Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Win The Space Jam?

Episode Date: March 15, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. of our hands. To those that have already purchased tickets, we assume refunds will be happening, but no one has told us what the go is yet. You can follow us on all the usual social media places, or join our Sandspan's Radio Stuff and Nonsense Facebook group for immediate updates. Stay safe, be kind to each other, and don't forget to wash your hands. Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the star where we ask important questions like how would you win the space jam come on and slam And welcome to the jam Come on and slam And welcome to the jam

Space jam, space jam So quickly catch me up What happens in space jam Michael Jordan, he retires in 1993 Rest in peace He goes and does a baseball He does a golf He meets Bill Murray

And Larry Bird at some point And Larry Bird Well I guess he met him playing basketball But he's also golfing Okay they're golfing together Cool Michael Jordan puts his hand He's a pose for a hole in one

Puts his hand in the hole Looney Tunes grab his hand Pull him through golf hole Oh I see Golf hole to the tune realm Golf hole to the tune realm What are they called? Nerdlux? Monstars

Dirtbags They're nerdlux They're little short dudes That are being yelled at by Dane DeVito Dane DeVito being like we want the Looney Tunes Or something They want to enslave the Looney Tunes They come down and the Looney Tunes are like we want you And the Looney Tunes or something. Oh, yeah. They want to enslave the Looney Tunes. They come down and Looney Tunes are like, we want you.

And Looney Tunes are like, all right, but we got to, basketball rules. We're going to do a match of basketball. And then they go, okay. But they're little. Is that the Space Jam? Then. Yes.

Realizing that they got tricked. They get the Nerd Lux,, then get a basketball. Get a basketball. And they take it to Lakers. Like Charles Barkley and that. And they're like, touch this ball. Suck out their basketball juice. Yeah.

And then they suck in the basketball juice. And then they become the Monstars. Okay. Looney Tunes are like, oh, we have cooked this. And they're like, well, we need Michael Jordan. Yeah, okay. And then the hole-in-one happens. Okay, so they suck him into Toon Realm. have cooked this and they're like well we need michael jordan yeah okay so then they get in the hole in one happens okay so they suck him into two in a row okay are we filling the michael jordan

role yes so we're at a golf we're at a golf course because we got confused we thought it was a park we're like what's in these holes michael jordan is teeing off and we're just like oh what's in this hole what's in this hole We get hit by the golf ball. It ricochets between all three of our heads. We all fall down. All of our noses inside the golf hole. And we get pulled in by our nose.

Fucking hell, that hurts! What is this? Oh, fuck! Christ! Bugs Bunny? Fucking hell! Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. That fucking caned. And then Bugs and that. You're not...

We wanted Michael Jordan. For what? Who? To play basketball. Oh, I reckon we can do that. Dude, we were on a golf course. Of course we know how to play basketball. No, I just realised that.

I'm not saying that to the Looney Tunes. I'm saying that to you guys. Oh, yeah. Why do we think that was a park? Oh, the holes were for the golf ball. Yeah, that makes sense. It's good to imagine that while we're talking, golf balls keep falling through the two holes, slamming me in the head. Getting like a Looney Tunes

style bump on your head that keeps growing bigger and bigger. Oh my god, is this a tumor? Man, you got like a Looney Tunes style bump on your head that keeps growing bigger and bigger. Oh my God, is this a tumor? Man, you got like a unicorn going on now. That's nasty because as it grows from repeated golf ball hits, it's slowly going to grow out of the golf ball. Jackson, Jackson, move closer before it gets bigger. Okay.

All right, then I suppose the Looney Tunes are like, you'll do? We had one shot at that, maybe. Yeah, for some reason they had one shot. And we got the three plumbing boys instead of Michael Jordan. Whoops. Yep. Okay. So we're going to need a strategy.

Yeah, because I don't know how to play basketball. You don't know. Least of all, two in basketball. Jackson, of all the people in this room here, you're the most qualified because you've done intense basketball in high school. In high school, I did a class called intensive basketball, largely as an accident. There's a lot of questions.

So the class was called intensive basketball. So I just come back from a sojourn on the British Isles, and they were like, you're halfway through the year, you've got to pick a sports class. And I was like, I don't care. And they were like you're halfway through the year you got to pick a sports class and i was like i don't care and they were like you've got reckoned rack or intensive basketball and i don't remember why but i picked intensive basketball reckon rack sounds way better yeah i know you're telling me and i went on to learn that every single class of intensive basketball yeah because intensive basketball was meant for well if you it was like an expert level basketball class

but i don't know how to play basketball and had never played basketball before how did they let you join that well he kept on telling me i could leave but at this point i thought it was funny to remain so i stayed in the class and then i remember on like my second to last day I had all these assignments to hand in and I was like, what happens if I don't? and he's like, you'll fail the class I'm like, can I fail one class in year 9 or whatever? and he's like, yes I'm like, oh, I might just not then

and then because he was a friend with my dad they went away and he was like, hey what's wrong with your son? so, yes I did intensive basketball. So maybe they heard about this. He's the captain. Fuck, fellas.

Okay, so. Well, first of all, we're going to have to learn the rules of basketball. Yeah. I don't know them. Dusha? I know some of them. I know you've got to do a slam dunk. Okay.

You don't have to, but it's encouraged. Do the Looney Tunes know basketball, or are they looking at us as if we were NBA all-star Michael Jordan being like, you can teach us, yeah? No, so the reason that they pick basketball is because the Looney Tunes are already playing basketball when the nerd fellas or whatever they are. So the Looney Tunes know the rules, and even if they don't properly, we're going to meet Lola soon the Looney Tunes know the rules.

And even if they don't properly, we're going to meet Lola soon. And she absolutely does know the rules. You guys got this. Wait. Oh, right. You guys are Looney Tunes. I think you mean me and Jackson.

I was like, where are you going? No, the Looney Tunes. I'm leaving. Although, Zammett, may I just remind you that the only negative ramification here is if we lose, the Looney Tunes get enslaved. Uh-huh. Quick question.

Side bath to the boys. Okay. Excuse me, Dafty Duck. Sorry, excuses. Dafty Duck and a big Bugs or whatever. Quick question, fellas. A wee Looney Tunes. Came through the hole. I would probably be like, look, we're definitely in risk.

Yeah. It's fun to imagine us being like, we're definitely at risk of becoming Looney Tunes. Yeah, yeah. Look at his head. I point to Jackson's giant bump. Dude, I probably have a concussion. It's cartoony. When we leave, I will have one.

Right now, this is the only ramification. It looks a lot cartoony than the rest of his body. Yeah. Should we cut it off? What happens? No. There's just a lot of blood in here. Can we use it in the basketball?

I reckon it'll probably heal when he walks into a different frame. Yeah, that's true. All right, so. But are we Looney Tunes? I don't think we currently are, but I'd be worried if they're enslaving Toontown or whatever. They might just pick us too. But we're clearly not.

Yeah, but I don't know how long. They're also Toons. Yeah, that's true. I don't really know how it works. Well, let's bring the Looney Tunes into real world. Okay. Yeah. That just seems like the best plan.

Because if we're here, Stuck is like, hey, and if we bring them out into the real world, then we're good. Okay, so our first move is to try and win the Space Jam by not rocking up. Yeah. It's good to imagine getting out and you're like, what about when the Space Jam happens?

And I'm like, oh, it's happening in the Toon Realm. Yeah. Oh, I misunderstood. Back in the hole. Because like, Danny DeVito is, you know, he's like, we've got to enslave that Toon Town, but if no one's there, he's enslaving a ghost town. Bugs, we got your solution.

Yeah. There is definitely a point in the film where the spaceship lands on top of a baseball pitch in the real world, which means that they have a- Bugs, we don't have your solution. Yeah. Well, okay. Step one. All right. Learn basketball.

Learn how basketball works. What do you know? I know some of the rules. Okay. How many people on a team? I think it's seven. Let's take a stab. Let's round down and call it six.

It's definitely more than six. Okay. Is it an odd or even number? Or is it exactly six? It's either six or seven, I've decided. Okay. Well, let's get six. Oh, it might be eight. even number? Or is it exactly six? It's either six or seven I've decided. Okay, well let's get six. Oh, it might be eight. It might be three, two, three. Okay. That's soccer.

I feel like we're letting the loony do this. I hope I'm having the discussion in front of them. Five? Five is soccer. 2-1-2. Oh, that makes sense. Azalea Banks. No, two teams with five players from each team on the court at one time. Yeah, 2-1-2 That makes sense Two teams with five players from each team on the court at one time Yeah, 2-1-2

Alright, okay, 2-1-2, that's good No, it's 2-1-2 Not 2-on-2 It's also kind of 2-on-2 It's not, because I thought he said 2-on-2 and got confused 2-1-2, like the song 2-1-2 I should not be coached

You're the one Please let me Yeah. I should not be coached. You're the one. Please let me reiterate. I should not be coached. Okay. So I was wrong with my numbers, but I was right in the fact I knew it was an odd number. That's true. In international play,

a maximum of seven players are allowed on the bench, resulting in a roster of 12 players. Okay. Well, let's pick our Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny is tall. That's good. Marvin the Martian, he's little. That's also great. It's the umpire. Well, well let's pick our Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny is tall. That's good. Marvin the Martian, he's little. That's also great. It's the umpire. Well, can

we disagree? Wait, he's the umpire? He's on our side. He is both an alien and a Looney Tune. I'm going to try and bribe him. Well, Zammett's committing a crime. Warmongering, presumably. Trying to sell us out to the aliens.

Martian. Lola. Porky Pig Bugs, Lola Porky Pig Why do you want Porky Pig? He's quick He's a pig Have you ever seen him speed around? Why don't you pick Roadrunner then? Taz! Because neither of them talk

Taz! Taz goes And Roadrunner goes Beep beep Is that what you want? Yes! Is that what you're telling me you want? Well you're not coach

Forky Pig is on the team So if you're coaching that means you're not playing right? Yeah and then you two Surely I'm the manager Why is Sam at the manager? I don't know why are you looking at me? Ask him He's on the field

I can't play basketball He's the only one that's human and you Hey Okay great He's on the field. I can't play basketball. He's the only one that's human. And you. Hey. Okay, great. You're on the team. You happy? No.

Not at all. Well, you're going to go bribe the fucking- I'm going to sit here and see what Martian the Manhunter wants to help me. Martian the Manhunter. Why do you always call him Martian the Manhunter? Why do I? Marvin the Martian. Oi, Marv, what do you want? What does he want? Martian the Manh. Why do I? Marvin the Martian. Oi, Marv, what do you want? What does he want?

Hey, Martian the man hunter. What? So I'm thinking of DC. Thinking of another guy. Not you, but you're from the same. Do you know him? Is that rude to ask? It feels rude to ask.

Okay. It's because Mars is small. Are you from? You're from the same Mars. I've got a sick taste. Anyway, Marvin, what do you want? What does he want? Marvin, he kind of wants to be left alone.

Yeah, I reckon that's probably because he's going for neutral field. If anything, now I've made it worse for us. Coming back and being like, he's pissed. He's got a bone to pick with us. He's actively said that he's going to punish every human player on this side. I'm sorry, JD. Okay. Step one.

Let's learn the fundamentals. Okay. So you got two. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Dribbling. Dribbling. Got to do it.

Yep. I think we've got two people. And then there's something I've heard called layups. Yes. That's an offensive shooting technique. Why isn't he coach? He didn't do intensive basketball. I failed.

You still did it. Which means you were good enough to get in. A layup is you can take three steps into, I don't know what the lines are called in it, but basically when you're in attack, you're allowed three steps without bouncing the ball as long as you shoot before you take your fourth step. Well, let's practice some layups and dribbling.

Yep, that's easy. I start to center among the players being like, why is Indusho the coach? He knows more bugs. Why is Indusho the coach? He had to explain to Jackson what a layup was. We should have asked Jackson. I like the idea of Jackson, you being the coach,

being like, what? You slam dunking. Yeah, slam dunk it. We'll call this our signature move. It's called a slam dunk. You jump and you put the ball in the hole. No, this is what we're going to do. Okay, Bugs Bunny's tall, Porky Pig's little.

We give the basketball to Porky Pig. Bugs Bunny picks up Porky Pig and throws him in the air. And Porky Pig dunks that way. It's our signature move. Involve another person, like maybe JD. So what are you going to do? Porky Pig has the ball, right? So Bugs Bunny then grabs Porky Pig by his little trotters,

his back ones, and flings him into the air. Douché running up, grabs the ball with Porky Pig still holding onto it, and then he dunks it good. So I dunk Porky Pig hoping that we get bonus points? Yeah, yeah. We'll argue that. He's roughly the shape of a ball. Okay, this is going to be our second signature move.

It's a variation on the first one. This is good coaching. Bugs Bunny throws Porky Pig up in the air. Zamit, you get down. Dushi, you do a specky off to Zamit, and then you spike the ball into the ring, Porky Pig attached. Okay?

Yeah. So you've gone for a volleyball move mixed with a wrong AFL. Yes. So specky is short for spectacular mark. Yeah. Well, you'll have to grab it before you spike it. That's not how spiking works.

That's not how spiking works. That's not how spiking works. Coach. Why am I coach? I don't want to be. I like your tactics pretty much. Make sure the ball is airborne at all times. We've got to practice the fundamentals. Porky Pig, hold this ball.

Mugs, pick him up. This is our signature move one. Okay, quick question. Which of the Looney Tunes can eat the ball? Taz? Taz. No, I think any of them can. I can't imagine Bugs Bunny doing it.

That's true. Porky Pig, though? Maybe. At what point do we realize that we have toon physics? Because that plays a very big role at the end of this the moment space jam the moment you're just gonna believe in yourself yeah maybe the moment you do a spacky off sam at douche you're in the air for a bit going with your legs and i'm like oh okay let me like remember back to jackson's big bump yeah hey can we get Yosemite Sam to shoot One of the other players

That happens in the actual space Yosemite Sam and Porky Pig Shoot out of one of the monster's teeth That's good, it's good to imagine I come in one day with a shot leg Jackson did you get Yosemite Sam to shoot you Yeah it looks like I can't coach You never really need to move around You can just sit on the sidelines Jackson, did you get your Subbity Sam to shoot you? Yeah, it looks like I can't, coach.

You never really needed to move around. You can just sit on the sidelines. Yeah, we'll get you a wheelchair. Yeah, have a wheelchair at least. We'll put your leg in a cast. You got a toon bullet in there, dude. That's crazy. The bullet's probably a guy.

Oh, man. Right, that's getting infected. Let's think of more signature moves. So if we figured out that we have toon physics, it gets a little easier. That's true. Well, if we figured out we've got toon physics, then here's a new signature move.

Okay, Zamit, you've got to spike the ball into Douche's mouth. Okay. Bugs, why does he keep using volleyball? Intensive basketball. We better not disagree. Then the ball will travel at speed through Dusha, and then it'll do that thing where... Yeah, he's going to imagine that I've got, like, an internal S-bend, basically.

Yeah, and it'll go down and it'll hit. You know, like, when something goes into a character in a cartoon, it hits the back of them, and then out the mouth. So it goes into you, then you need to get on all fours and aim your mouth. Where does it go into him from? You put it in there. No, no, no.

It's mouth both times. We're sure of this. It goes in the mouth and goes, and then out the mouth again. So why does he have to get on all fours? To aim Jackson wants to use me like a cannon for some reason.

So that one needs to be with the ball on the side with the hoop that he needs to throw at him, but instead of throwing it in the hoop, he throws it back down the court into your mouth, and then you shoot it like a cannon into the hoop. Great.

And now a quick word from our sponsors. Also, have you noticed that your shirts and or bags are often lacking in pins from your good friends at Sands Pants Radio? Well, that's easily remedied by heading to our merch store your shirts and or bags are often lacking in pins from your good friends at Sands Pants Radio. Well, that's easily remedied by heading to our merch store on sandspantsradio.com and grabbing one of our pins. We have the Sands Pants Radio logo and always bet on Piss D20 and Jackson's face.

That is a replica of his legally binding signature sold separately or as a set of three. Check them out at our merch store over at sandspantsradio.com. Okay. Let's get one more signature move. I like that we're like, alright, two in physics and your move was like, alright, shoot the ball out of your mouth like a cannon. Yeah, idiot. You got this.

This is our fourth signature move and final signature move. Even though the first one is kind of a variation on the second signature move. You say final, I just don't think that's true. Okay, we're going to crush one of you With an anvil And then when you're crushed We'll figure that out from the rigging above Anvil lands on you, you'll become like an accordion

And then we kind of do a cannon move again Where you put the basketball on the accordion And it pulls you back And then when it extends It'll fire out and into the hoop Like an anvil How about instead it fires out with a bit more control I can hold it and then I anvil out

And I dunk from like full court What do you mean? Okay so now I'm a courtigan So rather than just kind of Shoot and hope What if like Because now I'm a courtigan I hold it

Like a cannon again No Okay I'm an accordion Like a spring Like a spring or a cannon same thing Ball lands on accordion Accordion holds ball Accordion bounces towards ring

Still holding on to ball Oh I see like a slinky Yes Okay great great great fourth signature move Ward's ring, still holding on to ball, puts ball in. Oh, I see, like a slinky. Yes. Yes. Okay, great, great, great fourth signature move. You're an incredible team. Nice little moment of me and you both like, you know what?

Sure. I don't know if we're going to get better than that. All right, we've got four signature moves. We don't know the rules. You haven't put any of us in positions. Let's go. Yeah. Who's on?

Is there a goalkeeper? No. You've all got positions, and. Yeah. Who's on? Is there a goalkeeper? No. You've all got positions and the position is dunker. Hey, Jackson, is there a goalkeeper in this? No, that's in soccer. So what are the positions? Middle forward. Is that center line? Is that middle comma forward?

Or is that middle forward? Defense probably is one. You haven't clarified my question. Attack must be another. How many is one. You haven't clarified my question. Attack must be another. How many is that? Your point? Then we'll call it general run around guy. Remember

when I was saying 2-1-2 a lot? Do you know why I was saying that? Maybe the one is the center line? Yes. Are one is the center line? Yes. All right. Are they called the center line? And then the two are the dunkers for dunking.

We've got two dunkers, a center line, and one of the other two. And then two other dunkers. Four dunkers. Yeah. Some dunkers are just dunking from further back. That's fine. Okay. Come on and slam. Welcome to the gym. I just wanted to double check. Okay. Come on and slam. Welcome to the gym.

I just wanted to double check. Okay. Alright. We've got our offense. What about our defense, coach? I guess the offense should be... Like, you know, maybe a point guard and a shooting guard? Maybe the offense should be where the defense is for the other team.

Sorry, coach, but what? The offense should be for the other team. Sorry, Coach, but what? The offense should be for the defense for the other team. Huh. The offense should be where the defense of the other team is. And they're not... Okay, so

strategy is someone going to the court second. And then where the other players are, just go stand with them. Yeah, and they'll do the reverse for us. That's not good. Someone has to be there first. We're going to the court second.

Oh my god. All right. Okay. Big day. You're very emotional about this space jam. It's a day of the game, everyone. Sorry, coach. I didn't mean where we were. I meant what is our defensive tactics.

I figured I would assume if we're shooting to the left, that is where our defense would be. I mean, it was a fair question. You put four people on dunking and one person on the position, air quotes, center

line. I thought he was just a general runaround. A general runaround guy. Yeah. Okay. Defensive strategy. Oh no. Okay. Let's see if we can make one of those Looney Tunes style fight clouds.

Oh, okay. Get everyone in that. Yep. Okay, that's our defensive strategy. If they're coming at your run, start a fight with each other, suck them into the cloud. Hey, that's actually not a, that's like a good idea. Thank you. So the point guard and the shooting guard should be doing that? The defense guys.

That's them. Yeah, the defense dunkers. Yeah, yeah. They're where the offense guys of the other team are. They'll start a fight because they're when they're defending. Yeah. Okay, great. defending. Yeah. Great. Great.

Okay. Do we have a name? Marketing? Apparently? Marketing? Manager. Are we just... Is this the Space Jam or are we the Space Jams?

We'll be Team Space Jam. Are we the Team Space Jams? We're the Space Jams? We'll be Team Space Jam. Are we the Team Space Jams? We're the Space Jams. No, they're the Toon... We'll call ourselves the Space Jams. That's easy. Toon Stars? No, because the other team is Monstars.

That doesn't sound right. No, not at all. Toon something. Yeah, so how about we become the Monster Jams? All right. So the Monstars versus the Monster Jams. Yeah, well, let's call ourselves become the Monster Jams? Alright So the Monstars versus the Monster Jams Yeah, well let's call ourselves the Monster Jams Ah

Or the Monster Jams Or the Toon Jams Alright, we'll be the Toon Jams Well, I like Toon Stars, the douche have floated Let's call ourselves that Monstars versus the Toon Stars Yeah Alright, great

Uniforms, that's our final thing we've got to consider Monstars versus the Toonstars Yeah Alright, great, uniforms That's our final thing we gotta consider I'm gonna go leotards like I scared as well Yep, I was thinking a lot of red Great Like jam Yeah, absolutely I know we're called the Toonstars

So maybe, I guess we gotta go, is it yellow? Kind of like what they had, because stars are yellow Yeah Stars are white. We'll go white. We'll go white. Stars are a white color. Yep.

So we're the Toon stars and we're just wearing all white. Yeah, all white leotards. Like an ice skater. Maybe like a Mario star in the front. Mario's cap is cooler. We're putting Mario's cap on the front. Okay, Mario's cap on the front. All right. I've had them made. Everyone put them on. Sorry, they cap on the front. All right.

I've had them made. Everyone put them on. Sorry, they're all the one size. That was cheaper. Porky Pig, yours is huge. Okay, well, everybody ready to jam? Come on and slam? I think we nailed it.

Any questions before we begin? So looking at the team, they've got a couple of guys that are like 10 foot tall. One has a cannon in his chest, I think. Okay, well, that would have been nice to know earlier on. One has very long arms that can dunk from very far. Is there any way to make you guys bigger? I mean, we believe we can. I think if we inflate you full of air, you'll blow up like a balloon.

I've seen that happen in cartoons. You can rock paper scissors for it. It won't be pleasant. If I was to ride Roadrunner, is that still classified as one person if I am riding Roadrunner? Roadrunner's not. Unfortunately, if an NBA player rolled up on a horse,

I don't think they'd be allowed. However, this is Toon Rules. That's horse, I don't think they'd be allowed to. However, this is Toon Rules. That's true. I don't think Roadrunner... Will Marvin allow this? Well, Roadrunner wasn't selected in our team, famously, due to our coach hating that it says beep beep. It doesn't talk.

Can't communicate with it. So it's a horse, though. Yeah. I'm using it like a horse or a motorbike. I think we can get Roadrunner to run interference and just claim it's a random bird on the court. All right. Who's this bird?

Roadrunner, whatever you do, do not wear this uniform. Yeah, absolutely. We get Roadrunner nude and Roadrunner can run nude. Like, it'll be a streaker, but no one will be able to tell because you can't see Roadrunner's big genitals. Very big genitals. Okay, you can't see the big genitals of Roadrunner, so no one will know that Roadrunner's streaking, but we will.

All right, team? All right. Hands in the middle. Roadrunner has big genitals! Okay. Just looking at bugs being like, why has none of the toons said anything for you? So for the first half of Space Jam,

every, all of the toon characters, I feel like it might just be, their team might just be the loony toons. Yeah. Well, we're the, whatever we call it.

It's toon squad. That's right. We're the toon stars and you get a Mario cap on your front. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to get a Nintendo sponsorship. Didn't work. Turns out you should get the sponsorship before you make the, nintendo sponsorship didn't work it turns out you should

get the sponsorship before you make the yeah you can't do it backwards i learned that now nintendo are mad with me yeah after this we're gonna have to have some conversations and i might need some capital for a lawsuit don't worry about it now don't let it cloud your heads for the game so in the movie space jam the toon Squad play good basketball for the first half, but are nowhere near as good as the Monstars because the Monstars are like... They play dirty. Okay. But the Toon Stars, they don't want to play dirty. The Toon Stars, yeah, our first tactic is apparently to punch on.

Absolutely. And turn into a cannon. Yeah. So we don't have any qualms about playing dirty. This Space Jam, I feel, is just going to turn into a cannon So we don't have any qualms about playing dirty This space jam I feel is just going to turn into a melee Yeah it's a lot more violent It's going to become a brawl really quick Plus we already know that we have toon powers

Yeah absolutely It's great to imagine everybody just fighting and then Roadrunner running through And I'm like what's that bird doing there? But like the idea that a co-hero basketball game Who's this big cocked bird? Who's this bird doing there? But like the idea that a co-hero basketball game was there. Who's this bird with huge genitals? Whoa, but you can't see them. I've never seen this huge genital bird in my entire life. Oh my God.

But it's running interference. Someone should stop that. Not me. I'm coaching. And I've got this bullet wound in my leg. It's great to have another one when I arrive on the day. Trying to get out of it again. You just don't have to get up, Jackson.

Damn. I've got, oh, it's real gross to imagine that I'm growing a toon wound. Oh, no. I'm being toon infected from the bullets. All right. So first round, we're playing dirty. It's a fight. Yep. Half time. That's the whistle. Yeah. That from the bullets. All right. So first round, we're playing Dirty. It's a fight. Yep.

Half time. That's the whistle. Yeah. That's the horn. So half time in Space Jam. Yeah. The Toons are losing. Bugs and, well, Michael Jordan is like, we can't give up.

Everyone's like, shut up, Michael. Yeah. And Bugs is like, no, you're absolutely right. And then he makes Bugs' secret stuff to make them believe, which. We already do them, baby. Yeah, which is just water. Oh, okay. So everybody comes around.

They gather around. Everybody's like real damaged, but the Looney Tunes damaged. I'm going to pull out Bugs' cracked teeth because I feel like that's safer. He also shouldn't have teeth. He's a bird. Bugs is not a bird. I meant Daffy Duck. Daffy Duck's not even on the team.

Bugs Bunny isn't a bird. Bugs is a rabbit. They're pulling out Bugs' teeth. He needs them. Well, they're all cracked from the fight. He's going to eat carrots. They'll grow back. Well, they're all cracked from the fight. He's gonna eat carrots. They'll grow back. Yeah, they will grow back. Probably the next frame.

It's good to imagine me holding Bugs Bunny's mouth open and just pulling the teeth out being like, we're fucked. We're fucked as. I don't know how basketball works. None of the signature moves worked, I noticed. Porky Pig would be the most damaged. I'll take his teeth out.

I'll push Bugs to the side. Why are you taking out everyone's teeth? Because if they've got teeth that are jagged, they might cut their mouths. Give them a mouth guard. Stop taking their teeth. It's a bit late for mouth guards, Zammett, okay? I'm holding a fistful of fucking teeth already.

Okay. Put the teeth in my top pocket. These are swine and bunny teeth, okay? And they're mine. I'm keeping them, okay? And now everyone's got gums. They're not going to bite off their tongue if they trip over. Jackson, I should take you aside again.

You know what? It's a basketball. Right. Sometimes it's a game of luck. Yes. You know what's lucky. What's that? Rabbit's foot.

Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. Chop off Bugs Bunny's foot. Wear it as a necklace. Okay, Bugs Bunny's out. You're doing it with four now. Do we not have anyone on the bench? Wait a second.

That huge genital bird! Get into play! Someone hit that huge genital bird! A spandex onesie! You can't see it but it's there! And it's so big! Wow, it's huge! Then I put Bugs Bunny's leotard on the Roadrunner. Doesn't fit

properly, flops everywhere. Alright, time for the second half. Now't fit properly. Flops everywhere. Alright. Time for the second half. Now we have Lady Luck on our side. Everyone kiss the foot. Kiss this rabbit's foot, please. It's bloody and not little. I'm going to keep kissing it, even if you're

not. I can't wait to look over at you and just be sucking on it. Turns out I like rabbit. Yeah. It's nice. It's a good meet. Alma Fudd had a newer thing or two, a better thing or two. Should have gotten Alma Fudd on this team. You still can. No, that huge channel bird will do it. Okay, with Lady Luck on our side, are either of you emboldened for the game ahead?

I mean, I'm pretty emboldened that you took my idea. I'm pretty happy. Oh, that's pretty good. And you maybe are afraid. Yeah, I'm just like, I don't took my idea. I'm pretty happy. That's pretty good. And you maybe are afraid. Yeah, I'm just like, I don't know what is going to happen. Oh, lol. Bugs Bunny's not dead. He's just missing a foot.

And no teeth. We'll do it back on later. Porky Pig coming up and being like, am I next? Porky Pig being like, what the fuck is going on? You got to get me out of here, boys. You shook my teeth. What's the Monstars coach doing then? Who is the Monstars coach?

Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito! Yeah, smoking his cigars. Oh my god, let's let him win. I love Danny DeVito. He's great in Twins, you know. I love Danny DeVito. He's great in Twins. You know. Hey, Danny DeVito!

What? Big fan. Yeah, that's a classic line. That and ooh. Yeah. Ooh. Do the ooh. Do the ooh.

Ooh. Yeah! God, he rolls. Lose on purpose. Wait. Oh, no. Wrong franchise. I was going to say, Dumbo, distract him.

But Dumbo's Disney. Yeah, I'm sorry, guys. So we lose. We lose, or do we get reverse psychologies and win? I like to think you lose. We probably lose. We have a big gentle bird just running interference

and no plan. Lola's distraught seeing her good friend lose her leg. I like to think you made everyone kiss. She's looking over. The coach is sucking. I have a big shitting grin being like, that was my idea. I like to think as the roadrunner runs in, the leotard

is too floppy for it and it falls over tangled up and then the coyote comes and eats in the middle of the game. Oh, I didn't see that coming. Even though it had big genitals, I guess that coyote was still interested in eating it. Big genitals didn't help it this time. And then the fourth quarter starts, you've forgotten you're even at

the basketball. You've gone to buy popcorn. How much are you saying for a big one? That's heaps. The little, the one, one small is, that's so much cheaper. I mean, I'm not getting any of them. I just want you to know. I don't have any money. A rat took my wallet.

When I was sleeping. Crawled into my pants, took my wallet. My house is mostly rat holes. The wall is, they say, gonna break because the bottom's rat holes. That's the holes in my shirt as well. It's from rats.

But yeah, so I'm not gonna buy anything. Why am I here? How's your day? You having a good one? What is this building? Last quarters. Oh, my God. What was that? That was scary.

I gotta go. I'm frightened, so I'm leaving. Wanda aimlessly out into the street. Where'd Jack go? You guys turn around. Jackson, we... What? Jackson, we lost real butt.

Where is he? Monstars just start picking up Looney Tunes and we call it a day. I'm like, Monstars, are we human? It's unclear. You can live. That's good news. Throw him the shackers and chuff off.

Throw him the shackers and you go, come find me. Yeah, and try and climb out of that... He'll be waiting for a bus. I'm going to go climb up that golf ball hole or something. I'm going to tell Bill Murray that we had a wild adventure. Asleep on a bus stop bench with your bum out. Hey, Jack.

What? We lost. Lost what? The game. That's fair. Oh my God, the basketball game. It doesn't matter. Nat's fair. Oh, my God. The basketball game. It doesn't matter.

Nat and DeVito won or whatever. Yes. I love that guy. He's so good, dude. In Twins? Are you kidding me? Yeah. Do you remember that Dumbo trailer? He's like.

Oh, yeah. That's real good. You see the penguin? He's got basically flippers. Wow. That's great. He hits penguins. Like actual penguins.

Man, today was a good day. Just slapping your belly. Today was a good day. I feel good. About ready for a nap. Anyway, time to go back through this hole. You'll have to explain to me again what happened, though. I acted like I got it, but I did.

Man, thank you for teaching us the fundamentals of intensive basketball. You're welcome. Without you, I don't know what we would have done. We absolutely wouldn't have won, that's for sure. We would have gotten smashed. Well. Another year, another space jam. And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Mission accomplished. Come on and slam. Thanks, coach. Welcome've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Mission accomplished. Come on and slam. Thanks, coach. Welcome to the jam. Anytime, kiddos. Thanks for listening, and if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspan's Radio

or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to SandspantsPlus.com. Thank you again

for listening and we'll see you again next time. Goodnight for now. But not forever. Kisses.