Plumbing the Death Star - If You Could Have Any If YOU Could Have Dinner With Anyone (Historical) Living or Dead Who Would Who Would You Pick?

Episode Date: May 17, 2026

It's a very succinct and eloquently spoken question this episode! It's one of those classic questions that it's somehow taken us over 600 episodes to even bother to ask. But we have some ground rules: No evil guys and no dinner of poison! Today's episode barely gets away from us as we discuss Wim Hoff and his public enema escapades, donkey sauce and really go after clowns for no understandable reason. Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, what's up? Welcome to this week's episode of Flummy the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also, Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast and asked the important questions like, you might recognize this one from pop culture. Yes.

If you could have dinner with anyone, historical. Living or dead. Who would you fit? Hey, look, maybe I messed that one up. But you get it. It's okay. Hey, historical's just your brak, if you can have dinner with anyone. They have to be real.

You can't pick a smirk. You can't pick Lil Elvis. Probably my dad. See what he's up to, you know, it's nice dinner. But this is a classic question. Yeah. And it's crazy. It's taking his 600 plus episodes to begin.

Yeah. So I guess like before we start, okay. Joel Zammett was very on board of this question, but then trepidacious. When he looked, me and Jackson in the eye and realized what we might use dinner for. Yeah. So.

I believe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let me just. Before you've had, blah, blah, blah, let's say, I, at 6.36 a.m. in the morning, I was thinking about dinosaurs. Yeah. So I messaged our wonderful group chat to be like, record we could do that about, like, who's the best dinosaur.

I'd just been thinking about the pacocepalosaurus and how much they love to slam each other in the head and how awesome that might feel. Yeah. Now, Jackson responds, a mere almost seven hours later. When he woke up. When he woke up at 1242. Yeah. Yeah, easy, dude.

We should also do what famous historical figure would you have dinner with? It was a typo. I make a lot of them. You know, because that's a simple premise is going to lead to something bad. Yeah. And then, you know, Dusha says, I reckon I'd have dinner with Hitler. I reckon I could give him the change. I then said we could always, you know, not try to bring up Hitler.

I don't think so. And then Dushu and ah, that was a positive from me. Fine. I'll pick a Sam and bin Laden. And I said, maybe you're the problem. Now Dusha rightfully said, I don't think that's the case. I don't think that could be true. Surely it's not me. I represent the common listener on the podcast.

Yeah. So leave me alone. Okay. So just a quick question when it comes to the start of this podcast. Yeah. Did you bring up Hitlop? No. Did I bring up Hitler?

Yes. No. I think it was Jill's Aver who brought up Hitler. You did? Right there. Do you bring up in London? Yes, you did. At 106 p.m.

Well, what I was going to say before you rudely interrupted with your crazy stuff. Oh my God. That's outlandish. It's outrageous. Why am I currently the Jackson of the show? This sucks. Someone's got to be. Don't even get that awesome peanut squeezes.

Yeah, it is. It's a good peanut. Want to learn more? Watch the Reels exclusive riff. It's a good one. It's a good one. I was going to say, even though 66.66 recurring of this podcast believes that if they have dinner with any evil person, they could change them. Let's have a blanket.

No Evil Guys rule. But then you started talking about Hitler and Osama Bin Laden and you kind of wrecked my beautiful intro. Yeah, okay. No evil guys. No evil guys. And also, let's say as well, you need to have the whole dinner. Three courses? You cut your three courses. You can't kill them. Because that's another thing I know we try to do. Not poisoning somebody. A dinner of poison is not happening. We've got to have the entire dinner. It's also good because the rule of no evil guys are like, yeah, I'm killing it. It's a man.

Just want to see how history unfold if I kill Elvis before his comeback special. What's this? This tastes peculiar. It's just a peanut butter and ham sandwich or whatever you like. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a hint of poison. What was your sandwich? Peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter jelly and bacon. Bacon was the magic ingredient.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he would, he had a crazy name for. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah. Died on the toilet. Like how we all think we will eventually leave this mortal coil. For different reasons.

I'm going to die on the toilet upside down. Yeah, really. Just confused the corridor. I think I'm going to have installed my flush wrong and it's going to suck my guts out. Yeah, I think I'm going to be like I'm tinkering with a bidet and I'm like, guys, I can make it more powerful. And then you're going to hear, oh no, I did it wrong. Hear the wettest sound we've ever heard. Oh, like that mother flipper, what's his name?

The guy did the breathing exercises. Do you know about this? Wimhoff? Yeah. Do you know this mother? I know about Wimhoff. He's a crazy motherfucker. Yeah, he's not.

He's going to talk about mother flipper. Oh, you got to kill him. You wanted to keep on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You, do you know about the Wimhoff, JD? I don't know about Wimhaw.

The guy who's like this breathing exercise to kind of experience, um, like extreme temperature, right? So it's like, I can like climb Everest in nothing but a pair of short. Yeah, because he does,

like, like, exercises. Yeah. And so, uh, apparently not a nice guy, a bit of an asshole.

I've heard that, yeah. And, uh, so he was meeting up with his, um, a strange son. Oh,

nice. Um, and so, uh, I think, I want to say it's in, like, in Sweden or, like, somewhere in that kind of region. Yeah. He was going to, like, meet up with his, you know, kid, but he felt a bit nervous.

So he did what he always often does when he's in this area. He basically stripped down naked and then swam in the fountain that is, like, the public fountain, whatever. Rock on. And as he was swimming there, like, I think something he liked to do was maybe go down to the bottom. And there's, like, the jets of, like, with a ward of the fountains. I think he had done this often. Oh, no. He was supposed to go there and get his little tuccas.

on the fountain. Get a little tookus stimulation, maybe a bit of a clean out or whatever, before you meet your estranged son. Of course, did you want a clean out of this when seeing your son. But in this situation, this time,

it went a little bit wrong and it perforated his... He's intestinaled or something like that. Oh my God. And so, like, yeah, he went, and he's like, well, that felt bad. And then I believe he had his meeting with his, you know, a strange son.

And it was like, afterwards, like, hmm, I should go to the hospital. So he sat on a fountain so wrong, It like, Jesus Christ, dude. Let me find out. You think it's safe to sit on a fountain? Not so. Well, yeah, I mean, Final Destination 3D has a death that's exactly that.

Yeah, yeah. I get to get it from. But isn't that where his guts get sucked out? Yeah, yeah, that was in guts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is it went up him so hard that it damaged his intestines. Yeah. I'm going to be scared of the bidet at work.

Yeah, that's true. Wimhoff, not a good guy. No, you bad, man. But he breathed so good. you go in ice. Yeah, yeah. We forgive a lot. Tori's ass open with a fountain enema.

That's nice. In a public fountain? So you could have watched this? I clapped and cheered. I love this. Today is growing. Going to go meet my long lost son for the first time. I know what I'll do.

I'll go get my famous fountain enemas. God damn. Real quick. To have a long lost son. That's pretty good too. Yeah. Fucked. Yeah.

Imagine. And a strange son. And every time somebody goes, Oh, if you got kids? And I go, yeah, but we're estranged, and they go, what did you do? Well, yeah, what did you do? Yeah, I don't know, dude. We just had a falling out.

I mean, if we had kids at our age currently, actually, we're very rapidly, well, we could have. We could have I had a kid. Yeah, I mean, like. 18. Yeah, even if we had a kid at 18, they're 17 now. Whoa! That's crazy.

Old enough to beat the shit out of me. Yeah, dude. Yeah, and I've been nothing but nice to him, but he just hates me. Yeah, 10 is old enough to beat the shit out of me. You could have had a kid at 25 and they're coming home. Yeah, dude. I'm really scared of my son. All right.

I want to read you the ex-expert of what happens. Again, I would just like to say that Jolzheimer pointed fingers at me before the episode even started. It'd have been nothing but well-behaved. You have been nothing but ahead. I had a beautiful intro that we ignored and now we're talking about a guy getting his ass on. Talk about Wim Hof. Exactly.

Exactly. So Wim Hof abandoned all his children. Later in life, he was reuniting with one of his adult sons at a park. He regularly freethed. Wim got there early, and while he was waiting, he decided to jump in a lake and use the fountain in the middle to give himself an enema, something he had done frequently in the past. It was an intentional animal. So what we didn't know was that the fountain nozzle had been replaced by a higher pressure one. The water cut through his insides like a hot knife through butter.

He managed to swim ashore where his son found him and took him to the hospital. That's fucking awesome. It's my naked estranged father bleeding from his awesome. Yeah, what were you doing in there, Dad? I was having an animal in the fountain. My regular fountain animal. I remember why we're estranged. I think the only, and look, I use the word appropriate here in the loosest of terms.

If he was meeting up with someone to go dogging? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were like, I've got to go dogging and you realized you were not clean down there. Maybe? Yeah, you go, hey, well, in a pitch. Or maybe that's the thing he did when he was nervous. Yeah, it's like a nervous. A nervous thing.

Like, you know how some people I like, you know, well, like, uh, I like this, you know, when I'm nervous, I squeeze my favorite, you know, toy or another, another horrible bad person, uh, in Sweden. When I'm feeling nervous, I just go to, like, I say I've got to go to the bathroom and he just like, stands in, in a, in a toilet and be like, mm. And some people, maybe, maybe I'm like, you know, I'm going to meet my strange son and I'm nervous. Yeah.

Well, time to do the thing I love the most. Clean my insides out with a, with a, with a public fountain. I thought that he would have been so prepared for any nervous situation because he breathes far. Yeah, exactly. Did he maybe he breathed wrong before the fountain? I don't know. I don't know if any breathing can help you for an unexpected high pressure. No, no, no, no, no.

But he could breathe. So good. I mean pre-enema, because he did it because he was nervous or whatever. Maybe he should have. Maybe he just loves it. Maybe he just loves the feeling. Uh, I mean. You have had an animal?

Yeah. How was it? Um, that was all right. It kind of scares me to have an animal. I don't like the idea of having that much water in my guts. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Have you had a colonoscopy?

No, have you? No. Yeah. You had a colonoscopy? Several. What the hell? Should we go get one? Yeah.

Put it on the wheel? Yeah. Well, you're approaching. You got to get, like, yeah, like, once you get to a certain age, you need to be getting a. Yeah, but like you would have, you were only, like, if you've had multiple colonoscopies, we should be having colonoscop. Yes. Well, no. I mean, I once had a, like, a polyp removed.

Oh, that's true. I had to have a colonoscopy for that. Yeah. And one, it was just a kind of like, you know. I was having some issues with, you know, some, like, low iron level. So we're trying to figure out, like, why that was, and maybe it was an internal bleed somewhere.

Yeah, yeah. Basically, they got knocked out and was top and tailed by a machine. Did you get to see up here? Yeah, they sent me pictures, yeah. That would freak me out, dude. To know those, I'm knocked out. You're scared of weird shit. Well, what's, what if it's gross in there?

It is gross in there. It's your guts. Yeah, I would be... You're like, uh, you see a healthy version? You're like, ah, gross, disgusting. You see like a messed up version? I guess it's all the human colon, you're right. You would have seen, when you had not cancer, you would have seen like a...

Disgusting, like, you know, shirled up or swollen up. Ultrasound of your notes. Yeah, that's fine. Necrotic, falling apart, probably dripping testicle. Yeah. Well, because an ultrasound doesn't look like anything. I tell you what was crazy, though, is they did an ultrasound in my whole gut system. Yeah.

And I was like, it's fucked up, that's normal. You know? Like, they did the whole... They were like, yeah, they're normal guts. They didn't do an internal camera, man. You're kidding me. You know? If they didn't have the internal camera, they might find something wrong.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I had a blood test recently, and they were like, yeah, you're fine. And I was like, no. You're kidding. Are you for real? Surely something's fucked up. But yeah, no.

They're like, oh, yeah, yeah. We haven't checked your brain, but your body seems fine. Your brain's probably bad. Yeah. Yeah, dude. They can't cure a bad thoughts, unfortunately. Yeah, damn, dude. Okay, the historical figure I would pick.

Oh, yes. I would pick George Washington. Ah, yeah. First President of the United States. Man with the wooden teeth. Man with the wooden teeth. That is like a very, like this question, which, hey, I fucked it. Yeah.

We know what I meant. Yeah. This is like a kind of common answer for that. Yeah. But I feel like that your reasoning is going to be uncommon. Well, I just think it would be really funny. Also, I know that we said no evil men, but we get it. All men are evil.

Yeah, yeah. It's got to be hard to avoid. Especially historically. Oh, yeah. But no, I just think it would be funny to take. take George Washington to like a planet Hollywood and get like the sloppiest most disgusting

burger possible and be like, this is it. This is what you did, man. You know, so many centuries ago you sat down and you founded the United States. Eat your loaded fries. Look at that photo of Tom Cruise. This is the end result. I think that would be

funny to do. Share a milkshake with him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. This is it. This is just as John McAvino said, this is America. I'm thinking to somewhere, like, extremely, like, developed and urban. So, like, yeah, no, like, greenery, no parks, no nothing. Just like, yep, this is it. This is it. This is what we did.

This is what you did. You signed that Declaration of Independence or whatever. Here we are. This is the, that was the first domino. The last domino is this cheeseburger that has a cinnamon donut in, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. I wonder, because you take him to, like, a more whilst it's all happening,

I have, like, evangelical sermon being played in the background. That's a good idea. There it is. This is it. This is it. Freedom of religion, right there. This is the country you developed. Are you happy about it? Well, here's a burger from planet Hollywood. Just let me know if this sounds good. It's the bacon, mac and cheese.

Oh, yeah. Guys, award-winning burger. Yeah. It's a smash-grilled burger. Applewood smoked bacon. Six cheese mac and cheese. Cheddar. Six cheeses, too many cheeses.

Do they list the cheeses? What? Six of them. Well, it's six, no, just as six cheese, mac and cheese, cheddar. L-T-O-P, which I'm guessing is lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Oh, no, it'll be pickles, probably.

Crispy onion straws and donkey sauce on a bryosh bun. What is donkey sauce? What is so many questions? What is dog cheese, mac and cheese? I'm going to see what they're common. Because four cheeses, that's respectable. I found a, for a majeo, that's respectable. I found a...

I think three cheeses sometimes too much for me. Yeah, I get that too, dude. Okay, I found a recipe of the ultimate six cheese, mac and cheese. How many cheese is what are we talking? Why you love it? So creamy, different flage. It's a crowd pleaser. Okay, so it's...

While you do look at that just real quick, Zammot, when you get to the answer to know, because I just found out something that I think... And it's something that if we pick well-known historical figures, this is information we can have. Yeah. Jackson, would you like to know what George Washington's favorite food was? Yes! So now that you're feeding him the bacon, mac and cheese burger.

It would be such a wet burble. The stuff would be falling out. It's bad. It's one of those burgers where I think about it, I go, oh, yuck. But at the same time I go, one bite would be all right. If you're in the mood for it, dude, you'd go crazy for a burger like that.

I feel that's the food you eat and then you get a collar off. You're like, I've done wrong. And he goes, it's activated something. It's all donkey sauce down here. It's donkey sauce all the way down. George Washington's favorite food was ho cakes, which is cornmeal flatbreads or pancakes.

Yeah, that's so funny, dude. Often, he often ate with butter and honey. Yeah. He also loved seafood. Oh, okay. And, I mean, this is just like, we're just stretching here. Yeah. He also liked fresh fruit, nuts, sweets, like I.

Ice cream and trifles. Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah, who doesn't, dude? Ho cakes also described as mush cakes. That's awesome. Okay. I think this burger will kill him. Yeah. Well, I found, yeah.

So I think the six cheese, I think it arguably, I mean, look, you could be the judges, but I think this is five cheese. Okay, yeah. So it's Greer. Yeah. Monterey Jack. Okay. Provalone, oh, yeah.

Parmesan. Then it has sharp cheddar and mild cheddar. Okay. And then also cheddar, like a slice of cheddar on the bird. There's three cheddars. And then I quickly was like, I'm like, what is donkey sauce? Yeah. Like donkey sauce.

And the recipe that comes up, a beautiful, a beautiful man. Yeah. The very first one. It's a recipe. The first man. The first man who's like a beautiful man. A recipe courtesy of Guy Ferreari. Oh, yes.

And donkey sauce is just basically a cup of mayonnaise, a teaspoon of yellow mustard and four dashes of waster sauce with some. Salt pepper, virgin olive oil, and some garlic. So it's kind of similar to a burger sauce, but it's slightly less mustardy. Yeah, and it's slightly more Worcestershire saucey. More wooshty, more wushty, less musty. Wait, does burger sauce also have ketchup? Yeah, sometimes. Burgessau sense to be like mustard mayo ketchup pickles most of the time.

Oh yeah, it's because it's kind of like, it's like, oh, we're calling it a burger sauce, but it's actually the big macs. Yeah, it's kind of, exactly. He's going to, hey, fucking eat our else, McDonald's. Fuck you. Yeah, well, yeah, they just don't have Worcestershire sauce. They just have gherkins in it. Yeah, okay. And gherkin juice, maybe.

Well, I've got to go three-course meals. It's fucked up that one of the biggest fast food restaurants in the world mascot is a clown. It's funny. Like, oh, I'm the founder of McDonald's and I'm a serious guy. I'm stealing businesses and whatever. Yeah. He's my fucking clown. Yeah, exactly.

That is crazy. And in the original one, he's like a kind of monster clown. Because clowns were big back in the day. Everyone loved clowns. You want to eat burgers from a clown? It's why, you know, it made it. He was a clown because he was like children trusted clown. You meant to love clowns.

That's true. I don't think clowns have ever had a good reputation. Yeah. In the fifties, everyone loved the clowns. You would have loved the clown. You would have gone to the circus to see a clown? Clowns were respected, apparently. Do you reckon in the 50s you go to the circus?

The clown is something you're excited to see? Because, like, I'm going to the circus. I go, no, I'm going to see trapeze. I'm going to see a lion tamer. Well, it depends on, like, you know, the era. Because, again, what was being shown in those sort of, like, yeah, those circuses in the 50s? Because I don't know. Like, were they doing, like, the Cirque de Soleil?

Were they doing, like, big flips? Or was it a man with a chair and a lion? Yeah, I think you're probably more likely to get a man with a chair and a lion. You're not getting Cirque de Soleil. You probably get, like, man with a chair in a lion, and then they go, hey, this guy's got lobster hands or whatever. Yeah, wasn't the original circus more just like, here's some abused animals and here's some weird. abused people.

Absolutely, dude. So when I've got that to see, why don't I care about the clown? Or maybe the clown is doing an act. He's incorporating the freaks and the abused animals. I will say, to see a clown get eaten by a lion, I could retire. That would probably be the end of me.

I will say in defense of Ronald, does predate John Wayne Gacy by nine years. Because if I had it in my head that they were at a similar time, and I would have been like, I wouldn't have lent in at that point. That would be a mistake. Funny to be like, there's a clown in the news. it's the perfect

clowns are big right now. Clouds are hot. I still think, like, if I'm McDonald's, one, would have made a lot of different decisions. Yeah, okay. Like what? Especially recently. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

We don't know, historically. Yeah. John Wayne Gacy makes the news. Yeah. You're retiring Ronald? I'm retiring Ronald. I'm saying, I'm having Ronald. Well, you're doing, you're doing an ad campaign

where Ronald is wiping off the makeup. I'm just a man. I'm just a man. Yeah. It's Ron. Everyone's favorite mascot, Ron. He's just boiling up the grease paper. I am a man.

And we could call the campaign the day the clown cried. Yeah. As he's crying for all of the victims of John Wayne Gacy, it robs off the makeup. And he goes, I'm Ron now. I'm Ron. I'm Ron. I'm Ron. I'm Ron. The Macca's mascot. What the fuck am I watching?

What is happening? Ronald is the clown name? Ron's a. A man. And he just is like a guy and he just goes, yeah, McDonald's is. And then the ad campaign and him finding a new profession. Oh, okay. Well, could be just like, you know, it's a, you know, it's a, you know, Maccas is all.

McDonald's is for the every man. Yes, true. Ron, a man. Hi, I'm Ron. I'm just a man now. And I like McDonald's. Yeah. Well, I guess I try, you know.

And I don't kill kids. I've not killed kids. I don't kill little boys. I only feed them. I do interact with little boys quite a lot. Yeah. They're welcome at my restaurant. For my job.

Yeah. Why did they let this go to air? This is crazy. But you know what? Provocative. Yeah, exactly. You'll remember it. A clown telling me to eat burgers.

Because, like, I don't trust a clown, you know? You don't, yeah. That felt pointed. You don't? You don't. You don't. We don't. But, again, the 1950s would be like, well, a clown would never hurt us.

But a clown is known for Prattfolds and J. He says, Jackson, eat this delicious burger. I go, he's got snakes in it or something. He goes, no. And then you bite it in an electric shots. You're dead. But that sounds more than a understanding of a clown. No, but clowns were always...

I got hassled by a clown once. What? Yeah. I got pulled up at a circus and they did a clown routine with me. When were you with a circus? I was like a child. That's awesome. It was weird.

In the one circus, they put up me and my dad for two separate things. My dad had knives thrown at him. Whoa. I just had an awesome routine where they humiliated me as a child. What did they do? They did a trick where they pretended. And now this is going to sound fucked up because I was a little boy. But they asked me what my name was.

And they were like doing classic like crowd work, I guess. Pulled me up. I was like, hey, what's your name? Yeah. They were like, oh, I was like, what brings you to circus, having a good time? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What's your name? And I said, Joe.

And then they did a magic trick where it looked like they tore my underwear through my pants. And then they were like, are you sure it's not Nicholas? Ah, oh, I see. And it was like giant big. With like the love hearts on it or something? Oh, no, it was the like big white. Oh, yeah. It's still cartoon style.

Yeah, dude. And then I said, I turned to the clown and I said, I know how you did that. Of course you did. I was maybe like 10. You've done fooled me, clown. I saw what happened. I see you through your whole act. You're nothing but a lie.

You were a liar and you're a peddler of lies. My name's, I think, yeah. You were like, my name is Joel? No, it's Joel. And I was like, no, it's Joel. And then I got it. And then, because I said that into the microphone. And then later, like, then he said something.

And I looked up at him and I said, I know how you did that. Nice. It's so funny that you weren't even performing. You just wanted him to know. I see through you. I see through you. You are nothing. You were a pain of glass to me. That's really funny.

I was primary school age, and my parents were divorced because I was with my dad. Divorced dad at the surface. That's a really good vibe. Damn. I reckon it would have been between the ages of 10 and 12. That rocks, dude. Anyway, I probably would have seemed like an evil boy when I looked up with him and I said, I know how you did that. And then they probably thought, I know how we'll get back at this evil kid.

We'll throw knives at him. Yeah, and you're like, get him. You're like, get him. You're not so smug, no, your dad's dead. Whoa. These clowns are evil. Apparently, um... I didn't even, like, really think about that story that much until now I've thought about what I said to the clown.

It's very funny. Your dad would have been... Should have been sweating bullets. Your dad would have been like, you pissed off the clouds. And now I've got to get knives thrown at me, but I've got to put on a brave face for my 10-year-old son. Stop pissing off the god. God damn it. You pissed off the fucking clowns.

Well, he's all. He's pissing off the clowns. I think a circus was good for this. You're that walking out, walking to the car, walking around. They're gonna get a big and pletible bat to the fucking haker. This stupid kid. Fuck, run, run, run. Well, yeah, because I said I know.

The clowns are common, dude. Because I said I know here did that, but not into the mic. The crowd didn't know. No, no. But the clowns knew. The clowns said, I think I picked an evil little boy. He has no joy in his heart and doesn't seem to respect our business. He's not participating in our

Wimsy. I had joy in my heart, just for Nintendo 64. Single dad. Yeah. My dad was probably stoked. Finally, he thought. I've been through a long. My life is kids on the up and up.

My kids pissing off the clowns. And I'm going to get a knife through the skull. Better an knife from the skull than cornered in the parking lot run over by their little car. A humiliating end. Recently divorced a dad killed by small clown car. Had to drive over his head multiple times. The boss that just laid there and said, again, you missed me. You didn't do it.

You didn't do it. I need more. I was happy to keep living, but now that the option of dying is right in front of me, I've got to take you. Pointing at your son is your fault. You pissed off the clowns. Keep coming clowns. I wonder if I would have turned into like an evil Spider-Man. No, maybe like a, no, it's Batman.

Yeah. You're hating clowns. Whoa. Whoa, dude, you would have been Batman. Well, it's not a Batman, but, like, if the thing he wanted people to feel was also the thing trying to kill it. You know how that was also, like, constantly, like, big top fires in, like, the early 1900s? Yeah. Yeah.

It would have happened again. I was like, where's this got? The circus arsonist has struck again. And the clowns know. Yeah. Is that a little boy we pissed off? Like, we know who did this. And I'm like, I know how you do your tricks, clowns.

And I'm coming for you. You liars. You are absolute peddlers of lies. It's a performance little kid. No. No, no, no. You are bringing fake joy to the masses. And I will not stand.

That might trick those buffoons in the stands. That won't trick me. A 10 to 12 year old little angry boy. You have nothing to fear, lie and tamer and trapeze artists. I respect to it. I could never do with you. You are tricking the crowd at all. What you're doing is pure.

skill. It is. And impressive. Yeah, that's what I guess. Goz. That's awesome, dude. So, apparently. The reason why McDonald's chose a clown was to

capitalize on Bozo the clown with the immense popularity of Bozo because Bozo was canceled. The show was canceled in 63. They canceled Bozo in 63 and that's when, I guess, Maccas chose to the clown.

There's a vacancy. A clown vacancy. Yeah, there was basically like, oh, there's a gap in the market. What the fuck? Let's go. And this is like the 60s was apparently, like, you know, the height of a circus popularity and kid friendly entertainment like with the clown. And they're like, clowns are fun.

They're harmless. You know, and they appeal directly to kids nine years later. Oh, oh, fuck, dude. And then it comes out another 10 years later. For God's sakes, dude. If you look at Bozo the clown now, like your final flight will come. kick in. Show me. Show me Bozo. Here's Bozo and his friend Cookie.

Terrible stuff, dude. Oh, yuck. Oh, no. Bozer is the taller one. Jesus Christ, dude. He looks like a monster. He looks like a fucking monster. Yeah, just look at any, any of those. That's too much, dude.

I don't like clowns in general. They sound like cosmically wrong about him. But fucking, Bozo's particularly bad. Stephen King was right to portray a clown as a clown as the... I kind of... I kind of go the other way. Not impressive, Stephen King, because obviously clowns are evil.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Should have picked something that would have surprised us. Like, John Wayne Gacy makes sense. Yeah, absolutely, dude. Like, I mean... Like when John Wayne Gacy comes in, he kills one of your kids, he goes, yeah. Clown should be doing,

clout, of course. It's on me for hiring a clown, known eater of children. Yeah, exactly, dude. Hiring a clown for your kid's birthday party, no, uh-uh. Just fucking bring out a Nintendo. Yeah, dude. Give every kid a hundred dollars cash.

No, they, they don't know. That's what I'm going to do. I don't want them touching grass. I don't want them entertaining. I don't want to maintain them. You're like, no. Balloon animals? Fuck on.

A fucking jumping castle then. Yeah. No, dangerous. When I was a kid, I went to this thing, I was just... I'll invite a clown into my house, but a... I'm not going to kid, get a kid, and fuck your wife. Do you. No, no.

You're a magician. A magician. That'll just fuck my wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is one of the same. What's my fingers disappear. Unimpress. My child.

When I was a kid, I went to this... Getting cocked by a magician. A humiliating. A humiliating enterprise. Yeah. That's unfortunately, I think, uh, that would be the end for me, I think. You just walk off into the distance and then into the sea. One of the only professions lower than podcast, though.

Yeah, it's true, dude. It's true. And I mean this with full offense. Yeah. Full disrespect. Yeah. Because they're tricking. I get it. You don't like the profession that tricks.

Again, they're not. They're, again, they're liars. They're peddlers of lies that you walk up there. I know how you did that. I don't know how you did that, but I know it's a lie. I think my issue with magicians is that I know it's a trick. So there's no magic in it for me. But it's just skill. That's what's impressive for me. But the skill doesn't impress it.

Yeah, okay. So like, play a sport. Okay, okay. Fair enough. I was like, what does impress you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, sports. Yeah.

It would be better if there was like... Music, but a lot of the time the best bands aren't good. Yeah. I'm wondering if there's like... What if there was like somehow a competitive element to magicians? I don't know how. Like if it was like a team or even like a team score. I think it's just a blanket vibe of magicians.

They are kind of all a little bit filthy. Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I agree. I just think it's... And the smug? Yeah, they are too smug. Where does the ventriloquist?

I respect them more than a magician. Because they're not tricking you. Also evil vibes. Yeah. No, I think, like... I would go... I think maybe I'm impressed by a ventriloquist, but I'm also...

I never want to be alone with the ventriloquist. Yeah, fair enough. Clown at the bottom of these three, there's probably people lower. Yeah. Clown, magician, ventriloquist. Yeah. I agree, dude. Osset.

And I want to put mime below clown. Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, I think I go mime above clown. If they're a true French mime, you know, if they're full-on... Oh, that's even... Clowns have a horrible aura that mimes don't have. Like, as in, like, even if you get a clown out of character, they're bad, horrible.

Meaning a clown is, like, meeting an evil human. But me as the mime is, like, meeting an alien. You know what I mean? Because in a mime, you're like, you're something else. As he's, ooh, I'm in an invisible box. Yeah, so probably goes clown, podcast. No, clown? I'm thinking, like, a mime to me is maybe a sad alien.

Yeah, okay. You know what I mean? You think this is a saddest to the mime? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, yeah. Of course, dude. Well, we didn't...

There's no skill required. Yeah, zero. And we're not tricking the people. Yeah, we're not drinking people. And we're ugly. And we're also ugly. And we're not clever. Never been smarter day in our life.

I'm not capable of tricks. No. I don't know how either. At least a clown, you look at a clown, you go, under that makeup, maybe a good look. I wouldn't even be able to put on clown makeup. I'd fuck it up. And you know with a clown you got to... Do you know this about clowns?

I still hate clowns and magicians, but yeah, they are above point. Yeah, absolutely. Do you know that if you're a clown, I hope this is true, and you come up with your clown face paint it, to copyright it, you need to paint it on an egg? That can't be true. I hope that's true. You need to paint it on an egg, I'm pretty sure. Why? You'd be like, this is my special makeup. You can't copy it. If I'm Grombo the clown and I've got a specific grombo makeup, you can't. I understand the idea of like you want to put your own spin on the clown face. You put it on an egg. Couldn't you just draw it on a piece of paper? I believe you put it, if I've not just made this up hold.

You put it on an egg and you mail it to yourself or something? Jackson's right. You put it on an egg and then there's like an egg library somewhere of all the clown. The clown egg registry. I wish I was joking. Yeah. It's been going since the 40s. It really is a ridiculous profession.

Yeah. I would love to go into the registry and just start smashing eggs. Who's a clown now? It's you. It's like how there's a magician's code or whatever. The magician alliance. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, what are we doing?

What are you doing? Pain it on an egg? You really took the idea of cloud and you made it more silly. Do you think, yeah, that's a good question. You're right now. Say I come up with a special makeup. Yeah. In Australia.

Yeah. The egg registries presumably in like France or something. You have to like mail the egg to France or go to France? Do I have to? Yes, air mail special, you know, bubble wrap. It's at the. clowns international We've been talking a lot of shit about clowns

Provided a business card that said clowns international That would be fucking awesome Which Do you think there's any way that we could Like redeem the clown Like just in terms of vibe And in terms of like I guess you know PR? They're pretty far gone

Yeah, it'd be pretty hard to do I think yeah The John Wayne Gacy and like it Have done so much damage to the clown And the Joker a little bit too. I don't know how you come back. Because also, like... Because I was thinking, like, you get rid of the grease paint, right?

Yeah. But then then you used to silly dick it. Yeah, exactly. He just looked like a lunatic. I think the problem is... Oh, bring back the jester outfit. Okay. There's something kind of... Bells.

Bells will fix the clown. Well, because also, like, the kids of today care less about a clown than even our generation. Yeah. Surely you can't go to, like, a gen alpha guy that's been... raised on like TikTok compilations of guys pretending to shit or whatever. And you go, hey, this guy, he'll make you a kind of a horse shape out of balloons. They're not going to care. Exactly.

So I... And again, when we're talking about, like, you know, the more influential, like the, you know, the manispheme. Yeah. Like the whole, you know, jest amaxing or like, you know, being the silly dickhead. I don't think that's as respected. No. Like, you know, someone with, you know, big must-mus. Yeah.

Bench press, you know, a large number. I think a lot of people want to fuck clowns. these days, I'm given to believe. No, it's because clowns are very manipulative people. Okay. I sort of met in like a kind of fetishy way. Like, as in people are getting off on those. I've definitely read that.

I've definitely read that, like, it was an interview someone. She was like a, like a clown fetishist person who was like, oh, I dress up like a clown, that's my kind of niche, and then yeah, that's how I make a living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an interesting reed. Clown fuckers, dude. Yeah, I mean, is it just...

I don't, I mean, yeah. I guess the makeup gets a... It's messy. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's just something

kind of, kind of exaggerated about it or whatever maybe, you know? I guess it feels, it would, yeah, maybe I do,

like, I get it. Wasn't it that story of, like, someone on Reddit who, like, had, like, a really big fetish for clowns

and then finally got to, like, live out their fantasy. Wow. It was, like, the best time that's awesome, dude.

And, like, I finally found, like, someone who was, like, also into the whole clown thing. Yeah.

And they just, a, A match made in clowns. Go and making like a pussy out of balloons for you to have sex with? Are you kidding me, dude? Don't think... I don't think that's probably what they did,

but maybe they did. Are you kidding me? That'd be the first thing I'd do. I feel like it probably just would have been goofy sex. No. If I'm clowning, goofy sex sounds fun, though. Yeah, for sure. But if I would have sex with a clown,

I'm having sex with a clown, okay? Yeah, yeah. And all, everything comes with a clown. Put that red those on my ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As we're banging, I want you to go down to, like, you know, your pity, which has a flower, and you honk it. Yes. And I get water in my face.

Yeah, exactly. I want to go down there. I'm eating you out. And then instead of squirt, it's like salsa that comes out. That's the dream. You're going to. You're getting the bed. You open up the blanket and a bunch of other clowns come out.

Exactly. I would reach behind and play with your bot hole and then pull out like, oh my God. What that? What the hell? How all these handkerchiefs? How to hell you keep all these handkerchiefs off there? I feel like you're going to be very disappointed at some point in the future, Jackson. When I have sex with a clown and it doesn't go like that.

And it's like the only difference between sex with a clown and sex with a regular person is that they're wearing makeup and it's goofy. Slightly a little bit goofy. That would bum me out. Maybe they do the voice. They would probably go. The voice and keep my pussy. Come on my face, Jackson. That would be awesome, dude. If I'm doing it, let's do it.

Let's not fuck around. You know? I like that you're like, okay, I get clown fetters provided they literally put an entire circus in the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a performance. Obviously, if I'm dating a clown and this is just like a lazy Sunday, a bit of an afternoon delight.

I'm not expecting the full treatment. But Valentine's Day, my birthday. They're not going to put in a bit of effort. A bit of effort. And they're not going to put the fucking Hacker Chiefs off their bottle. Exactly. You know, I want to see that one. I want some juggling.

Exactly, dude. They fumble my balls in. I keep juggling. My nuts are in the balls. I'm like, oh, I bet you're hurt. Give them back. You know, that's, I don't know, man. So George Washington.

Yeah, George Washington. Yeah. You just want to show him how fucked up with his decisions. I just think it's funny because, you know, he could never, he'd be like, yeah, I made America with this idea of like Liberty for all, you know, this shining city on the hill. And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This burger's full of mac and cheese. That's like the main. Donkey sauce.

Like your main export. really. Yeah. See that? Tom Cruise? Eat up. He's your guy, dude. Yeah, man.

But it's got to be a three-course meal. So I've got to go like, like probably like a loaded fries for your entree, fat burger for your sort of main. And then like a... I was thinking like an almost like a... With the dessert, you kind of want it to be the main event in a weird way.

No, I see what you mean. A lot of spark... Almost like, you know, it's the star-spangled banner of dessert. Full of sparklers. Sparklers going off. Someone, you know, he's like coming out like the president of, in idiotocracy. I was dressed up with the American flag. That kind of

performative kind of shit. Maybe even like someone who's dressed up like a George Washington time. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like that kind of fucked up banana split, covered in bacon, peanut, but like just the wettest, messiest food you can imagine. I just think it'd be funny, really. But I tell you what, what is a problem with any of these dinners is you've got to spend a whole dinner with this guy. You know, and I don't have any...

Drake and you bring up that he was sterile? I hope so. Maybe I'll wheedle it out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how you're coming dust or whatever? You know how you come and dust or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because of the smallpox? How is that?

Do you want to... Apparently, you're sad about it. You're thinking about trying to escape into my time? Yeah, I will not let you. Oh, dude, they can't fix that. Washington blows. Yeah. He drank alcohol in moderation, but was morally oppressed, opposed, not oppressed.

Yeah. Morally opposed to excessive drinking, smoking, gambling, and profanning. Oh, come on, George. It's why you need, like, Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Known pussy hound. Yeah, baby. Big time.

What do you reckon they mean by he was known for his strength? You could lift up a thing? I think that is what they mean. Just occasionally lift up a heavy thing of bricks or something. You know, like a tree stump and be like, damn, he's so strong. That's a strong guy. Didn't he cut down a cherry tree or some shit? I believe so.

And he couldn't tell the lie, so they say. That was Washington, I'm sure. But how much of this? is actually true. I think very little. I think it's all propaganda. Or is it because, again, you need that, like, the American exceptionalism kind of stuff kind of starts there, and you need these larger than life, like, folklore or other things of heroes. I think that this, so you make all these myths about this. Absolutely. I think this piece of information really sells what you're talking about. Yeah. We don't know his exact height, but it's anywhere between

six foot and six four. Yeah, I bet it is. Yeah, sure, dude. I reckon he was five, eight, and everyone's just slight more. It's really funny. It's really funny. that men have been lying about their height since like time immorially. Absolutely. Real good stuff. Six. Probably six, probably six, too. How good are you measuring heights?

Probably around six four. Can you stand next to this thing that is like, you know, that is six foot? Nah. No. No, I can't do that. He was also the best horseman. Oh, nice.

Nice, nice, nice, nice. I'm excited to answer no questions about the future. That's really funny, dude. He goes, tell me of your time. And I go, yeah, it's pretty cool. I don't know. What do you want to know? Anyway, you're mac and cheese.

Yeah, eat your mac of cheese. What he's doing? Here's this chocolate lava case. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, come on, dude. Eat it. Here's this fudge, fudge. Eat it.

This milkshake that's got a piece of fudge wedged in it. Yeah, go on. What if you took him to Washington? I just didn't, like, connect the dots for him? Oh, yeah. This is Washington Monument. Yeah. You impressed?

Do you like it? It's tall. It's pretty cool, dude. Don't know why they built it. Don't know who it's about, though. Don't know who the guy behind it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. This is like, this is your house. A bit of it's been demolished now. So can I take him out of the restaurant? You're telling me? Why I take him six flags, probably?

Disneyland. Oh, yeah. Get him on a roller coaster, make him throw up, give him fairy flaws. That'd be pretty good, dude. I'm trying to think of like, yeah. I guess, like, for the rules for this,

is it just one, like, is it your house, or you can pick a restaurant or? I know you've picked a restaurant. Pick a restaurant. I think that should be allowed. Pick a person, pick a place. Pick a person, pick a place. It'd be very funny for Washington or someone like that. They didn't anyone, really from history.

And, like, take him to, like, you know, like an outpost in, like, the Arctic. Yeah. And be like, yeah, this is America. Yeah, dude. Things went terrible. Oh, just trick him. Hey, have some seal blubber. Yeah, yeah.

This is all we eat these days. It's all we can find. Yeah. He goes, what happened? I go, I don't know. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know.

It's a guy started America or something. Yeah. There was something hysterically called. you had the Declaration of Independence, and it caused this somehow. Really bad. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. That was about almost like 3,000 years ago.

Oh, yeah. Let's say, like, hang on. Does this change the future? Yeah, that's a good question, too. Does he go back and be like, gentlemen, I had a terrible dream. Where myself and a dumpy man. Who wouldn't stop his profanity.

Yeah, wouldn't stop. And I believe he had some kind of gastrointestinal distress, Well, he was farting the entire conversation. And let me tell you, rants. He kept clutching his belly and saying, Oh, here's another one. Too much sealed blubber. You think you can eat heaps of it, but you can't.

Just because it's delicious doesn't mean you can keep eating. You can eat yours? I'll finish it off for you. Everybody else being like, get on with this story, George. No, I feel I must. Describe this man in further detail. I've never met anything quite monstrous in my time. That's why I knew it was the future.

Clearly, humanity has evolved into something. Yeah, some kind of strange. Yeah, de-evolution. He was more ape than man. George Washington never founded America, but spent the rest of his life sketching this one man from his trick. That's where the partisan Kimley footage comes from. We call this the yuck era.

Yeah, yeah. I got a similar kind of, I guess, answer in a sense of, like, bringing someone to the future to be like either, you know, like, look at how horrible it got. Yeah. But I like the idea of bringing, I think, a diageness, the philosopher. Okay. I thought you were talking about the fish. No, no, not the fish. Like the fish that grew legs.

No. Brother, go back. Go back. Turn around. But the, the, when Plato defined, like, you know how he's like, oh, a human is it? He's a featherless bite eat. This little, like a funny fucker, basically plucked a chicken. And then bought it into the academy and threw it out him.

He was like, look. Like a human. You fucking idiot. Where is he said, look, a chicken and fucked out? Behold! A chicken. Fuck, fuck. I mean a human.

I bought a man. You know what he said? He said that it was a featherless. Look. Look. I am just here to bully that motherfucker player. Go back in your cave, fuck head. Yeah.

They go, wow, really sort of took the wind out of his sales, saying, your chicken, not a man. Hey, I'm going back to, like, be begging or whatever. Was he the guy who lived in a barrel? I believe. Spend his time masturbating in public, I think? I think so. That rocks, dude. Yeah, because I know he was just, like, you didn't give a shit about wealth.

Yeah. He just was very much, like, cynicism and, like, just, you know, like, irony, cynicism, all that kind of stuff. And was just, like, I'm going to live off nothing but, like, bread and lentils. Hell, go fucking. yourself. I'm pretty sure. Was he the one that was also like with Alexander the Great was like came to him and was like, hey, I need some advice. He's the greatest phosphor known to man or whatever. Yeah. And he's like, please get the hell out of my son. Yeah, I think you're blocking the son. Fuck off. It's a guy I'm thinking of. And then there's also a great quote about him where he's like,

he's like, he's like the problem with like a rich person's house is there's nowhere to spit or you want to spit on the whole house. Oh yeah. When he was a reproached one day for having falsified currency. He said, that was at a time when I was. just as you are now, but what I am now, you will never be. And to another who made the same approach, he replied, and there was once a day when I would piss in my bed, but no longer. This guy just didn't give a shit. It's funny, though, because it's your plan to bring him to the president and be like...

I think it would be a fun hang. Yeah, he does sound like a fun. Because I was going to say, I don't think he'll... Whereas George Washington might freak out at like a loaded chili dog. You show this guy anything? And he'll just be like, yeah, makes sense to me. Makes sense to me. What is this?

terrible. Who gives a shit? Why are we doing this? This is the epitome of wealth, told you. Everything's fucking in the head. I'm like, it is, brother. It is. Too true. Where are you taking him? What restaurant? What kind of restaurant? See, I was thinking somewhere like on the cheap. Oh, okay. Because, you know, it's kind of out of my budget.

Is it a good point? There's lentil as anything still exist these days. But that's a weird place to take you. He loves lentils. And you can pay whatever you want. I eat nothing. Yeah, no, okay. So, yeah, I get that. And you could be like, hey, diet, diet. or whatever, can you spy me some money so that I can pay for this?

And then he could be like, brother, let me tell you, we can falsify this shit. Now I'm like, yes, we can. That's a very good point. Also, it's funny that he's like, here go, here's some gold rocks or whatever. Oh, yeah, you have different money. That is what the ancient Greeks use for currency, gold rocks. Gold rocks. I know.

Yeah. When someone told him that he was pretending to be a philosopher without really being one, he was like, then I'm better than you, at least in the fact that I do actually want be one. Awesome, dude. He rocked. Just sitting there, masturbating, shitting yourself, and living in a barrel. Yeah. That's a dream, frankly. Yeah? Yeah.

What? Oh, look, he saw an incompetent archer, and he said, he sat down beside the target, and he said, just to make sure I don't get shot. Like, what a funny fuck. Yeah, dude. He was a fucking, he was a pissed of him. He was a hoot. I don't know if I respect someone that just shits themselves. Really? Interesting. I don't think, I think that shooting and

pissing yourself, that's uncomfortable. It's not Yeah. What if you're not shitting and pissing yourself? you're just shitting and pissing in the woods near your, near your barrel. Does this change anything? Yeah. So, um, I have no issue with wearing a barrel. In fact, if someone was like, I'm a nudist, I go, that's awesome. I understand that.

Yeah, yeah. Shitting and pissing yourself? Yeah, okay. Not into it. Yeah, fair enough. Does this change anything? So it's, um, so it was said to him he had, uh, basically died when he was about 90 years old. Whoa.

Um, some say that he, uh, he was afflicted by colic after eating an octopus raw and died because, of that. While others claim that he deliberately held his breath. That's an awesome way to go out. I've lived too long. I don't think, okay. Eat shit, everybody. I want to believe, but unfortunately, you can't do that. It's that classic thing you see, like, I don't know if any little kid ever really did this,

but like the idea of a kid who doesn't get what they want. Holding their breath. Yeah. Because what happens is... You stop, and then you go, Yeah. Well, you Yeah.

Before you die, you go unconscious. And the moment that that happens, your body goes... We're breathing. Time to breathe. Sorry, the person that was in control of my brain is a fucking idiot. Well, yeah, again, he was basically... He was potentially an idiot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One person described it could, I find this it was embarrassing to associate one's mindset with a schizophrenic homeless man. Fair enough, that's all fair enough. I think that instead of going one place for dinner, you should just wander the streets with him and just let him get up to... Oh, dumpster diving, sorry.

Rubbish bin diving? Yes, dude. Absolutely. Oh, he'd love that. Plus, like, you know, just, oh, like getting almost like, you know, like, down to the nub cigarettes with this guy. Yeah. He'd be having the best time.

And I'd be like, oh, let's lie to it. He'd be like, I'm chewing it. What's the difference? I'm eating cigarettes. It's going in me. I think the best place to take him is, like, maybe the CBD at like 11 p.m. on a Wednesday. Yes, dude.

Just let him go feral. Let him run around there and eat cigarettes. Yeah, so the key aspects of his philosophy, it was getting living according to nature, you know, because he's stripping away, conventional desires, fame, wealth, power. All bullshit. Go to live simple. Defacing the currency.

So he's like, fuck social norms. Let's just like this car is nothing. Who gives a shit? Let's deface it. Dog-like life. He adopted a simple, frugal life, similar to a dog, which earned him the nickname. Kinikos, which is dog-like, giving rise to cynicism.

Do dogs live frugally? I think dogs don't really care about society. Because they're a dog. But a dog's not living on the cheap. Well, it is. Dogs don't have money. Dogs live in life the cheap as you could possibly live. Dogs live in life one day at a time.

But a dog, can you live... A dog goes to a butcher, looks at the butcher. The butcher's like, go away dog. He's like, oh, or a bush is like, here's a sausage. He's like, yes. I guess a dog truly. yeah, you're right. Everything's free for a dog.

That is true. And like, yeah, he just didn't give a shit of like, yeah, he lived life. Yeah, he lived in a barrel. Yeah. And he begged because he just, he was, yeah, had no shame, didn't give a shit. It was just like, whatever. Nothing you say will affect me. How big was this barrel?

How big is, can you live in a barrel? You can wear a barrel. Yeah. That I can appreciate. That I can understand. Living in a barrel would be hard. I mean, I guess if it's a big barrel. If it's a big barrel, you can do it with.

But it also depends on like, Yeah. What constitutes a barrel and what constitutes living? Yeah, exactly. Well, if it's like a huge barrel. If it's just a huge barrel with a lid and you sleep in there? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, fine. That's your house. But I wouldn't say that. Well, he describes the thing. It's like living in a large jar. That's awesome. Living in a jar? That rocks.

It did not live in a wooden. Okay. It wasn't a wooden barrel, but rather a large ceramic jar. And these are common storage vessels for wine or oil. And there were very large, often standing up to five, six feet tall. So it's not... It's kind of like a sleeping bag, maybe, kind of. It depends also how, like, wider was.

Yeah, and how big he was. Yeah. Was he a little fella? I guess. I mean, aren't we like just progressively getting taller and taller? That's true. Not necessarily, as we heard George Washington is seven and a half a little tall. Well, back then, I'm guessing he was six foot.

If the average man was like, you know, four foot eight, Jesus Christ This man is huge You know that's what they say about Abraham Lincoln Where they like it's cool that like He was seven foot eight or whatever Yeah like one of America's presidents

Was like kind of a monster man Yeah He was seven foot tall Unimaginably muscular Spent his time wrestling strangers Spoke with a voice like a kettle He was like scary Yeah

He had wooden teeth I don't know that's true Well Washington didn't have wooden teeth Washington's teeth were made of They were other humans teeth Other humans teeth Animal teeth iron Like, pretty much just anything...

Donkey teeth, I think of it's gonna love donkey sauce. Yeah. You know your teeth, dude? This is the horse. Goes with it. What? Are we eating donkey? No, shut the fuck up.

No, dude, it's donkey sauce. God, for the first president, you're a fucking... You know what? That lines up. There was a story where a boy broke his first jar, so the citizens bought him a new one. Oh, that's nice. I'm gonna go break that motherfucker. You know that guy who sleeps in a jar?

I'm gonna go kick it. I'm gonna go kick his fucking jar. Kick a hole in the jaw. He thinks he is. Yeah, he sounds like a lot. He can be fun hang. It's like everything he, like nothing will impress him. Yeah.

He doesn't give a shit. And like, I don't know. I think he'd show me a world that I didn't know existed. Would you be able to sink to his level? Yeah. Okay, nice. I reckon. You're out there eating cigarettes on the street.

Stealing stuff from that crepe stand in the CBD. Oh, yeah. Or going up to the guy, you know the guy in the CBD? It's like a little stall and they have like hot hazelnuts. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just grab it all with your hands running away. Hot, hot. Hot. Hot nuts. I think it'd be a fun hoot.

Yeah, I agree, dude. He sounds like a laugh. Yeah. So I guess like the person I was going to have dinner with, okay, originally, I was going to pick Giles Corey. Yeah, okay. A man who got killed during the Salem witch trials, he was tortured for two days and he refused to speak. Yeah. Because they wanted him to admit that he was a witch. They still would have killed him, but then they could take his land. Instead, he just suffered two days of the craziest torture ever. which was they placed a big wooden plank on him

and then covered that plank with more and more rocks until they made him flat. God, that's awesome. And the only thing he said during that time was more weight. Or alternatively, some people have reported that he said, more rocks. Either way, that was all that happened. He got so flat that at one point his jaw

and his tongue fell out of his mouth and they used to stick to poke it back in and they were like, you're going to confess and he just said, more rocks. Oh, that's awesome. Anyway, I just think it would be. awesome to meet someone that's so he was also 83.

Fuck, dude. But do you imagining you go out with him? I just want to I need that level of stubbornness. But I'm loving the idea if you go out with him maybe say for like soup and he finishes a bottle and you're like anyway Joey and he goes more soup. Oh, that would be awesome. You go, Charles, we're

probably good and he goes, more soup and then he finishes another one and he's clutching his bulging stomach. Child, surely. More more soup. John, No. You're gonna fucking pop

More soup. Yeah. Yeah. That would be awesome. So, like, he, I reckon he would be awesome. Also, just like, yeah.

To have that level of just, like, fuck you. Yeah, that's awesome. And it worked. Yeah. I mean, like, he died. He got crushed. He got crushed,

and his wife did get killed for also being a witch. But they didn't take his land. His land got passed onto his kids. Yeah. And also, his death was so traumatic. for everyone in Salem.

They were like, hmm, maybe the witch trials aren't a good idea. Let's stop doing this. Let's stop doing this. They go, ha, ha, look at this public squishing of the man.

And then for two days, everyone's like, oh, no, this is getting really bad. Yeah, we're sure more white? Imagine being the guy

I'm going to poke his tongue back in with a stick. He's like, surely he's going to say, I'm a witch. He said he goes more way. Well, at that point, he's like,

I'm not coming back. Yeah. My tongue's out. I'm not coming back. I might as well yeah, ask for more way. Yeah.

What a ball. Sorry, he was 81 when he got squished to death, but still. Damn. When would you want to get him? Would you want to get him like, like you pull him out of time

like midway through? Yeah. But the day before. Flat at the table. I reckon they broke his tongue back in and then I take him. Yeah, you can taste the soup. And then I go,

this is your last meal, Giles, Corey. And God. You're an awesome guy. Why? I'm in immense pain. Soup will help. Soup's good for the soul, Gerald.

Then I guess you probably think he was a witch. He would have traveled through time. I mean, if I slowly crushed an 81-year-old man to death with rocks and he refused, he just copped it for 48 hours and kept saying, well, I would all, this could have backfired in a big way. They go, Jesus Christ. We killed an evil wizard. Thank God, dude. But I think the person I would pick, and I'm going slightly more recently, just because I think that I would love to have a conversation with them.

Sully Solenberger. The hero of the Hudson. Yeah, I just want to know if watching the movie Flight really upset him. Yes. Because it made his landing not impressive. That's true, dude. Well, first of all, where would you take him? I'm guessing because I was going to say, would you do like a dinner and a movie?

Like, we watch... Gold class? You watch Sally first, but then I guess he's already seated. Yeah. Well, he lived it. No, I just like, where would I take him? What, what were the birds? Were they, were they ducks?

No, I mean. I'm just thinking it's funny to be like... To take him to like a dock restaurant. Yeah, like, give him some peeky duck and be like, yeah, because you fucking hate these guys. I thought this would be good. And they're delicious. Yeah, like, fuck this bird.

Fuck this bird. Plumsels? And he's like, I don't actually hate the bird. It was Canadian geese. Take him to a Canadian goose restaurant. I reckon eating, it feels like eating a Canadian goose is maybe illegal. Yeah. And it feels like, maybe.

be a crime against the crown. Yeah. So I reckon we could go to like, if there's some underground chef, cook up goose, cooque gras. To be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, Sally, these are the fucking, this is a Canadian goose. Yeah, dude. This is a three-course meal of goose.

And it's, fuck this goose. It's so illegal. It's foie gras. I'm also, don't worry, Sally. It's softened. It's suffered real bad. His first name is Chessley. So I think I'm just going to keep calling him that.

Chessley. Yeah, Chessly. I think it's funny. Like, obviously there's thematically appropriate places to take any of these people from history. But it's funny to just take him to like a kebab shop in like a 7-Eleven or like a Cervistation. I want to know, like... Yeah, what would you ask him? Just like, I mean, like, because of things that are...

And this was a sheer coincidence. I'm just very fascinated with Sully. But, I mean, Nathan Fielder discovered that Sully had an iPod. Yeah. Got a lot of questions about that. But mostly, I just want to know what if he thinks he could have landed it better. Yeah. Or cooler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. And, like, if he watches, I just feel like I could break his goal. I'm just going to bully an old man. I think it would be interesting to be like, do you still, like, are you kind of bummed that you're no longer in the spotlight? Yeah. Do you think about doing other, you know, amazing landings? He was given a position in government by Joe Biden, Sleepy Joe. Sleepy Joe.

Wake up. Once again, man, what are you doing? But he only had that position for like three months. Yeah, what happened, dude? What happened? What happened? What happened? too old Sully Sullenberger, dude.

Did he fly again? Sure. Yeah. That's, yeah. Because if I was Sully, and the fame is dying down, you know, I'm no longer in the spotlight. I think, maybe I have another miraculous landing to try and get back.

How many, do you reckon you're aiming, you know, as you're flying, you're aiming at the goose? Yeah, yeah, just enough. That it's enough. That it's like, you got some kind of like... He retired the next year. Wow. Do you reckon he was...

Do you think if he retired because he was like, it's too traumatic. That's fair. Well, it had been 30 years, so... Oh, 30 years since? No, no, no, sorry. He'd been flying for 30 years. Yes. So the accident happened in 2009. He must be bloody.

2009, he commits the mass murder of a lot of Canadian peace. 2010, he retires. Yeah. And then just really coasts on the fact that he killed the whole bunch of geese. Not impressive, Sully. Sorry, pal. Do you know, it would have been impressive?

Hidden a runway. Yeah, exactly. Not landing in a river or a- Miracle on the Hudson. Miracle in the Hudson. I guess no one died. Yeah. That's pretty good.

People land planes all the time. Yeah. Okay. People avoid birds all the time. Someone actually did do a flight, Sully combo and land a plane upside down in a river recently. Whoa. See, that's cool, dude.

I just don't think that Sully, yeah, look, I'll be like, do you still think you're the, because, like, people are, Landed planes more fucked up at cooler than Sully. Yes, dude. Yeah, I agree. Why do we love Sully?

These are all the questions I'm going to have for Sully. Good PR, dude. He does have, and... Hero of the Hudson, are you kidding me? Mixed with the name that he's... Mixed with the fact that his name is Sully Solenberg. Yeah, dude. Imagine if his name was Dick Clark. Not fucking happening, Buster.

Dick Clark's getting famous. Dick Clark? Yeah, no, you're right. Think about it. Dick Clark's a sick name. Dick Bones Landing. Wow, it's bad. He's got that name, and it's all in a negative light.

Another boner from Dick Clark. Yeah, fuck. Do you think... Dick penetrates Hudson? What? It's getting sexy now. Damn. He is the sexy pilot.

Yeah. He always flies with a shirt off. Yeah, dude. I think if I hit a bunch of geese as a pilot, I would not... Like, that would be... I don't have the cool to be like, that's okay. crashing, let's find an opportunity to land safely. I think if I hit a bunch of geese, they go, well, ladies,

ladies gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking, we are fucked. Even that's too calm. I think you'd just be screaming. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. No, no, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're still sorry. You're pilot speaking, um, we hit a bunch of geese. And now we're all going to die. And we're all going to die.

We say, that's my bad. Thank you for flying Qantas airlives. Open the door. Open the door jump out, probably, because, yeah, we're not getting out of this one. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Okay, well, the more I read about Sully, the more I think he's going to be a bad hang. Yeah.

Sully has gone on record saying that the moments just before the landing were the worst sickening pit of your stomach falling through the floor feeling that he had ever experienced. Brother, you were crashing a fucking plane. No shit. Yeah, duh, dude. That's like when people say, well, the best moment in my life was the moment I held my kid for the first time. I go, yeah, no shit. That's the miracle of life.

What else is going to top that, dude? Buying a car. The second best moment of my life was holding my son in my hands. The best moment was my Hyundai, probably. Getting it, I mean. Do you reckon if you're a pilot you're allowed to kind of like fuck around with the people on the plane? No. Like, you'd be like, shh, this is your pilot speaking, Jackson Bailey.

And this is my first time ever flying a plane. Just kidding. Can you do that? You might get fired. Damn, well, not until I land. I got him captive in the air the whole time. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking, and I don't know what I'm doing.

Just kidding. Okay, two things I just found out. The clown pilot. That I think we're going to like. It's just like pop culture coming together to be confusing about Sully. You know the song A Real Hero from Drive? Like a real hero and a real human being.

Yeah. That's about Sully. What? What? Two. The movie Friends with Benefits, which is the Justin Tim Blake Mielakoonus film. Also about Sully? Not about Sully.

Yeah. But throughout the film, Justin Timberlake's character repeatedly suggests to people that he meets aboard planes that modern airplanes basically fly themselves and Sully's feet was less impressive than portrayed. He just keeps bringing that up really hostilely. Why is that applauded? That's crazy. Hey man, you don't write this? Do you know how flying blaze is actually fucking easy and Sally sucks shit? More like Sally Falkenberger on my right, dude.

Who did write Friends's benefits? Wait, no, go back. So real human being was written. Yeah, a real, like a real hero by... Yeah, that's song. That's about Sully Sullenberger. Yeah. Why?

Electric Youth wrote it about Sully Sullenberg. Which is funny because they're naughty. even American. They're in a Canadian band. He killed a lot of your geese. Is it, is it like sincere? Yeah. They just like, we legitimately think Sally Sullenberger is a hero for what, I mean, I guess he is. I guess he saved a lot of lives. Oh, apparently the second verse of the song, which includes a line 155 people on board

refers to 155 survivors. Well, I'll be fucked, dude. Dude, that's fucking crazy. That's insane. I did not. I should have known that. That seems like something I would know. Absolutely, dude. Well, you know it now. Yeah.

One of your greatest loves and one of your greatest hatreds. I go either way on, Sully. I do think he's funny. He's famous for flying into geese and crashing a plane. That is funny, dude. That is funny. I agree. Yeah.

All these people, though, great hangs. Oh, incredible hangs. I get into get. The three of us, the three of them. Oh, dude, that's a night on the town, dude. And thinks we'd get up to. Oh, my God. I'm stealing George Washington's teeth.

I'm being like, ha-ha, donkey teeth. Oh, slave teeth. Oh, that's a real bummer, George. Yeah, dude. That's a real bummer. You're kind of like a monster to me. Yeah. Yeah, we really bought the mood down, like, straight away.

Sorry, guys. I thought it would be funny to steal George washing his teeth, but it's just the groom reality that it's not just donkey teeth. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I'm going to live in a barrel and punch. punch this. I think finally, yeah, I'll just go meet Will Glock. Who is the rider of Friends with Benefits? That's a good idea, dude. Why did you decide?

2011 is such a crazy time to be like, fuck Selling. You go back, you know, watching some of these interviews with Glock. And he's like, yeah, had a dream where I had like dinner with this guy. He just couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop farting, one.

Yeah, is I got a gastro intestine. That's no problem. I don't know. Anyway, what was going on there? Yeah, it made me really think about it. You know, like the Hudson, Sally? Theer of the Hudson? Peace, was that even impressive?

Not odd. Not odd. He actually gave me a lot of, and I'm writing this movie at the moment. And I think I'm going to base the Justin Dimbledike character on him. I'm not going to give him the intestinal. I'm going to remove the farts and make him fuckable. Two things that I would not have associated in this. He's going to differ quite a bit, really.

But like, can that's a stey thing? Yeah. His disdain for Sally's Hollenberg, I'm keeping. I like that there's the implication here that maybe time travel just makes you flageal. That's pretty funny, where they're like, all right, boys, we're going to put you in the machine. You will be forwarded. It fills you with gas for some reason. Whoa, I'm too, okay, I know someone that might have met Will Glock.

Maybe we can get Bull Glock on the show. I'm going to try and have dinner with them. He directed Peter Rabbit, and I know someone in that movie. Whoa. The Peter, the fucking dingus. James Gordon one. James Corden, Peter Rabbit. I guess I, oh, though, it's,

voice acting. I was going to say, maybe I know someone who's met James Corden. Yeah. Maybe not. Get James Corden on the podcast do. James Gordon doesn't seem like the person that would have interacted with his, um, he doesn't seem like a person, well, with his, with his, I guess, you know, cast, made him half. I know that like James Corden sucks shit. Yeah. And I hate him also. Mm-hmm. But the idea of like getting someone on Plumbing the Death Star whose entire thing is just like, oh, they pretend to be nice, but they're actually pieces of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they're pieces of shit not in, like, the, you know, criminal sense. They're just, like, bullies or whatever. Yeah. Just see what happens. Oh, dude. I think Alan DeGeneres? Oh, get Alan on the show. My favorite story of Gordon is the one where, like, they're on the, like, the person

on the plane. Yeah. And, like, you know, there's someone next to him and he's just got his headphones on. And, like, the person next to him, he's got, like, kids and they're doing this kind of stuff. And he was just an absolute piece of shit to, like, the staff, or whatever. And then as they're getting off, that's when, like, the person realizes that that's his, wife and children. Oh, that's right, dude. You're like, man, what a piece of shit. How long do you racket until we broke down James Corden's fake friendliness? How long until one of us says something

or does something and he... I don't know. I think by the end of the episode he'd be furious. Depends if we're like, hey, by the way, this is live. Yeah, that's true. We're streaming. Maybe he has to keep it up. Yeah, if he knows it can't be edited out or whatever. I'll be like, an Introducing our special guest today, James Gordon, and goes, Hello, it's me, and I go, oh, James Gordon. Hello, he's me. I'm free. And that's how you sound.

And then he just, he just pulls out a guy. Three shots? Yeah, all into me. I brought for all of you, but fuck this one guy in particular. That is what I was going to say. I was thinking about how God, I hope he's got only us three bullets. James, do make you want to say, you do sound like Ricky Jervais. Heaps.

Yeah, that's me. Yeah, James bloody Corden. I'm Smithy. I'm Smithy. I'm Smithy. Oh, you Smithy, that's right. Smithy. From the fucking Gavin and Stacey show.

Every single time James Corden's career goes, actually, if you love Gavin and Stacey, you want James Corden to come on, come in the Dead Star, because any single time his career takes a dive, he goes back to Gavin and Stacey. Yeah. Anyway, this episode's really gotten out of hands.

It's gotten away from us. It's got away from us. Yeah, some episodes do this. that, dude. They slip out of our fingers. It just came general discussion. Hey, that's okay, dude. This is either going to be people, a podcast people go, oh, that's nice. A lot of their personality came through or, this wasn't plumbing the dead stuff.

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I also've been Joel. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Fuck Sally. Goodbye. Poses. Poses. Enjoying a scrumptious meal.

eating a salad on my fucking fork. Yeah, yeah. I'm tossing salad with this fork. Yeah. Lovely to meet you. Let me toss that salad. Oh, my God. Would you like enjoy this steak?

Welcome to my blog. Yeah, now that's beautiful.