imagine me getting up at the, you know, like the initial thing. And they go, Jackson Bailey, competing for gold.

His suit doesn't fit out of all. His suit seems extremely bad. It's like a wing suit. And then it's like, and go and I just float off toward the mountain. And Jackson Bailey, one of the older competitors here in the Winter Olympics is floating off toward the Italian Alps. Will we ever see him again? Goodbye Jackson.

Goodbye Jackson. And incredible before. And then it cuts to me, you know, like those little interstitials they do. Whereas the Australian athletes talking about how much they want to win. Like, you know, you're just got to go for gold. You're just got to go for broke. You dedicate your life to one thing. And for me, that's speed skating.

Speed skating. I mean, speed skating. He's skiing. I thought it was like the jump. Yeah, speed skiing involves a couple jumps. Oh, a couple jumps. Wait, but that's not what the... I thought you were doing like Eddie the Eagle kind of style, just like a big jump.

Yeah, are you... Okay. Doesn't speed skiing involve a couple of jumps? I don't know. Yeah, but they don't... It's not flying off to the help. Do you think that they're injecting their penises to make the more swollen so they get more air in a race?

It's not a race. It's just like a time trial. What do you think? A time. try out what? I thought it would be the big jump. Yeah, it is. He doesn't,

no idea what he's talking about. So you go further. I guess if you go, like if you're speed skiing, I guess if you go real far off the jump, I guess you, if it's a straight shot down, you clear most of the course.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know what. Yeah, but, yeah. I know, man. It'd probably be slower in the end. Probably, yeah. Yeah, you're right. It should be the high jump or whatever it's called.

ski jumping. Could you take a book? from the Pixar film Up and inject not your bloodstream but the space between your skin and muscles with helium so you're a little bit more floaty It's really the photo that the thing I have to avoid

is becoming a dot on the horizon as they disappear into the mouth Do you think it's time trial's not a race? Just going back to that. It's not a race against like immediate competitors It's a race against time with the other competitors. Yeah, yeah.

So, like... But it's not a race like speed skating is. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay. As long as you understand... I mean, I see what you're trying to do there.

You're trying to show me that you understand, but also that you're right, even though both of those points can't coexist because one of them has to be wrong. Yeah. You can always Bradbury. Yeah. Full-O. Like... Like, not for the opposite.

I misremember. And in the speed skater collapse. Yeah, yeah. Just try and get into like a sport with not that. that many, like, represent, say, like, you know, representatives of Australia, whatever. And try and use just, like, you know, or default get into, like, the last race. And then just hope. Yeah.

That everyone else is, like, each shit. Hey, fellas, you're going to fall over tonight? Really hoping you do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know, I guess we could go down, like, you know, the Nancy Kerrigan way of paying someone to break someone.

No, the other way around. Yeah. Tanya Harding way of getting Nancy Kerrigan's knees. Yeah, that was another thought I had before I decided to inject my bloodstream with acid. But yeah, bloodstream, you say. Real soon. Fortunately, the stream. You're going to inject your...

Ski jump competitor has died. You can inject your bloodstream with something that absorbs 1,000 times its weight. I like the idea of just completely just not understanding and then just taking a lot of like in LSD. Yeah, yeah. Is this as a dinner plates at the beginning?

Where am I right now, though? Why is the jump melting? Yeah. I'm very afraid. It's cool that Nancy Kerrigan's got the same last name as the people from the castle. Yeah, that is cool. Any relation? I wonder.

I don't know. I hope so. She just needed some serenity. Yeah, exactly. Do you think even though, okay, so say I went the ski jumping and I injected, I had heaps of lift, and I floated away into the mountains. Yeah. Okay.

And there was another Australian competitor in the ski jumping, and they won gold. Yeah. In the end, who's more famous? In terms of raw fame, I'm like the new balloon boy. Yeah. I reckon you would also then I would bat for you to win because you clearly cleared so much ground. Exactly. As I'm up there, like, freezing to death, I'm like, imagine the height I've achieved.

And the moment you land, and the moment your frozen body lands and shatters. Palsumously awarded gold. I don't know if you can still win a gold medal if you die. used to be able to, because there was a boxing match where that happens. Yeah. Like if you're skiing, they should give you a one post. Yeah, you're in mid-jum.

Heart attack. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then you die, but you're still going. And then you'll, the body lands it perfectly. Yeah. And they come to a beautiful stop. Everyone's, well done.

And you don't make any reaction. Yeah. But you cleared it. You cleared it. You've nailed it. You've passed the finish line. Yeah. Does it happen as in stun shows occasionally.

They're like, wow, what an impressive stunt. Yeah. Why isn't the door opening? Oh no. Oh no, he dead. Yeah. But it was impressive. Yeah, they should give you gold.

It's fucked up not to. Yeah. Otherwise, they go, it was an incredible performance and he gets nothing. Yeah. Fuck your widow. Well, I guess, you know. Yeah, because it was a... When did they die?

Yeah, that's true. Did he die when he landed in the air? Also, if he died in the air, did he really land? Yeah, exactly. But then he would have set himself up before he's at a heart attack to land perfectly. So I would say yes. Yeah. Give him the goal.

I think as long as he dies... No, anytime. Yeah. What if they died the day before the event? Would you still let the computers a dead body? Yeah, I would, personally. But my Olympics would be even more of a circus than this one. What about, like, in a bobsled team?

Yeah. And, like, you're going down. Or the skeleton makes more sense. Yeah, yeah. Strap them to the thing and then do, like, good luck. Yeah, that's true. No, I'm on a team. Yeah.

Oh, one person dies. So I'm in a team. How many in a bobsled? Four, I think. So you're going down. You hear like a, oh! From like, yeah, the third seat. Oh!

Oh, no. This is it for me. Oh, bad timing. Jesus. And they cock it. Yeah. Sorry about the smell you're about to cop. So the third seat dies.

You guys don't really know. You're like, what a weird thing by Jeff? What is Barry? Yes, Jeff. I know. And then you keep going. Yeah. And then you win.

What smells like shit? Yeah. Are you like, oh, Jeff's dead. Are we disqualified? You shouldn't be. In that case, you shouldn't be. In fact, I think. The more people who die on your bobsled,

like, you should get, you should get points out of it. Okay, I was like, you should get their metal. Yeah, well, yeah. So, like, imagine if you were... So there's four of us, two of them die. Yeah, two survivors get too cold? Yeah, I think so, because it's like, what? Not only did you do the bob, you know, you did the event, like, perfectly.

Yeah. You did it with two guys. You meant to do it with four. Yeah. So, you know... Just saying. And if there's one guy left, like, that's even more points. You should be, like, a modifier, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if it's no guys, they should give it. To the bobs. Exactly. Like how they should give a medal of the horse. Yeah. Or at least the grieving widows or widowers. Yeah.

They should get to go on the podium, you know? That would be how I would do it. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. It's interesting to figure out the parameters here of when you can die. I'm fairly sure. What if you die on the podium?

Yeah. You get gold. You're too excited. You'd still have a heart attack. You would still have a fight. It's the sports oval. With that with the dressage or the horse. The jockey fine.

But the, but the whole. A horse has a heart attack. Well, according to Dujo, the jockey's the only important one. Is that equivalent to your skateboard snapping? Horses get killed after races all the time? No, no, during. So you're doing big jumps, last jump, over the jump, mid jump, horse dies, the horse has a heart attack, lands perfectly.

Don't know how, magic a size. It's just perfectly weighted, it's balanced on its four legs. If anybody moves in an inch and it'll collapse. And then that's the end of the race or the jump. I got some terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. Because it's dead, someone goes, oh, the horse is really sad. The horse is hungry. That's really weird.

It should be happy. Unfortunately, a jump is not the finish line. Yeah. But what if it does the jump and then it just stumbles forward? No, well, then it would be. It wouldn't, if it stumps. The problem is. Not stumbles.

It perfectly goes into one of them side trots. Yeah. Like, it's a death throw. Yeah. I don't know how the horse did it, but it did it. Yeah. It death throw the perfect trisage right through the finish. somehow died yet they still did a good enough performance

that they won gold, they would still get gold. Where if a human dies, they'd just call the event off for the dime being. That sucks, dude. The horse, yeah, because they don't give a fuck about the horse. That's fucked up, dude. Dude, then kill a horse with a golf club if they had to. Of course. But you're going to give a gold if it did well, you know.

Especially if it did well in golfing. Yeah. On the great horse. Yes, dude. If it was a golf horse, are you? kidding me? Yeah, absolutely. And the more horses, the more sports is what I'm thinking. They should do a horse alone.

Like a horse bobsled? Oh my God. You meant horse skeleton? That horse wouldn't know. What the fuck's going on? I guess the problem is that horse's legs are so fragile. Yeah. There's really no sport other than horse racing they could compete in. Well, horse racing

also famously terrible for horses. Yeah, that is true. Yes. Have you seen that? I think it's the one called Mughal. Maybe it's not, but it's You go down a hill on skis, and there's like these little hills, like little tiny bumps. And you kind of go, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, like you're a pinball. Watching that makes my knees hurt so much. There was like a 32-year-old, 33-year-old guy competing when I was watching it last night.

And I was like, I have knees close to that. How are your kneecaps not just exploding with every jolt up your fucking body? I can't imagine, dude. I think we could do, like, curling. Yeah, three of us. Curling's fucking awesome. We should do curling. We should join an amateur curling league.

The three of us, dude. Because you need what, three guys for curling. One guy is bowling. Yeah, and then the other two to scrubbers. To scrub. What role do you want? I reckon scrubber. Yeah.

No, I guess I'll go bowler. You can also be a scrub. I was going to, I think, Jay, you probably get the best hand-out coordination, yeah, yeah. Jackson and I went bowling last week. I bowled the turkey. Yeah. It was insane.

Are you turkey good? Yeah, three strikes in a row. Well, done. Yeah. Turkey sounds bad, though. Yeah, it does. It does sound bad to get to turkey. I got like, you know, three zero.

That was Jackson. Yeah, I got three zeros in a row and then I got one. Did you get the bumpers on? No. I should have asked. At one point, I think we were up to like frame five and Jackson was on six pins. Yeah, that's pretty good. I really wanted to stay one the whole time.

Yeah. Then I got some more pins. And you came back and always came third. Yeah. Yeah. You really truly are like, you know, the pinnacle of an athlete. That's what I'm saying, dude. That's what I'm saying all the fucking time.

Okay. Yeah, curling would be fun. Let's get into curling. I reckon we're going to train you to be a good skeleton. person. Oh, I'd be great at Skeleton, dude. Just like, hold on for deal. Head first. Head first. I'd be like, one wrong move, but I'm just a neck. How do you get inter-keleton? Like, how do you just figure out that's the sport for me? I guess you go bobsled and you go, I wish there weren't so many guys here. And then you go, what's the looge?

Yeah, you get into bobsledding, your teammates keep dying. You're like, ah. Fine, I just do luge, which I think is like solo bobsled and you go, yeah, I got too much fucking cart around me. I need to be on just like a small trolley or whatever. Then you go, I wish I was head first. If I crash, I fucking die. It was funny, I said before you just book, I'm just a neck. Like, my body's gone, and my head's gone. And the thing just rolls in.

They just putting a gold medal around just a loose neck. Wow. You're real good. He fucked it up really bad. So Luz is like, yeah, I guess you're probably going to Luz in Skeleton. Because Luzes, that's not the one with those, that's not solo bobsled. Maybe solo bobsled is just called solo bobsled, probably. Is Luzon were your feet first?

Yeah, exactly. On your back. Yeah. Skeletons head first on your stomach. Both are really, yeah, I think feet first on your back seems scary. Because you're like looking down at your feet. What's the fuck? Fair enough, I realize how I'm dying.

I'm not looking down. I'm just looking into the ceiling to the sky. Being like, like, what the fuck? What are I going? Where are I going? What? You've got? Do it.

Do it. A half pie. this guy. Wow, I'm dead. Wow, like, instant. Why didn't want to... You guys look so stupid looking down. Oh, just trying to make sure

your dick and knots are still there. Why, how do you even know where you go? How did you get this far? Due to a Clara Clara Podcast that yours have just competing in loose. Wow, I'm so dead, so fast.

Oh, fuck, that's so funny. Just how you fly, just that like the luge cart rolling in without you at the end? Where'd he go? Fly it off to horse, the Italian out. There he goes. Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, I guess like the...

Give me an open casket funeral. Doing a luge would kind of be awesome there, because it's kind of like you live it in the future going in one of those pipes. Yeah, yeah, true. Woo-V-V-B-W-W-B-W-D- Oh, dude. To go in one of those pipes. The future pipes. When you go in the future pipes, it goes,

Wom-V-V-V-F-T. And you're shot around the city or whatever. I feel like if you do skeleton, I think you would look down on anyone who does Luge. Yeah, exactly. What, scared it hurt in your head? Not me. I go head first and everything.

What, scared of hurting your feet? Yeah, that's right. That's the ultimate luge comeback. Oh, yeah, yeah. Where I'm going on. You start with cowards. Yeah, exactly. You don't need feet.

Yeah, dude. With this, luge, you're on your front, yeah? We just... Sorry, sorry, skeleton you're on your front. Skeleton face down. I just want you to jump you're on your back face down. That's a cool one. How are you on your back and face down?

Well, you're on your back, like, you're on your back, and you're looking... But head first is what I meant. Looking back. Like reverse. Oh, right, like backstroke. Yeah, backstroke. Yeah, backstroke. Real fucking hop to your life.

That's a bad. You can't see. You can see where you went. You're looking back, your heads clipping. Clippling tracks. Oh, oh, oh, you're going so far. I wonder if there's any rule about doing the skeleton backwards. Probably.

Probably. Well, I guess that's one of them more like, you know, to protect yourself. Coming out, like, behind you, you've left this red trail where your heads ground into the... You've got this pink, bald skin in the back. I'm pretty sure a skeleton, pretty much every winter Olympics, they go, hmm, we should stop doing this. Can you do what? Luge backward, where you're on your stomach looking up. Legs backward, you know what I mean?

Leg first luge, is that possible? Well, there's options here that no one's exploring. Is it describing luge? No. Wait, you want to be on your back? I would be sorry, on my stomach. Feet first. Hold behind yourself.

Like, looking behind your shoulder or looking up. Looking to where you were. Yes, that's a Joel's hempercial. I've not really known where you're going. You're going towards the Italian Alps, dude. What's crazy is that is that if your feet caught, you would be like, you'd be forced to stand up briefly. Well, I think that's what, honestly,

that's the huge difference between, like, luge and skeleton. Like, if something goes wrong, with a luge, it kind of just, like, flips you off. Yeah, yeah. A skeleton, it just breaks your neck. Yeah, something goes wrong. You put your feet, somehow your feet go down. Although, I guess.

your feet, you either stand up or your shins go into your knees. Now that I think about it, though, here's what would happen with the luge. You're on your back, you put your feet down because something's gone wrong. Yeah. The speed would just slip, like you would just slam your face into the grass. Yeah. And then it would keep going. Yeah.

Wow, you transitioned into skeleton. Yeah, dude. Transitioned skeleton. Dead skeleton. I'm doing dead skeleton. Well, more skeletons off. Exactly. There was actually, I think it was the luge.

watched a couple of nights ago, the Australian guy fell off, and then as he slid got back on, which was fucking awesome to watch. And I feel like he should have gotten more points, but I don't think he did. Bullshit. Absolutely. You don't get points in lieu. You're watching this... I forget, you know what? No judgment. Sometimes it's good to watch sports. We don't know what's going on.

Yeah, I'm not watching it for the curling. I'm watching it and paying attention to the score. The other ones, mostly, I'm watching it and hoping someone crashes or something. Yeah. How are you getting gold? Yeah. That's a really, really good question. But I think one thing you've got to remember, like I'm not just getting one goal.

I'll get like six or something. All right. What is the Olympic Village famous for? Fucking? Yeah. Fucking. It's like fucking and then competing in the Olympics. Yeah, yeah.

And scandals and whatever. Anyway, there's almost certainly going to be orgy night on the last night. Okay. I go. Like more than one night. Probably, I mean, definitely one at the end to say goodbye. You're like, hey, everyone get in the pile.

Yeah. I'm sure. I'd be like, well, no one wants to be the guy that's not part of the orgy. Yeah, okay. So I just go into the rooms then and just take a couple. Take the medals. Steal and the medals for Australia. Do you? It's good to say.

And then I call up the Olympic telling. I go, that's crazy that you have Australia having winning no gold medals, because I got six years and I'm Australian. Yeah. In this, are you, have you broken into the Olympic village? Or are you like an athlete that's already done your sport and you just didn't get any metals. Or you're an athlete. You kept up being like, oh, I'm dude's eye. You could be, what? You could, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, I'm sleepy.

Joel Dusha for the speed skating. Oh, I'm very. Sorry, I think I'm jet like from flying from Australia to Italy. It's like pretty big. And I had a pizza for lunch. Probably too sleepy for this one, fellas. You do it without me. The orgy. Yeah. I'm just going to go to everyone's rooms. Yeah, yeah. I'll go. Oh, you guys need a towel or some of those glass of water. I'll be back. I'll be back. I think, where is that guy with the gloves? The guy who was too sleepy for speed skating. And the orgy.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm just really red. He's still really jet lagged. It's been like three weeks. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not too much. Maybe it was the spaghetti bolognese. A lot of carbs in Italy.

Where do you keep the medals? Because I just want to check they're okay. Just want to check they're still good. And then you take them back. And then, I mean, like, the thing with having a gold medal. Yeah. It's like, once the Olympics are over, all you, you, you, like,

It doesn't matter if you competed or not, you know? You show off the gold medal you're getting kudos either way. I don't think that's true. I mean, you lie. You say, yeah, I was an Olympic athlete. If you met a guy that was like, you could double, I mean, you could check. Do you think? And listeners jump on the Plumbing the Death Star Instagram, Plumbing Pod,

and say, comment in whatever, maybe the, you know, the image for this episode. What Olympic sport do we each look like we could have done? Like even 10 to 20 years ago Like if we showed up and we were like Oh you're at our house And I said oh this is my Olympic medal This is my Ron's playing I'm gonna pull myself down for wrestling

Yeah that's good That's good I don't think like shot put Yeah But maybe like a hammer toss Yes dude Do you know another great Olympic fact that I learned recently Is I learned it when I was reading about

The pink Invened in Greece Yes dude naked wrestling But so you know shot put You gotta spin around and throw the shot put Yeah So a guy A couple of Olympics

I don't know what it was. He realized that if you did that with this spear throw, the javelin, sorry, that it was way better. And he, like, out-competed everyone else. But they were like, okay, that's technically not illegal. Like, you're technically allowed to do that. But we have to ban it because the chances of you just letting it go into the crowd are so high. But it was just like, they're like, okay, yes, technically that works. Technically, keep you gold. But we've got to cancel. We've got to ban it now. That's like, hey, you know, it's not illegal the first time. Exactly. Exactly. There's a quote. I think it's about like rally racing where they're like, you're not racing each other, you're racing the rule book. Okay. That's what it's about. But yeah, hamitas I can see for you. Do you think, like gymnastics for me? You're too tall for gymnastics. You need to be like a wee man. Yeah, you're right. Figure skating?

Okay, that's okay. What about like 100 metre sprint? No, you could be... Archery. Archery, okay, I'll take archery. Oshary? Did we get in consensus?

What are there's one of the... Like table tennis, maybe? Oh, yeah. Like Marty Supreme, my hero. Yeah, you can be like your hero Marty Supreme. Yeah, I could be a table tennis, yeah. That's a good feeling. I think when you could...

Table tennis in the 70s. Yeah, yeah. I think you should be like, hey, I didn't win a gold medal, but I was one of those famous umpires that got hit with a javelin. Oh, yeah, that's good. And they gave me a gold medal.

Yeah, to be like, So I'd shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a hush medal. But I'd be like a, we're about a runner. Did you ever see that footage in high school? I was like, I'll get the acid. Yeah.

Really gorge myself, not for the fitting, but for the race. Yeah, that's smart. I want the nickname the lunchbox. I get to think you being hurdles too. Huh? Wasn't Matt Shervington a high jumpist? Maybe. No, there was another high jumpist that got in the ghoulies.

Matt Shervington was, he was a. runner. Yeah. I can see high jump for you too. High jumps a cool one. High jumps a scary one though. Yeah. I'd be scared of impaling myself

on the big bowl. I just do hurdles and be known as the guy that, like, you try to clear it. It's like ate shit every job. I love the idea of you. Oh, fuck. I can imagine you're doing hurdles and like you're clearing to put everyone,

you're nuts. Just like it. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Add gold medal to Joel Zammott. You're just on the podium.

Can I get an ice back for me nuts? My fucking nuts. I really shouldn't have injected those ass into my balls so make him engorge. Why don't you do that? I mean, it's... I don't think it's enhancing your...

It's not enhancing your ability. It's just making your nuts more likely to get dog... Yeah, fucking kings, me! I'm fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. But the pain makes me run quick. So it is performance enhancing. No! No, no, no.

But yeah, I feel like, like, exploiting the classic orgy. Because, like, that's the whole thing with Olympians And it happened, like, I think he said at the start of the episode with someone's like, I cheated on my girlfriend. Olympians, because they have to train so hard, they end up like this horrible, sexually depraved. All, like, have, like, can't control their emotions at all because they've, yeah.

Anyway. It's not even four years of training. It's like eight years, if not more. Like, every day you're training because that's the whole point you train. So it means, like, some people are probably coming heaps. Some people are edging the whole time. Absolutely, dude. are the gooning olympia.

Yeah. Some people have got penis necrosis. Yeah. Some people's penis is a falling off as they do the ski jump. Falling down their big snow pant leg and out their boot. Rolling down the hill after them. They try and bend over and pick it up before the cameras catch it. Jumping in their pocket.

His penis rolling down doing a jump. Oh, my God. The penis is doing an incredible job. Gold medal. Holy shit. Gold medal for Gary's penis. Gary bronze. He got his penis

Oh god That's awesome His penis He's fucking seven penis Yeah Gold is laying I just like the idea Of bending over to pick it up

It's quick Yeah Fuck What was that? Nothing A rat An Olympics rat Yeah

Yeah Yeah I didn't want to steal In my glory So I've put it in my pocket Oh wow You give it here I can take it

No Nah It was actually Nothing Yeah I think you're seeing I think Actually nothing

Happens You interview me about my performance I think I looked good. Did you notice the lack of penis weight? Sorry? No, I didn't see... I hope you didn't because there's no reason for you to notice that.

I had the normal amount of weight including my penis. Right? Yeah, I'm waiting a normal amount. Penis included. Can you quickly Google how to piss with a penis? Yeah. I don't have my phone. Otherwise, I was just thinking about it.

I was just thinking about it as I was doing the job. doing the job. Anyway, I have to go now. Where's there's hospital? Well, don't you want to wait around for the ceremony? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've seen them off. I'll watch you on TV. I don't care.

Yeah, I'm tired. It might have been that spaghetti carbonara. The pocket's getting really wet with the... Yeah, yeah. I got to go to the toilet, I think. After race ritual, I just pack my parents like snow and it's melting. It's probably melting. Anyway, time to...

And then he prons off, put on the skis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. Well, I think we did it. Yeah, I think we did too, too, too. We've all got gold for Australia. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Australia's sons.

Australia's only sons. Thank you. Plumbing the Death Star, welcome home. Congratulations, you won the Olympics. Exactly. Exactly. Well, on that note, I've been Jill. I've been Jackson.

I've also been Joel. And that's how you win gold at the Winter Olympics. It's not even hard. Simple. You know, if you're trying to win gold in the Olympics, this is the episode to listen to. Yeah. You know? And hey, if you have your own idea of how you'd win gold at the Winter Olympics,

why not head to at Plumbing Pot on Instagram, jump in the comments go, I'd win by, I don't know, breast implants or something. And we'd be like, oh, excuse me. Yeah. All right. Sorry? Yeah. What does that mean?

Spie B. B. Yeah. Absolutely. And if you want to support Plumming the Datstar, which would be nice for you to do. Yeah. If you do us a favor, you can go to the Bad Brain Boys, and you can sign up, you can subscribe, and you get a bonus episode of Plumming the Dat Star every month, and an episode of What If?

And let me tell you the what ifs for this year, they're haters. What if podcasts were good? And go to sandspanspran.com. Don't just go bad brain boys. I don't know where that would take you. Probably, hopefully. Do our website. Fingers crossed it was saying.

Go to Sandspans Radio and sign up. for the bad brain boys. If you just search Google for bad brain boys, we are the first result. There you go. Well, we are the infamous bad brain boys. It's got nothing to do with the subscription. They're just like these guys with the worst brains

in Australian podcasting. Well, we'll see you next week. Goodbye. See you. Nah. Da. Da! Da! It's the Olympics.

The fucking Olympics. In the winter. The winter. I'm cold Yeah Gotta get gold I'm so cold I'm so cold

It's the winter Olympics The winter Olympics I'm gonna compete I'm going skiing The winter Olympics The fucking Olympics They should get us to do the new theme song

Every year that gets Every four years I get someone to do the theme song For the Olympics Yeah It's like the Bond theme The Winter Olympics It's in Italy

Italian Olympics Mama Mia Oh the Olympics The Winter Olympics It's the Mama Mia The fucking Olympics Italiano

Mama Mia Gabacino Winter Olympics You're gonna win gold You're gonna be cold It's the Olympics The fucking Olympics Australia

Stoned and embarrassed My poem in the death stars Winter Olympics theme song Knocking shit off you Yeah that's good Uh...